Boonta Vista - EPISODE 247: Biblically Accurate Grimace (with Ruby Innes)

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

Lucy, Andrew and Ben are joined by Kotaku Australia's Ruby Innes to talk about: The original grimace, one day on the blotter in Nevada County, commitment-shy spiders, the sisterhood of the taxidermied rat, and Mario's penis. *** You can find Ruby at: https://twitter.com/rubyinnes *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Puentevista. This is episode 247. I am here in mid-November of 2008 in beautiful Santa Fe, New Mexico at the third international sound healing conference where leading edge researchers, practitioners, scientists, musicians and recording artists in the fascinating and fast-growing fields of sound healing, vibrational medicine, music therapy and body, mind, brain spirit research joined together in a celebration with music, dancing, singing, chanting, experiential workshops, and of course intensive learning sessions. We are all gathered here because of the global resurgence of interest in the ancient

practices of sound and vibrational healing. Forward-thinking hospitals, clinics, schools, businesses and hospices around the world are integrating these practices into their institutions. The array of sound healing applications is extensive. Let me give you some examples. Relaxation, stress control, increased circulation, sound surgery, birthing assistance, death transition, medication reduction, acupressure point stimulation, treatment room ambience, neurodevelopment remediation, productivity enhancement, auditory biofeedback, learning acceleration, increased concentration, neurophone, computer voice analysis, hydroacoustic therapy, sound massage, vibroacoustics, cymatherapy, Consciousness Raising, Sound Massage, Vibro Acoustics, Syma Therapy, Sonocytology, Simatics, Biotuning, Transstates, Thermoacoustics,

Shemanic Rituals, Chakrabalancing, Rhythmic Entrainment, Hemispheric Synchrodisation, Root Frequency Intrainment, Sound Therapy, Music Therapy, Auditory Integration, Singing, sound therapy, music therapy, auditory integration, singing, chanting, toning, overtoning, Tibetan bowls, crystal bowls, tuning forks, drumming, music, fun. I'm here dressed in flowing white linen, the unbearable weight of my crystal jewelry, barely able to restrain my excitement as I participate in talks, grease palms in the networking area, marvel at the wonders in the exhibit hall and gape in awe at the latest and sound healing technology on display in the demonstration area.

All this of course is thanks the event's wonderful sponsors. The Positive Music Association, Barbara Cox, PhD, holistic psychologist, life coach, the center for neuroacoustic research, crystal vibrations, the international sound y Association, the Light of Consciousness, Ancient Ministries Christ Center for Healing and Miracles, Soundings of the Planet, Fate Magazine, the Taos Institute for Science, Spirituality and Sustainability, and of course the Mozart Effect Resource Center. With me here is Dr. Jurgens Schiselhoffer of the Zurich Institute for Metaspatial Studies and Erotic Healing,

it's Andrew. Hi, Andrew. Hey, how's it going? That's what you, okay, and I don't want to pull back the curtain here. I'm like, I'm at a conference. Yeah, I thought maybe I gave you a few sort of, it's not like, we're not an improv podcast. We're no, I can't think of an improv podcast. Can't even improv one. But I just feel like if you,

if you heard a sort of Germanic sounding name, I said that you were from a place in Zurich. You're arriving. You'd come to the table. Yeah. Can I? So hold on. Let me get this straight.

So you're saying, you, you, you, you, you, you's name means that if they don't speak with an accent that fits your idea of that name that they're wrong? It's not very sound healing of you Ben. But if you heard the name Dr. Jürgen Schieselhofer of the Zurich Institute for Metospatial Studies and erotic healing, it's giving you a little bit of, you can have fun with that concept. Look, I'll play your perverted little game. Thank you all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. the. the. theat, theat, the. I the. I' theat, the. the. their their their their, can run with that concept. Look, I'll play your perverted little game. Thank you. All right.

Oh, hello. There we go, perfect. And moving on. Also with me is Dr. Leandra Primavera Falatio, author of, I have several crystals inside of me, and so can you. It's Lucy. Hi, Lucy. Chow. Hey, there we th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.................................................................................................................................................................................... Hey, there we go.

Now that's comedy, baby. She understood the assignments. Oh, fuck off. And also with us is Dr. Guy Lahom, head practitioner at the Nice Clinic for Soundbath Heart Bypass surgery. It's writer for Kataku Australia Ruby Ennis hi Ruby yeah where's that name from because I don't I don't know if I can do an accent man let me give you hints oh you love the stinkiest cheese and you

won't stop smoking cigarettes oh um oh yeah I'm very underqualified for this panel wow Wow. Possibly racist, but spectacularly good. Thank you. Thank you, I try. Now, I don't want to, I'm going to pull the curtain back a little tiny bit again. I know I peeped it open earlier to admonish Andrew. 97% of this list was a copy I took from an actual website. I figured you didn't just come up with that one on the fly. No, so weirdly, I thought maybe they had some bad SEO going on because I was like, oh, I'm on the website for the third international sound healing conference, which was in 2008.

Surely there have been tons since, but no, that's the website for that thing as an organisation in general. I don't thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they thi they they they they they they they thi thi thi thi thi thi. No thi. No thi. No thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi took took took took took took took took took took tho. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's the website for that thing as an organization in general. I don't think they've had one since. That's because all of those things that they do there actually medically work, so they didn't need to have another one because everyone was cured now. Yeah, everybody got together. they all learned about each other's innovations and they went on to just heal the world. Yeah everyone everyone can come now so like problem solved. It's out there nothing due to deep bass frequencies. Yeah, jazz probably. I wouldn't mind I this is the sort of woo-wo shit that I could get into, just in that like,

lying in a room somewhere being buffeted by like droning noise just feels cool. So like that's nice. That sounds kind of cool, sure. It's like that, um, what's that place that's, is it in like palm desert, where it's just like a weirdly shaped, acoustic chamber thing, where they've got like a whole woo-woo pseudoscience thing associated with it where you meant to have like You're meant to trip from how crazy the sound waves are You don't actually need to go that far what you can do is be in high school and get into a Toyota Corolla owned by a guy named Jordan

who has placed two 15-inch subwoofers directly up against the backseat facing towards the windshield of the car. You can just blast Primus directly into your ears. Yeah, and then you sit in the car and he does about 90 to 100 kilometers an hour through the suburban streets around your home. And you can feel all of your organs moving around to different places. Yeah, I mean a transcendental experience induced by listening to shake hands with beef. It's really really beautiful.

Well, that's the thing if someone, you know, shoved a big old Rhodes courts inside you and played the loudest hard style you never heard, you'd probably come on accident. Yeah, you'd feel something. That's for sure. And you'd be like, oh, how? My Jade egg shattered. Oh no. Oh no. That's why everybody's pregnant at Defcon. Yeah. Oh dear.

Are you trying to segue into something where you don't know what it is because it's something we've not done before? I tell you. I tell you,to figure this one out on the fly. I tell you, playing music that loud should be and is a crime. If I were to phone up my local police station, they would simply take up a pencil, write it down on their blotter, hang up on me, and never do anything about it ever again.

