Boonta Vista - EPISODE 218: Ceci N’est Pas Une Pipe Episode

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

Andrew, Lucy and Ben introduce everyone's future favourite segment 'With A Lead Pipe,' plus: the battle betwixt bird and drone in the skies of Canberra, and the boundless joy of free prawn crackers. ** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Bordevaesta episode 218. My name is Ben and I am here at a performance of improvised comedy or improv as it's called. with me is Andrew, who's going to give me a word and a location. Yes and? Perfect. Yes and I yeah, yeah. And you're meant to say it back. Yes and. Yes and. And. And. Yes. And. And. Yes. And. And. And. Yes. And. And. And. And. And. Yes. And. And. And. And. And. And. Well. And. Well. Well. Well. Well. the. Well. Well. Well. the. Well. Yes. Yes. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And. And. And. Yes. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. Yes. And. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes? Yes? And? And? Well, yes. Good. This is no worse than the average improv comedy show. We're doing great.

It's somewhat better. With me, Lucy as well, who's going to give me a word in a location? Uh, Dick? Yeah. Mm-hmm. is Lucy as well, who's going to give me a word in a location. Uh, dick? Dick. Yeah. Dick hospital. Ah, I'm here at the dick hospital where the doctor is telling me that I, my dick

sucks. Which is funny because I'm trying to tell him, no, I suck dick. You've gotten confused, you've got your wires crossed. Well, you've come to the dick hospital, which, the the the the the the the dick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the dick. Yeah. the dick. the dick. the dick. th. th. th. th. th. thick. thick. thick. thick. thick. thick. Yeah. Yeah. thick. thick. thick. thick. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thick. thick. thick. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. th. D. D. th. D. D. th. D. th. D. thi. D. D. thi. Dic. thi. Dic. Dic. Dic. thi. Dic. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thito tell him no, I suck dick. You've gotten confused, you've got your wires crossed. Well you've come to the dick hospital which is where you come and get your dick assessed to hear that your dick sucks. Yeah. That's your first mistake. It turns out that both are true. I have a very bad penis and I also love forlating people with penises. Yeah.

Which is- This isn't funny for people with bad penises. Well, it's relatable at the very least. But it turns out, luckily for me, having a bad penis doesn't interfere with my favorite pastime, which is filating people. Huh, that's mine as well. Yeah. It's like a, it's like a, like a, like a sa tha tha, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, tha, tha, like, like, like, thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thi. It's, thi. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th.a, th.a, th.a, th.a, th.a, th.a, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha.a, tha.a.a.a.auu.au.au.au.au.au.au.au.au.au.au.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. It's, tha. Huh. That's mine as well. Yeah. It's like a, it's like a, like a side note,

like I'm sucking someone off and they're like, oh God. That guy has a really bad penis. But it doesn't affect me right now. I don't have to worry about it too much. Surely it gives you a better appreciation for what makes a good penis, you know? I think that might be my driving factor. Hmm. Is I'm just like, oh, that's a nice. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's a nice a nice. th. th. th. that's a nice. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi's a nice, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi. Like, thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi''''a'a' thithat might be my driving factor. Is I'm just like, oh, that's a nice penis. Gobble, gobble, gobble. You know? Down there on your knees, you pull that thing out and you think, hey, glancing down, could be worse. Could be a lot better. It could be a lot better. It could be a lot better. Could be so much better. Now, just I want you to nail this segue, just perfectly. We're already there, huh? Yeah.

Geez, sometimes it comes up quicker than you could even imagine. No, not for me. Boy. Not for this being it. Slower than you could possibly imagine. Sitting there with one of those big like track meat stopwatchers. You want to schedule this shit 30 to 35 minutes in advance. Oh boy, some of us truly do have the most garbage penises you could imagine.

If only you could order a replacement penis and you kind of can, you know, sex toys are plenty to be had online, they can be shipped to you in discrete packaging. This is the first time hearing about it. Sex toys are plenty to be had online. I don't know if they're to replace your penis. Well, it depends on the penis. I guess so. In the case of mine, absolutely. Absolutely.

There's got to be, I'm quite sure there's a type of, like, a prosthetic penis thing that you just put on over the top of your existing underwelling penis, right? Like a strap on, but for your own actual penis. No, we've actually spoken about this this your own actual penis penis, the podcast before. There you go. Back when we were a political podcast, we did a like, I'm gonna say a seven to eight minute aside of me reading penis sheath reviews. Oh yeah, it's a penis sheath. Yeah, it makes sense. So you know you could, could, if you are getting a shit dick. No. Uh, we live in the future. Yeah, makes sense. So you know you could could could if you are getting feedback. No, we live in the future. We live in the future.

Shit digs. Everyone needs to hear. You don't have to have a shit dick. There is something kind of like, I think quite sweet about the penis sheath. Like, maybe it's that you've got some sort of erectile dysfunction, or, or you, uh, or, I thi, there, uh, there, the the the the the the the their, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there there uh, there uh, there there there there there there th th there thi thi the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the the the the the the the the the thi, we their, we their, we thi, we thi, we thi, we thi, we thi, thi, their, their, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi theeeeeeee- thi- thi-u-ni-nit thi-u-nit theeat theeeee. the,ath. Like, maybe it's that you've got some sort of erectile dysfunction, or you have just a shit penis generally, like you've got a bad dick. But you want to be able to like wow your sexual partner with a larger and more exciting penis. So you are foregoing any physical stimulation. Yeah. Just purely for your partner. That's nice.

It's purely for your partner, right? Isn't that lovely? And we're not penis. Unless you're listening and that's what you want us to be doing. And you like that. And then we are. In which case, your dick is so shit. If what you crave is three Australian podcasters telling you you have a bad penis, the penis

fucking sucks. That's on the bonus episodes, that's premium content right there. We do full hour episodes of being like your balls, not great. Your glands, awful. The shaft, Jesus Christ, don't even fucking get me started. I do agree though, the sheath has to be for the partner because it must be like wearing 150 condoms. You know?

I think that's the motto they sell them with. Yeah. Although you wouldn't, I don't think you'd actually want to put 150 condoms on because it might have that effective. You ever seen somebody just like putting hundreds of rubber bands around a watermelon. I the in an apartment when someone did that. Did it work? How did it go? How did it go? Uh, their entire like large living room got covered in fucking water? Why the living room at least do it in the kitchen or the bathroom? Well, outside, it's ideal. In this apartment, the kitchen living room were a sort of continuous, it was one space, you know? Uh, shout, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, a, a, a, a, a, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did it, th. Did, did, thi. Did it, th. Did, th. Did it, did, did it, did it th. Did it th. Did it th. Did it th. Did it th. Did it, did it, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did. Did th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, th. Did, thi. Did it's thi. Did it's thi. Did it's thi. Did it's thi. Did it, thi. Did it, thi. Did it, thi. Did it, thi. Did it, thi. Did, thi., it's ideal. In this apartment, the kitchen living room was sort of continuous. It was one space.

You know, shout out to, friend of the show, my friend Andrew. Oh, okay. Not you, sorry. This is a different Andrew. But we're friends. Where was all of this going, by the way? So you don't have to have a shitty dick. You don't have to have a shit dick.

You can wear the equivalent of 150 condoms, you know, in next to no time at all. You can order it off the internet, you can have it shipped to you. And sometimes they'll even ship it to you via drone because we live in a horrible, horrible future. Thank you, Lucy, for respecting. Okay. But grudgingly acknowledging the segue. Yeah, fucking fine. Yes, unfortunately, they are shipping things to people via drone.

