Boonta Vista - EPISODE 285: Pen, Sword, Dog Turd

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

This week: A very unhappy Dutch choreographer, a very secure Hoosier, a not-as-secure pelican, a grave train miscalculation, and an attempt at a Hyundai correction. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Get the button already. Because everyone's shut up. Welcome to Buntavista, episode 285. Here we are in my brand new car. That's right, our podcast vehicle just got a major upgrade, so now we'll be riding around, blasting gangster rap on the way to the farmers market, in my cyber truck. I don't have my driver's license, but that won't be a problem,

thanks to the cyber truck self-driving technology. With me as Andrew, he's playing the passenger princess today. He's sipping on his big Starbucks, he's asking when we can stop for Chipotle. Andrew isn't just a gorgeous vehicle. I love it. I um I cut my hip and my arm really badly getting into the car but I feel like that's probably my fault. Yeah you want to be careful. Yeah I think that's your phone. You really want to watch those edges. I don't respect the the truck properly or the bulletproof windows you know. Yeah that's on me that's on me I'm sorry. That is on you. But the blood wipes right off the stainless steel steel steel the exterior exterior exterior exterior exterior exterior steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel steel. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's. I's. that's. that's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. that's. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the stainless steel exterior. It does. Take you through the

car wash with this bad boy. It's going to be, it's going to be all fucked up in there because it won't fit, you know. Also with me, the back seat is my good friend Ben. He's cruising leisurely with his hand out of the window. He's a man with a real devil make care attitude. It's good thing we're going to have a smooth ride today. Hey Ben, how's my driving? It's amazing. Honestly, you just plowed through those four people like they didn't exist, which is kind of what you want to do because if you panic, if you swerve, that's when accidents happen.

Well, they weren't really people. No. Yeah, because... The cyber truck can identify who has who has, if, if, if, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too the to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their, their their, their, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their tho. tho. thi. the. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Soa. Soa. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the cyber truck could identify who has a soul and who doesn't and like who matters. I can and who am I to say that I know better than the cyber truck. Yeah, they did a top to bottom scan of every single person that was on the footpath that it swerved to hit outside of your control. And yeah, they were just like nothing.

There was nothing. No problem. Do I send to the chat the post about, there's a stop sign somewhere that is slightly larger than normal? Oh my god, it's so good. And so the Tesla vehicles see it as closer because they know one size of stop sign and they don't have depth senses. And they all like hit the brakes like way too early and then the the the the the the th. And the the the the th. I their th. I th. I their th. I their th. I th. I th. thi. they they their they they the. they just they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. the post. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. So. I. So. So. So. they're they're they're they're they're they're the. teateateatease. So. they're they're to. they're to. they're they're they're their their their their the post. the post. the post. the post. they don't have depth senses and they all like hit the brakes like way too early and then just sit like five ten meters away from the intersection and one guy's like this makes a lot of sense vis-a-vis

their like hunger to run over children because is it a child or is it a man a man they's far away do it like the father Ted joke but for vehicular manslaughter But for hitting children with a very heavy car. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I mean Graham Lennon's probably gonna do that yet. So yeah, well as long as they're trans kids Woo! Whoa! Sitting in the middle seat in the back there, that's my good friend Theo. He's nervous and he keeps wining that my cyber truck is dangerous. Yeah, we all think he's a big baby baby and he cries. And he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he's and he's a the they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. te. tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttte. th. th. there, that's my good friend Theo. He's nervous and he keeps whining that my cyber truck is dangerous. We all think he's a big baby and he cries all day. There's no airbags! There's a big nappy. He's screaming hysterically as my cyber truck runs down 15 pedestrians as it speeds directly

into the jet fuel factory. Theo, why are you, like, why won't you just embrace the future? The future sucks. It just keeps getting worse. Like it does. It's getting, we, I reckon we peaked in like, fucking, when did, when did we get like, I think the, the matrix tells us we peaked in 1999. Yeah, when we had phones that went, phoomp anymore. They don't go, shoo. Okay, well, they, they just, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the just thi just thi just just just just just thi just thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu ths just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the th. thethat's the height of civilization. Yeah, when we had phones that went, phoomp, phones don't go vump anymore. They don't go shook. Okay, well they, they invented the phone

that goes fumpf before that movie. We didn't have the phone that goes fump before that, and we don't have it now. So we peaked slightly before the age of the matrix. Yeah make the phone that goes fump after the demand from fictionalizing the phone that goes fump. So the Matrix brought about us achieving the height of civilization? Thanks Wachowski sisters. You did it. You did it. You done it.

But everything since then, it's been a complete wash. I saw someone posting the other day or sharing a screenshot of a post to someone being like, oh, I hate how the rear view view the the the their their their their their their their their their their the other day or sharing a screenshot of a poster or someone being like, ugh, I hate how the rear view mirrors, the side mirrors on the cyber truck ruin its lines. And the person's like, well, legally they have to ship with the mirrors on, but they don't legally have to have them on while you drive. So you can just get rid of them. Oh yeah, oh, because it's self-driving. Yeah, because you've got all, oh, oh, oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, the, the, the, the, the... the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, the, their, their, their, their.... So, their, their, their, their, their, their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is their.. So, is their. So, is. So, is their. So, true. So, true. true. true.. true. true... true.... true. the the the the the the the the that. You've got all these, you're sitting at a little panopticon, I guess kind of the opposite of a panopticon. But you've got cameras everywhere. So why would you need them?

Because software always works forever. How about a penoptic can't? Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's true. Yeah. Trucks so fucking ugly. It's so bad. It's never never th. It's never bad. It's really bad. It's never going to get released, so we're fine. They can't release any products anymore.

That's true because they don't, like none of them work, right? No, none of them work. All of them work, the original people are gone. Just firing all my cyber truck engineers. Yeah, I'd have them work at Twitter. Yeah, all the engineers went over to to to to their their their their their their their their their their the he then fired them from Twitter. Yeah, did you see today there's a whole bunch of people that got suspended from Twitter for posting links in their DMs? There's a bug now at the moment that will just suspend you if you post a link and it puts you behind the two-factor authentication wall even if you don't have a mobile number registered with them. So you can just destroy your account by sending a link now. It's so good. Elon Musk is truly like the genius of his time. We probably should have been like

propping him up all this time. Probably not. It's not a smart man. He's not a smart man. Oh yeah, could you invent PayPal? Yeah. Probably. Had we send money to a person? That was an unsolvable problem. It was. And then it was solved. Yeah. By someone before him and then they bought out his shitty X.com company because they didn't want any competition. And then they put him as CEO. And then they fired him as CEO. Hey, whom among us hasn't been fired from PayPal? So true. True. True. So true. This is what we get for trusting. the South th. And th. And th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus and thi and thus and thus and th th tho. And th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th and th and th and th th th th th th th th th th th th thi and thus and thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that that. that that that that that that that that that that that that fired from PayPal? So true. True. So true. This is what we get for trusting a South African man. South African, cousins, to the Dutch. It's time for Dutch watch. Everybody, I'm from Holland.

