Boonta Vista - EPISODE 171: Iets Kleins Voor Papa

Episode Date: October 18, 2020

The only thing worse than adults who are obsessed with Disneyland is whatever the hell is going on at the theme parks in the Netherlands. Plus: a horrifying installment of Nature Corner about the awful means by which snails make love. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, welcome to Buntavista, episode 171, and today we are here in the worst place on earth. This is a place of torment and suffering, where the wicked are punished for their sins. Lost souls wander the halls, subsisting on nothing but the dust of ages. I read to you now an account from John Zephaniah Holwell. This was a strongly barred room. It was not intended for the confinement of more than two or three men at a time. There were only two windows and thick iron bars within impeded ventilation.

Visitors were packed so tightly that the door was difficult to close. One of the attendants stationed outside was offered $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, the th, th, th, the thi, and thi, and th, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and the the the th, and th, and the the th, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thea, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, the $1,000 to have them removed to a larger room. He went away but returned saying it was impossible. The bribe was then doubled, and he made a second attempt but with a like result. The manager was asleep and no one dared wake him. By nine o'clock, several had died and many more were delirious. A frantic cry for water now became general. One of the attendants, more compassionate than his fellows, was brought to be brought to the bars where Mr. Holwell and two or three other received it in their hats and passed it to the men behind. In their impatience to secure it, nearly all was spilt, and the little they drank seemed only to increase their thirst. Self-control was lost, and to their self-control, and struggledededed, told, and told, told, and their, and their, their, their, and their, and their, and their, and their, was their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their. their. their, and their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their thea. their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their struggled to reach the window and a fearful tumult ensued, in which the

weakest were trampled or pressed to death. They raved, fought, prayed, blasphemed, and many then fell exhausted on the floor where suffocation put an end to their torments. About 11 o'clock, the visitors began to drop off fast. At length, at 6 in the morning, the manager awoke and ordered the door toaukeakeakeakeake, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, the door, toe, the door, the door, toe, the the toe, the toe, the the toe, toe, the toe, toe, toe, the, the their, toe, toe, and toe, and their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their.e, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, too.e, tooe.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. Wethe door to be opened. Of the 146, only 23, including Mr. Holwell, from whose narrative published in the annual register in the Gentleman's Magazine for 1758, this account is partly derived, remained alive, and they were either stupefied or raving.

I am, of course, describing chemist warehouse. This severe concrete, semi-uclidean antitartist is smaller on the inside than on the outside, as a synonymous in Australia with cut-priced pharmacy goods and psychological warfare enacted by unknown overseers upon any who dare to shop there. I am Theo, and I'm currently experiencing ego death attempting to locate a number one baby bottle nipple compatible with the Phillips of Enti system. With me today is Lucy, who is lining up to her prescriptions for diarrhea and anti-diarea medicine filled. The line is so long it stakes out of the door and originates in a completely separate chemist warehouse and a Stein stating wait time one day is staked nearby. How are you Lucy? Oh I'm

great I'm just having the regular chemist warehouse experience that we all know and love. A normal experience that you get every time you go to this place that you keep going to for reasons that have... Well they've got cut prices you know the prices here they're great you can't beat them it's so cheap. And all you've got to do is go a little bit thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin to to thi to thi to thi to to to thi to to thi thi to the to thi the to their thi to their their their their tho thi their their to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their their their th. th. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. their their their their their the. the prices here, they're great, they can't beat them. It's so cheap, and all you've got to do is go a little bit insane every time you step into a store. Yep. Also here is Ben, whose edibles are just kicking in, causing the walls to appear to be closing in, which they are.

As he reaches Ned Flanders' style down a narrowing Eshiresque hallway towards a box condoms for his magnum dong. How are you, Ben? What can I say? I like them dry. Have we ever mentioned the thing about how every chemist's warehouse has a giant piece of text on it that says Australia's Cheapest Chemist, and then when you get close to the building, it becomes visible that written in very, very tidy letters to the left of Australia's chief as chemist. Other words, is this with a question mark? It is absolutely baffling that they have managed to get away with that.

Oh, that is incredible. One of the many tricks that the mischievous goblins that administer the chemist's warehouse will enact on their customers. And finally, of course, Andrew is also here, strapped into a chair by CIA agents and being subjected to four separate ads for skin lotion for the elderly from four separate TVs, four separate soundtracks as the overhead lights flicker endlessly. He's finding this to be not ideal. How are you, Andrew? I'm good, but they won't let me close my eyes voluntarily. It's upsetting to me.

Nobody likes to have their eyeballs toucest directly. No. As they put in the little clockwork orange-style hooks, you know? No, but also where we're going, you won't need eyes to see. And where we're going is chemist warehouse. The good thing is so that as your eyes are forcefully held open, you do need some saline type drops to keep them moisterized and they have them here at a great price. If you can find them, which I cannot. My eyes are so dry.

No, you need the savant from the cube. Decode the system. That's that maybe where that guy gets cubed, right? That's right. No, actually I was wrong about that. He, no he does get cued but I was wrong that he gets cubed by lasers. He gets, he actually gets cued by sharp wire. Oh, like a fine mesh.

Resident Evil. You're thinking of a resident evil situation. Yeah, a man is cubed by lasers. And the Resident Evil is not called cube. That's very confusing. That's very confusing. Despite the presence of cubes. All right, well, so from the worst place on earth, to the happiest place on earth. And I'm just going to throw it to whoever,

because I didn't get a good answer on who was actually running this thing. That's me. That's me. Remember Andrew? Me in the chair. Me in the chair. I can hear my eyes as I look around. I shouldn't be able to hear them. Why do they have four TVs up the front? Why do they have anything?

I don't know how to describe Camus? No. I am not lying their they their they they they their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to to their their their to to to to to to to to their their to their to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I have their. I have their. I have their. I have their their their their their their their their. I their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I to. I to. I their. I to. I to. I to. I to. to. to. to. to.. to........................... to. to... to. I to it is just a place of chaos. I am not lying when I say there is four TVs in like the little lobby maze that they make you navigate to pay for your goods. And every aisle is too long and too narrow. And you might think to yourself, well I might get a brief bit of respite if I look upwards, but instead they have dangled a series of banners hanging down just kind of making you feel oppressed vertically as well as horizontal. Yeah, and they are hanging from load-bearing electrical cases in this one. Oh boy, now you might want to go to the happiest place on earth, corporate Megolith, Disneyland. But unfortunately for some people, even that has been taken away from them. Oh no, not my Disney.

