Boonta Vista - EPISODE 194: Willem Tell

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to Buente Vista episode 194. We're here live at the Comedy Central Roast of the body of Prince Philip that as far as I can tell from looking at him is still alive. He's propped up in the chair, his eyes are open, they look pretty dry, but they always look like that. As far as I can tell him. What's changed? Maybe, Prince Philip, how you doing? No, that's what he usually says.

Starting point is 00:00:54 Someone put him behind the wheel of a ranger over, see what he does. Yeah, well that's how he looked when he arrived in the car and then they just they picked him up he was in that seated position knees locked in everything just someone on each arm they carted him through here into the studio sat him in that nice thrown in the middle of the stage here and that is where he has waited very very very very patiently for the six hours until the show has gone live I'm Andrew I'll be your MC this evening we've also got here with us. National Comedic Treasure Ben. Hey Ben. Hey how's everyone doing out there? Hey that Prince Philip was pretty old. You guys have to say how old was he? Thanks. He was so old that yesterday he died?

Starting point is 00:01:44 He died. Anyway enough kidding around. How old? How old? How old. He was so old that yesterday he died. Anyway, enough kidding around. He had a really beautiful relationship with his wife, Queen Elizabeth the second, and I think that's because they had so much in common. For instance, their great-great Thanks so much. What do you think of a, what do you think of that one, Phil? Look at him, he's doing that face when you're not meant to be laughing in church, you know, he's barely holding it back. If he, has he got something about Rictus grid on his face?

Starting point is 00:02:22 Can you have Rictus brain? Like if he died with the N-word in his brain, is it still in there? In there forever. We're also joined by famous comedian Lucy. Thank you. Thank you. Not, that's not Judith Lucy. No, I'm just one name like Madonna. Yeah. How about that Prince Philip? Prince Philip so old he went to an antiques auction and people tried to bid on him. And Ben if you could just put that air horn sample in? Yeah I will I could do that I reckon. No that's it that's all I've got. Thank you for having me. Great one Lucy here's your $20,000 appearance fee.

Starting point is 00:03:05 Thank you so much. Oh, and last but not least, the dickie knee of the panel. It's Theo. What? He's got his little hat on. Okay. God. Ah, but he could eat, couldn't he? I want saw the man eat two pounds of fingernails in one sitting. Even if, even has he got older though, he still like to work with his hands.

Starting point is 00:03:33 He used to go up the back of Windsor Castle in the tool shed and he'd been there for hours banging about. For days, just extruding gelatinous slime from his skin, making a nest out of sawdust and wood shavings. And then he shed his entire skin, and he'd eat that. We loved up Prince didn't we? So he stayed looking so young. That's how he stayed looking so, so vital.

Starting point is 00:04:04 I remember we used to go, we used to go hunting and before, the night before he was a bit sneaky, he'd go out and he'd settle these snares, that kind of bear traps really. And then the day after the day of the hunt, we'd go to the alleyway and anything that had been caught there in his snares, you know, homeless people, dogs, etc. He was very humane. He just finished them off with both barrels. Beautiful man. Beyond his time. He was the first man I knew to use the word gay as a pejorative. I remember when they met him and Liz and Lizzie it was love at first sight. He was 18, she was 13.

Starting point is 00:04:49 He used to write these beautiful love letters. I remember one started off, um, you had an ass full of farts that night, Lizzy. I know how this one goes. Oh, what else? What else? Oh, what else? What else? It was an old bitch. There's one old bitch.

Starting point is 00:05:11 We can say that much about Prince Philip. Sorry, we are monocists here though. Staunch monocasts. Stodge, monocos. I'm getting an update of my earpiece here. Apparently, Prince Philip died early this morning, sitting up in a chair, and there's just been a bit of a mix-up, really. Somebody from the Comedy Central Production Company has arrived to have scored him out, didn't want to disturb what they assumed was his morning meditation.

Starting point is 00:05:40 And they've lifted him straight up in his sitting ricked as form. That's how he's eventually made his way here. Well, self-driving Range Rover. You can tell he was dead because he didn't hit anyone with his car. He didn't get into any automobile accidents in his Range Rover. Oh boy. I don't know what to say about Prince Philip, so I will simply use the words of prawn meat on Twitter and that Prince Philip was a nasty little thoddy and he died from making it clap on Instagram.

Starting point is 00:06:11 Oh boy. I've been really enjoying watching people just be like, you have to show him some respect. He gave his life to being a prince. Like what are you fucking talking about? The Royals are giving us? They keep using the word service or they're like, thank you for your 70 years of service or whatever. You like, I don't know. He like gave some speeches maybe.

Starting point is 00:06:38 He had took some tea with some people. He didn't need to do that job. It's not a job. It's not a job. Man a job. Man a job. Man managed to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be very to be very to be very to be very to be very racist to be very racist to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha. tha. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thean. today. too. too. to. to. It's not a job. It's not a job. Managed to be very racist while he was doing it. Anybody see the thing about the TV ratings in Britain? No. How like all of all of the channels that have been showing like round the clock dead Prince Philip coverage lost like 10% of their audience? Everyone's like, fuck this board. It's to turning off the today. It's. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to some some some some, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to some, to some, to some, to some, to some some some some some some some, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toe, to be, to be, to 10% of their audience. Everyone's like, fuck this, bored. It's turning off the TV while they're trying to tell you how nice, nasty old Prince Philip was. Did you see that article yesterday from Ben Shields?

Starting point is 00:07:18 Being like Australia is racked by like the psychic damage of Prince Philip dying. He was like, what are you talking about? I couldn't pick which one he is. I'm like, oh, is he the one that looked like the cripkeeper, he's the pedophile? I think he's referring to the way that um liches in the game net hack deal psychic damage? Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. And so on. Someone finally got to his filetary, am I right? I. I. I. I the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I was, thi. I was, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like.to his filactory, am I right? I don't know what you say. The only people, the only people who would give a fuck about this and the only people who are going to give a fuck when the queen dies

Starting point is 00:07:52 are like the absolute freak woman's weekly buyers who are all like, yes. Oh, interesting usual Andrew take is it? Broads! Be royal watching. Anybody know any men who are going to cry when take is it? Broads be royal watching. Anybody know any men who are going to cry when the Queen dies? Yeah, but they're all gay. Yeah, the people who have like a commemorative Princess Diana plate in their house, you know? It's only only absolute monarchy frees. Spoon collectors.

Starting point is 00:08:23 The nation's single aunties are having a really hard time right now. Oh Philip! It's a tough time for spinsters. There's several hundred people who have a Foxtel pay TV subscription just to watch Eastenders. You know? Right. Love, this is a great week for them telling their grandkids about the time that he came to Aubrey Wadonger in 1962 while they're just like, please let me play fortnight. Oh, you were allowed to say the N-word back there and it was fine. No one thought anything of it. We just... Thanks, Grandma. Yeah. Oh,, I literally heard Grandma say the end word.

Starting point is 00:09:06 Oh, my goodness. Like, last weekend. What? In what context? What? I would love to hear the context. I can't even remember. Was she telling you like the really offensive part of the lyrics to when asked for saying? No, it was, it was how they used to, they used they, no... No. No. No. No, no, no, like, like, like, like, like, like, they, like, they, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're, they're they're they're they they they're they they they they they they they they they elling you like the really offensive part of the lyrics to wet ass pussy?

