Boonta Vista - EPISODE 284: Dying To Get Laid At The Goonies House (with Max Lavergne)

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

We're joined once again by Max Lavergne, beloved author and creator and host of the serial podcast The Horse & The Rider! It's time to ponder sunken toilets, burial mishaps, monstrous trucks, horny ghosts and an update about the many adventures of the mystical Jericho Wolf Labonte. You can find Max's podcast, books, Twitter and more here: https://linktr.ee/maxlavergne *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, welcome to Buntavista episode 284. I'm Theo, and I've got good news and bad news. Bad news is that unfortunately my three beloved co-hosts have all coincidentally perished in separate incidents. The good news though is that I've got found a genie's lamp and this bad boy has no qualms dabbling in a little necromancy when needs be. So for my first wish, of course,

I wish to bring back Andrew, who got all mashed up by a road train. Andrew, welcome back. Oh, yeah, sorry, the genie couldn't actually put you back together again, so you've sort of got that life force in your all mashed up fucked up body. But on the upside, you're already on Instagram, posting stories flapping, you're almost detached foot around inside the toilet, so it's pretty much back to normal, right? It's kind of inspirational when you think about it. Yeah. I do have to, I should go on four quarters or whatever.

I'm getting my wife to get, you know those, you know those mop buckets that they have with the wheels? Where you can like push them around with a stick? Oh yeah. Yeah. I need to get me one of those. in there. Yeah, scoop me up into there. I can get one arm out, push myself along, I'm going to be having a good time. I reckon. And so for my second wish, of course, I wish to bring back Lucy, who perished in the latest Tick-Tock Trend, the Slobodem Praljak challenge,

where you skip off the Haig, International Criminal Court, guided tour, to do a shot of poison in the docks. Lucy, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you their their their th, th. Lucy, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, the thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I' th. I' th. I'-a, th. I th. I th. I th. I, th. I th. I, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm, th. I'm th. I another go, where you skip off the Hague International Criminal Court guided tour to do a shot of poison in the docks. Lucy, how was it briefly escaping Sampsara and freeing yourself of desire? Pretty good. Yeah. But yeah, I had a good time. Now you're back on that wheel though. Yeah. I'm actually really mad at you for bringing me back. You know. Yeah, I just great time. We need content.

Now I'm back here. Yeah. I just like the money is good, you know, so. Yeah, purely self-interested. I don't have the logins for stuff like a legend. You'd have to make your own podcast like a new one. Yeah, that'd be fucked up. You'd be an idiot to make a whole new podcast at this stage in the game. Yeah, I don't. And of course, with my final wish,

I wish for the return of our dear, dear friend, Max LaVern to the show, published author, a steamed poster, and now, author of the full-length audio novella, the horse and the rider. Welcome back, Max. Are you not going to tell me how I died? No, no, no, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th th th th th th thi, you th thi, you thi, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th to th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi and the rider welcome back max are you not gonna tell me how I died no no you haven't died I know well you don't wish for Ben no I wish you to be on the podcast yeah Ben died and his wish was just to have you on the show that is wow that is fucking outrageous I'm actually I'm offended on

Ben's behalf I can't believe you would do him like this. It's what he would have wanted. Yeah. I agree. Actually, that's true. That's true. Yeah. He is a big fan of mine. He is. He is. I mean, he genuinely is. He's a simp. When you say it like that. Yeah, I know, I'm not joking. I'm not joking I'm not I'm yeah I actually don't I don't tell any jokes. Yeah and I will pull you up it's not quite the full novella yet there's one episode left so if you want to do this whole thing again rethink from the Ben thing. I'll probably need some new deaths as well to keep it fresh. I guess the facts right. I guess the issue then for Ben is that he's gone to eternity where he gets to relive his memories over and over and he's going to be listening through all of the episodes of the horse and the rider, except for the last one.

Except for the last one. You won't know how it ends. He's gonna get and the rider. Except for the last one? Except for the last one. You won't know how it ends. He's going to get one through 17, and he's going to love every one of them. He's going to appreciate the rich story telling the wonderful characters, the strange and eccentric humor,

fantastic production, but he is going to feel like he's being... The focus on fluids? Which at this point I'm not sure is a bit, or just like a genuine kind of expression of your psyche? Fluids are a part of life. They sure. They really are. I think it would be doing a, you know, a disservice to a rich and fulsome depiction of life, you know, they wasn't some discussion of fluids.

No. And certainly you're getting that. If you're a fan of fluids, liquids, sludges, any kind of effluent, you're going to love the horse and the rider. Do you not think ghosts get to peep in on a little podcast episode, you know, they obviously some ghosts get to participate in all kinds of things manipulating the physical realm and so on. Turning lines which is on and off, etc. Surely, logging into Spotify or Apple podcasts is, you know, pretty basic stuff for them.

I would go the same route as... Herman Hess, the author of Siddhartha. No, I would go the same route as Scott Beow's character from the 1982 movie Zapp. Oh, I was way off. He does a science experiment and he gains like telepathic powers and he just uses them through the whole movie to blow ladies skirts up.

And that's pretty much it. Very cool. That is smart. That is smart. Because you can't do that's pretty much, that's pretty much it. Very cool. That is smart. That is smart. Because you can't do that, you know, unless you carry around a big bit of cardboard with you everywhere you go, how are you going to do it? Can't do it. You can't blow them up. You just can't.

And I'm not getting into whether it's ethical, um, but I'm saying that physically speaking, you can't do it. No. And I think the ethical dilemma changes once you are a ghost. Oh yeah, it's a different ballgame. Do you think ghosts are okay to, ghosts don't have ethics? No, it's just a swings and roundabouts kind of situation. Yeah, I'm also saying that like, yes, would I be a nasty pervert kind of ghost? Of You know he carries on in death as as he lived in life They could be look in your bedroom jacking off you never know yeah What I'm saying is that if you're a lady and your your skirt is lifted and you turust? the lecherous man holding it up with a long stick that's that's not good you're not gonna? to know if it's a ghost. Yeah if your your the their is is is is is is is is a their is a their is a their is a let their is a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's a let's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. their. their. the their. the the the the the the the the the the the the thea. thea. the not going to feel okay about that.

But you're not going to know if it's a ghost. Yeah, if your skirt just kind of flies up from an unseen gust of wind and you look around and there's nobody as far as the eye can see, you're just going to be like, huh, strange weather. It was a ghost pervert though, is what you saying? Well, I guess. You'd get bored of it after a bit, wouldn't you? No, you'd get mad like every 10 years or so when women stopped wearing skirts for a while, to go out of fashion. Yeah, you have to go to the light switches for 10 years and then back to this

cluck-clack. Now, I'm just a good point actually. It's, sorry, let's just dwell on this a little longer, Theo. You know, trends are one thing, but who's to say that in, you know, 500 years, a thousand years, the earth isn't going to be a, you know, barren wasteland, everybody wearing still suits like in June. And there's going to be nothing to blow up. No. So you want to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to make to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their sauoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomoomomomomomomomomomom. their their their their their their their their their shea. their ss. their ss. their ss. their sa. their sa. to be to be nothing. to be nothing. to be nothing. to be to be nothing nothing. to be to be to to to to to to to be to to thoomorrow. thoomorrow. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. thoomorrow. tooomorrow. thoomorrow. thoomorrow. thoomorrow. thoomoomorrow. to make, hey, you come back as a ghost now, you want to do what you can while you can. Again, I don't endorse it at all.

But if those are the cards you're dealt, you might as well play... I'm actually not going to finish that sentence. No. Yep. Can we just peel back the curtain just momentarily as well. Max has joined us from the inside of a car and look as a fellow inside of the car podcaster not putting you on a blast here Max what I want to know is what what do we hear in there what do we hear in the inside of oh's we got a

scoader we got a nice v-dub oh okay no this is the you're in the inside of a Honda Hrv my friend Oh oh that's right. That's right. That's right. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you will find no reverb on the inside of an HRV. That's the Honda Promise. Yep.

