Boonta Vista - EPISODE 172: Level 99 Crayfish

Episode Date: October 25, 2020

Theo and Ben are in mourning for their favourite shortform video platform Quibi (2020-2020), learning about an earthworm-based mind control technology, and putting forth the suggestion that every single podcaster should be in jail, no exceptions. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Buntavista episode 170-till. We are here in what your dip-shit cousin believes the Bureau of Meteorology to be. Due to budgetary cuts and scheduling issues, there's only the two of us left to progress the Communist Climate Agenda, but we make do. I'm Theo. It's my job to get both the weather and climate forecasts wrong, because they're basically the same thing. Because I work smart, not hard, I've developed a script to turn horoscopes into weather forecasts. Camber is a Virgo, Brisbane is a Sagittarius, Sydney is a cancer, and Melbourne is such a Gemini. And it leaves me all afternoon to make up a number for the estimated temperature rise by 2050, so let's say 3.4 degrees, and develop a deep and consistent library of backing evidence

and studies to support it. Also with me is my layabout son-in-law, Ben. He's not much good for anything, but I do let him back calibrate all the temperature records going back into the 19th century to better fit our devious aims. He also gets to do the MS paint weather warnings which he really seems to enjoy. How you, Ben? So good. My favorite thing is taking a map that sort of highlights the likelihood of dangerous thunderstorm behavior, going into MS paint very crudely drawing a rectangle on there and then putting in some very badly scaled text that says this storm is very dangerous next to it.

But it seems like just about anybody could do that, but you need to know how to find the rectangle with the border. Mm-hmm. That's true. That's true. Your primary color to white and your secondary color to black. And you'd think maybe this is something we could have developed a template for, perhaps, a graphic designer to give us some assets for Photoshop or something similar, but it's that rustic sort of... It's the handcrafted love that goes into them.

Now I notice, you didn't actually say what Sydney's Star sign was, you just accurately described it. Oh, yes, no, that's that's. That's. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's described it. Oh yes, no, that's right. So with that one I just roll a dice, basically. Sure, yeah, that makes sense. Oh, because their weather doesn't matter. And the place doesn't matter. And frankly, I'm tired of hearing about it. Awful.

I mean, what does it do for us? I don't know. I'm really not sure what what what what we that we that we tha what tha tha tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, thi, thi, that, that, that, tho, tho, I'd tho, I'd tho, I'd th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, I'd th, I'd th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that's, that's, that's, that's just just just, that's that that that thiii. that sure what we're getting from Sydney at this point. Probably some arts happens there maybe, but at what cost? Hmm. Hmm. It's been really hard doing this job, honestly. I've got to say, I've gone back, you know, to like 1950, and I've knocked 10 degrees off every high temperature.

It's a lot of work. There's so many numbers, but it's worth it. It is worth it for... Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, our aims must be pretty clear because, I mean, why else we're doing this? I did remember this when I came in the other day and I'm like, this is why we're orchestrating a grand conspiracy to fake climate reports. And it's right there.

You and I, every winter we're going to both Antarctica, Greenland, anywhere with an ice shelf, and we're taking a really big chisel, we're shaving a bunch off that. Yeah, I'm running my, my hair dryer over the nearest glacier I can find. I took a bunch of hot water bottles to the Arctic Circle. I also lit some of it on fire. And it's all worth it because. Because. Yeah.

And we're pretty clear on that. Yep. And that's, it's very obvious why someone would put all these hours in. Speaking of something that someone put a lot of hours into, Theo, what's the ideal length of a thing to watch for you? Oh, I would say, 30 to 40 seconds. Right. Okay. Yeah, and that's probably true for most people I would say. But say, you know, you were like, hey, I'm going to watch something while I sit down to eat dinner. You know, perhaps an episode of a television show. Yeah, sure, sure. Now they go for, typically something like 22 to 58 minutes. Yeah, somewhere in that vicinity. Yeah, to get a

like a narrative arc going, you're of, I'm a very slow eater, so I'm more of a HBO dinner guy. You're looking maybe even at a classic sort of 43 minute episode. Yeah, an X-Files sort of dearly. Yeah, sure. Now, imagine if you ate a little bit faster, and you had replied 22 to 23 minutes, the short form television episode length, they would have given me a great opportunity to scream at you and say, no, too long. I want half that. I want less than half of that. And that was essentially the business model of a little app called, and I hope I'm saying this correctly, quibby. Quibby. I have been saying quiby. entirely sure what that implies, but I have been this whole time until today when I was reading an article where they stressed it was a more of a quibby situation. It doesn't exist anymore.

Or at least it shortly will no longer exist. This was... How would you describe it? It's like a... It's like... Mm-hmm. Yep. So it's a service like Netflix.

But it's all original programming, and it is designed by someone who's like core belief is that everyone in the age of 40 has had their mind so shattered by the internet that they can only watch things in like eight-minute chunks and that they only watch things on their phones. Which is weirdly the one thing that they got right. It is the one true part of all of this because everything everything else involved with Quibby is from the outset just to complete a non-starter right, I mean, a new streaming service, who's to say we don't already have too many streaming services,

none of the things that you like are on there. Mm, none of the things that you know are on there at all. Yeah. It's sort of got the vaguest of name recognition going. Just, just awful idea from start to finish, which of course is why it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, thi., thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, to thi, thi, thi, thi. from from start to finish which of course is why it was it raised almost two billion dollars. Yep yep. Can I throw some numbers at you really quickly? Oh please I love numbers. So the platform Quibby they produced a bit over 175 shows, and of those shows, they produced over 8,500 episodes. Can you name one of those shows for me? Just the name of the show. There's one.

Um. Um. Uh, Anna Kendrick's Toilet Parade. Oh yeah, no, that one was great. Sorry, yeah. I can describe one, the golden arm one with, I think the lady from Westworld. She's got a golden arm, but she's too attached to the golden arm or something? I didn't really look into it.

And it makes her sick. There's something on Twitter about it, which is effectively the only way that anybody has consumed any of Quibby's media at this point. Despite their generous 90-day free trial offering that no one took them up on. Well sadly, it's God. This is an article for Business Insider. Quibby's founder reportedly told staffers to listen to a song from the movie Trolls as he announced they would be losing their jobs. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep. And I'm enjoying that that's his cultural toucest as well. We'll get to all everything else packaged up in that. But hey you know that classic

movie Trolls? The animated Trolls, the animated film Trolls, although when I posted this article in the Discord in our chat, Andrews like, oh it is quite a good song, I assume he has watched the movie Trolls a million times because he's, well, one, he's got children and also two, he's just a very strange man. He's diseased in his brain. Quimby's founder, Jeffrey Katzenberg, told employees on a call on Wednesday to listen to a song from the movie Trolls to help lift their spirits during the company's shutdown, according to a report from the Wall Street Journal.

