Boonta Vista - EPISODE 167: The Theo Philes III - To Mr and Mrs The Iceman, a Son, Ötzi / Digital Prophet Of Regret

Episode Date: September 19, 2020

It's another installment of The Theo Philes, as Ben and Theo surprise and delight each other with the incredible post-death life of Ötzi the Iceman and the horrible pre-death unlife of Shingy. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Punta Bista. I am here in a cave approximately 3 million years BA. That's before Avatar. I've got a lovely little rock in my horrible, almost human paws. And when I look at it, I can see the face of a man that I see when I look directly down into a stream. And that makes me feel good. Behind me, leering over me, holding a much larger and pointier rock, above his head menacingly in both hands, it's Ben. How you're you doing? What you doing it? I just invented a new thing, uh, exercise.

Jealous age. I'm just jealous age. Self-conception. Going through a lot right now. Real three-foot. But, okay, so if I hold this rock above my head, my arms will get bigger somehow. Yeah, you'll become extremely muscular, yes. Okay.

Will I still look exactly like the man that I see when I look down into the stream? Uh, yes. Well, you, you, I don't know how to explain to you. But my arms will be bigger though. And his arms will be able to tell because my, my arms will be bigger and his arms will still be the same size. So you know how whenever you look at the man in the stream, he's always looking back at you? Yeah, sort of like, like a look of recognition. I can kind of, whenever I look directly into his eyes, he's looking back at me. Which is nice. I kind of see,

I kind of see a lot of myself in him. How much of yourself would say that you see at him? I mean, it's hard to know, but it's hard to know to know to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, to know, I to know, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I, I, I, I, I th. I, I th. I, I th. I th. I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, I th. I th. I th. I, I th. I th. I th. I, I th. I th. I thi, I thi, like, I'm kind thi, like, like, like, I'm, like, like, I'm, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'm, like, like, like, like, I'm the concept of self yesterday, so... Yeah, we still come to terms with that. It's all quite difficult. I love that rock with my entire life. I think it is, that absolute delight. When you say before Avatar, by the way, is this the film or the television series of the same name? This would be the film, I think. Sure, that's a crucial difference of a couple their, it can get a little confusing when you come across literature from the period

when they were using before Avatar to mean the TV series. You've kind of do that little self-correction. Yeah, it's good that the fucking, oh shit, what's that, the French science body that's in charge of standardizing all the terms. Oh, the S-I, the... Perverts International. Yeah. Yeah. When they nailed, we're definitely using the movie. That was good of them, because it was very confusing before. It was. No one knew what the years were and then Avatar came out and we've got this sorted. Yeah. Hey, would you like to do an episode of the Theophiles? Theo, I would absolutely love to do an episode of the Theophiles. I'm still not 100% okay with the title, but... I love the title very much. Every time I tell people about it, I get a little thrill.

You can kind of see me in your mind's eye just squirming around like the horrible little worm I am. All right, well let's kick off. Ben, can we talk about Oatsy? Can we talk about what? Oatsy? Can we spell that one for me? Yeah, so we've got a capital O with some umlauts above? How many? Two. Okay.

Standard pair. Standard form. Yeah, uh, T-Z-I. Yeah, I'd love to talk about Utsi. Utsi. Ben, we're going to have a great time. Utsi was found on 19th of September, 1991 by two German tourists at an elevation of 3,210 meters on the East Ridge of Finiardsbizza in the Utsil alps on the Austrian-Italent-A, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tob, Ben, Ben, tz, Ben, Ben, Ben, tz, tz, Ben, tz, B, tz, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, tz, B, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, tz, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, Alps on the Austrian-Italian border. The tourists Helmut and Erica Simon

were walking off the path between the mountain passes. Huesla Budajic and Tees and Jouik. I'm just, look, I'm just reading them as the spell. That's the beauty of the German language is you can do that. It's completely phonetic. They believed that the body was of a recently deceased mountaineer. The next day a mountained gendarmes and the keeper of the nearby Simenu Houter first attempted to remove the body, which was frozen in ice below the torso using a pneumatic drill and ice axes. But they had to give up due to bad weather.

The body was semi-officially extracted on the 22nd of September and it officially salvaged the next day. I don't know what distinction then making. I do not know, but we do get into the legalities of this by the end, all right? So... It was transported to the office of the medical examiner in Innsbruck, together with the objects found. On the 24th of September, the find was examined there by archaeologist Conrad Spindler of the University of Innsbruck, who dated the find to be about 4,000 years old, based on the typology of the axe among the retrieved objects. Not very recent then.

Not very recent. No. No. But we'll kind of get into why they thought this was the case. He's wearing a very stylish modern jacket. Throw them off. It's wearing car hats. Just through parallel processes he managed to invent the jacket, the road warrior jacket.

It's like, have you seen those? It'd be like photos of Victorian people wearing like freakishly modern looking sunglasses or whatever. You're just like, oh, that guy's far too cool to be from the past. Are you sure? But, okay, so I love Utsi. I think for my mind it is the single most interesting corpse ever found. Wow, that is a huge clabe. Mm-hmm.

So they've taken it, they examined it, measured it, x-rayed it, dated it. Tissues and intestinal contents have been examined microscopically, as have the items been found with the body. In August 2004, frozen bodies of three Austro-Hungarian soldiers killed during the Battle of San Mateo in 1918 was found on Mountain of Punta San Mateo in Trentino. One body was sent to a museum in the hope that research on how the environment affected its preservation would help unravel Utsy's past. So if you've, if you look at a photo of of how he was discovered, he's basically like half a body sticking out of ice. They found him just completely frozen. He looks mummified, but still recognizably

human for something that was killed out in the open and left to the elements, effectively frozen into a glacier, right? So this is why he's so incredible that I think pretty much straight away, we don't quite know the chronology of it, but he's frozen into a in place and left there for thousands of years until this glacier retreated. It was like snap frozen, yeah, like some sort of microwave dinner. Okay well if you look at him he does look like a microwave dinner as well. So just just type in Utsi into your browser into duck-dock go I'm gonna get a kick out of you saying

Ootsie every single time so even if all else about this story fails to abuse me know that you have that okay so at the Treaty of St. Germain in late so you're just looking at his horrible microwave dinner body I'm looking at the reconstructions of him. Oh, we'll get into that too. And he is, he's got a body that will not quit. He looks like he is made of... You know how in the first... Oh, you've not seen the Hellraise movies, have you?

