Boonta Vista - EPISODE 243: Bathtub Gazpacho

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

It's all hands on deck as we cover: Popular eating locations in the UK household, the absence of crimes in Arizona, the Lancashire poo jogger, and the limits of the midnight snack. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome, Wundervester, episode 243. I am Ben and I'm here on one of the planets from Star Trek the original series where they had to improvise based on the sets they had available to them because they had run out of money. That's right, we're on the cowboy Nazi planet. With me, chewing on tobacco, twirling his six-shooter and masterminding the Axis Force's North Africa campaign, it's Root and Tootan, Irwood Robble. Hi, Theo. Hey, how are you? And also, um, hail.

Yeah. Fuckin' Fucking. Yeah. Who's that guy? Hitler? No, no, no, no. No, we're sort of a... I only think is John West. John Wayne. John Wayne.

Hail John Wayne. Hail John Wayne, I'm going to go with. Yeah. The synthesis of this is that, uh, John Wayne is the sort of leader of the cowboy Reich. That's correct, yes. Okay. That's quite interesting.

Now I would know that you had sort of two voices that you could have gone with individually or as a combination of the two there and you've gone for just sort of, yeah, like your voice. I think at this point in the podcast, we've worked at that, I'm not the voices guy. I love when not the the the voices, the voices, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho, I can't tho, I can't tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, tho, thi. thi. that's, thi. thi, thi. That's, thi. That's, thi. That's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That's, th. thi. thi. thi. That's, thi, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. that's, that's, this point in the podcast we've worked at that I'm not the voices guy. I love it when you do the voices. I cannot do the voices. I can't do. I know you love it.

Yeah, it's great. You can't do it. And it's delightful. And you love seeing your friends fail, but it's not me. You have to construct your own voice. And I'm here to tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to tho tho tho tho tho. to to tho. tho. tho. tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I the. I the. I'm here to provide the silky little words to let you do that. Thank you so much. Unfortunately, thanks for pressure from our sponsors. I've had to cut the rest of this intro but I think I've been able to throw one together as a bit of a backup plan. Here I am at the shops and with me at the shops is a guy at the shops it's Lucy hi Lucy

hello Ben hey nothing nothing potentially offensive about this hey just some people at the shops I love I do love the shops like it's good it's a good experience I feel yeah well I like I like I don't like it all the shops yeah well I like I like I don't like it all the shops I like going to the Milton IGA, Milton Fruit Bowl. Mm-hmm. A few other shops around there. Don't like Intrapilly shopping center. Don't even get me started on Queenstree Mall.

Fucking hate tong village. Karen Dale can fuck off. That's so true. What's the other big one, Theo? You got, you got Chirmside. Oh, Chirmside's the worst. You got Garden City. Fuck Garden City.

You got a today, Pacific Mall. What's it called? What's that? What's that? Pacific Fair. Yeah. You got a lot of shops. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, what is called? Chirm side? Chirm side. Yes. And it is, I believe, the largest shopping center in the Southern Hemisphere.

Yeah, it's enormous. Wow. It's not that big. I lied. That, I made up that fact to sound interesting. That sounds like a lot of shit. It's the shops, why it's none other than the mad dictator of both the Third Reich of the American West, it's Wild Bill Adolf Hitler. Hi Andrew. Yeh! There it is.

There's my boy. Now that's comedy, baby. Yeah. Should I have a crack at synthesizing these two voices? Please! I would love to hear this, yes. How did... I'm just doing Al Schwarzenegger. Why is Annie here?

Why, by God, it's cowboy El Schwarzenegger. Why, by God, it's cowboy Arnold Schwarzenegger. One of his typically believable roles. Oh, well, isn't he the cowboy in, um... What's the comedy cowboy movie that he's in? The comedy western, when he was a young actor. Twins. Comedy western.

Isn't he... It's not blazing saddles, it can't be. I don't think he's in Blazing Saddles. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cowboy movie. Hmm, the villain from 1979. It's a parody of Western movies. Why have I seen that? What is that? What is it? That sounds bad.

That is the movie that I was thinking of. That was back when they were dubbing over his voice and giving him stage names. I believe the whole sort of joke of the movie is that he has a seven shooter instead of a six shooter, which is pretty... That's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I don't know if I could have come up with that. Speaking of Arnold Schwarzenegger and also Austria and furthermore Hitler, it's thear's Osha Osman Szeh'en Osman'en Zimbabwean'en Zim-Skiel zieln'en-a-no-nosh! Ash, tasks, our, our, oh, ro how good is that Soto-Vochevah? Really?

He slaps. He keeps going, wasn't he? Mmm. But how good is that Soto of my chair part? Really? He slaps. So Ben, this segment's about Poland, is that right? Sotomayor, Sothein' tree, Zimbabwe Sotomayor.

So Ben, this segment's about Poland, is that right? Oh, no, not at all. So this segment's about Poland, is that right? Oh, no, not at all. So Ben, this segment's about Poland, is that right? Oh no, not at all. So this is the segment where we explore polls that have been conducted to get a little more, for better understanding of the world around us. Now this poll comes to us from UK Polling Company One Poll.

And it was done, it was conducted on 2,000 residents in the United Kingdom, yuck. They did this one poll and they closed down. That's right. They had a goal and they stuck to it, exactly like Layer Cake. This is asking 2000 residents in the UK, where is their quote, favorite place to snack in secret? Now, I'll read this to you, let's say in reverse order, let's go from number 20 down to number one,

shall we? Do we have to do a quick round up first to see just of the people here, where are our favorite? Where do we think these places are? Where do we like to snack secretly? Oh, I don't do that because I have a healthy relationship with eating in my body. Mm, that couldn't be me. Although sometimes I would stand in the pantry and eat a little trade. Oh, I wish th th ding ding noise that I could make go off right now because that's up on the board. Yeah we're doing this family feud style. Yeah if we're doing this FF style. See I've got a little breakfast nook there which is like the least visible part of the kitchen and so if I need to eat a cookie or something with finned seeing me I kind of the kitchen are you the the the the the the the the to the to to the to the the th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. the th. I th. I th. I the th. I the th. I'm th. I'm the th. I'm the. I the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the the the the the the th. I'll the the the the th. I'll the the th. I'll the the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll theate. I'll theate. I'll theeeeeate. I'll theeate. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the the the the. I'll Finn seeing me. I kind of take it. The kitchen are you describing is the breakfast milk?

So, you know, to the left of my French? Yes. Where the kettle is and stuff. So I'll just sort of like, like a goblin. I'll just be like crouched in the corner with, with like two cookies. And I'll try and eat them driveway in the street, which stare sort of directly into that part. Yeah, that's right. So if he's outside, I'm kind of fucked.

