Boonta Vista - EPISODE 269: Searching For Pizza Man

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

In this intimate episode, Andrew and Ben bring you: Bug's Gourds, another instalment of Cousin Shit, a scam from high up in orbit, and a chimp-based pizza marketing exercise. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello and welcome to Buenta Vista, episode 269. I am Ben and I am here narrating an ordinary day in the life of an ordinary man. Here he is, waking up and starting his day. He begins to dress himself in the unremarkable clothes of a somewhat affluent white collar worker, but, oh no, he's put his pants on backwards. What are to do? Getting past this hurdle, after several more attempts, we see him preparing himself a cup of instant coffee in a bowl of cereal. Oh, but what's this? Oh, gracious, he's poured boiling water into his cereal, and ice-cold milk into his instant coffee. Oh boy!

Undeterred, he continues his day, hopping into his unassuming four-year-old hybrid car to begin his 17-minute commute to work. Uh-oh! He's confused the break and accelerator pedals, and he's rocketed through the wall of his own garage, directly into the living room of his own home. Another understandable whoopsy from our ordinary man. Leaving the wreckage of his destroyed home behind and getting into work only a few minutes late, he makes yet another disastrous whoopsy, this time designing, building and publishing the Apple podcast app. It's Andrew. Hi Andrew. Oh, duh. Exactly. That thing is a piece of shit. podcast sap. It's Andrew. Hi Andrew. Oh, duh. Exactly. That thing is a piece of shit.

Yeah, I kind of want to defend it sometimes, but no. There's really no point. Can I just rattle off a few of my issues with it? Yeah, go for it. I mean, I did design and build it, so I should be running some of these down. You should be. Okay, so if I start listening to something but it's not a podcast that I've subscribed to, There's absolutely no reason for it to not remember Where I got up to in that episode you could just store that in an X-ML file Somewhere locally or however Apple Apps save data. That's like one line of text and that way if I say subscribe to it

And to start listening to it again, it will just remember where I was. Well, they wouldn't want to use up too much data by accident, because they need to save that space for downloading every single episode of every podcast you'll subscribe to going as far back into the past as possible until your phone is completely full. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No space for an XML file, my friend. So you know how sometimes, let's say you're walking to work, right? So you will start, maybe, you'll step outside your front door, you put your headphones in, you'll start listening to an episode, and then you'll leave your house. So this will sort of take you from the edge of your Wi-Fi, so you're transitioning from mobile to Wi-Fi out of your Wi-Fi, so you're transitioning from mobile to Wi-Fi data. Now there might be some interruption to the signal there.

Now you would expect that the behavior would be it would just keep trying until it found signal and then it would keep playing your episode, but instead what it does is it says, unable to play this episode and then it marks, it starts playing the next episode of whatever you've got cued up and Marks, that episode is played so you've lost the spot you were up to. Oh, that's on purpose. Why the fuck does it do that? I have a large decision tree that I've put together. What's gonna make Ben maddest? Well, I mean, I'd let you know about why we actually did that, but it's covered by an NDA and I really can't get into it. A cute thing that it used to have was you could choose the display order and the play order separately

so that maybe if you just started listening to a podcast you could put most recent first but get it to play in chronological order still so you could just scroll down a little bit like 10 episodes back and then listen to 10 episodes in order but they remove that. So if you want to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to listen to 10 episodes in order, but they remove that. So if you want to listen to it chronologically, it also has to display chronologically, which means if a podcast has, say, 400 episodes and you're listening around the 350 mark, you've got to scroll all the way down to find that episode, which means if the signal is interrupted, it's marked at play and it's put it somewhere else and you have to find it again, you have to scroll all the way down to the fucking bottom. I can explain that actually, I can explain that. We needed more space to download episodes so we had to dump that functionality. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Fuck Apple podcasts. What a piece of shit. And if you're listening to us on Apple podcast, please give us five stars, leave us a nice. to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. their th. th. their their th. their their th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their, thi. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their. their, their, thi. thi. thi. to to theean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thi. thi. thi.think we've asked people to do that for like four years because that's not. We're not on that sort of show anymore I don't think. It's not the vibe. Oh go on. Go on. I mean if you are listening to us on a podcast app that is not Apple podcast one that you have deliberately sought out, you know for to really meet your needs, particularly for things like customer RSS feeds and stuff like that, don't tell us about it. We can find it ourselves. Yeah, we already know about the alternative, so I just like complaining. And also, if you're listening to one of those random,

little rinky-dink apps that doesn't fucking work properly, don't tell me that I've published a corrupted, fucking podcast episode or whatever, and then have me at 930 while I'm drunk try to like test it on various devices to find out there's no issue. It's just that you're using something called Shardcasts that doesn't properly play MP3s for whatever reason. Knock my chaff. Yeah, I've got a fun bit of overlap with my podcasts where like I'll listen to some through the Spotify app, which is also a terrible experience. I'm actually doing that as well, where I have some which are for the kitchen, which I'll use

Spotify for it and the rest of my life. Is that because? See, I've got a Google Home Mini in my kitchen. Me too. And if I want to like cast stuff to it. Now in fairness, I'm sure I've said this before, in fairness, Google made a great sales pitch on that product, which was they sent me an email that said, would you like a free Google Home Mini? And I said, sure, and they mailed it to me.

That's how they get you. That's how fascism takes over. That's a great sales tactic. Big brother gets into your home.. T the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi. G. G. G. That's th. That's th. That's, th. That's th. That's, th. That's thi. That's thi. G. G. G. G. Ga. Ga, thi. Ga, tha. Ga. Ga. Ga. Ga. G. G. G. G. Google, tha. Ga. Google, tha. Ga. Ga. Google, tha. Google, tha. G. G. tha. G. tactic. Big brother gets into your home. They go, would you like a man to spy on you for free? Do you go free? Do I have to pay for shipping? No, I did not. So I've got one of them in my kitchen.

