Boonta Vista - EPISODE 303: The Once And Future Pig

Episode Date: July 2, 2023

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: A malevolent square haunting Texas, punching a bear to save your dog, the world's most expensive cow, a delinquent deputy mayor in Finland, and the Clipping Report. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hi. This is my channel again. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. Welcome to Buntavista episode 303. We're here in the Buntavista nursery.

I'm Theo. And I just came down in the last rain shower. And I precious? Rosie little cheeks, rolly-poly thighs that make all the mums go absolutely gaga. Let's see what else? What else? Well, I don't know shit. My favorite things in this world are milk.

And being wrapped up tight in a little blankie cocoon so I can go sleepies. There's some blurry shapes that I'm becoming somewhat fond of. If this is life, count me in. Also with me, let's go to turn it down a toucester nursery, is Lucy. Lucey and I've gotten to chat in, ituntavista Nursery is Lucy. Lucy and I have gotten to chat and it turns out you Lucy are into some goo-gaga shit. Your baby piled and you've secured the nip. Your low-key munch concoded and you have so many thoughts about the latest breastfeeding hold.

Lucy, would you say living the infant loca is giving you life? Oh my god. Yeah, I love sucking on them titties, what can I say? That's most of my life. And I am here for it. Yeah, you are. And you have IBS too, right? Am I born with it? Yeah, infant baby syndrome? Because I'm due to being a baby. Yeah, and also the poopy one. Babies be like pooping a long way. They got a lot of poo and a tiny little butt. And it smells worse than you could possibly imagine. Especially mine.

Really? Is that what that smell is? All right. I'm also here with Ben, who suffered some form of curse, causing him to have been born as an old man, live a strange but full life, hurtling backwards through the aging process, like that bit in the Scooby-Doo coast to where it turns you around for a bit, and having slowly regained and lost all of his faculties, now finds himself a tiny, beautiful baby swaddled up and replete with dark knowledge of life, death and everything in between.

Completely unable to express the multitudes he contains, it's Ben. How are you, buddy? Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. Wait, so I'm in a Benjamin Button situation. Yeah. Or I've been to the beach that makes me odd. Except I was also born. Right, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I, I, no, I, I, no, I, I, I, no, I, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, the the th, the th, the the, the the the, the the the the thi the the the the tha the the the tha tha tha tha tha tha thia thia tha thia tha tha thia tha been to the beach that makes you out. Or I've been to the beach that makes me odd. Except I was also born.

Right, no, I've been to the beach that makes you a baby. I've been to the, yeah, the beach that makes you young. Reveh! But they've taken I've actually seen the movie, so. Don't I go halfway through it and I sort of just dropped off. I'm sorry, and I hate to circle back. Can we just examine the phrase, infant, loca? The crazy. It's probably Levita infant.

Yeah, Levita, infant loca. The life of the crazy baby. You were truly living the crazy baby. And that's all I had to say on that issue, thank you very much. Well, you would know, you probably learned some Spanish in the 90-odd years that you've been on this earth. Before going back to the maternity ward, that's right. Where else are they going to put a baby? I don't know if I retained self-sufficiency.

Does he get dumber towards the end of... He retains his personality over Benjamin Button. He's just his body that's aging. So he's a baby but he has been horny and knows about being horny. Is that the situation? That's weird. That's Liam F That's what you're in. That's the infant loca baby. Uh, and watch out, it's the bad boy of the nursery. It's Andrew the Cleveland Alleyway murderer, law. This baby doesn't care who he poops on, hey, but.

Where? Where? I'm on sheathing my knife. Yeah, nice. That's all I had. I shouldn't let babies have those. They should, look, it's a safety issue that they should... Er, he's shitting. Excuse me. Oh, man. Oh, us babies.

We can't, we'll be mid-sentence, except we can't talk. Finn took the funniest shit last night. Just like standing up, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the the thea. the thea. thea. the thea. the the the thea. thea, shit last night, just like standing up, like, he's just playing and then he just stops, goes like scarlet in the face for like 20 seconds. And then starts like looking at the lights, like he's just broke at a precious like Ming Vars or something and he's trying to defer his attention somewhere around. He can't scroll his phone. No.

It would be very funny if he just froze. try to defer his attention somewhere. You can't scroll his phone. Nothing. Just sort of true if he just froze, kept standing there and then picked up a magazine. He started leafing through. That's comedy. It was just waddling mournfully through the living room. That was always a slightly uncomfortable time during having like toddlers when they'd come over and you'd be doing something with them. You know, like, they're holding on to your hand so they can stay standing up and you're like, yeah, hey, what about this toy? And they go, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And they just

stop and stare right into your soul and their eyes are watering a little, and they squeeze your hand, you really know what's happening when they squeeze your hand. It's like, do I have to be here for this? I've got to be here for this whole thing. And it turns out you do. It turns out you really do. Any moral support? They need a physical support to stay up right. I'm so glad. Like I can't tell you how few times I shit while standing up, I think it would be really bad. Yeah, we're trying to convince him that sitting on the toilets, it actually rocks. It's like, it's cool to do.

If someone was like, I could force you, that one, one of every, of the next five shits that you took for the next year, one out of every five had to be standing up. They kind of they the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they they th they they they they th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they they they they they they they they they they th. Yeah. I that, they'd they'd tho tho' tho- I thathing thathing thathing. I thathing. I thathing. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. I th. I th. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I th. I th. Yeah, th. I th. I that that that that that to to to to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' to to to to to had to be standing up. Yeah, they kind of catch you waddling towards the toilet and they're like, I'm in the cupboard, bitch. Up you get. Yeah, they put you in one of those, um, one of those, oh, I can't remember the name, you know the like psychophaguses that they would put people in to. Yeah, like an iron maiden. Yeah, yeah. up so you can't get those pants down or anything. Who's doing this to us? You know?

With Chinese I think. A weird string of revelations about the caliber of listener we have on this podcast and we've immediately started with the worst. Yeah, hey, if you're any of those people, love your work. Yeah, thank you so much. You know who you are and we're big fans. Hey, yeah, accidents happen. Oh yes. Happens to all of us. You guys still shitting yourself? Not recently. Not for me. I successfully avoided or shitting myself a little while ago, so. Oh, for you, buddy. Hey. Congrats. Yep. Accidents. Accidents happen. Yeah. Accidents. Haps. Yeah. H. that's a good. H. the to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. good for you, buddy. Hey, well done. Hey.