The company announced on Wednesday that it would shut down just six months people familiar with the matter to the journal that employees would be laid off and paid a severance. According to the journal Katzenberg advised employees on the call to listen to the song, Get Back Up Again, performed by Anna Kendrick, the soundtrack of the 2016 animated film, trolls. It's just somehow a movie that they have the rights to? Is this a sort of like a, they're just like scrolling through the, flickering the ref ref ref ref ref ref ref ref of the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their th of th of th of th of th of th of th of thi thi, thi. Is thi. Is thi. Is thrace. thi. Is toliph. Is tolip. Is tolip. Is tolip. Is to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is. their, is. I I, is. I, is. Isn. Isn. Isn. Is their, is. It. It's, their, their, their, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the song, to their, their, their, their, thethey have the rights to? Is this a sort of like a, they're just like scrolling through the, flicking through the refidex of things that they actually have a license for and going, oh, well, that's one.

I mean, my understanding is they don't have the rights to anything, like outside of their own original content. Yeah. And this man is in his 60s as well well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as well, as th, as, as, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, think maybe this is just... And this man is in his 60s as well, so it's very, very strange that this is his thing of like, hey, what's like a current, like a nice sort of pick-me-up song. Yeah, very, very odd. Quibby's goal was to create short-form shows that were specially formatted for smartphones and the go. Streaming service raised US 1.75 billion dollars from investors like Walmart, PepsiCo, Anheuser Bush, Inbev and others ahead of its launch in April but failed to attract viewers. In an open letter, Kattenberg and Quibby CEO Meg Whitman said Quibby wasn't

succeeding because of the coronavirus pandemic and because the idea itself wasn't strong enough to justify a standalone streaming service. Yep. Yep. Uh-huh. So people are classically not consuming any media at the moment due to the coronavirus. I can't remember the last thing I did due to the coronavirus. I'd say most of my time at the moment is just taken up by coronavirus and coronavirus related activities. Yeah, and it's definitely most of that is sitting on a couch thinking about coronavirus,

which isn't there was something I could watch on my phone to pass the time. But there simply isn't. No. I'd say that's sort of been his whole argument, right, is that coronavirus did, which, for for the reasons we just outlined, seems seems to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I, th. And, th. And, th.. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toe. too too too toe too toe toe toe toe too toe toe too th th thi. thi. reasons we just outlined seems very silly but his belief is that because people aren't doing things they don't have the downtime between things the waiting in queue for coffee and yeah the time that you would watch an episode of your favorite original quivy program so this is a quote from New York Times article from May this year. The service which offers entertainment and news programs in

five to ten minute chunks was designed to be watched on the go by people who are too busy to sit down and stream TV shows or movies. It came out when millions of people were not going anywhere because of stay at home orders across the country. I attribute everything that has gone wrong to coronavirus. To get back into the video the the the the the the the the thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the thoen thi their their the, tho tho tho tho their tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. the, the, the. the. I theeeeateateeeeat theeeat thoooooooooooooo. the. the. the. the. the. th country. I attribute everything that has gone wrong to coronavirus to get back in the video interview, everything that we own it. Hmm, that kind of sounds like he doesn't. And it rules that this guy who has had one of the daftest ideas to get billions of dollars worth of venture capitalists funds, will go to his grave believing this as well.

It's amazing. He doesn't it be to a reflection of this in any capacity. Oh God, it must rule to have that brain. Just not reflection whatsoever? No reflection. For some reason, I feel like I'm somehow responsible for the failure of Quibbic. Like you could have helped out maybe a bit more. You could have watched the Golden Arm show. Yeah. My hope, my belief was that there would still

be many in-between moments while sheltering in place, Mr. Canterburg said. There are still those moments, but it's not the same. It's out of sick. And that really is where life happens, isn't it? It's the in-between moments. That's thr the the the the the the in the in the in the in the in th. It's the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in between. It's th. It's th. It's the in between. It's the in-in-in-in-in the in between. It's the in between the in between the in between the in between the in between the in between the in between the in between the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in the in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-m. their their-m. their-moome-m. th-m. th-m. M. th-m. th-m. m. th-m. m. mc. mc. mc. m. mc. m. m. the-m. m. m. a bit of dialogue from the movie before sunrise. Many people who downloaded Quimby had a simple question, why can't I watch it on TV? The response, Mr. Katzenberg and Ms. Whitman have backpedaled on their original commitment to a smartphone only app so that took them a little while because they were like, no, no, we absolutely will not. There's for watching on your phone. And everyone th and everyone th and everyone th and everyone th and everyone, th and everyone, th and everyone, th and everyone, th and everyone, th, th, but th, but th, but th, but th, but th, th, th, th, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Many, th, th, thi, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooom. Many, many thooooooom. Many, tooom. Many people, tooom. Many people too, to no, no. We absolutely will not. There's no reason to put this on a TV. This is for watching your phone.

And everyone was like, yeah, but what if I could just like airplay it to my TV and I can just watch it there? Well, this is not TV then, it's quibby. It's they're quick bites. It's not television. This reminds me of how for ages. I I I I I I I I I I I I, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their to their their their the, to their their to their, to their, to their to the., to to to to to to to to steria, but I could be wrong, but there is an Australian sort of digital youth media website called Goat. Sort of a junky pedestrian-style website, but for the first six months to one year, they were just like, there is no desktop version of this website.

It's only for looking at your mobile phone. Like, which it kind of makes sense like when I was working pedestrian, it was something like 90% of people would be reading an article on their phone, 10% will be doing it on a desktop. But they just absolutely refuse to, even though, like you've worked with CSS before, setting up a website that does both layouts is like literally no work. It takes no effort. But I would say on the flip side that when I'm doing web development, I do not want to do anything. That is true. If I can avoid one thing I've made my day and my life measurably easier. I forgot as well that their temporary solution to the problem was that when you

went to the desktop version of the solution to the problem was that when you went to the desktop version of the website, it would present like a picture of a phone with the mobile version of the website inside it. It's very, very strange. Oh, that rules. Okay. So, you know, like this whole idea on the face of it is very fucking stupid, right? It's patronizing to young people. It doesn't even really understand how people engage with things.