And if I want to, if I want to play audio from my phone, like from a podcast, I need to do it via like the Chromecast thing thing. Because, because because, because that that's, because that th, because that that th, because that that th, because that that th, because th, because that th, that th, that's, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that that that that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their, their, I their, I the the the the the the thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I that's, I thi thi thi that's, I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thi Chromecast thing because that's what the fucking Google thing uses. But then if I'm in my car and I want to listen to a podcast, my car has Apple Carplay. So that will use the podcast app natively. It'll use the Spotify one as well now that think about it. But then you can't put custom RSS into Spotify. Oh that's right, you can't. Once, please do not contact me about any podcast apps that fulfill all of these purposes. We know they exist. That's fine. It's not computer illiterate. We're across it. It's fine. I actually, I'm hoping to solve this problem because I just

because I live in a small apartment because I'm one man, my kitchen, my living room, they're functionally the same room. So what I did is I bought a Bluetooth receiver that will, with a little five-pin din adapter plugged directly into my like 1970s amp that my record player goes into, so I can just connect to it via Bluetooth and play my... This is a really boring thing for me to go into detail about why we're doing this. This would be very interesting if you were specifically in the region of my apartment and you were trapped in a conversation with me and I was explaining my audio set up with you. That would be some regional bullshit.

It's time. Regional bullshit. For regional bullshit. Every little town has got their own bullshit. Regional bullshit. Every little town has just got to happen. And if you want to know why that misfire happened, it's because Andrew was busy trying to negotiate with his cat that just opened the door and came into the podcasting studio. All day. All day I've got to put up with her shit. No closed doors in this house.

Yeah. You're like when this house. Yeah. You're like when I was over-protective fathers. I'm currently trying to do like a process of elimination testing to figure out if the cat is blind or demented. Because she has developed an entirely new set of behaviors. The main one of which is to stand in the hallway with the whole. she has developed an entirely new set of behaviors, the main one of which is to stand in the hallway with the lights out at 3 a.m. And then start meowing as loudly as possible. You know, I would say a complaining tone of voice. Or if she like wakes up and just, you know, gets down from the bed or whatever she was sleeping on, she'll just stand in the doorway of the room she was in and meow loudly until someone

comes by and says, hey, you're okay? And she goes, oh, he's still here. Oh, thank God. Yeah. Anyway, I was indeed negotiating with the cat too. Get the fuck out of here. With hand-ishes and mouthed words for what I can ascertain. She knows what's going on. Regional bullshit coming to you from WJBF news, that's the Woodruff

in Augusta, Georgia. Going out of their gourds at bugs. Going out of their gourds at bugs. Going out of their gourds at bugs. Okay. Yep. It's called bugs. It's not an insect farm. This is bugs, gourd farm.

Just south of Keysville. Fuck. just south of Keysville. Fuck, come on. Quote, Well, that came from my child, my four-legged child, June Bug, said Anne Gay of Bugs Gord Farm. I, I feel like I should be doing a more southern voice if this is a lady from Keyesville, Georgia.

Keysville, Georgia. I came from my child, my four-legged child, Juneburg, said Anne Gay of Bugs Gord Farm. And they got some dog-gone good gourds, different types, goads galore. Quote, we have apples and bottles, bushels and canteen, snakes, martins, so gourds are not just a gourd. And quote, yep.

People like gourds because they make great bird houses and they love to decorate them, especially in the fall. Anne's got lots of gourds, but she's not a good gourder. Quote, the Lord didn't give me that talent, and she said, how many times are you going to make me say this word? A couple times more, that's for sure. But Bugs has had some customers, sorry, but Bugs has had customers from all over with talent from. Yeah, now.

I'm sorry, let me read this through. I might give up the game here a little bit. So over now and then I'll come across a story where it's very obviously a word for word-ish transcription of a TV news segment. Which is, we'll explain the unnatural style here, but it also seems to have been, to be a the the thi- I, I to- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I'm sorry- I'm sorry- I'm sorry-I-I'm sorry-I'm sorry-I'm sorry-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-I's to-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ish transcription of a TV news segment. Which is, we'll explain the unnatural style here, but it also seems to have been done in a hurry. I tried to get rid of all the typos, but I missed that, um, let me get rid of one of those words there. But Bugs has had customers from all over with talent, and many have sent back gourds they have painted. Beautiful gourds, lots and lots of holiday-themed gourds. Of

course, Thanksgiving is coming, and this turkey gourd looks glum. And this one from Puerto Rico that's been turned into a guiro. That's a musical instrument. And on a recent trip to the island, the president picked one up made from a gourd that came from bugs. Quote, are you proud of that? Quote, oh yes sir, said there. Gords galore. A bugs, they're not out of their gourds, but they would like thing that Americans think is perfectly normal.

To put on the news? Oh it's Gord time baby. We're going gourd crazy over here. The lady at the apple store has been selling a lot of apples. Yep. But not just regular apples, the thinnees, grady smiths, Royal Gala's, Fuji. The list goes on. God damn. Just got a got some Kanzis from Costco.

Some what? Some Kanzi apples. I'm completely unfamiliar with that apple and I know apples. K-A-N-Z-I. I gotta say, not as good as they have been in the past, but we have been suffering adverse weather conditions. That said, I don't know where the apples are from. I, what, what, are we talking like a red, a green, a mixed red and green?

Like a half, half red, half yellow, like vertically bisected. Oh, perhaps similar to a sundowner apple? Is that a type of apple? That is absolutely a type of apple. They also regularly have the jazz apple. Oh, I don't fucking love a jazz apple. I am absolutely a supporter of the jazz apple. I feel like Apple technology's gotten much better in the last 20 years. When I was a kid there was three kinds of apple. Now you got, you know, jazzers

and Fuji's, sundownes. Oof. We've gone the opposite direction with potatoes. I think we've got less potatoes. Well, Lewis and coals I think are doing some sort of like, what do they call that? Monoculture. no that's not the thing I'm looking for. But the type of bad agriculture where you only grow one thing, but they're doing that where they've only got the two kinds of potato now and it's dirty or not. Oh no, that's not true. They've got bags of white potato and red potato. That's fucked up. And unwashed potato. Those are the three kinds of potatoes. And sometimes they'll say, here are some chats and they're just the same size of the other potatoes. Like, it's not a chat. What have happened to Dutch creams? Or Kiplas? I'm gonna Kiplas. Where are my fingerlings?

