Boonta Vista - EPISODE 203: For Sale: Loose Baby; Never Caught

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

A tale of tapir terror, a confusing airport crime, a mysterious black substance pulling scientists out of retirement, and the Shipping Report gets political. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

F-FUCHING THE FANTIE Hello and welcome to Budavista episode 203 I am Ben and I'm here. Hello and welcome to Budavista episode 203 I am Ben and I am here invigilating a certification exam at the Al Cisneros International Institute for the naming of stonemetal bands. Behind me is a wall listing existing stonemetal band names. Names like, Sleep, Om, Space Slug, The Space Lords, Weedpecker, Green Druid, High on Fire, Toke, Cough, Cough, Cough, Resin, Telekinetic Yeti, Conan, King, King, Uncle Acid and the Dead Beats, Acid Mammoth, Mammoth Weed Wizard Bastid, Electric Wizard, Bong, Bong, Bong Bong B'er,

Bong the Bong Ripper and Bong Zilla. With me is Andrew, who as part of his examination must must, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, is, is, toe, toe, and th, and toe, to, to, to, and, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and th, is the, is the, is a the, is a the, is a the, tho, toe'''''''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to. With me is Andrew, who as part of his examination must come up with a stonemetal band name that hasn't been used, right now. The weed wizard's taint. Oh, God, that's good. All right, you've passed. Congratulations. Yes, my wife is going to be so happy that I have finally stopped coming here. I've been here for six months. It took you a long to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. thuucy, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thozy, tho tho the thoom. thoom. thoom. thoomoom-a' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the same the same the same the same the same the same, the same, the same, the same the the same, the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tho, tho tho, tho. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'eananananananananananananananananananananananananann'e. thoom. It took you a long time and I'm so

proud of you. Also with me is Lucy, who has to do the exact same thing, right now. This is so embarrassing. I'm in the wrong place. I thought I was in the death metal exam. I was here ready to write down corpse pussy. And now I'm just, I'm stuck. I mean, you would have, it doesn't work for a stoner band. You would have passed with Flying Colors if this was the death battle exam. And I'm so sorry. And it's such a shame. It's a shame. Yeah, it's so.

Three of the Nazis. Three of the Nazis, one of them was a Serbian War criminal. It's just really, it's a big shame. Sorry, Lucy, you have failed, but that's because you came to room 201B instead of room 201A. So... Easy mistake to make. You know how it is. Next time. The exams run annually. So, better luck next year. And also with us is Theo, who, by virtue of how I've ordered this intro has had the most time to think about it. Think of something off the top of your head right now.

I'm gonna go with Kung Fu Sativa Diva. Oh, God, that's good. You've actually taken my job. Uh, they've decided to find me. You are the invigilator now. I get to use the word invigilator a lot. It's so, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the the the theyu, they. they, th, thu, thu, thu, thus, thiiolator, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-a, thi-a, thiolatu-a, thiola, thiola, thiola, thiola, thiola, thiola, thiolatu-a, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi., thi. thi. thi. thii. thi. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. ilator a lot. Mmm. It's so. Very specific. At least twice a year, you know. Hey, the invigilators will be doing this.

What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is an invigilator? Oh, I think they're talking about nerd pervert. I believe they're describing those guys that wander around the city of Vivek in the game. th. made it to Vivek I always went left and then never got there that game is 21 years old now You have had ample time to fully explore the mythical world presented in the elder skulls three Morrowwind. I don't think I could do it at this point perfectly honest you're too busy raising a child and having a full-time job or you just... Yeah absolutely I tweeted about this earlier but I literally have on the floor there an extension cable. This is this bad boy and... Sorry this is an audio medium, so I'm going to describe this to the listener. It's sort of what looks to me to be I'm going to say one half of maybe a... oh not a five-meter extension cable that's thia, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that's, th, but, that's, but, th, but, th, but, but, th, that, but, but, that, but, that, but, that, but, thi, I's, I's, I'm thi, but, I'll, but, I'll, I'll, but I'll, I'll, I'll, but I'll, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, I, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I's, I's, thi, I's, I's thi, I's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, thi, thi, thi, thi, th It's sort of what looks to me to be, I'm going to say one half of maybe a, oh, not a five meter extension cable, that's maybe a three meter extension cable.

And what I want to do, roughly, yeah. Is run it from where my desk is, sort of around the back the bookcase to where my guitar is, and it's been sitting on the ground for about a week. Yeah. Because I simply haven't had time time the the time to time to to time to to to time to the time to time to to time to to to time to time to the time to to time time to do the to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the the to do to to to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. Well, thi. Well, thi. Well, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi the the thi thi to to to to to do to to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee extension cable the extension cable thi. the extension cable thi thi thi to to where my guitar is, and it's been sitting on the ground for about a week. Yeah. Because I simply haven't had time. Haven't had time to do this. Yeah, I tried actively to literally deliver free weed to your door today and you came to the conclusion that you are too busy for free weed. So what I did instead, um, for excitement, um, for excitement, I ate a pizza that was too hot for my tipeeea tipuuuuuuuuuuuu tip tip to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tm thi. to to to to to to to to tm- tm- tm- tm- tm- tm- thi. I haven't thi. I haven't thi. I haven't thi. I haven't thi. I haven't thi. I haven't thi. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. I ti. I ti. I ti. I ti. I ti. I ti. I tma tma tma tma tma tma today tma today tma today tma tma tma tma ti ti. For excitement, I ate a pizza that was too hot for my mouth at around 5.30. I... 39 degrees, yep. Uh-huh.

I'm now drinking scotch, so it's sort of burning the inside of my mouth slightly. In between then and now, I watched two videos on YouTube while eating that hot pizza and then customized the home screen like the widgets and stuff on a X demo 2016 Samsung tablet that I purchased off Kogan. And that keeps my to-do list on there for the things that I need to do like set up the cat feeder and that sort of thing. And here we are, we'll do this for about four hours and that'll make the time too late and then I'm going to go to bed. So that seems like all very good reasons for why there's no way you could have received delivered to your house free, charge, some brownies that were baked fresh, that have little bits of cut up Turkish delight bars put through them as a

little lovely surprise. My goodness. Hey Theo, I know that you are currently on the NQE sleep system. That is the not quite enough sleep system. Patented, patent pending. Is the, is the 530 pizza more a result of like eating at the time that you currently can eat around your small son's winds? Absolutely. 100% we have moved dinner time back a full hour in like the last two months because now he eats dinner with us in the time that he has before he he starts screaming. So from 6 p.m. is about, is scream time, like, the time time is like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the time the time the time the time the time, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, eating, like, eating, eating, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, eating, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, is, is, like, like, the last two months because now he eats dinner with us in the time that he has before he starts screaming. So from 6 p.m. is about his scream time. He's looking at his watch while he's eating. Yeah. Okay because I'm I'm a hundred percent a 5.30 p.m. eating dinner person now. That's profane. Yeah I would say that I regularly eat dinner

between like 5 30 and 6 p.m. and you're fucking stuffing that in at that point as well before the chaos gets out of gets out of hand. I wouldn't I mean yeah our kids are like a kid's like a thi their k out of a that their toub not get a to be getting in the bath I'm I would I I I I I I I I I I I I I would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would I I I I I I I would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would. I would would would would. I would would. I would would. I would not the their. I would. I would. I would. I would not their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I would their. I would their their. I would their their their. I would their their. I I I I I I I I their. I I I I I I I I I I their. I I I I I to to to to, they eat dinner around kind of six or whatever, because they're that sort of age, you know, they've got to be getting in the bath and getting ready for bed and all that sort of stuff by like 7, 730. And for a little while, you're like, I will feed you the dinner for a child, and then later, and then I'll clean all clean all that shit up, and then I'll clean all that shit up, and then I'll start making a whole second dinner. And then after a while...

