Boonta Vista - EPISODE 28: Penis Whackerman

Episode Date: January 5, 2018

We're back baby! The crew is all on deck for New Years resolutions, a reading of a truly moronic column by Piers Ackerman, the steel-reap logic of Andrew Bolt, another tale from the archives of Warnie and of course, your letters. Support the show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista Don't forget to rate & subscribe on iTunes if that's your thing. _____________________________ Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista iTunes: tinyurl.com/y8d5aenm Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/s?fid=144888&refid=stpr Pocket Casts: pca.st/SPZB RSS: tinyurl.com/kq84ddb

Happy fucking new Year. Welcome back everybody. It's Buntavista Socialist Club in 2018. Episode 28. I'm Andrew. I'm here with Lucy. It's a fucking new year. to fuzzi. It's a fucking lot of episodes. Welcome to 2018. It doesn't even count the bonus episodes. It's a today. It doesn't. It doesn't even count the bonus episodes. It's. It doesn't. It's a fucking lot of episodes. Welcome to 2018. Doesn't even count the bonus episodes. It doesn't. Also we have Ben. Second. Second on the list this time. I was first. So I guess that's how 2018's going to start.

It's how my horoscope said it was going to start. But I was going to be the center. That's all I'm saying, I'm a Scorpio. Continue. Oh, 2018 we out here, respect them women. Putting them in their horoscopes. Yep. Via horoscope.

And of course, bringing up the butt end, we have Theo. Hey, well, someone's got to be the bottom of the show, I guess. I've always thought of you as a bottom. I've always thought of Theo as the bottom. Yes, I've always thought of Theo as the, as the ass of the pantomime donkey. I've never thought of him as a top, that's all else thing. Certainly not a power bottom, that's all I'll say. Certainly not a power bottom either. This is a...

Not a power bottom. Not a top. So, uh... Hi theo, how are you doing? I'm good. I'm extremely sweaty. It's up to the seat, basically nude. Why, why are you sweaty? Because it fucking sucks. It's up to the seat, basically nude. Why? Why are you sweating? Because it fucking sucks.

It's like a bunch of grease. Oh, right, okay. Not from being at all. Phroub No, he's not working up that kind of sweat. Theo, that's what you get for choosing to live in the scorched desert that is the devil's country, Queensland. Actually, I mean a desert would kind of be a relief at this stage because really, and stop me if you've heard this, but it is the humidity that gets you. Absolutely

the humidity. I picture you two being in a desert and one of you turning to the other and saying, hey, at least it's a dry heat. And that's quite good. Is that that is that the far side? Is that a Gary Larson comic that you just described? Yeah, that's a good reference. Can we make far side jokes now instead of Dilbett jokes? Well, I mean, if Gary Larson turns out to be like a weird sex MRA. Yes. I've had to check once a year over the last five years to make sure that he's not actually dead because I haven't heard anything horrible about him. I feel like I feel like both Gary Larson and Bill Waderson who did Calvin and Hobbs. They both just they both just seemingly chose a really good point to say I think I'm done. I'm gonna pull the plug and just the the th and just and just the th and just the th and just th and just th and just the th and just th the th th th th th th th th th th the plug th the plug the plug th th the plug the plug th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the thou the thi thou the the the thi thi thi their thi their thi thi their they both just seemingly chose a really good point to say, I think I'm done, I'm going to pull the plug, and just go about living my life.

What do you reckon they're doing? I think he, um, Gary Larson's probably big into woodwork. I think, I think that neither of them are recording like four hour long live streams with Stefan Molino, that's what I think that neither of them are recording like four hour long live streams with Stefan Molino. That's what I think. Oh, fingers crossed. It's for the best. It's absolutely for the best.

So here we are folks. 2018. New Year, New Me. We're all out here making promises to ourselves, to each other, to the world. None of us are going to keep them. It's fine. I don't really really really really really really really really really really really really really really thia thia thia thia thine. I don't thiiiii. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I that's that's that's that's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thithe world none of us are going to keep them. It's fine I don't really do new year resolutions You guys you guys get resolutions? Anyone got resolutions? Any anybody my all right? I got one which is I'm just gonna try and stop biting my fingernails because I can't post a photo of anything that I'm holding on line without people going Look at this guy's fucking fingernails. Oh man, I'm in a I'm in a similar boat here. My fingernails are garbage trash.

They look like, you know, in Mahalan Drive, the thing that's behind the restaurant I have his fingernails. Wow. Cool. So that's what I'm working on. I like to keep it manageable. I like to keep it doable. What about you, Lucy? I'm going to date Jake Gillenhall. Yeah, you've got to keep it manageable, so that's perfect. No, no, I, people tell you, they're like, you've got to aim high. You know, you've got to apply for that job that that you that you that you that you that you that you that you're not that you're not that that that that that that you're not that that that that that that that you're not, that that that that that that that you're not, that you're not, that you're not, that you're not, to to to to to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thiia, thia, thi.a, thi.a, thea, theaughea, thea, thea, thea.a.a, theaughea, thia, toea, toea, toea, toa,. You know, you gotta apply for that job that you're not qualified for. So I figure in 2018, I'm gonna date Jake Jilinhal.

What, what do you need to be qualified to date him? There's no qualification, but it's like, you gotta aim high, right? You can't just, you can't just, like, have a goal that's like, it's fucking, that's bullshit. I'm gonna, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that's, I'm that's, I'm that's, I'm that's, I'm that's, I'm that's, I'm that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a.a, that's a.a, that's a.a, that's a. that's, just like have a goal that's like go to the gym. It's like that's fucking that's bullshit. I'm gonna, I'm gonna date Jake Gillenhol. Yeah, that's it, that's an impossible goal, but dating Jake Jilinhal, that's like. Someone's gotta do it. Someone's gonna do it.

Somebody's gonna date him and it's like, it's more likely. Yeah. 2019, Valon Hall. All right, so we've all got, Ben, you didn't actually answer the question. You just kind of reiterated my answer, which is cheating. Oh, no, I didn't say that I wanted to change what I do with my fingernails. Unlike you, I'm not deluded enough to believe that I can stop this habit that I've had my entire life. So that's not my resolution. I'm just giving it a go. I'm just giving it a go. You should see it. I've got little white fingernails now. I've got little white bits on the end. I'm okay. I believe in you both. Thank you. I'm not trying. Is there anything you are going to try? Yeah, my resolution for this year is mainly just I really, really would like to maintain exactly my current lifestyle, which is economically unfeasible and extremely unhealthy.