Oh, I've seen the first one, yeah. Oh, well, in the first Hale race race, he the movie, he the movie, he the movie, he the movie, he the movie, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's th, he's th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's th. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, well, in the first tel-raiser movie, how the guy's gradually getting all of his components back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just muscles and blood at one point. Yeah. It's like if you towe that guy dry. Yeah. I'm just, in the image results, you know how it like it'll truncate the headline is from. It's just, Utsie the Iceman has been 3D printed, dot, dot, dot. Do not 3D print, Udse. This is extremely...

It's very disrespectful. Very disrespectful. How would you feel if someone 3D printed you? Hmm. All right, so I know what you're thinking. Prehistoric Austrian man. But... How racist was he? No, no, well, okay. So, but at the Treaty of St. Germain-Unlay in 1919, the border between north and south Tyrol was defined as the watershed of the rivers in and etched. Near Tizendjouche, the glacier, which has since retreated, complicated establishing the watershed, and the border was drawn too far north. So although Utsi's fine site drains, the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, th, th, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, t, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, the, the, the, thin, the, thi, thi, too'e, but tree, but tree, but tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, tree, t watershed and the border was drawn too far north. So although Utsi's fine site drains to the Austrian side,

surveys in October 1991 showed that the body had been located 92.56 meters inside Italian territory. Oh no. Prehistoric Italian. Can I just say? Mamma Mia Mia. I'm anthropological over here. Oh, I just love, like that's a great dispute to have. You're like, oh, oh, hey? That's our ice man, actually. That's our ice man. I'm gonna need you to find your own ice man. I'm going to need you to find your own ice man. Thank you for digging about. We'll take it from here.

We're going to get a nice blade of spaghetti, warm him up, see how he's doing. All right. So the province of South Tyrol claimed property rights but agreed to let Innsbruck University finish its scientific examinations since 1998 it has been on display it's very disrespectful he's a man he him yeah he has a name and his name is Utsi Utsi he's been on display at South Tyrol Museum of Archaeology in Bolzano the capital of South Tyrol all right let's check out that body I would love to check out rol. All right, let's check out that body.

I would love to check out that body. So by current estimates, at the time of his death, he was 160 centimeters tall, weighed about 50 kilograms, was about 45 years of age. So just like me. When his body was found, it weighed only 13 and a half kilos. Because the body was covered... What's his secret?

He's doing that intermittent fasting, isn't he? Because the body was covered in eyes shortly after his death, it only partially deteriorated. Initial reports claimed that his penis and most of his scrotum were missing, but this was later shown to be unfounded. I'm sorry? He's got that dick and balls still. Later shown to be unfounded. Like someone was like, hey, check if he's got a dick and balls.

Nope. Five years later. Like it went out on TMZ or something. Yeah, it was just a rumor. There's a rumor that Utsy has no dick and balls. We went straight to the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source the source that Utsy has no dick and balls. We went straight to the source. It's still there. Hello, it's me.

Ben, from this podcast. Merriam Webster defines a podcast as a program made available in digital format for automatic download over the internet, and that simply could not be more true. If you like what we do and want more of this podcast made available to you in digital format for automatic download over the internet, simply go to Patreon. dot-Vista and hit the enormous red button that says subscribe. For five US dollars a month you get access to our weekly bonus episodes, our entire archive of bonus episodes, our exclusive, that doesn't have these ads in them. That sweet sweet subscriber cash

allows me to do this show full-time without having to get a real job and frankly that whips to me. The other guys also get some money or whatever but I don't really care. Anyway check that out if it sounds good to you, love you. So analysis of pollen, dust grains and the isotopic composition of his tooth enamel indicated that he spent his childhood near the present village of Feldtherns, north of Bolzano, but later went to live in valleys about 50 kilometers farther north. So how did they identify that? Um, analysis of pollen, dust grains and the isotopic composition of his tooth enamel. That is fucking amazing. Yeah, well, we've got a lot more of that coming. Good Lord, I said the isotomic composition are they talking about

radiation levels? I would assume that it's it's due to the I guess calcium in your teeth would have a certain like species of isotope in it that that would be my guess. And you seem like you know more about this than I do. And so I don't, but I said it quite confidently. Look at your eyes, very compelling. Yeah. It's new meds. So in 2009, a cat scan revealed that the stomach had shifted upward to where his lower lung

area would normally be. You don't want that. That's where I do my breathing. Another thing. I also can't then then the the the the the then. then theeck theck. theck. thease thease thease theathea thuuusesese. thuse. thus thus thus. thi. th. th. that's that's thi. thi. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that's that's that's that's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm th. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's where I do my breathing. Another thing. I also can't breathe. Analysis of the contents revealed the partly digested remains of Ibex meat and confirmed by DNA analysis suggesting he had a meal less than two hours before his death. That's nice. Weak grains we were also found is believed that Utsi mostly like most likely had a few slices of a dried fatty meat, probably bacon. So he was Austrian then. Which came from a wild goat in South Tyrol.

Analysis of Utsi's intestinal contents showed two meals, the last one consumed about eight hours before his death. One of Chamois meat, so that's a goat, it's kind of like a large, sort of like an antelope, the other of red deer and herb bread, both which was eaten with roots and fruits, right? So this, just from the stomach we can tell like a gigantic amount about what people in that area of that time, ate, did, like just from what he had in his stomach. it it it it it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it's, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like in that area of that time ate, did, like just from what he had in his stomach. It's incredible. It's so many different, like four different meats.

So many different things, right? Like I imagine that they just have one thing to eat and that's it, like, then they just try not to start until the next one. They're not like scarcity hunters. They're like, they're like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, s.. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, s. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like're like, they have a lotter of things going on. Well that's right, and they must have food that occurs over different time spans, right? So they'll eat the meat preferentially or eat the bread over a longer period of time sort of thing. I bex for breakfast. You have goat bacon for lunch. Yeah.

This guy was living right up until he died. to a glacier. That's right. As are we all. It's so true. The glacier is coming for all of us. The grain also eaten with both meals was a highly processed Icorn wheat brand, uh, incorn, sorry. Quite possibly eaten in the form of bread.

