Boonta Vista - EPISODE 235: It Takes A Village Oaf

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

Andrew, Theo and Ben look at: A lovely home invader, the rejected number plates of Florida, state-sanctioned drunk driving, and the inscrutable motives of a man trying to nourish an infant. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, I'm Theo, welcome to episode 235 of Buntavista. I've got just the one hole. You might think, ah, that's going to make some problems for me. That's going to mix everything up down there. How do you tell, which, you know, what to shoot out of the hole at any particular time? And I say, buddy, it's not on my business. It kind of reduces my anxiety by a large degree, I'd say. Because really, like I'm just going to let the hole decide what's best at any particular

point in time, right? Like, it knows better than me. I'm not an expert. Just let it do its job. And that's part of, you know, good management as well. I think you've got to let your hole just do its job. Just trust in it. I'm also here with Ben, who has two holes. As a cis male, I believe that that is the I won't say nor but the median number of holes to have been. Can I just I really want to get the semantics of what you're putting forth yeah as clear as possible. Just to rid ourselves of any ambiguity. Yeah.

Yeah, well, sorry, without getting too crass because I don't want to make this sort ourselves of any ambiguity. Yeah. Sorry, without getting too crass, because I don't want to make this sort of a disgusting segment. I've heard that people listen to this podcast in the car with their children, so. One person actually who wrote it to tell us that. So you, you're saying traditionally the number of holes in a cisman is two. You're referring to not the mouth or the nose holes or the earholes, you're referring to the butt hole and the urethra.

If that's what they are, then yes. Okay. But just for the purposes of the whole, we're talking about holes on the lower half of the body. Yeah, south of the Tropic of Capricorn. Yes. If you will. The baffling name you have chosen for the pubic region, that's right. Yes, I've got two holes and I know what you're thinking. Sorry, just to be clear, one at the front and one at the back. It's not just centered like sort of right in the middle they're pointing straight downwards.

No, although that would make a lot of sense. It would, and I'm telling you it's got a lot of benefits, but people just sort of like, no, that's weird, so you need to get off the bus, etc. I drive a bus, I'm not in charge of where your holes were placed. I cannot help you. That's also not even under the purview of the Bresiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii the Brisn the Brisn the Bres of the Bresi of the Bresi of the Bresi of the Bresi of the Bresi thi thi thi thi thi. thioli. thi. that thi. thioli. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that would make that would make that would make that would make that would make that would that would that would that would that would that would that's that that that that that thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that would would that were placed. I cannot help you. That's also not even under the purview of the Brisbane City Council at all, things of that nature. Yeah, so I've gone, I guess for you, you might find this system kind of complicated, but I just with enough sort of of practice and a little bit of intuition, I just sort of know which hole for what when the time comes. It's not that hard to keep track off. It's sort of like a like a horses for courses sort of thing. That's right. Holes for stuff. Holes for goals. Yeah that's right and the goals are removing the waste from my body.

Yeah and a few other little fun surprises as well. Oh there's bonuses yeah. I mean you don't need two holes for that. But it helps. It does help. It thi I the the th. the the th. the th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thi thi thus thus thus thus thus thoes thoes thoes thi to thoes to to thoes for thoes for thoes for thoes for horses thoes for horses thoes for thoes for thoes for thoes for thoes for thus thus thoes thus th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the the the the to tho the to tho the the to to thooooooooooooooooooooooooooes to tho tho tho tho tho two holes for that, I'm just letting you... But it helps. It does help, I imagine. Yeah. Yeah. It probably gets you closer to the target, if you will. That's right, and that target is intimacy. Hmm. And finally, also with us, um, bringing three holes to our disgusting table, it's Andrew. How are you, buddy? What's up? You got an extra one there, hey?

Yeah, one for you to borrow if you like. You know, you were saying you let the hole decide. I can, I have extra choices available to me. Yeah, you got an additional degree of freedom, as you would say in a sort of mathematics realm. The whole being the extra degree. Yeah. You sound like the rapper Lil Dickie. He's got an extra hole? He does.

He's a three-hole man. It's a three-hole. He has talked extensively about having the condition hypospadias, which is, according to the CDC.gov, a birth-the-effect in boys in which the opening of the urethro is not located at the tip of the penis. It can form anywhere from just below the end of the penis to the scrotum. Oh, like a little thumbhole to change register. Yeah. Or on your woodwind down there. If you've got something that's coming up your euthro that you don't want going into the bag, you can...

And so he had, he had several surgeries, I believe, as a baby or child, and now he's got a hole where it's supposed to be but also a hole where it's not supposed to be. He kept the extra hole. I don't know if that was the aim. He got an extra hole. Oh, he got an extra hole from surgery. He got another one put in. But I guess they didn't resolve the initial whole issue, you know.

So yeah, he's got choices available to him, you know. Hypo Spadia? Hypo spadius. That's not when you don't have enough spades, am I right? Say hypo or hypo? Hipo, I think. Yeah, thanks Theo. Yeah, I was lining myself up for a second equally well-received hyperspadius joke, but, I decided to ditch it after to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to the to the to the to the the to to the to the the to the the to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to. Hipe, the the the the to-spadiae, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you to, you to, you thio. Hipe, you thio. Hipe, thio. Hip, thio. Hio. Hio. Hio. Hio. Hio. Hio, th. Hio, th. H, th. H-a, th. H, th. H, thi, thi, thi, the the thi, the the the the thi, thi-s, thi-spo, thi-spa-spade, thi-spa-spadiae, hypo, hypo, hypo, hypospe, hypospe, hypo, hypo, hypo, thi, thi, thi,. Yeah, I was lining myself up for a second, equally well-received hyper-spadious joke, but I decided to ditch it after the reception to the first one. Thanks, thanks for your help. Come, welcome. So this is from the Guardian. So this is Lil Dickie talking about the TV show Dave, in which is like a, you know,

semi-autogographical telling of his life. It's like the, uh... I believe you've described it on the show before in the context of talking about the use of a sex doll, a real doll and him warning it up in the bathtub. Yeah, also very upsetting. But he talks about the hyperspadius and his extra dick hole and all and all and all and all and all and all and all and all and all and all th. And all, and thue, and th-a, and thu, and thu, and thu, and thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th-a, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, talks about the hyperspadius and his extra dickhole and all that kind of stuff in the show. And so in this article in The Guardian, they say, so does Bird, his last name is Bird, aka Little Dickie, really have two quote, pee-holes, end quote, and a quote, dick made of balls, end quote. As he says in the opening episodes of his sitcom, Dave. Everything about, everything about my penis in the show is the show. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. thi. their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, in their thi. In their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their, in their. In their. In their. In their. In their. In their. In their. In. In, in their. In, in th. In, in th. In, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, in their, in the opening episodes of his sitcom Dave, everything about everything about my penis in the show is true, Bert affirmed saying he was born with a tangled urethra and the condition hyperspadius

