Boonta Vista - EPISODE 314: Spiralizing Jimmy Fallon (with Demi Lardner)

Episode Date: September 16, 2023

Comedian, podcaster, streamer, voice actor and nasty little freak Demi Lardner joins us to discuss: A Shaq Attack at a Best Buy, a series of unruly crimes, making Jimmy Fallon as long as possible, taking Garfield to task, and the RIPing Report. *** Follow Demi on Twitch: twitch.tv/DemiLardner Follow Demi on Twitter: twitter.com/DemiLardner

Hello and easy. I'm going to the list. Hello and welcome to Buenvista, episode 314. I am Ben and I am here at Professor Dr. J. Horton's Froghouse and Magurdles Remedial Academy for Yucky Little Gentlemen. Here in the remote countryside are some of the most dreadfully yucky young gentlemen you'll ever see. These unbearable, snot-covered, sticky individuals are being removed from society until they can be successfully rehabilitated by the controversial but very effective techniques of Professor Dr. J. Horton's Froghouse and Magurdle. And now let's see how they're going.

With me is the dreadful little Jacobus, who has gotten sticky toffies all over his yucky little hands. It's Andrew. Hi Andrew. Let me touch your beard. Let me touch your beard. Oh, Jacobus, you're dreadful. You're so awful. I sure hope Dr. J. Horton's froghouser muggler can cure you.

I'll never let him toucest me. He's, it's a no contact rehabilitation, he's not. Um, also with me is the woefully yucky Percival who has somehow gotten himself all covered in muck. Oh, Percival, this simply won't do. I love it. I love muck. Oh, there's no fixing you, Percival. Also with me, locked in a special underground vault and spoken of in only the most hushed tones, it's the yuckiest little boy of all. It's our friend Demi Lardner. I'm rubbing my sores. You're kind of not even really a character in this situation. No, no, no, no.

I started from you and then built a fanciful narrative around it. And built a world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love ceasing type smells. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm rubbing my creases and smelling my fingers. Yeah, yeah, I am. And I'm finding stuff in there that I did not put there.

As far as I can remember. Better out than in. I am. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel. I feel like. I feel like. I feel like, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm the. I'm th. I'm did not put there. As far as I can remember. Better out than in. Yeah. I am. I feel like there was a very particular style of books that were marketed to me as a like a primary school age boy that were all about leaning into like yucky grotty jokes for kids who were little boys. They all are still like that. It's still like, ah, the shit on my face, it's called Nigel. That stuff's gross. My bum stinky. My bum stinks like a ass.

That's my favorite book. The book is called, My Name is Terry and I'm a normal little boy, and my bum stinks like ass, and these are my adventures. That is though. It's written by a 55 year old man. Very sweet old lady who just churns out like 20 of them a year. Wasn't it Gretel Colleen used to write books called like the day my bum went crazy and like my life as a toilet and stuff? My bum fell off was that? I believe the my bum tr and like my life as a toilet and stuff. My bum fell off was that? I believe the my bum trilogy was Andy Somer. Andy Griffith.

I've broken my bum. Andy Circus. Yes, it was Andy Circus. Greta Colleen wrote the old Tom books, which were about a one-eyed feral cat who was just kind of a cantankerous shit. Just such a fucking piece of shiting cunt that you really wanted to be friends with for some percent. Like he had more edge than Garfield.

Garfield is just kind of a lazy sack of shit. Hey, it's me, Ben. I don't like doing this. You know, we try and maintain a certain standard when we podcast and I failed that so I would just like to apologize. Gretelkleen did in fact write the night my bum dropped. I was confusing that with the day my bum went psycho books, which is a different series of books. The old Tom books were actually written by Lee Hobbs.

Gretel Colleen of course also wrote the My Sister series, including My Sister's a Yo-Yo, my sister's an alien, my sister's a sea slug, my sister's a burp. Yeah. Sorry to sorry to the listener and sorry to Gretel, sorry Demi for correcting Demi, but I didn't need to. We will check our procedures and processes to ensure this never happens again. Thank you very much. Enjoy the rest of the episode. Cheers. Barfield's such a lazy cunt and nobody talks about it.