Congrats. Yep. Accidents happen. As in America, they often happen with guns. It's time for the clipping report. I'm in a fucking vacation with the tipin report. It's a good one. It's a good one. This is where we recount Americans accidentally discharging firearms in the course of their

normal daily lives from roughly the last, I can say fortnight this time. And to Americans, a fortnight is sort of like if you glued two weeks together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One person was injured by debris and another injured while fleeing after a 28-year-old man in Montgomery County, Texas dropped his gun in a, an H.E.B. supermarket and then accidentally pulled the trigger when he picked the gun up. What? So he was almost, he was almost home free. He's had a little whoops here. Just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to, to, to, I, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to the to to to the trigger when he picked the gun up. So he was almost, he was almost home free.

He's had a little whoops here just like, oh, I'm just gonna get that real quick. Oh, that could have gone bad. Well, I'll just pick this up. Oh, fuck! And if nobody was looking at you when you drop the gun, you could have just scooped it up. No one would have known.

You'd the the the the the to know to know, the to know, to know, to the the to the to to no. You shouldn't have a gun in the supermarket for one. I think we can't agree that. But also, it shouldn't be in a, there shouldn't be a way that it can like fall off you onto the ground in the supermarket. Yeah, that should be more secured, I think. Little clip on your holster and yourthough and you just gotta kind of whistle and spin your gun on your finger to get to your bread and eggs and stuff. It should be secured on your finger at least.

Yes, at the very least. How am I going to express my displeasure when I get there and they tell me that out of rotissary chickens if I can't immediately Yosamity-sam a few the the the exactly. The rotisserie chicken display is where society starts breaking down first, I found. Yeah, it's a flash point of tensions. If you guys get to the rotisserie chicken display and there is only, we're talking about like the freestanding one, right? But are you talking like the sort of grab your own bag of chicken situation they have in the middle of a near the deli in a Woolworths I think generally yeah. You get there there's only the free range one that's like 15 bucks.

Well yeah, what are my question was going to be what if what if you get there and there's only one rotisserie chicken and it's pretty small are you taking that chicken? I thought they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all the the their all their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they're they. they're they. they're they. they're they. they're they're they're they. they. they. they. their they. thought they were all like exactly the same size through some sort of weird fucked up well-wors. Breeding, yeah, they grow into the size of the mold. Yeah, and when the mold cracks, it's sort of the chicken iron maiden that they grow up in. It's not good. No, you probably shouldn't be buying those chickens. What are you going to do? Cook your own? Yeah. Yeah, chickens, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's they they they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're th. It's they're the the the their their their their th. Yeah, it's th. Yeah, it's their their their their their th. Yeah, well, well, well, well. Yeah, well. Yeah, well. Yeah, well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the the the the the the the the the their. Yeah, it, it, it. Yeah, it. Yeah, it. Yeah, it's, it's th. Yeah, it's th. Yeah, it's th. Yeah, it's th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the the th. Yeah, the the th. Yeah, the the the th. Yeah, the the th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the th. Yeah, the th be buying those chickens. But what are you going to do? Cook your own? Yeah. Chickens should not cost $8.

It's very doable. It's so fucked up how cheap a chicken is. It's fucked up. Anyway. Yeah. A man on horseback in. Graham County, Arizona shot himself in the leg with a revolver while looking for some lost cattle after the revolver got snagged in some bushes.

How? Cowboy ass injuries. Yeah, they're really doing it. The gun got snagged in some bushes. Yeah. I don't believe him. I think that he was walking around. He was whistling the theme from Bonanza, twirling that gun on his finger. Bang! Oh, yeah. That sounds fake. You wouldn't believe it. I was riding past some bushes. One of them reached out like the tree and poltergeist. Yeah. Got a little finger in it.

Better than get reaching out like the vines in Evil Dead. Yeah. Taken your their th th than th than th th th than th than th than th th than th th th th th th th th th their thin their their their thin their their their their their thin' their the-bushe' their thusususususususususus thus thus thu- thu- the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun gun gun the gun gun the gun gun the gun gun the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun the gun out like the vines in evil dead. Yeah. Taking your gun and then doing other behavior. Do other tentacl stuff, yeah. Can you just hit me with the way that this guy's livid his life again, please bed? So he was on horseback, looking for some lost cattle down by a creek, I believe, with a revolve. In Graham County, Gram County revolving in Graham County, Arizona. Graham County, Arizona.

He is the most American man of the week. RIP, Cormac McCarthy. Yeah, rips. A man in San Francisco was hospitalized with a non-life-threatening injury after accidentally shooting himself while fleeing from a hit and run-run. Oh my god, come on. That's just that's a series of bungals right there. Too many. Yes, I'm getting away with my hit-and-run. Also I believe the hit-and-run was in the course of a crime because the three people in the car were wearing ski masks. Oh my God. Yeah.

Could have been cold? Could have just been cold? Oh wait, it's summer there. It's summer there. Living like you're in GTA 4. Oh no! Ragdoll physics kicking in now. Yeah, they've just introduced the euphoria engine and I just realized it was

possible to shoot yourself with the gun. It is a the thia thia they're experiencing in America now. It is GTA world over there. It really is art, life, what's that? Life reflecting, life reflecting on life? We'll get back to you what what's reflecting what? Where there's something to do with art and life. We need to do art That's the art. Life imitating art. It's early. It's Sunday morning. So we need to do some quick research into reflections and then get back to you.

We're all babies, so we don't really. Yeah, except for me. I'm 95. Yeah, when I look at, we're like in a mirror. I see, there's another baby there. I wouldn't say hello. Who's that guy? Yeah, Ben, who's that? Ben totally understands what mirrors are but cannot communicate it to the rest of us.

I understand theory of mind, but unfortunately I can only answer the question by shitting myself. Two women on an MTA bus in New York City were accidentally shot after a man fired a gun at the bus while arguing with another man. So, unrelated. Well, I don't think he was trying to hit those ladies. I guess so. He was trying to prove a point at the the the the argument by firing a gun. Yeah. Do you reckon his point was made? Unclear. I don't know enough about the bus. Yeah. Do you reckon his point was made?

Unclear. I don't know enough about the argument. Do you think he was doing it as more of a punctuation kind of thing? Yeah. So that's why we're doing dinner at seven pop. Bang! Ah! Ah! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Not again. Okay, maybe no dinner to not. An Arkansas Highway Police officer accidentally shot himself while chasing after a robbery suspect, after a gun fell out of the suspect's waistband, and then the Arkansas Highway Police officer picked up the gun and immediately fired it into his own foot. We got to we got to get these guys some courses on picking up a gun without touching the gun firing part of the gun, right? Yeah. Heavier trigger pulls. And dropping your gun.