where the opening to the urethra is on the underside of the end of his penis rather than the tip. Oh okay so he's so he's gotten he's gotten the sort of mainstream hole, if you will, insert it at a later day. Yeah, I think that's what's happened. And then, and then like, whatever, whatever hasn't worked out, they haven't closed up. They haven't like, they haven't put a bit of filler or puty or whatever into the other hole. Yeah. You know. Or just, um, I'll just put a terminator on the the the the the their, their, their, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi, thi, thi, th. the, the, the, the, the, th. th. the, th. the, the, th. th. th. th. the, th. th. th. th. the, th. the, th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th, th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. the th. the, the the the, the the, sort the, sort the thr. So, sort the the the the thr. the the the, sort the, the the, they haven't put a bit of filler or putty or whatever into the other hole. Yeah, you know. Or just, I'll just put a Terminator on there, sort of teed it off. Yep, they haven't got a little plug. We are, we very rarely get negative feedback via the Patreon just because it's mostly people that already like us that have decided to take the podcast and let's do it. Yeah, and I don't know why this just popped into my head, but about a year ago someone replied to what of our episodes on the patron feed so a paying customer saying, hey, can

you knock it off with fucking frontloading gross shit? Oh, I know, I remember who that is too. I guess the answer is, um, I guess that person in specific. Yeah. Um. Oh, I was going to say that I guess the answer. I guess the answer is no. Can a fish stop swimming? Can a bird stop flying? Yes. Yes, they can.

Uh, so yeah, that's me. All three holes Andrew. Yep. You know? And this has been a version of a segment that we have that we're going to go even further into now. We're going to go even further into sense as you have the fence voices calling, you're falling.

I think I've remarked on this before, but immediately after the first, whole report has said the first time sung, the first time in that song, there is a sound that is very much... I'm pretty sure the sound of someone getting a slack alert. Or like that, in that audio? Yeah. Yeah. And it, every time it provokes in me a fear response from when I worked in an office because getting tagged in something on.

Yeah, all you fucked up. Sounds like a new problem. Hey, why is prod down?????? the the the the the the the the the sound. thuuuuuuuuuu! thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thuu. thuu-a. I thu-a' thu-a' thu-I I thu-I I'm thu-I I'm thu-s. I thu-s. I thu-s. I thuuu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'm thuu. I'm thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. I'm thu. I'm Slack generally meant you had to do something or something was going on. Yeah, all you fucked up. Sounds like a new problem. Hey, why is prod down? Can't talk. Gotta go. Couldn't help but notice the builds are failing, buddy. A lot of red, a lot of red on that dashboard there, interesting. This is of course the whole report we discuss whole related news stories. This one is from the Associated Press.

Embarrassed Burglar leaves $200, flees home with his AR-15. Yeah, okay, so there's a lot going on there. But, so far. No hole? Not seeing a hole. Yeah, well the hole's coming later. Okay. The owners of a New Mexico home were doubly surprised over the weekend to find a burglar in their house with an AIR 15 and then to have him apologize give the money and leave embarrassed.

The man had slept, bathed, dined, and had some beer at the home on the outskirts of Santa Fe before the owners returned and discovered him. According to a Santa Fe county sheriff's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the outskirts of Santa Fe before the owners returned and discovered him, according to a Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office, Police report cited by the Albuquerque Journal. He had an AR-15 scoped rifle but didn't threaten them or take any of their jewelry or other belongings. Instead, he gave the homeowners $200 as, quote, reimbursement for the window he broke the report said. Huh. Yeah. Still no holes. Hmm.

So yes. Well, unless you count the hole in the window. Well, that's true. That is a hole. Or we've got a two-holer here. This is what we call a ban in the industry. Yeah, so that's the, that's the wholest menoris, is the one that he left in the window when he broke. Yeah, the whole whole the waltz majora is coming up.

Okay, he broke me. I'm very sorry if you are one of my uncles or aunts and you've decided to kind of... I'm very sorry if you're one of my uncles or aunts and you've decided to kind of... Our little Theos on the radio? Not quite. No, I'm calling at this stage. It's a kind of radio. It's kind of like the radio. Yeah.

I think that if any time that somebody's apologizing to you and they're holding what you would have to assume is a loaded assault rifle, that's what the AR stands for. Yeah. That's so th I I I I I I I I th th th th th th that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a kind that's a kind thi. thia thi. thia. thia' thia' thia' thia' thia' thia' thia' thia- it's kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind thia thia thia thi. It's a kind kind kind th. It's a kind th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's a kind that's a kind that's a kind that's a kind that's a kind of thi. that's a kind of that's a kind of that's a kind of that's a kind of that's kind of that's kind of that's a kind of that's a kind of that's a kind of that's a kind of. That's what the AR stands for. Yeah. That's so true. That's a funny dynamic, isn't it? Yeah, what's that? What's that quote? The, what's his name? Big time American Crime guy saying you can get more with a gun than you can with a kind word in a gun? It was somebody. Oh, I butchered that. I believe it was Frank Sinatra. You can get more with a kind.

And Benel just edited in the sort of the right answer to this, I could just put in the audio of me saying it correctly, as if I had done it right the first time and no one would know. I believe it was Al Capone, yes, who said the best way to get along was with a kind word and a gun, especially a gun. It was Al Capone who once said, quote, you can get more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. Yeah, okay. This guy's taken it to heart.

He has really internalized that. He's been like, oh, I should apologize, but I should probably be holding a gun while I do it. Yeah, and when somebody like, you know, when somebody is apologizing to you, offering you $200 for your broken window, and has had a bath and had a little little sleep, he's, he's goldy locks this house. He has, yes. He has 100% got in there. He's probably gone around and felt all the mattresses to see which one was just right. You know, big bowl of porridge. And then they've come in, oh, he's ever so embarrassed. I feel really bad. He's $200. Also I'm holding a loaded, powerful gun. Yes. As the homeowner, I think you would feel a lot of pressure to just be like, that's fine. Hey, don't worry about it, man. Do you want another beer? I don't mind the fact that you

broke in and slept in my child's bed. That's cool. It's cool to me that you did a like 1992 Robert Downey Jr. That's fine. The suspect, about six feet, brackets 1.8 meters, thank you, AP. And in his late 20s, also shared a bit of his story, telling the owners he was running from someone that his family had been killed in East Texas, according to the report. Oh my god. He said his car had broken down outside Santa Fe. So this is a this is a th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, th, that's that's that's, that's, that's that's th, th, th, that's th, th, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's fine thi's fine thi's fine thi's fine thi's fine thi's fine thi's fine thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi, thi, was running from someone that his family had been killed in East Texas according to the report. Oh my god. He said his car had broken down outside Santa Fe so this is a movie that this man is in. He's in a middle of no country for old men. He's Mark Wahlberg in Shooter. He's on the run he's gone inside a house he says whoa no I'm not a bad guy. I just need some challiff the th. the the the th. to like Charlie the to to to to to the to to to the to the to the the to the tol. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. toe. t. t. te. te.ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. Soe. I just need some salts and a sewing needle ma'am. You know?

