Boonta Vista - EPISODE 208: Catman Begins (Feat. Tom Cardy)

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Multi-instrumentalist, bon vivant and self-described "daddy of TikTok" Tom Cardy joins us to talk an abundance of bowling balls, a slew of escaped exotic animals, and transitioning away from Samurai films. *** Outro: Have You Checked Your Butthole - Tom Cardy *** You can find Tom's Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/tomycardy You can find the The Feed special Cancelled right here: https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/watch/1900750915599 *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Bonte Vista, episode 208. I'm Andrew and due to a pact that I've made with the devil, I found myself backstage at Nevada's Allegiant Stadium where I'm getting ready to go on as the character of the Starchild in the very famous band KISS. That's right. The original members perished in a horrifying Wax Museum accident many years ago, and since then they've been replaced with a succession of people who are looking for fame and fortune and are willing to trade their everlasting soul to the Prince of Darkness to make it happen. With me strapping on his lead guitar and slathering face pain over the top of the

beard he refused to shave off. It's my friend the friend the friend role of the space man. It's Ben. Hi Ben, what did you trade to the devil for the frankly not that appealing situation that we find ourselves in? What, what, sorry, what are the names that you're saying here? The star child. These are the characters of the band Kiss. Wait, they have separate names on top of their regular names. Well, you know how their face pain is different shapes and such?

I'm familiar with their individual face pain situations, certainly. The Star Child? Yeah. The space man, that's you. You will be assuming the mantle of Space Manning. Which one was? What's the threat? Woo?

Who's the guy that was the one that I am now because I gave away the rights to my first three kids I don't know ace freely ice freely Yeah, is that me is such a old ace freely on oh you're a star child I'm mixed up Oh boy fucking suck ass so bad I don't know why you did this I don't know why you made this that sounds like that's why you're being punished is for saying that about kiss so Every song is. Of I I I I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that's that's th. that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi thi thi's thi's thi thi that's thi thi that's th're being punished is for saying that about kiss. So... Mmm. Every song is... Of course, that is the voice of Lucy who will be taking the role of the cat man. We'd love to change it to the cat woman, but there are obvious copyright implications and we can't have 65,05 year old Las Vegas tourists freaking the fuck out about the change. Hello Lucy, how is your Korean skin tha thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi-s that thiou that's thi, thi, the is the is the is the is the is the is that's that's that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is th. th is th is th is th is th. th is th is th. thus, thus, thus. thus. thus. thi is thus. thi is thi is thi is the is the is the is the is the is not thou-s the is thou-s the is the is thou-s. that is your Korean skin care regimen dealing with all of the grease paint?

You know, it's not great. I'm just, I'm thinking right now about taking all this paint off and I'm not enjoying the thought. I'm gonna need like a mud mask. I'm gonna need some scrubbing. It's not gonna be a fun time for me. You can't do it during the show because people there will be fucking riots. If I do my Korean skin care routine at the Kiss show, yeah, I probably won't go down so well. If during the show you decide that it's too much and you are not willing to deal with it anymore. You reckon like 65,000 pensioner tourists seeing the members of Kiss or remove their face their face paint on stage would be the same as a kid seeing a teltyteltytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytue. tulli tulli. tulli. tulli. tulli. tulli. tulli. tulli. tulli. tulli. tha. thanipipip. they's they's th. tha. thi. they're they're they're they're thi. they'll thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You're th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttry ttttry tell try try try try ttry try try try try try try ttry th try th th th a kid seeing a tele-tubby pull its head off like during a performance being like, what the fuck? Hell! Probably. Especially once they find out that it's it's not the original members anymore. I think that's going to be a bad time for everybody. Wait what? That's us. One of the people who is not the original members of Kis is a very special man. A very talented actor, musician, music teacher. And toe. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and famous, and famous, and famous, their, and their, their, their, how. the fa, the fa, how, how. the f' the f' the f' the f' the f' the f' the f' the f. the f. the f. the f. And, how, how. very talented actor, musician, composer, music teacher, drama teacher, and famous, much-loved internet celebrity who, due to his legendary pussy eating skills, will be taking the mantle of the demon. That's right, it's Tom Cardi.

Yeah. And I'm up the back just teaching kids drama and... Oh, I was gonna say something else else but I could maybe go to jail for it. So just teaching kids drama. Man, do you know how many of like Kiss drummers have taken different like characters after the age, the kitty cat? What characters have they gone on to do? There's like the Pharaoh, they had like the Sphinx and he had like, because you know how they all have like demon, oh I mean us, God. It's kiss. You, you, you, you, you, you, the the the the the the the the the the the they's like, th. You, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to te. Just, to to te. Just, te, te, you know how they all have like demon, I mean us, God, Kiss. You know how we had. You know how we, yes and. Yeah, it's a real revolving door, man. So wait, hold on.

They went on to be in other bands and then have different characters. So they had different characters within Kiss. When Peter Chris, the kitty cat got kicked out, they were like we need another drummer, but they can't we we we wee. We wee. wee we wee. wee. We wee. We the they they the they wee. We they they they they they the wee. We we they we have we have we have we have we have we have we have we have we have we have wee. We have we have wee. We have wee. We have wee. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We wee. We wee. We wee. We wee. We wee. We wee. We wee. We wee. We have wee. We have wee. We have wee. We have wee. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have th. We have we have we have we have we have we have we have we have we within kiss when when Peter Chris the the kitty cat got kicked out They were like we need another drummer, but they can't be the cat again So they got a guy that was I'm pretty sure a puma or puma depending on yeah, that's that's a big slight to the cat They said what's what's better than a cat? Hmm, easy puma. Yeah. And then they had some sort of like Pharaoh and they just had like the the the the the the the angk the angst or something. Oh that's pretty cool. Yeah but basic compared to what it was. Cat. Yeah it's a real upgrade from cat. Although you could argue that they're continuing an Egyptian type theme. Those guys loved cats. Vinny Vincent the Ark the. th on th on th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thank. thank. thank. thank. thii-a. thank. thank. thank. the. the. the. the. the. thank. It's thank. It's thank. It's the the the the the the the the thananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananx. A th. A th. A th. A th. A the. A the. A thean. A thean. A theanananananananananananananananxxxxx. Ae-a. A thanxx. A thananananx. A th cats. Vinny Vincent the Arnk Warrior.

Oh you just actually just has a big the the their face on his face that's that's a look. Yeah, Ank Warrior. I thought it was just like they had four styles of face paint and you just you just put that face paint on I realize they were characters attached to these things. Oh this was thought out. Very considered. Yeah. Kiss law runs deep. attached to these things. Oh, this was thought out. Very considered. Yeah. The Kiss law runs deep. Now despite the fact that I have done a deal with the devil to assume the role of a character within Kiss, not really a fan of the band, never really listened to much of their stuff. I assume that there are like concept albums invoking the characters, you would think. They did this thing where each of them got it, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, uh, it, it, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the invoking the characters, you would think.

They did this thing where each of them got, it's super passive aggressive now that I think about it, after like writing songs together as bands they all got to do their own album and then they competed to see whose album did better. That's healthy. Yes, it's insane right. That's not quite like, you know, there are plenty of acts where somebody just kind of goes, oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do my own thing just off to the side. Not because I want to leave this band. I just have things that I would like to do and, you know, the vast majority of the time, it's the precursor to leaving the band. I just want to dip to dip to dip to dip the to dip the to dip out for a second and make band on the run, just see what happens. Yeah.

Just from, just come check out this traveling Wilburys thing. That's what I do my solo podcast. That's what I'm going to say. Yeah, I was going to say Ben. I love your juggling podcast. I think it's really informative. There's so much to talk about. That's the best thing about this. Is what what what what what what is what is what is that's what is that's what is that's that's that's that's that's th. It th. It the th. It's th. It's the th. That's the th. That's the the th. That's the th. That's the th. th. that is that is the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the the th. th. the. the. the. the. to to the to to to the to to the the the the. the the the the. the., that's exactly it. Yeah, that's the name. All of the segments, ball talk, talking balls, ball speech. The ball report. Yeah, all of them about the same thing, incidentally. Speaking of, I was on the big soft-titty podcast this week for our listeners, so... Tom Walker and the Demi, so go check out. Now that's a podcast with a name.

Oh God, it's so good. Yeah, I googled it in my office. I was like, I'm gonna have a listen before I'm on the show. And then I was like, big soft titty and then I realized that that was like, what a big soft titty search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search search was that was going was going was going was going that was going that was going that was going that was going that was going that's what a big soft tiddy search was going to get me on Google. So. Did you get a titty that was visibly soft? Like you're looking at it and you're like, yeah, that's definitely not firm. Well, safe search was on.

So they weren't like naked titties. You know, they were like Nigella Lawson titties. I thought your safe search was gonna like specify how hard the tiddy was as if Hey whoa you don't want to rush into this not only hard titties on safe search Taking that off and show us the hardest hit show me the hardest tip for anybody's ever seen That's like yeah you know I gotta say very very hard titties. It's I don't think it's for me you know that the like very very hard titties. I don't think it's for me. You know the very, very niche porn of people that have gotten like the crazy experimental

like life-ruiting surgery for like mega-tits? The ones where you can't really go to the shops anymore because you've essentially got two like of those yoga balls now. Yeah, that's probably as hard as a titty's gonna get. Do you think they're hard? Do you think they're hard? Well, well, let me tell you. Uh, wife of the show my wife, Eleanor was watching one of those like, uh, hey, I would love

to get super fucked up by plastic surgery shows. Um, they had like one of the kind of cat guys. Oh, Peter Chris. It's a f- That is permanent that face. It's a birth mark. Oh, they are. So they had, like it's very weird to see people talking to like cosmetic surgeons where they're just like, yeah, this isn't all fucked up enough yet.