Isn't that beer? This comes to us from the NL t dance troop, quote, deeply regrets and, quote, choreographer smeared dog excrement in critics' face. I guess. Yeah. How mean was the critic being? Yeah, like, I want to hear it. It was a little bitch? Time to hear both sides. I think it's a, I think it's a light isn't it? Oh. Yeah, like I want to hear it near man. A little bitch? I think it's a lady, isn't it?

Yeah, that makes it quite misogynist the way you just said that. Yeah, but I only knew, I only realized that afterwards, which kind of makes me completely off the hook. Oh, I can't do you beat the like the doctor trick thing of being like, oh how? The card appeared. The doctor was a lady? The critic was a lady? Yeah. The Netherlands dance theatre in the Hague. No way of knowing what that means. Said it deeply regrets that its regular choreographer, Marco Guck, smied dog excrement in the face of a reviewer last weekend. Gook went after the critic, Weepke Huster, in the foyer of the Hanover Opera House.

Gook has been the chief choreographer and ballet director for the Hanover State Ballet which resides at the Opera House. The German choreographer, aha. Yeah, now it's all starting to unfold. This piece is clicking into place. The German choreographer was angered by a piece Hurster wrote for the Frankfurter-Algemeen Zytung. The incident took place on Saturday evening at the premier evening showing of the ballet

Glaubelie Hoffnog, which translates to Faith, Love, Hope. Guek, who owns a dashioned, and apparently had a bag of feces with him, became angry about Hoosier's review of his new production in the Dutch Mountains, which recently premiered in the Hague. You know he's always got that thing on him. He keeps that thing on him. He keeps the dog with him. Keeping the dog with you for plausible deniability. No, it's because, you know, this little guy. thie, thie, thie, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. ththe dog with you for plausible deniability.

No, it's because, you know, this little guy. Quite, we deeply regret that this incident took place in which Marco Gook violated the personal integrity of the person concerned. Yeah, plus kind of smeared shit all in their face and stuff. Yeah, so I guess those two things. Yeah. It's a, that's one way to put it, you know? Your integrity. My integrity wouldn't be damaged. I would just be stinky.

Yeah. Stinky face. I wouldn't like it. It's a real testament to the like non-language that we use to deal with everything now through like through press releases and stuff. There's like no way you could describe this in your apology that just wouldn't highlight how hate us the thing is. Like you can't, you can't be brusk about it. You can't be like, well, sorry that he smeared dog turns on your face.

Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry that he's Yeah. I think you just gotta bury it. Oh, I'm so sorry that he compromised your airspace. Oh, not my personal integrity. So yeah, they say, Marco Gook violated the personal integrity of the person concerned. This action is contrary to our values. Hmm. It's in the charter. We don't do that here. My values.

No dog shit in your face. values that we use. It's in the charter. We don't do that here. My values. No dog shit in your face. I'm going to be honest, I think that most businesses that are running, I would assume that their values do not include. Yeah, that runs counter. It's good to rub dog shit in the face of people who said something you didn't like. Few of them probably have it in their verbatim though, like written in their value-severing. It's always worth well checking. Just run by your HR person. Hey does this, if I was, if someone was like really mean to me,

would it run really mean? I'm not, not regular mean, like really mean. Would it be like counter to our values if I put a big old stinky dog turt all over their face? Would it be consummate with our values? It's sort of 50-50 because there's two options. Yeah. So it's a coin toss, really? Yeah. One of our values is to speak truth to power and I'd kind of be doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Who's more powerful than a critic, you know? That's right. I'm just gonna flip this coin. Well, journalist I think. Got a 20 euro cents piece in one hand and a bag of dog turds or the other and we'll sort of see how this shakes out. Oh well. Well, you ever lost on a coin toss. Let me put it to you like this Lucy. The pen is mightier than the sword. And, you know, and it's, it's better to hit somebody. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the th the the the the the the thog the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tu. tu. tu. tug tu. tog. thog. thog. th. th. th. the pen is mightier than the sword, and you know, and it's better to hit somebody with dog shit than a sort. Yeah, but if we were to do like the triangle of the three. Dog turd is like, it's like rock paper scissors. It's like the dog turd is mightier than the pen. Yeah, but I think sword is it might the sword is mightier thi as a th as a th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might th as might be more th as might th as might th as might th as might as might th as a th as a the as a thi. thi. I th. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I would would. I half. Yeah we've got it. Let's check out I think yeah. It works. Until the next cadmage. They continue. Marco Gook is a valued associate choreographer at NDT with whom we have enjoyed working together for many years with

beautiful dance creations as a result. That's not the time. Don't gas him up after the dog shows him. No, he's in death. We've enjoyed many shitless years with Mr. Gook. This has been, you know, just an aberration. It's really out of the ordinary and we're hoping to enjoy a shitless future together. You know? Gook has been suspended from his role at the head of a state ballet, according to German media.

His employer believes he seriously overstepped boundaries by attacking Hooster with feces. Yeah, yeah. Other people might believe differently, but this is what his employer believes. Well, that's, that's probably, that's probably, you know, his employer's values. Overstepped boundaries. That is one way to put it. The organization reportedly thinks he damaged the reputation of the ballet. You think? Yeah, that's the shit ballet now.

Like, oh, you went to Hanover State. Oh, the shit ballet. Did it as well like a dog turd in your face? Oh, they just sort of hopped about up there. I wonder if, I wonder if after this, though, if everybody that does go and see a dance does like a 10-minute long standing ovation afterwards. Yeah, it was great. Oh my god it was the best. It was the best. Oh, never seen anything like it. The dance performance, quote, in the Dutch mountains, was inspired by Cease Newtoboom's novel in de Bergen van Neuderland. Yep. Guck also drew inspiration from the song

in the Dutch Mountains by the Dutch band, Nitz. It's just a whole nother world over there, isn't it? Yeah. Why are we getting up? One that's much fudder than ours. Yeah, and I know that our Dutch listeners, you know, our Roy's and our the other Dutch listeners whose names I can't remember, they'll see the name Sees Nutebum and they'll think, okay, that's John Smith to them. Yeah, it'll be as natural as flowers and the sky to them.

I'll say, oh, which Seas Nutaboom. Yeah, you're talking about my coa. It's like, oh, which sees snoot boom. Yeah, yeah. You're talking about my co-worker, cease-nutoboom, or my dad sees snoot boom, or me, because I am ceas-nutibum. Going to Wikipedia's disambiguation page for sees snootoboom? That could be anyone. Just last year, the accomplished choreographer was given the Uriquilian ring. The award is a recognition for a cscibibibibibibibibibibibibib – to to to to to to to to to to to to to a coa, my to a coa, my coa, my coa, my coa, my coa, my co-c, my co-s, my co-s, my co-s, my co-s, to my co-s, my co-s, to th, th, th. I coe, th. I'm th th th th th thuboom, or my my my th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I I I I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. thi, thi-a, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, is a woooom. theeeeeeeeeea-s.a-s, isa-s, theeeeeeeeee, because, The award is a recognition for contribution to dance in the Netherlands and is passed on from recipient to successor every two years.

