Boonta Vista - EPISODE 264: September Is National Cannelloni Month

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Lucy, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Over 100 unwelcome baptisms, several parachuting safety violations, one unfunny husband, zero stolen cannolis, and three hopeful septuagenarians. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

And this is your captain speaking. On behalf of our crew I'd like to welcome you to flight QF 264 to Sydney with a flight time of approximately one hour. Considering your flight cost double what you'd pay on a similar jet star a version flight. We trust you enjoyed your time in the contest lounge surrounded by miserable boomers whose children don't speak to them anymore. Hopefully you helped yourself to our selection of stale pastries, their pastries, their th th th th th th th th th th their th. and their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thi and thi and thi and thi and thi and th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. And the. And the. And thea. And thea' thea' thea' thea' thea'a' thea' thea' the. And the. And the. And thust you enjoyed your time in the Quontas lounge surrounded by miserable boomers whose children don't speak to them anymore. Hopefully you helped yourself to our selection of stale pastries, soup we ladled from a bin outside of a muffin break, and our premier selection of yellow tail wines, Heineken beer and crown lager. As you settle into your seats I'd

like to introduce you to our friendly cabin crew. First of all we've got a 55-inininin 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to moonlights as a David Jones employee. She'll be so hostile towards you for the entire flight. She may as well just spit directly on you as she hands you a complimentary beverage and snack from our wonderful inflight selection. It's me. With me is Ben, who may not appear to be an extremely gay man, but he's from a bygone era of self-hating and homophobic gays, has three children, from his heterosexual marriage to a woman named Jill. He'll greet you as you born and disembark from our Boeing 737800 aircraft, with such thinly veiled contempt you'll wish you were sucked into a jet engine. Now Ben, can you explain to me why beautiful little twinks are gated to the Jet Star cabin crew, while Quantiz only employs men like you and women like me. That's such a wonderful question.

I think is that the standards of the level of contempt you need to be able to project are so exclusive that I think that's going to a sort of a more select group of those people. There is nothing like getting on board a plane and having a sweet gay gentleman standing there give you a friendly hello that makes you feel like a piece of shit. Yeah. It's such a specific phenomenon. They're so talented. It's such a perfunctory hello where the smile is there but there's just nothing in the eyes except withering contempt. It is so good at it. They're so good at it. You're so good at it. You're wonderful at this. You're the smile is there, but there's just nothing in the eyes except withering contempt. It is so good at it.

They're so good at. You're wonderful at this. It's a special skill. Sitting next to you, absolutely shoving his arm onto your armrest, despite the fact that you're on the middle seat. the middle seat, he's a 60-something-year-old man. He's flicking the little air conditioning vents. Every now and then he'll just let out a little sigh like, he's doing absolutely fucking anything other than just sitting still and playing on his phone like a normal person. Any second now he's going to get up, open the overhead compartment,

start rifling through his oversized carry-on, looking for something while he's holding up the entire line of passengers trying to board the plane the plane the plane the plane the plane the plane the plane the plane the plane to the plane to the plane to to to to the plane the plane to to the plane the plane the plane to the to their their their their tho tho their thoe tho their their thoe. thoe thoe thoe. thoe. the their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. to to the. He. to to the. to the. the. the. te. te. tea. tea. tea.ea. tea. tea. tea. te. te. te. their.'s holding up the entire line of passengers trying to board the plane. Andrew, don't you love flying Qantas? Hey, can I have a look at your in-flight magazine? I just want to check that all the pages are the same as my in-flight magazine. Why don't we start a conversation when we're at it, you know? Oh, man. Hey, can you move your arm? I felt it broshop against my arm that's hanging over into your space. I'm not a I'm not a millionaire so I don't fly Qantas

ever on domestic flights because that would be insane. I've only done it a few times. I wonder what the experience is like. I saw a there was a thing that happened last night where a Melbourne to Sydney flight or a Sydney to Melbourne flight had this one about two cities. Yeah, one of the only kinds of flight that we have in one of the directions. They had to like hustle all the people off the plane and immediately get them beyond the security gates because someone had managed to get onto the plane without going through the security screening area. I saw that. How did they do that? Which, yeah, I would really like to know some more details. The thing that got me was that like, of course, because it was a quantist flight, there were like 20 journalists on the plane, that were all like live treating it. And someone, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, thr-I, thr-I tho, tho, tho, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thrown, thrown, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thu, thu, thu, the, the plane that were all like live trading it. And someone had posted a video where you could see like the back of the headrest or whatever and someone had the end credits of a movie playing on a one-hour flight? How did you manage that?

Well I'm like what the fuck you're doing? I'm not used to flying on a domestic flight that even has the screens. Yeah, but like you watched a fucking movie flying Sydney to Melbourne or Melbourne to Sydney? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. th. th. th. th. th. thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their? their? their? their? their? their? th. So? th. So, th. So, th. So, thi? thi? the? the? the? thea? thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea Sydney to Melbourne or Melbourne to Sydney? That's crazy. Flying Qantas is a scam though because boomers are all complaining about it now because it's not worth it anymore. But also all you get is like a nicer interior on the plane and sometimes you get a snack and maybe some apple juice. My limited experience of flying on Qantas is that it seems to be like the premier business for just having this extremely lingering perception of being good and everybody's gone, oh that's the premier, that's the premier airline. It's like the good airline.

It's the good airline and then you get on a plane and like like you said, the plane is the same or maybe older than other planes that you will get on. All of the staff are the same but maybe older. They're the same women that work at Meyer and love to be rude to you. Yes for some reason all of the cabin crew are like you and they don't want want the the th th, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they don't want want want want want want want the th tho the thi the thi the their their to their their their their their to you. Yes for some reason all of the cabin crew are like 50 year old women who don't like you and they don't want to be there which is a weird vibe. The last the last Qantas flight I remember being on I got on and that for the in-flight entertainment they had like the CRT monitors mounted up on the

roof like going down the aisle. Ithey don't they don't like come down I'm talking like I'm talking like I'm talking like a just one TV like I've seen I'm with like a drop down every few rows of things yeah these were dropping down these were like actual old TVs mounted to the roof going down the aisle and I was like did the fucking right brothers bang this plane to get it? Jesus. Yeah, roast Christ. Quantis you're on blast. I it was just a thing where I was like do they still have planes like this just getting about that's crazy. They still got that free booze on domestic quantist flights though which is like you're not getting that from any other airline. Jet star is not going to give you a after a certain hour hour hour hour. the hour the hour. the hour the the the to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a the to to to the the to the to the the to the to to to to to their to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to go. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. 4 p.m. Unless your flight is longer than 3.5 hours, in which case it's available

from 9 a.m. So if you're flying to Perth, fucking stuck, knocking back yellow-tailed chiras. By the time you get there, maybe you'll have a good time in Perth. It's all going to be the worst booze, isn't it? We are, we went to a little a a a a 10 a 10 a 10 a 10 a 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 a 10 10 10 their their th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n't th-fease-fewa-a-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-n' th in Perth. It's all going to be the worst booze, isn't it? We are, we went to a little, we had our 10 year wedding anniversary last weekend. Ooh, and yes, good for you. Yes, congratulations to us, thank you so much. And we went to like a little bed and breakfast thing on the New South Wales coast. And it had like a, they had a mini bar and a mini bar menu and stuff, but it was all really good.