And it's not like a matter of keeping away from the food. He sort of remembers it like an elephant. And we'll continue to demand the cookies that he saw like two hours ago until we give in. Yeah. Snacking secret is for when you have that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's thi. Yeah that's right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right right that's right right right that's that's that's right that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. thi thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I's that's that's th. I's thi. Yeah. Yeah until we give in. Yeah. Snacking and secret is for when you have kids. That's the only reason I can think of to the snack in the scene. Oh no, no, it's also when you are, when you are trying to avoid your partner seeing it because he called you, you know, maybe you said something like, hey, what you're eating there?

Yeah. Wow. And you don't want that sort of scrutiny. No. Now Ben, I'm going to put it to you that this list is more interesting if we read it from most popular to least popular response. Well, that would help me because that is the order in which it is in the document and that would make it way easier for me to read. So let's do that instead. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to bea. to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the toe. toe. toe. the toease. toease. toea. toease. toea. toea. toease. toea. toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. to for me to read. So let's do that instead. Okay. Number one. And this is actually,

this is not a particularly funny answer. It's part of the reason why I included this list is that I just find this repulsive. Number one, in bed, in bed, the bed, either. Yeah, that's the trun, no. Don't be in your bed either. Oh, oh yeah. I'm a bad eater? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a... I'm a bed eater. You get crumbs in there? That's fucked up. I am barely comfortable in my bed to begin with. Forget crumbs, I...

Forget crumbs. Forget crum's. Forget everything you think you know about crumbs. Forget crumbs. I'm waking up in the morning with like, you know those, you know those, aren't it's TV snacks? I'm familiar with the TV snack. Little chocolate coated biscuits are my favorite, right?

Ah, Western Pocky. I will, girthy pocky. I will wake up in the morning to find that I'm lying on top of one of those and it has no chocolate on it anymore because my body warmth this is the fucking problem. That's heinous. That's horrible. My body warmth has melted the chocolate which is then... Just get out of your bed! Well I'm trying to lie in bed and watch TV. Yeah. Oh, no, see, that's, okay, that's problem number two.

You're getting melted chocolate on your sheets. That's, that's upsetting me. What if you put kind of like a dog cone around, you know, where a dog cone normally goes. Yeah, but I'm not a dog. Well, then he won't be able to suck his own dick. Yeah. Oh, two birds with one stone, huh? Solving a lot of problems around my house. No, that's fucked up, Andrew. Yeah, that's messed up.

That's a fucked up thing that you've just said. I like to get up and put the rest of the ice cream punit back in the freezer when I'm too full. Yeah put it in a bowl what? No you put the eye I'm no you don't know how much you're gonna need I mean I mean Ben and Jerry's it's a it's a hand sized thing it's fine. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. the the the the the the th. the the the is th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is th is th is th is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. I th. I thus. thus. that things things. things. things. things. the thean that. that. that. that. the. I, I mean Ben and Jerry's, it's a, it's a hand-sized thing. It's fine. Ladies and gentlemen, this man smokes weed. Yeah, I mean my Ben and Jerry's and...

You have to set yourself up for success, Andrew, though, when you smoke weed, you have to... I'm also not sharing the Ben and Jerrys with my children. My children get low quality ice cream. Because they're kids and they're like ice cream, wow. You can give them. Black and gold vanilla ice cream? Yeah, you can give them the, you can give them like, like they think Neapolitan's rocks, you know? They think that shit is cool.

That's a quality ice cream. And you can give them like that's that's that's that's that's the the their tha. tha. tha. tha. the tha, the thi. thi. the thi. It's, thi. the thi. I the thi. I, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi, thi, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I, th. I, th. I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. I, thi. I, the the the the the thin, they. I's, thin, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi chalk chip ice cream with the chalk chip like the chocolate that tastes like chalk. It's powder, yeah. Yeah, you can give them that. They'll love it. I'm gonna put it out there. Most ice cream, not worth the time. That's stupid. It's so stupid.

It's so stupid. I sound so stupid right now. I think there's a threshold. I've got to agree with you here. And also if you're looking to like, if you're looking for like one thing to not eat because you want to keep like somewhat healthy and you don't want to kind of like be like calorie counting or anything like that, ice cream's just not, it's not worth the fucking hassle. It's a treat. It's a treat. You're a special treat, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, th, threat, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th, th, th, th, because, because, because, th, because, because, th, because, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. that, like, that, that, like, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that, like, like, like six prunes. It's nature's treat. It's a nature's treat. What about a little...

And that's got to keep you regular instead of giving you diarrhea. How about a little prune sorbet? that does sound pretty good actually. Refreshing on a summer's night, can I? Folks, one out of 20. You heard it here first. Theo has endorsed the position,that when you are eating your ice cream in bed, it should be a high quality ice cream. Number two, while driving.

Can I just very, can I just very, can I just really quick detour back to number one for me. Because we, well we all got very sidetracked by me eating food in bed. And I would like to dispute the characterization of eating in bed as a secret place. Oh, everyone's going to know you've been eating in bed if you have someone who shares that bed with you. Yeah, if you have a partner, not very secret at all. No. What if they work shift?

And if you're driving in a car, you are quite visible to other people. Hey, I just want to, I woke up this morning and there was the, uh, three signature bones left over from a lamb four quarter chop in our bed. How, um, how'd that happen? What'd you've been doing in here? Could be anything. They should go a lamb three quarter, I think. Number three, on the stairs.

That's some gollum shit. That's weird. That's so weird. Yeah, finish going up or down the stairs first. Just on the stairs. Just on the stairs is not really a secret. I'm in an interstitial space. You're still visible visible we can still see you. You don't cease to exist if you're halfway between the first and second floors. Number four in the bathtub. See that

that to me is worse than bad. No it's not. No it's not. No it's not. Little packet of Smith's original crinkle-cutt chips. Are you dropping them? Like you dropping little bits of the... I'm frinkled me in my fucking bag at the tub? But you could, if you do that, the trick if you try to. Big, big crinkly foreskin. Picture this. Oh yeah.

It's winter night. It's cold outside. You've poured yourself a scaldingly hot bath. Candles lit, etc. You lowered yourself into the bath. All the days, aches and pains are just sort of washing away in the water. And you've got a little shelf in front of you, and what's on that shelf? It's a pea and ham soup.

No. For delicious enjoyment on a cold winter's night. You've got your kindle in one hand. You've got your pee and ham soup on your little plank of wood that grows it goes across the top of the bathtub, spoon in hand, sentence mouthful of peat and ham soup alternating those two. What could be better? Long straw going down to your Asahi Black that's on the floor next to the bathtub. Perfect that is. You can't eat a warm liquid in the bar. That feels perverted. I think That feels luxurious. Yeah. This is not based on any kind of medical science. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It. It. It. It. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. P. P. P. P. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. the the the the liquid in the bar. That feels perverted. That feels luxurious.

Yeah. This is not based on any kind of medical science, but I feel like that would make you sick because there's a hot, you're in a hot medium outside. And then you're putting hot inside. You're putting like more hot in. Oh, you're thinking that what would be good is like a nice gaspacho? A lovely, refreshing gaspacho, that's right. Bath, gaspacho. Honey, can you bring in my bath, gaspacho?

