Boonta Vista - EPISODE 212: The New Nork Times

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

This week it's a lengthy look at an extremely depressing sex diary and a brief glance at the saddest, horniest genre of Daily Mail headline. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Buntavista episode 212. I am Theo and I of course have taken the form of sort of a horrible chicken creature. All of my feathers have been plucked off though. My skin is extremely distressed, it has been blanched, sort of like white and red spots all over. No discernible genitals, and I have learned to communicate with, in a human sort of fashion, by absorbing about nine seasons of Burke's backyard on VHS. I do smell just slightly of Eps and salts. With me here, of course, is Ben, who is a sort of baby-like creature about the size of a lamp,

completely bald, completely smooth, no hair, no follicles, no sweat glands. Eyes slightly lower than you would expect normal porcelain white skin all over, covered with a sort of grease lubricant, sort of it has the sheen and color of a roo, just sort of wet flower, except for his butt, which is perpetually spanked red. He has no morals, no values, and no opinions. How are you, Ben? I am tremendous, and I have to say, you values, and no opinions. How are you, Ben? I am tremendous, and I have to say, you listed off a lot of things there, and I agree with all of them.

I have one, and it's not an opinion, because I am a creature with zero moral, zero opinions. I have one, um, it's just a question, I guess, more of an opinion. You described yourself as having more or less the body of a chicken, blanche white skin, red spots, plucked entirely of feathers, no discernible genitalia? Yes. What? When you look at an ordinary chicken, what's the genitalia that you're discerning there? Both, I think. Oh, okay. Well, that's my question perfectly answered. Yeah, all right. Thank you very much. And sorry, I did, uh, forget to, of course, mention that you have just sort of like a, a patch, a slight, like, risen section, like a Ken doll where your dick and bulls should be. Oh, it's sort of a I have a mons pubis. Yeah, but Majoris, Mons pubis.

Well yeah, maybe on my body. Joining us as well, good friend and colleague, Lucy, she is a horrible worm creature, not even one of the worms with the cool band on it, no discernible kind of segments, just smooth worm from end to end. She has brought her own bucket of mud, which she is leaping in and out of mud in the same mud out, seeming to extract no nutrients or energy from the process. How are you Lucy? Oh I'm great. I know that you didn't mention my genitalia situation whatsoever which is... Well it's worm is your situation. Saying a worm can't have a big dick? He's saying a worm can't have a big dick? I think so yes

that's my understanding. Wow. Wow. Wow. All right. Okay. And finally, of course, we know him. We love him. He's Andrew. And he is. That's so true. What he is. We know him. We love him. He's Andrew. He is, of course, a pile, a batch of Domino's pizza dough that was disposed in a dumpster. It's risen in the hot sun, taken the form of the dumpster sort of being molded, and on the way it's absorbed the complete works of Peter Fitzsimmons. How are you, Andrew? I'm good. I've been like slowly peeling off the red parts of the pizza box Because you know there's a lot of them out here in this in this dumpster type area

Besides the store that I call a home. But it does give you sort of attraction as you roll silently across the floor. Yeah, absolutely, but I do spend a lot of my time just taking each box and I peel off bits of cardboard from the top. I keep the red ones, I throw away the blue ones from the iconic Domino's logo. And really what I'm trying to do is gather up enough segments of the red sections of the logo that I can press them into the soft dough around the top of where a head the the thea tho th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho-a-a' tho- of where a head would be if I had a head. And I'm really just trying to emulate that red bandana look of the smartest man out there with a bibliography, Peter Fitzsimmons.

I'm going to venture that you couldn't explain Peter Fitzsimmons to 99% of Australians, let alone 100% of anyone that doesn't live in Australia. I'm going to give it a go. We gave a CTE, corporal form, slapped a bandana on him and made him write 50 modern history books. Oh, well there you go. What did he do before the history books? He was rugby union player. OK, was he? Why does he have the bandanna? What's good. What did he do before the history book? He was rugby union player.

Okay. Was he? Why does he have the bandana? What's the bandana for? This is what he was famous for. This is a he was a... He was a Australian rugby union player at the highest levels. I think he was a, he was a privateer for the Spanish armada I think. So he was a, he was a sailor, he was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the Spanish Armada, I think. So he was a, he was a sailor with his own ship who was given license by the Spanish government to operate under their flag for the purposes of basically enacting piracy on the other major powers in the Caribbean at that time, I think. Now, mate, played footy. Anyway, sure? It wasn't when he was active at the golden age of piracy with his own ship. I'm just saying that when you look up Peter Fitzsimmon's net worth on Google, it says

200 doubloons. In brackets, buried. Oh, they've got a lot of money on paper, but we can't access. It's the same way you talk about billionaires. Well, sure their shares are worth that much, but how's it going to find the double-loads? It's only liquid if it floods, okay? So anyway, we are all here for a reason, and of course, as you may at home have guessed, we are together today in a labor policy think tank. That's right.

We're brought together for a reason. We're going to hammer out policies for the next election folks. I don't know if you guys saw the IPCC reports. They're bad. Obviously we're the, we're with the Labor Party, we believe in science, we believe in progress, we believe in in smart solutions, as long as we don't really have to kind of change anything, do anything, go back on any coal mining kind of promises. Sorry, Ben, you... I don't want to backtrack it too far, but just to clarify, that's the two dudes that wear

the clown makeup and do the wrapping. God, that would be good, wouldn't it? The ACP. I liked it. I liked it, Ben. Thanks, Lucy. Appreciate that very much. All right what we got policy wise with how we're going to solve this climate change guys and remember don't change anything or promise. I'm thinking I'm thinking of doing

some clapback tweets. Uh-huh. To liberal and epic the epic thiap backs. That's so far my plan for climate change. But you can't have the clap back imply that's so far my plan for climate change. But you can't have the clapback imply that you would do anything differently. Yeah, that's why I have a team of 40 year old media advisors to write those tweets for me to make sure that doesn't happen. You can't mention renewables or coal. About a series of, queer EV charges. Queer V charges. All right.

I think because we're the party that believes science. Yeah. So I'm posting that. Because of the party that believes science. I, fucking love science. I, like, I think you should post that, but like a star. Yeah, where the you is. We don't want to scare away.. F anybody anybody anybody anybody anybody anybody anybody anybody. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I the th. I the th. I the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's good. It's the. It's good. It's good. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Cha. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. Ch. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. like a star where the U is. We don't want to scare away.

I'm fucking, because we don't want to scare anybody. I think we're the party that believes science. I think, I wonder if maybe like, what we could do is maybe pledge to do a review to commit to having a committee that will like run up some kind of white paper about looking at the possibility of investing some money into perhaps like harnessing the misery of people that we've put into offshore internment cares. Oh, you've beat me to the next topic, Andrew. Maybe we could call it like a refugee-newable energy. Oh, God damn.

And that's going to hit like a lot of our targets, you know, like we, because you know, there's all those right-wing people that we want to vote for us. And we actually believe, we actually believe that there's a lot of core right-wing liberal voters that if we're just kind of cruel enough, they'll say, maybe this is the party for me. So if we can guarantee that a big chunk of extremely vulnerable people will continue to be purposefully immiserated by policy, but at the same time, a few more people get Tesla's. Well, and it's like it's... So what if we look a little bit sad about it in the process? It's perfect for everybody. We get to look a bit sad, we also get to like ease our border policies so we can appeal to left-wing people.

But also that means that more refugees are coming and they go straight into our whole Matrix battery set up. Well, how about instead of easing the border policy, we change it so that we add discretionary powers to ease the border policy exclusively for people that have media attention? Oh. Now, now that is nice that that that is nice, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's our that's our that's our that's our the border policy that's our the border policy the border policy to to to to to to to the border policy to to to the border policy. to to the border policy. the border policy. the border policy. the border policy the border policy the border policy the border policy the border policy the border policy the border policy the border policy. the border policy. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the border policy. th. tho, tho, tho, thooooooo. thooooo. to thooo. thoooo. tho. tho. tho. th. th. that we add discretionary powers to ease the border policy exclusively for people that have media attention. Oh, now that is nice. That's nice. I like that. I fucking hate labor so much. How are we feeling about, how are we feeling about the economic and labor situation there? I mean, we are the party of the working people.