Can we fuck me up more? Please person with a medical degree. Yeah, and they just start in on them with the sharpies and go, I would love to fuck you up more for a bunch of money. That would be so cool to me. I have no idea where any kind of, I don't know, ethical consideration comes in or any of that sort of stuff. But they had this guy with his crazy face and they interview these people who are talking

about the stuff and while they're talking about it, you're like, this doesn't seem great. This doesn't seem like the most healthy thing in the world that you're doing. If it was one person who was like, for my entire life I've, th. th., th. th. this, th. And this th. And this th. And this th. And th. And this is, th. And th. And th. And th. I th. I'm, th. th. th. I th. I'm, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And thi. And thi. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And, th. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's is thiii's thiiii's thi's thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th most healthy thing in the world that you're doing. If it was one person who was like, for my entire life, I've just wanted to look like a psycho clown, and this is me living my dreams, but instead they're all just kind of saying like, yeah, I've had 40 surgeries, not quite there. I still don't feel great.

I still feel like I look fucking terrible and I need to just keep pushing it further, it all seems like it's grounded in some horrible issues. And then they move on to this lady who has the great big crazy tits. And she's got like the fucked up face as well. She's like, oh the titties are fine. I'm worried about this face. I need to get, you know, some more lips put in or whatever. And more lips, like extra sets of lips. Yeah, and they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're just just, and they're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, to just, to just, to just, to just to just to just to just, to just, to just, to just, to just, to just, to just, to just, to to just, to to to to just, to to to just, to just, to just, to just, to just, to just, to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just thi thi thi to just thi thi to just to just thi to just to just to just thi to just to just to just to just to just to just. I need to get some more lips put in or whatever. And more lips, like extra sets of lips. Yeah, and they're cruising around with her for the day.

And she's like, yeah, I can get this many CC's in. And they, they like, inflate them at the start of the day. They got like a little, a little port. Because I've always looked and thought when you see the people with the kind of like starts starts at the top of the chest and and goes to like your hip bone kind of thing gigantic fake breasts I've always thought surely if they are full of liquid they would be tearing themselves off your body with the weight right you think they were like a medicine ball half fill of water? I don't know. I really didn't know. Like all the styrofoam packing peanuts that have far

too lumpy in exterior I think. But yeah, like she's just like, yeah, it's awesome. I can get this many ceases of air into them on a day before I pop out, you know? So you're saying you could like stick a needle and deflate them like in a their their their their their their the water... their the water. I. I their their the weight. I the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight. I'm with the weight. I'm with the weight. I'm with the weight. I'm with the weight. I'm like, like, like, like, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I the weight. I the weight. I the weight. I the weight. I the weight. I the weight. I, I the weight. I the weight. I'm, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I a day before I pop out, you know? So you're saying you could like stick a needle and deflate them like in a Wayans Brothers movie. Was there a thumb? I'm assuming that the lady would fly around the room as that happened. I hate the idea that like saying that there's a maximum sort of cubic centimeter of volume,that you can get in there implies the existence of a bursting point which is a horrible fucking mental image I hate that very much yeah she was talking about it like she was talking about it like you know I was previously only able to get

this much in and I've been upgrading that over time. She's increased her tiddy pressure. Yeah. The maximum, the ceiling of it. Okay, well that's cool. That's cool. Put one of those little bike tire gauges on the side of your titty. It is cool that you could change your own buoyancy though.

Like if you're a scuba diver, you can sort of change you. You can get yourself to neutral buoyancy by manipulating your own tits, which is the dream. That's the coolest thing about having breast implants I've always said. And it's the reason that most people get them. Yeah. Watching people put on weight belts and being like you dumb, motherfuck. I have a massive set of titties and I don't need a weight belt, the dream. If I did it I'd fill it with a fart and then I'd the the the the the their th. I'd th. I'd their th. I'd make th. I'd make their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. their. their. their. t. t. t. thea. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. t. t. t. t. t. t. I. I. I'm. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t. titties and I don't need a weight belt, the dream. If I did it, I'd fill it with a fart and then I'd undo it to make someone feel awkward and make, trick them into thinking that they farted. The perfect crack. Yeah. They wouldn't expect it. Do you put your shirt off for this one?

Oh, okay. He wouldn't expect you. I'm saying. Ben, you might want to strap yourself in for this one. Oh, okay. Okay. Speaking of spherical objects that when you look at them, you might assume are rock hard, it's time for this week's hole report. I actually really love this hole. I think it's a unique hole, and I think it's difficult, I think there's going roller. So, uh, this week's whole report.

Sorry, why would a hole be rock hard? I feel like I'm missing that one. I just need to clarify it. Don't worry, all will become clear. No, that perfectly smooth, a highly intelligible segue will become, yeah. It wasn't just about holes in general. I'm so sorry. No, that would be very confusing.

No, a reference to the potentially rock-hard tits. So I'm just looking at the document here, the old H2s formatted according to the official Buntavista style guide that we don't read out on the show except for when we do this, so now you're talking about it like you're about to read it out loud even though I explicitly say that's not for you to read out loud. Yeah, this one says the whole report, colon, more like, quote, lack of whole, end quote, report and I'm not talking about Andrew's sex life, exclamation, exclamation. Yeah. OK. From WBNS News, do it yourself construction work is a real thing these days.

That is a horrible opening sentence. That's the whole article. Oh, OK, cool. Just imagining the guy who immediately slaps his newspaper down. Honey. You heard about this? this? that's. that? that's, OK, that's. that's, OK. that. that. that. that. the. the. the. Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh, the. the. the. the. the. the. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Just imagining the guy who immediately slaps his newspaper down, Honey? Honey, you heard about this? You know that you can do that? People all over are learning trade so they can build and or fix stuff and be able to

finish home improvement projects without having to pay high labor costs. Thank you for explaining the concept of do it yourself. A muskegon man? Gonna say muskegan. Muskegon. I'm gonna go just because it's fun to have a bit of pushback. I think it's muskegon. Okay.

Interesting. But uh, it could be. Could be anything. And there's no way of finding out. No, there's simply no way to look into it. You guys aren't going to get heaps of emails after this, are you? No, thankfully no one from America listens to this podcast. A Mosquigan man recently started a project in his backyard. Only to find out it would take a lot of balls to finish it. Wink, wink. See, they're also, you know, foreshadering, very cleverly like me. Was the winks in the article? Or was that you? Which says, wink, full stop, wink? Okay, cool. David Olson needed a concrete stairway inspected to learn why water kept leaking

into his Norton Shore's home. Quote, the inspector told me the cement pad just off his sliding glass door was sloping into the house, said Olson 33. He didn't want to hire a contractor to come and demo the stairway so he decided he wanted to do it himself. I had a couple of hours on my hand. So I wanted to take a sledgehammer to to to to to to to to to to to to to to take a sledgehammer to it, added Olson.

I identify with that. Yeah, that's fair. I have a problem with, did he actually say hand or did he say hours on my hands? He said hands and I got it wrong. Okay, that's fair. Sorry for picking that up. I was going to go to town onBNS news, not for hanging shit all over to do at yourself construction work thing. That was fucking stupid.

But I did misquote them when they quoted. Just so fucking unprofessional. It's just unbelievable. You should also apologize to David Olson because the implication is all doing. Yeah. They were quoting David all. This comes, it makes David look bad. It's just unbelievable. Let's run that back. I had I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do. I to do. I to to to do. I to to to to to. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, makes David look bad. It's just unbelievable. Let's run that back. I had a couple of hours on my hands. I want to take a sledgehammer to it, added Olson. He started breaking up the concrete and after he got most of the top slab removed he started seeing what appeared to be spheres embedded

in the sand underneath. It was full of bowling balls, Alston said. The deeper I went down, the more I pulled out. Damn it, I'm like this. Mmm. Going balls deep and pulling out, you know? Before I knew it, he'd piled up 158 bowling balls. Wow! Don't pile up balls! You can't pile bowling bowls!

Yeah, keep them on a flat surface, honestly. You're just inviting trouble at this point. That sounds like a home alone trap. That's fucked. I'll simply climb over this giant pile of bowling balls to get this child so I can murder him. Oh no! Oh, 158. Too many. That's a very exact number. That is a lot of bowling balls. Like one, two. Yeah. I would have after like 30 been like, oh shit, there's heaps.

That's so many though. Is anyone good at maths here? No. No. No. Theo's not on this episode and easy and that's good calculation. How many bowling balls was it? 158. 158. That's 474 holes. Oh, actually it's not.