But if I can keep doing it without becoming heavily in debt and without dying, that'd be sick. That'd just be a real sick year for me. All right, 2018. No dying. Hell yeah. I hear a gecko. I hear a gecko in the background.

Or a dolphin. Or a dolphin. It could be a dolphin. I tell you. I tell you if it is a gecko or a dolphin. It could be a dolphin. Or even which specific gecko it is. Well, yeah, I couldn't tell you.

So this is not, that's not the gecko that lives behind the picture frame. This is a gecko that's on the opposite wall. Don't really know anything about this gecko. Don't know story. I wonder if those geckos get along. I couldn't tell you. There was some noises coming from by outside the living room window before, which I really hoped would continue into the podcast so they can go on Nature Corner, but I don't know if listeners would be familiar with the sound that possums make.

Either when they're mating or they're fighting, I'm not sure but it it it it it it it it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that's that's like that's like the sound that possums make, either when they're mating or they're fighting, I'm not sure, but it's like that horrible, fucking staccato, growl. It's a bad noise. That's a horrible sound. It's the most horrifying thing. It's so bad, but it has stopped. So I can't. I thought that was just a regular fucking noise, but I'm gonna have to, maybe that's like to investigate that. Hey! Yes, a shrieking possum. That's my girl. Yeah. So folks, we've got a couple of things to talk about today. Do we?

We've covered our important resolutions, are really important to realistic resolutions. Apparently for some reason Ben thinks that me not biting my fingernails anymore is less realistic than Lucy dating Jake Gillle Hall, but let's not go any further into that. That's fine. Oh wait, can we just briefly go further into that? Can I just say, instead of Valon Hall, have you considered juicy? Juicy?

Juicy? I hate it. I hate it so much. Okay. It's it so much. Okay. It's just an idea. I might compromise depending on, depending on the sexual nature of our relationship, you know. Like how juicy it ends up in. Yeah, exactly.

I'll, we'll revisit it later. Okay. We'll check in halfway through the year and see how you're getting on with it. Let's check in halfway through the year and see how you're getting on with it. We'll check in. Let's check in every episode. See how it's going. So much closer you are for this goal. Yeah, that sounds good. Sounds good.

All right, so I thought maybe we could kick off the episode with just a brief bit of a reading from what came in right on the buzzer as probably one of the dumbest pieces of Australian writing of 2017. So this this one was like a real buzzer beater December 31st filed away at midday. So that's not leaving a lot of time for anyone to come in with some really stupid shit after that point. I am talking about a column that I read sitting in a McDonald's. And I was reading the Daily Telegraph because that is the one location in which I will read the Daily Telegraph is a McDonald's while my children play on the playground. And this column was by Pierce Ackerman, who I think, are we all pretty sure he's a big fucking idiot?

PENUS whack him in. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna say I'm it. I'm gonna say. The extreme confidence of that delivery. Yeah, I think that's fair to say, Lucy. I think it's fair to say. It's fair to say. I think we can all agree with that. Yeah, that's fair to say.

So Pierce, Pierce came in with his absolute, fucking slam duck right at the year. And he wrote a little, a little retrospective about the year and he wrote a little retrospective about the year which he chose to title 2017 a year Ozzie's all took a stupid pill. Big fucking slam on the entire country here and he's not pulling any punches. Well I mean he does pull one punch in that he's decided to go with a year Ozzy's all took a stupid pill. Not just the definite like, yeah, this isn't the big job year. He's like, well, this is just one of a number of years in which Australia took a stupid

pill. This is one of many. He writes a piece like this every year. Whether or not he submits it to a newspaper is totally different. So let me give you a bit of a pious here. Good Rittens 2017, a year of infantile emotionalism in which good governance was surrendered to the mob, the lowest common denominator. A year ago the nation took a big fat stupid pill and is still in a coma. I am I didn't know that that was a side effect of stupid pills. I would have thought stupid pills make it stupid, but apparently they make you comatose.

Well, I think if you take too many, surely you can become so dumb as to lose any kind of brain activity. Oh no, no, they only took one. They took a big fat stupid pill. Yeah, well, it was it clearly was not, it was not, it was not a thi-s-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid-s stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid-s stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid, thi. thi. thi. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-ni-ni-ni-n't thi-n't thi-a-n't thi-a-n't thi-ni-ni-ni-fi-fi-pioliolioli-pi-piiolii-piiioli-pioli-piolioli-fiolioli-s. It's-s. It fat stupid pill. Yeah, well it was it clearly was not, it wasn't a regular size stupid pill though, it was a big fat one. It was like one of those horse pills. Oh, so stupid pills come in different sizes. Okay, all right, that's why I was confused. Well, like if you can get a big fat one, what is that in comparison to, you know? Are the pills? Yeah, are the pills? Yeah. P pills. P pills. P pills. P pills? P pills. P pills? th. P pills. P pills. P. P. So, th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. It. It. It. It's. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. It's. th. th. It's. th. It's, it's, it's, it's like. th. th. It's like, th. th. th. It's like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's like, th. It's, it's So it's worth pointing out with this column that Pierce manages to pretty much go through this amazing hit list in which he is on the wrong side of history on every subject that he touches and it's amazing. So I'm going to breeze through some of them here.

Nothing better symbolize the surrender than the ridiculous scenes permitted during the finale to the faddish campaign organized by get-up and he's put two exclamations after get-up which is interesting and the loopy left to turn their backs on logic, on biology, on rational, thinking to adulterate the millennia-held definition of the word marriage all in the name of something called inclusiveness and so-called equality. I feel like it's so-called, it's okay. Well, and also something called inclusiveness, do you mean inclusiveness?

Inclusiveness? Definitely makes it sound like he's just unfamiliar with the concept in general. Something called inclusiveness? You guys heard about this? Yeah, I really like the suggestion that, group Get Up was able to just by themselves organize support for marriage equality within a year. Like there wasn't anything going on before that point, like no one was really into it until these guys started sending out like email newsletters asking you to maybe vote for it. Well, well, well, their the thon't them. their their their their them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they're they they're the theean. thean. thean. Lobbying theing theing thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. like email newsletters asking you to maybe vote for it.

