Boonta Vista - EPISODE 259: Here Comes The Grunter (with Tom Walker)

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

Comedian, actor, gamer and lover Tom Walker joins Lucy and Ben to discuss: A man plagued by boners, an American town plagued by emus, a woman doing direct action by doing nothing, a high altitude dining experience, and what's the deal with airplane seats. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Banta Vista, episode 259. I am here on the set of the 8 episode, ABC, digital-only, comedy TV show, The Like Generation. Or a diverse group of 20-somethings living in the inner city explore the ups and downs of finding love, finding a career, and finding a trendy new brunch spot to take Snapchat selfies in. With me is the actress who plays Ella, a quirky graphic designer by day and raging boy-hollic by night. She's a little less interested in finding Mr. Wright than she is in swiping right on a cute hunk for a one-night fling. But don't let her devil may care attitude to relationships fool you. Ella has a heart of gold and would do anything for her friends. It's Lucy.

Hi, that's so me. Yeah. It's absolutely me. Okay. And I hate to interrupt the flow of this already. I don't know if this is just on my end, but Tom's... I'm back now. I thought you were just drinking from your water bottle for a straight like two minutes. No, the way that worked was... I was like, fuck me, Tom's thirsty. I heard Ben say, uh, welcome to an episode of Buntavista and then immediately everything froze.

So I was trying to an introduction. Fantastic. So you missed all of the part of me introducing the setting and the introducing Lucy. Yeah, yeah. It's probably not important. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. Actually, I think maybe if we do your introduction without context that might be better. Okay. Also with me is the actor who plays the grunter. The grunter is a nasty hogish fuck that loves

rooting and shitting. This character doesn't have any redeeming features at all and no other interests or passions. No job, no birth certificate, just an unbridled passion for doing roots and taking shits. The grunter is completely off the grid as far as the government is concerned, and he doesn't have any friends or family. He drove them all away because of how much he roots and shiots and shiling. But how unpleasant he is, plus he smells like absolute shit. If the grunt is not their shit, he's nobily planning his next root or shit while smagging his lips and squealing. And if that's not enough, he's racist. That's right. The grunter, so filthy

he can't be shown on the program unpixulated, has some pretty fucked-up views about people of color. And he expresses them inarticulately, but very loudly while rooting or both in nearly every scene of the show. It's comedian, Twitch streamer, actor and theater sports athlete, Tom Walker. Hi Tom. I can't believe you would describe me as something as disgusting as a theater sports athlete. Take me back to the rooting and shitting. Is that the terminology? I was trying to think what you call someone who does the tea sports. It's a loser. Tered. The the the the the the te te te te. I I te. I th s s s s s s s s s s s I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I t. I t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. tode. toda. te. te. toda. try. toda. try. toda. toda. t. Ben. I believe the terminology is big loser. Theatre sports winner? I presume you probably won some theatre sports contests. You just don't say it in polite society. You don't refer to it, you don't...

Anytime someone has supped from the cup of short form improvisation, the polite thing to do is kind of sweep it under the rug. Behind closed doors, don't ask, don't tell. I think this might be Ben Jenkins' greatest downfall is that he's very fine with admitting on Freedal Good Home when guests come on that they've previously done theatre sports together, which is quite funny. Yes, and it's, I would love to stop that pipe, to stop getting that info mate to stop getting out into the world. Yeah, it's a bit late now. Me and Ben went to the same school and the reason we did theatre sports, well the reason I did theatre sports was because it was listed as a winter sport by accident, I think.

And so it got me out of playing rugby, which was good because I have a very high center of gravity and no will to win. Like I was... I like the idea that they felt that they had to honor that. Like oh well we did promise all the weird kids that they could like yell over the top of each other instead of getting fit. I think it must have been like a mercy move to thin the ranks of ungratable kids for the rugby teams because like you weren't the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. I I I I I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I was the. I was the. I was just just just just. I'm the the the the the theuuu-Iu-I'm just. theu-I'll theu-I'll theau- of ungratable kids for the rugby teams. Because like you weren't missing out on any you know any star players with us out of there. We got like they added in circus as part of it to make it more sports like. And so we were doing like juggling and fire breathing on school hours.

Jesus. There was one... They just, they want you to get bullied, I think, maybe. It was incredible. Is that the plan? It was like an afterschool extracurricular of like three hours of taping a kick-me sign to your back and just trying to get the calligraphy as to the calligraph. But now you've got all those skills. You can juggle and fire breathe. The great thing about fire breathing is it's just putting like turps or meths in your mouse and then spitting it out which is kind of a

natural reaction you would have. It seems like the training there should probably be around avoiding the part where it goes wrong. Like what do they just don't dribble, don't like cough while you're doing it. What if you just have a bit of turps? Turns out it's fine. Is that frowned upon? And actually more of it would probably be even better. And now we're in party mode. You ever seen those videos where people just like fuck up drinking flaming shots? No. You could see fire through someone's throat briefly. Oh no. They're very unpleasant. I'll stick with non-flaming beverages for the now. Just liquid for me, thanks. On fire or no. I'll take regular. I'm being very boring this evening. Oh, sorry, to get back to the it's wonderful to see you here in the 2032 slate of MCU

releases. There it is. Great, there's a good enough guess. The grunter, yeah. The grunter. The grunt. The grunt. People have been craving the grunter.

I was thinking about this the the tho. the whole Mcue thing is kind of now built around being like, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thithe other day how like the whole MCU thing is kind of now built around being like, oh, at the end we did a post-credit reveal of, and it's like some obscure character no one gives a shit about from, you know, like 90s Marvel Comics. But like no one's read them? Like the target audience isn't people that are like mad about the movies, which is like, people that are like mad about the movies..... th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, th. And, th, th. And, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, like, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th're just people that are mad about the movies which I don't get it's not directed at huge comic book nodes anymore you can make up new guys just like guys that you've met that just like love going to Marvel movies you know they don't know who the Batman is you don't have to put thing-fang-foom in your Marvel movie you could put the grunter a lot of people a lot of people a lot of people do the bat mann't the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho to tho tho th. th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the th th th th th th the th the th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the A lot of people do know who the Batman is, Lacing. I don't know about that one. Soy facing when I see the grunter in the post-credit scene. Holy fuck! Turning to your girlfriend. He's back to the grunt. Yeah. That pixelated

blur. Finally. It's totally shiting. They're doing a, oh fuck. They're really compromise with the the grunter where he just pashes and pees. This sucks. Oh. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, the the the s- the s- the s- the s- the th. It's, the the th. It's, the the th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's the the th. It's, th. It's, the th. It's, the the the the the th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. S. S- thi- thi-s. S-s. S-upe. S-s. S. S. th. th. th. th. th. tru. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th really compromise with the studio. They're doing a PG version of the grunter where he just pashes and pees. This sucks. It's actually satirical though. It's very self-referential. It's actually kind of poking fun at the studio system that means you can't have a racist guy that shit's roots. Oh, Taka Ytti's grunter is actually really cool. Yes, a guy who only roots and shit's and has no government ID. That's a pretty sensational character.