And wouldn't you, the listener, like to peruse the blotters of the police stations of the world? Well, let's do that in our new segment. Blutter Watch. You're amazing. You're like that French guy that climbs really tall buildings or whatever. Exactly the same. So this is, actually sorry, I'm going to correct myself here. I wrote down that this was some highlights from a police blotter, but this is actually all of the entries on it because I couldn't remove any of them for being boring.

This is from the police blotter from a single day for Nevada County. This is a county in the state of California, on the east of California, just near Reno and Carson City, on the other side of the border. This is the entire blotter for Monday, the second of May in Nevada County, California. Keep in mind this county has a population of about 100,000. So it's not, it's not big. It's not a massive place.

701 a.m. A caller on California Street between Broad Street and Pleasant Valley Road reported a horse that ingested so much catabus it couldn't walk three weeks ago. Oh buddy. Who amongst us? I'm all right. I'm waiting for us. Who was it? Oh buddy? Oh, buddy? Oh, we would be a good? Uh, who amongst us? I'm alright. Three weeks ago. We were just talking about the time Lucy came to my house. It just looked so much cat of us she couldn't walk. That was me, I was his horse.

Was it three weeks ago? How are you reporting this now? Oh. The reported party, sorry, the reporting party suspected foul play and requested drug work be done on the horse. So, sorry, I'd just try to clarify for the timeline here. The caller reported a horse too stone to walk three weeks ago. That's right.

And they were calling up and been like, you know what, that was weird. I should call the cobs. Or have they called up today to chase up the drug work? Is that what's happening? No, I think they've called up. Just to say my horse was really high. Three weeks ago? My horse got weed poisoning.

Which, and now that I think about it for the first time. I don't think you would need so much weed to get a horse stone. Sorry, was it their horse horse the horse? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th, th. the, the. tho. thooooooooo. theat, theat, thoooooooooooo. they're they're they're they're they you would need so much weed to get a horse stone. Sorry, was it their horse or was it just a horse that they're aware of? They reported a horse. They reported between Broad Street and Pleasant Valley Road so they were just out and about. They're using the indefinite article. Yeah, because like if it's their horse it's like obviously, you know, like they probably own some cannabis, or maybe they don't, who knows. But if it's just some horse, that's very presumptuous. Like that horse might just be tired, a little lethargic.

Maybe it took a different drug. But like three weeks ago thinking about some horse feels a lot more strange than like your horse. Yeah. You just saw a horse a horse and it jogs your memory and you're like oh the stoned horse from three weeks ago. The weed horse of course of course of course the weed horse calling the police just to say I've seen I saw an out of sorts horse almost a month ago. Almost a month ago.

Um, also at 7.01 a caller near the dead end of Wolf Road reported a palomino horse in a very small round pen without a trough. Fair enough. Yep. Get that horse some water. 7.33 a.m. A 9-11 caller near U-Bet and Red Dog Roads reported she was driving yesterday and believed someone threw a tack strip out in front of her car based on the way all four wheels popped. Now that's psychotic. Right. So those are of course, we're talking like, um, what do you call those, the spike strips? The, yeah. That's impressive.

That seems insane, but also, waited a day. Yeah, do you think she was kind of just like calling to be like, but that's kind of cool, right? It was badass. I got to do some defense driving. It was awesome. Yeah. It's not helping my search results that the TAC is a road is a the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi is a th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. the the the the the th. think I could do that. It was awesome. Yeah. It's not helping my search results that the TAC is a road-related authority in Australia. Hmm. That's suspicious.

But yeah, these are the spike strips that they throw out in front of people to... Oh yeah, look at those bad boys. Oh, goodness. But yeah, I think generally speaking, copying four flats simultaneously, a little bit on the nose. It's suspicious. I just drove my car home on all four flats and the next day I was like, you know, now that I think about it.

I actually didn't like that. You change one tire and then you go, all right, oh, oh shit. Okay, no, I see, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see the problem, I see the problem You change one tire and then you go, all right, oh shit, okay no I see the problem here. At 8 a.m. a 911 caller near Resuasw Street and Oaktree Road reported his neighbor his neighbor came over and physically assaulted him. The reporting party said the subject also dented his vehicle. Too early for that if you asked me Yeah, what time was it sorry? 8 a.m. Someone's neighbors come and call me.

Don't come and assault me and dump my car until I've had my morning coffee, am I right? Ugh. Uh, 8.54 a.m. A.C. a caller near Penn Valley Drive, Ranch Road and Broken Oak Court reported a male subject in the parking lot drinking from a can of unknown liquid. Oh, mystery liquid. The subject was talking to himself and did not appear homeless. No gives him very judgment. Leave him alone. He's drinking just like a drink. A drink.

A drink. He's having a drink. How unknown does the liquid have to be to call the cops? Officer, someone was drinking a drink and talking and I was so scared. I was so scared. I thought it was immediately informed the authorities. Do you listen to the podcast, Buntavista? Are you aware of this segment called Mystery Liquid? Because this guy was having some of it. Maybe it was a limited release beverage and this startled the cola. Maybe. It's that, um... It's like I've never seen that Fago Bo before. Yeah, the Coca-Cola, the Stars one or whatever the space-themed one they have now.

Oh, how about the gamer one? They've got a Liberty Brew. You never know. What the fuck are you talking about, Lucy? It's one they had on the 4th of July. Would be unknown if you had no enjoyment. Or maybe even a shamrock shake from McDonald's. The very specific St. Patrick's Day shake, which introduced Uncle O'Grimacy, who is a the only good palm is a dead one. Yeah, he's canonically in the I the the the the the the the the their their their they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're that the only good palm is a dead one. Yeah, he's canonically in the IRA, right? Or has our IRA ties?

Yeah, baby. King! King! But I choose to believe it's true. Yeah. We need to return to tradition when Grimmins had four arms. That was pretty cool. Excuse me? In Grimmis.

Biblical, accurate Grimmis' first iteration, he had four hours. Yeah, he looked a bit, it looked a bit kind of spider style, but then he could grab up, you know, a whole bunch of shakes and fries and everything. Oh, that's so upsetting. Riggle his fat ass down the road, you know? Well, he used to be a bad guy, and then, um, I don't know why, but one day I was, you know, on some mental illness and decided to just like look up as much McDonald's law as I could. Oh, I've been down the McDonald Land Hall also.

Yeah, right? It's so interesting. And like, Grimmus was supposed to be a bad guy, but then when they were like, perhaps not. And I think they took, got rid of his extra set of arms to make, to make, to make him him him him him him him, to make him, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, but then they were like, perhaps not. And I think they got rid of his extra set of arms to make him less threaten me. Let's do some surgery on you to make you less scary and turn that frown upside down.

What does that teach children? What, you can't have an extra set of arms, or you can't be a good person? That's fucked up. I wonder if people if people if people if people if people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people if people people people if people people people people people if people people if people people if people people their th to him before they decided to make him a good guy. Like the same way with Godzilla, Japanese audiences love Godzilla, they made him friendly, if people are like, yes I know that he has six limbs and he steals all our beverages. There's something very compelling about this purple fuck.

