Boonta Vista - EPISODE 223: Short Story: Baby Shoes, Never Born (Feat. Tom Walker)

Episode Date: October 31, 2021

Andrew, Theo, and Ben are joined by Tom Walker and briefly Demi Lardner to talk about: An escaped donkey finally caught, prevalence of demon-belief in the United States, carpooling in the Fake Taxi, and the works of one Ernest Hemingway. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Bunt ofister to episode 223. I'm Andrew and I'm in an American research station in Antarctica. A strange incident with the Norwegian helicopter has resulted in us taking in a sled dog and now I'm under the distinct impression that one of my colleagues is actually a shapeshifting alien intent on subsuming each of us in turn. Going around the room, I turn my accusatory glare on each of my co-workers in turn. First up, the devilishly handsome helicopter pilot with an amazing beard, roguish attitude, incredible sex appeal. Wait! That's a mirror, and I'm looking at myself. Turning slightly more to the right.

I see our kennel manager and sled dog guy who is very nervously stating that this is not his fault and anyone would have invited a sled dog in need to come in and it's not because he simply wanted a free sled dog. How's it going to their? It's gone good. Just got to ask one small question. Now you did mention that you have suspicitions suspic suspic suspic suspic suspic suspic suspic suspic suspic suspicions th suspicions th suspicions th suspicions th suspicions th sus suspicions th sus suspicions thusions thusions thusions thusions thusions thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thusions thi thus thus thus thus gone good. Just got to ask, one small question. Now you did mention that you have suspicions of this dog being a kind of usurper, sort of Trojan horse dog that's going to be turning us inside out one by one, becoming freakish

alien known as the thing. Has this happened before? Is that just a vibe you get from this particular dog? Because it might be just dog psoriasis. Do you think there's just a health issue of the dog? He might just be, okay look I'm no dog expert here. You are the dog expert here. Okay. Okay. It's on the dog expert here. Oh no. It's on the, it's on my door. But I did inherit that when the last guy turned inside out. Yeah, well, that's, that's fair. So, but I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to join the dots here. Yeah, I mean, I'm just trying to talk to you about. You have to to talk to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to to to the to to to to to the to to the to the to to the the the the to the to the their their their their the to join to join to join to join to join to join to join to join to join to join the the the to join to join to join to join to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the the the the to the the to the to to to the to to to to tooooooome. tooome. thooooooooooooooooom. the the toooooom. tooooom. too. too. too have to sort that out you can't as far as I know dogs just do that no I mean like your your predecessor you can't just push that mess into the corner of your

office with a mop and like leave it you need to scoop that up at some point it's not a real smell in here some like office etiquette real quick you arrive at a desk you're you shouldn't have to sort out the previous guys like drawers, throw out all of it is fucked up paper clips etc. Push his masses of viscera and tentacle waste to the corner of the office. That should all be sorted out when you get there. And don't get me started on the gross stuff in the keyboards. Turning a little more to the right, I'm going around in a circle here in the room. I lay eyes on our science officer who thinks that he may have devised a test for determining who is the alien. He's saying that we all need to shit into the same cup, Ben, what's that about?

Yeah, well once the shit's in the cup. Yep. That's when the test can start? And then from there I'll figure something out. But if you just want to start doing that while I go talk to my freakishly advanced computer that takes natural language commands, that I'm saying aloud while also typing them in for the entire scene for some reason. Hmm. Yeah, I'm gonna smear a bit of each person's sample onto a punch card and slide it into the computer. Yeah, it'll do some beeps. It'll do some boops. Show me Bang Boss.

While typing, Bang Bus.com. Do you guys want to know a fun bit of trivia about the movie The Thing? Yes. So the dog from The Thing was in, I think, Bolto maybe or the sequel but also after this movie and one other movie it retired from acting and went out went to live the rest of its days with Henry Winkler's second cousin. That is a fun little bit of trivia trivia. Yeah that's a little freebie for you there. No one started listening this episode thinking they'd find that's a little freebie for you there. No one started listening to this episode thinking they'd find that one out. So you are welcome. And finally, the last person in the room, not really being much use at all, it's our chef.

He's wearing roller skates, but he clearly doesn't know how to use them and he keeps falling down over and over again, spilling the contents of the mixing bowl he's holding all over the floor. From Big Soft Titty dot P&G in the Tom Walker stream, it is Tom Walker. Hey, thank you. Does anyone want some floor slop? Scooping it back into the bowl and falling back down again. What are you going to go get takeout? You're not going anywhere else.

And if you are going somewhere else, you're gonna come back different. That I know about this. I'm th that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. the the the tho. thoom the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. thea. tomoomoom tom tom tom tom tom tom tom tom tom tom tom. tom. thoto come back different. I don't have that I know about this. I'm so glad that I'm the guy with the roller skates. That's something that I always remember when I start watching the thing and it is a delight. Every time that dude just scoots down the hallway. Yeah, you're like, hey, that guy's better than I remember. Oh, what a great movie. It's such a movie. I do want to say, Ben, I think if you typed a bang bus into like either a computer that was of that age or current day Bing, it would just show you a person getting hit with

a bus. Yeah, which is still entertaining. Oh, yeah, it rules. Yeah It's interesting. I'm going to note that down people getting hit by buses it rules Tom Walker No, just at a gentle pace just at the face where the bus kind of nudges rather than impacts more of like bus pushers to move him a little. You're talking about more of a more of a bonk bus kind of a nudge bus okay now. No one that's that's fake taxi territory. You're talking about the bonk bus. Oh, all aboard, love. All aboard the bonk Laurie. Come on love, love, love love. Come on, love, just on me way through the fair to in world's prettiest minge. It's so funny we all know about that.

What the bang bus and fake taxi or British people? I've seen a fair number of cars around that have either bang bus or fake taxi stickers on the back window. It's a choice isn't it? Like... Is there a moment where you're like, is that the? The very same? Ben is scratching at the door trying to get in. Hey, bro, what's up? Is the jiggling. He's driving 50 kilometers an hour down the freeway.

He's triving full terminate. He's driving 50 kilometers. A to a tododododode. thapapapapap. thap. thip. thuuuuuil. thuillip. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. the to thi. to the to thi. the the thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. tm. tm. tm. tm. taxe. taxe. taxe. taxe. taxe. taxe. taxe. taxe. taxe. tm. tm. tha. tha. the tator sprinting alongside jiggling the car door Trying nonchalantly asked to be let inside Is that real? No, I know I don't have much on but I'm just a half way through my uni degree Is it's the so like when you are yanking on the door handle hey hey, hey, hey? Hey, rattling the handle around. Hey Person doors locked eyes straight ahead. They're not acknowledging you at all, but when that's????? that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thing thi. thi. that's thi. thi. thi. Yeah, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no. Yeah, no. Yeah, no, no. that's, no. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi., doors locked, eyes straight ahead. They're not acknowledging you at all. But when that's happening, are you thinking, like, they're going to let me in?

And then they'll let me be the person in the fake taxi who bangs the lady? Or are you thinking, I'm going to get in and I'm going to get banged by the bang bus slash fake taxi crew. Oh no, I just want to be involved. I mean not even like I'm just I'm just gonna be around While it's going down if you watch if there's an episode of the bang bus and Ben's just sitting slightly off Camera, I just got a little waves sometimes he's accidentally in the shot they keep having to motion to him to stop waving Scooting out It's not a space in here bro. Oh, sorry, I just got I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I just th. I just th. I just th. I just th. I just th. I just th. I just th. I just th. th. I just th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. th. the. the. thean. thean. too. too. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I's just just just just th here, bro. Sorry, I just got to, oh, didn't realize I was, I'm just gonna, oh, he keeps answering the dirty talk and then be like, oh, sorry, not for me. I do like that.

That looked, oh, sorry. My tits? No, oh, oh, oh, okay. Oh, my goodness, I don't know. I guess I do have already had enough passenger. Don't mind him. Yeah, sorry, it was on the way to the airport. Sorry, we're doing a bang bus pool. Yeah.

So, so this guy's here because we need to save a little bit of money, so we're giving Ben a ride to the airport. The bang bus pool. again. You gotta get them on the way back in town, you know. Otherwise you've really only done half of the job of giving someone a ride to the airport. And also letting them see, I don't know, see somebody get knotted on during the drive. That's part of the bang-boss pool experience. There's probably a viable business model there. Do you think so? Yeah, I feel like I feel like there is enough. up weird perverts in the world who'd be like, oh well the fare costs half as much and I'm watching someone fuck. Yeah, sure, that'll make my trip to the airport nicer. Especially if it's like happening in a little

cordoned-off section, like there's a little fuck aquarium in the car. I'm pictuarium. I'm some kind of, I'm picturing some kind of glass. That's the the the the the the the the th. Oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the f, th, th, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the f- the f- the f- the fared is the fared is the fared is a their, well, the fareau, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, the f-ferea, the f-f-f-f-f-fere, well, there's there's there's there's there's there's the f-f, well, well, well, the f-fere, the f-fere's the fared is a the fared is a the fared is a little the fared, the fared, their-faird-fet's their-faird-fa'-faire's their-faird-faire-faire-faire-faire-faire's the fucking insane. Do not tap the glass. Terrarium. Oh, sorry. No, sorry, it's a fuck vivarium. Sorry, I'm all over the place here. Because the people are alive. So I think it's a vivarium, right?