But that's only because of a later thing in this. Well, you wouldn't have known about. I've ruined it. Ben, is this going to be a callback to our previous their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's going that's going that's going. that's going. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. to. th. tho. tho. to. thoo. to. to. to. that's that's to. that's tho. the. th. th. to in this in this that I wouldn't have known about. I've ruined it. Ben is this going to be a callback to our previous learnings about bowling balls and bowling styles? Oh no it's not although that was fascinating. It is it is technically legal in professional bowling to bowl a bowling two-handed but you have to fill in one of the holes. Yeah you can can't have a thumbhole on it if you bowl, like, what did they call it? There's a term for it.

Oh, there were so many times. And if you're like doing a two-handed sort of swinging it between your legs style, you can do it, but you can't have a thumb hole. Ben, you covered all this on your podcast, We ran out of juggling stuff in the first episode and now it's nothing but the different kinds of balls that exist. Most of them just round so far, not a lot to be had there. 180 episodes in. Still holding that hope? You know?

Please invent a new kind of ball, you have to tell me about it. We really need you to come on talking balls. What if a ball was a cube? That'll be 10 episodes there. Our producer is giving us the no sign. We're going to keep talking about cubes anyway. Quote, it became mind-blowing, joke Dolson. I don't think that sounds like a joke. That's not a joke. It's just funny. It was mind-blowing.

Yeah, sorry. I kind of felt like a paleontologist when they got their little brush and they're dusting the bones off. Okay. That's nice for him. It's like what a child would imagine. Oh, they came out in... Oh, this one's a bowling ball too. Fresh, crunch, fresh. How many bowling balls you can get through? He did that for all of them. Yeah.

I'm just picturing the first scene from Jurassic Park. It's exactly what I'm picturing. Except Sam Neal. Is a helicopter coming down about to a mysterious island? Welcome to buy him off to a mysterious island? Welcome to bowling balling ballad. Pulling off his sunglasses at the side of a 30 foot tall bowling ball. I never thought I'd see it. Oh boy.

I thought you said these bowling balls couldn't reproduce. You're a son of a bitch. What have you done? They gave frog DNA to the bowling balls. That was their mistake. Wayne Knight getting his head caved in by a bowling ball. I think this has got legs guys. That's good.

Jurassic balls. Um. So, they came out in all colors, black, blue and some with yellow specks on them. All the colors of the rainbow. All of the colors. Black and blue. None of the balls were drilled. And many were damaged.

It sounds like maybe Tomo's, David Olson and apology now. What's the hundreds? No holes. No holes. I've immediately lost interest in this story though. Actually if anything it's no longer the whole report to the extreme absence of holes. Well if anything we are documenting the creation of a hole as he pulled them all out. That's true God holes are so versatile. And I'm minor. Yeah. Only one kind of ball, so many kinds of hole. You know? I've found that in the course of my podcast.

I guess if you put a hole in something, anything can be a bowling ball. Peep. Maybe some examples of where that's true. Okay, a human head, just an apple, three dogs glued together. None of these are going to be competition grade, I'm just going to say it. You still have fun with it though, you know? You're going to have to put the bumpers on the side of the lane. Yeah, do that little.

Yeah, do that little. A few of them look like alien eggs also joked again. That one counts as a joke I think. Yeah looks like I I hope. Looks like I have some pretty nice antiques here well he must be joking otherwise he's got no fucking idea what he's no idea like have you seen anything about a fucking alien before David Jesus. Oh, imagine like, you know, the, the, the, the grays and the greens, Ben. Imagine how swollen their abdomens would be if this is what their eggs look like. Don't try and fucking appeal to me by naming different types of aliens you can think of.

The greens, that's not a thing. I mean, it's a political party, but that's no little green men is that what you're saying? Some of them green but we don't call them the green. There's only hundreds identified by their color and it's the grays obviously Jesus. Get it together. What about the yellow the yellow specks? Yep those are real. Yeah that's a racial slur for a certain kind of alien. Uh-oh. Brunswick is engraved on most of the balls. So also also th. That's th. That's th. That's. That's. That's. That's. the the their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. on most of the balls, so Olsen said he decided to call the Brunswick Bowling Office in Muskegon. They told him to fuck off. If you call us one more fucking time, we'll put them back in the ground unless you

want to be in there with them. We'll put more bowling balls in your house, you're buried. We buried those a long time ago and they need to stay buried. You put them back in the ground unless you want to be in there with them. No one can know that bowling balls can have no holes. Yeah, these are all the bowling balls that just went wrong on creation. We've got to hide, we've got to cover this up. I like the idea of someone in like the 50s being like, fuck, I buried a body under this house, but that's not enough. Surely if I put 158 bowling balls on top of it,

no one will go through the effort of pulling all these off. I didn't count on David. If I put 158 bowling balls in here, that'll stop anyone from asking any questions. Ah, I'm read ahead. The next line. This is the one the th. th. the the th. the th. the th. the th. th. th. the line. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. I. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. I'm. I'm. th. th. I'm. th. th. I'm. I'm. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. next line is insane. I'm sorry. I know. This is the one. This is the line that is causing me to question everything I thought I knew about balls. They told me that back in the 1950s they used to make damaged bowling balls available for people to take for free and use as landfill. There's just no way that there were that many damaged bowling balls. Big, big, uh, big dump truck full of bowling balls pulling up to your house.

He's pouring the bowling balls out. They're lying right. He's called up the bowling alley and they're like, don't worry about it. They used to use these as landfill all the time. Yeah, for the trainee on his first day. Yeah, it's just what I did in the 50 the 50 the 50 the 50 the 50 the 50 the 50 the time. Yeah, for trainee on his first day, yeah, this is what I did in the 50s. Who is this? The Brunswick Bolling Office has like 25 members and they're like, yeah, yeah, we go through 45,000 damage bowling balls a year. So how many are they fucking up? Like, how, how bad are your processes? Now we haven't really nailed down the whole ball thing yet. Yeah. Every third one, well it's like, whoa, way off. Well, a sphere is a famously hard shape to make.

Like, ah, another egg shape one. Well, put that on the pile. Now, David, showing what a free, innocent spirit he is here says, there's no way to know for certain if that's what the previous homeowner did. But given that's where the bowling balls were found, it seems logical. It does seem like they were used to fill in a space. I mean, what's the alternative? I don't know. Every one of them was used as a murder weapon.

What happens if you don't fill in your holes with something? Yeah, like that doesn't seem like effective landfill, right? Like you can't... You'd have to be putting sand in all the gaps and everything, you know? I don't know, and that's a whole other truck, you know. As for what Allson plans to do with his new collection of bowling balls, a local church contacted me about them and I plan... What?

They reached out, which is tremendous. Priest slamming his newspaper down on the table. Get me the phone. A local church contacted me about them and I plan to give 10 balls to them. All right, so you got 148 left. He's got a hundred and forty eight left. The Heritage Museum in downtown Muskegon reached out to me and asked for a couple. Champion, they're not dinosaur eggs. Why do people want these?

They're just bowling balls. With no holes in the man, baby. Hey, I heard some guy has 148 undrilled damaged bowling balls. Maybe I could snag. He's a call and ask him for him. It's like when someone wins the lotto and everyone starts coming out, like, oh, can I just have a little bit and like you give a little bit away, a little bit away. He's just one the damaged bowling bowl lotto.

You can't go anywhere without like someone being like, hey, at the supermarket being like, oh hey mate, look, it just really helped if you give me four damaged undrilled bowling balls from 70 years ago would be awesome. Oh shit, I've already, a son much from the way. I just... I have to save some for myself, come on man. My kids are going to need bowling balls. I was going to trade 80 of these for a jet ski.

We put my kids through school. I assume that they appreciate greatly with time. So, uh, so the Heritage Museum wants a couple. So that's, that's brought him down to what, like, 136? Yep, sure. As for the rest, I don't quite know yet. All right. Should take a sledgehammer to them and find out what's inside a bowling bowl.

Yeah. Could be anything. Oh, no. Oh, no. Olson says he's certain that there. Oh no. Whoa. Oh no. Olsen says he's certain that there could be hundreds more buried bowling balls behind his house, but he doesn't plan to tear up all the concrete. He adds that he will use some of the balls as decorative elements when he gets around to finishing his backyard landscaping. Oh no.

I can tell that's going to be ugly. Just from imagining it. I'd love the the the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the th is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone is someone the thiii th th th thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thoom so thoom so thi thi thi. tho tho tho tho tho thoing thoomoom so thoom so tho- tho-a. thoing. thoing. thoing. thoing thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi thi. Oh, thi the thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Oh, thi. Oh, that's going to be ugly just from imagining. I'd love to be surprised. And the thing is someone's going to be like, whoa, David, you must really love bowling. He's like, nah, no, no I don't. You have a bowl to go over my life. Oh, why do you have 120 bowling balls outside, shaped in like different dinosaurs and stuff? stuff. It's what my house is made of. Oh man. Hey that's a great pyramid of balls

you have back there, David. It wouldn't even like make that impressive of a pyramid I don't think. Like if you took a hundred and thirty of these and put them in your front yard, it wouldn't be one of those things where people like, oh dude you've got to go check out the bowling ball pyramid, you drive past it, you'd be like, oh that's weird. Yeah. It'd be what, as tall as a man, maybe? Oh, it's pretty cool, I guess. I can't even begin to imagine how you could actually incorporate this into your backyard landscaping.