Yeah, I believe that's one of the other rings that the elves got in the Lord of the Rings. Am I right? Yeah. Do you reckon any the elves would Dutch? There's a lot of sort of diacriticals and accents in that word? I guess it's kind it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and it's, and it's, and it's the, and it's the kind, and it's thi, and it's the the the, and it's thi, and is thi, and is their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thons, and is their thi thi, and is thi, and is thi, and is thi, and is kind thi, and is kind thi, and is kind thi, and is kind thi, thi, thi, thi, the the tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi thi thi thi, and is th of the elves would Dutch? I don't know, there's a lot of sort of diacriticals and accents in that word. I guess it's kind of you had to have seen it written. Yeah. And you'd be like, well, I haven't, because I haven't got the notes open. I'm sort of going through some steam discovery cues. You cannot be. Well, I'm still riffing. Still on. Yeah, that's true. One eye on the steam sales and one eye not on the notes.

A true operator. Marion Sarstett handed the award to Gook on February 2022. I guess the next person he gives that to is going to give it a good go with the hand sanitizer. I think. People are going to be making hay out of this one for a while I think you know shaking the hand and then a little wife maybe this is like a ring of power maybe the darkness took him to smear faces you know? Yeah he thought he was like in the goodness of the rings that's right in the film. You fuckers.

I make hundreds of as good, if not better. What are the rings jokes? Yeah, the problem. I think the problem with you all. Yeah. Who above all else? Dutch sore. Desires is wattie peat. When that I have swans looking real crusty today. Ben the problem is that

your references are too accurate. Not once have you said my prejudice you know yeah is that your go on to the classics go to the classic do your gulam again again me my prejudice That'd be good. I think they could pitch gollum down a bit. Yeah. Same body, same face. My precious. I think we could stand to do more character and accent work on this podcast for sure.

Yeah, I should do a little more. Not me. Not me, no, I think your accent's beautiful. Oh, thank you, Ben. That's why you, that's why you, that's why you, that's why you, that's why you, that's why you, that's why you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, th. th. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the th. th. the the the the the the the th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tho. thoooooooooo. tha. thooooooooooooo. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha.think your accent is beautiful. Oh, thank you, Penn. That's why you're all my favorite friend on this show. As we discussed earlier, yeah. Yeah. What if we were a samurai? No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No. No, no. samurai before. Nope, it never will be. Uh, the dance company has said that they have not spoken with Gook as of Monday afternoon, putting that phone call off. Yeah.

That one can wait until, to Wednesday at least. You know? Uh, I kind of feel like maybe smearing a bag full of your dog's shit into somebody's face might actually be some kind of a crime, some sort of offense. Maybe not in the Netherlands. I don't know what they got going on over there. German guys are exempt. This is a really good segue that you're doing and I hate to derail it, but um, I thought

this article mentioned it but it doesn't. This must have been another article I read about it, but there was argument over whether or not this was premeditated or whether this was a crime of passion and his claim was that he had it on him because like earlier his dog had pooped and he just sort of put it in his pocket and then kept it with him which uh. Like it checks out. No one would just keep, no you would. Sorry so the dog wasn't with him anymore? Yeah. The dog was with him, wasn't it? No, sorry, if your dog's not with you, you're just carrying around that shit for fun.

You put it in the nearest bin immediately, because that smell will linger. No one is keeping it in their pocket for later. This is premeditated. He was way funnier. No. You don't want to have a bag full of dog shit in your pocket, give your friend a little too enthusiastic of a hug? Yeah. Bang. They ruined. I must leave now for I am stinky.

A dog shit, dog shit really carries. You know? It does not take much dog shit to permeate a space. You ever accidentally put a thumb or a finger through a dog poop bag? Nope. I'd rather not. No. It's not my scene, really, you know? Are you tired of paying nothing for the same old superior quality free episodes of the

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That's over 300 hours of content from the hosts you know to you youolerate. I'll even throw in access to our glamorous and exclusive Discord server, where bizarre arguments only happen once or twice a week at most. Head to Patreon. to the next five minutes and I won't know because that's not my job, but you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us, and we will love you romantically for it. That's my promise to you. Uh, hey, that's right. It's time for Crime Watch.

Please put down your weapon. You're a direct violation. You'll pull the board! Please. You'll have five seconds to fly. Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

Help me! I'm not a million the team me! Hey! Theo, do you feel like it's getting hard to tell whether it's the original length one or not? Theo, do you feel like it's getting hard to tell whether it's the original length one or not? Oh, absolutely, I'm completely thrown. What do you mean? It's always the same length? That's right. This is from WANE News in Fort Wayne, Indiana. That's right. Indiana man reportedly set own car on fire to stop people from

stealing from it. Problem solved solved. Done. Peerless logic. Yep. A man accused of arson told Bloomington police. He set a car on fire to discourage people from stealing from it, caught document's a ledge. Bloomington, Indiana, of course, part of a sort of a twin city situation with normal Indiana. I feel like this story would have been funnier if he was on the normal side of town. Not the Bloomington side of town. Normal man sets car on fire, etc. etc. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, well, it's not how that shook out. Police responded to a report of a suspicious person just after midnight in the

parking lot of the Crawford apartments on South Henderson Street on February 12. Officer said he found a man standing next to a 1998 Buick that was on fire. The man identified as Austin Bristow, 26, reportedly told an officer the vehicle was his and he said it on fire to stop people from stealing items inside of it. As police were talking to Bristow, the car became engulfed in flames and the fire caused several small explosions. Okay. Yeah.ow, the car became engulfed in flames and the fire caused several small explosions. Okay. Yeah.

Maybe put the fire out first? No, they got to ask that guy some questions. Hey. What's your fire? Is it just like exploding away? Yeah. Nothing to say here folks. I think it's a real power move to have the police or the fire department turn up to

you standing next to a flaming car and to go, oh no, that's fine, it's mine. Yeah, that's my car, it's my fire under control. No it's meant to be like that. This is my property. I can dispose of it how I like. At one point, Bristow reportedly said, quote, I hoped the explosions would be bigger. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, it's, it's a the, it's a thi, it's a thi, it's a thi, it's a that's a that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th.. I's, th. I's, th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi, thi. the, that that that that the. that that that that that that that, that, it's thi, it's thi, it's that reportedly said, quote, I hoped the explosions would be bigger as he watched the vehicle burn. Hell yeah. Court documents state Bristow started the fire by cutting the fuel line, dumping gas and oil into the car and setting a bandana on fire and then throwing it into the trunk.