So Tom, you know how like in a limousine you get the partition we're talking about is a stretch limo that is like partitioned into thirds. Yes. Instead of just the front third. Driver, observer, people having sex. Oh, I think you want the people having sex in the middle. Because the driver needs to see what's going on to. Yeah. Otherwise, you need to be able to tap on the window to just say, hey, look. the traffic on the motor the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their people. their people. their people. their. their people. their people. their people. their people. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. People. their. People. People. People. People. their. People. their. their. People. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the motorway is a bit bad. Can you take me like on the 301 or something? Yeah, ignore what Google Maps is telling you because it always tells you to do this but it's actually very hard to turn right there so if you go down here. Oh sorry I need to talk a little louder over the people fucking, okay. Well maybe they could do it a little quieter. I don't know I've never seen the. I've never never. I've. I've. I've never. I've never. I've never. I've never had. I've never had. I've never had. I've never had. I had. I had. I've never had. I've never had the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I've never had the the their. I've never had their. I had their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tell. I've tell. I've tell. I've tell. I've tell. I've never never never never tell. I've never never tell. tell. tell. I've tell. I've to tell. I've to to to tell. I've the at it. Unfortunately we keep finding out the

hard way that the fuck terrarium is completely airtight. We have to replace them every two months like turtles. My you have to go in there and you have to we also have to slowly take you out of there because you do get the bends due to the fluctuating air pressure of traveling at extreme speeds in this airtight cube. Oh no, he's got the bang bends. Did you, a friend of mine, I personally have not dabbled with much gay pornography, but a friend of mine was describing the bait bus as something that he watched consistently. Is that bait with an AIT or ATE?

AIT, and I believe the thing of it is, is that it's a kind of subsidiary of the bang bus premise where fellows get lured into a van or bus, if you will, with the premise that they were going to have sex with a woman. And then a blindfold is applied. And wouldn't you know it after, you know, the, five to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, to, the to the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the the to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th., th., the, the, the, the, the, theat, theateateateate, thee.eate.e.e.e.e.e. I things, things, things, things, things, thee.eat, thee, thee, the, the.that they were going to have sex with a woman. And then a blindfold is applied. And wouldn't you know it after, you know, five to ten minutes of a blowjob, the man is, the blindfold is removed and wouldn't you know it? That's a man.

A switcher who is old as time itself. And then this man who is like, dang, I've never been with a guy is, within five seconds, fucking this other man with the most gusso you've ever seen. So, it's a staple of gay porn for a man who has the most perfectly looked after physique and skin and one ear pierced to be like, I am a heterosexual man and this is all new to me. While bottoming, just with no effort whatsoever, just like, whoop and there you all new to me. While bottoming, just riding. Just with no effort whatsoever, just like, whoop, and there you go, perfect.

Very meticulously shaved nuts are wild. Yeah, incredible. I thought this was a, just a regular, I thought this was a cis-dick-sucking bus. You've tricked me for the last time. I'm never going to feel the same way about getting into a bus where I'm convinced that I'm going to have my dick sucked in a blindfold while I'm on the bus. Oh, no.

It's great when a genre of porn asks the performer at some point to say, what the, this is crazy. Oh, dang! Yeah, being, I think I would, acting is very hard, but acting while horny must be, trying to conjure up surprise or shock, while seconds away from being boned down, it must be very difficult. Anyway. Well, from bouncing up and down on a pole, to taking a call on the phone and

participating in a poll. That's right. It's time for an update, a Halloween edition of the poll report. I don't think that's the, uh, yeah, I was just, I was kind of wondering. Pathetic. Yeah, do we have a poll report thing? Oh, absolutely. It's about four minutes long. Yeah, you don't want to play that. No, okay, sorry.

I forgot about the bit where we play the entire Polish National Anthem record long version. That's funny to you, is it? Polish National Anthem slash Spooky Extended 12-inch remix. So Ben, you want to explain what we've got here. Yeah, certainly. This is a UGov poll, conducted of 1,000 Americans, waited for all sorts of wonderful stuff to make it somewhat representative, taken between October 8th and October 12th.

Let me break down some stats for you guys. This is a question asking, do you believe that demons exist? 18% of respondents said that they are not sure. It could have been my neighbor. It could have been it. Still grappling with that question. That's the scariest one for me because that is equivalent to saying, give me a sign. Yeah, I'm waiting. I see one person with horns and I'm like, okay. Every day I get up, say, Lord, show me a sign. Show me a real demon. Show me a cool one. Give me a talking goat. Even a teethling at this point. A goat that offers me something. Weird baby. A goat who's like, hey, do you want to live okay? You want to live like tastily? God, I would sign up that I would that I would that I would that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that I would sign that that that that that that to sign to say say say say say say say say say say say say to say say say say say say say say say to say to say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say that that that that that that that to say that to say to say to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to live okay? You want to live like tasely?

God, I would sign up for that like straight away. What's thou like to live just kind of nicely? What's thou like to live normally? It's finally something a goat would offer you that you wouldn't immediately agree to, huh? Pretty much thate, hell man, you seem to have it more together than you to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to be huh? Pretty much anything. I mean hell man, you seem to have it more together than I do. You're a talking goat and you seem happy as hell. Give me whatever you got. Awful lot of confidence. 39% of respondents said that they do not believe that demons exist, leaving the majority a 43% to say that they absolutely do exist. That's such a good thought. Thatthat they absolutely do exist.

That's such a good thought. That's such a cool thought. Think about, think about 43% of people, like what kind of jobs do they have? Like, cops, airplane pilots, mayors. Yep. Yeah. Bank bus driver. Yep.

Garamix. The bang bus driver having to take several months off because he hit a black cat while Mia Calaver is getting dicked down on the back and now he believes that he's been it follows. Those cats are always looking at me. Something's going on there. I gotta get out of here. Uh. Same respondents, different question. Do you think ghosts exist? And once again, 39% have said no. This time 20% have said not sure, 41% they do exist.

See, that's crazy. That's so much easier to believe in ghosts than demons. Yeah, bad like, fucking wiring in your house, bam. You got yourself ghost, right? Light flickers one time at a spooky time, you're like, th., th. And you, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, and you, and you, thi, and you like, thi, and you're like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi, thi, thi, in your house, bam, you got yourself a ghost, right? Light flickers one time at a spooky time, you're like, yeah, specters are real. Definitely. Yeah, there's a well-timed wind, ghost real. Yeah, demons, I don't even know what sign there is. Well, I think it's that these people don't necessarily believe that they will encounter demons in day-to-day life. It's that they're quite religious. Oh of course and so yeah if you believe in God then yeah you're like I guess they do exist. Yeah they've got little pitchforks and pointy tails and they're dancing around like old-time

cartoons next to the flames. Yeah I go to the Betty I go to the same church that Betty Boop goes to. Yeah, 100%. Uh, other supernatural beings? Obviously a very wide umbrella there. Bigfoot. 34% unsure. Which is a lot. 34% certain they don't exist. 31% certain they do exist. Yeah, we're talking big foots. Mothmen. Aliens, are they super natural or are they super scientific? Trippar. For the point of the Ugov poll, you chuck him in there with Gamera. Most importantly, the Fresno Nightcrawler. Yeah, the Fresno Nightcrawler, well, I think the Fresno Nightcrawler is an alien, but I realize that's a belief that I've a personal opinion. That's yeah, it's based on nothing at all. You can't you can't get that past without citing that that's opinion is writer's own. Tom, are you familiar with the Fresno Nightcrawler?

I am. I'm a listener of the podcast and I was one of the people who took the command to Google the Fresno Nightroller to heart and heart and heart and heart and heart and heart and heart and heart and heart and heart. to heart. the the the the the the the the the the the the the thler. thler. thololololololololololol is is th. th. th. th. th. th. the thi. thi's is thi's thi. I's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, you that's that's, you that's that's, you that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is thi's is thi's is thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi thi the thi the the thi the thi they. I's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's to Google the Fresno Night Crawler to Hart and then boy, what a treat. I'm doing it again. I'm typing it into it. It's so good. The one image that is purportedly a photo of the Fresno Night Crawler and then the rest is like fan art of the Fresno Night Crawler which I really enjoy. Really nice. The classic surveillance footage grainy picture of a pair of legs and a juicy dump truck of an ass. That's an idea you can take to the bank. It's like no improvements necessary or possible, just an ass on legs. Yeah, we just got pants with no guy in them and print. I don't think anyone has actually claimed that they do anything either.

No. What could they do? Even, the, the idea that they crawl nights is honestly, even that is too far. You just, I guess, I saw them. You think this is more of a night walker? Hmm. Well, I'm saying there are nightstander as far as we know. Yeah. Even the photo doesn't even show them in motion. I mean imagine saying them in motion. Oh my god. I imagine they walk like that fucking,

uh, yeah, uh, the, uh, yeah. Yeah. The, uh, mias on LSD picture. He's all tucked out. Mice on LSD picture. Oh, no, god damn it. John Lennon kind of satyri. John Lennon doing a silly walk?

Yeah, but it's not that it's from a car. God damn, fuck you. I have no. His name's like John C. Cheese. And he does tattoons. Art Cron. You're talking the fucking Yes. The art c-chast. Thank you.

Jesus Christ. Now, did you get from crumb to cheese because those are two things that... No, I didn't even know. Yeah, that's what the house would want. I'm gonna fucking half a remote control cheese. How am I supposed to know the answer to this question? I would just love to know what neurons have been crossed there. R.C. Cheese. Oh, the Lord.