Starting point is 00:09:26 It was it was how they used to sing the song Eny Meany Mighty Moe. Oh, of course. Before the PC police got to it. Yeah, and changed it to a word that kind of sounds like tiger. I'd just flip a coin if I should choose between two things. Yeah. Flip it. But no, no, we, there's no fun in that. Instead, sing the racist song for a bit as see who it ends up on.

Starting point is 00:09:53 And that's fine, that's normal. It's a weird one, just as that we kept that around for a very long time. We get to shift. Hopefully we don't we don't teach kids that anymore. I mean I'm teaching my kids but I'm a I'm a monocist and a traditionalist you know. You don't want the old ways to be forgotten. Yeah yeah and that was the beautiful thing about Prince Philip that I'm sure your grandma would agree with is that he was a man who stood up, you know, a man who stood up for traditions and what was right and for acting like it's still 1974 because that's the year that he believes that it is, you know? Yes. Things should stay the way of the time that I can last remember is my belief. The year that I currently think it is as as the last synapses of my brain fire off, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, is th, is thi, is thi, is thi, thi, is thi, thi, is thi, is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is thi, is, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is, is thi, is thi, is thi, is th, is th, is th, is th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th I currently think it is as the last synapses of my brain fire off, you know?

Starting point is 00:10:48 Speaking of synapses of the brain, Yeah, and that's something that you could use to segue into the next thing here. I know you didn't read the article so. No, I mean it sounds like you got it under control. No, I think you'll derail it. Yeah, okay. Okay, I just wanted to say it that., just see it through, you know, finish what you started. Go on. Um, speaking of synapses of the brain, which is where they all are... I don't want to interrupt your segue here. Yeah, go on. I don't want to derail it. No, I'm very open to it because I'm a democratic sort of egalitarian guy. Yeah, thia, thia, thia, thian, thian, thian, thian, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to, go, go to, go to, go to, go to, go to, go to, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go th. Go, go th. Go, go th. Go, go th. Go, go th th th th thi, go thi, go thi, go thi, go thi, go thi, go thi, go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th is, interrupting people? I believe so. I've seen question time. No, I don't really have any further feedback. Go on. Here's a press relief from Johns Hopkins University. Mimes help us see objects that don't exist. Fuck, say. Now, some scientists last year seeing a mime for the very first time. Holy shit.

Starting point is 00:11:48 Oh my God. Holy fuck. Wait, what wall? What's he doing? The sea here is in single quotes, like scare quotes. So that's... Like, and I... Seeing one and immediately jumping up out of his

Starting point is 00:12:07 seat going I got to help that guy he's stuck as his wife tries to hold him back no he's traps behind an invisible wall and you're not helping for some reason you're not helping why is that when we watch a mime seemingly pull rope rope maybe uhl that we'll the rope to pull rope to a mime seemingly pull rope, I think it's meant to be pull a rope maybe, pull rope, climb steps or try to escape that infernal box. The fucking box. We don't struggle to recognize the implied objects. Our minds automatically see them, a new study concludes.

Starting point is 00:12:42 Well, hey, I think a lot of that is down to the skills of the mime. Yeah, a shit mime wouldn't. No, no, no. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that, that's that's th, th, thi, that's maybe, th maybe, th maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, to to to to thi, maybe, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th maybe, th maybe, th maybe, th maybe, th maybe, th maybe, th, th, hey, I think a lot of that is down to the skills of the mime. Yeah, a shit mine wouldn't. No, no. If they're just kind of, you know, every time they go back, the walls in a different place, I'm like, you look like a fucking fool. I can't believe he spent 10 years at mine college for this. That's his coffin.

Starting point is 00:13:05 Disgusting. These coffin that also doesn't exist. He mimed the coffin as his last act. To explore how the mind processes the objects mimes seem to interact with, Johns Hopkins University cognitive scientists brought the art of miming into the lab, including that invisible implied surfaces are represented rapidly and automatically. The work appears today in the journal Psychological Science. I hope that by bringing the work of the mime into the lab, they mean they vivisected a mine.

Starting point is 00:13:39 It's actually much worse than that. Most of the time, we know which objects are around us because we could just see them directly. But what we explored here was how the mind automatically builds representations of objects that we can't see at all, but that we know must be there because of how they are affecting the world. I've got news for this guy about how much the invisible box that the mime is affecting the world. It's affecting the mime, apparently. Uh, said senior author Chads Firestone, an assistant professor who directs the university's perception and mind laboratory.

Starting point is 00:14:16 That's basically what mimes do. They can make us feel like we're aware of some object just by seeming to interact with it. I swear to God this person has written an entire paper justifying that they just got really into watching a mime performance. Everyone else was like, why the fuck you, you just sitting there with your mouth open. Cannot make it real. In the experiments, 360 people were tested online. They watched clips where a character, Firestone himself,

Starting point is 00:14:44 Oh, we got... Oh, no, it looks okay. All right. We got a mime conflict of interest here. Mimed colliding with a wall and stepping over a box in a way so that it suggested that those objects were there, only invisible. Once again, learning about miming for the very first time. This is amazing.

Starting point is 00:15:05 Afterward, a black line appeared in the spot on the screen where the implied surface would have been. This line could be horizontal or vertical, so it either matched or didn't match the orientation of the surface that had just been mimed. Participants had to quickly answer if the line was vertical or horizontal. The team found people responded significantly faster when the line aligned with the mime wall or box, suggesting that the implied surface was actively represented in the mind. So much so that it affected responses to the real surface participants saw immediately after. Participants had been told not to pay attention to the miming.

Starting point is 00:15:40 Hey, you see that guy? Just saying all that guy over there just ignore that guy over there. That's just a guy in the striped horizontally striped long-sleeved shirt over there? Nice beret. Face covered in white grease paint. Not a race thing. Pretend he's not there but pretend the stuff that he is doing. Pretend that is there. Please ignore Chaz. He actually gets off on you watching him. Please pay no attention to Dr. Firestone, don't he? Participants have been told not to pay attention to the miming, but they couldn't help but

Starting point is 00:16:17 be influenced by those implied services, said lead author Pat Little. Couldn't help but be influenced by the mastery on display. Who did the work as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins and is now a graduate student at New York University. Very quickly people realize that the mime is misleading them. And that there is no actual connection between what the person does at the type of line that appears, Little said. They think I should ignore this thing because it's getting in my way, but they can't.

Starting point is 00:16:44 That's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th th the key my way, but they can't. That's the key. It seems like our minds can't help but represent the surface that the mime is interacting with, even when we don't want to. Oh, okay. This work is partly inspired by a phenomenon in psychology called the stroup effect, where the name for one color is written in the t color, e.g. the word red is written in blue ink. When a person is given the task of saying the color of the ink, they can't help but read the mismatch text, which distracts them and slows them down. In this regard, miming is like reading. Just as you can't help but read the text you see, even when you're supposed to ignore it, you can't help but recognize the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being mimed the objected the objected the objected the objecting the objecting the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the objected the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the object the objected being being being even when it's getting in the way of another task. I...