Like heaps people watch Netflix on their phone while they're going to work or whatever. They will just like watch a bit of it and then pause. And then pick it up to the to'cthink the success of the switch has been that you can, you know, pick it up on the bus, hit the power button at any time, it closes, and when you're ready to go again, you hit the power button, it's back exactly where it was. You just keep going. And that's not a concept that people find difficult to execute or understand. Yeah, but apparently they thought they needed two billion dollars to try. And tho. And tho. And tho. And tho. And their tho, their, tho, tho, their, thi, thi, thi, their, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. toge, toge, toge, toge, th. tho, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, they thought they needed $2 billion to try and solve that problem that's not a problem. What if my gap is not the size of a quibby?

Well then you've got to watch half a quibby. What if I've got a point of a quibby or 1.5 of a quibby? Then you're five basically. I don't believe we can define time in the absolute fundamental units of Quibby. Have you seen that how... I think there's some wiggle room. Like the website medium will give you an estimate of how long it will take to read it? Yes. And you're like, nearly invariably every article that's on there is between like three and seven minutes.

Yes. And it's like the difference of going, oh, no, no, this one's a six minute read. I've only got four. It's so silly. I won't be reading that. Such an odd thing to include. This has been critiquing UX the podcast. So, you know, you might look at this and you might say who would invest money in this. Who would be an investor in the platform slash app quibby?

I would say probably just the most gormless worms on the face of the planet, just disgusting people. Horrible. Filthy people whose idea of fun is to just squeeze sour mash onto their genitals all day log, raving idiots. This is an investment opportunity for absolute chumps, credulous robs, and it turns out one of the investors in this was every single taxpaying Australian. So this is from the Australian Financial Review. The Future Fund invested about $50 million in Quibby, a much hyped phone video streaming service found upon movie mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg that said this week it would shut down after opening for just six months. The Future Fund's investment was made through Green Spring

Associates, a venture capital firm based in Maryland. It represented a small slice of the $4.3 billion the government owned investor is allocated to venture capital. One of the fund successful investments was Atlassian. Cool, so we also are to blame for Jira. Yes, that's a nice thought. That's our fault. It's good to know that. As Quibby winds down, it'll be receiving capital back. A future fund the future fund that sometimes investments don't work and some that's a true the future today. Qibby hasn't spent all the money it raised and will return some to investors, meaning the Future Fund hasn't lost all of its $50 million. So if you're not quite across, this Future Fund is a, what would you call that? It's sort of like a sovereign wealth fund that's owned by Australia,

so it's taxpayer money that is used for various investments and someone involved in that said, you know what, I like the sound of this quibby. I could really go in some quibby action right now. You guys heard about this quibby? I think it's going to be the next big thing. Unfortunately, it was not. It's sad to say. So now we're just going to have to watch watching them again from the start the other day.

It's good, it's, oh fuck, I just enjoy a show that's dense with jokes. And it's just wall-to-wall joke. Look, you could, I would say a more successful idea would be to set up a Plex server. You can do it in, like, the servers that they host Mygov or whatever, and just put all of Harvey Birdman on that and give everyone in Australia a login. That's a great idea actually. It's 11 minutes long, I think. They're like 10 or 11 minutes, right?

Yeah, there's about that. The classic Adult Swim cartoon length. Oh my god, I finally just fucking found a website with a quote that I really wanted, and then now I have to get a fucking free trial for Vulture to read it. No, thank you. Uh-uh. Well, that was going to be really interesting, but there's no way I could summarize it. So, um, let's move on from that. unnex. Unless I've got it from this other website. there told. this year. So this is from this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from thi. this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from this is from from th. thi. thi. the week. the week. the week. the week. the week. the week. the week. the week. the week. the week. th. th. th. th. th. th. this is from th. this is from this is from this is from this is from from this is from this is from the week. Vulture on Monday published a detailed report on Quibby, the mobile-centered streaming service that devised its programming in a small chunks and had a disappointing launch earlier this year, include some interviews with the folks in charge, including CEO Meg Whitman, who despite being the head of a streaming platform apparently doesn't even like

TV that much. Cool. Yep. I'm not sure I'd classify myself as an entertainment enthusiast, Whitman said when she's when when when she she she she's when she's watching on TV, asked if she has any favorite shows, she responded, Grant on the History Channel. It's about President Grant. Oh, it rules. These people are monsters. They're absolutely, they're not, they didn't crawl out of the same primordial ooze as we did. No, it was. They came out of the bad ooze. There was two puddles of ooze. They came for the bad one. And really, they don't, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, it, it, it, it's th, it's about, it, it's about, it, it's, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, it's, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the the the the the the the the the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their th. It's about, th. It's about, their th. It's about, their their their, their, their their their their their their their their ooze. There was two puddles of ooze. They came for the bad one and really, don't, we share more DNA with a banana than these

fucking weirdos. It's so traveling to me that like, $2 million, just as an amount of money is an extraordinary amount of cash. And they're making decisions about this money based on like never having had a Netflix longer into their life or anything like that just being like oh it's the History Channel sometimes. You know what that reminds me of is is probably what one month ago the Spotify CEO came out and was like yeah we know that you know artists are doing it tough

there's no live show, like money coming in, no merchandise, all that sort of stuff, they're really just going to have to start releasing more albums. Oh my god, I saw that. You just got to constantly be releasing music. New music, which I'm sure no one's thought of before. We're going, hey, you know how it takes us two years to make an album? What if we did one every two weeks? It's so fucking bad. And you just go like, well, hang on, maybe why don't you pay them? And they won't have to.

But then Spotify won't be able to generate huge amounts of money if they have to pay the artist properly. It you do have, it's one of those sort of, ooze wealth redistribution things. It's just, I think, every now and then, the enormity of how much everything will be ruined, specifically by the actions of like a handful of venture capitalists, makes me very, very sad. It's very sad, isn't it? Just the total destruction of culture as we know it. Speaking of spineless little grubs,

it's time for an installment of Nature Corner. And that's where I'd play the theme song if I could figure out how to set up my computer to do that. Beautiful, we won't be doing that. No. But just imagine what it't be doing that. No. But just imagine what it'd be like if it was playing. This is from researcher Ivan Maximov from Australia's own Swinborn University writing for the conversation in an article entitled, Weavon-Maxmove from Australia's own Swinborne University writing for the conversation in an article entitled, We Vibrated Earthworms to to learn about safely connecting

human brains to computers. Makes sense so far. So I saw this, uh, well I think you dropped a Gizmoto link to this in the chat. Yeah, and I just want to be clear here, I'm not actively browsing Gizmoto. That is a site for perverts. I'm just, I mean, you were on there at some point to get this. I think it was from Twitter, which is a fine site to me. That's all right, that's reasonable.