The poll continues him. Yeah, I actually do. I can picture the exact thing you're talking about. This is just insane. Okay, cool. So, RC cheese has written two reviews on weekend notes for venues in Brisbane, the Jungle Night Club and the Cinco Bistro. Oh, Cinco Bistro? That's actually not a bad little... Are you RC Cheese?

They highly recommend sampling. The culinary talents of Peter Stubbs, the owner and chef of Cinco Bistro. This is a very seasonal menu. Uh, wonderful for me as I am a mouse? Huh? So you may find the portions more to your liking, but they were big for me because I'm a mouse? Am I freaking reading this right? Sorry? Friend of the show. I see cheese. Thank you for that metateextual roast. Am I freaking reading this right? Sorry. Friend of the show, RC cheese.

Thank you for that metatextual roast. I mean if you just want to get better recall. Enjoying a roast that spans genres. 78% of respondents say they do not believe that were wolves exist. And the number is too low still. 30% are not sure. And then is too low still. 13% are not sure. And then the tiniest fraction of respondents, 9% said that were were wolves do exist. Now this is beaten only by incredulity.

I don't even know what the word I was going to say vampires don't exist. twelve percent say they're uncertain. 8% say vampires don't exist. 12% say they're uncertain. 8% say vampires are absolutely real. Those 8% are vampires though. That's right. Look around the mood. I have my suspicions. That is insane. So there's also a bit of a gender disparity. So women are more likely than men to believe in ghosts. 50% versus 31% so whythis is some stand-up comedy that I can really get behind. Now I'm not going to make any sort of imputations about this whatsoever. I'm just presenting the facts as I have them.

That's my role on this show. I'm ready to go in on women be believing in ghosts because they do. And women also be believing in demons at 48% versus 38% this lady in the front row she live in her life in fear she living her life in fear for sure every every every woman you know will have a friend who's got a story about a sharehouse they lived in where them and their friend saw the ghost that was yeah yeah that's alternatively a sharehouse where there was a just one beautiful tree in the backyard and from that beautiful tree hung one Or alternatively, a sharehouse where there was a, just one beautiful tree in the backyard

and from that beautiful tree hung one delicious, sumptuous, tempting apple. They didn't, they didn't taste of the apple, but maybe, maybe, if they had. If I have the apple, are you guys going to split it with me? I couldn't need a whole apple. No, but I think we've got like an apple for the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. it with me? I could need a whole apple. No, but I think we got like an apple for the table. I think that would actually be really nice. It's like a little treat. We can have this original sin up three ways.

I don't have full knowledge of good and evil, but I could go with a third of knowledge of good and evil. I could know good. Leave the ant and the evil on the table, but I think knowing good sounds good as hell. Sorry, sounds something as hell. That's two-thirds of a rib each, right? So I can live with that. I was just briefly scanning the Wikipedia for demons and I'm sure that you are... Oh, I got very scared. It's too spooky. Um, I was, I was just briefly, uh, I was, I was very, uh, thi. scanning the Wikipedia for demons. And I'm sure that you are... Whoa! I got very scared. It's too spooky.

I was very interested to read about the specific Iranian demons. But I think you are quite right, Ben, in that I think the overrepresentation of demons here is religion based, because as it says here, the contemporary Roman Catholic Church unequivically teaches that angels and demons are real beings rather than just symbolic devices. I know you think it's just a story. Uh-uh. Demons. And also that like I think for a lot of people it's the kind of when people do

negative stuff when they do bad things all that sort of stuff. That's a that's a demon influencing them to do so like so so so so so so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like so like like like like like like like so like th so like th so like th so like th. So like th. So like th. So like th. So like th. th. th. thi the thi the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the the thea thea thean thean thean thean an theanan an theanan an thean an thean thea thea thea the they do bad things all that sort of stuff that's a that's a demon influencing them to do so like having having bad thoughts or having an impulse to do something negative that's not you that's a yeah like the time that I couldn't find my key fast enough so I had to pee under the house in like a crawl space yeah yeah just like are you fucking going metal gear solid snake prone style and then just lying perfectly still as you piss into the ground and you at least dig a hole to put your little dick in? What are you talking about?

He's got a little piss hole down there he's not an animal. Crawling perfectly over my piss hole until I feel my thing flop into the dirt. I got one I tell you get termites though. So the thing is it's hard to get you dick out once you're under there right so you have to take it out beforehand and then you crawl, your army crawl, solid snake style all the way over to the hole. We're talking like crunch space. You don't have to go prone to go under there. No, you got prone by choice. So you're pissing, yeah. You don't have to go prone to piercing, but it helps. What was your setup, Theo?

Can you, can we get a blow by blow? Just sort of like grossly hunched over my own, disgusting. Into your mouth, huh? Doing the bubler. Ben Cousining. Was that Ben Cousin? I don't want to kind of... No, it was um... I'm throwing despotions on.

Todd Carney. We've talked about Todd Carney and the bubler so much that of course I'm going to go for it. So good. I've got some more bubbler outside. Think this throat. I mean you could have just pissed in the bushes. But... I don't have any, it's like full view of two schools. Out there.

Oh boy. It's raising way more questions for Tom than it's answering at this stage. I live in, I live right near the most schools possible. By design. Theod got as the lay lines map, but for intersection of schools. School convergence. From that same group surveyed, have you ever had a personal encounter with any of the following? Ghosts, 20% say yes they have.

One in five. Okay. Have any of you guys had a ghost encounter before? I thought that I was having one, but it was a possum out the back of my house and I was very high. Okay. That was it. Sometimes, like, happens more. These ghost encounters happen more in the summertime when like the windows are open Yeah, that's odd and then I'm sitting in a lounge room later night by myself and I hear Oh, I hate that noise so fucking much. Jesus Christ. I've I've straight up had to recalibrate my sensitivity for You know thinking that someone's coming into my house in the middle of the night based on how many possums there are all over the place because they're like they're like, they, they like, they like, they like, they like, they like, they like, they like, they like, they like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, they're like, their, their, their, their, th, their, their, thi, thi, thi, th th th thi, and th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And th. And, and th, and th, and I I I I th, and I I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that,'s coming into my house in the middle of the night based on how many possums there are all over the place because they like they just sort of hang out in the front yard right outside my window, they climb on the gutters like right outside my window and everything so I hear all this

all this clonking all this getting about and I just have to then myself it's just my little possum buddies. Yeah, the criminals are actually planting the possums there to get you to change your sensitivity to noise. It's so like just walts right in. It's the long game. I feel like possums might be the highest, highest ratio of like cuteness to terrifying. Yeah, in terms of like the cutest animal that also makes me near, with frightening irregularity believe in the supernatural or that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I that I that I'm that I'm that I'm th. th. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to the the to to get to get to get to get just to get just to get just to get just to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the cutest animal that also makes me near with frightening irregular believe in the supernatural or that I'm gonna perish in a you know in a the conjuring attack or whatever yeah right because they the every noise they make is something you hear right before you die in a video game yeah God's like mixing this up and he's like well you're gonna be cute as the dickens but also your whole deal is gonna the scams from the elder scrolls games to the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tea. tea. tea. tea. teo. teo. the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the cute as the Dickens, but also your whole deal is gonna be just screaming. 20 years. Yeah, sound like the scamps from the Elder Scrolls games.

Yeah, clicking and dragging the sound from the boy from the grudge into my adorable little creation. Uh, there we go, now we're done. It's perfect. 11% believe that they have had a personal encounter with a demon. Come on. Now, hold on, this is interesting though, because more people believe that demons exist, but like twice as many people say I've had an encounter with the ghost. Well, I think that does feed into our theory quite well.

People's belief in ghost being real is sort of based on... Yeah, like a light switch being stuck halfway. Yeah, and then someone telling them about that time they encountered a light switch stuck halfway and then that becomes their belief that ghost is real because it happened to a friend of theirs. Whereas 43% of people believe in demons just because that's sort of what they're taught. And only like a tiny fraction of those people have actually encountered one, which I also think is 100% going to be explained as they met someone who was an atheist and was rude and they're like, ah, a demon! Demons are among us, they're trying

to convince me to get the extended warranty on my phone even though I didn't need it. But atheists are rude, though. thrown. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thiiiiiii's thi's they's they's they's that's they're they're that's they're that's thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat, thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheed thia, thia, thia thia thia thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that theeeeeeeeeananananananan, that that that are rude though in their defense. Well because there's nothing they don't have a book to tell them don't be rude. That's right yeah so they are not my problem. I think if I was a regular person and I just heard like a call of duty lobby through my son's headset I would assume that all of hell had come a calling. Yep. Because that is a wailing and gnashing of teeth that previously was only biblical. I have never heard. That many homophobic slurs yelled at a volume that loud in such a short amount of time. Truly must be demons. Yes. 11% believe they have had an encounter with a supernaptural being that is not a ghost, a demon, a werewolf or a vampire. So the Fresno Nightcrawler. You should have to specify. Yeah. Yeah, what did you see? Yeah, you're getting so into the fucking D-listers there. Yeah. I've encountered, I was at the grocery store one time and I looked up and who was checking me on but the monster from the black lagoon? Oh yeah, my cousin went to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was the the the th. I was th. I was the the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was the the the the th. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. I's is. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I was. I was. I was the the the th. I was th. I was th. th. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. the thrown. thrown. the f thrown. the f f f f f f f f f f f checking me on but the monster from the black lagoon. Oh yeah my cousin went to school with the Babaduke what are we doing here?