A perfectly made Bolognaise at 1130 at night. Yeah, and so at a certain point you just say, fuck this, I'm making one dinner and I will eat it with the kids at like six. Yep, 100%. And then, now this does have a slight side effect, which is I will wind up eating another meal at 8 p.m Just like me and Ella will get to a point where we're just like

Ah, can I give you some advice? Sure Um, Cole sells sells one kilo bags of prunes and they're good for a snack at the time of the day the time the time of the day. Just hit no meal time. Think of a time of the day. Just hit me with an hour. Uh, 1.30 a.m. Perfect time for prunes. Just pop a prune in there. I feel like just how many prunes can you eat in a day?

Like what's, what are they doing to your digestive system, really? So I think I would estimate 12. I eat about 12 prunes a pr pr prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a prunes a pruons a pruons a. Now the prune association literally recommends that you eat 100 grams of prunes. That's coming from there. I don't trust them. Yeah, furthermore, that's what they fucking would say. The APA? Once again, Theo's in the pocket of big prune and bringing his propaganda on the show, although I will say this. We do have a container of prunes in the fridge. It's like a little, a little, you know, like a tub of fetter or something like that. It's got a lid and then you pop the seal

off. You've got a bunch of wet prunes in there. And I've been living the Theo Prune lifestyle where like I'm just about to go to bed bed the the the the the thapapapapapapapapapapapapap. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi tho tho thoom p' thoom pruu-a thi thi thoom-a tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. It's th. It's th. It's th is th is th th is th th th th th th is th th is th is th th th th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the theooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that's that's that I'm just about to go to bed A bit high you got it and you got the little gap in your tummy yeah That's that's only so small. It's a prune that enjoyable are you enjoying this prune? Oh, yeah. I am. I love everybody. And when they're in the fridge it's like a delicious cooling treat on the treat on the way down. Mmm love a prune. the thrue pruno pruno pruno. And thine thine the thine thine the thine thine the thine thine thine the thine thine thine thine the thine thine thine the. And when the. And when the the the. And when the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And when the. And when the. And when the. And when the. And when the. And when their theooooooooooooooooooooooom. And the. And I just say, popping the seal off? I thought that was Heidi Klum's job. I think they're split up, but that still works. Oh, I'm not really kept up to date. Oh, you want, you want Heidi Klum to give her ex-husband an orgasm now. Wow. I've not really been paying attention to the personal life of Seal, I'm afraid to say. Unbelievable. My goodness. Thank you for that very dated reference. I enjoyed it. That's nice. Uh, Heidi Clemens Seal breaking up.

Two thousand four. That was 17 years ago. What? What? When did they split up? Do that support? Fucking wrong. This is... You have lived more life since they broke up than you have.

No, no, no, they got together then. They split up in 2012. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Thank you for fact to Buente Vista. This is the podcast for breaking celebrity news. My goodness. Heidi Clemensseal broken up truly dark times on the horizon. Uh, frightening things for telling scary business of the future. And what better time to have a segment

that we call omens and portents. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. You will? And you shall know that God is dark. Bow down to his will. Probably. Yeah, I'll bow down to the flying spaghetti monster.

You know what I'm saying? Ah, touched by his nudely appendage, am I right? I'm one of those guys that insisted that my driver's license photo had to be wearing a colander of my head because of my deeply held religious belief in the flying spaghetti monster. I love doing a thing where you're parodying someone's deeply held convictions about how they fit into the universe. Yeah. Honestly though, I feel like that was a much simpler time when that was like the most annoying guy was a flying spaghetti monster guy. And then we invented Twitter, so.

And then we got to view every other annoying guy in the world. A few annoying ladies, they're really catching up on the being annoying stakes. Yeah, that blazing some trails out there. It's like in the glass ceiling. Oh boy, this week on Omen's Importance, we have a story from the Portland Press Herald. Mysterious Black Substance on Wells Beach. Turns out to be millions of dead bugs. Can I, um, I want to pull back the curtain here. And here we go. Just for a second, and I'm so sorry. You know, normally the little sub-titles that I put on the H2 subheadings that's in the style guide for the Bonavista notes. I would never say those out loud because that's just for me, mostly.

You do get upset when I reveal them normally. I'm very very th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am thi. I am thi. I'm thi. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm to to thi. I'm the to to to to the the the the the little. I the little. I the little. I the little. I the little. I the little. I the little. I the little. I the little. I the little the little the little the little the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I am. I to get to get to get thi. I'm to get to get to get to get to get tod. I'm today. I'm today. I'm today. today. I'm today. I'm to to to to the. I the. I the. I'm very happy with this one. I just want to... Dot dot dot. And you will know us by the trail of dead bugs. Yeah. And for a certain amount of listeners that's going to be a great time. And thank you for sharing that. And now I'm going to close those curtains right back up. Now we're all just fumbling around behind the curtains again. Everyone's waiting for the show to start back up. Yeah, being like, well we meant to come out just then? Why are they closed again? Why don't we do that?

Ed Smith has walked Wells Beach for years, but has never seen anything like it. A mysterious black substance that settles on the sand near the shoreline and stains the feet of anyone who ventures too close. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Well, number one, don't walk in that. Don't venture too close. Don't do it.

If I saw a mysterious black slime, yeah, just like, don't walk on it. That seems bad to me. That seems demonic. I would avoid it at all costs, just personally. I think I would probably pick it up in both hands and see whether it wants to enter my eyeballs via the tear ducts. You're thinking a sort of a X-Files type scenario there.

Oh what? I'm guessing that Ed Smith of Wells Beach has a sotally the Rafed has a substance in them. I'm tel you thinne the Steain' thin the thin' th th th th thin' thin' th th thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' the the the the the the the the theate theateateateateateateateateateate the theateateateateathea' theat-s theatheeatheeathea' thee thee the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to to to the toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toean toean toean toean toean toe toe toe te te in it, you just don't want to step in. I'll tell you who else has a substance in them. Stephen King when he was writing those short stories. Oh yeah. The man was addicted to cocaine in a way he was very deleterious to his personal and professional life. That's an unfair characterization. He was addicted to many things. Yes. He was wearing leather jackets. Getting hit by vans. He can't stop at one. Well, I mean he, he did. It's sort of like a Houdidi type scenario. He's like, go on, hit me with the van. Look, I want you to hit me with that van as hard as you can. Okay.

I wasn't ready. I was meant to tens my entire body muscles. I misjudged it. I didn't have time to do my key eye just before the van made contact with me. Are you thinking of Dean Coonst? No, I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of Stephen King. He was taking a walk by the side of the road in Maine where he lives and someone driving along on the road just like drifted over to the verge in this van and blasted him real hard.

Recognized his leather jacket and his glasses and well here we go. That's Stephen King, fuck this guy. Hey, I think that's the guy that rides very awkwardly in the voice of a black woman a little too often. Screech, you know? Yeah, clocked him with that van, and him like flying off into the grass and just drove away, I think. Did they just drive away? It's sort of like a meat-jo black situation. Hmm. Yeah, and then he was just super fucked up for ages,

healing up from being blasted by a van at 50 or 60 years old or whatever. Did he write misery after this or just a coincidence? No. I think he wrote um middle-aged guy hit by a van after that happened to him. There's a lot of, it's hard to tell when you're reading it but there's a lot of real-life influence on it. The vanning.

Ed first noticed it Sunday night. When he went back out Monday, it was there again. He talked to about a dozen beachgoers who all said they noticed it too. I'm imagining he was standing next to each of them pointing at the black stuff and going, hey look at that. Hey, is this weird? Can you see the thing I'm pointing at? And they say yes and he's like, cool. Does another tick on his notepad? Oh, I'm I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like like MPs that just stand there and he throws and talks to them and they're like you've been hearing about this black slime out here. Terrible creatures. People that have five times just been like, ah, I love standing on the beach.