So the conversation, they basically, you just have to credit it to the conversation you can republish any conversation on your website or whatever, so lots of websites to this from the conversation, the two Gizmoto, with that same headline, the original headline it was published on, makes it sound like Gizmoto did this? That like, you know how all these digital media outlets will be like, we road-tested the new Tesla Model Y or whatever, but instead it's this time they're just like, we fucked up some earthworms just to see what would happen. Anyway, this story goes as follows.

This year, my colleague Andre Pototsky and I were awarded the Ig Noble Prize in physics for our experimental work involving vibrating living earthworms. The Ig Noble prizes are awarded each year to recognize scientific research that's not only thought-provoking, but also comical or unusual in nature. Imagine if you were doing some completely serious, straight-faced work, which also just happened to involve vibrating earthworms to learn about safely connecting human brains to computers, and those motherfuckers from the Ignoble Prize call you up and being like, hey, we heard about your ridiculous horse shit. It's the science prize for dip shits. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their theirical or their theirical or theirical or theirical or theirical or theirical theirical theirical or theirical or theircical or their ccical or their ccical or their ccical or their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. It's ccical, thi ce come thi come comecuical thucucucooomical thecucooomical thecooomical thecooomical theeeecooomical thucoooom. th. theeeeeeeee cunecu. th. ers from the Ignoble prizes call you up and being like, hey, we heard about

your ridiculous horse shit. It's the science prize for dipshits. Would you like to come and accept your award? It's sort of like, I feel, you know, with the Razzie's, where like, oh, it's sort of like a, um, it's a weird thing of pride to get a Razzie. Yeah, and like the ones that go up up up and accept it or whatever, there's a sort of element of being like, ah, you're a good sport, you know, you're a good guy. But then occasionally they'll sort of accept it angrily.

Like the speech they give just has a weird subtext to it. We're just like, oh, you were better off ignoring th like 95% of the actors do when this happens. Ivan continues, at work made people laugh and then think. At face value, it was simply two researchers observing a bunch of worms jiggling on a loudspeaker. It does seem like that. Yep. From these observations, however, we've discovered the potential for a new, safer approach to linking the human brain with computers. First, we sedated earthworms in alcohol to relax their muscles. We then vibrated them on a loudspeaker and used laser light to observe ripples on the

surface of each worm. Just a regular Friday night. How did we know that you could sedate earthworms in alcohol? Have we been dipping earthworms into various things like giving earthworms to CB to see if they have any weird unstructural thinking patterns? We dropped him in some THC tincture and this worm has just completely straightened itself out. It's just a perfect line now. What the fuck?

Such ripples are known as Faraday waves. In nature, frogs create these waves on the water surface to attract mates. Faraday waves can also be seen on a vibrating liquid drop when the vibrations become intense enough to make the liquid surface unstable. Earthworms consist mostly of water. And that holds out from my observation of an earthworm. They're quite wet. They're a very, very wet creature. I think 80% water, 20% skin. And 1% worm, baby. So we expected a sedated worm to vibrate similarly to a water drum.

That checks out as well. When we switched the loudspeaker on, the whole worm moved up and down. But when we increased the volume to above the Faraday instability level, Faraday waves appeared on the worm's surface, just as we were expecting. Incredible, not a cell phone in sight, just vibing. I can't imagine this is a great time for the worm. It's important to note, even though these nonlinear ripples are, quote, unstable, this doesn't mean they behave in a completely chaotic way.

In fact, Faraday waves can, brackets after much trial and error, be programmed to behave in a certain way. And then there's great subheading here, but why would we do this? I don't think. Look, great research doesn't need a purpose, I think. That's so true. Discovery for the sake of discovery. Yeah, it's enough to want to vibrate a worm that's been sedated and alcohol on a loudspeaker. I don't think you need a grand purpose. It might end up in being important in the invention of Wi-Fi 2 or something. But I mean, what if they did have a specific purpose in mind

and that specific purpose was incredibly ominous. Well I can't imagine that could happen. Nerve impulses let nerve cells communicate with one another by moving through the nerve fiber or axon. Past research has hypothesized nerve impulses move not only as electrical signals but also as sound waves which humans can't hear. We also believe this is the case. Oh, they're very pro-sound wave in your brain stance. Yeah, there are two camps in the scientific world and these guys are soundies as we call them. Waivers. Sound and vibrations can both move through human skin, bones and tissue without causing damage. Not mine.

That's true. This is how medical ultrasound imaging is done. Ultrasound simply refers to sound waves with frequencies higher than humans' upper audible limit. Sound waves can also form solitons. These are waves that move for long distances and pass by each other without any deformation occurring. They keep their shape. Water waves and can can move solitons as this video shows. And I'd love to show you that video but I simply can't. Okay, but I hear you ask, what about the worms? Mm-hmm. And, yep, that's where we get to the point.

However, it's hard to detect solitines in human nerves, and that's why researchers instead investigate them in the nerves of earthworms, which are an effective model. Ah, that classic scientific shortcut. The classic analog for the human body. We can't always get a human brain, but as we've known for decades and decades, a perfectly normal analog is a pile of earthworms.

Just pointing at a pile of worms and be like, this is basically you. Another great subheading here. This is your brain on no drugs whatsoever. Could ultrasound vibrations transmit thoughts? If future research is able to confirm nerve impulses do in fact move through nerve fibers as solitons, our finding of Faraday waves in vibrating worms becomes significantly more important. Okay, so I see now why they've really hitched their wagon to this particular horse. Because otherwise they were just fucking with some worms. We would reason. We would hate to hear that nerve impulses in fact do not move through nerve fibers of solitons because that means we've

spent the last five years of our lives vibrating worms on loudspeakers for no reason whatsoever. The day after they published thisir research, another paper comes out saying that the solitaire theory is absolutely not true. Four years of jingling those worms! Now we're just the worm cranks. This may indicate potential to produce and modify nerve impulses in the brain. By externally generating ultrasound waves at different frequencies, such as on a mobile device for instance, we may be able to trigger Faraday waves of the brain's tissues. We think these should then

interact with the brain's nerve impulses and activate certain signals corresponding to quote thoughts. Hmm, and I'm enjoying that that's in quotes. Why did they put thoughts in quotes, I wonder? Some ominous different meaning of thoughts. Yeah, it's something very troubling about that. If the nerve impulses travel through the brain as solitons, they would keep their form throughout the process, and this would ensure the transmitted thought remains consistent until it's been processed by the brain. Now, again, audio medium.