Well, well, well done to them if they did. That's pretty good. So he continues, the braying for equal rights to encompass same-sex marriage at a time when same-sex couples already enjoyed all the benefits that were given to other de factos, saw the concept of religious freedom trashed in the benefits that were given to other de factos, saw the concept of religious freedom trashed in the Australian Parliament. Not really, but whatever. Now this is a great sentence. Given the near hysterical wooing, which is a very normal thing that everybody writes constantly. I've heard before now.

I am imagining a professional wrestler Rick Flair having a reaction to this. Given the near hysterical wooing with which millennials now greet readings of the new politically correct and gender-free marriage act, which has zero mention of man and woman. Marriage now has all the solemnity of commitment as an episode from Seinfelde politically correct and gender-free marriage act, which has zero mention of man and woman. Marriage now has all the solemnity of commitment as an episode from Seinfeld. What the fuck? Number one, super timely reference. An episode from Seinfeld.

It's not an episode that has been sent to you from Jerry. I just don't understand why has he chosen Seinfeld here? I don't... What? It's like is he thinking that that's the funniest show he can think of? With solemnity of commitment, is it a show that doesn't commit? I don't. Is it because they all date and fuck a lot on Seinfeld? I think that's what it's getting out. They do fuck a lot on that show. Yeah, well Jerry's fucking so on different every episode. Jerry's, I don't feel like Jerry's not fucking anybody. Jerry's fucking all, they're constantly Jerry Fox is, Jerry Fux is, Jerry Fuck's like just nonstop models for the whole show. I can't pick Jerry fucking. They never show a mid-fuck.

The show aired at about 5.30 p.m. on prime time television so that's no fucking. It's one they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they never they never they never they never they never they never never never never they never they never they're never they never they never they're never they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're never never never never never never never never never never never they're they're th. They're never never never never never never never never never never never never never never they're never never never never never never never never never they're never never never. They never never. They never they're never they primetime television, so that's... There's no fucking. It's one of the limitations. There wasn't a lot of hardcore sex on that show. It was also... It's like a dragon ball's-e actually. If you get the unabridged ones, some fucking crazy shit happens in that. A strongly suggested that Kramer was just a mad animal in the sack. Even George got to fuck really pretty girls.

He did. And Elaine, I feel like Elaine was very ahead of her time because she was just nailing dudes constantly and tossing them to the curb. So I'm fucking good on Elaine. Yeah, good on that. Well, well done to Elaine from sidefell. There's also the fit to whack off on the contest. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Did you. Did you. Did you. Did you. Did you. Did you. Did you. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well th th th th th th th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th- th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the th the th-I tho. tho-I tho-a. thooooooooooooo'-a. the-a. the-a. the-I. thooo-I. the the the the the the first to whack off on the contest. Yeah that's true. That's true. Did you know that women can jerk off now Lucy? No. Why didn't anybody tell me? That's a dream. All right. That's funny because I should have a whole time. Continue. That's what you got to do. So the all that's what you've got to do. All the celebrity, well I do because I love thmy th th th th th th th th th th th th. So, the all, that's what you've got to do. Well, I do because I love my body, Ben, specifically my penis, my penis whack, my penis whack-a-man. That's the title of the episode right there. So, Pierce, Pierce continues with his very smart comments. Lowering the bar to permit women to work on the front line in the New South Wales fire department is dumb.

Having defense chiefs similarly invoke positive discrimination is as stupid. It doesn't provide a lot of evidence for that one. Equal means equal, not having promotions based on gender quotas. Being a realist is to invite accusations of bigotry and discrimination from the self-anointed brigade of the easily, if not permanently, offended. I want to take a moment to note that he's really got a lot of harsh words for this brigade of easily offended people. In the middle of

this column that is 100% about things that have severely offended him that took place this year. Almost like he's incredibly dumb. Yeah, he may be a little bit stupid. Universities, once oaces of civil, free and wide-ranging discourse, okay succumbed easily and early before the cohorts of the closed-minded. The proliferation of so-called safe spaces where students snowflakes can retreat from challenging discussion of ideas makes a mockery of the very tenets of education. Australians were once noted for their open-minded approach to debate. Were they? Sure. Yeah. once noted for their open-minded approach to debate,

were they? Sure. Yeah. Yeah, we love that. We definitely love having a diversity of opinion in the Australian media for sure. Most open-minded nation in the world. Now, whole topics are declared off limits. I just, I really want to interrogate this idea that all of these like 50, 60-year-old conservatives have, that universities are interrogate this idea that all of these like 50, 60 year old conservatives have that universities are like this weird, like classical Greek philosophy era thing where

a bunch of people in robes stand around in auditoriums yelling philosophy ideas at each other in like powerful intellectual debate. Instead of just a place that you like turn up to, you sit down, you watch a guy talk, you fall asleep in a lecture hall, you wake up, you piss off and you go drink beers on a lawn somewhere. Like it's never been this institution of great ideas being expounded upon. It's like school but you don't have to really do much. Well, I'm at uni at the moment and I can say that 90% of uni students are 17 to 19 year olds, years old and incredibly stupid.

Like, why do we care what 10,000 17 year olds have to say? They don't know anything. That's why they're 17. Yeah, I'm always thinking the same thing though, which is I don't, I assume that people like him are getting their information from the same places as people like a friend of the show Miranda Devite and her columns about how now everyone in universities has to do jazz hands instead of clapping because when you clap it makes all the women in the class feel like they're being raped. Which again is just one of those things and as soon as you look into it you go oh there's this one like hypothetical example somebody gave at like one university one time five years ago and she's still referring to that in every single article kind of thing. Yeah like the the canonical safe

spaces example was like one university in the US like five years ago. Yeah. And they're like well all universities now 90% of every university campus is a designated safe space where you're not allowed to say the N-word, and that's a crime. Oh, dear. He continues. Now, I should say, I like how many things he's already touched on here. And I've cut this down a lot from his actual column, where he's very mad about, like,

Jillian Triggs, he's very mad about, he's very mad about the Queensland University of Technology where Daisy Cousin's boyfriend got 18 seed for being super racist and all that sort of stuff. But he continues on, a pop star politics, reign, vacuous celebrity, ninkum poops are louded for their inanities. Look at the juvenile lord, recently falling thrall to the fanatical boycott divestment

sanctions movement and demonstrating an astounding level of ignorance in canceling an appearance in Israel. The only democracy in the Middle East. Sure you might say that she's cancelling a performance in also the only, like, active apartheid state that she's been asked to perform in? Anyway, let's not get bogged down in the specifics. It's just hit after hit with them. Because of the hysteria over the widely promoted assumption that global warming is a result of human activity, ignoring volcanoes.