Stop dropping guns. Stop dropping guns. Yeah, keep that thing on you. Yeah, keep that thing on you. Yeah, keep that thing on you. If you've been handling like bulk amounts of that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that there. Remember, keep that thing on you. If you've been handling like bulk amounts of Crisco oil, maybe tell your hands off first before going to your job as a police officer where you might be handling guns. These guys make a big deal about having the guns and it's like, do you even want the gun? Yeah, it's like you know,

you tell your parents that if you're going to get a puppy for Christmas you'll absolutely walk him every day, you'll feed him twice a day, you'll clean up after him, you'll teach them all the tricks and then you get the puppy and you don't. You want every person there to have seven guns but you to stop them. thropping the their their their their their to drop dropping. to drop dropping. their their to drop dropping. to drop dropping. to drop dropping. their to drop dropping. to drop dropping. to drop dropping. to drop dropping. to drop dropping. to drop dropping. to to to to to to to to drop dropping to drop dropping to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to drop dropping to drop. their their to drop. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. tooom. tooombue. tooombue. to to too their They're real about yourself, your abilities. How much do you want it? Do you have ADHD? Will that stop you from being a responsible gun owner? Are you going to forget your gun? Ah, I left my gun in the toilet again. This elementary school that I'm the school resource officer at. Fuck! One more for you. In Jacksonville, Florida, a certified NRA expert handgun instructor shot a woman in the torso during a gun safety lesson while trying to clear a jam from a handgun.

Well, she learned something that day. Yeah. Nobody's a real expert. No. You can always learn more, get better at your craft. Yeah. Sometimes... Those who can't do teach. Yes, exactly. I guess statistically, if we're being very generous, the reason we see so many gun safety instructors shooting people is because they handle guns much more of the time around more people than the average person. But at the same time... So it's a skewed statistic, I see.

Come on now. You would think that the ratio of acceptable accidental discharges was lower though for a gun safety instructor. Yeah. What is wrong with these people? You just don't need them. You don't need one. The kinds of the people... We don't need one. Yeah. And look th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look, and look th, th, th, th, th, th, so, so. And, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea, so. So, so. So, the one. We don't need one. Yeah, and look at us. You know? Nothing wrong with our country. Nothing wrong with this country. But there are some wrong things out there. And we look at those things in Crypted Watch. I should probably get a spooky Crypted Watch theme one day for to me. Should we have to get David Hader to cameo for one and he refused my request so whatever. David Hader? Yeah I had to, I'm gonna go ahead. David Hater. Yeah, he's a solid snake and he also wrote

the first two X-Men movies. Oh. Didn't know that part. And he rejected your request. Yeah, that sucks. He's like, I fucking hate Bunta Vista. Yeah, fuck the shit. He does anything.

He does almost anything almost anything this is from the singular 40 in society the singular 40 in society was recently put in contact with an investigator who said that he had seen a strange spiritual entity on his way to an investigation sometimes life happens so much. Yeah. You find love and you know strange spiritual entities when you're not looking for them. That's so true. Work on yourself. Life is what happens. It will happen to you. That's so true. The 57 year old investigator was driving with a friend on US 77 in Texas and it just passed I-10 on May 27th at approximately 1130 p.m.

There's so many numbers in that sentence. When he saw what he would later describe as a one and a half foot by one and a half foot dark square being moving across the road. Okay. Quote, we were going to an investigation in Howardsville, Texas, and as we were driving, on the left from where oncoming traffic would be coming from, there was, this was a two-lane highway, one way each way, I saw something crawling in the road, told the singular 40 in society's chief investigator Tobias Wayland during a phone interview. What was weird was that it was black. It was dark, and the best way to describe it is

to picture a square. It was square. Slow down. Yeah. No arms or legs, but the corners were stretching out to walk. Oh shit. Oh, thu. This is a fun idea.

Oh my God, a roof tile has been animated and stalking me on the highway. This is the laziest 2CI of hallucination yet. Ooh, a square. Oh, spooky square! Any more details? No. Did that have any colors or shapes on it? Nope!

The man described the entity's movement as being similar to the symbiot from the movie Venom in that it stretched and contorted itself to move. I haven't seen it. Yeah, me either. Picture something cool, he says. Yeah. Is it anything like the symbiot from the game parasite? Because then I'm picturing it. Yeah, a bit more like that.

At the same time as he was seeing the crawling square, the main city's friend saw a round creature at the opposite side of the highway. Oh, it's convenient. What's that fucking the thing where they teach you about geometry? Is it flat flat flat flat flat a flat flat a flat the the the the the the the the the the about geography, geometry, is it flat land or whatever, flat space? I don't know. He's getting assaulted by 2D shapes, psychically. He said that she described the creature as having a round body and initially thought it was a pig until it mysteriously vanished. It might have been a pig. It could have been a pig that like walked out of view, out of like your headlights.

Could have been a pig and a Richard Nixon mask, you know? You never know. There are monsters on this, sir. Quote, she said she thought it was a pig because of its shape and because it was walking in the woods off the road. But it wasn't a pig. I thi pigs could leave. They're free will. No Ben once once, the their their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thii. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi. Pigs could leave. Pigs can leave, they're free will. No Ben, once a pig, always a pig. When a pig is where it is, that's where it will be. Forever.

Behold a pig once, behold a pig. Hey, there that pig is. Always will be. I'm hearing a lot about shapes and now it sounds like this lady has no object permanence. Have you considered that you are also a baby? So we're going to be diagnosing most issues today. That pig is gone forever. Are you a baby?

Can you not hold a gun properly because you are a baby? It was a pig because it disappeared, he said. Then as their vehicle passed the mysterious square entity and he lost sight of it, the man said he suddenly felt cold. Quote, I felt like it attached to my vehicle, he said. I got real cold. I'm a paranormal investigator. I've been doing this for 14 or 15 years.

Oh, that's amazing. He's 57. And so he started in his early 30s, which just goes to show, it's never too late to start a new career. You know? So true. Yep. You think you're not smart enough.

You're not smart enough to see a square on a highway? You are. Yeah. Believe yourself. You understand the pigs will always be where they are. I'm sorry, but it really sounds like you've got gastro. Like, if I had to work out what was going on here. I've dealt with a lot of stuff. I've felt a lot of stuff. Me too. Me too. Sadness, regret, I've picked up tons of things, turned them around

in my hands. Yeah. And I never felt or seen anything like this before. You could feel the cold. I turned to my friend and said, something is here with us. He tried telling the entity that it was not welcome. Go on, get. Step off, square. But he said, it just wouldn't leave. This thing, for lack of a better term, latched on to me. Can you just tell an entity that they're not welcome?