And you know where else we go to find out about, oh no I've started doing the wrong segue. Because it's from the mirror. I thought this was going to be tabloid phenomenon. Wow, that guy should go and see the doctor. It's time for Paging Dr. Lucy. Shit. I miss Andrew. It's not as easy as it seems, is it? It's the old Paging Dr. Lucy theme. Leave it. It's crash. Jumped.

Okay, in the podcast. Oh man. This is a story from the mirror. Woman says there's no rest as partner gets one hundred erections each and every day. Oh, my God. mirror, woman says there's no rest as partner gets 100 erections erections each and every day. Oh my God. That's not your problem as the... That's not, you're not obligated. No, and at that point they're not usable erections. That's just like a chapped bit of meat that's kind of stiffening a little. That's like a twitch of a dead fish. fish. Come on. You don't think he's getting like a strong, a strong erection every time.

I think the fact that you can count them as 100 erections and not like he's erect for most of the day, if it's just like up, back down, up back down. That's a, it's an odd bonus situation. A woman said that her boyfriend gets up to 100 erections every day in every situation imaginable and there's nothing she can do to curb his rampant libido. We should be so lucky. Hmm? No, cut that. Cut that. Ha ha. Vicki Browd 31 in Lucas Martin's 39 met in a Morrison supermarket during the

COVID lockdown in 2020 and instantly hit off. During the supermarket in COVID lockdown? Why didn't you made in Morrison's? Now they're in a committed relationship. They live separately but see each other often, but there's a catch. Vicky says, quote, there's no rest from Lucas's constant erections. She said that anything can set him off and he can be aroused in any setting, whether it's at home, watching a film or out doing the groceries, and now she's at her wits end. Okay, those two are very horny settings that you've chosen there. I really like like the the the the the the th th th th th th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like wits end. Okay, those two are very horny settings that you've chosen there. I really like the phrasing of a hundred directions every day to every situation imaginable.

She going to space? And is he having a direction there? I can imagine so many situations. Ah, so you say when the horn of gondor sounds that you will be in the throes of one of your two messences, will you? Will your chain mail be poking out just far enough for an uricai sword to find the gap? Wow, they've done a lightful specificity there. Vicky, a health care worker, said, quote, from the beginning until now, whenever we are... From the beginning, wherever we are...

All of her, every one of her sentences has so much weight to it. Why does she speak like this? From the very genesis of the universe. From the dawning of our relationship. Vicky and Lucas' genesis. He's hard as fuck all the time. It's up to 50 to 100 times a day. Quote, we only have to be sat watching a film, walking down the street or going to friends for a coffee and he's

got an erection. Sometimes it's embarrassing but he just laughs about it. Imagine your friend coming over for a coffee and he's just erect. It's so bad. You're walking through the front door being like, it's so lovely to see you guys, I'm so sorry. You know what he's like? You know what he's like? Offer your tables.

Trying to get past someone sideways down the hallway. Oh, it's all right. Actually easier for me to go front ways. Because of my, my, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thereereereereereereereereereecker therecterecterecterecterecterecterecter thereecker thereecker thecker to to theckecketeteture toecketure to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be tooome. tooome. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. toooooooo too too too toothat. Actually easier for me to go front ways, because of my penis situation. Because of the very large erect penis that, well, we don't know the size, but we can only guess. Vicky had previously been single for a number of years after ending her relationship with her children's father, when she met Lucas.

The couple, from Stoke on Trent, met when they were both in Morrison's during lockdown in 2020, and Lucas called Vicky Beautiful after seeing her in the queue. Yeah, I guess. Love it when guys come up to me in Morrison's and say that. Yeah, I mean the hard on would have really... Especially when they've got a big old heart. Yeah, that would have really helped know he was genuine. This is just pointing to the erection. This is because of you.

You did this. Despite turning him down when he first asked her out, Lucas eventually won Vicky around and they ended up going on a date together. Since then, they've been together for two years, and despite living separately, they see each other regularly. She says his constant desire for sex cuts into their own time, her own time, and she struggles to keep up with chores and appointments while meeting her amorous boyfriend's desires.

Despite mentioning the matter to a doctor, he has been told it's not a medical issue. It sounds like it is. I mean a doctor said it's not, so it's fine. Unfortunately, medically, you are just a straight up freak, man you're crazy for Poon Tang it seems you are too haughty to live because of the way that the laws are. Too funny to live too beautiful to die God bless that gorgeous cock of yours sir. It's just an NHS doctor saluting. He says it's never happened before meeting Vicky. No.

Yeah, isn't that romantic? That's so romantic. Vicky said, quote, we actually met in my favorite childhood supermarket, Morrisons. You remember your favorite childhood supermarket? What are you fucking talking about? Oh my god. Your favorite childhood supermar-s? fucking talking about? Oh my god. Your favorite childhood supermarket? I really looked up to Morrison's as a kid.

It was so important for me to see representation in the people who had a lot of cans community. I am just baffled by the suggestion that she has a different supermarket that's a favorite now but as a child she loved going to Morrison's. Must be some British stuff. She still shops at Morrison's now, that's how they met. Yeah. It's still her favorite supermarket. It's so strange.

I was in my uniform with wet hair and a mask on and as we were queuing up, he walked around the corner with a massive piece of fillet steak in his basket. Oh my god. I bet. I said, wow, aren't you beautiful? We got speaking and I turned down three coffee dates at the start because I was so happy being on my own. Do you want coffee with me?

Do you want coffee with me? No, no, no, go on. All right. Did these all happen in the first meeting? He's made three date invitations and she said no. Well, no. So, the end of the sentence, we would never have met unless we bumped into each other in Morrison's. That does seem to imply it was, I guess, the one time. This all happened inside the Morrison. Well they kept

bumping into each other at the Morrison's. I'm certain to suspect this might be sponsored Morrison's content although I don't know whether they want boner money. It's for middle-aged women. They want to go to Morrison's and meet a guy that has a hundred erections a day. It's really upsetting to me the idea of a 39-year-old man with an erection. the th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the th. It's. It's. It's the idea. It's the idea, it's to the idea. It's to this. It's this. It's this. It's this this this this. It's this. It's this. It's this. It's this. It's this. It's this. It's this. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. It's the th. It's the th. It's the th. It's really the the the th. It's really the the the the thee. It's the I... like I understand that that's a... You should have a mortgage. Yeah, okay. Go. You know what you should have a 401k. I need you to be more into investment. You shouldn't have a bodeo, you should have a second car. Yeah. Any blood that's in that thing should be a happy coincidence. I don't, 39 is not that old. It's ancient. We're like the same, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thage, the thi, tho, tho, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thage. Yeah, thage. Yeah, thage. Yeah, thage, thage, thage, thage, thage, th. Yeah, th, th, th, th. Yeah, the th, the the th. Yeah, the th. Yeah, th, the thi, the thi, the same the same thi, the same thi, the same thi thi thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tha, that old. It's ancient. We're like the same age, right? You're like in your early 30s? I'm 25, 24. Yeah, that's, yeah, great. You've got like, you