Oh, this is just, it's such a great mental image of like just, it's like a bunch of scientists looking at all these graphs and just being like, man, it just seems like it's getting hotter. Is there anything that would have acoucest? Probably not. Well, like in the background there's a volcano going off. Thousands of, everywhere on the horizon you can just see dozens of volcanoes erupting. Ignoring volcanoes, even the presence and profound effect of the sun's radiation. Did you guys know the sun is hot? The sun? Oh, fuck, we forgot about the sun. God damn. Get this. Science says that the sun is almost as hot as the stuff inside volcanoes. Because of the hysteria over the widely promoted assumption that global warming is a result of human activity,

the Enviro Nazis have ensured that our industry is being exported along with our coal to nations where both will see their populations enriched while ours is being impoverished. That's us. That's us with our impoverished country, shipping all of our coal off to extremely rich India. It should be noted that a century ago the Bolsheviks promoted equality as the universal goal. Today's students wouldn't be aware of the Russian revolution. Hmm. Hmm. Okay, I never, I'd never, I'd never heard about the Russian Revolution. You can, you say what that. No young people have ever heard of it.

But like the French Revolution just over a century earlier, it failed in all its aspirations and led to chaos followed by mass murder and totalitarian dictatorship. What? I'm pretty sure like quite a lot of things about how modern governments have formed it all stemmed from like the French Revolution. Like, uh... Well, our whole concept of modern democracy is based upon the French Revolution, so... Well, I like, I like the suggestion that it failed in all its aspirations,

despite like, I haven't checked in lately, but the French don't still have a king. I haven't checked out. Honestly, I don't know anything about France. I couldn't tell you. Well, some walking encyclopedia, man. I could be wrong. Now, someone see if you can explain this next sentence to me, okay? Why, when the monstrous horrors of Nazi Germany, eclipsed by the terror of Soviet Russia and the monstrous, sorry, and the murderous Mao, are any aspects of these regimes still held in some regard today?

Am I missing something? Did the monstrous horrors of Nazi Germany get eclipsed by anything else that has happened since then? That's pretty much the big bad one, right? That's... Yeah. I mean as is commonly understood. I just... I think that's what he's saying though is that we consider that the big bad one when we should consider these other things bad or worse which you know. Yeah that Soviet Russia is far more terrifying than yeah the systematic murder of 6 million people in gas chambers. Yeah, that's fine. And look, he finishes on a strong note, in 2018, we must do so much better. We can all agree, penis. It's good every time. It's, look, just, like, bang out the full article if you want, because it goes into a lot more detail about all the things that you should be really mad about.

And... PENUS, penis whack a man. They, they, they want 100% extend to people I disagreed with. His penis extends to be a whack a man. To be wacked, man. So yeah, I thought, I thought he really came in under the radar, came out of nowhere and just absolutely nailed an extraordinarily dumb piece of running. And I will give him props for that.

I will whack his penis when I see him. Yeah, that sucks. And he looks like Roger Ebert with full-body gout. So it might be time to check in with dear friend of the show Andrew Bolt. Before we launch into this we should definitely stress that he is an ally, a friend of the podcast, someone who we now think is good, all of his opinions are correct, and we love him. Now I'm sorry, you were saying?

Stanch leftist Andrew Bolt has been writing on his blog, which is short for weblog. And... Thank you. And now, you'll be pleased to know that he's been doing some thinking. And like many of the greatest conservatives out there, Andrew has created a trap of logic. Now for international listeners, you may not be aware of a pretty fucked-up event that took place in Melbourne a week or two ago where a guy rammed his car into a bunch of pedestrians on the street and killed him. That was shit. Yep. So of course we had a very similar sequence of events to the

similar situation in 2016. Where a guy was a thumb to the similar situation in 2016, where a guy was blasting through the middle of the city and was like going up on footpaths and down like Burke Street and Flind Street and stuff and just mowing people down. And of course, lots of conservatives, in air quotes, or if you like, racists, immediately got into the hole, ah, when are they gonna tell us how Muslim this guy is and how he's murdering everyone for Allah? And it turned out to be a guy called Demetrius Gagosoulis,

who was out of his fucking brain on ice and running away from the police. Yeah, so it turned out that it wasn't a terrorist attack. It was a dude who was super fucking high on ice, blasting his car through the middle of the city. So the secret, like I haven't been following it super closely, but the sequence of events in this latest incident seem to have played out as a similar sort of thing. Somebody has run a bunch of people down in the city. A bunch of people have immediately assumed that the guy is a fanatical jihadist.

The police have then said, no, not really. And then I said, yep, we've got him. He's a really mentally ill dude dude who was super high on ice. There you go, it's fucked up. That's what happened. Andrew Bolt, however, he's not taking that. I'm not taking that shit lying down. And so he has written a post on his blog, which is short for weblog.

And this post has been titled, Police won't call the Muslim Afghan who ran down people in Melbourne, a terrorist. He goes on to say, he is a person who is known to have a mental illness. In fact, he was on a mental health treatment plan and misappointment yesterday. Could well be true, but I have a question.

Japan has very few Muslims. How many mentally ill people there run down pedestrians? Bam, fucking check and mate. It's the perfect logic trap. So how the fuck do you get out of that, huh? Uh, yeah, Andrew, Andrew seemed pretty convinced that that was an airtight case. Um, except for the times that that was an airtight case, except for the times that that has happened in Japan, really recently, by a Japanese guy.

Yeah, I mean, if you, you don't have to go back very far. So the guy in Melbourne in 2016, he was not a Muslim guy, so he didn't get called a terrorist. There was a situation in Sagamahara in a care center where a guy who claimed that he wanted to kill disabled people left at least 19 people dead and 26 others injured after a knife attack at a care facility in Japan. That guy was not a Muslim so he didn't get called to terrorist. Andrew Bolt very conveniently somehow didn't find out about this guy in the course of doing this column. He did update the column to say, ah, one of my readers has weighed in with information about how the last terrorist attack

in Japan was over 20 years ago. And he appointed so like the Saran gas attack in the subway, you know. But he did manage to forget about the guy a couple of years ago, a 25-year-old who rammed a truck into a crowd of shoppers and then got out and stabbed the people that he ran over, killing six men and one woman and injuring 11 other people. But I guess that, to Andrew, that doesn't count as a terrorist attack because that guy was Japanese.