He was really determined to discourage those thieves. I'm just going to say it. I'm not sure that his story is true or correct. You reckon he might have had ulterior motives for exploding his car? Yeah, like it's a good story to think up on the fly. Yeah, do you think he might have perhaps say murdered somebody inside his car? Maybe? He maybe should have thought of a better story beforehand, but last minute, it's not bad. I mean, our choice is he's either deranged or a liar. So I guess it's... Hey, you can be a deranged liar.

That is true. Yeah. Leave some agency for deranged people. Quote, Austin then stated that if there was nothing left to the vehicle, then there would be nothing left to steal, stated a police officer's account in a probable cause affidavit. Uh-huh. Yeah. If you take my fucking, the little screen that I can detach from my head unit, from the CD player in my 1998 Buick, one more fucking time. I can't go back to J.B. Hi-Fi and have the man the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th officer the th officer th officer the th officer the the th. the the the the the the the the the the thoffice, thoffic officer police police police thoffice, thoffice, thoffice, tho-office, the police police police police police police police police police police police police police police police the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thea' thea' thea' the the the the the the the the the the the the the threatea' thea' thetime. I'm bloving the shit to the ground. I can't go back to J.B.

Hi-Fi and have the man install another one of the cheapest head unit you can get. I can't go through that again. The man will be so annoying. Yeah. If I lose another skitsmix CD. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking the CD. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking. I'm gonna fucking them all in there. I'm gonna f-a fucking the fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking. I'm gonna f f f f. I'm gonna f. I'm gonna f. I'm fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking. I'm gonna f. I'm fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking. I'm fucking. I'm fucking. I'm into the car anymore. I got a big CD wallet. Yeah, I've got them all in there. I'm too scared about losing them all so I can only take one at a time. I've lost Skitsmick 19. I've lost Skitsmix 24. I've lost Skitsmix 4. You can't be a guy that owns all of them or none of them. Yeah, what's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th tho's tho's tho's tho's tho's tho' tho' I've tho' tho' tho' tho-I I've tho-I'm tho-I'm tho-I'm they's thoom. I'm they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they. I. I. I. I. I. I I I I th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's that. I's that. I've that. I've that. I'm that. I'm thoomoomoomorrow. I've got to to to toomorrow. I've toomorrow. I've toomorrow. I'm thoomorrow. I'm thoomorrow. I'm thoomorrow. You want to be a guy that owns all of them or none of them?

Yeah. What's the point otherwise? And they're, I've got to be honest with you. Hard to buy at this point. Yeah, I wonder. You know what, we should do another deep dive into schizmix. Police arrested Bristow on a preliminary charge of arson. Now I'm not a, you know, I'm not like a big-time libertarian or anything like that. I'm not one of those big American freedom nut guys or whatever.

I do kind of think, if you're not harming anyone, you should be able to burn your own car to the ground. Yeah, if you clean up a mess afterwards, you know, yeah you paid for it. Yeah, that's your car. If you clean up a mess afterwards, you know? Yeah, you paid for it. Yeah, that's your car. If you're not funneling like toxic smoke into like a preschool or whatever by doing it, let the man burn his car down. Come on. Yeah, like is it a crime to set fire to your own car? Like is it arson if it's stuff you own and you chose to do it? Yeah. To me, arson has like your attempting to... Do insurance fraud or harm someone.

Yeah, right? But if it's just you and you were happy to say goodbye to the car, can you arson yourself? Can you do auto arson if you're part? So the definition of arson here is the criminal act of deliberately setting fire to property? It doesn't to to to to to the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the asa. I the ascenteaseaseasea. I theasea. I theasea. I the ass. I their a themance theirseainte. theirseainte. theirseainte. the. the. the the the the the the the......... I th. I the the the the the the. I the the. I's is the. I's is the the the the the the toe the toe te toe te te te te te te te te te te te te criminal act of deliberately setting fire to property. It doesn't specify whether it has to be your own property or whether you're doing it like maliciously. That's fucked up.

That knocks out the part of my legal arguments for this guy where I quote from the dictionary to start my appeal to the jury. If you are a lawyer, please run into a mailbag at Puntavisit.com and tell us if you have any idea if you the the the the the jury. If you are a lawyer, please run into mailbag at Puntavisit.com and tell us if you have any idea if you can get in trouble for burning your own stuff. I feel like all the lawyers that listen this podcast are like the boring kind of lawyers. Yeah. No offense. I mean it. Oh, I had to do some tauts today. What do you reckon like family court lawyers? I feel like they're all doing like corporate law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law law. What to to to to to the toughts today. What do you reckon we got like family court lawyers? Or like... I feel like they're all doing like corporate law or something. Just document guys like guys that are making documents all day long. They're always checking documents. This is compliant. Okay awesome. Take that lawyers that listen to this show. You're on blast both of you. Oh the system, it's a jungle out there.

And sometimes we go to the jungle and we take things from there and we put them into a kind of prison. We call that kind of prison a zoo. It's time for zoo watch. Z-W-O-Z-O-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-CHAW-WATZWTH Z-WO-WATCH Z-WO-WATCH Z-WO, Double, Double, Double, Double, Double, Double, Double, Double, Double, Double, Z. ZWATCH. It's time for Zoo Watch.

I like it. That goes surprisingly hard. It's got a real, uh, Where's Wally TV show? Oh, where's Wally? Oh, my goodness. This comes to us from CNN. Houston Zoo's Pelican enclosure was apparently vandalized after a slew of similar incidents at other zoos. Huh. What kind of vendetta do you have to have? Who's going after the pelicans? Yeah, I hate the animal kingdom.

I mean I think yeah no I don't think they're doing this because they hate animals. Spies the creatures. It might kind of be the inverse of that actually. Fuck you pelicans I'm gonna fuck up your jail. That'll show you what's what. I'm just looking up what kind of pelican you got to keep in a in a zoo. They're normally just tooling around. Yeah they're Tthey're everywhere they're everywhere they're everywhere they're everywhere they're they're they're everywhere they're they're they're they're they're their they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to come. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I're just to their. Yeah. I're just their. I'm just their. I'm just their. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just the the the the the the the the the the the to. I'm just to. I'm just to. I'm just to. I'm just to. I'm just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the a in a zoo. They're normally just tooling around. Yeah. Yeah, they're everywhere. Yeah. Oh, come and check out the come and check out the pigeon enclosure everyone. You know. I'm sorry look I want to apologize to pelicans. I'm not not putting them in the same category as a pigeon. Like it sounded like you were. That's all. Yeah. A pelican would 100% eat a pigeon eat a pie. A swa. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon. A pigeon eat a pigeon. You could eat several, like at one time.

I've seen a pelican eat a swallow before. Oh my gracious. Yeah, it's pretty weird. Carry that with me for life. Oh. Houston Zoo officials are investigating possible vandalism after an enclosure of the brown pelican habitat and the children's zoo was deliberately cut. Oh, that's... Brown pelican? No, pelicans are white. The children zoo. I got to stop putting children in those zoos. Children should be free.