We have previously on the show discussed dominoes in, I think it was in the States wasn't it? They were trialing the little suckoff robot robot on the wheels, the little dick-sucking robot. Yeah, gotta go out and get that pizza. You're out there for 25 minutes, why? Sometimes it takes a little while. Really stressed out at work, I'm ordering another pizza. Uh, you know, and they also have been talking for a while about doing these flying ones. And bad news, it's happening right here in the very town I live in, Canberra. The place where all the clowns go to clown congress. The bloody circus of clowns there. The bloody big top.

Some people call it Parliament House! Jesus. Sorry, we said we're not a political podcasting now. Yeah, I'm sorry. I remember writing about drone deliveries in Canberra while I was still working at pedestrian, which now I think was like a year and a half ago, maybe a little bit more. It's a while ago. So is it, is this just like a normal part of life for you now, Andrew,

to see like a coffee being suspended under a drone flying around? Not as far as I know. I haven't really seen any of this shit kind of getting about. I assume it's the sort of thing, like, because camera is so spread out. It's so, so like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tha, thi., thi., thi., thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thii's thiiiiiiiiiii's thiiiii's thi's thi.a, thi's thi's thi. I assume it's the sort of thing like because camera is so spread out. It's so so like suburban. It's all suburbs basically. So I assume that like you can only get this sort of delivery in relatively restricted central areas, you know. Maybe the story will have something about that. This is from the ABC territorial, in scare quotes, Ravens disrupt surge in wing drone deliveries under cameras lockdown.

That's right, we're still doing lockdown. A battle for aerial dominance is emerging. Wow, we're really coming in strong on that one. It's exciting, the way they've phrased that, certainly. It is a very exciting way to frame the concept of an upset bird. Aerial dominance. A battle for aerial dominance is emerging as nesting season coincides with a surge in demand for drone deliveries during Canberra's lockdown.

Drone delivery service operator, Whing! has paused flights in the northern suburb of Harrison, while bird experts assess the behavior of local ravens to ensure their welfare is safeguarded. Here's an idea, just stop flying the fucking things around here. Now, they've sent some guys in to find out whether the ravens are going psycho mode or not. Is there drones around? guys in to find out whether the Ravens are going psycho mode or not. Is there drones around?

So do they like it? Like are there drones just flying around in camera? I've never seen, I've never seen a drone delivering anything yet. Well, I've only heard like one drone around my place and that was... The talk of your bloody wife. I would never say that about I wouldn't say I would say I love Ellen so much she's a lovely she's a wonderful woman I don't mean that. I'm sorry. If anything she's asking me to shut up. I believe that to be true on a very fundamental level. Yep. It's yeah.

The so like a little while ago I heard it's tr Yep. It's yeah, the choice. The, so like a little while ago I heard a bunch of cockatoos going absolutely bug shit, like just freaking out and I went outside and went, what is it, I hear a sound like a big bee, like a big bee and a lot of birds absolutely shitting themselves. And after a while I realized there was a drone way up out the front of the house and a bunch of cockatoo's freaking the fuck out about it and I said oh I get it now cockatoos. Fine. This big mechanical bullshit thing up there bothering you in your space. I get it. And that sounds a lot like what is happening here. In written feedback provided to a customer, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, I, I, there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there there there there there, I throwne, I there there there, I there there there there there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there was there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there there, I there there there there there there there thi thi thi thi thi thi throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne throwne thrown get it. And that sounds a lot like what is happening here. In written feedback provided to a customer, Wing advised,

quote, we've identified some birds in your area demonstrating territorial behaviors and swooping and moving objects. Where are the objects? Yeah, are they in the sky where the bird lives? Are they up in the bird zone? They're in the sky where the bird lives. Are they up in the bird zone? They're in the bird zone. Bird domain. Let's take a little listen to the peaceful sound of the bird grabbing a hold of the drone and yanking it. That's the sound of the bird grabbing a hold of the drone and yanking it. Good. That rules. Get his ass. Beautiful sound in the neighborhood.

Beautiful. Love it. Nature's Symphony. Not the sound of a big robo-bee dying in the air. Beautiful stuff. I wonder why that would upset the wildlife. Uh, I fucking hate these things. Yeah, this sucks. This sentence sucks. And also, like, the stuff that's being delivered is in, it's in like just this little pouch on the bottom of the drone and the drone lets down like a little fishing wire thing and just drops it on the ground. And it has the ground.

And it has to be really small and just like, what the fuck is it? Food? Yeah, what are they delivering? Why do they need to do this? It's a great question. What does Wing deliver? I remember seeing when I wrote that article about the early trials they're doing, they're literally talking about delivering like a single cup like like a single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single single like a single like a single like a single like a single like a single like a single like a single like a single like a single c.

When I wrote that article about the early trials they're doing, they're literally talking about delivering like a single cup of coffee to you. Yeah. Which to me is fucking perverse. It's going to spill everywhere. Like, and also, this is just me, right? And I realize I have a vaguely unconventional lifestyle in that I, I work, because I work hospitality hospitality I work mostly nights. I got a lot of free time during the day. Bisexual. Bisexual. So you know I'll fuck basically anyone so that changes what my day looks like. But like for me part of going to get a cup of coffee the joy is that I can just be like you know I'm working home doing some shit on my

computer or whatever, I'm like, fucking I'm going to go for a 10-minute walk, I go up to a ten-minute walk there in Milton and like I know the guys that work there and even if I don't know people that work where I'm getting a coffee, you have to have a little chat. You get to say, hey, thrown, the thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the the that, they's they's they's their, their, their their their their their their their their, I's, their their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go their, I go their, I go go their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm to, tote, tote, tote, totally totally totally totally totally totally try, try, their their the say, yeah man, I'm good, good, how are you? And you go, yeah man, I'm good. And then that's the whole conversation. But you get your coffee and then you get to walk home. And that's bliss. That's a little treat. That's fucking, that's perfection. That's a treat right there. Not only have you gotten a coffee, you've had a pleasant interaction with to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their their their their thoea. tea. tea. teauu. teaucooo. teck. teck. their coffee, their coffee, their their their the in the world. Would you like to know what important and vital services they're doing delivery for? Yeah, go on. I'd love to know.

So again, this is, you know, you've said, hey, we're in lockdown right now and I absolutely have to have these essential items shipped to me. Post haste. We've got Kickstarter Espresso. Oh, except the name of the business is kickstart Expresso with an X. Well that's because it's fast baby. Coffee beans or like cups of coffee? That's coffee. You can get a not so humble toasty and coffee. You can order banana bread and coffee. Imagine how good that's going to taste when it has been very slowly flown to you by a... Swishing around on a drone.

It also sounds like the coffee you get that's like the coffee shop is also a car wash. Like... You can also order something from pure gelato. That's an item that ships well. Via drone. You could order a single block of Jasper and Myrtle gourmet chocolate. Yep. Perhaps a bag of tea from Adore tea. So literally none of this is necessary or fun. They're basically all just like there's the Dream Cuisine Partissory fudge cookies there are crofney donuts little green kitchen

brownies and caramel slices they are pretty much exclusively like coffee and confectionery with the exception of the pup cake bakery which is confectionery for your dog. Yeah I need to get that in a drone. You're locked down at the moment. You can still go grocery shopping, right? Yes. You go to supermarkets? Yes.