Can't be helped. I mean like, so this is, I think, the tricky thing is like with a policy, what I really want from a policy perspective, and I don't really know how to put this into words, like to write this down, and get it onto our website. I'm thinking because it's not numbers. I just want to put that out there. You don't want that down into the message. No numbers. Because we are like, you know, the progressive party, because we believe science,

hashtag belief science, we could use the power of the internet to upload our policies. And our policy will be, you know that gift of John Travolta in Pulp Fiction? He's looking around? He's looking around. He's like, uh, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Now that's in the zeitgeist. I like that. Yeah, yep. That movie came out. How many years ago? 30? Many? Three or four? Twenty. Three or four? Twenty. three. thirty. Many. Many. Many. three. th. or. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the th. He's the th. He's the the the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. th. He's a good movie. What a controversial take. Pulp Fiction a good movie. You are wild for that one. Someone's out there right now crafting,

lovingly crafting a take for Twitter about how pulp fiction is so reflective of toxic masculinity. There are 10,019 year olds right now doing tick-talks about how, uh, fucking how, so this is such an old person who you complain about, but I saw something the other day where it was like people, oh actually you, I saw this because of you Theo,

you piece of shit. Someone had posted something like, people say they don't like Marvel movies, but these are their later boxed favorite movies or whatever. Yeah, movies were like, I don't th. A tha. A tha. A tha. A tha. A thi. A thi thi thi. A thi thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thin. th. th. th. to thin. to to toeanan. toean. thin. th. th. th. thin. th. th. th. I'm th. th. th are their later boxed favorite movies or whatever. Oh yeah. And the movies were like, I don't know, taxi driver, pulp fiction, good fellas, a handful of other things or whatever, and the person who had posted that image in the reply, someone was like, pulp fiction, someone in the reprisis was like,

ha ha, you got them, you know, whatever, but pulp fiction is pretty good. And then the person who posted the original thing replied to them being like, well yeah, except they started like in the middle of the movie so you have no idea what's going on. It feels like they could have just edited that to make it make more sense. I was just... I try not to get angry at young people because that's a fucking, that's a dumbcunt game. And it seems like it would would would have it would would would would have it would have it would have it would have it would have it would have it would have it would have it would have it would that it would have it would have it would have that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would that it would be. I that it would be. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I th. th. the the the the the the the. I the. I their their the. I the. I the. I thi. I thi. I thitogether like that. It would have been easy to put it in order. Although I do, I do see that they are kind of setting all of the pieces up for a pop fiction cinematic universe. Mm-hmm.

Ivercatche thing. Yeah. P.F. Chains universe. Well, thank you for, thank you for persecuting this scenario with me inspired by the labor guy who got mad because when Anthony Albanese was like, we got to do something about this climate change and go. You know, I was like, hey, well, you know, maybe we should stop opening up new coal mines and I posted like, no. You know, I just googled like the latest one to be, uh, to be approved and posted in there and a guy's like, actually if you read past the headlines you'd find that that that was for metallurgical coal. I'm like, and so, obviously, oh, the good a point in there, but the corollary to that is, oh, we're not opening up any of the bad coal mines, right?

The stinky coal. But it turns out, we are. Under labor, we are definitely. So I'm like, oh, okay, so we're not, so that's it. So that's it. Hold on. Hold on. As a, no more thermal coal mines then. As a person who develops labor policy, let me help you out with how to treat the subject, right? Don't talk about that coal.

I have a thermal coal. No. No, but they, you should be concentrating on epic clapbacks. It's worse than that though, they're out there going like, coal will still form the backbone and this guy's like, okay, well if we don't sell Japan our thermal coal, someone else will. Yeah, and then we'll yell at them. You, like, no, what we need to do is keep selling them out coal, very important. But we will kind of just like, you know, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th, the, they're they're they're kind, they're kind, they're kind, they're kind, they're they're kind, they're they're they're they're they're they're see, like, no, what we need to do is keep selling them out coal, very important. But we will kind of just like, you know, we'll apply diplomatic pressure on them and eventually,

you know, they'll close down their things and do it. Like, oh, you are just a complete white paste of a human. You're a worm. I don't pretend to be an expert on this thing. You know, obviously I'm not a policy wonk, I'm not a climate scientist, I don't know anything about energy production, I don't know anything about any of that sort of stuff, but I will say. That's why we work for the ALP policy development division. You can't make a backbone out of coal. You got to make it out of bones. So true. That's that th. That's th. That's th. That's the th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. their th. their tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi, tho. tho. tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I I I, I, I, I, I their, I their, I their, I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm not thi. I'm not tho, I'm not tho. I'm not thooo. thooooooo. thoooooo. I thooo. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I is true. So true. That's one thing I know about bones, it's that. Mm-hmm. You need to call. You need a bone. Yeah, they can't be coal. That's true.

Well, I'll tell you what though, one one policy platform that I think we can really stand on as a progressive party that believes in science, hashtag believe science. And some, unless they accuse the short. Some women, unless they, you know. Yeah. Look, we believe a lot of women unless we think that believing all of those women might potentially make trouble for our side of the basketball court, you know, in which case. Anyway, we are a party that believes science. Hastax their sash tasks. Ha believe science, ha! Ha, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, theiiii!! their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, yes, yes, yes, yes, their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, thi. Yes, thi. Yes, thi. Yes, thi. Yes, thi. Yes, thi. Yes, tha. Yes, tha. Yes, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. Yes, tha. Yes, tha science, hashtag, believe science, hashtag, believe science, hashtag, believe some women. And you know, science really is the backbone of the internet.

Don't you agree? And something that I think that we should be putting forward as a policy is one in which we can offer everyone out there who wants it a job as a podcaster. Which is, you know, traditionally, one of the best jobs you can have. It's so good. It's so good. It's really hard, but it's not that hard for people who are so smart. So smart, you know?

I mean, okay, you guys have like actual jobs. Like the three of you are professionals working in a profession. So when you make fun of the idea of someone being a podcaster, you are making fun of me. That's okay. I was just a podcaster before this, so it's, you know. Okay, that was the most pathodizing thing I've ever heard of my life. Thank you. Unfucken believable. Oh, that's right, the hardest job, unless you're really smart, which Ben is.

Thank you. You also got to be pretty good looking to do it. Handsome. Doesn't hurt. Nice looking beer. Doesn't hurt. Even though it's an audio format, which we have discussed on the show, in case in case you have been listening to, I don't know, 15 or 20 minutes of this show and continually

asking the people around you, where's the pictures? I'm looking at every screen around me and none of them have these guys' faces on it. No one else can hear it because you've got headphones in. They don't know what you're talking about. That may be an indication that you are not smart enough to be a podcast. However, the ALP, if you elect them, will provide a job for everybody out there at minimum wage to produce their own podcast and just, you know, get their thoughts and feelings out into the world. There are some people out there who are also trying to make their own podcasts happen. And Lucy has happened

upon a story this week which really ticked all the right boxes for us to dive into and investigate as a classic relationship trouble type scenario on the segment that we all love it's Paging Dr. Lucy. If you find that you are having a little relationship trouble. Just to pick up your telephone and dial it on the double. You call one, eight, hundred, three, one, seven, five, five, now you're paging Dr. Lucy. Lucy. Lucy, what the fuck is the deal?

I saw this as just a screenshot in a tweet of the headline of this, which is from the cut which I feel like is a real breeding ground for some of the most, just fucking, they just let anyone write anything on the cut some days I feel like. I feel like that's true of the internet generally is they just let anyone write anything on the cut some days, I feel like. I feel like that's true of the internet generally is they will let anyone write anything. I take Lucy's point though, there are, there's several online publications, maybe I shouldn't name them. There's several online publications that I kind of associate with the, with stories like this. We'll slap down a hundred bucks for you to just throw up whatever airball. The Guardian Australia.

Yeah, to make yourself the main character of the internet for a day, we'll pay you approximately 100 dollars. Get those hate clicks coming. The Guardian Australia loves throwing the dumbest people alive, like, to the sharks. I was just being like, oh, you have you th a a a a a tho tho tho tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu tho tho tho tho tho tho thu thu tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu. We'll thu. We'll thu. We'll thu. We'll thu. We'll thu. We'll thu. We'll thu. thu. thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loves throwing the dumbest people alive, like, to the sharks. I was just being like, oh, you have a bad opinion, horribly articulated? You've never written anything before? He's $600. Come on.

The other type of story they will let you do is, um, oh no, I have accidentally, I have accidentally set my microwave to run for 4, 600 minutes and I have broken the cancel button. I think she's actually a full-time employee. The woman to... She's on the team. So, the headline that really, really caught my eye here, the aspiring podcaster making the most of his open marriage. Now I don't want to start with a bookibbles before you've started reading the article. Yeah.