So we're going to have to have to have to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe to describe this for the list. Theo, do you want to have a crack at describing the diagram that's in there? Absolutely. So we've got a sort of side-on clip art head. There's an empty cavity in there, possibly leaving room for a pile of worms. They're not specific on that. And inside that is a vibrating cell phone. Now I'm going to say that that's on the skin potentially. They've also got a zoom out so they've circled part of the cavity and they've zoomed in on this and they've given a... It's sort of a cross-section. They've got from left to right a smartphone producing vibration. They've got two little lines indicating skin and bones. Which they've just left as that. Turning to Faraday waves excited by vibrations control nerve

impulses and a little zigzag and that's going into a nerve and that's got that nerve impulse going down it. So as you can see we're basically 90% of the way there to implanting thoughts through solitons. And their summary of what is the process described in this diagram, incredible diagram, the above process would equate to quote programming human thoughts. So that's, you know, sort of maybe you have an app on your phone that forces you to buy products off Amazon. That's the sort of thing that we could do here.

They have numerous attempts to link the human brain with computers. A growing number of high-tech companies, including Elon Musk's Neuralink, plan to implant needle electrodes into human brains to achieve this. This would allow the transmission of knowledge. For example, how to fly a helicopter or speak a foreign language from a computer directly to a person's brain in mere minutes. Of course, we're still a long way off from knowing how to actually do something this complex. However, this approach is very invasive and poses significant health risks, such as inflammation of the brain tissue or brain damage. And that's why you should use

our method where vibrations control your thoughts. And we have, this is very well backed. I mean, we've got the worms thing. We did the, well, there was the worm stuff. Yeah Hey, you guys backed this up with a bunch of worms on a loudspeaker. Before we fund this project, I have one question for you. Was there anything outside of the worm jiggling? Now I am also super excited to have the guy who can't make roofs stay on cars to tripan me and place invasive needles into my brain to make me think that I want to go to Mars.

It would be so good to lose all of your childhood memories in one go during surgery just because you're a big Tesla fan. We believe our results pending further detailed research may help create a safer sound-based link between the human brain computers, one that works without unsafe needle electrodes. This is a real Tesla versus Edison kind of thing going on here. Shouting theiries and ideas. One of them electrocuting an elephant. Yep. And one of them hunting them for

sport. Recently solitones in optical fibers were used to achieve world record high data transmission. Therefore, nerve signals moving is solitone should be able to help transmit high data rates to the human brain. It just makes sense. It just adds up. Remember the worm thing we did earlier. What happens now? At present, we can't claim we have solid scientific evidence Faraday waves can interact with natural nerve impulses in earth worms. That said, our models suggest there could be a strong interaction between the two waves when the frequency of the faraday wave oscillations coincides with the frequency of the nerve impulses.

No current models can predict exactly which frequencies are needed to allow the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the to the to to the to the.. to thu. thu. to thu. to thu. to tho thoom. thu. thu. thu-upi, thoom. th happens th happens th happens th happens thoom. thoom. thoom. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu, thu, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. to to the, to thea. to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. the. the frequency of the nerve impulses. No current models can predict exactly which frequencies are needed to allow this interaction. We'd have to conduct many, many trial and error tests to potentially find this out. So far we have pitched our ideas to several neurobiology research communities and have received positive feedback overall. There are a little implication there just by the overall. Yeah, have you maybe received some negative feedback as well? And also pitching, just picking up the phone and saying hey, very well-respected neurobiology research community. So we've got this thing going on with worms on a loudspeaker and we really want to scale it up to

doing a whole inception thing with the brain. I, yeah no no thank, yep. so can we meet next. the the the the the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the, th. And, the, and, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the little, the, and also, the, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, and also, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little little little little little, the little little little little, the little little, the little, the the the the the the the the the the the the the little, the the little, the the the the the little, the the the the the the the up to doing a whole inception thing with the brain. I, yeah, no, no, thank, yep. So can we meet next, busy, busy? I hadn't named a day yet, but that's okay. We're still hoping to sort that out, some scheduling issues. Phones no longer being picked up on the other end, but that's okay. We'll work this out. Positive, positive feedback. Eventually we hope our work can be useful to high-tech companies as well as our colleagues investigating similar questions, but for now it continues. For now the research continues. So,

to my mind, these many, many trial and error tests they need to do to figure out what frequencies will start controlling earthworms is you just play a bunch of different songs on your Spotify through your loudspeaker every single day until all of a sudden the worm starts behaving weirdly. And you have to determine what counts as weird behavior for a worm. Every single day you're looking at it and saying, please leave that worm alone, that is normal earthworm behavior. I've got a little bit more nature corner for you here. This is a story from a publication called the Brussels Times. Hundreds of self-cloning crayfish invade Antwerp Cemetery.

A tale as old as time itself. Yep. We kind of didn't want to cover this initially because we thought people would be sick of stories about hundreds of self-cloning crayfish invading Antwerp cemeteries. But we just have to go back to the well for one more. You know what, I reckon this story would be like, it would be a fine story, just a perfectly normal story, I think, if it wasn't for the cemetery element. If it's hundreds of self-clining crayfish invade a local park, pretty weird. You wouldn't want to hear about it though. Yeah, a cemetery though that really sells it. The Antwerp City Cemetery, Schoonzelhoff, has been

invaded by hundreds of marbled crayfish and pools and streams around the grounds presenting a danger to local biodiversity according to the Flemish Institute for Nature and Woodland Research, or Inbo. The marbled crayfish, Procombarus Virginalis is a creature that does not exist in nature, but is thought to have been created experimentally by pet traders in Germany in the 1990s. Imagine you're just... You're just going to visit your great-great-grandfather who died in wherever Normandy is. Is Normandy in France? Normandy, I thought was in France.

Same, I think the same thing. They're basically the same country as far as I'm concerned. And you're basically chased out of the cemetery by hundreds of mutant German crayfish. I love the idea of that they were created experimentally. To me it's got undertones of like accidentally ruining your mind by smoking the experimental CIA weed in the 70s except it's accidentally ruining a cemetery by releasing experimental crayfish. Now, I don't know whether this has been done on the straight and narrow as far as I know the kind of treaties around Germany, very specific post-war about the kinds of crayfish

experiments they're allowed to perform. So I'm going to just say this is one that's been done on the down life. This crayfish, the crayfish is similar to the... Now do you reckon that's slough crayfish? Slough crayfish. Because it's skin sloughs off, right? That's the word we use. Oh, I don't know. I haven't heard of that one. Hmm. Right in if I've that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's been that's been that's that's been that's been that's been that's been that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's been done that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thiiiome thiomoomoomoomorrow thoomoomorrow thoomoomoomorrow thoomoomorrow thoomoomorrow that's been that's been that's been that's been that's been that's don't know. I haven't heard of that one.