That's my opinion. Yeah. Keepers noticed a four-inch gap in the measure of the enclosure on Monday, Zoo spokesperson Jackie Wallace said in a statement, I'm immediately googling pelican penis size. Four inches wide at the base, interesting. They determined the animals in the exhibit were secure and unharmed and immediately alerted the zoo's security, Wallace said, alarms going off, big rifles coming down off the wall. Everybody putting on their hat that has one side pinned up. Out of an abundance of caution, all other the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their gooooooluce-auuilluce-au-ogeau-ogeauling their goo off the wall. Everybody putting on their hat that has one side pinned up. Out of an abundance of caution, all other animal areas were closely examined, but nothing similar was found.

Quote, the Houston Zoo is prepared to prosecute to the fullest extent allowed by law. Anyone who compromises the animals in our care, Walla said. Death penalty, yeah. Very different attitude to the place that employed the dog in our care wallets there. Very different attitude to the place that employed the dog shit smearer. These guys are like we're not about it. Other place was like, hey we'll talk to him later. Not on here and we'll surely talk about it. We will not tolerate the theft or endangerment of any of our animals, big or small. The possible vandalism in Houston follows a spate of recent bizarre. not tolerate the theft or endangerment of any of our animals big or small.

The possible vandalism in Houston follows a spate of recent bizarre incidents at zoos across the country. Two Tamarin monkeys were snatched from the Dallas Zoo last month. Oh, they got that monkey snatched. They were snatched. I don't think they're doing tick-talk. Snatch that, etc. Okay. Two beautiful snatched monkeys down at the zoo. You just say female monkeys. Authorities say the suspect in that case admitted to stealing the monkeys and trying to steal a clouded snow leopard

whose fenced enclosure was cut. Big task. No, I reckon they just let them go until they steal an animal that's too much for them. Yeah, and that's... Let them test their metal. It's sort of auto-corrects. The system has a mechanism in place, which is that a tiger will kill you. I'm just going to say, I don't think think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi I don't thi I don't thi I don't think think I don't think I don't think think I don't think a thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I don't thi, I thi, I the thi, I the the th. I th. th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, teateateat, teat, thi, thi, thithink a four inch cut in a fence was to steal a pelican. Yeah, they are much bigger than that. I feel like you could probably. Bigger than one human penis however that is.

No, where you could feel like two penises in there. If you really wrenched it by the neck, I think you could get a pelican through a four-inch hole. You think? What about that? That folds right down like, collapsible? That's four-inch radius. The bill is mostly just like a dangling sack. Yeah.

Yeah, I think like the bill collapses up like an umbrella, you know? I think it's the wings are going to have problems. Yeah. I would the the the the the the thabe I the thabe. I think it's the wings they're going to have problems. Yeah, I would have been those the wrong way. I would like to see a guy try to take a clouded snow leopard home though. Yeah, well he failed at that one, right? The clouded snow leopard was just wandering around the zoo, and then all of their things that they released about it were just like no that guy's harmless don't worry about it. Yeah just kind of vibing. He's just a big pussycat. Also like I totally get being like some you know eco-warrier guy going to a zoo and being like fuck this we're getting the animals out of here you precious rare Tamarin monkeys you you beautiful clouded snow leopard. I guess you pelicids. the the the the the their the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's just just just just just just just just just just. It's just. It's just. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. I'm. So. So. I'm. So. So. I'm. So. I'm. So. I'm. It's. It's. It's. It's snow leopard. Enjoying Dallas. I guess you, Pelicans.

Like what are Pelicans doing with their lives where they're not the zoo? They just live at the beach. Yeah. They probably shouldn't be in a zoo. I mean, yeah. I feel like a monkey would enjoy, like downtown Detroit or whatever. I think they thrive.

Oh, I think they thrive. They thrive there. Oh I think monkeys would love Dallas getting around. We're talking like a Dunstan checks in kind of scenario here. I think they might maybe even more well behaved to that. They try some text mex. Monkey and a cowboy hat. We're talking. I'm liking what I see. Yeah. Um. I'm liking what I'm liking what I see. Yeah. I'm liking what I'm like. I'm like. I'm like. I. I'm like. I'm like in. I'm like. I'm like in. I th in like. I'm like in like. I'm like. I, somehow I doubt anybody who's getting an animal out of a zoo like this, like, I think it's probably a really, really, really significant task to take an exotic animal back to its place of origin. You know? Yeah, I don't think anybody's doing it. I think it would be very easy to say, we got to get you out of this prison. Good luck out there. Yeah, but the actual, like, if

somebody said, oh, I want to like, you know, rehabilitate them and get them back to wherever. I'm repatriating the clouded snow leopard. Let's say even if you could get like an orangutan or something to like you know one of the one of the monkey rehabilitation places that they have in like Southeast Asia where they're like please stop feeding them even they're doing cool stuff. They taught them to do cool stuff. It doesn't matter that they've learned to roller blade stop giving them hot dogs. That's right. That's right. Uh, but how the fuck are you going to get a monkey overseas? You're not? Yeah. Take it on the plane?

You're going to put in a little hat? You're going to put him in a little hat? And the monkey's back in the cowboy hat. This is my associate, Gunter. that Bolo time. I think you'll find his documents are all in order, slipping it over with a hundred dollar bill to the person working at the Delta counter. Oh dear. So he also told police that he wants to return to the zoo and take more animals if he gets out of jail. Well, that's a good attitude. I'll give him that. Yeah, I admit I cannot tell a lie. I'm straight back to that zoo. Yeah. Yeah. If. If. If at the the the the the the person, if. If at the the the the the the the the the the the the the person. the the the the the the the person. the the the the the person. the the the the the thi. the the the person. thiole. the person the person the person the person the person the person the the person the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the person. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tole. tole. tie te. te. teole. te. te. teole. te. te. te. te. te. total te. I'll give them that. I admit I cannot tell a lie. Got straight back to that zoo. If at first you don't succeed, try again to steal some monkeys and a snow leopard from the Dallas zoo.

The monkeys were found at an unoccupied home in the Dallas area. I'd argue it was occupied. Yeah, my monkeys. Two monkeys starting the best sitcom of all time. Monkey House Dallas. What kind of party you think they were thrown? Oh my god. Magic.

Magic. Manky beer pong? Probably listening to butthoes surfers, having the time of their life. One monkey, Hugh hefner smoking jacket. Other monkey, lampshade on the head. Yeah. And that's what reads the police when they open the door. And they've both since learned rudimentary English, one of which for no reason has a posh, upper class British accent.

Yep. The other he's got like a New Jersey accent. And obviously that's the smoking jacket one and the that's the smoking jacket one. That's right. He's thi the the the the the the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's the smoking's a the smoking's a th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. th. th. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. the smoking. It's the smoking. It's the smoking. It's the smoking. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. That's right, that's right. He's taking little pipe, little pulls from a bubble pipe, so on and so forth. One of them's a bit of a slob, the other's a maniacal neat freak, the chemistry is unbelievable. When the police say they're actually not supposed to be there, fancy monkey got shocked, Monacal falls out, all the hits. And then the New Jersey one says hey that's what my mother used to tell me. Oh, ay! Paisa-huh. Yeah. Anyone got any pizza pie around here?