Ah, this bath gaspacho is too hot. It's room temperature. You're putting in extra hot water, top up your bath as it cools down and then putting it extra cold water in your towards. My gaspacho is warm down. More ice for the caspacho please. You've got one of those like old school, ice buckets. Like a champagne nice bucket. It's just your gaspacho on top.

Number five, the shed. Beautiful. Hey, I just need to go out to the shed for unclear reasons. With this packet of lamentons. That's where you, okay. So canonically, the shed is where you smoke weed in secret. Yeah. It's not where we in seguas ridiculous. This could be a main cave situation.

Yeah. Yeah. Going out to the man cave to eat pork rinds with my grows. Yeah, it's just hanging out. That's a great time. Ah, I shouldn't have announced it. Now it's not a secret. Number six to me seems like a slight repetition. A public stairwell. Well that's different to on the stairs. Oh, this clarifies something for me because I was wondering whether they were kind of talking

about the concrete stairwell, where you work or what have it. No, I think this might well be it. Which again, I don't think stairs offer you any sort of privacy or anything that you're not afforded to you by a corner. Hmm. There's like a high traffic area. Well, I mean, maybe not. Maybe not.

It might be a building with an elevator. The stairs don't get used very often. And while you're there, why not treat yourself to a little cry? That's to cry. Stairwells in your car. Setting off my third fire alarm of the month as I try to gobble down some food in the stairwell. Number seven on the toilet. Yes. Now we don't. No, not me. Not me, not me, buddy. Absolutely don't. I'm just going to say that for me a toilet visit is divided into two halves. Oh, there's the doing the pissing and shitting part.

There's the prehands and the post hands. Yeah. Anytime in the prehands segment, that's... Are you... Okay, let's dig into this a little, Theo. Are you making an argument in favor of this practice? Yes. We might be, we might be hearing a small confession here from Theo, I think. I mean, I can't, I can't think of like any specific times when I've done.

I get in trouble for using the laptop on the toilet in the prehand segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment segment in the th segment segment in that in the the that in the prehand segment. That's a faux par. That is a faux par. Phone's fine, laptop, that's... You get an awful lot of E. coli on you think bad there, bro. No, I'm not, because it's a... I haven't, there's no splash yet. Oh my god, it's fine. I can't have to believe that we have at this point learned that you're worse than Andrew somehow. I'm not worse than Andrew, anything that you drop in there, it's just going to go at the toilet gets flushed.

School one for Andrew. I'm not... I'm not... What are you eating in there like a burger? He was dropping tomatoes and maybe you finished a burger. And you want got like a snack chips from grilled. And the urges hit you. But you want to eat those, tiny little cup. But you want to eat those chips before they've gone stale.

Hmm. This is true. It won't. It won't. Will it? Will it? Will it? If we forget how the transmission of bacteria and stuff works, yeah, maybe. And we might well, you know, when civilization blasts us.

And look at me, I'm perfectly, I've probably gone to the hospital more time for gastro than anybody else that I know. Maybe I'm learning a few things here, I don't know. Number eight, in an elevator. Food in an elevator. Yeah, that's, you put it like a time limit there. Yeah. For it to be secret, yeah. And limited opportunities as well. That's kind of, that feels a little more dangerous. We to talk about eating a whole hot dog. From the action movies I've seen, there's a guy who's watching the security cameras from all the elevators all the ti times as well, so it's not that secret.

Oh, it's just you and that guy, though. Yeah, a little secret that you have with Glenn. Glenn could keep a secret. In the security hub. Glenn's, you're looking into the eye little trist you and Glen are having. You're both putting a little savory shape into your mouth at the exact same time. And if you're from America, a savory shape isn't just like a food that fits one of the basic geometric shapes, although it is that too.

Or like a shape that you can show different cultures, say, which is the sweet shape and which is the savory shape? And like over language barriers, etc. You know. Boba kiki? What's that? It's some bober kiki. Yeah, it's on that bober kiki shit. Number nine, in a storage room at work.

That's a classic. Good one. I wouldn't, but I've seen it in movies and TV. Yeah. I eat my food, like in the break room. Yeah. That's nice. Or on the toilet.

I generally try and leave the building if I had an office job, because it's nice little mental break for you. Yeah. You can go sit by the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thoes. th. th. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. tho. thoes. thoes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. theeeea. t. t. t. to. t. t. to. t. t. t. t. to. t. t. t. t. the river Thea. Sometimes you got too much work to do though and like if you don't get it done who's gonna who's gonna do it? You will tomorrow when you come back. No then I'll have more work. Yeah. Number 10 during exercise? Huh. Yeah you like going to cross fit and eating a meat pie while you're rolling a tractor tire to the other side of the gym. That's not th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu thu- thu-you thu-a thu-a thu-u-u-u-u-u---u-up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. thr-uhl-uhl-uhl-uhlip to to to to to to to to to thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. thu-a the the the the toooooooo-s to-s to-s to-s to-s to-s to-s tooo'-s thea th rolling a tractor tire to the other side of the gym. That's not safe. It's a zero-sum game though. It's the roast of crossfit people. We're topical. Take that. Crossfit. Take that. Take that buff guys. Hey, keeping healthy over there, bitch. You guys all look pretty hot, everyone in the movie 300. Number 11 in the hot tub.

Again. Is it secret? Who has a hot tub? I feel like a hot tub? I feel like a hot tub. Hot tub is not a place you are alone. Hot tub, though. When I'm in a hot tub, tub, coming it, you don't have to worry about the food. Yeah, don't come in a hot tub.

I'm just saying people do. People do. That's all I'm saying. Mostly they're for coming in. I think like every hot tub's are for swingers. Like they're four coming in. Yeah, that's their design. If you're not coming in your hot room. Yeah, that's a nice place to be sad. In the laundry? Seekly eat food, shamefully. Do you think, do you think we could like,

um, rename a lot of these items, not the kitchen? Yeah. Seems to be a pretty exhaustive list of other places in your house. Yeah, places we all have in our house. The elevator, hot tub. Laundry. Dri. their tub stairs. Number 13, up in the attic. Yes. Got into the touch.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a measurement scissors. Oh, that's terrible. You're pulling a one of like one of those American-style ones where you've got to like pull a cord and then a thing drops down. Or then you climb up the stairs into the attic and you're sitting there. Americans love to go in their roofs and in their basements.

They love to find secrets in both. They do. Why'd they to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find to find their their their their their their their their their their their their their their secrets their secrets their secrets to find to find their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets to find their secrets to find to find their secrets to find their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their secrets their their their their their their their their they their their their secrets they their houses where one bit's too high up and one bit's like under the ground? Could they just built more house? Yeah. That's a bit I don't understand. Yeah, but then you know you get up to the roof of the next one you'd say, well, we can keep going up. It'd never end. Sure. They love to have an attic and have the basement. Yeah, absolutely not like, are they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. to they're they're they're they're they're attic and have a basement. Yeah, absolutely. That's not for us. No. And especially not like, are they eaten down there in one of those basements with the toilet just there? Oh, in the Pittsburgh toilet?