Is that a rule of paranormal stuff? I tell an entity that they're not welcome? Is that a rule of paranormal stuff? I think that's the first thing you try. Okay. You try asking it to leave, telling it to leave, threatening it. Set boundaries for yourself. Yeah. If it's a toxic situation and they're not coming to the table at all, get out of there. Get out of there. You don't need th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thate. to thate. to the. the. thr. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to try. try. try. try. try. try. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. several friends at the side of their investigation, sounds like a party. The old Lavica County Jail.

Yeah. I met up with quite a few, well, not even acquaintances. I'd call them friends. Yeah. Reach for a comment, they said I cannot confirm that I am his friend. At the side of their investigation, the old Lavka County Jail, the man was told that he didn't look like himself and was sprinkled with holy water. Wow, you look like shit. Sprits. Sprits. Spritz. This did little to dissuade the entity from its attachment. His friends then offered to smudge him with sage, because of these rancid vibes.

You smell like shit. Which reportedly began to burn a greenish colour and make a popping sound. It was weird, the man said. At this point, the entity, which the man said he felt between his t-shirt and skin, but could no longer see, left through his shirt sleeve. Whoop! Like a ferret, right? Like a ferret.

Yeah. Were you being haunted by a ferret, bro? Yeah, getting some big ferret vibes. Quote, I know I sound crazy, but this thing was riding around, he said. How many times you reckon that guy? How many times you think that guy started that sentence? It started a sentence with that before. This is going to sound crazy, but first there was a square, then a circle,

but it wasn't a pig because it left. Then I got real cold. My friends all hit me with the Lynx body spray. The now invisible entity then attached itself to his friend, whom he reported experienced stomach cramping and back pain. Yeah, you got gastro, bro. You got gastro, bro. Go to the hospital.

Uh, something he said he also felt when it was attached to him. You're in your 50s, man. You're gonna have stomach cramping and back pain like every day of your life. That's my regular day. Yeah, that's Lucy's experience. And she's not haunted by a black square. I could be. This sounds a lot like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like by a black square. I could be. This sounds a cold. This sounds a lot to me.

Hire this guy. This sounds a lot like a group of friends doing improv. Oh, now it's invisible. Now it's coming over to you. Ooh. I'm cold now. You got a wiggle the square up. Do a new dance. Also, I don't know, I don't think you should hire these these these these these these these these the their their their their their their their their their their their their the square off. Do a new dance. Also I don't know I don't think you should hire

these guys. They've got a big case of the hunted becoming the hunt. No hang on. Yeah and we will get simple aphorisms down at some point for sure. Oh no no probably it looks like the prey has become hunted. He said that the entity felt smaller than it had looked in the road. The haunted square felt smaller than it looked. And we didn't really get any context about how big it was before, so... Two foot by two foot. Oh, it was actually very specific.

One and a half foot, by one and a half foot. We're experiencing square inflation a bit. Making it so big and square. That's small to me. Yeah. One and a half foot is perfectly reasonable, okay? You can still do heaps with that. It said it felt small that it looked when it was attached and that it quote almost felt like an air pocket

Okay, all right Quote as it moved you could feel a trail almost as if it was dragging a tail he added a square with a tail brother you're describing a kite This is a malevolent kite You've been haunted by the demon kite of US Route 77. Yeah, Molders throwing a folder of files at your right now. You ever heard of a kite demon? Carried away on a stinky wind. Concerned for his friend's safety, the man said that he placed his hand on her and commanded

the entity to come back to him. I'm so scared for your safety right now. I'm going. I. I. I. I. I, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that. I. I, th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that, that, that, that, this is the this. Yeah. Yeah, this is this is this is this is this is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, thease, theolease, theoleaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseaseasease. theole. the. theolou. Yeah, the her and commanded the entity to come back to him. I'm so scared for your safety right now. I'm going to eat that square back. You shouldn't be alone. It seemed to do so, and as the night progressed, he said the entity became weaker and weaker until he could no longer feel it. During the course of the investigation, the man said they were able to use a K2 meter to communicate with something, which informed them that the entity had been summoned specifically to harm the friend who would experience the more pronounced reaction to the entity's attachment. To communicate with something. Yeah, another entity is like, oh bro, that's square agent 47ing your friend.

That kind of sucks. Yeah, it's gonna friend. That kind of sucks. Yeah, it's gonna make her feel kind of cold. Yeah, cramps. Ah, I got a little air pocket in my shirt. I've been pretty down on like ghost, ghost hunter guys for a while, but I think I'm kind of turning a corner on it in the sense that um, it's kind of like the gyms that you can go to to learn martial arts where they go, ooh, I'm touching your pressure point.

Ooh, I'm zapping you with my cee, you know, where it's just like, hey, a bunch of guys getting out of the house and having fun with their friends. You know? Like I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Yeah. Non-toxic masculinity masculinity. Yes, yeah. And then we all went out and we we role played in the woods for a while. I got to touch this lady's shoulder for a bit. It was great. You get home and your wife's like, why are you so sweaty?

Like, demon square. We imagine there was a demon square. Chasing me for miles. There's some round shapes, wasn't a pig? It can't have been a pig. Because it's not there anymore. There's some very shapes, it wasn't a pig. It can't have been a pig. Definitely not a pig. Because it's not there anymore. Babe, a pig would still be here, okay? Open your eyes, you see a pig.

You can tell it was a pig, because a pig never isn't. That's the thing you need to know about a pig. That's the thing you need to know about a pig. Of all the times you've seen a pig, it was. Yeah. Undeniable. The man said that he suspected the entity was conjured through Bruheuria by someone jealous of the people he's been hanging around with. Otherwise declined to elaborate. No, I don't want to elaborate on that. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well, it. Well, it. Well, it. Well, it. Well, it. Well, it. Well, it. Well, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. All thi. All thi. All ti. All ti. All ti. If ti. If all ti. If ti. If ti. If ti. If thi. If thi. If thi. hanging around with, but otherwise declined to elaborate.

Just, no I don't want to elaborate on that. Oh, someone's been doing Mexican witchcraft on me because they're jealous of my crew. No, I don't want to talk about it. Don't, don't feed the trolls, you know. They want the trolls, you know? Don't feed the haters by talking about them. This might be the most somebody was onto nothing in a very long time. But still cooking.

Yeah, oh he's definitely cooking. I would have just put it as a footnote how the secondary investigation went. Because they were on their way to an investigation at a jail, right? Yeah. This is the B story. They did talk to another entity but about this entity. Yeah. What about the entities at the old jail? I bet they would have had some stories to tell, but instead we got the square. And the knot pig. Dealing with my square.

