Boonta Vista - EPISODE 260: To Can A Man

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

Theo, Andrew and Ben bring you: A 2002 Ford Explorer with a man in it, the perpetual failure of Tesla's self-driving cars, and Domino's Pizza's failure to tackle the Italian market. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Vista, episode 260. My name is Andrew and I'm one of Theo's babies. Yes, I'm wearing a nappy. I don't think I should be made to feel bad for that. I'm a baby after all. I've got several teeth by now. I'm pretty proud of them. I'm starting to chew up solid food. Very cool. Dad says he's super proud of me. That makes me feel good. Yeah. Proud of you, buddy. He's so supportive. So good to have you be proud of me. I bet that must feel amazing. Well, great news because I'm joined here by another one of Theo's babies.

It's Ben. Hey Ben, I think I've, I toddle. I think I'm a toddler. You're the toddler. Yeah, let's get this straightened out because, which ones, which ones, which one's which, which one's which? Is it's the big, which, which, which, which, which, which, which,dler and I'm the toddler. Actually I'm 23. Yeah, all right. Okay so Andrew you've got little little bare boots that are just the dickens. And Ben you've got a kind of cold stare and the ability to jet about a thimble full of diarrhea across a change table. Like father-like son.

Oh boy. I forgot the experience of like bicycling baby's knees against their belly and having them admit a thin green gruel from their ass. Yeah I've also forgotten that experience that I've definitely had as well. Well yeah you were admitting it at the time that's probably why you've forgotten it. I must be one of the luckiest parents because I've I've never had a so so two kids who are now Well and truly out of the baby zone and I have never I've never been hit with a jet of urine while changing a baby Man, I've been like five times already in the last week

I've never been hit with a with a jet of diarrhea Never never had a poop in the last week. I've never been hit with a jet of diarrhea. Um, never, never had a poop in the bathtub? Oh my god. Not a single poop in the bathtub. Ah no, no, you just rubbed in. Finn is a notorious bath shitter. Yeah, thanks for the photo of the bath turd that you passed post to our group chat last night. We do get, it's like proof of life that we get for

your son. I was like quite drunk and just like, I was like, oh a message in the group chat, what can this be? Just, ah, fuck. Thanks man, I appreciate. And because he kind of like, he's, he's pretty soul appreciate all that you're doing it just enough things. And because he's pretty soul sufficient these days, so he'll just sit in the bathtub by himself and like have a play right while we're, you know, getting other stuff sorted. And then the dreaded words drift out of the bathroom. Finney, poo in bath. See, I think if you can construct the sentence. You shouldn't be doing it.

You should. He doesn't, the justification's not there for him, because he's not seeing a downside so far. Well, I mean, he knows he wants to clean up or anything, yeah. He knows he wants to get out of the bath though, so he knows that it's a problem. He can articulate that. Yeah. And he's still doing it. Yeah. I mean look Babies don't know about cognitive dissonance. Are you laughing when he does it? Are you encouraging him? Does he know he's doing good gear? Probably yes. Yeah. So you don't you don't say oh no, no. No, no. No. No. No. No. do. There's a smile in your voice.

There's a laugh in your voice that he hears. Let me ask though, do you say, uh-oh? Or do you say, uh-oh? Oh, Finn. You shouldn't have. Well, look, I mean, on one level, I know that I've just said that I haven't experienced the bathtub poops, but we're pretty strongly in the ballpark of try not to impart feelings of shame

for things that your body does onto your kids, you know. You can always clean up the poop, but you can't, you can't unbreak that heart. Yeah, yep. Also never had the experience of the child who has either like reached into their own nappy or pulled it off and like done the finger painting kind of deal. Yeah, Finn hasn't done that yet, but he does certainly like to start dancing while we're like in the middle of changing an enormous wet, gloopy nappy. And he's just sort of like kicking his legs about, having a great time, putting his feet in it.

Oh brother no! Putting his feet on the floor. This is the podcast, Buntavista. Yeah, I'm really enjoyed that like this something really beautiful and spectacular has happened in your life and and that you have just had a little tiny baby son like a week ago? One week ago to the day? To the almost to the hour. And to celebrate that we're going to spend 10 minutes talking about different ways diarrhea can ruin your life. Well I was working up to that Ben. So Theo am I to understand that there's a new baby in your life? There is a new baby in my life. Baby too. I got a new baby. Baby, that's equal. Went to a hospital.

Picked one up I liked. Mm-hmm. I evaded security. Were, and I love you very dearly. You're one of my closest friends. You have a manner of communicating sometimes that is insanely annoying in that to just be like, I'm out to night because Caitlin and I have plans, like okay, and they're like, out to night for different reasons and we're like, okay? Yeah, I mean. And then Andrew has a guess is it for baby reasons and you reply maybe. Then you go dark for an entire day and then in the morning I'm like, hey, how are you? And you reply, yeah, fine.

And then more specifically when we ask about the baby, you're like, oh, yeah, no, he was born at 7 o'clock last night. You're a piece of shit. What? What? What is the problem? I correctly guessed because he said, stuff's happening. And thing. And thing. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's thing. It's thing. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's, the the the the thi. It's the. the. theateat theat theat theateateateateate. theat the. theat theat the the the. What? What is the problem? I correctly guessed because he said, stuff's happening. Stuff's happening. That's a classic thing when you're expecting a baby.

Yeah. Things are starting to happen. It does start to happen, yeah. Awful. You like, you know, you're not beholden to us. We don't have to, obviously you had some other things going on. But, but to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to us. We don't have to, obviously you had some other things going on, but maybe when you like woke up in the morning you'd be like, oh by the way, say hi to Noah. I did. You know, oh my god, I had. Also you were replying to posts in like to people's joke posts

in the other channels but not to us directly asking you. Oh my gosh. The man's got his priorities. This is different parts of my brain, all right? Yeah, you didn't have the social energy to tell my friends. Oh by the way, I'm a double dad now. Yeah. How did a- Dad squared. How did it all go?