Oh boy. I tell you what, being liberated from animal prison, but then being caught and forced to go back, it's the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is from Business Insider. $276 million was spent on 31 Spanish trains before it was realized that they were too big to fit in the tunnels.

Ooppees! Hmm. Yeah. They, they's. Yeah. Hmm. They should have checked first. Just get a measuring tape. Just one guy's opinion. Yeah, get on down there. Oh, yeah, that's a shame.

That's a scooch too wide. Yeah. Spanish transport services are going back to the drawing board. After spending millions of euros on new commuter trains that are too large to fit in tunnels on the rail network. Just widen out the tunnels. Get Elon Musk down there with one of his bloody machines. He could probably do it in 12 minutes. Get your tunnel sounder in and out of that bad boy.

Yep. Jesus Christ. Just thinking, you know how in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in movies in the movies in the the the the the the th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thoing thoing how how thoing the thoing thi thi thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing th. th. th. th. Yep. Just thinking you know how in movies they are they use like the train going into the tunnel as a sexual metaphor in scenes? Yeah in like all those movies. Yeah what about um... dozens of movies? Or in the all of the other things that are parodying the one thing. Yeah and we can all name what movie it is that that's it. Yeah. Yep. It's North by Northwest. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's a fucking perfect movie. Check out the movie. North by Northwest. I gotta finish watching the Banshys of Insurance. That's gonna take me another year. Yeah. Just watch the Colin Farrell. the colan farseil sex tape. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. the th. th. the the th. the th. the the the the the the the th. the th. th have a second glass of wine. And then full sleep 45 minutes into

Banshees. Yeah. Watch the Colin Farrell's sex tape. You know? I'm sorry? I didn't know this existed until about a week ago. Right. Did you watch it? No good. This is the first I'm hearing about it. He's like he's doing a lot of talking. And's really like it really... What voice is he using? He's just saying a lot of stuff. Yeah, but like his Martin MacDonough movie voice or his like true detective voice? Was he doing his golem? My precious. He wasn't doing a golem, I can say that much.

Irish gol. Just look up the transcript. Just look up the transcripts. You don't have to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. Irish go. Just look up the transcript. Just look up the transcript. You don't have to watch the, you don't have to watch the video. Oh, wouldn't trade you for all to get us in the land. Christ alive. This is the best podcast on earth. It's something.

Oh, it used to be my mother's ring. Irish golf. Two senior officials in the Spanish transport industry were fired earlier this week, Donald Trump style. You're fired. You're fired. The trains were too big. Guys remembered Donald Trump.

Guy from TV? Yeah, he was famous for firing people. He was that home alone movie. Yeah, you're fired. I haven't thought about that guy in ages. Strange. What's he up to? He was on Resslemania one time. He took a bump pretty well actually. I wouldn't have thought that from like a business guy. That's strange. Although I bet he's used to bloody taking a couple of bumps if you know what I mean. Oh, cocaine. Oh, like a drug.

I don't know. I think he's, I think he's too weird. Yeah, I think he abstain. Yeah, I think he's an abstainer. He's one person who't that thing? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, he just poisons his body with McDonald's, am I right? He loves hamburgers. This last time you had McDonald's, Lucy. Uh, like this morning? What did you get? Tell us your order? It's a little McMuffin. the sausage and egg. Sausage and egg? The sausage and egg.

The sausage McMuffin. It's the king of McMuffins. I didn't believe this for a long time, but it is. Yeah. Ooh, I got the first drive-through muffin I'd got in a long time recently. And I was out on the road, unwrapped my sausage and egg. They'd put mother-fucking sausage and egg, they'd put moth-facin' an egg in there. God damn.

Like a dagger through my heart. You turned around. Oh no, I said, the muffin already half gone. Oh my throat. You parked your enormous SUV in the car park. You kicked the automatic sliding doors to thetina style, somehow. You walked up to the group of 14 year olds and he said, listen up your little fucks.

One of you is going down. One of you is being crushed under the wheels of my cyber truck today. Right now, all of you point to who made the fuck up, and I will limit the punishment to that one person, otherwise the rest of you are getting thrown through the drive-through window Otherwise everybody's going under the cyber truck Two senior officials were fired early this week after local news outlet el commesio reported last month that the government had spent 258 million euro on unusable trains Oh, I only got firedto be usable.

The 31 trains were meant to replace older ones in the north of Spain on a route that connected the Cantabria and Asturias regions. President of Cantabria Miguel Revia. Yeah. Yeah. Called the circumstance a quote, unspeakable botch. Like he said it so sexy like that? Yeah, I do.

Do you think he sounded really fuckable when he said it like that? Yeah. Interesting. According to local newspaper, El Diario Montaniers. Renfee, the country's national train operator ordered the trains in 2020, granting the manufacturing contract to the transport manufacturing company, C.A.F. Renfee said it provided correct measurements from ADIF, a train track company. Euron News reported, but the manufacturers said they warned the national train line that the sizing was likely not correct.

You guys sure? You sure that's how big you want the train? You want to check your train measurements, I reckon. Measure twice, spend $300 million once. I do say that. Yeah. How many different sizes of trains will be making? You know?

Four. Get it together. Standardized trains. The miscommunications likely arose because the tunnels in the region. Standardised trains. The miscommunications likely arose because the tunnels in the region were built in the 19th century. According to Euronews, so they do not accommodate recent standard train sizes. History solved. They needed to get 300 million euros worth of, like the little trains that they have at Petting Zoos. Oh, tiny train, well yeah, yeah. You didn't want it this size?

Yep. Nothing but them. But, because they're not as big, you can get way more cars on them. Luckily, the trains were still in the design phase, the country's transport minister said, and had not yet been built when the error came to light. Sounds fine, really. They were meant to be available in 2024. However, a complete redesign means the new service will not be available until 2026. Oh, that's frustrating. Just, just select all, reduce size 15%.

No? Yeah, scale that bad boy down. Just squish it. Everyone kind of like going to sit down in their seats just slightly further away than they expect. Well, just slide it up. What's the problem? Two people sitting next to each other on the train crammed in.

Just stretched out so it's like, you feel really wide, like the roof's just quite low. Be nice. Is'd be nice. Real cozy, you know. Isabel Rodriguez, a government spokesman, called the incident quote, unacceptable, and said there would be an internal investigation into the mix-up. This is not the first time there have been sizable train troubles in Europe. In 2014, a French rail company spent billions of euros on trains that were quote, too wide for the tracks. Keep getting these chowed trains. Yeah. We're chode styles. Why do you keep making all these purchases from chowed trains are us? Sure you want your train to be extra wide?

Oh wee. wide. Ah, we. Do you want to know the tall or longer? Non. Uh, trains. Sometimes the wrong size. But there's one kind of vehicle, there will always be the right size. That's right. I'm talking about the humble Hyundai. It's time for Hyundai.