reckon for you, you've got maybe six or seven years of fucking left and then you're done? No, I think, I think my thing is, I'm just, it's, it's unsettling thinking of a 39 year old man tuckin it up under the waistband. Like in my head, you're past the, like in public. Yeah, accidental boners should just be like, yeah. You shouldn't be like on the bus being like, well I can't stand up at this stop. Yeah, because everyone will laugh at my pinnus. That's holy. You're 39. Yeah, you should have perfect bono

control by the time you turn 40. Yeah, you should be able to definitely blood bend the blood back to your brain so you can continue thinking about Proust or whatever it is that I assume you start thinking about after 35. I hope you get smart at some point. I can't... I got if I just wait. I'm going to be able to read Ulysses just like it's got to tick over at one point and I will be able to do it and I'm so excited. But for now it's got these heinous bonus. Through the whole relationship he's always had an erection in shops, restaurants, the gym. There's no rest from it at all and I just wondered if any other couples are the same. No, I don't think so.

This man needs to have the police called on him. I don't want to see a man with an erection in the gym. I think he maybe needs some bloodletting like that he's he might have slightly too much blood in him. He needs some leeches. Yes, a couple of leech the leech the leech the leech the leech the leech the leech the l leech the lee leech the lee leech the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's th. He's th- th- th- th- th- th. He needs th- th- th- th- th- th- their their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I the the the the the the the th. th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th is th is th is th th th th th th th thi, I thin, I'm thin, thin, thean thean thean thean thin tho-a' tho-a' thean thean thi thi thi thi, I therapy on the penis. An English problem with an English solution. We've got to leach this man. A couple of dick leeches, you'll be able to go to the gym again. In bed, it's the same. He can go to sleep with an erection and wake up with one. Even though he does night shifts, there's no change in it at all. Huh. Does anyone know what... I'm really trying to pass that one.

I don't really understand what she's... Is she saying that it's mystifying because he's getting he's getting morning wood in the evening? She's, I guess that's it. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. It's every single place we are. We can be having a perfectly normal everyday conversation like, Should we go and climb the mountain next weekend?

And he has an erection. Again, I can come. That classic everyday conversation. This woman's life is suffused with epic fantasy. Would you like to summer to the burg? Yeah, I guess. Maybe it's Vicki's fault. Why you're talking like that?

It's a weird thing to say. Maybe if you stop talking like an elf princess doing narration, I wouldn't be so hard all the time. I can come down the stairs and walk past the glass door and be in the next room and it still happens. Don't know about it. I've spoken to him about it. And he's always believed in good intercourse with his woman and wife to be. He says it will bring the relationship closer, and I do believe that too. He just wants me all the time. Do you believe in good intercourse?

Only with my woman and wife to be, but yeah. Yeah, it also seems like, I don't know know they don't live together yet so yeah talking about the whole fiance thing while you're with this 39 year old with the libido of some kind of I know like teenage incubus I know it seems like she's shooting a shot a bit early Lucas who works in management said quote it just seems to be natural I've got a wonderful woman next to me she's a goddess Lucas, who works in management, said, quote, It just seems to be natural. I've got a wonderful woman next to me.

She's a goddess. She only needs to look at me and speak to me and I get hungry for it. Jesus Christ, power. When we first started, I said, I'm happy with one as long as we get on in all aspects will be fine. And after a year when most couples would die down, months and years go by, we get hungrier for each other. Okay. I don't know about we. It sounds like you. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds like she's actually complaining to a national newspaper about how much you want to have sense.

Literally contacting the newspaper, being like, my man is too horny. It's getting in the way of her. It's th, it's th th th, it's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, it's thus, it's thus, it's thus, it's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, it's thi, it's thi, thi, thi, it's thu thu thu thi, it's thu thu thi thi. And thi. And, it's thi. And, it's thi. And, it's thi. And, it's thi. And, it's thi thi. thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's to to thi. to to to thi to to to to thi to to thi to thi thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi want to have sense? Literally contacting the newspaper, being like, my man is too horny. It's getting in the way of her chores. And her appointments? Whatever those are. How many appointments have you got really, Vicky? We ride to Durandil on the morrow. What?

If that pheromone and testosterone just linked together correctly, I can easily come to bed and look at Vicky and have an erection. I fall asleep with one and wake up with one. I think if you've got a sustained erection for you, it's like a heart attack or an aneurysm, right? Yeah, I think if you've got a pre-ephism right? Yeah, that's not good for you. I don't believe he's seen a doctor and the doctor's just been like, ah, no worries, I diagnose you

as a simp. I diagnose you as normal, don't I? I'm not, I diagnose me as bloody jealous. He just came back with a piece of paper with a handwritten note saying, this boder is normal. It's like, well, no need to look into that any further. It's unique and different, but it's because of the woman I've got next to me. To me, she is a goddess. She's basically a forbidden fruit and for that reason, I just want to eat it. Why is she forbidden fruit?

She's not a girlfriend. Yeah. You guys are are th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. two years. Yeah. You guys are already fucking. There's no forbidden fruit aspect to this at all. What he's saying is that they bone like they're cheating on each other with each other. I'm so mad. We don't have a picture of the lady, do we? We have pictures of both of them. I don't want to see this couple. If you go to the mirror and search for 100 erections, you will go to the mirror I'm going to see a handsome young man. That's really nice. Who's that? I'm pecking at it. Try to kill him. Yeah. Uh, uh. She, they're both. Oh, they're not ghouls. They're not horrible.

They're not unattractive people. No. And, yeah. They look British. I'll say that much. Which is a horrible thing for us to say. But it would have been worse if we had said, they are ghouls. So know that we always could have been worse.

Yes. In one of the photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos photos the photos, in two of the photos, he's sort of dressed like the rock in that one photo where he's like a black turtle deck tucked into bleached dead. Vicky's all in, she's in leopard print, she's in the black lace. Yeah, she's really going for it. I don't blame the man. Don't blame the man. I'm blaming him. Yeah. That's certainly true.

It's how she makes me feel. I've never experienced before how she makes me feel. Our bodies are so connected, and that is so easy. The fucking AI-generated text. I guess, you know, when you're around a beautiful woman, having a number of erections every day that makes it hard for you to be in public, is only natural. It's time forthe place. I belong. Bultaneously corner.