Big pause. I love standing on the beach. New dialogue option. What's up with this black slime? What's up with this? Quote, I sat on the edge of my tub with blue dawn, a type of dishwashing soap, and a scrub pad, and I still couldn't remove the stain from my feet, Smith said. It took a few inquiries to local and state officials and some help from a retired scientist who lives nearby. I'm assuming that he had wild hair and crazy eyes. Right, that seems almost like a weird thing to say. Yeah.

Like, there's a way to describe people, like, kind of like, I don't know. I feel like if you're a scientist, you're a scientist for life. A retired scientist is someone who's been like, I've found too much and I can know what to investigate. Yeah, yeah. We need you to come back for one more job. I promised I would never put my eye to a microscope ever again. I turned in my white coat and my gun. My standard issue scientist gun. I said, I'll never get back to Wuhan again. I can't tell you what happened there, but pretty dicey. So he got some help from a retired scientist who lives nearby. Smith got his answer Tuesday, and it only raised more questions.

God damn it. I hate it when that happens. It's like you get the answer, but the answer comes in the form of a bunch more questions. I would have been better off without that answer. Yeah. I would only have one question. Yep. According to Steve Dixon, a marine geologist? What? What? It's normally a marine biologist? There's Earth under them? Well, if you want to study them? No. Right. The rocks. It's so good good good th th th th th th th th th th th the th the th the th th the th the th the the th th the answer the answer th the answer the answer th the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer the answer th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. It's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho to tho tho that that that that that that th. It's a marine biologist. There's earth under there. Well if you want to study them, the rocks and stuff. It's so good having a smart person on this podcast. It's all water. Geology, vastly different things. As soon as your feet can't touch the bottom anymore, it's water all the way down to the center of the earth.

That's my understanding. Okay, well, glad to be proven wronged, the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thuu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thathe rocks, thathe rocks, thathe rocks, tho, tho, I tho, I's that, tho, tho, it's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, it's stuff, it's stuff, it's stuff, it's stuff. It's stuff. It's th, it's th, it's th. It's th. It's tho, it's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho tho tho tho-n' thoooooooooooooooo-s thooooooooo-st stuff. It's too-s. It's tooes tooes the center of the earth. That's my understanding. Okay, well, glad to be proven wrong. Do you think, uh... No, I just realized that what I was going to say made absolutely no sense. I'm not going to do it. I was going to say that Geodood is the exact intersection of marine biology and marine geology, but Geod is not a water-based Pokemon, so that wasn't scanned at all, yeah. Not at all a water Pokemon. All right, but if you remove the marine element of it, is that the business of a geologist or a biologist? If Geodood was in water, I feel that would, I mean he is alive though, so I'm not really sure. Actually, if I recall correctly. Is there a marine geologist here?

Is there a mud-based Pokemon? Yeah, mud-mud-kips. Isn't that a fish? I don't know. I have to play the Pokemon game since 2003. Since before seal that I did close up. According to Steve Dixon, a marine geologist with the main geological survey, the black substance was the collective carcasses of dead insects.

Millions of them, I'm doing the Dr. Evil pinky. You know what's funny is that you just described that as if you'd done something visually and the listener wouldn't hear it but you actually didn't do it while you were doing it. No, I did that for your benefit afterwards just so just in case you haven't heard of Dr. Evil. I don't think we've got that reference. Austin Powers a movie that came out in 1997. Wow, before... Seas seven years before... Heidel and Seal got married.

Marriage and separation. Oh boy. The bugs float in the ocean, but when waves wash ashore, they settle on the beach and stay there when the tide goes back out. Dixon said he's still working with entomologists on figuring out what the bugs are. They sound like bugs. Yeah bugs probably. Where they came from?

Alien. Yeah. And why? That seems like a fucking dumb question. Like why? Like they're like, I don't think they had plans to be on the beach.. tha tha tha tha tha tha thiii. thi. the thi. the thoes thoes thoes thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thus. thus. thus. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be too. too. too. too. the. too. tho. too. too. toea. toea. toea. thooooo. thooooooes. thoooes. thea. thoes. th? Like they're like, I don't think they had plans to be on the beach. You think those bugs had in mind. Hey, I really want to make some guys foot dirty in a way that using his dishwashing liquid won't fix. How do they know

it's bugs but they don't know what the bugs are? I'm skeptical on this one. They looked in a microscope. I might have actually cut that out of this. I'm skeptical on this one. They looked in a microscope. I might have actually cut that out of this. I might have cut that part, but yeah, they looked at it in a microscope and they're like, oh shit, them's bugs. So they're just like tiny little bugs. Yeah. Once again, the answer to a scientific question is, bugs. Yeah. Dixon doesn't expect it to be a recurring phenomenon. He said once the wind shift, it's likely that whatever bug debris is left behind will wash back out to sea.

And then it's China's problem. Dixon said there were other reports of a similar substance at York Beach and in Ogon quit as well, but he hadn't heard of anything anywhere else. Emma Boothelet, who regularly walks on Fortune's Rock Beach in Bitterford, posted a photo on Facebook this week of her blackened feet. She doesn't know if she too stepped in a pile of bug carcasses or not, but said she's always referred to the black substance as, Beach Tar. Beach tar. I've been out walking into beach tar again. Another beach tar day. You know how we have those all the time?

What she encountered is not unusual, she said. I think it was from oil deposits that washed up and mixed with sand and just stuck to your feet, she said. Did she get a microscope out? Is what I want to learn? I don't think she said. Uh, did she get a microscope out? That's what I want to learn. I don't think she did. That's what happens when you don't have a scientist involved. Relatively chill about the idea that it might be oil, though? Yeah, also not very chill. I prefer dead bugs, honestly.

I'd prefer dead bugs, honestly. Yeah. A big drink of my beach milk and walking through the beach tar. Just having a nice stroll through some beach tar. Ask why the bugs might be stoning people's feet, Dixon said bugs often eat plants that have pigments. In fact, in some countries, bugs are still used to dye garments. They're also still used to die a lot of foods. So check that out if you are vegan.

Cool. I bugs animals. Well, they're not vegetables or minerals. Quote, you never know what nature is going to bring next, he said. Again, that's not nature, that's aliens. Yeah. It's type of cryptocurrency, so it's not from nature. Could be from anywhere.

Speaking of strange things bought to you from across the sea, it must be time for the shipping report. I'm itching for another edition of the shipping report. I hate to pull of the shipping report. I hate to pull back the curtain again. But listeners may have noticed in somewhere in the last couple of episodes I included a little bonus track after the episode it finished, which is just Theo singing the shipping report theme, including the ding ding noise at the end.

And I played that for a couple of people in real life at the bar the other day, and they loved it. They had a great time. It was very nice. Did you separate it from the, like was it from when Andrew played the theme and I sang along to the theme? No, you, someone had dropped out and just while we were waiting, you were singing it to yourself in a way the the the the the the the the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the the the the the in, you, someone had dropped out and just while we were waiting you were singing it to yourself in a way that I found, frankly, and I'm not ashamed to say this, adorable. I loved it very much. Can you please send that to me or pay it to us? I actually played that to a bunch of people that you more or less met when we were to do it here. Ben's just been walking down the street stopping strangers. Check this out this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus the the the street stopping strangers. Check this shit out.

Listen to this. You want to hear my adorable friend? He's very adorable. Anyway, no more jokes. Here we go. This is the shipping report. Jokes stop now. No laugh zone.

Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Stop that. The Egyptian offshore supply tug, Inspector 7, reportedly sank in the Gulf of Suez, possibly because it ruptured its hull on a submerged wreck. Can we just point out that that is spelled Inspector with an A at the end as though it were like a Ronnie Size song from the early 2000s? Maybe like a bad garage band maybe might name themselves that. Something Ali G would be singing along to in his car. A hundred percent.

