Boonta Vista - EPISODE 287: Pure Unadulterated Penis

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Several zoo containment breaches, the accidental removal of something very precious, the story of a very old clam, and the Tipping Report. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

I think they're doing a video game for like two months at a time because you're going to buy you. That's been doing a point one video game for like two months at a time because you're going to buy you anymore. It was like 80 bucks. Yeah. It was a recording thing. Oh, it's like you just got some stuff on there.

That's great. That's great. That's the video's sides. Welcome to Buntavista episode 287. Here you are in a very silly scenario that I got the chat computer to generate for me. My friends Ben, Andrew and Theo are all decked out in cow hats and utter costumes, ready to attend the Yazoo City Milk Festival. Yeah, here to get milk. I can't wait. It's on, it's gonna be a fun game of guess which one is not an utter. I'm here with Ben, also known as Moo Man, since he loves milk so much. Hello Ben, how are you going? I'm great. I'm Mooman because I love milk. Everybody's calling you that. Yeah, I am very lactose intolerant. But you love it, that's how much you love it.

I love the attention so much that even though my life is a constant nightmare of stomach troubles. Everybody sees me and they say, hey, Mooman, will you chug this glass of milk? Even though I know that my life is about to get horrible, I chug it. Yeah. Because the applause, the cheers, that's worth it. Nothing, not having diarrhea doesn't feel as good as cheers feel. Everybody's been saying that. Yeah. I've also got the big guy himself, there's Andrew, who they call the milkman, because he knows everything

there is to know about milk. Hey Andrew, can you give me one fact? One fact about milk, huh? It comes from a beast. Yeah, I'm not narrowing it down. Yeah, that's true though. The fact is legit. What about nut milk? You don't want to know which beast that comes from, homie. Oh, hey, oh. Can I say that? Can you say that here? Can you say that here. Of course we have Theo better known as Milky Way because he is always breaking records in the cow milking contest. Yeah yeah yeah that's also sure we'll go with that that's why they call me this. I just want to say that I didn't write anything about the three of you in this. They're taking our jobs and there's more

there's more to it. Okay well well yeah, I mean, first of all, champion milker. Second ball, very white. Yep. As you enter the festival, you hear the sound of a live podcast being recorded nearby. Curious, you make your way over to the booth, discover that it's a podcast all about milk. Hoster interviewing farmers, cheese makers and other milk enthusiasts. You can hear them discussing the different types of milk, the best ways to drink it, and even some milk-related jokes.

You and your friends decide to watch the podcast being recorded and you all start shouting out milk puns and jokes to the hosts. Don't do that. Ben comes up with a particularly bad one. Why was the cow so bad at math? Because she was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. type type type type type type types. types. types. types. type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. to. I to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. comes up with a particularly bad one. Why was the cow so bad at math? Because she was a calculator. And Ben, I'm going to ask you to like, to explain that one. Yeah, explain yourself, please.

Okay, this seems pretty straightforward. A calculator is quite good at maths. But if it's a calculator it would be bad at it because it's not a calculator. Oh, okay. It's a bit of a rethinker. That thinneau. This is exactly the same as Caltools. The joke of Caltools is that they wouldn't be very good at making tools. A calculator wouldn't be good. It's a joke of cow tools. A joke of cow tools. A the joke is is is is the joke. A thole's coutels? I don't think that's a joke at all. Oh my fucking God, all right. I'm gonna find the fucking quote of Gary Larson explaining cow tools. Yeah, but you know,

you can't just assign meaning to your art and have it apply for everyone, you know? Oh you're saying this is like a death a a a a the the the the death a this is like a th. this is like a th. this is like a the death like a th. th. th. th. this is like a the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. thi. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's of Gary Larson situation, that it doesn't matter what he intended it to mean. I hope Gary Larson never dies. It's exactly well. I thought you can say I hope Gary Larson is listening to this podcast. Right, here we go. The cartoon was intended to be an exercise in silliness. While I have never met a cow who could make tools, I felt sure that if it did, the tool, tool, tool, tholks, tholks, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thus, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, t t t t toge. toge, t toge, t t toge, t toge, toge, toge, togu. togu. togu. t t t make tools, I felt sure that if it did, the tools would lack something in sophistication and resemble the sorry specimens shown in this cartoon. I regret that my fondness for cows combined with an overactive imagination may have carried

me beyond what is comprehensible to the average frontside reader. That's a very funny apology. It's very passive aggressive as well. Yeah, it's like sorry for being so smart. Like sorry you didn't get it. I'm sorry I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm the the the th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the the to to the to to too too the the the the to to the the to to to their to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too too too. too. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. t sorry I'm too creative for you to understand that cows would make bad tools. Take your ass back to Dilbit. I'm a clown in this MF. I want you guys to tell me what you thought cow tools meant up to this point. Yeah, I did kind of just think that they were just sort of shitty tools that a cow tools that a cow would use. I don't know. For what? It's just a wonderful little little morsel. We're pro-cowels on this podcast. Oh absolutely. Yeah.

Speaking for all of us but sure. Whose it will be. Which it gets across. Three out of four of us. Happy International Women's Day by the way. Oh thank you. After the podcast is finished the podcast is finished the podcast is finished the podcast is finished the podcast is finished the podcast is finished the podcast is finished th. th. the podcast is finished. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thooooooooo. th. th. th.. Oh, thank you. Yeah. After the podcast is finished, you and your friends continue to explore the festival. Andrew tries some milk chocolate that's so rich, he says that it's utterly divine. Yeah, I would say that. He's a funny guy. Although, to be honest, to be honest, I'm not really, like if I'm dealing with chocolate my mind doesn't immediately go to like cow. Yeah I'm not thinking about a cow when I'm eating it. I'm my first instinct to be like ooh. Especially if it's like shitty chocolate. If it's your Cadbury, you remember when Cadbury chocolate was all about saying

a glass and a half of milk in this. We want to convince you that there are milk solids in this chocolate. Yeah, it's a weird, weird thing. Something was taken from an animal to give you this. Yeah, we swear. Someway. Theo buys a milkshake that's as big as his head and he has to use both hands to hold it. He's so little.