Rubbercraft. Snipped my d'i. Really love that fidget toy you've got there Tom. These are nail-cluders nerd. Yeah, that was a little joke I was doing. Oh, good. Because it's a funny thing to be fidgeting with. I guess that's sort of more of a visual thing. From WCIA News in Illinois,

Emu's on the run in Danville. Yes. Why does this keep happening? Why does this keep happening? Too fast. It's no way to prevent this, says only country where this regularly happens. Picture of emus on the run. Very sorry about that. Emues are on the loose in Danville. The million county animal control, wonderful name. officials said not to approach them as they will be. the news the this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th th is thus this thus this thus thus this this thus thus this thus this this this this this this this this this this this this this this keep this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th is thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they to toyyyya toya.a.a.a tooooooya. Why thya. Why thyy. Why thi. Why this is keep this is keep this this this this this thews are on the loose in Dairdville. The million county animal control, wonderful name, officials said not to approach them as they will be aggressive. Animal control worker Hannah Houston said you have to quote tackle them and hogtie them. Okay, I'm getting mixed messages here on the approaching

emus front. Yeah, I'm really quite curious as to whether she is saying this is one of the reasons why you shouldn't do it. it. th. th. th. th th th th th that that that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tho that that that tho, thi tho- tho- that tho- tho- thoing, wo th. Wo th. W. W. Wonderful, wo th. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I thi, thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the. I theeeanananananananananananananananananananananananananan't theea'ea'ea. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm really quite curious as to whether she is saying this is one of the reasons why you shouldn't do it or if you do see one thrown this is what you're gonna have to fucking do. She said quote they will use their talons to gut you with one swine. They're not a cassowary. I don't know that crazy. They might peck you a little bit. Yeah. Like I wouldn't want to fight an em you. I'm their their their their their th. I'm their their their their their th. I their th. I their th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm not thi. I thi. I'm not thi. I'm not the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their th. their their the. the. the. the. the. to. to. the. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the not that crazy. They might peck you a little bit. Like I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to fight an emu, but I don't, I'm not picturing the same level of disembowelment that, you know, I fear from the humble cassowary. Ashley, the emu owner's fiancee. The emuoen has not been introduced yet. No, I'm just meeting Ashley right now.

Yeah, said the emus like fenced in areas. Yeah, if I was engaged to someone who owned emus, I would say that too. Yeah, they love it. They actually really like being in here. It actually makes you a good person to imprison the emus. That's why they're so angry. and the emus. Sometimes. Sometimes... Sometimes... Sometimes, I think about all those miserable free-range emus. I could cry. They are calm when they're in their pen,

but they can run fast when they escape. Quote, if you chase them, they're just going to continue to run further and further away. Unfortunately, it's really hard to catch them where they're just in a large, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the., thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, and thean, and thean, thea, the., to catch them where they're just in a large open area, Ashley said. As a Friday night, she said they have captured eight. Three are still on the loose. That must be why they hate being in wide open areas so much because it makes them so difficult to be tackled and hogtied.

That's why they love in closed areas. That can be, have someone get the shoulder in and take him out of the knees the knees the knees the knees the very much. They can have someone get the shoulder in and take him out at the knees. Ashley said she and her fiance received a call at 2 a.m. on Thursday. Police told them they received a phone call from teenagers who said they were being chased by animals. That's great. A couple of teens, stranger things style running around town at midnight. Except they're being chased by a dozen emus. You're not going to believe this! Genuinely I would be immediately assuming the supernatural. I think, I think, I think, if I walk down a street at night and I turn the corner and I see silhouetted against a street like just a lone emu standing still and then it starts coming towards me faster and faster.

And everything I knew about the world is gone. Like you think, just on top of the fact that birds probably shouldn't be that large, you add into that mix the American education system. You have no way of rationalizing this? You have no way of understanding what you've just seen? you think you've just found like some new god that you have to worship now? Yes, the first weapon of the EMU confrontation is prayer. The second hog ties. Yes.

I'm going to try prostrating myself before this creature and seeing of this house. See if this enjoys being worshipped, I know I do. If I build you a church, will you promise not to slice my belly open with your powerful toes? When they arrived at farm 30 minutes later, police saw a fence panel knocked over. She actually believes the people tried to climb the fence when it broke. I, I don't know if the situation that she's describing is that some teens got into the paddock started getting chased by emus and then tried to climb over the fence panel to get away from the emus or they broke it try and get in there and then they broke emu containment. I think

Ashley's covering something up. I think Ashley drove through the fence. Ashley was trying to do an emu escape and that's why she's the one talking the news about them. Actually is trying to just be a fiancée of the emuo the owner. I'd like to be introduced it a new story with my surname for once, and my occupation. I'm a doctor. Ashley said, when they are working to capture the birds, stay away and keep your distance. Too much noise can startle the birds, making them harder to catch and bring home. Quote.

These messages. Leave them alone because they are huge fast and mean, said Houston. Kevin Smith, Vermillion County Animal Control Officer, described the animals as scary. You shouldn't be saying that. Grow up! Why are you in this job, then? You know, hand in your badge and your gun. Quote. GUN, gun, gun, gun, gun. GUN. GAR. GAR. GAR. Q. GAR. Qua. Quar. Qua. G. Qu. Quote. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. Qu. the. Qu. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. this. the. this. the. this. this. this. this. this. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. this job then? You know, hand in your badge and your gun. Gun, gun, gun, gun, gun, gun. The animal control county officers are kitted out like Neo walking into the lobby. The varying sizes of animal they're a lot like an ostrich.

They're tall, long necked. They have talons on their feet. They kick like a horse kicks, front and back, he said. Yep. I can't imagine a horse kicking forwards. Can't horses kick forwards? I think horses can only kick backwards. I mean, I trust this guy.

He's the Vermillion County Animal Control officer. The idea of a horse like thea the horse thea the horse thea the horse thea thea the horse thea thea thea the thea thea they theree they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're a they're a lot they're a lot they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. I they. I they. I they. I they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll tip. I'll the. I'll the. I's the Vermilion County Animal Control Officer. The idea of a horse like teeep kicking me is very upsetting, just like raising its leg and then just like full on front kicking me. Because if I imagine a horse kicking me, the leg backwards and then swinging it forwards. If I imagine a horse kicking me, I'm thinking like they're going for the crotch. You know it's just raising it's the leg in one straight line to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to the the to the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their in one straight line to ding me in the dig. Oh man, you know that there's like a definitely triple-digit number of people in the last, let's say century, that have been full-on kicked in the dick at balls by a horse kicking backwards at full strength.

That's heinous to think about. That would just turn you junk into paste. Yeah, it's going out the back. The emus are from a retired state troopers farm. Okay. I love America. Why do you need these emus? And why is he not getting naming Ashley but not the state trooper who's escaped emus and terrorizing teenagers? Oh, that's just Ashley's husband. Huh?

Yeah, she's a star. You would know if you saw her presents. She lights up a room. What do you, what do you get from farming an emu? What do you harvest? Do you get eggs? Have. Have you said that? Um, there's that the tick-tock or Instagram star or whatever where she's like it's the emu lady and she's always doing the hijinks with her emu. Where I'm like, oh, this is cool.