You can still get takeaway from cafes and stuff? Yes. Right. So you can't leave to socialize. We went and had a picnic. Oh you did, didn't you? We had another picnic today. We finally got to meet a beautiful friend's new baby. Oh, that's very sweet. They had a baby and they've just been locked in a house with their new baby.

Fuck. That shit. Yeah, for several months. That's the shit that depresses me the most is like missing out on like formative experiences in like something like that is just like yeah that time is irreplaceable. It's never come back. No. But you know we've we've done the best we can in terms of like you know we've made a lot of meals and drop them over to them and oh that's nice. That's nice. We've done what we can to help and everything but like you said it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not it's not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeea. thea. thea. thea. theea. thea. the. the. the. th and dropped them over to them. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. We've done what we can to help and everything, but like you said, it's not quite the same. No. But like right now, you could, if you wanted a coffee, you could leave your house and

you go for a walk and get a coffee and then come back home. Or, you know. Actually, a thing that has been happening in our area is that a couple of times every week or two, there's a coffee van. Oh, I like that. It goes around suburbs and it just like they have on their Facebook page or whatever, but hey, we're gonna be in your street at like 7.15 tomorrow morning. And you can go out there and you can get a fresh coffee from a coffee van. Say to this sound though. That's true. I feel like I'm missing out on something when I don't get to hear that.

I just I don't understand that like like Brisbane's last lockdown which I think was like our fifth or sixth. It was only like ten days so it wasn't too crazy but like they were quite intense about it like you weren't allowed any guests so if you were like me and you live alone you essentially weren't allowed to see friends at all so like the thing that kept me saying was that we ran the bar as a bottle shop for a little bit, so I got to do one or two ships there. But also, we didn't have any like restrictions on how far you could travel from your house. So, well, no, we did.

Sorry, it was like 5 or 10 Ks or whatever, but on how far you could exercise from your house. So what I could do was, I could wake up in the morning and I could walk five K's Start walking. Basically I could walk five Ks to my friend's cafe and then I would go over there and get a coffee which is allowed and then I would walk five Ks back to my house but like that that that interaction that little like social bit there the nicest shit in the world you know like that's a that's a little life line you have the people around the people the people the people the people the people the people the people th th th th th the people th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. that. the th. th. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that that to the the to the to to the that that to that that that that that that that thi that th bit there, the nicest shit in the world, you know? Like that's a little lifeline you have to the people around you. A little bit of chit chat, a little bit of small talk, you know, like that's the fucking good shit.

Like I just don't. But hold on, hold on. Is your friend a robot thrown. So the interaction wasn't cool. Love it. I'm just saying, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a thi isn't that's a that's a that's a that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's isn't that's isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't isn't thi isn't thi isn't thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thrown. thrown. thi. thrown. thi. thi. thi. the the their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Loves it. Can't get enough of it. I'm just saying it's nice, but unfortunately they're not robots. I didn't get to talk to a robot at all in this process. That's right, which we all love both in the form of, you know, we all love the self-checkout. Yeah, like living in the future. I hate the self-checkout. I hate the self-checkout. Oh, we're going to to to to to to to to to to to the self-check out. We're going to talk more about robots later in this podcast, so let's get on with a drone. So they say we've identified birds in your area.

They're acting crazy for some reason. There are birds in your area. Horny birds in your area. Meet now. This birds in your area, in it. While this is common during nesting season we are committed to being strong stewards of the environment. What's a steward of the environment? They're not it. I can tell you that much for the dream. No. They are certainly

framing it that way. The ants. those are stewards of the environment. Well because on their website they're like, ah, this is great because it's like less emissions on average than driving a car over the house. You know? Right a bike. Get on your bike. Get on your bike. Walk to the fucking shops.

Just walk to the shops. I've been doing it my whole life. If you're not able-bodied and you can't do that, sure. You can have, you can have a drone. You can have a drone. You've earned that drone. But if you can, that's just like, you get a little high from it from the social interaction and you get a fucking treat. You get a walk. You get to buy some chocolate at the end. One of life's little gift. You get to say hi to some person who hates their job and hates the fact that they've had to keep working while the rest of you are, you know, staying at home. And then maybe you got some ice cream or something. We'd like to have ornithological experts investigate this further to ensure we continue to have minimal impact on bird life in our service locations. I don't think you need an honest logical expert to know that. That birds hate the sound of a screaming drone? Don't know what it is. Do they

think they're going to discover anything more complex than you are flying a big, noisy bird-shaped thing in the space where the birds are and upsetting them enormously. Like, it's pretty straightforward. What the fuck else do we think it could be? It turns out these birds are racist. A company spokeswoman to the ABC the experts believe the birds are ravens. I mean they sound like gross to me to be honest, but... It sounds like they've got absolutely top-notch bird experts here.

Yeah, I reckon it's, well it's got, you know, two wings. It's got two wings. Making some kind of birdy noises. You got ravens there, they sound like crows. That's bullshit. Quote, to our knowledge, no birds the birds they're the birds they're their birds their birds they sound like crows that's bullshit. They're wrong. Quote, to our knowledge, no birds have been injured during the swooping incidents and anecdotally we've heard from some customers that they've seen the Ravens swooping at a range of objects in the area including cyclists, pedestrians, cars and garbage trucks. Oh, so they've already got a history of being violent. I see.

However, in the tens of thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thous thouse thousands of thousands of thousands of thous thousands of thousands of tho- tho However, in the tens of thousands of deliveries we've made to homes in Australia this year, instances of direct contact with birds have been extremely rare. In the unlikely event that a bird makes direct contact with our drone, we have multiple levels of redundancy built into our operations to ensure we can continue to fly safely. What a fucking pissy horrible sentence? Yeah, garbage. Direct contact, you mean in the event that a bird attacks the drone. Or that a bird is killed by the drone.

Yeah, the drone can keep going. Okay, cool. I don't really fucking give a shit whether someone gets their fucking latte or not after it's like mowed through a bird. Oh, well, apparently that's most of the issue. She she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she. She she. She she. She. She. She. She's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the. that's thrown. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th to to to th to to to th to to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thin. th through a bird. Oh well apparently that's most of the issue. She said the procedures allowed the drones to complete their delivery safely while food and drink remained untouched in the package below. Oh, your croffney donut is safe as houses, my friend. Oh, people worried about their fucking shitty donut getting eaten by a bird when it's in the bird sky. Didn't get any lice on my donut, did you? Look, obviously I have not used one of these services,

but I did have an experience last week, which caused me to remember why we shouldn't be using the third party delivery services in general. Which was that we ordered some pizza from a local place, but I ordered it from menu log. Yeah. The place with the god damn song. And so we order this pizza and the thing comes up and says, your pizza will be there in 45 minutes or an hour or whatever. And that time goes past and I look at the app and the app has said for like half an hour or whatever. And that time goes past and look at the app and

the app has said for like half an hour or more, there's a driver waiting in the store to be handed the order. And I was like, that's weird that he has been waiting in the store for 30 to 40 minutes now. And time keeps going on and I call up the store and say, hey is there like someone there getting the order? And they're like, no, there's nobody here at all. But that's menu log and we have nothing to do with that. I'm sorry. You know, that's on them.