No reverb inside of a reliable Japanese car. That's true. Absolutely. Wherever they build those Japanese cars. I wonder like if you had to name the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the to to to the to to to the to to to the the to the the to the the to to the the to to to to thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomeckoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom, thoome, thoome, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. I, tha, to name three cars, I wonder how many people would have gone with VW and Scoda as the first ones out of the blocks. I guess it's what makes Theo a fascinating mind. Oh dear, here we are pondering all of the issues of life and death, what may come afterwards, but sometimes the most important question is,

how are you getting into the ground? And we're gonna look into that on Coffin Watch. This week's Coffin Watch comes to us from Bristol Live. Fury over funeral plot blunder after family told unknown person was buried inside. Whoops. Oops. It's not the part of life I want an oopsie whoopsy to happen on. Yeah. It is for me. Oh, right. I'm dead.

Like slide me wherever. Yeah, if I could take all of my oopsie whoopsies and sort of shift them in the afterlife. Done deal. Okay. The family of a Clevedan woman. Cleveden? Sure. Remember you got any ideas? Fucking British? British places,

honest to God. Stupid. Whose funeral was delayed by almost three months after a church cemetery blunder, three words you do not want to hear about your own burial, has spoken of the distress it still causes them a year on. Marianne Allen suddenly passed away, age 93. Hmm. I think that was 93 years coming. Not that. I wouldn't describe it as shocking. You know?

On January 26 last year. But what should have been a smooth burial at St. Andrew's Church in Cleveland suddenly became an upsetting fiasco. You hate it, suddenly became an upsetting fiasco. You know? You hate it. You hate an upsetting fiasco. I want a comical, comical burial. Yeah, I mean I do. It'd be funny. Yeah, it's actually, when you say it out loud, it does sound good. Yeah.

I would, uh, I would maybe like, I would like know, um, I would like it if they could set up like a big tall slide and they push my coffin up the top and it's, into your grave? Yeah, and it slides straight down into the grave. Or into the cremation fire. Ooh. That would be so good. Like, nobody would be to be sad watching that. I don't know, that's a beautiful gift.

You've got to have a little giggle. Maybe so, maybe so, maybe. It's a single tear coming down your cheek as well, like, oh, that's the way he would have wanted to go. Is there a better gift that you could give your loved your your your your your your your your your your your your loved the love the love the love the love th one one one one one one one one one one th, th, th, th, th, the love, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a the the the that, the the that, that's a beautiful, that's a beautiful, that's a beautiful, that's a beautiful, that's a beautiful, that's a beautiful, that's a that's into the ground. Yeah, I wouldn't pay money for it unless it made the chain lift sound from roller coast to Tycoon going up. Yeah, yeah. I would also prefer if they paid for the package where like some pyro went off as it was going down the ramp. Like, you know, like a wrestler coming down

the ramp towards the ring on a Resslemania. You know, that kind of vibe. Either that or I would like for my, for the hearse carrying my body to be driven out into the middle of an arena at which point a massive monster truck crushes it into a way. Yeah, like demolition derby but with your corpse in the car. You really need the the the the the the the the th, you, you, you, you th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like th, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the ring, the ring, the ring, the ring, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. to the the thi. the thi. thi. the throoooooooooo. the. throooooooooo. like demolition derby, but with your corpse in the car. You really need an options package that you just keep ticking options until your super is emptied? Yeah, yeah. Just whatever brings the inheritance to zero for my children. What if there was a life insurance option, uh, where you just paid a bit more for a more elaborate

funeral at the end? By the way, it has to be, obviously it has to be grave digger the monster truck. Clearly. You're not going to get grave digger. You're not going to get grave digger. You're not going to, honestly, the whole thing, you know, you corpse is gonna be painted all over the inside of whatever vehicle you're in. And if you think you're getting a name vehicle on top of that, no, I'm sorry, you need to lower your sights. Sorry, there's named Monster Trucks, that you know the names of. Yeah. Well, I couldn't name any others apart from Grape Digger? Okay, so it's like the number one.

Yeah, it's like the number one. Yeah. All right, so here we, this is from a list of the, the top ten scariest monster trucks. Woo-hoo! From MotorTrend. tocom. Of course, at number one, we have Bigfoot. This list would not be complete without the originator of the genre, Bigfoot itself. Big foot. That's smart because that's already big.

Number two, we've got snake bite, the first character-bodied truck on the scene. First character-bodied? Yeah, as in like they've, they've made the body of the truck actually look like the thing that has the cool name of, I guess. I'm going to have to look at a picture of snakebite the monster truck. Finn's got a snake bite, toy monster truck. There's a toy. There's a toy one.

Oh, and he's got. I'm the only one here doesn't know any monster trucks. He's got the fang on the front. Uh, grave, grave digger at number three. I don't think a snake bite's a monster. No. Um, yeah, I don't want to derail this, but I don't think a snakebite's a monster. Yeah, it's not just like a gaping flesh wound, To be fair, I believe that monster truck refers to the size of the truck. They were calling them monster trucks before they started them. I believe it refers to the ethics of the trucks.

I think it obviously, I think you got Bigfoot. Okay, that's a monster straight up. You've got grave digger. Bigfoot is not a monster. Big foot is this show. Okay go through some others on the list. We'll see how many are monsters. Grave digger, that's just a job. It's a job that you have. Yeah, but little poetic license, easy to imagine him being spooky and semi-supernatural. Yeah, like, absolutely. Like the gravedigger from Ocreen of time. Okay, number four, Batman.

Just Batman? Some of his actions are monstrous. That's very true. I do actually think Batman's a monster. He's a monster, yeah. Yeah, they should make a Batman movie, but is about like, you know, the dark side of Batman. Sort of like a gritty Batman movie. Sort of like a gritty Batman movie. Sounds good. Yeah, it does sound good. Number five, we've got Jurassic Attack. Okay. Is it a dinosaur?

Yeah. That's a monster. Like a big dinosaur and it's got a horn on the front. Hey, to us, they would look like monsters, you know, to the humble caveman. Number six, El Toro Loco. That's a crazy bull. Following the horns theme of Jurassic Attack, El Toro Loco was created in 2001.

Probably maybe knocked down one of the towels. Just interesting. And driven by Lupé Sosa. Like Jurassic Attack, El Toro Loco's outlandish bodywork was a hit with kids, but the truck was never a particularly strong performer in outright racing competition. Fucking loser. I thought it was all like wrestling, like I didn't think that they actually competed. Number seven, dragon's breath.

Looks like a dragon I'm going to guess. That's a monster. That's a hundred percent a monster. No argument. Yep. Number eight, backwards bob. My favorite position. So... Oh, backwards bob has the truck body on the car backwards. Like you might guess. I think, I suppose that's what, is that what's happening?

Look, it's really hard to tell. It's genuinely hard to tell looking at a still image of backwards bob, which way around the truck is meant to be going as it flies through the air. Driven by Mike Wine, this truck may not be as outlandishly styled of some of the other trucks on the list, but is distinguished by the body being mounted backwards on the chassis, making for some reality warping visuals. Me-miel. Try to imagine a truck pointed the other way. I'm trying to a truck going backwards. Wouldn't it be good if that was, you know, we lived in a world where backwards bob was a little more famous and you'd be able to just drop it casually into you know, conversations as a simile or whatever. Like, yeah, that's a bit backwards bob, you could say.