I like him. The other people love bad guys in pro wrestling. So like, why, why make him a good guy? See, I think I that's that that that that that that that that that that that I that that's that's that's that's that's th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I pro wrestling. So like, why make him a good guy? See I think that in the like original sort of 70s McDonald Land, I think it was a much more morally ambiguous place. You know, that's why you could have. All right, check this out. These are some of the extra characters around McDonald Land. The hamburger patch first appeared in 1973 and was part of the extra characters around McDonald land. The hamburger patch first appeared in 1973

and was part of the fictional city of McDonald's land, where McDonald's, hamburgers grew like fruit on plants in the hamburger patch. Even though hamburgers in McDonald's were anthropomorphized and spoke, they were picked by characters such as Ronald McDonald and the hamburger for consumption. You can't just be picking them up and eating them while they're talking to you. Like Mayor McChese is a burger. Yes.

Yeah, that's right. There are other ancillary characters, other ancillary characters like the McNuggett's, a bunch of regular size to chicken McNuggets. I assume people were also eating them. Yeah. Cosmic. So C. C. C. temporary character from McDonald Land, Cosmic was an alien who wore a large space suit and talked like a surfer dude. No, don't like him. Don't like his vibe. And then we had Sunday, Ronald's dog. He appeared, he appeared only... Horrid, beast!

Disgusting. Hate that creature. Oh, it's awful. Oh! Ugly. Why is he so fucked up? Oh, because he's like, he's the dog of a clown, so he has some clown attributes. He's so much. He didn't give birth to him. Why does he have to be??? to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be so horrible?. to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible? to be so horrible? to be so horrible? to be so horrible? to be so horrible. to be so horrible? to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be so horrible. Hor. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible to be so horrible. Why to be so horrible. Why to be so horrible. Why to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to be so horrible. to he has some clown attributes. He's so large. He didn't give birth to him, why does he have to be so horrid?

He's as large as Ronald. Ronald is cradling him like a child. He kind of looks like a mixture between a red cattle dog and carrot top, which is very upsetting. Not what you want in a dog. No, I want 0% carrot top in my dog. Ideally. Preferably. Well, apparently he was a total bitch as well as a character. He appeared only in the wacky adventures of Ronald, where he was animated with puppetry. Sunday often spoke negatively in a monotone, e.g. There's nothing like a good song song and that was nothing like a good song. Or, do you think we could just have a normal adventure? So they Garfield defied him.

Yeah. He's a fucking wet blanket. He's a McDonald's Garfield. He had a conflict with Hamburger, uh, when he was being sent to space for 3,000 years. When, mostly in visitors from outer space, when he called hamburger both Bunhead and Hammy and was excited when he was being sent to space for 3,000 years. Sunday was portrayed by Vern Troyer. Oh! Like physically or voice? No, the voice was D. Bradley Baker, who has done many, many, many voices.

Do you think Bunhead and Hammy are kind of considered slurs in McDonald's land? I guess so. Ronald's holding the hamburger back. So in turn, that would make Sunday not only ugly but also a racist. Yeah. Ugly on the inside and outside. It shows. Uh, 1045 AM.

A 911 caller near Pleasant Valley and Sweetland Roads reported a woman possibly having a mental issue with a teddy bear and blanket rolling around near the roadway talking to herself. Leave her alone. That's her fucking. Yeah, you don't need to call the copsway talking to herself. Leave her alone. That's her fucking- Yeah, you don't need to call the cops about this shit. 4.35 p.m. A caller near Applewood Lane requested a report on a missing rifle part that was shipped. The parcel was supposed to arrive a month ago.

The shipping company stated it was delivered, but the box was ripped open and parts were missing, including a barrel, scope and magazine. Sounds like a U problem, brother. Yeah. The person probably just needed those bits. 5.57 PM, a caller from Union Pacific reported a near miss with a 20-year-old man carrying a guitar case that was walking on the tracks and got out of the way at the last minute. The train and subject continued on. Hello please, there was a really cool guy on the tracks.

Except I nearly hit Johnny Cash somehow. And finally, 8.17 PM, a caller near memory lane and cameo drive reported a retired Sacramento County deputy in a red van pulled someone over and showed them their badge. Oh that's bad. Oh yeah you know I'm in all right I was trying to figure out what was relevant about that but it was the retired part. Yeah that's not an active police officer that seems bad. Also what are those street names Jesus memory lane? Memory Lane? Camerley Drive Americans live in Goo Goo Goo World I swear to God. What are those street names? Jesus Christ. Memory Lane? Camero Drive. Americans live in Goo Goo World. I swear to God.

Memory Lane. Fuck off. All of these calls to police. Completely pointless. Waste of my time. Not necessarily crimes, oftentimes, these ones. The assaults, you know. Oh, yeah.

That's the only crime that's not allowed. But the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the rest of the the the the the thems thems themes thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th one. That's the only crime that's not allowed. But the rest of them is just like, there was a guy and I was so scared. Yeah, I wish I could have identified that beverage. I wish I could have identified it so bad. Someone was standing around and I just couldn't take it anymore. I think all of these people, all of these people need to take on the, I guess, the Australian approach to dealing with these problems, which is that you don't call the police about every little thing. That's what Facebook groups are for. Yeah, it's from knocking on someone and you incredibly.

That's what Marrickville rances for, baby. Has anybody seen a car in their neighborhood? Four days ago. What, what's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is the the th is the th is th is th is the tha? What's the tha? What's in their neighborhood? I saw a Turkish man. Four days ago. What's the deal with that? Has anyone encountered a dastardly Turk? It's just what next door is, all day long. I saw an ethnic man. Anyone else see this guy?

Man, possibly southern European scene. So bad. We'll provide updates as this story continues. Drinking a mystery drink. Yeah. I wanted to know what it was. Did anybody know what that drink was? Get a good look at that can? I couldn't tell if it was a Pilsner or a cider or an IPA?

It was... I've done the first two zeros, and if no one can chime in the next 15 minutes to tell me what that beverage is I'm hitting the third. Oh my goodness. All right. Yep. What you got there Andrew? So hey these are some of the crazy things that you can see when you're just out there in the world you know you leave your house and you might encounter all sorts of things like for instance That you might see a man drinking out of a can and that can be very upsetting Can't make you want to call the police, but there's all kinds of cool things out there too Perhaps animals insects even why don't we check some of them out right now?

Nature Corner Country Roves take me home Nature Corner. This is a press release from Cell Press. These male spiders catapults at impressive speeds to flee their mates before they get eaten. No, I've been there. Am I? Sounds like my ex-wife. I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Women! Oh, Can't live with them. Can't live with them. Can't live with them. Oh, they will eat you. They will eat you right after you have sex with them. Let them, unless. Let women eat. They are hungry.