She does like sustainable farming and stuff. Where the fuck does she have an emu in America? You don't need that emu. I don't thi tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu the the thu. toe their toe. the the their tock. tock. tock. their their their. their. their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their their their. their their their their. toe. toe. toe. tick. tick. tip. tipe. tipe. tipe. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. You don't need that emu? I don't care if you can do reels with your emu. You probably don't need one. Get an ostrich. Just get an ostrich. I don't care about emus because I think they're awful and if I saw one I would punch it so hard in the head. I don't think you would. You don't mean that. Because I'd be scared but I think about it when I'm in the shower shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in th shower. I'm in the shower. I'm in th. I'm in th. I'm in th. I'm in th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd to get to get to get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. Get th. I'd th. Get th. Get th. Get th. I'd the. Get the. Get the. Get theeat. Get an thea. Get an ostracea. Get an ostrich. Get an ostrich. Get an ostrich. Get an ostrich. Get an ostrich. Get an ostrich. Get an ostrich. I'd the. I'm like, oh I'd fuck that guy up. You would not, it would be weaving around. You would not have a chance. I just... Come on, you don't need them. We're not, we're not really getting like exotic American animals over here.

You know? Oh wait, so this situation gets... This gets complicated now. The emus are from a retired state tripers farm. Houston with the Vermillion County Animal Control said that someone intentionally opened the gate to the troopers' farm letting his cows and emus go. The fiance said no cows escaped. Okay, we know Ashley's name now. Ashley's talking shit.

Two different stories, I'm hearing. The cows had learned helplessness. Ashley's name now. Ashley's talking shit. Two different stories I'm hearing. The cows had learned helplessness but they were just like the the imus is like peace I'm out of here the cows like oh I probably wouldn't do any good outside I may as well just stay in here. Oh. That is how cows would talk. They have had the birds for 25 years. Now that can't be right. How long does an emu live? Is it going to be one of those fucked up answers like how parrots live for a hundred

years? All right, emus in the wild have a life expectancy of 10 to 20 years, 35 years in captivity. There is a story on the ABC in July of 2020 about an emu approaching 60 years in age. No, I don't like that. That's fucked up. I don't like that. Why do emus have the secret of eternal youth? You know? What do they know that we don't? That's so weird. Oh, oh. The emus have escaped in the past, but normally stay close by. Ashley said she was surprised to hear they were on the streets of Danville as well.

Official said one of the emus was hit by a bus. Just running away finally I'm free. Imagine being that bus driver and also the passengers on that bus. You're on the mega bus. You're on the mega bus, you've been on it for 10 hours. He's like, woo, I'm almost to Danville. Bam. If you see an EMU contact for a million county animal control or the EMU owners, you've, why?

You've not really named them. Do you have a number for them? We just have Ashley, which is a first name, and then we th, you th, you th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, you've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've th. You've th. You've, you've th. You've, you've th. You've, you've, you've, you've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. you have a number for them? We just have Ashley, which is a first name, and then we don't have a name for the person that owns the Vermillion counties is really small. Maybe, yeah. Maybe everyone knows this and they're actually avoiding naming the retired state trooper because they're scared of him. I mean, that would not be surprising. As of July 30th, one emu is still on the run.

Yes. Get it, King. Owning that many emus in America for no reason other than your own gratification seems like it should be a crime. Can we just luxurating the idea of an emu getting hit by a bus? Because I think the emu is one of the funniest animals for violence to before. Like I was thinking about just so sorry so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry the the the the the to the the to the to the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Get the. Get it the. Get it the. Get the. Get bus, because I think the emu is one of the funniest animals for violence to before. Like I was thinking about just tackling an emu and the like the tunk and then the path of its body hitting the floor because it's all feathers.

That's all feather. Yeah. Podcasts. Their nature's greatest natural resource and it's important that they're harvested sustainably. Editing, production, fart sound effects. These are all important resources from our local ecosystems. That's why we're asking you to go to Patreon. to their to. to Vista and pledge 5 US dollars a month to help support the healthy growth of a homegrown podcast like Buntavista.

In exchange you'll get an extra sustainably farmed episode every week, access to our discord and a naturally pristine promo-free podcast feed. Thank you for helping look after one of nature's most precious resources. Seems like owning that many emus in America should be a crime. It's time for crime watch. Seems like owning that many emus in America should be a crime. It's time for crime watch. Hey, please! Hey! Go! Go! Hey! Truly ghastly theme song. It's not my favorite theme tune. I feel bad for being the one responsible for putting it in this time. This is a new story from the Niagara Gazette. It's not my favorite theme tune.

I feel bad for being the one responsible for putting it in this time. This is a new story from the Niagara Gazette. Arrest made in Newfane cow dispute. Well, it's good news. The owner of an animal sanctuary, who has been embroiled in a controversy over a cow and steer that wandered onto her property last month, has been arrested and is facing a charge of grand larceny. Pardon? So much to unpack. New York State police confirmed Tuesday

morning that Tracy A. Murphy, 59, the owner of Asher's Farm Sanctuary on Kuma Road, was arrested on the charge stemming from her refusal to turn over cattle that she found on her property on July 16th. I was gonna say that sounds fine. They came onto your property. You didn't do anything. You didn't do anything. A cow just came to your house. How can doing nothing be a crime? Yeah. That was complete in action. That can't be true. State police said Tuesday that a warrant secured following an investigation involving the SPCA of Niagara, the Niagara County District Attorney's Office and the Town of Newfane was executed at the farm sanctuary on Tuesday. Attempts to contact Murphy and her attorney were not immediately successful.

The cattle controversy started when a cow and a steer wandered onto Murphy's property. A neighboring farmer, Scott Greggson. Fuck the name to have. Yeah, Greg Scotson? Come on. Pick. Pick one. Yeah. Contended that the animals belong to him.

Murphy refused to give the animals to Gregson, arguing that he needed to show her proof that he actually owned them. Totally fair. Not seeing a problem. Murphy later said that she believed she was owed compensation for housing the animals if Gregson did provide proof that they were his. That's so good. Either way.

All you're their cow, that's your cow, prove it. And if you do prove it, you owe me money. It's a perfect crime. Tracy, you were crushing it. On July 25th, Gregson visited the animal sanctuary with members of his family and state troopers and asked for the cattle to be returned to him. Murphy refused on the grounds that the police would need a warrant and that Gregson would need to have documentation proving that he is the rightful odor of the cattle. She then asked him to leave.