If you did that, like the truck, yeah, like the truck. Yeah, like the truck. Yeah, you can that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. You's that's. You's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit's a bit. That's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit's a bit's a bit. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit backwards. That's a bit backwards. That's a bit backwards. That's a bit backwards. That's a bit, that's a bit backwards. That's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that's a bit, that, like the truck, yeah. Yeah, like the truck. And people would be like, oh yeah, like the truck. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you can't do that now, because nobody knows about backwards bob. Well, they do now. So try it out, folks. Next time you see something disconcerting, turn to the person next to you and say, feel like I'm like like like like I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I watching like I watching like I watching like I watching like I'm watching like I'm watching like I'm watching like Just let us know how it goes down, really. Let us know what your dad says when you say that at Sunday dinner. Number nine, the Predator. Now that is a monster.

That's a monster. That is a monster. And honestly, I think that's a quorum on monsters. Yeah, it's got a more of a snaky kind of face, I would say. It's got eyes painted on the hood. That's kind of scary. Oh I thought it was referring to Woody Allen. Hey! They should paint it like Woody Allen. That would be good. Oh. Number 10, Mohawk Warrior. Yeah. It's been said that dogs and their owners sometimes have an uncanny resemblance to each other. But how often can you say the same for monster trucks and their owners sometimes have an uncanny resemblance to each other.

But how often can you say the same for monster trucks and their drivers? That's the case with Mohawk Warrior driven by George Bolhan known for his mohawk hairstyle. So is his truck. Cool. But he's a cool guy. So look, Lucy, I think we've answered your question question are there famous and distinctive monster trucks out there? Well now I know. Very much. The more you know folks. Not gonna look stupid the next time someone's bringing up monster trucks in conversation. Yeah and look I have to concede I completely agree

with Max here. I am not getting a prominent name famous monster truck to crush my hearse into oblivion. Like they can't be doing that every time someone dies and requests it, you know? These guys are stars. Maybe the occasional Make-A-Wish kid gets to get pancaked, but they can't be doing it like multiple times a week, you know. I think it's probably really hard to get the monster truck to another country also. Anyway, uh, Marian Allen suddenly passed away, but what should have been a smooth burial became an upsetting fiasco. Just days after the provisional arrangements were made, the family were told the funeral could not proceed because the family's existing burial plot was full.

I love the story. We double booked your burial plot. I think that we've had other stories that are kind of similar to this before. And I think, I feel like we kind of collectively had the takeaway that if it turns out that you you accidentally already put someone into a hole that I prepaid for, just put me into a different hole and tell me it's done. Yeah. Tell me everything went fine. I'm not going to dig it up. Like I'm not going to find out.

Like let's have a little whip around here. Max, do you think that when you go to the graveyard and say, hey miss you buddy, um, do you think your their their their their their their their their their their their, their, to to to to to their, to to to to to to to to to to their, you to to to to to to to the graveyard and say, hey, miss you buddy. Do you think your immediate proximity to the buried corpse has like a more or less impact on the sentiment? Um, look, I wish I could agree with the, you know, prevailing vibe I'm here, but I actually think that I do think about it. I'm like, I mean, more in a novelty way, like, wow, it's kind of spooky that I'm like, the the the thii.., thi thi thi thi, th, thi, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's, that, that, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thi, I actually think that I do think about it. I'm like, I mean more in a novelty way like wow it's kind of spooky that I'm like standing like essentially on top of you right now but

you're down there. Like that is that plays into it. But I think that if I'd been in that situation I would have been just like just dump it on to tu thu to be to th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thin. thu. thin, the thin, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they thi thi they they they to to to to to to thi to thi thi they, thi, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, thin, thin, you thin, you thin, you know, you're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thooooooooooo' thi, thi, thi, thi, just dump it on top. You know, we don't really need to be six feet underground. It's not like, there's gonna be like carrion dogs that are gonna come and dig out my corpse if it's five feet underground instead. That's not gonna happen. Just park me on top. Just stack them.

Just stack them all the way to the top. Yeah. Rack them and stack the thak order, like a French catacomb. Just stack a bunch of skulls in one. Yep. Did you know, sorry, I know that you were going to do a whip around, but do you know, this is a thing that I read recently, that most people's skeletons are completely dissolved after about 20 years, just due to natural acidity in the soil? Yeah, makes sense.

It seems like you would need to be preserving them if you wanted them preserved, you know? Yeah, I kind of assumed that like everybody, you know, unless your graveyard was dug up or whatever, unless the grave was tampered with somehow, that there was just a bunch of pristine skeletons down there, but no, not at all. A lot of the movies. They're mainly gone. Yeah, a lot of the movies that I have watched have left me with the impression that were a reanimating force to come around that a lot of very, very tidy skeletons would climb out of the ground. You're very clean. Those clean white ones. Clean bright boys. Yeah. And don't worry about the whip around.

I only really cared about what you were going to say anyway. Yeah. Well, I was thinking if I was buried in the wrong plot, what if a big strong lady came and grieved the wrong body on top of me? Oh no, what is she standing right on top of where you were? Yeah, I can't move. Cushed into a powder by a big strong lady. Would you reckon you'd feel bad if you, do you think you'd feel bad if you were down there just listening?

As you would? Do you think if you're down there listening and you, you got to have a lot of somebody else's nice thoughts and grievances? No, they're grieving. Directed at you by mistake. Would you feel bad or would you be like mnum-num? I'm not gonna waste them. No. Not gonna give them to the worms. Shocked by the devastating news, the family quickly informed the church that they had been mistaken as only her husband, their father, who died 51 years ago was buried inside. That's a long time to go without your husband. Yeah, well.

That is an awfully long time without a husband. Marian's ready to get back together. Yeah, remarried, sis. Son, Peter Allen, 61, said all the funeral plans halted immediately, screech, after being told an elderly woman with the same surname was laid to rest six years prior to their father. I see where the mistake was there. Perfectly understandable. Totally understandable.

So as far as these guys were concerned, like 50 years ago they were like, cool, we got the matching set, done. Yeah, done. They thought they were finished with that hole for life. We've all made mistakes at work. I don't judge. Busy day, you've read the surname. That's about as far as you need to go.

What are the chances? It's good to think about how they figured out that that th th th th th th th th th the th the the their th th their their they were they were their they were they were they were their they were they were their? It's good to know, like, it's good to think about, like, how they figured out that there was already someone in there, like, because it only goes one way. There's an old fellow with a big long shovel and he's gone, oh, fuck. Uh-oh. Either that, or they bring in the old lady's body and they're doing a lot of double-takes between the body and the old ladies body and they got their little record book and they're doing a lot of double takes between the body and the book but but what what? What? If she's there? Then who's? Another woman been down there the whole time, you know who is she? You know this the kind of thing probably happens all the time because

you know that the symmetries don't have their best guys On digging the holes no, you know, it's probably like some some old fellow who's probably got long Cove it and he's like a whole time and you know someone ends up somewhere and then they just then they just keep it hush hush Hush yeah, what do they're just like oh, yeah, no, it's fine. Put it in the today? that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. th. their. their. th. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. their. they. their th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. it in there. No, that's definitely all good. Don't, don't look down there. Don't look down there. Don't look down there. Those like a city, underground, right? So you can see them all poking up, but you go under and it's all the same mushroom. Same thing with those forests, right, where they're all the one tree, because they all go underground. That's scary to think about.

What I'm thinking is, you dig out a big hole under the cemetery, you put some top and then when you put a body in the hole it just drops down into a big old skeleton pit. Like the toilets at a festival? Like the toilets at a festival and you keep filling it up until it's done and then you put a lock on the front gate. You plop your corpse down there, you throw down a small scoop of mulch and... Yeah, you're gonna want to balance... You throw down a small scoop full of mulch and... Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna want to balance some of the,

you're gonna want to balance corpse with mulch, so it doesn't get too wet down there. Yeah. I'm the guy who comes by every two weeks and takes a little scoop and checks the pH. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder how you get a job as a grave digger.

Like it seems quite pleasant. I've been trying and I can't... You have one task. Wouldn't be that bad. You'd be out in the weather, you know? You're out in the weather. You probably just have to want it. Maybe.