The container ship O. O. O. C. L. Durban contacted two gantry cranes while docking it Kowsung Taiwan knocking them both over and trapping the crane operators inside. Oh dear. Terrify. Goodness. Try trapping the crane operators inside. Oh dear. Terrified. Oh my goodness. It's horrible. I had a lovely chat this afternoon just before I came down here with one of our regulars

at the bar who works in international shipping. And he was talking about how they have various incidents where the pilots, the pilots that crew container vessels, so he works for the company that supplies the pilots, not the container vessels. It's a very weird complicated thing, but he's talking about how legal battles over who is at fault in those circumstances are very, very complicated. So he was saying, in the example of this one that I just said to you about the guy knocking the cranes over that say, if it seemed like the guy who was piloting the vessel was following the instructions that the port authority gave him relatively accurately, he would not be culpable for it at all.

Right, like how if you steered your old-time pirate ship onto some rocks but it was because there was a mysterious siren calling you, and you're not really to blame. Yep, 100% it was the nude ladies with a fish instead of a bum. It was their fault. The siren precedent, got it. An unnamed ultra-large container vessel experienced unspecified trouble in the Gulf of Ardenne. That's a little mysterious, isn't it? No, well, unspecified trouble. I didn't know where the gulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulfulf of the gulf of the gulf of the gulf of the gulf of the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thuad of thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the their the the the the the all I need to know. I don't know where the Gulf of Arden is, and I looked it up on a map, and it's a little, little gulf leading into the Red Sea in between the Middle East and what's that the Horn of,

is it? No, that's not the Horn of Africa, it is below the, no, the Horn of Africa is the bottom of Africa? Okay, the eastern point of Africa there. It's sort of like a little, sort of like a little rectum to, to the Red Sea, if you will. If you view that on the map, if you want to see the Red Sea's rectum, it's right there near Djibout. Good to know. You learn something new every day. Well I've actually I've been learning a lot from the shipping report because

the website that I get this from it seems to either be translated from Russian into English or written by Russian people that don't speak English very well. So a lot of the place names are slightly wrong so I have to double check them and then I'm learning about all sorts of new places I just. th. th. th. th. th th th th. th. th. th th the the the the the the the the thi the the the the the the the the the the the of the the their the of the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've their their their their their their their their their th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the the the the to the to to thean to to thean thean to thean thean thean theoooooeeeeeeeo theeo' the. I've wrong, so I have to double check them. And then I'm learning about all sorts of new places I just didn't know existed. Oh, that is wonderful. It's nice, isn't it? Hey, it's me, Ben. I am on this episode, but it's not, this is not me from when we were recording the episode. This is from, I was referred to is the Horn of Africa and I was wrong. I was wrong to correct him.

And yeah, sorry about that. Have a lovely day. Enjoy the rest of the episode. Thank you. Bye. The Finnish cargo ship Ramona ran a ground off the coast of Gortland after steaming directly towards the land without making an attempt to turn. Rookie error. Silly. I would personally make an attempt to turn if I was the ship.. to the ship. to correct the ship. the ship. the ship. I was the ship. the ship. the ship. the ship. the ship. I was the ship. the ship. I was the ship. I was to correct. I was to correct. I was to correct. I was to correct. I was to correct. I was to correct. to correct. I was. I was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I to. Yeah. Yeah. I to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was to correct. I was to correct. I was to correct. I was the ship. I was the ship. I was the ship. I was the ship. I was the ship. I was the shiptowards the land without making an attempt to turn. Rookie error. Silly. I would personally make an attempt to turn if I was the ship's captain. So because the ship's AIS, they're like automatic identification system, I think that might be what that is. Is it always broadcasting? You know, you can track, the same way you can track planes, you can track cargo vessels, and there's just a really long line leading directly towards the land, and that it just hits the land. The theory is that the captain fell asleep.

Gotland. Well, the pilot fell asleep, not the captain, sorry. They should probably have two of them. More than one captain. I'm right. That guy got got. Gotland, of course, is a large, Sish, ss, ss, ss, ss, ss, sish, sish, sish, sish, sish, sish, sish, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to. And, to. And, th. th. th. th. the, the, the. the. to. the. tooo. tea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. thea. thea. th, of course, is a large Swedish island and province in the Baltic Sea. Its biggest town, Visby, is distinguished by its cobblestone streets and well-preserved medieval city wall.

Well, that sounds lovely. Pretty cool. Also, so the bit of land that he hit was the island of Faro, which is not to be confused with the Far of Faro, which is not to be confused with the Faroe Islands. It's different. Huh. We're all learning about places. The Tug YKP Marine got her propeller fouled in rope while towing the container barge Namthong 39, sorry, Namtong 39, 39, the Tug and Barge subsequently drifted onto the beach of Copratong Island, Thailand, grounding themselves.

I am fixing to get my propeller fouled this weekend. Jesus fucking Christ. I'm sorry. That was a joke, I'm sorry. It's also. It's also. It's a joke. It's not true.

It doesn't mean it's not true. Doesn't mean it's not true. Are you flying to Tasmania this weekend? Happy to end that question out. Truth in jest, although there shouldn't be any jest in this segment. No jest. No, I'm very sorry. That was mirthful and I apologize. This needs to be jestless, okay? To be absent of jest. The general cargo ship Falcon line began taking on water and was shortly abandoned by all hands in the Gulf of Arden.

Back in the Gulf of Arden. We only just learned about it. Satan's wrecked him. Then, call it in business. Ben, can I just interrupt? Just this is my shipping report observer. And you're not going to make any jokes here. No, no, because there's nothing funny about this. I just want to note that I feel like the names of the ships have not been particularly up up to snuff this week. They've not not not. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Be th. Ben. Be th. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the th. Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, their, their, Ben, Ben, Ben, thin, their, their, their, their, their, thin, thin, thin. Ben, thi, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, thi. Ben, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th. Ben, th, thin, th, thin, th. Ben, thin, thin, th. Ben, thin, th I feel like the names of the ships have not been particularly up to snuff this week. They've not been as funny as they usually are. Very straightforward, yeah. Or is cool?

Like, um, there's no Ionic hawk. I think about constantly. That's probably the best one we've ever had. Yeah, so falcon line is my favorite one so far this week. I will say that the Falcon line is when I take the racing line in my car what I'm taking a corner. Is that a joke or are you? No, it's just an observation because I drive a 1999 AU Falcon. Okay. The general container ship River Thames run aground in the...

And let me see if I'm pronouncing this correctly, Balearic Islands in Spain and was subsequently refloated, the captain failed to report the incident to local maritime authorities. So some people saw that a ship ran a ground and contacted the maritime authorities and were like, hey di. Did you know a ship ran a ground? And then the ship refloated and started sailing off and then the maritime authorities were like, hey-o, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, hey, tho, hey, hey, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the tho, the the the the tho, the the tho, they, theyrie, their, their-iary, their-iary, their-iary, and theiricicicicicicic is theiric is theiric is theiri, and their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their-i, their-i, their-i, their-i, their-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-iaiaiolea, and tthaea, and thttri-yr-ia, and thr-ia, and ground? And then the ship refloated and started sailing off. And then the maritime authorities were like, hey, bro, what's going on? How's your day going? Anything of note happen? It seems like the naval version of like, you know, hitting a parked car and driving away,

but it's very hard to do that quickly in a large shipping list. It's just him though. So it's like it's like, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the naval, the ma, the ma' the ma' the ma' the ma'er, the ma'er, the ma' a the ma' a the mari, the maritimauti, the maritimauti, the mara, the mara, the mara, the mara, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mar, the mara, the mara, the mara, the mara, the mara, thoan, thoan, tho, tho, tho, mara'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' a mara' a mara' a to do that quickly in a large shipping list. But it's just him though. It's just him though, so it's like the naval version of slightly hitting the curb with your mag wheel? Well, I mean, you say it's just him, but it's like slightly things the curb with your mag wheel, but there's also 20 other people in your car. And they're... I mean, the scooda is pretty roomy. Yeah, I've heard great things about Scoders. I have one more thing here from the shipping port, which usually I just sort of I summarize the bulletins, but I'm actually going to read this one to you in full because this is particularly interesting. So this is a post on Maritime Bulletin from Mikhail Voightenko.