Oh, like, like they're all like really nice local craft beers. There was like really, really nice cheese, cheeses, hammons, things of that nature. And like, there were cocktails in there but like in their own bottles, like the same ones that they had at the bar and the restaurant and stuff, and a little note with instructions. So it was a cocktail shaker and like nice tumblers and stuff in the room and it had little instructions, like, put a handful of ice in a shaker and pour this in, shake it out and strain it into one of, one of the coop glasses up there, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th. And, and th. And, and, and, and, and, and th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, and th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, you know. And we were just remarking on how much it changes the experience for the stuff in the minibar to not be dog shit. Like to not be a tiny bottle of Johnny Walker Red Label, you know, like the all of the

sort of absolute middle-to-bottom tier brands of alcohol. I don't know how often I've seen a mini-bar with like liquor in it. It has been a long fucking time since I've been somewhere that actually had the mini bar now. Yeah it's only just the empty fridge. Yeah they're cutting all their costs. Well the other the other very impressive thing about this place was not only did they have like actual products but they seem to be like basically the same price that you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told. told. to to told. told. told. told. to to told. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. to to. to. to. the their. their their their their their the ttttttttttttttthe. tthe. ttthe. tthe. to to tha. to price that you would buy them for, buy them for from a store, but like with with like $2 at it on, you know? Crazy. Maybe go, hey, maybe this is a novel approach to a business, sell good products and don't fuck people while you're doing it.

I don't know though. I'm no CEO, I'm no Alan Joyce. Yeah, I think that's the guy. That's the guy. How's he still hanging in there, the CEO of Qantas? What's going on? I don't know. I've been in there for over 10 years, I think. Absolutely bleeding money from that company. Oh yeah, it's just absolutely hemorrhaging money.

Everybody hates him. Everybody hates hates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thates thatets thatts thathea thathea thathea thathea. I that that that th. I's that th that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm the. I'm the the the the the thean thean thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thea. thea.aging money. Everybody hates him, everybody hates what he's done with the company, all the staff hate him, all the customers hate him, and every time there's a blowback, he gets in the news and says, here's an idea, go fuck yourself. Yeah. Oh, hey, I bet when he fired all of the baggage handlers in one go, and said, we're going to outsource all of your employment to a shitty company that we've set up just for this purpose,

he didn't expect it to come back and bite him in the house. That would be the one thing he didn't want to happen. Ladies and Germs, it's time for. The one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. From WGHP News, that's the whoop. That's right. In North Carolina, uh...

More than 100 students baptized without parents permission at North Carolina School. That's so funny. Dope. A North Carolina school apologized after baptizing more than 100 children without their parents permission according to the Fayetteville Observer. Northwood Temple Academy, a private Christian school connected to Northwood Temple Pentecostal Holiness Church in Fayetteville. Hey, I reckon that's a hint. Yeah. Like, I don't know how shocked. How are you sending your unbaptized kids to Christian school?

Well, because you don't get baptized until, depending on which version of Christianity you do, you generally tend to get baptized around like 13 or 14 if you are raised in the church, but also it's in some forms of Protestant Christianity, it's like a personal choice. Like your parents don't make you get baptized, it's when you go I would like to be baptized now. Fakism expert over here, go to baptism school. It really depends on which expansion pack you buy, you know. Like my sister, who was a little bit older than me, she was like, when she turned like 13 or 14, was like, fuck yeah, I'm getting baptized.

And then when I got around to, I was just, my parents had slowly kind of stopped going to church and I was like, no, I don't really need need that, I that, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the I was like, no, I don't really need that I think. So, I'm fine. This is not just what you do to babies. Is that a different thing? That's, uh, not baptism, that's the other one. What do you call it? Christening? Yeah. But then there are some Protestant Christianity that do baptism at birth as well. It's, it's confusing. Also, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. th. Uh, uh, uh, that, that, that, that, that, that, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. Uh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, not, not, that, not, not, that, that's, that's, that's, thatville, this is the same place that we spoke about last week where all those street signs were stolen.

Connected? Who could say? Who could say? Yeah, all the unbaptized kids were just possessed by the devil running around. Need a sign. So Northwood Temple Academy posted on Facebook on Thursday, quote, I feel it in my bones, you're about to move. That's like the opening line of a novelty Halloween song from the 60s about spooky dancing skeletons.

Lou Begars Halloween. Today we had over 100 middle and high school students spontaneously declare their faith and get baptized today. We will have more pictures of these powerful moments posted over the next couple of days. You know how 100 students often spontaneously demand to be baptized. They're outside baptized, baptized, baptized. Kids, no we have a date three weeks from now. No, fucking baptize me today. I reckon that maybe was spontaneous for one of those kids, and then the rest them were like, oh yeah. Yeah, don't you all want to get baptized or be suspended? Ah, the coolest kid in school is getting baptized in his own volition.

We should do it as well. God. Braden, he's so fucking cool. That morning, three students had their scheduled baptisms at the school as part of spiritual emphasis week. What? What? Just treating it like, just a bunch of kids of kids, you know, with the same enthusiasm as spring

break? Yeah. Spiritual emphasis week! That morning, three students had their scheduled. That morning, three students had their scheduled baptisms at the school as part of spiritual emphasis week before the offer was extended to other students who had not been scheduled. More than 100 students in total were baptized. Just get down the way.

Was it like you can go to your math class or you can go to your math class or you can go to the hall? Or you can go to the hall. Or you can go to the hall and get baptized. Renee McLam. Sensational name. I feel like that's the name that I would tell people if I was really nervous and I got my own name wrong. I'm Renee McLean. I'm Ben McLean. Sarah McBeefe.

I was going to say what do you think that McDonald's sandwich would look like the McLean. Sarah McBeefe. I was going to say, what do you think that McDonald's sandwich would look like the McLean? The Renee McLean? What's on the McLean? I think it'd be good. I think a McLean's got, it's got Satsiki. You know? Yeah.