Hmm. Right in, if I've got that wrong, found in Florida in the US, with one important difference. It is pathogenetic, which means it is able to reproduce without mating, and all offspring are female and genetically identical. Oh, it's sort of like a banana. Yes, it is sort of like a banana. This is also just like insane to me. That like I this completely, I don't understand this. I don't understand how this exists. This runs contrary

to my understanding of what animals do with DNA and such. A classic two animals. Yeah. Creates a child. Takes two to tango. Yeah, sort of a cat's cradle situation. Yeah. But no, now we just have the species of self-cloning crayfish that will eventually take over the whole world? Who knows?

I think so. That characteristic makes it easy for a large population to spring up quickly, which is what appears to have happened in to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do tango to do tango tango tangu to do tangui. tang of tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang tang ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta think so. That characteristic makes it easy for a large population to spring up quickly, which is what appears to have happened in Antwerp. Someone apparently had the animal in their aquarium and then set it free in a canal, said Kevin Shears of the Inbo. It's impossible to round up all of them. It's like trying to empty the ocean with a thimble. I feel like Kevin had a hard week week to to to Marble and crayfish have already been spotted in the Berkham area of Antwerp as well as two sightings near Luven. And if they've got that far... I am enjoying the concept of like a, when this becomes a world emergency, like a map on the European news channels,

the sort of like the Tiberium spread map from Command and Conquer. But it's marbled crayfish. And it's just like big, big marbled red and white arrows pointing from Brussels into West Germany, northern France. The crayfish spread is continuing unabated. We are at a level 3 crayfish danger today. It's got the little fire danger signs except just with one crayfish claw up at extreme. It's like colour-coded but the crayfish just gets more and more medicine. You know those like

mobile game ads where you like it shows what sort of wizard you will progress through? Start as a useless little level 99 crayfish. Often people get tired of their animals or the marbled crayfish is getting too large at home. Stick of all these with marbled crayfish. Keep it opening cupids and marbled crayfish are spilling out. You're like, oh, I've got to dump these in a canal. It must seem like a good idea to let the animals loose in nature.

It does seem like a good idea. Since a single example can clone itself and so reproduce exponentially, it represents a threat to the local environment. The crayfish eats anything it can't th th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. A their th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thoom. A threat to the local environment. The crayfish eats anything it can get hold of. It is able to travel up to 2 kilometers and dig down to a depth of 1 meter. Good Lord. The marbled crayfish is about 10 centimeters in size and crawls around both in the water and over land at night. She has said, that's how they move to other canals and pools. For the time being, there they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they thine thine thate thate. thate. thate. thate. the. thate. thate. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I try. I have try. try. try try try try try try try try try try try try try try to try to to to try to to try try try try try to the time being there is no easy way of getting rid of the growing

population. In Spain they tried some experiments with poison but that is not permitted in Belgium. In 2014 the European Union introduced a total ban on the possession trade transport production and release of the species of the wild. However since all examples of the species are identical, it would be impossible to trace back to wherever the cemetery examples came from. Incredible. Oh, it's so good. Just, what a problem to have?

You know, I just feel like in my day-to-day life, I'm not seeing crayfish, and they're not overrunning the town that I live in. Yeah, and we do live a blessed existence in that kind of regard. And I'm imagining that they're probably going to have to set up some sort of like eat-out to help out sort of deal. They give everyone one of those, what are the very compact little Japanese charcoal grills? Yeah, the thi, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, that, like, like, like, like, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, thi, like, thi, that, like, that, like, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, like, that, like, that, thi., like, like,. Yeah, the little, fuck, yakatory things. You get a yakatory in the mail, a stick of butter, and a oversized bib.

And those long forks that you can use for barbecuing? Within months, the problem will be taken care of. Hi, everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show, and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes. It's over 300 extra episodes in total and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access

to our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. Now to a completely different kind of animal, I am of course talking about podcasters. We also reproduce haemaphroditically. We just sort of clone sexlessly. Yep, that's certainly true. We live a puddle-based existence. Constantly damp. That's certainly true. Very damp.

Claws that can crush beetles and stack on the goo inside. But not one kind of beetle. Do you see that article? It was, I probably should have put it in the notes. Oh, the unsmashable beetle. The beetable beetle that can't be smashed. They were trying to compare like, oh god I wish I could remember the numbers, but it was just like a joke amount of strength when you scale it up to a person. Yeah. They're like they can withstand, you know, a couple of hundred thousand pounds of pressure or whatever. If this was a human being it would be eight million pounds or whatever and you're like, oh, why didn't we we we we we we they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they're they're th. they're th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They th. They're th. th. th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. thi. thi. the. the. try. try try. the. the. thee. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're you're like, oh why didn't we do that with humans? Why don't make the whole plane out a black box? Why didn't we do that with humans? It's a real unstoppable force versus uncrushable

beetle situation. Could God create a beetle so uncrushable that he himself could not crush it? It turns out yes. Yeah, no, he did it. Yeah, it's actually a very easy paradox itself. This is a story from the New York Times. Fire Festival Promoter has a podcast and a spot in solitary confinement. They're cuddling a little bit of fun with that headline there. Billy McFarland, the disgraced entrepreneur behind the notorious Fire Festival and a current federal inmate, has been placed in solitary confinement.

His lawyer said on Friday, after McFarland participated in a new podcast about his crimes that was released this week. McFarland, 28, who is serving six years for fraud, can be heard discussing his various hijinks and their aftermath in detail from a prison phone on a show titled Dumpster Fire which premiered Tuesday. Now that has FYRE so you can kind of see they're going for two things there. It's a sort of a play on words which is apparently already been done by a bunch of other podcasts when I was trying to find this one. According to Mr. McFarlane's lawyer, he has been in 23 hour a day solitary confinement since last week after a trailer for the podcast was released online. It may remain there for up to

90 days or more pending an unspecified investigation by the Federal Bureau of Prisons. We believe the investigation stems from his participation in the podcast and the photographs that were taken and utilized in the trailer, which were all properly taken, said the lawyer, Jason Russo. We don't believe he's violated any rule or regulation and there can't possibly be anything else. He's been a model prisoner there. Mr. McFarland has previously placed in solitary at a different facility for possessing a flash drive, his lawyer said.