All right. I haven't seen shooter so. How have you not? Yeah, okay. Doesn't matter. The homeowners told authorities the man was quite extremely embarrassed and apologetic about the situation. The report states, the suspect left the home with his duffel bag and gun walking down a ditch. And there's hole number two. He walked into a ditch.

His alleged larcenies totaled $15, the report said. Serif's deputies came to the home and searched the ditch but didn't find anyone. I'm not a homeowner like you guys, I'm just a humble, humble renter. How much does it cost to replace a window, you reckon? It must be $400. $200. $200 sounds cheap to me. I guess in America you probably, you know, nothing costs anything over there. Yeah. No, it's true. I would say over there you're looking at $3 to $18. Yeah, that sounds about right. U.S. dollars I should you, you, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. I th. I thi. thi. th. th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It's. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I to eighteen dollars. Yeah yeah that sounds about right. U.S. dollars I should I should stress if they were Australian dollars that would be two to three hundred dollars. Yeah. So I mean I hope this this is adequate reimbursement but I'm also just picturing him no country for old manning it,

and then he's got a briefcase with a million dollars in it and he's just pulling out a chunk of notes. And he's like, uh, will this cover it? Yeah, I feel like we're just, we're glossing over the, the duffel bag very quickly. Oh, the duffel bag was full of cash. One, it has to be. Yeah. Did he pull it from, do you pull the duffel bag out of their air vents using a coin to unscrew the screws on the air vents? Because that would have been a great, a great hint.

I'm looking at an American website here. Getting a quote on a window replacement? Yeah, I'm looking at a couple of the issues here. Oh, so, okay, well, we've got prices in some different states. How much does it cost to repair a window near you? Window repair costs vary from one state to another due to different laws and regulations. What? Yeah, it doesn't have to be glass here in Texas.

It's fine. Children are allowed to do it in Alaska. Yep. Here's the average cost for window repair in nine different states to give you a sense of the price differences. Ohio, $374. Okay. California, $264. All right. Texas, $243. Massachusetts, $3.993. Florida, $512. Massachusetts, 393. Florida, $512. Michigan, $689.

And Missouri, riding high with $919 on average. What the fuck is happening over there? It cannot be right. Unless they, uh, unless what they're talking about is replacing like not just the glass but the entire frame Is that possible? Hmm either way. I'm not entire. Oh sorry common window repair costs. We've got a? This is definitely household windows that we're talking about here. No windshield. Yes. Yes. Fixing a cracked pain costs $70 on average with a range of 40 to 100, replacing broken window glass. Most people spend between $250 and $500,000 cost

$350 on average. I hope these people manage to find a good deal on this. That's my earnest wish wish for them. Because I don't want this to turn into a bad story. I don't want them to be out out of pocket. Yeah. Because right now this is this this is this is this is this is just this is just this is just this is just th. These is just th. These is just th. These is just th. These is just th. These is just th. These is just th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the their broken broken broken broken their broken broken broken broken broken, their broken broken broken, their broken broken, their their broken broken broken broken broken broken, their people, their people, their people, their people, their people, their people, their people, their people their people, their people their people their people their people, their people, their people, their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thooooo-a. thoooooooo-a, thooooo-a. their thooooo-a, the for them because I don't want this to turn into a bad story. I don't want them to be out of pocket. Yeah. Because right now, this is just a fucking great story. A hot, charismatic young fugitive on the run from some sort of East Texas crime syndicate? Possibly the Sinaloa cartel? Unfortunately by the time this podcast reaches you, you will have already heard the news tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the news th. the news the news the news th. th. th. th. the news th. thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu-in, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th, th, th. th, th. the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the thean, thean, thean, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, the, the, the, the time this podcast reaches you, you will have already heard the news that he is on the run for eating a child. And we'll just look foolish at that stage. Not again. I would like to apologize in advance for whatever it turns out that this man had done.

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That's my promise to you. Oh, America truly is a rich and varied country. And what better way to explore that rich and varied country than by talking about their custom number plates. It is time, which was of course our 3.5 hour long record-breaking live episode, we talked about, I believe, I want to say it was Vermont, but it was definitely one of the states around there that they had no rules on what you could put on a custom number plate.

Doesn't matter if it was obscene, doesn't matter if it was racist. You could put anything you wanted on there. And that was a law there. We're looking at changing, which is why we were talking about it. That was an absolute delight. Other states are not like that, but luckily, for whatever reason, every year the state of Florida likes to publish a list of all of the submissions that they've rejected. And I thought I would share some of Florida's rejected 2021 custom vanity plates.

Was do I can say vanity plates to just mean the ones that are custom? Am I doing a tautology there? I think so. Yeah, okay, I don't really care. That's a custom of a plate we call them over here. Here we go. In no particular order. Ape shit. Ape shit. P. Ape shit. Ah, that's ape shit. Puh. Excellent. Are you going to give us like the spelling of these as we got? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th, th, th, th, the th, the th, th, th, the th, th, the the, the, the, the the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the kind, th, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, th. I I th. I the, the, the, the, the, the, the. I the. I the. I the. I'm that that that that that that that tooooomomooomoomooomoomoomoroomat, that, that, that, that going to give us like the spelling of these as we got? Yes, I will. So that's ape shit with a one instead of an eye. Okay. See, that's the kind of plan of thinking. I thought they'd sneak it in there.

Yeah, I thought the person wouldn't notice. Bastard. Bastard. BASTER. Twisted Joker style mimes that wants that on their car. It's a... Rocking up to a child's birthday party. Ah, meth, but the E is a three. Now we're talking. All right.

Huh. Not hung. Ha ha ha ha. I thought that I could get that one mailed to me. Some people are so brave. I love it. Now this one, I'm just gonna spell it out. I'll let you guess what this could maybe mean.