I was on a lake. I saw one of the horses from Irish mythology that if you get on the horse you can't get off and then it drowns you in a lake. Man the Irish were on some good shit there for a second. Oh it's so good where it's just like, yeah, we have these adorable little fairies that are 12 inches tall, and if you don't leave out a saucer of milk, they will steal your baby and never return it. We, um, I think like at some point, uh, my, one of my kids was very into watching, like, Tangled, the Disney Rapunzel movie, you know. And so we were going on a we're going on a long drive back when we went places And we were like, what do you want to listen to in the car? And one of them was like, oh Rapunzel. We were like, yeah, sure, let's find a little audiobook thing of Rapunzel. And then you play like the actual Rapunzel story and it's like this horrid croan living next door says, because you have taken one of my radishes, I will have your first born.

And like the entire thing has much more of that kind of vibe. Of the horrid Irish story kind of vibe. The whole way through you, just like, this is a, very unpleasant. And B, all of them seem to pretty much have like a very unhappy ending. I'm of like half the character is dying, somebody has to slaughter the witch or whatever, you know? I feel like we've got to bring back crones though.

Crohn's, give me a croan. Give me a classic crone. And finally here we have that 4% of Americans have had a personal encounter with a werewolf and 3% have had a personal encounter with a vampire. Now just to put that statistic into context, one in every 440 people in the US died from COVID over the last two years? Oh, oh God. One in every 440 people in the US died from COVID over the last two years? Uh, one in every 25 people have had a personal encounter with a werewolf.

Good Lord. So that's got to be like I saw a guy and a dog in quick succession, right? Like that's someone who took a long blink and the dog they were looking at beat it and the guy who was chasing the dog turned up after. How many people had just had like a big heaping helping of some kind of prescription medication. Yeah. That's very true. That number just seems... That's absurdly high. That is crazy. That if you were in a

room full of a hundred people the odds are four people and there would be like, yeah I hung out with a werewolf. He was actually really cool. It's really down to earth. It's super easy to get along with. Maybe this is feeding into like the, I don't know. This is so fucking insane. This feels like it's like they hung out with one guy into like the, I don't know, this is so fucking insane. This feels like it's like they hung out with one guy who like lifted weights past high school. And they were like, man, this guy is the most insane beast. Or they met a European man for the first time. I wanted to say that but then I wimped out. I wanted to say that but then I whipped out.

I couldn't think of what he's saying like they met a Bulgarian guy? Is that someone from one of the Mediterranean adjacent countries who was in their 50s? It was like, oh God. He has strong, claw-like hands. Yeah, they shook hands with a single Greek fellow. Greek fellow. I met my Greek father-in-law one time and it was at the full moon so I put two and two together. There is another big gender disparity here. 25% of women say that they had a personal experience with a ghost versus 16% of men saying that they have. Maybe women are just more attracted to ghosts. I think yeah, there's part of that is like if I'm dead, I know I don't want to be hanging out with

no loser, fucking fight club watching freak. Yeah. I want to be hanging out with some of these wonderful broods. Because you're an ally. Yeah. Yeah, unclear whether I'm helping or hurting. It's not really certain. So Ben, I notice that you said, um, you think it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, I'm th. I'm the the the the th. I's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. I's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's not really certain. So Ben, I noticed that you said, you think it's because women are more attracted to ghosts.

You don't say, like, because women believe that ghosts exist. Yes, that's right. Like, do you mean in like a laws of attraction kind of way of like women, women have faith and that brings the ghost to them? Or are you saying that women want to fuck the the you the you their their to their to to their their to to their, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, th. thu, um, um, um, thi, um, um, um, um, um, um, thi, thi, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, thiii... So, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiaa. Yeah, thia. Yeah, thia'a'a'a'a'a'a. Yeah, thi's, thi's and that brings the ghost to them or like are you saying that women want to fuck the ghosts? No sorry they're more, ghosts are more attracted to women I was saying that they are they reveal their presence to them more often. It's certainly nothing to do with like I wouldn't draw any conclusions about women being more credulous or anything

anything along those lines. I mean even the fact that you're saying that sounds like you're sort of making a point. No I'm saying that I'm not doing that. It sounds like you're making a point about it. I cannot stress enough that I'm not saying it's because a woman would be more easily duped into believing that that you are stuck in life to you. No, no I'm saying that that's not saying that I'm not be more clear about this. By process of that, I do believe you're saying them at some point. Yeah, I'm saying it so that I can stress that I'm not saying. I don't know how this is confusing. Okay. Interesting. And it's not that I think men have more logical brains and women are sort of, you know, more emotive.

That's another one of the things want to not say while we're getting it all out there? Or... Yeah, certainly. The brain pan of the Chinese man differs from the Caucasian. What are you doing? Yeah, that's just a thing that you're not saying and now we've got that out in the open. But you would never say that. No, it's out in the closed. I didn't say it. We, yeah, great. And no one could take that audio out of context in any way.

Tom Walker cancelled. No, you were the one being cancelled. No, I think I'm fine. I will not be watching Amazon Prime anymore because they've been hosting some horrible content from that Tom Walker. He said about the Chinese? Oh my God, you're really going to miss out on seven movies all called Escape Room? All made somehow in 2020 and two th..... Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. Amazon. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to th. to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tho. the the the thoooooo. tho. tho. to to to to to to to to to? Amazon Prime is the only good movie service because they have the only

ones that have movies from before the 90s. Really? But also you got to give that money to Jeff Bozo's. So weigh that one up. My main experience of the Amazon Prime, apart from having a special that's on it and also on Andrew's Plex server. That would be your main experience, just probably... Hey, I'm an ally of stand-up comedy. I paid Tom directly for that special that I sold from him. I did the same thing. Really?

I asked him not to. That's insane. I just went it that way. Yeah, definitely did. I don't get any cut from Amazon. It was just a flat rate. It was, hey, for 50 bucks, can we put your special on the platform and he said, oh boy, sure. It was, yeah, like specifically commissioned, I don't know. Yeah, two whole figures. They included, they put the dot and then a whole bunch of zeros after the dot and that tricks me.

Just went for it straight away. I got, no this is like a weird thing of, that whole thing happened because my agent like pitched Amazon 10 stand-up specials by Australian comedians. And then they, my agent came to me and was like, hey Tom, great news. We've got Amazon to agree to have your special on their service and pay you to film it. And it took like a lot of lobbying. Like no kidding. It took like a lot. Like clearly they were like fresh off of the pitch with it.

They were like, man, it took like so much so much so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much so so much so much so so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much so much convincing. We begged. You know you're nobody, you're nothing. Yeah, you're like a tiny little worm, even in the context of Australia, which is a tiny market. So you know, this is huge for you. This is huge for you, the disgusting little worm. Mmm. You should have seen me. I got down on my knees. I begged and I cried. All snot dripping from my face. And finally, out of pity they said, yes, we'll let your jesterester their their their their their their their their their their their th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. th. Yes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.'s how you used to do it. Now you ask strangers on the internet to give you $200,000 to go and advertise your podcast on. Big old billboards. Yeah, but no, but it's funny and it's for a good course. Kind of shit that makes me, oh, I've been, it's been making me fucking into the joker, dude, like, genuinely. I had to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like to, like, like to, like, like, like to, like to, like, like to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the.e...................................... to, to, to, to, making me fucking turn into the Joker, dude, like genuinely.

I had to, I'd just stop thinking about it. I had to like mute group chess that we're talking about because I was like, if I think about this too much, I'll just... I'll just... Now, Tom, just blowed. Now, completely unrelated to that thing that you are talking about, you may have heard the news, new news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news news Buente Vista, the podcast that you were currently appearing on, is, well actually, I believe tomorrow, or the day after, the day after, or the day after, the day after, that's why I said the day after. A billboard is going up. You're not mad at me, you don't get to be mad to be mad at me. In Yazu City, Mississippi, there is a billboard going up for this very podcast.

And I think, you know, I've discussed this with a good friend Riley from Trashfuture, and he thinks that we should organize for all of the podcasts that we know to put up billboards in Yazoo City. Just have this weird incursion. Podcast hub of the Southwest. I wonder if they'll let you put up a Big Soft Tiddy.PnG billboard in Yazoo City. That's the thing, yeah, because I don't think that Big Soft Titty... Well, for one thing, I think advertising the very existence of the podcast is a crime. And one that we won't th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that we won't that we won't tho that we won't that we won't tho tho that we won't tho tho think advertising the very existence of the podcast is a crime. Yeah. And one that we won't be forgiven for under the face of God.

But yeah, Big Soft Titty.P.G. Even run altogether, I think that's going to come up against the old NeoPets name filter. Well I mean, could we, what's the current, do you guys have a website for the podcast specifically or is it, do we have a URL for Big Soft Titty.Png? I have purchased it but I haven't built a website yet. You purchase the URL for Big Soft Titty? Yes. What if we got an innocuous URL that redirects? And then you just don't say the name of the podcast on the billboard?