Hold space. Eat the guy that you just had sex with. To it. You are valid. Queen boss. After males of the orb-weaving spider, Philopanella, Prominens, mate with a female they quickly launch themselves away, researchers report on April 25th in the journal Current Biology. Using a mechanism that hasn't been described to four, the male spiders use a joint in their first pair of legs to immediately undertake a split-second catapult action, flinging themselves away from their

partners at impressive speeds clocked up at up to 88 centimeters per second. Yeah, I made a guy like that once. Why this MF spider guy in Brunswick? Is that something? Men be like. Man be like this. I'm going to quote tweat this with like. Men be like.

And then get 10 million retweets. Yeah, maybe like going away at 86 centimeters per what second? Yeah, which I don't think it's actually that fast for a person, but it's very, it's pretty fast for a spider. I could go 88 centimeters pretty quick. Yeah. I think it's like 3 kilometers an hour. I did the maths a week ago. Uh, uh. that. that. that. that. that. that. that is. that is. that is. that is. that is. that is. that is that is that is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a th. that's a th. that's a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. Yeah. It's. Yeah. It's. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. It's th. I think that's about it's fairly fast. Good on you, dude. I think it's like three kilometers an hour. I did the maths a week ago, so that is possibly wrong.

You're right, that's fast for a spider. It's three kilometers an hour. That is half of walking speed. So you could probably do that, like pretty easy. So men really do be like, I guess. They do be going at a reasonable pace. They slowly walk away from you to get a glass of water after you've had sex. They're doing exactly what this spider does. You're just like a spider. I'm a little disappointed. I was kind of hoping that the webs would be involved somehow that maybe they would have rigged something up.

So that right when they're done nutting they're like you know chop a cable and get like get whisked out of there yeah kind of sick instead they're just sort of jumping backwards yeah but the catapulting which sounds way cooler that does sound cool quote we found that mating was always ended by a catapulting which is so fast that common cameras could not record the details clearly, says Xi Chang-sheng of the Hube University in Wuhan China. Oh! Hey, don't! Don't!

Don't! No, that shit. If you can find a way to tie that into a coherent joke other than making the noise, I will allow it. What you got? If you find a way to tie that into a coherent joke other than making the noise, I will allow it. What do you got? Please, please move on. Okay. The reason the males catapult themselves is simple.

To avoid being eaten by the female in an act of sexual cannibalism. The few males, the researchers saw that didn't catapult, were promptly captured, killed and consumed by their female partners. And those are allies allies their allies their allies their allies their allies their allies their allies their allies to allies to allies to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. We. We. We. Wea. I toe. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I thease. I try. I try. I try. thea. I thea. thea. Please. I tooo. Please. Please. I their female partners. And those are allies. That is Praxis, I think. He's like, I'll stay here and get eaten, Queen. And it honestly work. Whatever you need. Work. Ugh.

When the researchers prevented males from catapulting, they met the same fate. Very ominous way to word that, in a press release from a journal article. Trying to, to jump, to, to jump, to jump, to jump, to jump, to jump to jump to jump their to jump their their their to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their practice, their practice their practice their practice, their practice, their practice, their practice, their practice, their, their, their, their, I their, I their. their. their. their their their. their their. their their.a.a, their.a, their.a, their.a, their their their their tha, tha.a, tha.a.a.a.a.a, tha.a, tha.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a, tha, tha, tha that press release from a channel article. Trying to jump backwards after nutting and there's just a hand there. Just a tip of a figure just be like a loop. It's prodding you back in the other direction. Oh weird he got eaten when I did that. Shang and- It does seem kind of horrendously mean. Like I know I'm anthropomorphous, yeah, that one, a scientist, a spider, but like... I think the scientist is already a human. No, I don't consider nerds to be people.

Fair enough. to be people. Zhang and his colleagues made this discovery while studying sexual selection in this spider spider which lives in communal groups of up to 300 individuals in a web complex with many individuals with many individual webs inside it so they're poly, keep that in mind. Of 155 successful matings they reported that 152 ended with the male catapulting. All those catapulting males survived their sexual encounters. The three males that didn't catapulting. All those catapulting males survived their sexual encounters. The three males that didn't catapult were killed. Another 30 prevented by the

researchers from catapulting also got killed and eaten by the female. So you killed them. You killed them. Yeah don't say that like, don't say we're killed. Don't use the passive voice. We're killed by the scientists. A scientist involved eating, I think. What happened? Yeah. Scientists involved spider catabolism. We don't know where the catabolism came from. We can't say anything at this time, not until the inquest is done.

Who could have thought? Not me! Scientists just like I couldn't even know about it. I mean I was there, sure. Was I there? Yes. Was my finger involved? I did turn off my scientist body camera just before. It happened so there's no way for us to really check. Also, I was asleep. Also, my brother was playing. Also, I was blindfolded. Couldn't have been me. I don't know. The spider had, um, what's the thing that cops say people have so they can kill them? They're like agitated excitation or excitable aggression or something along those lines? Yeah. Anyway, this is about cops murdering people and getting away with it. With high-resolution video cameras, the researchers calculated an average peak speed of cataboling spiders at about 65 centimeters per second.

speeds ranged from about 30 centimeters per second to almost 90 centimeters per second. They also accelerated at an average speed of about 200 meters per second per second. Now that is crazy. That is crazy. That is 20 gs of acceleration. That's really really fast. Yeah I could probably also do that. I think people start passing out at like... Lucy you should know this you're a plane person. When do we start passing out from acceleration? I don't know. Geez, I couldn't tell you. Two.

Never gone that fast. Uh, oh, sorry, four or five. About four or five G's we pass out because we can't get the blood to our hearts or whatever. Right. And the spider is doing four to five times that. Which is fucking nothing. They have less blood. Do spiders?

Do they spiders have blood? Do they have blood? Oh, do they've got the acid in them like the aliens in aliens? Spiders have blood? They do not have true blood. I believe. Oh, love that show. Yeah, they prefer the thing of Paradari's. They have hema lymph. So that you're saying they have a type of juice?

They've got he hemolymph. So... It sounds like blood, like you're saying hemo. Humph is a fluid that's analogous to blood in vertebrates, but it's in arthropods. So spider blood. Yeah, they've got... They don't have blood. They have spider blood. Yeah, which makes sense.

Yeah, because they're spiders. The males manage to catapult at these speeds by folding their tibia metatarsis joint against the female, which I don't know if you guys have tried that one, but it is absolutely crazy. When released, hydraulic pressure allows for rapid expansion. The joint in question lacks extensor muscles in spiders, they explain. Quote, we observe that males can't that males that males that males that males they they they they they they they they they they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have that males they have they have that male they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have they have Quote, we observed that males could not perform the catapuling, were cannibalized by the female, Jan says. It suggests that this behavior evolved to fight against female's sexual cannibalism under strong predation pressure of females.