Yes. Honestly? Nobody is saying it. Nobody's saying it, but we need to put Garfield down. Garfield needs to be put down slowly. He's a taker. He is a taker. He gives nothing. He gives nothing. Let's cut the bullshit.

All right. Let's cut the crap. Enough of this fucking, all right? Let's cut the crap. Enough of this fucking joking around doing riffs at the start of a podcast. Let's cut right to the heart of the matter. Does Garfield love John? No. Oh, no. But I think he wouldn't want the, I don't think he would want it on his conscience if John were to pass away or have anybody's ill will acted upon onto him. So do you think, do you think that maybe Garfield would be indifferent to John's death as long as

Garfield had plausible deniability of the death? Like if John collapsed in the kitchen because he was choking on a bit of lasagna, Garfield was standing next to him. Do you think he'd be like, the death. Like if John collapsed in the kitchen because he was choking on a bit of lasagna, Garfield was standing next to him. Do you think he'd... The only reason that he would save him is because he would eat the piece of lasagna out of his throat. He doesn't lick it out of him and then he doesn't fucking care about about anyone. It's time someone said it. He literally doesn't. He literally doesn't. And everything that he's done for body positivity, I feel happy to be canceled by saying his fat cunt. Really going in hard on Garfield today. Yeah, what a great start to the episode. Hey, that's one celebrity we've taken down,

but maybe it's time to hear a nice story about a celebrity. It's time for Celebrity Watch. Is then there's no like specific like difference to the sting there? No, if we do it enough time. So I'm difference to the to the sting there. No, it's- If we do it enough times, I'm compelled to develop a theme. This is the first one. Celebrity watch, Celebrity watch, who's getting licked and is it on the crotch, it's celebrity watch, it's celebrity watch, Katie Perry's got glass in a vagina.

Wow. Wow. That's very beautiful. It's like spinning. I can click that. And send it to me after the show for a little remix. Yeah, I will do that. That melody on the last three notes is very familiar. Oh really? Are you cuising a demi of?

I'll figure it out later. Yeah, there's something there. Maybe you've been thinking about Katie Perry's vagina a lot. Yeah. I think it tastes minty. Hmm, like too fresh? Like she's fucking up at pH going too hard. Yeah, like she's douching way too much. Garfield, not a nice guy.

Katie Perry, too sterile, Conterlying with bleach, yeah. Oh, man. And Orlando's making her do it, you know? He's not a good guy. Yeah, exactly. I just, I want to, I want to clarify though, in my head canon here, someone who works for her is doing it. Oh, yeah.

She's never touched her own vagina at any point. Yeah. Why would she? She wants a completely odorless pussy but she would not stoop to doing the maintenance herself is what I'm saying. Yeah. And I don't even know how close they would get to the pussy while they're doing it as well because I think there would be several sort of like airlock chambers between the person cleaning the pussy and the pussy. Do you know what I mean? It's like the handling handling like radioactive isotopes where you've got to put your hands through the gloves on the wall. That's exactly right. And then they wheel that wall over to another wall and you put those gloves through another set of gloves tho thoo, two gloved hands and you grab a set of things that you then use to remotely operate some

other robotic hands in a different building. That's holding a carpet shampooer. Yeah. Holding a pressure washer from Bunnings. I want one so bad. I want one so bad. I want one so bad. I want one so bad. I want one so fuzhah. I want one so bad. I know I'm buying a pressure washer for sure. They look so fun. I want it so fucking bad. Why are you guys also united on the front of wanting to own a pressure washer? Do you want a pressure washer? Have you not thought about it then? I just don't need one. I don't see the... But what if you had one?

I could clean Louis so good? No, I probably wouldn't do that. Is he there? Is that what the jingling I feel in my heart? Yeah, he is making a lot of jingle-jangle noises and he's also, is he yawning a bunch? Hey, can I ask something about him? Yes, you may. Does he have a stink? Lucy, could you feel that one? No, he is so odorless. So nice! Yeah, it was really nice to have that affirmed. I just thought I was smell blind towards him.