So they're saying that they don't know if it's the podcast that got him put in there? Yes, or if it is that they shouldn't have and that podcasting is not a crime. Which... And I think, yeah, as we're, as you can imagine, we believe this is completely backwards. We are definitely a pro-abolitionist podcast. 100% percent, yes. a pro-abolitionist podcast, except in the case of podcasters. 100% yes. We believe do belong in solitary confinement or perhaps strapped to a large conveyor belt leading into a furnace. Yes, we absolutely believe in the depth of our hearts that society has moved well beyond the need for prisons, never really had one in the first place and that justice has no point if it's not in some

way rehabilitative or restorative and that just punishing people for the sake of it doesn't actually help them integrate back into normal life, but we do also believe that you should maybe just drop pot and castors into a wood chipper. No, that's correct. Look, capital punishment, I think we're kind of societally, we're getting to a point where we understand it's not a, it's not a deterrent. It doesn't, it doesn't work. Obviously, lots and lots of people who are not actually guilty of the crimes that they're accused of, end up being put to death. But I am saying is that all podcasters should be turned into cubes in a factory. Certainly. And they can make a documentary about that, and they could call it maybe cube.

Now, I think it might, yep, might have already been done. That doesn't sound right. We'll work it out. Mr McFarland's cellmate, who participated in the podcast, was also placed in solitary confinement, the lawyer said. On the first episode of Dumpsterfire, in which Mr. McFarland is interviewed by the podcaster Jordan Harbinger, Mr. McFarland says that the inspiration for the podcast came last year during his previous three months didn't solitary, which he called a much-needed confrontation with reality and the hardest but most impactful period of my life. Solitary led to this forced reflection on my

mistakes and the people I hurt, Mr. McFarlane said, noting that any proceeds he earned from dumpster fire would go toward the 26 million dollars in restitution he owes his victims. Now, we get paid from a podcast. We get podcast money. We do, we do. And I won't say that it is quite $26 million. It's not.

I get shyish of a full-time wage, basically. I don't think if I contributed all of the money I made from this podcast, it would make all that much of a dent in a $26 million fund. No, but to be fair, ours is not called dumpster fire. That's true. There's no pun in our title, or at least not a very good one. Not one that people recognize, which is the best kind of pun. Yeah, it's great now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now now that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that people recognize, which is the best kind of pun. Yeah, it's great now that we've taken out the part that would maybe help people identify it as a pun, and now it's just a nonsense series of words.

But hey, it's not horse shooberry, at least we got that. Mr. McFarland initially played guilty to two counts of wire fraud, after investigators, he had defrauded investigators in his company, Fire Media, and a subsidiary that promoted the music festival resulting in $24 million in losses. But while out on bail, Mr McFarland was charged with two additional counts of fraud related to a new company, the prosecutor said sold fake tickets to fashion music sports events. It's said to have cost at least 30 victims a minimum of about $150,000. That rules. So, that's not really a company, is it? That's just theft. And surely I don't know whether you have to be that specific in bail conditions to say,

hey, don't go orchestrating any more large-scale frauds now, will you? Yep, if you can avoid doing any sort of crimes, that's going to be our balcony. Oh, you've, no, you just set up a website where you sold fake tickets for enormous sums of money. Okay, that's interesting. The defendant is a serial fraudster, and to date, his fraud like a circle has no end. Judge Naomi Rice Bookwod said when she sentenced Mr. McFarland to prison. That's so true. His fraud like a circle has no end. That is such an unnecessary flourish. Now, name some things about a circle. Flat. Hmm. No end.

Does it help you understand? Yep. Immediately, I'm picturing a circle in my mind. Oh. Mr McFarland has been dishonest most of his life, she concluded. But I mean, so of why? That's true. We got one more thing here.

We are going to reach into the mail bag, which I don't think we have a theme for, do we???? that? that we? that we have.? that we have. that we have that we have that we have that we have that we have that we have that we have that we have that we that that that that that that that that that that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to be. I. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. that's. that's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the? the? the. thii. thi. thiaa'a'a'a'a'a'a'er. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that th We are going to reach into the mail bag, which I don't think we have a theme for, do we? I don't think so. Have we ever? Maybe we can just play the, that's where you come in from YKS. Or we could... Brunner, Brunner, play one of the many hundred Comedy Bang Bag themes. Just steal them. Yeah, no one's listened to Comedy Bang Bang. No, it's the plugs. It's the plug. the plug. the plug. the plug. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We thi. We thi. We thi. We're thi. We're tho. We're tho. We're thooooo. We're thoooo. We're thooo. We're theea. I don't thi. I thi. I th one's listened to comedy. No, it's the plugs one that they get the listener submitted. I fucked up. Anyway, this is an email that was sent into us from listener stew. The subject here is medical simulation of cockinballs. And I just want to make it very clear my pronunciation there is because uh, this is cockin balls as sort of a one word with apostrophes and then an end and then posturing.

Yeah, it stylized in the toys our us. Franken beans. Yep. Toys our us. Salt and pepper. Anyway, this is regarding something that we discussed on episode 168, Field of Creams. Now I didn't discuss that. I was caring for my brand new child. Yes. My beautiful miracle. You're busy experiencing the joy of fatherhood while we were talking about a man in the United States who, while attempting to show off his gun at a supermarket,

shoved it back into the waistband of his pants, and then shot himself in the groin. Now I'm not gonna say which is more worthwhile. No, and I'd hope not. Between the birth of my child and talking about a man shooting himself in the dick. Yeah, and you made a choice though, and it's sort of implied in that choice. I did. It was a real sliding doors moment there. This is the universe where Caitlin has left you with the child because, sorry, I should make that phrasing clear, she has left you and she has taken the child when she left, because you chose to discuss someone shooting themselves the tik, instead of spending the time with your newborn baby. Newborn baby, which again a complete miracle, life-changing

event. But anyway, let's talk about a man shooting himself, so we're not going to talk about a man shooting himself in the dick, we're going to talk about a homegrown medical simulation. Yes, so the, to contextualize this, the, the bit we were trying to decipher from the information we were given was whether the bullet would have actually passed through his dick, because it was described that he showed himself in the groin and that it went through his thigh near his formal artery. And to my mind, I absolutely believe that means it must have gone through the meetus. If you use the word groin, the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit, the bit,, I absolutely believe that means it must have gone through the metus. If you use the word groin to describe an injury, when you could be saying metus, frenulum, shafts, vans difference, vans difference, vass difference, I don't know what the parts of the penis

called, barely use it. sack, and so forth, you're a coward. Yeah. Yep. And so forth, you're a coward. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th, th. the the the the the the the thi. the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theus. theauuuooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. If the. If the parts of the penis called. Yep. Barely use it. Sack. And so forth, you're a coward. Yeah. People want to know exactly which part of the groin was injured. I want to know where this bullet has entered, where this bullet has left. So this is where Stu comes in. Stu says, hi, I'm a secret CSI type and I've used my rare expertise to create a 3D simulation

of the guy that shot himself in the dick with his concealed carry gun. I believe the attached images prove conclusively that he would indeed have been able to either, a, blow off his cock and balls at the base before passing through his leg and narrowly missing his femoral artery, or B, just blow off his bell-ed. Brackets, not in a good way. Either way, a bad day. Please see images and wince. Lots of love to you all, particularly Lucy, because she's the only one of you who would never blow her dick off.