In the proximity of the body and thus possibly originating from the ice man's provisions, chaffin grains of iron corn and barley and the seeds of flax and poppy were discovered as well as kernels of slows, which are small fruits from the blackthorn tree and various seeds of berries growing in the wild. So hair analysis was used to examine his diet from several months before. Pollin in the first... This is amazing. Theyollen in the first, they are mining every part of this man. Scientists. All the ones. Pollin in the first meal showed that it had been consumed in a mid-altitude conifer

forest. And other pollens getting very heady conifer back-palate taste. And other polins indicated the presence of wheat and legumes, which may have been domesticated crops. Pollen grains of hop hornbeam were also discovered. This guy's just eating everything. He's eating his way across Italy. Or he just had like a couple of packets of jerky and a fruit and nut trail mix on him. He pumped out to the shops. He got those like weird brands that aren't quite a brand. So the pollen was well preserved th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho thoom tho thoom thoom tho tho tho thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom- the pollen the pollen the pollen the pollen thoom-a thoom-a thoom thoom the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thooo thoooo thoooooo thooooooooooo thoo tho tho tho those like weird brands that aren't going to brand. Yeah. So the pollen was well preserved, but the cells inside remaining intact,

indicating that it had been fresh at the time of Ootsie's death, which places the event in spring or early summer. Eincorn wheat is harvested in the late summer and slows in the autumn, which so it must have been stored from the previous year. Oh, which th so th so th so th so th so th so th so it th so it th so it th so it th so it must th so it must th so it must th so it must th th th the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. to the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. It's the. It's thee. It's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelu. telu. telu. telu. te. th fun. So high levels of both copper and arsenic were found in his hair. This along with Utsi's copper axe blade which is 99.7% pure copper led scientists to speculate that Utsy was involved in copper smelting. Hmm. Yeah, right. Smart man. So by examining the proportions of his tibia, femur and pelvis, Christopher Ruff, big, any rough hands in the audience?

People at home listed this going, woo! That's my boy. My guy, here it is. So it indicates that Utsi's lifestyle included long walks over hilly terrain. This degree of mobility is not characteristic of other copper age Europeans. So Ruff proposes that this may indicate that Utsy was a high altitude shepherd. And also a coppersmith. This is also quite terrified to me because I'm thinking about like, you know at the end the AI, the weird robots that thaw out the child. I'm picturing those guys finding my body in being like,

all right, from looking at his bones, we can tell he was recumbent, 90% of the day, looking at his stomach. His dick didn't work. It was possibly the softest dick in the history. He largely just ate weird chips that he bought from the Asian grossest. It seems he had a lethal about a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their thioboboomoteathea th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's thioleathea. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's thea. It's theateateateateateateateateateateateat. It's theateateat. It's theateeateat. It's theateeat. It's theeatea. It's thea. It'sthe Asian grosses. It seems he had a lethal amount of THC in his bloodstream. Completely hollow bones. Looks like he drank 560 liters of beer a day. That doesn't seem right. All right, so using 3D scanning technology, a facial reconstruction has been created for the South

Tirol Museum of Archaeology. It shows Utsi looking old for his 45 years with deep-set brown eyes, beard, a furrowed face and sunken cheeks. He looks good. He is depicted looking tired and ungrummed. I think he looks hot as hell. Cool slam on Utsy. He's sort of like, uh, if Rattagrass the Brown did like elderly male modeling. That is exactly what it is. Like he's a little ripped, right? Am I wrong?

You're not wrong. Look at that look that he's given the camera. Although now when you zoom it on his face, get close to the mouth region, it's not quite so enticing. He looks good. So you want to hear what he was what he was wearing this season? I would love to who he was wearing. So he wore a cloak of woven grass a coat, a belt, a pair of leggings, a loincloth and shoes all made of leather of different skins. So you can actually look up there's a

picture of the of the shoe that's sort of being reconstructed. And it's laced together. It's got, it's held together with like straps of, like thin straps of leather. It's got laces. It looks all the world like a modern kind of shoe as best you could with, you know, pulling leather together, right? Which is nuts. Yeah. It's crazy. Like the amount the amount, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the amount, it's the amount, it's the the the the th. It's tha, it's thi. It's thiased theased theased theased theed, it's theed, it's theed, it's theased, it's laced, it's laced, it's thed, it's thed, it's laced, it's laced, it's laced, it's laced, it's laced, it's thed, it's thed, it's tha tha tha tha tha tha thia thia thia, it's thi. It's thate thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased thateased tha, right? Without underpaying Indonesian children to make them.

Yeah. It's crazy, like the amount of craft that goes into everything that this guy is wearing is mind-boggling to think of, to try and work out how this would come together in a sort of... Where's he getting the design pattern from? That's right. So he wore a bare skin cap, leather, leather chin to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to th shoe to to to th shoe to to to to to the thue shoe to to to thue shoe their their to to their their their their their their their their their thueueueueueueueueueuee. It's their. It's their. It. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. Ite. It's their. It's their. Ite. Ite. It's their. Ite. It's their. It's their their their the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's tre. It's trueea. It's crazy trueea. It's crazy trueea. It's crazy trueea. It's crazy thea. It's crazy their thea. It's the the design pattern from? That's right. So he wore a bare-skinned cap, leather leather chin strap. To keep his hat on. It's very smart. It's clever, yeah. The shoes were waterproof and wide, seemingly designed for walking across the snow. They were constructed using a bare skin for the soles, which again, like, where are you getting a bare skin from? Deer hide for the panels, and a netting made of tree bark. Soft grass went around the foot and in the shoe and functioned like modern socks. Oh my god.

The coat, belt, leggings and loincloth, who constructed a vertical strips of leather sewn to it. His belt had a pouche of useful items. A scraper, a drill, flint, flake, bone-all-a, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and the, and, and, and theirk, and theirk, and theirk, and theirk, and theirk, and theirk, and theirk, and a cache of useful items, a scraper, a drill, flint, flake, bone all and a dried fungus. What was that fungus for? That's for Ron. So the shoes are being reproduced by a Czech academic who said that because the shoes are actually quite complex and convinced that even 5,300 years ago, that's BA, people had the equivalent of a cobbler who made shoes for other people. Specialization? Yeah. The reproductions were found to constitute such excellent footwear

that was reported that a check company offered to purchase the rights to sell them. I feel like that shoe should be in the public domain. Right. To my mind. That shoe belongs in a museum. That shoe does belong in a museum. But also if you want to make that shoe, you should just be able to Google a print pattern for making Ootsie's shoes.

I feel like the Ootsie Peyton rights would have expired by now, although knowing Disney. God damn it. Keep re-freezing additional ice man every 50 years and like, oh no no, no, no, we've maintained the copyright on the ice man. All right, so a more recent hypothesis by British archaeologist Jackie Wood says that Utsy's shoes were actually the upper part of snowshoes. According to this theory, the item currently interpreted as part of his backpack is actually the wood frame and netting of one snowshoe and animal hide to cover the face. The leather loincloth and hidecoat were made from sheep skin.