Okay. Because I'm like, I think you're right about going in the sort of, um, going in the souvelaqi direction. Yeah. The McLam. I reckon they try it in the Australian New Zealand markets, um, before doing it anywhere else, I think. I don't think Americans are ready for the mclam. They're not ready for it. They're Not big on lamb? That's our meat, you know? Hmm. Australians would love that shit. All right, Suzuki, I reckon they're doing like a lamb cofter thing, but you know how they do the McRib where they just press

like homogenous meat into- Grill lines? That's got the grill lines on it? Yeah, they just have a mold, but they stamp out McRibs. I reckon they're doing that, but like for like lamp kofta sort of things. All right, strap yourselves in. This is from August 7th, 2012. Australia, this is from the Huffington Post. Australia has been known for its lamb. Okay. So it's only natural that McDonald's Australia is planning to debut a quote serious lamb burger next week reports burger business.

In addition to a lamb patty the burger will also have red onion slices a slice of beetroot, egg, tomato, lettuce and aole. No you're fucked up. You fucked up. You fucked it all up. You fucked up. You're fucking egg on there. You've ever eaten lamb and lamb? You're eating lamb and egg? Who's ever put lamb and egg together before? Never heard anything so fucked up, Milo. It's probably not even called a McLam burger. Oh. Which is a dumb dumbass name. It is. That sucks. Apparently they trialed a serious lamb burger and a McDonald's lamb wrap in 2012. Crazy.

I'm like, a fucking egg, honestly. Yeah. Egg. Who's eating some lamb and they're like, you know what this could do with? A fried egg and some red onion. An egg that you'd get on a McMuffin. That's what I want. Do you have an egg and some Aoli back there?

Fuckn nobody. This was 2012, so you know, things were a little bit different back then. McDonald's, you're on blast. Renée McLam, the head of the school, sent families a letter to explain as the unplanned baptism sparked mixed responses from families. Quote, the spirit the spirit the spirit the spirit the spirit the spirit the spirit to to to to the the invitation to the invitation to the invitation the invitation to the invitation spirit of the Lord moved and the invitation to accept the Lord and be baptized was given and the students just began to respond to the presence of the Lord. McLam said in a letter obtained by the observer that was sent to families.

They were all demanding their baptizies. Kids were demanding him. What are we supposed to do? They all said that they were doing the get the get the get the get the get their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the demanding their baptizies. Kids were demanding him, what are we supposed to do? They all said that they were doing the get baptized challenge, 2022. Now, I think that maybe some Christian schools should be seeding a bit of that kind of stuff, you know? Because, like, I don't know, have you guys seen any of those videos of videos of, like maybe we've all seen the video from, might be Tick Tock of like a sorority house door opening and there's all the girls there and they're all like, all Tick Tock is at the moment. Yeah and they're all like chanting and doing a chant and clapping and stuff, yeah Rush Week Week or whatever. And I saw somebody recently posting a whole series of videos on Twitter that they pulled

from TikTok that was like, it was that. It was like a pledge week or a rush week or something. And it's just all these different sorority houses across the country doing identical dance, identical to the same song, all that shit. So we're doing that with baptisms? Is that what you're getting in? All I'm saying is I don't think it takes too much to convince groups of people to just go, fuck it, yeah, put the video up, let's go. Yeah, let's get the get baptized challenge.

Capt with the get baptized challenge. Braden's doing the football team, Braden, Braden Jameson decided to get baptized today. Braden's doing the get baptized challenge. Oh, fuck, Braden's doing, he's so fucking cool. He posted it on his Tick-Tock. I wish, I got his promise ring. Yeah, I wish I was the person he was really purposefully not having sex with. I wish Braden was the guy that I could think about during my chastity pledge photo shoot with my father. Oh man.

Oh. Oh. The school said it typically notifies and invites parents to be present for any baptisms that happened on campus and it, quote, was not the intention of any faculty member to do anything behind a parents back or in any kind of secret way secret baptism who said secret you put secret out there you're saying secret no one said that this is a secret mass baptism yeah I wouldn't call it as putting that in the letter parents.

Look, it definitely wasn't a series of secret baptisms, okay? Whoever's saying that needs to stop. Nothing sinister. Quote, I do understand that parents would desire to be part of something so wonderful happening in the lives of their children. Getting dunked. That's such a good spin on it to be like, oh what happened was amazing, the problem is that you missed out on it. Like, so good. I mean I guess that's the problem, right? Well it's not, it's not difficult to believe. I guess it's hard to know, it's hard to know from a completely outside perspective and you

know based on like the kind of community that this school is in and the the makeup of the student body and all that sort of stuff, whether it sort of mirrors our religious schools in Australia where in Australia it's a whole cultural thing to just think oh private education is better than public education, which is wrong anyway. But private education is better, and private schools are overwhelmingly religious schools. Yeah, so you like, you train your 14 year old to be like, oh, I'm tot's Anglican. I'm Anglican, I'm so anglican. Yeah, and there would just be so many kids who get up and they put their little uniform on and they go, yes, I go to

Thomas Aquinas Episcopalian school or whatever the fuck, right? But religion is not a part of their lives in any way, shape or form. However, I am sure that there are religious schools where the people in that community the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theateate-a the-a the-a the. the. the-a' the-I the-I the-I thean. thean. thean. thean the. Yeah the. Yeah the, I would would would would the, I would would would the, I would the, I would would the, I would the, I would the, I would the, I would the, I would the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I theateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateate theateate the the the th shape, or form. However, I am sure that there are religious schools where the people in that community are all sending their kids there because they're like, no, no, over there in the public school, they're not hitting the kids. They're barely baptizing anyone. I don't want my kids. They're doing drugs. No one's doing the get-bapsized challenge.

I'm sure that like there would be schools at both ends of the scale where like the majority of the student body was either completely disinterested in religion and was there for like social climate purposes. Like there's so many people in Australia who go to like private schools and specific universities and stuff, not for any of the educational, purported educational advantages, but like for fucking networking. Yeah. Like just to get you're in at a specific private boys school or university or whatever, you know. Just so you can easily join skull and bones or whatever the fuck that society is. Get into Opus Day, you know, get into the brethren.

Just so you can meet that guy that whipped himself in the Da Vincian kind. That's right. So, so really, we could be looking at something that is at either end of that extreme or something where it's kind of in the middle, like maybe half the kids at the school come from like th. th. th. to th. to to to to to to to their, th. th. th. th. their, th. th. th. their, th. th. their, their, th. th. their, their, their, their, their, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they.o, their, theyb-s, theyb-s, their, their, their, their, their in the middle, like maybe half the kids at the school come from like non-religious families who are trying to do some social climbing, and maybe half of them are mad Jesus freaks at home and they're like, I can't fucking believe I didn't get to see your baptism. Yeah. Paying all that money. They do specify what some of the objections are towards the article and um foreshad foreshadowing, one of them is extremely good.