There is no such thing as an aspiring podcaster. Like, you can just make a podcast or you haven't made it yet. That's it. You don't need anything. Andrew sent us a message and said, would you like to start a podcast about Australian politics? We all had shit microphones and we started recording it releasing it to the internet with no oversight, no checks and balances, no one can stop you. No one can stop you. You just do it. There is only one branch in its podcast. If you if you think that there is a barrier to entry for becoming a podcaster please listen to episode one of

Buntavista or episode one, please listen to episode one of Buntavista. Or episode one of any podcast. Any of them. All of them sound like they were recorded in a wind tunnel by someone who is currently having a panic attack and they still put it online. They all sound like they were recorded on a dictophone that has been hidden up somebody's ass in a prison cell inspection. Yes. A wax cylinder in someone's most private of sanctuaries. So anyway this is a diary of the aspiring podcaster making the most of his open marriage which really just hits a bunch of our interest. This is their sex diary series, which is where people write in and they detail their actual sex life, supposedly, in great detail for the benefit of all of us who want to know what sex is like.

Yes. Just curious, are any of us open to that idea? Like, what would somebody have to pay you, Theo, to detail your sex life for a magazine? Well I would have to balance it with whatever it is that I'm losing by doing this. Well you know what's, sorry, I don't want to get too much into your personal life here, Theo. Is that between you and Caitlin, Caitlin is way more open to talking about this than you th than you are. Yes, that's right. I, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, the, thee, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, thio, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thi, thi, thi, thi,, Theo, is that between you and Caitlin, Caitlin is way more open to talking about this than you are.

Yes, that's right. I'm embarrassed the case on sex diary. Okay. Well, I mean, I think she has, you know, like a normal relationship with sex where it's, you know, it's not embarrassing for an adult to talk about and it's fine. Is this comfortable to be ting about right now? Sure, this is very helpful. Hey Theo, can I simply say to you, now now that you have made a baby you don't have to talk about it anymore because everybody knows that it's in place. Everyone knows that you've done it. Everyone knows you've done it. It's pretty cool. Go on Lucy. Day one. 30 a.30 a.m. Day. I I I I I I I I I. th. th. th. th. th. th.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. I. I. I. I. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th., 8.30 a.m. I'm doing this jogging thing every morning.

It's miserable, but I want to get in better shape. I'm in an open marriage, and I'd like to take more advantage of my situation. In order for me to do that, I need to get my confidence up. We are setting such a miserable scene right off the back here. Yeah, immediately I'm miserable. I'm miserable thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia thia thia thia thia thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. I'm thea. I'm thea. I the. I Immediately, immediately I'm miserable, I need to be more confident because I'm clearly the one who is having less sex in my open marriage. I am, yeah I immediately get an image from this of like my husband has talked me into having an open marriage and now I have to get in good enough shape to have this self-confidence to attempt to have sex

with someone else outside of my marriage. I'd like to be winning this open marriage. Yeah. You've got it. You've got it. We have a whiteboard in the common room, in the apartment, and like you have to ring a bell when you fuck somebody. O'l is just 0.5. 10 a.m. I'm actually in the early stages of my own podcast.

So I have a call with a producer about it this morning. What the fuck is a producer? What? A budget? I don't know. Maybe this person has a reason to have a producer and a budget? Where is money? Oh, never mind. I just read the next sentence. My husband has a big job in real estate, so I rely on him for most of my money. I've had a lot of business ideas throughout the year and feel worried about running this one by him. But if I'd know what kind of startup money I'll need, it's not too much. I won't be as nervous about opening the dialogue.

Do you mean $30 for a microphone off Amazon? What the fuck is the startup money? You're typing this on a computer, I assume. Audacity is free. You just have to make sure that the wiggly bits never hit the top or bottom. It shouldn't be hitting the top. Oh, God. I want to know what this podcast is so bad, but I also know that's exactly what the sick

fuck wants. That's true. All right, 5 p.m. my husband texts that he's not going to be home until later because of a work dinner. Our openness is for the most part don't ask, don't tell. I assume on nights like this he's meeting up with someone for a quick fuck or maybe a date. Wait, hang on. Hang on. That's not, don't ask, don't tell. That's ask and then be lied to. That's true.

I'm going to a work dinner. Like, don't ask, that's don't ask, tell your partner a lie. So immediately sounding extremely healthy. As long as he comes to me, it's fine. I really tha. that's that's that's that's that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. That's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. That's not. That's not. That's. that's. that's. That's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's not. that's not. that's not. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that to me. It's fine. I really don't care This might play well into my podcast please since maybe he'll feel a little guilty later Oh my god That's bad. That's such a fucking bummer. So immediately unhealthy. That is such a bummer like like you've already sort of you've already laid out the the the financial imbalance which I would have thou? thou would have thought is immediately? the? the? the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. th. I. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I th. I the. I th. I th. th. th.'ve already laid out the financial imbalance, which I would have thought is immediately Like, again, we are on this podcast. We are very amateur, like poly scholars, and unless there's anything you guys are telling me, we're very amateur poly scholars, and we're always like try to figure out the dynamics of this sort of stuff. But even as a comb-it-tha-it, that's, that's, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, th-that, thi-that, thi-that, thi-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in, I I I I I I I I I thi, I I I th, I th, I I I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-e, thinneneuuu. thin me. We're very amateur poly scholars and we're always like trying to figure out the dynamics of this sort of stuff but even as a complete neophyte I can imagine that being in a situation like this where your partner makes a lot more money than you do and

you have to say things like sweetie can I have some of your pocket change to buy a microphone for my computer. I guess we can be in an open marriage if you you this you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. to the to to the to to to the that that the that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi the to say things like, sweetie, can I have some of your pocket change to buy a microphone for my computer? I guess we can be in an open marriage, if you want to be. Guilt as a crowbar to get that money. Oh my God. Get a little bit of money. Like, it already sounds like your dynamics are all fucked up. You're trying to get into shape so that you feel confident enough to fuck somebody else. Meanwhile, every time your husband's out late, you're assuming that he's banging somebody.

Oh, so you sucked another guy's dick tonight? That's crazy. I need a sure S.M. 57. Goddame. Talk him down to a blue Yeti. Ah, 9 p.m. I watch some of the white lotus jerk off while thinking of A, a past lover, and get myself to sleep. So the husband hasn't come home is what I'm reading. At least not by 9 p.m. Yeah. Can I, look, this is, I know we just said that a quarter of the people on this podcast don't like this. Has anybody here ever, of the people on this podcast don't like to discuss things like this. Has anybody here ever in their whole life jacked off while thinking about someone that

they slept with in the past? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Really? Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Really? You've never been like, that memory was a very nice sexual experience. Are you joking off thinking of people you've slept within the future? Because that's fucking wild. That's crazy. No, I'm watching pornography like a straight man. I mean, that's, you know, but if you're in a pitch. Yeah, I guess. I'm just, I'm so, I'm so rarely without service these days, you know. I think that's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that's that's that's thi. I'm thi. I'm so thi. I'm so thr- thr- throoooooooooooooo' thr-foooo' thr-fooo' thr-foo' thr-fo' thi. Because thi. Because thi. these days. I think that's bad for the brain. This is one of my things where I don't really believe it but at the same time I really believe it.

Can you can you visualize anything that's not just like the vague concept of like two dots in like sort of a monochrome? You're experiencing masturbation a fantasia. No I think my issue is that um that like I never enjoyed one night stands and I've had several long-term relationships and I've been with my wife for 10 plus years now. So as far as I'm concerned it's like I don't remember having sex in anybody, you know? Except for your wife. Yeah, I don't remember having sex in anybody, you know? Except for your wife. Yeah, I remember that, that's fine. I remember having sex with your wife too, Andrew.

That's right. Wobbster's a together again. Hello. Hello, it's me, Ben, from this podcast. Marian Webster defines a podcast as a program made available in digital format for automatic download over the internet, and that simply could not be more true. If you like what we do and want more of this podcast made available to you in digital format for automatic download over the internet, simply go to Patreon. to the to.

the enormous red button that says subscribe. For five US dollars a month you get access to our weekly bonus episodes, our entire archive of bonus episodes, our exclusive Discord server, and an RSS feed of both the bonus episodes and free episode that doesn't have these ads in them. That sweet, sweet subscriber cash allows me to do this show full-time without having to get a real job, and frankly, that whips to me.