Genetic analysis showed that the sheep species was nearer to modern domestic European sheep than to wild sheep. The items were made from the skins of at least four different animals. Part of the coat was made from domesticated goat belonging to a mitochondrial haplogroup that inhabits central Europe today. The coat was made from several animals from two different species and was stitched together with hides available at the time. The leggings were made from domesticated goat leather. A similar set of 6,500 year old BA leggings discovered in Switzerland were made from goat leather which may indicate that goat leather was specifically chosen. Shoelaces were made from the European genetic population of cattle.

The quiver was made from wild row deer. The fur hat was made from a genetic lineage of brown bear, which lives in the region today. And writing in the journal Scientific Reports, researchers from Ireland and Italy reported their analysis of his clothing's mitochondrial DNA, which was extracted from nine fragments of six of his garments, including his loincloth and fur cap. So he also had a whole bunch of shit with him, right? Which again, super cool for actually understanding what was going on, what was his everyday carry. So he's laying it out. He's showing all that kit.

He's got a copper axe with a U handle, a chert-bladed knife with an ash handle and a quiver of 14 arrows with viburnum and dogwood shafts, so they're sort of like little shrubby sort of things. Two of the arrows which were broken were tipped with flint and had fletching, so stabilizing fins on them. Very cool, while the other 12 were unfinished and untipped. The arrows were found in a quiver with what was presumed to be a bow string, an unidentified tool and an antler tool which might have been used for sharpening his arrow points.

There was an also unfinished you long bow that was 1.82 meters long. Holy tool is like 1.5%%%%. The. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. the the th. T. T. T. T. The the th. The the the the th. The the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The. The................................................................................................................ meters long. Holy moly. How tall was you get? 150 centimeters. So this thing is, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, it's like one and a half times his height. He's just carrying around this bow. That's wild. So he also had berries, two birch bark baskets, two species of polypore mushrooms with leather strings through them.

So he's just carrying around mushrooms with like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like a like like a like a the thethem to keep them. That is amazing. One of these, the birch fungus is known to have anthramic properties, which is used for medicinal purposes. The other was a kind of tinder fungus, included with what appeared to be a complex firelighting kit. The kit featured pieces of over a dozen different plants in addition to flint and pyrite for creating sparks. So his copper axe is super cool. The haft is 60 centimeters long and made from carefully work to you with a right angle crook at the shoulder leading to the blade.

The nine and a half centimeter long axe, that's 3.7 inches, is made of almost pure copper, produced from a combination of casting, cold forging, polishing, polishingthat's 3.7 inches, as made of almost pure copper, produced from a combination of casting, cold forging, polishing, and sharpening. So again, like, I just, the, that they have all of these techniques coming together in one place, right? Like I always thought of, of, sort of, the copper age stuff as being quite localized, you know, I think, but there's clearly like a lot of crafts, a lot of specializations emerging, like all in the one place, all at the same time. All available to this one guy. All available to this one dude, right?

Who's just like walking around with all of this shit that he's collected over his 45 years of, you know, prehistoric life. It's very cool. So despite the fact that copper ore sources in the alpines were known to have been exploited at the time, a study indicated that the copper and the axe came from southern Tuscany, which is, you know, that's a decent hike. It was led into the fork and fixed there using birch tar and light leather lashing. The blade part of the head extends out of the lashing. It shows shows is is is is is is is ths ths ths. ths. ths. ths. ths. ths. ths. ths. ths. ths. th. th. th. the th. the thi. the the thi. the the the thi. the thi. the the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. thi. the. the. the. toi. toi. tea. tea. tea. tea. to. tea. to. te. the. the. the. lashing. The blade part of the head extends out of the lashing and shows clear signs of having being used to chop and cut. At the time, such an axe would have been a valuable possession, important both as a tool and as a status symbol for the bearer. All right, but that's enough of his shit. What about him himself? Why we go digging into what really made Utsi tick.

Let's get inside Ootsie. Let's really get up there. Rearrange Utsy's guts. It's his back walls. All right, so we've sequenced his genome, which is cool, I guess. Yep. Which is why, of course, we have that island in Costa Rica with Ootsie World. Just stomping around a hundred centimeter, like 170 centimeter tall fences.

There's no way this can go wrong. We've made all of the Ootsie's male. They can't possibly breed. There's no danger. We had to fill in some of the gaps in his DNA with frog DNA though. So he can jump upwards of four meters directly in the air. Just driving through, Ootsie's just smacking against your car, a car window. No, no, it's fine. As long as you've got eight or nine different kinds of berries in your pouch, it'll be, it'll be satisfied. It's like the fucking, the T-Rex feeding thing, but it's just a single mushroom rising up on the platform. He doesn't eat it, he just puts in his pouch for later on.

Clever girl. All right, so analysis of his metacondrial DNA showed that Utsi belongs to the K1 subclade, which, you know, I mean, it makes sense, but it cannot be categorized into any of the three modern branches of that subclade K1A, K1B or K1C. The new subclade has been provisionally named K1O with umlats for Utsi. Oh, I love that. He's got his own little subclade. Oh, he's smiling in hell right now. That's right, Utsy was a chronic masturbator. And for that sin. It's eternal damnation, but he knows that he's been recognized so he's okay. Comstains from his trousers were lifted from, indicating at least four different time spans. Callouses on the penis, which we now know exists. This is the most w which we now know exists.

This is the most waned dick in history. So a multiplex essay study was able to confirm the Iceman's empty DNA, it belongs to a previously unknown European MT DNA clade. So this is lowercase mtdne DNA. I didn't look that one up, with a very limited distribution along modern data sets. So he's most closely related to southern Europeans, especially to geographically isolated populations like Corsicans and Sardinians. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. DNA analysis also showed him at high risk of arthritis, chlorosis and lactose intolerance. This is an Utsy with diarrhea.

It's a huge day for the people at university where they're like, we did it, we found one that has ABS. We found Lucy's ancestor. That's everything I know about Lucy. Italian, can't drink milk. Those are the two things we know. So he also had the DNA sequence of Borelia Bergdorfiry, possibly making him the earliest known human with Lyme disease.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Or possibly just the earliest known human to claim he has lamb disease. Who knows? No one told him you're supposed to take the whole tick out. You can't just leave the head in there. A later analysis suggested the sequence may have been a different species of borellia, so we don't know. In October 2013 it was reported that 19 modern Terrellian men were descendants of Utsi. Oh my god. Yeah, like, again, this is super wild to me, right, that we can pick one person who some ice fell on him in a, you know, a mountain.