They assign somebody to it and they come and pick it up. And so, hanging out waiting for a while and like an hour and 45 after ordering this thing, my kids, like, where is this pizza? And I'm like, huh, who could say, what are you supposed to do at this point? Apparently you can phone menu log, which I did. And somebody said, ah, yes, someone will come out and pick up the pizza. I'm like, okay, will they? And they go, hey, don't worry though. We're gonna generate a Goodwill voucher for $10 and email it to you that you can use with your next order.

And I said, thank you so much. Which they then did not send to you that you can use with your next order. And I said, thank you so much. Which they then did not send to me. And like, so I think, because by this point it had been like two hours, right? And the food had been sitting there since about 30 to 40 minutes in. And the lady on the phone goes, oh, so what do you want to do? You want to cancel the order? I was like, no, I want to eat some pizza. I'd love some food.

But waiting so long for this pizza. And she's like, oh, OK, well, the restaurant might have to make it again then because it's been sitting there for so long. And I think that's the fucking restaurant that eats the cost of making two batches of pizza and throwing one in the trash because menu log just kind of fucked up and didn't. I don't know. Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, so not only do they like absolutely fuck restaurants on the profit margin of actually, you know, making money from the thing they're doing. But in a situation like that where they just kind of fuck up and don't assign someone to your delivery, then they make the restaurant, make the food again, and pay for it? Yeah, the whole thing just made me go, I feel really shitty because after investigating, that restaurant delivers. They have their own drivers, and I was like, I feel like such a piece of shit. I mean, this feeds into my earlier point about small human interactions, but it turns out, if you've got some nice places in your suburb or nearby,

that do take away directly or delivery directly, and you just, you order through them, you know, maybe you call them up on the phone maybe you go in there and order it. Can't do that Ben can't do that. You get a nice little social interaction. Maybe they should get an app maybe they should get their own apps then. What about when you get on like a nice relationship with your local Thai place and they go hey we chucked in some spring rolls for free because you come in every Thursday night. You're selling me on it now you're selling me on it. It's the fucking best having someone come in and like when you go in

and having someone be like oh there he is you're getting the fucking pad C you with vegetables and tofu and you go oh you got me again you're absolutely right that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th they they're the th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're th tho the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeee' thu thu thu theeeeeeeee' they're they're they're they're they'resea-ew with vegetables and tofu and you go, ah, you got me again. You're absolutely right. That is what I'm getting. That's what I'm getting. Yeah. And then they chuck in a few random fried objects. Yeah. You know, for free because they're like, ah, it's you and you come in every week. That shit, it's fucking lovely. And like, I get that with a delivery service, you have to sit in a the their. their. their. their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th. th. t. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th, th. th, th. th, th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. that's, t tog, tog, tog, tog, that's, that's, tog, th. You, that, that, to sit in your house, or you get to sit in your house and you don't have to talk to anyone and it just arrives at your doorstep but it's magical. But also, walking out of your fucking house, going for a short walk, chatting to someone.

We've all got to use the apps in lockdown, you know. That's now this. Maybe that's the pandemic. Well, Uber made the pandemic. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the threatha.a.a. the the thto make us order more Uber eats. You don't get to make friends with your man, Con, the Greek man that runs your local Thai restaurant. I guess my point is just we have obviously we had been ordering delivery more during the lockdown, right? And we had ordered a couple of times from places that we would normally like to go to that do not have delivery. And I have then just like, clearly, like, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, the Greek, their, their, their, their, their, their, their th. thranny, thranny, thranny, thria, thria, thria, thria, thranny, thria, thi thria' thria, thria, thranny, thimes from places that we would normally like to go to that do not have delivery.

And I have then just like clearly in my brain I've gone, yeah, ordering stuff off this place, that makes sense. If they're on here, they probably don't deliver. Yeah. And yeah, just finding myself in this situation where I'm like, I'm mad at this restaurant and then realizing not only do they have absolutely nothing to do with getting this food to me, but also they're absolutely just taking the hit for it. So I felt very bad. I am here right now to publicly swear off menu log. I didn't use Uber eats anyway because those guys suck. But just in general, the third party delivery service is a scourge on our society.

It is introducing several layers of commerce and bullshit tech bro stuff and removing any form of like direct contact and accountability for the thing that's happening. And friendship. Some piece of shit, like venture capitalists somewhere can get a slice of the pie. You know? Yeah, like the shit like with Uber where vendors aren't allowed to change their price between the like in-house price for an object, an object, like something they sell, and then how they sell it on UberEats. So they can't change that price at all, but UberEats takes a slice of that price.

Oh, okay. So they're automatically taking a hit for it. And then like we all know the shit about how like Uber eats and deliver and menu log and all that, all those drivers are taking, like they're getting paid basically nothing. Yeah, like they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're getting paid basically nothing. Yeah. You know, like, they're getting paid well below minimum wage. Like the whole thing fucking sucks, like. So, so that's my, that's my pledge to our audience.

No more menu log for me. And also a public apology to restaurant local bite. Your pizza was delicious and I'm sorry I chose the wrong way to access your services. I will be ordering him from you this Friday night. But I'll be getting your driver to shoot that bad boy over. Yeah. Look, that's, my recommendation is, if you're not in lockdown, and you've got, you know, you can just go somewhere and just order it in person.

Go for a short walk, order some fucking food. And if you can't do that, do it over the phone. You're on blast. You know, like I'm just saying there's something so nice about having a blast. Having a local place in your area where they see your face and they say, oh, hey, how are you? Is the fucking nicest shit in the world. Cultivate that. I love the old guy down at my favorite local Chinese restaurant named Kevin's place. That's nice. I love it when it's just a guy's place. It's a place in Mooney Ponds. Just Will's dumpling singular. Yep. Love Will's dumpling. One big fan of Will's dumpling. thumb. Love Will's Dumpling. One week dumpling for dinner.

Big fan of Will's Dumpling. Never met Will himself, but he must be a great man. Great things about that dumpling. Oh, Kevin's place, five-star experience. I can call up an order like an obscene amount of food for six to eight people. And I always get the same reply on the phone, 15 minutes. Oh, that's good. That's what you like to get.

And because I'm a dad, I set, I set like, as soon as they say that, I start a timer on my phone. Yeah, right? I do. And then when it gets to the point where I'm like, OK, it's about three minutes from now to drive down to the local shops. I leave and then I walk in the door at 15 minutes they got all right there. They pass it over. They give me the free big bag of prawn crackers. Yeah that's the fucking shit that I'm talking about. Yeah I would pay for that shit on Uber eats. It's not free. It wouldn't slip anything in a threat be psycho. It would be psycho. Well they're already losing money just to do it. If you do it in person. Support your local businesses

everybody. Just, it sounds like a fucking trite thing to say but like I think a lot of people that are maybe a bit younger than us that have been sheltered from the experience of having like a good local takeaway that knows who you are. That shit is fucking... it's so good. That's as good as life gets. It's just having like a person be like, Hey mate, how you doing. Lovely to see you. Here you go. I throw a few extra things in there. I'll see you next week. Oh Bliss. Yeah. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing.

You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these ever again. You'll also get access to our discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. That's a beautiful experience. What is not a beautiful experience is being harassed by a drone in your neighborhood. It makes you want to destroy it, makes you want to blast it to smithereens. Beat it with a lead pipe. And that brings us to our latest and newest ready to start a fight with a lip. Pipe. She's sweet and red, she's swinging in the hand, yeah.

