Boonta Vista - EPISODE 20: Cuck Cuck Deuce

Episode Date: October 18, 2017

Lucy, Andrew & Theo hear from a dear friend of the show and tackle listeners' requests for relationship advice. This includes cucking, diaper fetishes, why poly folk are so smug, why conservatives are physically repulsive and if you can truly respect a woman if you don't eat the butt. Support the show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista Don't forget to rate & subscribe on iTunes if that's your thing. _____________________________ Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista iTunes: tinyurl.com/y8d5aenm Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/s?fid=144888&refid=stpr Pocket Casts: pca.st/SPZB RSS: tinyurl.com/kq84ddb Ear Buds Network: http://earbudsnetwork.com

You've won new female received at 2.52 p.m. Hello? Hello? Now look, the last on the switchboard at 5k-a was most obliging, but I didn't recognise the name on the message, so I hope I've got a correct number. Now this is Caleb Bond and I'm calling to object in the strongest possible terms to your Buntavista Communist Radio Programme. I understand in a recent episode of your serial you expressed his desire to, I quote, murder me with a gun. Now this is not read China and shall not tolerate this kind of language against my person. Our mother has kindly agreed to permit me use of the modem to download your awful show and I am attempting to do so post haste. But in the meantime a regular correspondent

to my comment section was good enough to transcribe some of your foul words and I should respond to them now. Firstly to say that I have an extremely flushable head is somewhere between indeciferable and deliberately dumb. Now the fact that I was once, merely once, subjected to vicious bullying that saw me rescued by the fine and fake of the Adelaide Fire Service when my head became lodged in the system of one of the privies at school makes no judgment either way with regard to the flushability or

otherwise of my scum. Note that my head was not in the bold and in the system, so please check your facts and desist from this nonsense. Now to decry my voices that of a 50 year old man is unfair. Fifty year old men should be lucky as to have a voice like mine, changes the Isra radio and inspired by the great voices of our time like B.A. Santa Maria, our Sir, Sir, William McMarton, and many of that late finest establishment figure.

You are jealousy of my voice is emblematic of the overall communistic and decadent nature. You are unable to achieve anything on your own merits in this world and say you would have us adopt the terrible worldview of Mr. Khrushchev or Mr. the the the the to to their, tham, our to their, our to their, our to their, our to their, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, thi, thi, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, too, too, too, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to achieve anything on your own merits in this world and say you would have us adopt the terrible worldview of Mr. Khrushchev or Mr. Zadong and steal the voices of others. In summary, I would ask that you desist from any further name calling. Please do not continue to call me a tiny shit head. Extremely punchable trackey doll. Bonzine Menzies impersonator. Adelaide's Most Annoying Taxi Driver, 2035, Future Girl Lake SickerFants, Tori Shirley Temple, all most disgustingly of all Balab Cond. Should you continue along these lines you should be hearing from mother. Good day. To return the call, press six. To erase, press three.

To play it again, press seven. To keep the reply. Welcome. Welcome to Mr. Socialist Club. Episode 20. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Welcome to Mrist Socialist Club. Episode 20.

Oh, oh my goodness. It was a dear friend of the show, Caleb Bonn, ringing in with his feedback about last week's episode, which I understand that he had a chance to listen to. Oh, my goodness. You know, I can say that he reposted it on his own Twitter, which was nice for us. It was great for us. It was great for us. It was great for us.

Yeah. Thanks, Caleb. He's a, he's a direct quote from Caleb about the show. These are very normal and sane people talking about one of my columns. Yeah, them's the facts. There, there there there, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi tho thi thi tho tho thi tho tho tho tho tho thi tho thi thi tha tha tha tha tha tha. tha. tha' tha'a'a'eea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'eatatea. tha. tha. of my columns. Yeah, them's the facts. Yeah. There you go, guys. We've never been sainer.

I'm normal. We've never been sainer. Yeah, I'm incredibly normal, particularly in the brain. Very normal people, all of us. Well, I'm not normal, but I wasn't on the episode. Yeah, you weren't there, so you're the not normal one now. So we can only assume that that doesn't apply to you. Maybe he'll get a chance to hear this one and let us know what he thinks about Theo's brain.

Caleb, hope you're listening. Gaday. Good-day. Caleb, gooday, friend of the show. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. So we put out the call this week for some questions. Questions from our listeners, from our dear sweet patrons and friends of the show all around the world. For you know any questions you might have of course mail bag is always open to

general questions but this week we ask for anything you might need advice about. Lucy and I were recording a commentary track for the beautiful, beautiful film, White Jicks the other day, which will be on the Patreon feed very soon. And Lucy floated the idea that we should in fact be doing advice questions and then she got very, very excited about the idea and here we are. I'm not sure why I floated that. Don't know why I thought that would be a good idea, but here we are.

I don't know. Why it came up, someone will have to listen back to the commentary track. Figure it out, let us know. So, you know, let's, let's kick it off. We've got all kinds of questions from people here. It's quite a few that starting off are about relationships, about marriages, about unions. Not like the good kinds of unions, not trade unions or anything like that. Just regular old married all unions.

Yuck. So, you know, we could... with this question from dear friend of the show who cala bond has still not taken up on her uh... invitation for a drink uh... nicky at wine mom on twoit nicky asks yes hello who wants to be my husband cala bond question mark well

can you back that up? I just get a vibe, you know, he's ignored it for too long. I feel like it's protesting too much, to be honest. So Caleb, just go for it. I know you're nervous. I know it might be your first time, but you know, Nicky's nice. Hmm. Here's a question. Has Caleb been reading some like pickup artist stuff? Is he negging Nikki right now? Maybe he is. He would read pickup artist stuff. He is the type. So dropping some cold shoulder shit on it. Absolutely. Hmm. Nikki you keep chasing that dream of that date with Sweet Caleb. Maybe it's gonna happen. It it's going to happen. It'll happen.

It'll happen. I hope we can only hope. We can only hope. We have another question here from Ash, which I was quite interested in. And a friend of the show, Ash asks, when gay marriage passes, do you have any tips on how I can stop my heteromarriage from falling apart? I think a question.