Not Disneyland. And by some people, I mean the worst people. This is from the LA Times, and I think this is something that is kind of equally perplexing to all of us on the show. It has been 214 days since Disneyland closed for these superfans. It is agony. It's been 214 days since Disneyland closed and Stacey Major is struggling. I haven't been to Disneyland in seven months. Why? A 32 year old

high school teacher? 32 year old high school teacher. I'm already I'm already gone with this one. This has been me longest stretch since 2012. Longest stretch since 2012. Longest stretch since 2012 by not going to Disneyland in seven months. She's not alone. When the coronavirus pandemic forced the park to close in March, it left thousands of its fervent fans, annual pass holders who spend 400 to $1,500 a year to visit the park on a weekly basis. But how do you put a price on happiness? Without the beloved discount?

Between $41500. weekly basis. But how do you put a price on happiness? Without a beloved escape. $41500. I think the phrasing here seems to be quite accurate, without a beloved escape from reality. Spending $1,500 a year to escape reality. Being a single mom and a teacher means I have a lot of adult responsibilities, said Major, who visits Disneyland at least once a month. And even ttoured the park in a wheelchair when she was eight months pregnant. What can you even do? Like, you can't go any rides on that point, right? You're just like watching the parades,

which is the... I can't even imagine what sort of personality is like oh boy a parade I'm 32. Don't worry Stacy will describe her personality for you quote I'm a very type A personality and can't relax for me Disneyland is a stress release it's very freeing for me to be there for a day I can watch parades and be with my friends and not feel any pressure. Might I suggest as I often do on this radio program there for a day. I can watch parades and be with my friends and not feel any pressure. Might I suggest, as I often do on this radio program, going to therapy? I would maybe suggest, try smoking weed. It's very cheap, you can do it in your house. You don't have to go to, like, we've got theme parks here in Australia, they're

kind of shit, but they're there. Itto like we've got theme parks here in Australia they're kind of shit but they're there it is like sometimes you get decapitated at them occasionally four people will die when their river thing goes upside down like it's a hassle to go to them like the parking is a fucking nightmare the weights are insane it's super expensive it's like hell it's like the it's like a whole fucking day it's not something you can like casually dip your toe into. I mean like, oh, I'm going to go to a movie world for half an hour. That'll be fun. Very strange.

But as I understand it, for Disneyland, you have to go for Disneyland, you have to go to a completely different city, and that city is there for Disneyland. At least this year only have to go as far as the Gold Coast, which in itself is pretty bad. Yeah, I think our theme park experiences are by and large like very, very elementary compared to things like Disneyland. But yeah, like saying, that just means that the horrifying nightmare parking lot is actually one-sixteenth of the size of a Disneyland one. Yeah, right, unless they have the most incredible like infrastructure and everything in the world which I don't know. It's Florida. So, it's Florida or California. This is the Florida or California?

Disney World is. Disney World. I'm never going to remember which one's which. No. And there is no reason why you should. No. It doesn't matter. That's why it was helpful for them to call it Euro Disney. If you're in California, you can just go to Knotsbury Farm. What is wrong with you? Why is this such a... This is a... This is a roller coaster. Really? I just talking a roller coa.

Really? I'm a rollo. I don't like a roller coaster. What the fuck? I love a rollercoast. Oh, I get spooked on him. I don't want to be spooked. They are a scary. You never notice how those roller coasters are quite scary? They're scary. That's not fun to be scared. I have a long, swan-like neck. you ratcheted from side to side with pressure. I do not care for it.

I now have three babies in my life. I also, here's my other issue. At some point in my adult life, I have done something bad to like my inner ear. Oh no. I don't know, I don't know what the deal is, but, um, like, our kids had a school fate thing a while ago, and there were like teacup rides at it. And you know of course they want to go on it and it means that an adult has to go on with them. And it's just like small child's teacup ride where you're turning around and circles the whole time and they get off and go, that was fun and I get off and go. Uh- Yeah, not for me. No teacups. and they get off and go, that was fun, and I get off and go, ugh.

Yeah, not for me. No teacaps. That shit's so much. Very bad. But hey, what if you could go once a month? But I mean, whenever I've gone to a theme park, even like Universal Studios in Japan, you're waiting so long to go on a ride. Like, you're spending a lot of your day in lines waiting to get on any ride

because there's a million people there. Like how much stress can you be releasing at Disneyland really? Although you say that. Are you jacking off on the line? Yeah, well, you say that, but I've been proposing to Caitlin for like five years now that we go to like movie world on a Wednesday during the work week and she thinks that is a pervert's idea. Oh, I mean, I've done it before. It's better. It's better than the alternative, that's for sure. It is the absolute pro-move to go to any of these places like way outside of tourist

season and in the middle of the week when school holidays are not on, that is the only circumstance under which I would do any of these things. I went to Disneyland, whichever is the one in California, when I was maybe like 12 or 13 or something. We went over to America for a holiday where we like landed in California, rented an RV and then traveled around for like six weeks. But we started in, why is that funny? Sorry, I just saw one of those Garfield throwed out the window comics where, so he says, Garfield, it's a beautiful day I'm putting you outside. I think it's thrown out the window. Really enjoying those

lately. Oh they're so good everyone is very satisfying. So yeah we went to that was very nice we got to see like Yosemite National Park and drive through Death Valley and all that sort of thing we started in California. So we went to Disneyland and I think like it was like in in in in in California in in California in in California in in California in in California in in in California in their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the. the the. the. the. the. We're thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. the. thr thr. thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown out thrown thrown out thrown out thrown out thrown out thrown out thrown out throw throw throw throw throw and I think like it was it was sort of over Christmas So even though we were in California and it was just California temperature like it is all year round To them that's winter and I think it was like not school holidays and it was like very lightly raining that day So there was like almost nobody at the park and that's it that's prime conditions walking up and waiting behind two people to get on to the? to get on to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. the the they. the they. the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the park and that's it that's prime conditions walking up and waiting behind two people to get on to the what's the fucking Disney thing the the fucking Disney thing this was the the only 90s one the one Disney thing they had where you go and get into a big cube just like from cube.