Yeah. I'm sorry, we'll deal with your like 20 cow rustling ghosts that are having ghost gunfights later. I have to deal with the square in my shirt. Guys know anything about this square? Yeah, bro, you ever seen a square? It's like, you know, remember how we were talking about like John Edwards, the, crossing over? Yeah, the medium slash mentalist guy.

And apparently like at the tapings of those shows the dude would just have like 40 wrong guesses before before he got to something and then they're like, all right, cut off the first 39. Well, there's only so much time in an episode. You gotta cut down, cross talk, et cetera. I'm saying I think that this guy has figured out a shortcut, which he just says, have you ever seen a square? And when you say yes, you go, ooh. I have, yeah. I'm looking at several right now.

Is that a problem? But then this demon may have been familiar to you. Look around your house if you see any squares. Get scared. Getting the milk jug in the morning is, have you seen this square as an empty square? Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patrion. It's a great way. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their s their s their squares. S squares. S. Sqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqa it's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time

to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th.... their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, to, to. And, to, to, to, to. And, to, to, to. And, to, to.... And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. 't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access to our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon. thu. Buntivista. Check it out. One and a half foot black demon squares.

They don't belong in nature. Uh-uh. I'll tell you what does. The stuff that's in nature. Nature. Nature does. It's time for Nature Corner. This comes to us from WMUr the Sip the Dixie Rubbock! Snipped my d'i.

This comes to us from WMUR, the woman in New Hampshire. New England woman injured after punching bear in face to save dog. Dway Wham. Yeah, that's sick. A New England woman is recovering from injuries suffered after she punched a bear in the face to save her dog. Cool. Lynn Kelly says it happened around 1130 a.m. Friday at her home in Porta, Maine, when she says she ran out to check on her dog and saw it being chased by a black bear.

I'm going back in the house at that point. Yeah, I'm saying by sweetie. I'm so sorry. It was so great. Our connection was wonderful while it lasted. Yeah, gave you a long life of not being eaten by a bear. Hey. Anyway, th, I I I I I I I, th, th, th, the the th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the th. that, thathea, the the the the the the the the the tho, the the tho. tho. tho, the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than, than, than, than, than, than, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tha. a bear. Yep. Hey. Anyway, I'm closing the door now. I'm fighting that bear. Oh, we know you are, Ben.

That's one of beautiful things about here. Oh, that's true. I have a dog actually like. Yeah. Lucy's seeing the black bear out of That's a distraction for the bear. Genetically, you're kind of a wolf, you'll be fine. He just has a little heart attack. He just sit there.

Oh, you know what they say, Theo. If you're, if your dog had a great life with you and it's, it's last day was the worst day, then, you know, pretty good deal. Mostly good days. Only one day, eaten by a bear, that's... Only one day he got eaten by it over there. Only one time, the whole time I owned him, did he get eaten by a bear? One day is bare food.

That's right. Quote, I noticed that my dog ran off the deck and straight down in front of the house, down the hill, Kelly said, I heard him scream, squealing. Ah! Ah! Ah! Kelly said she ran over to where her dog disappeared. He finally came running back up and right behind him was the bear, Kelly said. Cut a bit of a pig then. What? Because he disappeared out of frame for a minute?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I've got gonna make a little. A little flow chart here, decision tree. Can you see the pig? Did you see a pig? Oh, no, not a pig. Kelly said, the bear looked at me and I looked at the bear. I think we both scared each other. Now that's just that's a fun visual. Whoa! Both of you. And then a little giggle. I think you go straight from there into the Benny Hill running back and chasing each other through the doors kind of sequence.

Bears wearing suspenders and like, yeah. English Bobby hat. The bear's chasing her, then she's chasing the bear, and then the dog is chasing her and the bear. Maybe the bear's got the memento syndrome. It's like, I'm chasing this dog. No, this lady's chasing me. Kelly said she tried to look big and yell and scare the bear, but it didn't work.

How big we talked? Her or the bear, but it didn't work. Oh, how big we talk? Her or the bear? She tried to look like a seven-foot Amazonian. She said the bear kept coming toward her, so she punched it. That's when it bit her in the hand and wrist. No, thank you. That's going to happen. Yeah, here, bite this. Yeah. Hey,, bite this. Yeah.

Hey, you have this. Kelly said she started bleeding. Yep. Natural consequence of being bitten by a black bear usually. Yeah. Is the bear attack probably. Mm-hmm. So she ran back in the house and called 911.

It took about 45 minutes for police and fire to arrive. Just in time. Hey, a black bear is this.. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this this this this this this this this this th this this th th th th thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi this this thi. thi. you you you you you you you you you you you th. you th. th. th. th. th. this this. this. this. this. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. You have thea thea thea you have you have you have you you have you you have you you have you have thea. You the. You minutes for police and fire to arrive. Just in time. Hey, a black bear is killing me and my dog. Yeah, well, we got a lot on. We should be there within the hour. Within an hour. Not necessarily this one. We did have a, we had a bit of a chase before, but Duncan picked up the victim's gun and kind of goofed with it and shot himself in the leg. So... We had a little whoopsy, poopsie. It might be a while.

We had an offodoufah. When they arrived, she was taken to Memorial Hospital in North Conway, New Hampshire, where she was treated for four puncture wounds. That's all right. I think as far as getting attacked by a bear goes. Yeah, you didn't do too bad. Yeah. I've been bitten by a dog before and had several puncture wounds

and I was the extent of it. So, you know, I think you're getting off pretty good in my opinion. How big is your average black bear? Jesus Christ. Not't they large? They're fucking big. They're not a little guy. They're smaller than brown bears though, right? Oh.

It's, well, Wikipedia says that they are a medium-sized bear. Okay. Yeah. So, not impressed. It's like a medium bear, right? An adult male bear called Bors weigh around 400 pounds. No one knows why that could equate to. And...

It's about 180 kilos. Black bears are about 3 feet high when standing on all 4 feet and 5 to seven feet tall when standing up right. Yeah, it's pretty big. It's fairly big. Did they say it was a lady bear? Bigger than any of our bears, you know? Hmm. Wildlife officials said such encounters are incredibly rare. It'll make her feel better, and they've only heard of a handful of attacks in the past few decades. The main department of inland fisheries and wildlife referred to the incident as a quote provoked attack and said two live captured traps have been set up.