Was this one faster than the last one? It was faster. The last one was 16 hours. This one was a clean 13, as they say the business. Like a personal best, but you're not bringing it down. P.B. But you don't want to make it much faster than that. That's where you're... Oh, we did. Well, that's where you start to get

structural issues. Yeah, yeah, well that's that's where we started to get the baby came out before we could get to the hospital issues. Yeah, you know so yeah backseat of car problems. Sorry Kate, yeah Caitlin just messes thin was 20 hours so don't you dare get that long. She's right, she's right, I fuck that up. Wow, Jesus. Yeah. Wives can hear the podcasts from the other room. They sure can. I often get messages correcting the thing that I'm saying.

Oh, are you describing this? Because it was actually, you know? Yeah. Look, I just want to say congratulations to Theo for doing the main hard work for having a baby. Absolutely. Hey, uh, love doubled, not halved much, bitch. Oh, that's really beautiful. Yeah, I just came up with it. That's me.

Oh, boy. A beautiful bouncing baby boy that has been safely delivered into the world. That was the one thing we did want to happen. That's right. Sometimes, however, the opposite of that. That takes us to our segment, the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. Uh, this comes to us from Newsweek.

Body found in trunk of car bought at auction. Oh no. Free body. Did you pay for that? Oh, am I going to have to pay tax on that? You know? When they crack up in the boot. The body of a man was found in the trunk trrunk trunk trunk trunk truck truck th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thuuuu thu thu- thu- thu- thu- thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin thin thi thi thi thi thi thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th going to have to pay tax on that, you know, when they crack up in the boot? The body of a man was found in the trunk of an SUV bought at auction from a Washington State scrapyard, according to police. Brave and auto and metals workers discovered the body inside a 2002 Ford Explorer at the scrapyard in Linwood on Thursday, August the 4th. So, wait a minute. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Who's buying the, who's buying this SUV?

I think... The autumn metals place? Yes. Are they just buying it for scrap? Is that the scrap? Yes, yeah, I believe so. Yeah, right. Because I was kind of trying to figure out like, who's buying a car and not sort of just having a quick gander at it? Just a squiziziz, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to the the the the the the to the their who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's their? Who's their? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their? Who? Who's th. th. th. th. their? Who's their? Who's their their their they- Who's their their their they? Who's their? Who's their? Who's the I was kind of trying to figure out like who's buying a car and not sort of just having a quick gander at it. Just a squizz. Yeah. Should I check the interior? Nah, it's probably fine.

What's the worst could be in there? Just scrap-yard. It's just scrap-it. Yeah. was meant to have been inspected by a third party before it arrived to the scrap yard, but it's slipped by without being checked. It seems like they're really making it seem like the 2002 Ford Explorer was being sneaky. Ooh. Glancing both ways, you know, before poking through. Like the security cameras sweeping the hallway and once it gets all the way over to one side,

there goes the 2002 Ford Explorer. It's got an up-ended cardboard boxbo, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, the, really, the, the, making, the, really, really, the, the the the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, make, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, really really really really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the way over to one side, there goes the 2002 Ford Explorer. It's got an up-ended cardboard box over it and it's just shuffling down the hall. Also, are they're implying that there's someone's, whose entire job it is to check for bodies in the boots of cars before they go out for auction? Yep, and they're a third party, They're a contractor brought in by the Washington scrap yard The body checker The discovery was made before the vehicle was said to be crushed and sold for scrap good news. Yeah, that is good news. That's good news. There's a bit of a trope in like a crime movies of? Put a body in a car and then like taking the car to the wreckers, you know

Yeah, and That's that's supposed to be the point. You know sometimes in a movie they'll they'll like a body in the trunk Drive the car into a river, you know, hold hold down the accelerator with a brick and then put it in a gear and it shoots off in there and then they're like dusting the hands, problem solved. And it's portrayed in movies like once you get the body in the in the trunk into the scrap yard and then it gets into the crusher, they're like few problems solved. Oh, absolutely. I can't help the feel. Like when, when you crush the car. T the car the car the car the car the car the car the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car. the car, the car, the car, the car, the car, the the the the the the I can't help the feel like when you crush the car that still has a human in it much softer the metal. I'm kind of getting like a... do you think it's going to fire out like silly stream? Yes. Yes I think that it's going to come shooting out of all the

holes in the car. Or at the very least you're turning the body into a fine paste and then you're just kind of moving the cube with all the other cubes to sit in the hot sun? Yeah, what's the problem? It's like, at some point someone's going to be be like this car yard smells like a lot of dead bodies One question why is that cube seeping? What's cube ooze happening over there? I don't reckon there's a big problem. Hey, I reckon You think it's fine about? I don't think people, I don't think the people will notice, right? You think about all the stuff that's in a car, you got oil, you got grease. You got a, uh,

hydraulic fluid, you have brake fluid, you've got power steering fluid. Exactly. You've got coolant. You got. Aircon fluid and so on on, so forth, right? There's a lot of... Cars are wetter than you think. Okay, so you fold up a body in that bad boy. He's probably halfway desiccated already.

You know, mid to late Bill Tong, and you just slam that, slam it into a cube, I'm not seeing the problem. You're basically canning him. You are canning him and he'll last forever in there. Yeah. Like ideally, ideally the, the car's body itself becomes the outside of the can. And the rest of the car's natural fluids kind of in case... into mix and like a pickling fluid him maybe maybe there's sort of an embalming or or like like like a nice a nice safe layer around him that keeps him perfectly preserved in that I'm just saying there's a lot of car and there's not that much man

no in a in a car man cube the ratio of man to car with a 2002 Ford Explorer to one man is probably 20 to 1. It's tiny. Yeah. I mean I wonder though when you get it all compacted down a lot of it's like sheet metal, you know. Do we hear about, do we hear a lot about cars that have been cued, being unccubed to pull a body out? You can't un-cube a car. You can't un-cubed a car. I'm just saying we're not finding many bodies in those cubes. Look you make a great point there. Or is it a great point? Or is it a great place? Yeah. Yeah I know I think you're on a something. If you've canneded a body in a car.