So I, what I have here is M-Y-T-R-D-S. Now, two ways you can go with this. My trats. DS. Now, two ways you can go with this. My trads. As in my, the several trad wives that I have. My trad-cath wives. It could be that this is a nerd who wanted to get this and this is my Tardis. Or this is someone who wants the number plate, my turds. Yeah.

Which to me seems like the reason it might have been rejected. Up next we have V. Nasty. V. Nasty. Beautiful. Then we have the FBI. He wasn't allowed that one. There won't let you have a number plate that says the FBI. Now this one is sort of a triptych, if you will. It's in three parts.

I have OMW2FYM. Now I believe this is on my way to fuck your man. Could be on my way to fuck your mom, hard to say. Next I have OMWTFYD. I think might be on my way to fuck your dad. Yes. And then lastly, this one, which might be the sweetest thing I've ever read in my life. It is OMW2F2FMW, which I hope is on my way to fuck my wife.

This is getting stuck in traffic beeping his horn. Don't stop me. There is, it's Mr. On my way to fuck his wife. I am. I am yes. I was just looking to see if it was Vermont that had the crazy licensed state laws. License state, geez. My goodness. The United Plates of America, how about that? Yeah, that's something. That'd be, that's what we could call the segment if we do it again.

Yeah. Yeah. And I found some news from 2020, which very regrettably no one has followed up on at any point. So I'm assuming that it did not work out. But there was a proposed bill in Vermont in 2020 which would allow state license plates to be a tad more colorful. The short form of the bill states that it would create a new special registration plate on which drivers could add up to six emoges to the assigned plate number.

That's dangerous. That's a bad idea. That's a. Vanity Plate registration. That's a bad idea. How do you call that out? Like if you're a cop, God forbid. Taggo Charlie's Smiley's Smiley's eg-smiley face, eggplant, eggplant, water splash. And then he's got the one that's supposed to be hot,

but it's the one that you send when you're extremely horny. Yep. Yeah. That's a thirsty man. Really there's no good way of. Well we've got like a version of you can have like love hearts on our one now. Yeah that you can get like like I love coming that have like one emoji plates that have like one emo-ohy yeah. Oh I sorry it was from the um... it was from the um. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, that's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, it, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the emoji plates that have like one emoji on them. Yeah. Oh, I, sorry, it was from the, um, from the, the pointy northeast corner of America, but it was Maine. It was the state of Maine. Uh, I found an article here of a woman standing next to her enormous yut with the

number plate, crazy bitch. Yes. We all, we all remember that Stephen King novel, where the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho-, tho-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-fi-fi-a-fi-a-oompoi-o-oompoe, thoomoomoomoomoomoom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom-oom thoom thoom thoom tho-o-o-o-o-o-o-in. Oh, it th. Oh, it was, it was, it was, thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing tho-a-a-a-a-a-a-s, th-a-s, th-s, tho-s, thoomatoe-s. Oh, thoomatoed-soomatoed-soome-soomatoed-soomoomoomoomoomoomoome-s. Oh, thoom. Yes. We all remember that Stephen King novel, where the pivotal point is that the main character who also happens to be an author, by the way, has a big truck with the number plate butt-fucker. Yeah. Hell yeah. I love, I love literature. I've got a few more for you here.

I have fart. That's with three days. Yeah. That man is really fart. I have fart man. I have fart man. I fart. Next I have one milf milf. That's who this guy's on his way home to fuck.

I like me, he's very reasonable for that. That's a very faithful, one milf for me. I'm a one milf man. Next I have milfs. Oh not this guy. This guy's not a one milf man. Yeah. I have boobs with a five for an S. I have ass man the second S is a five and there isn't a second A. But okay so stepping one step back there at least admitting this in the hopes that it would be approved because it's not like arseman with two S's has been taken. No, no, that rules that we're kind of playing by here. It's implied that arse man is not out in the world and these people thought that by adding extra letters they could get away with it. Yeah, they've gone too conservative. The next application here, a the next, the next, the next, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thex, next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next next thexx. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. th but with two ends. Then I've got MRA 55, of course Mr. Ars. I have P5Y, WGN. There's Pussy Wagon. Next up I have P.U.P. N. N. P. A. P. A. P. A. P. A FU, P, P, A.

That one probably sent them to Urban Dictionary to check. Yeah, that's probably the first thing they go to these days. Absolutely. I got a speed round of five here for you. Four ever 69. Cuban 69. I love 69. I love 69. Ligma 69, and I see you 69.

Now I believe what they're going for here is I see you 69, not someone 69 to get an intensive care unit. It's hard to, hard to say. Well, It's hard to say. Well, limited beds due to coronavirus. Since we invented stackable patients. My goodness. Next up I have J.A.F one. Ha-a-f one. Such a stupid sentence. Let them have their fun.

Well, I mean, it's Florida's not letting them have fun. Why are you gay? It seems like a rude question to ask someone. I think it's more kind of philosophical, you know. I have DNKY D-I-K. Donkey Dick. That's right. From the first season of Australian, uh, fucking.

Big brother? All I could think was House of cards, because they all lacked up in there. House of sexual assault, but that's also a thing, sorry, Kevin Spacey. Oh boy. I need some help figuring this next one out, so it's TAX, D-K, tax dick. Tax dick. He's... He's... He's... Uh, Wait, you...

I would have preferred that one if it was... Like the other way around, if it was the dick tax. Dictax? You know? Yeah. I mean, this guy could be an intactivist, angry that the government takes 15 percent. You reckon there's the government that does that? Yeah. I think so I haven't checked up. Can't pull back the curtain for a second here. Yeah.

I don't know about it. He's got a curtain to pull back. I still. Yeah. This is a the story that I didn't include in the notes for this week, because it's too dark. So I'm not going to, we can't ththe whole thing out. Yeah, this is a frown-free experience on Buntavista. We're trying to avoid upsetting people where I can.

And also because, you know, it's probably not that funny. But this is, it was a story from the Times of India about an infant child whose glands fell off, which is horrifying. But because, um, it, the baby had had a ritual circumcision done... th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to do to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thui. thui. thui. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. thu. thui. th. th. th. th. th. th. We. We. We, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we, we're, we. We. We. We. to. We. We. to. to. to. to. to. to. We. We. to. We. We. to. We. to. to. We. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. try. the front fell off. The baby had had a ritual circumcision done. And then after the circumcision, the, and the Times of India reportedly, repeatedly called this man a quack. They call him a quack.