Yeah, I mean we could we could definitely do that. Like a bit like a, um, like a podcast so the website a website a website a website a website a website a website a website a website, like a website, like a website, like a website, like a, like a website, like a website, like a website, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the the, uh, the the th, uh, th, th, the th, th, the th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I th. I thi thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi Yeah, I mean, we could definitely do that. Like a bitly kind of deal. Well, you could do it like a, um, like a, uh, the podcast so scandalous that we can't put its name on the billboard. Oh, that's not scandalous. That's good. I mean, it is scand protestation before you remembered what your podcast is. Oh, it is tall about what if someone's pussy had an English accent? Okay, and also that's behind the paywall.

So, listen, it's, no, it's worse than that. The podcast is definitively dumber than that. Yeah, no, I, um, I bought Big Titty.com. That's so funny. Yeah. I'm not really sure how I would have done like Big Softitty.Png.com or anything. I mean, you could have bought P&G.com and then done it as a subdomain. But I think P&G. that might be taken by perhaps popular New Guinea. Who knows? Did I? So this is something that is related to how to to to to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to to to how to how to th. th th th th to how th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. Who knows? Did I, so this is something that is related to how bad our podcast is. Kind of a running theme of our podcast is that Demi can't remember what the the exact structure of the, the six words, sad, short story.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, she heard me. She heard me. She heard me. I didn't know. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. The six. The six. The six. The six. The six. The the six. The the six. The the six. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. She was. no, no, no. Okay, she heard me, she heard me, I didn't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was not in the room. It was summoned. It was like a Doppler effect on that she was approaching. She was so fast. She was, um, could you maybe just get her on the mic from memory right now. Okay, Demi, from memory, what is the,

what is the six-word short story? Can you send it on the microphone? The onus Hemingway, sad, sad story and just six words. Come a bit closer to the mic. Short, short story, baby shoes for sound never born. Fuck off! So you can see in the first attempt there, she included the words short story. Yeah, God let him die.

Baby shoes. Okay, baby shoes for sale. Never born. No. That's what I was making fun of you for saying it was last night. Stop saying short story! What is it? Fiction incoming, Collard.

No babies, it's dead. Shoe deptip shone. Oh. Baby, shoes for sale, unused. How many words is that? That's so close. Oh mine's shorter. Okay, yeah, it's better.

And you, uh, never, uh, worn. Never worn, yeah, that's great. So you've only done 30 episodes about this now. We've done, yeah, this has come up in approximately 30 episodes and Demi is incapable of committing it to memory. And why should she have to do your job for you? Short story, baby shoes, never born. Never born. So sad when my baby's never born.

Oh, it would be very funny if someone was like, hey, Hemingway, I dare you to write the saddest story you can't in six words. He goes, for sale, baby shoes is never, uh, unused. I did it without even using the sixth word bro and that's how fucking sad it was I only needed five out of the six. If you don't need it. Oh fucking how she's so good I love her. I think the version that she had just then would kind of be the perfect pro-life version of the saddest story you know maybe never like never born. Yeah, but it was a baby. It was. Oh God.

She's so stupid. Do you want to call her ugly while you're at it as well? Or. Wow, don't say that Tom. Don't say that. I can't. I know much to look at. Yeah, she's no prize pig just popped in my head every every time. Yeah, that's the thing that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's stupid. that's stupid. that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the thi. thi thi thi thi that's thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's my head every time that it's... Yeah, that's the thing that Debbie says, oh no, she's looking at me.

And if you would like some context as to why it's fine for us to talk about the love of his life being a not very attractive idiot. Check out the podcast. What if the price was ugliest pig? Well then my love you'd have it wrapped up in a sweet little package. Hello! We're sorry for talking about how you're ugly and not very smart on the podcast. It's true. What are you going to do? That's terrible. That's terrible.

Are you wearing a handmade Blink 1-82 shirt? Yeah, this is Tom's. I took a shirt and then I had a sharp to had a sharp to had a sharp to have a sharp. to have a sharp. to have a shad a shad a shad a shad a shad a shad a shad a shad a shad a shad a sh- th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. that. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. to to to the. to to the. to the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. 2 on it. He was gonna throw it out and I nearly cried. That'll be worth something one day for sure. Yeah, hang on to that. Babe you believe in ghosts, right? Yeah, I know they're not real but I believe in them. Yeah, have you had a ghost encounter before? Yeah, we lived in a haunted house.

Was it a sharehouse? Was it a sharehouse? No, this is when I was a kid. Okay. Why? That would have very specifically dovetailed into something we said women be saying. Yeah, it was a sharehouse. I was haunted. It was haunted. It was haunted sharehouses, then agreeing with each other that it's a ghost. That's what they do. Women do be doing that. Yeah. Yeah. This has been one of our worst episode so far. Just besides the ones. Whoa, that sucks. Yeah. All right. Well, I have to go then. Because it won't be a good podcast. Bye baby. Thanks, Sammy. Sidden the credits. Yeah, this is going to be a featuring both of you episode now. Still counts. It still counts. Are you tired of paying nothing for the same old superior quality free episodes of the Buntavista podcast?

Do you want less politics and more content about diarrhea, our animals gone wild? You're tired of skipping through those hours upon hours of paid product placement for Mark Wahlberg film shooter. Well, boy, do I have the offer of a lifetime for you. That's right, for just five US dollars a month. You too can be a premium VIP member of the Buntavista Patreon. That's right, just five US dollars for all of our bonus episodes. That's over 300 hours of content from the hosts you know and definitely tolerate.

I'll even throw in access to our glamorous and exclusive Discord server, where bizarre arguments only happen once or twice a week at most. Head to Patreon. Sigrion.com slash Buntavista. Sign up in the next five minutes and I won't know because that's not my job. But you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us, and we will love you romantically for it. That's my promise to you. My goodness.

So how are we, how are we ghost experiences? Do we feel that we've safely wrapped that up at this place? Short story. Yeah, I'm, uh, I've had a ghost encounter before but I don't want to talk about it anymore. Can we do the next nature corner? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I. I. I. I. I. No, I. I I. No, I. I the the the the the th. I th. I the th. I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want to to to that's the that's to to to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I, th. th. th. th. th. the the the that, the the the that the that that that the that the that the that the that that that that that that that to talk about it anymore. Can we do the next nature corner? No, no, no, no, no, no. I've talked about on a podcast before I'm pretty sure. But I don't believe ghosts are real but I've seen a ghost and that's all I'll say on the matter.

Well, yeah. Gosts one of nature's many plentiful resources. Yeah. Because they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. I. I. No. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. G. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go th. Go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho tho the go. Yeah, because they're real, because they're real. And we harvest them. We harvest them. For ghost goo? What's like? Ectoplastom, come on.

Just going down to the ectoplasm. I only very disinterestedly watched ghost busters all right. Grabbing like the end of a ghost sheet and just gently milking the ectoplasm out of it into a, into, I guess a dead bucket. We hook them up to those machines that suck the blood out of the horseshoe crabs. Yeah. It works kind of like cheesecloth. So Peter Teal gets another two years. You flip the ghost upside down and you're straining the ectoplasm out of the bottom of the sheet like you would cheese out of a cheesecloth.

Not too much though. If then that ghost is all used up. You want to keep it in that like renewable energy. It's like a kidney. You want to leave enough there that it can come back. So that's the thing in nature. What else is in nature? What else is in nature? It's not kidneys that grow back, is it? It's not kidneys that grow back, is it? Yeah, I was just a mess.

Okay, now I know this is the kind of episode we're doing. So let's row back here. Yeah, it's your liver that comes back. It's your liver that comes back. Okay, yeah, we're not dumb. No one fucking morons on this show. Yeah, that would really hurt actually. So don't say that, please. Don't put in the newspaper that I'm not very smart. Extra, extra. Read all about it.

This guy you don't know. Dumb man. Oh boy. So look we're coming back to a classic genre of Bluntavista Story here. Back in mid-June in the bonus episode, The Future Lost Whole episode. It might be gone by the time that you listened to this. I listened back to that episode to try and find where we first talked about this. And we were all quite drug. It was gross. That was a fucking disgusting episode. I felt bad bad about that one. Unless it was a different one

and I feel bad about. Was I on it? Uh, I'm not sure. It's too, too drunk to remember. All I know is that. Thanks, Penn. Lucy was on the wines. I was on the beers. Some things got said. Some things we made be regret. Oh my God. Anyway on that episode, we talked about a loose donkey spotted in the town of sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit th th. S th. S th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some th. Some thi thi thi. Some thi. Some thi. Some thi. thi. thi. I thi thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi thi thi thi th I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I I th. I I I th. I th. I I th. I th. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was thi. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm the. I'm theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I was th. Anyway on that episode, we talked about a loose donkey spotted in the town of Situate, Rhode Island. This is a story from the Valley Breeze and Observer. It's quite a name for a newspaper. Donkey on the Lamb since June captured in goat pen. So we spoke, when we spoke about it, this donkey had been on the loose for like two or three days. Pictureing Jona Jameson behind the desk.

Get me photos of this donkey! And at the time when we first spoke about it, they couldn't figure it out because there was a donkey loose but no one owned the donkey? No one claimed to be missing a donkey. So there was a loose donkey but that donkey couldn't possibly exist? Yes, loose donkey never owned. Right, yeah. Never born this donkey. Short story. Just a warning that it's coming. It's around the corner. Prime yourself. Yeah. Short story. Short story, parentheses, currently underway. Dead baby.