In the Pittsburgh toilet? Yeah, probably. They're having the regional, the Pittsburgh food. So, probably. You could tick off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoes. thi. thi. the regional the regional the regional th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thea. thea. to. thea. toea. that. that. It's.a. that.a.a. It's. that. that. that's. thea. thea. Pittsburgh toilet. Ah, the dream. You could tick off quite a few of these items if you ate while you were walking down the stairs into the basement where you sat on the toilet. That's true. You could get a lot done. And if you jogged down those stairs, that's why you're exercising. Yeah. Number 14, in a swimming pool. Secret? That's not secret? And where the fuck are you going? Where? What? How?

Hey, I'm going for a dip. The way you keep it secret is you have your the way secret is you have your subway sandwich, but you hold it at waist height where other people can't see it. And you say, oh, oh, I'm just going to refresh myself with this water. And you take a big suck myself off real quick. Big bite of your, big bite of your completely wet,

meatball, sub. Maybe seafood? Maybe a little tuna sub. Just like, thematically. Yeah, it seems a quarter. Number 15, a public changing room. Not private. it's there in the name people that seems like you're going out of your way yeah you really like you've decided you want to eat in a public change room yeah yeah

I've got five minutes spare time to eat my egg salad sandwich you know how about this next one number 16 in a child's play house Oh, I've got five minutes spare, time to eat my egg salad sandwich. You know? How about this next one? Number 16 in a child's playhouse. This is sad. You're painting an unbelievably sad picture. But I can see myself doing that. Going in there, eating wine food?

Yeah, knees up to sort of like my head to kind of like fit in there. Maybe during like a, uh, uh, uh, some sort of like my head to kind of like fit in there. Maybe during like a some sort of social event at a house. Yeah. A few too many people but there is like a lot of food going around, grab a couple of sandwiches. Yep. You've just loaded up on those paper plates with cheese cubes and Kavanossi. You're going outside, climbing in a pink plastic princess cubby house, shoveling those into your mouth. That makes sense. Yeah.

Number 17, a public toilet. That is worse. That's worse one by far. Now let's, you've lost me. Hold on. Hold on a public toilet. So you could just be standing in like the... second, because it doesn't say on a public toilet. So you could just be standing in like the, you could be standing in the hand washing area.

In the common area of the public toil. Yeah, you could be in the vestibule snarping down your subway cookies. You could be at the urinal, hoeing down a nice bolonase. Doing a no hands piss while you were expertly twirling the noodles around your fork. Calling out from a cubicle for someone to hold your Cincinnati chili while you wipe your ass. Anybody out there? Need a bit of a hand? This is a halfway through an episode so far. Number 18. In a closet. Sure. Sure a halfway through it episode so far. Number 18, inner closet.

Sure. Now that's a good secret location. That's fine. You're doing secret stuff then. Closed the door. Number 19. In the basement. Yes.

We've really gone from top to bottom of the American house in the UK. Yeah. Yeah, I would have thou' th th th have th th have the th th the basement would be higher. Yeah. And then number 20, something that I'm sure all of us have all done, everyone who's had a proper job at least once in their lives, inside a freezer room. In the freezer room. Another classic crying slash eating spot. Best if you are also stealing food from work in the freezer. Yeah. Yeah.

So you've gotten like a big pack of chicken tenders. Put it through the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work the work tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the, the, the, thoom, thoom, I the. I that thoom. I that's, I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, I I I I I I I I I I, I I, I, I I I, I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, th. I, th. th. th. I th. the, the, the, the, that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm tho-s, I'm tho-s, I'm sa. I'm sa' tho-s, I'm sa, gotten like a big pack of chicken tenders. You put it through the work oven straight back to the freezer. Oh yeah the people who worked in the bakery department and one of my woolies had always just been sneakily stealing stuff from the frozen section and heath them up in the bakery oven. There's a smart bloke. Oh what a trait. Yeah I used to occasionally fry up bacon on the... you know how I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the work the work the work the work the work the work th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Put it's the. Yeah, I used to occasionally fry up bacon on the, you know how, I don't know if you guys have ever used these before, but the things used for wrapping cut fruit and vegetables in plastic where it's a large roller plastic, it's a sharp edge that cuts the plastic, but then there's a little heated panel that's used to seal it.

So it's just like a hot strip of metal. I'd just be like a little bit of bacon from the deli on that thing that's used to seal plastic all day every day. Bam, straight into my mouth. Is this like as a customer? No, this was as an employee. Oh, okay. All right, I thought you were on. They don't just let you back stuff at the supermarket anymore.

I don't know. I think they try and discourage you from doing that these days I think. From plastic entirely, hopefully. Now of days. Now of days. That's what it's like. Podcasts. They're nature's greatest natural resource and it's important that they're

harvested sustainably. Editing, production, fart sound effects. These are all important resources from our local ecosystems. That's why we're asking you to go to Patreon.com slash Wunta Vista and pledge five US dollars a month to help support the healthy growth of a home grown podcast like Wntavista. In, you'll get an extra sustainably farmed episode every week, access to our Discord and a naturally pristine, promo-free podcast feed. Thank you for helping look after one of nature's most precious resources. Well, that was a half hour segment, mostly about nothing, and now it's time for something else. Where did you get that? Don't forget you had to listen to the Polish national anthem for five minutes first.

That's sucked up for a fair about a time. It's time of course for the nothing to report report report report. Oh, here we go. It's the nothing to report report report report. Report. The nothing to report report, report, report, report, report, report, report, report, then nothing to report, report, report, report, then nothing to report, report, report, report. What happened? Nothing. Shhh.

So you should mind your fucking business. It's nothing to report, report, report, report. Nothing to report, report report. Nothing to report, report, report, report, report, report, report, nothing to report, report. Ooh, an original. Sensational. All right, then. It's the nothing to report, report.

Yeah, this segment that we have done, I think, three times in total. And each time I say, we should do a theme for that. That's beautiful, Kpnx. This is a story from KPNX in beautiful Phoenix, Arizona. Ah, Kippetix. No credit card skimmers found at gas pumps in Arizona so far this year. Phew. Great. Have we looked? Yep. Didn't find any. Technology that has made headlines for stealing your credit card information at the gas pump is on the decline in Arizona. Gas skimmers are attached inside of the gas pumps by criminals, which collect card data

as people swipe their cards. The skimmer installer then uses the data to make fake credit cards to make fraudulent purchases. The highest amount of skimmers in Arizona was reported in 2019. Quote, we peaked at 209 skimmers that was found.. It th, is on th, is on th, is on th. It th. It is on th. It is on th. It is on th. It is on th. It is on thu. It is on thi, thi, thi, thi, thui, is on thu, is on thum, is on thui, is on thu, is thum, is thum, is thum, is thum, is thum, is thum. thu, is on thu, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on the gas, is on th. th. thi, is on thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th of skimmers in Arizona was reported in 2019. Quote, we peaked at 209 skimmers that were found or reported to our division, Kevin Allen, Associate Director for the Arizona Department of Agriculture's Weights and Measures Services Division said. So far, Alan said, none have been found in 2022 and reported to his department. Quote, that's pretty awesome.