Just want to reiterate, I wrote nothing about the three- AI is very good good. This is a milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks milks is very milks milks milks is very milks milks milks is very milks is very good. Very astute. You bought a big milkshake from a big lady. Can I have a really big milkshake? Yeah, we're front-loading it this time instead of leaving it for the last 30 seconds like in the last episode. Well done. You all start dancing and mooing along to the music, feeling happy and silly. You joke about starting your own milk podcast. And Ben says, we could call call it milk it for all its worth No, we've got a podcast Not bad we should start a second milk podcast. Yeah

Milk it for all it's worth. Speaking of uh speaking of milking I was watching the 1994 Kefer Sutherland and Woody Harrelson movie the cowboy way the other day. Uh-huh. I feel like? I feel like? I feel like? I'm? I feel like? I'm like, everyone. I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the like, the like, the like, the like, the like, the like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. Everyone, we've theeat, tho, tho, tho, they, the they, the the the they, they one one. they, their the the the the 1994 Kiefer Sutherland and Woody Harrelson movie, The Cowboy Way, the other day. I feel like everybody gets to say, haven't seen it. It was not familiar. I have not seen that film. Not at all familiar. Very inconsequential movie about two rodeo guys who go to the big city to try and find their friend and his daughter who are being people smuggled.

And during the course of this film, they capture henchman Luis Guzman, who we all know in love. Yeah. And in order to torture the information out of him about where this guy's daughter is being held, they tie him up and pull his pants down and then they get like a calf, a hungry baby calf and they're like you tell us what we want to know we're gonna let this this this cow go he thinks your little pecker is his mama's titty. So this cow's gonna suck you off? Well not going to,

absolutely does. He says what's a Well, not going to, absolutely does. He says, what's a little cow gonna do to me anyway? And they go, hey, it's your party, and they let go with a cow, and it runs over, and brutally sucks his dick until he screams and gives up the information. Is he enjoying it? Like, the movie suggests that he is not enjoying it. In fact, K Kiefess Othun says, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that movie suggests that he is not enjoying it. In fact, Kiefer Sutherland says, just so you know, wow, that looks like it hurts, just so you don't think,

man, I bet he's busting a fan of it right now. Yeah, but they couldn't have made it anything while they're getting him sucked off. You know what's easier? Just like, he's a little dick. Yeah. You don't have to get it counted. It's like he's a little dick. Instead of forcefully milking Louise Guzman. Hey, no one said it was a little dick on Louise Guzman. Don't sue us. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, it's it's intimated in the movie that his character has a small penis.

They call stubby. You know, no. actor, I'm sure he's packing. Is the confidence of a man who's packing. You ever get to see it? No, no, I mean I paused. I cram my head down. Oh, like have you seen it? Yeah. I have not, and I've seen a lot of movies with him in it. Yeah.

But no, and I would love to do it. It's going the no-new route, like Penn Badgerly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I the the the the the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the the the the the the the the the, I the the, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th than, I mean, I th th th than, I mean, I th 't afford his fee. You know, sometimes they've got calves, baby cows, in a petting zoo, you know, which is a scaled down version of what we all like to call the zoo. And we will visit that place in this week's ZooWatch. Clever girl. I've got a series of stories for you here because there's a lot going on in the world of zoos. This first one comes to us from the press agency UPI. To appear briefly escapes enclosure at Florida Zoo. Tapia briefly escapes enclosure at Florida Zoo. This first one comes to us from the press agency UPI. Mm-hmm. Tapir briefly escapes enclosure at Florida Zoo.

Get back in there. Yeah. Hey. You might, you know, you might laugh. You might say, well, it's just a Tepir. It's just harmless. I wouldn't worry about it. You should listen to the Buntavista episode.

The Oklahoma City to Pier something? Yeah. And you'll find that. Apparently they're quite nasty. I'd say, hey, this guy won't be much of a fuss until they do the thing where they like pull their snaut back and you see all their little human teeth and then I'd be like, up to get it. Get the tranks. Get the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the trucks. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their th. their. their. their their their their their their their their th. th. th. the. the. the. tip. tip. tip. tip. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tip. tip the thing where they like pull their snap back and you see all their little human teeth and then I'd be like up to get it get the tranks get the tranks. Thank you. I just think they're nasty. That's fair. Yeah like just some nasty little freak. Yeah they're kind of kind of yucky with it. Yeah Sorry that episode wasn't called anything like that you that thu. You were looking for episode 203 for sale loose baby never caught. I hope that helps. Zoo Miami in Florida confirmed a Malayan, Malayan Tepere briefly escaped from its enclosure Tuesday before being safely contained about an hour later.

The zoo said in a Facebook post that the adult male Tapir jumped over a habitat barrier about 745 a.m. after apparently becoming spooked by nearby maintenance machinery. So that, so at any time this tapir could just be like, I'm just gonna scoot right out of here. Well, yeah, I don't know if you, perhaps if you've been to Taronga Zoo and you've seen the tapir's there, it's just like, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a the the ta, it's a their, their, their, their, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapi, tapi, t, tapir, tapi, t, t, t, tapir, t, t, tape, t, t, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tape, tapir, tapir, a, a, a, a, toa, too, too, too, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, tapir, soa, tapir, tapir, soa, tapirs there, it's just like, it's a suggestion of a barrier. It's like a, it's a low sort of wall that a human being could easily step over. Going on the honor system for both species. Yeah, you'd hope humans would have the dignity not to step over a zoo fence, which as we know in America, they do not have. No. And the tapirs would be too lazy to step over a zoo fence, which as we know in America, they do not have. No. And that the tapirs would be too lazy to jump?

They do that with meerkats. They're in like a tiny little thing. Like, one could stand on another one's shoulders and he's out. Yeah, and that's, those are the sort of antics that they would get up to, yeah. Quote, the breach, the breach, the breach, the breach, the breach, the breach, the breach, the breach, the breach, the the the the the the thanchats is than, the thatts, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tooats, tooats. tooes. tooes. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tooooooooooooooats. tooooats. So. They's that, tooats. They're that, that, the breach was immediately reported via radio and protocols that have been established and practiced in accordance with the Association of Zoos and Aquariums Guidelines are initialized, the posthead. And if you want to hear all about those guidelines, I can't remember the name of that episode. Yeah.

Oh, boy. Oh, I bet it was funny. Might not have been related to zoos. Zoo officials wrote that the Tupiapear was contained in a, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, the, thi, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, tho, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, t..a, to, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, thee, thea, thea, thea, thea, too, thea, that the tapir was contained in a secure area of the facility where the animal health team and animal science team were able to tranquilize the animal and transport it to a secure holding space. Okay, that's not too bad, that's sure. Yeah, it's only to do so much. Jump over a fence, wake up back inside. Yeah, it'll probably do nothing. Might rip a lady's arm off mid-bicep. Also give the tapir some strange ideas about the nature of reality. Yeah. This whole other world out here. A topere being outside of its enclosure is kind of like the bit at the end of interstellar where he's seeing like the

five-dimensional representation of total space. It's completely beyond its comprehension. I'll spoiler, right? If you've not seen it into Stella, he's the ghost. Don't bother, kind of sucks. Nah, I liked it is fine. I heard it kind of sucked. Well, can't comment. Teach the controversy.