Oh my God. What's right everybody? It's so much better than I thought. It's time for a new segment with a lead pipe. This is, of course, the segment where we talk about things that we'd like to beat with a lead pipe. This was brought on partially by the helpful AI on the International Space Station, Simon, but also by Lucy's propensity to threaten to beat relatively innocuous fictional creatures with a lead pipe. innocuous, that's interesting. Well, sometimes it

depends on who they are. So what I've I've asked Lucy and also the other people on this podcast. That's me. To bring a list to this episode of things that you would like to be with a lead pipe and we're gonna go through that list first with Lucy. You want me to go first? Well I mean Simon's up the top but we've already covered Simon. Imagine how good it would feel when that pipe just blast through that little CRP monitor on the front of his face. When you fucking the video you linked the other day I didn't realize he could talk. Neither did I. I was trying to explain to my boyfriend who Simon was because I was just like thinking about Simon and then we watched a YouTube video and Simon speaks.

I bet it sounds just like, uh, the movie Mercury Rising. Yeah? Oh my god, this is where now, like seven episodes that we've spoke about Mercury Rising. Except, um, except the little kid in that he has like his little cards that are prompts for things that he's doing and he walks in his name, Simon is home. Yeah. It sounds like a little Simon robot. Anyway, things I will beat with a lead pipe. Simon. Yep. Yep. Gollum had complained so much the whole time. Yep. Yep. Gollum had complained so much the whole time. It

prends us. It's not birding. You're just being beat with a lead bud. I hate him when he's fucking talking about the fucking raw fish that he eats. He's a disgusting little freak. I fucking hate Golum. He likes some roar and wriggling. That's what I've heard. It's a I've heard. It's a filthy little beast. Couldn't you just make a fire? Couldn't you cook a fish, you know? He can't, apparently.

Fucking dickhead. Fucking hate that little cunt. Anyway, Tom Bombadil. Yeah. Dave Hughes. Oh, jeez. He helped us to raise a lot of money for charity, so... Oh, he came in at the end.

He did. I would say we had already raised a lot of money for charity. Yeah, I had to be that. That's true. We raised like 20 grand for charity. I kind of forgot that until we looked at it. I was looking at it the other day. I was like at it the other day, I was like, oh shit, we did that on a whim. That was great.

We should do that again. Look, look, he did help us out after being endlessly harassed online by a series of strangers and friends to call the hotline and do the snakes alive joke, which he did do, but I will say since then I have been forced to see and perceive him on television dozens of times. He'sy. I just shout out to a friend of the show who I won't name who gave us his personal mobile phone number in case we wanted to contact him directly to ask him if you

wanted to do that. Who was it? It was it it was it Ben Russell that called up and did the most perfect impression. Oh my god. Yeah it's been Russell. Happy birthday good on you. So he's on a list. Yep. Pingo. Yeah it's been a birthday good on you. So he's on a list. Yep. Pingu. Yeah, that's fair. He'd make a little splat noise when you hit him, I think, because of like the plaster scene. He just splat into a little pile and then mold back up. He'd mold perfectly around the pipe.

Yeah, as far as I understand. Beat his little little fucking penguin. You could just beat him to the... Captain of... Beat his little little fucking penguin you could just beat him to death Captain imagine imagine Imagine Pingus angrily new ting at you You're just why you wind as you wind Just loudly nooting and you're just just just hammering into him Captain of the Pittsburgh penguins Sydney Crosby. The cats that are both the Pittsburgh penguins the

hockey team Sydney Crosby. hockey team, Sydney Crosby. I want to beat Sydney Crosby to death with a lead pipe. The cats that are bald. I don't look up the picture of Sydney Crosby. Like sphinx? Just yeah, just those bald cats. I hate those cats. I think they're disgusting.

I think they're against God and... I'd love to touch one. Oh, would you know they look like a ball sack? How about you just shave your fucking nuts and then touch your shaved nuts. Way ahead of you. And also, check for cancer. Yeah. Why you're at it? Yeah. And here's where I feel like our list may have some crossover.

The Boston Dynamics robot dogs? Yeah, love to just fucking crush one of those. The supermarket in, the supermarket robot in Woolworth's in Canber. Oh, true. Who has no name. Yeah, that one's on my list. Yeah. No name, a completely static face. The face is not even animated.

It's just a sticker over the top of a light. He's like Simon. But it doesn't animate. Just, I fucking hate that guy. Finally... He just comes over and he says spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Spill. Warning. And finally, the Tucker bag. The Tucker bag? Real homies know what I'm talking about. All my homies take the Tucker bag. What are you talking about? I have known my home he's take the tuckabag. What are you talking about? I see you googling. I see you on Google. I'm looking right now like are you talking about a place? Look up tucker bag images. Oh the tuck of bag. Oh oh he's got a face. Oh I don't like you tucca ba- Oh my god. What the fuck is the tuckabag? There was ads. It was a supermarket when I was a small child and there was always ads for the tuckabag.

And I hate him and I want to beat him to death. I don't even know when I would like to beat him to this. All right, good. Well, we've got some crossover then I'm glad we're in a grandson read the tacca bag. Oh I hate him I'm looking at him and I hate him. Yeah yeah roast him he's on blast. Oh he's talking in his dirty little mouths flapping around and his voice is fucked up. That's right. Oh fuck the tuck about disgusting. Andrew did you prepare a a lead pipe list for the? I did but like I feel like my list is very different because I wasn't all people that you know. No well like I I I don't think my list has any people on it. Oh. Because I was like, are we doing... are we doing death threats? You know? Well we've done it before. And we'll do it again. We have we have I was

actually thinking I was just I was lying in bed, satin sheets you know. Candles candles all around. Do you have satin sheets? Print style yeah. Just thinking I was just thinking about what would feel good to smash with a lead pipe right? I was more, I'm a tactile person. I was thinking. I was thinking. I was thinking. I was thinking. I was thi. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was just th. I was just th. I was th I was th I was th I was th. I was just I was just I was just lying I was lying I was lying I was lying I was lying I was lying I was th. I was th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thing. I was just thing. I was just thi. I was just thi. thi. thiing. thiing. thiing. thiing. thiing. thiing. thiing. thi. thi. thi. I was just thinking about what would feel good to smash with a lead pipe right I was more I'm a tactile person I was thinking sensations you know so first on my list of things that I would like to smash with the lead pipe is the fiberglass Ronald McDonald outside of the restaurant all right holy fuck yeah that's a great one. Ooh, that feels so good. Just that crunch. Oh, yeah, just eating Ronald McDonald. Mmm, bonus points if some kids come around the corner for the happy meals right when you're just...

Like, I don't think any kid would be disappointed. Like, there's no child in Australia that likes Ronald McDonald's. Nobody likes him. Why does he exist? Everyone hates Ronald McDonald. There is absolutely a reason that they took him out of the commercials. Yeah, because he's a dirty little freak. He's a nasty, he's a baddy. I painted my face as a form of disguise, you know? Disguise from who the fucking child sex. Pretty much. Pretty much. disguise from who the fucking child sex restraint. Pretty much, pretty much.