Well, that's, well, so I think you've just discovered the next layer of his totally impenetrable logic trap in that only terrorist attacks are committed by Muslims. If it's not, then you can't call it a terrorist attack. So check and also mate. Incredible we've been beaten by our own logic. We have been hoisted by our collective patards. Hmm. How many petards are you guys got? You just want who we share between all of us?

Like a giant wrapping. By collective petards, you mean collective petard, our one collective petard. Well, yes, it's the podcast, Patard. It's a shared patard, yes, definitely. I don't want to come across. I don't want to sound like a dumb asshole or a stupid idiot or a dense fuck face who doesn't know shit about anything. Massive fucking moron. A big, fucking jag off with no brain who doesn't know anything. Can someone tell me what a patard is? Is this problematic? No, I think this...

No, I think this... No, I think this... No, I do this. Ben, let me explain to you that hoist with his own ptart is a Shakespearean idiom from Hamlet, meaning to cause the bomb maker to be blown up with his own bomb. A Ptard is a small bomb used for blowing up gates and walls when breaching fortifications. It is of French origin and dates back to the 16th century. A typical, Ptad is a conical or rectangular metal device containing two to three kilograms of gunpowder with a slow match for a fuse. Can I just say, uh, thank you for using the correct French pronunciation of

petard. Petard. I've, uh, I've always been picturing some sort of, um, pike or lance or something because it made sense to me that you can hoist it up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But we're all smarter now today. Yep. Except people listening that already knew that and they can go fuck themselves.

Yeah, you think you're better than us? You fucking smug, prick. Look at me, I know what a pot is without having to look it up. I went to uni and passed and graduated. All right, so just quickly, look, here's an important question. Should we, should we just move on? Yes. To covering a tale about Australia's most beloved cricketer. Awnee. Warning! Warning! Where's the warning?

Where's the warning? Shane one? One. One. Where's the one? Where's the one? Where's the one? Where is Shane one?

Where is shame? Shane one is over there. Shame one is here. Oh god. Same one is here. So, welcome, God. Welcome back. For the wide world of where the fuck is warning. Oh, I really enjoyed the level of Razumitas you put on that one. Horny Warnie! Horney warny this week.

Now I have not in fact written up the horny warning notes. I couldn't find him. I couldn't find him. I was looking for him though and I found a different story. But just really quickly, should we just cover exactly what you're talking about, Lucy? Was this shame one publicly defending his reputation as a man who fucks good? Was he? No, this was in the, this is in the telegraph and someone asked him how he ended up married to a supermodel. Beth Hurley.

And he answered, basically, it's just because I'm amazing in the sack. And he went on to say, you know all that stuff in Austin Powers, all of the dirty stuff. Just imagine that, but more. It's all true. Oh, Austin. You make me Randy, baby. It's literally right. Oh, Warnie, behave. Yeah. Behave, baby.

So, in looking for that particular piece. Can you just do that voice for the rest of the show, Lucy? Yeah, baby. Be... So, in looking for that piece, I found a different piece and it was very interesting to me. I feel like it is extremely revealing to the inner heart of the man we know as shame warning.

Let me please break it to you. So, it was the summer of 2002. Sorry, sorry Ben? I give you permission. It just, you just asked. Good. If I could let you do it, can you call it the summer of 69? Just for fun?

Sure, it was the summer of 69. Thank you. And the Australian cricket team had heard, the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to break the, to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break the to break to break to to to break to break to break to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break, to break to break to break to break to break to break the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their their their their their their their their their their their their thea.ea. thea. too. too. too. toe. toe. toe. to it was the summer of 69. And the Australian cricket team had heard whispers. Some members of the Brisbane Lions' premiership winning AFL squad would join them in a dressing room after the play. Warn, a giant St. Kilda fan and lover of all things, AFL was more excited than most to be in the presence of some Ozzie Rules royalty. So after spending a long day toiling in the field, Warned raced the dressing rooms. This was unusual, fastball that Jason Gillespie revealed, because Warren would normally be among the last to leave the field. It was, after all, his arena, and he typically would soak up every moment while out in the center. Well, that does sound like Shane Wan, uh, soaking up the attention. But on this occasion the Australian team filtered into the dressing room and were immediately drawn to one's corner where he sat,

Sands playing gear, with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He was a picture-perfect image of the old school Ozzy cricketer. Old school, ice pack on the knee, dart hanging out of the gob, notes Jill Sbysb, but it wasn't just... Sorry. Stop the fucking show. Yes. Come on. I don't watch cricket, Theo. Are you going to get mad about a name? Is it Gillespi? Is that what I should be?

Let's move on. Have you ever seen that name with a soft G variant. Quillespie. This is my friend, Signor Chillespie. Just for the rest of the show I'm doing grillespie. But it just wasn't warning. Now, you guys are really, you guys have really stolen the thunder from this next sentence. So I'm going back. Okay. Old school.

Ice back on the knee. Dard hanging out of the gob. Notes, Harb-be. But it just wasn't warny. He was more of a West Coast cooler kind of guy, Fleming chimed it. How do we explain a West Coast cooler to a international audience? I think that the Yanks have wine coolers as well. Is it a wine cooler? Yes. Yeah. I haven't seen a West Coast cooler. I haven't seen when I was looking a long. Literally the last time I saw one was we had them in the fridge at the seafood restaurant I worked out when I was 17 and I believe that was the last time I saw it. That sounds right. Look. I. It. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the last. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I things. I th. I the the the the the fridge at the seafood restaurant I worked out when I was 17 and I believe

that was the last time I saw it. Look I will say this, the West Coast Cooler is fucking delicious. Googling it. I want to see if BWS still has these bad boys. Look if they got them, get one of those tiny four packs and drink a couple and then thank yourself. It'll be our official drink if they're still there. Ooh. Uh, 12 bucks for a four pack at your local Dan Murphy's. That's expensive. I don't have a local Dan Murphy, so that's not, it's not particularly convenient to me. Fuck that. Fuck you, Shane Warren. So, well, he's on that cricketer salary.