He tripped on his dick, snow climbing. In Italian Bavaria. Yeah. And we can go, well, we can find 19 people that, you know, were related to him. We can open the phone book and we can say, hey, you, Spinelli. We found your fucking great, great, great, great, great, great grandpa. So scientists from the Institute of Legal Medicine at Innsbruck University. Yeah, of institute of legal, it's perfectly legal. The Institute of Illegal Medicine?

Horrible place. It's very bad. That's the place that old mate goes to in Jacob's ladder. Just pushing trolley's around and getting caught up on limbs. That place sucks. It's not good. So they analyze the DNA of over 3,700 trillion male blood donors and found 19 who shared a particular genetic mutation with

5,300 a year old man. So in 2012 scientists announced the discovery that Utsi still had intact blood cells. So these are the oldest complete human blood cells ever identified. Oh my God! In most bodies they're thold, the blood cells. So these are the oldest complete human blood cells ever identified. Oh my god. In most bodies this old, the blood cells are either shrunken or mere remnants, but UTSI's have the same dimensions as living red blood cells and resembled a modern day sample. Super cool. That's so nuts. So, this brings us to, I guess, the end of Utsi's journey. I feel like the end of his journey was about 3,000 years ago. Yeah.

So, the cause of death remains uncertain until 10 years after the discovery of the body. It was initially believed that Utsi died of exposure during a winter storm. Later it was speculated that Utsi might have been a victim of a ritual sacrifice perhaps for being a chieftain, which cool. But this explanation was inspired by theories previously advanced for the first millennium BCE bodies recovered from peat bogs such as the Toland man and the Lindo man. Go and check out those other classic men. Some of the iconic men. Some of the men we know and love. So in 2001, x-rays and a CT scan revealed that Utsi had an arrowhead lodged in his

left shoulder when he died and a matching small tear on his coat. The discovery of the arrowhead prompted researchers to theorize Utsi died of blood loss from the wound, which would probably have been fatal even if modern medical techniques had been available, and they weren't. They really weren't. No, this guy just had to kill like 19 we saw himself a new skin. If we had the technology from the Michael Crichton book timeline, we could have saved him. Alas. Further research found that the arosarararararararares that that that the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their the technology from the Michael Crichton book timeline we could have saved him. Alas, further research found that the arrows shaft had been removed before death and close examination of the body found bruises and cuts to the hands, wrist

and chest and cerebral trauma indicative of a blow to the head. One of the cuts was at the base of his thumb that reached down to the bone but had no time to heal before his death. So currently it's believed that Utsy bled to death after the arrow shattered the scapular and damaged nerves and blood vessels before lodging near the lung, which again is where his stomach is now. So what you're saying to me is that this was murder most foul. Murder most foul but I think, um, I really feel that this is some form of last stand, the last stand of Utsi.

Um, because recent DNA analyses claimed that they revealed traces of blood from at least four other people on his gear. Oh. He got barramereed. Yeah. One from his knife, two from a single arrow head, and fourth from his coat. Interpretations of these findings were that Utsi killed two people with the same arrow and was able to retrieve it on both occasions. And the blood on his coat was from a wounded comrade he may have carried over his back. Oh my god. This dude is barramereing it all over more than to roll.

Oh. Borromea of Italian Barbaria. We simply must stand this man. Utsy's posture in death, frozen body, face down, left arm bent across the chest could support a theory that before death occurred and Rigamortis set in, the ice man was turned on his stomach in the effort to remove the arrow shaft by perhaps a southern Aragorn or perhaps even an Italian Aragon. Yeah, it was a classic Italian Aragon situation. Which brings us to the legal dispute. Fantastic. So Italian law entitled the Simon, so this is Helmut and... I forget it, rather than, uh, that, uh, that, uh, Riga that, uh, the, and the, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, so, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the, so, the, so, so, the, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to the legal dispute Fantastic. So Italian law entitled the Simon so this is Helmut and

I forget her other than that What was her name? I'll get to that. So the Italian law entitled the Simons to a find his fee from the South Turillian provincial government of 25% of the value of Wtsy. So you just get your Ice Man Assessor, yeah. He's assessed all the great Ice Man, Richard Kuclinski. And they classically, they just add like 30% on top just in case your Iceman Museum burns down and you need to claim on insurance. Yeah, it's exactly how the art world works. Your ice man also. If anything should happen the art world works. Your painting is worth $3 million.

Your ice man, also. If anything should happen to your ice man. We all could stand to make a lot of money. So in 1994, the authorities offered a symbolic reward of $10 million, which is approximately 5,200 euro, which the Simons declined. Oh. Well I think they're gone for the, they're gone for the, they're gone out of the, uh, they're going for, they're going to pay up, motherfuck. That's exactly right. Oh, right. I retract. We didn't find Utsy to stay penniless. I'd like to retract the appreciative noise that I made. In 2003, the Simons filed a lawsuit which asked the court in Bolzano to recognize their

role in Utsy's discovery and declared them his official discoverers. The court decided in the Simon's favor in November 2003. At the end of December that year, the Simons announced that they were seeking a US $300,000 as their fee, kind of an Utsi finders fee. Yeah. I... like they didn't find him on purpose. They didn't go... You don't know that.

It's time to go up on the mountain and find Utsy the Ice Man. Oh, I hope we find him today. But really, what an attitude to have, though, though, though, though, though, though, though, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they. they. they. they. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that But really, what an attitude to have, though. Waking up every morning with a thought that you might, you might just find, would see the ice man. You sit there eating your cornflakes, be like, today's the day. Today's the day I find for the first time, would see the ice man. And I believe that is the plot of the movie about the secret that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that is the plot of the movie about the secret that's been released at the moment. I think it's more or less it. So the provincial government decided to appeal.

In addition, two people came forward to claim that they were part of the same mountaineering party that came across Utsi. And this is wild. All right, so Magdalena Mohar Jark, a retired Slovenian climber who alleged that she discovered the corpse first after falling into a crevice. Hey, that looks like Utsie the Ice Man! Oh, holy fuck! It's shortly after returning to a mountain hut, guys, you are not going to believe this. I fell into a crevice immediately after discovering Utsy the Ice Man.

People just like completing a sentence. You guys, I found Uts in the eyes but you found him. Yes, that was a very good guess. So after returning to the mountain hut asked Helmitz Simon to take photographs of Utsi, she cited Reinhold Messner, who is also present in the mountain hut as the witness to this. Sandra Nemeth from Switzerland who contended that she was she found the corpse before helmet and Erica Simon and that she spat on Utsi to make sure her DNA would be found on the body lady. That is disrespectful. It's rude. You didn't have like a bit of paper on you? It couldn't just be like not. It's rude.