You can make a couple of cool water features, maybe. Well, if it didn't have the holes in it, then you could make it look like a big marble. I'd make it a giant, one of those pendulums, you know, the gravity ones. The executive desk ornament. Yeah, but I'd make my entire backyard an enormous CEO desk, and I'd have big papers, and I'd pretend like I was a scared little memo that got lost out there. You ever seen those water features? The water features that have like the ball that's made out of marble or whatever that's just kind of spinning as the water runs under it? You have 138 of them. Those. Yeah. Whole town's in drought now because of your back out. I need it for my bowling balls. I've no one else to do with them.

You just put them back in the fucking hole David. Yeah, well what are you else to do with them. Don't know what else to do. You just put them back in the fucking hole, David. Yeah, well what are you going to do with your hole now? There's just a hole now if you take them out, right? Maybe they were structural. They were foundational bowling balls, David. This house is going to collapse on itself like the house from Paltogne. It shouldn't be. done that bro. It just it seems like a like a Richard Matherson story where you know he gets all the balls out brings him into the world where they shouldn't

be slowly going crazy until he finally realizes I just got to get those bad boys back in the ground cover them up. That's a famous allegory that perhaps Richard Mathison would use the tale of taking some bowling balls out and realizing that all the long you needed bowling balls in. Well, the balls were a metaphor for something else. Time enough for bowling balls. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it,

so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access to our discord, which honestly is turned in to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice to a nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice a nice nice a nice a nice nice a nice a nice a nice nice a nice nice a nice nice nice the nice the nice the nice to a nice and a nice and nice and nice and a nice and nice and nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. So, you know, maybe he could do like Edward Suzanne's type, big animal features, you know.

Like bowling ball, topiary type deals. Yeah. Speaking of uh, big animal-shaped things that look like they're running through yard, it must be time to talk about people who do actually have large animals running through the place I belong, we'll take a certain, nation corner, rubber crab, sniffed my dear. So Tom, As somebody who has listened to as far as I know, at least one episode of this podcast, you're probably very familiar with the long-running saga of American news stories about people who won't stop having

fucking exotic animals in the house, and then just losing track of them? Oh yeah big time. It seems to be way too common. I'm just going to say it. Way, way too common. And I think that Ben has put together for us a basically like a wildcard round. Yeah, there were a ton this week. Usually there's like one good one, but yeah, there were a lot, a lot this time. So, time to fire through the latest news in people where we can't figure out what the fuck they're doing with these animals. This from KOTV news in Oklahoma. A camel is back home after escaping early Monday morning and running from

officers in Collinsville. Really making it look like the camel was like recognised the police. Yeah he was doing like the fugitive thing of like shaving off his beers and dying his hair in a fucking gas station bathroom. I got warrants out, you know. I really heard Benny Hill music playing which of that. The cops have the English bobby helmets on, run a little fast after the camels. The owner said he had no idea the camel escaped from his property until Collinsville police called. Owasso police, Colonville officers and Tulsa County deputies all helped get the camel back home. Great use of taxpayer money here. None of them did it by shooting it to death which seems like a like a pretty like a pretty like a pretty like a pretty the pretty the pretty the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the English. like a pretty the English. the English. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Col. Col. Colo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. Col. the English. the English. the English. the English. the English. the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. English. the. English. C. C. English. Col. Col. Col. I. I. Great use of taxpayer money here. None of them did it by shooting it to death, which seems like a pretty good thing for American

cops. Well done. It's true. Did anybody ask why he has a camel in his yard? Emotional support, probably. It's actually worse than that. Imagine trying to get one on a plane. The owner said he had no idea, etc. I read that paragraph. Casey Robuck with the Tulsa County Sheriff's Office said it's not uncommon to get calls

about animals running loose in rural areas, but a camel is something new. I hate how they do this with every article. Quote, every day's an adventure around here. you never know what it's going to bring. The smaller animals, of course, are easy to handle them the big ones, and a camel is a big one. So the fact they are able to get this animal corralled safely off the roadway and return to its owner within about now's time is pretty good, said Roebuck. The owner said the camel will start training. Once he Once he completes the training, he'll be ready

to appear in nativity scenes for churches and educational programs. Don't put that camel new kids. He's got to taste for freedom. He's going to kick your seven-year-old in the fucking head, jump over the fence, hot wire a car and get out of there. Fuck the police. It's going to be looking like Joe Camel in the the the the thill in in in in in in in in in in in in in in the the the the the the thals in the the thals in the thals in the the the the the police. It's going to be looking like Joe Camel in no time. Packer cigs, sunglasses, convertible. I picture Joe Camel at an open top jeep, but I think that might be because of specifically some...

No, I can't be old enough to have seen cigarette ads, surely. Is there another brand in Australia that had a camel as its... As its guy? I'm sure you definitely could have seen cigarette ads, but I don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have in Australia that had a camel as its... as its guy? I'm sure you definitely could have seen cigarette ads, but I don't know they ever ever advertised camel here. If you can remember an ad with a camel in an open top jeep, right into a mail bag at Budavista.com and let me know what the fuck I'm talking about. Yep. Please give us all of your memories of seeing cigarette advertising.

Before they, the nannynyny in with their drab olive green packages. It's sad what's happening isn't it guys? It's fucked up. Come on. I would say at least we put all of our like scientific effort into finding the single worst color available. Like they're pretty good. It's bad. It's a really bad color. Very addicted to these cigarettes but ugh, yuck. Check out the weird sickly olive brownie color that is the mandated color of our cigarette packets. It's uh... And the funky eyeball. Yeah. Up next. From KCNC News in Colorado. A wallaby on the loose was the last thing, Sergeant

Charles Searcy with the Montrose County Sheriff's Office expected to respond to Thursday night, July the 8th. You guys have been doing this all the time, but this is the first one. I'm already sick of that fucking like, this is the last thing. How are you guys saying? Every single one of them it's so jocularkulakulch. It's. It's. It's. It's. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So. th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the the. the to. the to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the last thing. How are you guys saying? Every single one of them, it's so jocular when they're just like, it was a whack-a-do Tuesday evening. That's including the ones that end with them saying, and then the cop just shot it a few times on the highway and they threw it in the trash. Yeah. While laughing. Nonetheless, he and a state patrol officer, as well as a couple of good Samaritansansans the Wallabies owner chased the hopping marsupial for about 45 minutes that night before he finally jumped safely back home to his proper enclosure, two for two, living animals, that's good. But also let it out, you know?

Yeah. How to get there? Yeah. Wallabies should be over there, that's my belief. Exotic pets are just wild to me. A couple driving by happen to notice the wallaby on the side of J.J. Road just north of Montrose. They called a non-emergency dispatch line for help.

Uh, yeah, there's a kangaroo on J.J. the kangaroo. I would guess wallaby. Damn. This is the second apology I've had to make this week. I'm honestly fucking impressed that some American in somewhere in fucking Colorado was like, holy shit, it's a kangaroo. Oh, no, that's definitely a wallaby. That's insane. I would see a wallaby and be like, holy shit, it's a small kangaroo. Baby kangaroo. Uh, it's not a prank call.

I swear to God, I'm looking right at it. End quote. Imagine that is a prank call though, top quality. Police? Yeah. I'm looking at a wallby. There's a wallaby. There's a wallaby here. Say it might be a kangaroo. Say it's a wallaby. It'll be more realistic. Hey, be accurate. Fuck that guy. There's a paddy melon at the corner of farts and bonus street., goodbye! Sergeant Cercy says the wallaby is a legal pet of a nearby resident, and he had somehow

gotten out of a fenced-in yard. We fucking jumped, didn't he? I didn't know they jumped. The wallaby's owner eventually found the responding officers and the good smarins and helped coax him back home. Just doing that bigening motion. Why is a wallaby's they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the wallabbybybyby they the wallabee. they the wallabee. they the wallabee. the wallabee. the wallabee the wallabee's the wallabby's their the wallabby's their th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. See. See. See. their their th. See th. See th. We th. Wally the. We're the. We're the. We're theeole. We're the. Wally theole. Wally the. coax him back home. Just doing that bigoting motion. Why is a wallaby illegal pet? Why are they go wallabies over there?

He doesn't go on there, does he? Yeah, they harvest the eggs from them for food. I was watching like YouTube with my kids the other day and there was a video of like two otters reacting to popcorn for the first time. And I was like, what's up with these odors? And I throw it on and it and it's like immediately instantly recognizable as a Japanese apartment. And it's just these two otters come running down the stairs and sliding around on the wooden floor and they climb up on the table and I'm like, that sure is two dry otters that you have have in the stairs and sliding around on the wooden floor and they climb up on the table and I'm like That sure is two dry otters that you have in your like 10 square foot apartment that probably rocks for them to live there forever. I went to one of those like horrible Japanese animal cafes because my sense of ethics

was easily beaten by my desire to pat a capibara and like I went into a room that is smaller than my apartment that had like a capibarra a series of owls to mere cats like a bunch of different I got to pat a meerkat is that place bad and am I bad for participating it and giving the money yes did I get to fucking pat a mere cat? Oh my god it was so good, the the that that that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. I that that that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that is a that is a that is a that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that that. I that. I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that the that the the that the the that the that the the that that the the that their that that that that that that bad for participating in giving the money? Yes. Did I get to fucking pad a mere cat? I gave you happiness. Oh my god it was so good, the meerkats were so soft. They're very little. Horribly unethical, but very nice.