There, six words. Six words, dead baby. Six words, the word, six words, dead baby. Six words, question mark? Dead baby, full stop. Done. Exclamation mark to be like, short story? Mark? Short story question mark? Dead baby full stop. Done. Exclamation mark to be like short story?

Six words? Dead baby. Done. Ah. Another afternoon well spent. Now time for a little drinkie. Little treat. I got a little treat. I got six words in me before I hit the scotch. He's already opening it as quick as possible. I could just crack the seal on that new bottle. I got six words in me before I hit the scotch.

Miss, Miss, Miss, he's already opening it as he's saying it. Oh goodness, I don't know. Short story? Six words. Pop. Dead baby. Here we go. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. time. time. time. time. time. time. time. t. t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to th. th. to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. Short story? Six words? Pop. Dead baby. Here we go. Time for a knockoff. It is 901. Dictating the story to somebody else over the phone is he's pouring. It's 1.30 in the afternoon somewhere.

It took him longer to pour the drink than it did to write the thing because he is filling up that cup with whiskey. Oh fuck. Time for a little drinky is such a funny thing to imagine Ernest Hemingway saying to himself Theo. Famous alcoholic Ernest Hemingway. Sadly giving himself license to drink. I guess I could time for a little knockoff on for the rest of the day? I don't I don't think he's sad about it at all. I think he says time for a little drinky and then he cracks he cracks the bottle and he says little treaty for Ernie. I noticed this Hemingway might have an alcoholic beverage as a preacher. There's no more against it. I like I like to a hard day's work. I like to think that he's kind of that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's that he's they. they. they. they. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to has has has has to has to has to have to have to have to have to have to have a their. I their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. t. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. time. try. time. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. I like to think that he's kind of, that he's playing coy with it and acting like it's not exactly what he was going to do that morning.

Like, oh, well, I mean, you know, I could. Not many writers get a short story done in six words. I had a big day today. I'd have an emotional one to, I invented a dead baby. I didn't take me two minutes to write that story. It took me my whole life. If the story about it is like true, right, that it was like in the process of like a conversation or whatever,

someone was like, hey, what's the saddest six-word story? The fact that it took him 30 seconds to get that out, and now it like a cultural touchstone for everyone alive however many decades later wonderful rate of return on that time spent and you got a drink out of it it's a little drinky yeah little drinky for any hard earned all right Karen so funny we've got to find him out of this donkey. Come on. Karen Lenou is celebrating a happy ending this week.

I thought the Valley Breeze and Observer was the family newspaper, but I can't. After a five-month journey, including many nights of missed sleep, tracking down her lost donkey. We finally found the donkey in the backyard of a Nuru massage parlor. So grateful to the clientele for alerting us to its presence. They'd been trying to call for weeks but the phone kept slipping out of their hands. I thought you were all absolutely ready to pull your punch on meeting a European man. I'm also assuming I'm the only other person here who immediately was like, I know what

the Nuru massage thing is. Oh boy. The donkey was caught last week in a goat pen at a nearby farm. Not a Neurumasage farm. Last Saturday, Scott Burgantino of the perfect puppy was able to do what others had failed at, using only hay to trap the runaway situate donkey in his goat pen. What a remarkable man. They're gonna make a sully type of movie out of this. I'm sure. thick. thingrap the runaway situate donkey in his goat pen. What a remarkable man. They're gonna make a sully type of movie out of this, I'm sure. What sort of farm do you reckon is called the Perfect Puppy? Like, a puppy mill?

I sure hope not. I sure hope that's an unrelated, like... I don't want the hero of the story to be a puppet for puppy. Here at the perfect puppy, we'll go to absolutely every length to bring you the perfect puppy. Every puppy is tested for, for form, smell, taste. So if we throw this as hard as we can against the wall and it splats, you don't get the puppy. That's defective. So if I if I Google Scott Burgantino Perfect Puppy, the first result is a Facebook page called Boycott Perfect Puppy. Yep. Oh dear. You guys

ever been to the IKEA where they've got the seat in the glass cage and it's got the sitting machine? It's the cupboards for you? Yeah, yeah. And it just does this. It's like 200 test sits. Yeah, they've got this like art-shaped piece of cushion on the end of an arm. And this robot's whole job is this robot's the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their to press this, this IKEA seat like 200,000 times or what have you.

Man, genuinely, if they hadn't mechanized that job, I would, that is the only job I'm qualified for at this point. Guys, I have been to do something completely unprecedented here. Now I know that this is an audio medium and there's no way that you the listener can Get what I'm getting here, but I think this is a puppy mill That specializes in dogs with human eyes Excuse me every single dog on their website. I've started a Twitter DM. So that I can share these with you. Okay. Every single dog on the website has the eyes of a depressed human being. Man, I haven't even opened the messages up yet and I know I don't need this. What are these wet-eyed dogs?

It's not letting me attach images. Now Ben, you did say, I sure hope that the hero of our story isn't running a puppy mill. And bad news for you, not only is he running a puppy mill, he's doing it out of his basement and also seems to be an unsavory character in multiple other ways. Here's a story from Turn to Ten.com. NBC 10, I team. One firefighter insults another's mother, punches fly. Cod records obtained by the NBC 10 I team Tuesday

paint a clear picture of what reportedly happened inside a Cranston Firehouse Saturday afternoon led to the deputy chief being arrested for assault. Paul Valletta 59 of Warwick was charged by Rhode Island State Police for allegedly assaulting another fireman, 52-year-old Lieutenant Scott Burgantino, owner of the perfect puppy. A police affidavit describes a wild scene at the city's station six wild house, uh, firehouse on Situate Avenue, one that began with the men shouting obscenities at each other and ended with insults to family, namely Valetta's mother and Pudge's throne. I'm now looking at the photos of the puppies in the Discord DM.

Yeah. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that these all have people eyes. They all look like the, you know the infamous birthday dog infamous, um, birthday dog. Yeah, yeah. Birthday dog that looks like it's really high and it has a little, a little party hat on. They all have this, that type, that style of ass. I do not want, fucking, I don't want to go and buy a dog on demand that has like, eyes that have seen beyond the veil.

No. Also, and I know this is because I'm in a rut here. Does the couch that the dogs are on? Is a casting couch? I was just asking if it sparked any memories in anyone? All right, well, I mean, it has certain visual cues, for example, made of a wipable material. Uh, I don't know. It just... I don't like the dogs. I don't like the dogs. I don't like the dogs. I don't like. I don't like. I. I. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I don't like. I don't like. I don't like. I don't like. I don't like. Do the dogs. Do the dogs. Do the dogs. Does the dogs. Does the dogs. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Do the dogs. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Does. Do. Do. Do. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the dogs. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the dogs. the dogs. the dogs. able material. I don't know. It just... I don't like the dogs. I don't like the dogs at all. The dogs all look like they've been drawn by someone or like, you know, made out of a collage of pre-existing

dogs. Yeah, it looks like a drawing of like a medieval drawing by someone who just remembers a dog? Yeah, this is very marginal. Yeah, a traveling stranger told them of dogs and they have used the features of humans to fill in the gaps in the description. A loyal is a man but the body of a cat. He knows about cats, I guess. Stand six hands high. Man, that shit ruled. You got like a little bit of that back when they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, that, they, that, that, the, thol like, thol like, high. Man, that shit ruled. You got like a little bit of that back when they were like sending elephant seals back, like bodies back but without, like, you know, all skinned.

Yeah. And so they just kind of gas. Yeah, you just ended up with them stuffing an elephant seal to its extremes and so they ended up just displaying a kind of rubbery sphere with a mouth because they didn't know where like you where it's supposed to be floppy. No one sent a note with the body. They were like, by the way, when you're filling it in, um taper it a little bit like I guess just jam it full full whatever you get the thing looks all fucked up. That's true you did not the the the th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho. tho-I the that thi. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. they th. they they th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi the. the. the. the. the. the. they're they're they're theea. they're they're they're they're they're they're they thee, that thing looks all fucked up. That's true. We did not know what that, how to assemble that with the pieces that we got given. I mean that would have been a happy coincidence if like someone badly was like,

oh I guess it's like halfway between an elephant and a dog and you're like, oh no, you're actually kind. Yeah, you're that. Yeah, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's tho the tho that's to be to be to be that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thean. that's that's the. that's ths like this can't be right. Are you sure? I must be so far off base. My boss is going to be so mad. There's no leftover pieces here. I'm sure this must be like two animals got it got sent in one order because no way. I mean half of it's white and half of it's black I've got missed a seam here somewhere looks like a paddle pop I got um good news and bad news about the Inverted commas hero of this story so the bad news so we'll do bad news first feels like we already received The the bad news is that there's lots of boycotts about this guy in his puppy mill that is quote actively selling puppies that are sick and dying. Oh come on now. I think that's pretty bad. Hey just me I think that's bad. Well and we don't know how deep the discount is.

The good news is that in this news story about him apparently also being a firefighter and having a fight with the fire chief. So they were having an argument, state police detectives questioned another fireman who witnessed the altercation and listen to a supposed recording of the incident given to them by Burgantino. What a bitch. Detectors said they could hear swearing back and forth on the recording and then Burgantino says, Go fuck your mother! So then, Valetta, the Cranston Fire Union President, state lobbyist for the Rhode Island State Associated and Firefighters, pushed him up against a chalkboard, punched him in the head two times, then threw him over a recliner and onto the floor. Holy shit.