You didn't have like a bit of paper on you? It couldn't just be like, believe it is here. Oh my God. You could just crack off a finger or something. That's some weirdly like extreme lateral thinking. Yeah. So she later asked for a DNA test on the remains, but experts

believe that there was little chance of finding any trace. On the 29th of September 2008, it was announced that the provincial government and Mrs. Simon had reached a settlement of the dispute under which she would receive 150,000 euro in recognition of Utsi's discovery by her and her late husband and the tourist income that it attracts. Selma didn't live to see the Utsi money come in? No, didn't see the Utsi money or I guess the... Just the appreciation of finding Utsi. The recognition of finding Utsi the ice man.

I've always said that finding Utsi of the ice man is its own reward. Who needs a hundred and fifty thousand euro when you can be drunk at a bar? You'd be on cloud night when you're oh god any time you're out in public. You'd never pay for a beer again. You'd walk up you just like elbow something like hey. I haven't been this thirsty since the time I discovered Utsy the Ice Man. Oh, you're Eric and Sir. I should have known. Oh, it's cold in here. That reminds me. I tell you what, that bartender sure looks a lot like Utsy the Ice Man.

Who I discovered, by the way. Yeah, who I've seen. I saw him first, incidentally. Well, in a while. In a while. Yeah. But since the Urakai or whatever tried to kill him. Yeah. But Utsi, I think, is having the last laugh. From his horrible little lungs, which are also a stomach.

From the pit of his combined lug stomach. Kind of the cloaker of the organs. Why do you just, you know, they do the same thing. They take stuff in, they push stuff out. Basically the same organ. I also think that's what the heart does. And those are all the organs that I can think of. Whatever the kidney does, probably the same.

So, influenced by the curse of the pharaohs, and the media theme of cursed mummies, claims have been made that Utsi is cursed. Sure. The allegation revolves around the deaths of several people connected to the discovery, recovery, and subsequent examination of Utsi. It is alleged that they have died under mysterious circumstances. These people include co-discoverer Helmut Simon and Conrad Spindler, the first examiner of the mummy in Austria in 1991, to date the deaths of seven people, of which four were accidental, have been attributed to the alleged curse.

In reality, hundreds of people were involved with the recovery of Utsy and are still involved in studying the body and artifacts found. You cannot swing a cat in the Utsy examination. About hitting a live person who has examined Utsy the Ice Man? It's been running on Broadway for 12 years. Sold out crowds. The fact that a small percentage of them have died over the years has not been shown to be statistically significant. That's the tale of Utsie the Iceman. Can I add a little post script to this story? What I'm gonna do is something I would normally never do. I'm going to read some tweets for you.

These are tweets from Sydney comedian and radio producer Max Lavearn. Beautiful Max. Prawn underscore meat. This first one dated January 28, 2019. Ootsie the ice man died because he threw his back out making that ass clap. This is another tweet also from January 28th, 2019. It's not a real Utsy band-wender. That Utsy on the brain.

I'm so fucking sick of people talking about no talent celebrities like Utsy, the Ice Man were famous for being mummified on the Austrian Italian-Italian border around 5,000 years ago. Okay, full disclosure, I think I know about Utsy the Ice Man because of Max Lever's twice. I think I might also as well. May 24th this year, a lot of people credit Utsy the Ice Man with getting the mid-two Ice Man. I love that man very very much. I like that pattern as well. So these are like the only tweets he's ever done about Utsy the Ice Man. He did two of them on one day. He's on a roll.

And then like five months later he's like, oh fuck, I'm still thinking about him again. Going back to that well. 3 a.m. Going back to the fridge for more of the ice thinks. Oh Lord. So I've got a story for you. Oh, please. Now I've done no real research here. What I've done is I've looked at an article that I've read multiple times because it's a gift that keeps on giving and I thought, what if I read it to my friend Theo? Beautiful.

Re-contextualize it, if you will. Yes, I'll take it from the context of me read it aloud on a podcast. So there is a very real chance you might have read this. This is an article from the New Yorker from 2014. I'm not going to tell you what the title of the article is. I don't want to give away the game. But I believe the first word you will know immediately whether you have read this article or not. Here we go. Shingy believes in storytelling. You read this one? Ah, look, I don't know. Let's find out together.

More story, less telling. A story can be anything. Text or image, six seconds or 13 hours. According to Shingy, Yeah, a story can be anything, but not five seconds. No. It's got to be six. It has to surpass the amount of time that it takes for you to stop feeling time as the present and to distinguish as past and future, which is between three and eight seconds I think. Yeah, six to eight. Anything shorter than that is just a thing. And to thi. If you've not done a full length length five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five. to five five. to five. to five. to five five. to five. to five. to five. to five. to five. to five five. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the five five five five five five five five five five five five five. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the five five five five five five. the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to five. to five. to five. th. to five. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. seconds, I think. Yeah, six to eight. Anything shorter than that is just a thing. If you've not done a full-length vine, it's not a story.

It's not a story. Vine, classically a story. Vine also still relevant, current cultural touch point. According to Shingy, we are no longer living in the age of information. It's the age of social, and social is all is all is all is all is all is all is all is all is all is all is all is all is all about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about tha tha thi is all. It's the age of social and social is all about conversations. So true. How does Shingy know? Because he is a digital profit. Literally, his business card has a microchip embedded in it and it reads digital profit, AOL. How would anyone know that? I think it's written on there, it's not on the microchip.

I think the microchip is incidental. Yeah, it's just got like the microchips just got like a divx of the second lord of the rings. It's got a windrower and still on there which can be very useful if you do that. Very useful it's got Lero. Xie on it. It also says David Shing. But unless you knew him when he was a kid in Australia, you should just call him Shingy, which is also his Twitter handle and his URL. If I meet David Shing, I'm going to say, hello David. Hi David, or even Mr. Shing. Mr. Shing. AOL pays him a six-figure salary for doing what exactly?

Watching the future take shape across the vast online landscape. Yeah I do that every day. Every single day. Every single day. And I'm only paid possibly five figures. I fly all around the world and go to different conferences so you don't do that. No that's that's true. No one does that at the world and go to different conferences, so you don't do that. No, that's true. No one does that at the moment.

I'm classically groundbound. We're all ground-lobber. Last month, he was in Singapore, Brazil, and Germany. I listened to where media is headed and figure out how our brands can win in that environment. In 2002, AOL had more than 25 million subscribers. It now has fewer than 2.5 million. Shinny calls it a, quote, company in transition. There is no typical day for me, Shingy, who is 44, said, which, if you think about it, means that today is pretty typical. That is extremely aggravating.

That's the worst. Also, that's a paradox. You have a fucking typical there. Shut the fuck up. He arrived at AOL headquarters in the village, wearing black nail polish and high top sneakers with leather wings. His jacket, t-shirt and pants were black and he had decorated them with wide stripes of white paint. He wears his hair up and out like Phyllis Diller or Beetlejuice.

What the fuck is Phyllis Diller? Isn't Phyllis Diller? Oh no, I've definitely got this wrong. I was thinking he was one of the people from the Golden Girls, but there's no way that's right. I definitely. I'm just going to hold on to Beetlejuice if that's okay. Yeah, that's a good, that's a good touch point. Uh, you'd be surprised how easy it is to get it to stay like this, actually. A blow dry and then a quarter sized out of product, Shingie explained. It's all in the cut, not the said, offering his trademark three-part handshake, ending it a hug.

Handshakes have one part. One part. One part. It's the part where you shake. You shake the hand, and then you disengage. You're done. Yeah. The worst thing about... How do you know if you're in, how do you know if you're a part of a three-part handshake right now? How do you know if the handshake... We might be in the... No, but a handshake that you're engaging in, how do you know that it's part one of three? It's true. I mean, this is the problem with it, right? It's very obnoxious to have this confected thing where you're like, I kind of have the the to kind of, kind of, like, like, like, to have to teach, to teach, to teach, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, the, to, the, like, to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that you, that, to, to, to, to, th... to, th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin, thin, that, that, their, that, a, a hands, their, their, their, their, tha. that, that, that, that, a handsha, of natural, universal gesture. And generally it's

as a way of like meeting new people. Yeah and this is really just slowing down the press. He must meet tens if not hundreds of people a day and every single person he meets it gets to part two of his fucked up handshake and goes, oh hang on sorry we've got to go through this. All right so you you do this and then you do this and then kind of teach teach the teach the teach the teach their their their teach to to to to to to to their to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. It seems. It's. It's. to be. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t. t. t. t. through this. All right, so you do this and then, all right, and then kind of teach him, it seems extremely tedious. You know how the IKEA booklets are meant to be like cross-language? Yeah. It's just like very simple. He's got one of those for the handshake. He's like, look at this. Come back to me when you've read it. Boom, bam, bang. It's very obtossed. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their, th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I te. I te. I's te. I's today. I's today. te. I's today. today. today. today. today. I's today. It's very obnoxious. Next, Shinging stopped by the office of Erica Nardini, the chief marketing officer of AOL advertising, and handed her an iPad mini.

What did you show you a little brain fart I had on the plane, he said. It was a cartoon he had drawn of a bear-wearing zebra print pants and a shirt covered in wads and zeros. He... zebra print pants and a shirt covered in wads and zeros. What? So what is this for? Oh, just you wait. Love it, love it, love it, Nodini said. I'm thinking of the bears more as a metaphor. A thousand percent, Ching he said.

So I, I have read this article which makes it even more maddening now that I'm listening to it again. There is a reason that your company is in the shitter. And it's exactly this guy. 100% whatever is occurring right now. I just imagine if you're like a third party witnessing this. Like you are like a lower level employee in this business and you watch that exchange happen and you're just like holy fuck. Yeah we are doomed. Yeah this is not good. I will also say that even though you know I'm a bit of a tech head, a bit of a tech boy. Yeah sure. I like my bits and my bites. Yep.

One's zeros. The whole the whole gamut. Yep. Um I'm sticking with and my bites. Yep. Classically, yeah, ones, zeros, the whole gamut. Yep. Um, I'm sticking with that pronunciation. I'm not going to correct. Every futurist is the most tedious person on the face of the planet. That's correct, yes. Every single one of them should be rounded up, tried under, we can try them under like the witchcraft laws for, you know, telling the future or whatever.

Yeah, there's probably some of those still in the books. Yeah, exactly, and just burn them at the stake. Yeah, and that's fair. I really think that in like 2020, that's something that we can all get around. We're divided as a people, as a world, as a world, more. is that to bring us together, we can just round up everybody who has the word futurist in their LinkedIn profiles and just set fire to them. We can probably take out the entrepreneurs while added as well. The entrepreneurs, the gurus? Yeah, gurus are gone. Anyone that's also like a collar worker that has guru

that has guru in their job description on LinkedIn. Yeah, you're out. If you're a code code ninja? Oh yeah that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. the. the. the. the... the. the. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. G. the. Who. G're out. You're going. If you're a code ninja, oh yeah, that's a cut off at the knees. Rockstar developer of some kind. Terrible. You're out of there, you're gone. And the teen tri-paneers will be tried under adult law. They deserve it, certainly. They deserve it, certainly. Shinging is my muse, Nardini said. During this conversation, Shing...

I know too many of these people. Which ones? On which end of the relationship is the person that you're familiar with? The non-Shingy entity in this relationship. Most entities on this planet, non-shinging words. Yeah, you can divide them into shingy and non-shinging. It's not a very useful sort of semantic knife to divide the world up into, but you certainly can. You know, you're at the... You're just like, isn't shingy? No. All right, well, the t-y-em. Go upstairs at the club. You go to the toilet. There's just one that's just got massive hair. You know, that's the shingy bathroom.

You go in there, there's just no toilet. The soft music playing and an empty white cube. You can just sort of put your piss or your shit anywhere. That's not our problem. Something about like, I think the complete emptiness of everything to do with corporate life makes people crave some, like they're very willing to read genius into the actions of someone that's influencing them to be like, no, I'm part of something special. A hundred percent. It's very depressing. Shingy is my muse, Nardini said.

During this conversation, Shingy was distracted by his phone, but he looked up and smiled every few seconds. Yeah, we're all there. Yep, that's how conversations work now actually. I lean on him really heavily for the feel of what's happening in the here and now. There is something so polarizing about Shing, but also so unifying. Yeah, it's that everyone, it, so everyone, so everyone, so everyone, so everyone, so everyone, so everyone, so everyone, so everyone, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, that, so, so, so, that, that, that, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. to. to. to-a, to-a, to-a, to-a, to-a, to-a, toa, thii. toa, th thi. tooooooom, tooom, tooom, tooome. tooome. toa, toa,, so everyone fucking hates him. Every single person that's ever met him that isn't some like coaked-out executive is like, Yeah, I like to kill you with a hammer. Hey, can we go to a stairwell and then can I push you down that stairwell?