For the week since, several neighboring residents and farm owners have protested outside Murphy's sanctuary, caring and posting signs to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to her her her to her to her to her to her to her to to to to to to to to to to to their their to their their their their the cattle their the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle the cattle their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to cattle to cattle to cattle to cattle to return to cattle to cattle and cattle and cattle and cattle and cattle and cattle and cattle toe and cattle toe and cattle to cattle to cattle the cattle to the cattle, several neighboring residents and farm owners have protested outside Murphy's sanctuary, caring and posting signs encouraging her to return the animals to Gregson. That's so good. Like from the name Farm Sanctuary, I'm assuming it's like an animal sanctuary, right? Yeah. She's looking after like abandoned animals. Do you reckon she's like a just one of those, like she doesn't like, you know, factory farming or, you know, I'm saying is this a vegan woman who has been like, oh they're mine now,

bitch? Yeah, I'm gonna love those cows. I'm gonna hang out with them. And give him little kisses on the head. It's so funny to just be like, prove it. Prove that you, my next door neighbor, who let these animals wander onto my property. Prove that it's your care. What do you got?

You got documentation? Oh, do you reckon? Sorry, I'm just having a look at the website. I'm going to assume, and they've got social pages, perfect. I want to know if Tracy is litigating her side of the story at all. Oh, they've deleted their Facebook. That's a bad sign. They've deleted the Twitter.

And they no longer have an Instagram. Oh. Mmm. Well, they're probably, there's probably farmers really mad at them. Oh, I think I'm actually 100% correct. Their menu options are home about, guided tours, and try vegan. Yep. She's doing direct action.

That's great. By doing literally nothing at all, she has saved. A cow just walked onto her farm and she's like, well, it's my cow now now. The perfect crime. Except, yeah, it seems like she got arrested. I don't know if about grand larceny. Grand lassny makes it sound very dramatic. Petite larceny maybe.

Just a tiny bit of lassany. Oh, she didn't steal two giant animals, I guess. But she didn't steal them. She didn't steal him. She found him. We love you. Shout out to Tracy. Yeah, friend of the show, Tracy Murphy. Some of us dream of starting an animal sanctuary. Other people have different dreams. It's time of course for balloonly speaking.

Ah, this is your captain speaking. Please return your seat to their upright positions as we are coming in hot on another edition of plainly Speaking. Now this isn't so much a news story as it is a description of an experience, but This is a story from the website Atlas Obscura which you know they have that little the map where you go and it's a world map and then it you look at places near you and it shows you weird stuff that's there that you can check out. But they also do some, I think they call it like gastro obscura or whatever for food reviews so this is one of those got published this week. A board the world's first hot air balloon restaurant. Sounds like shit immediately.

Well yeah yeah I don't want that. I mean if I the i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i if if if if if I the if I their their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they're. they. that at all. I mean if I was on a hot air balloon and you offered me say a cheeseboard, okay. It's a cheeseboard to know. It's a shark foodery. Yeah and this is a little bit more involved. Creating hot air balloon, Hort cuisine is the dream-turned reality of Dutch master chef Angelique Schmank. After 25 years of restaurant experience, including a 12-year run at the Michelin starred Decrom Dissle, and several cookbooks under her belt, she found herself wanting to venture into new territory.

Schmenk had her Eureka moment in 2003 when she saw a hot air balloon and realized quote a hot balloon is actually a huge hot oven. I don't think it is. It is the the is. It isn't. It's like helium in there is. It's just helium in there. Is it like helium in a helium in there is just air. It's just air. In a hot air balloon it's just air. In a dirigible or a blimp, it's a lighter than air gas, I think. But yeah, hot air is just heated up, which makes it lighter than regular air, I think. Excited by the opportunity to build her own restaurant from scratch, she called a hot air balloon company for help. Two weeks later they hoisted a customized bag filled with fish and chicken to the crown of a balloon via pulleys. What? This is some shit that should be in a Dickensian novel called Professor Blugelpants at his fantastic machine. So she's literally cooking the stuff in the balloon. Yeah, yep. The

flame at the balloon's base brought the temperature to 194 degrees Fahrenheit, 90 degrees Celsius, an ideal heat level for slow-cooked meals. Okay. Where the balloon landed an hour-and-a-half later, Schmink removed the fish and chicken. Quote, I had tears in my eyes when I saw that it was perfectly cooked, she says. You could cook it also in an oven. You're weeping because you've pulled some fish and some chicken out of the crowd of a hot air balloon and it's done. The successful trial run was the starting point of Cullierre, the world's first hot air balloon restaurant. Since her maiden voyage, two decades to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the to the the to the to the the the the to the the to cook the the the to cook to cook the the the to cook the the the the the the to cook to cook the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th c. the thii coo coo coo coo coo coo coo cooea.cooea.c. thea. theauuc. theauc. theauc. thiaucooeauc. theauc. thea. thea. thea. thea. thrial run was the starting point of Cullier, the world's first hot air balloon restaurant.

Since her maiden voyage almost two decades ago, Schmenk has hosted about 50 trips each year across the Netherlands. It's a busy lady. Among the key advantages of her airborne kitchen are a cooking counter that hangs off the side of the balloon basket and a pulley system attached to customized steel containers that allows Schmenk to raise the food towards the balloon's flame and lower it. This is some shit from an over-cooked level. I hate it.

It's just, it's a bit much. It's a little bit much. It's a little bit much. God I bet this shit is so fucking expensive. I bet it is. Her system needs to be efficient. On board, Schmenk has an hour and a half to serve three courses to 10 people. Organization is the most important thing, she says. Her kitchen is so well designed that Schmenk

says she can find items blind. Guests receive notifications on where to meet mere hours before takeoff. Cullier uses 20 different takeoff locations to accommodate the wide range of flying conditions. Whether can alter landing times or how high the balloon flies, an especially important consideration given the balloon's flames dual function as oven and engine. Higher elevations require a higher flame, which means an increase in cooking temperature. Since the food that Schmenk cooks requires temperatures between 194 to 230 degrees Fahrenheit, she works with the balloons pilot to ensure that course adjustments

don't affect a dish. Now I don't like any of this, but I think that's my first, that's my biggest problem here. You know how we've read dozens of stories of hot air balloons crashing into power lines? Oh so many. Like I don't think keeping your slow-cooked chicken at an even temperature should be the first consideration of the hot-air balloon quote-unquote pilot. You could just bring a slow cooker up there. Yeah. Also, I've never been in a hot air balloon like how much space is in this thing? Where are you? Where's your kitchen? Oh my god, there's no space up there. The basket is tiny. It's small. Her kitchen is literally like hanging off the side. She's got a little shelf that overhangs over the edge to give her some bench space.

Okay. When guests arrive in the designated takeoff meadow, this is a ridiculous sentence. Schmenk serves them an appetizer, such as melon, goat cheese and dried capers, by champagne. Meanwhile, a ground crew sets up the large orange and white balloon and attach basket that can accommodate up to 12 people. The basket lays on its side, allowing guests to climb in and lay horizontally until the flame fills the balloon with enough heat to lift everything off the ground and pull passengers upright. Once fully airborne, Schmenk gets cooking. During the flight, Schmenk serves wine and gives more information about her dishes. Standing room only encourages interactions between the chef, pilot, and other diners as the bloon sails above the countryside.