That is good news. That's good stuff. That's like early 2000s combat in a video game. That's like he's grappled, punch, punch, move to interactable. Yep. That's so good. Detective said they could have been here. Yeah, yeah, he got absolutely extended the combo by throwing him over a recliner. Detective said they could hear an unidentified firefighter say, Chief, stop, chief, come

on, stop. No one want to put their hand up, beat that person on the today. Valetta could then be heard yelling back, don't you ever say that about my mother. Voletta could then be heard. tha that tha saying thia thia thia thia thiiii sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa Call me every name in the book. Don't be saying anything about my mother. The only thing you said was that you should fuck her. Yeah. So they say anything about her. Yeah, you should fug her. She's a beautiful lady and you guys have chemistry. I don't know if I'm misreading the situation. Hey, go for it. With my blessing. I really think she likes you dude. She really go for it. She really is interested in you. She keeps asking about you. Now just, and I'm not drawing any sort of conclusions here at all, whatsoever.

I might even list off something I'm about to not say. One of those names, Burgantino and Valetta? Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Yeah, they just seem to have a sort of a common flavor to them. Has Ben got like n. Wikipedia.org slash wiki slash loophole open or something? Has someone? He seems like he thinks he's found a cheat code for conversation?

I'm not saying that both of these guys are retaliated that you could read read out that conversation in a sort of Italian-American accent of them yelling at each other. Yeah, a lot of owes. Detectors said that they heard him say, fuck your mother, then they heard three to four other firefighters say, oh! Oh! He was out of order. I just want to say that I put this story of the notes because it's funny to me that an

animal was at loose for five months. I didn't really, you'd rather it was locked up in a basement somewhere I assume. I didn't really think about the whole this guy being a puppy farmer thing at all. Yeah. Hey, it's not your fault. And also, if you go down there with a crisp $20 billy, you can get yourself a brace of dying puppies. The sicker the cheaper, that's the perfect puppy promise. This one, this one, you're going to have to run to get it out the door.

Let me tell you that much. You're going to want to keep the engine running on that old Commodore, because this one's about to check out. You're going to want to pre-book with the vet hospital. They still really love the puppy. I'm going to be there at 11.08 because I'm picking up the puppy at 11. And it takes me 10 minutes to drive there, but I'm going to speed. So to have the ER ready ready ready, the the the to have the ER, the ER, the the to have the the thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to have, to have, to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the to have the the to be to be to be to to to to to th, th. to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to be, to be to be to be to be to be to be. th, th. Wea, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, thea, thea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea.ea, te.e.e.e. We't walk from this line on the floor to that line on the floor, you get 10 bucks off. Oh, this is so grim. Yeah, we're charging you for half the puppy because that's what's there.

I mean, you're getting that much. Boycott the perfect puppy. That's the official recommendation of the podcast, Buntavista. Hell yeah. This guy sucks, so he says the donkey was hanging around in his farm where he also keeps goats as pets. Burgantino said he was watching the Red Sox play last Friday night and that he had had enough of seeing the team, quote,

blow it in the first and third. Come on. Oh, you can't be this Italian American. He was wearing a white signlet with spaghetti states at the time. Oh my God. It's just easier to buy it with the spaghetti stains printed on to me. The more stain it is the cheaper the cigarettes are. Oh boy.

So Bergantino and his family had been in contact with Lenu over the days leading up to the donkey's capture. Like it's El Chappo or something, you know. He said she and a friend came to bring the donkey home, but it proved to be difficult. No one's ever moved to donkey before. Yep. Yeah, pulling on a donkey's collar just been like, damn, this is hard as hell. Could I try to one of these guys wearing a hat?

I thought these are like chill laid back guys, thi. I issued a series series a series a series a series a series a series a series of of of of of of of of of of of of of of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal of verbal the verbal the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the are stubborn AF. I issued a series of verbal commands to the donkey with very little effect. This donkey is stubborn as a mule. I don't understand how this could have happened. This is so stupid. He said he contacted the society for the prevention of cruelty to animals, sounds like it's not usually his vibe. Yeah, help bringing the donkey home. Hey, it's me, not for the reason you think.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, with th, with th th th th th th th th thi thi, thi, thi, thi, with thi, with the the thi, with the the thi, with thi, with thi, with very very very the the the to very very very very very very very very very very, with the the donkey, with with, with the donkey, with the donkey, with the donkey, with with the donkey, with the donkey, with the donkey, with the the the the the the the thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi, with thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi. the prevention of cruelty to animals, sounds like it's not usually his vibe, to help bringing the donkey home. Hey it's me, not for the reason you think. Do not look at anything else on my property, but please come get this donkey. He's doing, he's just doing the reverse bin.

So there were some things that I... I have one specific instance of cruelty. Do you guys just put all the cruelty? Can you guys just put on your donkey cruelty hat and take off your puppy cruelty hat as you visit my estate? Yeah. Just get out of my ass for that for one second. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's me.

I'm gonna need you guys to come. Yeah, still selling them. You're still selling them. Look, this isn't about that. I need you guys to come to the fields, down the back of the property. I need you to be looking straight down at the ground the whole time you were coming down there. Do not look around. Don't, it's gonna be too... If I get you out here, how much bullshit am I gonna get from you? Like, just...

Put the horse linkers. Just ballpark figure. If I get you to say... How much are you gonna bitch me out for? One animal, can I get a little bit of leeway with some different animals? I know you guys have been looking with this donkey for about five months now, and that should buy me at least five minutes of silence as you thii property. Because I don't want to hear a dang thing about the perfect, well, you know what. You want to hear the pee word at all.

Oh, fuck. So he needed help. They needed help bringing the donkey home. Quote, I like animals and all, but I don't want a donkey. These past days were enough, he said. Oh! It's amazing how they transcribe that there. Yeah, no style at all at the fucking... That place.

Yeah, Mr. Burgatino, who was smoking a cigarette behind his head. Both Burgantino and Lannu said the donkey is a healthy weight though its hooves are in rough shape. Lenu said she noticed the hooves needed attention when the donkey arrived five months ago, only to escape her grasp and lead area residents on a long and often fruitless chase. I was thinking that maybe the hooves were in rough shape because Bergattino was working from the bottom up. He was only able to get his cruelty onto the shoes. Uh, Lenu said she is relieved and incredibly grateful to Burgantino and God. For Cat's the dog safely. I gotta give it up to the big two here.

Add out to my fellas. The ultimate creator of the entire universe and also a puppy farmer. Yeah. Fuck. How would you feel of you this guy? You're like, and that. And that's to be grateful to get to this guy? And to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the th grateful? And the the th grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and grateful, and to be grateful, and to be grateful, their their to be grateful, to to to to to to to their their their thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. And thi. And thi thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. thi. thi thi thi. And thi universe and also a puppy farmer. Yeah, fuck. How would you feel of you this guy? You like, and 50% of the credit goes to the big man upstairs. Yeah, thank God. Yeah, thank God made them from Burger Team. Yeah. She has not named the donkey yet.

How the fuck are you doing like a multi, like sleepless night? Uh, rescue my donkey, billboarding effort. For a donkey you have not even named yet. Yeah, like you don't even know the donkey, you know. Hmm. My God. She has not named the donkey yet, but is considering, quote, traveling Jane or run around soon as options. They both suck. Those are dog shit, lady. Somehow both, both worse than each other. Like, you keep thinking that you could compromise with one or the other, but they are just dog shit names. A little bit of alliterational rhyme would have been just wonderful there.

I would name that donkey Dr. Richard Kimball. The fugitive, come on. No where? No one's problem was that they were like, who is he talking about? I've seen it. I think that... Whoa! Unprecedented! Wow, incredible. I think they just didn't know who it was. Nice. Lenou sought the public's help in June after the delivery of the companion donkey for her miniature donkey went south. Wait a minute! What?

Okay. All right. This isn't even your main donkey. I have this donkey so that my smaller primary donkey is not lonely. It just feels more comfortable, I guess. Like if I wanted my donkey to feel more comfortable, I'd get a smaller than that donkey. Yeah, surely this is like an inversion of the way this usually goes. The comfort animal is usually smaller than the target thing.

The subject of the comfort. I mean, look, you can look at this one of the comfort. I mean look you can look at this you can look at this you're kind of my comfort animal then. Yeah that is true isn't it? I guess maybe this is a common dynamic. Yeah. Yeah. Andrew could you read the second half of that sentence? I want to hear the whole sentence in full. Okay. She sought the public self from June after the delivery of the companion donkey for her miniature donkey went south and the new the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. Yeah. thi. thi. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. That is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. th and the new arrival flew the coop moments after exiting the vehicles. So she's not actually owned this donkey at any point. She like was like welcome to your new up. There goes. So she released the donkey kind of like when people release doves at weddings. Yeah.

Is the sensation I'm getting of like opening the vehicle and be like, uh, welcome to your new, no, not over the, well, I thought I had a donkey. Well, this surely won't take five buds. And if it loves you back, it will be captured by a puppy farmer in a goat pen. Nearly half a year later. Oh, they say that about- Is that my deal now to look after this?

Say that about dogs. That's gotta be my best friend. My job is being friends with that guy. The Gilbert Godfrey of donkeys. The thing is like when you release doves, they tend to kind of just, they go straight up, usually, right? I've that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, is, is, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th... th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. that's that's thi. thi. that's that's like, that that that that's like, that that that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that'stend to kind of just, they go straight up, usually, right? I've never released a dove.