The heading is, Freighter full of Hashish intercepted by Senegalese Navy, full stop. So what? And I can tell you're already intrigued. And let me read the text of this item of the shipping report to you. The Senegal Navy intercepted small, general cargo ship, Arso 6, some 80 nautical miles north of Dakar Senegal on June 5th and took her to Dakar where she was docked late June 6th. The ship, according to local news agency, is quote, full of Hashish, exact quantity still

to be ascertained. Arso 6 with multinational crew departed from Safi Morocco on May 29th. There is a suspicious time gap in her track some 20 hours while she was passing Canary Islands. Just stopping in to pick some stuff up. You know, you just checking in, you need some chips. Got some chips, kept going. Comment, colon.

So sorry, just just to be clear, this is a comment that someone has added to this item in the shipping report. This is a the suspicious a a suspicious a a suspicious a the the the the the the the the the their their their is a their is a their is a their is a their is a their is a th. th. th. thii. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thiauiaq is a suspicious, thiaqqqqqq. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, soa. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. So, somea. th. So, somea. th. So, so, just to be clear, this is a comment that someone has added to this item in the shipping report. This is a personal comment. No, this is a personal comment from the person who's written the bulletin. He's done the job of stating the facts, and now he's adding a personal comment to the second half. This undying public interest to drug trafficking just beats me. We're all pushed into to take take take take to take to take to take the drug the drug the drug thake the drug the drug thake thaugh tha th drug trafficking just beats me. We're all pushed into taking

a drug which is far more dangerous than any of your illegal stuff like cocaine or hashish or whatever. It's so-called vaccine. That's the drug which must be stopped by all costs until it's too late. That was... I love that little mix up in the turn of phrase right at the end of the like we must stop this at all costs in the turn of phrase right at the end of the, like, we must stop this at all costs until it's too late. Not before it's too late, until, yes. The cocaine though, absolutely fine. Yep, cocaine, hish, whatever you're going to do, do not give me the Pfizer vaccine.

Cocaine never heard anybody. I had up until this point never learned anything about the personal beliefs of the people that operate maritime bulletin and yeah. You've got to assume that I feel like ship guys are in a special kind of weird right? I mean the shipping industry has been they have been hit particularly hard by COVID like as an industry. I'm sure they have been yeah yeah but it's the vaccine that's the real virus, pandemic, Google it, 5G, Bill Gates, magnetic spoons, keys sticking to the side of your neck. Check it out.

That's a, yeah. I didn't read much about that. Why, the vaccines give you magnetism? That sounds awesome. Like, that sounds cool. You said a great video from today of like someone testifying to, I don't know, some fucking committee somewhere in the US, and they're like, well, how come my keys stick to me? And then it's a minute of them try to get their keys to stick to them, but the keys just keep falling off.

That's the key ring and like trying to surreptitiously lick the back of it before pressing it onto their forehead. See? See what I mean? Sandaging it into their cleavage. It's not falling onto the ground. Just jamming the pointing end into their ear hole and be like, well, why is it not falling out? Oh dear, that's a, that's terrible. And let's just hope that those people who are about to get their gigantic delivery of Hashish

find some kind of substitute. And we're praying for them that they don't have to take the vaccine. Fingers crossed, I would hate to be magnetic. It's not even going to get your heart. I think. I think so. I've never really developed opinions on whether I would or would not like to be magnetic. It's never really come up in my life. Yeah, it's never come up. I'd hate to accidentally like erase the data on my debit cards. Oh, yeah, that would suck. Yeah. And my floppy discs that I've always got in my back pocket.

I'd hate to lose the 4 megabytes, 4.4 megabytes that I've got on there. That'd be really upsetting. Right in, if I've got the amount of storage on a floppy disk wrong. You sure have, Ben. Ah, fuck. What size did they come in, Theo? Like, 260? Well, if you're talking about the canonical, like the hard floppy disk, the 3.20.

The 3 and a 3 1⁄2 inch one, which are the actual floppy disks, I think were Uh, and then the big ones, the five and a quarter inch ones, which are the actual floppy disks, I think were in the order of a few hundred kilobytes. Right. Okay, so you can see where I got two fours from there, though, certainly. I do. Yeah, thank you and I appreciate that. Look, I wasn't have to pull back for it. You won't go to pull back for it. Sometimes that feedback comes from a handsome beautiful man called Theo and sometimes that feedback comes from listeners.

Mm-hmm. Where it goes straight into the spam filter. It's never to be read by us. Someone, um, so someone today on Twitter replied being like, uh, maybe that's not so much Google's problem as that you're forwarding emails from a theeeee Gmail, and I was like, no, shut the fuck up, you dickhead, that's not what's happening. That's probably what's happening. Maybe we should probably just get a Gmail, but weigh that.

Maybe we should probably just get off that. It's not healthy, not recommended. We've got to go... The problem was we're on the C panel diet. We gotta get off that. It's not healthy, not recommended. Wow, okay, so I posted that in the chat and none of you responded, and then Theo gets to say it on the fucking... and you're all, all right, okay. I guess I see how this fucking works. I, oh no, I'm gonna get that, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, th. to, to, that, to, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th., bitch. I said this with too much pride. I literally posted the I'm on the C-paddle diet into the chat while I was driving.

I was so... I was on a country back road. There was no one else around, but I was so determined to get it out that I was just like... Ben, you're going to cause a repeat of the thing that happened several years ago when somebody left a review on the iTunes store saying, I am unsubscribing from this show for their, for their like, crass casual references to doing stuff on your phone while you're driving. Sometimes you've got a funny joke to say that literally everyone in the discord ignores. Sometimes you've got to pop a joke off, you know. I would never go to pop seal off between 2004 and 2014.

Just for the record, Ben, I first said this sentence, I'm on the C panel diet, the 11th of the 5th 2021 in the Discord. Oh, fuck off! What channel was it in? Nerds of the Show. I don't read Nodes of the Show. There's a bunch of nerds in there. Yeah, I never go in there. That place is not for me. Do you guys remember from like four minutes ago

when I did an extremely smooth segue into the mail bag? I don't know if you guys recall that. I heard it. I really appreciated it, but that was a that was that was that was that was a that was a that was a that was a that was a long that was a long that was a long that was a long that was a long that was a long that that was a long that that was a long that that that that that that that that the same old superior quality free episodes of the Buntavista podcast? Do you want less politics and more content about diarrhea or animals gone wild? You're tired of skipping through those hours upon hours of paid product placement for Mark Wahlberg Film Shooter? Boy, do I have the offer of a lifetime for you? That's right, for just five US dollars a month, you too can be a premium VIP member of

the Buntavista Patreon. That's right, just five US dollars for all of our bonus episodes. That's over 300 hours of content from the hosts you know and definitely tolerate. I'll even throw in access to our glamorous and exclusive discord server, where bizarre arguments only happen once or twice a week at most. Head to Patreon.com slash Buntavista. Sign up in the next five minutes and I won't know because that's not my job, but you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us, and we will love you romantically for it.