Like if you walk in and go, I will dig the graves, they probably just hand you a shovel and some overalls. Do you think they provide the shovel? Yes. I hope so. Yeah. But you look real good if you arrive with your own. Yeah, I'm ready to go. You're going to get the job. Yeah, I mean, it's not going to be a con, is it?

Like, they're going to be like, oh, he's not the the, it's going to be the positive inflection. Oh, he's got a shovel. So the son, Peter Allen, I bet when he dies, they're going to go, oh no, Australian songwriter Peter Allen is in that hole. Sorry. Son, Peter Allen claimed that the church had failed to positively identify the individual due to an incorrect record entry on its database and assumed that they church had failed to positively identify the individual due to an incorrect record entry on its database and assumed that they were a relative. He said the family was beside themselves with grief and wanted clarity and proof now that the seed of doubt had been planned it. Do you really want to go down that rope?

I'm not getting him to crack it open personally. No. I don't need to seeto crack it open personally. No. I don't need to see a corpse. Or no corpse if it was... No corpse, it's going to be so decomposed. If you know it's smell crazy in there. If it's been there for six years longer than your dad who was also buried in there 51 years ago, then what Max has just said, if true, means that you're not finding anything in that hole.

Nothing. Oh what? Six years old? It's a 57 year old corpse. Yeah. Far out. I thought you said it was like buried six years ago. No, no. So an elderly woman with the same surname was laid to rest six years prior to their father. Wow. Which I assume was then how they said, oh yeah there's there's a lady in. And the same the same the same the same the same the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same. the same same same same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same same same same same same same same. the same. the same same same same. the same same same same same same same same same same. the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same. the same. the same same. the same same same. the same same. the same. the same same same. the same same same same. the same same same same. the same same same. the same same same same. the same same same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. So. So. the same. So. the same. the same. the same. the same. their father. Wow. Which I assume was then how they said, oh yeah, there's a lady in there and now we've got the matching husband and now we just we cross out that entry on our spreadsheet. You know? You know? So what's in there then if it's been that long is it just like a truth in Coca-Cola situation? It sounds like it's not that much of anything. No, because, you know, back then, like 60 years ago,

like they were probably dressing in natural fibers anyway. It's not like there's going to be any polyester down there, yeah. Imagine that if you cracked it open, there was nothing but a polyester suit and platforms, you know? I'll have those. Nothing but a polyester suit platforms and a, you know? I'll have those. Nothing but a polyester suit platforms and a bolo tie. And your father's terrible wig. Oh, quote, we were devastated because nobody other than our family member or relation had ever tended to the grave, he added, well, you gave some nice prayers to a lady.

She might have been nice. She might have been better than you, grandma. Yeah. It's great. It is funny that, like, they think of prayers as being like a, like it's a finite thing and like they've just been wasting them. Yeah yeah it's transaction like some stranger has been soaking up our goodwill. Look in fairness there are absolutely a lot of people like that out there who would be outraged to the idea. Me? Me. Okay. The family claims that a test dig was suggested which

meant a small three-foot square hole was dug to a depth at which the coffin remains before a rodding was inserted to prove how solid the ground was below. As to whether it's got dissolved skeleton in it or not, maybe. Mr. Allen claims the local grave digger who carried out the test believed only their father occupied the burial plot after reaching what they called, quote, virgin earth, meaning it had not been disturbed. Okay. Mm-hmm.

So, so they've already had this done and then they're still like, their thate. had not been disturbed. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So they've already had this done, and then they're still like, mmm, I still don't believe you. I'd like to poke the earth some more. After months of uncertainty, the family finally got to bury their mother alongside their father, despite prior doubts being cast. Yet, more than a year later, they have still not been able to properly grieve the loss of their loved one.

Mr. Allen said, quote, every day the topic of conversation has been the same with family members and friends astonished and filled with the same disbelief as ourselves over the whole scenario. Not every day. If it's every day, he's the one bringing it up. Yes. Every day we're talking about this, really? This fucking cemetery, swear to God.

He's like, oh, there's another stiff down there. And everyone he knows is like, this fucking cunt will not shut up. He won't shut up about it. He goes, he goes into the office and he's like, goes into the kitchen, you know, it, it, it, it, th, the, the, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, the break, goes into the office and he's like, goes into the kitchen, you know, goes into the break room and opens the cup and says, oh, somebody's already used my favorite mug. Say, that gets me thinking, everyone's like,

Oh, fuck. Oh, I was going to inter these leftovers in the fridge. But there's already something interred there. Just driving around like a full car park. Gee, this really reminds me. Two spaces next to each other over there. Yeah, I could park anywhere, but I have a special place to park, but someone's already in it.

Oh boy. He said that their situation was handled in a quote, unprofessional manner and would not wish the chain of events on anyone. Honestly, I don't feel like this is the worst thing that's ever happened. Oh, Miss Ware said, even now the family is not 100% certain that only their parents occupy what they consider to be the family grave. They further claim that despite the mishap, they were still made to pay £31 pounds churchyard cemetery fee for an additional inscription onto an existing memorial.

That's so good. They wouldn't even throw in the inscription fee is like an apology. Well, it's an omission of guilt, isn't it? It is, yes. No fault burial. No fault burial. Yeah, we'll bury your mother but we do not admit any guilt at all by accepting this burial. Oh boy. Spokes.

Who cares about a family grave? Why do you care so much? Why would you want to be buried next to you completely decomposed husband? It's really funny to get buried on top of each other, in my opinion. It's because like you're like having like you're having corpse sex like yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh boy. Strap my hands to the wheel. Yeah, that's like, that's a thirty-nine us like flip my coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh boy.

A spokesperson for the diocese of Bath and Well said, We're sorry for any distress which may have been caused and we continue to pray for everyone during this difficult time. But how do you know you're praying in the right direction? That's right. You don't know who you're praying for, spokesperson for the Diocese. Yeah, you don't have fuck all in the Diocese of Bath. Oh, the bath. It's often located near the toilet. And we're going to hear a little more about the toilet in this week's Dutch Watch. Everybody I'm from Holland, isn't that beer?

This comes to us from the NL Times. Floating Toilet Building Submerged in the Harbour of Breskins. Floating, floating toilet building submerged in the harbor of Breskins. Floating, floating, toilet building submerged. A building that is normally floating thatating toilet building submerged. Building with floating toilets. A building that it's normally floating that contains toilets? It sounds like it's not floating. Well, it's floating because it's in the harbour.

Was it already floating? The mystery deepens. I guess we'll find out. For a floating platform with a building containing toilets and showers for water sports enthusiasts sank on Sunday in the port of Breskins in Zeeland. It's got everything in the Netherlands, huh? As a result, a small amount of sewage entered the harbour, reported Sealand at the League, no one was injured.

Is there any explanation given as to how it sunk? Let's see. The building on the Ustavendum with toilets and showers is normally located on the jetty and floats on the water. After an alarm was raised around 9 a.m. Two fire engines and an aerial work platform from the fire department rushed to the scene. The fuck is an aerial work platform. I don't know.

I reckon it's one of those like, you know, pontoon barges that they have like a little crane on or whatever, you know, the kind of go up. I mean, it's, I really, maybe I'm naive, but I really thought that we had floating technology locked out, like no wiggle room, you know? Obviously in the past there's been mishaps, the RMS Titanic, they almost got it right, and then obviously that went wrong. But these days... Yeah, we've got flotation covered, like, we've nailed it.

It's basic, and there's a lot of stuff that hinges on it working properly, and I wouldn't have thought that, you know, toilets would be particularly dense, or have enough spy stuff in them to like, I don't know, pierce any kind of, you know, fucking the, I don't know, the flotation devices that would keep it up. For the record, an aerial work platform is a scissor lift. Yeah, or a cherry kicker or something. Yeah, or like a little, a little... Men go up. Yeah, or a cherry kicker or something. Yeah, or like a little, a little, a little, men go up. Or woman these days. Why do I call it that? It's not for picking cherries. It's not for that. I think it's a little, just a little joke. I think if you, I think if you were picking cherries on that, all the other cherry pickers would really think that you were stunting on them... them them them them them them them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the other. Yeah. I the other. I the other. I the other. I the other. I the other. th. th. th. th. them. Yeah. I think everyone would be like, fuck you. Fuck off. It was designed for use in orchards.