I've also got the Domino's delivery robot. I think it would be a good time to smash one of those in with the pipe. That a feel too too. You might have to take like a bit of an ice hockey or a golf swing approach because they are a bit lower. But I think you could also go like a two-hand a two-hand a block splitter kind of approach to them as well. Yeah. I think it'd be really great to smash a 10-foot tall ice sculpture of an angel. Yeah, that'd feel pretty fun. So you've just gone pure pleasure in terms of the feeling

of the beating of the lead pipe rather than like emotional pleasure. Rather than retribution you would like to deal out. I don't have a lot of enemies because I'm very nice. A lot of people like me. Yeah. Very few people as far as I know wish harm upon me. Which is, you is you know good spot to be in. I said as far as I know okay. I just you know there are a lot of people that listen to this podcast that don't write in to tell us how they feel so we can't presume. Yeah that's fine but imagine if you will you know standing in cold room, you got your big Parker on, your gloves.

And just across the room from you for the last six hours, chipping away with a chisel is one of the finest eye sculpture artists in the world. Oh, and then just destroying it. Yeah, you understand that with your big lead pipe, tapping your watch every now and then? Yeah. And they just let you get in there. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thin, I thin, I think, I think, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thiii. thiiiiii. thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. lead pipe, tapping your watch every now and then? And then they just let you get in there. I think it would feel great. You would probably look pretty cool too?

I would love, under those circumstances to be able to destroy that 10-foot-tall ice sculpture of an angel with a katana. Okay. It would be a lot of fun I think. Like people do make fun of those videos on YouTube where it's like a fat guy trying to cut through like 15 bottles full of water with his katana or whatever but I also want to do that. That's dope and I also don't think I would be able to like control a katana with that level of skill or accuracy.

I absolutely love those. What's the name of the company that makes the swords and stuff Ben? What the one that we've watched like hours of videos over our streams? Yes. Oh, I can't remember but they're fucking amazing. Where it's just like a really like average looking guy in a polo shirt cutting through an entire like side of beef with a kata. Uh, no I cannot I cannot remember the name. Cold steel! Cold steel. Cold steel they hang up like you know a side of beef and cut it with a halberd. The guy that's doing it looks like he works in like a middling computer repair company in like

Foxville Ohio like they always look like a guy who was repair company in like Foxville, Ohio. Like, they always look like a guy who was selling fax machines in Massachusetts in 1994. Yeah, it's such a specific vibe of like, magic, the gathering guy, but from a small Midwestern town. Like, it's amazing. Folks, please, please, please go to YouTube and look at some cold steel demo videos. It's truly a wonderful time. Let's see, I would also like to smash the Wicca Man from the 1973 film, the Wicca Man. Oh, yes. That's interesting.

I have no compulsion to destroy the Wicca Man. I'm happy with what it's doing. Yeah, me too. But also, like if somebody built one and then they were like, hey, why don't you just go over there and smash that thing up, would you say? Oh, I couldn't possibly. I simply couldn't. What about that little prick from Saw? The little bike man, the little bike puppet. Yeah, that actual guy fun. Yeah, destroy him. The main, the actual guy would be so angry and you'd be like, that was very easy because it was quite little. It was a puppet. It was easy for me to do. I needed that for my stuff. You ruined him. The bikes all bent out of shape. The frames ruined. You popped the tires. Yeah, that would feel good, wouldn't that fuck? What about... What about...

What about destroying with a lead pipe, Ozzy ostrich from Hey Hey It's Saturday. Yeah. Yeah, but like, But that includes the guy's arm who was up for the puppet. It's breaking his arm. Yeah, that sounds good. He's complicit in a lot of racism and shit, so like that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that sounds good. He's complicit in a lot of racism and shit, so like, that's fine. So, he had it come in.

Same goes for Dickie knee, just pulverizing all the bones and that guy's hand. Agro can get it too. More like Dickie, this guy's arm, because I've fucked it with a baseball bat. See, I would never, ever want to do that that to to to to to to to to to to to do to do that that that that that that to that to do that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thia. togee. thi. thi. thi. thick. thick. thick. thick. thick. thi But Dickie, Dickie-nee. Well what about Miss Piggy? Oh come on now, no. She's an independent woman. I would love to be on the Muppet show in the 70s getting hit on by Miss Piggy. That depends. Imagine you're like you're a relatively successful movie star, you're high as fuck because it's the Muppet. And there's a sexy Pig pig Muppet who's just like, what are you doing after this? And you're like, is she actually sucking off? Should I? Can she suck me up? I'm trying to be my frog boyfriend jealous? Is this actually going to happen? Like if I say yes, do I like, oh I've got to play my cards right here? It's, I was, I'm trying to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, I'm to to to to to to to to to to they th. thi their their you're their you their you their you their you their you their you their you th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm to, to, to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to, to. I'm to. I'm to, to, to. You. You're to, to,? I've got to play my cards right here.

I was, I'm trying to remember how this came up, but I think like, I was talking to my mother yesterday who was saying that that's the thing every guest who goes on like the Muppets and Sesame Street says is they all say like, you know, you can see the puppets here operating it. And like, there's all the people around and everything and you can see the whole thing, but within like five seconds of starting the thing, you are you are talking to the puppet. Oh, 100% you would be right? Like, yeah. So I'm just imagining that, but also being like, am I gonna, am I gonna fuck this pig? Am I gonna fuck Miss Piggy after this?

Do I have to like, I know I've told my wife, I've got like a kind of openish thing, do I need to tell her I'm gonna fuck Miss Piggy after this? Like, Frank Oz looking really, like down his knees. Or looking like he's very familiar with what's happening. Oh, I mean, he's gone through this dozens of times. Yeah. Once again, the magic has taken hold. My goodness.

Let's see, what else they have here? Because I used to think a lot as a fun exercise about what I would do if I came into like an unspeakable amount of money. Oh, sure. Yeah. I've definitely recounted one of those things on this show before which is that I would like to buy businesses and deliberately run them into the ground by being really rude to everyone who comes in.

Oh yeah, that would be fun. It would be really fun. But I also used to think it would be very fun to have somebody like construct a house, but the house is entirely built out of like plywood and balsa wood. And then you just get to like smash the whole thing up with the base or bad. Fuck, that'd be good. Or perhaps a lead pipe, you know. Yeah. They could do all the glazing with like the stunt sugar glass. Yeah. You know, I did something similar. When I was a shitty- th. T. They th. T. They th. They th. They th. They th. T. T. T. They th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. They th. They could th. th. th. the the the house. the house. the house. the house. They the house. They the house. They the house. They the house. They the house. They the house. They the house. They the house. They the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. todd. toda. today. tole. today. th. the the th. the shitty, ratty teenager when I was a little feral. There was like an abandoned house next to the KFC in the town of Wantaggy and we all, when we were like 15 or 16, we all got really drunk and went in there and like smashed all the

walls with a cricket bat. It's when vandalism. They were probably full of asbestos, but it was like really fun. It was so fun. It was worth it. That's like a quintessential like coming of age Australian story I think is just being like, I'm gonna have two vodka cruises and like absolutely destroy an abandoned house and destroy it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna drink this whole bottle of Southern comfort, you know. I drunk a third of a bottle of Malibu and I am absolutely ready to like throw an elbow through a glass window. Bud Kukruiser Longneck which used to exist. They used to exist. Really? Yeah.