Did you need the study to figure that out? I think you kind of have to observe it a couple of times before you can write it down. I think that's why science is mostly tedious. I think the scientific method has really gummed up the works in looking at observable phenomenon and being like, cool. Yeah, it's just works like that. That's like so much work goes into the whole like bouncing away that like they probably should just get eaten. Yeah, I mean surely the next evolution in this spider would be like one that doesn't have to exert all the energy to get away and it's just like

so charismatic that the female doesn't eat it. I think the next evolution is that the females also develop a catapulting ability and they just shoot forward at the same time. So they have sex and then they both just fly across the branch and she eats him anyway. That's when we'll reach true equality. That's right. They do the, uh, women deserve catapulting behavior. So true. So true. Quote, females may use this behavior to judge the quality of a male during mating, he adds, if a male could not perform catapulting, then kill it. And if a male could perform it multiple times, then it accepts it's sperm.

That's beautiful. Wait so, he's coming back after he's catapulted away. I guess. She's just like, it's so lovely to meet you. Hey, wait a fucking second. Ladies always be chasing the men that don't want them. Am I right? I think that's true, right? And then they eat the ones that do. So true.

Damn. Spiders really are. God women be like, ugh! In future studies, they hope to explore the role of catapulting ability in male mating success. It feels like they already did. I feel like they explored it. They explored it thoroughly in... They've studied it. Yeah, I think they got it.

You know, maybe... No more. They could probably just be like, we wipe your hands and turn onto something else now. I don't know, like the environment. See what's going on there. Cancer, things of that nature. Yeah, they're spending so much time on these man-eating spiders that they're not even curing cancer. Right? What the hell? Yeah, it's time to put scientists on blast. Yeah, I'm canceling all scientists that aren't curing cancer right now. Also, ones that are working on the things that will affect me shortly in my life, lower

back pain, knee pain, you guys are good. Keep doing what you're doing. If there are any scientists working on why everyone feels so tired all the time, that would be cool as well. Keep going on that. I'd love to, love to have a cure to that. And I want, I want more scientists trying to figure out which type of crystals are going to make me come. Yeah. I think there are a lot of people working on that. Yeah. At least based on that more, I say more. More. I get that there are a bunch of devices already that can make me come. I would prefer them to be crystal-based. I want to. Put a crystal in it. There's a burgeoning market. There's absolutely rose cords deal those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But are they like hollowed-out ones

with a vibrating mechanism in them? Because I feel like that would really make the difference. No, I think you go in the other direction, Ben, which is rather than making the sex toys out of crystals and then making that vibrate, I think you just make normal vibrators, but do the thing that they've been fooling like stupid guy audio files with for decades. Where you go. Oh Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh we they they they they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like they're like th. Oh th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, like, like, like, like, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. Oh, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. Oh, th. Oh, neural beats. Yeah, oh, we run this circuit through a crystal and now it sounds really good and that'll be $10,000. Yeah, just make the satisfy a pro too but put the Chaos Emerald inside it. Yeah, put some courts in there.

Put some, put some tiger's eye. Yeah. It's not a, you know, there's all kinds of things you do. Is tigar's eye a rock? Yes. That's just a rock, right? It's a semi-precious stone, I believe, like amethyst, you know. Oh, amethyst isn't a crystal? Is Amethyst a crystal. Is a crystal not a semi-precious stone? On... Ooh, oh! Yeah.

Amethyst is so good. It's crystalline courts. Yes, that's a crystal. It's a variety of courts. But Tiger, tiger, eye, tiger eye. That's just a rock. That's a rock. That's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a th boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. that's a that's a th. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a thi. thi. thiououou. that's a thiouou. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. It's a tha. Ita. Ita. It's a tha. Ita. Ita. It's a tha. Ita. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a thia. It's a thia. It's a thia. It's a thia. It's a thia. It's a th, is that's a rock. That's a rock. That's a rock.

Boo! It doesn't have any of the cool properties of Amethyst, like encouraging connection and love with others and oneself. Put it in the Dildo. You know, I've looked at four pages of results on Etsy for Crystal vibrator and they're either regular the vibrators that come into sort of crystal-esque finish but aren't made of crystals or they're just crystal dildos I think there's a gap in the market there. Going incognito mode for the following searches. I was also an incognito

mode for that. Maybe it's bad for your pH balance. Maybe let's let's get Gwyneth on this. I think if anyone has the understanding of this issue and where it perfectly merges with capitalism, it's Gwyneth. Yeah. Is the understanding or like just like the pure unadulterated delusion? Yeah. Because I live for it. I think it's fantastic. I think, I thinkterated delusion. Yeah. Willingness to sell it. I think it's fantastic. I think, I think how incredibly delusional it is is, fuck, it's awesome.

Because it's like, oh yeah, no, if I put in a crystal egg in my in my cooch, my life is going to go swimming. Things are just going to start looking up. Do you reckon she's a true believer? But is she shilling products or does she actually think this shit works? Because it's kind of damning if she has like all the money in the world, access to all of the like health care, mental health care, like comforts. She has no wants or needs for anything. And she still is like, there's something missing in my life I need to you know I need to shelve a jam like that's I think she's fine into it yeah I guess the question yeah the

question to me isn't so much does she believe it the question is is she shelving the jam? Yes. Do we think Gwyneth is popping the jade egg in the pussy? I think she's got one in right now? Whatever she is, whatever she's doing. Sleeping with one eye open and one egg up there. Good on her. Rock on chickas! Love it. Living for it. Oh with a jade egg in my pussy I would be feeling sky high. And what else is up there? That's right, baby. It's planes! Ah, this is your captain speaking. Please return your seat to their upright positions as

we are coming in hot on another edition of Plainly Speaking. You got there. You got there from Jadegg in my pussy. That's good. It's good. It's an art. Lucy, what's up in the sky? I don't know. I'm just seeing your name there in a document. Yeah, I'd actually, I'd put your name in brackets next to this, Andrew for, um... For this thing that says Lucy.

You definitely didn't do it just then. Well, I didn't see the, um, let's feel the the the it just then. I didn't see you writing it in the document. I can see the, let's spill back the curtain here. I've written Lucy shit next to it because this combines this story and I don't want to give away what it's about but it combines two of Lucy's favorite interests. So it is Lucy's shit, but it wasn't. So the way that it was the plain segment, and you said it combines two of her favorite interests and you had Lucy shit written next to it. Brackets Andrew, that's right. Well, but that part only just went in.

Well, yeah, that's right. From KSLTV in Salt Lake City, Utah, woman reunited with taxidermy rat, eight months after losing it at SLC Airport. So when you just wrote Lucy Shit, what did you mean by that? Your two favorite things, planes, and rats, because you're kind of a rat girl. Like you were always a rat girl. You love rats, you defend rats every time we make fun of rat ownership on this podcast. I think I'm talking about rats that much but right. Every single time you're like, as if you're admitting like one of your most deeply held secrets you're like I don't know I think rats are pretty cool it was nice to have a rat rat's how cute got girls will have a rat they're like they're like little guys have you owned a rat fuck no

absolutely not uh stinky but like I like to see them in the city doing things. I'm a rat viewer. Right, right. So you like those stories where it's like, a rat carried a whole slice of pizza by himself. God, yes. God, yeah. It's like seeing a normal man carry something large. It's like, wow, like pulling a car.