We're a really great use of my time. Shingy kept moving. He's passionate about spaces. And when a space is not working. One of the classic dimensions. Space time. Temporal dimensions have no interest to him. When a space is not working, he reboots it. Why do people talk like this? No, it's not a.

We have words for like redecorating a room. Again, they've just, they've constructed an entire culture around the fact that they have to spend their lives like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like their their their they've constructed an entire culture around the fact that they have to spend their lives like this. Yeah, this is my lot. I am going to wear a fucking shirt and tie every day I'm a god damn life until I fucking retire. Let's pretend that it's exciting. I'm going to do that by getting the single worst human being alive to take the desk out of my office. Oh God. When a space is not working, reboots it, taking everything out and starting over, he said,

this is a space I recently rebooted for Tim, meaning Tim Armstrong, the CEO of AOL. The room had been a standard fluorescent-lit office. Now the desk was gone, replaced by leather armchairs in a circle, and the walls were painted dark grey. Armstrong entered, wearing a flee, spaggy jeans and loafers. Shingy is short and slight, and Armstrong, who played lacrosse in college, towered over him. I don't give a fuck what he played in college. Yes. That is the most relevant detail I could possibly imagine. I don't bring that up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up the the the the their their their their. Do their. Do their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. theea. the the that up in my profile. Do you like the scent? Shingy said? A diffuser release of fragrance. A room should not have a scent. I'm my ideal is. We can get into this

into the next episode. We will. But yeah my I think I feel like we've really kind of landed on the no smell as good smell. I, and this has nothing to do with how much weed I smoke. I am a huge nut for filling the house with the smell of incense at all times. Okay. I absolutely love it. I go a while for it. I love a good smell. Really? Yeah, because you know how you like you get smell blind to the same smells over over and over, so I'm mixing it up. Got lots of different incenses. I like a scented candle given the opportunity. See, I'm closed off to new possibilities. Yes.

And that's the way I like it. That's true of you in nearly every single regard. The one minor change you've allowed to have it in your life is you're about to have a child. And that's just a tiny little. I think it's a sort of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of, yeah. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I's a sort of, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm a little, I thi, I thi, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the way. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the thi, I. I, I thi, I thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, thin. thi. ti. ti. ti. thi. thi. thi. that's, that's, gonna have zero new things and you accidentally went up to one. 0.4, I feel. Yeah. A diffuser-released fragrance called London, designed by Tom Dixon into the air.

Shingy's office features another of Dixon's scents, the thiiixt scent. Hmm, Armstrong. Oh, the racist scent. It smells vaguely of like 1930s, racism in here, that's strange. It's funny, Armstrong said, I thought it was the cleaning materials. The cleaning lady was in here last night and I'm like, I love the smell of this table. She was like, um, okay.

I think the cleaning lady was very right to do that. Yeah. I still need to put some sound in here, Shingy said. Again, I prefer... No, no sound. No, no office space needs sound in it. No. It's annoying already.

Yes. Just leave it big. Don't try and make them more pleasant either. Because you're just encouraging people to spend more time in them. I'm sure I looked around. I have meetings here and people don't know where to sit, he said. They'll figure it out, man, shingy said. He took an Uber car uptown to IPG media brands, an advertising firm where he was due to give a speech. I think some folks from Apple bees are. to to to to to to to to their to their their to their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin. I just just just just just just thin. I'm just just thin. I'm just just thin thin. I'm just just just thin. I'm just just just just give a speech. I think some folks from Applebee's are going to be in the house, he said. I'm more of a caffeine-free, gluten-free, raw food sort of guy. I am able to find something to like at every brand once I hear their story.

So you're a psycho. No one has ever liked a brand. No. Brand stories, brand identity. Those sort of words make tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thiii and thi and thi and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th words make me want to throw up. Absolutely horrible. Absolutely horrible. I think nothing makes me angrier now than just seeing ads. Yeah.

I mean, there are, you know. Oh, absolutely. We've, we've somehow managed to, like, I don't see ads. to the day-to-day life. So when I do see an ad, I go, this is thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. theea. the. the. Why are you doing this to me? This is awful. I don't need anything? No. Please stop. Fucking seeing TV ads makes me want to fucking hurl. Just like It's so everything about it. So patronizing. So awful horrible way to live. He told the Applebee's people to make their brand that to make their brand quote remarkable reactive and relevant. They have to tell stories in real time

quote, remarkable, reactive, and relevant, they have to tell stories in real time. Everyone is talking about solo mo, social local mobile, but they should be talking about homo. Home slash mobile, cell phones used on the couch. Why do you think that terminology didn't take off? This was in 2014. Homo was a slur back then as well. Hey, can we start talking about homo, please? Hey, I mean, not enough people these days are talking about homo.

Ha ha ha! people these days are talking about homo. How many apps does the average person have? Shinging asked the crowd. 42? Justin Colavita, a media planner said. Cool joke, it's that number. It's the number from the thing that I... A property that I love, but you're not allowed to talk about because people will ruin it for you. That's right, Ching, he said. 41, actually.

A colleague turned to Colaveta and asked, how did you know that? I was just guessing, Colvita said, I must be a profit. And that is a small snippet into the life of David Ching, who, as I found out today, only left AOL, which is now Verizon, I think year. Just think of how much money you're going to make in your entire life. And think of how much money Shingy made being hired at irrelevant AOL on its downslide, like backsliding towards irrelevance. They still like managed to pay him possibly several millions of dollars, right? I would say absolutely yes. Yeah.

That is heinously depressing. For him to go from place to place and turn officers into a zebra or something. Just to make the things that people were doing before unworkable. Yeah. It's just such a... There are lots of reasons to be angry capitalism. You know, most of to do with how the poor are treated the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, th are lots of reasons to be in Greek capitalism, you know, most of them to do with how the poor are treated, but also how, just a very small handful of absolutely just the worst dipshits are hyper rewarded, because they're very willing to be like, I fucking

suck and you need that and people go, yes I do. Just people born without the shame gland. Yep. I got two of them. And I'm so sorry. Life is very hard for you. You got the one that shingy didn't. I'm very ashamed of it.

They switched your shame glands at the hospital. So this one's going to, uh, didn't we give him? No, I guess not, alright. In we go. Well, that concludes episode three of the Theophiles. Yeah, I would say thank you, but... No, that's fair. Uh, what are the common themes between those two stories, you reckon?

Weird hair. Weird. Very similar fashion sets. Both of them probably love mushrooms, am I right? There you go. Yep. Well, thanks for listening. Goodbye. Goodbye. you