Yeah. Come on. This podcast is so good. I know somebody out there is feeling me about the about the bespoke potatoes. I'm going to a independent mom and pop fruit and veg store so you know I don't have to deal with that. I'm getting all kinds of potatoes. I've absolutely started going market mode much more frequently. Yeah. I made dinner for some people recently and I made a taco's alpastor and I went into the butcher down

to the market and I said hey I'm up some pork fork shoulder four quarter shoulder you know and he was like there's one right in front of me in this tray. And I went here in my head. It was like it was like it was it was literally. It was like. It was like it was it was. It was. It was it. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. of me in this tray. Right here in my head. It was like, it was literally the closest thing to him out of the like, you know, 20 foot long counter. And I said, hey, I would like that with the skin off and the bone out. And he went, he just took out his long, thin, incredibly sharp knife and just went, whoo, did a single pass. It looked like his hand was 30 centimeters above the pork. And that skin just right off. You just, you bored it, you turned around thinking this motho fuck, it didn't even

take the skin off. And then you realize you look you look you look you look the thua thua thua take the skin off and then you realize you look down. He's already made the cut. It just slowly slides off. He did that five minutes ago. It's like lift up your shirt and the skin's there pressed to my body. Sorry I was watching a lot of David Blaine with a friend the other night. Why? Oh it's kids of weed, I assume. At least partly, yes. But we were we were both talking about our fascination with close-up magic. I feel like I'm running into a lot of adults these days that are getting into close-up magic.

Dude, it's so fucking cool. Is it? I wish it wasn't. I really wish it wasn't. Have you been practicing? Me? No, no. Weaving is my new hobby that I've taken on. Oh, that's very nice. I've started doing like tapestry weaving.

That's wholesome of shit. How's that going? Oh, here, check it up. Once again, this is an audio medium. Oh, let me describe this for the listener. It's a tapestry. That's really quite beautiful. Oh god damn. There you go. I had a couple of sessions on the loom the other night, you know? You have such a beautiful glint in your eyes right now. It's delightful.

He makes some cool stuff for them. And you could give whatever you make to one of your cousins. It's time for cousin watch. Surely. Surely it's Cousin's shit. Well yeah but I thought about that but then I was like now he's gonna get confused because he doesn't know what Stinger to play. Well I already don't know what's Stinger to play for Cousin What I mean that's just the regular sting. The generic watch stinger yeah. Um. May I'll tell you what I'll tell you what if if I'll the the the the the the the th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll to th. I'll to to to to to to th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I'll that's. that's that's. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll th. I'll th. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, what if for Cousin Watch we did something that everybody should be doing and we recycle, right? What if we were to repurpose the Bernie Bro down Howdown theme, which I don't think we're ever going to use for anything again.

No, yeah probably not. And we use that for cousin, cousinship. And keep in the words. It doesn't have any words. Oh, okay. Well, it's time for cousinship. It's time wiki currently. Now they're going to have to explain how it used to be that one. It became this one.

You're welcome, Head. So this is a follow-up to a segment we did on the bonus episode, The Cousin Trapp, which made me realize we have two the parent trap pun episode, Titles now. Which we also have two that are puns on the movie It Follows. Do we? Yeah, we have It Proper Follows and Shit Follows. Yeah. So we talked about, we read basically just an entire article of captions you could use for Instagram posts about your cousin. And I thought I would do a similar thing here with a roundup of heartwarming cousin quotes. Now this, the first thing we're going to read to you is the introduction to the article

on cousin quotes from the website, everyday power.com. I'm glad someone felt the need to put in like an explainer. It's already like hey we get this is weird but yeah this is strange but this might maybe help you understand the beauty of cousin quotes. They pose two questions here the first is why are our relationships with our cousins so unique? Many people believe it's because they can have a closer relationship with us than our siblings. Hmm, sister-in-off that's true. Others compare cousins to best friends and even soulmates. Okay, hey, have you got a soul mate? Yeah, my wife, we've been married for, we've been married for 25 years, you know, we met and we fell in love. It was like lightning between us, my best friend, but also we're so deeply in love, you know.

Have you got a soulmate? Yeah, my cousin Steve. Yeah, my cousin Steve is my soulmate. Everything were actually closer than soulmates. When I first saw, my cousin Steve, the thunderbolt struck me. Oh, I immediately heard ACDC, you know? My goodness. Our cousins are some of the closest family members we have. Untrue. I wouldn't even say top five. How, like, one of my kids was asking, so like, yeah, my kids are always kind of asking like relationship related questions as in,

they want to understand what is the status of like relationships between us and family members, you know, so like we call, we've been to visit, for example, my aunties and uncles in Brisbane. And when we're there, we like refer to them as, it's like, you know, my auntie Jill and Uncle Ian. But we just call them Uncle Ian and Aunty Jill, you know? And so occasionally the kids will be like, oh, is, but is Uncle Ian my uncle? I'm like, no, he's my uncle. We just call him that. And they're like, oh oh so what is he to me? Is he like my great uncle and I'm just like or is it just nothing? It's just like a guy. It's just some guy. You know your dad's your dad's uncle doesn't have to be like trying to figure out specifically what the relation is and to me as soon as you get to like second cousin or twice removed or some bullshit that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to be to be to be to be to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me th. th. the the. that's the. that's the. the. that's the. the. that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me. soon as you get to like second cousin or twice removed or some bullshit,

that's like, that's someone your family knows. Yeah, you know? Yeah, second cousins, get the fuck out of here. That's nothing. Oh, you're my cousin's cousin's? Who gives, wait, is that what a second cousin is or is you, you're cut? Yeah, this is my point though is that as soon as people start asking questions and you're trying to figure out, I'm just like, don't worry about it. You know, what is, what is like your mum's cousin to you?