This is again from the press agency UPI, swamp monkeys briefly escape enclosure at St. Louis Zoo. I think we had to call them that. Did they find you guys? That's really rude. That's fucked up. She can't say that to me at work. Yeah. It's IWD actually. Oh fuck she can't say it. She's got to pass. That's swamp monkey part. All the women at work just get to be like really rude for a day. Yeah, they earned that. Yeah. Missouri's St. Louis Zoo said a pair of swamp monkeys briefly escaped from the enclosure

before being captured in an area inaccessible to the public. The zoo spokesman Billy Brennan said the habitat for the swamp monkeys, a species native to to to to to to to to to to to to to to swamp monkey to to to to to swamp monkey to the swamp monkey the swamp-, Billy Brennan said the habitat for the swamp monkeys, a species native to the swamp forests of Central Africa, was left unlocked during routine maintenance. Swamp forests? Yeah, isn't that intriguing? Yeah. I would, I assume that was a jungle. That was my impression of what a jungle is as a swamp forest.

Yeah, they live in a jungle. Well yeah, because you're operating that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their their their that was their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. theat. theat. too. too. tooea. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. thea. thea. their spa. t of your then diagram of swamp and forest. Yeah, they live in a jungle. Well yeah, because you're operating on like Minecraft biome rules. Absolutely. I mean, I've not, I don't think I've ever been to a jungle. You guys been to, what biomes have you been to? I've been to a forest? Rainforest. Yeah, into a jungle. I've been to a rain forest. to a the jungle. Rainforest. th. Rain forest. Rain forest. the jungle. Rain forest. the jungle. Rain forest. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I th. I th. I've. I've. I've th. I've the the the th. I've thine. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I've. I've tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. any jungles? They've got jungle in Borneo, I know that much. Yeah. That is, that's one of my axiomatic beliefs is that they have jungles in Borneo. Uh, Kakado National Park is the biggest national park in all of Australia and it's also home to one of Australia's best jungles. Oh. Now I've not been to Kakadu. How are you making a distinction between jungle and tropical rainforest, I wonder? I feel like jungle implies animals, but I think I just made that up in my head. To me, jungle strongly implies vine.

Yeah. You get some vines. Our rainforest are full of vines. Yeah, I don't know whether you could swing on them though. I don't think they're structurally tough enough. What about tundra? And you've always been to tundra? I don't think I've ever been to tundra. No. No.

What about thegur? We've got to fill in some of these experiences. We've got to write up some biomes. About deserts, so what deserts are you guys been to? I've been to the little and big desert in Australia? The little and big desert. There's two deserts. That's right. I've been to the American deserts, I think. I have been to death valley. Yeah. I'm in the middle of there, yeah, okay. This has been Biome Corner. And if you've been to

some interesting biomes, let us know. Good for you. Yeah, just take a moment to, good for you, don't tell us. Take a moment to recall those and treasure those memories. Think of the biomes gone by. Byombs. Take a moment. Bios of the past. Think about three biomes that you're grateful for. Top three most interesting biomes to you. The zoo's spokesman, Billy Brennan said that it was unlocked during routine maintenance, sorry, left unlocked during routine maintenance on the zoo's primate house on Saturday morning, allowing the two animals to escape. The monkeys were located in a keeper that is not accessible to the public, Brennan said,

he said the primates were returned to their habitat. You can there's a moment to be like, hey, you guys aren't supposed to be here? This is off limits. And also, your monkeys. That's right. The primate house was temporary closed to the public during the escape. Brennan said, he said zoo officials will review their safety and cleaning procedures. Like, I assume the procedures already include... Like locking the door. Yeah, like locking the door after you had done in there. Putting the door on the latch, I think is the bear minimum. You would think that would be in the guidelines already, but maybe it was just a given and...

Yeah. Give it a little shake. The incident comes after the Andean black bear named Ben escaped from his enclosure twice within a single month at the river's end to zoo. Yeah we spoke about Ben this is the same zoo. Wow. What are you guys doing? They need their zoo license. You're going to keep your shit locked down.

Right. So far we've gone from Tepere to Swat Monkeys. I've got another one here. This again from UPI. Cheetah briefly escapes enclosure at Omaha Zoo. What are you people doing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got it.

Like, PSA to people who work at the zoo, push the door until you hear it click. Yeah. Lock them up. That's right. Uh-huh. Officials at... Hillary in a zoo. Yeah.

Officials at Omaha's Henry Dawley zoo in aquarium. Henry Dorley. Interesting. Confirmed a cheetah briefly escaped from its enclosure but was behind a public barrier at all times. The zoo said in a Facebook post that the facility's emergency protocols were activated when the cheetah was seen outside of its primary enclosure, but behind a public barrier in the Scott African grasslands area.

Now that's a fun ethnic combination. Uh-huh. Ha ha ha. And just feel free to imagine that in your own time. We have no riffs about that at all. No riffs. None. If you develop one on your own time, you're liable for it. Yeah, our minds are slipping off the concept. That's right. Just can't touch it.

Zoo visitors students and employees were taken to secure locations and a lockdown was implemented. Quote, zoo staff had sight of the cheetah during the entire incident and at one point the cheetah laid down, the post said. Okay. He was like just hanging out. Great. Cool. Not even a thing. He was just having a little lie down. He was snoozing. Don't even get up. Asked about the fact that we let the cheetah out. Quote, the cheetah responded to the animal care team and was walked back into its night quarters without incident or intervention.

The five-year-old cheetahs named Gretchen was born at Lee coming to the Omaha Zoo with her mother and three sisters. That just, you shouldn't, yeah. First of all, don't call it Cheetah Gretchen. It's very disrespectful. Weird name. And also, like, you just know that the Lee G. Simmons Wildlife Safari park is not a good place. No deeds of honor are commemorated there. That is, the animals there cannot be happy.

No. What are you guys naming a cheetah? What? Oh, Octavius. I was going to say we're not going with like some classic speedy type stuff, you know? Zip. My super army. Yeah, this is my superlamy for cheetah. Was my superlamy a cheetah? No, Masupalami was a Marsuble army. He was a Marsupalami. But the lady Marsupalami, whose name is not Masupalami, her name is, she is also a marsupal army. Oh, check out Mar-Supalmy. Mario and Luigi kind of situation.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. In our world, he'd have a show called Human. Yeah, and he's just cruising around. Yeah, guys called Human. Guys called Human.