The rest of you possibly. Now, I'm going to take issue with that. Umbridge even. Um, considering that Lucy's not here today. Because her and Andrew, they had too much, quote unquote, caffeine last night. They got on the caffeine. They got on the caffeine, and Lucy potentially broke her ankle? Yep, that's what we've been told.

That's what we've pieced together from the cryptic messages that we get in the hidden discord channel that also have included, hey, I just got punched in the face without, without venturing any further information. Did we, I guess we let Andrew probably describe what happened to it, but this is what, this is now two weeks in a row where this morning we didn't hear from them until early afternoon and Andrews just like, Lull, Lucy probably broke her foot. And then a week ago, did Andrew say, what did he say first, that he just punched or that he got punched?

No, that he got punched. Yeah, and so this is great for us for us for the minority members of the podcast the podcast the podcast the podcast the podcast the podcast th th th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of th of the th he got punched. He said, I just got punched in the face. Yeah. And so this is great for us, for the minority members of the podcast who don't live in Andrew's house, where we have to find out these comings and goings from short messages that are very short on detail. The fuck is happening to those people. Yeah, I mean, they are in some sort of stimulant-fueled haze, as most of Canberra are. And we're just exchanging messages about whether or not you got the storm yet. Yeah, and that was very nice. And we both did get the storm. It was very lovely.

We did get the storm. We got some hail, tho'er. We were predicted for large, potentially giant, throwns. Size hailstones. I've got little ones. We just got normal hailstones. Yeah, although it's someone on Twitter reply to me from out at Cooper's Plains and they got some pretty big ones. Yeah, absolutely. I saw one from Acacia Ridge that sort of deal as well and I'm not that far from them, but just the normal ones here. And that has been Brisbane Storm update. Now back to the Cock and Balls. So if you I want to scroll down to these these these these these these these these these these these these these these these images these images these images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images the images. to the cock and balls. So if you want to scroll down to these images there Theo, what we have presented here is a 3D rendering of the musculature of a human being with balls in a penis, which a frankly horrifying image largely just due to the wet, wet nature of the testicles in the penis.

Yeah, they've really applied a strong specular layer to the dick and balls. I think they've maybe even done some ray tracing to accurately simulate how the light plays off them. There's some subsurface scattering. There is also no skin but a fully featured metas. Now, my question here is, because as you say, there's no skin on any other part of this. Yeah. There's no way this is what that looks like without skin. So is it just they've left the skin on the dick and balls? No, it's weird, right, because the, you you would so they still have the complete shape of the balls which balls without skin I would assume. Discreeed objects surely. Just horrible look at horrible to live with. Dangling spider oysters. No. What's Jews done here helpfully is he has used, possibly Microsoft Paint, possibly not,

to draw a line across the waist. So this is the waistline of the trouser. He has then, uh, sort of taken a line from where you would assume the end of the gun would be if you stuffed it through that waistband and then followed that line through to just near the femoral artery. Yeah, and I will say that he hasn't used the line tool here. He's used either pencil or he's free-handed this.

Yeah. Potentially to demonstrate the ballistic scattering of the bullet. Oh, that might well be true. Yeah, it's the rifling so you can see that it's sort of... Yeah. It's not taking a direct pass. Yeah. And it's certainly, so in the first image it is passed through, I'm going to say, the majority of the penis. Yeah, really you would struggle to hit more of the penis with a single bullet. You'd have to shoot straight down to collect as much penis tissue. And the second time we're kind of going through the base there, which I think is the horrifying scenario presenting where you blow the dick and balls clean off. Which, I mean, I don't even know what's worse in that scenario. Is having a bullet go all the way through? Worse than like...

Just detaching it cleanly? Maybe they can reattach it. And there's just one spot to sew back on. The first one really implies a sort of, you know, the Fatal Farm, Robocop segment, where Robocop just shoots about 400 guys in their dicks. So it's sadly do. And their dicks are just exploding and falling apart and all that sort of thing. I would find that far harder to deal with, I think.

Yeah, yeah, the cleanoff option actually probably seems nicer. Because what's his name, the quote-unquote victim of Lorenda Bobbitt, he got his shit saw him back on and then he did some porno. This guy could still do some porno if we're taking... I mean I'm not saying that to doubt you. I just never heard of that. That's amazing. I think so. And if it's it's it's it's it's it's it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. the tho tho tho tho. the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thean. thean. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thaean. thaean. thean. thean. the. to doubt you. I just never heard of that. That's amazing. I think so. And if it's not, it's a good thought. That's a great story if it's not true. And it's a great story, if it is true. So I guess it doesn't really matter. So this is the best lead we have so far because

there have been no further updates about the story that had more details about how it happened. So unless you, the the listener, the listener, the list, the list, the list, the list the list the list the list the list th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that's not that's not that's not that's not, that's not, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to to to to to to to to to that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they. they. thate. thate. thate. thate. thate. thate. that, that, that, th you, the listener, somehow have access to the relevant sort of sheriff's department or hospital records that you could leak to us, looking at this model I'm going to make a call and say this man shot himself in the dick. Whereas, look, I'm fresh to this. I'm new, this is the first time I've laid eyes and ears on this. But I would like to propose a sort of grassy knoll option where he was shot in the dick by a distant CIA asset. So he shot himself just through the thigh. No, no, no, his gun didn't fire. Oh, wow, okay. He's a Patsy. Yeah. We all know that, you know, keeping your gun in your waistpants without the safety on,

sort of spinning it around your finger. These are all cool and safe things to do. And have never harmed anybody. And this is an Obama agent in the, in the pocket of gun control, big gun control. False flag. And the irony is they've used a gun to execute this. That is ironic. In the comments of like the Sheriff's Department posting about this on their Facebook page.

Which is a normal thing and not at all kind of just a very strange aspect to our collapsing society. Americans love doing this sort of thing. Like the top comment was a guy being like, if you've never had an accidental discharge, you're not a real gun owner. It's like, oh, I don't know, man. What a fun thought. Very strange and very troubling, and these people walk among us. I think that's about everything we have time for.

Thanks very much for joining us. Subscribe to the Patreon if you like. Don't do it if you don't want to. No, certainly not. Yeah, we won't make it. Don't do it for any other emotion other than the warm, warm feeling of wanting to make sure I can keep buying weed. And that is a good cause.

Crime pass for this week, T-Bird? I think shoot a gun owner in his dick in a way that kind of implicates himself, that's it. And that's a pretty good one. All right. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. you to be