You know, and I'm like that's the mom's cousin, it's not. Oh, no, that's what a second cousin is? Is that what a second cousin is? No. Oh God, I hope. I I I I I I th th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I that is that is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is. th is what is what is what is. th is what is what is what is. I is what is th is th is th is th is th is th. thi? I thi? I thi? I thi? I thi? I thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. that is that is that is that is that is like is that that that that that like you dumb motherfuckers. You don't know what a second cousin is. Googling what is second cousin? Yeah. Second cousins are the children of first cousins. Oh I got that asked backwards. So does that mean like my my cousin's child? Is that what that means? Yes. Oh my god we're so stupid. We're so fucking stupid? What do you have parents cousins to you? Yeah. Children of first cousins? Or is it just, oh my God, we're so stupid. We're so fucking stupid. What are your parents' cousins to you? Your parents'

cousin is your first cousin is your first cousin once removed because the the ancestor you share is your great-grandparent. That ancestors is your. That's so... Yeah. So... And what's like a second cousin twice removed or once removed or whatever? Yes, second cousin once removed is the child of your second cousin or the parent of your third cousin? I barely recognize like the legitimacy of cousins. God damn. These really are all like someone your parents know relationships, you know. Yeah, this is bullshit. God damn.

What are the benefits of reading these cousin quotes? I know a lot of people listening to this podcast are asking that question. Cousins are always there for us when we need them. They can even help us find ourselves through their crazy antics. Hey, you should have seen what my cousin Steve's crazy antics. He was flipping out because he's insane and that taught me a lot about myself from my soulmate cousin Steve's crazy antics. Everyone at work on Monday sort of going around and saying what they did on the weekend

and as soon as you get to that one guy and he's like, so somehow, my cousin Steve got this golf cut, right? Every week, it's just what did you and cousin Steve do? What did Steve do? And what did you learn about yourself? A crazy aunt. Like, cousin Steve absolutely smokes bushweed. Yeah. I think, he's probably drinking four-x.

I don't know. The cousin quotes below will explore this unique relationship in the important role cousins plan families. Will help you understand the dynamic better if you don't have cousins or aren't close to yours. Oh, you don't understand what it's like to have a cousin mate, a sole cousin? Cousinless members of the human race examining these like, you know, alien artifacts. It's a brother that's too crazy for your parents to have. Now I finally get it. At last I may learn what it is to be, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th th th, th, th, th, thus, thi, thus, thus, thus, or thus, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, or th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th, th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thi, that's too crazy for your parents to have. Now I finally get it. At last I may learn what it is to be cousins.

What is cousin? They will also offer ways to tell them how much they mean to you. Truly, we'll never find another person like our favorite cousin. You could swap out my cousins on me, like all of them. If you substituted all 40 of my cousins for different people, except for maybe Michael, I would be like, yeah, I guess that's Taneal. Sorry, Teneel, if you're listening to this, I don't think you are. My, my wife has so many cousins. I've got just a th, just th, just th, just th, just th, just th, just th, you're listening to this. I don't think you are. My wife has so many cousins.

I've got just a shitload of cousins. And I can barely remember all my cousins and I don't even have that many, you know? Maybe I've diluted the value of cousins by having too many of them. Oh! Like if I had a core group of elite cousins, like three cousins. Look, I think it's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to thi thi to to to to tolde only tolde only told, I've to to to to to thoes, I've tho- tho- tho- tho- tho-s, I've tho-s, I've tho-s, I tho tho th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to too too too too' too' too' too'nipeateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateate. Look, I think it's certainly a supply and demand situation. Yeah, the market is flooded with my cousins. My cousin market is saturated. I will tell you that, because I've got all of my cousins and then I've got all my wife's cousins.

Yeah. And that's a whole other class of cousins, you know? What are my wife's cousins to me? Are you my second cousin once removed in law? Are they your cousins in law now? Fuck I hope not. The only ones of those I am honoring, father-in-law and mother-in-law, that's it. No sister-in-law. I don't have a sister. Oh yeah, I do. Damn it. Damn it. Just for a second I was like, no, I've only married into my wife's family, but my brother is also married. Oh, sure. No, I do forget.

Yeah, so just for a second, I was, it wasn't that I had forgotten about my wife's sister existing. So I was only thinking of that relationship in terms of who I'm married into through my wife. But I have been non-consensually married into someone, you know? I wouldn't phrase it that way, but yeah, I can see what you mean, certainly. Here are some inspiring cousin quotes from the website Love to Know. And we do love to Know. We do. Because we have curious minds, which is why this podcast has so far bit of

for the Curds and cousins. And we've learned nothing about them. tho, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I can, I, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I, I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can't, I can't to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the tho, I can't to the to to to to to see, I can't, I is why this podcast is so far bit of fun Gordon Cousins. And we've learned nothing about them. Oh, except you and I have learned what second Cousins means. I think I've forgotten already, though. Yeah, it's got straight in my brain. Even when years go by, you greet your cousins like no time has passed because they are stamped on your heart forever. Wow. Steve is just like branded

tattoo my honor. To write cousin on your heart, I believe that's the name of a band. The love of a cousin keeps your heart warm in the cold seasons of life. So beautiful. Yeah, I lost my job. I lost my partner. I've been going through a lot of depression lately, haven't really been sleeping, but I just think about Steve, tennis crazy antics. You know, what I think I find most befuddling about this type of thing, this niche of thing, right,

is I know that, for example, they don't know the names of my cousins and they don't know whether or not I have good relationships with them, or close relationships, right? But the way that all of this is written, I love that it just implies that like, the value of the relationship comes from the fact that the person is your cousin as opposed to the human that they are and whether or not you, like, because that's why you have relationships with people. Like, I think there are a lot of people out there who have, I think there are a lot of people out there who are probably having a much worse time in life.

, I think there are a lot of people out there who are probably having a much worse time in life from the misapprehension that you have to be really close to like everybody that you're related to. Oh yeah, even shit like people being like, oh I've been friends with this person since high school so I have to maintain this or whatever like, fuck. People who have this concept of like loyalty terms of like familial relationships, which is absolutely bizarre to me because to me it's been the same as any other relationship forever which is, and the same thing for like work relationships and stuff where it's like I don't need work to do organized fun for me. If I like a person, I'll hang out with them. We can organize that ourselves, that's fine.