It's the first thing I ever drank. Good Lord. That's terrifying. So in in that vein, the next thing on my list that I would like to destroy with the lead pipe is a giant balsa wood, th........ th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, the, the, thu, thu, thu, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr-s, thr-a, th, th, th, th, th. tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to to thr-a, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. the, thr-a, thr-a, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, thr-a, the next thing on my list that I would like to destroy with the lead pipe is a giant balsa wood model of Notre Dame. Oh yeah. Yeah, so like, you know, if you're in a position to do so, dear listener, I would urge you to just Google Balsa wood, Notre Dame. And you can see how fucking big some of these models are that people make out of like Balsawood but also oh you'd be able to smash it so easily. I'm just hearing a lot of Andrew wanting to destroy the long intense work of other people like that's what you take pleasure from. I think it would feel great. You'd feel like a god.

Sure. And the last thing on my list is the Woolworth spill robot. Yeah, cool. I fucking hate that guy. Oh. He can get it. Like honestly, seeing him in the store fills me with a deep, deep rage. Ben, you got a list? And that's my list. Yeah, I do. Sorry, this is terrible, but I just spaced out and I just looked at Twitter and I got just the worst reply.

Go on. I was stunned by it for a second there. Uh, I fired off a little tweet like eight hours ago about how news, the news keeps calling our war memorials hallowed and sacred because they would protest there and stuff. And then someone replied to me being like, they are shrines, so by definition they are hallowed and sacred. They're not memorials to war, but to the dead killed in war. I know what war memorials are. Why do you feel like you need to explain what war memorials are to me? That's

obscene. Love that kind of reply. Anyway, here are some things I'd like to kill with a lead pipe. Tom Bombadil, so we got some cross over there. You had Tom Bombadil on the list or did you just think of Tom Bombadil when I said Tom Bombadil? No, he's that literally he was the first item on the list I've got written here. Jesse's so smart about being like old and absolutely powerful and he's got that really fuckable wife. Yeah, it sure does. Goldberry if you're listing this. Second on the list is Asimo. Yeah, robot little Japanese guy. Yeah, yeah, like the robot from like the early 2000s. I couldn't think of him. I don't have so much beef with Asimo because at least at least they're like this guy is a robot and he's small and we're not really taking him seriously. Yeah, he doesn't have any practical applications. Yeah, I don't. I don't. the the that. the the the the th, like. th, like. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. thi th. th. th. thi. th. the th. the the the the the the the the th, this guy is a robot and he's small and we're not really taking him seriously. Yeah, he doesn't have any practical applications.

I don't, like, I think I would rather smash like, um, you know those, those, uh, like, AI assistant things that are just a sort of disembodied bust of a person with like a rubbery head and they're like, oh, it's just like talking to someone real. Oh, Sophia, Sophia, Sophia, Sophia, the they, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, like, like, yeah, like, like, like, thi, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, like, like, thi, like, like, like, thi, like, like, like, thi. Yeah, like, thi. Yeah, like, thi, thi, thi just like talking to someone real. Oh Sophia or whatever the fuck? Yeah the lady one. Yeah what about Poochee? I'd fuck up Poochie. Oh man oh Poochie one swing and that shit is fucking gone. Mr. Bean? Okay. Okay. Okay. Do you think you could get Do you think you could get him to talk while you were? I think he'd say, no, uh, while I was doing it. Oh, bother my legs. Oh. But he wouldn't get away, that's for sure. When you said that, uh, I was thinking last night, uh, I was thinking last night maybe it would be fun to smash in like one of the the three-wheeled cars that Mr. Bean's always fucking with.

The Reliant Robin. Yeah, but then on reflection I was like, you know what? That car's always getting a raw deal from that mother-fucker Mr. Bean. So that's true. The big mouth Billy Bass. What? Okay. Yeah. I'm sick of its carefree attitude. Yeah. Awful. Also, low-value joke. Surely the first time you switch that thing on, you're like, well, that's done. And then you never turn it on ever again. As an owner of a big mouth Billy Bass, you'd be wrong. Yeah, I fuck I bet. I wish I'd kept my original big mouth Billy Bass from the late 90s. Jesus. The crazy frog. Yes, I'm that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. Low. Low. Low. Low. thi. Low. Low. Low. Low. Low. Low. Low. Low. Low. Low. the the the the the th. Low. th. the late 90s. Jesus. The crazy frog. Yes, I'm with you. Yeah, yeah. But what I want to do, what color stuff do you think would come out of him when you mashed him? Yellow. Yellow for sure. I want to hit him with the lead pipe, but I want to do it where I swing it in a way where the apex of the

swing is directly on the tip of his horrible, uncensored penis. And I just smack that horrible little penis right off and then leave the rest of his body untouched. You just beat the crazy frog's penis. I want to smack the crazy frog's deck off. His tiny little baby dick. He does have a little baby dick. He's got a shit dick. He needs a penis, sheath. Not everyone has a shitty dick, but the crazy frog does.

Going in the hospital to visit crazy frog, he's lying in bed, his penis in full traction, it's like suspended by that system of pulleys. Yep. Leaning the priest giving him his last rights and leaning in close as he softly says, Bding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I uh... Putting a pillow over crazy frog's face. I would suffocate the crazy frog with a pillow. I'm pretty sure it was the episode of Big Soft TV.PNG that I went on. Demi did like a like a liar bird level perfect recreation of the crazy frog noise.

That was when they were on our show. Oh no you're right it was. I was gonna say I've heard that. Did they do it on my episode too? Is that just a thing they do? Oh, it was on the episode that I wasn't on, actually, sorry. Oh, you've got this so wrong, Ben. I have, but I've heard it. And that part is true, thrown it's thee. Oh my fucking God, Demi has done this absolutely perfectly and after a minute or two she was like, just kidding, I'm just playing a recording of the crazy frog and I was like, oh I feel like a fool. She was like, no it's actually me though. And then it was like it was a whirlwind, it was a rollercoaster of emotions.

They're just, they're both very talented people. Please check out the podcast, Big Soft Digital, P&G, they're the funniest loving people. Odie from Garfield. Oh, come on. Give Odie a break. No, he sucks. He's just a fucking, he's a simp. I would never use that word to describe anyone else. He has very strong simp energy. You think Odie has simp energy? 100%. My kids won't stop watching the Garfield animated series.

And I was trying to figure out what really bothered me about it. Like why it was so shit. The weird 3D one that Mayf was watching? Yeah, yeah. I was trying to figure out what bothered me about it so much. And then one day, like it was on, and I looked at the credits at the start of the episode, and it's like, the animation studio! And I was like, ah, there it is. I like it.

There it is. The French truly do some dog shit, CGI TV shows, I'll tell you that. John, I'm with you now. Okay, the F Ffffffff, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, that, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. And I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, than, than, than, than, than, than, that, than, thean, thean, thean, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, the the the than, tell you that. John from Garfield. Okay, I'm with you. I'm with you now. Fuck John. He needs to be put out of his fucking misery. Oh, my homies hate John. Waddo. Yep. Okay. You'd be doing a bunch of slaves of favor as well, I guess. Yeah, right. You know what I was thinking about when I was at the beach the understanding? I was in the water. I'm looking out at the ocean. I'm having just a sublime, beautiful day. I'm feeling a part of the natural world. All of my cares and worries lifted away by that wonderful feeling you get from being out in the surf. And you just sort of, just surviving, just being, takes that little bit of concerted effort so you feel the sense of immediacy th that's that's th that's that's that's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, the the the thi, the thi, the the their their thi, I'm their their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I I their, I the the the the the the the their, I I I their, I their, I their, I their, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thioluioluioluioluioluioluiolui, thioluiolui, their, their, bit of concerted effort so you feel the sense of immediacy that's almost a form of mindfulness just from being in the ocean.