I think this is what people are saying the whole time and I think we just all have to accept it. I mean, Andrew and I, we've got skin in the game and we also have to accept it. We're fucked. But not the good way. Yeah maybe, I mean, well my my piece of advice would be maybe consider finding a same-sex lover that you really like to bring into the relationship as it will be government mandated. It'll be compulsory to get gay married so you will have to divorce your wife but she'll get a girlfriend as well so you know might all be happy in the end. Yeah, as a lot of same-sex marriage opponents strongly infer that people of the same-sex being allowed to marriage each other will then of course lead to all kinds of other wild

stuff, lots of people in one marriage, maybe you're going to marry your sister or a dog or whatever. So it only stands the reason that the government will in fact mandate that, you know, a thirty, you know, a thirty thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, so well, so well, so, so, so, so, so, thi, so, so, thi, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, thi, so, tho, tho, so, so, thi going to marry your sister or a dog or whatever. So it only stands the reason that the government will in fact mandate that, you know, a third party join your marriage. Well, Theo is marrying his cat right now. So I'm very uncomfortable with this image. I can't even see Theo. Oh, is he, how's the cat? Well, she spent the last 15 minutes scratching at the pointedly closed door.

Door was closed for a reason. And now she's gone. So fuck you, you, gnome. Hmm. Cat can't take hint. Not good with social cues. No, we're not married a cat. So there's the advice everybody is, start, start scoping it out. Not good with social cues. No, it's like why. Marry a cat. Hmm.

So there's the advice everybody is start, start scoping it out now. Start trying to find somebody that you think would be a good fit as a third wheel in your marriage. Is there a friend that you've thought about having a three-way with? Do you want to invite them to maybe marry you. Just go for it. Think about it. And then slowly start transitioning to that third wheel to be the second wheel and jettison the second wheel as the third wheel. Yeah. Just wind up in a gay marriage, is that what you say? Well I mean that's what's legally required, so we may as well just start the process sooner rather than later. It's true.

We will be phasing out traditional marriage. We will be. That's the plan. That's the gay agenda. So, that's the gait. That classic agenda. we' all know in love. All right, moving on.

We have another question here. Matt. to Matt. Hi Matt. Matt says, yeah good-day, I've got a wife and a couple of weenaed kids. What's a good way to spark things up in terms of, you know, intercourse? I don't know what they, I don't know. What's intercourse? What does he mean by this? What does he mean by this? What does he mean by this? What this? What th? What th? What th? What th? What th? What th? What th? What th? What th? What th? What is pause because neither have you know what it is. You guys don't know what it is either. I got my sex license from the government, that's why. Oh, you've got kids.

I've done it. Yeah, I got traditionally married. I put in my permit. I got my card back good for one intercourse. We had to wait a couple of years before we could, you know, file for another license. And you'd then you had sex once. If you're doing it more often than like a couple of years apart, I feel like you're using up all the sex.

That's already spiced up by the sounds of it. Yeah, spicy intercourse life. Yeah, a couple of weenikas. Yeah, you've had a couple of them. Nothing spicier to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me than me to me than the word intercourse for a start. I personally am very turned on when my idiot husband asked me if I'd like to engage in intercourse. Oh, sweetie, it's intercourse night. How about some of that intercourse later? Put the kids to bed?

Go have some intercourse. Oh, love it. Saturday night is intercourse night. Put on Queen, like live at the opera. Yeah. Is this what you did there? Well, there's a Queen song for every occasion in the bedroom. Is there? a queen song for every occasion in the bedroom. Is there? Yeah, um... Talk me, actually, taught me, taught me through the queen song and the scenario. Yeah, okay, let's say you're getting into a little bit of rope play, a bit of bondage,

then you put on, I want to break free. Ah. You know, if you're, if you're cuddling after some hardcore the the the thick, you're my best friend, you know? Soundproof? If your wife is thick, if your wife is thick, fat bottom girls is the obvious choice. There's something for everything, you know? Oh yeah. If you are sick of having sex and you're sick of your marriage and you just want it to all be over, you go to the Highlander soundtrack and you put on who wants to live forever. You know? I feel like I'm learning too much about your personal kinks, so to speak.

Matt, I hope you've taken all this in because you know you could be really delving into the queen discography here. There's a lot of tracks in there. That could be a lot of intercourse. Look, it's... if you're one of those adult baby people who likes to wear the nappies you put on Radio Gaga. If you're one of those people, please don't listen to our podcast. Oh my god. On Twitter I follow a couple of people like a good friend of the show, Michael Hudson, who's on there is Eminem Obama. And also his pal, Tom Online, who is sometimes Cowboy Tom.

And they both just mine Facebook for like the weirdest, greasiest people that you've ever seen in your life. Oh, I love it. Oh, they don't have any kind of privacy settings turned on. They're both invaluable follows on Twitter. But Tom, more so than Michael, he posts a lot of the adult diaper stuff. It's so bad, man, I don't understand. I feel like that's probably the weirdest fetish of all.

It's right up there. I feel like it's more of an American thing than an Australian thing, right? Like, it's not something that... Yeah, we call them nappies. Yeah, and then people realize what they're doing because the word is so stupid, and they stop. They stop doing it. Does anyone really stop, come on? I just, yeah, it's just a whole thing. How do you introduce someone else to that? Like if you're, if you're just like,

you know, a six-foot tall dude and you're very large, maybe you're a bit overweight, covered in hair, and you're just like, hey, hey girl I've been dating for a little while. Uh, check this out. By the way, yeah, by the way I wear great big adult nappies and I put in a dummy and I lie in a crib. I want you to treat me like I'm a big baby. Do they shit the nappy? Oh, oh.

They shit the nappy. They shit the nappy? I feel like peeing in the nappy is probably the slightly lower grade. They're definitely pee in the nappy. Oh yeah. That's some basic bit shit of the nappy world I'm sure. This is a kink shaming ea-m-e'er-shaming everybody. No, I'm comfortable shaming that one. Like, there's a lot of kinks I'm down with, but, oh man, that one. A lot, a lot that you're down with. Yeah, several. Several. The main one is Queen songs.

But, uh, yeah, like I, like I said, I don't understand how, how you introduce that. I assume you're meeting somebody off Craigslist. I don't know. So there you go, Matt, if you want to spice up your intercourse. Diapers? Okay. Queen songs. Dip-up.

Consider, cudding on. Yeah, acting like a big baby and putting queen on. Answered that question. a nappy acting like a big baby and putting Queen on. Answered that question. Nailed it. I want to see how fast you guys answer this next question, okay? All right. Are you both primed and ready to go? I'm ready.

Friend of the show, Travis E. Jordan asks, is it okay to date Tories even if they're really hot? No. Absolutely not. No. Oh, well, I mean, Wyatt Roy, we could have had it all. If you're listening, Wyatt, to the other. thrown, that.

theymeat, that. theymeau. . This is a great bit a few years ago. I don't think anyone knows who Wyatt is anymore. If you're listening, Wyatt, come back from Afghanistan. Yeah, sorry, he died in Syria. He died in Syria, rest in peace, Wyatt Roy. Yeah, that was a whole weird thing, wasn't it? It was a great bit. But I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that I think that Wyatt Roy is kind of suffering from the same thing that like Andrew Hastie does.