Me and the guy from work that I like, we'll go out and get a beer, but we don't need work to hook it up. Yeah. Workmates... There's no intrinsic quality to like cousinhood that makes for a better friendship. Exactly. The love of a good workmate keeps your heart warm in the coldest seasons of life. No, it's the one person that I particularly get along with. It's just a human-to-human relationship.

So it's very funny to hear it phrased like, anyone with a cousin knows this feeling. Yeah. A cousin knows everything about you and loves you for it. Do you have any cousins that you think know everything about you? I don't think I have I have I have I have I have I have th I have th I have th I have th I have th I have th I have th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the one the one thi thi thoes thoom that I that I that I that I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thoooooooooooooooo the the the the the the the the thi thi. Do you have any cousins that you think know everything about you? I don't think I have any cousins who know anything about me. I think if I went to any wedding right now and I walked up to any of my cousins, which I would need someone to point out which ones were my cousins. They'd be like, oh, so you work here? You're working at the wedding and you're severely underdressed.

I just, yeah. I live very far away from all of my cousins. Like, I grew up in Canberra and all of my cousins grew up in Brisbane. And so we would usually go up there like once a year for Christmas, you know, and hang out with them. So I'd see like, I would see my cousins on my dad's side of the family, I would say at the absolute most, one day a year. And then as everybody gets older, there's like bigger, bigger gaps in there, and once they were all like adults adults they all like moved off to different countries and stuff for years like you know like they're all nice

people I've seen them all in recent years and stuff they're all nice people but when I see them it's like oh I need to catch up with you on the last five years of your life. Yeah they don't know the full contents of your heart yeah for example although maybe, maybe we just don't understand. Maybe we're not Italian or Greek enough to understand this. The bond of love between cousins is immeasurable. I guess. Yeah, I mean I don't, I don't even know what units you would count that in. I haven't spent a great deal of time trying to measure or quantify that to be honest.

Cousins are the friends that love you from birth. I would like one that's like a cousins are the friends you don't choose, you know? Yeah, cousins are the mandatory friends that your parents gave you. The love of a cousin holds a lifetime of memories. It's picturing two cousins in an embrace the whole time. Two cousins just holding each other for like 10 beats too long. You know, warm, warm cousin embrace. The heart of happiness is trumping around hand in hand with your cousins.

I'm 32. I was gonna say I'm just imagining me and another 40 year old man. Holding hands and stomping around in an H&M. Just back and forth cousin Banter flying thick and fast. Your cousin is the brother God knew your mother could not handle. Yeah, that comes from Steve gets pretty wild. He's fucking crazy. Put that BB gun down.

This one is fucking terrifying. Cousins are the friends that couldn't get away from you even if they tried. Why are they trying to get away from me? Why your cousin's try to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape to escape the ca to escape to escape the ca to escape to escape the ca trying to get away from me? Why are your cousins trying to escape? You gotta pull out the cousin trap. Your cousins are the nuts that top your family Sunday perfectly. There's a few different ways to read that, I think. Yep. Cousins are the balls, tea-bagging, your family Sunday. You're gonna like like th-like like th-like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the the their like thi-a of the balls tea-bagging, your family's son there.

You're gonna like this one? Cousins are like a good mattress. Uh-huh. They always support you when you need it the most. Oh, good. Yeah. You should try to lie on top of your cousin. Man. Cousins are like a good mattress. They can really absorb a lot of punishment. Cousins are crazy friends that will dance with you in the rain.

That is true of Steve. Me and Steve dancing all that long. Cousins are the friends that are forced to share their toys with you. I mean, that's all friends, really. Steve, let me play a PS 5. You mean that's all friends really. Steve let me play a PS5 you have to. Now these are some birthday specific cousin quotes that you can say to your cousin on their birthday. Yeah you can copy and paste these. Bookmark this page and then when it's your cousin's birthday, and I assume you'll have the notifications turned on on your phone from Facebook to get told

that it's your cousin's birthday. You can go straight there, put this on the clipboard, control and see, or command and see if you're using a Mac, or long press if you're on a phone you know flip on over there just paste this bad boy right in and the great thing is your cousin won't even know that someone else has written it for you they'll think that this is a completely natural and organic thing that you're saying to them. Yeah when they read this on their Facebook wall which they never check because no one uses it they will when they read this on their Facebook wall, which they never check because no one

uses it, they will hear these and think, oh wow, Ben is, I think he might be going through something. Dear Steve, the day you were born was the greatest gift I ever received. the birthday. Damn. It's gonna be wiping a, wiping a tear. It's a lot to put on a cousin. Dear Steve, though Miles might separate us, the love is always the same. I'm glad you were born on this day to be my cousin.

It's fucking crazy. It's a really you-centric view of the universe to have your cousin's birth before you. Dear Steve, the world might only to say, the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to put to to to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to put to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their cousin, their their cousin, their their their their their to have your cousin's birth before you. Do Steve, the world might only see you as one person born this day, but I see you was the most special cousin I could ever have. Enjoy your birthday. Shit deal for your other cousins, by the way, to put that on the public, Facebook wall. I think the world sees most people as one person. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Dear Steve, on your birthday, I just want to say that I'm glad God chose to give me a fun and fearless cousin like you. I mean, who else would I have gotten to do all those crazy things? You know that that last sense really changes if you put a width on the end of it. Yeah this is just who else would I have gotten to do all those crazy things with but instead you say... I know what I made you rob that bank? Who else could I have convinced to do those things really bad for them? Remember when you did a dime for me? When you did 10 years in the big house? Because I made you do those crazy things. You did your time, you kept your mouth

shut, you did good. That's cousin shit. That's just cousin shit is doing a dime for your cousin. For your big cousin. So all right, anyway, I gotta get out of you see in another three years. You haven't been talking to the cops, have you, Steve? And finally, dear Steve, may you continue to reach higher and higher with each year that passes my spectacular cousin. You can just hear, like, lightly over the top of that, bring me a higher love by Steve Wynwood, you know............. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm just. I that. I that. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I lightly over the top of that, bring me a higher love by Steve Wynwood, you know.