So, we're about to reveal some more insight into the man.. tha, tha, tha, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thate, thate, thatatue, thate, thatat-a, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to. to, to. to, to, to, to, to, thu, to, to, to, to, to, toa. F. toa. F. thu. we're about to reveal some more insights into the man here. Sure enough it quickly made sense. The AFL players had arrived and Warren is holding court reveling in his role as the ultimate old school cricketer, much to the amusement of teammates who were quietly remarking that the all-time great was, quote, not a noted beer drinker. But nobody dared question the king. A moniker warn gave to himself, Jelespi insists.

Can I just, uh, I reckon not a noted beer drinker, which is here in quotation marks. Sounds like a 1950s euphemism for saying that someone was gay. It does a little, I, I feel like it's a... You know, Jeff, he's a not a noted beer drinker. He's got my mind? Drift? Not known for drinking beer.

Yeah. No one said anything until Warn's partner in crime and fast bowling legend, Glenn McGrath's one of the guys... Jesus, come on. come on, come on, McGraw? Am I should be saying McGraw? Yeah. We're gonna sit you down in front of a fucking cricket match one of these days.

Not, not if I've got anything to do with it. It's not, it's not my bag. Anyway, Glenn McGrath arrived. He's one of the guys who'd say what everyone else is thinking. LSP explains. Now, it should be noted that this is Glenn's nickname, Big Pidge. Big Pidge walks in, takes a glance, has a second look, and he's very particular pitch.

He takes his baggy green off, puts it on the hook and he's just sitting down and lace in his boots until he can't take it anymore. Warnie, what's going on here? he inquires. What, pitch? What? exclaims a wide-eyed town. What are you doing drinking a beer? Warnie, I've played test cricket with you for 10 years and I've never seen you drink a beer," McGuire continues. Then came the line, Gillespie claims is now etched in Australian dressing loom folklore. Pidge, I always have a beer on polling day. I, like, I absolutely love that this entire story is about Shane Warren just wanting to look like a little bit tougher in front of football players.

The entire thing is just about him wanting to just to just drink a beer one time in front of footy players so it doesn't look like a pussy. Look I can massively respect this move as someone who has formatively been trying to do masculinity since I was about 14. I've all been there, I've been there, it's stressful, it's hard, and I respect it. We made a pack that day that one of us after each day's play when we were out on the field would high-tail it off the ground, race in, open an ice-cold frosty beer and lovingly place it on the king's gear near his fags and just let him enjoy that.

Hedlesby explained. This is a little known fact about Shade Worn, is that he always had a small collection of gay men ready for him but he came off the field. Hmm. For Americans, that's an expression for cigarettes, for cigarettes. He's a stubborn man, he's a very proud man, and there were a few teapots, who's standing with his hands on his hips. But to his credit, for the rest of those test matches, he drank all of those beers. He was sitting down and that beer was going down like absolute razor blades

and everyone was in on the joke. I like that the whole joke was just that Shane had to drink beers that he didn't want to drink. And he got really mad about it, which I can picture. I can picture him getting very upset about having to drink the beers. He just had to drink one beer before he could get back into his West Coast coolers. It must have worked because there's, you know, there's that super iconic picture of him putting his entire mouth around the beer glass. So clearly at some point he did find the taste for beer.

I guess so. I guess so. God love him though. I like that our Where in the World is Shane Ward segment has stopped being a literal question of where he is in the world right now but it's more than an existential exploration of his place in the world. Yeah. Where is Shane Warren on the inside? Where is Warnie? Well he did have his big recent blow up on the inside? Where is Warnie? Where is Warnie? Well, he did have his big recent blow-up in the media about being very angry at the insinuation that he has ever dated women. I think he would prefer more accurate reporting that he in fact stays at home,

just thirst-liking thousands and thousands of pictures on Instagram and Twitter. He's just watching American Pie films. He's just. He's got, he's got like, stiff-mister. He has an American Pie film running in the background while he just scrolls through an Instagram feed, liking pictures of women in bikinis. He's just in the mirror trying to be the stiff-miser. He's just standing there focusing like, oh yeah dude stiff-mister dude. The thing is like Stiffless says what we all want to say you know he's a real dickhead but you've got to love him. He's a classic. So, folks, we're moving on.

Moving on up, or sideways, maybe just sideways. Moving over sideways to this big, this big Heshin sack that I've got that has mail written on it in large capital letters. I'm surprised that the Postal Service delivered it to me in that form. A little angry. I'm gonna contact them. I'm gonna ask to speak to somebody. But until then, I'm just gonna have to dive into this frankly rough, rough textured sack. I do not like the feel of it against my skin. I'mto pull out a letter. You're going to pull out some letters. Wait, hang on, I'm sorry. Is that why you object to Australia Post delivering it in a sack?

Because to me, that's better than them giving us a sacks worth of male loose, because then you'd have to pull it all out one by one. So the sack is actually quite convenient, but you don't like the texture of the sack. sack the sa sack the sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa. And that's that's that's that's that's that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the th th the th th the th th th the the the. the. the. the- thin. the. the. the. thean thean thean that's why it's a problem. No, well look for starters, I would like you to picture the image of my front door having one of those mail slots in it and there is a big pile of mail in front of my front door blocking it like a snow drift. That's how many letters we got, right? The start of the first Harry Potter film kind of scenario. Yeah, that's whatever th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the th, the th, well, the th, well, well, well, the the the the thi the thi, well, well, the the the thi, the thi, the that, thi, that, that, thi, thi, the, the, the, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that that that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that Yeah, that's whatever happens in the Harry Potter movies. That's, that's fine. So yeah, I mean, like what happens instead is that they push all those fucking letters

through and then the postman just just feeds this big dirty heshen sack through into there and then I got to put all the letters back into it myself and it's fucked up by the way. Wait, so they're not even, you hate the texture but you're taking the time to put the letters in the sack and then pull them all back out when you could just ignore the sack. Well, I've got to move the letters from the front door to the lounge room. anything really. Pillowcase. Next week, next week I will use an entirely different thing. Well no it has to come out of the mailbag so it's kind of a moot point. Well do we have mailbag? Sure. Well I do now, geez, they won't stop delivering. They give me a new sack every time? Yes. Yep. It's wasteful. It's frankly wasteful. I know where all of Australia posts money is going now and why they're they can only they're they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th tho tho tho tho tho toooooooooooooo toooooo toooooo th. the. the. the. the. th Yeah. Yep. And it's wasteful.