And then there's a movie screen at the front. I don't think you've ever been to Disney. I have no idea what's happening to. I think you went to a cube. I just went to the cube from the movie cube. Didn't get cubed, like in Resident Evil. So you go into a cube. And then there's a movie screen. It's a movie screen. And it's playing Disney movies. Well, it plays, it plays like, you know.

The movies? I did not go to the movies. Even though you sit in cinema style seats. Oh, just your parents being like, yes. This is Disney Land. We're taking you to Disneyland. That's just a cinema. They made me wear a blindfold from the car till we were inside Disneyland. Disneyland smells a lot like popcorn. Ferry popcorn place. So you're in this big cube. But but the entire thing is on like gigantic hydraulic lifter sort of things so as it's showing you a, uh, oh, oh, they're a-a, oh, they're a, oh, oh, a. they're a, oh, a. they're a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. the, a, a, a, a. they, a, a, a, a, a, a. they, a, a, a, a, a. they, they're a they're a they're a they're a they're a they're a they they're a. They're a. They're a they're a they they they they they they they, they, they, they, they, they, they're a they're a they're a. They're a. They're a. They're a. They're a. They're a. They're a. They're a. They're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a. they're a they're a they're a they're a they're a they're a th. th. they're a they're a th. they're a they're a they're a the they're a the they're a they're a, they're a they're a they're a the the entire thing is on like gigantic hydraulic lifter sort of things.

So as it's showing you a, oh you're in a spaceship and flying around and there's R2D2, the entire thing moves around to make you feel like you're flying. Even though if you're in space it probably wouldn't feel like that, you know? Oh you're in the RV from Community. Yes. So that's the way to go to a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theaughea theaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqqqqqqqqqq.. thaq. I. Iaq. Iaq. Iaq. Iaq. Iaq. Iaq. Iaq. Someaq. Somea. Somea. I. I...................................................................................................................... Yes. So that's the way to go to a theme park. You don't want to be doing what Lucy's describing and like literally waiting for an hour and a half to go on a ride. That is insanity to me. It's also just like my platonic ideal of the worst way to spend a day. I hate waiting in lines. It causes some sort of very specific anxiety in me. I become furious

While waiting in long lines, especially because most of the time I've stayed at this position on this show before Most of the time I'm just like there is no reason for me to be doing this. I can deal with it when I'm like? I'm perfectly happy waiting for a long time at somewhere like, say, a hospital? Where you actually have to be there for a reason and it's like, yeah, I'll wait until a doctor is ready so that I don't die now, all that kind of stuff. But when you're at Disneyland, waiting for an hour to go on a ride, it's like, you know what I could be doing. anything else. I could be jack tha th line. I could be smoking weed in the car park.

Just about anything. It'll be better than waiting in a line all day. Like a sad dad smoking weed in his car park while his family is inside is such a great mental image. I wouldn't be sad. Sure. Sure. The fucking sign of the window being like the air conditioning is on. He's listening to his favorite. He's happy. He's happy. Leave him alone. He's just a sign that says like the air conditioning is on and he is very high and listening to Genesis. Everything's fine. He's jacking off so much the all the windows are fogging up and he just puts the like titanic hand up on. But let's see more about why these psychos want to go to Disneyland. Against the backdrop of a pandemic it's easy to understand why people

miss Disneyland. For more than 60 years the theme park has been the ultimate social and fantasy experience. Of all of human experience, that's the pinnacle. That is the ultimate social and fantasy experience. The ultimate social experience is waving at the, like, the guy, the university student in the big Mickey Mouse costume. And the ultimate fantasy experience is imagining that you are fucking the big Mickey Mouf. Goofy gives you a thumbs up and you're just like, this is as good as a the ultimate. That. That. That. That. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That's the ultimate. That's the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that. That. That is that. That is that. That is that. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. That is the ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The. The. The. The. The. The ultimate. The. The ultimate. The. The ultimate. The. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. The ultimate. It. The ultimate. The ultimate, the ultimate fantasy experience is imagining that you are fucking the big Mickey Mouse. Right. Goofy gives you a thumbs up and you're just like, this is as good as life gets. This is as good as it gets. This is just perverted as hedonism too, I'm going to say it.

Yes. It has the same hallmarks have been like, holy fuck, this is twelve times a year and this makes you happy somehow? Very strange. Then you've got to take a break and go and like um go and pay $40 for lunch for one person. Mm-hmm. It evokes warm memories of simpler times and allows us to experience childlike thrills regardless of our age? I might debate that. It allows some people to experience child-like thrills regardless of their age. Which is definitely why these people like it. How about this? I don't think I was ever thrilled as a child. How about it allows childlike people to experience thrills regardless of their age?

Got them. This is like just a few steps away from like diaper play. Like it's just, it's so close to it. Yeah. But now that many of us are working from home and self-quarantine, those thrills are difficult to find amid the fear of the coronavirus, economic distress and prolonged isolation. For Disneyland enthusiasts, the thrill is gone. The park is closed.

How to keep going when the happiest place on earth is closed? I've the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, thi's, thi's, thi's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, thi. But, thi. But, thi's just just just just thiiiiiiii. But, thi's just just just just just thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, the magic is missing. How to keep going when the happiest place on earth is closed? I've become suicidal because Disneyland shut its doors because of a pandemic. Quote, I've been watching videos of Disneyland parades on YouTube and crime, Major said. Goodness. Don't even need to open the big DSM book for this one. You've you've got some problems. Wow. I would dispute this next sentence. In other words, fans are coping by finding creative ways to keep the magic alive. What watching YouTube and crying?