All right. Quote, I pray that at the end of the day, we will all rejoice because God truly did a work in the lives of our students. Truly did a work. He did a no-growth. Did a race in him? Jesus. God truly served. God was serving cunt that day. McLam told the paper that the school should have given students a chance to contact parents and ask permission. Quote, we were not expecting such an overwhelming response to the message that was spoken,

but as a mother, I certainly can't empathize with why some parents were upset," she said. McLean said that most of the parents that contacted her were glad, but some were unhappy with the move. Some of the parents were upset that they were not present for their child's baptism, an important right of passage in many Christian denominations. Some of the children had already been baptized, and at least one family was concerned that a second baptism could undo the first. Is that how it works? Not in any understanding of the Bible that I have. You can dunk your kids any time you like, right?

Let's, hold on, let's break this down for a second. So let's say you believe that one could undo the first, right? What's the fucking problem? Like, then you do a third one? It just means that you have like two sequential baptisms and your kids baptized the whole time, or that I think that when the second one knocks out the first, that your kid was actually retroactively unbaptized. That's fine, then you can have your third baptism, which is, then he's

baptized again. Just start getting a yearly baptism. Keep it up to date. Keep it up to date. It's such a funny understanding of religion to have that like, because like not all forms Christianity, I don't even think most of them require you to be baptized to go to heaven, right? That's, as most Protestant denominations, it's just, you believe you're going, you're the, you're the, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, thi, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to their, to their, to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the be baptized to go to heaven, right? That's, as most Protestant denominations, it's just, you believe you're going. That's kind of it. Like, you don't have to have been baptized, you are fine. But believing that there's like a checkbox you have to have ticked, and that doing it twice will untick that checkbox.

The second one's like the Satan's baptism. It's like a like a like a symbolic like a symbolic like a symbolic like a symbolic like a symbolic like a symbolic like a symbolic like a symbolic like the Satan's baptism. It's like a symbolic gesture for you and to have with the Lord, like it's not like a process that's applied to your body. It's not like you get that good Christian DNA and then it's taken away. It's just such a fucking so weird. I think it's cool because people get to just have like some extra rule books for life, you know? And obviously there's a lot of people out there just kind of making up some extra stuff and putting it in. Yeah. Ooh what if that undid the first one? It's a whole bunch of

people with like you know their house D&D rules. Yes, but for their religion. For their a magical friend in the sky I think you mean. Shut up. their their house. their their their their their their their their their th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their magical friend in the sky, I think you mean. Shut up. In this house, the second baptism undoes the first, but the fourth gives you a double-strength baptism. You've got to push through the third, get to the fourth as quick as you can. Now if you want to go to five baptisms, we've got an odd number of situation in our house. In this house you will be baptized an odd number of times. That's final. Stay on odd numbers and you'll be fine. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability

to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos, so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thate, thate, thate, thate, the the thate, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. thatr-a, thate, thro, throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thoooo. tho. tho. tho. th our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. My goodness, man. If only there was someone to help all of these parents in their relationship that they're having with the school that their stupid fucking kids go to. Hey, we've got someone here who can help you with your their people thi thi th you th you thi thi to to to their to to to their people to their people to to to their people to their people to their people their people their relationship that they're having with the school that their stupid fucking kids go to. Hey, we've got someone here who can help you with your relationship. It's Dr. Lucy.

If you find that you are having a little relationship trouble. Just to pick up your telephone and diving on the double. You call one, eight hundred, three, one, seven, five one, five, five, now your pageant I couldn't say. Beautiful. This one has been sent into us quite a few times. Has it? Maybe? Don't times. Has it? Maybe?

Don't tell Ben that. Maybe privately. If this got sent to us, I'm taking it out of the note. It's never been sent to us. Maybe in the DMs. But it's very funny. Damn it. It's from Reddit's've done the right thing.

Yeah. Like you're doing this because you care. Yeah. But we'll say. Who out there is like, no, the world needs more aspiring stand-up comedians. Not even like good ones, just the world needs more people willing to give it a go. That's my nightmare going to an open mic night. Listening to the open mic performances. It's not good.

Have you ever been to one Ben? Yeah, well I've never done one, but I've been in rooms where they happen. You've attended an open mic. Yeah, they fucking suck. What's the vibe? What's the vibe? Are they all doing comedy? Yes. Yes. The vibe like a series of executions kind of? I think it depends on where you go. I saw, uh, now quite successful Australian comedian Greg Larson do an open mic night at the powerhouse in like 2010 maybe and I was like oh this guy's actually pretty funny and like he was on a lineup with a bunch of other people that are

actually kind of funny but then I've gone to other ones at the fucking New Market Hotel whatever it is it's like there's only a couple of open mic comedy rooms in Brisbane and this is one of them and it's a bunch of people who have been told by their workmates that like oh you're a pretty fun guy you're so funny yeah you should do comedy where what they really are trying to say is oh you're a good conversationalist and I enjoy talking to you like which are two different things and yeah it grim like so rarely will you see someone to be like oh, this is actually quite good.

But it's also, like the only way to get good at it is you kind of have to do it? I don't know, the system is bad. I do not like it. It's the system that's a problem. The system is broken. We need... I don't know, something else. What do we, how's that going to work? What's that going to look like?

I feel like maybe, maybe like there should be a government funded service where we recruit like teams of people. Oh, maybe this could be like a lot. Life for the doll. You know, Jesus. Oh, fuck me. So you got it, you just, we need groups of people to come and sit in a room for tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, tho, tho, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, Oh, fuck me. So you got it, you just, we need groups of people to come and sit in a room for like, let's say hour long shifts and aspiring comedians can come through and try the material out

on them. But you don't, like you don't have to go out and do it in a public space. So you're just an audience for the doll, all right? Yeah. And then the comedians get to come and have a crack and ideally if they get better, they will go on to like, you know, book shows of their own accord and that gets some money into the economy, I suppose. People go out and attend live shows, they buy concessions perhaps. Then they'll be on the project for a while. Yeah. For just 20 or 30 years. Yep. I think we should adopt the Swiss model, which is everyone has a year of compulsory stand-up service.

Oh, okay. Yeah, where you know, you've all got to go and do it together when you turn 18 or when you finish school or whatever and then you take turns. Maybe we'd appreciate what they go through. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's our national service, you know. Imagine national service national service, but it's like a year of making everyone do improv classes. Fuck and hell. Rather than join the IDF. They're the most psychologically destroyed country. I'd so much rather go and do basic training in the army, I think. Yeah.

Then turn after that every day. My husband has, for a while now, wanted to do stand-up comedy. My husband is good at a million and one things, but stand-up comedy isn't one of them. All his jokes are in very poor taste and are outdated. Yes. Think 2,000's internet humor. He says he just has a very dark sense of humor, but it's just just just just just just just thiiiiiiiiiii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th th th th th th th th th th th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi to thee to to ta tha tha tha thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi in awkward positions where he will tell these jokes to my friends and co-workers even when I beg him not to and he thinks he's doing great. However he's not the greatest at reading social cues. He doesn't pick up that they are just trying to be

polite and are very uncomfortable. So it sounds like we're attacking someone for being neurodivergent. Well, I mean, I mean, wow, like, I'm not convinced that has no idea that the people standing in front of him do not like the things he's saying. I don't know, I can imagine a guy that just still thinks that saying something really offensive or just calling someone a slur is like really funny and that people like that. Oh I don't think you've got to imagine that. There's plenty, plenty of those people just milling about, you know. There's a comedy club near here that has open mic nights and gives people five-minute sets.

He doesn't have enough jokes to fill this time. I told him he should consider writing out a full set and practicing it with a timer. It's good advice. Then practice in front of people you trust, give you honest feedback. I have suggested we at least visit one open mic night just to observe and get a feel for the audience. Very reasonable suggestions here. Mmm, method.

He says he doesn't need to practice, he has it all in his head, and five minutes is only enough for maybe two jokes. Fuck. Oh, what do you mean? He's like, oh, everyone will be laughing so much that I'll barely be able to keep moving with the joke, you know. I've given many public presentations before and I know that five minutes of just you speaking to an audience can be a whole lot longer than you think, especially if you're a novice. After telling him the same things over and over again, he finally said, you'd really have no faith in me.

My response was that I love him, but he's just not very funny in a stand-up kind of way. He was pretty upset by this. I wasn't trying to be cruel, but sometimes people need honesty a lot more than empty kindness. That's true. That's true. I agree. You're doing my thing. My line of thinking is that it would be far crueler to to tell him he should just go ahead and then let him humiliate himself, then it would be to spare him that.

Correct. Like it would be cruel to tell someone that thinks they can sing but sound like a cat in heat, they should totally do American Idol. Maybe I should just let him and he can find out all on his own. He doesn't listen to me anyways. TLDR, my husband wants to open my comedy, but I think it would be a terrible idea. Edit. For clarification sake, I couldn't put the kind of jokes he likes to make in the original post without it being auto-removed.

The word phonetically sounds like Play-Doh file. The punchline to most of his jokes is in one way or another, I was the play-dophile the whole time. First off, there's a real strange way of pronouncing pedophile or pettophile. You're saying paido file? Pado file? Maybe that's just the closest she can get without making it the actual... The punchline to most of his jokes is in one way or another I was the pedophile the whole time.

By the way, I'm a lest children. Do you want me to pause longer for laughter there or? Please clap. Oh man. I'm always going on about how like I think that, um, like, you know you got your Dave Chappels and how he's like, I sit in my big mansion and I cry a night because some students said that I don't like all of my trans jokes, you know? Yeah.

But at the same time, there's all these comedians out there. There's your Jimmy Cars and Anthony Jeslinics and stuff who do sets that are just composed of what would be considered very politically incorrect material full of nasty shit, right? But they go into it really clearly and confidently stating, my act is composed of me saying nasty boy stuff. And we're all here for that, right? And everyone goes, yes.

Yeah. But it also seems like that is a particularly rare type of comedian that can get away with like, not even get away with, but can just successfully have a set that is composed entirely of jokes like that are offensive by design. And I think a really large part of that is based around like stage persona, delivery, and confidence. Yeah. And the idea that this dude is just like no... Going to open Mike Knight, like the local pub and just being like, hey, I'm a pedophile.

I've thought of, I've thought of two jokes and I'm just gonna get up there and just hang out. I will say that I think that this, I think that this lady th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th this lady thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thiper- thiper- thiper- thipera. I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I'm th. I th. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm thi thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi thi thi th of two jokes and I'm just gonna I'm just gonna get up there and just hang out I will say that I think that this I think that this lady hey look I've just assumed that this is the lady my back wow wow this person I I think that they're right about everything up to a point I think that you can say to somebody I think that all thi thi thi that thi that tho that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tho that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thatthey're right about everything up to a point. I think that you can say to somebody, I think that all of this stuff was great advice. Hey, maybe you should like write some stuff down. Maybe you should practice it with a timer. Maybe you should try doing this in front of some people for a few minutes and see what they think. And when the dude just blows all of that stuff off over and over, I think once you've you've tried a

few times, let him go tank at the open mic. Let let him see that people are not laughing at his jokes. Yeah, it could teach him like a lesson about his jokes in general. But do you think he would know that he bombed? Like if he doesn't realize that they don't... He doesn't realize when he's saying that in person. Yeah. I don't know if he'd necessarily learn something here at all. I also don't... Like having the same sense of humor as the person that I'm with is like one of... Yeah, I find this baffling as well. It it it it it that. It it that. It's that. It's that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you're that you're that you're that you're that's that you're that's like you're that's like you're that's like you're that's like you're that's like you're that's that's that's like you're that's like you're that's like you're that's like you're that's like you're that's like you that's like you that's like you that. that's that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the that you're the. that you humor as a person that I'm with is like one of...

Yeah, I find this beffling as well. It's like you're married to this guy, but you're like, oh, he's not funny. He makes really off-color jokes all the time. Yeah. Like, how do you... Where's the joy in your life if like every time it cracks a joke? Oh, for the funn for... The pedophile jokes. Constant pedophile jokes. I think though Ben in reference to what you were just wondering. Oh, sorry, Lucy, you were saying, will he know that he bombed, right?

So this person saying at the beginning, oh, he tells these jokes in all these social situations? And other people are just trying to try and the people are just trying to try. j-like. try? to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try. try try. try. try try try try try try try try try try true. true. true. true. I to to to to to to to true saying at the beginning, oh he tells these jokes and all these social situations And other people are just trying to be polite Whereas once he gets to the open mic night nobody there No, he's gonna be polite. Yeah if no one then knows you then they're not in some situation where they're like standing face to face with you at a bar or like at a social event And you have to just kind of like, you know Joylessly Give them the old Richtus grin through some piece of shit Joke just so that you can leave the situation because like as much as we all like to say or a lot of people like to say not me I I call out all sorts of shitty stuff wherever I see it not me. the the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th I I I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho th. I th. I th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the. I'm a thoooooo. I'm a the. like to say not me. I call out all sorts of

shitty stuff wherever I see it. Not me I'm a coward. Yeah. It's like I think in reality a lot of people. In a social interaction with someone that doesn't matter you're just gonna be like. I'm not changing this guy's life tonight. Yeah. It's like oh this dude sucks. I need to make my way out of this conversation. Yeah. You know? But yeah, if he goes to the open mic night and nobody there knows him, they don't have to act like it's good.

Everyone could just not laugh. And then when he goes, I was the pedophile the whole time, don't clip that. Don't clip that. Uh, yeah. What's the joke? I'm going to need to hear this joke. Yeah, ideally he gets to the punchline and everybody goes, ugh. Yeah. You know? I think that's what we want, right? And then what you do, right?

Dump him. Dump him. Find someone who makes you laugh. Yeah, I can't imagine the incredible pain of being with someone that can't make you laugh. Like, that fucking sucks. But it actively thinks they're funny while not making you laugh too. Yeah. What? I just... I don't get it. I don't get it. I've said to people before like about meeting people in real life who

I have only known through the internet. For example, use guys. You know? Yeah. And like, I've done this a bunch of times, so somebody who's on the internet too much, and it's pretty much always been fine with very, very narrow exceptions, I think. And the thing I always find myself saying is, like, the common thing that I share with someone that I have spoken to a bunch on the internet over years is a sense of humor. I think that the sense of humor is fundamentally the thing that you can't fake. You probably can, but I bet it's a fucking bunch of the wuke. I bet it's a bunch, it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch it's a bunch th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thus th. I'm th. I'm thus thi thi thi thi thus. I's a bunch thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that it's saying I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I saying I saying I saying I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm saying thi. I'm saying thi. I'm saying thi. I'm saying thi. I'm saying it's a thi. I'm saying it's a thi. I'm saying I'm saying it's a thi. I'm saying I'm saying it's a thi. I'm saying it's a their their thi. I'm saying their thi. I think that the sense of humor is fundamentally the thing that you can't fake. You probably can, but I bet it's a fucking bunch of work. Whereas, like, I think that anybody can fake, like, you know, social righteousness or having the correct politics or whatever, just by learning the things you're supposed to say about your in-groups ideology or whatever. Like I think we've all seen examples of people who very aggressively police everybody else's behavior and

speech and all that sort of stuff and it's inevitably revealed that they were a massive piece of shit. Yeah it turns out that they were a massive piece of shit. Yeah, it took out that they were the Soho cat killer the whole time. Yeah, whereas the thing that I think is just, to me, is hard to fake, is just being funny. And that's the thing that I tend to connect with with people more than anything else. I think like, yeah, having a sense of humor and just generally being an open, reasonably positive person, you know? And being a dude who's like, all I do is make pito jokes and I will not take any feedback about them. I think I know what's funny. That's not for me, you know?

Good luck to him. Love to see the set. Film the set, post it online. That's a little treat for us. And then we get to hear the jokes. I've got to hear the jokes. Man. Some dudes do not rock. Some dudes, however, do rock

on this installment of the long-running series, Parachutely Speaking. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

Yeah. I think no matter what it is, you have to act like we've been doing the segment for years. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I'm hoping to fuck with people who think they've heard all of the show. Never heard parachutely speaking on Buentevista. Fake fan. This comes to us from the National Post.

The Canadian Army is investigating. After a video was posted on social media showing a soldier parachuting over Petewha while drinking a beer. Nice. And so all of this, it's fine. You know what? Great. I respect maybe that he's done this, maybe. It's the next paragraph that made this story at absolute winner for me. The video shows a bearded Canadian soldier, yummy, attached to his parachute, that's a pro

move. I'd like to be attached to it. Oh, I'll tell you what, if you're not, you're going to have a bad time when you jump out of that plane. The video shows a bearded Canadian soldier attached to his parachute and slowly descending over a large body of water. He then holds up a can of beer, opens it and starts drinking. The soldier then says, the government, the government and shakes his head before the

video ends. What do you mean? Which part? What are you talking about? The government doesn't want you talking about? The government? The government doesn't want you to drink a beer while you're on active duty. Government thinks I shouldn't be doing this. It's just such a funny like bagsy level like the government?

No, thank you. Not for me. Oh, so good. National Defense spokesman Dan Le Bouthillère. Fuckin' Canadians. The fucking Canaunians. The fucking Canada. Said Saturday that the soldier was from the Quebec-based Royal 22nd regiment, and the video was filmed during a recent parachute training at Garrison Petawawa. A unit investigation has been initiated.

The Boutilii added. The Boutilier? Yeah, I think that with the silly voice is probably correct. They'll feel pretty good. The soldier in the video is no longer serving, having left the Canadian forces on September 1st. He added. At this point, the military is not making his name public. We're worried that everyone will think he's too cool. Kind of that behavior spreading in our troops.

The conduct of the soldier is completely inappropriate, unsafe and not in accordance with Canadian Army's safety static line parachute procedures, and the Boutillier said. He also pointed out the discipline was an option. Quote, it is important to note that the code of service discipline still applies to retired members for breaches that occurred while serving, he said. The spanking, the spanking. The Canadian spanking. The Canadian spanking.

Very traditional. The spanking Canadian, I believe. Dude's rock. Unless it turns out that this is like some weird, he's like a Q and on guy or something and that's what he meant. Yeah, like that line the government. I need him to finish that sentence before I can pass judgment. Say something specific about the government that you don't like. If it's like, uh, health care, public health care, you don't like that, then I don't know. Maybe I'm not on his side.

But what if it's that they don't give people enough health care? Ooh, now I'm on board. Okay. Now we're talking. Right. If anyone can find out ideologically what this man's beliefs are. What's this guy's deal? We will issue our dudes rock ruling then, yeah. Put the hammer down. Yeah.

My goodness. Much in the manner that a judge might, when presiding over a court case that relates to a crime. It's time for Crime Watch. This comes to us from KMBC News in Missouri. That's the KMBC. Video shows thieves stealing canolie mobile from Italian restaurants. Mamma Mia! Get it together guys, geez. It took just more than a minute for thieves to break in, hotwire and say. It together, thiiiiwi to break in, hotwire it together guys. Geez. It took just more than a minute for thieves to break in, hot wire, and steal the Canoli Mobile from Jasper's Italian restaurant in Missouri.

Surveillance video shows thieves breaking in through the window, hot wiring the delivery van and taking off. Jasper J Mirabilet Jr. is the owner of the restaurant. He says, this is the second time this off. Jasper J. Mirabile Jr. is the owner of the restaurant. He says this is the second time this happened. Steal my canoli mobile once. Shame on you. Have my canoli mobile stolen twice. Mamma mea. Quote they're not going to get anything out of it. There's nothing in it. It was not full of canolis. It didn't have any value to it. It's just the idea that they stole it again, Mirabilly said. This man is a man who is so blinded by his love of canoly that he thinks that there's no value in stealing a car if the car isn't full of canole. He's like this. I thought this was full of canoly. They wanted the van. They didn't give a shit about canoly. They just were stealing a car. The value is the car.

I wonder what kind of canolyt converter they got under there. A canolytic converter. Mirabile said, the most frustrating part is that they took it during National Canoly Month, a holiday he declared 16 years ago. What? What are you saying? Jasper J. Mirabella Jr. The inventor of National Canole Month. He's just saying this to the news. He's like, it's in National Canoly Month. And they're like, oh, what's that? And oh, I just made it up.

It's the thing I say. Quote, it's just the idea that they stole it during National Canole Month. That's what bothers me the most," he said. This is sacred to me and my people. Quote, when it first happened, I was so upset. But then I thought about it, it's just a van. But more sentimental than anything, it's the Canolemobile. It's so true. God damn it, dude.

Can I, sorry, I didn't look into this when I was looking at the article, but I'm reading about this now. So this is a story from KSHB news about National Canoly Month. About 10 years ago, Jasper Mirabelle of Jasper at 103 Street and State Line Road realized that just about every other food had a day of recognition, but not the canoly. The canol, he deserved an entire month. September.

All right, so this story is from 2017, which I guess makes his claim correct, but there is a national canole day that was, someone coined it in 2015 I think. He invented a month. He wants a month of canoly. Yeah I guess. Also the idea that like every food has a day except for canolly. Canoli was the one exception. I don't know about that. I don't think every food has a day. No. Is there... When's beans day? Oh my god, there's absolutely... National Bean's Day? National Bean Day was January 6th, the day of the insurrection at the Capitol.

That's so interesting. Now, connect the dots. I've done a Google image search for CanoliMobile here. And... Is it shit like a canoli? Like the Oscar Mirowin? Hot Dock Well, I gotta say, Jasper's Canoli Mobile looks like shit. It is, it's like a white Ford transit van, and it has Jasper's Canoli Mobile written in

small letters not very well on the side of it. Right? It's pathetic. It's no good. It's no good. I think he should be ashamed to call that the Canole Mobyle. I've seen way bigger, way stronger Canole mobs. Whereas I'm much more impressed by Uncle Joey's mobile canoly. That's nice. It's an ice cream van but it's now like a canolly van. Yeah. It's all pink. It's pathetic thicicicicicicicicicicic. It's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's pathetic that's pathetic that's pathetic that's pathetic th that's pathetic that's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's. It's. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's pathetic. It's th. It's pathetic. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Itoly. That's nice it's an ice cream van but it's now like a canoly van. Yeah it's all pink it's got like a it's got a big vinyl wrap with canolis on the side you know. Yeah you can go to Uncle Joey's canolie.com and check out his mobile canoly business. I do think this van looks like shit. Ben I notice that you you put in the headline here take the van the van the van. the van. the van. the van. the the the the tak. tak. the the the tak. tak. the the the tak. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their one. their one. their one. their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their toy. toy. toyneole. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. their toy. their their their their their their their thethink this van looks like shit. Ben I notice that you you put in the headline here, take the van, leave the canoli. Yeah. But when I look at

this image of the the canoli mobile on W W W W W W. that Kansas City dot com the Kansas City star. Their headline is leave the Van, Take the Canoly? Are you fucking serious? Okay, well first off, you're reading my private business aloud on the podcast. I usually try to respect you. Been asked not to do that. Well, I mean, they didn't leave the van. They took the van.

And also there was no canoli in it. Yeah, well, you know, I was just... I'm not on trial here, okay? It doesn't even look like a canolea. There's nothing special. It's just a van. It's just a delivery van. Like, I'm pretty sure it's almost exactly the same model of van that I had one as in the US as well. We've got a... We have Jasper's original Facebook post here. Breaking news, someone stole the Canoli mobile, 4.42 p.m. in our parking lot at

at 1.03 and State line. I also have video surveillance. Last scene going into Windsong Apartments on 103rd Street. It's National Canoli, Canoli Month. So, so sad. So he's accidentally doubled up on Canoli in his grief. I think he's promoting Canoli month. I think he stole the vein. You reckon it's it it it it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's i. I it's i. I the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm. th. th. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the thi. th . I think he stole the vein. You reckon it's an inside job? I think it's in his house. It's an inside job. He wants to get on the news that it's Canole Month at Jasper's Italian restaurant. Oh my god, this guy's. It's like a kidnapping his own kids kind of. Yeah. This dude is a third generation owner of Jasper. Who took over from his father, Le the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their the Jr. who is the son of Jasper who took over from his father Leonardo. Much better Italian name. Yeah. Leonado Mirabile. I I like the sound of that guy. Jasper's Italian you know. Yeah.

What's some spaghetti? I'm Jasper. Yeah. That's your Jasper impression? That's what every Jasper sounds like. It's ridiculous. But I do like that he's written it in sort of a trump voice. It's National Canoly Month. So sad. Exclamation.

Sad. Pathetic. Oh my goodness. Very, very disrespectful. No good. Despite nearly a dozen surveillance cameras, thieves still took it in broad daylight. What the fuck is society coming to? Glass is still on the ground in the parking lot where the van used to be. I think I'm gonna to throw up. I'm shaking. The van is hard to miss.

It is white with the words Jasper's Canolemobile on the side. Yeah. Thank you. I actually think that's kind of easy to miss. Like there are a million white vans on the road. They could just paint it. Like they could have just painted over it when they took the van, I reckon. There's literally nothing identifiable about the van other than the word canoli on the side. And the word's not even that big. And the typography is really bad. It's not even that legible.

It's not great. Not great font choice. You should have got a graphic designer. He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who's paying for a graphic designer. This is a guy who's paying a nephew who's good at computers to do your design. Yeah. And then he's paying the other nephew to steal the canoly mobile. Hey. Bada-bing. Bada-bom. Gotta keep it in the family. We're putting the canoli month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month month in in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. We're putting the Canoley Month in the New York Times, baby. From beach. Get this news out across the country. God damn. And happy National Knolly Month to everyone that celebrates, obviously I don't want to be disrespectful.

No. No. Anyone's culture. It's a felicitations. Hey, you know, it just sounds like that canolly van. It's disappeared out into the countryside, perhaps never to be seen again, maybe to become some type of urban legend, you know? You know what I'm saying, Ben?

Yes, sorry, sometimes you ask a rhetorical question and it's not clear that you want an affirmative response. Of course, sometimes you ask a rhetorical question and it's not clear that you want an affirmative response. Of course, sometimes something comes out of the woods and we see it and we go, what the fuck is that? What is that? You get a picture there on your phone and we all crowd around the phone and we look at the picture and it's kind of blurry and you say, I think, I think that's a crypted. It's time for crypted watch. This comes to us from WTOC news in South Carolina. Uh, Wattuck.

That's right. Bigfoot siding reported at South Carolina State Park. Finally. One of the most recent bigfoot sightings. Sorry, one of the most recent big foot siding claims. Sorry, a little bit of dubiousness out of the most recent Bigfoot sightings, sorry, one of the most recent Bigfoot siding claims, so a little bit of dubiousness out of there. What's the, hold on. Yeah, that's a bit rough.

Like, so they're saying, yeah, you claimed to have cited Bigfoot. You didn't necessarily side Bigfoot. Immediate doubt there. Yeah. It comes from the South Carolina Low Country. Three visitors to Hunting Island State Park reported seeing an animal five to six feet tall and walking upright. Okay. I can think of an animal that matches that description, like off the top of my head.