Try me a higher love. It is a good song. Back in the high life, he's got some bangers. I agree. These are just like, because there's two sort of explanations for why these exist. One is that someone who doesn't connect with this material in the slightest is just churning it out for one of those like SEO farming jobs we have to write 20,000 words day or whatever. And then I don't give a fuck and then just pretending because that's what people do and it's just a job to them. Or, there are people out there where they just completely like alien relationship to their cousins compared to us. I don't know maybe you love your cousins. You listening to this right now and you're like I would fucking do anything for Steve. I'd do a 10 year bid for Steve. I'd do a dive for Steve. I would just tell that judge. Go fuck himself himself di di di di di di di di di di di di himself him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him th him th him th. I th. I th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd. I'd. I'd. I Steve. I would, I would just, I'd tell that judge, go fuck himself. I was driving that fucking car.

Steve doesn't even know how to drive. That's right. Steve's never seen a car. That's my balaclava. Why would Steve be wearing my balaclava? Those catalytic converters were in my garage. Steve was asleep on my couch. He had no idea. That's fucking, it's so weird.

Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access to our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out th ththat's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. It is very strange. It's hard not to feel like maybe someone's trying to pull something on us here. Are we being gas lit, you know, by big cousin? By the big cousin industry. Are we all

questioning ourselves now and thinking, maybe I'm meant to have a closer relationship with all of my cousins. Maybe it's me. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Yeah. So I haven't figured it out yet, but it feels like maybe they're engaged in some kind of scam. It's time for scam watch. This is from Japanese newspaper, the Maynichi. Japan woman pays for, quote, Russian astronaut to return to Earth in alleged scam. So far so good? Police are investigating whether a woman in Central Japan was scammed into sending around 4.4 million yen, that's 30,000 US dollars I'm going to assume. Uh, yes, yeah, I believe so.

To a person who claimed to be a Russian astronaut working at the International Space Station and needing money to return to Earth to marry her. Yeah, oh baby I'll be right there. It's just, it's just one thing. money to return to earth to marry her. Yeah. Oh baby I'll be right there. It's just it's just one thing keeping us apart. I don't know what's funny about this is the idea that they have to self-fund their return trip home or also that it would be a cool 30,000 dollars to get from the ISS to home. I would absolutely love to like read those chat logs. Oh my god, just be like like ah freaking assholes at the European Space Agency

Telling me they're not going to give me a lift when they do the the crew swap. God damn it! You're not going to believe this they're cancelled my holiday, you know I was meant to come home now. I got to pay for my own. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thatoleatol-I th. thirty. thirty. thatole. thateolk. tho-I's. to to to to to to to to to to read, to read. to read. to read, to read, to read, to read, to read, to read, to read, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. I's, thea. thea'' thousand-I's thousand-I's thousand-I's thousand-I's to-I's to-I's toea' c. I was meant to come out now I got to pay for my own jet pack yeah but Russian NASA they really they really really call it he calls it Russian NASA too but Russian NASA they they really gouged you on those things you know it's like the peanuts eight dollars a bag yeah jet packs and you think you get a reasonable price on a beer but it you know it's like the peanuts $8 a bag yeah jet packs and you think you get a reasonable price on a beer but it's actually it's like a weird 250 mill can like what even is that yeah I need 30,000 dollars for four beers

and a bag of peanuts you know yeah that's how they get you out there gonna come back and marry you baby. It's just one thing first. The 65 year old woman in Shiga Prefecture became acquainted with the person on a social networking site. Nothing else to do up there. Yep. In June, before they communicated through the line messaging app. Never heard of it. The person repeatedly told her they communicated through the line messaging app. Never heard of it. The person repeatedly told her they loved her

and proposed marriage, the police said. This sucks, like it sucks, but come on. So, like, like, and like, maybe I'm betraying my ignorance here, right? Maybe this lady knows more about current space travel than I do, but it's my assumption that you don't just have like a broadband internet connection on the international space station. They do. They do now. They didn't, they didn't when the ISS first went up, but like, they, like, they didn't, they didn't, they didn't, they didn't, they they they didn't, they they they they th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th the, the, the, the the the the the. the the the the the the the their the, their the the the the the the the, the, th. I I th. I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th the the the the the the the thin the the the the the an theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee an thee an the an broadband internet connection on the International Space Station. They do now. They didn't, they didn't when the ISS first went up, but like they can... So yeah, that's where my ignorance is coming in. They've got internet, you're saying. Yeah, fucking, I, sorry, I, I pretty habitually, we'll get very, very stoned and watch

all of the tour videos of the ISS that have ever been done in Englishishishishishish......., the the the th., th., th., th. th. th. They, th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. They're, they're, th. They's, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they's, they, they, they, they. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, theyoned and watch all of the tour videos of the ISS that have ever been done in English and also the other ones because, you know, you can just put on music and watch some guys floating around the ISS. It's cool as hell. And one of the things that depressed the fuck out of me one time watching them was that one of the astronauts, Jessica's, I can't remember. She was talking about how like the first things, thin, thin, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. the, the, thi, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, they, they, they, they, they, they's, their, their, and, and, their, and, and, and, their, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, thi, thooo, thi, thoooooooooo, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, anyway, she was talking about how like the first thing she does, so they sleep in these, they're not vertical because obviously there's no orientation or whatever, but it's a quite small room that they have that just has a curtain they pull in front of it, and it's just like basically a coffin that you strap yourself into, and there's a laptop directly in front of your face sort of Velcro to the wall. And this woman, this astronaut, this NASA astronaut was saying the first thing she does is she checks

her emails. Like you are in orbit around the planet in this unbelievable feat of like human engineering and science and achievement, this like just something so insanely otherworldly, you are floating around the planet. Like there is a porthole you can go to where you will be looking down on every single human being that's alive minus like five people. It's so beyond comprehension for the human brain and we've still found a way to be like, oh fuck, I gotta check my emails. You'd like that you'll be getting like the NASA All Office emails up there being like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, like, hey, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, like, the, the, the, the, like, the, my emails. You'd like that you'll be getting like the NASA all-office emails up there,