Mm-hmm. This is magical. It's so creative. Consulting Disney-inspired cooking blogs, participating in Disney-bound costume challenges on Tick-Tock and Instagram, watching Disney Plus, creative, hosting outdoor movie nights and stay-at-home Disney Days. Jesus Christ. People miss theme parks because they produce, quote, psychosocial engagement and it keeps

us on a high and our blood pumping said Orange County certified life coach Anita County. Fuck you. Don't say those words to me. Orange County certified life coach. Certified life coach. It's a great sentence. Oh and it gets even better.

What's the end of that sentence there, Andrew? Author of, Behaving Bravely, How to Mind Shift life's challenges. What? You know, you know, by that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th thi th thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-Cou-Cou-Cou-Cou-Cou-Sycoooancie-Couco-Coucie-Coucie, C.co-Couly, how to mind shift life's challenges. You know, by being super brave by putting off adulting one day a month and going to a theme park. I can't hear you, I'm mind shifting into the magical kingdom. The Orange County certified life coach said, Being surrounded by crowds is exciting and makes us feel like we're part of a group in a community. It produces temporal endorphins and instills happiness that's hard to replicate. Disneyland checks every box when it comes to human sensory needs and desires.

The smells, the tastes, sounds and experiences. You can get all of that in one environment. I hate all of those things of a theme park. No one likes the way a theme park smells, tastes, or sounds. If you say any differently, you are a fucking liar. Those are all things that you put up with to get on the fast ride that goes.. Sounds and sounds.... th and sounds.. that sounds, that sounds.. It, that sounds. That, that sounds. That, that sounds. That, that sounds. That, that, that, that, that sounds. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's and that's and that's and that's and that's, that's and that's and that's and experiences, that's and experiences, that's and experiences, that's and experiences, that's and experiences, that's and experiences, that's and experiences. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's are all things that you put up with to get on the fast ride that goes fast. That's it. The smells of the bathroom, the tastes of the safety rails on the ride. I'd love the claim that it checks every box, every single box of the human experience.

Just mapping like Disneyland against the entire Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Please just have sex, just once. It's free. Just get sucked off one time. And be like, wait a second, Disneyland doesn't do this? Holy fuck. I've got a million dollar idea. Still, for the tens of thousands of visitors who flock to Disneyland every month, the park is more than just Mickey-shaped delectables.

What the fuck is a Mickey-shaped delectable? They're referring to ecstasy, I think, actually. Pirates of the Caribbean and phantasmic fireworks. There are dapper days and swing dances. High school marching band performs. It gets worse. Birthday parties and anniversary celebrations. You can even get married at Disneyland.

Don't know. Please don't. You can get married anywhere you like. Yes, you can. It's legal. You sure can. Scattering cremated ashes, a misdemeanor, isn't it? Not allowed in the park, although it's rumored to be a popular covert activity. Covertly scattering ashes at Disneyland.

Just in the shore shake, redemption style, shaking the ashes out of the bottom of your trousers. Dumping Grandma's body off the top of the mountain. Sitting up the front of the roller coaster and opening the top of the urn just as you go down the big peak Binding forty children instantly Grandma is a part of you all now Disneyland is a community said Cameron Key a psychotic 30 year old Apple salesman who visited the Anaheim theme park 123 times last year.

A hundred and twenty-three times. Do you have a job? Oh, he's an Apple salesman. This is Apple with a capital A, by the way, it's not a guy that just sells specifically the fruit of the roadside Apple salesman. I'm just imagining this guy at work every quarter just being like, I gotta hit that fucking quota. I gotta crush sales, hit that bonus, then I got all the more money to spend with Disneyland. Before the part closed, Kigi visited Disneyland three or four times a month. During quarantine, Kigi has kept himself busy by making Star Wars videos.

He is certified to represent the Storm Troopers as a member of the Volunteer 501st Legion. They have used the word certified two times in this article in ways that I find very perplexing. You're not like certified to use a forklift. You like, you need a different word for that. He hosts Disneyland Trivia Nights on Zoom and transforms his backyard into a jungle cruise meets adventure land hangout, think fire pit and bamboo fencing. So he's a rich guy. He's a rich kid that has a part-time job so that he can go to Disneyland. Since we have to be home, why not bring some of the Disney magic here. Kiggy said before being visited by Disneyland lawyers immediately got to shut down his backyard.

Using an orbital laser to destroy anything else in his backyard that might infringe on Disney's copyright. Creating Disney magic extends to Disney bounding, which sounds a lot like a sexual thing to me. I really does. I heard that word for the first time, not two days ago when Fred to the show, Ben Juggles, introduced me to the concept. Oh, I unfortunately know a lot about all of this.

You're disgusting behavior. It is a subtle costume trend of dressing like a Disney character using clothes from the closet. Disneyland does not allow guests 14 and older to wear costumes. Good. That is a great rule. I'm sensing a theme here of adults doing the things that children used to do because they didn't know any better but just continuing that forever. It's an activity for children? An activity for children.

So you're not allowed to wear a costume to Disney lest you be mistaken for the real goofy. You can be subtle goofy. You can be subtle goofy. You can wear, you can catch Goofy's drip. Then be like, I'm not really goofy, but I'm goofy. You can surgically alter your penis to have goofy stic. Putting on my dungarees, my funny little hat. Getting hit with a mallet, so I get the big lump at the top of my head.

Is there any rule against Winnie the pooing? Donald ducking. Yeah, just getting out my, before I head into Disneyland, getting out my black grease paint and doing my entire body for saying, oh shucks, as security throws me out of the menu. Just having them ask you to say gorse, less enthusiastically. It's too close. Gosh, there we go. It's definitely a creative thing, said Sophia Hotchkiss, who was 15 and loves to dress

up as Stitch and Ariel, among other characters. It's a really cool way to express something that you love. I agree, child. Yep, that's quite a few-year-old. Go for him. Congrats. That's great. Another Disneybound Lauren Gabbagoel, 29, showcases her outfits on her popular dresses and capes Instagram account.