Encourages interactions, meaning you are all facing one another. It's mandatory to interact because you are like elbow to elbow. You are elbow in armpit to like everyone around you at this point. Encourage the interactions between the chef, pilot and other diners as the balloon sails above the countryside, taking the view from a cruising altitude that ranges 500 to 2,500 feet. Quote, sometimes when the clouds are low we can go right through them, says Schmink. It's a little bit misty, and we're above the clouds and see the sun shining. That moment is unforgettable. It's amazing for me, after all these years. After serving the third course, Schmenk cleans up as the pilot navigates the balloon to

the ground. Landings can range from smooth to bumpy. Back on Terra Ferma, live music welcomes guests back as they enjoy a dessert. Sometimes, Schmenk will even serenade the guests herself with a guitar. Oh, that sounds horrible. Please don't. Don't do that. That sounds awful. Angelique, I'm thiiiolique. If you pull out that guitar, I'm running. I'm literally I'm going to run. I'm I'm jumping. I'm out I'm going to run. I'm jumping. I'm jumping out of the sky. I'm out of the balloon. Fuck.

Given the precision necessary for running a successful Cullier voyage, one must ask, does anything ever go wrong? Quote, the challenges are when we have to land earlier, Schmake says. If the weather turns rough, the pilot will make a safety landing and the chef serves the main course in the meadow. Another time in Cullier's early days, quote, the control for the suspended cooking containers didn't go down. It was stuck in the balloon so we could only eat vegetables. Maybe if all your cooking stuff was down at the level you're at, that wouldn't be a problem. It feels like yeah, it just wouldn't be a problem if you just the somewhere else. Sometimes the bumps along the way aren't even related to air travel or the food.

Marriage proposals are common, though not always well received, Schmenk says. And what happens in the balloon doesn't always stay in the balloon, as was the case with a flyaway black towel that she must took for a bird? I'd like more detail on that story. I don't understand whether... I don't know what you mean. Ah! It's a bird, no I just dropped a towel? Crazy. Crazy stuff happens up here.

But overall, each voyage delivers an exhilarating experience. The guests are having a great adventure. So all the senses are very open, she explains. The composition of the... All thus touching each other, we're like having a tha, like tha, like thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing their thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing th them touching each other or having a great time. Everyone's sort of like touching their own face. It's sort of... It's starting to cuddle strangers.

The composition of the food and the flavor combinations must have the same adventurous character. Must not be boring or too soft. Must not be too heavy or have too much cream. But it must be as light be as light be as light be as light It sucks. Frivolous fucking people. So there's a price on the website. Oh no. I'm gonna assume that a comma when it comes to euros doesn't mean a comma. It's a decimal point. Yeah which is fucking disgusting it looks heinous. It's fucked up it looks looks heinous. So it's roughly 650 Australian dollars. That's not as expensive as I thought it would be. Yeah, it was either that or 65,000 dollars but um...

Right, could be either. That seems more reasonable. 650 bucks. God damn. It's pretty pricing. Like, yeah, but how much does a hot air balloon trip cost? Like if you're going to like a fancy ass restaurant with a Michelin-starred chef. Yeah. I just don't think the food's gonna be that good. No, because she has some limitations,

because she's cooking them in a fucking hot air balloon. It's just like I've never flown like international business class, but they have all the things online about how great the food is. They got a fancy food. It's like it can't be that good. No, you're cooking it up there in the plane galley, like. You're putting it in the fucking galley, like, yeah. With all the other shit, like it can't be that good, right? I don't care if it's fucking Angus beef. You still, it's still gonna taste like a TV dinner.

Because of how you cooked it and what it is. I mean if you really wanna, yeah, just have a cheeseboard up there. Have a cheeseboard. You have a cheeseboard. Oh my, that's perfect. and a little Eski? You have nine wines, have nine wines and a cheeseboard. Oh my, that's perfect. It's perfect. And then, you know, if you do happen to be in a crash, your body will be so relaxed, relaxed. Your body will be so relaxed, you won't even feel it, you'll just roll with it. That's true. You can get so drunk that if the plane starts descending, having problems with the MCAS and just heading straight toward the ground the ground the ground the ground the ground the ground the ground, you you you the ground, you the ground, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you're th, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thin, thin, you're thin, you're thin, you're thin, you're thin, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're thi, you're thi, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, you're thin, you're thin, you're thin, you're thin, thin, thin, thoooooo' thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, you're thin, thin, you're thin,oward the ground, you'll be like, ah, whatever. I had a good life. I had a great time. I just had a really nice cave-aged cheddar. I had nine wines, and I got to see a lovely view from the hot air balloon.

I don't even care if this train goes directly through my skull imminently, which it will. I got to watch a recent film that wasn't that well received in the box office. I'm feeling good. Now I have one more story for us. Yeah. This is from Next Star Media Y. This is already also a, it's a plainly speaking story, not a balloonly speaking story, but it's the same theme, so I'm not going to play it again. Stories from Next time, Media Wire. Are airplane seats too small? The FAA wants to know. The federal aviation administration wants to know. Our airline seats too small? That question has been put before the public as part of a regulatory process mandated by Congress in 2018, simple flying reported. Lawmakers directed the FAA to establish a minimum standard size for seats on airplanes which the agency has yet to do. But after years of inaction, the agency has signaled that it is considering implementing

the regulation, USA today reported, it will open a 90-day public comment period on the issue once the proposed rule is published in the Federal Register. What do you fucking think? Like everyone's going to say yes, they need to be bigger, yeah? Holy fuck! That's why they're travel so cheap, because they're not bigger. It's not that cheap. It's not that cheap, but it's cheaper than it used to be, you know?. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their they're not bigger. It's not that cheap. It's not that cheap, but it's cheaper than it used to be, you know? But the seats are real. They're not going to make them bigger. They're so fucking small though.

I don't know if you've been sitting on an aircraft recently. Holy fuck. So I'm privileged here. I'm a woman. I'm 5'7. The airplane seats, they're shitter ones, but none of them give me that much grief. I can imagine they're terrible if you're six feet tall. They probably fucking suck. It's real bad. I'm in pain, like the whole time. It's the fucking worst. I can't understand them. My knees are always touching the fucking seat in front of me. There's their. T, their. T, their, their, their, th. T, their, th. T, their, their, th. T, th. T, their, th. th. I's, their, th. I's, their, th. I's th. I's that, the, I's that, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. I's, I. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's the the the the the their, I'm their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their toge. their th. I'm their the. I's the. I always touching the fucking seat in front of me. There's no good place to put my neck. Well, the good thing is they, you know, made air travel so that you can pay an exorbitant amount to sit in the exit road or get business class.