That's my promise to you. Yep, sometimes people send in a joke, sometimes people send in some feedback. They can do it by voicemail, they can do it by email, there's many other methods. We actually listed, don't do it, don't stop me right now. And they're all listed right here in this theme song. One, eight hundred, three, one, seven, five, that's the Bolivista High Plan. One, eight hundred, three, one, seven, five, th. 8003175155 that's the Boltonista hotline [phone] that's the Boltonvista hotline You can send us an email

Mail bag at Boltonista dot com maybe DM us on Twitter You could even message Facebook We don't really check the Facebook. Yeah. 8003175. That's the Punta Vista hotline. 1,8003175. That's the Punta Vista hotline. I think I'm going to have to update the song to say we don't really check any of them. I was going to say that this week you actually checked something in the Facebook messages and sent it into the group chat. It came up in my messenger and I was like, oh why we specify every week that we don't really

check the Facebook. There was. Incidentally I didn't end up using that story, but we did check it. So that's right. Making a monkey out of all of us. Here is something sent in to the mailbag recovered. Recovered from the big trash heap out the back. And a hundred percent went into the spam folder. That is where I got it. Yep. From listener Bob. Hi Hi gang, Ben has mentioned tapirs twice on Buonta Vista now, so I feel he wants to hear me talk about my favorite animal, the Tapia. I do. That's correct. I was especially interested to hear that he wanted to get into a zoo enclosure with

the tapia and feed it spaghetti. Oh, it sounds insane when you say it out loud. Sure. Can't just say stuff like that out of context. Come on. I've been a fan of Tapius for about three decades now. That's a great sentence. Big Tapia guy over here. Ever since before, Heidi Kloom and Seal put together in divorce. I've been a big fan of Tapia's.

Been a big fan of Tapia's for about three decades now and have been following a small internet community of like-minded Tapia fans for much of that time. That sounds so perverted. The alt.net. Tapia's posting community has been going off like crazy. Does he? Do they name the community? Can we go there? They do not specify, no. Bob, if you listen to this, uh, please, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, th, to, th, th, th, th, th name the community? Can we go there? They do not specify, no. Bob, if you listen to this, please let us start. I would love to see three decades of interpersonal drama. This is why I feel qualified to say, if anyone is seriously planning to do this, they shouldn't.

Were you seriously planning to break into a zoo and feed it spaghetti, man? I mean, I don't know when the next time I'd be at Taronga Zoo would be, but I'd try. Tapias might look cute, but they can sometimes be dangerous. There is no more vivid example of this than the incident sometimes spoken about in hushed whispers. The Oklahoma City Zoo Tapia Attack. Yes. There was barely anything left of that building. Oh my goodness. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, they had it.

Oh, oh, oh, goodness. Oh, boy. I can't say that. I don't want to. Is the suggestion that a tapir did it? Is the suggestion that a tape did it? Strongly. It's more than a suggestion

I feel like Just picturing a YouTube thumbnail picture of Theo on it Timothy McVeigh fall guy Big picture of tape Just in the background So Bob has attached a 1998 story from the Oklahomaian written by reported Jack Money. What a fucking name. Oh my God. Americans be called Jack Money.

That'd be very odd. That guy with his, he's got his fedora with the press card in it. Jack Money, the Oklahoma. No one would ever say no to you. You'd just be like, uh, you're talking to Jack Money, that's Mr. Money. Imagine saying that's somebody, you know? Marrying a woman making a Mrs. Money.

I'm gonna make you Mrs. Money. You say that everyone in every bar you ever go into. Zookeeper loses arm in mauling at City Zoo. Oh no. I think probably just a quick heads up. It's a, it's a malling. Yes, this is a content morning for a very violent attack from a tapir on a person for a beautiful animal.

And we're probably going to talk about this for 20 to 25 minutes. So. The daily routine of feeding Malayan tapir is turned tragic Friday morning for zoo for zookeeper Lisa Moorhead. Moorhead 34 was attacked by a full-grown female tapir at about 8.35 a.m. at the Oklahoma City Zoo when she was feeding the animal and its baby. Steve Wiley, executive director of the zoo, said Moorhead was grabbed by the arm and jerked through a two-foot-wide feeding door into the tapir's night quarters. Once there, that woman got mold. Quotes, when she pushed a food

dish in, the animal went for her, pulled her through the door and then proceeded to do a lot of damage, Wiley said. A groundskeeper witnessed the attack and went for help, but before Moorhead could be rescued by fellow zoo workers, her left arm was severed at the mid-biceps. My goodness. My goodness. By a tapia! Whenever someone says that they got their arm ripped off, I'm picturing either a clean shoulder break or a clean elbow break. Mid-bicep, that is fucking horrifying.

Sounds nasty, yeah. I'm just pulling up a picture of a tapeer to look at. Yeah, they're little, fucking adorable snout pigs. Yeah, they don't look like they're gonna rip your arm off at the bicep. I love those guys. They are a dark souls enemy. I want to be best friends with the tape is so bad. The Malayan ones, are the black and tan. She also suffered injuries to her neck, a punctured lung and lacerations.

Moorhead was still in surgery Friday evening. After surgery, it was expected she would be moved to intensive care, hospital officials said, now seeing as this story is from 1998, I'm guessing that she has already gone to intensive care. She has, yes. Yep. The keeper, who had worked at the zooomomom for the zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo zoo for to the zoo for the zoo for to to the zoo for the zoo for to to to to to the zoo for to to to to to to to to to she has already gone to intensive care. She has, yes. Yeah. The keeper who had worked at the zoo for the tapir quarters for just minutes during the attack, while he said the zoo had yet to determine a specific cause for the attack.

He said the keeper was experienced, having worked at the Tulsa Zoo before coming to Oklahoma City. Tapias are described by signs outside the exhibit as quote, inoffensive, shy and retiring. Yeah, retiring your arm from fucking service. Mmm. Because they rifted off in a brutal attack that changed this woman's life for the rest of her life in a way that was probably very hard to adjust her. Mmm. They are four-legged mammals with prolonged snouts and upper lips and are distantly related to swine hippos and rhinos.

Tapia is a native to the tropics of the Americas and Asia. Quote, she was doing a normal routine in the morning while he said there was another person in there with her and it is obvious from her injuries that it is a good thing. That another person was there, you mean? I think so. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they are they are they're they're they're they're th is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tape tapi. tapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. tapi. tapi. tapi. t, you mean? I think so. They're saying they're glad. She got injured. I know I'm always talking about the documentary Blackfish on here. We sure are.

But one of the things that was really striking about that because that, you know, it follows the same killer whale just being moved from sea world to sea world as it like tries to murder people. One of the things that's wild about it is they talk to people who used to be like they talk to people who used to work at seaworld and do stuff with the animals and they're all like yeah so my qualification was like I was a swim teacher. Like I was a lifeguard in summer sometimes and they said, you're pretty good at swimming. You can look after these orcas. Just the extent to which they put people in there with these animals who were not remotely qualified to do it.

And that's even if you think that you can ever be qualified to like handle a cheetah or a gorilla or something like that because there's always a chance that it's going to go tapir mode on you. But like just taking these people who were like literally their only qualifications were like good at swimming. They had no experience handling animals. They were not zoologists. They were not anything like that. And they're just like, yes, jump in there with them.

It's good. They want to be a friend. They want to be a friend. And then they would hide the attempted orca murders from them. Those murders. Yeah, Wiley said it was possible that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tapapapapapapapapier the the the the the t Wiley said it was possible that the tapia, Melody. Very sweet name. Oh, it's a nice name.

She sounds nice. Having your fucking arm ripped off by an animal called Sunshine or some shit. Melody was more cautious than usual because her child was between her and the sliding panel more head open to feed them. He said such behavior is sometimes displayed by the animals both in nature and in captivity. We've pretty well boiled it down to two or three things, Wiley said. Yep. They are animal between the mother and the sliding panel, two, murderous rage, three, large wild animal. Yeah. Unfortunately, Lisa probably knows the answers to a couple of them, but we haven't been able

to speak to her directly. What are you going to ask her, like, did you, did you kick the baby animal? Did you call the animal a dip shit? Before you went in there? Were you taunting it? Did you call Melody a bad mother? Moorhead was taken by ambulance to university hospital in Oklahoma City where she went into emergency surgery to reattach her arm and to tend to other injuries. By late afternoon, her co-workers had learned that the effort to reattach the arm had failed. Oof. Rough. That's no good.