It's a creative outlet for me, she said. When I heard that the new Ariel would be a black princess, I co-pressed her immediately. There is a very active black nerd Disney community that I am a part of and I'm trying to inspire others. I want everyone to know that they could be a Disney princess. When I was growing up, I didn't have that they could be a Disney princess. When I was growing up, I didn't have that. For Gabarrel, that's fine though, right? Like, that's not as creepy as the other people who would just be, like. Having a hobby is fine, but complaining

about how your life is in shambles, because you can't go to Disneyland every week is very depressing. Very strange. Well, I have this thing as a creative outletletletletletletletletletletletletletlettha out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out as a that is as a thi as a thi as a thi as a thi as a thi, I as a thi, I is as a thi, I is thi, I is thi, I is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thii thiii thi thi thi thi thi. on YouTube and crying. Yes. That's... Come on now. Uh, for Gaborel, Disneyland is where she socializes with friends and decompresses after a stressful day at work. Normally I would go at least once a week or twice a week, she said, holy fuck. I can't even get to the bar once a week.

Mmm. On my way home from work... You know where you're driving home from work and you're like I think I will stop off at one of the world's largest theme parks? I think I'll spend half an hour finding parking and then wait in line to get in. Yeah, I'll just stand in a line and move to the try and then look at my watcher. Wop, time to go home., on my way I'm from work, I'd often start at the park and meet a friend, stop at the park and meet a friend. I miss the days of riding one ride, getting some popcorn and a turo, and leaving after the fireworks.

Just being there makes me feel safe and happy. I attribute that to the cast members. So is this, is this like the unlimited pass kind of thing thi, like thi, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, a, a were referring to? I assume so, yeah. Hmm. Gammer also said that Disney employees among the most cherished talent pool in the service industry contribute to the parks enchantment. They are magic makers, she said, as she fondly recalled the time a cast member performing as Jack Skellington gave her an honorary citizen of Disney badge. Cool. Let me tell you, that guy was being horribly underpaid.

Yeah, well I do wonder. I do wonder, like, because, um, it's a, I don't really know anything about Disney cast member people, like, the, from the parks, but I'm assuming it is a thing where it's like, extremely hard to get into, like, a thing where you put a whole lot of effort into it, andthen they go you are one of the rarest kind who gets to be paid nine dollars an hour to do this 14 hours a day. Brianna Simpson knows that if things were different she would be eating corn dogs on Main Street cracking jokes with cast member Dr. Faciliae, and creating content for her Eat C. Magic online platform. Eat C. Magic. Wait, Theo, let me, can I, I'm on, I'm on the magic diet. She started her Instagram and vlog because she did not see a lot of black creators who

looked like her, but during the last few months Simpson said her community has grown as a family. We do movie night events and not just for people of color, it's for everyone. Disney is a big melting pot for me. I want to spread joy to others who can't travel here. Recently she recorded a freestyle rap. I miss Disneyland for its 65th anniversary and co-hosted a food challenge on Instagram that combined a Disney bounding with dishes from specific movies. Despite pressure from company officials as well as politicians in the tourism industry,

no one knows when visitors will be able to return to Disneyland. Even so, fans know that the magic of Disneyland can continue as long as to quote Walt Disney, there is imagination left in the world. No, I would rather you didn't use your imagination. You need to come here and pay for us to use your imagination for you. Walt Disney prefers you to simply use your mind palace to visit Disneyland. We've done all the imagining for you. That's why you pay to come here. It's an adjustment, but we all have to make adjustments right now, Simpson said.

I can't wait to get on the Indiana Jones Adventure Ride again. But until things return to normal, I'll just have to keep the magic of Disneyland alive at home. I've never been to Disneyland. Maybe it's a completely transformative experience. I'm sure it's pretty fun. I'm sure you'd have a fun day. Have you been, Lucy? I haven't been to Disneyland, no. Okay.

Oh, look, like, as theme parks go, it's clearly top of the heap. You know? I mean, I have no idea what the crazy, gigantic, theme parks in like Abu Dhabi and stuff are like where they've built entire new islands to build like massive infrastructure of water parks and stuff on I bet that's cool but also I don't want to wait the lines but while we're talking about theme parks let's learn about one of the most magical countries in the world. The Netherlands.

This is from the website Dutch News.NL. 10 things you didn't know about the afteling theme park. So this is obviously not news. This is just a friend of mine... Funny to us? Yes. Maybe two a handful of listeners. A friend of mine who had parents Dutch, she was talking about, I don't even know why this came up, but she was just showing me pictures from this absolutely horrifying Dutch theme park that, yeah, this article is great. It just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Okay, so these are some of the ten things you didn't know about the Efteling theme park.

A certain other magical kingdom may be the happiest place on earth, but the Netherlands homegrown Efteling has been going strong since 1952. Located in the town of Ketchule, the iconic Dutch theme park first opened its stores to the public on 31st of May 1952. As it approaches its 65th anniversary, just like Disneyland, Brandon Hartley lists some wild things you may not know about this, World of Wonders, Walt's inspiration? A longstanding an oft-repeated legend claims that Walt Disney visited

Effeling in the early 1950s and was inspired to break ground on his own theme park in California. How much of this is true and how much is fantasy? Who cares? Well, the initial conceptual drawings for Disneyland date back to at least 1948 and Uncle Waltz Muses didn't hail from any one place. His park drew inspiration from everything including Los Angeles's Griffith Park to Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen. However, there's at least a small possibility that he may have made it to Efteling, so we're not even guaranteeing he went now. He maybe was there?

Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. Who could say? Walt and his family taught the Netherlands at least once in the 50s, but according to this old news clip he was more focused on visiting the studio that was handling the Dutch dubbing for his company's films. So the first factoid about this is like, Didn't it inspire Walt Disney? No! No one can prove he ever even went here. And I would also contend that the happiest place on earth for me would not be Disneyland,

but in fact, just me going in sight unseen into the studio handling the Dutch dubbing for Disney films. Just wandering the halls. To be a fly on the wall listening to them try and come up with the Dutch localized version of the names for everything just be like, we should call this dwarf Ruege and Flufel. Number two, a t Titan among theme parks. While Disneyland Paris continues to be something of a turpidogue among European theme parks, Efteling has definitely come into its own over the past few decades. Disney's Imagineers even allegedly consulted the park's creative staff while they were plotting the construction of their resort in France back in the 80s. Yeah, we all saw how well

that went. Since opening in 1952, Efteling has attracted over 120 million visitors. It's open year-round and hopes to average 5 million visitors annually by 2020. Well, I'm betting that didn't work out. I'm so sorry. To meet those numbers, it's been continually adding increasingly sophisticated attractions like Baron 1898. What? What is that? What is that? And a elaborate... May I please go on, Baron 1898? New. An elaborately themed dive coaster that opened in 2015. Number three, a new realm of fantasy.