If you've canned a man. No, look, I've... I've got to hear from you. You've actually changed my mind on this one. Because even if, even if you're standing around height of summertime, whooom, something is off in this scrapyard, you know? Where do you begin? Even if, even if you know, you get your way over to one of the stacks of cubes, and you're like, I think it's that one, second from the bottom. The one with the ooze, the one with a little bit of ooze coming out, it doesn't match the paint color of the car, you know? Even if you were like, there might be something. the the the the the the the the the th you th you th you th you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, the car, you know? Even if you were like, there might be something funky going on in there,

what do you do? You can't, you can't un-cube that car. How could you possibly? How could you hope to? Where would you begin? I think you would need four very strong magnets on four sides of the cube, and then you pull them all outwards, and then you sort of extrude the cube. You don't want to go six magnets? Well, I mean you could. This is honestly my thing I was like, oh, well, that would be much more expensive to do. I guess price isn't really an object here.

Yeah, you'd want six. See, whereas I think by the time you've really cued it up, by the time you've properly cued that bad boy. I think a lot of it is kind of crimped in and holding on to other pieces of the metal. Yeah, really strong magnets is what I'm saying. Yeah. But really strong. But then what if they pull it all apart too effectively and you go goop everywhere, you know? No, thank you. Fun mental exercise I can give you the listener. I want you to picture a man with a funny German accent saying cube extruder. You can have that for free. Thank you. Yeah, but I won't be trying to reproduce it. That's strictly for your imagination. Now immediately leaping into damage control on Saturday, August 6th, Braven Auto and Medals posted to Facebook, saying, quote, We want to address a situation we are sure many of you have heard about.

Yes, there was a body of a deceased man discovered in a vehicle once it arrived at our yard. I feel like there's a big butt coming there. Sentences you never think you'll type. Look, look, was there a body in the car? Yes. Uh, look, their main issue at this point is that they found the body before it got cubed. I'm totally on Theo's side now, I'm completely converted here. It's really a problem on paperwork.

The post continues. This vehicle was purchased for auction, however. We do not have any other details, but we want to focus on the positive side of this. And that is the fact that this man has been found and his family will know where he is and hopefully get some closure. You don't get that with a cube. No. I'm just saying like if that mother, if you got turned into a cube You know they've The cops bring the relatives of you know however many missing people they've got in say is this your son? It's just a cube. Yeah, the cube car who would know? That's so rough. That's so rough that like

for everyone involved in this. it's the absolute worst, but I don't think it would necessarily bring you, maybe closure, but I don't think it would bring any sort of comfort to be like, he was sold with a 2002 Ford Explorer. Do they get their money back for the car? You think? Although I suppose once they take the body out of it, you know, you could still scrap that bad boy..... th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th that, I. that, I that, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that, that that that that that that that that th get their money back for the car? You think? Although I suppose ones that take the body out of it, you know, you could still scrap that bad boy.

I don't even know if necessarily the Braven and Auto and Medals has to be the ones doing damage control. They were the ones that were sold a car with a man inside it. Like, I would have taken an indignation there and been like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, would have taken an indignation there and been like, hey, it's really fucked up that someone sold us a car with a man inside it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just different. Setting Facebook status to cheased. Feeling pretty angry this Saturday morning. Oh, I guess I've got to take care of this body now. Hmm.

You have no idea how many little pine tree-shaped freshness we have to put in that car. A whole stack of them. God, those things smell bad. Neterre, I do not understand. I'd rather smell the dead body. Absolutely. I would rather be smelling my own asshole 24-7 than have to deal with a pine-fresh, everglade, hangy thing. I just, I just wind the windows down sometimes and air out the car. Yeah. It seems like it takes care of most of the problems that you might have with a car smell. I got into a, uh, an Uber, I believe.

Boo! Uh, a while ago. And the guy was trying to keep an Uber I believe, boo. Boo! A while ago, and the guy was trying to keep his car smell them fresh, but he had unfortunately done what I believe to be the worst possible option that you can do, which is to just stack air freshness. No. He had, like, he had like four of them all together, you know, all off the windshield, but rear vimer. And that's a very unpleasant effect because they're already like a kind of, they're already a very unpleasant

smell and if you just add a bunch more of them it really has like a very magnifying effect on that particular thing. I think we've got to get back to tradition. We're going to embrace Pupuri. Oh, you're going to embrace what? Pupuri? Yeah. You said you want to know?

No, Ben, I'm more ears, buddy. No, I think that's great. I thi maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe we we we we that we that maybe maybe maybe maybe we that we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could maybe we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that we could that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that ears, buddy. No, I think that's great. I think maybe we could embrace a sort of bouquet garni-style deal where you hang garlands of fresh herbs tied up a little bit of a string. I'm big on that. We would hang that in the chicken coop when it started smelling like chicken diarrhea. chicken diarrhea in there. That'll happen. Imagine, imagine you get into a, you get into a cab and he's just got like a bushel of fresh cut rosemary hanging up. Yeah. Oh, I'm about that, yeah.

Mmm. A rosemary in time, dangling off your rearview mirror. That's more like, yeah, we need more, savor savory scents I think yeah you know yeah rustic florals perhaps yeah yeah you get in there and you're also getting just like a hint of the Sunday roast you know yeah a little bit of that vibes maybe some maybe some crushed up eucalyptus leaves that's what we're talking about that's what we're talking about are you tired of paying nothing for the same old superior quality free episodes of the

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That's over 300 hours of content from the hosts you know and definitely tolerate. I'll even throw in access to our glamorous and exclusive discord server, where bizarre arguments only happen once or twice a week. to Head to Patreon.com slash Buentevista. Sign up in the next five minutes and I won't know because that's not my job but you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us and we will love you romantically for it. That's my promise to you. Hey, Theo, speaking of things getting crushed up. Yeah, hey, speaking of, so those are some cars that stink. Oh, oh, oh! Yeah.

There he is. Yeah. There's a little segment. That I don't, I, yeah, I don't really have a title or a theme song for, but I spend a lot of time online looking at tech stuff that makes me extremely mad. So far I've got, it's a Silicon Valley, big wet bitch, so it could be something like that, and then like a sick guitar lick after that. If any of you guys have got a sick guitar lick in you,

you can just put that in post there. This is the, for one of a better title, the Silicon Valley Big Wet Bitch Zone, where we talk about Silicon Valley and the various big wet bitches. And last couple of days, I, you, everyone, saw these incredible videos of testing the self-driving capabilities of a Tesla. And specifically, the Tesla's ability to recognize and stop for a tiny toddler-sized toddler-shaped mannequin. We've got a couple of examples here. Now this is an audio medium but trust me the audio does tell the story. So we've got a daytime one Andrew if you can hit that daytime one for me. Absolutely. Here we go. There's a sound of a toddler mannequin getting absolutely ethered like a bag of wet hands. It's a sound of a toddler mannequin getting absolutely ethered like a bag of wet hands.

Um, and we've also got some testing done at night time as well if we as well if we can hit that one. Absolutely. Oh yeah. Somehow worse. I think he hit that one harder. Um, I took a particular interest in these ones because, um, I... Oh, yeah. So, my. I took a particular interest in these ones because I, so my honors thesis was on computer vision and object detection and stuff so I got a little, I got a little skin in the game

on this one, a little bit of understanding and I wanted to have a little. You made a thing, right? I made a thing that was using, using, on this one, a little bit of understanding. And I want to have a little- You made a thing, right? I made a thing. You made a thing that was using LIDAR? No, I didn't, I didn't use LIDAR, but we can get into that. So, just before we do, can you tell me what LIDAR is? Absolutely, we will get into that too. So, um, and this sort sort sort of sort of sort of th of th of th of th of wee wee wee wee we will wee we will wee wee, we will thi thi thi thi, we will thi, we will thi, thi, th. th. th. th. tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, a th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's, that, that, that, th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, will get into that too. So, and this sort of speaks to why the Tesla's a, a lot of why they're fully self-driving

and their autonomous stuff sucks ass, because at the core, Elon being the enormous narcissist but also dumb bitch that he is, Sometime in like the mid-early 2000s, got a little bee in his bonnet about LIDAR and said no we're not going to use it. We're not going to use it, we're just going to use cameras. So on most on the vast majority of autonomous vehicles, like you see that they're they're trying to build for Wai Mo, Google, and etc. and Uber before they pulled out, they used LIDAR, which is a thing that shoots out laser everywhere, not in the visual spectrum, but close, shoots out laser and

it measures the time that it takes for that laser to bounce off something and come back to you. You divide it measures the time that it takes for that laser to bounce off something and come back to you. You divide that by the speed of light and you get how far away that thing is. And you do that many, many times a second and you can build up like a 2D, 3D image of the world around you in terms of distances. Like the donut. I haven't seen it. Whereas what the Tesla's are doing because the Elon got this being his bonnet, he said, well, the LIDAR stuff is expensive.

Of course it's expensive will come down in price, but he's not counting on that. So you just put a camera in front. It's just literally a camera, right? So to work out how to find out how far away things are from you, you have to do computer vision processing, right? So you've got to go, okay, well I'm here, I've got fucking this blob of white and black over here and it's moving like this and the other one's moving in relation to it, so you know, do a whole bunch of AI stuff and try and work it out, the try and to to w wlter wlter wa wa wa to to work..... th. to th. th. to to to to th. th. to to to to the th. to to to to to the to to go go go go go a wi. to to go a wi. to go go go go. to go to go to go to go to go. to go go. to go go. to go go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to to go. to toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to laser come back and it tells you it's, you know, 5.6 meters away. And you can always do best of both worlds, right? You can combine the two of them for, you know, what they call sense of synthesis to just

sort of like, you know, hedge your losses, hedge your bets, sort of thing. So, the Tesla's are always going to be terrible, but a fun thing about their business model is that they've been selling the promise of fully, full self-driving capability for years. And they still do. I went on this afternoon and went on Tesla's website and I specked out a Tesla model why. For, and so for $5,100 on top of the regular product, the business, the their business model, the the............................... the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, they' they' their, they they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they they they they they they they they, is is, is they, is they, is, is they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their business I speced out a Tesla Model Y. And so for $5,100 on top of the regular price of a Tesla Model Y, you can get enhanced autopilot which has navigate on autopilot, so on a freeway it will change lanes for you based on which one's going slow and going fast.

It will do auto parking which my 2016 Skoda Octavia also does. What the fuck are you serious? Yeah yeah man it's it's terrifying. I didn't have to pay five thousand dollars is it? Do you use it? Yeah, yeah occasionally. Wow. Damn. And then it also summon your car if you hit a button, the Skoda doesn't do that, in like a parking garage. So you hit a button on your thing and it'll just like pop out and come to you somehow. Yeah, you hit a button while you're standing out the front of your Aldi and then it runs over an old lady on its way to you. Yeah. Or it towed told told told told told. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Yeah, to, to, to, to, you. Yeah, you, you, you, you, you, you're to, you're to, you're to, you, to, you. Yeah, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Yeah, the their. Yeah, the the the the the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the the the. Yeah, the the. Yeah, the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you, you, you, you, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, to, to, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, th. Yeah, to. Yeah, todd. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the the the of Aldi and then it runs over an old lady on its way to you.

Or a toddl them. Yeah. Oh sorry, just winding back to those toddler ones. Of course the, in the replies it's just full of people going, well, they can tell it, it's a mannequin. It's not going to just got a fucking camera. Like, is there something there? Is there something there? I don't know, because it should have gotten lighter. But, so $5,100 gets you that enhanced autopilot.

$10,100 gives you, and I quote, the full self-driving capability. Currently, the dot points for that are all of the functionality of enhanced autopilot and stopffic light and stop sign control. So occasionally your Tesla will mistake the moon for a stop sign and stop from 100 kilometers an hour to zero on the freeway, which is an actual thing that they do. Upcoming feature is auto steer on city streets, but they are still selling it as FSD full self-driving capability. They call it a beta, even though it doesn't fucking work.

Yeah. And it's not legal, like anywhere, right? It's not legal, right? It's not legal, right? It's not legal, right? You have to be like, your hands have to be on the wheel and you have to be like... That's exactly, that's that's exactly right. So it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not th. So, it's not that's not that's not that's not th. So, it's not that's not th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's not th. It's not the. It's the. It's thea. It's thea. thea. thea. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's that once it passes this stuff, once their vision, their, um, their AI on the computer vision gets good enough and it passes what they call level four and level five autonomous certificate, whatever, whatever it is in America, I can't remember what it's called, but level four and level five, which speaks to however many, like a million miles in the end of driving without human intervention to be truly autonomous at level 5 I think. So under that it's got a little blurb that says you know subject to legal approval blah

blah blah. But of course if you own one of these cars and you've paid $10,000 for it you've actually just paid $10,000 for nothing because you are never going to get your full self-driving capability because they can't do it because Elon said that they don't want to put LIDR on the car. So it's not going to happen. So sorry, you wasted your money on traffic light and stop sign control. So if you did that... If you did that... True, thrue, your shirt, like a dish rag. So why did this happen? It's because Elon is a big wet bitch idiot.

So this is from the verge in 2018. LIDAR, which stands for light detection and ranging, has become a common fixture on self-driving cars operated by companies like GM and Alphabet's WAMO. But Musk has long argued that LIDAR is too expensive, too bulky for Tesla's vehicles. Perhaps I am wrong, he says, and will look like a fool. In my view, it's a crutch that will drive companies to a local maximum that they find very hard to get out of,

Musk said. He added, perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps I will look like a fool, but I'm quite certain that I am not. Which is a thing that no fool will ever say. So they're using cameras, right? I'll just skip half of this because we've already been over that. But he says, you know, anyone relying on LIDAR is doomed. Dumed. Expensive sensors that are unnecessary. It's like having a whole bunch of expensive appendices you'll see.

So something I didn't mention about those two videos is that there are also, in each video, a Tesla equipped with LIDAR. And in both videos, the LIDAR, the LIDAR, the toddler toddl are to the LIDAR equipped ones, stop for the toddler, and the ones without LIDAR turned the toddler into small paste. But he's confident because they've got like a neural net in some bullshit which is, it's, you know, he's just gonna be like fix it in software. It's kind of like he just says, hey, oh, it'll just magically happen later. It's kind of like he just says that over and over again.

And we'll get to that. He couldn't help but take a swipe at his competitors and they're approached to autonomous driving. Musk said it, he found it quite puzzling that so many companies relied on LIDAR to help their cars see. But to be sure, Tesla ranked last in a recent scorecard of the 19 companies developing self-driving cars. Analyst noted that even Tesla's own supplies like Invidia have expressed doubt that the computing hardware it sells to Tesla

is capable of supporting full automation reliably. So again, you know, if you bought a Model 3 in 2017 you paid for FSD, you're not getting it. It's not happening. You are going to sell that car before you get your autopilot that you paid for. Very cool. We've got a little graph there of how good the autonomous strategy and execution of the various brands are. You can see GM, Waymo Ford all up in the Green Leaders section, down in the brown turd section is Tesla Tesla near Apple

and Uber right down there in the turd section. Weird that we had that all of the tech companies who have never built cars before it down at the dog shit section. They're just like we're really smart and we're just gonna do this in code and then they couldn't. And their lives are probably pointless. Honestly, their souls of forfeit at this stage. So this assessment is based on a bunch of things. They do note that it's especially interesting because Tesla has been the most outspoken

among automakers, automakers in terms of promising to deliver level five fully autonomous vehicles in the near future, whereas other companies avoid doing that because it's really hard. But Tesla is over-promising and underperforming, Navigant argues. In a May 2017, Ted Talk, Musk claimed the systems being built today would be level 5 capable by 2019. However, this is unlikely to ever be achievable since level 5 is defined as the car being able to operate without human intervention in all conditions. Current Tesla hardware lacks the ability to keep sensors clean and unadscured in poor weather, as well as most of the redundant

systems needed for fully automated driving, not to mention the LIDAR that most people in the field believe is necessary for highly automated vehicles. Even NVIDIA has expressed doubt that this is possible. So again, there are hundreds... Their hardware is just for rendering breasts, right? That's right. And the boo boobe effects. So there's like hundreds of of Tesla engineers trying to work on this thing and believe, believe, and believe, and believe, and believe, and believe, and th, and th, and th, and th, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, th is th is thi, th is th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the theured theured theured theured theured theured theured theured thea theaughed in the the theured thi, thi, thi, there's like hundreds of Tesla engineers trying to work on this thing and just like, you know, grinding themselves to dust because Elon doesn't like light up, right? And it's very typical of all, like the way that he runs all of his shit. But, never fear, it's going to be ready next year.

From the verge in 2019, but the year doesn't matter, as we'll get to. The biggest shock of the talk that Musk gave at this stage came when Musk stated unequivocally, that Tesla would have, quote, a million driverless cars on the road by the end of 2020. Which, you know, yep. The plan is to have them operate commercially in a ride-hailing network. Yep. I wonder how many cars they were producing a year at that point. Not that many.

I mean, their production is certainly ramped up, but not like that. So, like, there's multiple things at the same time there, you know, obviously they can't manufacture that many cars let alone get the fucking vision stuff working. When asked if these cars would be quote level 5 without a geo fence meaning they could travel anywhere under any conditions without a human behind the wheel Musk said yes. But he's been doing this for a very long time. There was a video on a jolopn-a thicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicic. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they're they're they're they're they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can can can can can can can can can can can can can they they they they they they they can they they they they they they can they can they can this for a very long time. There was a video on a Jelopnik article that I was looking at in putting this together. And here is a series

of quotes from Elon Musk dating back to 2015 and every single year thereafter. Should I just helpfully annotate here which year each quote is taking place? Yes, if you can. It might be a bit busy, but let's give it a go. Okay, so this first one from 2014. Autonomous cars will definitely be a reality. Tesla car next year will probably be 90% capable of autopilot. So 90% of your miles could be on auto. You know, for sure, highway travel.

We're probably only a month away from having autonomous driving, at least for highways and for relatively simple roads. Like a Model S and Model X at this point, I can drive autonomously with greater safety than a person. Right now. That's a question. And next year, self-driving. with greater safety than a person right now. That's a question. Yeah. End of next year, self-driving will be, will encompass essentially all words driving

and be at least 100 to 200% safer than a person by the end next year. Talking with maybe 18 months from now. I feel very confident predicting autonomous robot taxis for Tesla next year. I'm talking maybe 18 months or not. I feel very confident predicting autonomous robot taxis for Tesla next year. I'm extremely confident of achieving full autonomy and releasing it to the Tesla customer base next year. When do you think Tesla will solve level 4 FSD? I mean it's looking quite likely that it will be next year. Perfect. Wonderful.

Also, I always forget that that's what he sounds like. Anybody who has like an obsession with him, I'm sure they have never heard him talk. Because it makes my skin crawl. It is just strange. I'm sure they have never heard him talk. Because it makes my skin crawl. It is just strange, strange person. I assume Theo that you have seen the various people in the replies to those videos of the Tesla's doming little pretend children.

So, so like you said, there were plenty of people going, oh no, no, no, no, it knows. It knows that it's like just a cardboard cutout. And then the person is making the video is like, it's not though, it's like a body-sized thing, and it's weighted, and it has all the dimensions of a child and all thatthat sort of stuff and they're like yeah yeah yeah but yeah but it gets to the point of people saying no you need to put an actual child in front of this thing and then it will stop. I don't know how much of this is a

joke but I definitely saw a guy trying to organize someone's card someone's child to be murdered by a Tesla. My goodness. They truly believe. So, obviously every year they promise this shit, and it never comes. It's an enormous scam perpetrated by a tremendous moron. Let's just have a quick peek at how they're doing currently with this. So this is from the LA Times, covering a period from January 1st, 2021 to January 16th, 2022.

So we've got dozens of safety complaints about FSD, many reports of phantom breaking, which is just breaking for no reason, like a dog getting scared by its own farts. And a bunch of of incident reports here, which I will read. In Southampton, New York, a Model 3 travelling at 60 miles per hour crashed into an SUV parked on the highway shoulder. The Tesla drove itself, quote, straight through the side of the SUV ripping off the car mirror. The driver called Tesla to say, quote, our car has gone crazy.

Hmm. Houston, Texas, our car has gone crazy. Hmm. Hmm. Houston, Texas, a Model 3 was traveling at 35 miles per hour. Quote, suddenly the car jumped over the curb causing damage to the bumper the wheel and a flat tire. The crash, quote, appeared to be caused by a discolored patch in the road that gave FSD the false perception of an obstacle which it tried to avoid. Remember they don't have any depth sensing. They just, so if the, if the road's the wrong color, your car will steer itself into an orphanage and then switch off autonomous control just before impact so that you are legally culpable. It says here

rejecting a warranty claim, a Tesla service center charged $2,337 and said it wouldn't return the car until the bill was paid. Awesome. Very awesome. From Breyer, no idea where that is. Quote, while taking a left turn, the car went into the wrong lane and I was hit by another driver in the lane next to my car. The car by itself took to to to the the to the to the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thoe, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, thus, thus, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th....................................................................................... So, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. the. th. th. So, th. So, th.the car went into the wrong lane and I was hit by another driver in the lane next to my car. The car by itself took control and forced itself into the incorrect lane, putting everyone involved at risk. Car is severely damaged on the driver's side.

From Collitzville, North Carolina, quote, the road curve to the turn, and as the car took the turn, it took too wide of a turown and veered off, The right side of the car went up and over the beginning of a rock incline, front tire blew out, only the side airbags deployed. Perfect, yeah. Jesus. The car traveled about 500 yards along the road and then turned itself off. The estimated damages were $28,000 to $30,000. Which in my limited understanding of cars is a right off, right?

That's, that is a written off car. That is most of the, most of the car. Uh, Troy, Missouri? Is that what MO is? That is Missouri? That is Missouri? That's right. Tisler was turning through a curve when, quote, suddenly about 40% of the way through the turn, the model Y straightened the wheel and crossed over the center line into the direct path of the oncoming vehicle.

When I attempted to pull the vehicle back in my lane, I lost control and skid it off into a ditch and through the woods, causing significant damage to the vehicle. And of course, he would, it's his fault because he took it. Yeah, whatever. I love like, I love this entire thing where it's like you, you have to be touching the wheel and then as soon as you're touching the wheel, it's your fault. It's so good. There's, there's also the thing where like, apparently when, when sensing that a crash is like imminent, the full self-driving switches itself off.

It is alleged to switch itself off. Alleged to switch itself off moments before impact so that it can say, oh, the Tesla wasn't driving itself when the impact occurred. 100% and the thing that this article pointed out was that Musk was on record having said that FSD is not to blame for any accidents so far, which is really cool. Really fun to think about this is just a year's worth by the way it doesn't include any of the previous years fatal crashes. No deaths. Excuse me. Jackson, Missouri a model

three quote jerked right towards semi truck then jerked left towards a semi-truck, then jerked left towards the posts in the median as it was accelerating and the FSD would not turn off. We owned this car for 11 days when our wreck happened. From a Hercules, California, powerful town name. Phantom braking caused the Tesla to suddenly stop and quote the vehicle behind me didn't react so a rear end collision caused serious damage to the vehicle and finally from Dallas Texas quote I was driving on full self-driving assistance a car was in my blind slot so I tried to take over the car by tugging the wheel the car sounded an alarm indicating I was going to crash into the left hand medium median I was believe I was fighting with the car to regain control of the car and ended up hitting

the left median, which ricocheted the car all the way to the right hitting the median. So check out, uh, check out Tesla's. Hmm. Christ alive. It only costs you $10,100 for your car to autonomously run you into a cow. Why don't you just drive your car? Just drive your car, it's one of life's great pleasures. It is, and we won't have it for long because the oil wars. Yeah, so, you know, just, I don't know.

If you're really against driving your own car, look into buses. Yeah, check out going on a bus. Trains. There is a, uh, Look into buses. Yeah, check out going on a bus. Trains? There is a bus. Yeah, there's a young upstart company in America at the moment called Greyhound. And I believe that they will drive the vehicle for you. Yeah. From state to state. You don't have to bring your own driver.

It's a mistake a lot of people make. When go and coach. They provide the driver for you. There's already there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's there's there's there's the the the their their their their their their their tha. You can't their thoes. You're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thea. thoooooooooooooooo. their thoooooooooooooes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to to. to. toe. It's a mistake a lot of people make and go and coach. They provide the driver for you. There's already one there. You can leave yours at home. To me there's like a strange, there's kind of a strange gap in this vision, this futurist vision that this gives to people, right?

We're like, when Elon Musk says, oh, we're just going to have millions of cars and they'll be completely autonomous and self-driving, right? They'll all be driving themselves and it'll be completely safe and everything. It's really weird to me that all these people have this vision of, yeah, we'll have completely like automated transport and everything, but also it will just still be millions and millions of cars? Yeah, it's going to be two tons of cars for you sitting like in the driver's seat with four other completely empty seats in your car.

Yeah, it's not going to make, it's not going to make travel any more efficient in any way. It's not going to make it, it's not going to make it cheaper. It's going to get you their their their their their their their th th th th th a the tons tons tons tons tons tons to be to be tons tons to be tons tons tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tonsons tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons of tons of tonsonsons of tonsonsonsonsonsons tonsonsons tonsons tons tons tons tons tons tons tons tons tons tons tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tons. tonsonsonsons. tonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsons tha tha tha tha thas tonsonsonsi tons tons tonsonsonsons tonsons tonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsons tonsonsonsonsonsonsons. to make travel any more efficient in any way. It's not going to make it cheaper. It's not going to get you faster. No. Other than like, you know, if you're imagining how great it would be to be able to like sleep in your car while it continues to drive you somewhere or whatever. Like it's still going to produce way more like a life cycle CO2 than like an order magnitude more even though we're talking about batteries than going on a train because turns out trains can just like pull

like a thousand people at a time. So it sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. of the future and fucking we're heading towards like the middle of the century and this is what we got. This is what we got, this is what our tech boys are, a big wet tech boys are bringing us. Just sloppy cars that want to cube you. Like it makes so much more sense to me for like trucks and all that sort of thing. Like, uh, I thought you for like shipping, you know? Makes so much more sense to me with with like trucks and all that sort of thing. Like I thought you meant like like boats just

like cruising around the ocean. There's not much to hit out out there so it's probably... Well, what I mean is like if there is if there is one type of industry that you can think of pretty quickly that still exists and kind of just has to exist at this point in some sense. It is like delivery of goods to grocery stores in urban areas and suburban areas and that sort of stuff, right? The stuff has to get itself from ports to other places in the country and that sort of thing. In the, in the movie Logan, the last Hugh Jackman, Wolf, the last Hugh Jackman, to the that that to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that of thing. In the in the movie Logan the the last Hugh Jackman Wolverine one it's like sort of set in the near

future and on the highways there are just like semi-trailer sort of things but they just don't have anything on the front they're basically just like just the back part blasting down the highways and stuff, you know. And that's an industry where it's obviously something that really pushes humans to the limits. Like they don't pay people enough to do the job and people have to like do a bunch of meth and stay up all night in order to make the runs in the time that they're supposed to be able to do them and it's really unsafe and a bunch of people get killed when somebody falls

asleep at the wheel of a semi and drifts over into the other lane. Like that's something where you can look at it and say that's a practical use for like autonomous electric vehicles moving stuff around in a way where it's not it's not really a safe thing for humans to continue doing all the time and it's also like not the majority of road traffic it's not the majority of vehicles on the road that are like trucks taking stuff places whereas to just look out at the world as it is at the moment and go wow imagine that but the cars are driving themselves and that's it that's it the. the the the difference the difference. the difference. the difference.. the difference the difference. the difference.. the difference the difference. It's not the difference. It's not the difference. It's not the difference. It's not the difference. It's not the difference. It's not the difference. It's not the the the the same the same the safe th of thi things things things thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th thi th th th thi the th the the the the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things to just look out at the world as it is at the moment and go, wow, imagine that, but the cars are driving themselves, and that's it.

Yeah, I'm imagine you can be going in your single occupancy car to your tech job that you hate in the Bay Area. But while you're driving, you can also jack yourself off. Yeah, check that out. On your way to training to go and colonize Mars. Yeah, yeah, go and colonize Mars. Let's get on that. Let's get on that. Hey, speaking of... Attempting to colonize? Yeah. This is like reverse colonization this next story. Oh, mama Mia Mia! It's time for Domino's watch. This comes to us from the Guardian.

Domenos Retreats from Italy, having failed to conquer the home of pizza. This comes to us from the Guardian. Domino's retreats from Italy having failed to conquer the home of pizza. Hell yeah, you tried. Oh, hoisted by their own petard. The hubris, you know. That's so funny.

This is the story that we'll be reading about the Guzman and Gomez guys going to America and Mexico. Oh. Domino's Pizza has pulled out, couldn't be me, of the Italian market after failing in its mission to conquer the home of pizza. The US fast food chain's departure from Italy after seven years followed a period in which the business was badly hit by the coronavirus pandemic,

which in turn forced traditional Italian pizza arrears to adopt their own delivery services. Owned. Yeah. My goodness. The company set out with ambitious plans of opening 880 outlets across the country by 2030. Hopeful that it could win over Italian customers with pizza topped with pineapple. That's just the Guardian being rude.

There's no call for that. It's so funny that like 2030 as a year for something is like very futuristic sounding to me. I know it's like we've felt that way about the future for the last 30 years, but you're like, yeah, that's the time where the the the the the their........ their, their, their, the their, their, their, th. their, th. their, th. their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. the, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th......... th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. te. to. to. to. to. to. te. to. to. to. to. te. total, total, total, total, ttotal, total about the future for the last 30 years but you're like yeah that's the time where the sky is just dominated by flying cars and also there's 880 dominoes pizzas in Italy. You're dumb motherfuckus. It got as far as opening 29 branches all of which have now been closed. Is there anything in this about the on-the-street reaction? Because I am imagining just continuous yelling and screaming as, as Italians go to their day work, go to their day jobs, walk in past.

And they see this aberration. There's a vacuum of culture. Italians go to their day work, go to their day jobs, walking past. And they see this aberration. There's a vacuum of culture. They're just shouting. They're wildly gesticulating. Italians go to work. They get there at 10.30. They settle in for their mid-morning nap. Three hours later, they wake up, go out for lunch,

and they are furious, go out for their four-hour lunch break. Oh man. We are gonna get some feedback in this article, Theo. Wonderful. I'm just looking at the trip advisor page for the Domino's pizza that is, it's in Rome, it's about a kilometer away from St. Peter's Basilica. Yeah, wonderful. It's exactly where I was expecting it to be. There's 1.5 stars. All of the reviews are in Italian, so you know, it's not, it's not much help to me. Oh, wow, okay, okay, so I...