There's also like, Chantel. He's also human. Yeah, that's right. It's exactly like that. Okay, I'm glad we cleared it up. Official said there will be a review of security in the Scott African grasslands determine how the cheetah escape from the enclosure. Yeah.

Probably a good idea. I got one more zoo story for you here. This one's from CNN. Alligator, allegedly taken from Texas Zoo as an egg or hatchling has been returned nearly 20 years later, officials say. Huh. Not quite the same. No.

No, bigger, I'd say. Statute of limitations on that, I would say. You know, 10 years. Is it even the same alligator at this stage? You can't stand in the same river twice. Oh, yeah. A nearly eight-foot alligator that allegedly was taken from a Texas zoo nearly 20 years ago as an egg or a hatchling has been returned to the facility after it was spotted

living illegally in the backyard of a home near Austin official. Yeah, they have phrased that in a way that makes that that that that that that that that that that that that that the of a home near Austin officials saying. Get out of there. They have phrased that in a way that makes it sound like it was the alligator's fault. Yeah, like he's like an immigrant. Hey pal, you can't be here. Grrrh! Calling ice on this alligator? Like, it's a funny way to phrase it. Investigators were at a property in rural Caldwell County for a separate incident when they saw the alligator in a pen. Texas gay Morden spokesperson Jen Shugget said Monday. Like you have to know what the separate incident is.

It's so funny to be like well we're here for this bear that should be... Oh there's an alligator over there. Hang on a permit for that? Quote. Although there was a habitat in the backyard for the alligator, it had outgrown its pen because it was th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, the th, the th, th, their, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, too, too, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, toda. toooooooooooooo. too. too. too, their. their for the alligator, it had outgrown its pen because it was nearly eight foot long, Sugar said. Too big. Once wildlife officials discovered the woman couldn't meet the requirements for proper permits to keep the alligator. A crew went to the property, captured the gator and brought it to Animal World and Snake Farm Zoo, her original home, according to the zoo.

How long's that alligator been in this lady's backyard? Sounds like about 20 years. Yeah, that's rough. You're taking him from his home. But also, this is classic America shit where they're like, hey there's an alligator in that backyard. Oh, she technically doesn't meet the requirements for keeping that alligator. Not like, hey you shouldn't have an alligator. Yeah, we better take it back to our like barn, alligator petting zoo. Yeah, this roadside attraction combination gas station zoo.

Just for the record. They know how to pop your keeper. Yeah, that's right. I, like, pick a place, pick a type of place you are. Animal World and Snake Farm Zoo. Yeah. Like, like pick a, pick a place, pick a type of place you are. Animal, world, and snake farm, zoo. Yeah. Are you a world, a farm, or a zoo? And also you're distinguishing between animals and snakes.

Well, it sounds like they're farming snakes. Yeah. So it's a, it's a world for animals, but it's a farm for snakes, but all of them are inside a zoo. I hope that please that up. The snakes had like a little straw hat on and they were like holding a little hoe. It ain't much, but it's honest work. Andrew, I notice you've been looking up Animal World and Snake Farm Zoo. Have you got any insights there to offer us? I don't like the way that every photo on their website involves like a human hand touching

the animal. Yeah. Yeah. Also, it is a hidden shoes and flasked bracelet-asset-ass sentence. Mm-hmm. Animal, world and snake farm zoo. Yeah. Don't like it. You shouldn't be able to touch too many animals. That's something I believe. But Americans think that you should. You should be able to kind of like put your little, put your little hand up inside their mouth and stuff. Yeah, just give him a little toubara.

Yeah, they've got a capubara. Dominion over there. That's cool. Oh man, in America, what is going on over there? The zoo, located in New Braunfels, less than 30 miles northeast of San Antonio, posted a video Friday of the big reptile being carried from a truck through the facility and into the enclosure with other gators. Quote, we got a call from Texas Parks and Wildlife Department about an alligator that apparently has had in their possession for over 20 years now, the zoo employee says in the video. Evidently they were volunteering here actually at animal world and snake farm way back then and apparently took the alligator either as an egg or a hatchling that actually kept this thing as a pet for at least 20 years now he adds. The alligator will now live out the rest of her life at the zoo, the zoo the zoo the zoo the zoo.

now he adds. The alligator will now live out the rest of her life at the zoo, the employee says in the video. That's rough, she doesn't know these alligators. She's never been to this zoo. She was an egg. Yeah. Let her live in that cramped backyard. Yeah. Just pocketing a little alligator egg on the way out of work.

Like the day she quit, that'd be great. Let's take one of these. Take what's mine. I'll have one. The woman was cited with two misdemeanors, illegal possession of an alligator egg and possession of an alligator without proper permits, Shugget said, each carries up to 500 dollars in fines. Worth it. How are you gonna charge someone with possessing an alligator egg when there's no evidence of the egg anymore, you know? Which came first anyway? That's probably an egg. It's almost certainly an egg.

Probably an egg, yeah. It's just, that seems like a really fucking small find to me. That's a really low fine for a like a 20 year lifetime of having this alligator. That's the price of doing business. If someone asked me, would would to to to to to to to to to to to to th a th a to th a thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the thi, tho, thoom thoome, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi.a. the price of doing business. If someone asked me would you pay $500 to have a pet alligator for 20 years? Yeah, absolutely. 100% what's that? Two bucks 50 a year? Nope. $25 a year? Can't put a price on the bond that you would have with that alligator? Oh my god. You guys would like the memories, happy memories that you would have. Yeah. Worth it. Well worth it. Now you're going to have to do so much animal training, so much alligator bonding, you know?

Geez. Oh, losing your alligator because someone stole an egg and then 20 years later you find out it's all grown up and suddenly it has to move back in with you and you have to establish a bond with said alligator. That is in fact the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. This comes to us from Metro the publication for Metro-sexuals. You guys remember that? Yeah. Guys washing their faces? Yeah, gay. That guy washes under his foreskin. I don't know why it came up, but like I was talking to my wife about that

recently and saying, remember there was that little span of time there where we had to have a word for a man exhibiting gay behaviors, like getting a hair cut and ironing his shirt. Personal grooming. Very cool. Uh, from Metro, man's penis amputated by a mistake after he's wrongly diagnosed with a tumor. Uh-oh. Oh, we thought there was a funny little lump there, but it was just your penis. That's a little whoopsy. Sorry, we cut off your dick. That is this week's Punta Vista Uffa moment. Sorry, the trash man's already been.