No, no. He's odorless and I live with a stinky cunt so you know, I would know. You're talking about a dog. You're that Winston smell. Any of the other beings that you live with. Yeah, that's right. That's right. It's Celebrity Watch. Yeah. From the KLFY, the Clufy in Lafayette, Louisiana, Shaquille O'Neal surprises woman. Imagine if that was the whole headline, Ben. Ah!

Ah! He's huge! So much! Shack attack! Oh, you're too big! Oh, you're too big! Oh, you're too big! Shaquille O'Neal surprises woman with new phone at Louisiana Best Buy. That's right.

Only the hottest off the presses. Important news. On this show. I just can't imagine for how famous Shaquille O'Neal is the idea that he has to go to Best Buy. It's fucked up. Someone so famous shouldn't have to go to the store. It's unnatural. It's messed up. And like not to Best Buy. Yeah. Like don't go to like a big box electronic store. Like, he should be going to somewhere boutique. What's happened to him? Do you think he has to wash his own pussy? No way. He might have to. He's over here getting that Australian government money, remember?

He is? Remember when they bought him over here and they said, we're going to fly shack around and he's going to make a bunch of like, like some sort of tourist promotional material, andthen they just kind of never really aired any of it? I just don't like a... He's on a sports bed ad or something like that. Oh, so... There's that too. He's all that. He's not all that.

Hey, let's see if we agree or disagree with the first sentence of this article, okay? It's not every day you get to see NBA legend Shaquille O'Neal at your local best buy, let alone have him buy you a $1,200 phone. It's not every day. No, it's not. It's not. Even for the lady that happened to, it's not every day. It's less than half the days. It's a minority of days. Is everything, every single thing just written by AI now?

I think so. I think like, is it everything? It's either written by extremely disinterested people or AI, but I think the AI percentage is getting up to like 90 to 95%. That's pretty high, huh? That's what's fun about reading news from like not particularly mainstream news sources or the sort of like write down the food chain affiliates of things, local news, is that you do get to play a lot more, is this AI or is this just one of the two people who works at the local paper who has to write everything to their website. And also, what I was going to say, Ben, the other thing that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's who has to write everything to their website. And also, I was going to say, Ben, the other thing that changes the vibe of these sorts of

stories and makes them feel AI is that so many of them are someone transcribing a post that was on social media. It's a viral post. And somebody has to then like frame that like a news story. Yeah. If I, let's say, was writing, Ben, Ben, thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th say, thi, th say, thi, th say, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, tho, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. That, th. That, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th to then like frame that like a news story. Yeah. Yeah, if I, let's say, was writing a pedestrian and I had to write this and I just wanted to churn it out really quickly without thinking about it, I'd start with a hypothetical. Do you hate buying a phone? Well imagine if Shack bought it for you instead.

That's what actually happened to a lady and blah blah blah. Do you like 1990s basketball and also dislike having the pay full price for a new phone? Hey, you know what's a really fucking sick song? Is no hook by Shack featuring, is a Red Man? Oh, is it Red Man? Oh, Juzer? Red Fo? Oh, no. Yeah, Red Fu, I believe. Oh, that's a huge downgrade from Red Man? Juzer? Red Fu? Oh no. Yeah, Red Fu, I believe. Oh, that's a huge downgrade from Red Man. No, it's Rizzer and Method Man, sorry. Oh, I don't know. We're right back up again.

It's fucking great. It is genuinely a very good song and Shaq's voice lends it leans itself to like... I don't know if I call it rap, but whatever it is, it is dope. He's rapping, he's been rapping since he did the soundtrack for the movie Steel? Was that what it was called? The one where he was a super-real? Yeah, it was a... Learning so many Shack Facts.

What's the new podcast? Welcome to Shack Facts with us. So we agree that it's not every day? Yes, I think we can say that. Yeah, 100%. Corolla Lewis says she walked into a Best Buy in Lafayette, Louisiana, to get an iPad. Then she noticed a tall someone walking next to her. That's not happened since the 40s that someone noticed a toll someone walking next to them.