That is pretty awesome, Alan said. That is pretty awesome. Alan said to not have any reported yet to weights and measures is a big deal. Quait. Quait, quote. I've heard data that for each skimmer that's captured, it can be up to $24,000 a criminal can make off of it. Alan warns that it costs. Just because no skimmers haven't been reported to weights and measures yet doesn't mean they're still not out there. So true. If there's anything looks unusual or looks like the device has been tampered with, report that to local law enforcement. So where in the process do they get? It's just no one's calling weights and measures anymore? Yeah I guess. Maybe people stop doing it. I'm skeptical. That's a pretty big

number drop. But this is also such an arbitrary amount of time to determine to do this story yet. It's what April? And they're like well it is. It's April. Let's send out a press release. Haven't done anything yet. It's like they're out a press release. Haven't done anything yet. It's like they're tempting the skimmers. Yeah, emboldening them. That's right. Bet we won't find any before the end of the year.

Oh, I hated if someone put some credit card skimmers on some gas bumps, and I, the associate director of the Arizona Department of Agriculture's weights and measures division had to go out and remove them. Also, awful. This would make weights and measures that's so pathetic. They used the word criminal in that article like 17 times I'd say. In an article in which no crime actually occurred. But I would put it to you that this is not a criminal act. I got like my credit card skimmed a couple of years back, right? And so I saw like a whole bunch of credit card stuff came in all at once, called the bank.

They froze it. I put in a form. I went, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, all fake, and then they gave me all of my money back. Not a crime. Not a crime. I didn't lose any money. That's true, like credit cards will give you your money back now. They just give you your money back now. Yeah. So I think you should be a big part of the issue is that it's not real. But they, but the skimmers also still get the stuff at the end of it, which

is cool. So they get the stuff and then also no money leaves your account. So it's sort of like a cool little little little loophole. It's kind of like the perfect crime in a way. Yeah, if it was a crime. the th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the same, th. It's kind, the sc. It's kind, the sca, the sca, the sca, th. It's kind, th. It's kind, th. It's kind, th. It's kind, th. It's kind, th. It's kind, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But, th. th. But, th. th. th. the sk. the sk. the sk. the ski. the skim. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. Ski. Ski. Ski. Ski. Ski. Ski. Skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, the skimmers, Which it's not? Yeah, yeah, that is quite good. It's crazy how you're even used to have to like... I can't think of a single victim in this entire chain. No, I mean like the service station's getting the money? Yeah, small business owners, et cetera. That they're like, they're going buying themselves some nice kicks. Yeah. The guys, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the guy. I I the the guy. I the guy. I the guy. I the the the the the th. I th. I thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi. I can't thi. I can't thi. I can't thi. I can't thi. I can't thi. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I th. I th. I can't th. I th. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't thin. I can't th, they all get to just get paid to go around and look and go, guess not.

Nothing, yeah. Just tapping a gas pump with a wrench. Looks normal. How about this? How about this? I put it to you that credit card skimmers are the real job creators. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's our crime pass for the week. Yeah is make or purchase, I don't know, I guess, a sort of a fake looking credit card reader to put on top of the regular credit card reader.

This will mostly only work in America because in Australia we go inside the shop to pay. Unless you get like the weird fucking app or whatever that they've got. And also can you skim a chip one? Are they skimming that? Oh, I'm not sure. Is that what the problem is? I think if you do make your own, you will probably have some trouble getting money from it. Yeah. I'm picturing a lot of people coming up with their own kind of, you know, Michelle Gondry

type Be Kind Rewind sort of contraption made out of cardboard. Yeah. A bit of tinfoil glued to it, that kind of thing. Well, I mean, all you need is something that can read a magnetic strip and then you're just getting a number. Like you're just getting, it's not actually doesn't connect to the internet, it doesn't do anything smart, it just saves the number on the device. And then you use that number to fake that you have that credit card. You seem to know a lot about this, Ben. I'm a job creator. Yeah, this is a pretty exciting story,

but there are even more exciting stories to be a head out there, and most of them can be found in the UK's incredible tabloid newspapers. It's time of course for tabloid phenomenon. It's time to go British. Fist-headed man destroys church. Keep a noise when I'm made it now. It's time to go British. Once you go British. Once you go British.

What happens after that Lucy? I don't like to think about it. I won't be doing that. Yeah. This comes to us from Lancashire Live. Man's unexpected apology after pooing on stranger's driveway as he returns to clean the mess. So I don't know why this would even make the... Oh, so the part of this that made the news is the unexpected apology. Well, you know, this is the fourth story in a long saga,

but I thought this was the most crucial part of the story. Yeah, we're being dropped in in media res. That's right. The poos have already occurred. This is a cold open on the story of a man taking a shit. This is the start of an episode of Law and Order where some people are like walking up the street, having a chat about the most recent Arsenal game and then they turn and go, Oh, is that a shit on a driveway?

As though they are finding the dead body in the car park, you know? Yeah. A man has confessed to going to the toilet in a stranger's driveway days after the act was caught on CCTV. I'm going to object to the use of the term going to the toilet. He's not a told. Pooing doesn't mean going to the toilet. You're not. Shitting like an animal might be more apt, I think.

Home owner Wajed Iqbal posted CCT footage showing a man running up to his drive before defecating on the floor. It's also not a floor. You know, the floor's inside a house. Yeah, floors are inside. Yeah, that's a ground. Also, people in the UK love to have CCTV. Yeah.

They're a bunch of filthy little voyers. I think they're looking out for fly tippers, it's my understanding. They fucking hate fly tippers. You know, it's someone who fly tips, who does fly tipping. What's fly tipping? Yeah, no, I know, and if that's also a joke, it's very good. That's when you illegally dump, it's not a joke. It's when you illegally dump rubbish, it-tipping and it is ruining the UK according to all the headlines don't see all the time very mad about fly-tippers after posting

the footage of speaking to Lanks live what Jed told of the disgust and shock both he and his wife felt as they watched the footage back over and over and over again. I was so disgusted. Put it back to Star. Couldn't even look away. Oh, yucky. Yucky.

After posting the footage on Facebook, it took less than an hour for the man to be recognized and named. Wow. That is rough. Oh man. God damn. Oh, yeah, it's Terry. There he is. Through contact with a person known to both Wajed and the individual, a poochial acquaintance, Wajed was able to reach out to the culprit who told him he would pay 50 pounds.

Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, you want to shit on my driveway. That's, yeah. However, 150 bucks. Wajed said he didn't want the money only for the mess to be cleaned up. Like that Wajad has he didn't want the money only for the mess to be cleaned up. Like that Wadjad has principles, you know? Yeah, and I think there's like, there's a small difference between

somebody doing something that is inconvenient to you and saying, oh, I'll pay for the damages or the cleaning or whatever. And then there's somebody saying, why don't you go outside and pick up a pile of my human shit that I left on your property? For 50 quid. Yep. Yeah, I would but I don't really want to. That's not a sign of genuine contrition.

If you offer 10,000 pounds for them to do that, that would be a sign that you're not just paying them for your time, well their time, they're also apologizing. A little gratuity. 50 pounds is, I don't want to interface with you or this shit. No shit for me, please. I don't want to like interact with human shit for like any amount of money. Well, it's kind of my point. I'm not sure it's something that you get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to tho tho their tho thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiole. thiole. thiolioliolomea. thiolomea' that you're not that you're thiol-a'amamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamamam. I'm a that's a thiolome. I'm a thiol, I'm a thi. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not thiolomea.a. I'm not thi. I'm not thinininin' thin'a'a'a'nipe. I'm not thinin'nipe. I'm not just a thin'nipe. I'm not, thinin'a'n'n'e. I'm not, th something that you get to pull out a denomination from your wallet that exists in a single note and say, that's your problem now.

Talking to Lanks Live about the initial CCTV, Wajed from Nelson said, it's not about the money. I said yes, if it wasn't Ramadan I would have hit him, but I'm fasting and it's the month of forgiveness and I'm gonna forgive him. That's fucking beautiful. Wow, good for you, dude. Come and clean your crap, pick your underwear up and go. I love so much the restraint being shown here. I've just been like, it's the month of forgiveness.

He'd like you to fuck you to death. Are we gonna get the the the the to get the to get the to get the to get to get the their, tha, th kick you to death. Are we going to get a backstory, or is that it? We don't know why he took a sheet in this guy's driveway? Um, we're going to get a very minimal back story. Okay. Here we go. Uh, what Jett continues. It is disgusting.

You could have had anyone walking past to see a naked man. Anyone could have seen that stuff. There's th th th th th th th the petrol th th th the petrol th th th th th the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho tho tho tho tho' the. the. the' the' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to to thean. We'ean. We're toean. We're toean. We're toean. We're toean. We're toean. We're to thean. We're th that has toilets. Go there, not on someone's driveway. On the same evening, Langs Live spoke to Wajed, he was visited by the man full of apology and willing to clean up the mess entirely. He basically said he'd been out on a night out, got off the bus stop and couldn't hold it and said he was really, really sorry for the whole thing. He feels so ashamed because obviously seeing it on social media, his friends and family, he was just really apologetic, which Ed said. I said, don't worry, but you shouldn't have done it. I gave him some water, a brush and he cleaned it. He offered to jet wash the whole driveway and I said, no, no, just clean your bit up.

That's so magnanimous. Yeah. That's beautiful. I'm not buying that story though. Like, this man's known to him. He just happened to take a shit in Wajed's driveway. Well, he was one step away from him, like they had one mutual friend. And I think they're in a smallish area. Like, it's not completely in the realm of the impossible. Personally, I didn't expect him to come, but at least it's the decent the decent the decent the decent the the the decent to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the to do to do to do the to do to do to come to come to do to come to come to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to to do to do to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the of the impossible. Personally, I didn't expect him to come, but at least it's the decent thing to do to

come and clean it. He was like, I can't be apologetic enough. You seem to be a nice guy and he goes, I was expecting to get battered. Get battered. When I opened the door, he stood two, reaction from somebody who's drive I had done a poo on. I honestly feel for this guy because like The shitter the shitter because I've I've taken like You know I'm in this I'm in the city I'll have a couple of beers at the scratch with my friend Ben and I take the take the bus home and I kind of go, oh, I really need to piss.

I can't piss on the bus. And that's a long bus ride, I get off near home, really need to piss. Maybe you can't find your keys in time. Maybe you have to piss in the crawl space under the house. Now think of that piece and then imagine that it's shit. Imagine that crawl space under your house is another man's driveway. Could happen to anyone. I have a spot that I piss if I don't, if I can't make it from the bar to home.

See? But it's sort of like... That's a piss though. It's technically Queensland Rail property. You can't make that fucking... you can't make that deal with your body though. Like, hey can I swap this shit for a piss because I've got the spot for it. No, no, no, that's sorry, that's not my point. My point is that like, I think that an out-of-doors piss. I did one recently for the first time in a very long time. Oh, what you doing? I'm in my backyard. Oh, all right.

I was, uh, I was out there doing. to the night business and then I was like, uh, I was hopping around from foot to foot going, whoa! I got to finish what I'm doing because I really need to piss and then I was like wait a minute I am in my own backyard yeah and it's not a man's privilege swap that piss for an urgent turd a turgency I would go in the house and use the toilet if I'm being honest what if you can't make it I'm shit in my pants I'm shit in your pants over dropping them in someone driving that's noble I just I don't I think I th I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to to to get to get to get to get to get in to get in to get in to get in to get in to to to to to to to to to to to get in to get in to get in to get in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the the theeeeeeeea. the the the theeeeeeeea I don't, I, I think it would be a bit wild to get to that point over here.

Mr. I can control my bales. Mr. Sphincter himself. Mr. Svincter, that's what they call me. I, however, I will say my sympathy doesn't really extend to the shitter because if he had not been caught and publicly shamed, he wouldn't even come back to do anything. No, who would? Well you know, it's easy to be like, oh, I'm so sorry and apologetic and extremely embarrassed once you have been publicly embarrassed against your will. It's another thing to come back around the

like the next morning and say when this guy comes out and goes what are you doing on my driveway to go I I shout on your driveway last night and I am fixing it so you don't have to because it was a fucking horrible act I'm very sorry I uh I pretty frequently will just google the the name of the Brisbane Poogger to see if he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th i the th i i i i's th i's th i's th i's got th i's got th i's got th i's got th is th. th. th. th. I's got th. I's got th. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. I'm th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th just Google the name of the Brisbane Poohogger to see if he's back in the news or if he's got employment again or if anything has happened. Really just dropped off the grid after that happened. Which you'd kind of want to if everyone saw that unbelievably beautiful photo of you freeze-framed, taking your shit in public.

Call it like a filthy animal. Wajed asked for the men to apologize to his wife, which he did. And now the couple says they've drawn a line under the entire situation. Wajed said, I think he suffered enough embarrassment through the social media posts, so hopefully it'll be a lesson learned. Well, that's just good stuff. That's kind of hoping for a more Hollywood ending here where they were like, we've like, we've. We've like, we've like, we've like, we've like, we've like, we've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to ask, to ask, to ask, to ask, to ask. to ask, to ask. to ask, to ask, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to the media posts, so hopefully it'll be a lesson learned. Well, that's just good stuff. I was kind of hoping for a more Hollywood ending here where they were like, we've actually become friends since, but you know, I guess... Since he took a shit in my driveway. Yeah, we should on each other's driveways as a little prank.