So for your benefit international listeners, both Andrew Hastie and Wyatt Roy before he got kicked the fuck out, were Australian politicians on the conservative side of the fence. And people think they're very fuckable, but I think they get tricked by the fact that they are like Tories who are not like corpulent bloated sacks of flesh. Which is pretty rare. That's the thing, there's not really many hot Tories is there. It's just it's purely a scarcity thing. Yeah, it's like hot foratory. It's the Daisy Cousin the Fed. Yeah, if you, if you actually look at Andrew Hastie up close,

he's covered in moles and apparently a war criminal, so, you know, you know, could be into it. Not like a bad boy. If that's what does it for you. There's bad boy, like where does your line end on bad boy? Not at war criminal apparently. How does cutting hands off dead guys factor into you on the bad boy scale? Look, don't kinkshame me. Don't do that. Haven't judged you yet? Haven't judged you and your intercourse? It's true. I've done it twice now. Two kids, folks. Congratulations. Congratulations. I didn't say I enjoyed it. Neither did she. Uh, neither did she.

Oh, wait. Yes. So, look, this next question is of a very similar vein. I'm worried about this Twitter handle. I've got to say it, but it sounds like it's going to sound racist if I say it. It's, let me spell it out. It's spelled capital J, A, A, A, P, S, A, M. and it out. It's spelled capital J. A. A. P. S. A. M and it makes me want to say Jap Sam Which I don't like the sound of that coming down my mouth From the spelling it's not it doesn't seem like it is the thing but You did just say it you said japsam. Yeah, but if I said it with no con like no context all, you'd be like. Next up, a question from N-word Roy.

What's he got against Sam? What's he got against our nice Japanese friend Sam? Ironically, the question is in fact in the UK. It's a similar theme. Why do all conservatives look like Harry Potter but made out of piss? Thanks. God, that's accurate. I think there must be something that they put in their anti-dandruff shampoo.

Because all of them have just hideous skin problems. I wonder if that's a tel actually. Like we should have known Mark Latham was on some terrible shit when all of his skin started falling off in patches and they're kind of like slinking away like a disgusting worm on the ground. Isn't genetic or do they just not take care of themselves? Here's a question. Pop Quiz, can either of you think of a conservative with a good haircut?

Go. Puh. Shit. Any country, any country is fine. Donald Trump? Ha ha ha. How about that? I got nothing.

Anyone got anything? Oh, fuck. What about, Macron about McCrown? Is he got a good, good dude going? Yeah, probably. Yeah, but people like... Yeah, but he's a fucking centrist. Yuck.

Except for when he's being super racist about Afrika. Remember that? That was cool. Well, he is French. Yes, well, come on. Lucy, did you go to France while you're in Europe? No, absolutely not. Disgusting country. Too racist for you up there? Just the only, the only like conservatives with reasonable, and even hair styles, I'm not even talking about their fucking faces. I'm thinking like, just people like Mitt Romney, you know, where they just look like a

cardboard cutout of a human. But other than that, got I got nothing. It seems like conservatives will get pretty much given a whole lot of credit for being even like for being not actively unattractive. That's a way of putting it. Yeah they like if a if a conservative is not actively in the process of offending you with his face, you're like, maybe I could fuck him. Yeah, I think that's it. That's definitely it.

Yeah. But to try and answer the question a bit more directly, I think that it's because conservatism is a deep poisoning of the soul. And it pollutes the body and the mind. That's it. And you can see this in all of its external factors. Look at people who are, you know, the most conservative in right wing like Steve Bannon. The man who looks like a rotting flesh pig just falling apart in front of your eyes. Yep. Eyes redder than the devil's dick.

Yep. Looks like cum being scraped off baking ham. Mmm. Opposite Dorian grey painting, ass, motherfucker. Yep, he looks like somebody flayed a pig and then put a wig on it. He's just an awful, corpulent looking man. He looks like somebody was way too well-fed in his life and very recently died and was reanimated. Maybe they're all dead.

You're dead inside. You know, it's the most fucked up thing about Steve Bannon is not, it's not the Naziism. It's not the white supremacy. It's the wearing two button-up shirts on it over the top of each other all the time. So unnecessary. You're right, there is some sort of pathological linking between all these things that would cause people to be a Nazi and wear, yeah, like a green blazer with black pants.

Yeah. Like there's just something totally wrong in their... Very wrong. Yeah, to borrow from my... Have you seen the shirts, Lucy? I think I have seen the shirt. Oh, it's terrible. It's wildly wrong.

It's wildly wrong. I feel like these people were just like cursed by an ancient witch. And it gives them bad fashion sense and their skin falls off their face. Hmm. Yeah, it's like I can very much imagine that Steve Bannon hit a gypsy's son with his car. Absolutely. And she uttered something to him that he didn't quite make out as she was, you know, hobbling away down the road and look at him now. Look at him now. Look at him now. Look at him them them. And, them them them them them them. And, them them them them them them them. And them them them them. And them them them. And them them them them. And them them, the the the the the the the the their their the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th. And th. And thi sense sense sense sense their the thea. And thea' their their their the she was you know hobbling away down the road and look at him now. Look at him now. Look at him now. He got his power. He got his website, but um, but he's he's rotting. He's rotting while he's still in human form, cursed to shamble across the earth forever. So that's conservatism. That's it. That's my take on it.

Yeah, and I think, you know, obviously people have some sort of internal bias where they say if you don't look like you are a literal corpse, you're doing pretty well by comparison. And the Australian Parliament and Senate has many, many, many prime examples of this. Just imagine if you will, people who like to fuck men. And the Australian Parliament and Senate has many, many, many prime examples of this. Just imagine if you will, people who like to fuck men. Just imagine if you will, a red-faced Barnaby Joyce on top of you. And he gets really red too. They all get red.

He gets red when he's just like mildly upset. They all have this red-faced disease. I feel like it's something that scientists haven't figured out yet. It's bad. It's very bad. Yeah, no, just, just... They're all dehydrated. And that's...

I think conservatives all need to drink some more water and take care of themselves and maybe they'll be less grumpy. That's all I'm saying. All right, so moving on. We're going to need your help answering this one, Lucy, because it is about you and Ben, and your answer is going to count as being on behalf of both of you. Ah, fantastic. So, a question from a good friend of the show, Alex Watts. How you doing, Alex, what's going on? Alex asks, do you think that Lucy and Ben's ribbing of Caleb Bond comes from having a deep-seated crush on him?