The other guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys th g guys th g guys th also also also also also also get some money or whatever but I don't really care. Anyway, check that out if it sounds good to you. Love you. Day 2.30 a.m. I think my husband today 8.30 a.m. I think my husband got home pretty late last night. He's asleep in our guest bedroom, which is pretty normal, since that room has the strongest AC and he likes it more than our bedroom in the summer. I mean, I leave my run while he's still asleep. That sounds sad, but like if you're in a long-term relationship, sometimes those practical considerations come up, you know, I run very hot at night. So while I love the idea of a cuddle, invariably I'm always like, please get the fuck away from me. I'm a nuclear reactor right now and you're only hurting the problem, like some shit from Chernobyl. Just let me be over here on this side of the bed.

You know, different bedroom with AC going, I can see the appeal of that. It does sound sad. totally fine. Sure. But this guy's also like, oh, don't come near me. It was so hot last night, I stink. Don't come near me until I won't have you spelling me until I have a shower. We met about 10 years ago at a gay bar in Brooklyn, we've always been open. The week we got married at a beautiful restaurant in Manhattan, we both fucked other people. We laugh about it then, and we still laugh about it. As for our own sex life, it's very tame.

We have sex with each other once a month or so, and not much else in between. I mean, we've been together 10 years. What do you expect? Okay, can I just offer my input as somebody who has been married for like, for the better part of 10 years? Is it going to be a brag about how much you have sex? No, absolutely not. It's um, no, I'm on my owl-bundy shit.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No pig. My extremely hot wife always wants to have sex with me and I'm sick of it. Um, no, that's, that's not what I mean. What I mean is like, I totally understand if you're like, I have been in a monogamous relationship with somebody for 10 years and we're the only person that we have sex with. You know, in like in my case we got kids, we've got all these all these life events that have happened. Once a month we act out the sink scene from the master. Yep. Theo has entered the zone that I am personally leaving at the moment which is the one where there is like an infant

and then a toddler and then like another toddler like coming into your bed or leaving your bed or whatever at all fucking hours. Oh, we're like more active than ever. Really? Do you mean being awake at night or having sex? Both? So, but, but like, like, like, I, I, I, I, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, I, like, like, like, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, I, I, like, like, like, like, like Both. So, but, but like, like, I understand if you have been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years, that like the routine of life and blah blah blah, all that kind of thing, that you are more than likely going to be having sex more infrequently that you were. You see your partner's penis and you go, ohthere it is again. There it is. Whereas, still looks the same. I kind of wonder... Looking to the left? Surprise. I kind of wonder does, is this less, is this less of a factor when you have an open marriage and your husband is like fucking other people all the time? It's like, we have sex... How can that add some intrigue? Well I guess, I guess what I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th th is th th is th th is th is th is th is thi th is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thus still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still th is th is th is th is th is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's like we have sex... How can that add some intrigue? Well I guess what I'm saying is, to me the things that don't quite

gel are, we have sex once a month or so, but we've been married for 10 years. What do you expect? Doesn't quite gel with, and also my husband's outlaid all the time because he's fucking other people. We both have otherwise active and exciting sex lives. Like, like, it just, it sounds like the issue isn't your husband's libido or sex drive. That's all I'm saying. You just have a roommate, like you have a roommate, that's fine. You have a roommate and you accidentally suck each other's dicks. Yeah, you have a roommate where, when the moon gets full, you go up.

There it is. Okay, may as well. Four p.m. while my husband is at the office, I get to work on a new salmon dish. I get to work on a new salmon dish. I open some crisp white wine while I cook. I don't know why I hate that phr doing R&D? I've invented a new kind of salmon dish. No you haven't. No you haven't. All salmon dishes have been done. There's no way you have a new salmon dish. There's no space for salmon

innovation. He comes home 9 p.m. Honey I invented something called salmon brown. He's like I'm gonna hit the shower. I can't, I would love to eat salmon brown, but I'm fucking another guy tonight. So, yeah, sorry, I don't mind if I put a load of washing on straight away. 5 p.m. D. A friend with benefits text to see if I want to grab dinner later. I love this man because he's got a beautiful body and he's just unhinged enough to be interested. He also never wants anything more from me. Hold on.

Interested. He's not interesting. Interesting. Interested in me. And you were like, he's like, he's unhinged enough to be interesting. That would be like, oh, this guy has managed to pick my interest. He's psycho enough to like's fucking crazy enough to find being attractive. That sounds like really healthy. This whole thing is so unflattering. He never wants anything more from me than some good company over good food and then a great fuck. It's very simple between us.

I text him that unfortunately tonight is not good we make plans for tomorrow. I'm having salmon brown. Got too much going on, there's the salmon. Really busy with this salmon. My husband comes home to a gorgeous table with candles and dinner ready. We have a great meal and a second bottle of wine. I ask him to help fund the podcast and he says he's happy to. Phew! I decide not to ask him any questions about his whereabouts last night.

It's just a little, just a little tip for tat. Little tip for tat! Of using financial incentive to not leverage anything emotional. My husband peels, my husband peels two crisp $20 bills out of his wallet and all as well. Oh, $200 on the table. Where were you? I'm going to take away $10 for every question you ask. Wow.

Ah, 9 p.m. I make him re-watch the new episode of the White Lotus with me. We laugh so hard, it's truly better than sex. I'm always saying that about laughter. I always say that about televisual sitcoms. Wow this is better than fucking. I'm glad I do this. I often when I watch this episode of the Blacklist. When me and wife of the show my wife Elna are watching season two of Barry I turned to her during episode three and said I'm so glad I'm not fucking you right now. That's the choice everyone has. Don't use better than sex than sex than sex than sex th th th than than than than than than than then then then thin thin thin thed to her during episode three and said, I'm so glad I'm not fucking you right now. That's the choice everyone has.

Don't use better than sex as a comparison for anything. Those are different things for different times. It's not like different to sex. You're like, you've cooked dinner and you're sitting down, you're like, oh, we could have something on the TV, or we can have 23 minutes or 43 minutes depending on what length of show it is of sex. That's not the choice you're making. It's not like it's a binary between those two things. You don't have to compare everything you're doing.

Yeah, sex, you know. And I could definitely have 43 minutes of sex as well. Yeah, me too. And I definitely wouldn't start getting tired after, you know, look, can I take a moment, look, I'm being serious. I'm being serious. Oh, fucking here we go. Okay. Can I just take a minute? Can I take a minute to shout out the creative geniuses at HBO, the home box office?

Because I've been watching a few prestige television shows lately where the episodes are half an hour long. That's fine. That's fine. Ten episodes of half an hour weeeeee hea hea hea hea hea hea hea th here he th here th here th here th here th here th here th here th here th here th here th. th. th. th. th here th here th here th here th here we're the th. Okay. Okay. Okay. the we're the we're th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. th. Okay. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thea. thea. thea'''a'ea'ea'ea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea. Okay. an hour long. That's fucking fine. That's fine. Ten episodes of half an hour long in a season. Great. Perfect. Good stuff. So that was the thing you wanted to be serious about. Yes.

You asked for permission for in advance. And like every other thing you've said on this podcast. Yes. Okay. Thanks H.3.m. Day 3.m. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, HBO. Day 3. 10 a.m. Day 3. I actually do have a job. So convincing. That is so convincing. A few days a week I help an older woman in our building with basic errands. I do her groceries and tidy up for her. Sure. Yeah, cool. That's nice. That's a nice social service. It's a nice thing that you're doing. It's almost certainly not a job, but it's nice of you. We play cards sometimes. I really like her.

Yeah. Kids all live in Florida, so they pay me to be her companion. Don't say it like that. Don't phrase it like that. When you said the errands thing, I'm like great. That's really cool that you can't. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.'ll build a friendship as well Don't frame it as in her kids pay me to be her friend. That's fucking fucked. That's shit. That's shit. It's good money and good karma. It's not good karma anymore. It's not good karma when you said the money thing you've done fuck. I'm gonna go out on a limb I'm gonna go out on a limb and say for most things, as far as most things are concerned, they cannot be good money and good karma. No. No. Your karma is staying in stasis while you're taking cash. Yeah. It's soon, like if you were about to do a good deed and someone says, oh I'll pay you $100 for it and you go, great. Yes, please. Great, your karma meter has just gone right down. The karma goes up when you say, I don't need your $100. I'm going to do this because it's the right good thing to do.