Yeah. Who provoked who in this situation do you think? Yeah, I am curious as to what they're saying there, but I think maybe... Who am I blaming for this is what I want to know? The bear attacking the woman might have been provoked, I think, maybe by the woman trying to clock it in the jaw. Or maybe the dog, potentially. Aggravating the bear? Surprised the police didn't come out and immediately put down the dog and the bear. The dog, you know? Just both of them to be safe.

There's a dog involved bearing. Officials said black bears can be found throughout Maine and they advise people to remove potential attractants, such as bird feeders, unsecured garbage and pet food from the yard. Secure your garbage. Put a padlock on the top of the plastic bag. Anyone who sees a bear, beehives. Yep. Anyone who sees a bear should try to keep their distance and avoid cornering it or agitating it. Way ahead of you, buddy. That's how I'm built. Stop cornering black bears and saying rude things to them. Yeah, it's gonna pat you real quick.

So you know that's a bit of an achievement I think to, I'm not gonna say outwit because don't think there was a lot of thinking or processing taking place there when punching a bear, but defeating a bear in such a fashion. It's impressive. True achievement. And we have another achievement from nature this week. The world of nature, the world that contains nature. This comes to us from Newsweek. World's most expensive cow breaks own record for astronomical price. Well done. Yeah. Good job. Good for her. Yeah. S price. Well done. Yeah.

Good job. Good for her. Yeah. Slay. Honestly slay. Secure that bag. Make yourself a high-value cow. Yeah.

There's a bulls will see you that way. Yeah. And if you can't afford one, imagine one in your mind. What's kind of sad is that like I just immediately think of this story in the context of the cow getting the money, but I don't think the cow's gonna get the money. Yeah, no, which is unfortunate. Not even a share of it probably. A huge white cow has sold for the highest price ever, making it the most expensive cow in the world. Do you think it's safe to say that it would be the most expensive cow in all of human history, man?

Yeah, yeah, I think, oh, actually, I don't know. You're counting for inflation, stuff. Maybe there was some like, weird shit with, like, I don't know, might have done some weird shit with cows in Babylon or whatever. Who can say? Can you guys? A kingdom for a cow? Yeah, that's almost a smart literary reference. Could you guys maybe take a stab at...

Uh, the cost of the cow? Yeah, how much do you pay for a cow? I don't know, a few thousand bucks? Yeah, gotta be. So, I'm gonna say definitely over a million dollars. And I'm not looking at the story right now, Ben. Yeah. I'm gonna say over a million Australian dollars for this count. Yeah, that would be correct. Are we doing prices right rules? Are we doing closest without going over? No, I just want to know what you to know what you to know what you to know what you to know what you to know what you to know what you to know what you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho thoo toooooooooooooooooooooooo to to to to tooo to.coo.coo., I just want to know what you guys had like a ballpark.

Like this isn't a competition. It's not a contest. I'm going on 4.3 million. Okay, well. Now you just sound ridiculous. Yeah, you sound insane. That's crazy, Theo. One third of the ownership of the cow. A four and a half year old Nelore breed named. It it it it it it it it it it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's a competition, it, it, it's not a competition, it's not a competition, it's not a competition, it's a competition. It's a competition. It's a competition. It's a competition, it's, it's, it's a competition, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a competition, it's a competition, it's, it's a competition. It's a competition. It's, it's a competition. It's a competition. It's a the competition. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the competition. the competition. third of the ownership of the cow, a four and a half year old Nallore breed named, the Aetina 19 FIV Maraise, was sold for 6.99 million

the equivalent of 1.44 million dollars at an auction held in Arindu, Brazil. Not sure how it is. All right, what's so good about this cow? Oh, nothing, just like a really lovely personality. Just like a great cow to be around. It's just one of those, you know, the black and white ones that look real nice and nice to look at. Jersey cows?

Great stuff. Yep, it's just a pleasant to look at cow. It just looks nice. Damn, that's a classic cow. I love that cow. The cow was sold by Agro Pequoera, Casa Branca to Nellore H.R.O. for this record breaking price, placing its total value at a staggering $4.3 million. Holy shit. Yeah. Oh, fuck off. Did you write a hairs?

That wasn't just a random guess. I've got Discord open at the moment. Look at the Elon chat channel. I'm never looking at what I meant to be looking at, pal. Look at, am I in the document right now? You can check in the top right-hand corner. That is true. You aren't in the document. All right, well that was a sensational guess. The cow is worth $4.3 million. Now there's egg on my face. Yeah, you know. You look. I'm a cow genius. Holy shit. You're

a cow survivor. I should be out there, talent scouting for cow. You see out they're valuing cows. Cow man. We're a a that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho tho to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tho. tho. th. there talent scouting for can. You see out they're valuing cows. Cow man. We got a cow value over here. Here are my tools. This man has 100 in cow appraisal. Half of the ownership of the same cow had already been sold in 202 for around $800,000, which was record breaking in itself at the timetime. How it's wild to earn shares of the cow. Yeah, they keep selling bits of this cow. Yeah, they should add more to the cow

so that they can do another funding round. Add an extra third to the cow so you could sell that as a quarter of the cow. Yeah. This sale of Vietina 19, FIV, Mara, I'movase, earmarks the true value of purebred and la l'ore in Brazil, showing just how much some are willing to pay for high genetic quality specimens. This high price will also ripple across the international cattle market,

highlighting the breed's value and strengthening its reputation worldwide. You ever, you ever see like, you know, sometimes you'll stumble into some area of like social media that is about something that you're not interested in? Like, um, yeah. Like for me the other day it was, uh, it was like sports racing stuff, like, you know, people like all the different kinds of motorbike racing and car racing and stuff and that there's like whole whole new sites dedicated to keeping up with all this and I was like, yeah I never think about this at all, but there's a lot of people out there thinking about cows a lot.

Corn prices, etc. Yeah, yeah, that's all, I live and breathe corn prices, bro. You got to think though, if if if if if if if if if if if th if th if th if th, if th, if th, if th, I th, I th, I live and breathe corn prices, bro. You gotta think though, if you're like paying $4.3 million for one cow, how much value are you planning to get out of the lineage of this cow in the long term? That's, yeah. For that investment to be worthwhile. Like what's... I mean, it's increased in value. Dramaticly. Dramatically.

From what, 1.6 million to 4.3 million? I think they might have overpaid for this cow to be honest. You're having got fleeced? A little bit. You got fleeced on this cow deal. You got leathered. You are. Just like, what's the, is the plan that your, the cows that you get from this cow will eventually

start an empire of super cows? Yeah, I think so. I need to hear more about this cow. It's value, you know, it's inherent value. Yeah. Nobody's eating a four million dollar cow, right? No. No. Especially one that can do an algebra or whatever. These are the stakes that they're selling at those Japanese restaurants where people put up the YouTube videos of my $1,000 lunch. Yeah. Nelore cows are a breed characterized by their bright white fur with a distinct bulbous hump above their shoulders. Same.