Oh, so it is for picking cherries. Yeah, it is for picking cherries. It is for stutting on the other cherry pickers. Imagine like a hiring one of those and taking it down to one of the like pick your own cherries. Pick your own. They're just like frantically checking the rule books. Can he do that? Oh, in the meantime, the fire department has stopped pumping because more water was coming in then could be pumped out. That's no good. That's the opposite of the floating the floating ethos, you know. The 10 by 15 meter building lies now at the

bottom of the marina. It's very gone bad, let's try again. Strata of toilets building up. How long until James Cameron gets down there, I want to know. Yeah. Reich Schwarterstadt and the municipality of Slyus will decide later what will happen to the accommodation. I mean I think it's already it's already happened like it's just down there now. Yeah. I think it's happened. I'm sorry you can't use the phrase water sports enthusiasts. You can't phrase it like that. Yeah it's pretty luxurious isn't it like um the just the idea that like

if you're out I don't know like water skiing like on a jet ski ski,. th. th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it, like it's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi th- like it's to to to to to to to to to to th- it th- it the the the, like the the the, like th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the th just the idea that, like, if you're out, I don't know, like, water skiing, like, on a jet ski, whatever it is, um, that you need somewhere that's also in the water. Also in the water, just jump out. But that's not the water. To piss, like, you know, you can probably either just go back to the jetty, or just fucking piss in the water that's what everyone does you're in the ocean you just piss in the ocean that's fine there's gonna ride in so angry I don't piss in the ocean I understand not wanting to admit to people that you're pissing in the pool while you're playing water polo and there or whatever yeah yeah why else are really like to know if anybody else like believed the thing. I feel like this is a thing that people said for years and trust me,

it's not true, was the, you know, they've got this chemical that they can put in the swimming pool, and if you pee in there, the water changes color and everyone know you peed. I'm true. You can just see see see see see see see th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th th th like th like th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the to the to the theeee they theeeeee they theeeeeee they thee their the the the the water changes color and everyone know you peed. I'm true. You can just see it like you can see Pierce it's yellow. In fact, you're not mine. Mine's not yellow. I am I was watching a video by our friend explosions and fire. A friend Tom and he was talking about like chlorine and stuff and then he got into talking about pools and he was like here's how much pisses actually in pools and it was very upsetting. It's very upsetting to know I I'm very glad that my kids in a pool. My kids are now at the age where like if you if you take your kids to like an aquatic center, there will usually be a pool that's like got some different depths and starts from very, very

shallow to, you know. Full apiece. Well, starts from very shallow to like waist depth and that's where all the kids hang out. And then they'll have like an Olympic pool that people do laps in or do a bit of free swimming or whatever. And I think my kids are now just at the age where like it's more fun to them to swim in a very large body of water than a small one, which is cool because we were in, we were in the pool, and we were like, and I was like look at this crystal clear water and then they were like hey let's go over to the other pool for a bit and I had to go with them because you have to go with your kids when they

go to another pool and I was like oh I'll just do some laps in this doing some slow laps bit and I still had the goggles on and that water was just like the water thi thi thi th was th was th was th was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the water the water the the water was the water was the water was the water was the water was the water was just the water was just tho- tho- the water was the water was the water was the water was just the water the water the water the water the water was just the water was just the water was just the water was just the water was just the water was just the water was the water was the water was the water was the water was th was th was thr-wea thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the not see very far through the water. There's all these like pieces of stuff in it. It was, it was bad. And we went and got back in the other one and I was like, I think we're doing the big pool from that one. Yeah. That was fucking haggard. I kind of think that like, if I can't perceive the piss, I don't care if it's there if I can't smell it or you know taste it yeah yeah then whatever I'm happy for it to be there well here's one is one more sensation that you

have to avoid here's another thing you have to avoid now Max is that on that same explosions and fire video I believe that he goes into the fact that the the cleaning chemicals in in pools react with piss and make it acidic and that's one of the things thi tho- the the the th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi. I thi. I that that the the the. I that's thi. I that's that's the. I that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that that th. I that th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi thi the. the. the the. the the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm the. And that's one of the things that makes your eyes burn when you jump in a public pool is that reaction or the products of that reaction. I mean that just feels like an updated version of the story about there being like a secret die in there. Yeah. I mean they put acid in the pool. They put like chlorine in the pool. That's already an acid. That's, that's... that's... um... and there being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being, the the the the the the the the the the their being being being, their being, their being, their being like, their being like, their, their being like, their, their, like, like, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like a secret, like, like, like, like a secret, like, like, like a secret, like, like, like, like a secret, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the secret, the secret, the secret, the secret, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they-a, they-a, they-s, they-s, they-s, they-s, they put acid in the pool. They put like chlorine in the pool. That's already an acid. You know, that's, that's... And I know it's there. And if I get a little tingle on my eyeballs, that's the cost of doing business. I'm fine with it. Yep. It's either that or it's all, fingers in your ears. I get it. Boy, oh boy.

Anyway, that's a whole bunch of toilets at the bottom of the harbour. You know? There is another thing which is at the bottom of the harbour, and that is a boat that capsized last week. We talked about this story, and we're going to give you an update on this week's Crime Watch. Help me! Help me! Help me! H-! H! Oh!

Oh! Hey! Crime watch. Send into us by Twitter user Percolated Trout. Crime Watch! Send into us by Twitter user Percolated Trout. This is an update on last week's story from the bonus episode, lightly ratcheted, non-sexual. And of course, even though that's a bonus episode, you would have heard it because it's Freebie on Sreevery. This comes to us from Northwest Sports. episode you would have heard it because it's free me on tree brewery. This comes from Northwest Sportsman Magazine. Guide shares fishing with BC fugitive, Gooney's House Ling Cod Guy.

Now... Why did they phrase it like that? That... Now Max, what we were talking about in this episode was a strange, possibly unhoused gentleman who laid a fish on the front porch of the house that was used in filming the movie The Goonies. And then he went and stole a large boat, took it out into rough waters, and called for rescue and then the large boat capsized as he was being rescued by a helicopter crew. Yeah. Okay, yep.

He was just out there getting amongst it, living life to the fullest. Yep. Yep. Why, says the article, did Jericho Wolf Lebont? Such a sick name. God damn. Why, says the article, did Jericho Wolf LeBont... Such a sick name. God damn. We didn't have his middle name last week. It was just...

I'm so happy to find this wolf. It was just Jericho Labont, and now it's Jericho Wolf Labont. That is even better, amazing. Absolutely. Why did Jericho Wolf-Labont run a 44-foot pleasure cruiser across the Columbia River Bar and out into the Pacific in the face of pretty stiff southerly on Friday? Why did he? Mmm, why? Yep. Well, the article says, who spent time on some of these same waters with LeBont just days before his dramatic rescue at sea has an inkling.

Quote, I really think he really wanted to go to the edge of the flat earth and get a mermaid, says Jeff Kitely. What? Makes sense. Honestly, I mean, they are? Yes. Nobody's hanging out in the middle of the infinity pool. Oh, you're so right. True.

So this guy he's just another, he's a fishing guide. And they've asked him. Yes. But he knew the guy. So they just asked the guy that knew him. He's like, oh, he was looking for the edge of the flat earth. Yeah, because that's where the mermaids are. I don't think I'm going to really trust this guy. He's making nothing but sense.