It's like, that a car. It's like that's just like super man. God that's awesome but then you see a rat doing it and people like disgusting foul beast. But but me I'm like that's an impressive feat because he's just a little man. Just a little guy getting out there doing his business. And they got those little hands. They've got those little hands. They're the little rat of two hands. Yeah it's great. It's a that's just that's just that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just a th. It's just just a th. It's just just just just a th. It's just just th. It's just th. It's just that's just that's just that's just th. th. that's just that's just that's that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just th. th. th. th. that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's just a th. th. th. that's just a th. th. th. that's just a th. that's just th. th. th doing his business. That's just a little fella. And they got those little hands. Those little rat-toey hands. Yeah, it's great. I think that they're spectacular. I don't want to, like, I've held one before because they're, they're are domesticated rats and like they, I think I personally prefer like feral wild rats more because I think that they can you know they live a truth care of themselves and you know they can deal with the wild and I think that's quite beautiful

but like they got more character rats and yeah exactly they've lived through more they're more like a man than than a rat and I think that's just so interesting, you know? But like with domesticated rats, like you can hold one and be like, this is a fat little freak and it's also my friend. So that's nice. But like, I do love, I do love seeing a wild rat just rolling around and some garbage in the Sydney CBD, I live for it. Because you know what, we all wish we could do that and we can't, because it's th,

I live for it. Because you know what, we all wish we could do that and we can't because it's frowned upon. But a rat, a rat can do anything. It's true. Rats use the secret. Except for this rat, because this rat is dead. A traveler has tracked down a special souvenir at the Salt Lake City International Airports lost and found after seeing a Kassell T. the taxidermid rat was ra-rat the rat the rat the rat the rat th rat the rat th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-up, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It's is the. It is the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's todde. It's toda. It's toda. It's toda. It's today, today, rat was one of the oddest items the staff had come across, but they bonded with their new so-called office mascot, not knowing the owner would surface eight months later.

For nearly a year, the rat named Stewart. Shoeck. Short had become a fixture at the airport's lost and found. This is like, all right, the following quotes are some really bleak office shit to me. Yeah, they're playing a picture. Like, this is a fun little news story, but I immediately feel, I immediately feel the glow of the tube lights above me when I hear this. Quote, it was fun. He just sat right here, right in the trees, said airport lost and found supervisor Brett Christensen. We started getting hats for him. He's got a cowboy hat and a black top hat.

We have fun. We have fun here at the airport. We're quirky. We're kooky. We found her dead rat. Now we're playing with her. Little cowboy hat is like one of the most the Dickens things you can put on something. That is pretty funny to put on a rat. Yeah. Yeah. But I do like branching out into the black top hat for a night on the town. That's Friday. You switch him. That's a fancy man over there. That's a man with money. He probably came here in a limousine. That taxidobic rat surely came here on business class. No one claimed Stewart until our report aired last week. Carrie Poulson couldn't believe it when she heard the news.

My husband called and he said, you're not going to believe it. You know that rat you've been mourning? That rat was already dead. Wasn't even like, hey remember Stuart? You know that rat you've been mourning? Oh which one? That rat shaped hole in your heart? Oh yeah you're gonna have to specify. I mourn a lot of dead rats. God, you're gonna need to narrow it down significantly. Last August, Paulson flew back to Salt Lake City from New York where she had taken a taxidomy class but left the rat behind at the gate. So she talked to the taxidomy class and they let you take the rat home?

So she... Sign me, but... She went to New York for a holiday? She went from... Oh, see I, because we've been assuming that women be having pet rats, I was like, this is her pet rat, right? No. Yeah, no, she's just got up from a class. Okay, because I was like, did you fly from Salt Lake City to New York with a dead rat on you and take it to a taxidermy class and then bring her back? But I don't think that's what happened. I think what she's done is, she's done the classic thing when she's gone, gone for a holiday to New York, she's seen Manhattan she's got a big slice of pizza she went to upstate New York she looked at the fall foliage and then she taxidermy to rat and

flew home. And that was the last thing to do in the big city. Just taking it off your bucket list classic New York style rat taxidermy. Oh it's on every list it's on every what to do in New York list taxidermy. Oh it's on every list it's on every what to do in New York list taxidermy a rat. There's plenty there so they're just like we got heaps you should all come. That's true maybe it's subsidized by the city by like New York City will pay you to taxidomy a rat because you've got to the rat to do it. That's a good initiative. They like if they're stuffed because then they're not on the street. Oh, that's grim. You get to the taxidemy class, but there's just like a couple of Department of Health people

there with clipboards. And as you all arrive, they're like, cool, all right, let's go and they take you down the street to just a restaurant the restaurant the restaurant the restaurant the restaurant. the restaurant the restaurant. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the into the kitchen. They go into the kitchen to take all the hats off? You can just... They're like, where is he? Get him. And then you get to take it back then, you know, pull this little guts out.

And the mayor is there and he's like, thank you so much for helping. Everybody gets a ribbon. So she watched the story on Sunday and filed a claim that night on the airport's website. The next morning KSL TV's Tamara Fahnua, sorry everybody, met her at the office for the sweet reunion. Quote, he looks fantastic, thank you. This is like a miracle, a wonderful little miracle. So I mean, of course he looks fantastic. I mean, obviously,

he's a taxidermy rat, but yeah, he's wearing a hat. He's in stasis now because of the taxidermy. Oh, he still looks like that. It's not what I expected. It works. It's all that's cracked up to be. Incredible. Oh, it's so crazy. I was expecting him to be rotting, but he's actually got a hat on and he looks real neat. Oh, he looks richer than last time I saw him. Man, we're gonna need to keep that hat. Yeah. Oh. And they got a taxidomy, a rat. It's a whole cycle. You know, vicious cycle.

She had a good laugh about it. Quote, last couple of years have been kind of tough, so this is just like a solid win for the travel industry and for taxidermists everywhere. Paulson said, what way? In what way? So, so the thing went wrong on your holiday. And like you lost your taxidermy and the airport fucked up. That's it.

Who's this a win for? I guess they didn't fuck up. She just like left her own shit at the airport. I shouldn't blame the airport for that. Don't leave your taxi-dermied rat. Like have you just put it down on the table? Because you're holding it in your arms the whole time you're walking walking through the airport. I feel like a taxidermy rat is an item that you mail back to yourself, personally. That's checked baggage, I reckon.

I'd put that in with my sundries. I'm not taking that through security having to be like, that's mine. Also is that not something you would keep your eye on at all times? It's got to be the most tha. th.. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not that. It's not that's not that's not that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, to be the most personal. That's the last thing I'd want to lose. Because then I'd have to pick it up. And you're like, yeah, it's me. Hi, yeah, I left the rat here. The rat lady? Mm, it's mine.