We can fish it out for you, but... You have to go down the dump and like... Yeah, can you stitch it back on like you can with a finger? I think so. A surgeon in Italy is under investigation by the country's top health officials for mistakenly amputating a patient's pebus after incorrectly diagnosing him with its humour. Uh, no good. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, should have lifted on there, but hindsight's 20-20. The 30-year-old urologist, that's a baby doctor. You can't be... Yeah, you can't give the, the sign-off on whether or not Dick gets whipped off to a 30-year-old. No. They're just learning. Don't give the 30-year-old the keys to your penis. Don't do it. The 30-year-old eroologist performed the operation to remove the tumor

a month after diagnosing the man believed to be in his 60s with cancer. Reports suggest that the penis removal operation went down without a hitch. Yeah. Well, how much is this? Yeah, upsides and downsides to that sentence I guess. Yep. Ben, I'm just picturing like a cold steel demo video. Yeah, straight through there. And then the slow motion playback and you get to take that tape home with you. It's exactly like the meat boot, but it's your penis and it didn't need to come off. Yep. On the upside though he's in his 60s so he was done with it. You think so? Okay. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I don't know what

people are still fucking after that. That's what they have all those problems with venereal disease in retirement homes. Yeah because they're fucking but they're past the point of caring. That's what I have a cruise ship. Well that is all the sort of cruise ships are for. Let's just roll it back. I feel like Theo was not aware of this that they have they have issues with VD in nursing homes. No. I didn't know that one either. Yeah, because they know that they're not going to get pregnant for it so they don't fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the. I. I they the they they they're not. I'm they're not. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the know that they're not going to get pregnant for it, so they don't fucking... Right. Oh. But yeah, they're all sucking and fucking each other. Risk-free cream pies. Delgin, the damn clapped in there. Jesus.

One risk. Phrush. So the operation went down without a hitch, until later analysis revealed there was no reason for it to have occurred in the first place. So one hitch. One hitch. Just forgot to get the biopsy results back and then it sort of comes back a week later. Sir you have received a single hitch penis removal.

That's so rough you've come to terms with the fact that you're losing your dig. And then they're like, oh, didn't actually actually th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. So, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. thi. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the. the. the the. thi. thi. tooooooooooooooooooooooo. you've come to terms with the fact that you're losing your dick and then they're like, oh, didn't actually need to do that. Yeah, good news and bad news. We got the biopsy results back. It's benign. Yeah, I'm going to be honest and say, if I was the 30 year old urologist who said to this dude, yeah, that's going to need to come off. And to be a a a a. And then, to be a, to be a, to be a, to be a, to be a, to be, to be, the to be, the the to be, the to, the the the to, their, to, their, to bea, thi, thi, theo, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I's, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, toge. And, toge. And, toge. And, toge. And, toge. And, t toge. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, t t to this dude. Yeah, that's gonna need to come off and then took it off and then I got some paperwork saying that man's penis is fine I would have just folded up that piece of paper. Yeah, yeah, huh and said I'm just running to the bathroom Toss that bad boy in there flush it down. Yeah, you would have done the the Starship Troopers? Is this your signature or the document saying that? there was no reason to the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. tho tho that. that. that. their their their their tho-up thin thin thin thin thin thin tho tho thin tho thin thin th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin. thu thu thu the the the the the the the the the the the thin. the the the thin the thin the thin thin th the document saying that there was no reason to remove the penis? Doesn't look like it to me. BAM, tear it apart, throw it in the bin. Gone, gone. But now he's done this and the only way he can pay penance I feel like is to give that guy

his dick. Yes. Yes. Yes. Not sure about this next sentence, the devastated patient, fair enough, is now seeking compensation from the bungling medic. Okay, it's not like he was juggling the penis, it slipped over. It really makes it sound. He took it off and then he was carrying it over to the biohazard bin and he's like went to drop it and then it was going back and forth through his hands way up in the air. He slips on a bit of blood the thii. He buyer has it been, his pants come down, the penis falls down and lands in his butt crack.

Yeah, and plus he's Italian. Mamma Mia, he's saying the whole time. Maron, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, again. This sentence is kind of tonally all over the place. Seeking composition, compensation, I would like compensation. He's now seeking compensation from the bungling medic over the mutilation. Bungling and mutilation, I don't like those two in the same sentence.

The case has a preliminary court hearing schedule for the 9th of March in Arezzo. A similar case was reported in France in December last year after a series of error resulted in the quote total removal end quote of a man's penis at the Nantes University Hospital. The man reported of his 30s said the surgery left him with just his testicles and quote, no feeling where his member once was. You don't even have a ghost penis. Yeah, must have one phantom comes. That's a bummer. Interesting word choice to say member, Hugh.

That's a retro, I feel like that's very mid-2000s. But also that, uh, the, that the member is just the part of the penis the penis the penis the penis the penis penis the penis penis the penis the penis the penis the penis the penis the penis the penis the penis the member is just the part of the penis independent of the balls. Is it not? I don't know. Well yeah I guess that's true but. I would think that refers to pure penis. I think the penis is unadulterated penis. The penis is the penis. The penis is the penis. The whole package is the genitals. Do you need your testicles if you have no penis? Is that a stupid a a a a stupid a stupid a stupid a stupid a stupid a stupid a stupid the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I the penis. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's is. I's. I's. I's. I is. I is. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.e.e.e.e.e.e. I'm. I. I. I.itals. Right. Do you need your testicles if you have no penis? Is that a stupid question? It's more of a decorative thing at that point. I think there's still some hormone regulation going on there if you still have, I don't know, I'm not a doctor. Unlike everybody else on this podcast.

I'm going to get like so full of calms. Okay, that's not. That's a the se a the se. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. that's a th. th. th. the th. th. th. the the th. th. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. thi. the. the. the. the. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. It's the. It's still. It's still. It's still. I's. I's still. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. the. I'm. I the. I's still. I's. I's. I's about how that works when I got a vasectomy recently. Uh-huh. Decided to learn for the first time. Yeah and it's just dumping it into... Yeah, it's what it absorbs the cum. Yeah, your body just says, oh, all right, we're not using you guys. So now you're full of cum. Yeah, well, we all are the whole time. Oh, you've been eating your own cum for a couple of weeks. Yeah, I've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah... Yeah.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the th. th. are the whole time. Oh, you've been eating your own cum for a couple of weeks. Yeah, I've been doing it a few years, apparently. And if you got off to him admitting that, just double your pledge right now. That's fair. Empty your wallet.