It's frankly wasteful. I know where all of Australia posts money is going now and why they can only afford to deliver mail a 1.5 days a week. It's robots and hesh and sacks. So, we asked for some letters for our very physical and real mail bag that we've just been talking about. We asked for any questions you might have, but also any of the old news resolutions people might have made. So a good friend of the show, Sophie Beer, who is a lovely cartoonist, you can find her

on Twitter at Sophie Beer Draws, says that her new year's resolution is the golden work-life balance which she's striving to achieve. She's keen to hear the Bunt of View on achieving this. So Ben, can you please explain how you have reached this oasis of work-life balance that you have currently? Well, I mean, serious answer is that I just downgraded to a job that pays me far less. And I just sort of made my budget work. I only worked three days a week. And I do a little bit of freelance work three days a week and I do a little bit of freelance work either side of there and I find that having a four-day weekend is

enough to enjoy living in life for that one to kill yourself. And working three days is enough for me to cover my rent and about half of my bills. And it's really really good. I would recommend it to everyone. Don't just work to your full capacity because you're told that you should. You always end up sort of finding a way to live to the means that you have. And if you don't have any responsibilities, then fucking just chill out and work less, and have more naps and drink beers in the sun, a bunch. It's really good. That's really good. I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd th, I'd th. th. th. th. th. tho, I'd tho, tho, I'd thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t. t. t. today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, t, it's really good. Damn, that's inspiring. It's really good. I'd honestly, I recommended to everyone.

I contribute basically nothing to society. My career progression is more or less nil, but every week in my life is actually really nice, and it rules. Nice. Has anybody else got a better answer than that? Uh, no, Theo probably does. I bet he does. Well, I took the Ben route and I started working three days a week as well.

I have the bonus of having a sugar mummy though. That's always nice. Oh, shit. Do not refer to Caitlin that way. She's his sugar top. Yeah. Oh, I of course immediately offset that by doing full-time uni and not giving myself a moment's rest and wanting to die all the time. So... Hmm. Yeah. Just to append Theos, don't do what he does and try and get all sevens in everything

because you will kill yourself. Hmm. Don't do what Donny don't does. Yep. Yep. Yeah. My suggestion is be like me and just be really lucky in every aspect of your life and just just fall fall ass backwards into having just the kind of job that's really keen about thrusting a great work-life balance upon you. So just try and get that out. Damn, that's inspirational. My advice was just to be like, work a shitty job, but you can like drink every night. I mean, that is good.

Yeah. Yeah, if you work a shitty job where you don't have a lot of responsibility, you can just drink all the time. So that's a work-life balance. Just to take the edge off, yeah. Yeah, to take the edge off every night. All right. Important question here from good friend of the show, Dave. Dave asks, who will be the Bill Leak of 2018 and then in parentheses, an awful person who dies and it's good that they did. Ah, so someone who's gonna die, okay. The Queen...

I think the Queen will die soon. I don't know if the Queen is awful. I mean, I'm sure basically anyone with a better knowledge of history and politics than I have could easily argue that she is awful. Yeah, she's awful at heart, but she's not, she's not like outwardly awful. She's also, she's on coins, the thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. Okay, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. I, th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi, th awful. Yeah, she's awful at heart, but she's not, she's not outwardly awful. She's also, she's on coins. You know, I've seen that face a lot. She seems nice. I know that one time she got a medal for bravery

because there was like an attack and she rode away on her horse really well. So that's pretty cool. They're always giving up medals for fleeing an attack, they?, th, th, th, th, th, th, th's pretty cool. They're always giving out medals for fleeing an attack, aren't they? Oh, well. Yeah. Hmm. Well, look, we can all, I guess, is, should we hope that the answer is Donald Trump? Should we hope that his heart explodes from his, um, nothing but filled a fish diet? What about Donald Trump awful looking on? Oh, yeah, she's got to go.

Is there any like Bill Lake figures like a cartoonist or a writer? Oh, it's Bill league's son. Oh, Rowan Dean, wouldn't it be great if Rowan Dean just fell off a fucking crew ship? Drop dead. No, Rowan Dean is astonishingly vital. I mean, anytime I've seen he's always full of energy. It's very alive. But what if his spaghetti ass hair? Got trapped at escalator. He went down his throat and he choked on his own spaghetti assaer? In his sleep? That'd be great. We can only hope. We can only hope. We can only hope.

Theo, you got any suggestions here? Who would you like to see die? Who do you want to burn us? This seems exactly like the sort a question coming up on other Probo artists, so I might leave it today. I'm not going to say that I want Lunig to die. I will. But it is possible that he has suffered brain death already. Hmm. Yeah, I gotta agree that. It's like, I think a relatively safe answer, just statistically likeliness wise and also because of his acts. Kissinger is 94. Oh, yes. No, he dies. Yeah, okay. All right, so can we collectively put the Bundy Vista Curse on Henry Kissinger for 2018? I heard it here first. Okay, all right.

I can't imagine where else you would have heard it first if it was not here. Saying his numbers up. Myself and Jake will endorse that. Yeah. Um, Um, so sure. So, good friend of the show, Connor Stokes asks, is it possible for a cartoonist to become unproblematic again if they get hit in the head a second time, like amnesia in a cartoon?

Yep. I think we should try. I think we should try. I think we should try. I think so. We need to conduct an experiment, but it's very important that they all just keep track of how many of them there are, because we need an odd number of listeners, to get a number of listeners to whack Lunig on the head. You know, like two, four, six times, you, you, you stuck with the same problem. I, I was trying to remember if I had invented that looting had a head injury, so I just

googled. Oh, no, he's, yeah, he's kind of, pretty severe. The first, the first result when you Google it is just, Michael Looney, on trauma of the head and heart. And in first person, he wrote the article. It's, oh God, the opening sentence of the article is, a year and a half ago, I suffered a concussion injury when a steel trapdoor came down on my head. Damn.