She told the staff she's got a fantastic idea for a gift that will make them feel better. While she wouldn't reveal what it is, they got her feeling they may have a new lost and found mascot soon. Is she going to taxi do me a new rat or is she just sending back that rat? I think she's just going to send them a dead rat and say you guys got to get out to this class in New York City. One for each person and then it's just a letter that doesn't have a name on it just says rats to you. It just the the the the the the the the th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It's th. It's th. It's th th th th is th th th th is just th is just th is just th is just th. It's th th is just th. It's th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th is th is th is th is th is th is the the the the the the the the the theeeee thee the the the the the the the the the the, it just says rats off to you. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patrion.

It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes. It's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, theeeea, thea, thea, thea, thea''''''a'a'a'a'a'a'a, tho. thea, th episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access to our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon. thu. toon. Oh dear. Some people would love to see a little rat rolling around in the garbage, just like Ruby. Some people, however, would grab the nearest thing to hand and immediately try to smash it to pieces. Perhaps even a lead pipe. She's mighty angry, ready to start a fight. With a lead pipe.

She's in red, she's swinging lead. Gonna hit you in the head, yeah. With a lead pipe. It's the segment where we ask people, what would you smash with a lead pipe if you could? And I figured for this episode that we would ask Ruby, hey, what video game characters would you love to beat to a pulp if you had the opportunity? And thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to do so because the second you said it I was like I know exactly who I would want to I have six in fact on my list. The first ones similar to a rat actually the

rabbits from the Rayman series otherwise known as the video game Minions. The Raving Rabbids. The Raving Rabbids. They are horrid beasts, ugly and annoying. Buck-toothed and cock-eyed. They just look all kinds of fucked up. And the noises. The noises. It's not good. You don't love to hear it, honestly.

The thing is, there was a game called Mario Rabbit's Kingdom Battle for the Switch. Great game. I like, I would compare it to XCOM too. It's a fantastic grid turn-based strategy game. I quite like it and the rabbits were there unfortunately, but the game itself fantastic. So it hurts my big, busty heart to say that I would beat them to death with a lead pipe. I would do that. Was there a similarly to the Xcom games permadeath?

Could you lose Mario permanently in grid combat with a tiny fucked up little rabbit guy? Permanently? Oh, I don't think you could. And the funny thing is is that Mario is actually also on this list so hey he may be facing perma Death soon by me. Mario, he is too proud and needs to be knocked down a peg. I feel like, you know, he's always had it so good, he's always gotten the girl, you know,

his own brother has the last name Mario, because Mario's last name is canonically Mario. And I think that's quite sad, because at the end of the day, you're going to look at your driver's license. I'm assuming Luigi has his peas. And he's always going to look at it. And not only is the peas license red, which is a harrowing reminder of his horrible,

tiny brother, but he also sees the name Mario every time and it probably breaks his elongated heart. I only say that because he is slightly taller than his brother. You're stretching. Yeah, it's a bit stretching. Well, like, I had a conversation about this the other day, specifically, like, which Mario character would probably have like the biggest, but also most proportionally correct penis. Luigi. It's Luigi. It's Luigi.

Because the thing is, Mario, I think it just, you know, it just wouldn't be popping. Wario, Choad, for sure. Hauligi. Well, Luigi. Well, the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, th, like, like, like, th, th, like, like, th. Which, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. it just wouldn't, wouldn't be popping. Wario, Chode, Chode, for sure. Hues for sure. Wallaweeji, long, but very thin. So narrow. So narrow. So narrow. Like, like, a sausage in a hallway, you know, like just not given it to you.

And then Bowser doesn't count because he is not a man. If he had sex with him tha fucked up. Yeah, don't fuck a lizard. And if you if you did several drawings of him having sex with a person that would be pretty fucked up as well. Yeah, if you that'd be pretty gross. That'd be pretty gross. It would be so weird if you like looked that up as well. Right now if you googled that, it'd be so crazy if you to do that. Bowser, having sex with a woman on Deviant Art. If you look that up, that'd be crazy. Don't do that. Are the Mario Brothers circumcised?

Okay, no, I have an answer for this. Mario, no. Luigi, yes, but that's only because he was born with his foreskin too tight. Oh, he had the adult, adult circumcision. So he had to. Yeah. I was wondering if that's my, that's my answer. I was very quick to say it. I was wondering if they be Catholic because they're Italian, you know. Yeah, I was thinking Catholic. Yeah, Roman Catholics. Catholics. Do they th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's the the the the the the the the older the older the the older the older the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. th. th. That's th. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. thooo. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the th Catholic. Yeah, Roman Catholics. Catholics, Catholic's... They don't. No, in that case, forget about it. So, raised Roman Catholic, I know all about it. But I do not have a penis, so I don't know,

I don't want to anticipate you here, but if Mario is on the list and the rabbits are on the list, how do you feel about rabbit Mario? Wait, isn't that just a... It's like... It's like... It's like... It's a lot of charisma. Yeah, well that's the thing. Like, the rabbits when they're dressed up as other characters, they can kind of get away with it because like they mock, like he mocks Mario. And andthey all mock the characters and I think that's funny because bullying is always a good idea. This is sort of an enemy of your enemy is your friend type situation. Yeah. But like I get what you're saying though that like Mario, everybody else is always like the butt of the joke, you know,

even though Mario will kind of, it'll fall over every now and then or maybe he'll go, wow! But other than that, I mean, I know I'm always going on about the Mickey Mouse shorts that are all on Disney Plus, where they're like new Mickey Mouse cartoons, but they have almost like Ren and Stimpy type......... the, you, you, you. they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they. Yeah. they. they. they. they. Yeah. they. Yeah. they, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they're, even. they're, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even. Even. Even. Even. Even. Even. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're like new Mickey Mouse cartoons, but they have almost like Ren and Stimpy type. Oh, they're funny. Yeah, oh, they're really good. They're funny. My favorite bit was there was one where like Minnie fell down and then like Mickey's like, uh, and then he runs up to it and he just goes, what happened? I think about that. But what, one of the things I really like about it is that they have Mickey look like shit

some of the time. Like he looks, sometimes he looks like weird and panicked and he freaks out and he does like negative stuff. He's not just always like Mr. Sunshine, you know to Donald Duck's nasty bitch. And I think that's Mario could stand to look like a piece of shit. the the the th th th th th th th th th shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. th shit. th th shit shit shit. th th shit. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they they they they they they they they they they they have they have they have they have they have they have they they they have they they have they have they have they they have they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they have they they have they have they have they have they have they have thi thi thi thi have thi have thi have thi have have have have have have have have to have have have have have to have have have thi have have have to have like like like like like like like like like like like to have to look like that's Mario's problem. I think Mario can stand to look like a piece of shit sometimes. Exactly. Now another one I've got here is Tom Nook from Animal Crossing. I've written here, makes me pay money to him unacceptable. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't think anybody should be taking money from me. No argument here. I, it's been a long time since I played three hours of animal crossing in the Nen, never touched again during the start of the lockdown from the novel coronavirus.