Yeah. Give us the number and we'll spend it and you'll hate it. Because we're curious minds here and you know we follow the scientific method, etc. If someone whips off your penis with a shinto blade and then can you still... Can you still? Is there an official blade of shinto? It's so cool when like when he's just... Yes,there there is so they gave them to the with the um oh fuck in the fucking world war two maybe I'm thinking for something else I think you're thinking of something else all right well let's just blaze past that because I'm only halfway through the sentence here

can you can they still milk your prostate? Is what I want to know. Probably. Are you saying can you have a like no, if the penis itself, which we understand to be the part of the Gentilia that doesn't include the balls, is missing? Can you have a no contact? One contact? One contact. One contact with the balls, is missing, can you have a no contact... One contact. One contact with the prostate. Can you still come if the penis isn't there?

Yeah. Is it sort of fire out the hole or is that done by the penis? Asking the important questions on this show. Like if you had a wet dream but you didn't have a penis. But I also think you need to look truth dead in the eye. Like, get back in that well. Because you're still having a hole to pee from, right? There's just a hole there?

Yeah, you're trickling something out of there for sure. That is the same hole that the coals. Oh my business down there. There are two holes side by side. The moment I go below nipple height, I have my eyes closed. Whatever is happening down there is frankly none of my business. I go by feel. It feels like one hole to me. If you're a doctor and you're listening to this, only reply if it's funny.

Yeah. If you have accidentally removed a you're listening to this, only reply if it's funny. Yeah. If you have accidentally removed a patient's penis, right in and let us know. Quote, I have a threat towards this doctor who did not listen to me. The unidentified victim told local news publication France Blue. Quote. They played a Russian roulette with me. Did he? Could I use the French metaphor there, I think.

And also, is it Russian ballet? Yeah, I don't know what you mean by that. Russia bulit is when the doctor says, hey, there's a one in six chance that I'm going to remove your penis during this operation. You guys all spin around in a their their their their their their their their their this operation. You guys all spin around in a circle and one of you will get your dig cut off. And also we're going to use a 45 revolver to do it. Yeah. So. Wow. This is probably an unbelievably life-changing and traumatizing event for this person. But, but he was, he is French, so it's kind of funny. He told the news side,

I'm really devastated old and it's really shameful. The patient said after the surgery, quote, Inside I knew it. It was his air, death or that. And indeed he had removed everything. He had just left the testicles and had cut at the base. But you can't replace the feeling of a penis with several sensors. It's so true.

I'm never replaced that. I'm always saying that. I'm always saying that. Several French man's penis, I guess it gets weird with it. So you've got, these doctors have to give this guy their penis, or they should have to kill, they should have to cut off the dick of one of their family members, like in the film, the killing of a sacred penis. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Killing of a sacred dick. I'm going to edit it so that I said that instead. Yeah. Ooh. The Frenchman's lawyer was initially hoping to win his client one million euros. But local reports... Okay, you say that.

Yeah, million bucks. Lose your dick, million bucks. So first, your penis has been neatly removed at the base by, you know, the clinical precision of the Shinto blade. And then you get told, look, I'm going to get you, I'm going to get you one million euros, right? And you go, oh, okay, pretty cool. But unfortunately, local reports suggest he was eventually awarded 62,000 euros.

Man. In damages, which is about 55,000 pounds or 12 Australian dollars. That is so not enough at all. You lost your dick. Theo, were you thinking of a Tanto? Maybe? The smallest of the blades in the Samarized Arsenal?

No, I'll get it. Smaller than the katana. Smaller still than the dye katana. I mean, I feel like I was thinking of the Tanto, but there was also... Perhaps not it. Hmm. Hmm. Trying to get a million dollars because they cut your dick off. But Shin Gunto. The Gunto was a ceremony... Oh, that wasn't Samurai Voice by the way, was a ceremonial sword produced for the Imperial Japanese Army. Oh, that's much larger than I was picturing. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right.

Oh, no, don't. Don't fucking do it. Oh. What's happening with this episode? Getting a dick cut off, thinking you were going to get a million dollars and then only getting 62,000 euros, that would be close to putting you over the tipping point. It's time of course for the tipping report. I'm itching for another edition of the tip-in-the-board. Honk, honk. I feel like we haven't had a lot of these in a while.

Yeah, it's been a little while. It's been a hot minute. It has been a hot minute. Yeah. This is a roundup of things that have been spilled by trucks tipping over on highways across the world in the last 14 days. Here we go. Quote, thousands of bans of bushes baked beans on Newport Highway in Green County, Tennessee. That's free beans, baby. Get a musta.

Shout-out to friend of the show, Mike Isaac, Mike Isaac of New York Times. Noted Bean Lover. Yeah, we have a group chat that's the four of us at Mike Isaac from the New York Times where you post about beans. Just beans we're eating, that's all. That's also it's nice. A semi-trailer full of eggs on Interstate 90 in Central Washington. Oh man,'re halfway to a breakfast here. That's a whole breakfast. What are you guys having? I like some toast. I like a little bit of camps. You want something to

mop up the yoke as well. Yeah and the bean juice. Yeah. Quote hundreds of boxes of frozen food on Interstate 75 in Manatee County, Florida. That stuff's for later. Yep. 600 liters of milk on an unspecified road in the West Midlands. Is that a little or a lot, do you think? 600 liters of milk? I think it's relatively, because milk is transported in the, uh, the same things as those like petrol tankers.

Yeah. And that's those are way more than 600 liters. 600 liters is not not all that much. This sounds to me like. That's 12 kids. Yeah, more like a truck with 3002 liter bottles in it. It does. It does. Yeah, true. A dump truck full of chicken waste on Route 55 in Deptford Township, New Jersey. That's going to be stinky. Yeah. Do you think they mean like chicken shit or do you think they mean like off-cut?

I think they mean off-cut? I thought it was off-cuts. I had assumed. I'd sell some free fertilizer. Yeah, I'd thought chicken shit, but yeah. But they use a lot of euphemisms for what they do to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi. I they've thi. I they've they've they've thi. I they've they've thi. I thi. I've thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I've thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thin-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n't tip. I's tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tipeat. I'm tipeat. I'm tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tipe. I'm tip fertilizer. Yeah, I'd thought chicken shit, but yeah. But they use a lot of euphemisms for what they do to chickens after they've gone beyond their usefulness. Wasted. As we've learned. So just throwing chickens into like a big grinder as that red GTAHR. A quote small amount of nitric acid on the Dawson Highway near the township of Banana in Queensland. That's not what it's called. That's what it's called.