Hey Lucy, trapped doors. Hey Lucy, yes. Trauma of the fart. What does this mean? All right. Okay we've answered that question. The answer is yes. Yes, but also I would like someone to test the theory. Yeah, that's this. Yes, but also I would like someone to test the theory. Yep, that's this week's crime past. If you know a cartoonist, hit them off the balcony. If they're not racist afterwards. I feel like you're going to push him off something. Gotta hit him once and observe and then hit him again. No, it's like the fucking roader the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the road the the it's like the fucking roadrunner and coyote

you've got you've got to do the same thing you've got to push them off a balcony. I think other cartoon rules work as well though like a coconut dropped on top of their head would definitely do it to my mind. True like a big polo poly yeah yeah that would be great piano. If you've got an anvil. Large hammer. Crime pass. Yeah, crime pass is fighting any cartoonist and giving them an insane head injury by dropping a large cartoon object on them. Not like something violent, like don't hit him with a baseball bat or something. Like it's got to be comical. Yeah. No, look, it's like if it's, if you're going to do it properly, you've got to get like an

Acme brand anvil and push it off something from Great Height. And frankly, your chances of hitting them are not great anyway. So, work on it. It's all I'm saying. Next question, from Friend of the show, Amy, not at all Theo's nemesis. Amy says, who will lose their leadership position first in 2018? Turnbull, Shorten, Trump, May or Andrew? Oh, wow. I'd never thought of that. I never thought we could take down Andrew. That's true, but then you'd have to do the work. Yeah, I don't want to do that. The cool is called off. Yeah, that's fine. Andrew can stay.

I'm going to say Theresa May. I'm going to say Turnbull. Yeah, yeah, I feel like he's going to go down soon. I reckon the liberals are more scared of turfing another person than the Tories are of getting rid of May because she's. Dead Lady Walken over that. Maybe. Theo, what do you reckon? Well, I think, I think they've got to ride the turble thing out. Yeah, I think Andrews right. But like, how many of those polls can you see with Shorten, like, where you've got the preferred party

and labors way ahead? It'd been way ahead on the, on the polls for ages, and then it's preferred leader or preferred prime minister, and Turnbull's still beating Shorten. Like, I don't think I've ever seen a poll where Shortens come up where they people think, oh, no, he's a good, inspiring leader. So surely at some point, they've got to cut the deadwood. I think the problem is that both parties are just hamstrung now. You know, they've both made it an attack point that the other party flutflops on their

leaders. So neither of them can be the first to pull the plug. And they're both stuck with duds. They got the duds. I don't know. I think Shorten's more in a position of like relative success in the sense that he's, like, the Labour Party's stayed pretty stable compared to everything that's going on around them. Yeah. I think they're, I don't know. I can't see any reason for them to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the to get to get the to get the to get the to get their their to get their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the.a. thea. thea. thea'udds. thea'udds. thea'uids. thea' doods. thea' doods. thea'a'a'a'a'a. going on around them. Yeah. I think they're, I don't know, I can't see any reason for them to get rid of Shorten. Like, before.

It sucks. Yeah, there's that. But like, he doesn't suck like Malcolm Turnbull sucks. You know, suck like Tony Abbott sucks. Like, he's just, he's been there for long enough, people are used to him. He hasn't done anything totally fucked up yet. He hasn't been, you know, there's no smoking guns on him or anything like that. He went through all the royal commission, he went through all the fucking, all the stuff that tried to get him on with anything associated with unions, and get up and all that sort of shit and nothing stuck to them and and the liberals are

liberals and the nationals are just completely imploding so it makes you go surely surely they're just completely going for the small target strategy at this point just being like stay stable stay small let these guys just totally fuck themselves up and it's working well, except for the fact that nobody likes Bill Short. So on our final question, before we have to get the fuck out of here, dear friend of the show, Lex, on Twitter at Wokest Bloke, I believe Theo has previously described him as having the internet's most chiseled jaw. Is that correct, Theo? Wow. Absolutely. Yeah, look him up. Handsome man, good old Lex. Lex, Lex asks, can you do an episode

investigating the apex gang menace plaguing the streets of Melbourne? And I say to Lex, please tune in next week. the apex gang menace plaguing the streets of Melbourne and I say to Lex please tune in next week because a good friend of the show is making a return appearance to address that very subject. Can we do a thing that we pretend to be cobs? Would like if you pretended to be a cop, yes? Yeah, can we pretend to be like on a police radio? Yes. Just for the whole episode?

We're doing dramatic narrative theater radio now for the podcast. That's what we're pivoting to. I want to be an actor on like, on like, the bill, so. This would be a good kickstarter for me. Yeah. I want to be an actor on like the bill, so. It's a good kick starter for me. Yeah. Oh, well, in that case, let's definitely do that. So yes, please tune in next week, folks. And of course, if you enjoy the show, feel free to check us out on Patreon.

tho and tho'nest. You can sign up for the measle to $5 US dollars a month to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get five US dollars a month to get extra episodes to bonus content. We do commentary tracks for movies every now and then. What was the new one that we said we had to do? What was the one that you guys said you were going to do? I think I'm going to do bright? I'm pretty sure.

You guys do all cup. Oh cup. Oh cup. I really liked it too to to to to to to too too too to to to to to to to to too to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th th. I th. I th. I th th. I th th. I th th. I th th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th to th to to to to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. I tho. I tho. I pretty sure. Yeah, you guys do All Cup? All Cup was great. Or Cup. Oh Cup. I really liked All Cup. I think we're going to... I like it too. I've still not seen it. I'm saving it for you, Theo. I think we're going to try watching on Friday.

It's very bad. It's a bad movie. Well, I th with a commentary track one and listeners probably have an idea about this, I don't know, but I think a movie has to be really bad, which is why I was proposing Bucky Larson, which is renowned to be the worst of the Happy Madison films. Yeah, I'm emotionally ready to do that with you. All right. So there you go, folks. If you subscribe on Patreon, you can get access to extremely scthat with you. All right. So there you go folks.

If you subscribe on Patreon, you can get access to extremely scintillating and intellectual content such as that. Feel free to rate the show on iTunes if you're into that? You're in that kind of thing. Please rate the show show five stars and above. Keep it to yourself otherwise. Just keep it yourself. If you got a one star of you, if you're another person

who has decided to own us by listening to us, tell us that you didn't like it. Either we're too socialist or not socialist enough. That's very true. So yeah, you can do that. You can rate the show, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to yourself otherwise to yourself otherwise to yourself otherwise to yourself otherwise to yourself to yourself to yourself to yourself to yourself to yourself to yourself to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the's true. It's very true. So yeah, you can do that. You can rate the show if you if you want to tap on the five. If you don't, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. It's not worth your time to it.

Not worth any of that. Yeah. But other than that, anybody got anything else for this week? No. No. Um, penis, whack a man. Penis wacket, everyone. And a happy new year. Penis Wackerman, and a happy 2018 to you.

See you next week. penis whackman Wackin' the penis, whacking the penis, whacking the penis. Whack that, whack that penis.