But I got 500 hours in so, hold up all of the opposite. Do you, uh, so the sort of the fictional world you're presented with is you've arrived by whimsical seaplane on this island of which Tom Nook is some sort of patriarchal figure or broker or something. And he keeps just being like, hey man, you are 10 not coin in the hole to me. But don't worry buddy, I got you. But then he keeps, he keeps being like, hey, you're another 25 grand in the whole to me. Do you think that the character that you are in this game, which is ostensibly you as a little guy, knew about this arrangement before being dropped on this island with no chance

of escape? Well, with the most recent one, I'm not too sure. So I've played every Animal Crossing game since the very beginning. And with the very first game, okay, that is slightly untrue only because the very first animal crossing game was an N-64 title solely released in Japan. So the West, their first title was on GameCube. And so I played that and uh, in this animal crossing and the most recent one, it's hard to say but in the first one You come to this place and You're like, oh this is great. Oh, and I get a house. This is so awesome and Tom looks like yeah, you do get a house Isn't that great? You probably feel so comfortable right now? That's 50 bajillion dollars by the way you swine you poor cunt what is wrong with you give me money right now and then you're like oh I don't have any money like it's just thrown

on you like you get a free house however yeah so please so are you guys tell them me that Tom Nook is basically one of those guys who puts up like Craigslist ads that say free rent you can come you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to basically one of those guys who puts up like Craigslist ads that say free rent you can come and live with my pub. You just have to suck me off every day. You've got to be nude in the living room. You can't have pants, you can't have any pants and we have a no closed doors policy but all about the groceries and pay the bills. The first sentence is always like must be very chill. Yep. You must be very doubt with the groceries and pay the bills. The first sentence is always like, must be very chill. Yep.

It's like, you must be very doubt with the idea that I need several hand jobs a day. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you, Tom Nook. Yeah. Fuck you, Tom Nook. Okay. I got one more I'm gonna do.

All right. Have any of you played Eldon Ring? Yes. Yes. Sounds like one-thing. I've seen a lot of pictures from it. Yeah. It was the big game. It was a big game. And I played an hour of it before I gave up because it was hard. And I don't play games that I don't like immediately. I'm on the same system. Look, I feel comfortable in myself, man. Like yes, I do be writing about video games, but if I'm playing a game and it is not only cruel to me, but I move too slow, I'm going to stop playing it.

And I'm going to play Kirby instead, which is exactly what I did. I moved to the baby game and I felt to too the the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby game the baby going to stop playing it. I'm going to stop playing and I'm going to play Kirby instead which is exactly what I did. I moved to the baby game and I felt proud. I had the new Kirby game was good. You could new Kirby game rules. 10 out of 10. Okay. Fantastic game. But however in my short time of playing Eldon Ring I did meet one beast that I would beat to death with a lead pipe and that and that that would be the baby. I the baby the baby the baby the baby th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. I th. I th. I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thooooo the thoooo the. I the. I th one beast that I would beat to death with a lead lead pipe, and that would be Bock the Seamster, who is a human monkey thing that is a tree when you meet him, and you're walking around this place and he's like, oh, help me. My life is so, oh, oh, excuse me. And like he keeps talking at you, but you have no idea what's going.

I had to look this shit up. I had to be like, why is there a voice yelling at me in this area where there is clearly no person. He got turned into a tree among a bunch of other trees, so you have to hit the tree and he turns into an ugly fool. Like I, he turned, trees are pretty, but I hit this tree and then suddenly I was greeted with a foul, putrid being and then he's like, oh thank you one day I'll help you I can't help you right now I'm like why did I even help you then? He looks fucked up. He looks fucked up. I don't like I just all I wrote here was Boc the Seamster

in Eldon Ring dash ugly. Yeah correct yeah he's filthy. Filty and and he doesn't even it's just I I didn't like when he was like oh Thank you so much maybe a little this will help her I'll see you later it's like I don't want to help you again man I don't like seeing you he looks like someone took Ross's monkey from friends and put a little like page boy garb on him and send him out to hassle people for money on the street. I don't like him. He's ugly. Disgusting. Yeah, and I was like if I have to see beasts like that again, I'm just gonna play the

game, I'm just gonna play like the cocoa melon game that like shoots colors in my face and makes me feel happy, you know? Like sensory overload, I don't mind that. I prefer that to being attacked by a giant crab and being told I'm a virgin by the first person I meet. I have been playing a lot of it, but it is the first from software game where I have, like, gotten further than that point of spending.

I feel I can spend a while playing Bloodborne, guests of the show Tim sent me a copy that he had, and playing that for a while and just being like, I am not enjoying this game, which seems designed to punish me and specifically like does not tell me anything about how to do anything or what is happening. And I got out of that. Yeah fair. I feel you. And those are the characters from video games that I would look dead in the eyes and say this day is your last and beat them to death with a lead pipe. Right when they're in the middle of telling you whether they have any last requests just first open their

mouth. I'm like sorry this isn't talk back radio there are no requests here goodbye. Excellent. Well I think that's it for us this week Ruby where can people see more of you, read more of you, things like that. You can find me at the place where I work, Kataku, Australia, where I... Don't go down there. No, don't actually come there. No, I don't want to see you. Sorry, that sound really rude. Just, no, I prefer, like, let's keep a distance of online. That would be great. You can read my horrid, filthy garbage on Kataku, Australia. I'm also on Twitter at Ruby Innes where it's all worse and isn't related to anything.

A lot of drawings of Bowser having sex with women. Yeah, so if you like that, you will be thrilled. If you went to Deviant art and looked that up, which we told you not to do, but you really enjoyed it, head over to mine and you'll see a picture of Jaja Binks just spreading cheeks. Yeah, and the noid is there, so yeah. Oh dear. Well, that's it everybody. Ben, do you have any final thoughts for the week? Um, lean into winter. It's almost here. Get ready for it. Start thinking about what soups you're going to be doing. Mm-hmm. Get a flanow now. Get yourself a new one. But like new for you, but go to an up shop and just really

make it the flanow of this winter for you. New winter, new winter and to winter. the winter. the winter. the winter. to winter. to winter. to winter. to winter. to to to winter. the winter. to winter. to winter. the winter. the winter. th, th, the winter, the winter, th, the winter, th, the winter, the winter, th th th the winter. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the winter. It's the winter. It, the winter. It, the winter. the winter. th. the winter. the winter, the winter, the winter, the winter, the winter, the winter, the winter, the to to to to to to to to the to to to the the to the the the the the the the the the thi thi the winter. really make it the flanow of this winter for you. New winter, new you, new flanno from an up shop. Go crazy with it. There are so many of them. And the good thing about buying a flanow is you've got like five sizes of wiggle room for it to still be an appropriate size. So just pick one based on color from any part of the sizing rack. Just go for it to still be an appropriate size. So just pick one based on color from any part of the sizing rack. Just go for it. Unless it's from the kid section. And you're, you know, like a grown adult, that probably won't work. But try. I just got a purple flannel, bloody loving it.

Yeah, there you go. See? It's the flannel of the winter. Beautiful. Thanks for to to to next time everybody. Bye. Bye.