That puts the karma meter through the roof. As soon as you say, I like the look of those $5, $5 bills. Yep. A little message comes up everyone dislikes that yeah all right we're gonna get through four more days of this oh my god sorry okay let's yeah I'm excited to see D later so I start preparing for it I'm insecure about my body right now but I also have a great new wardrobe thanks to all my recent online shopping I brows through my closet yeah who paid for that and get ready to to take a shower to take a shower that and get to tak a shower th that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the the the th the the the that the the that the the that the the that that that the the the the the their their their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou tou their their their their their the a great new wardrobe thanks to all my recent online shopping. I browse through my closet. Yeah, who paid for that? And get ready to take a shower. It hits me that I'm horny, so quickly I get off in the bathroom before the shower.

I love that. He's phrases that as a sudden realization. Yeah. I'm just like, oh, shoo. I'm horny. I'm just like hitting his hawny. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a ha. I'm a th. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha- I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm ha. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I. I'm th. I. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm t. I'm t. I'm today. I'm today. today. I'm today. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I'm a hoaunny. I got a reminder on my phone, horny? Horny? Horny? to you are? I'm like, are you horny? Why doesn't he just hop into the shower, by the way? You can't be jacking off the shower, man. But he says he's doing it in the bathroom before the shower?

Where is he doing it on the toilet and then getting into the shower shower. I think he's doing it on the toilet and then getting into the shower. Well that's only if you have the bathroom... Or into the sink. It's only if you have a bathroom where the toilet is in the shower tak from Andrew. Yeah, just do it in the shower, right? I'm sorry, in the bathroom. What's wrong with you? No, but the th immediately turns up... Put in egg whites. It's all stuck in the drain things.

You guys, you got me there. It's no good. This is worse that we're having this two times now on the pop-trial. You gotta, you gotta scrape the drain cover with the floor to go down there. I'm going to discuss it. It's all good. It doesn't sound like it's all good. It doesn't really sound like it's all good at all. If you have to reiterate it every time, I don't believe you that it's all good. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine! Utmost trust, and that's why we don't need to tell each other anything. That's why we don't tell each other any truths.

That's why I don't ask him questions about who he's been having sex with if I want to get the money I need. I 100% believe that Polly is real. But I do believe a key component of it working is that you in some way have to get off on the fact that that that your that your that your that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that is that you in some way have to get off on the fact that your partner is having sex with other people. I agree with that. I think there's got to be some weird slight cuck element to it where you're just like, oh no you've fucked someone else tonight, that's awful. I have an enormous bonnet. Yeah, I'd hate if you to describe it to me in detail in a way that may be sound very wimpy. See, I kind of believe in the flip side of this, right, which is... Oh, you're on the no-cuck side of the spectrum. That's interesting. No, I'm... And again, if we go off this piece, purely, right?

The way I read this, the one authority on Polly, this one person with an open marriage. But the way that this reads to me is not, I'm getting off on the fact that my husband is having sex with other people. It is, my husband's having sex with other people, and that is a fact that I begrudgingly accept it. It's fine. I begrudgingly accept it, and I go out of my way to not discuss it because it gives me the credits that I require to have sex outside of my marriage if I manage to arrange it.

She's just he's just banking those credits just a little bit in the bank here. The keys of a successful relationship is that you should be keeping a tally of everything. Ideally most things in your relationship should be a transaction of some kind. Transactional, that's what it should be. All right, we're at like 43 minutes of the podcast so far. It's gonna be an all-poly podcast. That is. He goes on a date with D, they have sex, and then 1130pm, I kiss my husband good night in the bedroom with the good AC, and sleep like a baby in the other one.

Day 4, 8.30.m. It seems like the good bedroom is the good one. It's my understanding. All right, day four at 11.30 a.m. I have another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another another the the the the the th.m.m.m. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. All right, day four at 11.30 a.m. I have another call about the podcast, and now I can confirm that I have the budget. This is super exciting. I can't really talk about the concept, but it revolves around what it means to have a happy life.

That's a shit, dude. Well, you sound like an expert. Your podcast should be about the thanks s sex lives from other publications. That's right. That's right. My husband had a meeting near our apartment so he comes home for lunch. We decide to order in and be very lazy so we watch TV while eating lunch and it's very hedonistic and wonderful. How long is your partner's lunch that you can get food delivered in that time and then eat it and go back to what you were doing? When you work from home, your lunch is as long as you want.

Oh God, that's hard. Yep, sounds really hedonistic eating on the couch in front of the TV. I watch another episode of White Lotus and shoot big ropes with all my laughter. Both of us come real hard because it's a funny entertaining show. I watch the movie of the Flintstones and ah. I'm sorry and I know that we're trying to get through this very fast. Yeah. It's like 1994 live-action Flintstones movie?

Yeah, I watched, so I really watched this. I was watching this recently. That's the first movie I remember seeing it the cinema. Really? That's my earliest cinema memory is seeing that movie. Well, can I say this? No. Let's be fun.

John Goodman is low-key yoked in that movie. Yeah he's got fucking huge biceps for some reason what's going on there and he's shown them off because the bowling. Well and because all of his shirts are sleeveless. Sleeveless. Because he's wearing one-piece caveman. He's wearing a tank-top moo moo. Yeah yeah and his guns are looking fucking prime. Shout out the friend of the show. John Goodman. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th's th's th's th's th's th's the's the's that's thathea the' the' the' tho' thathea' that' thate' the' the' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the' the the' the'n's toeeeeeeeeateeeeeeeateeeeeeeeeeeeea'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n't the'n't looking fucking prime. Shout out to friend of the show, John Goodman. If you're still listening, thanks, John. Thanks, John. When I tell my husband about my podcast updates,

he's a little dismissive. It hurts my feelings, but I try not to dwell on it. Sometimes I feel pretty alone in my relationship. The love is like a wife, bro. Try telling your wife about your podcast. Okay, well don't make this now about too sad people. The lovers I'm like on the side. Aren't really there for me emotionally, and my husband isn't always either. Can we just row back like 30 seconds of this article to where he said that he was making a podcast about

how to be happy in your life? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. I'm insecure about my body and I'm very sad about my husband's. I'm alone. Doesn't take me seriously and also. Okay.

Oh, it gets worse. Oh, it gets worse. Just this sentence is so bad. This is one of our longest most to be happy- th th th happy th happy th happy the- Oh, it gets worse. At least I'm a podcaster. Oh, it gets worse. Fuck. Okay. Just this sentence is so bad. This is one of our longest most ongoing issues. And frankly, I think it's more about my own sense of self-worth than anything my husband is not doing. It kind of seems like it's both.

And that seems like that's kind of part of a relationship is recognizing that maybe you... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's that's that's that's that's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's kind. It's kind. It's kind. It's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind. that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of part that's kind of part of that's kind of part of that's kind of part of that's kind of part of that's kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's you... yeah. Yeah. So it's going well. 8 p.m. We make big salads for dinner and read books in our respective bedrooms. The night is perfectly boring and fine. Did he reckon that adding big before salads would make it sound less sad? You had to get the big salad. Oh the salads we had were enormous so don't even worry about it. He's on the Caesar salad diet. He's on the big salad. Oh, the salad we had were enormous. So don't even worry about it. He's on the Caesar salad diet. I see the salad and I eat it. There you go. Yeah, I guess like this is kind of coming back to we eat lunch while we're watching TV. It's very hedonistic. You should have seen the size of this salad. It's like what Julius Caesar would have eaten. Caesar salad, there you go. Yeah, that joke

would have been better if we hadn't have already had the Caesar salad joke from earlier but. Yeah but but Theo was doing his seafood diet thing so that's a that's a different stream of joke. Day five. Day five. 2 p.m. E is another lover I see occasionally he's a male model. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t that seafood. Day 5. 2 p.m. E. is another lover I see occasionally. He's a male model, bartender, and total slut. We met out on Fire Island two summers ago when I went for a few nights with my husband. That trip was interesting as we both fucked other men just a few doors away from each other. It was almost too much even for us, but luckily we had a great sense of humor about it the next day. I guess our relationship.

This is, you should have, I think for a successful relationship, they again should have been getting off on that. They should be like, we were fucking other people with a couple of doors away from each their they're like, yeah, instead they're like, well that wasthink of you having sex, but well, we'll laugh about it later. Awful. I could barely handle it is the tone that I'm taking away from that, which doesn't sound like a fun open man. We did some strained laughter 72 hours later when we decided to start speaking again. Ha ha, pretty funny.

I guess our relationship works. Because we're able to laugh about our affairs or ignore them completely. I know they always say that weekend. They always say that the hallmark of a healthy relationship is ignoring your issues. Yep I'm always saying yes. Yep that's right. We've had sex a few time since and we flirt constantly with each other via text. He texts to invite me to an art opening, he's promoting at his bar, the event is tomorrow night, I tell him I'll be there.