I do, I consider doing the exit road thing, but I don't like it for two reasons. One is that I'm no longer able to store my goods to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store to store the to store the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the no longer able to store my goods under the seat in front of me because I believe that creates a tripping hazard. And also because I don't, you have to do more interaction with the... That's true. And I feel like I'm being put on the spot. I know. Yeah. I don't care about actually doing the stuff in the emergency, but when they're like, are you prepared to do this? It's like, I don't know. Am I? I guess?

I mean, I am. I think I would probably, because all you have to do is like, they tell you how to open the door, right? Yeah. And that's all you've got to do. So I'm fine with that guy in the exit row, he's at eight wines. They've been counted. I don't think he should have another. I could die and this man up there is just having his ninth wine. He's gonna trip over immediately. He's blocking the exit. Do you reckon if you're in the exit row? they might be like the 9 the 9 the the the the the th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Everyone's th. th. th. Everyone's th. Everyone's th. Everyone's th. Everyone's th. th. Everyone's th. th. Everyone's th. th. th. th. th. Everyone's th. Everyone's th. Everyone's th. Everyone's thi. thi. Everyone's thi. thi. Everyone's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Everyone's thi thi's thi's the. Everyone's the. Everyone's the. Everyone's the exit. Do you reckon if you're in the exit row they might limit your drinks? They might be like, hmm, sir. Maybe maybe eight's enough. If you want to have your ninth,

we're gonna have to swap you with someone that's back there in like a middle seat. Yeah. You're not going to enjoy it. I bet you like to have an all that leg room. Yeah, but it's not. I should have thought that before you had that before that before that before that before you had before you had before you had before you had before you had before you had that before you had that before you had your that before you had your that before you had your th. ninth wine, pal. The push for larger seats has been ongoing for years as airlines for sort to pack as many passengers on planes as possible. In January, the advocacy organization Flyers writes, which I believe you are staunchly against. Yeah. Sued the agency for failing to implement the minimum seat standards.

Quote, shrinking seat sizes coupled with increasing passenger size. Huh? Coupled with increasing passenger size? Do they mean like, like, passenger size by weight? Or do they just mean more passengers? Passengers are getting bigger? Well, there's more passengers. Unclear.

Yeah, oh yeah, maybe. Are you talking increased passenger volume? No, I know, that's still ambiguous. That's crazy. They could probably mean weight. I think that might. Maybe. That's so strange. I didn't really think that would be like a trend of any kind.

I don't know. Who knows? Yeah, weird. No wonder. Shrinking seat sizes, coupled with increasing passenger size, composed safety and health risks, including for emergency evacuations according to Flyers Rights.org and other health and safety experts, the group said in the statement. Flyers rights.org has the energy of like father's rights. Yeah. We, I mean, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, who th, who th, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who th, who th, who th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi said this statement. Flyers rights.org has the energy of like father's rights.org. Yeah. We, I mean, we kind of don't have rights as passengers. They don't have rights as passengers.

They hate us. They're disgusted that you're on the plane. They have nothing but contempt for us. I, we should nationalize the airlines, I think, so that we do have rights, you know, like as a taxpayer I'm entitled to be moderately comfortable on a plane. That'd be nice. But right now, I'm not entitled to fucking shit. I've got my seven kilos of carry-on and if it's a fucking Bees Dick over, they will kill me on the spot. Yeah, they they shoot you out the back. Yeah, they shoot you out. the jet star gate. Just being like, oh, they're th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. That's th. That's th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. That's th, th. That's th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that, that, that, that, that, that that, that that that that that that thatee. I that that, Some lady at the Jet Stargate. Just being like, oh, can you just come back to the wet room for a second? It's weird. Looks like you're lucky, just a little bit over.

Oh, it's only 100 grams. Don't worry about it. Just follow me, one second. Just a twee little twee little twee, twee, little twe. precious, come with me real quick. Achieveing a ceremonial blade. Slices you in half with a kitana. I was standing there for a second until finally the piece of slide apart. The group's president, Paul Hunson, previously said tighter seats can increase the risk of health problems especially on longer flights. The FAA is concerned about emergency evacuations as well. The agency conducts safety tests in Oklahoma, the risk of health problems, especially on longer flights. The FAA is concerned about emergency evacuations as well. The agency conducts safety tests in

Oklahoma, the points guy reported. The points guy... I've got to assume that's someone with like a frequent flyer. I think I've seen it's a website. It's about how like to to get the most of your frequent flyer miles I think. That's some dweep shit. That it really is. To gather data on how efficiently passengers can exit a plane in different seating configurations, the agency has told Congress that the test show the current level of safety for evacuations remains acceptable. I don't really care about any of this safety shit.

I want leg room and to be comfortable. Because if the plane's crashing, if the plane's going down, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, I, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, I the, the, the, because, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the task, is, is, is, is, is, the the te.s, is, is, is, is.s, the the the the the the the the the the the the the plane's crashing, if the plane's going down, like, I don't, it doesn't matter if I can access the exit. Like you're gone or anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying goodbye. I'm not counting on like a sully situation in that scenario. I'm not counting on a castaway situation either.

Like, no, no, no. I'm gone. I'm gone. I'm out. The slightest bit of turbulence I just start like suffocating myself. I'm just going. I'm just tapping out now. You guys, good luck with the emergency landing. It's shadow time for me now. I'm going beyond the veil. Gonna have my ninth chiroz and go to sleep. Putting some emergency poison in my wine. Biting down on my tablet.

Later, fools. I'm out of here. Peace. Dead in the exit row because I bit down on my cyanide tablet. Nobody's getting past me. Got my bag on the floor. I see a flight attendant with a slightly worried look on her face and all of a sudden I had 12 Panadine Fort and I'm just sculling my wi.

I'm out. See everybody. It was really nice doing this story. It was specifically just you and me because I think if it was any other configuration of us as the host we would have unilaterally be on the side of Flyersrights.org but you are you're invested in big pilot. That's right big plane big airline. Little passenger big pilot. That technically constitutes an episode of Buentevista we did lose Tom halfway through this episode I should probably... Who's Tom? Are you gonna gas like me?

You know crazy sound right now. He is currently in Edinburgh, in Scotland for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. He is doing his show that I can't remember the name of. But rest assured, it's very good. Javlin. He's doing Javlin. He's doing Javlain. thank. thi first of all he is doing his show that I can't remember the name of but rest assured it's very good javelin he's doing javelin it is a tremendous show if you happen to be in the United Kingdom or sorry firstly yeah I'm sorry for your loss if you're in Scotland or Wales or England or any of those other places around there Europe even, get on over and check that out. The internet at the place that he's staying is not very good so unfortunately... I think he lied. He was going to go to Morrison's and meet a

Vicky of his own. Taking some Bona pills. God down there he's put an enormous eye fill at his basket. Nipping down the Tesco's after taking my bono pill. I'm really ridiculous people. Guys, stay frosting. the