That's like, that's a little too mysterious for what actually happened. Told is really understanding this one too. You know, like, yeah, you can say tall, but we know you mean fucking monstrous. Like, me the tallest, like in like the top point one percentile. Yeah. That's not how percentiles. Not just that though, but like Shaquille O'Neal is of a size where it's it's real, it's proportionate for being like seven feet tall. All of his mass is also, there are people who are like six and a half, seven feet tall, who are like super beanpole kind of guys.

My fans guys. That's a different, that's a different kind of vibe. That's a different tall someone. The Mongolian guy who's the world's tallest is like mostly limb, whereas Shaqq-heed, he's like filled out. He's so much guy. guy on him. Shaquille O'Neal, wait. I was going to Google that and I was like, is that disrespectful? Is that not my business?

Shaquille BMI. Listen. I don't. Someone needs to tell him. Shaquille O'Neal cock-girth. Now, the notorious reliable Google is telling me. It's not even directing me to a page. It's just plucked the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact the fact that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just the notorious reliable Google is telling me, it's not even directing me to a page, it's just plucked the fact out and put it right there on the search results. So that's a covenant, they are, 147 kilograms.

Holy fuck. Pretty big, I guess. My dad was, I think, 5.7, 5.8, something like that. So like kind of a, you know, normal to shortish guy. And he was very round. And he was 120 kilograms. Well, Master Chief from Halo weighs 500 kilos in the armor. 500? 500 kilos in the armor. That's right. Is he ever out of the armor? Is that, I don't think that's possible? I don't that? I don't think that's that? I that. that's that's that's that's that's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th I th I thi thi thi th I th I thi that's I that's I that's I that. I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's that's that's that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like, I that's like, I that's like, I that's that's that's that's that's that's I that's I that's I that's I th I th I th I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that. I that's the armor. Is he ever out of the armor? Is that, I don't think that's possible right? He's stanky in there. He's stanky in there and stuff. Yeah, he's choked him off. He's coming in there. He's doing it all. But Master Chief, quote, I'm coming in here.

Chief, what are you doing? I'm coming in here. Chief, what are you doing? I'm coming in here. Luckily, it has inbuilt, very high-tech, Katie Perry, pressure washer. Calm extraction. It's got an extractor in Master Chief's armor. But it hoses you down. It hoses you down. It hoses you down. Don't everybody calm down, please. This suit is so advanced. It harnesses every drop of sweat and puts it into a pressure washer, director of your body.

Shaquille O'Neal, this is from March 2023, that's this year if you own a calendar. He has been working out a bit. He admitted that in his retirement he was starting to look old, has previously been reported to have reached a maximum weight of 147 kilograms. I just, that's not enough to make me go, oh wow, that's a big man. No. Quote. I like to create crazy motivation, end quote. Yes. Yes. Okay. Uh-huh.

Fucking love, Shaq. That's okay. I didn't want my stomach to be over the belt anymore. So I was just like, let me go ahead and get slim. Can't argue with it. This is him in confessional. Right. So he went from 401 pounds to 365 pounds.

What was the crazy motivation? Was it just the belt stomaching? I think it was that he just saw that Charles Barkley was looking good and then he created his own. Like the suggestion is that he's creating his own motivation, not that he's receiving, he's not receiving inspiration from elsewhere. He has an internal value system as opposed to an external value system. I don't want to be a bitch, but... Okay. Uh-huh. I'm, you know, I'm lying.

Yeah. You have permission to, you're a guest. You can do whatever you like. This doesn't reflect on us. I think when you are Shaquille O'Neal, nobody gives an absolute flying, cunting fuck whether you have like a little bit of a belly. Because like you're a monster that could squish me flat. So it really doesn't matter. I don't think you need to do anything about it. No, I don't want to take retired professional athlete. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah..... Yeah. Yeah................. Yeah.... Yeah.... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it really doesn't matter. I don't think you need to do anything about it. An absolutely gigantic retired professional athlete. It's fine. Yeah, you can't say retired anymore. I'm not going to tell Shaq the relationship that he should have with his body, but I do agree,