6 p.m. over dinner I tell my husband that I'm saying eat tomorrow. He barely looks up from his sushi and says, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's so fucking hot. We never fight or compete over men though. This is such a mind-equival but like sushi is not a food you have to stare at a lot. No. You sort of you pick up the piece and then you put it in your mouth. It doesn't take like a lot of dedicated concentration. You're not like just staring at your sushi being like, fuck, I'm gonna get this into my mouth. You just, you just do... Refusing to look up for my tuna hand roll. Yeah, I don't know, that just seems... Something. Eight p.m. I face time with my siblings who all live near my parents in New Jersey. They're all together for my mom's 80th birthday tonight. My husband hops on to say hello to everyone. In some ways we are very adorable and

traditional despite our raunching sex life. Yeah, so... 80th birthday. Yeah, like... 80th birthday. Your mom's 80th birthday, massive sort of milestone birthday, for those who aren't as you know familiar with America as we are as America experts. New Jersey is immediately adjacent to the southern point of the state of New York. The northern part of New Jersey say somewhere like Montrose is a 20-minute train ride from Manhattan, literally you just get on the train and you're there. The furthest you can possibly be away from Manhattan in New Jersey is about a two and a half hour drive. That's where Tony Sobrano lives.

This guy doesn't have a fucking job. But they're eating sushi though and not talking to each other. Yeah, so obviously you couldn't get out of that. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be late for a phone call with a podcast producer at 11 a tham tham the tham tham the the the tham tham tham tham their their their tham tham their the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be late for a phone call with a podcast producer at 11 a.m. the next day All right the next day sends flowers to his mother's house then jerks off thinking about A again and takes a really long shower. Maybe you should just be married to A. Just stretching about those things were not at the same did them. Sorry, it's the abridged version. Yeah. I'm so glad I don't have to write in a diary when I jacked off and print it in the paper. And you certainly don't have to saythis party where E works, which is at a bar, and then says,

Why didn't I think about inviting my husband? I guess I was blinded by the allure of sleeping with E tonight. Great question. Mm-hmm. 9 p.m. The party is cool, but I feel kind of creepy hanging out by myself. I text my husband to see if he wants to meet me here, but he doesn't write back. I guess he made th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th to go th th to go th to go th to go thus to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to the to to to to to to to to tooom. I tooom. I tooom. I'm, tooom. I'm, told. I'll, toe. I'll, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. th. I th. th. I th. th. I th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. te. the. the. I th my husband to see if he wants to meet me here, but he doesn't write back. I guess he made plans of his own. I mean that is weird to go like go to something and then two hours into it. Be like, hey honey, did you want to come to this thing?

That started two hours ago, that I've been out for two hours. Just thought I probably should have invited you. So come along. If you feel feel like like like like like. th. th. th. th. th. to feel feel feel feel feel like. to feel. to feel. to feel. to feel. th. to feel. th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. to to th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I th. I th. I th. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that is. I that is. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. te. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. that. that. that., oh you know it texts me back. 9.15 p.m. 15 minutes after the text, I tell E. I'm going to go home and he pulls me into his arms and starts kissing me. He uses a lot of tongue which I absolutely love. In a flash we go into the bathroom stool he says he wants to suck my dick. Who could say no to that? Sure. Got a point. That's a great question. That's a great point. 10 p.m. I'm in an Uber home and smiling big time.

Things are looking up. That is the light delivery of someone that's never had sex. Well, I just had my dick sucked and I'm going to say the grid on my face. You would not believe it. I was all smiles. That's like some real theler shit to be like I just got my dick sucked and then smiling big time we're finally up to day seven oh my god I slept late I'm a little hungover and not ready to face the world 1030 a.m. over my first coffee I face time with my mother so she can show me the flowers that were delivered. She's so sweet my mother. She asked me

what I did last night and I almost spit out my coffee. I went to an art show. It was kind of boring I say to her dying inside. Uh, calm down. Again, someone who has never had their dick sucked before. So he's he's face timing with his mother who lives on the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. never had their dick sucked before. So he's face-timing with his mother who lives on the other side of the world? That's what's happening? Yeah, obviously. Yeah, way too far away to go and see. God, they have to put a road between New York and New Jersey one day.

Finally I could have taken you those flowers myself, but technologies doesn't exist yet. When are those Amazon delivery drones coming online? My husband is working from home today he asked how he was and I ask him if he wants to know the whole story or just the surface. Maybe just the surface he says I can respect that I don't ask what he did last night while I was gone. God damn. Don't know what the two versions of that. I don't ask what he did last night while I was gone. God damn. Don't know what the two versions of that story would be. Being like, uh, he sucked me off. Or, this is how he sucked me off.

Yeah, like, grip strength, seven out of ten. Head movement, four out of ten. Could have worked on that a little bit. Sucction, I'm giving him six Dyson's. That's a lot. Which many bowling balls you can pick up with that? No, sorry, it's actually a rating out of 20, so it's quite low.

Oh, what an odd arbitrary system for suction you're using? 4 p.m. I make a big list of things I have to do for the podcast. I'm so psyched. It's taking you fucking seven days to not get anything done on the podcast. I want to prove to the world that I can be successful at something. So sad. This is from personal experience. No one is going to be impressed if what the thing that you're successful at something. This is from personal experience. No one is going to be impressed if what the thing that you're successful at is podcast.

It's a podcast. Nobody. We have a successful podcast that nobody is impressed. Nobody in our lives. No, don't tell anyone about it. If somebody in real life says you tell me about your podcast, you will feel like you are dying. Oh, I say, no, no, I do, you don't, it's fine. What do you do for work? They're asking you what size your clown shoes are, basically, when they ask you that question. Yeah, don't tell them, don't tell them the size.

Seven p. I walk around my neighborhood listening to different podcasts. Fuck you. Have you heard some of these podcasts they've got? I'm checking out the prior art, some podcasts. Checking out the market, and it appears there are several podcasts out. As I cross the street, I make eye contact with the hottest man I've ever seen. I want to turn around and chase him, but there's no way I can do that without seeming creepy. Yeah. Yeah he's running after a man. It'd be odd. That'd be pretty weird. Doing Tex-Avery Wolf face. Yep. My tongue fells. He can see my heart beating out of my chest, distorting my tee shirt. Well better go home and jack off.

I jack off there on the street behind the car t-shirt. Well better go home and jack off. I jack off there on the street behind the car thinking of you. That's of course the letter you not you the listener. Yeah. I take a minute to appreciate that I have the freedom to flirt with him or anyone else when the time comes. At what cost? At what cost? At what cost? And see, I guess this is like, I feel like this is the account of an open marriage that most aligns to what I imagine an open marriage to be, which is a whole, a whole series of like compromises

and just begrudgingly accepting your intimate partner being with somebody else and like this, oh we went to Fire Island and I was like, I think I'm about to fucking freak out because my husband's having sex with someone too tense over and I can hear it. Also that you can say, but if I wanted to flirt with a guy at a bar, I could and it would be allowed. Yeah, I can also do that when you have a roommate or some friends, you can just love your friends I feel like is a lot

of what this is missing. Yeah it's just, oh man, that's a bummer. If you are a big-time poly or open marriage style please please write into Buntavista, oh no, mail bag at Buntavista.com, and let us know- Only if you have a healthy one. I don't want one of these ones. No, no, I want to know both. Please write into Mail bag and Buntofista. tell us about your unhealthy poly relationships. I I I I I I th only th only thu only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only. I only. I only. I only. I only. I only. I only only. Only taly. Only to to thue only only only only. Only, only only to to thia only thia, only, only, only, only thia, only thia, only thia, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Only, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I don't need to hear the good examples

No, no like like for realties if you are in a poly or open relationship Please run into mail bag at bunto this is what's the deal? Our minds are as open as your relationship. That is so true. That is so true. That's what's up. That's what's up. That is. That's the that's what's up? That's. That's. That is. that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. the the the the the the the the the the the theue, Ben. That is so true. That's what's up. That is what's up, isn't it? That is, that's what's up. That is the thing that's what's up this week. Well, Lucy, thank you so much for bringing us an article that we could spend roughly one hour talking about. Yeah, you're the taucoe. What's your take the solution, what's th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what's what's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. that's that's that that that that's that's what's what's that's what's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's terrifying nature. What's your takeaway? What's the solution from Dr. Lucy for this, I guess, a really successful marriage that

is just vibrating with good energy? It's probably just that if you feel you need to write an article for the cut expressing how happy you are about your open marriage, you might just not be that happy in it, and you don't have to have one if you don't really want to. I don't fully understand the compulsion this person had to write about this. Because I don't think they're describing anything particularly novel. I don't want to lean into stereotypes here, but like two Manhattan gay dudes who fuck other guys is not the craziest thing I've ever heard of in my life..... th. th, if. th, if. th, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you don't, if you don't, if you, if you, if you don't, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, they're they're thi, don't thi don't don't don't don't don't don't don't thi don't don't thi don't thi don't thi, thi, thi dudes who fuck other guys is not the craziest thing I've ever heard of in my life.