I mean, you know, you could try and use reason to understand why he did that, but actually that he wanted to get to the edge of the flat the flat the flat the flat the flat the flat the flat the flat the flat the flat the the the the the the the the the the the the the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of the of ofe of ofe of the of theathea'erathea'er-I's, to be thusus. thus. thus. thus. I's, thus. I's thus. I's thus. I's thus. I's thus. thus. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thr. teananann't that's, teauuuuuooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. Soe. He's that's probably a pretty good guess. Yeah, that ties it all up with a little neat little bow, I think. At the edge of the flat earth? Are you ready for, are you ready for a very long sentence that I can only describe as a journey? Just checking, we've got 10 minutes left on the recording, so I reckon we can fit it him. Okay. Kitely is the recording, so I reckon we can fit it. Okay. Kitely is the charter operator who on Wednesday, February 1st took LeBont on a guided trip that yielded the 2 plus foot long ling cod that LaBont laid on the porch of the famed Gooney's movie house in Astoria, walked off and then tried to reclaim the fish.

Two days before he hijacked the PC sandpiper in Astoria's West mooring basin, somehow navigated it out of the marina during strong winds and across one of the most dangerous river bars in the world before running into heavy seas that led to a Mayday call, a rolled boat, an amazing and courageous US Guard rescue, and a brief hospital stay and big police manhunt for LeBont wanted on warrants out of British Columbia before he was arrested at a nearby warming center where he'd been staying under another name. Yeah, I mean, you did warn us there was a long sentence but I don't think there's any fat in that one to trim so no.

What are you going to take out? No? Nothing. And also everything is connected. It is. That is so true. That is so true.. Yeah. That is true. That is true. That is so that is so that is so that is true. That is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that is so that that is so. that is so that is so that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that that is that is that is so. that is so. that is so. that is so. that is so. that is so. that is so. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the that. that. that. that. the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the out? Yeah, nothing. And also, everything is connected. It is. That is so true. Yeah, that is true. And we had a lot of questions last week, and I feel like this is answering some of them. Yeah, all of them, I think. We'd be get the fish. Now we know. Now we know. We know why he went back. Now this is all to say that Kidley now has something new to tell customers when they invariably

want to know about his weirdest guiding experiences. Quote, the next time somebody asks me, what's your stranger's story? I got a better story now, says the operator of Story of Fishing Charters and Guide Servers. You'd have an even better story if you went out there and found those mermaids. I'm just saying. Letter to Penthouse. Yeah. I'd like to know, like, could he give us at least one of his other stories so we can kind of compare and contrast?

Compare, yeah. It started out on January 31st with some unusual text between the two as they set up the trip, Kylie recalls, with LeBont asking three or four times if the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide the guide to to to to to to to tooomorrow. tooomorrow tooomorrow. too. tooomorrow. tooomorrow. too. too. tooom. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me..... I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. Wea. Wea. Wea. I toe. two as they set up the trip, Kiley recalls, with LeBont asking three or four times if the guide had a scarf he could wear. Odd, but LeBont also wanted to know if Kitely had one of those gold-cord captain's hats. The kind million-dollar skippers might sail a skew on their noggins. Oh hell yes. Sounds great. He's focused on the really important part. Yeah, he's been planning ahead. This guy's got a... I think he's got a good sense about him.

Now you've got to have a good fit. Quote, in the first few minutes, it was the weirdest customer I've had in 14 years, says Kitely. He says he and girlfriend, Julie, who is a registered deckhand, have a lot of gear for outfitting their customers to fish or crab at the Columbia mouth, including raincoats for everyone from kids to bigger folk, but they do not have any of those fancy hats. And you'd think that if you did, you'd keep it for the captain, right? Yeah, you've got to keep some under the counter for any captains that roll in. Yeah, or or if the the the the the the the the the the, or, or, or, or, or, or if the the the their, their, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, says, says, says, thi, says, says, says, says, thi, thi, thi, thi, they, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, says, their their their tapens, their their together, together, together, together, together, toge. toge. toge, toge, toge. toge. toge, are the captain of the boat, you're like, yes, I have one, and it stays on.

It stays on through the whole trip. You don't want there to be an emergency situation, and you're looking around who do I turn to? Yeah. And there's multiple people wearing the captain's hat. And you're trying to work out out out out out out out out w work out w work out out to work out to work out to work out to work out to work out to work out to work out to work out to work out to work out the to work out to work out to work out to work out their to work out their to work out to work out to work out their their their. which gold fringe is legal. Yeah, that's a disaster. It's really dangerous. It's no good, folks. Leave your captain's hat and my room.

Yeah, we make a lot of jokes here on Buntavista. Some of them funny. But this. It's not nothing matter. You cannot be wearing a gold fringe captain's hat, unless you have come by the rank honorably. And with the full suite of training material. Yeah. the the that. that. that, the that, that, that, that, that, that, the that, that, that, the that, that, th. Yeah, that, thi, that, thatin, thate, that, that, that, that, which, which the thi, the the by the rank honorably and with the full suite of training material. Yeah, or if you reach the edge of flat earth and you fuck one of those mermaids, it's sort of like getting to the end of the board in checkers.

Oh the mermaid's the mermaid's a certify, they can, you know, they'll give you the hat themselves. They'll do the procedure. They've got some. They've keep, they've the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, you know, they'll give you the hat themselves. They'll do the procedure. They've got some. They've got heaps of them. They've got loads of the damn hats. They don't have much else. Where do you keep getting all these hats from? They're on their titties like a little coconut brunt. Yep. And when one of them takes to th. th. thi. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're got they're got they're got they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to keep. they're to. tip. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to give to you. Well, you know what happens. I'm gonna imagine. That's a double reward.

Holy moly. One hat, one titty. It's like, do you look at the edge of space itself? Or do you look at, you know, the, you know, whatever else is going on. Yeah. You can say a titty on here. It's a podcasting. Okay, so I don't don't, I don't, I don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho, I don't tho, I don't tho, I don't th th th tho th. I don't tho, I don't tho, I don't th. tho, I tho, tho, tho, tho, do tho, do tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. tod. t, do t, do t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, tak. tak. tak, tak, today. today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, that. Okay, so I don't want to press you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Then, late that same night, LeBont texted Kydley about what time they were meeting the next morning,

somewhat surprising to the guide because he'd already established it several times to be at the dock at 7.30. Oh, man, I'm not a morning person, Labant said, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the to, the to, the to, to, the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the taunne., leaunct. todaqanananananxxxxxxan., leaqauanxxxxxxan., leaqaunt., leaqaunt, leaunt, leaqqiteley, who was worried about hitting the next day's narrow high-tide window to fish the Columbia's South Jetty. But that led to another snag. How Labont was going to get to the dock. By bus, Kitely says, Laitley, says Launt to him. I said, Bust? What do you mean? The Astoria bus to Warrantan, the, was, was, was, was, the to Warrington and then walk to Hammond was the response, says Kitely.

In the end, Kitely says he and Julie picked L'Bont up at a local library. His initial impression was that his client for the day was a, quote, hippie kid, harmless, but early alarms went off. For starters, Labont had booked two seats for himself on the boat and paid with a credit card. Kitely says he's 75% sure he's going to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get he's to get he's to get he's their he's he's to get their he's to get to get to get their he's to get to get their he's to get to get to get to their he's 75% sure he's going to get a call from the credit card company as another person's name was on the card, someone with whom Labant apparently raised a little, quote, havoc if Kitely's subsequent internet sleuthing is any indication. Okay. This guy really wanted to see that mermaid.

He was ready. He was ready for him. Levant 35 is originally from British Columbia, but has been wanted on a province-wide arrest warrant related to criminal harassment, mischief and failed to comply times three, according to a January 19 tweet from police in Victoria. I'm so glad they're all humorous crimes and it's not like this guy's a pita fault. Let's hope not. That'd put a little damper on things. There's a lot left in this article.