They have a naturally high resistance to hotter temperatures, which comes from their loose, dangly skin. Same. And possession of sweat glands, twice as large and 30% more numerous than those of many European breeds, according to Oklahoma State University. Same, same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same. Same. Same. Same. Same. Same. the the the their their their their their up their up their up their up their% more numerous than those of many European breeds, according to Oklahoma State University, same. You paid $4.3 million for an ultra-sweaety cow. Yeah. For the world's sweatiest ball bag of a cow.

It's like $10,000 worth of sweat glands on that cow by weight. This breed originates from India and is named after the Indian district of Nelore in Andhra Pradesh state. It is now one of the most important breeds in Brazil, primarily due to its hardiness and its ability to thrive on poor quality forage due to its efficient metabolism. That cow looks like shit by the way. I like it. It's not at all the most pleasant looking cow. It's

probably one of the worst looking cows I've seen. Oh wow we're getting raw. Jersey is a disease. Well said. I'm trying to have a look at this cow. Let me see this cow. Wow. It's as described. This. Yeah the hump is very prominent. I think hem. Yeah. Does anyone else think that this cow looks like if a cow dressed up as a ghost for Halloween? I do. Oh boy, yeah. Not. Oh, I'm looking at like a close-up picture of it.

You can see all of its wrinkly, testy skin kind of coating. Looks sweaty. Yeah, you reckon it stinks worse than an irregular cow too? It's a big old paddock, little stin' cout. Well, it's got all those folds. And it's sweating like crazy. I'm going to say, yeah. You get sweat trapped in those folds?

Oh, you're getting a little pong going on. A lot of the stuff they're describing about what makes it good is like a climate change-proof cow. Yeah. Which seems kind of worrying. Extra wet. Yeah, extra wet to survive the ravages of what we've done to this earth. I'm going to need your weatest cow. Need a sopping wet cow.

That'll just eat garbage. Yep. It also breeds easily. Same as the females have wider pelvic openings and larger earth canals, while calves need little interaction from humans to successfully grow to adulthood. I'm on my best behavior. I can't possibly. Right, this cow's got a lot of features.

Yeah. This is the deluxe model cow. I got the weatherproofing. I got the. You got the TSI cow. It's got the larger engine. All of this just feels bad. I mean, it's probably because it's like the TSI cow. It's got the larger engine. All of this just feels bad. I mean, it's probably because it's like the most fucked industry. It's horrible. None of this is good, but it just feels awful.

Like, well, you barely have to feed it, don't actually have to raise them. They'll be fine now that the planet's cooking, who fucking cares. Whatever. 4.3 million. Give me that cow. Ugh. Nellores are also resistant to a number of parasitic infections due to their dense skin texture making it hard for blood-sucking insects to penetrate. And this is where the similarities with Andrew, stop. Yeah, that's right. I will say mosquitoes do not like me as much as other people. Oh man.

I'm the first one to get bitten by mosquitoes. I got a big old sign on me. They're sackling. Are you guys the types where you're like, oh I was wearing like jeans but no shoes and they savage my ankles. Oh, 100% and they're finishing me off before they're going to, you know, whoever else. Yeah, I tend to think of it's Sweet young blood, I think. There's always, there's always someone else around who is like bait for the mosquitoes, so they leave me alone. Hey, we've got a pretty diverse listenership now. Some of you are probably into money.

If you're looking for someone to bleed like big, to rejuvenate your life force, get in touch. Looking for a blood boy? You're in the market for a blood, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the their the their their their their their mosquito, their mosquito, like, like the their mosquito, like the the the to their mosquito, like to to the mosquito mosquito mosquito to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their, their their their, their their to to to to to to to to to to to to toouch. Looking for a blood boy? You in the market for a blood boy? Its high price is a result of these favorable characteristics with the breed being selectively bred to amplify these traits using artificial insemination. Sales of Nellore semen represent 65% of the total artificial insemination market of cows in Brazil and according to a guardian report from 2018,% of the total artificial insemination market of cows in Brazil, and according to a Guardian report from 2018, sperm from the most valuable elite bulls. They cost $5,000 per 0.55 miller leaers.

That's no much cum. It seems like the bull should cost more. That's how you sell the cum. Yeah. Yeah, if you get the bull. First you get the bull, then you get the cum, then you get the money. It's kind of the opposite to the old. Why buy the bull when you get the cum for free?

You really don't. Yeah. Really known in this case. You're making an investment in the bull. There are around 167 million Nellore cattle in Brazil comprising 80% of the total number of cows across the country. That's... 80% of the total cows but only 65% of the cum. There is a relative Delores cum shortage. This seems like a common cow. That's very strange. Why is it so expensive?

All the cows have these features. Well, the best one is like the perfect one. The most beautiful cow you've ever seen. That's so many fucking cows though. Yeah, like I thought...67 million that's made 80% of them. So like... I don't know how many cows we have. Twenty, 24 million in Australia as of 2021 according to the ABS. They went out, they went out that surveyed all the cow. That sounds exactly like the thinking of a cow to be. How many cows did you say this week? Wait, what's the population of Brazil?

What's their cow per capita ratio? What are they hitting like 3.30 at the moment? They got 214 million over there. Wait a damn second. I'll see, compared to cattle. Compared to cattle, we've got like 79 million sheep. You've got more into sheep huh? We're much more into sheep to be personally honest. But Brazil is almost one to one for people to cattle as well.

Everybody got there on cow almost. Why does everyone have a cow? Are you soul bonded to a cow out there somewhere? Are you soul bonded to a cow? Tell us. Yeah, if you've met your soul bonded cow. If you've ever, you've been going on a little one a a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a to a toe to a to a toe toe toe toe toe toe toe to one one one one one to one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little to a little drive to a little drive to a little drive to a drive toe-divo drive toe toe toe onded to a cow? Tell us. If you've met your soul-bonded cow. If you've ever, you've been going on a little drive with your friends because you're going camping and you do the touristy thing where you see some cows in a field and you pull over and you come, try and talk to them. And then one comes up to you and just gazes directly into your eyes. And blinks very slowly and you blink very slowly and you see each other's souls in that moment. That's your cow. Yeah, everyone has one. It's out there. Some people are born

in, you know, roughly the same geographic area as their cell-bonded cow. Maybe your soul-bonded cow's in Perth. You'll never wait for you. Yeah, get out there and look at every cow. They're out there. Start looking for some cows. Don't settle for the cow in your area. No. No, not when you know your soul-bonded cow. Sweaty cows in your area.

Well, just because they're sweaty, don't discount them. They might have extremely wide pelvic bones. It's true of people as it is of cows. That's the Buntavista promise. A cow in every yard, a blood boy in every bathtub. Yeah. I think of that carbon fiber bathtub. It's a, quote, fantastic feeling of fulfilling our commitment to sharing Vietina 19 genetics

with HRO, a livestock project with a fantastic history. Fabiana Marquez Borrelli, director of Casa Branca, told local outfit, Portaldo Agro Negotio, in a quote translated from Portuguese. Floresse. Yeah, that was amazing. God damn. Oh, we're such an international podcast, aren't we? Truly. Truly, globetrotting.

Hey, Brazil and the United States. But hey, it turns out that there's a whole other country out there. It's called Finland. We're going to check in on it with Mayor Watch. From the Associated Press, Helsinki Deputy Mayor caught spray painting graffiti in railway tunnel. That's funny. Let him live.

That's just good, clean fun. Whom off the whole steam? Who's the crime? Who's the crime? Who's the crime? Who is the crime? Where is the pig? You know?

The Deputy Mayor of Finland's capital is facing possible legal action and calls for him to pay compensation for damages and to resign. Calm the fuck down, everyone, after he was caught red-handed spray painting graffiti in a railway tunnel last weekend. The Finnish transport infrastructure agency told public broadcast to YLE on Wednesday that cleaning up graffiti illegally painted by Parvo Arden Mackey, one of the four deputy mayors of Helsinki. Pardon? Yeah. They got backups. They got redundant deputy mayors. How much does a mayor do that you need more than one? Yeah. Four

deputies. Have they got the fucking Neon Genesis Evangelion set up there? They're just sort of like floating in air, voting on things, etc. Yeah, I think that's what they have. Yeah. Yeah. If you know what the decision-making, overarching entity, kind of... Yeah. Body? How about that? Yeah. No, keep going.

No, I think he's... Finish the sword. So they're saying it cost the city around 3,500 euro. Ahin Makki, 46, and a friend were caught by guards in a rail tunnel in eastern Helsinki on Friday just after they had completed graffiti, which finished street art experts said looked partly inspired by work seen in New York in the 1970s. Ah, doing a little origins of graffiti. That's so good. I was hoping it was just like tagging.

Yeah, racing. So was anyone out there saying that like this is dope? What's what's going on here? Like, because obviously graffiti a railway tunnel, not a crime. Yeah, completely not a crime. Made up crime doesn't exist. Yeah. So what's the problem? The look, the pieces, a piece is not great. Why are you cleaning up graffiti?

This is the first graffiti in a railway tuttle to ever be cleaned up in the history of mankind. It's like clearly over the top of the other. All right, I'm just, um, just putting a picture of it in the chat here. This is a, an audio medium, so you're not going to see this folks. We've got some graffiti it says GCM and another one that looks like it says rat. Yeah, but he's kind of tagging. Yeah, it's just it's not. Do you think he's JCM or rat? I think he's a rat. He's probably rat. Him and his buddy. It's split on that one. But not not great. Not the worst thing I've ever seen. Not the best thing either.

No. Hi. In a Facebook posting on Sunday. Not great, not the worst thing I've ever seen. Not the best thing either. In a Facebook posting on Sunday, Iron Markey, who is known as a strong supporter of street art and as a creator of graffiti in his youth. Well we can update that one on his bio, Yeah, he's very young 46 year old. Apologized for his, stupid fooling around. He was a former lawmaker and chairman of the Left Alliance and served as a minister for culture and sports in 2011 to 2014. I think the only problem here is that he apologized. Yeah, should be like yeah no

so I don't say the time. Art is not a crime. It's goaded. Sorry he's finished. Art is not a crime. Yes, that's better. I couldn't understand what you were saying before. Who's meant to be saying that?????? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? th. It? th. It th. It th. It the to to the to the to the to to be to the to to be to to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their the thu. thi. the the thi. the thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. to to to to to the to to to the. Yes, that's better. I couldn't understand what you were saying before. Who's meant to be saying that? Police are investigating the act as vandalism. And interference with rail traffic. Oh shut up. No it isn't. Which had to be temporarily halted because the incident. You mean when you came out and started making a big deal? Yeah, when you had a sook about it, oh we had to stop all cargo shipments to the airport because we're having a little sook. Because there's some some pain on the wall. I don't want to look at it. Hey, you're not meant to be in here. Oh my world view is being challenged by this transgressive art. That's right. Yeah. No more cargo going to the air to the the their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. their. their. to. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. to. to. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. the. t. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. t. t. t. t. the. t you love Banksy but you don't want the mayor to do it. You don't want GCM and Rat to do stuff in a rail tunnel but you'll pay millions of dollars for a Banksy. That is so true. Is it? Yeah yeah I think. It says a lot about and then it like and then it turns out the painting had like a little butthole as soon as it's hung up it shits itself and it was like oh Banksy started his down again. Mr. Banksy changing all of our minds.

Yeah I hate graffiti now. The rail tunnel is used by cargo trains running to and from a Helksinki port. It wasn't immediately clear whether I and Markey would face legal charges. I assume that we are bringing back execution. Yeah. Not even a passenger train. Cargo train. Yeah. Grow up. It's not even on a train. Yeah, what if you're Hitachi magic wand has to see this graffiti? What then? It's just the cargo trains full of Hattachie magic wand? Is that? As far as I know, it's like 90% of cargo. It's most. Most of it. Yeah. And the they they they they they they the the the the the the the the their. And then. And then. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. train. train. train. train. train. It's train. It's train. It's train. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's train. It's train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. as I know it's like 90% of cargo. It's most, most of it. Yeah, and then they export like chairs that cost $4,000. Yeah, it's a beautiful economy. Well it's either that or you're just selling cow cum. This is the two, you make your money one of two ways. Yeah, the two things that can be sold internationally. Hatchi man or a cow cum man?

Oh dear. Well, I think that's it for us. I think that's an episode of the podcast point of it. Sure is. We would implore you, valued listeners to enjoy your weekend with your Hitachi wand and or cow semen. Enjoy, enjoy yourself. Yeah.

You earned it probably. You probably earned it, unless you didn't, in which case, don't tell anyone. Just enjoy it anyway. Yeah. See you next time. Bye. Hi. Thank you.