Yeah, there's one that comes to mind. Like you saw a man. I wasn't there's one that comes to mind. Like you saw a man. It sounds like a man to me, though. I wasn't there. I wasn't there. You saw a guy. I know a guy who runs a canolese store who was five to six feet tall and walks up right. They started retreat into the bush from the road as they were leaving the lighthouse around noon on August 3. The trio was unable to take a picture. Weird. There's three people. You've all got

fucking phones, but okay. Just hit that camera button. It's like swipe to the right. You don't even need to unlock your phone. Like it just does it. Yeah, you don't have to unlock it. You can just do it. Maybe they didn't. That's a little life hack there. The trio was unable to take a picture but did report the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding the siding to the siding to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. tip. tip. tip. the tri. the tri. trio. trio. trio. trio. trio. th. trio. tip, the Bigfoot Field Researches Organization. Oh yes. When asked if the animal is possibly a deer or bobcat, the visitors responded, No. Thank you for clearing that up. What a beautiful quote they have there. No.

According to the report, the animal had legs that were approximately three feet long, human-like, jointed knee with dark brown, splotchy black hair that was approximately two inches long. Who wants to be racist here? You've seen an Italian man. What you saw was an Italian man. What you saw was an Italian man. He was just dipping into the wood, seeing if there was an abandoned canoli-mobile,

in there. He already ditched the canoli- and he's heading back to Jasper's restaurant. No one will search for the Canole Mobile from Missouri in South Carolina, the perfect crime and no one spotted me. The report continues, quote, we were all in a state of amazement as to what occurred as it happened so quickly. We've enjoyed taking many vacations at the park throughout the years since we were children in the 1950s to the present. While the area is abundant in wildlife, we have never witnessed anything like this in the past.

All right, so these are old people. They are septogenarian, South Carolinians, who have maybe never seen an Italian before. Maybe. It might be first for that. So, what is that? So exotic what I'm seeing. God damn. It also sounds like you've been in the same park for 50 to 70 years and you just got bored. Yeah.

Mine starts playing tricks on you. It does. The park superintendent informed the group he would take the report as a quote credible incident and initiate an investigation. Did he wink while he was saying? He's like, oh, oh. He's like, oh, that sounds super credible. I'm marking it on our credible incidents report.

Oh, this is a class C, Bigfoot siding. I'll get the team on it. Did he pretend to type to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible credible credible credible the credible credible credible credible credible credible the credible credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible the credible their the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible the invisible th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. thi. I thiding. I'll get the team on it. Did he pretend to type something up on his invisible type writer? God damn. That's just, you know, I want to believe, obviously. You got the poster and everything. Yeah. I don't know if this is a really credible incident. Yeah. If like, I need, I need a little bit more

than a thing that was the shape and size. I saw a hairy guy. Of a guy walking in the way a guy would walk from pretty far away and I didn't really see it. The hair a guy would probably have, you know. Just a guy, like what if it was just a dude in like hunting gear, you know, just like, what if it was a dude in North Carolina wearing a camoshirt and camo pants, do you think that's possible? What if it was a woman who doesn't have to shave to please men? Now that's a fantasy. In this world of today? Because of the government it it it it it is it is it is a government it is a government the government the government the government the government the government the government the government the government the government the government the government fantasy in this world of today.

Because of the problems that we have in society. The government. Yeah, government. I think it's mainly... Shaking my head. Yeah. Do you think it's mainly society or mainly the government? I'm the same thing.

Wow. Now you go away and think about that. Yeah. And that. And that concludes an episode of the podcast, Bunchavista, the podcast that not only makes you laugh but makes you think as well. I won't be doing any thinking. Now you the listener at home, if you would like to get me a gift for my 40th birthday

tomorrow, the 9th of September, which you know, maybe you will be listening to get me a gift for my 40th birthday tomorrow, the 9th of September, which, you know, maybe you'll be listening to this on my birthday. And you'll think, God damn, I've been waiting for years to get this guy a birthday gift. Wait a second, the 9th of September, 9-11? What? Yes! Then, the perfect gift to get for a 40-year-old man who hosts the podcast that podcast that podcast that podcast that podcast that that that that that that that that that that th-s th-s that th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-malt-me-me-me-me-me-me, thi-s, tho'-me' that that that that that that th, which th, which th, which th, which th, which th, which, which th, which th, which th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-m is, th-m is, th-m is, th-m is, th-m is th-m is th-m is th-mwwwwwwwwwwwwou th th th th the-me-me, the, the the the the the thi thea the the thi the thi thi the thi thi the th 40-year-old man who hosts a podcast that you like would be to subscribe to that podcast and get its bonus episodes. It's what every 4-year-old guy wants.

He wants you to listen and subscribe to his podcast. I know that we joke around a lot on here. we couch things a lot of irony and humour, but I mean the 40th is a pretty big milestone and I just want to say thanks for the laughs and thanks for the memories. Ha! I can barely remember anything anymore. And there's nothing to laugh at it. You know what Benson?

Felicitations. Felicitations to you on this day. Thank you so much. I mean it's not my birthday today. It's tomorrow, yeah. You know, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You must be so thrilled that your birthday falls in National Canolone Month. Canoli Month, not Canoloni Month. That's a completely different whole other month. Different month of the year. Oh my god. Imagine if you had a competing Italian restaurant in town and you made Cataloni month. Like the same month? Do you think you would do it the same month to try and stir up drama? Holy fuck, I think we should do it. We should announce, we

should declare, National Caniloni month. It's National Canaloni month. If you're all listening to this... I'm doing it. It's National Canalony month. Make Canloni take. the the the the the t. the tailoni. t. tailoni. t. t. t. t. the tine. tine. t t t tine. t. tine. tine. take tak. the tak. the the the take month. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their month. their their. their. their. their mon is. their. their. their. their mon. their moni. their moni. tian. ttax. ttax. ta. ta. ta.a.a.a.a.a. ta.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. the the the their their this, I'm doing it. It is. It's National Canalony Month. Make Cataloni, take a photo of it with the words, Happy National Cataloni Month. You can buy it too. It's a whole thing. It's really annoying to make. You can buy it. We can get like the pre-made, the tubes and shit. Just, I need you to post tagging us and using the hashtag National Cataloni Month so bad. Yeah. We are gonna swamp this mothucker at his National Canoly Month. He's not gonna know and hit him. Then I think once, if we can build a little groundswell of support for that, then we start sending him correspondence demanding that he stop calling a National Canoli Month. Yeah, September is the National Cataloni Month, you fuck.

As you can tell, from looking at the side of my Cataloni mobile. Because a van I wrote on with the texter. Yeah, my nephew designed the text. Oh boy. That's it, folks. Uh, like I said, Happy birthday to me, Patreon.com slash, Fort Houston. That's right. What?

Bye. Uh-huh. Hi. you