Yeah. There's still time. As they got ready to head out on Wednesday, Kylie says, a buddy saw them and warned him he thought there was something off about LeBont and that he might actually be a cop. Oh. That's a... I think that's the least likely thing of this entire story. That sounds very unlikely given like everything that you have just said. There was something off about him, says Kylie, but he wasn't a cop. Kiley, Julie and LeBont headed out, but found the wind and currents along the south

jetty were at odds making the fishing difficult. Meanwhile, Leboant noticed a bunched th off the mouth of Columbia and inquired about them. It was pick day for the commercial crab fleet and seas were relatively flat. LeBont wanted to know how far out the boats pulling up crab pots were, says Kiteley, who figured they were from two to five miles offshore. And that brought the conversation back to L'Bont wanting to go way out in Kiteley's custom near 30-foot-long guide sled built-handle-rougher conditions, but maybe not those so far out. I don't know how many times the 3,000 feet of water thing came up, Kitely says. It's apparently at that depth, somewhere out on the briny blue where it drops off the edge of the world that the mermaids LeBont sought swim. Have you ever seen a rogue wave? Labant also asked as they jigged, according to Kitely. How about a 50-foot wave? And if so, what would you do?

Pop quiz, hot shot. Imagine you taking a guy on a trip and he just starts asking shit like this? You just stuck on the boat with him, like, fuck sake. Imagine you taking a guy on a troop and he just starts asking shit like this. You just stuck on the boat with them like, fuck sake. Yeah, you'd be suspicious. You'd be like, what does he know? What does he know that I don't? What's coming? You know?

You know? Yeah. What's lurking just over the horizon? Might be nothing. It could be a 50 foot wave, brother. You've got to keep your eyes peat. No, I mean it might be nothing like a sheer drop off at the edge of the world. Yeah, it could be that too.

One big infinity pool. The question makes kindly wonder now if LeBont wasn't already, quote, Scoping out how to get out there. Somewhat frustrated by the slow fishing that day. Bottom fish trips are all but automatic. Quote, it usually takes two minutes to hook up, says the guide. Kindly eventually put LeBont into a fish. A 20s, put him into a fish.

It's very like, what have I got to do to put you into a 27 to 28 inch Ling cod? That led to the next oddity. I don't have the strength for that, LeBont said of the battle to bring up the toothsome fish, according to Kitely, he was barely capable of taking the rod out of the rod holder. Saving his strength forthe mermaid fuck fest. Eventually the lingers bought a board and given the poor action and rough inshore conditions that had LeBont throwing up but happy with his one fish, according to Kiteley, they called it a day.

So what was LeBont's reason for being out there in the first place? It was to memorialize an experience with his mother who had passed away, Kitely........ th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. their. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, t, t, t, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta.eeole, ta.eeeoli.e, toge, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. It was to memorialize an experience with his mother who had passed away, Kitely says he was told. Kitely says he usually cuts up his client's fish and packs it for them at his house, but back at the dock, Labant said a buddy was meeting him at the Astoria Safeway. That's straight downhill from the Gooney's house, Kitely notes. Okay. Okay. You want to come around later? Sure, where do you live? Two blocks over and one down from the Gooney's house. Everyone in town just refers to where things are. Yeah, oh that's about seven blocks away from the Goonies house? On the other side of town from the Goonies house. You can't miss it. The house of surveillance video shows the bond walking up the driveway

carrying a black plastic bag, flopping the link hot onto the porch,. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the to the the the to the the to the to to the the to to to to to two two two two two two two two two two to two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to toocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.ocks.2luck.2. to video shows the bond walking up the driveway carrying a black plastic bag, flopping the link-hot onto the porch, taking out his phone, flipping off the surveillance camera, and then apparently filming a video as he walks away. It was a very nice link hot, 27, 28 inches, kindly notes, it's a shame that it died to get laid at the Gooney's house. It's a shame that it died to get laid at the Gooney's house. It's a shame that fish died for this. Hey, I die to get laid at the Goonies house, you know what I'm saying? In a video LeBont posted, he states that one of Sloth's famous lines from the movie, Hey You Guys, and mentions the Truffle Shuffle.-shaking wiggle that Chunk had to do before mouth

lets him in his house. Jesus Christ. It was also apparently LeBon's second trip to the house because the lingers already on the porch as he walked up. After looking at the fish and calling it, quote, the best $500 I ever spent. His camera pants to the left. Perhaps noticed by someone inside, he adds, thank you, British Columbia. There is so much going on here.

In his next post, Labont wrote, still want to catch a mermaid. In a January 25th post image, showing the Coast Guard, Cutter at Astoria's Columbia River Maritime Museum, the fugitivie-on to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to the to to the to to to to the toe toe the fugitivitivitivitive the fugitive the fugitive the the toe image showing the Coast Guard cutter at Astoria's Columbia River Maritime Museum, the fugitive on the runoff is a contradictory. Next stop, Fiji. Some people just want to weave a mystery. Yeah. Yeah. You got to respect it. This guy's just like, I'm gonna get out there, I'm gonna lay some red herrings, I'm gonna confound some expectations.

And everybody else is gonna have to pick up the pieces because it's not of my business anymore. Kitely says that in the end he's kind of glad he didn't cut up LeBont's fish at his house. Not that he felt for his or Julie's safety, but there were rumors he heard later that Labant had threatened people in seaside. And poking around online, he saw suggestions, who knows how true, that LeBont had hijacked a train to cross into the US. Yes! Oh my god. Is he making all this shit up? This is taking some turns. I mean, this guy plans hijinks like Ozymandias, like...

I lead the fish 30 minutes ago. You don't need to hijack a train. You could just ride the train. You can't take it a different way than the way it's already going. Nope, there's a lot of good reasons to hijack a car, you know, so you can, you know, take it to a surprising destination, but a train, you might as well just climb on and let the driver do their thing. Yeah, put your feet up, lay down your bundle. Take it easy, brother. There's two pages left of this story, man on.

Oh my God. We're gonna race on through. It was a relief to hear he was in custody, more for the other people, he says. It wasn't the last Kiteley would hear of LeBont. Perhaps because he was unable to reclaim the lincod at the Gouldy's house, Labon started texting Kite to conve the kite to the kite to t t tying to the kite to conve tying to the code to the code to the code ley trying to convince him to go back out on the water. I'll take the card, but what I really wanted was a salmon, Laban said according to Kitely. While the ocean is currently closed for salmon... How can that be?

Yeah. Okay. What does the estuary of Columbia is open for hatchery Chinook. Though if state catch data is any indication, at this time of year, biters are as rare as unicorns. I would have said mermaids in there. Yeah. If I was writing this, just a little bit. That would have been good.

Labont said, kindly owed him for more than one fish. And he wanted to to try as to to to to to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to try as to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their as their as their as their as their as their as their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their toe. toe. to toe. to to toely told him he doesn't run dungeoness trips after the commercials put their gear in. LaBont said all he wanted was two or three for crab Rangoon which he was going to prepare in honor of his mother. Kitely says he suggested Labont search Google or call other nearby bays. In making a final request to go crabbing in a voice to text message, quietly says LeBont inexplicably bought up the National Reconnaissance office, an NSA headquarters and burning them to the ground to hold them accountable for something. That's the kind of guy you want to do it. I don't normally listen to voice messages on my phone, but I feel like if I get one from from this guy, I might hit play play just see what he's throwing down.

Can I commit the extremely... Yeah, got to commit the extremely rare act of hitting save voicemail. Quote, I had signs it was peculiar. I've never had an excuse like this, says Kitely. Just a little peculiar. Listen, he says, there's no sense to be made. There's nothing sensible about this at all. What a beautiful quote. There's nothing sensible about this at all. I feel like given enough time, every action of this man has been revealed to be sensible, so... Yeah. Very reasonable. Yeah. The only sensible thing now is that the guide has his new weirdest ever story to tell clients, the topping his old one old th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's th. There's th. th. th. th th. th. th th th. th. th. th th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. There's the, thee. theeeeeee. There's no theeeeee. There's no theee. There's thi. There's thi thing now is that the guide has his new weirdest ever story to tell clients,

topping his old one about a drunken sturgeon angler who jumped overboard during a derby. He told the New York Times. Comparison, that's a pretty good story too. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good deal. I actually think that this guy runs off like a flawless internal logic. When he likes something, whether it's the Goonies or his mother, he pays a seafood tribute to it. That's just what happens. Like fish, crab rangoon, doesn't matter. If he likes something enough it gets a seafood tribute. That is so predictable for him. Yeah, waste fish is his love language.