The park's next major attraction is set to debut this summer as part of Efteling's 65th Jubilee. Dubbed Symbolica, Palace of Fantasy, it will feature 34 trackless carriages that will propel riders through an enchanting world along with Pardos the happy good-lucky gesture that serves as Efteling's mascot. Take that Mickey. He's just wandering the the streets of Efteling pickpocketing. So I'm throwing custard pies at heavily pregnant women. So I'm throwing custard pies at heavily pregnant women. Entertaining the children with comedic blackface performance. Oh, he's awful. He's awful. He's awful. Look at him. He's terrible. He's terrible. He's terrible. He's terrible. He's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. He's th. He's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's st. st. st. st. the the the st. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi's blackface performance. Oh, he's awful! He's awful! Look at him, he's terrible!

Every single creature you hear named this article, I urge you to Google if you're in a position to do it, because they are all horrifying. Oh, I hate him. So you know, you know like what the, what the costumed version of Mickey Mouse looks like when Mickey Mouse has been rendered in three dimensions. Imagine that, but the face was humanoid instead of cartoon mouse. Yeah, he's like a human Mickey Mouse with a mini mouse-esque girlfriend named, Pardine.

Next fact, Ton van van Devinn, when he was only 19, this young designer managed to jumpstart his career at Eftling after one of its creative directors supposedly asked him only a single question during his job interview. Do you master perspective? Pardon? Do you master perspective? To which he, I assume, replied yes. You have the jub. You have the job.

You are now in charge of the park, 19 year old. Oh, Van de Venn when Honda become the park's most prolific designer to date and played a major role in the creation of... Just give me a second to gather myself for this, please. I gotta have like three deep breaths. He went on to play a major role in the creation of popular attractions, including Spookslot, Feita Morgana, and Drum Flukt. Drum Flukt. A portrait of him can be found in Vila Vila, the bazaar spinning madhouse that opened

in 1996. Just picturing the most chaotic theme park imaginable. No children permitted on spooks not. Oh. The room from the first saw is located somewhere in Eftel. No children permitted on Spooks Mart. The room from the first saw is located somewhere in Efteling. Next fact, who? If you grew up outside of Western Europe, which I did, you're probably unfamiliar with several of the magical characters that can be found throughout Efteling and Spooksy-Boles, its famous 15-acre fairy tale forest. You

just set children loose in this 15-acre forest. They never come back. See you in one month. Well you can enjoy recreation of the moments from famous stories like Snow White and Seven Dwarfs. They appear alongside Langneck and Holy Bowly Geals. The former is a character from The Six Servants, one of the brothers Grimm's lesser-known stories. He can make his neck grow to impossible lengths in order to see across long distances. Everybody knows Lang Nick, the long neck pervert. Oh. Oh my goodness. He represents the Netherlands' favorite pastime, peeping into girls some change rooms. Uh-oh, it looks like you have been espotted by Langneck.

You must pay him $3 now. Someone Dutch is going to get so mad at us. Oh. Every night parents on their 10th floor apartment say to the kids, don't forget to close the curtains. Or you might be spotted by Lang Nick. Oh, Gies, meanwhile, is a fellow with an insatiable appetite. For children?

He can be found throughout Efteling at one of the many rubbish stations in various different guises, where he continually begs visitors to feed him their trash. This actually sounds like the happiest place on it. Oh my God, this exact same aesthetic is that comic that's just like, piss in my mouth. After you hear him cry, Bap, you're here. You'll never forget it. No. Oh, oh good. The next heading is a very European theme park, as though the things we were reading were like worldwide common occurrences. Foreign visitors might also be surprised by some of the more risque stuff that could be found in a few spots around the park.

Oh, hell yeah. The Ariel in the Spruccibles seems to have misplaced her seashell bra and appears topless. It's just a tiddy mermaid. It's a little something for daddy. A little something for papa. No matter where Langneck is in the park his head is six feet away from topless area. There's also a ziel tis threcye who hails from Brothers Grim story titled The Table The Ass and the Stick. He's a donkey that can poop gold.

A statue in his honor can be found in a square within a fairy tale forest. In exchange for a euro it'll shoot a plastic coin out of its A.S. You won't find that at Disneyland Paris. You sure won't. Probably for a good reason. Nicotine free, mostly. Okay. It's a shoe only.

And no one over the age of 14. You can have tobacco, but it must be snooze. Handing out cans of dip to all the children as they come in. Along with 20-ohan other theme parks and tourist attractions in the Netherlands, Efteling bulked up its rules against smoking earlier this spring. Visitors are no longer allowed to light up while they wait in outdoor cues, but the park hasn't stamped out smoking entirely. Visitors can still enjoy their various tobacco products in other areas like these spooky

balls, but they're encouraged to do so in designated smoking areas. This next one. Okay. We got there. They're heading a controversial cannibal. I want? I just, I just, I would, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the their, their, their, their, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, smoking, I the the the The heading a controversial cannibal. I just I would really like everybody to absorb this sentence with me. Prepare. Monsieur cannibal has drawn negative attention in recent years. He's also let loose in the spring to boss.

Good luck, children. It's accountable. Oh no. The attraction, which is similar to the mad tea party ride of the various Disney parks, features cauldrons instead of tea cups, and a statue of a stereotypical African tribes-man other scene. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Only took us like seven points to

get to the racism. Visitors spin around in the cauldrons while Monsieur cannibal, a 1966 song by the French singer Sasha distal, paws out of the riots overhead speakers. Mm-hmm. So he's gonna eat him. A reporter for the Wall Street Journal is just one the attractions naysayers. She received her first death threat after she wrote critically of the attraction in a 2014 article. I will kill you for the cannibal.

Oh. Do not speak negatively of Mr. Cannibal. And finally, quieter corners. Do not speak negatively of Mr. Canibald. And finally, quieter corners. While many Eftling visitors spend their time visiting its larger attractions and talking as many spins on the Divlig and Holland water coaster as possible, there are many corners of the park that are far more tranfle. Laughland is a quaint village, a bit off the beaten path filled with cheerful robotic characters going about their daily lives. Pardon?

Cheeful robotic characters going about their daily lives sounds so horrifying. It sounds worse than anything I've read so far. It sounds like they exist outside of, you know, even when the park's closed, they're all just... They're alive. You're in Dutch West World. Most days, it's a great place to get away from the crowds and enjoy a picnic or just a quick break while the other guests pass by on the visitor's snail-powered monorail.

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh, they don't explain that any further. Dutch technology. The Efteling Museum, which offers glimpses of everything from engineering sketches to retired animatronic characters. A few of the latter are somewhat unusual. Oh, fucking bet they are. Yep. Imagine, if they're getting death threats for criticism of Monsieur Cannibal.

I wonder who got retired. In 2014. Imagine what the retired characters are. Oh, goodness. I urge you all to just google some pictures from all of this. Truly upsetting stuff. Efteling. Podcasts. They're nature's greatest natural resource and it's important that they're harvested sustainably.

Editing, production, fart sound effects. These are all important resources from our local ecosystems. That's why we're asking you to go to Patreon. to their to. to Vista and pledge 5 US dollars a month to help support the healthy growth of a homegrown podcast like Bontavista. In exchange you'll get an extra sustainably farmed episode every week, access to our discord and a naturally pristine promo-free podcast feed.

Thank you for helping look after one of nature's most precious resources. Now on the topic of snail powered stuff. this does of course, take us to Nature Corner. Country Roawns, take me home to the place. I belong, Walter Crystal Corner. Nature Corner Robocrat sneaked my dear. Nature Corner. We got a voicemail the other day, which I think was very worthy of a Nature Corner.

Let's check it out. This is Mike Penance. We got a voicemail the other day, which I think was very worthy of a Nature Corner segment. Let's check it out. This is Mike Penance. One time in college, I woke up after a night of having fun and found the Google query do snails have sex in Safari on my phone. I don't remember why I looked it up. I've never found out the answer, and I'm never going to.

What do you guys think? Thanks. Well, Mike Penance. Uh, you gotta find out today. That was Mike Pence. That was the Mike Pence. The mic the vice president, Mike Pence. Thank you, Mr. President, sir.

Mm-hmm. Who remember when the fly landed on his head? That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Got him. So I started out trying to find out about Snails having sex. I googled things like,

And then you heard the voicemail. Then heard the voicemail. Heard the voicemail, wiped all the sweat off my brow, and said, Phew. An explanation for my Google history. So I did find out what snails do before they have sex. Snail for marriage, baby. This is from the Wikipedia entry about love darts. Oh. A love dart is a sharp, calcareous dart which some hermaphroditic glands and slugs create.

Love darts are both formed and stored internally in a dart sack. Got a big full dart sack. These darts are made in sexually mature animals only and are used as part of the sequence of events during courtship before actual mating takes place. The process of using love darts in snails is a form of sexual selection. Prior to copulation, each of the two snails or slugs attempts to shoot one or more darts into the other snail or slug. There is no organ to receive the dart.

This action is more analogous to a stabbing or to being shot with an arrow. God damn. Oh, it's like Cupid's bow and arrow. Sweet. They do look like a little harpoon. Oh. The dart does not fly through to the air to reach its target. It is fired as more of a contact shot. A contact shot being where like if you held the barrel of a gun up against somebody's torso before pulling the trigger. Yep, yep.

Firing your love dart. The love dart is not a penial stylet. In other words, this is not an accessory organ for sperm transfer. Penial stylet is what I am referring to the penis as from now on. The little dick, penial stylet. The exchange of sperm between both of the two land snails is a completely separate part of the mating progression. Nevertheless, recent research shows that the use of the dart can strongly favor the reproductive

outcome for the snail that is able to lodge a dart in its partner. Tell me about it. This is because mucus on the dart introduces a hormone-like substance that allows far more of its sperm to survive. Oh, it's literally Cupid Zaro. Yes, the big love hearts pop up over their head after they get darted. Mating begins with a courting ritual. For example, in landslides of the genus Helix, copulation is preceded by an elaborate tactile courtship. Just like on the Bachelorette.

The two snails go for a helicopter ride. Yeah that's right. They climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Will you accept this love dart? The two snails circle around each other for up to six hours, touching with their tentacles and biting lips and the area of the genital pore. Oh yeah. As the snails approach mating, hydraulic pressure builds up in the blood sinus surrounding the organ housing the dart. Telling me. Each snail maneuvers to get its genital pore in the best position. Fellers it do be like that, right? Close to the other snail's body.

Then, when the body of one snail touches the other snail's genital paw, it triggers the firing of the dart. And guys, don't worry, that happens to everyone. Happens all the time. Don't worry about it. As soon as I'm a compliment. The darting can sometimes be so forceful that the dart ends up buried in the internal organs. Oh my God, it can also...

It can also happen that a dart will pierce the body or head entirely and protrude on the other side. What a way to go. After both snails have fired their darts, the snails exchange sperm. It's beautiful. That's nice. Thank you and here's some of mine. And there you go. A snail does not have to fire a dart the very first, because the first mating is necessary

to trigger the process of dart formation. Oh, so they're like vampires. You have to be darted first. process of dart formation. Oh, so they're like vampires. Yes. You have to be darted first. And then you can dart anyone you want. Yeah. And then they can grow their own darts. Buried behind a wall.

We have to kill the head snail. Once a snail has made it, it fires a dart before some, but not all subsequent mating mating. A snail often mates without having a dart to use because it takes time to create a replacement dart. You have not finished crafting dart. The dart is shot with some variation in force and with considerable inaccuracy such that one third of darts fired either fail to penetrate the skin or miss the target altogether. Come on, learn to control your aim. Snails have only very simple visual systems and cannot see well enough to use vision to help aim the darts.