It's time for Hyundai watch. That's the official position of the podcast. That's the official position of the podcast. A Hyundai will always be the perfect size. That's right. It doesn't matter what model of Hyundai you own. It's pretty much the size you expected it to be. There's a standard Hyundai down in the basement of the French Standards Institute that they all other Hyundai is measured from. That's right, yep. The Hyundai International. This comes to us from

WROC News, the Rock. Yeah. Hyundai launches software upgrade to prevent car theft. It'll never catch on. It'll never. It's rolling out a software upgrade. It says will slow a recent increase in car thefts. The announcement came in a response to a local lawmaker's call for action. Congressman Joe Morel made his request Saturday asking the CEOs of Hyundai and Kia

to address the security vulnerabilities that make certain models targets for theft. The key vulnerability relates to engine immobilizers which were not equipped to standard in many models released between 2011 and 2022. Hyundai Vice President of Global Affairs Robert Hood addressed the local issue in a letter to Representative Morel Monday, saying in part, quote, this increase has been fueled by irresponsible social media video challenges which have promoted this criminal activity. I would say they were fueled in part by the fact that all you need to do was plug in a

USB cable of any kind and then you could just start the car. Yeah, I feel like that's a you problem. Yeah, don't blame the fucking Tick-Tock videos about the fact that your cars were super-stealers. The Steeler Hyundai Challenge. I think you'll find sunlight is the best detergent. Yeah. That's what they're saying is the girl? If you're being sunlight with water?

According to Hood, the quote, theft mode demonstrate the social media videos. This is their phrasing by the way. Going full to theft mode. Oh, you put the car in theft mode. Oh, that's how you stole it. Don't put, don't give your car a theft mode. Don't do it. You shouldn't have one. That was your big fuck up there. According to Hood, the theft mode demonstrated social media videos will be disabled by software

upgrade that has already begun rolling out to about 1.1 million, 2011 to 2022 Hyundai owners. Don't call it theft mode. Also, who are you quoting? Who is the theft mode being quoted from there? Because it shouldn't be like the instruction manual of the Hyundai. Yeah, oh, theft mode. To telecarter, theft mode. Oh, we use that for diagnostics. Don't use that. Don't use that. Yeah, that's just for us. I don't think a car should have a software upgrade. Like I shouldn't have to update my car. I just, I feel like, I don't know if it's just because we're old and you know, we're cranky about changes in the stuff we're used to or whatever, but... Yeah, about some coffee-flavored coffee?

I have no faith in software being maintained or supported at all by anything. You know that like in 10 years time you're going to own a 2009 Hyundai whatever and they're just going to stop supporting the software and there'll be some sort of bug and then your car will be mechanically sound but completely unusable because there's no like open source hacked version of the software you can chuck on there or whatever. Like, this shit is gonna go bad real soon. I think I'm currently having this experience with my TV, I think. It's like a, it's a smart TV from 2015.

You fucked up. What by buying a smart TV? Yeah. Oh, so I'm so set up by the other. My TV is not allowed to go on to the internet. They won't leave you. You can't buy a dumb TV anymore. I tried so hard to buy a dumb TV. They don't exist anymore. They don't exist anymore. They have to have some sort of fucking shitty ass internet connectivity built into them. But then it turns out that it comes with the Iron Chef Channel, so is it so bad? Hmm. Well, so what I think is happening to it, right? Is that as time has gone on, it continues to receive Android TV updates. So it's cool when you're watching something and your TV just turns off and starts

up updating itself. I just got a little think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to have to have to have to have thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi to thi to to thi to thi to to thi to to thi to thi. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo th a little think by myself for a while. Or sometimes like an old computer I have to restart my TV to just make it run faster again. It's so cool. Fucking hell. And then like yeah because new versions of the software keep coming out it means that like they are obviously being made for newer TVs. So like having like having a computer where you can keep buying new software for it but they're making it to new standards at some point my they're well they will just stop making software for it and I imagine it'll just be a whole bunch of like brick TVs yeah like they'll lose all of

their API keys or whatever so it's like well to run I need to be able to connect to the Samsung servers or whatever. And then the Samsung servers aren't there anymore. So your TV goes, oh, I'd love to show you what you've got plugged into HMI1, but I can't. You don't have to plug in, plug TVs into the internet these days, do you? For the reference, I have a Sony Bravia from 2013. Well, the bravavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavavav is is a wonderful is a wonderful is a wonderful th. It's is a wonderful th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a wonderful th. It's a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the. the. the th. wonderful television. It's a great television. A little bit of a little bit LCD bleed. You can see the lights at the back, but honestly, it doesn't bother me. I also have a 2015 Sony Bravia, great TV. Great TV. The Sony Bravia, the television. The television of the Buntavista. My bedroom TV is a Bravia. Yeah, we're a real Bravia family are we. Yeah, wow. Yeah, the the the the the the the th. That. That. That. That. That's the th. That's th. That's the the the that's the that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the lights the lights the lights lights lights the lights the lights. the lights. the lights. the lights. the lights. the lights. the lights. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've got a Bravia. Yeah. We're a real Bravia family, are we? Yeah. Folks, if you know anybody at Sony, please let them know that we will absolutely do sponsored, sponsored, sponsored Bravia content. We will do sponsored

Bravia content in exchange for new Sony Bravias. We would absolutely do that. We've always said that we'll only do advertising if it morally aligns with our systems of belief. And honestly, I just, I love the hell out of my Bravia. I love my like 2008 plasma Bravia more than life itself and I will endorse it for any amount of money. In fact, none. I'll be honest. I endorse it right now. I'll be honest, I think you're kind of low-balling us a little bit. Starting at zero. I think we're pretty much paying on the amount of money that we'd get ever.

Well, yeah, that's what we'd like to get. I think what we'd like to get is maybe different from zero? How much does advertising pay you guys? Oh, a big my mind. It's like a shit load it turns out. If we were taking ads, we'd actually be getting quite a lot of money. What? They pay you. I just been keeping this information from us. We have a listener who works for a company who keeps, I'm going to say haranging us, saying that he just wants to give us a to tot totototototot to us a to us a to us a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to tod their to to to to to their to to to to to to to to their to their, their, to to their, to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. too, too, to to give us a ton of money to advertise a relatively ethically sound product. Let's have to keep so long low. And you've just been saying no on Alba Ha. I've been saying no on, yeah.