God, imagine finding out, like, years later, that you had been laying all of those crab rangons on someone else's body. God, horrible. That might have been the end of it, but very early Friday morning, LeBont commandeed the sandpiper of Dr. David and Cindy Leville, and somehow in the strong south winds that day he piloted the big cruiser out of the Westmooring Basin at about 5.15 a.m. per a security tape and onto the Columbia and headed to sea. Something even a waterman like Kitely wouldn't want to try with such a big boat in those conditions. But perhaps LeBont had bigger things to try and catch.

Quote, listen, he was thinking he'd get a mermaid at the edge of the flat earth, Kitely says. And why not? He figures the sandpiper was probably already beat up from navigating out of the marina, and he says a commercial crab are steaming into port tried to hail the craft as it headed out but was ignored. The boat looked in rough shape, going out, kindly says he's heard. Somewhere a couple of miles off the Columbia, Labonte ran into trouble and sent a vague Mayday message. Fortunately for him, Coast Guard crews in the nearby station in Iwako happened to be training

in the area, triangulating the signal, cutters and a helicopter converged. A series of Coast Guard videos captured the big seas. The sandpiper, a beam to the waves, U.S. Coast Guard, student swimmer, petty officer first class, Branch Walton, with his snorkel and flippers, making for the boat, Labont putting on a life jacket and getting on to the swimstep, and Walton diving as a foaming 20-foot wave approaches hits the boat and rolls it completely over, launching LeBont and putting him into a merciless spin cycle. I kind of got thrown around a little bit by the wave, Walton told news media.

When I came up I noticed the boat was pretty much in a shambles. LaBont nearly lofted his life jacket, it was reported but he was was soon plucked from the sea, suffering only mild hypothermia. Kitely says he and Julie zoomed in on the image of a photo of him being carried off the chopper by the aircrew. Same shoes, same pants, same jacket, same dude, he says. He called the coast guard to say he'd takentaken Labant fishing just a few days before and there was a strong chance the sandpiper had been stolen. The owners of the boat could probably tell you that. Probably.

I wanted to let the Coast Guard know this wasn't an accident. This was thought out and planned, says Kitely, like Ozimand. In the end, L'nipot, L'A-Bent-Ii.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the boat, the boat, the boat, like the boat, like the boat, like the boat, like the boat, like the boat, like the boat, like, like, like, like, like, like, the boat, the boat, the boat, the boat, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tipeile, the the the the tipe, the the the the the the the tipeile, the the the the the the boat the boat the it 17 miles to a warming shelter in seaside before being arrested for quote, theft in the first degree, endangering another person, criminal mischief in the second degree, an unauthorized use of a vehicle per the daily historian. What's the crime? What's the crime? What's the charge? What's the crimes? He's now in the custody of ice. Boo? Boo. Ho. Hopefully he he gets the the the th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the th the the theate the, the, the, the, to to tooom- too- tooom. tooom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. the, the, the, the. the. toooooooooo'n. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. some help back in Canada. This screams of a mental health issue. Oh they would say that with that. Yeah. Kiley has immense praise for not only Walton who graduated the course that day but all Coast Guard

rescue swimmers. He says when they walk into bars in a story of the mood changes noticeably. Quote, right. They are brimming with piss and vinegar as self-confident as can be he says. Kightly labels Walton a stud and Lombont lucky. What I'm into this Coast Guard like very into him. Oh, I would have given anything to be held by those strong arms that day. Why was she even rescued me that day? Very good. It's highly unlikely Walton was the mermaid LeBont was looking for out there on the waters

of the continental shelf as they sloped towards 3,000 feet in deeper. Sounds like he was. It's a shockingly, horrifyingly, interesting story, says Kidley. Update. The length of the PC sandpiper was widely initially reported as 35 feet, but a piece that washed ashore nearby and is believed to have come from the boat describes it as an Alexander Marine Co. 440 sun deck manufactured in the fall of 1994. The 440 refers to a deck length of 44 feet. Thank you for that clarification. The biggest twist of all. That was a ride.

Wow. That's so crazy you couldn't write a story that interesting unless you could like Max here. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, that's not, that is nice. Yeah. I have, that's nice. That is nice. Yeah, I have, there's no mermaids in my podcast though, so.

No, but there is possibly a fawn-like creature? Yeah, I mean, that is indisputable. There is a fawn-like creature. Sorry, I'm updating that too. Yeah, you can lock that in. Lock that in. Fawn-like creature, diamond nipple ring. That's a little sizzle for the horse and the rider.

Yep. If you like to imagine your forns with a little scoop neck singlet and one diamond nipple ring. Yeah, well you don't have to imagine it. You can just listen to imagine your fawns with a little scoop neck singlet and one diamond nipple ring. Yeah well you don't have to imagine it you can just listen to the podcast. Someone else has imagined it for you. I've done the work. Let Max imagine it for you. I've done the hard yards. Just come on in. Done the work. I did the work. Honestly, yeah work. He always understood the assignment. And that's that on that. that. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the work. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I the. I the. the. I the. thi. the. I the. the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I Honestly, yeah, work. He always understood the assignment. And that's that on that. Well, uh, you can also buy a book that Max has written. Yeah. Yeah, yep, you can, you can get the A book. Um, there's no one, there's none of the paper once left, but, um, you can get it. Um it. And the last episode of the podcast is next week. So, yeah, you know, if you just want to surf right on over after you finish this episode of Buntavista,

Boy, oh boy, you could hear me twice as much. I would love that. Listen, thank you for fucking leaving dead silence. And he goes like, because they're like, fuck me, even more. God damn. Yeah, so your video is not working. I could clearly tell that Andrew was struggling with a little bit of a little bit of reflux or something there.

Max. I got a cough. Okay, just just hanging. Well, you know, I don't know if the fact that Andrew's barfing while I'm talking makes it significantly better, but I do thank you for the explanation. Wonderful. Max, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for coming back. Thanks for having me, Buntavista. Thanks for keeping coming on the show despite prior knowledge of the content, the format, the hosts. A whole deal. The audience. The listening numbers.

I'm looking for the Buntavista bump, baby. Yeah. I'm looking for some extra subscribers. If I don't get it, it's obviously never going to happen again. But you know, provided the bump comes through tomorrow, I'm happy. Yeah. We'll get people on it. Will we still get credit if you get a bump of people listening to the first episode? Maybe they haven't been listening to it and they have to start. Yeah. You don't want them to start with the last episode, do you? I don't want them to start

with the last episode. No, it's important to start with the first episode. Okay. It is sequential. Right. Not like this podcast. We would prefer it if you didn't go backwards. Excellent. Well, um, we'll put some links to the podcast. th. th. th. th. th. the podcast. th. the podcast. the podcast. th. the podcast. th. the the the th. the th. the the th. th. the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the thi. the to the the to to the the to to the the the the the the the the last. That's the last. That's, the last. That's the last. That's the last. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the. It's to. It's to. It's to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the podcast, the book, all of Max's various places in the episode description. You don't even have to leave your podcast app to just click on that and then go there, you know? We'll do that. That is so good. You go and click on that. Enjoy yourselves and we'll see you next week or maybe even again this week for freebie and free we get all the bonus episodes free for a month because we're just good like that we're nice people okay bye everybody

bye Max second bye I can't see you waving bye Yeah.