The quack tied a length of horse hair around the tip of the penis to stop the bleeding after the circumcision and then the glands fell off. Oh no! And then they popped it off. That classic surgical equipment, horsehair? Yeah, and then they couldn't reattach it so they had to do a surgery to make sure the child could still piss through through the urethro. But yeah, the glands just fell off. Yeah. No thank you. I got one more on the list here. T Bundy. They didn't let that one through. Yeah. And that was on a tan

VW Beetle. See, it's funny because if they're in Maine, it would have been perfectly legal to imply that you were Ted Buddy by getting T-Buddy as a personalized number plate. Ted Bundy, just driving around. Fortunately they are in Florida. Anyway, it's time for perfectly legal. It's a segment that we don't have a theme for. It's legal. This one's not come up for a long time. Check out the episodes perfectly legal and perfectly legal two. Can we read the entire title for perfectly legal two, please? Oh, sorry, it's been a while since I've seen that one. How quickly did you look that up? Oh, I know this, I know this from by heart.

Perfectly legal too. My son calls my big tiddy goth wife's boyfriend Steve Dad. And that was a wonderful episode. That was about the guy from, uh, the chase. Yeah, check that out. How come that's been ghosted from my Google results?, th. thup. thup. thup. thuuuse. thoen, th. thoen, tho-a tho-a, tho-a, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, tho-o' that's that's that's that's that's that, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, th, th, th, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that tho' thoooo' thooo' thoooo' thoooo' thooooo' thoooooooo' thooooo' thoo' that that from the chase yeah check that out how come that's been ghosted from my Google results Well, it was a bonus episode I don't know if that counts something very intriguing Anyway, um perfectly legal is where we discuss things that are perfectly legal this is a story from the Manchester evening news

Air hostess who drove to A&E after downing bottle of Rosé cleared of all wrongdoing. Yes, yes. Oh remember that time. No actually I was about to say drunk driving supremacy, free old drunk drivers. But then I remember that that thing somebody got really mad and wrote in about one time was that I said that I had like posted something from my phone while I was driving. Oh, yes. I was like. Like, the thanks. I was like. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. I. I. I. That. That. I. That. That. I. That. I. That. That. I. That. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I was. That. That. That, I was. That, I was. That that. That that. That that. That that. That that. That the that thing somebody got really mad and wrote in about one time was that I said that I had like posted something from my phone while I was driving. I'm like, that's not safe. I'm taking back my money. Plus we're not actually, please don't ride in. We're not serious about. We are not. We are not pro-drink driving. It doesn't matter that we've said it.

Just a case you, yeah. 10 to 12 times on the podcast the podcast the podcast times on times on times on times on times on times on times on times on times on times on times. ti. ti. thea. thea. thea. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. the. the. the. the. th. th. th.. 10 to 12 times on the podcast so far and then added exemptions for maybe if you're on a property and you've had a couple of beers that it's a great, it's a lot of fun. How, hold on, can I be really clear? It's like eating soft cheese when you're pregnant. Yeah, it's not for everyone. It's just simpler to say no. But... Yeah, that's right. Let's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. don't think other people should drink drive. Yeah, that's right. Unless you're really good enough like Android is.

Unless you have a proven track record of never, no actually that's not true. Scratch that. Oh, come on, Jesus. What? Nothing. An air hostess who drive herself to the hospital with a head injury, while also nearly three times over the alcohol limit, has been cleared of all wrongdoing. Claudia Kinsey, 36, claimed she believed there were no ambulances to take her to the hospital because of COVID. I read it in the news. She suffered a head injury after slipping and hitting her head against a fireplace while dancing with her boyfriend, but then decided to take herself to the hospital instead of dialing 9-9.

Dialing what? Yeah, they're wacky over there in the UK. Crazy. Kinsey says she believed she would be waiting hours for emergency services to arrive at her country cottage due to strains stemming from COVID. A nurse at Macles Field Hospital, which is eight miles away from from to to to to to to to to to to to to the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital to the hospital to the hospital the hospital the hospital to to to to th. th. th. thi the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital the hospital th. th. th. th. th. th. th due to strains stemming from COVID. A nurse at Mackles Field Hospital, which is 8 miles away from her cottage, treated Kinsey for a minor head wound and asked her to provide a breath sample. The test revealed that she had 95 micrograms of alcohol in 100 milliliters of breath.

The legal limit is 35 micrograms. And that's, that's less, right? Yes, that is about a third, I think. th th th th th th th th th th th think. thi thi thi that's that's less right? Yes, that is about a third I think. Soon after Kinsey was in Stockport Magistrates Court where she was looking at a driving ban for driving over the alcohol limit after admitting she had downed a full bottle of rosé wine before getting behind the wheel of her Jeep. Now that's just a good time. It's a Jeep thing. It's a Jeep thing. But Miss Kinsey who lives in Snelsonsonson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson thenels It's a Jeep thing, you wouldn't understand. Nothing but a Jeep thing.

But Miss Kinsey, who lives in Snellson near Nutsford, was found not guilty after a doctor testified her actions were appropriate due to seeking immediate medical treatment during the pandemic alongside NHS guidance when it comes to calling Triple 9. Yeah, Triple 9. The incident occurred at 1 a.m. on February 21st last year after Kinsey, a flight attendant for what was described as a quote private airline. Epstein. Yeah that's actually quite odd the way to phrase that. Very strange. She's one of the stewardesses who dances with Tony Stark on his plane. She'd been enjoying a

night in with her partner Carl Backhouse. She told the hearing quote it was Carl's birthday and we got dressed up and had a tapus evening in a few drinks we then moved into the study we were dancing and I slipped as I had tights on. Hey you know how like like um you know how people with name last names like a like Ar like, archer and stuff. Yeah. They come, they come from a, it's been handed down through the years. Yeah.

How do you think he'd get in the name Backhouse? He was actually a toilet in the former life. Yeah. It comes to a long line of toilets. Oh, my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grand grand grand gran gran gran, the the the the th gran, thran, thian gran, thian, thian, thian, the toilets in this city. I called him the toilet king of Newtford. Quote, I then panicked as there was blood on the floor and all over my face. Car went to get a tea towel and I told him to get the first aid kit which is in the boot of his car. As he opened the door with open fields, so I was worried the dog would get lost and she means everything to me. Carl could not have driven as he had a lot more to drink than I did and he was looking

for the dog in any event. I am medically trained, so my first thought was to seek medical assistance straightaway as it was a head injury. It was so much blood, I thought I needed someone to look at it, and I just wanted to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the hospital the hospital to get to get the hospital to get to get the hospital to get to get the hospital the hospital the hospital to get the hospital, the hospital the hospital, to get the hospital, to get the hospital, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, the hospital, to get to get toeaugh, Ia, Ia, Ia, hoa, hoaugh, hoa, hoa, hoa, hoa, hoa, Ia, toa, toa, toe, the the the the know the neighbors and I did not call Triple 9 as I thought it would have taken a long time for an ambulance to get there and I did not want to trouble them. I thought the guidance was not to call Triple 9 because of COVID and ours is not an easy property to find in any event and we had not used taxis I'm like, okay. Oh, my dog. There was a solar storm at the time, so cell phone reception, sort of just on the fritz.