You know, I'm feeling this absolute fucking bliss and I've seen some whales just moments before you know, it's this moment of absolute beauty for me and purity. And then while I am standing there in the water, I think, I think, that's a thi thi, I think. that's that's that's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the their their their their the thi's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.eeeeat. theeateeeat. thi. thiiia. thiia. thii. thi. thi. I ththen while I am standing there in the water I think hey why didn't they just go back with some cash and get Anakin's mom yeah I mean they're busy they were pretty busy you're right to ask it just seems like what is a great answer in episode they're like they're like the the the busy, they were pretty busy. You're right to ask that. It just seems like... What is a great answer? In episode one, they're like, well we can't, because we've only got Republic credits on these little chips.

And they're like, no, Republic credits aren't any good. You need cold hard cash. And they're like, okay. But instead of any point between the events of episode one and episode two, going back with cold hard cash, Anakin waits until he has a psychic vision of his mum being tortured and then he goes back and then he kills all those sand people. You know a lot of the plot. I couldn't tell you the plot of those movies. I just couldn't. Well I could. And I think that's what the plot is of those the the the the the the the the the the the the the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the the plot is of the the plot is of the the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the plot is of the plot is the plot is of the plot is the plot the plot the plot the plot the plot the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot the plot the plot the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the plot is the the the plot is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's the that's the the the that's the the the the the the thoooooooooooooooo couldn't tell you the plot of those movies. I just couldn't. Well, I could.

And I think that's what the plot is of those movies. Yep. But Waddo deserves to be beaten. That's clear. Yeah, Waddo, he's got to go. So does Anakin. I'm a person. My name is Anakin.

No, you're not. You're a piece of shit and your name is. Your name is Mud. I have turned you into a paste. Ah, look, I got two more things on this list. It's good. That might be the entire episode. That's the whole episode after this. We've done one new story and with a lead pipe. I have two can Sam. All right. Smashing his little carapace beak apart. The beak just snaps off.

Is two can Sam from the toucan ice cream or is he from the fruit loops? So fruit loops. Yeah. Okay. Although, what's the deal with the two can't tuccan't th th tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha the the tha tha tha tha the tha the tha tha tha the the the tha story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story story the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tap tip. I tip. I tucan tucan tucan tucan tucan tucan ice. I tucan ice. I tucan ice tucan ice tucan ice tip. I tucan tucan tucan tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I tip. I toucan ice cream or is he from the fruit loops? It's from fruit loops. Fruit loops. Yeah. Okay. Although, what's the deal with the toucan ice cream? Because I do remember that. There was a toucan saam? Was that toucan Sam? No, it wasn't too can't. It's rainbow-colored. We did just get a delivery because it is lockdown and also school holidays which means the kids can't see any of their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tha. tha. too. too. too. too. tou. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuke. tuce. tuce. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. tuce. t. tou. tou. t. t. tou. tou. tou. tou. tou. tou. t. tou. tou. t. tou. tou. tou. tou. tou. tou. tou can. tou. tou. tou of their friends or go anywhere cool or any of that sort of stuff. And I said, what if I ordered you a bunch of candy? And they said, yeah. You know that all your emails from that American Candy Place go into the Buntavista Gmail account right so I'm seeing. That's on purpose.

That's deliberate. You have filled up a shopping cart full of shit and it's like hey you've not bought this yet and I'm like okay oh you're only sorry this is far too boring to say on the actual podcast we'll talk about this later yeah the reason it's doing that is because I went to buy something and then I said wait I'm signed in on the wrong PayPal and I've the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the. the. the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. because I went to buy something and then I said wait I'm signed in on the wrong PayPal and I've already I've purchased it on the other thing it just keeps telling you about the car I'm getting a lot of emails about it finally got a lot of sales that they're all on shit pop-tards all my homies hate US foods I did get some some cinnamon toast crunch got some lucky charms yeah I got some cereals from there.

It's a little trick. Got my golden grams. I just wanted golden grams, but I had to get an eight-pa variety pack. Boo. It's tough times in the pandemic. Anyway, Ben, what's your final answer? My, the final thing on my list of with a lead pipe, it is Toadie from Neighbors. You are right, you are correct to say it.

Oh, beating Toad toad toad toadfish. Jared Toadfish, Rebecca. Jared Toadfish, Rebecca, you are done as far as I'm concerned. You're cooked. If I see you at the palatable, Toadie, is he still what? It's on site. He's still on the show. Is he?

Is he? Is he? He's been on todding, you know? I don't like thinking about that. That's not good. Beating Toadfish Rebecca to a pulp, putting him into that station wagon and pushing him off the cliff. Putting him in a, undressing him, putting him in a large funeral bowling shirt. Setting him on fire and pushing him out to see. You gotta go.

Now, to the listeners of the show who are not from Australia, if you're trying to figure out what the fuck we're talking about, it's gonna be too hard to spell his actual name. So just Google Neighbours, Tody. Well, English listeners might know about it. English people will know toad. They will love Toad. We love to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the people. to to the people. told. told. told people. told. told told told to the to the to the to the to to to to the told. told to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thoo. thoooooooo. the. thoooooo. thoo. thoo. tho. tho. th. They're like, I can't believe you say that about Toadie, right? We love Toad, he's a good lad. He's proper mental, he's well good. He lost his bleeding wife, isn't it? Did he? Yeah, he did. Yeah, I can't want you to say this about

Toadfish for Becky. Well, well, anyway. He's about to lose everything, I'm about to fucking stove his head in with a fucking That's a great segment. I think everyone's gonna love it. They're gonna want more of it Yeah, what they want is 40 minutes of plastic off People I don't like. Yeah, what's this is a comedy current events podcast? They're gonna want to hear the song again. They are they are gonna good one thank you very much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. You went. You. You. You. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that that that's a that's a that's a that's a great. that's a great. the. the. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. to hear the song again. They are. They are gonna want to hear a song. That was a good one. Thank you so much, Andrew. You went above and beyond with that one. I do take requests, you know? Yeah, it's tremendous.

If you've got a request for a theme song you think Andrew would do a great job with, it's the only time he allows at Buntavista.com, any request. That's right. Send me ideas for songs and I'll give it a red hot go. Because apparently, unless there is a segment theme that needs writing, there's nothing there for me. No. I need a task.

I'm very task-oriented, okay? He's atrue. And that's a podcast. That's a podcast. Remember to give us a call on 1-800 317-515 if you go past a payphone and you see a payphone and you think, oh, I'm gonna tell these guys at Buonavista about my day, pick up that payphone. Just tell us how you're doing. We might not play it on the podcast, but I want to hear about it. Me too. That'd be real nice. Buy some merch. We got some nice shirts and shit designed by artists that we like. We do including Andrew who is an artist that we like. That is at shop. Buntavista.com. That's right. Buntavista. That's right. the thi. that's. th is. Bunt bu bu bu bu bu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. We'll th. We'll th. We got th. We got th. We got th. We got th. We th. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th., you can always shoot in an email to mail bag at Buntavista.com. Let's know how you're feeling.

Send us, Penisomissive. Yeah, do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Well, that's it. Peace.

Thanks to stop by everybody. Hey, why not ride in? Let us know what you would like to beat to smithereens with lead pop. Yeah, do it. Oh yeah, please do actually. We'd love that. We'll go through it. We'll throw a list together.

That'd be nice. Thanks everybody. And we'll see you next to. you