certainly that no matter if he was like crazy ripped or if he had like a sizable beer gut, if you walked around a corner at a Lafayette, Louisiana, Bear Spy and you saw him, it does not matter what he looks like you'd go, oh shit! Oh fuck it's Shaq. If you saw a guy of that size you would fall down twice, there's nothing that you can do about it. It's just nothing. Yeah right in front of him. Oh, don't don't. Oh, th, it's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. thea' thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. th down twice. There's nothing that you can do about it. It's just nothing. Right in front of him, oh don't step on me. Don't, don't. Oh no, how big those? No. I'm so floppy. You just have to pick me up. I don't even have any bones. So we have, can you drive me around in your car? We are two sentences into this article, and we've got to the reveal. She noticed to to to to to to to to to thea to to the the thea thea the to the thea. thea. t. the th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the that's th. Oh, that's that's th. Oh, that's. Oh, that's, that's, that's, to. Oh, no, no, no, th. Oh, tall someone walking next to her, Shaquille O'Neal. Oh it's all checking us coming full circle. It actually makes sense now yes that what the guy from the headline. Yeah I thought it might have been Yao Ming. The extremely tall basketball player. Yeah. O'Neil was inquiring about the Samsung Galaxy Z flip phone,

and Lewis expressed her thoughts in getting one. O'Neal told the story employee, get two, one for me and one for her. That's so dope. Yeah. Like, it's... If... You're not going to say to Shaq., oh no, no, no, I couldn't possibly. Nah, I'm all right.

I'll pay for my, I'll pay my own fucking way, Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah. If I like read a story where it was like, uh, Shaquille O'Neal just donated $100,000 to some sort of literacy programs in impoverished parts of America, I'd be like, throwne nice. If you tell me a story where he just picked one random person, I was like, do you want a reasonably priced phone? It's yours. That is so much more like a vicarismatic. That's so fucking cool. Yeah, it's so like, hey, this phone's on me.

Yeah. And then I think I'd crawl up and I'd live in his belly button. Hey, that was a really lovely thing you just did. Can I? Crawl inside your belly button? Just get up and then get up in your guts real quick? Just lift your tank top up for a second. I want to see something real quick. Is there? It's for a real little guy. What you're hiding under that shirt, is it my future home? I bet I'd be so small under there. I...

Look, I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but I think... 2023 Shaq, I think you would pop out of his belly button because he has a six-pack now. Oh, come on. Okay, I'd find it first of all slot I would find a way to fit in there. Yeah that's really that's it first of all it's not in your business and and second of all I would be installing carabiners. Yeah so I was picturing the cliffhanger the gun you're shooting in the yeah. So at the start of your sentence you said I and you meant yourself to that the, yeah, booking yourself in. Yeah. Also, at the start of your sentence, you said, I, and you meant yourself, but I heard it as, aye, and I was thinking you were feeling like particularly Puerto Rican.

Aye. Don't care, Jim. Andrew, you are not ever allowed to feel particularly Puerto Rican on this podcast. I think we'll probably draw the line on that line. Any way where you're being recorded? This is like, this is the kind of thing I've got to put up with. This is the sort of suppression. Yeah.

I have my joyful instincts. It's your identity. It could be my whole new identity. It could be my whole the the the th identity. th identity. th identity. th identity. th identity. th th th th th th th th. thi identity. th the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, the, the, the, the the, the the, the the the the, where the, where the, where the, where the, where the, where the, where th. This th. This th. This th th th th th th th the, where the, where the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. This the. This is theat theat theat, theat, the. This is th Let's work through this. What sort of flag would he wear as a cape? Hmm. However, Lewis said the other phone wasn't even for him. Shaquille O'Neal is reportedly an iPhone man. Well, first of all, obviously, it's obviously an iPhone man because he's part of the wealthy

elite. He's not having a green speech bubble. No. You're not getting a separate message from your group chat from Shaq. You're not getting any like weird, janky, unrecognized Unicode characters or whatever. He's, this is an even more powerful move because he has made it, he's put them on the same level by saying hey get two of those one for me one for her to be like you know what we're kind of similar. We both love the Samsung Galaxy Z flip phone and she's thought oh wow maybe slips are just like us he walked out the

front into the car park he's thrown his one into the bid because he doesn't need it. He's shoved it up his ass and shit and he's th. He's th. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's to. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's like. He's thrown his one into the bed, because he doesn't need it. He's shoved it up his ass and shit it into a drain. Yeah. That's how much he doesn't fucking care. Yeah, like Samsung Galaxy Z. Shit phone is what he said. As he walked away. That's what he said. I've read it in a book I read. Oh.