What do you guys need money for? Kids, mortgages, fuck off. Quote, this population was selected to go first as it covers the highest-selling vehicles and those most targeted by thieves, according to our discussions with local law enforcement around the country, Hood said. Another 2.6 million vehicles will receive the free update in phases by June. Vehicles with the upgrade can be taken to a dealership to get a sticker, a thiote. Robert Hood. Vehicle with the upgrade can be taken to to to be to be to be to to be to be to to be to be with the upgrade can be taken to a dealership

to get a sticker alerting would-be thieves the car has the new enhanced anti-theft technology. Well just sell the stickers. Why would you need this? Just sell the sticker that's saying you've got a security camera? Yeah, all those signs that say if you pee in the pool that die. Yeah, there's not baby on board a the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th you pee in the pool, they'll die. That will be visible. Yeah. There's not baby on board. And I've been testing those pools. I've been testing those pools. That's so fucking funny to be like, oh, we'll give you a sticker that says,

please don't steal my car. There's something bad in it. I am, when we moved into this house that th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th. th. the, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, I've, I've thin, I've thin, I've thin, I've thin, I've thin, I thin, I thin, I've th. And, I've th. And, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th. And, I've th, I've th. And, I've th. And, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've th. And, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, thin, thin, now. It had like all of the security shit, you know, it had like the siren with the light on it outside like up under the eaves. Spike traps. Yeah. And oh yeah, and there was there was like a big sort of fun. Like a wired, a wired back-to-base box in the in one of the cupboards. And like sensors in the rooms and stuff all like hard wired in and everything. And so like a normal person I just immediately went around and snipped all the wires off the sensors and pulled them out of the walls.

I don't want to know what's happening around my house. It's not my business. And so like in buying the house we got given this stuff where it's like yeah and you you now inherit the subscription for this security service. and I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th th th th. And I th. And I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th in th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thi thi thi the in the in the in the in thee in the theeeee. So the. So, thean the. So, the. So, thi. So, thi. So, the the house, we got given this stuff where it's like, yeah, and you now inherit the subscription for this security service. And I was like, no, I don't. Oh, I do not. No, so I don't. And to call them up and be like, yeah, you can just switch that bad boy off. And they couldn't understand, like, oh, but all the stuff's there.

But I'm also here. I can see it. Switch, switch that bad boy off. That's all good. I don't think I need any, that needs to be security monitoring myself at home. That's fine. Yeah, I'm actually a Akito black belt, so I don't need any of this fancy shit because I'll be defending my family myself. House of Sticker on the outside. You can't steal this. My body actually has seven registered weapons. My feet, my hands, my elbows, and my gun. I would just defeat them with facts and logic.

Yeah, I would debate them away from stealing my Sony Bravia, Planet TV. Come on. They're like, hey man, that thing's a piece of shit. It weighs like 55 kilos, so I don't think you're actually, you're not going to be able to carry it out by yourself. It doesn't even support HDR, and so you're probably not going to be able to get SDR content like sooner or other than later. Just have a really heavy TV. Yeah, so you've got the only TV shit enough to not steal.

Go fuck yourself. So do fuck yourself. So do you pretty deep on those old plasmas, you know, they're not that bad. You do get some color burned and some trails sometimes, but I wouldn't stress about that. It also runs really hot. So if you live in, say, a 70s or 80s, like double brick, Queensland apartment. Yeah, perhaps in the sub-upupupupupupupupupupupup hot. Yeah, you're gonna end up with a really fucking hot living room from watching your master chefs. Hood says roughly 15% of the Hyundai vehicles manfaction between

2011 and 2022 are not eligible for the upgrade. You can't get it out of the theft mode. Oh no. And then you got to get a sticker that says my car has not had the software upgrade. That's theft. You. You. You's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's. It's is. It's. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the master's got to get a sticker that says, my car has not had the software upgrade. That's right. The car is... Theft mode enabled. Please don't steal my car. Feth mode. On.

I would I is finalizing the details of a plan to reimburse owners of those vehicles for the cost of a steering wheel lock. That's just fucking embarrassing. I think you should probably give it like refund their car, personally. That's such a 90s fucking. Who has a steering wheel lock on their car? You're gonna just put that shit on every time? Goddam. That's awful. Like a loser. In the meantime, Hood says Hayunda will continue to work with the Monroe County Sheriff's Office in Rochester Police Department to make steering wheel locks available for free to residents. They build a car that doesn't suck.

They have... Engine immobilizers in Australia those same model cars because they had to because of legislation. Ah, see the problem. Freedom? Bloody Nanny State. Yeah. Oh, I hate it. I hate it when the government comes in, interferes with my business, like forcibly remove theft mode from my car.

It's my right to have my Hyundai stolen. That's right. Yeah, that's freedom, baby. I should be able to burn my 1998 Buick to the ground and I should be able to have my Hyundai tolen. I should be able to burn the Hyundai too. Yeah. That's right.

Filling your car with petrol and oil, the ultimate anti-theft device. That is true. Those are your two choices. You live in Australia where the boot of the fascists is crushing down the car manufacturers so they have to put engine the motorizers. Oh, I never even had a chance. They have to put engine boc the motorizers. This huge state apparatus is so tall it can squash me easily. Or you live in America where freedom rains and you can just set your car on fire and no one can touch your ship. No one can steal your car if you burn it. Yeah. And she's huge too, Lady Liberty, you know.

Yeah. Oh, why from protecting me! So Yeah. And she's so big. She's got some pretty good cans. I think that was technically an episode of the podcast, Wunta Vista. Wrapping it up right on a pretty good cans. Yeah, I feel like there was no other note we could have gone to from there, so we're going to have to leave that as the lingering taste in your mouth from this podcast episode.

Thanks Theo, we had a perfectly good episode right up until they were. You were all here for it. There's said all the most sexist stuff in that episode, yeah? Yeah, that's weird. Usually it's everyone else. Strange. Usually it's Lucy. It's true. Come on. It's not, that's fundamentally. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.'s Lucy. That's true. Come on. It's not fundamentally untrue. You say some pretty fucked up shit about women on this podcast. It's about time you were taken to task. And I'm allowed to.

And I'm a non of you are allowed to. That's true. I'm bisexual and mentally ill. How many like call out points do I get? Well I got those two but I'm a woman. Fuck they cancel out. That means you win. The Sheriff's Department's going to give you a free one of those chairs that you could sit on backwards to solve the problem. It's going to give you an oatmeal ice latte am I right? Yeah I can't drive or sit in a chair probably or whatever. Christ alive. It's free me and free me and free bro. If you're a paid subscriber to this th.. Great th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. the the the the th. the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the tho. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. th. th. th. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. threat. the. the. the. threat. the. the. the. the the. S a paid subscriber to this show, great. Thank you. Hey, how's it going? Thank you. And if you're not, hey, imagine if you had twice

as much of this and you had to listen to it because you're a completionist and you feel compelled to. Yeah, and you pay for it. And I'm not splitting the feeds. Yeah, you can do that. That'll last until the end of February, which, looking at our calendar here... It's a short month. Yeah, it's the shortest month of the year, very generous of us. You're going to get two more free episodes, and then you're going to get to the end of this month and you go, fuck! God, I wish I had this every month. I guess I have to give these guys five US bucks, which at the moment I think is $25 Australian dollars. Yeah, so please consider that. Otherwise, keep your head on a swivel. Watch your six. Stay frosty out there. Yeah. See next time.

Bye. Bye. you