Yeah. Now, yeah, I like to waffle on about, you know, community and nice things like that. I'd feel like, you know, I'm a bit of a soft heart about these things, but even if I didn't personally know my neighbors, if they knocked on the door and said, hey, I'm profusely bleeding from the head and I think I'm very seriously injured, could you help me get to hospital? I would say, absolutely, I would love to. And I think in the inverse, if I had accidentally trippanned myself, yeah. Sort of tripping andpping and falling on a brick edge. And you know, opened my skull to the outside of the world. I feel like I should be able to drag that bleeding skull.

Bone chips and all, sort of the 30 meters or so, to my next door neighbor and say, hey, some of my inside brain is on the outside. Can you lend a fella a hand? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not thinking so good right now due to the hole in my head. Any ideas? Yeah. I thought that's probably better than, um, yeah.

And he'd go, you know, I'll fetch my mom. I also feel like, I mean, the whole, like obviously we're not in that situation, sure, whatever. If I was the partner, even if I was more drunk than them, I probably wouldn't be like, yeah, great, you get in the car and drive yourself to hospital. Yeah. I feel like the, um, they're really focused on the amount that they're drinking here as well and not the fact that she has suffered a gigantic head wound. Oh, can I, um, let me continue reading here because you're gonna love this. Miss Kinsey said she had to quote, never seen that amount of blood before. She added, quote, I did have a bottle of wine to drink and at the time, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, bottle of wine to drink and at the time had been on a very strict diet. There's a bit of this that I cut out of the article for time, but she says specifically

she's on the keto diet and she hadn't had carbohydrates in a couple of days. Oh my goodness. That's a great combination. She continues here, but I felt three out of ten drunk and that, the hit to my head drunk, and that the hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit hit th hit th hit th hit th hit th hit th hit th at that the thi hit thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I thithe hit to my head had sobered me up. That's how it works. I'd experience some head traum. I'm talking like a sort of lunatunes. You get hit once in the head, you're seeing little doves,

sort of tweety birds flying around, you get hit twice. Similarly, if you've got little twitty birds from from from being having too much to drink so a whole bottle of rosé another bonk to the head sort that right out yeah so the cause of the tweety birds is fungible yes this is a reversible physical process yeah judge presiding Pauline McCartle told Miss Kinsey the defendant was impelled to react how she did because she had cause to believe that death or serious injury could result. She was aware of the government advice and not calling out amulases and she did not know her neighbors. We find her actions were not unreasonable or disproportionate. In the agony of the moment, a sober individual

would have acted in the same way. It kind of sounds like what they're saying is. Yeah, if you've got enough excuse. Yeah, if you need to do some drunk driving, just take a bonk to the head, and then you can say, well, here's the thing. I was discombobulated and I didn't know you couldn't do that. I'm somewhat perturbed at the final sentence. I'm somewhat perturbed at the judge there. In the agony of the moment, a sober individual would have acted in the same way. So in the same circumstance, a sober person would have also drunk driven to hospital. A little bit of a Zen Cohen there for you, if you can unpack that one, something to think about. Hmm. I won't be thinking about it. Okay, that's fair enough. Yeah, sometimes.

Nope. Thought I had something. I don't give up on that one? Boy, the police and the judges, they'll let anybody off scot-free with anything these days. There sure is an omen of a dark, terrible future. Of crimes crime ridden It's a lot like the movie cyborg

Theo No, come on man. Come on Say it I have the phrase say you catchphrase there So you catch phrase Haven't seen it. Who? There it is. There it is. That's right. That's right. T. That's right. T, that's the world's. That's the that. That's the that. It's, it. It. It. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's't seen it. Thank you. There it is. There it is. That's right.

The world's really going down the toilet and we... You've really had to adopt a lot of beliefs to get through this segue. Western civilization is declining. That's what I believe. China's got it in for us. That's a thing I also think it's true. We would win a war with them. That's a thing that I think is true.

Yeah. And if you've only just tuned in. Yep. How are you listening to your podcast? That's very confusing. God, that's right. Bad vibes. the bed, time for some omens

importance. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. And you shall know that God is God. And bow down to his will. I agree to disagree. I don't know why you guys take umbrage with that every time.

So this is sort of like when someone tells me what to do. Yeah, when someone tells me that, uh,, all that's a hellfire, etc. The ground will erupt with pus and locusts, it's... I just feel like I'm just going to say, no it's not. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to justify it. This story is thematically linked to something we spoke about on our most recent bonus and unlocked bonus episode, which is of course the live stream that we did. Yeah, some common elements with something we spoke about then that you might pick up on.

This is from KCCI News in Iowa. Man who snuck into Iowa NICU to bottle feed stranger's baby does not reveal motive to police. It's quite the sequel isn't it? Hmm. Because of course in the previous episode we learned of a lady approaching a stranger to say, hey you using that baby? That's a nice Aryan baby you have. Can I off you 250 large? I love how white your baby is. Can I buy him maybe please and then when you say no no I don't think so. The answer is by the way I know your baby's name. Yeah so quit being so uncool about this. Yeah, except my 500 grand for Braden or shit's about to get weird. The man charge was

sneaking into an Iowa hospital NICU and feeding a stranger's baby won't tell the police why he did it. Des Moines police say someone recognized the suspect after sister station KCCI first showed his picture last week, police say Adam Weddig snuck into the NICU at Mercy One Hospital and bottle fed a baby who wasn't his. He had no connection to the family and police say Weddig did not intend to hurt the baby. Wedig has been charged with two counts of triminal trespass. You say triminal trespass. Did you say criminal trespass? I believe he said triminal trespass. I don't think that's right.