Well, first of all, I think Ben's answer would be about not respecting women and have the N word a few times? That's the official statement from Ben. Also, I don't even know how to address that. Why is it me and Ben? Why doesn't Andrew have a crush on Caleb? Oh, look, I'm a married man. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that doesn't get you off.

No, it would get you off. Caleb Bond. It's true. That's true. I feel. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, th doesn't get you off. No, it would get you off. Caleb Bond. It's true. It's true. I feel like Caleb's going to listen to this episode and I don't want to say anything that's going to make him too horny, so he's probably never had sex. If he was horny, he'd be de-emming Nicky. That's my tech. But he's like scared horny. You've all been there. We've all been scared of our own horniness. To answer the question, can't say I've got a crush on Caleb. You know, he's a young man.

I respect his... It's a very young man. Ambitions. And that's all I have to say on him, apart from that I hope he gets nuked. Look, as a sideline to this, you know, let's just sidestep into, even the concept of a fucking an 18-year-old. Let's not.

Because, no, look, all I'm saying is that I get that, you know, in the world of like barely legal hot teen porno, it's meant to be really appealing. But, um, but when you actually like, uh, speak to an 18 year old, it makes you go, oh, uh, stop, stop talking to me immediately. I met some 18-year-old. I'm at some, I the the, I the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, I, the, the, the, the, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, the, the, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, the, Mmm. Oh, stop, stop talking to me. It's bad. I met some 18-year-olds on my Europe trip. Wasn't fun. I just remembered what 18-year-olds were like and I don't wish to interact with one again until I'm dead.

Ah, so you agree with me, thank you very much. You were skeptical at the start of that when I was just talking about banging 18 year olds. Uh... Can't say I've done it? Can't say I'm interested, but uh... Well, in fairness, as far as I know, there probably is, um, I'm not the target demo, but as far, like, as far as I know, I've never come across a lot of porno that is about like banging 18-year-old dudes, like dudes who have just turned 18 and they're dumbed to shit. That does not exist.

Oh, I bet it exists. No woman over 20 wants to bang an 18-year-old woman puts up with 18-a-in th-in th-in th-in th-in th-in, th-o-in, th-in, th-o-in, th-in, th-in, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, tho' thoom, tho, th-s, tho'-s, tho, tho, tho, tho, th-s, th-s, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th-n, I th-n't, I, I, I th-n't th-n't th-n't th-n't th-n't-n't-n't-n't-n't-n't-s, I th-n't-s, I th-s, th-s, tho. I'm thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. I tho'-s. I th old. Yeah that's right. 28 year old woman puts up with 18 year old dude shit for like three hours so they can fuck for 15 minutes 30 seconds. It's never happening. So so yes you have a crush on Caleb is that where we landed on that one? I think that's the outcome of it, yep. I don't want to cut Nicky's grass, so, you know. Oh, yes. It's fair. Uh, so, we have a question here from Friend of the show,

CDK, who asks, will Ben ever make any more J-O-I videos? They were quite good. I won't say that to Ben's face, but they were quite good. Yeah. Now for the uninitiated, a J-O-I video is a jerk-off instruction video, where somebody, somebody on camera, issues you instructions for your penis Mm-hmm like IKEA instructions, you know And helps you helps you get there And Ben did a series of these on on Twitter and I'm just gonna say we will put the request into him. He should do one on on the show so people can have a listen when they're on public transport or at work Yeah, just a round out the hour. to just a round out the hour. the hour. to the hour. the the the the the the to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. th. the th. the the th. th. the the th. thi the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tou touchy touchy touchy touchy touchy touchy touchy. tou tou tou tipea. their their their their their their their their the show. So people can have a listen when they're on public transport or at work.

Yeah, just to round out the hour. Yeah. Yes, you close with just a solid five minutes of Ben talking the through. To help our listeners finish the episode as it worked. We always like to end on a hide. I feel like that should be the Bunter Crime Pass for the week. You may jerk off on public transport if you're listening to Ben's instructions. All right, we'll definitely ask him.

We'll definitely ask him. Friend of the show, Nick Cornish asks, you eat in that butt? You gotta eat that butt, bro. Is this question or a statement? Well, there's a question mark after are you eating that bud. It's definitely a question. To which I say, yes. I agree that you've got to eat the butt. I'm eating the butt. I agree with the premise of the statement, yes. I agree that you've got to eat the butt.

I'm eating the butt. I agree with the premise of the statement, yes. Like obviously none of us are actively eating an ass. Not right now, no. Well, it had introduced all sorts of technical difficulties of the recording. Well, Theo is interestingly silent on the issue. I'm... It's a face deep in a butt. Just taking my fifth, my Fifth Amendment rights.

Mmm, interesting. I'll tell you something, Theo, just from my point of view. I'm all about respecting wives, respecting women. Just wives mean. Well, yeah, the deepest sign of respect that you can show to a woman is to eat the butt. That's what I'm saying. It's 2017. It's cool if you don't respect your wife. It's 2017 and like maybe you don't feel that strongly, but that's cool. That's cool. That's cool, it's fine.

Strong marriage is being eroded. It's the end of traditional marriage. Traditional marriage was built on eating the ass, thank you. I'm not sure that it was. It's about breaking down barriers between two people, you know? You're sure that it is. It's... much like that famous song by that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that's thi, it's thiom, it's thiom, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi thi thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, thi, thi, thi-s thi-s thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii' thi, you know? You're sure that it is. Much like that famous song by the Spice Girls, which I model my marriage on, it's about when two become one.

And what could be more symbolic of there being no barriers between two people than one them eating the other one's ass. You tell me? I can't argue with that. No, yeah, I can't think of anything. All right, so look, we either, we either have to take that as a yes from Theo or, or that he doesn't respect his wife. Either or, either or, it's fine with me. That's fine. Yeah. You don't want to close that one out.

No, I thought we were going to the next question. I can move my cursor on the Google Doc if you like. You can. You can. You can. You want to cue up where you would rather be than this question. Q&A over here, avoiding the answer. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's like a politician, am I right? Yeah.

There's weasel words. Yes or no, the butt. Um, all right. Look, to avoid making Theo any more uncomfortable about his public disrespect for his wife than we need to. Let's move on. We have a question from, friend of the show, Connor Stokes. Connor asks, who is the most considerate lover on weird Twitter?

Wow. Good question. Personally I haven't made love to any of the people on weird Twitter. Can't say I have either. So Lucy. I have not. Lucy? Oh yeah. Got drill in the bedroom right now. Who counts as weird Twitter? I feel like there's a lot of overlaps with weird Twitter and other kinds Twitter. They had their Favstar in the bio in 2013. And then they became weird. Most considerate lover. I feel like it's got to be Derek. I really just want to put some respect out there for Derek right now. I don't know if you guys are fans.