They're just darting by feel. Just darting blind, you know? Darring in the dark. Yeah, they like to dart with the lights off, these guys. So then they do their exchanging of spurms the spirms the spirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms theirms the dark. Yeah, they like to dart with the lights off, these guys. So then they do, they're exchanging of spurns. But wait, I hear you ask. What about the much hornier slime creature? I'm hoping to catch up with him for a beer at some point. Hey! The leopard slug. So this is from Wired. And I think a lot of the, a lot of the stuff here is fairly interchangeable between slugs and snails except for the shell part, you know? So this is from a column in wiered about weird animals. Slugs are hermaphrodites.

Not only does it all but guarantee that any two sexually mature slugs can come together to make babies. It also means that when they do mate, both parties can end up fertilized. Imagine. Imagine. In fairness though, the big disadvantage to hermaphrodotism, hermaphroditism, is that it's more energetically costly to produce both eggs and sperm as opposed to one or the other. So when two leopard slugs find each other, they make their way up a tree and onto a branch. Here they curl around each other and ramp up their release of slime. This appears to be a different formulation than your average leopard slug goo, according to Ben Rousin, a limecologist, and that is a slug scientist, from the National Museum of Wales. The pair will then descend on a slimy rope.

Quote, that rope of slime that they hang from can be very strong, Rosen says. It's strong in the moment, but also when it dries out. It's a fairly tough structure, really. Still curled around each other, hanging and gently twirling, towards freedom. The slugs simultaneously unravel their alien blue penises,, thes, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, theirsesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesese. theirse. theirse. theirse. theirse. theirse. theirse. theirse. theirse. theirse. their, and theirse. their. their, and sl-s, and sl-up. their, and sl-up. their, and their, and their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. And, and their. their. And, and their. And, and slii. theirse. theirse. theirse. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thog, thog, the. thog, the. thoge. the. the. their sn. their sn. theards freedom. The slugs simultaneously unravel their alien blue penises, which come out of the right side of their head. Pardon? They do this with hydrostatic pressure, pumping fluids into the penis to enlarge it more and

more. The slugs use the same method for controlling their famous eye stalks. Quotes. These penuses, they start off small, but within a few moments you can see just how big they are. They become almost bigger than the slugs themselves. Wow, grow it's. The penises are very mobile. It's almost as if they've got a mind of their own. Ain't that the truth, fellas? They're quite complicated structures, and they move continuously and can change their form quite a lot.

The old shapeshifting things. I really don't like that. No? I think I do. The penises... And you make it into the key from Kingdom Heart. Oh boy. The penises wrap around each other and they form this kind of chandelier configuration which is very strange with flaps around the edge with a frill arm. And that can pulsate up and down and in and out as the slugs are rotating around. All the while, liquid is pumping into the hugging penises. They're pushed out by the fluid

inside the body, but these things are so big that I think they take up most of the fluid that's inside, Rosen says. So the rest of the slug looks drained or flattened while all of the fluid is in the genitalia. Imagine having a giant dick but your whole body gets mummified while you're using it. You just turn it to like an empty skin suit with your massive erectedness. Honey, it's time transfer of sperm begins. And when everyone is sufficiently fertilized, the slugs will haul themselves back up the rope, although sometimes one partner will simply drop to the ground. The male, I'm like, right?

That's me, all sweaty. No, you go right on back up, I'm just gonna... I was gonna lie down for a minute. Regardless, one of them will then consume the slime rope to recoup the resources lost in excreting it. I think I've seen that before. That's the beauty of nature, you know, pure efficiency. Pure efficiency. So what gives with such an elaborate method of mating? It may have been that bigger penises and leopard slugs granted their own as better reproductive success and therefore better chances of passing down their genes for larger genitals.

Well, it's what it's all about. Damn, they got that thing on them. That's what you did recently, right, Theo? Pass down some jeans for larger genitals? Yeah, yeah. The leopard slug penis got so big, in fact, that its owner has to rely on the laws of physics to unfurl it. Quote, I think the gravity is essential to be able to get the penises out of the body, says Rosin. I think it would be impossible for them to mate on a flat surface in the way that they do. Thus, the slugs opt to do their dangled dance of love. This strategy, however,

would seem tend to overestimate the extent to which slugs are eaten by other animals because they are fairly disgusting. And they mean morally. These nasty little freaks. Hanging get the taste out of my mouth for hours. You know you don't have mouthwash on you. It's just... I hate it when I've finished exchanging sperm and I'm like, now I gotta eat it all. Hey, you're gonna eat that gum rope? You want to split a cum rope?

Sizzling cum rope for two. Just doing the lady in the trip. Oh. And that's about all I have on snakes. Snails fucking. Except for, uh, this isn't about having sex, but do you want to hear the sound of a snail eating some lettuce? I really don't, but go on. Here we go. This is from a TV show called Brit Lab, which is as gross as it sounds.

You're going to be able to tell why it's called Brit Lab as soon as I start playing this audio for you. Now just one more animal to go, the snail. This one's moving. Like this one's actually, he's looking quite dynamic. So I'm going to move it in. Now, he's on his lettuce. It's probably happier, so let's.

And breathe in. You can actually hear it eating. That's fantastic. That's the best thing I've ever heard. It's really the best thing you've ever heard. That's the best thing you've ever heard. Now you may say, well that's one disgusting sounding slug, but I would just say that's just how British people sound. Oh boy. What a trip, what a journey we've been on this week folks.

Really learned something. Learned a lot about the most disgusting creatures in the animal kingdom and then when we were finished hearing about the Dutch, we moved on to snails. Well that's it for us folks. Thank you very much for us, thi. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi th. th. that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to theee. the. the. then when we were finished hearing about the Dutch we moved on to snails. Well that's it for us folks. Thank you very much for joining us this week. It's great to have Theo back after he's eaten his own comrope and had a baby. We welcome your beautiful baby to the world. Have fun squeezing more farts out of him I guess. I will. I will. Alright, everybody. We'll see you next week.

Enjoy squeezing out your own farts. Bye. Bye. Bye. you