That's three times as bad as criminal trespass. Ah, wind that back. Check the tape. the sgt. Not my job. Paul Parazek said he, quote, he acknowledged that that was him and unfortunately he didn't offer us any motive. So we don't know what brought him to do this, but we were able to establish that, and this is the relieving piece, is that he had no intent to harm anyone. Hey, let's do-

People always expecting you to explain your art to others. Yeah. Theo, let's do a little role play for a second. Ask me if I broke in and fed somebody else's baby. Hey, uh, hey Andrew. Yep. Did you, uh, did you break in and, uh, so just break in here and feed someone else's baby? Yeah, yep. Yep. Uh, uh,

Alright, well, wasn't expecting, sorry, a little taken back there, wasn't expecting you to say yes. I just want more question, I guess, I, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to to to th, to th, th, to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thii to thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. taken back there, wasn't expecting to say yes. I just want more question, I guess. I don't have all day, but sure. Yeah, um, why did you do that? That's just none of your business. But I'd like to know. Oh, do I have to tell you everything that I do and why I do it?

Well, I'm the police, so... Oh! Oh! The police have a right to know whose baby gets fed what by whomst? Jesus Christ, this country. This country, this is what it's coming to. China's out to get us. Oh my god, no, please don't. I don't know what's happening here but I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I that that that that I that I that I that I that I that that I that that I that I that that that that thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. told told told told told told told told told thoom. tho. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. to to to toe. to toe. toe. toe. I don't know what's happening here, but I can't endorse it. Yeah. Also the fact that they're just like... So they've asked those two questions, did you do this? Oh yeah man. Can you tell us why? I wish I they could. Did you in turn to hurt the baby? No. Well that's good enough for us. Yeah. They just seemed very... What's the crime. What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the crime? the crime? the crime? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their? I's their? I's their? I's their? I's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. try. ti. try. ti. ti. ti. ti. try. th. thi. thi. thi. their. the baby? No. Well, that's good enough for us. Yeah.

They just seem very... What's the crime here? What's the crime giving a baby a succulent meal? Two counts of triminal trespass, I believe. Police also say whether they had no nurse training or any medical connection. In a statement to c. Mercy One called the incident, quote, extremely troubling and says it's changed policies to make sure something like this doesn't happen again. Now, hold on a second. What was their previous policy?

There's a strong suggestion. There's a strong suggestion that if there were an appropriate policy in place that this wouldn't have happened. So what they've done is now the system that they have in place under their then then then then then then ththa ththa ththa ththa ththa ththa thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thoes thoes to to to thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thoes thoes thoes thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to th. to th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the an the an the an thean. thean. thean. to to to to to to to to to to to to to the an to the an thethis wouldn't have happened. So what they've done is now the system that they have in place under their new policy is if you go in there and you say, hey, I got a warmish bottle of milk here and I would love to bottle feed that baby, they'll ask you a few questions first. Previously they'd just say, go on in there, Targa. Go ahead. Have a great time. Yeah, what are you going thing thing thii going thing thing thi going thi going thi thi, what thi, what thi, what thi. thi, what thi, what thi. thi. that, what that, what that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho. tho. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. their. their, their, their, their. their, their. their, their. their. their, their, their. their, their. thi. thi. thi. thi. than, than. than. than. thanan. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that, thget go ahead have a great time yeah what are you gonna do bottle feed a baby that's not yours yeah that would be weird yet who would do that but now no now they've got a little they got a guard

sitting there you know so that a sweeaky chair he can lean right back in that that bad boy up against the wall prop himself up catch some z's set of keys on a big comical ring. Dangling from the back of his belt. And he's got a faithful old dog that's next to him, but I tell you what, that dog wants a stick of salabi so bad. I'm sure that there's why you could code it to get those keys to here. I don't know.

I don't know, like, you know, everyone always complains about generational decline and stuff and whatever and about things get more dangerous and I know all the statistics... It's about China. All the statistics say that crime is actually going down and, you know, it's not, it's just that the media reflects a more terrifying world, not that the world is actually more terrifying. But I just remember that like when I was growing up, you could just just just just just just just just just just just that like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the, could just leave the door to the NICU unlocked. Everyone did. It didn't have a lock at that point. Why would you even have one? You know, you knew your neighbors? You knew everyone in the NICU

unit, you know? right now ring the they oh as a man with a baby or at least you used to have a baby yeah you have a large baby right yeah you got to say yeah yeah entered the larger than a lamp phase yeah you've entered the, this guy is strolling around on his own phase. And, um, what, like, what do you think when you see those all-timey pictures of the infant ward where they just take the baby into a room and just put him in a little basket and walk out? And there's just like, uh, three dozen of them in a room. Do they, okay, this might be that I have an idiot's understanding the world. They not just do that anymore? There isn't just

like a room with like a glass window and then behind it's like a hundred babies. No. That's interesting. Not even remotely. I mean I think I everything, everything that they have learned about babies and attachment and midwifery and such says that it's now extremely important for your baby to like, you know, have skin to skin contact with you and try breastfeeding immediately. And like that now they take the baby out here and they put it straight on your chest and that's where it stays until, how about the long, right, Theo?

Yeah, that's right. I mean, I think we have discussed this concept previously in the episode, completely fungible baby. So, Jeff, but what I thought you were going to ask me is, what would your reaction to be if you saw somebody in the NICU feeding your baby? And I would say my reaction would be, oh my god, thank fuck. I am exhausted.

Let that mean, let that man feed my baby, I'm going back to bed. Just pat him down when he's walking out of the door. Make sure the baby, make sure he hasn't got a baby tucked down. Make sure the baby's not on him. And look, buddy, you want to feed that baby that's between you and the baby. I wanted to show you guys a picture of who the man was just see if that changed your reaction the story at all. So I just, I googled the headline so I could find the article again. And because of the way Google's infograph or the Google graph

or whatever the fuck they call it works, it answered my Google search as if it was a question. So I searched for man who snuck into Iowa at Icu to bottle feed strangers baby, etc. etc. And then in giant font it has just put Adam Weddig at the top and that'll be a search history. That'll be there forever. He's not a, well, he looks like an all right, like a nice enough man. Doesn't have any Nazi face tattoos or anything like that. Haircut could use a little work.

He's got kind eyes. I'll let you guys be a judge of this. I've just dropped that in the chat there. Can I ask, would you let him feed you? How hungry am I? Well, that's up to you. Are we talking, I'm in the NICU, you know, we've just had another baby, et cetera? No. In that sort of it says, I'd let anyone feed me, and then I'd go straight back to bed. Okay, what, no, what I'm thinking is that Ben has had five pints of, say, 5% beer,

yeah, over the course of, say, three or four hours. He's had some edibles, and then he's back home at his house. He's, he's like, he's tired, but boy those edibles are kicking in. You know, he hasn't eaten anything for hours, he's been at work, all that sort of stuff. He's gone home. And you're lying down on the couch and you think, boy I'm hungry, suddenly, there's a knock at the door, right? The door's unlocked, You say, come in? This guy walks in. He's holding a piping hot pizza in a box. And he says, hey, I got me a vegetarian supreme with your name on it.