But they're also not like describing joy? Like I don't know. No. But they're not describing a profound sadness, which you know, it forms a lot of interesting art. They're just describing the sort of malaise you would have after like a long-term relationship. Yeah. Like, yeah. They talk about it like it's kleptomania.

It would be more... We don't need to do this, but we are getting away with it. Yeah. I'm with you Ben. It would be more interesting if this person was like... You know every other week night, my husband goes out and he's gone for hours and I know that he's been with someone else and it breaks my heart and I'm so miserable but I can't be without them. I can't say to them. I love them so much and I can't be without them and I know that if I say I just want you to be with me that they'll leave and I can't do that.

I can't do that I can't be without them that would be so much more interesting than like I fucked Toby again and then I was like hey that's cool like I think if I wanted to hear a relationship described to me that was like kind of good but kind of bad I could ask anyone that's in a long-term relationship you know like it would be more interesting if this was about like yes we're in an open relationship but they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'll they'll they'll like like like like like like like they're they'll they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they long-term relationship. You know, like... It would be more interesting if this was about like, yes, we're in an open relationship, but we still have all the boredom of other couples who have been married for 10 years, you know? Yeah, but that's not how they're framing it, is it? They're definitely, it's implied. The only, the only, the only context in which it is framed that way is we've been together for 10 years, so

of course my husband doesn't fuck me that much. Also he's fucking other people heaps. Yeah so I don't think I learned anything and I think the thing that's really funny about this is the phrase aspiring podcaster. Oh. Yeah, yeah. You don't need anyone to make me. Like, honestly, we have, we have, we have the the the the the the the the the, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the th, the th. th. thus, th. thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th., the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, that, the only that, that, that, that, that, thus, thus, thus, th's what really got me like honestly. Like, honestly, we have, we have talked to a number of people over the years who are like starting their own podcast, right?

Or who have, have relatively recently started a podcast. And I generally, I have like broad advice for people who are starting... Don't record your first episode. Don't. Just talk to each other for an hour. Just have like a little warm-up come back a week later and yeah like generally speaking I have advice for people if they want to start a podcast and one of those things is like just just put out an hour's worth of stuff a week. The most important thing is to just get in the routine of producing an hour of content.

It doesn't matter if it's good or bad. Yeah, you can be bad. You can do 200 something episodes. Look, maybe it'll take you a while to sort your audio out, whatever. But the main thing is, you know, just consistent drip feed of content. I think that most people, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I th. thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th. the, th. the, the, th, the, the, th, and, and, and, th, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr. thrown. thrown. throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tho, tho, and, tho that most people, like I think that this is like the next generation version of going to look at a website and seeing like the under construction giff spinning around, you know?

Just don't even advertise that you're gonna have that section if you don't have that section yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you see that thing, most people just say, oh, you mean you haven't sorted any of this shit out, haven't sorted any of this shit out, I will never come back to this website again. Or... Same thing for podcasts, where it's like, well, we put out our first episode and then six weeks later, we put out our second episode. But whatever... Maybe they see the under construction thing, they go, wait a second, there's some little men living at this website and they're doing work and wearing hard hats.

That's pretty cool. I guess I would just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just just I would just I would just I would just just I would just just I would just I would just I would just I would just just I would just I would just just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I would just I to just I you are spending weeks, literal weeks, talking to producers and talking to your husband about funding it and listening to podcasts and walking around Soho, and like if there's all these things that you can do for weeks at a time without actually sitting down and just talking into a microphone or talking to somebody else writing some stuff down on a page, writing some shit down on a page. You're gonna talking. You're gonna talking for like at least an hour.

Maybe you don't actually care enough about whatever the fuck it is you're talking about to do a podcast. I don't know what I'll be blinded by the alure of podcast. Blinded by the shining Hollywood lights. You know, I think we kind th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi the cachet. You know I think we kind of have enough information here to figure out what podcast this is. Like it might not exist at this point, but give it a month or so, if you're listening to this podcast in the in mid-September and you think you might be able to find a a podcast that is backed by a podcast network that is about finding might be able to find a podcast that is backed by a podcast network

That is about finding the secret to happiness by a gay man that lives in Manhattan Or Brooklyn or wherever the fuck is Let us know because I want to listen to this so bad because it's got to suck fucking big time time and also if you're in September and it turns out that getting the Pfizer shot turns your dick and balls into a sort of reptilian situation. I'd really love to know that one month ago. My goodness. There we have it folks. Once again we have a very uninformed take about open marriages and polyamorous relationships.

I do implore you if we are right, wrong or other, right into mailbag at Buntavista.com. If you would fucking love to pick up a shirt to let people know that you listen to the world's dumbest podcast, head over to shop. to buntavista.com. Pick yourself up a quote-unquote garment. Wonder where that word came from. And for all of the other votes we will be randomly assigning you to to to you to you to to you to to to to write to write to write to write to write to write to write to to write to write to write to to write to to write to to to to write to to to to to to to to that word came from and for all of the other votes we will be randomly Assigning you to either right or wrong, so Right, that's very topical To Australians specifically this time period now. I know I know where it's a little census humor. We're already at an hour of five

Yes, and that's why I'm hitting stop on the recording Did you actually? No, I haven't please go on with your bit? We're already at an hour and five. Yes, and that's why I'm hitting stop on the recording. Did you actually? No, I haven't. Please go on with your bit. I reckon we get one more segment in. Just to round this out, and I'm so sorry. Because this is just a list of headlines, and it's nothing else.

I don't have any reason for bringing this up other than this is a phenomenon, these are some phenomena that chip me off. Would you like me to play the news stinger for this? Yeah and this is for our famous segment, the name of which is not used for anything else that is of course, Media Watch. media watch. Original concept, do not steal. Trademark, pattern pending. Patent pending. Paul Barry.

This is where we inspect, you know, the ins and out, the foibles of the media industry, people in the UK will be intensely familiar with the Daily Mail. People Australia should be intensely familiar with the Daily Mail. It is somehow of all of the horrible publications that we have here, it's the worst. However, I will say that people who are currently living in the United Kingdom are also incurring like a range of other psychic damages that all kind of equal out, you know? So to them maybe these headlines are normal.

Well, that's true. They might well be. What I really wanted to highlight here is a... So, the Daily Mail has a thing where they know what traffics is showing someone like in a bikini or whatever. But they can't, because it's bloody 2021 and because of political correctness, you can't anymore just say, this bint is wearing a bikini. You can't say, check out the nox on this bin. Yeah, you can't just go to page six or whatever and see some nox anymore because of political correctness, because of the communists in the Labour Party.

So they've developed a style of headline where they try and do it feminism way, ish, where it's like we're celebrating their beauty. So I'm going to just read a sample of headlines to you that are all taken from one 24-hour period on the one website. Here we go. Eminem's daughter Haley Mathers 25 showcases her incredible figure in neon green bikini as she poses on a boat in sizzling snaps. Hmm. I like that it sounds like the sizzling snaps just sort of came came their way at the Daily Mail, not like they paid some fucking rat to go out with a gigantic telephoto lens and shoot... With a 900 millimeter telephoto lens. Yeah, to shoot photos of someone, like,

to shoot someone, photos of someone like on a boat 700 meters offshore, you know? Usually you can't buy these unless they're attached to a high-powered like photos of someone like on a boat 700 meters offshore you know usually you can't buy these unless they're attached to a high-powered like anti-tag sniper rifle Jessica Albus. Oh go on I was just gonna say I know when I'm out in a bikini like swimming at the beach what I'm actually doing is showcasing my incredible figure. Yeah you're not just like living and swimming. Not just living my life. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Jessica Elvis. Honey, you want to go down to the beach and showcase my figure? I would love to showcase my figure.