being like, hey, just letting you know that level three of the office, you know, kitchen's getting really out of hand again. Just wanna make sure everybody's washing their own dishes. Just sending emails to the people on the space station, berating them about the lunches they left in the fridge. Hey, hey, th, th, th, th, th, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, hey, th, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-like, thi-like, thi-like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thananananan, thanan, thanananan, thananan, thananananan, thananan, thanan, than, than, than, thithe people on the space station berating them about the lunches they left in the fridge. Yep. Hey guys, we're all doing this. So, you know, we're all together on this mission. Not singling anyone out. You know? It's so weird. That depresses the fuck out of me. You shouldn't have to read emails if you're in space. That's my belief. I think this is, uh, and this is also another demonstration of like, I don't know why, why, I'm not always convinced that it's the best thing to like do the thing that you're sort of very passionate about for a job,

because you can like, by turning it into the thing you have to do for money, it just becomes completely routine. You're saying you should only ever go to space recreationally, never do it for a job. Yes. It just becomes completely routine. You're saying you should only ever go to space recreationally. Never do it for a job. Yes. That's what I'm saying. No, I'm saying that like so many other things,

where, for example, as I've said about like, like cooking. I really like cooking. And people have said before, why don't you be a chef? Because I don't want to do that for a job. I've seen what it looks like as a job. And it's a very different thing to just like cooking food for yourself and your friends and stuff like that. I think I know like one chef who still loves cooking and the rest of them just like fucking

hate it. Yeah, yeah, and God knows that like you talk to a lot of people who say that they're not doing any nice cooking at home. They're just like throwing throwing slop together, you know? Because they're like, great, I don't have to spend all of my time doing this. So I'm just saying that when you take something and make it your job, inherently, the magic is going to disappear to some degree. You know, like, did you, did you read that that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote that quote, that quote, th th th th th th that, thate, thate, thate, that, thathe? thoe, thoing, thoing, thoing, throwing, throwing, throwing, throwing, throwing, throwing, throwing, throwing, throw, throw, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th. th going to disappear to some degree. You know, like did you read a, you read that quote from William Shatner talking about his little trip up in the Amazon Space Tube?

It's fucking goaling. So for your context, folks, if you did not happen to see, 91 year old, William Shatner, he has written a book called Boldly Go, Reflections on a Life of Orr and Wonder, which has just come out, he said that he went out to space on this flight and he described the view of space as a quote, cold, dark, black emptiness, unlike the mystery and majestic view he was expecting to see. Quote, it was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered. The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of earth at our hands,

the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna, things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again again again again again again again mankind. It filled me with dread. My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration. Instead it felt like a funeral. Now that's also not how that lady is feeling every morning when she wakes up and checks her email. No. I'm going to assume that his book was ghost written by a different person than the person who was ghost writing his tweets. It's just a suspicion that I have. That would not be shocking on either front.

So the suspect allegedly in space and in love, the suspect then asked the 65-year-old woman for money as expenses for a rocket and its quote, landing fees on earth, said the police. That's how they get you because they're like, well the rocket's not that bad, but the fucking landing fees? The fees. The woman accepted the request and transferred money to a bank account specified by the person between August and September.

But as the person continued to ask her for money, she consulted the police. Well, that is great. A lot of these stories don't end that way. Like it's like the bank is like, bup-pup-pup-pup. What are you doing? Whereas this lady's like, wow, this astronaut's fucking greedy. I mean, I believe they're in space, but should I be giving them this much money? I don't know, man. Like, people are so self-confident.

I love it. I love it when people feel empowered enough to completely ignore the bank and go and spend, spend their $30,000 on landing fees. That's beautiful. It's beautiful. That kind of self-confidence is a product of evolution. One of the greatest achievements of that beautiful world out there. The achievement of nature.

And it's time for Nature Corner. Rubbercrat, Sicked my dish. There it is. Now, this is from my favorite website, your favorite website. Yep. Pizza Marketplace. I'm going to tell you straight up. We're going to be hearing some more articles from Pizza Marketplace in the future because it is an American industry news website for the like fast casual pizza chain business

owner. It is phenomenal. There's some real inside baseball happening on pizza marketplace. Truly incredible. I'm already loving, just looking at the home page, how many new names of pizza places I've just learned. Fat Boy's Pizza to open Express model in Louisiana. Mountain Mike's Pizza opens in San Mateo, California. Mr. 01 to open first Texas location. Frank Pepe Pizza Pizzer Napolitana to open first Florida location. There's a Florida location. It just there. It's there. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I I there. I I I I. I there. I there. I. I. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there's there's there's th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's there's the the the there's the the there's there's there. I'm there. I'm there. 01 to open first Texas location, Frank Pepe Pizzeria Napolitana to open first Florida location. Just goes on and on.

I fucking love it. That's fucking amazing, right? All right. I'm very into it. Yeah, I've bookmarked pizza's. My goodness. From my favorite website, your favorite website, pizza, marketplace.com. Papaginos delivers pizzas to zoo chimpanzees.

Don't do that. Don't. There is no need for you to do that. Just imagining the terror on the face of the young pizza delivery man who has to carry it into the enclosure? Just violently shaking. Is your pizza, sir? Trying to like, you know, as the crowd of, the crowd of chimps is forming around you while you're trying to get the hot bag open.

Hand shaking. You having a good night, sir? Really? Yeah. Hey, you know the, um, you know the kid from the Simpsons with the squeaky voice, squeaky voice team? Yeah. Here's your pizza, sir. You know, he is canonically the daughter of Lunch Lady Doris.

I did not know that. Mm-hmm. I think in the episode where, uh, might have been the episode where the, they're doing a bowling team, the pin pals or whatever, one of those. She's at the bowling alley, bowling, and he's working there and she makes some comment about him as like son. And I was like what and went and looked it up and all the Simpsons wikis seem to agree.

Squeaky voice team lunch lady Doris son. There you go that's a third thing that you've learned this episode. Uh-huh. Papagino's Pizza-yah is partnering with the Southwick Zoo in Mendon, Massachusetts. To celebrate, the brand delivered vegetarian pizzas to the zoo's chimpanzees. The pizza was delivered by Papagino's mascot, the very inventively named Pizza Man. You gotta be fucking serious. Your place is called Pappaginos and your guy is called Pizza Man?