It's a little joke between and only inside joke. Outside. That's the problem. We got time for one, seven, five, five, now your page and I couldn't see. This comes to us from the Am I the Arsole subreddit, where we will weigh in and let you know if you are the arsoll. Am I the asshole for helping myself to some food out of my girlfriend's parents refrigerator and pantry even though it hadn't been offered I

twenty-three-year-old male have been seeing my girlfriend twenty-three-year-old female for several months that's serious Recently, we went one state away to visit her parents. I hadn't met them before. We ended up arriving pretty late to her house. It was past nine. But I had what I thought was a nice first meeting with her mother and father. They didn't offer me or her anything to eat or drink, however, which where I come from is kind of rude. However, given how late it was, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought they just figured we'd already gotten something to eat, which was true.

So he's eating, he just wants a little snacky. Just wants to top it off. Little tree. I'm on side so far, but things could I have to change. However, I woke up around 1 a am. I mean, look, you can say,, we just had a real long drive and like I'm quite hungry. Could I fix myself something to eat? And I feel like maybe your partner should be your advocate there.

Yeah, you just tell your partner. You're like, I'm fucking hungry. And she like to eat some fucking, let's just eat some. I woke up around 1 into the kitchen. I found a loaf of bread and then some deli turkey and condiments in the fridge and made myself a sandwich. So far? Sounds good. Those are replenishable items that you can take small parts of.

Nothing dramatic. Nothing. Nobent. It's bread. I also found a soda. . some string cheese in there. Okay. Who's this hungry at 1 a.m. Then I found some individually wrapped portions of olives, as well as a bag of chips and a jar of peanuts in the pantry.

What? What? What? My dude! I made myself a little midnight snack. This guy like weed. No, you made yourself a meal. He smoked some weed.

You made yourself. Are you terari? This this this this this this this breakfast. This this breakfast. This this breakfast. This this breakfast. This this breakfast. This is this breakfast. This is this breakfast. This is this breakfast. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This. the breakfast. the breakfast. the breakfast. I. I. the breakfast. the breakfast. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It......................................................................... He smoked some weed. You made yourself... Took it straight back to bed. Are you Tarari? This is the breakfast of an Ottoman sultan. You've conching up. Holy shit, yeah, no, if... He's lost to me at the individually wrapped olives. Those fuckers are wrapped for a reason.

What's an individually wrapped olive? Yeah, that's really weird. the individually wrapped portions of olives. And th th th th th th th th th th th that th that th th th th th th th that th th th. Tos. To th th. To tho tho tho tho thoes. Toes. Toos. Toos. Toom. Toer. T. Toom. thoeroer. Toer. Toer. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. This is is th. This is th. This is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo really weird. Okay. It says individually wrapped portions of olives. That se to be like a handful of olives. Do you reckon he means like... Could be snack size, could be full size, we don't really know. I didn't really think anything of it until we were leaving a couple of days later after what I thought was a nice visit.

It was then that my girlfriend called me out and asked if I'd helped myself to a bunch of her parents' food. I confirmed that I had, but said that I was a guest and that their food should have been on offer. She said, which I think came from her parents, that they would have gladly shared, but I should have at least asked first. Am I da'asol? I would feel strange going through someone's cupboards at one in the morning if it was my

first night in their home, that would feel odd to me. But I reckon if I was absolutely desperate, I'd be like, look, this is, I know it's a bit weird, but I made myself a sandwich last night because I woke up and I was super hungry. Sure. I would just say something. Like I would just be like, hey I ate a bunch of your food, I'd food food food today. I don't really mean it but I'd say that. I would close my eyes and I would go back to sleep. Yeah. Just a, just in there shaking the father awake by the shoulders of what I am.

I'm hungry. Are these olives spoken for? Yeah, we met, we met last night. Is this turkey still good you reckon? Don't wake up late? No. Greg! It's a little bit slimy. When did you buy it? When did you buy this turkey?

I've got a nasmus, I can't tell if the turkey's alright. I'm trying to smell it, but I can't smell anything. I, all right, my position here is that if he had it just gone with two slices of bread out of the loaf, bit of mustard and some turkey, maybe a slice of cheese, if they've got slices of cheese there, nobody ever would have known. I don't think that there is any physiological need that needs to be replenished by stealing someone's soda from the fridge. No, no, that is not like a biological imperative.

You don't have a fucking soda bar that goes down at 1 a.m. Unless you have one of the types of diabetes. In which case? Your abelism is showing your own shit. Yeah, you should maybe have something. Like, some diabetes or something like, like, who's going around... I don't think his man's problem is that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I don't think his man's problem is that he has diabetes. No. I don't think so. No, is this, who's going around just going like 1 a.m. Oh, I'm a little bit hungry and also, wouldn't mind that soda.

He's doing little twinkly fingers because he's excited about all the things. He's finding olives. Oh Oh yeah, oh yeah, individually wrapped olives. That was Dr. Pepper. Ah, peanuts. These from King O'Roy? How wonderful. Why did he have to eat so many different things? Yeah, yeah, that's, I think, I think, I think that's where he went wrong. He really, he tiped himself in shagg. He tiped the scales, he, he, he, he, he tiped, he, he, he, he, he, he, he tiped, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. Heed. Heed, he's. Heed, he's, he's. Heed, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, tiped, the. He's, the. He's, he's, he's, he's, the scales by making himself a little little smorgasbord. I think if you had

it kept it to a sandwich or the only evidence would have been like a small plate with a couple of crumbs on it and you know... That's fine. You can eat a sandwich if someone comes to my home and eats a sandwich that's fine. You're not freaking out. I implore you to come to my house and eat a sandwich any time. See whereas the other items, you know, the dad could have been like, hey I had my fucking eye on that bag of chips. I was waiting. Yeah. I was waiting for a Saturday afternoon I was going to watch TV and drink a beer and eat that bag of chips that I picked up at the store this week and I'm fucking pissed. Whereas at least if you get an opportunity to either say, no, you can't eat my chips,

or you get the opportunity to say, yeah, sure, and then at least know that you are giving away your own chips instead of having them stolen from you in the dead of the night by your daughter's freeloading boyfriend. I feel like if you're stealing shit in the night, you at least have to make it desperation food, like three pieces of like buttered bread. That, I, I, I, I, yeah, yeah, I, yeah, yeah, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th. I thi thi thi thi th, thi, that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, or th, thatta thatta thatta thate thatea thatea thatea thatea that that that that that that that that that that that, or th night, you at least have to make it desperation food. Like three pieces of like buttered bread. That's where I think that the sandwich is perfect. Four pickles are gone. The sandwich is perfect because it's all things where you're taking a portion of something that's already there and open. You don't have to open anything.