Starting point is 00:17:25 Yes. Go on. I can't deal with how much this article is just people being asked to watch a mime and then saying yeah I get it. No, no, no, it's not there. I, like I get what he's doing. This meant to be a box. Now he's got a rope. They're like, my God, they're seeing their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their It's not there. I, like I get what he's doing. There's meant to be a box. Now he's got a rope. They're like, my God, they're seeing a rope in their mind. And now there's a box in your head, rent free.

Starting point is 00:17:52 I feel like everybody who has spent a lot of time sitting around and just rotating a cube. the tube it together, you know? I don't even need a mime to show me where the cube is. I don't like this. I don't like the idea that a mime has control over my mind, even when I don't want to look at him. You stay out of my head. Get out of my head, mime. Well, it could seem that the findings diminish, the thinks, mimi' the work, the work, the work, the work, the work, the findings, the the findings, their their their their their their their their their their their their brains are going to imagine these objects automatically, the researchers insist, mimes still deserve credit. I would suggest that this study is giving mimes far too much credit actually.

Starting point is 00:18:34 Imagine the work of a mind discredited. This suggests that miming might be different from other kinds of acting, little said. If the mime is skilled enough, understanding what's going on doesn't require any effort at all, you just get it automatically. Yeah, it's a rope. We were just talking last night about during Godzilla versus King Kong. We were talking about like seeing actors take a drink out of something that clearly doesn't have liquid in it. Hate it. Hate it. Just like how hard can it be. Also. at at at at at th th th th th th th th th th to to th th th th th th to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th something that clearly doesn't have liquid in it Hate it. Just like how hard can it be also just put some fucking water in there, you know Millie Bobby Brown. She's just throwing that coffee cup of her face

Starting point is 00:19:26 Get it together. Yeah destroy the Hollywood industry. Yeah, that's right. Well, maybe we should be giving mine some more credit. That's what I'm saying. They can make me believe that a glass of water is there, even when it's not. Millie Bobby Brown's got a travel coffee cup. It's physically there and I can see it. And she cannot convince me that there is some coffee in it. You know, it makes you think. The Oscar should go to Chazz Firestone. And his friend Pat. Yeah, yeah, let's take away the Oscar that was getting handed out to Godzilla versus King Kong. Oh man.

Starting point is 00:19:54 So it's great, right, that this sort of research is getting done. There's nothing else going on that we could be looking into. But I don't think Chaz, what do you think Chas Firestone's gonna do about like climate change though Miming a COVID vaccine See if it's just as effective It's true to invisible wall between you and the novel coronavirus Got his hands up to his cheeks big silent expression of shock and then he's pointing his finger at the sun and wagging it in a concerned manner. I want them to look into the effect that when you see a mime of the French variety

Starting point is 00:20:32 and they're sort of miming, smoking a cigarette, having a large baget in a bag and I sort of think, how your brain automatically inserts the music of an accordion. To me that's much more interesting. Yeah that's true. This so you know how like the Australian government has changed the requirements for like government funded scientific research over the last, I don't know, several years? You have to be able to turn your research into a gun. Yeah, it has to be a gun that you can sell to someone in third world country, I think. Or it has to be an unsuccessful app. I'm surprised that they got funding for this MIME research, unless it directly benefits

Starting point is 00:21:16 the US military in some way. Oh, I was waiting for the end of this, because like basically every one of these that I put in here at the bottom, it's like this was funded in part by the Department of Defense I was like yeah surely surely not this time if they did it was through a shell company this time we found that you can convince an insurgent that there is a bomb inside the invisible box you can bloody convince America they were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq am I right Dan you are right.

Starting point is 00:21:45 The Australian government sort of changed their funding for scientific research to be like, hey, if you want funding from the government, you have to be able to demonstrate the ways in which you can sell this and make a profit on it. So the entire thing is just, hey, science, it's only good if it serves capitalism in some form. I guess a lot of psychological research can benefit advertisers, so that's probably who's finding these kinds of things. Somebody can now construct a footlong in your mind.

Starting point is 00:22:18 I'm constructing one in my mind right now. Well, Prince Philip, that's a guy enjoying another kind of footlong. Oh boy. We're all very tired. Sure aren't. Well, for talking about mime science, that means we can talk about another kind of science, the scary kind of science. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. And you shall know that God is God. And bow down to his will. I hate seeing that stuff. You know? God is God. Bow down to his will. Gotta say I hate seeing that stuff.

Starting point is 00:23:07 You know? It's not good. The plagues of Egypt ravage your home? Yeah. The guy says, oh you shall see this. I'm like, here we go. Hey, it is getting dark. You were right, Charlton Heston.

Starting point is 00:23:24 It's a mime in front of me. You shall see a box, a wall. But they never say that. That's the thing. This is a press release from the University of California, Irvine. In 2019, the National Weather Service in Alaska reported spotting the first known lightning strikes within 300 miles of the North Pole. Fuck. Why is every new type of weather event from climate change just real? It's just something new. Just...

Starting point is 00:23:56 Uh, you guys need a new kind of earthquake? No, we're good. We've invented fire tsunamis now. Get ready for that. We got a new thing called Double Flood. It says, lightning strikes are almost unheard of above the Arctic Circle, but scientists led by researchers at the University of California, Irvine have published new research in the journal Nature Climate Change detailing how Arctic lightning strikes stand to increase

Starting point is 00:24:22 by about 100% over northern lands by the end of the century as the climate continues warming. The finding offers a glimpse into the changes that are in store for the Arctic as the planet continues warming. It suggests Arctic weather reports during summertime will be closer to those seen today far to the south where lightning storms are more common. Just making some more lightning. Ben, why is there more lining? There's a one sentence explanation of it somewhere in this article

Starting point is 00:24:49 I didn't fully understand it. Great. James Randerson, a professor in UCI's Department of Earth System Science, who co-authored the study was part of a NASA-led field campaign that studied wildfire occurrence in Alaska during 2015, which was an extreme year quote, 2015 was an exceptional fire year. Well done. Congratulations. You really did it.

Starting point is 00:25:10 Because of a record number of fire starts, Randerson said. One thing that got us thinking was that lightning was responsible for the record-breaking number of fires. This led Yang Chen, a research scientist in the UCI Department of Earth System Science to look at over 20-year-old NASA satellite data and lightning strikes in northern regions and construct a relationship between the flash rate and climatic factors. By using future climate projections from multiple models used by the United Nations, the team estimated a significant increase in lightning strikes as a result of increases in atmospheric convection and more intense thunderstorms. Is that the

Starting point is 00:25:49 explanation? Is that good? Yes, that's it. Yeah. Atmospheric convection. It's fun that like Australia's bushfire seasons are getting worse because of the changes to like the brush conditions and the general fire danger ratings increase just because it's you know it's drier and it's hotter and all of these things and thi and thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thunder. thi thi thi- thi st thunder st thunder thunder is is is is is is is is thom st thom st thom st thom st th storms. th storms. th storms. th storms. th storms. th storms. th storms. th storms. is is is is is is is ths ths ths thi st thi st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st st s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s si-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thii-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thi-s thunderst-s the brush conditions and the general fire danger ratings increase just because it's you know it's drier and it's hotter and all of these things and we have it's that things catch a light more easily is the big problem and the problem here is that things are just getting set a light more often it's great it's tremendous I love that every part of the world has a different unique snowflake of a way that it's fucked.

Starting point is 00:26:26 God, just toss and matches in there, you know? Up until now, polar bears basically don't get struck by lightning. Oh wow, that'll be a big-dia first. Yeah. Be a cool first. They're probably getting bored up there in wherever it is. Siberia, Alaska, so on. Yep. Hey, don't worry, Polar Bear.

Starting point is 00:26:50 Don't worry, Polar Bear, just stand under something tall. Oh dear. A lightning strike bump could open a Pandora's box of related troubles. I'm miming opening a Pandora's box right now. Hey, put a lock on that thing. I'm miming, holding a box, I'm miming opening it up and Chad's Firestone is freaking the fuck out. Fires, Rambison explained, burn away short grasses, mosses and shrubs that are important

Starting point is 00:27:21 components of Arctic tundra ecosystems. Such plants cover most they do is keep the seeds of trees from taking root in the soil. After a fire burns away low-lying plants however, seeds from trees can more easily grow on bare soil allowing forest stands to expand north. Evergreen forests will replace what's typically a snow covered landscape. So that's good, that's good, right? More forest, right? More forests. Yeah, that can't be bad. Why don't we, why don't we get the guys from the Amazon who are cutting all that stuff down, put them up north, get them to cut this stuff down. Solving so many problems.

Starting point is 00:27:54 Yeah, just, just, it's all about resource allocation. It's all basically a big game of Sim City. Put the rabbit and the lettuce on the same side side of of of of of of of of th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoome th. thoome thoome the thoome. thoome. the thoome. thoome. thoome. tho tho thi. thi. that's that's tho tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. Soanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananann. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the rabbit and the lettuce on the same side of the river and that way the fox can't do anything bad. Isn't the rabbit going to eat the... Shut up! Shut up! Anyway, snow's white hue reflects sunlight back out into space but darker forests absorb solar energy helping warm the region even further. Oh, that's bad, actually. But, hear me out. My albedo! What if, what if the lightning strikes the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thaube. thaube is is thighetsets can can can can can can can can can't thighetsets can't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. Rabbit th. th. Rabbit is is is is is is is is th. th. th. th. Rabbit is th. th. Rabbit is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the threate cana threaten threaten threaten threaten threaten thi threat thi threat thi threat threat thi threats threats threats threats tho threaten threaten further. Oh that's bad. Oh, fuck! That's bad actually. But hear me out. My albedo. What if what if the lightning strikes set the forest on fire and then

Starting point is 00:28:31 everything's back to normal, you know? But then you end up with the heavy smoke ends up warming the region even further as we found out that the Australian bush fires did last year theythey warmed the southern hemisphere, because there was so much smoke in the atmosphere. Remember when the fires were going so long and the smoke had been like drifting out over the ocean for so long that it wrapped back around? Remember that part of it? Uh-huh. It's good. All of this makes me feel so good about being alive. I love that conservatives has been like the last decade going, it might actually be

Starting point is 00:29:07 good to have a jungle up there. We don't know. Like the ones that have accepted climate change kind of exists in some abstract way, but they're not ready to really like grasp onto the idea of us all being fucked and extinct. So like, well, I mean, if there's, you know, maybe like pine trees in Siberia, then the polar bears have something to climb and they can see further. So we don't know if it's bad or not, let's find out. Maybe Santa's elves would like to work in a rainforest.

Starting point is 00:29:39 Hmm. They're embracing the finding out part of the dichotomy of fucking around and finding out. It's a very strange ideological spectrum to just be like, I have, all right, I've picked my side. I've picked my side. I've rolled the dice. Yeah. Whatever comes up from this point. I'm just going to be like, more fires?

Starting point is 00:30:08 Good. More flooding puts out the fires. No problem. More lightning. Flames solves the water shortage we've got. More lightning, more work for nature photographers. But unfortunately, according to this article, there's more trouble. More fires means more permafrost. Perennially frozen soil that that that that that that that that that that that thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiensenses thienses thienses thires fiienses thires thires fii. More fires thires fii. More fires thires fii. More fires th fires thires fia fires thires fia fires thires fii. More fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires th fires thires more fires thires. More fires thires. More fires thires. More fires thires fi fi fi fi fi fi fi fi fi fi fi fi fi-fires thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. More fires that defines that defines that defines that defines that defines that defines that defines more fires that defines more fires that defines much that defines much that that that that that that that that that thia thia thia fires thia fires thia fires thia more trouble. More fires means more permafrost.

Starting point is 00:30:26 Perennially frozen soil that defines much of the Arctic landscape will melt as the fires strip away protective, insulative layers of moss and dead organic matter that keeps soils cool. Well not so perma now, is it? Uh, you're roasted. Permafrost stores a lot of organic carbon that if melted out of the ice will convert to greenhouse gases, carbon dioxide and methane, which when released, will drive even more warming. Great.

Starting point is 00:30:53 And that's bad. Putting a, like a little line in my bad column side of the paper. Okay. The lightning finding comes on the heels of another study that led by Randerson published in the Journal of Geophysical Research on Monday, April 5th describes how amplified Arctic warming and the melting of the Greenland ice sheet will scramble food webs in the surrounding oceans. Oh, I'm no scientist but I don't think any of this is very good. I hate him when somebody scrambles my food web. I'll say that.

Starting point is 00:31:28 It's awesome that they're listing like five things that will happen here that are a result of warming and every single one of them will also hasten warming? Yeah, every one of them is going to fuck something else up entirely. That's pretty cool. But we've got it basically under control though. Oh, we've got the net neutral stuff by 2050, that's nice. The Labour Party has said that they'll put a little discount on electric cars, that's pretty cool. What was that, I think it was like two years ago, the IPCC put out a number for how many years we have before we passed the point of addressing climate change. Do you remember what that figure was there? So that was sort of a 12, it's a very nice number, one of the nicer rounded numbers out there.

Starting point is 00:32:16 Hmm. Yeah, you got some great devises, you're 12. Yeah, so it seems like 2050 is actually quite a lot past that. Yeah, you say that, but I think the Democrats have a plan to put solar panels on Guantanamo Bay. So it'll be kind of basically exporting power back into the grid. You know what, they said that Joe Biden wasn't going to do anything, but we will have a carbon neutral still fully operational Guantanamo Bay by 2085. People were saying a lot, like at least Joe Biden will do something about climate change. I feel like I heard that one a lot in America. We trust the science.

Starting point is 00:32:56 Yep. It's just too expensive. We looked at it. Well, he had to increase the military budget. By $750 billion? Look, you know, I've only got so much money. Only so many resources to allocate, and a lot of them need to go into the military. So, but at least he's not tweeting rude words about it, you know? It's been very polite and respectful.

Starting point is 00:33:20 His grammar is generally relatively correct in the missives that he issues. So, and he's, he doesn't have a fake th money money so much much much much so much thain thain that that that thain thai thai thai thai thai thai thai thai to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the tho. tho. the. the. the. the. the the the. the the the. thoooo. too. to to to to to to to to to relatively correct in the missives that he issues. So, and he's, he doesn't have a fake tan that I can see. And he only very occasionally needs to be shuffled out of the room when he starts sundowning. Oh man. So we've got that going for us. Good news today, huh? Do you want to read that final, extremely depressing paragraph there, Andrew? Sure, sure. I was just going to say, he that, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's he's he he's he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he he he he he he he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't he's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he he's he he's he he's th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the th. He's doesn't th. He's the the tho' tho' the the th? Yeah, do you want to read that final, extremely depressing paragraph there, Andrew? Sure, sure.

Starting point is 00:33:47 I was just going to say that Donald Trump guy, you couldn't shut him up. Joe Biden, sometimes he'll just stop talking right in the middle of a sentence. And it's fine. It's like, you know, there's comfortable silences. You mind fills fill in what he was sort of stumbling around blindly. Yeah, when he wraps it up, midsense, I just think to myself, yeah, I get the picture. You don't have to tell me anymore. Don't have to, don't have to belabor the point, you don't have to go on and on. When he signals out a guy in the crowd and he points him, he says, well, listen, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,there, hey chief, pal, I don't... Tex. And then I've just, I can imagine what he would have said afterwards, and it's very real in

Starting point is 00:34:27 my mind. Yeah. Back in 2019, so long ago, the National Weather Service in Alaska released a special announcement about the North Pole lightning strikes. Such announcements, however, may struggle to make headlines by the end of the century. Cool. It's fun thinking that we'll still have headlines. That aren't about the roving bandits in your neighborhood, you know? Or that aren't lines of heads on pikes.

Starting point is 00:35:03 Well, that's something to look forward to. Really a heads on pikes. Well that's something to look forward to. Really a heads on pikes kind of economy by that point. So they're both used as the sort of newspaper system but also as currency. Yeah, I mean there's only one kind of news that it's a... We killed these guys, Please stay out of here. Hello. It's me. Ben. From this podcast.

Starting point is 00:35:31 Marian Webster defines a podcast as a program made available in digital format for automatic download over the internet. And that simply could not be more true. If you like what we do and want more of this podcast made available to you in digital format for automatic download over the internet. Simply go to Patron-it it the the the the the the the the the the th. It th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's tho. It's tho. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the. th of this podcast made available to you in digital format for automatic download over the internet, simply go to Patreon.com slash Bonavista and hit the enormous red button that says subscribe. For five US dollars a month you get access to our weekly bonus episodes, our entire archive of bonus episodes, our exclusive discord server and an RSS feed of both the bonus episodes and free episodes

Starting point is 00:36:01 that doesn't have these ads in them. That sweet, sweet subscriber cash allows allows to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. th. to th. to to th. to to to to to tho. to to to to tho. And, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, the. And, the. thea. too. too. too. too. too. to, the. the. the. the.'t have these ads in them. That sweet, sweet subscriber cash allows me to do this show full-time without having to get a real job and frankly, that whips to me. The other guys also get some money or whatever, but I don't really care. Anyway, check that out if it sounds good to you. Love you. Well, speaking of things to look forward to, we thought we had something to look forward to this week this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this week this week this week this week this week this week this week this week, but this week, but this week, but this week, but this week, but this week, but this week. But appearances can't be deceiving in a bit of sweet nature corner, rubber crab, sicked my dick. I forgot about the ape-specific one. I don't know if I've heard that one. We may not be funny or well-research researched, articulate in politics, intelligent, we may not smell nice.

Starting point is 00:37:12 Go on. We can't fight good. Dick don't work. Dick don't work so good. But we do have an ape-specific theme for nature-corner theme, Ape variant. I dare you to name an other podcast that has an ape-specific theme for Nature Corner theme, ape-variant. I dare you to name another podcast that has an ape-variant of their theme for a segment called Nature Corner. I didn't read ahead so I thought this was about the news in Australia today.

Starting point is 00:37:38 No, I was surprised that you brought up the depressing ape news from, uh, no this is not that story. Well, I'll, I'll, because I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've to... to... I've to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, to name, I've to... to... to... to... I've to... I've to... I've to... I've, I've, I've, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm to... I'm to... I'm a-a.. I'm a-a. I'm a-a. I'm a-a. I'm to-a, I'm to... I'm to... I'm to... I'm the depressing ape news from now this is not not that story well I'll because I've talked about now we need to square that just briefly very briefly I just literally put this one here after the depressing story because it's a fun one and now you're going into the yeah no it's fine do what you're gonna do so so this week there was a there was some news coming out in in Australia that was like ooh oh monkey on the loo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tto the tto to to to to to to to to to to to to to news coming out in Australia that was like, ooh, monkey on the loose from the zoo, the zoo's suddenly been closed and people are being

Starting point is 00:38:11 shoot away monkey on the loose and we all started our hooting. Losing our shit, hooting, hollering. Banging on our desks, you know, all that kind of good stuff because we were like, hey, return to a simpler time, a type of news story we all love so much. loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose.... L. Lo, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, loose, the, thi. Lo, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoom, oh, oh, oh, thoing, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thooooooooooooooooooman, the the the the the like, hey, return to a simpler time, a type of news story we all love so much. Loose ape. Loose ape. Loose monkey getting out and just messing around. It was an ape actually, Andrew, but go on. Well, actually, the thing that we thought was happening wasn't happening at all, so we can't say what kind of hypothetical monkey it was. I mean, we know what the one that died was.

Starting point is 00:38:46 Yeah and then the zoo said hey everybody there's no monkeys got out or anything just just a monkey died. The chimpanzee is dead. Chimp just kind of keeled over and we're all pretty sad about it and we all went oh we all immediately stopped hooting and hollering. Sat back down on our desks. Pored one out. I deleted my tweet that just said loose ape with a smiley- Monkey Heaven now. Flinging feces.

Starting point is 00:39:13 Flinging turds at Prince Philip. This story, however, that Ben put in so we didn't have to talk about the sad monkey news is from News Agency UP. Cincinnati police probe reported sightings of loose monkeys loose monkey loose monkey loose monkey police in Cincinnati say they are probing multiple reports of five loose monkeys on the west side of the city but have not yet confirmed their presence resident said they spotted five monkeys swinging from trees in St. Joseph's Cemetery.

Starting point is 00:39:49 They're like God oil monkeys. That's so cool. Goth monkeys out there. Hey come look out the window for a second. Are those apes in the cemetery? No they're monkeys. One witness captured video that appears to show animals in the trees, but police said footage is not clear enough to confirm that the animals were monkeys. Use your imagination, good one. What are they? They might just be some really small men. What are the kinds of animals swinging from branch to branch out of that?

Starting point is 00:40:25 In America? I don't know. My posthum? Is it one of those hideous possums that they have there? I don't know if they swing from trees. Why do they call them possums? They're not possums. They're... I don't know what they are. They're... Trash rats. Trash creatures. Yeah, their head looks like the second that grows out of the first head of the bear in annihilation. It does actually. Those things came from hell. I'm um, I know this is a, uh, it's an audio medium, but I'm just going to drop this video in the chat there.

Starting point is 00:41:00 I want you to look at the video and then consider... So the video is terrible quality. The cops are not wrong in that it is very hard to distinguish what's going on. But if those aren't monkeys... What could they possibly be? What the fuck is that? It's very blear witch feel to this. Yeah, yeah, a bit of a night vision kind of thing. You know in the, uh, the movie the movie, the movie, the movie, the movie, the movie, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, princess, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the video, the video, the video, the video, the video, the the the the video, the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, the this. Yeah, yeah, a bit of a night vision kind of kind of thing. You know in the the movie Princess Mononoke, the like weird demon ape things? Familiar with those guys? Anyone?

Starting point is 00:41:37 Sure. I haven't seen it. You have, no, come on, that can't be true. You've not seen Princess Mononoke? I've not seen any of the... You fucking... Terman, piece of shit. How is that real? How have you not watched those? They're like the most beautiful things that have ever been made! Oh my god, all right.

Starting point is 00:41:56 Thanks for having this discussion while I watch this video. Oh, sorry, yeah. Can you describe describe. th. th. in this? I gotta say it looks like monkeys. Looks a lot like monkeys, right? It's a really hideous horror movie video. Eight of the aliens from signs to be in trees that are also underwater? Well now I'm suspicious if the police said they weren't monkeys. What are they hiding? What are they covering up? Oh, is a bunch of baby moth man's? Could they? Moth children. Have the police specifically said it's not moth children? They have not.

Starting point is 00:42:35 Although I don't think anyone in Cincinnati is brave enough to ask them that question. It's true. Let's get on a plane. Let's get over there. See what the fuck is going on. Have some Cincinnati chili. Yep. Ooh. I get one of the good vaccines while we're over there. Yep. I very non-ironically want to eat some Cincinnati chili.

Starting point is 00:42:55 We should, next time we hang out a person, we should make some Cincinnati. Okay. It'll be great. A big bucket of slock, big, big. Or we get on a plane we go to Cincinnati. We go to a CVS or a Walgreens around closing time and be like, oh boy I sure hope you have some leftover vaccines for little old me. Then when they give me the vaccine we go we go get some Cincinnati chili five ways or whatever the fuck they call it. Five. Yeah. What am I looking at here? Are you looking at Cincinnati chili or the monkeys? Imagine a sort of spaghetti from hell. I think it looks good. I don't need to imagine it. I'm looking at it.

Starting point is 00:43:38 Is it just chili on spaghetti? Yeah, chili on cheese is a weird texture as well. But it's made, oh that's just Mediterranean style. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like the the the the the the the the the the the the the f. It's like. It's like. the f. I the f. the f. I the f. I the f. I the f. the f. I'm the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the the th. the th. the the th. the the the the the th. the the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the chili on spaghetti. Cheeze is a weird texture as well. But it's made Mediterranean style. It's like a metric ton of cheese on top of the thing. It's sort of pasta for clowns. Clown pasta. I think it looks nice. Yeah, I'm into it. Why is the cheese that color? It's not right.

Starting point is 00:43:59 It just is, I don't know. They just decided that's what cheese should look like. Maybe our cheese is the wrong color. You don't know. It definitely isn't the wrong. Ours is the color that cheese that milk turns when you turn it into cheese. I don't think your cheese should be the color of the VLC media cone. I actually think it's a safety feature. It's like how they have to put the orange tips on the end of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of the the thoye. the tho. tho. the the the tho. It's the the the the the tho. the tho. their tho. the the the orange. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It. It's. It's. their their. their. the. the. the. I. the. I's. toy. toy. I's. toy. toy. th. th. I's. th. th. I's. th. th. I's. I's. their. their guns, the cheese has to be orange. So are you saying this is the like the evolutionary kind of trait where... It's highlighting that it's poisonous. So that it doesn't get eaten. I was thinking about it the other day. I was like a couple edibles deep and I'm watching my David Attenbros. And like genuinely the thought passed through my brain of just being like, it's nice that poisonous frogs let other animals know that they're poisonous.

Starting point is 00:44:46 And let other other animals kind of ride in their poisonous cocktails by looking like poisonous. That said like a real, you've cucked the poisonous frogs by being like I didn't actually even evolve to be poisonous. Evolve smart, not hard. Anyway, back to the chili, I cannot overstate how much like shit this looks. I think it looks delicious. What is wrong with you, Lucy? You lived in the states for too long. Almost like spaghetti? It looks like they've promised to never malign Cincinnati chili when you got your citizenship. That's right. I have to pledge allegiance and say that you're not gonna not gonna tell everyone how disgusting everything is. You know how they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've the they've their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I their. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've theeee. I've th. I've thee. I've the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I've to pledge allegiance and say that you're not going to not going to tell everyone how disgusting everything is.

Starting point is 00:45:25 You know how they've got the in at a buffet, right? They've got the bars that kind of, the shelf in front of the stuff and they've got bars on it so you can slide your plastic tray across. So all of these photos look like they've scraped all at the sizzler's pasta bar and put it onto the tray and served it that way. Hmm. I'm still going to eat it. I definitely want to try it.

Starting point is 00:45:51 I think we were talking about maybe making that a patron goal at some point. Eating some Cincinnati chili. Why is there onion raw, that's one thing I can't get behind is putting raw onion on things on hot dogs and on chili. Nah, I love it. I just got my, I got myself the Costco hot dog the other day. I use the big, um, the big hand cranked onion dispenser. I love that shit.

Starting point is 00:46:13 I feel like I'm playing an organ for a little monkey. Excuse me? That is a horrible visual. hand cranking my raw onion. Yeah have you guys never seen that thing before? I don't go to Costco. I have been into Costco. So you get you you go and get your hot dog. They've changed their whole shit up due to COVID where now you don't you don't wait in the line now you go up to like one of all of these little machines and put in your order and then eventually somebody just yells out from the counter. to hot dogs for the fat to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the to the the the the to the the the the the the the the to the to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going then eventually somebody just yells out from the counter. Two hot dogs for the fat man and they point at me. And you go over and you get your hot dogs,

Starting point is 00:46:52 your hot dogs are just they're bare-backing in there right? So you just got a bun, bun and a dog. And then you go over to the big dispenser thing and they have like the big, the big pumps, you know? You got your pump ketchup, your pump mustard. the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th thu th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu to to to to to to thu to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th to th to th th tho to th th to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that that that that that that that that the that that that that that that tou tou to to to to to to to to to to to to to to like the big the big pumps you know you got your pump ketchup your pump mustard your pump a green pickle relish so you can just blast that straight on there which is great you should just like bring a tupway container and pump that relish into there and take it home let's get a ton of it I'd love that shit they won't stop you I don't know they might sir come on please doing doing the like slurpy machine things th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the thoing thoing the the like thoing thoing the like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the thuu thuuuu-n' thuuu-n' thuu-n' thu-n' thuu-I thu-I theeeee you. I don't think they might. Sir, come on, please. Doing the like slurpy machine thing, putting my mouth underneath. He's been like that for 90 minutes. I don't think he's taking a breath. But then, separate from that, on a stand which is strangely high, like it's sort of up at face height. So it's like a metal pole with a box on top of it at face height with a tube coming out the bottom left-hand side

Starting point is 00:47:48 of it and on the right-hand side there is a hand crank and it's filled with raw onions and you turn the crank and it chops them up as it pushes them out of the hole and you just catch it all on your hot dog. If you're a psychopath because that sounds disgusting right? I mean there's a time and a place for raw onion but it... I doubt it. It's directly to hell. Those monkeys are or not? Those monkeys. Cincinnati chili bang some raw onion on there for me. I made when you

Starting point is 00:48:25 were here Lucy I made that smoked try-tip chili. I had a whole bunch of raw onion on that bad point. No, I bet you did. I mean you were there. I was there. Anyways, those are monkeys in my opinion. Now, Cincinnati police responded to the cemetery Wednesday night but did not encounter any monkey's official set. Zero monkey encounters. I'm really imagining police wandering through a cemetery and then having like the, you know, the Pokemon type, you're having an encounter now. The final fantasy, a monkey appears.

Starting point is 00:49:03 A monkey appears. I'm picturing them. It's super effective. Well, I was going to say, you know that they... Should we call animal control? Oh, it's already dead. I'm going to say, you know that the police did not encounter any monkeys because the story would have been police shoot five monkeys dead in cemetery. Yeah, I'm thinking that the police went to the cemetery at night time and were like like, the, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th like, thi, th like, th like, th like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th I'm thinking that the police went to the cemetery at night time and we're like all right we're gonna look for these

Starting point is 00:49:28 monkeys and then they were like this is really scary then they came back they're like no monkeys in there. There wasn't any monkeys in that dark cemetery over there. I wasn't afraid at all. I was not scared. I dropped my gun six times which caused it to fire six bullets. The police standing around the big wrought iron gates for like six or seven minutes all daring each other to be the first one to go in until eventually they agree to just say that they didn't find any monkeys and go back home. You go first.

Starting point is 00:50:01 I'm not scared. You look pretty scared. Not scared. You look pretty scared. Not scared. If I was scared I wouldn't go in, but you're not going to go in and I want to see you go in. Right. Either way, don't trust these cops. Big scared babies didn't go into the cemetery. The Cincinnati zoo said all of its monkeys are accounted for.

Starting point is 00:50:18 The big clipboard has counting them monkeys I got Steve yes Bob yes Craig yes, thrown. Yes, thrown. they're all here Craig I already counted you get out of the line Get out of here a Craig Such a jokester Craig Craig Craig Craig My monkey Craig They have a great way To pronounce that name.

Starting point is 00:50:46 Ah, these are two of our oldest monkeys, Craig and Colin. The facility said it would assist police in searching for the primates if their presence in the city is confirmed. I'm not going on some wild monkey chase. I'm going to need to see some evidence beyond this extremely grainy night vision video that was somehow filmed on a Nagia 5110. They had to attach some sort of external camera. And it plugs in through that weird like strange size of headphone jack those phones had. A shot on a Game Boy camera.

Starting point is 00:51:27 Quotes, there's not much we can do until we have a confirmed siding by Cincinnati police, David Orban, the zoo's director for animal science and strategy. Told WXXTV. Animal strategy. Animal strategy. Animal strategy. He's teaching Craig how to use a gun. Never gonna catch Craig. Police said that if there are monkeys loose, they likely escape from a private collection but no one has contacted. No one has contacted police to report their exotic primates missing. There might be some monkeys around.

Starting point is 00:52:03 And they're probably from someone's house. Oh well. I probably wouldn't report my monkeys missing if I had a collection of monkeys. Yeah, which you've probably been trying to get rid of these fucking things for a long time. Yeah, you probably told them to leave. You're like fucking, you know what, Craig, I'm sick of your shit. Get out of this. I've had Craig and Colin on Facebook Marketplace for six months now and I cannot move these

Starting point is 00:52:32 monkeys. It's you've got them listed as free but people just wasting your time just being like, uh, can you drop them off? No, I can't. Craig refuses to get in my car now because he disgraced so much in my taste of music. Craig hates new metal. I think they listens to Vivaldi very weird. I wonder how you do get rid of some monkeys. I suspect I suspect someone, I suspect someone just left the cage door open at some point.

Starting point is 00:53:04 I'm going out for a coffee. I'm not going to be back for a while. I think it's with a string of banana peels leading all the way to the crematorium. Oh dear. Police officials said anyone who spots a monkey in Cincinnati should keep a safe distance from the animals and contact the department. There is no safe distance. Have you seen them close gaps? They can move. Maybe they were gothteens.

Starting point is 00:53:33 It's just up there, be like, this is so random. It's exactly like, Invader Zim. Really, flashbacks to your own teenage years there, Lucy? Look, I was laughing along, we're having fun together and then... Gotta turn it around on me, I think. Suddenly a god-personal. Got a little too real. Do you ever hang out in the cemetery, Lucy?

Starting point is 00:54:05 We don't need to talk about my life. Not hearing a no, but I'm just going to move on. Certainly did, I'm going to be honest. Do you know what the closest HMV is to your nearest cemetery? Oh boy, remember when you could just go down to a store and pick up a CD for the low low price of $30.30 whole dollars. They still got a sanity in Canberra. I've seen it don't act like you live in a normal place. I do. I think I think you just go there to buy a Game of Thrones box set. Yeah right. That and any like country town that you ever go to? Oh to still have a sanity. The sanities are still everywhere

Starting point is 00:54:45 in country Queensland for sure. I think we still got one or two in Brisbane still I think. I need to go and pick up a standard definition digital video disc. Where can I go? down a fucking sanity. Fucking Auntie Donner have got a recurring bit they're doing where they they mentioned getting the crown the crown box set which is the funniest fucking thing of the world to me. And just like me but why would you need that it's on Netflix like oh maybe your parents they might need it on DVD check out Auntie Donner. Ah, Auntie Donner's boys I think Is that who you're talking about? What? What? What? What? What are you doing here? So, Nature Corner? Yeah. There's another kind of disgusting beast

Starting point is 00:55:39 in nature. It's known as the Dutchman. And here, we have a story from the official source for all Dutch news on the Buonty Vista podcast. We of course talking about Dutch News. NL. Any good episodes of the podcast recently, Ben? No, I'm a couple episodes behind at this point. I should get back on that. Did you say that you subscribe to their Patreon or you were thinking about it?

Starting point is 00:56:06 No, I was going to get our Patreon to subscribe to their Patreon but I couldn't figure out a way to do it. That wasn't just going to bill your credit card. I didn't see the problem. I'm sure we could. It's a point. Wait, we do have a Dutch corner theme. For a second there I was like, oh, thia I I I I thia thia thia thia thia thia thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. theat the. theat thooooooooo. thoooo. thooo. to to to tho. to to the. a second there I was like, oh we need to make one of those, we've got one. I completely forgot about it.

Starting point is 00:56:27 Everybody, I'm from Holland. Isn't that beer? Dutch Corner, I also kind of thought that we were just rolling over from Nature Corner, you know. Well, it's a bit of both. Oh, that one's new to me. I've not been on with that theme. We have like 50 themes for approximately 50 segments and I forget which ones exist all the time. Well I mean I had forgotten that that one existed. When was the last time we did the poll report or the hole report? God we're going to do another whole report. And another poll report. I haven't talked about a good hole in a while.

Starting point is 00:57:08 So this is from Dutch News.NL. A stark departure from American Animal News. Raccoon spotted sleeping in a tree is captured, not shot. Yeah, what an odd headline. A raccoon which had been drawing crowds while sleeping in a tree. Heaps going on. There's a lot going on down there. In the town of Voot has been sedated, caught, and taken to an animal sanctuary.

Starting point is 00:57:40 Racoons are considered an invasive species which poses a threat to native wildlife, and according to European guidelines, the animals should have been destroyed or at least prevented from reproducing. You should have kicked that guy in the nuts. Such a great word destroyed. Deleted. They should have eviscerated this raccoon immediately on site. Extreme prejudice.

Starting point is 00:58:08 The province has a culling policy in place. And it is not clear why an exception was made in this case. It was probably really cute. Really fucking charming raccoon. Yeah, they're pretty adorable. According to some reports, the town council had already given the order for the animal to be shot. Given the order. Just like, and I'm also imagining that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thii. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, had already given the order for the animal to be shot. Given the order.

Starting point is 00:58:26 Just like, and I'm also imagining that this is just a, uh, like a, like a public servant at the local town council. This one? We must destroy this fucking raccoon. They can collect the one Walter 2000 sniper rifle that they have in town in a little briefcase, climb the the tallest three-story building they have in the in the town. Slowly assemble the sniper rifle. There's a shooter on top of the strip waffle factory. Oh no no we set him up there.

Starting point is 00:59:04 Yeah that was less. That waffle factory. Oh no, we set him up there. Yeah, that was us. That's fine. Sanctioned shooter. The animal had been staying in the tree, mostly asleep, for days, which made an easy target for vet Peter Klaver, who took his blowpipe, took his blowpipe, thi their blowpipe, thrown out with a tranququququququququququ-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-took-took-took-a-took-took-a-took-took-took-a-took-took-a-a-s, the-s, the-s, the the the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, their-s, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to-s, the to-s, to-s, too-s, too-s, too-s-s'-sanananan-sananananan-sananananananananananctioned-s, too-s, too-s, to-s, to-s, no. Yes, he took his blowpipe loaded it up with a tranquilizer dart and Shot the animal in one go. I'd love the little bit of flare there where they've said in one go to be like Oh, he nailed this. He nailed it with a blowpipe. He's the true William Tell of the Dutch blowpipe scene. He's the William Tell of the Dutch blowpipe scene. He is Willem Tell.

Starting point is 00:59:45 Quote. The animal... I'm not enough sleep for this. It's very early. Quote, the animal, a female, started to wobble ten minutes earlier, the animal fell into the net, Klaver told the AD. The animal is healthy and in good condition. How Wally de Washbier, as the raccoon was dubbed, ended up in the tree is not known.

Starting point is 01:00:23 It may have been kept as a pet and escaped, Claver said, or it may have hitched a lift in a car from Jouid Limburg where raccoon still live. Very silly place. You know, all right, I'm sorry, I'm looking up what Wally de Wasbier is. And it appears to be a man in a raccoon suit playing a ukulele. Okay. I... Okay. That's uh... It looks somehow racist, so.

Starting point is 01:00:53 It's Dutch, so there's no way of confirming that it's not racist, you know. My goodness. That is 100% a man in a racracing costume playing a ukulele. No, I did describe it well, thank you. All the Dutch listeners are like, that is our, that is our prime minister. Also what a moment is in is beautiful though. A lot of plants in there, wonderful. A big sunlight on the roof there. Sun, what do you call those? What do you call those holes in the roof for the sun the sun to come the sun the sun to come the sun the sun to come the sun the sun to come the sun to come the sun the sun to come the sun to to to the sun to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Big sunlight on the roof there, what do you call those?

Starting point is 01:01:27 What do you call those holes in the roof for the sun to come through? Sunholes. Sunholes, yeah. Classic sunholes. Wally waspia, a main export. Animal wealth, sorry, I'm just coming back for a moment to the concept of the raccoon hitching a lift in a car. He's walking backwards on the side of the road, tiny little hand clenched into a fist and his thumb poking out. Because they got those cute hands, you know? They got such cute little hands. If you saw one of those guys thumbs, right? If you saw one of those guys thumb out, if I saw a raccoon, I'd tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu, thu, thi, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin' thi, thi, thumb, thumb, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, they's thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin, thrown a little thumb out. If I saw a raccoon I'd pick him up. You're gonna

Starting point is 01:02:05 stop aren't you? And then I'd give him a little kiss on the head. They don't have opposable thumbs. I'm hitting it with the car in that case. Jesus Christ. That guy's shaking his fist at me. Teach him a lesson. And that would have solved this whole problem for them. They wouldn't have had to waste a blowdown, you know. Animal Welfare Organization Stitchting AAP said they would put the animal with two other raccoons they're taking care of. Well, now you're just building a little criminal gang. Quotes, we look after raccoons from Limburg where it had been decided to catch raccoons

Starting point is 01:02:48 instead of calling them, which was supposed to have happened in Nord Brabant. As soon as we find a safe place for an zoo, we'll take her there, a spokesman said. Limburg has the biggest population of raccoons, but the animals have also been spotted in Nord Bravant, Gelderland and New Holland. Eventually we're going to run out of New Netherlands place names to find funny. Yeah. Hasn't happened yet. One day this is just not going to be funny at all.

Starting point is 01:03:16 Hasn't happened yet. The podcast? One day. Mm-hmm. There's always time. Well, I believe that's it for th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the thi. thi. the Well, I believe that's it for this week. If you do see any raccoons just kind of cruising around, give them a lift. Give them a little kiss. Give them a little kiss. The authorities in the Netherlands are too cowardly to put them down like they're supposed to so you can just do whatever with them. That's true. Pick them up, take them for a little ride, you know. Teach it tricks. Dress it in fancy little clothes. I know I'm often saying

Starting point is 01:03:53 that it's very bad to me when I see people with their videos of like exotic animals in their tiny apartments and stuff like that, but I do like seeing a fat raccoon living in someone's house. Oh, same. Love it. Live for it. And the raccoons seem like they're pretty into it too. You know? All those guys want to do is just hang out and need some stuff. That's fine. All I want is an unhealthily high-caloric diet that they wouldn't find in nature. That's right. And we can provide that for them, whether it's by thaa tha tha tha by feeding them cake every day for Tick-Tock. Yeah. Who are we to take that away from them?

Starting point is 01:04:29 You know? That's right. That's it everybody. Thanks for stopping by. I guess we can just wrap it up here, turn out the lights and throw this Prince Philip guy in the dumpster out of the back. If anyone wants to piss on him before we put the body in the dumpster, you can do that as well. It's legal. It's legal. We'll cut the cameras and you guys can just bring yourselves up here for the line. Probably not legal, but I don't know. Not frowned upon.

Starting point is 01:05:02 Yeah. Technically I've got to write you up under pissing on a corpse statute, but like, nah, go on, it's fine. Ah, go on. As long as you're not causing a fuss. It's like drinking in a park. Well, I guess we better get out here and drive down one of those highways in the UK where they now have all the big billboards of Prince Philip up. What the fuck? The fuck is up with that.

Starting point is 01:05:29 What's up with Britain man? No one likes looking at him. What's going on there? I really like that they've chosen like a photo of him where he was maybe still aware of like where he was and is smiling and stuff but he also still looks like he is 10,000 years old and it's like a 20 year old photo. Ridiculous stuff. RIP Prince Philip you big old bitch. Bye. I'm fun and hell. That Toronto's a face off every morning when you wake up now.

Boonta Vista - EPISODE 194: Willem Tell

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