Come on. I want to see if I can get a look at Pizza Man. He's got to be like a superhero, right? It can't just be like a guy that eats pizza. Oh no, he looks... You know, he... Oh, yeah, he looks like... He looks like...

See, it's even more ridiculous that they didn't just call him like Papagino or Big Papa or something like that. Cool Papagino because of those sick shades. Yeah, he's got like, he's got sort of like macho man Randy Savage kind of sunglasses going, but I would say as a mascot he is basically giving me, um, oh you know what it is? You know the Swedish chef from the Muppets? Yeah. This is the Italian chef. Yeah, the Italian Swedish chef. His head, his head and everything else is the, is just identically shaped to the Swedish chef's face, but his moustache is big and black and bushy instead.

Sorry, I want to correct. He's the Italian-American Swedish chef. You know what if you Google Pugge He's the Italian-American Swedish chef. I think he's a... Italian-American Swedish chef. You know what, if you Google Papagito's mascot, uh, the mascot isn't Pizza Man. It's a slice of pizza that says Papagitos on the crust. Oh no. Oh, and also Pizza Man. So who...

Oh, this is a real, real kettle of fish right here, real can of worms. Which one is pizza man? I'm assuming it's the anthropomorphic piece of pizza. It's got to be. And surely the other one is Papagino himself. Well, no, I think that's, I think, thinn'n'in. Oh God, there's a Papagino's tweet where they refer to their mascot as Our Man Crush Monday.

Papaginos, this is the text of the tweet. Our hashtag Man Crush Monday is here to remind you that we're open for no contact, carry out delivery, New England. I'm going to get to to get in in the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to touch in to touch in to to to to touchuoginusuino'm gonna get to the bottom of this and see if I can, I'm gonna get in touch with Papagino's and figure out which mascot is which. Yeah, so tell us what the fuck. Because otherwise, I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight. Is it Papagino or maybe Pizza Man squaring off against whatever the New England Patriots mascot is?

I'm gonna be reasonable. I'm gonna, I'm gonna contact them with a picture of each mascot and say, could you tell me which one is pizza man? And what the name of the other one is? In fairness, I think the man is the only man here. If the pizza slice was the mascot, that would just be pizza the pizza. Well, yeah, but you're calling it pizza man. Surely the one that's a slice of pizza with legs and arms walking around is pizza man. Oh, you think he's been anthropomorphized enough that he is a man? What makes a man? I've never seen a pizza with legs before, that's what I'm saying. Slice, although, yeah, it is a slice, the whole pizza. It's Pizza Slice, the Pizza Slice.

I'm gonna see what I can do about this. I will give an update on a future episode if I do manage to determine which of these two mascots. Because they're both unnamed all the time. What's the fucking deal with this guy's like Unabomber sunglasses as well? It's not like it's sunny in New England. You know, it's not California, he's not to the beach. They don't have beaches on the East Coast. They just got rocks. They've got a real active, terrible social media presence, considering Papagino's only has 4,400 followers on Twitter. This is not the giant institution I thought it was, come to think of it. I was thinking like dominoes level. Well they've got frozen pizza. Yeah sure. That suggests to me that

you're making it available in like more places than just your town, you know what I mean? There are 81 Papagino's locations in Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Rhode Island. Yeah, see that's... That's plenty of pizza places, you know? Yeah, that's heaps. So, as part of the... Oh, sorry, very important sentence I missed. The chimps even dressed for dinner in Papa Gino's t-shirts. That's fucked up. That's vital. That's really vital. Don't give the chimps pizza. Don't give them shirts. There's just no need to do any of this. I don't, look, I don't think it's fair to feed a chimp pizza and also to insist that there's a dress code for the food they're not supposed to be eating anyway. Yeah

You know give them a fucking cigarette while you're out of it Give him a pipe. Give him a pipe. Put him in roller skates give him a dressing gown Give them a little tiny clown car to drive around in if you had to base the 8th. The pipe has bubbles in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thea thea tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the. th a little tiny clown car to drive around in. If you had to base the A. The pipe has bubbles in it though. Yeah. As part of the partnership, Papaginos is giving away free passes to the Southwick Zoo on its Facebook and Instagram accounts through September and October. So there's still time, folks. We still potentially could win a pass to witness some chimps with a bad diet

Wearing shirts they didn't choose you know Oh, no, they've done like a like a parody version of the Adam Levine DM League where it's a photo of the mascot of-a-m. their theat. the the mascot who is maybe Papagino maybe Pizza Man with Adam Levine replying, Holy shit, that body of yours is absurd. Fuck sake. And that, oh they've got a laugh of me. Oh, they've put Pizza Man's face on top of the man from the bear, the TV show. Why do they tell you in any of these posts which are the mascots it is?

They've got the pizza slice there with the New England Pat the Patriot. It was mascot night at Gillette Stadium this weekend. Let's just say that Pat the Patriot got a little hungry and he's pretending to eat the big slice of pizza. But you never say in any of them. He's this dude this dude this dude this dude. We this dude. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We should th. We should th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeea. thea thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea.them, here's this dude. We should do like a 10-part investigative podcast called Finding Pizza Man. The search for Pizza Man. Oh boy. The brand also has special discount vouchers available for all Pupagino's guests in its participating restaurants across New England.

If you are a New England listener, please write into Mailbag at Buntabista.com, let us know is the Papagino's Pizza any good? Or is it horrible, dog shit, you hate it. Is the owner of the business some kind of out and proud racist? And we don't know about any of that stuff yet. Yeah, well I mean they're doing stuff with Newman and Patriots so pretty safe to assume they're racist. Yep. Making chimps where they're branding. Leave the noble chimp alone. Let him go back to scratching it as big prol, but sniffing his finger and then comically falling backwards off a log.

That's right, as they love doing. I think that's true. That was a very gentle episode of the podcast Bontavista. Yeah. I think that's true. That was a very gentle episode of the podcast Bontevista. Yeah. Very calm aura about it. I'm gonna go back to my weaving. I'm. I. I'm th. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the podcast point versa. Yeah, calm aura about it. I'm gonna go back to my weaving. I'm gonna eat some stew I think. Well we will also provide you with an update on how the stew went. Yes yeah I'll let you know. Bye everybody.