Jessica Albus sizzles in a stringing orange bikini top as she snorkels and loungers on the beach with husband Cash Warren in Carbo San Lucas, Mexico. That doesn't sound correct. It's, it's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my. It's my my. It's my. It's my. It's my. It's my. It's my. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's. That doesn't sound correct. It's great that they... Cash. It's great that they take an activity like a snorkeling with your husband and crafted into something that makes you go, oh what a slut. Yeah, she's sizzling. This bitch is dared to sizzle. Yeah. Now you might notice a theme, maybe, by this third one. Travis Scott, post sizzling shot of girlfriend Kyle Jenner rocking a plunging top as she wishes her a happy 24th birthday. Now Ben, I don't want to rain on your parade. I don't want to come down on you too hard here, but, uh, did you just say, Kyle Jenner? Kyle Jenner? Oh, I did, sorry.

Travis Scott, post-selling shot of girlfriend, Kylie Jenner. Sorry, I'm not. Yeah. Kiley Jenner, relativelyowd to shout Kyle Jenner. Lala Anthony stuns in a halter top and Daisy Dukes shorts as pal Kim Kardashian says, Holy shit, and Chloe adds a flirty, hey. Hey. Hey. So she's posted an Instagram picture.

Yep, she's just posted it. Yeah, that's the story. So I'm trying to figure out who the fuck this is. We have no time to figure out who Lala Anthony is. No time, no time. I'm gonna race through this. A VJ in the early 2000s is the answer. Awesome.

This is me at 50. Bethany Frane, thii filter-free selfie in her bra and underwear. She posted a picture of Lala Anthony in the chat and she looks great. Is this going to be mean? Wow, I wish this was a visual medium. Well, if you Google Lala Anthony, this will be the first photo. Green dress, green eyeshadow. Don't know what the fuck is going on. Smiling like the Grinch from the live-action Critch movie. Real Joker hours going on here.

Oh, fuck. That is the face I made when I got my prostate exam. Surely you're too young for that. We've discussed this on the podcast. Tammy Hembrow leaves little to the imagination as she showcases her famous derrier and skintight leggings during a booty workout. She would. Typical Tammy Hembrow. That's classic Temi Hembrow behavior. That's classic Temi Hembrow behavior.

Uh, birthday girl Kylie Jenner chows down on a decadent breakfast spread, is wowed by endless floral arrangements and hones her artistry during painting classes she celebrates turning 24. Hones her artistry. Congratulations on honing your artistry. While chowing down on breakfast. Bella Thorn is stripped down as she poses topless in bed in sexy photographs taken by her fiance, Benjamin Mascolo. Congratulations on being stripped down.

Like a rifle. Lucky for him. Mum's gone wild. Model London Goheen shows off her phenomenal post-baby body in a racy animal print cut out swimsuit after giving birth to sun stone just months ago. Stone Goheen. Stone Goheen! If I must. So goheen! Alessandra Ambrosio flashes her midriff while enjoying sunshine stroll in Malibu

with her children, Arna 12 and Noah 9. Flashing a midriff with children around. They're using like an act of phasing to describe something very passing. Someone wearing a crop top? Yeah, she was like wearing clothes. That's the visible. So I'm in the police station giving a report and I'm like, yeah, so, um... So this is pretty hard for me. I was, I was hiking on this trail and suddenly this woman

jumped out of the bushes and she flashed her midriff at me. Yes, she was sizzling. I got sizzled by this woman who flashed her midriff at me. I was sizzling at me. I came immediately, but a lot of the literature that I've read in the case that's not my fault. I just, you need to find this person. She's sizzling and flashing her midriff to everybody that she can find. What is it? Who is the audience for this? Like do they not have? You know, it's men that would normally just look at something to say. I don't even know if it's not if it's the weird housewives. Do they have

like Bapshub that? I think it's definitely weird housewives that look at that and like, oh what a slut. What a slut that she's wearing a bikini at the beach. Hate this tart. Why am I jacking off right now? Lucy Hale leaves little to the imagination in sexy black lace bra and underwear as she brings the Vava Vum to photo shoot in Malibu. The fuck are you talking about? You know what they're talking about.

Did you bring the... Did you bring some Vava Vum to... Did you bring the Vava Vum? I've just... I've left the Vava Vum at home. I put it next to my keys, but I guess I got distracted because I got a text while I'm going to get the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk they're they're they're talk they're they're talking they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'reava Vroom? Do you know how long have to be set up these lights? I'll go out to my car, I bought some Vava Vroom from home, but like this is very unprofessional. I was saving that Vavavoom, but whatever. Shalise Theron showcases her incredible frame in a burglary, in a burgundy leopard print swims, thrown, thi-a, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thuuuui, thu. as she swims and soaks up the sun on a yacht with her family on Greek island break. I love it when a woman shows me her exoskeleon.

Wow, that's a dope frame that you've got. I love your frame, sis. You can make a stock out of that. Bella Hadid shows off her incredible figure in a skimpy gold bikini and miniskirt as she snapped selfies while packing for a vacation. So she did a post. Yep. Yeah. Oh, this one's nice. Go on. Say it. Demi Rose flaunts her very, this is the daily mail house style where you put in all caps one word in the headline. Very. Her very ample assets while ditching her underwear in a racy cutout dress for pretty little things photo shoot. Oh, what a bitch. What a tie!

Now that I'd like to see. I have one more for you that's not from this one 24-hour time period. This is just a headline I saw the other day while I was scrolling through this because I'd like making myself angry on purpose. This is from August 6th. Getting pretty damn over it. New mother Elise Knowles calls for more discussion about mental health as she poses in skimpy red bikini. These people are fucking psychos!

Oh, can we have some more discussion about mental health, isn't it? Yeah, mental health site, well a problem in it. Oh your BAPs look well fit. Now Ben, something that we have discussed in the past is that you used to be a writer for online publications, right? That's certainly true, yes. Very true. And one of the things that you used to describe to me as being particularly dispiriting was sort of working basically on a shift system where you started work at a set hour and you had to just publish X number of articles within a shift, a set number of hours. And that sometimes you would start a shift and they would say, hey, we've got a few headlines

about Love Island that we want you to bang out or the Bachelorette or whatever. And you would kind of describe this as being very depressing basically. Yeah, that was like the one mandatory part of my job. The rest of it I could sort of ignore and no one would get angry at me, but you'd have to like, well, you've got to write a minimum number of stories about these reality TV shows, even if you didn't watch them or didn't care about them. Yeah. Like if you were one of the people in the other, like the Thomas Kincaid pipeline of

painting stuff, but the only thing you're allowed to paint was like, the to thrown, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, the, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, thi, the, thi, the, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, the, thi, the only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only only, the, the, the, the, the man is tortured by the public life and he has a very weird face. So I guess what I'm saying is just take a moment to imagine that you were still doing that job but also that the entire job was to make articles out of Instagram posts. I mean I've written my fair share of stories that were just about one Instagram post, but like luckily I never had to do one that was just like, Christ, would you look at these tits? You should have though. I mean, if I'd been left to my own devices, you know, it's probably what I would have done. But yeah, fucking-year newspaper with the big, big black headline, BAPS displayed.

Someone a couple of years ago wrote a long form article about the experience of briefly working at the Daily Mail Australia, which had a lot of legal disclaimers in it after a couple of weeks of being like, the CEO denies that this ever happened. But like, from all accounts, that place is a fucking nightmare. Like all the headlines are written by senior editorial staff, all the stories are assigned to their writers who have like no writing experience, no journalistic experience, no editorial experience, no nothing like that. They're just given a story and told, hey, we need you to churn this out in 45 minutes. They rip it off from another outlet. Like every single Daily Mail Australia story,

if you look at it, there's like a first published and then updated time stamp. And they are never the same time stamp because they never get it correct the first time. They're always going back in after comments start rolling through of being like, oh, fuck, we got that wrong, whatever. Like, these people are just like, there's a handful of people at the top that know the sorts of things that traffic very well, and then they are forced onto people that don't know any better, by and large. And yeah, it sounds like hell. It sounds the fucking worst. Guys, can I take us out with one more? I was going to the Daily Mail. Code. UK to find an article so I could F-12 and change the headline so that it

said, core blimey, look at this set of tits. And I accidentally came across the ur post. Martin McCutcheon stunts in sizzling laundry throwback snaps, dot, dot, dot, after detailing her Lyme disease flare-up. Oh my God. Oh, play us out, Andrew. Oh boy. Oh boy. Thank you for listening, folks. We will see you next time.

Bye. Bye. you