Banana. It's out there near Billowilla, Billow, as it's known to the locals. Roughly 10 tons of marble tiles on Texas State Highway 114 near Rome. That's, look, I think that's going to be a fucking hassle to tidy up. Yeah, I reckon just send your artisans out there and build your marble whatever you were building in situ. Yeah, to Rome. Yeah, but probably schedule more than one day. This is Rome with an H- H in it by the way R-H-O-M-E, Chrome. Rome, Texas. Yeah, Chrome, Texas. I would have named it. I would have just thrown another letter and named it Chrome. Crom Texas. Much cooler. That sounds dope. That's like

cyberpunk Texas. Chrome Texas. An unspecified amount of sulfur on the John Ross Highway in Richard's Bay, South Africa. You don't want any. None. Like zero is probably the ideal amount of sulfur. Yeah. Again, I'm issuing a stinky warning for that location. No one's going to be stinky. Yeah. And finally, an unspecified amount of industrial lubricant on US Route 42 near Jerome Township, Ohio. It's going to be slippery out there. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

And that concludes the typic report. Hi everybody, it's me. It's me. It's Theo. Now, I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho th of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus

episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promo, so you won't have to hear this ever honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. So keep an eye out for those. Mind your peas and cues and don't fall over in all the lube. Mind your case and wise.

I mean, of course, this is some of the danger that can be expected when you leave your house and enter the terrifying kingdom of nature. It's time for Nature Corner. Get me home to the place. I belong, bultaneister, nation corner, rubber crab, sniffed my dick. Just, um, so I know in a previous episode recently you made the sort of philosophical axiom that nature is what happens outside of zoos. You've also just made the claim that leaving your house puts you into nature and by simple inference you are claiming that my house is a zoo?

No, no, not at all. That's fucking stupid. Okay. I am though. I'm making that claim. Your house specifically. Yeah, your house specifically. I dreamt I was at your house last night, Ben, and I've never been to your new house. Yeah, I was just thinking that. Yeah, I should come around sometime. Yeah, but in this I was in a bathtub in the living room and I kind of splashed around a little bit a bunch of water came out and it sort of like washed on to all your electronics and we had to like get them all out real quick. Oh that's funny because I know and got out the front door. Oh you brought no home with you? Yeah I mean where else you're going to go? That partially happened to me in real life because my washing machine overflowed but there's no drainage whatsoever in my apartment. There's not a single... The Samsung? It's all I got everything off the floor in time.

Okay. But it was, yeah, my entire apartment flooded from that happening. It was no idea. Now all the skirting boards are exploding because they've all been soaked with water. Oh no. And so that's that'll be a problem when I eventually move out of here. Oh correct me if I'm wrong, things things deal very well in Brisbane with being soaked in water right? Well I mean they're gonna be anyway. Yeah everything's already a little bit damp but also because of the humidity things dry out much slower. That's cool. And the combination of like the the warmth and the moisture and everything that's a prime mold scenario. Yeah it's a moldy place.

Yuck. This comes to us from CNN. The uh..., the Curvy News Network. The Kurdish... Nope. No. No. Andrew, you are the Puentevista comedian of the week. Fuck yes. You've got to post the, uh, the plaque to me.

Keep it up till next week. 214-year-old clam, found on the coast of Florida. Just chuck it in the soup. You got a riff there, Theo? You seem like you're on the verge of a riff. Is it because clam is sort of possibly a sexual innuendo and Florida is known for its retirees? We were just talking about all of the retirees who love fucking and sucking. I enjoy that you could just like fMRI the joke out of my brain. Just watching your little face just start to contort. And if you'd like you could assemble that joke at home.

Make your own. You are the Buntavista comedian of the week. This episode, Zep's thumbnail. It's just a mirror. Let's start doing like, here's a business idea, copyright 2023 Buntavista, don't steal, what if we start kind of doing like, hello fresh but for jokes? Yeah. We send you the stuff for you to put together the jokes and then make them in front of

friends and family members and you get the credit. Yeah, that is good. It costs way more than if you'd gone to the joke store and you still have to assemble. But who has time to to to th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th th th thi thi th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that that that that that that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. that that that that that that that the. that the. that that that the. that that that that that that that that that that you'd gone to the joke store yourself and you still have to assemble. But who has time to go to the joke store? Yeah, that's so true. What if it was a card game and it was like really, really naughty. Yeah. Maybe with some very rude things in it. And you don't want to laugh?

Yeah. But then you become the most popular person in your friend group when you get to say that oh it looks like Barack Obama caught gay AIDS? Let me be clear. I have gay AIDS. This is incredible. We're doing that ironically by the way because we think it's bad. I'm doing... Yeah, we're doing... You think it's bad if someone has AIDS, like a moral failing? No, no.

What about this really old clam? I put that in there because I thought it was interesting. And you people have ruined it with your filth. We are out here besmirching the honor of a beautiful of of the beautiful of the beautiful of the beautiful the beautiful of of of the beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful the beautiful the beautiful the beautiful to to the beautiful to thuii. I to to thi- to to to to to to to to to to be to be to to thi- I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the thi. I the thi. I thi. I the thi. I thi thi thi thiii thii thi thiiii thi thii thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thought it was interesting and you people have ruined it with your filth. We are out here besmirching the honor of a beautiful 214 year old living being it's been there through so much it's it's ingested so much of Florida's disgusting waste I thought your mom lived in New York. There you go. Oh take it home. There we go. Can I have the headline once more? We could kick back in from there. Yeah, 214 year old clam found on the coast of Florida.

He's gone. A man and his family found a clam. It's a tale as old as time. We've all done it. We might not talk about it, but we've all done it. You remember all those childhood walks with your family that inevitably resulted in you finding a clam or walking along the beach? Scientists believe the clam has been alive since 1809, the same year President Abraham Lincoln was born so perhaps they were friends. All right, no, so the reason I've put this in here is because I'm doing my, like, like, like, like, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the were friends. All right, no, so the reason I've put this in here is because I'm doing my like every three-year re-read of Hellboy at the moment. And that's basically the origin story of Abraham Sapian.

They find him in a jar with the date that Abraham Lincoln died on it. But this clam is from the year Abraham Lincoln was born. Abraham Clampion. Clamperham Sapien. I think that might be addressed further in the article bin. Oh no wait no shit okay but my two were better than there one. I Clamperhab Sapian. Clamperhams. Abra clamp sapian. Look I'm really enjoying the subtle, I'm really enjoying the subtle. I... Clamberham Sapien. Clamberham's way down. Look, I'm really enjoying the subtle... I'm really enjoying the subtle inference that perhaps this clam and President Abraham Lincoln crossed paths in a forest gump kind of situation. Yeah, this clam has been present for all of the

big moments in American history. Watching the Titanic go down from below the waterline, you know. Looking out of his little salty tank as a couple of people break into the water game. The water game, yeah. Trying to clap the two halves of his shell together to get someone's attention. Blaine and his family were walking on Alligator Point in Franklin County, Florida, when they discovered the Ocean Cohog Clam. It's like family guy. Yeah. That's right. This type of clam can live for more than 200 years. It's not natural. I don't, I think it's really fucked up how stuff from the ocean lives that long. Yeah.