So if somebody, like if you let go the doves and somebody says, hey, could you just get that dove back for a second, I'd be like, ooh, ooh, that's going to be a big problem for me. There's a certain vertical element to this that's going to. When the donkey comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes comes out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out the the the the the of the trailer though, it's kind of right there. Yeah. Like, and if it trots off, you could just, you could follow the donkey? You got a car. It's not like, oh, it's out of my arms reach. He's standing a lot slowly walking over the horizon, be like, ah.

I think this is... Sorry. Yeah, sorry. Oh, what? I insist. I feel feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thi. the. thi. tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the the. the. sure. Oh, what? You, talk. I insist. I feel rude. I just don't think don't think donkeys are like renowned for doing some assassins creed style like. Disappear into the crowd. Okay, well, sir, have you seen a donkey? Donkey with baseball cap? No. Standing near two people. Blending into a group of monks perfectly by lowering its head slightly. It's doing the assassin's-crained crowdwalk or it's just very smoothly pushing your bodies away.

Maybe this strikes me as someone who had a plan for the miniature donkey to be delivered and then saw no need to update that for the miniature donkey to be delivered and then saw no need to update that for the one-to-one scale donkey and has realized that maybe the fences that hold a miniature donkey were not up to the task. You know in Jurassic Park, the opening where they're getting the Velocyraptor out and the raptor just kind of pushes the cage back and creates a gap for itself. It's just done that except it was some chicken wire and the door of like a compact car. It's like, and I'm out here, oh, I'm just gonna go through the huge gap between these two things and off I go. Trot, trot, try.

Now look, you guys joke about the assassin's creed stuff, right? Lanu received a number of th. th. thu. thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, the the thu, thu, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, liked, likedue the the the the the the the their their their their thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thr-a, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their thinks the donkey likes Burgantino's goats as it was bred to protect livestock. Killer. I'm saying maybe this donkey is capable of some kind of gun carter sort of. Are you replying that this donkey is one of a long line of templars? Yeah, the order of the donkeys that are there to protect, their gorgeous can-eating cousins, the goat. They are birds of a feather, though, the donkey and the goat. They are, like big cunts.

Yeah. Yeah. During its time on the loose, the donkey encountered a dog, which it kicked. And Lenu paid the veterinarian bill. Duhl-dall-duh! Duh! Duh! Duh! Just kicking a dog's

the dog around the rib. King kicked it in its first move. Allowing for no repost. We've suffered a stage clear. Yeah, the donkey just walking around having random encounters. Okay. Also, so she paid the vet bill for the dog, which, so somehow the person was like, hey, is this your donkey that you never owned and don't have a name for that kicked my dog? And she was like, yeah, that sounds like the donkey that I never owned.

Yeah, that I knew for five seconds. It ran away from my shithouse miniature donkey. Damn, this is crazy crazy that that that that that that that that th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi just just just just just just just just just just just just thi thi thi thi just just thi tho tho thi just just just just tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho- tho- tho- tho- tho tho tho tho tho th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. tho. the. tho knew for five seconds. It's a ran away from my shithouse miniature donkey. Damn, this is crazy. A donkey kicked my PlayStation 5 into the lake. It did the direct center of the lake. I didn't catch its name, but it was certain, it didn't have any tags. And it seemed like it'd been on a journey. He came into kitchen, he kicked down the partition between the kitchen and the dining room and part of the bench top, so it looks like you have to pay for me to have that redone and the bench top remodeled so we have a sort of open air dining with the kitchen sort of

thing. I've described the donkey. Didn't have a name. Nambu-Namless. On the loose. the loose. the loose. the loose. the loose. the loose. the loose. the loose. to-name. to-name. the loose. to-name. the loose. the to-n. thoom. thoom. thoom. Noboom. Nobo-n. Nobo-n't-n't. Nobo-n. Nobo-n. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. Nuh. No. No-n. No-n. No-a-a-a-a-a-n. No-n. No-n. No-n. N. N. N. N. N. N.a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n.a-a-n.a-n. Na- like a mule, but without the horse part. Oh crap, my initial D-Blu-Rays just got kicked by a donkey, and now I don't have them anymore. And the good thing is that the woman also can't remember what the donkey looked like, because she only had one car ride with it. She has one comparison for it, and it's like, okay, now let me hold this miniature donkey very close to you. Very close. Now it might have looked something like this, but with one important change.

When you call the donkey, does it respond? No? That's probably the donkey. It doesn't have a name. It doesn't have a name. In my experience, the donkey is completely unresponsive. Oh my god, that's so good. It's just supposed to be like missing donkey, respite, no man or dog. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. It. this. It is. this. this. the the the the th. It th. It th. It th. It might thi. It might thi. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It might thi. It might thi. It might thi. It might thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It might thi. It might thi. It might thi, that's so good. It's just supposed to be like missing donkey responds to nothing. Respects no man or dog If this donkey responds to a name you have got the wrong beast. Yeah if at any point this donkey shows respect not mine. Yeah, if you if you call- We'll experience justice at the gates of pearly and nowhere else. Missing donkey, non-deferential.

Missing, masterless donkey. If you call to the donkey and there is a glimmer of recognition in its eyes, it's the wrong donkey. Entirely the wrong donkey. Immediately put that donkey down. Please murder the donkey. As I do not need it. We'll pay for donkey's grave.

Now I know you're thinking. Maybe the donkey has learnt respect in its travels. No. In its travels the donkey has kicked a dog. We know that it did not respect the dog. That's how I knew it was my donkey. Oh, well, I'm just glad he caught her. She says, winter is coming, you know, thank God they

got her, she said. We're giving God 50% of the credit and I assume that we're also shaking our fist at the demon that gave the donkey the idea to run away. The donkey also might have just gotten a taste for cruelty to dogs and then, like, drive into the lay line of that that that was running through the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood the neighborhood like drive into the lay line of that that was running through the neighborhood and ended up in Pergatino's yard. Oh. Okay, you got, you got a bit of work for me around here, you know?

And look, as far as I understand it, you can't sue anyone for defamation across international borders so we're probably safe. Yeah. That's why its hooves were all fucked up. It's been busy. Out of the far. Got any sick or dying puppies you need kicked? Oh got any healthy puppies? It's like that whole thing where you get on the fucking

you get a can at the store and you bang against a shelf that's 50 cents off. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh, fuck. Well, I think that's the end of the tale of the traveling hateful donkey with no name. Tom, where can our beautiful listeners listen and see more of you? I mean, they can't see you right now, I mean they can't see you right now probably. They probably can't see you right now.

Unless like, I wonder if there's like synesthesia for podcasts. You're talking about an imagination. If you're imagining Tom right now and you'd like an aid for your imagination. Where can you, where can you see a prop for your imagination? Just simply Google Tom Walker comedian look at a photo then listen to the words and see if you can create some sort of synthesis of those things. Right click save to desktop open and preview now grab the top of that window and kind of wiggle it all around whenever my voices on.

Yeah. You can catch me on Twitch. to T. tom walker I do some streaming over there the the the th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thom. thom. thom. thom. the the the the thom. the the thom. the the tom.oom.oom. the to on Twitch. TV slash Tom Walker. I do some streaming over there. I'm gonna be, I've got like a fucking racing wheel now and it's all fucked up that that's part of my life. But yeah, I play truck simulator and other driving games on there. It's a good time and also Big Soft TD.PNG is a podcast that is complete nonsense. That they can't legally shut down. Yes, we, I mean they did once. When we first registered it, we registered the domain while drunk because that's, we came up, Demi came up at the name at 2 a.m. and we laughed too hard,

so it had, we had to do it. Then she registered like the fucking Apple podcasting ship But she swore in it too much and so we got banned off the platform immediately and they just took out like 30 bucks or whatever Oh my god God you guys are good at podcasting We're so bad we lose money at everything we do Yeah, big soft titty dot P&G all on word. It's it's nonsense. There the third Google result for Tom is his like management creative representation which actually has a really normal headshot of Tom on it which in turn makes it the strangest picture of Tom.

It's really weird. Very disconcerting. It's much like I'm very used to a different style of photo of Tom being used to publicity. Either like truly gruesome, yeah I Look at that. Tom? Yeah, I'm looking at this photo. He's got all of his hair. He has a nice boy. Leo just finished downloading a mirror. Oh, let me just turn my screen on. You've got all of your hair.

None of it is shaved. There is no plunger with the message I have ruined my life stuck to it. Yeah, it was a rare high point. Beautiful. Well, that's it for us folks. What an episode? What an episode? Yeah, just reflecting on time well spent, I think. Beautiful. That's fair. Thank you for joining us, Tom. We always love to both see and talk to you. Thank you so much. I'm a listener and a fan of the podcast, so it's so nice to be here.. Yeah. Yeah. th th to be here. to be here. to be to be the the the to be the the the the to be beautiful. to be beautiful. the the to be beautiful. the the the the th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. the thi. th. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the the th. the the th. the th. the the. the the. the. that. that. thi. the th. th. the both see and talk to you. Oh, thank you so much. I'm a listener and a fan of the podcast, so it's so nice to be here. I'm a listener and a fan of your podcast, so that cancels out. So now both of our compliments mean nothing.

All right, well fuck this. Let's just leave then. All right, fuck this. Bye. bad. Don't fucking release this. Come on. Alright, bye. All right. Bye. Bye.