It's no good. Wiley said Melody and her calf will continue to be exhibited at the zoo. He said the staff will re- a little review of your processes there. Maybe like a 360 review, you know. I uh, number one change that we're making. No more arms in the enclosure. Yeah, I'd say just a blanket ban on arms. Let the tapir is free. Give them $5,000 each. A late 90s Honda Civic and six months

rent on an apartment somewhere in Oklahoma City. Let's see how they go. Pop a dog smoker cassette into the tape deck. I wonder if that was ever released on cassette. That seems like something I would like to purchase if it was. It does. I'm going to look into that. Thank you very much. You just cost me 50 bucks, pal. Bob continues on to say, got a couple of side notes here. Tapias are not related to swine. We've got a real 30-year veteran coming in on this 1998 news story here. They actually have a permaband filtered on the word swine. Tapia chat there. Appealing because you called like a zoo keeper or a pig. You know, um, tapies are not related to swine.

They are odd-towed ungulates and related to horses, zebra and rhinoceros. Pigs are even-toed ungulates. And you might want to use the author of this piece in your next Great American Hall of Name segment. I have two things to say to that. One is you're absolutely right and two is, isn't that that Pearl Jam song? Even Toad? The poor zookeeper recovered. Come on. What wasn't known at the time of this article was the full extent of her injuries. So, Bob, very helpfully, it links to the article there that we're not going to read for time reasons. But I will summarize it by saying that this article came out a year later from this basically and at that point she was

still doing physical rehabilitation because she was very grievously injured. She was only just then getting fitted for a prosthetic arm. So this was like obviously horrific trauma that this woman endured. The article mostly focused on how her husband was an extremely lovely and supportive man, which is very nice. Dude's rock. Dude's do be rocking. But also, this is the first sentence of the article here. In Lisa Moorhead's dreams, she has two legs and two arms.

Oh, man. Well, I've got some bad news for it. Yeah. Every time you wake up. Facts don't care about your feelings, Lisa Moorhead. I remember being really disappointed once, waking up from a dream, and it was for the dumbest reason, right? Because in this dream I had acquired a Ferrari, right?

And apparently this was very, very real to me in the dream. To the extent that I wasn't like that sick I can drive this Ferrari very fast, I was like I can sell this Ferrari and I'm going to get a whole big stack of money. That's so fucking practical. That's such a great concern to be like, yeah, it's cool I've got a Ferrari, but I could just flip this bitch. Yeah, so in the dream it was very real to me and I was convinced that I could flip this Ferrari and just come into a whole bunch of money and that it would just help my life and my family.

And then I woke up and realized it didn't have the Ferrari and I was like, fuck. I had a dream the other night that I was back doing programming work like I was in an office job, like I had to wear a nice shirt and go into an office. And then throughout that dream I was like, no, I don't need to do this because I got a different job that's not programming and I know that I did. But I couldn't remember what it was. So I was like I to remember what I the th. I th. I th. to remember up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just just. I was just just just. I was just. I was just. I was just. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. thean. theat. theat. the. the. the. the. the. the. I was the. I was th. I couldn't remember what it was, so I was like, ah, I guess I have to go along with this. It's awful, it's terrible. You woke up and remembered it was podcasting. Yeah, I like woke up and just yelled. Podcaster!

Hmm, I had a dream that I was giving a speech at my grandma's house and there was a girl there who was from school and she became a professional dancer and she's like, oh, as part of the speech, you have to, you know, participate with me in this dance. You must do the lumbada. You must do the dance. And so we start dancing it and like, I'm just like, completely unable to do anything. I'm like, useless. And like, everybody's laughing at me and she's like, hey, what the fucks are wrong with you. Why aren't you're like, what the f the f the f the f the f the f the f the f the f f f f f f f f f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. thus. that. th. th. to to to to to the dance. the dance. the dance. the dance. th. And so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, the dance. And, the dance. And, the the the th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. And, th. And, th. th. And, th. th th th th th th to. th to, to, to, to, th to, th to, th to, th th to dance and she like drags me around the place and everyone sort of, you know, and by the end I've just melted down, just completely beside myself because I can't dance. I don't know why

I should be expected to dance for this speech. I don't really remember, I think that was the end of the dream. Lucy, have you had any fucked up dreams lately? Yeah, nothing I want to share because they will offer deep insights into my psyche. So, I mean, obviously, oh, I thought that was what we were doing. We don't need you to tell the sucking off Shrek dream that you had. Like you could do one of the different ones if we got the whole one gone. No, I had th all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho. I tho that tho. I th th th tho. I tho. I tho. I to to to to to share. I to share. Because. Because. Because. Because. I to to to to to to th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I thoooooooooooooooooooooo. I thooooooooo. I thoooooooooo. I tho. I tho. I th dream last night that I found a loose baby walking the streets. Like a loose baby. And I was really worried.

What do you buy loose? It was just running around. He was near the road and I was asking all the neighbors and I was like, is this your baby? And they were like, stop with that baby? And then I called the police and they were like, look, either we have to call child services it's actually just really easier for us if you keep the baby. Oh I was like that is that is typical police they just don't want to do the work so now I'm still struggling with loose as the way you've chosen. That's perfect. It's a free baby a wild baby. That's perfect. What do you want me to say? I would be I would be mad if that

happened and they made me keep a straight dog. Let alone a baby. They may be to learn to love that dog. You'd learn to love that loose baby. Both of my kids came in within the last night with bad dreams and... They weren't that good. What was better than that was yesterday when my five-year-old daughter and my eight-year-old daughter were watching Frank and Weenie, the Tim Burton movie, right? Did anyone know that that's a remake? No, a remake of what? A remake of a live-action Frank and Weenie movie

starring Shelly DeVal. I do love a Shelly DeVal, given the opportunity. A 1970s movie with Shelly Deval in it bringing a dog back from the dead. Anyway, they're watching this Tim Burton animated movie Frank and Weenie about bringing a dog back from the dead and my five-year-old daughter is like, so can they really do that? I'm like what? And she's like, you know, make a dog come back if it's died. And like people and stuff. And I was like, no, they can't do that.

And she was like, oh, have your children ever heard the tale of Darth Plagus the Wise. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, th th th th th th th th the tale of Darth Plagus the Wise? Well, here's the thing, right? So she's asking, thanks Lucy, I appreciate that. She's asking, is that a thing, is that a thing that they can do, bring, bring dogs and dead people back to life? And I was like, no, and everything that we know about it suggests that you shouldn't. And she's like so she's like so scientists can't. Yeah she's like so scientists can't do that and I go no and she just sits there for a minute and she goes I think that's what I want to do when I grow up. Necromancy? I said I said you want to be a doctor who devotes your life to bringing

people back from the dead and she's like, yeah. I went, okay. Time to watch pet cemetery. Exactly, gotta show those kids pet cemetery. Learn them some stuff, you know? My goodness. We're basically at the end of our allotted time here, but I was just thinking that maybe we could fit this last little short one in here.

I'll squeeze it in. Yeah, it's a short story with one question that I'd like answered by maybe an aviation expert. Hold on a second. We didn't, we didn't finish Bob's email. I hate to cut Bob off in text. We don't want to do that. Sorry, he went to a lot of effort here. Bob says, this is obviously quite a shock to this Tapia community. I bet. Many rallied to wish her well and help her out as best they could. If it wasn't clear from the article,

she was attacked because the Tapia was concerned about her baby who gave a distress signal at the time of the attack. I have never found out exactly what that is, but knowing Tapia's it was probably a squeak or a chirp. So in closing, my advice to anyone wanting to follow Ben's plan, now just running it back, Ben's plan is to break into a zoom enclosure and feed spaghetti to a Tapia. Yep, that is correct. Bob's advice is number one, don't. And number two, there is no number two. Thanks for the show, guys. Been a patron since almost the beginning and I can't think of a better way to spend my

seven bucks a month from Bob. God bless you. I will note that Bob has stylized their name in all capitals, which is the manner in which Bob in Twin Peaks is written. So you this this this this this this this this this this is this is this is th is th is th is th is th is th. th is th is th. th is th. that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is. that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is Bob. that is a that the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho. the tho. tho. that that tho. that think this is Bob from Twin Peaks? I think this is Bob from the Black Lodge, yes. It does know a lot about tapir isn't. That makes sense. That checks out. Lovely to hear from you Bob. The Bob., at Ben's insistence. I'm twisting your arm at this point. At Ben's...

Ben has become hysterical and once again we must appease him. With this, an addition of plainly speaking. Ah, this is your captain speaking. Please return your seat to their upright positions as we are coming in hot on another edition of Plainly Speaking. Plainly speaking, it's where we chat about planes. This is from WSOC News North Carolina. Former airline employee arrested after trespassing at Charlotte

Douglas. Charlotte Mecklenburg Police have charged a former airline employee after he trespassed at Charlotte Douglas International Airport on Tuesday. It true trespassed at the Charlotte International Airport. Orlando International Airport. The Velvet Orlando, Charlotte, Charlotte, Douglas International Orlando Airport, yes. Officers responded to reports of a man going into the CLT passenger terminal without authorization. Authorities learned the man was 40-year-old Norada Wilson, a former Piedmont Airlines employee. Airport officials said Wilson bypass security and gained a legal entry. He then boarded American Airlines Flight 881 that was headed to Cancun Mexico using a valid

boarding pass. Once the flight crew was notified, the airplane was diverted back to Charlotte. Wilson was arrested once the plane landed and charged with trespass upon airport property. Officials said police inspected the plane after the incident. CMPD is assisting US Customs and Border Protection and the FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force as they review possible federal charges. No other details have been released. So what we can take from this is that this man bought a flight to Cancun, Cancun. And boarded it.

Cuddecun. But didn't want to go through airport security? Right. Like, he had a... Yeah, he bought a ticket but was like, oh, don't worry about it. I used to work at the airport. I know how I can get into the terminal, I'm just going to hop in. I'm going to hop into my employee thing, then skip on out to the passenger terminal and

they've contacted the FBI joint terrorism task force. So like the assumption here, I could, I read a ton of articles about this waiting for one of them to be like, it's suspected that he that he that he thed the to be like to be like, to be like, to be the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. their, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be like, to be, to to to work. to work. to work. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to work. to work. to work. the, their, their, their. their. thea. their. their. their. their. the the the the toda. tooke. tooke. tooe. toe. toe. toe. to. to be like it suspected that he was doing it because he was smuggling drugs or he was smuggling weapons or something and there is none of that. This just seems like a guy who was just like, I don't want to have to take my shoes off. I'm just, I'm just going around. Yeah, he's just gone around. This is baffling. I baffling. It's probably shouldn't, but you didn't have to turn the plane around. They turned around like 10 minutes

into the flight, like straight away. Like they, like they, uh, the ground crew contacted. I don't know how they, yeah, I don't know how they got on to him. It's pretty wild. But yeah, there's like one of the new stories I was reading, they talked to a couple that were going there for their honeymoon, just like got on the plane and we're like, yay, we're doing it. We're gonna have the best time ever and then literally like immediately, we're just like, hey, sit down, we're going to go back. We're going back. to the report rules. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their their their their their their to, their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their honeymoon. their their honeymoon. toda, toda, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, thooomoomorrow, thoomorrow, just just just. the moral of the story. Yeah, just like you got out of any report rules, sir Even if you didn't work there like probably I mean you don't need to just like just like just do it just go through the thing where they humiliate you by scanning every single thing that you want. Yeah, it's probably fine. Catch me if you can catch me if you can. Oh, you call me. Oh, you call me. Oh, you call me. Oh, I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th. I don't care care care th tole don't care tolo too too too try try too try the that that that that the the the the it's probably fine. It takes like 20 minutes. Catch me if you can. Oh you can? Oh, you called me? You caught me more or less straight away. That seemed very easy for you. Oh man, I met a guy a week or so, a guy. We're in a very happy relationship. Now, I met a man

who has just started working for the Australian border force. So obviously when he told me that I vomited all over myself and on him. Totally natural. But he's, this person or I otherwise thought was a very normal, quite lovely person who's just like, yeah, I just started this job and I work in, like, I'm one of the like border security people at the domestic tunnel at Brisbane Airport. And like, he was telling a story that was a thi thi thi thi thi they. thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a the the the the their......... A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. So, I. So, I'm a. So. So, like, like, like, like, was telling a story that was meant to be a funny anecdote about how a sniffer dog sniffed out weed but then they couldn't find any weed in the guy's stuff and he was like yeah we almost got him and I'm like so you you almost got a guy for not committing a crime?

We didn't have any evidence of a crime, but I assume one was being committed. Yeah, I was like, oh man, you've been there for like a week and you're already an asshole, but I did learn an extremely useful fact. I learned two facts from talking to him. The first is that sniffer dogs are trained in one thing. So like there's a weed dog, there's a cocaine dog, you're just going to get the right dog for the day. Yeah. So you know

how you have stories but people are like, oh yeah man I had like a half and I was trying to get into Splendour and a drug dog went right past me, didn't do anything. That's because that was the cocaine dog. So you're like, your weed didn't register with it at all. So drug dogs are trained individually. That was a lovely thing to learn. But also, fun fact, no acid dog. They do not have an acid. They do not have an acid. They should put a uniformed, theyork. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. thi, th. thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. So, the, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, they, they, they, they.eeeeeeat, they, they.eeeeeat, they, they, they.e.e. So, they, they, the a little tie-die, a little tie-dye jacket on. Yeah, they don't, so if you want to smuggle like a few tabs of acid maybe in a book that

you're taking with you to wherever you go on, apparently that's fine. That's the Bontevisa Crime Pass for this week. The Buntivist a crime pass is you can smuggle acid. No acid dog. Domistically or internationally internationally internationally internationally internationally internationally internationally internationally internationally internationally. thia. thia. th. th. th. th. th. th. estically or internationally. So give that a bash. I was like, when I was talking to it, I mean, that's not like, it's not as chill as smuggling weed somewhere where you can just like land in a nice city and like smoke a joint walk around and look at some historic buildings.

You've got to like re-evaluate your fucking relationship with the divine while you're walking around trying to order a hamburger from a McDonald's in France. A little tougher, but still, if you want to have drugs with you when you land, I guess, acid is the one. There you go. Well, that's it for us, folks. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for listening.

Apologies if you sent something to us to mailbag at Puntavisa.com and it vanished into the ether. Rest assured we are going back through the archive that we found. We are very slowly. Yeah we're making sweet gentle love to each of your letters. If at any point you sort of sent us an email detailing and it's a mad, mad, mad world situation where you buried some treasure in a location and we had to race to get it, we will now be racing to get it when we read that email. I'll be driving the motorbike.

Yep. Ben's in the side car. I was picturing myself in that, the truck that's hauling all the furniture. That's kind of who I thought was in that situation. Watch the film It's a mad, mad, mad, mad, world if you've never seen it. It has every single comedy actor from the 1930s through the 1960s in one movie. Well, see you next week everybody. Bye. Bye.