Do you want to... You know why? It's because they're staying moisterized. I've done this a couple of times now, but it's never interesting enough to give it a full segment, but it always does peak my interest when it happened. So this week Guinness the world's oldest oldest living living living living living living to guess how old the world's oldest living chicken is? I really- It's gonna get pretty old, right? Well, I don't want to give it away for you.

They're basically dinosaurs. Shot in the dark, I think the chicken is 32. I'm thinking 30s. I'm reckoning, so I mean, like cockatoos and stuff can live to 60 or 70. So I'm going like 73. Parrots are a different class. This is really fucking disappointing then. Peanut the chicken is 20 years 304 days old.

Yeah, sadly. Oh actually, no, sorry. That was a week ago. Peanut, the chicken is 20 years 311 days old. Yeah, see, that's nothing to me. I'm taking a wind up kicker. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. thi. thi. I'm going. I'm going. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. theat theat theat theat the. theat theat the. the. theeat theat toe. toe. toe. the. the. years 311 days old. Yeah see that's nothing to me I'm taking a wind-up kick. And and after it's all wrapped up all those years it's it's not the same when you're like yeah peanut the chicken didn't see 9-11 or anything you know. Yeah that's true. He didn't even see 9-11. This chicken didn't even experience the world-changing grief of 9-11 and its effects on international politics. That's not the same.

This chicken has been friends with Abraham Lincoln. That's not the same as vapes. Probably having been friends with Abraham Lincoln. That is true. Maybe would having been close personal friends with Abraham Lincoln. I mean, he would have been a little baby at that point, but... What? They would have grown up side by side because Lincoln was also born in 1809. The Klam was born in 1809. Okay, clam promiscuity. How about, um, how about this? Maybe he helped him out with the Emancipation Proclamation Clammation. Yeah, there there. Yes. All right. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen. Clist. Clist. Clist. Cli. Cli. Cli. Cli. Cli. Cli. Cli. Clam. Clam, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the he. I I he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I he he he he he he he he he he he. I he. I he. I he. I he. I mean, he would would the the th. I mean, he would would would th. I mean, he would. He would. He would. He would. He would the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the with the Emancipation Proclamation. Yeah, there we go. Yes.

All right, Mr. You are no longer the Bud to Mr. Combe comedian of the week. It's Andrew again. The clam. The clam, clam, linken, the clam, linken. The clam, clam, linken. The clam, clam, linken. Clam, linklam. Is that what we're pre, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. th. th. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. Yes. Yes. th. Yes. th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. Yes. th. th. Yes. th. Yes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th that. th that. that. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the. the. the. the. link. Clamber clam linken. Clamber clam linclam. Is that what we're proposing here?

No. I'm not partying to that. Claims is better. Claibor Samian. And I am determined on this matter. Yeah. Estimated to be 214 years old. Scientists calculate the age of a clam.

Based on the age of a clam based on the number of layers on its shell with each layer representing one year. That is a sick claim. Blame counted 214 layers on the shell. Still sexy though. I wonder what's under 52 of those layers. These types of, there's a typo here, I'm going to assume this is not meant to say these types of claims are usually between two and four inches in length. According to the Gulf Specimen Marine Lab. However, the discovery... They've got nerve endings going way down in the body too as well, longer than the human penis. Maybe I know some. Have you guys seen what their little eyes look like? Yes, I have. Little cartoon eyes popping out. Mmm, bluop. Don't like it.

Don't like it. Uh, these types of clams are usually between 2 and 4 inches in length. That's normal size. That's about average, yeah. They've been in the cold water, you know, it's... Is this height or depth? However, this clam is six inches and weighs over two pounds. I would be so lucky.

I think there's a reason. It's lovely to have you. I would assume you would measure the clam on its longest axis, which would be from... Top to bottom. From the top or from the base? No, I would think a cross. From the hens. So perpendicular from the hinge to the... Yeah, side to side.

Yeah. Two pounds and that could be... That could mean anything. Yeah, I think that's 40 hens. Flacid o'er. I think it's the same weight. Don't think I really have another state too there. Cohog clam, more like Woehog clam. The oldest cohog clam is named Ming and was found off the coast of Iceland in 2006,

scientists added. Her lay account was 507, making her birth year 1499 when the Ming Dynasty ruled. This clam lived through the fucking Renaissance. This clam saw 9-11. Definitely, definitely. That clam saw 9-11 and was like, I've seen things like this come and go. You're all acting like it's the end of the world. Yeah, that's a tale told by an idiot full of sounded fury signifying nothing.

I'm a clam by the way. Yep. I met Shakespeare also. He was a lady and gay. I was in the waters off Hawaii when Pearl Harbor happened, you know. I did nothing. I laughed nothing. Did nothing. I laughed, I laughed actually. Ming, you bitch.

Yeah, this clam is a massive cynic now. Drew to having experienced the depth of human tragedy. Hey, hey, uh, seeing as it is International Women's Day, we have a little shout out to the 5007-year-old clam Ming. Yeah. Stay winning. Go boss? You did it.

And really showing that a woman's value doesn't just go away after she reaches the age of 400. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Well, folks. That is what we in the business call a single episode of the podcast Bundavista.

Yeah, I guess we do. Oh, we're calling it that. You don't have to call it that at home. You could call it a really cool show. You should check it out to your friends. And they're like, oh yeah, for sure, man. You could call it, milk it for all it's worth. Milk it for all it's worth. Now that's a podcast.

I don't want to do a milk-based podcast though. No, I think we should probably just stick with Bunta Vista. It's a little, you know, whatever, but we seem to be doing okay with it. Hey, if you've a, that would be dumb. That wouldn't make any fucking sense. Why would someone recommend the name Horseshoot Beery for a podcast? What would that even mean?

It doesn't make any sense. You're right. No one else in the chat suggested any other names. We have the chat logs, okay. I wasn't around. What would you have recommended? What would this podcast be called if you're in that original discussion? I don't know.

There you have it, folks. Yeah. Horse Shubiri. Well, thanks for joining us. We love you very much. I hope you ne. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.