Bad Boys into Google Translate. I've chucked one of the bid, and the title of the review is, The Problem is Not the American Taste, but that is, it is bad. I ordered four pizzas, Hawaiian Margarita, veggie and chicken bacon to celebrate as a family, and we were really in the mood for some American flavor. Dominos look the pizza the pizza the pizza the pizza the pizza the pizza thoee thoe thoe thoe, thoeded thoed, it thoed, it's tho, tho, tho, tho, it's, tho, it's, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. I, the, the the tho, the th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It, th. It, t. It. It. It. It. It, t. It. It, t. It, t. It's, t. It's, t. I. I. It's, t. It's, tog. It's, toge. toe. toe. toea. toea. toea. togea. togea. togea. toge. toge. toge. tog we were really in the mood for some American flavor. Domino's looked perfect, but in reality, the pizza turned out to be bad. Almost biscuit dough, sweet aftertaste, not very digestible, very dry in the topic and not

not very palatable. I state that I have some experience of American-style pizzas, but this has very little to do with them. I'm sorry, but we're really not there. the the the the the the the the the the toe. Tere. Tere. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. today, toe. toe. toe. tape. It, tape. It is is, tomeae. It is tome. It is tome. It is tsoe. It is tsoe. It is tsoe. It, tsoe. It, toe. It is toe. It is toe. It is toe. It is toe. It is toe. It is t t t t t t t t t t t t t to. It's, today.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a, and it has nothing to do with it being American. In addition, the service was also particularly slow, and in my opinion, one could perceive the considerable inexperience on the part of the boys slash pizza makers. Well, there are reviews here on TripAdvisor for the one in Milan.

Before we move on, I would just say that I think the slow service is one actual consideration they made for the Italian market. They won't be ready if we bring it out in five minutes. So this review is from John W who's from North Carolina. And he starts off by saying, simply unbelievable that Domino's is in Milan. We walk by one of that Domino's is in Milan. We walked by one of the Domino's restaurants in Milan on our way to dinner. There were a few people inside, but the food looked greasy. They actually offered pepperoni on pizza. There is no such thing as pepperoni in Italy.

In fact, it all looked like the Domino's back home, precisely the kind of food I came to Italy to escape. The only customers I can imagine they are are are are they are the kind of food I came to Italy to escape. The only customers I can imagine they are attracting are desperately homesick Americans and Italians curious to learn what we Americans have done to real Italian food. My guess is Domino should do what Starbucks has done and leave Italy to the Italians. One Star. Get him, John W. Didn't even try it though, curious. Well, somebody here did try it.

They say, one star, horrible pizza with exaggerated price. The pizza tastes awful. The price is exaggerated. A small bottle of cola is 2 euro 45. That is crazy. I love Italy. I ordered the barbecue chicken. Too much barbecue sauce ruined everything. My partner ordered a pizza Hawaiian. The tomato sauce was awful. I can't actually tell if that person's Italian or not. But um. Oh, well, we've got a we've got a five-star review from somebody who lives in Milan, Italy.

I was driving in Milan when I see the giant signboard, Dominov's a pizza. Excited, I decided to order one the barbecue chicken pizza. Wow, really Gnamy. Oh, sweet. G-N-A-M-Y. If you want to try something different from the classic boring Italian pizza, you are in the right place. Thank you, Luca. That's just the manager of the Domino's of the Big Fake Mastatah. Yeah. Uh, franchise holder E pizza filed for bankruptcy in April this year.

Nice to E-Pizzer You. Fuck. Uh... We got an email at the bar today, like through the bar's email address from a rep. They started their email with, allow me to introduce myself. Fuck you, fuck you. So, uh, I left the email on red and we should not be buying the products. with allow me to introduce myself. Fuck you, fuck you. So I left the email unread and we should not be buying their products.

Domino's first foray into Italy was Milan in 2015 before venturing to other cities including Turin, Bologna, Palmer and the capital, Rome. It did not however make it to Naples, the southern city where Pizza Margareta was created. Quote, It would have been a very strange if Domino's worked here, said Gino Sorbio, who owns a pizzer in the city. Naples is a very particular market. It wins on tradition, identity. It wouldn't have worked if the only goal was to make a money. Domino's Pizza? No.

Dominus pizza was bought to Italy by the Domino's Pizza? No. Dominus Pizza was bought to Italy by the entrepreneur Alessandro Lazaroni. The move followed a similarly brave culinary exploit years earlier when McDonald's opened its first store in Bolzano in 1985. That's different. That's different. So crazy different. Like, that's.... That's different. That's totally different. It's different. It's so crazy different. Like, that's, that you, you invented McDonald's.

Yeah. It's not like you're taking McDonald's to a city where there's like seven generations of father-son pizza makers who would like kill their teen son if he made one pizza base wrong. Like well but for hamburgers. Father son big Macsmiths. Italians making McDonald's in America. The Domino's venture had some initial success but ultimately could not compete. Not even on price given that a pizza in an

Italian restaurant can cost as little as five euro. On top of the widespread availability of shops serving pizza Altaglio, pizza by the slice, for even less. That said, Lazarone, an ex-general manager of Burger King in Italy now works for Crazy Pizza! A restaurant owned by the former Formula One team boss Flavio Briatore on Rome's plush via Veneto where a humble Marguerite costs 15 euro. I would never eat at a place called Crazy Pizza. I'm not going to fucking crazy pizza. I'm not going to fucking crazy pizza. 15 euro that is a 21 Australian dollars. Which for a good pizza that's fine we're paying no no no not in Italy buddy not in Italy. Pizza is so cheap and it is all so good. Is it just like

toast to them? Yeah yeah absolutely it's, and the wine flows like water. Check out Italy. Hey, if you like pizza, check out Italy. The only reason I was happy, it was on our honeymoon, we went to Europe, right? And the only reason I was happy to get to France was so that I could start shitting again. I was just like, oh, plugged up. And I got worms. Well, we've managed to bring this episode full circle around from baby diarrhea at the start to man constipation at the end. Yeah. Hey, what?

Shit's liquid in the morning. Has a five on the morning. There's a five on the Bristol stool chart in the afternoon. Oh boy. And can't shit at night. Okay. That's what's up. That's what's up. See you next time everybody. Bye. Bye. you to be the tree