One catch. I feed you each slice of the pizza. Now I feel like this is a little different from the baby prospect, unless, well hold on a second, because- Unless this man was nine or ten feet tall, and he could just pick you up and sort of like rock you in his arms, man. I'm so little compared to him. Yeah, I'd be so tiny and my little bird beak would be like going, wow. He could just crush you if he wanted to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, th, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Well, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, the. the, he doesn't. He doesn't, he kind of feeds me some pizza in my helpless little mouth. But what I'm saying is that is two yeses I think you're getting.

Yeah, yeah. No, what I'm saying is that, is it in this scenario, in this scenario, in this scenario, in this scenario, in the, in this scenario, in the, in the scenario, in the scenario, and, and, and, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in the, in the, in the, in the, in the, in, in the, in the, in, in, in the, in, in, in the, in, in, in, in, in, in the, in the, in the, in, in, in, the, the, what, what, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they... the, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, the, the, the, the, the, the,, sorry, it's important note, he's snugged me, right? He's gotten the little, he's gotten the, Oh, you've been swaddled? The swaddle out. You can't move your arms and legs, but you don't mind. The diagonal fold. No, what I was going to say. And kind of wrapped over me and sort of pulled it really tightly. And just a little baby, in the helpless little, thapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, that, that, to, to, to, to, the, the, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th........ th.. th. th. th. th. thi, thin, that, that, they. they. they. thooooooooooooooo. they. they. they. they. they worm. Helpless little worm, no arms or no legs,

because they're all in the swaddle now. And just a little head kind of poking out there, wiggling around. And you know, probably worthless at this stage. The only thing I could really do is just, I just eat whatever it is that you got for me there in the box You just have to latch on yeah No choice Sorry Angie you was you was I believe you were about to say what I was what I've just said but I'll check with you anyway. I was simply going to say

I Was simply going to say? Ben doesn't need a bottle of milk because he's not a baby Yeah, yeah, but what if he was? What if you was? What if you was? Ben doesn't need a bottle of milk because he's not a baby. Yeah. Yeah, but what if he was? What if he was a little snugged up in that? I'm so helpless. I don't have to think about tax returns. Yeah.

I don't have to think a lot about tax returns? Yeah, and there's someone just going. Shhh. you're all just wrapped up like a baby you're on your side which is really good for digestion. You're turping me, yep. So what we're saying is, uh... Hold on, you haven't answered the question, are you eating the pizza? I'm fucking eating that pizza 100%?

Yeah, okay. So, so what's the problem? Yeah, this man is innocent. Adam Wedding, In, Adam Wedding Innocent, Adam Wedding Innocence Project. Um, that like, this probably- All he knows that he ate a child. Yeah, the two heroes of this week's episode, both child eaters. Uh, this, like, this is probably dark, and if you were the parents you'd probably be terrified.

Hard not to think of him as a gentle giant. Simply wanted to bottle feed a strangers. A baby that was in an intensive care unit no less. Or do all babies go through that because they require intensive care? No. How about this? How about this? How about this for uh... When do you get the milk from? Did you bring it from home? Look, his milk. I would like to throw a few ideas at you if I made. Yes, please.

Number one, it takes a village to raise a child. True. That's so true. And what do you have in villages? Gigantic oaths that can pick you up and carry you around. And banjos, if you will, if it's Kazui. Yeah, and they're going, ooh, hoo, and they're sort of rocking you. And having a great time, you're having a great time. Thought number two, of course, many hands make light work.

Yeah, or too big hands also make a lot. Too huge, terry hands. Everybody's always saying, you know, hey, people should be more community to be more community-minded-minded-minded-minded-minded apartments streaming our netted flicks and our stanzas. And these days if an eight-foot tall guy wearing nothing but overalls but only one of the straps is done up, walks in and picks up your child, starts bottle feeding it with a bottle that he produced from somewhere on his purse and everyone would say, yuck get out. Oh no, oh no, you know, everybody's like, oh, men don't contribute with child rearing,

you know? He's finally doing some emotional labor and you are charging it with two counts of criminal trespass. You're coming down on him, you know? It's just like, hey, what do you even want? Do you even know what you want? Before you point your finger at this guy, have you even asked yourself, what do I actually want from this gigantic oath?

Yeah, this is what it looks like to build something instead of just tearing something down. So true. So true. These Lucy Free episodes really take on a character of their own. Different tone? A different tone? Yeah. Hmm. I can't see how the introduction of Lucy to this...

She wouldn't have improved it. I don't know. She would have been like a guiding light or a moral force here. But I don't know what it is. Maybe I think that she is the license we need to be awful. Why well, if the best of them is approving it, how bad can it be? I would just like to note here at this point, if you're thinking that we deliberately excluded Lucy from an episode

in which we accused a woman of being ungrateful for emotional labor and help with child rearing just because the gigantic man came in and fed her baby while she was unawares. We need to note that she would have been here except that she is moving house and dropped a coffee machine on her foot and has injured herself. So the that village's oath is currently engaged, is what I'm saying. That's our Lucy. Wonderful. Well, I think that's it for this first episode of this year's freemium free brewery.

That's right. This episode was always going to be free. That's true. Yeah, oh man, two ambulances just rocked up outside of my apartment building. Generally you only see one at a time. That's concerning. Okay. Are they coming in to feed you or? They might be. One of those guys does look tall-ish. Okay. Well, hopefully nothing tragic is happening over there. Anyway, freemium freeberary, so all this month, if you are not a subscriber to the Patreon, you will be getting all of our bonus episodes free of charge so you can experience what it's like to get two episodes in your feed. And ideally you will become hooked to it like a

horrible drug that you can't quit. A third ambulance just arrived. That's a lot of ambulances. Yeah. Hmm. Well another siren in the distance that is very ominous. Hmm. Anyway so you were saying about freedom, freedom from temporary. That's exactly what I was talking about, Ben. So if you are not a subscriber to the patron, please enjoy your free episodes this month. And ideally, you'll be jonesing for a fix when we slam the door on you, when we slam the paywall down onto the tip of your penis, causing it to cry out in pain. Or you will have found out that one episode a week th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thoen th tho' tho' the the the the the the the the the the, the, theateate, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean, thean, thetip of your penis causing you to cry out in pain. Or you will have found out that one episode a week was more than enough. Yes, either way it's really going to help you. If you were on the fence about subscribing to the

Patreon this month will really help make your mind up for you. Yeah. Forever. And for that, you are welcome. Well, see ne time, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye.