Boonta Vista - EPISODE 306: Bullish On Hog

Episode Date: July 23, 2023

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: A cryptid mystery solved 5 years later, a hog market update, tales of not-quite crime in Colorado, a perfectly named arsonist, and the Clipping Report. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, I'm Theo. This is episode 306 of Buntavista, a comedy podcast about the week's least consequential news. If you've been looking to recommend an episode to someone who hasn't listened before, this is the episode. If this is your first episode, welcome. We usually do a thing right up front where one person brings an intro scenario, unbeknownst to everyone else and then everyone kind of

like improvs off it. I personally try and make mine like as opaque and off-putting as possible. But you know, we've been chatting a bit in the, you know, our stand-ups, our group meetings. We understand this might turn off new listeners, et cetera, who may have no idea what to expect. So this week, we're not doing that. We're not doing a weird intro this week. We're just gonna do it like a normal podcast. Just introduce around the room, so you can kind of get a feel for everyone.

I'm here, as always with my friend Andrew. Waza! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He th. He th. He th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th, he th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. th. th. thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeeeeean, thean, theiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. We theeeeee. We thi. with my friend Andrew. Wazah! Yeah. He always says that. He does it all. So if this is your first episode, you need to know that that's his catchphrase. That's the catchphrase. Okay. All right. Let's be serious about this, guys. Lucy as well is here. Hello, CEO. Hey. Hi. Good to see you. And I think one th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th says th says th says th is that's that's that's that's that's he he he he he he the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the th. th. to. to Hey Bud, what's what's going on? Not much.

What's a normal podcast intro sound like? So this is all the people that are on the podcast. Yeah, and then they say what the podcast is about. And then they say... And the appeal of the podcast? Like what's...we've done probably 600-something episodes? What's this all about? I don't think you tthat be intuited. You do tell people what they're about to hear though. You give them an idea.

Coming up, coming up on this episode. Yeah, coming up, we've got like, the lubrication. Yeah, you'll hear stories about this, that and the other. I haven't actually looked at the story, so I don't know what they are, but they'll be followed by, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, the, tho, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, coming, coming, coming, coming, thi, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, coming, thome, th, th, th, coming, th, th, coming, th famous teams, our segments. Yep. Look at... In fairness, some of the segments will be followed by stings, which are proceeding the following sections. Yeah, that's so true.

So it's fine. I think you're fine. Yeah, book, book ended by themes, I think. Yeah, except, there isn't one. There isn't one at the end. Yeah, sometimes. Not always. There was some in the last bonus episode and keen-eared listeners I think we'll be able to figure out why. Oh, it's a bit of a reference there. I wasn't on the bonus episode. No.

Yeah. So, all right. Is that on you guys? Is that noise from your end? Don't think it's I think it's coming from mine. No, what is that? Oh fuck It's the fucking foot fetish raiders It's like you're not home Close the blinds guys Oh, I'm sorry. Uh oh. I'll be

I'm I'm the third time this week. I'm just The third time this week. I'll be gone, sir. If I kick my shoes off, can we help them get this over with Farsk feet? If I kick my shoes off, can we help them get this over with Farshton? Or does that just encourage them to come back for more?

All over these southern fucking feet. If you help them out, it makes them dependent. I think wethey're leaving. I think we're safe. What did I just hear? What was I just listening to? That's a roving band of foot fetishists that we had to avoid. Yep.

Yeah. Should we do the show? Sorry, I've just got a little transcript of that audio here from John Hendren. Hot sauce on feet. Or fuck yeah, look at the fucking hot sauce sauce. Burn your fucking tongue when you eat these hot sauce feet. Yeah.

Yeah. Dumping loads all over these southern feet, the feet are southern, I think. Uh-huh. Southern hot source feet? The feet are southern southern I think. Great. And that just happened while we were having a normal intro. Yeah, because the the foot fetish writers. The foot fetus came. So this intro is the normal intro. I am sorry to have to break K-fabe and do a normal intro to kind of explain what the show was about.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Hey, sometimes you're hit by something that you didn't expect. For us, it might be an audio clip of hot-source feet. For an American, it might be a bullet fired by their own gun. It's time for the clipping report. And as you were recommended this episode as your first episode, I'm going to have to explain what all of the segments are. So this one is stories about Americans accidentally discharging firearms, provided in brief as a sort of bulletin style.

Yeah, but funnier than it is grim. Yeah, no diss. That sounds, yeah, that's that guy too to the one time I included a clip. It's the time. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the th, the th, th, the th, th, the th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the time. It's th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the clip. It's. It's the the th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's time. It's tip. It's the the the the tip. It's Yeah, but funnier than it is grim. Yeah, no deaths except for the one time I included a death because, oh two times, except for the two times I've included a death. No deaths in this one. Let a let he who was never accidentally discharged cast the first stone, you know. Yeah, let he who has never included a story on a podcast about a guy getting killed by his dog because his shotgun was in the tray of his ut and his dog kicked the shotgun fired and it shot him through the back, cast the first stone. That couldn't happen to anyone.

These are all from the last seven days. Here we go. A woman was accidentally shot in the leg on Panama City Beach in Florida by a 20-year-old man on a balcony overlooking the beach, who, so he pulled his handgun out of his backpack. He noticed there was sand in it, and then when he tried to clean the sand out of it, he fired his gun and it hit a woman on the beach. Are we sure that he wasn't just like tracking people on the beach? He probably was. Also there's like the story about this is like four sentences long and one of those sentences specified that he had been drinking crown royal canadian whiskey. So I don't know if that was a sponsored post or not. Are we supposed to recognize that this is some extremely crown royal shit? I've never heard of crown royal Canadian whiskey.

Oh really? It's pretty cheap. Oh yeah? Yeah. Is it like a knock off like, would you higher or lower price point than Canadian club? Oh, about the sound. I'm looking at a question because it's also cheap there, you know. I don't know what kind of thing I would draw a comparison to for crown royal. Well, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the, the, the, tha, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, are, are, are, tho, are, are, are, thi, are, are, thi, are, are, are, thi, are, are, are, are thi, thi, is thi, is, is thi, is, is, is thi, is, is thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a tho, is, is a tho, is a tho, is a tho, is a tho, tho, thi. Is a thi. Is a thi. Is a thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, is a thrown, is a thrown, is a thrown, is of thing I would draw a comparison to for Crown Royal. Well it's it's available from Dan Murphy's, Australian conglomerate Dan Murphy's for 63 dollars

is the general price for a 750 mil bottle. Tell them what the Vista sent you. Which to Americans, that's that's a normal amount of money for us to spend on a bottle of liquor. On a bottle of liquor. Yeah, that's not cheap. You can't like... That's not a good bottle though. No, I paid $100 for our last one. Yeah, so if you're accidentally discharging a gun, you're probably not drinking spirits, they're too expensive.

Yeah, yeah, you're drinking pre-mix RTDs, which are more expensive, but less capital outlay because you buy them in smaller units. That's right. A California Highway Patrol officer accidentally shot himself in the foot inside the California Highway Patrol office on 8th and Bryant in San Francisco. Huh. Yeah. You're dumb bitch. Hey Gary, how is your weekend? Fuck! What nickname do you think that guy's getting for the rest of his life working there? Oh poppy? Yeah. And this is the again this is the kind of crackling. Yeah we're just driven we're straight off the top of the

dough. Yeah it's 8.56 a.m. Yeah it's we're doing it in the top of the day. Improv. It's 8.56 a.m. Yeah, it's we're doing it in the morning. You're tired, we're tired. Yes, he's been shot in the foot and. Keene listeners will know we're also bad at recording when it's night times. It's really like a very small window of the day. There's a small're tired. Yeah. Sleepy here. The sleepy belt occupies a very large portion of the day,

turns out. A man drinking at home alone in Cold Pepper, Virginia accidentally shot himself while removing a gun from his gun safe. Why are you drinking at home alone taking your gun out of a gun safe? I don't think it needs any explanation. Well I was going to say, I can think of a reason that you would be drinking at home alone and then getting your gun out of your gun safe. But it wouldn't involve... It wouldn't be followed by accidentally shot himself. Yeah. I think this is more a guy had a great idea because he was like five piers deep and he's like,

I'm going to shoot some glass bottles in the backyard. Ah, fuck. I figure it would be really fun to have a gun, hold a gun, pull a gun apart and put a gun back together. Like all of those things are very tactile kind of experiences. Yeah. And if you've had several drinks, yeah. Check out tactile experiences if you've had several drinks. Yeah, like a fidget cube. Knowing my personal history of repairing anything remotely complicated, I would take the gun apart and feel really cool and then spend the next four hours going, where has the fucking spring gone?

Where's it gone? I just need the fucking spring because the thing's not going to go back now. Yeah, or when I'm taking it apart, the spring breaks in half. And I go, oh, do I need the spring? Yeah, what if I put it together without the spring and then I aim it and pull the trigger and go, no, it doesn't work without the spring. Gotta start taking it apart again. A bullet traveled through a wall and lodged in the ceiling at the Maud Wattley Health

Center in Tuscaloosa, Alabama after a security guard accidentally fired his gun. It's kind of ironic. Yeah. Why do you the gun at the more totally health center? Just in case someone might accidentally fire their gun. Defense from people with guns. Love how many. Like, look, I get that, um, statistically, you are more likely to be holding a loaded gun

if you are a cop or a security guard in America or whatever, but it's very funny how many of the people that you would taspu. the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be just to be just just just just just just just, to be just to to their their their their their their their their their their their their, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to just to just to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be holding a loaded gun if you are a cop or a security guard in America or whatever, but it's very funny how many of the people that you would desperately hope had some kind of trigger discipline are all the people accidentally shooting themselves in the feet, firing off through walls. It's great stuff. As far as I can tell, the average American cop or security guard likes to eat a lunch of one entire stick of butter using his hands. And then it's over to gun cleaning time, gun handling time. Yeah, gun twirling, gun throwing.

He's doing like, thrown. He's doing like, thrown. He's doing like, yo-ho diablo tricks with his gun with nice buttery fingers. And he's ready to go as well anytime there's one in the chamber. The hammer is cocked if it's got a hammer and if you can cock it. What's the one with the with it in the safe? I'm like, take the bullets out when you put it in the safe, right? Isn't a whole point of putting it in a safe to like incapacitate the gun. But what if there's an intruder and you open the safe?

Yeah, what if I'm scared? Yeah, you gotta reload that thing? What if I'm terrified that every single square inch of this earth that is outside of my house is trying to kill me and the only antidote for that fear is a loaded gun while I crouch behind the window seal of my house in the dark shaking with blood lust. What if? What if? Look, in that case, I would say, stop being a pussy with the half measures, you either take the bullets out of the gun and lock it in the safe, or you keep it fully loaded and you set up a pillow for it next to you in your, in your, keep that thin-tie-in-t-the-in, the-in-in-in-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, the-s, sha-s, the-s, sha-s, shaking-s, shaking-s, shaking-s, shaking, shaking-s, shaking-s, shaking-s, shaking-s, shaking-s, shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s, sh-s-s, sh-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s, the-s-s-s-s-s-s, the-s, the-a-s, the-a-sha''-a'er-a'er-a'er-a'er-a-sha'era'era'era'-sha'-sha-s, sha-s, the- out of the gun locking in the safe, or you keep it fully loaded and you set up a pillow for it next to you in your in your keep that thing on you in a queen-sized bed. Keep that thing next to you.

If you're a twin-sized bed. Actually no I'm going to take that back if you're a if you're sleeping alone with the gun. You're not sleeping alone with it twin single. Yeah, twin single mattress on the floor. You're keeping it real close to you. Yeah. Keeping it tight. Don't, don't hide. Don't hide your gun away. You sleep bonding with the gap. You're co-sleeping with your gun.

Me, me, me, me. A Honolulu Police Department to the Honolulu Police Department Academy. It's just more forgivable. That's more forgivable than being a graduate of the Honolulu Police Department Academy training program and then shooting yourself. It's really all got back after lunch and just be like, well that's an example of what not to do. And everyone chuckled. We're going to break early. So did. pass? And he did. He did still pass. He did. He did 100% still pass. Yeah, absolutely.

On the way to the hospital, they're like, just take the gun with you, it's yours now. Just do whatever. Who fucking cares? It's too expensive to run this training twice. Yeah. Finally, two people were hospitalized with gunshot wounds in Portland, Oregon, after, quote, someone shot themselves and their partner while showing off a laser sight on their gun. Hey, check this out, pow, pow, ow, ow. Same bullet or two bullets. Yeah, it's so fun to think about.

It's gotta be a two-fer, surely, because you're not, like how badly you're mishandling the gun that you're accidentally firing it in two directions hey check this out the laser pointer doesn't go through me to you it's a clue did by my body let's line up the meadiest most bone free parts of our body next to each other and then see if this beam penetrates it all. There'll be a little subsurface scattering but it won't go all the way through. That's cool. Yeah, thanks, America. You did it again. And they were all from America, you said.

Yeah, isn't that crazy? You guys have no idea how many, I don't want to pretend that doing this podcast is hard work. That would be crazy the No, keep pretending. For the clip report, the amount of stories of horrible tragedies I have to wade through to get the like light and breezy ones, there are more toddlers shooting their parents or each other than they're adults accidentally non-lethaly shooting each other. And that's from like a year's worth of stories though. It's from like a week man. Can you imagine having one story like that here? Like a toddler accidentally murdering their own parents?

And everyone would be like, oh, the gun control laws don't, don't work. Just look, one toddler. Like, literally, this week I reckon I would have seen eight eight or eight, eight, eight, eight, seen eight or nine and that wouldn't have been all of them but that's like that's kids shooting kids or kids shooting parents like yeah cool yeah it sucks man cool got anything sucks yeah hey that's a very real problem it's not very fun to talk about there are some other things in America that may or may not be real it's time ohtime for Crypted Watch.

Residents there say they've heard unusual animal sounds at night, and several ATV writers say they've seen unusual-looking creatures in the distance. The next guest may have taken one of the best ever pictures of the Loch Ness Monster. Monster. Oh, it's really good Andrew. That's beautiful. It's so funny how much it undercuts the spookiness of something to have Kochy saying monster. Monster. Monster. That makes me sick. Yeah. ROTD, David Kosh. Yeah, yeah, hit by that bus. Who would have thought. Absolutely. At least he got all those good financial investments in

before he was taken out. But they don't want you to know about them. No, the cops will arrest anyone that learns about these financial children. That's why he disappeared him under that bus. Yeah, the... Garry got disappeared. Took him out. I feel like we need to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain to explain th th to explain to. Yeah the ASIC. Gary got disappeared. I think I feel like we need to explain this for people who don't live in Australia and get the spam ads that Australians do like you know if you live in America every every ad that's like

you know how now on a news website they'll just have at the bottom of the article like 55 different ads from Outbrain that are all for the fakest shit in the world. Which is great to put- Well, Americans would be getting the news reporter that they recognize intercut with Elon Musk now, right? They're like, check out Elon Musk's latest venture, you know, blah, blah, and-they don't want you to know about this secret that he revealed that will make you ultra-rich. Well, every Australian gets that, but it's with David Kochy Koch from the early morning TV show, tabloid TV show, Sunrise.

Sunrise? Yeah, one of the morning ones, I think it's Sunrise. Or is it today? It's Sunrise, I'm pretty sure. I've seen him interact with the cash cow. Cash cow. Yeah, there's that like the Sunrise one. Sunrise Cash cow. And Kashi is an awful, awful man. Oh, he's a bastard. How do you just make me ill? What's his problem? He has no inner life. I know that much for sure. Yeah. He's completely He's completely disgusting. He's that. I that. I insincere, and he's made it his job to be recorded by camera four hours a day, every day for his entire life. So it's like a document of a man pretending to be a man.

Something very sinister about him. And we have a much, we have a much smaller kind of media scene here. So one of the things that many, many Australians lament is that like, most of the people on TV now are the same people that were on TV 20 years ago. You know? Very difficult to, to crack, to crack that egg, as they say. Yeah, or to blast out the old ones. They're on until they get run over by a bus, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's they say. Yeah, yeah, or to blast out the old ones and... They're on until they get run over by a bus, that's it. Yeah.

R. R. P. Koshi organizes a bus to run them over with, yeah. And Kocchi is one of the most perplexing ones to look at and say, how the fuck have you been on TV for as long as you have given how unpleasant you are to hear and to see. And that's most of TV. I think he's bamboozled the, everybody over the age of 50 into believing that he has some sort of sage wisdom. Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, no, oh, gosh. Yeah, no, but some pretty good advice on there, eh? Also the other guy that's in all of those,

don't put your money in the banks, this person's figured out a crazy secret to become wealthy ads, is Dick Smith, who was like an Australian business entrepreneur who was mostly famous racist telecoped helicopter flying. Yeah he's got a lot going on. Like as a kid as a specific kind of kid you would have known him as the guy who made the little like five dollar electronics kits that was a breadboard and some resistors yeah and you would make something that made a little whooping noise from a shitty little speaker and he also made Australian made versions of other

products and stuff, but yeah, it's him. But he's not like a big figure now. People aren't like, what does Dick Smith have to say about this? Yeah. There's a lot of Chris Hemsworth one's going on around there too. Chris Hemsworth's, Chris Crypto expertise. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably how he made all of his money. That's how he made all of his money. That's how he got to promote it to the top of the Hemsworths. Yeah. That's right. Kocchi a true mystery of Australian television and it's time to check in on a mystery in Houston, Texas. This comes to us from Fox 26. Mystery of the winged cat carcass in Fresno finally solved. Thank God.

Yeah, I thought it was a cat with wings for a while there. Yeah, this winged cat carcass has been living rent free in my head. Opening with a very dubious claim here, when Fox 26 viewers ask us to check into something, we take the request seriously. Listeners to know. Listeners of the show, please immediately bombard Fox 26 with requests to look into things. Yeah, look into these. You've seen this hot sauce on these feet? Yeah. For five years, a Fresno family has been holding on to these. Have you seen this hot sauce on these feet? Yeah.

For five years, a Fresno family has been holding onto a cat carcass that appears to have wings. Well, put it down. Put it down. Where are you keeping it? In their arms by the sound of it. I guess so. For five years they've been tenderly cradling. I would never put something down this precious. It belongs to a friend of Lisa Abdelamissa. It's not even theirs? They're keeping it for a friend. Hey man, you know you're fucked up catcuck. Yeah, the one looks like it's got wings. Can we have that? I want to show it to the news.

Her friends two dogs tangled with the cat while they were camping in the mountains. Quote, when I seen it, when it was still intact, it was very much a cat with long bat wings. I don't know if it was able to fly, but the two dogs attacked it while it was on the ground, Abdelmas has said. Lisa's friend is moving, but she asked if she could keep the bones. Hey, can I, um, can I have those?

Do you need those? Yeah. For me, please? Yeah. You're going to eat those? I'm looking to make a really interesting soup. Quote, he was gonna toss that out, and I told him not to. I would like to know more about it. Every time I try to tell somebody about it, they think I'm crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. No, you've got to see the bones of the bat cat. Just look at my bones bro they're really interesting bro please. Please come see this cat carcass I have in my home. Well not not just trying to explain the thing but also saying I'll have to organize with my friend for you to go to his house and look at it just to make the offer a little

less enticing you know. We forwarded the pictures to the Valley Animal Center in Fresno. Sort of opening that email. The fuck? What the fuck? Registered vet technician Camille Williams says, It is a very mangled but normal cat carcass. Ah! Ah! She adds, the paddles that look like wings are actually shoulder blades.

Mystery solved. So what you're actually saying to me is, my friend went for a walk with their dogs, their dogs killed somebody's cat and we just kept the mangled cat in our house. Because we thought it was a bat. Because we thought it was some sort of mantacore. Don't you think you would look up what a cat skeleton looks like? Yeah, just to compare notes maybe? Except the mystery. Yeah.

These people are living in the moment, Theo. They're all cat bats. You can't just quantify everything. How deep does this go? The universe doesn't need to be known. Appreciate the beauty. That's a flying cat probably. Maybe.

Some people really hate when you check thrown, hey? Yeah, they do. Just like, oh, that doesn't sound right. Can I just check that for two seconds? Can't just really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really, really, really, really, really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really quickly, just check, it will take a very short amount of time just to check what a normal cat skeleton looks like on the internet. Just looking that up on my, oh, I got my phone right here.

Oh, there's it. Oh, yeah, shoulder blades. Yeah, got to have shoulder blades. Why? Yeah. Turns out. Uh, Fresno State, Earth and environmental professor Dr. Robert Dundas told us, quote, what looks like wings are the cat's forelimbs that become detached and shoved up following death. A five-year mystery was finally solved by a vet tech and a professor in just hours.

Now look, I'm gonna maybe dispute- Like charged hours. There's, there's a suggestion here that it took five years to solve the mystery? I'm not calling this a mystery. You just didn't ask anybody. Yeah, you saw a thing and said that looks kind of like this, and I'm not going to interrogate it any further, but I will not stop telling the story. I have something that can't possibly be explained. Can I look to inquire in any way way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. the way. th. the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. I thi I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I to to the mystery't possibly be explained. Can I look at it? No. No you cannot. You can look but you cannot inquire in any way. You can look through the hole into the next room. Ooh. You may look but you may not interrogate my evidence. So I just love that like what if, what's the suggestion?

If it wasn't a cat's shoulder blades and it was a wigged cat, what is this? What did they think that they had found? It's a sort of cat bat bat. Yeah, oh my god, cat's a real cat, cat, a Mogwai song? Theo, I'm sorry, I'm asking you because you're the kind of guy listens to... I think Mogwai are boring. I will fucking kill you. Yeah.

I'm sorry, they made one good album that everyone hates and it's the last one. What? You don't even like Mr. Beast? I just can't get through it. I don't know. Wait no it can't be called Mr. Beast. Is it Mr Beast? It's Mr Beast? Yeah, like the guy? Sometimes I don't know what you guys are talking about? Yeah, now I apologize. Who knows if this will make it into the episode? Yeah, and if you know, hey, if you're a certain kind of ag of age, you're an absolute hog for post rock. But not the right right th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the the guy. the the the the the the the the guy. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the for post rock. But not the right kinds apparently. It's not going to work if you don't leave that part in, is it? Yeah.

Yeah, now you're stuck. Yeah, shit. It's time to check in on what's happening with some other hogs in Hog Watch. More of a godspeed guy. Yeah, well me too probably but they're different things. Um, this comes from the website bar chart. Hogs mostly drop on Tuesday. Wink. Uh-huh.

My grandma is always saying that. Yeah. Heavy sod. You know what they say? Hog will drop. The lean hog futures saw a $1.50 rally in the August contract as it took over as the new lead month. The other futures were 17 to 85 cents weaker on the day. The USDA reported the national average base hog price, $2.25 higher to $104.25 cents.

Ooh, what's an expensive hog? The Merck had the lean hog index at $1.01.60 for 714th. Another 57 cents higher. You got your lean hog and then you got your national average hog. All right. Now we're all smart here. We're all smart people. Kind of pride ourselves on being at least clever than your average. Anyone want to take a punt at this? No. What is this?

No. It's just nice to hear words. I think I know exactly what it is actually. What they say is a national average isn't actually true. It's actually a lot lower than that. People over report their lean hog index. People, people are self-reporting. Yeah, self-reported. Yeah, hawk. Average. Till someone is out there with a set of caliphers measuring those lean hogs in lab conditions. I'm not going to believe it. But be kind to yourself. Measure your lean hog index from the bottom. Yeah, and really push in at the base.

It's really the leanness that counts more than anything else. Yeah, if anything, you want a small lean hog index. Pork cut out futures, closed with 20 to 75% losses in most of the front months, but a 57% gain in the August. The pork carcass cutout value was 3 cents weaker, do $112.68 on Tuesday afternoon. The USDA estimated FI hog slaughter, as a gentleman I believe, at 472,000 head for Tuesday for a weekly total of 921,000 head. I'd love to get 921,000 head. Come on, don't be gross here. Yeah, calm down, please.

Trying to learn about a market or whatever. That compares to 460,000 from last week and 450,000 during the same week last year. Always 23rd. Hogs closed at $96.275. I don't understand this notation because I don't know anything about stocks or whatever. You're telling me a hog closed this market? October 23rd, hogs closed at $81.475, and August 23rd, the pork cutout closed at $103 at $900. That was hog watch. Yep.

I enjoyed that. We'll probably have to do this again next week. Yeah, just gonna come to get, suddenly we've cornered the again next week. Yeah, just some going to come to get. How's the lead? Suddenly we've cornered the hog futures market. Yeah. Not the market itself, but. Yeah. Probably you can start investing in future hogs segments now.

Get those hog futures. Yeah. And this definitely isn't a hog pump and dump. No. No, it's uh, I'm bullish on hog. Yeah. I've literally never learned what those mean to today. I would.

I'm bearish on hog. I'm bearish on hog. Yeah. Those hogs could do to be inflated, to be honest. Oh, no. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show, and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of

these promos so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access to our Discord, which honestly has turned into a nice and funny place full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon. that that's today. Com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. Uh, if we didn't do this segment again, it'd be a crime. It's time try. Hey! Help me! Help me! Help me! the treat!

I'm gone! Hey! So these stories are taken from the police blotter, published by the Greeley Tribune in Colorado. From May the 12th. 5 p.m. A caller at city administrative buildings in the 1,100 block of 10th Street reported a man wearing a white cowboy hat was throwing rocks at the windows. I think you got a confound anyone can buy a cowboy hat but does that make you a cowboy. Yeah, that's so true does that make you a cowboy? You know, that's so true. What does make you a cowboy? Heartbreak. I think it's working with cows.

Yeah. I, we and Elder were talking about this recently where she said, oh, you know, I'm trying to remember she said in front of the kids or something, but there aren't cowboys anymore and I was like, oh, there's 1,000 percent cowboys and people who identify as cowboys. I know so many fucking cowboys. Yeah. I identify as a cowboy. I'm sort of a reverse cowboy. Yeah, it's actually there's a huge risk of injury there because you can bend. Yeah, here on Bontavis, we like to just give you the seed of the joke.

Yeah, what this is... You can work it over. You can choose your own adventure kind of, kind of situation, you know. Reverse cowboy on the hog index. Yeah. 530pm. A caller in the 900 block of 23rd Street reported finding a woman living in her shed. Mind your own business. Let her cook. Yeah. You weren't using it clearly. Clearly. She's been living in there for how long you knew notice. Yeah. May the 13th, 330 a.m.

A caller in the 5500 block of 29th Street reported two teens broke into a truck, stole articles of clothing, and then toss the clothes into a dumpster. I'm afraid those teeth think your shit is chuggy. You are cringe. Your clothes are drimless. You did not have the drip. No. They're suss.

The only, the only like version of this that I can picture is like all the times in a movie that someone's a fugitive and they steal a change of clothes out of like somebody's truck. Like in Mark Wahlberg's shooter. Like in shooter, yeah. Yeah, or say the fugitive. But it's fun to imagine Bob Lee Swagger or Dr. Richard Kimball pulling those clothes out and then looking at them and going, oh, fuck that. I'm looking at the mirror and just being like, oh no.

That's not going to work out. I'll take the risk. I'll take the risk rather than look in this looking this fucking washed. Putting your prison jumpsuit back on. Oh god that's better. 1.15 p.m. A man in the 2,400 block of 14th Avenue reported a neighbor walked around near the caller's house with a squeaker toy to antagonize his dogs. Show me the law where it says I can't squeak my toy. What is the crime? It's not illegal. That's a very funny thing to do, sorry.

A man can buy a squeaky toy and enjoy it out in public, you know? Also, 1.15 PM, this was happening at the exact same time, somewhere else in the same city. And we're supposed to believe that all of this is a coincidence. That's right. 115 p.m. A caller in the 1300 block of 29th Street reported kids on scooters were breaking glass bottles in the parking lot. That's destiny, theo. What does it mean? These guys just doing like donuts on scooters and throwing bottles at the ground, laughing, throwing their heads back for a full-throated laugh, having the time of their lives? What's the cry. What's the cryin' behind your curtains on the phone?

They're being so rowdy! They look like they're having the best summer ever! Ducking your gun, shaking. I'm gonna fucking do it. Accidentally shooting yourself in the thigh. Yeah, 116 PM, man calls police. I know we've said this before, but look, 1,100 block of 23rd street, 5,500 block of 29th street, 2,400 block of 14th street and 1,300 block of 10th Street, 900 block of 23rd Street, 5,500 block of 29th Street, 2400 Block of 14th Street, and 1,300 block of 29th Street, just shout yourself a few more

street names. Yeah, you sound insane. How many. Start new streets and call them something pleasant? What's with all these numbered streets? Draw a little lion on the map. We know what order they're in. We know that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th the the the the street the street the street the street to to to to their. to to to to to to to their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. th. th. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the the the the the in. Well, we know that too. It's called remembering. It's called remembering.

Yeah. Margaret Street, Mary Street. That's right. All you have to do is remember that the North to South streets are named after male monarchs. And they're in order of when their rain was. And Street. Yeah. Actually, don't know if that's true if they're in order of... And then... What's easier than that, remembering that 28 comes before 29? Are they in chronological order theory? Let me just try and count for a second. Okay.

Talking about some Queen's land stuff out here. That's the rudest you've ever been to me in your life. Oh yeah, let me just check. That's what Melbourne's like too, Lucy? Yeah, King Street and Queen Street and... King William, Queen Elizabeth, and that's... Don't worry about the other ones. Those are the ones we have, or had. Well if you call it King Street, then it works for all the Kings, you know? That's right.

Yeah, fuck around to put new streets. We just have a country that's got like 9,000 King streets. You just remember which one's which. Yeah, I bet you guys are starting to regret that whole revolutionary war thing, you know? 3 p.m. A caller in the 100 block of 49th Avenue Court reported prairie dogs with possible rabies were approaching and jumping at kids. Ah! Prairie dogs, trying to get me! I'm actually a big fan of this segment.

This is... Such a beautiful slice of life. Look, in fairness, somebody else has put in the hard work for us. Some lovely person at the Greeley Tribune has gone through hundreds of entries for the week and only picked out the funny ones, and then I have in turn only picked out the funny ones from the ones they thought were funny. Yeah. And I have Googled prairie dogs because what I was picturing in my head, I was like, they can't mean that, but that's exactly what it is.

Oh my god, they're the fucking cute. That's adorable. It's adorable. It's, the insurance, the insurance, the insurance, that's adorable. That's adorable. It's, the insurance, their. It's adorable. It's, th. It's, th. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's, their, their, their. It's adorable. It's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. It's adorable. It's adorable. It's, their. It's, th-a. It's, th-a. It's-a. It's-a. It's-a. It's-a. It's-a. It's-a. It's-a. It's-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-a-s-s-s-a-sha-sha-sha-saugh-s-s-s-a-s-s-s a Miocats. Yeah, Prairie dogs are similar five. Very different. They're a little chunkier. They're a little broader and a little less tall. They're heck and chunk. They look like a squirrel. Something no one tells you in America for whatever reason is if you go to the devil's tower national monument in Wyoming, which is the scene, well, which is the site of the culmination of the movie

Close Encounters of the Third Kind. You can go there and you can check that out, but also that entire weird volcanic rock formation is surrounded by millions of prairie dogs. And they're just like, so sweet. They're hanging out. They just pop up and then they just look at you and they will stand right near where you are and you're like, you're like a little guy and we're bonding right now. Unfortunately... I thought they were mere cats the whole time.

Yeah, they're like fat, beer cats. Yeah. Unfortunately I cannot hear prairie dog without seeing the one thing in my mind, which is a video that I saw one time of a professional wrestler and former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar, who is a terrifying mountain of a man, doing a video for an ammunition company where he is shooting prairie dogs with a 50-cal rifle. Oh no! Don't do that! Do not use an anti-material round on a prairie dog. Let me just say, when they get hit, they go so far. Oh, Christ, I'm alive.

Come on. No. I'm not saying it's good. I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying I saw that video years ago, and now I cannot think about prairie dogs without immediately picturing one of them flying like 30 meters out of its little hole. Anyway that's what the cops are going to do.

Yeah, come and shoot these prairie dogs with possible rabies that are approaching kids. That's what they need. Jumping out as well. They need a good Brock Lesner to defend them from these things. 7pm. A colonel near 4th Street, pretty low numbers there. And 35th Avenue is like down in the bottom left corner of the city. Well no, those are just the street names. They don't have the block there. So I assume this still happened on, you know, 10,000 block of 4th Street.

Yeah. Makes it sound like fucking Judge Dreadblocks, you know? Yeah. Actually, they've all got really fun names. 7-1. No, they're all like, if you read the old comics, they're all named after like British entertainers from the 60s. Oh. They all have very funny funny old-timey names. Ooh.

Why didn't they change that street's name? It's time. It's time. Surely it wasn't named after Jimmy. But I'm thinking about it when I hear it, you know? The association is still there. It's like the name of that cheese that they changed. It wasn't called that for that reason.

It's still not good. I don't want to hear it. Yeah. So Ben, there's blocks in the comics like Brando Block. Peach trees the one that's in the movie? The live-action one? It is, the second live-action movie. The Carl Urban one.

Yeah, the one that's the raid, but they have a slow-mo drug is dope. That's a wonderful picture. Pretty dope. Yeah, I'll re-watch the raid the other day as well. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's then, thoom That's thoom's thoom's thoom, thoom, it's thoom, it's thoom, it's thoomatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat, it's th, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thatheatheatheatheatheat, that, that-s. the. thease-s. too-n, too-s-nigh-s-somea-nigha-nigha-nigha-s. tho'-thau. thue. Yeah, I'll re-watch the raid the other day as well. That's a wonderful picture. It's true. It's just like Judge Dredd without a slow-mo drug. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, probably given the choice. I'd watch the one with the slow-mo drug. That's one of the few movies that I would have liked to see in 3D. Yeah, but that effect which is real cool. Yeah. 7 p.m. a colony of 4th Street and 35th Avenue reported concerns about a kite flying over transmission lines. I think this person's trying to invent electricity again. If you find yourself calling the police because of a kite. What are you fucking doing? What are you doing?

Look, in fairness, this person may have been calling the police because they were concerned that a child flying a kite was going to electrocute themselves and cause themselves to, you know, look like the outline of a body with a skeleton showing through. You know how I would have solved that problem? I would have walked out my front door and said, hey kids, just be careful there are power lines up there instead of calling the police who are probably going to rock up and be like, that kite has a gun and then shoot the children. Tell them, speak to your goddam neighbors.

So who flies a kite at all? So, I you doing? Why is anyone flying a kite at all? I find that to be strange behavior. How much fun is it? It's fun for like two minutes. I don't mean, even then... If you can get it up there. Yeah, if you can't get it up properly. And it's okay if you can't. It's fine. Like it literally just want to cuddle. There's other stuff you can do. There's heaps of other stuff.

Get off the kite scolator, you know? And be generous with yourself, measure your kite from the base. Dumbous. This is your first episode. Welcome. May 14th, 1.15 a. A caller in the 800 block of 16th Street reported a man hanging around the area started setting paper on fire.

It's a crime. He's getting rid of some documents. Who cares? Someone called Batman. Tears paper. Maybe. Lifting a curse. You don't want to go out there and interrupt someone who's lifting a curse.

You know what he was doing, he was writing his intentions down on the pieces of paper and then burning them. It's a symbolic act of magic for the year to come. Or perhaps, or test fraud. Yeah, perhaps writing, perhaps writing down some past traumas and regrets and burning them and letting go of the leys. Does that work? Have you tried it? I don't know, maybe I will. Sometimes just intention. I've got a lot, maybe I'll just grab one of the easy ones. Take one of the like the category D ones,

the ones that aren't fucking you up too bad but just, you know, make you a bit odd. It doesn't work though if the police immediately arrive and shoot you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. the. the. tha. tha. tha. threathea. thathea. tha. tho. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. to to thea. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes. thea. thea.. Yeah. Hey, you're getting rid of your traumas? They're setting intentions? BLA-Bla! Blah-Bla! Lying on the ground, scribbling one last regret in blood on a piece of paper. I wish the cops didn't shoot me. May the 15th. 12 a.m. A woman in the 2100 block of 32nd Street reported someone kept driving by and dumping a mysterious liquid on her vehicle. Yes. During the car. Like they kept doing it. Many time. Doing blockies and just be like, what's the viscosity like is it is it just like water is it falling off is it remaining on your car? Hmm. Does it cling to the back of a spoon? Oh, the thank. thi. the the the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. the thi. the thi the the thi the thi thi the the thi the the thi the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. the the th. the th. th. the th. th. the the th. the th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeee theeeeeeeeee theeee the the the the the the the's the tech? Like what's the viscosity? Like is it just like water is it falling off? Is it remaining on your car? Does it cling

to the back of a spoon? Yeah, is it polar or non-polar? Is it like those, yeah, is it like those containers of slime that kids buy, you know? Man, I'm gonna need you to to tell me the viscosity before I can escalate this. Oh boy. Uh, during the call, this woman indicated that she and her two sons were armed with guns outside while waiting for the vehicle to return. Oh, fuck off! Oh my god!

I saw a, I saw a video the other day. It was somebody in Australia and they were posting a video and saying that they had contacted the police repeatedly about somebody in their neighborhood who was just doing blockies Ben, just tearing us around the like, you know, car sliding around the corner, just going around and around this block over and over again, high speed sliding around corners and stuff. And there's like kids walking around on the pavement and everything.

And people screaming at this person to slow down as they're going past. And this person posted this on social media saying, we've called the police a bunch of times about this. And they will not th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the th th th th the tho tho thu thu thi thi the thi thi, thi, their thi, you their, their, their, their, thi, thr--like, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr---------s, teeeeeean, tean, tei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tei. tea, the. te posted this on social media saying, we've called the police a bunch of times about this and they will not come out and do anything about it. And this is like the third day in a row of this person who lives here doing it. And yet, I cannot feel like the situation would be improved by people waiting with guns for them to come back around to try and take the vehicle out. I think th the the the the the th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I'd thi. I'd thi. I'd thi. thir thir thir thir thir thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. And thi. And thi. And thitake the vehicle out. I think it would be actually. Yeah, tactical shot to the tire. Yeah, just one more, like I could aim it easily. Yeah, I'd hit

the tire, I wouldn't miss and hit myself or my loved ones. 50-cal through the engine block, you know. Yeah, me getting the radiator just perfectly. Accidentally hitting a prairie dog behind them. Just waiting with your guns to to to to to to to to to to the to to the the to the the the the to the the their, their, their, their, take, take, take, tie, tie. try, try. Yeah, tie, tie. Yeah, try. Yeah, tieck, tieck. Yeah, tieckleaqqqqqqqqqq, tieck, tieck, tieck, tieck, tie. Yeah, tie. Yeah, tie, tie, tie, tie, the the the the the the the the the the the the the tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tief. Yeah, tieuia'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'ea'eateateat, tiea'e, tiea'e, t waiting with your guns to shoot someone that's pouring a liquid on your car. Like I know that getting you the paint job fixed up on your car if it takes off the clear coat, you know? Ah shit, but still, what are you doing? Why is there multiple of you with multiple guns? Shaking with blood lust, hiding behind the window sill, just fucking ready to go? You people are deranged? You know, you, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You know, you, you, you, you thiii thi thi thi thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you're thi, thi, you're thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi thin, thi thi thi thin, thi thi thi thin, thi thin, thi, thi, th the window sill, just fucking ready to go. You people are deranged. You know how you spend like, well, Ben, you don't work an office job anymore, but you know,

if you're an office job, you spend your entire life waiting for that moment where you can completely immorally just dunk on somebody who's done the wrong thing, you know, where they accuse you of doing something and you're like, oh no, that wasn't, you know, I actually did the right thing and you're a huge idiot. As per the agreement we made in text four weeks ago, let me forward that to you again. Exactly. Whereas, I believe that Americans are waiting for their time to be completely morally and legally correct, shooting somebody with a 50-cal. Yeah.

They want it so bad. They want to kill someone. You got the gun. How good would it feel? I bought this gun. It cost me $400 and I've never been able to kill someone yet. I bought it from the pet store. I got it from the impulse buy section. The the front of Walmart. Theo, I did that once when I worked in this office job where I had been there for years and I would bring my lunch in and put it in the fridge and I would eat my lunch at lunchtime in in the kitchen as is the want

of the office worker. And so one day I went to the fridge and I was looking for my IKEA glass top of container thing and it wasn't there and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? It's finally happened. Someone's fucking eaten my lunch. Not only if they eat my lunch but they've taken a fucking container too. This is insanity. And I was filled with the burning fire that you describe of someone who's realized that they've been very legitimately wronged and they're allowed to be mad about it. And I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna find this mother fucker. Oh, oh, I'm walking around the floor scanning. people people people people people people people people people people people people. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fucking. the fucking. th. th. th. they're they're th. they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's fucking. They's fucking. they's fucking. God, I'm going to find this mothucker. Oh, oh, I'm walking around the floor scanning people's desks looking for my container so I could take someone to task about my

fucking lunch. Was this a lamb calmer? Open your mouth. Open your mouth. Let me spell you. And had you left it at home? No, at some point I think at the end of the day I sat down and went to put to put to put to put to put to put to put their their. their. their. their, their, their, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, open, the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, to their, to me, to me. to me. to me, their, their, their, they. they. their, they. their, their, their, their, the end of the day I sat down and went to put my laptop in my bag and there was my lunch that I had never taken out of the bag in the first place. And I thought, boy, I'm glad that I didn't actually get anything, anything close enough to evidence to let me start accusing somebody because. Oh, I mean, what are the odds that someone else would have an IKEA Tupperware container? Oh, you know. Slim to 95% chance. You have also been to IKEA person who lives in Melbourne?

My goodness. 1130 a.m. A woman in the 5300 block of 11th Street was upset. A neighbor was feeding squirrels. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Thinking about what it would take for me to call the police. Even those situations where it's like, should I call the police? Probably not.

I'll probably just leave it. Because they don't do anything. Yeah. And it would make it worse. Call the police if I was required to buy my insurance company to make a claim. Yeah. I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, you you you you you, yeah, yeah, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you want, yeah, you want, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you want to, yeah, you want that, yeah, you want to, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. the police. to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the th. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that, the the the that, the the the the the the the the th. I think that's probably. And like yeah you want to do that call at the point where they're not going to interact with anyone that's not you. Yes. Yeah. Like yeah, safety first. And this lady's just like, oh hey my neighbor is feeding squirrels and I don't like it. Can you please send the squad down?

So what all are you going to do about it immediately with your guns and everything? My neighbor is feeding squirrels and I don't like it. Can you please send the squad down? So what all are you going to do about it immediately with your guns and everything? I don't know, like the tone that I get is my neighbor is feeding squirrels and if you don't come down here and shoot them, I will. Yeah. You better fucking stop me. But if you don't arrive in the next seven minutes. I swear to God I'll do legal murder and I'll fucking love it. I better get my gun out of the safe. Bang! Oh, fuck!

5 p.m. A caller in the 4300 block of 24th Street reported a noise complaint from a truck selling meat in the area. The trucks refrigerator trailer trailer cycled on and off blowing into the c the the c. to the to the the c. to to the the c. to the c. the c. to the c. I the c. I to the cala to the cala to to the cala's to to to to to to to to to the the the the toooler. I'll tol. I'll tooolers tooolers tooom- tooom- toluce. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toler's toler's toler's tole l. tucl. tucl. tucl. tole l. tuckk. tuck. toleoleoleoleole l. I tole meat in the area. The trucks refrigerator trailer cycled on and off blowing into the caller's house. Excuse me, dispatch? There's meat air coming into my house. It's slightly snotely warm. I'd probably complain if it was meat air. Can you direct your meat air somewhere else? Why don't just point it straight up? Why does the meat air have to come out sideways? I don't want meat air in my home?

But, but it's not though. It's, it's just like, they're just talking about like the compressor off of refrigerator are they? No, it's made air. The trucks refrigerated trailer cycled on and off, blowing into the caller's house. How many of these are people calling the police to report that there is someone existing in their area? Ah. And it's annoying me.

Yeah. Someone's increasing the entropy near me. Yeah. Getting shades closer to the heat, death of the universe and I don't like it. Now I get why they have guns there, you know. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. their, their, th. tho, tho, tho, tha, thi. tha, truck, truck, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, their, their, their, their, their, their, their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toge. toge. true. truc. truc. truc. trucks, trucks, trucks, trucks, trucks, the police, the police, their th death of the universe and I don't like it. Now I get why they have guns there, you know? Cops aren't doing anything. Someone can be annoying you all day long. And what are the cops doing about it? You gotta take matters into your own hands.

Are you or are you not going to blast them? You're gonna blast that meat truck? Yeah, it'd be so cool. It'd be like like tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha' tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th blow up a meat truck. Yeah, it'd be like one of those whale explosions, but you don't have to find a whale carcass. And that's also, yeah, at 5 p.m. We're not talking about somebody like parking a big refrigerated truck that's going on and off outside your house at 1 a.m. or anything. Yeah. That's how I ever had the time we went for like a team lunch in the city to a restaurant and it was like 1245 in the afternoon and that was the time that the sewerage truck decided to show up and empty a bunch of porta potties from a construction site next door.

I just immediate measma, like just dank shit smell flowing through the entire store. It was great. It gives you something to talk about though, you know? Yeah. Six PM, a caller in the 3100 block of 17th Avenue reported a woman in the neighborhood was acting strange and hitting homes with a stick. Put your fucking phone down. Just put it down.

Just go out through the last because she's right. Yeah, or just be like, look, that lady's hitting my house at a stick. There has never been a weirder, more fearful and just annoyed, crotchety group of people on this planet than the 340 or so million people living in America. Where were these from? Greeley, Colorado. Greely, Colorado. Whenever, like, when someone is- this is all from one place.

Population with a hundred thousand as well. Like it's not, about two Harvey Bays. Whenever I see somebody like, transgressing or whatever, right? Like, the thought that I try and practice having is, you know, what's,this person going through, right? Like what's brought them to this point? You have to, like, what's brought this person to just screaming and hitting houses with a stick? What is going on in America?

That's just like, this is the populace now. Lack of health care. Yeah, disenfranchisement of, I, a couple of kinds. Ah no, call the police immediately. Yeah, instead of like practicing empathy or also just ignoring stuff that doesn't really impact you, definitely call in the guys that have like a very high chance of just air-holing the first thing they see when they get out of the car. Pet dogs, children, what have you, doesn't fucking matter. They're starting by firing a gun and then looking around to see what's there.

Yeah. You know that that slogan that they have on the back corner of the police car, shoot first, ask questions later. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh, really, if there's anything we have had established to us over and over again, it's the American police not great at de-escalation or mental health support. Yeah, much at all really. No.

Not like, yeah. Not like, yeah. I think police. We can just say police. Police, police. Yeah. But hey, we all make mistakes. So true. That's because Po Buddy's Nerfict. It's time for Poe Bodies Nerfict.

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick. Pobody's Nerfict. No, no. No, Poe B, nobody's no effect. No, whoopsy, Daisy. Hey, yeah, po'body's nerve effect. No, oh, oh, oh. This one comes from KPNX in Arizona. The capoops. The capoops.

The penix. Case silent. Phoenix. young Arizona firefighter confesses to being serial arsonist. It's always the people you suspect the most. Yeah. A young firefighter is believed to be the serial arsonist who has been starting several fires over the last month in Yavapai and Cocoa Nino counties official said. And putting him out. Yeah. It's true.

Correction pronunciation there. Kosa Nino, maybe? The young man is named Carson Nutter. The young man is named Carson Nutter. it was right there in the name. A firefighter with the Ash Fork Fire Department has allegedly admitted to being responsible for at least seven arson events since June 15th. This moth-fucker has been busy. Yeah.

Nutter, 18, allegedly admitted to being motivated by quote, boredom, end quotes, to start some of the fives, or because he was retaliating against a former employer, YCSO said. Can we just row back one second? 90% of this guy's name is Arson Nutter. You're sending a bunch of fives. Yeah, that's right. Come on. Okay. And all the fires have been at like hot topic Dairy Queen Burger King.

The local high school, you know. The structures that were torched include the mobile station in Ash Fork, a county-owned cemetery in Ash Fork, two abandoned homes in Kaibab Estates West, and land located along Forest Service Road 124. All right, so setting fire to abandoned homes, that's just good fun. How do you set fire to a cemetery? Like just the grass, isn't it? Or the actual building?

Is there a building at cemeteries? Well, yeah, it's usually like... I mean, there's a shed when they keep the shovels. Yeah, and the... You're not going to kill anyone, you know? Yeah. We, my grandma taught me how to drive and she taught like like a lot of her grandchildren how to drive and she'd take us all out to the cemetery and she's like, ah it doesn't matter if you hit someone, they're

all already dead. That's a good clean comedy. Good clean fun. Yeah. Uh, Nutter allegedly told investigators he would set fire to abandon homes he found, quote, ugly. Right, so boredom, revenge, an aesthetic displeasure. Aesthetic reasons, yeah. I love just telling this to an investigator. Like, yeah, I thought I was really ugly. I don't want to look at it anymore.

Yeah, I didn't have fuck all to do, and I was really pissed off in my last boss, and these houses looked like th... I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be tooom. to have fuck all to do and I was really pissed off my last boss and these houses look like shit. I got too many roof lines just like all the designing them. Windows are mismatch here I've got a sort of McMansion Hell style drawing I've done of the bad architectural features. The things that offended me about it. At least half of the fires occurred in Yavapai County and the others occurred in Cocoa Nino County. Nutter was recently booked into jail and is facing charges of arson, criminal damage and false reporting to law enforcement. Ash Forks Fire Department is volunteer run according to its Facebook page.

That's, now that's a great source of journalistic inquiry. Yeah, that's reporting maybe. You didn't want to just ask. Yep, we checked their Facebook page and that's the best we can do. How many fires has he put out though? Yes. What is his net fire-assant impact? What's net? What's net neutral? F-A-ratio. What's his fire credits? What's his fire arson ratio? You know? Yeah.

Let's talk about the good. Yes, yeah. This is allegory for climate change because we're a smart podcast. So you're saying, Lucy, based on call of duty laws, that if he has a fire-arsen ratio, the that-ra-r a fire arson ratio of like 1.1, let him go. Let him go. He's a volunteer firefighter. It would be making the world worse to put him in jail, like on a measurable basis. That's true, yeah. Right? Yeah. Utilitarianism, yeah. Let Carson Nutter make a net positive impact.

For the same reason I should be allowed to kill one person. How many lives do you save? Generally. Well, I've made two lives. Right, sorry, yeah. Good point. That's money in the bank. That's human lives in the bank.

Got a little spreadsheet. And so far it just says, two. Ooh, I'm in the black. Free Carson, rap name the Carsonist, surely. This is Justin, what are the, his name is Carson Dada and a denzel with arson. It's, and he's an arsonist, he's a fire guy. Sometimes life can be so fucking beautiful. You know what?

The mainstream mepete- The mainstream mopedia. The mainstream mopedia. You got it, you got it. Wouldn't even report on this except for KPNX in Arizona from where we got the story. But no one else is talking about this. Yeah, you can't even find this online, except by Googling. They don't want you to know that a man named Carson Nutter is an arsonist?

Why is that? Is the simulation getting lazy this season? There we go. Yeah, I'm clapping my hands together and saying signal boost this. Yeah. I think this was technically an episode of the podcast. Bunt of Vista, thank you so much for stopping in. We'll be back next week with another episode of wacky thrills taken from around the world. You can sign up to our patron and get a second every it. Hard than it looks, isn't it?

That's why people don't do them. That's why we shouldn't do them. Respect to Kashi. No, it's because we don't want to. Normal casting. It's too hard to do a good podcast. Yeah. How do you keep that energy level up without sounding like a fuckhead. It's really hard. You know. I thought you sounded great. Thanks.

It's true we are more supportive than the average podcast. That's true, we're trying to keep everyone on the podcast enough self-esteem to keep podcasting. Oh boy, thanks everyone. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Bye. That's the perfect distance.