A lot of the time I think people wouldn't even be able to notice visually that you had taken that stuff and also they're all perishable items like bread and storky and stuff like that. That shit that needs to be used up in like a week anyway. Yeah. You know? It's like being like, ah, that's weird. We had 270 grams of turkey slices yesterday and now we've got 215. The fuck is going, I think we have a polter guys. Yeah, if you come to my house you can eat my perishables. Honey, did you, did you eat the crock and bush?

Honey, some of the crock and bush is gone. Big bite out of the crock and bush. This is so whack. Like I would want anyone who stays with me to feel 100% welcome having whatever they need, but I have also never woken up at 1 a.m. and been like, I've woken up and been like, well I'm gonna go eat one pickle. I've done that. I need a bunch of olives or I'm going to die. Individed only. I don't want them to have touched each other.

I mean, I'll get up and eat up and eat a a them them them them them them them them them them their their their their their their their their their their to have touched each other. I mean, I'll get up and eat a bunch of olives, but that's a treat. That's a little... That's boredom. Yeah, that's a little mouth teaser. Desire for olives. And I think his... the final stage of the fuck up here. So the fuck up was that he, uh, that he I think if he had a, that's true. If he had a come hat and hand the next morning and said, hey, we ate early in the evening last night

and then we, you know, we didn't have anything else and I woke up in the middle of the night and I was absolutely starving, and I came down here and help myself for some stuff. I'm really sorry I would have asked you. I've got a condition if I go 16 hours without a little amuse boo-shell. I will simply perish. I've got hungry tomb-dummy disease. Oh, that plate that's in the sink?

Well, yeah, that was me. I actually tried to wake you up, but it seems like you guys lock your bedroom door at night. Rapped the asshole classification because. I agree. Paris is still the asshole. Yeah. What? I think it's even if somebody ate a weird amount of food in the night or whatever, or if you were like, hey, I had a bag of chips and the bag of chips is gone, I guess my daughter and her boyfriend ate them.

Yeah. I don't know if that maybe the cause of the conversation is they've said, hey, hey Tiffany, did you eat our chips and she'd be like, no, I guess it must have been Mike. That's true. You should take the blame for your hungry boyfriend. Yeah, I made myself. I the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi th. th. that th. that that th. th. th. th. th. that that, that that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, I that, I that, I that, I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I tod toda. I toda. I today, today, that that. I that akrinery board that night. It was me. In the same way that I think that the boyfriend should have been willing to limit himself to a single sandwich and then let somebody know afterwards but he had to push it, in the same way I think that the parents should have been able to go, that's that's a little weird to us but let's let it go. I feel like the way this conversation would have gone is the parents would have been like,

I think your boyfriend ate like a to tood of food without saying anything, which is fine but weird. Yeah. I think your boyfriend made the banquet table from the movie Hook. I think he had a redwall style feast and one in the morning as if he was a vold or other woodland creature pretty strange Well anyway he seems nice. I like Mike yep, yeah, and Tiffany would be so relieved to hear that you know, oh my god Should be so happy have a parent's approval

If you have any really strong feelings about who was wrong here, who is in fact the asshole, please write into Mailbag at Buentevista.com. Cast your judgment upon Mike and Tiffany's parents. Oh you think you can do a better job at this than us? You think you could be a professional podcaster? Do you think I didn't spend 14 years at medical school for this? I remembered to close Discord a few times. Oh, good work.

Yeah, I hope I'm back up again. I just had to close it when I... It's reflexive, I know. It's hard. That's growth. That's personal growth. Hmm. Well, that's it's it for us folks. This is the first time time time time time time time ti ti ti ti ti ti ti th th th th th thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho-I tho-I tho' tho' tho' tho-I tho-I tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. to theea. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. This is the first time it's been all four of us for a while, isn't it? Yeah, it's really nice. Yeah, now. That many illnesses taking us out? Yeah, I think we, we actually have to leave this one off with a little, um, fuck, what's

the thing when you're wrong? A correction? No. I, Maya Culber. A correction? No. I feel like it is. Latin. Amaya Culper. Amaya Culper. Andrew, would you like to make an apology to the listeners? Oh yeah, Andrew?

Something you have to do something that you have to apologize? Just a little thing that you promised that you'd never do that you did? You may be... I promised I would never get the novel coronavirus, and then I got the novel coronavirus. Yeah. Somebody doesn't keep promises. Yeah. I just want to, you know, I don't mean to brag here, but, so my, what, three people in my life,

the curfewat, the current have COVID outside of people that I podcast with that is my mom, my sister, and my girlfriend and I spent the entire 48 hours before Maddie tested positive for coronavirus with Maddie. Yeah, and you were doing like all these horrible little smooches and stuff, you know, yeah, 48 hours of sustained open-mouth kissing and close proximity giggling and I did not catch the novel coronavirus. I am built different. Provably. So you're still standing on I'll never get it?

I will never get it. I am currently in isolation without the novel coronavirus for no good reason except that that's the law in Queensland. Yeah, so you say that, but... Andrew, built the same. Yeah, Andrew built the same as everyone else. All the other mugs out there, the roobes. You say that, pal, but remember that I also did a week of isolation with a COVID-positive person in my household.

Yeah, and then you caught the coronavirus. No, I didn't catch th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tha thue thue that that that thue. that that that thue. that that that that that that that that that that that that threat that that that that that that th. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. Andrews. thi. thi. Yeah and then you caught the coronavirus. No I didn't catch the coronavirus that time. It was only two weeks after that when the second kid got coronavirus. So I managed to dodge it for like two weeks I'd have to have two people with COVID in the house before it finally got me. Still, pretty suspicious that all your family members are getting coronavirus, kind of points to a weak bloodline there. That's the one thing they've got in common. That's you. All four of us have had it now so that means that theoretically I'll be immune for several weeks. So time to go out. Time to go out and kill some strangers. Shout out the novel coronavirus. Time to go out and kiss some strangers. Shout out to, I believe, listener of the show, Jimmy Veebs, who got COVID twice in like

four or five weeks. It's sad. It sucks. I promise our listeners. I will never get the novel coronavirus twice in five weeks. Wow, okay. We'll fucking say. Also, yeah, Lucy didn't get the novel coronavirus twice in five weeks. Well, okay. We'll fucking say. Also, yeah, Lucy didn't get COVID.

She just sounded like she was dying in that one. I just had something far worse than the novel coronavirus for like two weeks straight. This is one of the worst sounding things I've ever heard my whole life. We had many people replied, just being like, this is genuinely upsetting. Yeah, people tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho guys doing a voice which is very funny to me. You sounding like you're on the verge of death saying Ruth Kanda forever is one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. It was beautiful. Glad I can help. Hi folks thanks for joining us and we will catch you

ne next time or on the bonus episodes. You could be getting two episodes a week, two episodes a week, you could be doing it. You could be living in that life. See you next time everybody. Bye. Bye. the