Yeah, it's very happy. I can't imagine meerkats and owls live peacefully together in a small room. I didn't see any fights the ow. They're the ow the ow the ow cats the ow. I the ow. the the the the the they are are they are they are they are they are they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. thatts. thatts. thatts. thatts. thatts. thatts. thatts. thatts. I thatts. I thatts. I th. I they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thatts. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. toge. toge. toge. togat. togat. togat. togat. togat. the. that. that. small room. I didn't see any fights break out or anything. Oh well that's cool. Yeah. They're hot-boxing them. Before he was like lobsters. Yeah constantly hot boxing that room. They're checking the mere cats for weapons every morning. From the Atlanta Journal Constitution. The search for an exotic cat spotted near a buckhead country club has come to an end but the search for an exotic cat spotted near a Buckhead Country Club has come to an end, but the owner said she will be forced to give up her pet.

The Georgia Department of Natural Resources said Thursday that a serval, a large cat native to Africa, had been located and taken to a temporary holding facility until it can be be taken to a wildlife sanctuary. The cat was first spotted on the loosed, June 30th near the capital city country club after a woman said it came inside her house and jumped on her bed while she was sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. One thing we all do when we get our taste of freedom.

Jump on the bed. Why do you want a big African cat in your house? I mean, it'd be pretty dope. You're like sitting on your fucking couch watching TV next to like a leopard. Maybe the cooler shit in the world. Yeah, until it bites your face off. Worth it. They're, look, they're very cute and they're cool, but also I feel like they shouldn't be in there, basically.

I'm looking at a picture of the cat right now, which is crazy to consider. It's, yeah, it looks like it's getting itself a cup of coffee. Just put the link to a picture in there. You know it'll be really funny as if you linked us a photo of Peter Chris right now. Now I'm not gonna lie that's my third Peter Chris reference I believe for the episode. I'm gonna try and get a few more I'm not gonna not gonna try too hard but if it comes up. Well now this is a different escaped serval that you've linked us to. Oh well yeah. This one escaped in New Hampshire in last year. This one is called Spartacus.

It's so long. It's too long. That's about the size of Demi Lardner. Yeah, 18 kilos. Oh dear. The owner, Anna Fife told the Atlanta General Constitution via text that she's from South Carolina where it's legal to own Servals as pets. Well that makes it good. Now living in Georgia to attend college, what the fuck?

She said her pet named... Why is that legal to own a serval? Why do you need a serval when you're like 19? It's called States Rights bro look into it. The fuck. She said her pet named Nala after the character from Disney's the Lion King usually stayed with her parents. Fife had bought the serval to her Georgia home when it escaped. The DNR did an amazing job at helping catch Nala and making sure everyone is safe even though she is just a kitty and is harmless," Fife said. They are not letting me keep her.

They are taking her away to a sanctuary. I hate it. Oh, they're taking her away to somewhere that looks after animals instead of just letting them cruise around in the neighborhood. Fuck. I understand. They're only doing their job. I'm just devastated because Nola is my baby." End quote.

In a turs statement, the DNR said an investigation has been opened into the case because it's illegal to own servals in Georgia. But 5 says she's been told by investigators that no charges would be filed. Anyone want to guess us the race of this woman? Is she why? It'd be embarrassing if you're wrong, but let's find out. Let's do. And don't tell me if I'm wrong, by the way.

I hate that. She said she bought Nala to Georgia for emotional support after a relationship ended. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get a giant cat because Brent broke up with her. God damn. Nothing will heal the pain from the hole that Brent has left in my life except an exotic African cat. Three residents called Fulton County Animal Services on June 30th to report a large wild cat was in the area. Christine Frank told the AJC that the serval hopped in her bed after her husband left the door open to let their dog use the bathroom outside their club drive home. Quote, I just heard this

thump in my bed and felt something land in my bed she said. I opened my eyes and there was this cat in my bed staring at me. And I just kind of screamed to my husband that this is not a normal house cat. That's fair. I hope that's the exact thing that she screamed. This is not a normal house cat. He's in the kitchen going, we don't even have a house cat. She initially assumed it was a bobcat, adding that she never suspected it could be a neighbor's escaped exotic pet.

That's fucking reasonable. Yeah. Neither she nor her husband were injured, but he was able to take photos of the fleeing servile to provide to state authorities. Look, I've only got a photo of this woman's hands and knees, but they appear to be the hands and knees of a white lady. And I've seen a lot of white ladies hands and knees in my time. A little weird. Spending a lot of time on wiki knees. On white, wiki, white knees?

No. Yep. No, look. Wiki knees is for everyone. It's what you choose to look at. Oh yeah, I've gone to the like categories. You got it, White and Lady. I like WikiNees because there's always a controversy section as well.

Oh, the chat, the chat in there. I don't even know what you'd argue about. At least Wiki feet where they're like, no, I've used the triangulation of the angle of the sun to figure out that her feet are actually a size six not a size six and a half. What are you doing with knees? It's just an argument about I'm telling you that that scars from where she fell onto a matchbox car when she was 14 now the other guys like the guy's like no it was a skateboarding accident. There's actually a a lot of knees. There's a thrapapapapap. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. th. they's they's they, they's they's they, they, they, they, they, they, they, the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. theeeeeeeee. they like a lot of knees there's a great little subred it which is babies trapped in knees I don't know if you've ever a can't just baby's trapped in the knees so it's like basically just look at people's knees sometimes it

looks like a little baby's faces trapped in it and it's like that's different if you straighten your leg to scrunch up the loose skin around your knee cap, that kind of? You don't even have to scrunch. No scrunch necessary, my friend, Dantriy. You can simply take your papers and look at a knee. Like, have you seen that movie with Kiano Reeves when he's a demon fide and he does the fighting? end when the the the tummy demon is coming out. Mmm. Yes, yep. Yeah, it looks like that.

Looks like the end of Constantine. It looks like when Mamon is trying to be birthed into the world at the end of Constantine. What a wonderful film except for the part of the Shire love in them. Oh, you have to go to go to about Shire. So a bad shy. Poor shy, interesting commentary from Andrew here. Yet another controversial standpoint from Andrew Loh. What I mean by that is I spent a long time going, look, he's just having a bad time and then in the last year or two it was like, oh, I see. He's also been doing some very bad things.

He's been creating some bad times. Yes, absolutely. That's right folks, we're canceling, Boof, Boof, Boof. And finally, Amman in North Carolina. Sorry? There's a space missing. This is space missing in the document between the words A and man. So you said Amman? Like the guy from cereal? I thought it was just a guy.

It was a guy with a cool name in North Carolina. I thought you'd just gone with an interms weirdly line read of the word man. I, hey, a little Jamaican accent on it. A man in North Carolina. Hey, who put the document together? Who's, who's taking out spaces to try and trip me up and make me look the fool? I am successfully undermining you and I'm going to take that top spot on the podcast. Yeah, sliding my name down on the leaderboard,

pulling the little name card out sideways. Sadly moving myself down one spot. Amman in North Carolina has had his collection of snakes seized after police were called to a report of one missing from his home. Christopher Gifford, 21. Christopher is a less cool name than Amman, I'm just going to say it. That's true. Christopher Gifford 21 faces criminal charges including 36 counts of improper enclosures,

three counts of mislabeled enclosures. Not a snake enclosure. He was getting away with it for so long. I guess it must be a legless lizard. No need to worry. Well dude, your legs has got less, I'm high, don't worry about it. And one count of failure to report escape. Police were made aware of his large collection of snakes when his zebra cobra was reported to have escaped on June 29th. What? Now, that's a little combination of words that you can sing to yourself to the tune of Carmacoma by massive attack.

A little freebie you can have right there. That's fair. And looking at a picture of them, they kind of look how you would expect them to. Is it a striped cobra? It is. It is indeed. A Raleigh Police Department Animal Control Officer responded to the 7,000 block of Sandringham Drive after receiving a report of a live snake on the porch of give its home. However, when an officer arrived at the scene, the zebra cobra was missing, prompting a warning to local residents. Snake was eventually found and safely detained on July 1.

Just one handcuff around it. Am I being detained? Am I being detained? I'm just traveling sir. Oh goodness. Gifford's lawyer Anna Smith felt previously told Newsweek that the snake had actually been missing since November. Why tell them that? That seems worse than bad lawyer. Bad lawyer. Oh no no, this venomous snake has been in the community because of this man for eight months. Gifford has a huge online following and frequently shares videos of his snakes on

tick-to-talk where he has more than 468,000 followers. While it is currently legal to own venomous snakes, state lawmakers are currently pushing legislation that would outlaw possessing dangerous reptiles. Oh man, like out of all the things, I understand like it's weird that you shouldn't be allowed to own a cat or like a kangaroo or stuff. Why would they allow you to own a venomous snake? Like...

Freedom. Cobra? Freedom, Cobra. You look at each of your snakes that could kill a man easily and you say, God, freedom tastes so fucking good. I'm a kiss it. I'm a kiss the glass. Daddy loves you. It is absolute drug dealer behavior.

Yeah. Yeah. I... Like, you know, they'll let your own a tiger. Who? They. They. The state of Florida's. The state of Texas.

Plenty of places over there will let you own an animal large enough to just eviscerate you. Tom have you considered incorporating this into your thing. Because I'm, you're doing pretty well on Tick Tock, I assume. You can probably chuck some snakes into the mix there. A bit of venomous snake play on my tocks. Yeah, you know, just, you know, you do those fast cuts of you playing different instruments and also there's a venomous snake. And then one cut of a venomous snake, that's, that's, thap. thap. And th. And th. And th. And th. And they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, they, they, thin, thin, thin, thin, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can probably, you can, you can, you can probably, you can can can probably, you can can can can can can can can can can can, you can, you can can, you can can can, you can, you can can, you can, you can, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, they, they, th, th, th, they, they, thin, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, theymea, theymea, they, thu, thu, th payoff's going to be that much in for like potentially dying because as you can see I'm in a little dungeon and if I fell over now I would no one sucking the venom out of me. But you're

uploading the video. Yeah all the videos going up it'll be a live stream obviously. As your airways close. Like him subscribe. Like him subscribe. Like him subscribe. Like him subscribe? Like him subscribe. Like him subscribe. Like him subscribe. Oh, you reckon that's been anyone's last words? Like and subscribe. Like and subscribe. I hope so. Like him subscribe. The guy, I think if the guy from like into the wild who died in that bus out in the

middle of nowhere, if that was now, I think those would have been his last words. He would have been, yeah, I want to disconnect myself from society entirely, but I am also live streaming the entire things.. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thi. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thi. I'm th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, I th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. Like, I'm thi. thi. Like, I'm thi. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I'm thi. Like, I'm th been, yeah, I want to disconnect myself from society entirely, but I am also live streaming the entire thing. You know, man, I just ate these delicious berries anyway, like and subscribe. Yeah, it's like those, uh, like those tick-tocs of people who are in, um, like, influencer communities where they've just all gone to some island somewhere. Oh, I love those like when when they get the houses together. Oh, the houses are the best. Where it's like a bunch of jacked 19-year-olds, all called Trey. I'm so involved in it.

See, I live for that sort of shit, man. I look at some of them, and usually there's one or two, like, thu to just kind of a bit pimplying, thii........ the thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, like, like, thi... thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. thi. thi. thi. to, like, like, to, to, to, like, to, to, to, toe. toe. toe. th. th. thea. thea. th fit in with that. And I just want to know what the dynamics are in real life because it must be all just based on, you know, the metrics and like likes and who's got the most. He's the guy who knows how to upload the videos. It's such a weird vibe that there's a bunch of like 40-year-old suits that are just like, ha, house full of teenagersa, he, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, the the their, th, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the th-a, their, th-a, thi.. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. the the thi. Occasionally you're going to have to upload a video in Cantonese. Like I don't I don't fundamentally like have anything against TikTok as a concept because I know there's plenty of people on there just making nice stuff. I love your videos and songs Tom. I see them on the other platforms that they're on because I don't use... None of us are on tick tok. I would never look at an actual real tho their tho tho tho tho tho tho thin on real their thin on thin on their thin on thi thin on thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll thi. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'll thi. I'll thi thi the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thoooooo. I tho. I tho. I the them on the other platforms that they're on because I don't use...

I would never look at an actual TikTok. I would sit on on Reals and Twitter only. I don't use TikTok to you to my advanced years, but like I saw a video the other day that just, it felt like it knocked a few years off my life. And it was a video that someone had made. They were like standing back in the kitchen and they were filming like like, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I think, I th like, I th like, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi, I was like, Ithat someone had made. They were like standing back in the kitchen and they were filming like three or four other guys who were making a Tick Tock. So the Tick Tock that was being filmed was one where there's like you know a ring light behind the phone and it's a succession of like jacked handsome young dudes coming up to the camera and like making a sexy face as they mime to a song and the thin their the the the the the the the they're they're their their their their they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. their. their their their their their their. their their their handsome, young dudes coming up to the camera and like making a sexy face as they mime to a song and then moving out of the way as the next one

comes in and does his thing. And these like three or four guys moving through the thing. So in your mind's eye, you can absolutely picture the video that is happening. But watching it from an external viewpoint just kind of made me want to die. It was... It's so good. I cannot explain enough how much I fucking live for tick-to-talk like cringe and how it... It's a whole new experience. It's a sensory experience. I'd pay money for it to feel that way.

Yeah, my wife, uh, she's like, oh, I'm really tired. I'm going to bed. It's, it's 8.45 p.m. and I'm going to bed and I come to bed at like, you know, 1 a.m. I walk into the room, there's the, just, total darkness, she's in bed, but just the glow on her. And then she immediately like slams the phone now and she's like, ah, I need to be asleep. I need to be asleep now. Got lost in the talks, you know? She's just in there. She's in there.

Loving it. Oh boy, those young men could do with some advice on how to conduct their business, how to live their lives. Maybe old Tom will send him a message from his talk, hey? Yes! What do you think, guys? You can funnel your messages through me. That'd be beautiful. Luckily, we do have a segment on this show for dispensing advice to the young and full-hearted that is, of course, Paging Dr. Lucy. That was amazing. Now your pageant I couldn't see. That's amazing. Is that a melodica? I'm going to keep doing, I swear to God I could have done that.

Now that you've heard the song, I can play it again if you would like to play along with it for the start. The latency, I don't want to ruin it. You know, I mean it's interesting, I'm sure it's interesting for everyone to hear, but no, please. It's jazz baby, it's just a big jam. That's what podcasting is. Whoa, you're right, Ben, it is jazz. I hate podcasting so much, this is my mistake. I wish I was at home juggling. I'm thinking about those balls.

You take the boy out of the balls, but you can't take the balls out of the boy. I could have juggled three of them. He should have taken three into his house, home for juggling. What a way to think. Idiot. Sorry, Lucy, was David really buff? Why don't you have to. David is like super jacked. He would be after removing a hundred fifty eight bowling balls. Santa Feasioce. I'm on that's my exercise routine. Just trying to eventually

trying to be able to juggle three bowling balls for like a minute straight. That's pretty good like your coordination would be fucking amazing after that. Incredible imagine how much core strength it'd take you know. You don't need a gym. You just need three bowling balls. No. You had a it's a massive very arts review vibes. I don't know if that's much more convenient what you're offering. All you need is the three bowling balls you already have in your heart. Oh, this guy's sitting up and his, I got spares.

Paging, Dr. Lucy, this is the segment where we dispense advice to people who are real names, who will never hear it. They will never hear this advice. This one is from Reddit.com slash R slash relationships. How do I tell my boyfriend that I hate samurai films? I just want to preface this by saying this one's really good because I think that it's real. I don't think this is a joke at all. Every other one we've ever discussed in the show is a hundred percent been a creative writing exercise. This one is definitely it's real. It sounds very real. My female, 24, boyfriend, male 29, think samurai films at the height of cinema. And I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I th them, them, them, them, tham, them, tham, tham, tham, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, male, 29, thinks samurai films at the height of cinema,

and I hate them. He gets so excited to show me these films and I want to enjoy them, but God damn, they're just so boring and unrelatable and long. I try so hard to get into them. I've sat through so many, but I just find my mind wandering and think about literally anything but what's in front of me. It's not a problem of foreign films. We watch a lot together and that I really enjoy. But the samurai films haunt my fucking dreams.

I know this sounds bad, but I genuinely have zero interest at all. But I keep pretending because he seems so excited for me to watch them. And I keep trying to try but honestly I don't know if I can keep doing it. His face lights up when I say I'll watch them and that's the only reason I keep doing it. I don't want to disappoint him. He set it out so we watch at least three a week and it's killing me. How do I tell him I think they're boring as bad shit and I can't watch them all the time. I'm happy to make the effort for him and watch them every them every them every them every them every them every them every them every them every the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to watch their to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to their their their their their their their their try. I. I try. I their their their their their to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, but this lockdown is bad enough without every evening being samurai night. Please help me. So what is the advice for this person who has accidentally encouraged their partner too much? Yeah, that's rough, because like you're doing the right thing.

You want to support your partner and take an interest in their interest, but there's going to be a point if they're really into something that you really hate where you have to just be like, I'm sorry, I actually don't like this that much. And I think generally that's true, except in the case of this one where this woman is objectively wrong. You should be sitting down and enjoying every single three and a half hour, slowburned samurai film that your boyfriend is forcing you to watch. You should be doing the smile on your face. You should respect the code of Bushido more than you were currently doing.

Hmm. Maybe she could learn a thing or two from these movies, is that what you're saying? Yep, I'm sure part of the way of Bushito teaches you to patiently watch samurai movies and enjoy them. Tom, do you enjoy films? I'm more of a Jackie Chan guy, more of a, more of a, not ninja, but yeah, the martial arts sort of stuff. I'm drunk and Kung Fu. More like your golden harvest, Shore Brothers, 1980s, Hong Kong kind of stuff. Oh no, no, Shanghai Knights, my friend. Yes! I'm a basic bitch. I'm sorry, Shanghai Knights and it's no sorry Shanghai Noon and it's sequel Shanghai Nights. Those movies rock. They're incredible. No one should apologize for enjoying.

We used to play a drinking game where it's every time Jackie Chan uses a item that's not a weapon as a weapon then you take a drink and you get slaughtered by like 20 minutes and soon as he gets in on his bust of Keaton shit he's got his umbrellas he's got his lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad lad the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi that that that the to the to thean to thean thanks thean thanks thanks thanks thean the the thi thi thi thi than take a drink and you get slaughtered by like 20 minutes. Yeah. As soon as he gets in on his bus to Keaton shit, he's got his umbrellas, he's got his ladders, it's all over for you. You know? We used to do this drinking game where you're at uni where you watch any movie and any time anyone walks through a doorway you take a drink. And I think what we realized is sometimes a drinking game very fast and you don't actually care about the game element of it. Imagine, feel free to use that one if you would like to die. Imagine doing that one with the thing. With John Carpenters the thing. Yeah, I just did a cinema screening of that a couple of days ago actually.

It was fucking great. I wish I was there. I sort of like asked the audience at the start how many people had never seen it before and about a third th of th of cinema never had. And like being in the cinema for those like the big jump scares that are in the movie and just seeing like a room full of people just lose their shit was the fucking best. It was so good. Spoiler for John Carpenters the thing but seeing a room full of people see the hands the hands go into the chest in that that one scene yeah. You can't, couldn't put a price on that. Although we did, you know, we do have to pay. It sounds like you did put a price on it.

Do you have any of the enamel pins left? Oh, I'll ask Ben. We'll send you a pin if we got an animal. Every time you guys do an event that has got a little pin for Andrew. I reckon we got one. I'll follow. Yes! Yes! If not, I'll send you mine. So, um, look, what is the answer here?

I mean... I feel like making no watch the samurai films three times a week, might be pushing it. In fairness to the boyfriend, he has only had his enthusiasm reinforced at every stage of this. He has said, do you want to watch these? And she said, yes, and they watch them. And then he says, what if we watched a fuckload of them all the time? And she goes, yes.

I kind of feel like... What if we watch a two-hour windy landing compilation on YouTube instead of a 20 minute one? What if we just did that on the weekend? What if we watch go-arounds? What if we watch go-arounds? This is plain stuff, Tom, in case you are not aware of Lucy's many, many, one. Her one obsession that she has. No, there's more than one. You love planes? Many... One. Her one obsession that she has.

There's more than one. You love planes? I love planes. Is it a crime, Tom? Not yet. Crime to enjoy a succulent plane. That's cool. What's your favorite plane?

That's an airbath, A380? Thanks for asking. Yeah, same. Yeah. Oh, we got a lot in common here. Yeah. I think that this person's situation unfortunately has been complicated by like going with it for too long. You think they might be in a hell of their own making? Yeah, because if you watch a handful of them, and then your boyfriend says,

hey, let's watch another one, you know, two nights later, that there's absolutely a window to say, I feel like we've been watching a lot of them lately. Maybe we can watch something else, or like, I enjoy them, but maybe not so much that I want to watch three of them a week. You've got your kind of window. But once once you have you have you have once you have once you have once you have once you have once you have once you have once you have once you have once you have once once you have once you've got your kind of window, but once you have set yourself up into being in a lockdown with your live-in partner and a schedule of three of them a week,

and it's been going for a while, like, you have kind of set yourself up a little for the point where I guess I would say in the framing of the question, you don't have to say I think they're really fucking boring and I hate them and I don't pay any attention while we're watching them because that's gonna break this dude's heart that's because because not not because he's gonna be like oh no I love samurai movies and you're wrong for not liking them but most like reasonable people will feel bad because they'll be like, oh fuck, I've been making you watch heaps of these. And you've been really bored the whole time. Yeah.

And this guy follows Bishido probably so he will kill himself. Yeah, he will have to commit sepucco. She's just like telling him but they're diving between him and his walk his ashy. Don't you do it? Soon as he's reaching for the sword mounted above the TV, which I assume he has. Uh, I think- I feel like there's a bit of self-awareness though, because I feel like everyone's kind of got their niche and they've got these things they really like, they feel like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they they they their their th... th. th. th. th. they're th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th, th, th, th.. th, I th. th. thi, I thi, I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeea. thea. thea. tea. too. too, theeea. thea. thea. theeeea. thee.'re like, they're going to be nice about this. They're not going to be rude, the one.

You kind of got to read the room and be like, okay, this is a sometimes food. I'm not having Tobler in three times a week. I mean, you can't. It's legal. It's legal. It's legal. Like, itimes a week. You can have literally as much Toblerone as you want.

Are you guys fucking kidding me right now? You absolutely fucking can. And it's so comparatively cheap to say cocaine. Who's gonna stop you? A dietitician with a gun? No, I sound me right. I think this person needs to just be like, hey, can we watch Shanghai Noon and then nexhah. You start with Shanghai Nune and Shanghai Nights and then you can lead into other genres of film. That's perfect. That's the transition that you're imagining? You don't... Or you can watch Ghost Dog, wave the samurai, and they go into other Jim Jarmish films. No, you gotta watch... Maybe that's the transition is to get him into like other samurai adjacent things, like Samurai Cop, you know?

And Samurai Cop, too. I've never seen a samurai movie movie but that all sounds great. Then you can get him on to like Michael Dudakoff American Ninja Movies. Got all five of those on VHS I think. Of course you do. I guess yeah there's a lot of other movies with swords that you could be watching you know. Teenage mutant Ninja Turtles. Then you get them into a movie with Halbert's. Then you get him into a movie with Patards, you know? Yeah, then you got Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift, right? That's... How are you getting from Patard to Tokyo Drift? What do you? What are hoisting? What are you have no idea? I'd like to have no idea. It's like the three degrees of sea to to to too too too too too too too too the too too the movie too too the movie too too the movie too the movie to bea the movie movie the movie to bea the movie to bea to bea to bea the movie the movie. to bea to bea to bea to bea to to to bea to bea to to to bea to bea their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their movie. their movie. their movie. their movie. their movie. their movie. I? I their movie. I? I tho to to to toom. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-a. toda. thoo' their turning up, yeah. I like to have no idea. It's like the three degrees of separation from a samurai movie to the movie you want to watch. Yeah, yeah.

That's, I think that's the approach. The approach is, how do we get from here to Britney Spears starting in the crossroads? For you movie to the movie, to watch, the movie you want to watch, yeah. And then from watching the movie Crossroads to watching the video episodes of the podcast, Ah Yeah, dude, they both star Seth Romatelli. Hmm. What? Well, it doesn't star in it. That's very generous. Seth Romatelli has a walk-on acting role in Crossroads for about 45 seconds. There you go. Don't think I've seen it since I watched it when it came out at the movies. Check out the podcast that's not this one.

Oh yeah, dude. What a note to end this episode on a recommendation to listen to a better show. It's so good man and there are like 850 episodes of it and they're all amazing. Definitely check it out. If you're only going to listen to one podcast, make it, oh yeah dude. You say that at the end of the podcast, you've got it. Jokes on you, you've already listened to this last one. This is like, yeah, some prisoner on death row who's got their one last podcast which shows this fucking one. And they're like, I should have done that one. Now, Tom, as mentioned, as mentioned then tho tho tho tho tho thom as mentioned thom as mentioned thom as mentioned th. As th. th. th. th. th. thom, as mentioned, as mentioned, as mentioned, as. Now, Tom, as mentioned in the intro, you are a very talented musician. We love to watch your videos.

To listen to the songs. Shut the fuck up, Lucy. So, if people want to check all of your stuff out, where should they be looking for it? Well, I'm actually putting an AP together, so that's going to be out. Yeah, it's very exciting. Comedy album, who would have thought? Yes. That's going to be out next month, but if you want to jump on to my Instagram or my YouTube at the moment, it's Tommy Cardi with 1M, that confuses things. But yet, to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, they, they, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, th, that, that's that's th, that's th, th, th, th. th. th, that's th. th, that's, th, th. Yeah, that's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. thi, thi, thi, -A-R-D-Y on Instagram or even YouTube, you find some very silly songs and some very silly, uh, music, I suppose. Someone coming off.

It's very good, they're so good. Every single one of them is funny as fucking, they're all fucking earworms. I think you have like, I don't even want to try and estimate the number of people that have got the like small scat parts from have you checked your butthole stuck in their head to like... It's real. You've done permanent psychic damage to people and that's beautiful. I gotta say we were talking about Tick Tock before. I honestly, it's a really good thing. I got no idea what works. And so when, like the last one that you're talking that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thi. thin. to to to be like, to be like, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to bea, too. too. too. too. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, they. So, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. too. they. too. the too. the too. too. too. too. too. too, too, to, they., like the last one that you're talking about is like a song about buttholes and it's like, what the fuck? That's got, yeah. It breaks my mind. I don't understand anything anymore. What's the level of engagement on that bad boy? That one got like eight million fucking views on Tick Tock. Oh that's, that's so many. And it's just kids being like, oh, what do they say? They say shit like, oh, how come this low-key slaps dough?

And I'm like, I don't know. It's how kids do. It's just like, I put a lot of work into this. I'm a child. Yeah. This is probably dumb. But I feel like it's asking someone, have you checked your butthole. It's like a relatively universal phenomenon for people our age. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. It's, to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like, I. It's like our age. I can't imagine the teens of today saying, oh, saying that these days, you know?

Jayden, have you checked your butthole? It just doesn't, doesn't scan. It's not saying it to my kids. Oh, it's so fun. I say to my housemate. But on that point, maybe I'm like the father of, I'm, you can't like, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th. th. th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, that, that, are, that daddy of Tick Tock. Potentially. Yeah. Don't, no, no, just stick with, I'm, don't, don't follow it up with potentially. You're weakening the mistake. We'll describe you that way in the episode description.

Yes. I feel like, since people have been mentioning it more, Fly to the Concord's, because they're just, I'm gonna do a cover of one of their songs actually on this little album I'm gonna do and just because they like the music's so nice. It's actually just some of the songs are actually quite beautiful and I'm like oh wow this is funny but like great. I always like the this is funny but like great. I am I always like their like little half-hour whatever it is like an HBO one night in

New York or whatever it is special of theirs the the I can't remember the name of the song it's the the two people sitting down on a park bench and talking to each other, you know. It's gonna kill me now. Feel free to chop this out, Ben. But great, yeah, just that kind of like, casual weaving together of their two guitar lines as they're kind. And they make everything so effortless as well.

The very casual, dead pan nature of the delivery on everything. I've always kind of insisted that like, people, like you can really see when people who are doing musical comedy are also actually genuinely really good at music, and it elevates the comedy so much more. Yeah. It's just, it's fun. If you can take the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, together, together, together, together, together, toge, toge, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, their, together, together, their, together, their, together, together, their, together, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, theirates the comedy so much more. Yeah, it's just it's fun if you can take the the lyrics and the stuff away and be like, oh this is actually nice to listen to I feel like it adds a lot. It gives it some value beyond like that once you've heard the jokes a couple of times and you still go back and listen to it and like oh fuck yeah, this is a dope. 100% yeah. 100%% th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thee. the. the. thi. the. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. couple of times and you still go back and listen to it and been like oh fuck yeah this is a dope. 100% yeah also I people who play

ukuleles and musical comedy how fun is that guys? Oh isn't it the best you know what's even better is a ukulele covers without the comedy whoa I didn't even know that existed I just got the biggest boner oh man the 2010s were an absolutely fucking wild time. Are you were also th? th? th? th? th? th? the th. I the th. I the the th. I th. I the the th. I th. I the th. I the th. I th. I the th. I th. I the th. I th. I was also also also th. I thi thi th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I the the the the the the the th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the thi. I'm th. I'm just just just thi. I'm th. I'm just just thi. I'm thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm the th. I th, the 2010s were an absolutely fucking wild time. You were also just in and composed music for a special for the feed, I believe, a half-hour special called Canceled. Yeah. And it's insanely fucking funny. It's extremely good.

I don't want to put any spoilers in here for anyone who wants to watch it, but you do a line read in there that was maybe my favorite thing of the entire half hour of the excerpt from the book you're reading. It is just fucking the timing on it, the delivery is so perfect. You got a little half smile on your face as you're saying, it's just like, it's perfect. I did a big out loud laugh. You know in that, because it's canceled because it's like looking at the like canceled culture and like people who have been canceled throughout history, I helped make, I live with the two girls, the Freudian Nip, Jenna and Vic.

Yeah, so I helped them make all those songs. They played like an LMFAO pair. Yeah, and it's great because they're like, obviously it's all heavy satire and they're women so they've written all these songs called like, it's like tiddy juice and like, you can, I don't want to even say them out loud but them sing stuff and I got to produce the music I'm like, this is so much fu and fun to heavy satire just like fuckhead music. I love LMFA by the way, musically. You love uncle-nephew band that's more than anything in their few relationships. Uncle nephew, I think that's their name is DJ uncle and DJ nephew in the thing.

But man yeah it is just a fucking like it's a satire itself just them. So so did you get to do like a different things that were, hey we need an LMFA style song for this we need? A hundred percent I got my little synths out and it was just... Bunch of them. Bump-bamp-bamp-dum-b-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-t-t-it-t-it-it-it. It was great. It would be very fun. And then those girls would just say-I most awful things in some of this beautiful microphone. It's terrifying. There's some bits in the ass, us, us, us, us, us, us, us, arse, us spit where just what they're doing for the video is visually terrifying how much they are relishing in it. It's a, it's very beautiful. There's, I thought when I moved in with them that I was like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's thi, it's their, it's thi, it's, it's, it's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their be gross sometimes. The things that they say. Just put, put me to shame. Wonderful. So, what's the name of that? Cancelled? Canceled. Cancel. On SPS on demand. Beautiful. Please everybody check that out when it comes out and keep an eye on Tom's Feeds and such for that album when it drops. Yeah, get into it, please. We will absolutely let our audience know about it when when that when that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to put it when to to to put it to put it to to put to to to put to put to to put to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to put me to put me to put me to put me to put me to put me to put me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. Put me the. the. the. the. the. their me to to to their to to to to to the. th. the. their me that album when it drops. Yeah, get into it, please.

We will absolutely let our audience know about it when that comes out. Oh, thanks. Wonderful. Well, thanks for joining us. It must be time for us to go on stage and pretend to be the band Kiss. Well, we are the band Kiss. Fuck. In the segment, in the scenario that you've concoctureded in your in your in your in your in your that you've in your that you've in your that you've in your that you've that you've concoctededed in that you've concocted in that you've concocted in that you've concocted in your mind. No, that's true. I'm not, I can't do the improv stuff.

Do you think, do you think people are going to notice that you're playing a melodica now? I reckon I can do, check this out. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. All right, we're ready to go now. We're ready to get out of the whole stage. Only the third time we've ever had someone play melodica live on the podcast before. That's amazing. My head, I really just snapped back into that opening scene and we're all standing around backstage and just Gene Simmons is playing a little melodica,

psyching everyone up to go on stage. Everybody else staring dead-eyed into the mirror putting the makeup on. Oh, I would love that if his whole process has been like now everyone remembers how all the songs go, right? Oh, you've forgotten this one here. I'll give you the melody on my melodica. Jean, not the melodica. Jean, I'm trying to get in the zone. I mean, Jean, Jean, Jean, Jean, Jean, th th th th th thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, the, thine, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the tho, the the the the the the the the tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thi, thean, thean, thean, thean, thea'-s, thea'-s, thea'-s'-s'ea'-s'ea'e'e'e'e'-s, theanrying to get in the zone, come on. I mean, I mentioned before how they all have an album. Jean's album is all improvised melodica, ditties. All melodica all the time. Well, that's it everybody. Thank you very much for joining us.

And thank you Tom for joining us. Thanks so much for having me. It's been a good time for everybody. And hopefully the listener.. the question question question question question question question question question. the tha question. the th. the listener. th. th. the listener. th. the listener. th. thi-. the listener. the thi-. thi-. tho-. tho-I-I's tho-I's thoen, tho-I's to-I's tho-I's thoen. thoen. thoen. thoen's to tho to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi. thi. thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. thi-in. the. the. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. theeean-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s'-s' hopefully the listener? Question mark at the end. Ah, fuck him. Who cares. And for the listener, full stop. Yeah, take that.

Well, unless we want to go with Ben's statement, fuck the listener. That's... Fuck him. Not interested. You got to do comedy for yourself. You know, thatue to yourself. Fuck, I love staying true to myself. All right, that's it everybody. Stay true to yourselves, unless it conflicts with what we're doing, in which case don't. And we'll see you next week.

Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. When my roommate comes into the room looking for his car keys, I don't say it yet. And when he gets me off the couch to check underneath the couch cushions, I don't say it yet. No. And then when he says out loud, I wonder where my car keys are, I still don't say it yet. But then he asks me, Do you know where my car keys are?

I look at him in his face. And I say, Have you checked your bottle? Skid up, buttles. I have not seen your keys, but since you're asking me. You better check up that bottle. But because I'm not serious I don't think it's happens that your big trum business. But a funny thing to say to someone who's lost the shit and is stressed out visibly.

When I see the best man starting to sweat. I don't say it yet. When I see that little ring bearer cut getting yelled at by his mom. Oh, I still don't say it. When I see the groom asking the vicar if they can wait just another 15 minutes, I do not say it. Skiwup now. And when the father of the bride starts organizing an ad hoc e-mue bump of the courtyard area, I want to but I do not say it. It's the 11th hour with 300 congregates under God's roof.

The vicar approaches the mic and suddenly all of the chatter goes mute. He says that they've misplaced the rings. Could anyone possibly know where they are? I know it's my time and all heads turn as I stand and say, Vicar. Have you checked your ring? Have you checked your butt-hose? Get up, butt-hose. I have not seen your ring, but have you checked your ring? My ring on me butt-hole. Love is patience, love his kind.

But if you ask me where you can't find, I haven't literally anything you've lost before. I'm going to suggest that is off your butt-ho. Where's my phone? Where's your class? We can suck up for all. I just lost my grandma. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Are you capable of not saying she's up my ass of? Of course, my condolence.

I'm not looking for a silly joke right now. Yeah, yeah. What are you looking for? Honestly, just like a shoulder to crudder? Burtle! Baby! You find your dead grandma off there too. Oh, I fucking got you. But home! Family hate me. This my favorite reason that I've got no lost friends.

Fucking mother, baby!