Derek if you're listening, call me? I'm a Derek fan. I want to give a shout out to a good friend of the show, Christian. Don't shout out to Christian. At No Power Raid in USA. Look, he talks a big game, but he's strangely sensitive about mention of his real girlfriend,

which says to me that he probably respects her. I disagree. Considerate love to her. I feel like Christian would be the least considerate lover. Christian's girlfriend, if you're listening. Send us a message. If you're listening, sweetie. Sweetie, it's okay. Send us a picture of Christian's weird dick so that we may put it on Twitter. Com. Hmm. Look, you know, I'm just going to say it again, I bet his dick's fine. I don't think, I don't get a fine dick vibe from Christian, that's I bet his I bet his dick's fine. I don't think I don't get a fine

dick vibe from Christian that's for sure. I get absolutely a definite weird dick over there. It's like a gnarled tree root. Exactly like that fucking tree and Harry Potter like waving around hitting people and shit. Mmm, covered in moss. Covered in a thick green moss. Oh look, there's only one way to settle this, which is that Christian DMs a picture of his penis to each of us and we make our own judgments. Report back. A different picture to each of us. I want it personalized.

That's a three consecutive days and he's holding up that day's newspaper next to his dick with the date visible. Exactly. How about that? All right. Just for the, yeah, I just want to put on record. I think his dick's normal. All right. Prove me wrong. Proof me wrong, prove me wrong Christian. Proof one of us wrong. All right, so we got a couple of questions here, which seem to be quite genuine questions about relationships. Finally. Yep, so we are actually not a hundred percent sure whether the people who have sent these in want them read out with their names on them. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to to their their names out is, I'm going to their their their questions... their their their questions their questions their questions their questions. their questions. their questions. So. So, their their questions. So, their questions. So, so, so, their their their their questions, their, their, their their, their their th tho, tho, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th. So, so th. So, so th th. So, so th th. So, so th. So, th. So, tho. So, tho. So, tho. So, thooo. So, their their their thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So, to to to their, their sure whether the people who have sent these in want them read out with their names on them.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to read their names out and then I'm just going to check it out with them before we put the episode out and if they say, ooh, please don't say my name with that question that's clearly about my partner on your public recording. I will come back and I will tactfully bleep out the names. With a fart sound. Ooh, yes, I just downloaded a good pack of fart sound effects. Fantastic. I'm geared up and ready to go. If, however, they are totally fine with their name being on it,

I will change nothing and this will just be you know 30 seconds of pointless chin wagging that don't affect the outcome of the show so sorry. Fantastic. Sorry about that I guess. So number one we've got a dear long time friend of the show. Tal tel Waterhouse. Tell asks how do you get over the one saying behavior or action? A partner has or does that consistently rubs you the wrong way, when otherwise there would be the perfect person for you? You never do.

You just don't. And you'll be married and ten years later, that's gonna be like the straw that broke the camel's back. You will finally murder that that that. that. that. that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu thu thate thate thate' thate' thate thate thate' tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tel is tel is tel tel tel tel tel tel tel tel their their their their tel tel tel tel tell tell tell tell tell tell. tell. tell. tell you tell you tell you tell you tell. tell. tell. tell.a. tell. tell tell tell.a.a.a. tell be like the straw that broke the camel's back. You will finally murder that person. Well you guys are married so we can't talk about any of your partners or your ex-partner's shitty behaviors. No, let's do it, let's get into it. Um, Theo, what's, what does your wife do that drives you bananas? Here's what I'm working on at the moment. Um, how, how my wife stacks the dishwasher? I'm still going on this one. It drives me crazy. It's like she just, it's like she puts on a blindfold and then just start shoving things in through an open hat. We'll see, I'm the opposite where I get my,

my dishwasher technique is not good enough, so my hands get slapped out of the way to do it, to do it correctly. Woof. Window into married life over here. Yeah, no, I've just become my father huffily restacking a dishwasher every day. And then going to the services club.

Yeah, sure. Look, my actual answer to this question would be that if it's genuinely like one thing, um, but God forbid, this is some wild relationship advice, but maybe talk to them about it. That's insane. Yeah, I love you. I love you and everything. And this is driving me fucking crazy. Can we, like, you know, it doesn't necessarily have to be something where you just lay it on them that they either stop doing that or you leave or commit a crime. Where's the fun in that? Lay down the law. Be like you stack the dishwasher like that again? I'm out of here. I'm taking the kids.

Fucking out of here. Let me walk that back and say if there is one thing that will keep any relationship healthy long-lasting its ultimatums. I know this is why I'm married. Yeah this is what's kept me married for five long years is that as soon as I hear or smell a thing that I do not like I immediately lay down an unreasonable ultimatum about it. It's either that or just stew on it for weeks. For years. Yeah, bottle it up. Yep, bottle it up. And it doesn't go anywhere, it just sort of sits way, way down in you. A little dark core within you that just gets added to with every new instance. Then one day, one day you just snap.

If it's not ultimatums, it's that. Or like, you know, Andrew said, you can talk to them, but you know, it's... No. Healthy relationships are built on burying it deep until one day you snap over something completely unrelated and just ruin everything because of that fucking dishwasher. Yeah. Yep. Yep. So you know. So you could try any of these techniques really. You could try pushing it right down inside like Theo. Just stuffing it right down there with a big old toilet plunger inside your soul. Um, I don't recommend that one.

That one doesn't make me feel great. Doesn't normally work out well. I prefer to over communicate absolutely everything that I am thinking at all times. Same. Yeah, it's maddening to my poor long-suffering wife. Long-suffering. Yeah, no, she has to listen to the constant verbal diarrhea pouring from my face. Yeah, I can get a feeling for suffering. Yeah, I can see. feeling for our suffering. Yeah, I can see. Thanks.

Thanks guys. Yeah, so, you know, she puts up with me, which is very nice, very nice of her. Good on her. But at least, at least there's no chance of, you know, suddenly our marriage dissolving and us being left going, hmm, why didn't one of us say anything about this until six months after it was too late? Is that a couple's therapy? You could go to couples therapy. Is that a real thing? Don't act like you haven't been there, Theo? How long have you been married for now Theo? Uh four years. Four years? Jesus?

My God! That's almost as long as me. I'm gonna have to get divorced or die for you to catch up with me. So I have a new incentive to love my wife. Yeah, like, couples therapy I guess like, you know, shout out to you if you're working on your relationship and all that sort of stuff, but I don't think it's a great sign. Getting deep here. I think um... Getting real Dr. Phil. Yeah, I think that, I think, I think the kind of the idea of it is to get a perspective. Where, you know, if you've like blown things out of proportion or whatever, you know, I think it's, I think half the point of it is a, you know, mutual third party or something, but it just sounds like a. Yeah, it's to get someone to say something to say it. Someone else to take your th your th your th your th th th th th to th th th th th th th to th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I their their their their their their their the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I the idea. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I think. I think. I think. I think, I think kind. I think thi. I think kind. I think kind. I think, I think kind theeateate. I think, I think kind. I think kind thi. I think kind thi. I Terrifying to me. Yeah. Someone else to take your side in the argument. Yeah, well I think that's the way that these people like dream of it going when it kind of like starts up. I think like finally someone that's going to, you know, back me up and agree with me. And then you get in there and they're like, so you got to listen for half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. take. thi. try. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. thi. then you get in there and they're like,

so you gotta listen for half of this time. Like, fuck, man! Do I have to pay for that half of the time? No, like I said, you know, I'm sure it would be very useful to you if maybe you weren't the greatest communicator in the world? I am the greatest communicator in the world? I am the greatest communicator in the world, so it's not my problem. Yeah, well, it's fair.

Yeah, I think maybe if you were, either not great of communicating, or as a lot of people seem to be in relationships, like immediately default to like hyper-defensiveness or aggressiveness or whatever, you know, in the face of any kind of disagreement. You know, there's people where like as soon as, soon as you're having any kind of mild disagreement, they just like turn it up to a fucking DEFCon. What's the highest DEFcon? What's the best? One, I believe.

Defcon one. They go straight to DEFcon one. Yeah, that's a low number so I wouldn't have thought that it'd be. Yeah, it's like golf I think. It's terrible. Yeah, the less DEFcons the better or the worst depending on how you would like the best the best the best the best the best the best th th th like like like th like like like like like like like like the best like like the best like the best like the best like the best like the best like the best like the best like the best like the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best Def-cons, the better or the worst, depending on how you would like to think about it. So, yeah, we'll come back and we'll bleep your name out of it if you didn't want it in there. Yeah, I think... If this was specifically about your partner. And I think the non-j. And it's better than not.

I will say that from my own personal experience and perspective that I would rather have a series of small mildly uncomfortable conversations with someone than one big one where we're talking about our divorce. Yeah and then it's like oh and by the way did you know that you do this and the real mark like them. It's not a good point. The real custody dad situation where it's like my wife left me out of nowhere. Yes yes. So so the today. It's the though? Yes. It's so weird. She's just up and left. She never said anything. She never said anything that I listened to.

All right, um, we've got another one here. It's getting real. It's get real. Now, I'm sure this is not a real name, but again, I'm going to check with this individual. I think it might be Irish. I don't know. It's Gaelic, I think. I don't want to judge. Well, I hope that a popular fast food chain puts out a burger with this name on it.

Uh, so, and again, I'll come back. I'll sense of this if it needs to be sented. A friend of the show, Jill Mick Splirter. It's probably not real. Um, has a question for us. That question is, what do you do when you've been in a relationship with someone for three years? They say they love you, but much support has been required through that time, but rarely reciprocated. Help me, wise Muntz. Dum. Dump th. Dump th. Dump them. Dump them. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. Dump th. thu. thu. thu. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I th. So, I th. So, I th. So, I thi. So, I thi. So, to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. through that time but rarely reciprocated. Help me wise, Muntus.

Dump him. Dump him. I mean, it could be a her. Dump him or her. Dump them. How about that, Lucy? Get work for Christ's sake. Thank you for making me work there.

Hmm. Anyone else want to contend or have we solidly answered that question? Yeah, I mean, like... I don't know, I feel like three years is enough time to have sort of been like, hey, you're being a bit of a shitty partner, maybe you should do better. Maybe be less of a shitty partner. Yeah. Well look I would I would at the very least say that if you had had been in a relationship with someone for three years and those three years have been quite

rocky and hard to get through. It's not necessarily a great indicator for like the long, long term. Probably not. Probably not ideal. Have they been a real dick during that time? Has it been something where like you've barely been able to sort of struggle through? We need more information on this relationship. Yeah, well. I need details.

Please write in and we can follow up. But I would definitely say that if somebody like all right one one tiny hints I get from this is they say they love you but and that's um that's never a good sign not a good sign it's never a good sign it's never a good yeah it doesn't it doesn't necessarily suggest or reflect like that kind of unconditional love that you're looking for. No, sorry, let me immediately walk that back.

Real relationships should not be predicated on unconditional love because of course real relationships come with conditions like do not abuse me, support me. Yeah. Don't cheat on me unless that's my thing. Don't be a Nazi. There's a few little basic conditions. Yeah like I have a bunch of conditions. They mainly revolve around not being a Nazi or cucking me. Same and no diapers. No adult babies. No diapers unless we talk about it first. Yep. But you, this is conditional, it's very conditional. No diapers unless you gettalk about it first. Yep. But he, eh, this is conditional love. It's very conditional. No diapers unless you get the size right.

I hate when they're all loose and, oh. My turds drop out of the side. Like a little slapping sound on the floor. I hate it. Why would anyone do it? Oh. It's so bad. Theo, what's your take on this one???? the th th th th th th th th th would anyone do it? Oh. It's so bad. Theo, what's your take on this one?

Ah, like you said, I think you need more information. I'm probably a wrong person to ask about this, because, you know, I lucked out. Because Theo's relationship's perfect. He's never had any problems. That's my take. Your take is my relationship is fine, so I guess, you know, you could deal with your own problems. Yeah, basically. Is that your advice? Well, I mean, I'm not getting paid for my emotional labor here, Jill, so, you know, I'm not'm not gonna do gymnastics for it. Wow.

Wow. No, honestly, I don't know. We are getting paid for this emotional labor. We are actually being paid for this. It's the least supportive advice columnist I've ever too. God, I wonder if this is how he treats his wife. Absolutely is not. I'm happy, so who gives a fuck?

I just, I don't know, I don't have enough experience. Next question from Theo's wife. Why is he so mean? Yeah. Um, okay, look, uh, seriously though. S send some of us some more details. I would actually like to know more about this. But generally speaking, if you've been someone for the three years and like it's a bit of a struggle and like they say you love you, but they love you, but you're still doing a lot of like the wobbly hand gesture about how much you actually believe that.

Just get a new one. Just get a new one. That's my advice. That's th, th, th, th, th, th, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th, I th, I th, I th, I would th th th th th th th th gesture about how much you actually believe that. Just get a new one. Just get a new one. That's my advice. That's why I'm the unmarried member of the podcast. Just get a new one. Yeah, you're worth it. Yeah, that's our tech. That is our tape. All right. Now, we've got a couple here that I think. We're digging into the dirt. This is where we're going to get some the the the the the the the the to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get some to get some to get some to get some to get some to get some the hate the hate the hate the hate the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the. the. the. the. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. new. te. new. the. the. th. couple here that I think. We're digging into the dirt. This is where we're going to get some hate mail. Fantastic. Can't wait. Oh, all right. Dear friend of the show, Necro-Tecno writes,

what about being Polly makes people so smug. I'm Polly and I constantly feel the need to tell people that monogamy is the cause of all their relationship issues. Please help me before I alienate all my friends. I'm so glad Ben's not on today. I don't want him to have right of reply on this. It's about to be erasure hour isn't it? My goodness. I mean there's nothing wrong with Polly, but why are Polly people so insufferable? I think it's because they feel like they've stepped outside of the system. Yes. Yeah. Like... Are they the libertarians of relationships? I think so. They've been red piled as far as uh... Polly is red pill. Yeah. All right, who wants to hear my actual shitty take on Polly people?

Me. Oh boy. Buckle up and get ready to write a thing to me about how I'm a piece of shit. Let's leave this old think tank up and push it out. Hey look, folks. I absolutely agree that there are a whole bunch of people out there who are not suited to monogamous relationships, particularly long-term monogamous relationships. If you can't stay in a relationship without fucking more than one person, monogamy is probably not for you.

Where I come a little unstuck on the Polly stuff. It's fine, go for it. Fuck as many people as you like. That's all good. It's the, it's the like tumbler grade shit that I've read where people want Polly to be considered as though it is like, as though it is like being straight or gay or by or poly. Like, they want it in the same ballpark? Yes, like an identity, like, they're oppressed. Yeah, and, I mean, this is a, this is a small percentage of them. It kind of makes me go like I Just I just don't know if I if I Can look at it or think of it the same way as like sexual identity in the sense of

If you are if you are gay you are born that way and like, you know, no one no one gets to go, oh, just try not being gay. Because you're gay. That's fine. That's the deal. But Polly, like, requires you to find a bunch of people to have relationships with and everything. It's not, you could like be fucking one person and still be Polly, right? I think you can't escape the fact that one partner is always going to fuck more. And with the poly couples I've seen on my various social media's that is always the lady. Interesting, interesting. Yeah, I don't know, my take is that like, yeah if you if you would

like to be in a relationship with more than one people at once, go for it. But go for it. There's also, like, if you constantly feel the need to tell people that monogamy is the cause of all their relationship issue, I would say to you, consider this. People have enough difficulty trying to maintain an ongoing relationship with one person. Hard enough dealing with one woman, am I right? You are right?

I'm right. Yeah, well, number one, you are correct. Women be shopping. They do be shopping. Yeah. Just shopping. Shopping around the clock. But also, yeah, just in general. Like, it's hard enough for one person and another person to just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to you to you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to you to to to to to to to to to to to be to thoe thooooooooooooooooooooooome one one thoooooooooooome one to to to to to to to to to to around the clock. But also yeah just in general like it's it's hard enough for one person and another person to just have a

relationship with each other and make it work and deal with with all of the little myriad intricacies of people's personalities and jealousies and insecurities and all that sort of stuff and then you add another person and And and you cross all those wires and like yeah, you do I don't know I just Yeah, you just just bunged another person. I don't know um so yes my question to you is why why would poly people be spunk? How many how many people does anybody out there know who've been in a Polly relationship that's been going for like 15 years and it's totally fine? Oh, Andrew, you're getting problematic over here.

I think Polly works for some people. It works very well for some people. Not personally a fan. I'm just saying I think that I think that those the time it's it's people who go who try to go for it and it doesn't work for them Yeah, because that well and again the reality is is that I don't think it's because like Polly isn't a thing or any of that sort of shit. I think it's that humans are immensely complicated things deep man. Yeah as someone who Will not make eye contact with my mechanic.

No, absolutely not. Yeah, the concept of adding another cog to that particular machine. It just sounds like a nightmare to me. So, you know, if you're doing it, then, uh, you must be some sort of magician. I agree. I respect anyone who can do it. Yeah. Me too, I just, I've never seen an example in the wild. No.

I have a successful ongoing Polly relationship. I'm sure they're out there. I'm sure they're absolutely out there. But how long do they last? I don't know. I'm no polyscientist. Jesus. Uh-huh. Who?

Can we get angry hate mail for this one, Andrew? Yeah. Caleb Bond's going to get mad again. Well, it doesn't matter because Andrew, and Andrew manages all the social media, so... Yeah, so it's still free to send in as much hate mail as you like that is at Punta Vista is it? It is it yeah it's a good thing that there's no way to track down who else is on the show no not absolutely not look I said Polly's fine oh I'm the most enlightened member of the group, I reckon.

You married, you monogamous people. I'm in cell. Hey, look, I believe I opened my intolerance greed. Yeah, I'm not racist, but. Thanks, Andrew. I opened my intolerance greed by saying, monogamy's not for everyone. I think a lot of people try monogamy and they keep running at it and it's very, very clear that it is not for them. This is true, likewise with Polly. Not for everyone. Not for me.

Gave it a go. Not for me. Had an ex who was very much into the old cooking. Yes. Gave it a go? Not th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho. th tho. tho. tho. Not to to to to to to to to tho tho tho to to to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that that that that that that that that th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And tha tha tha tha tha tha. And tha. And to to tha. to that the that that that that that that that that that that that that tha. was very much into the old cooking. Yes! Gave it a go? Not a fan. Let's get into that for a second. Friend of the show, my ex, who I will not specify. Boo.

So, this person started just kind of like, casually suggesting that maybe, imagine if there was another guy here with us and I was also here but a few meters back. Pretty much. This was quite long into our relationship so I was like, hmmmm. All right, let's uh, all right. Gave it a go a couple of times. This is like, this is like the baby fetish thing where it's like, how long do you wait? How long do you hang onto that one before you go? Uh, hey, I had a thing I wanted to talk to you there. It's just one of those fetishes that I just don't get it.

It seems ideal. It's like, oh, I can be in a relationship and I can sleep with anyone but you're not going to sleep with anyone else but then in reality it's just it's just bad it's just no good also Polly's not a thing now oh okay I got you it is a thing if you're into cucking can work for some people but uh not for me. Not for me. Yeah, I'm sure it's fine. Theo, any thoughts on cucking? Anything you want to get out? It seems like a very bizarre thing, but I'm not to keep kinkshame.

If you want to sit in the wicker chair, take a shirt off while, uh... Very specific, the man, three doors down. You know, it seems like an odd setup. Hey, here's my take. If you were really into that in this day and age, I bet you could get your Uber driver into it. Surely an Uber driver would be a quick and easy source of a gentleman to cuck you with your wife. What, that's very specific.

Hey, now that you've dropped us off, why don't you just pop in here for a second, just turn off the meter. Just bang my wife. Oh, so you want him to turn off the meter now now. Well, on the on the Uber, on the Uber, on the Uber, on the Uber, we th, we th, we can th, we can th, we can can th, we can th, we can th, we can th, we can th, we can thua, we can tho, we can tho, tho, tho, tho tho, that, that, thi, tho tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, tooan, toooooo too too too too thanananan't thuuthe Uber we can come to some other kind of arrangement maybe we get a little surge price there go on. It's a it's an erection kind of joke I got it. I get it. Yep. I get jokes. No no let me explain like a surge. So all right well that's that's quite a revelation into Lucy's. So, all right well that's that's quite a revelation into Lucy's

world. Thank you. I feel I feel good sharing sharing with the podcast. I feel like we've we've gotten closer. We've knocked down some barriers, we've communicated, we've strengthened our relationship. And we are one step closer to living in a polycommunity. I haven't, I've just been putting more barriers up. Theo's just been nervously getting quieter and quiet. All right, how about this, Theo? We have one last question that you can field for us. And it's not, it's not from one of the sickos. It's from a normal person.

One are you Normies? Yeah, it's from, it's from a nice Normie patron named Rob. And Rob asks, what does it like to kiss girl? Take it away, Theo. Yeah, it's, it's, um, Rob. asks, what is it like to kiss girl? Take it away, Theo. Yeah, it's, it's, um, Rob, I gotta tell you, mate, um, it's good. Um, you're gonna enjoy it. Right, I don't want to spoil too much.

Like, this is one of those reviews, like, you know, you don't want to give it away. But,, but it's definitely something that I've done. Not just talking in abstracts here because I haven't. It's like the sunrise over the ocean, you know. It's like a single tree growing at the top of a mountain. It's the first snowflake hitting the roof top. It's a leaf going down the river. Sounds kind of gay.

It's the train going into the tunnel. It's the train going into the tunnel. It's the rocket blasting off. All right, well I'm going to branch off from this into one quick question, which is, have we all experienced a truly terrible kisser in our day? Oh, absolutely. Hasn't everyone? Yes. You ever have one of those people who seems like to try and actually eat the whole front of your face. Yes, yes, that was specifically my complaint. Yeah, you ever had a classic Mark Wahlberg. What's a Mark Wahlberg?

What's a Mark Walberg? Watch any fucking movie with Mark Walburg where he kisses a woman. Can't say I have ever paid attention. Jesus fucking Christ. He looks like a fucking cannibal. He goes, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you have th, you have th, you have the, you have the, you have the, you have thi, you have the, you have the, you have the, you have the, you have, you have, you have, you have, you have, you, you, you, you have, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the classic, the classic, the classic, the classic, the classic, the classic, their, their, their, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi, thi, the thi, their their therying to eat all the skin off a lady's face. He looks like a fucking cannibal. He goes, full, full open mouth, like giant gnawing, I just, ah, it's, it, anytime that I see Mark Walbert kissing on film, it immediately gives me flashbacks to any and all of the worst kissing that I've ever received. I've never kissed, but one day I hope to find out what's like the the hea, he, he, he, he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, he, he, to, to, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the f. the f. the f, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to the f, th, th, the, thus, thi, th, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thi, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, and all of the worst kissing that I've ever received. I've never kissed, but one day I hope to find out what's like. Not making it sound very appealing.

Lucy's only fucked. She doesn't like to get intimate through soon. None of that. That's for later in life. That's for marriage. That's right. That's right. And on that note, I think we will wrap it up here. Theo and I will both go and chastely kiss our wives on the cheek. Yeah, it's bedtime. It's Betty Bicycle time. You're an hour behind me. You're an hour behind me. Jesus, this is actually working out really well for us actually.

Just a little peek behind the curtains. It's 1030 where Andrew and Lucia. It's 9.30 where I am. And it's just just enough time for a shower. 923. 923. Sorry. Night shower. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm a night shower, um, and a little kiss

on the forehead and then tuck myself into bed with my wife and my cat. I think hetero-marriage should be banned at this point. Yeah. Truly sickened by his perverted behaviour from the both of you. It's disgusting. Non-consensually kissing sleeping women. It's all very... It's in the marriage contract. Oh dear. Okay and I assume that Lucy is going to go and call up that X who is into the cucking stuff. And just ask him why? Just want some more thing. No, just have him on speakerphone. Just do a little interview. While you like, well you just do like make dinner, just do chores around the house and he's just really hoping the call leads to something, never ever does. That's the ultimate cuck.

The ultimate cuck. Not cucking. The ultimate blue balling. A little lesson in patience. All right folks. We're gonna wrap it up. Hopefully we solve some problems. I'm sure we did. Probably, why not.

We're all pros here. All pros. Well, you guys, you guys are pros. So, don't forget, check us out on the old Patreon. If you would like some bonus episodes, we have a commentary track of Lucy and I recorded along with the beautiful, beautiful, beautiful indie film, White Chicks. You can get that and more. Plenty of other bonus episodes, only five dollars a month. Pay us for our emotional labor. Yeah, we get very emotional when we talking and diapers.

We do. And if you want to be an ally, I mean. That's very true. Give you money to women. And also maybe if you're into rating things, if you're into doing reviews of kissing or podcasts, maybe jump on the old iTunes store, chuck down a review. A five-star one. Right, right, you're honest, yeah, well as as many stars as you want and give us you really, really honest thoughts and feelings as long as they are glowingly positive and the number of stars you pick is five. Yep. It's how I approach relationships so it's very relevant to be honest. As long as it's glowingly positive. Be honestly glowingly positive, that's right.

Yeah. All right, folks. Well, we'll see you a little later in the week for a bonus episode. If you are a subscriber, and if you are a subscriber, then, um, I'd like to give you a little kiss. Me too. Just a little one-a-moomber-a-sk. come around to your house and smooch you on the forehead. That's the $10 subscriber level. A little married smooch. If you are a woman I will chase Lee smooch you on the forehead and if you are a man I'll give you a little peck on the tip of your penis. Please don't. I don't want

to be there. You don't have to be there. That's part of my commitment to the patents. Okay, all right. Anyway, folks, thanks very much for joining us. I think Andrews gonna do it anyway. I have everybody's credit card information, I can figure it out. I'm logging off. Hi. It's a good time for that. Good night. All right. See everybody. Bye. you to