Oh. Hi everybody, it's me. It's Theo. Now I guarantee you I'm more afraid of recording this promo than you are of listening to it, so hear me out. If you haven't already, maybe check out our Patreon. It's a great way to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all the the their their their their to th o o' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to support the show and it gives us the ability to actually dedicate time to this thing. You'll get all of our bonus episodes, it's over 300 extra episodes in total, and we'll set up a feed over there with none of these promos so you won't have to hear this ever again. You'll also get access to our Discord, which honestly is turned into a nice and funny place

full of mostly normal people to hang out with. So that's Patreon.com slash Bunter Vista. Check it out. Hey, now that we've set this level of expectation, if you saw Shaq at a Lafayette, Louisiana Best Buy and you stood next to him at the counter and you went to buy a flip phone and he didn't offer to shout that one for you, you would feel like you were the victim of a crime. It's time for Crime Watch. Please put down your weapon. You're a direct violation. You have 13699. You now have five seconds to fly. Help me! Help me! Help me! I've prepared for you this week a series of crime watches for you. This is sort of more of a digest in the style of some or other segments because there were

a few interesting things happening around America. I was going to say around the globe. It really is just America. Here we go. A 35-year-old Indianapolis man was arrested after allegedly slashing the tires of over 20 cars in the globe. It really is just America. Here we go. A 35 year old Indianapolis man was arrested after allegedly slashing the tires of over 20 cars in the parking lot of a retirement home. Okay. And he's from Indianapolis. Yes, that's right. Yes. That's right. Indianapolis man. Yeah. Over 20 cars. That's right. Reported just gave up counting after 20. That's like 20 and that's actually, yeah. Yeah, over 20, over 20, reported just gave up counting after 20. It was like, well that's 20 and that's actually enough.

Yeah, that's enough to put in the headline. 20 plus. Unclear what his grievance was there. A 20-year-old from Key West Florida was arrested and arrested in charge, a taur-li with driving under the influence, larceny, vehicle theft, criminal mischief slash property damage, possession of alcohol while underage, and possession of a fake ID after he was pulled over while driving a golf cart on U.S. Highway 1. Just leave people in peace.

Yeah. So what? Yeah. He's drunk in a golf cart on the highway. What's the crime? What do you're driving a golf cart? You have already acknowledged you shouldn't be driving a full-size car. Yes, correct. He also, he has to steal the golf cart, which meant he went way out of his way to not drive while intoxicated. I've got my keys right here in my pocket. Exactly. And actually I'm better at driving when I'm drunk, so. I feel more in tune with the curves of the road. I feel more in tune with everything. The universe, nature, until I have one more to you. Yeah, I can hear the road. I am the road. And she will look after me.

Spaceship Earth. She'll look after you when that Logans of Messina song comes on and you just need to close your eyes for five seconds of the chorus, you know? Yeah, she'll guide your hands. You hear basically any song of America's greatest hits and you go, holy fuck, I'm gonna need to close my eyes for a good three minutes. I do need you. Just a Louis sit up and...

I know it's sorry, he, I'm sorry, no. He's having a real little light. I've never met him. I want it to... I need to lie down on him like, um, like one of us is a toteroe. Oh, that's a really good plan. I can't decide which one. You guys should come up, so it'd be nice. Yeah, please. A 47-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year-year- th- th- th-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-old-o-in th-o-in tho-in tho' tho. I th-I thou-I to-I to-I to-I to-I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to-I. I. I to-I-n. I to-n. I to-n't to-n't to-s. I th-n't tho-n't-n't-n't-n't-no'-night-s. I'm thoo'-nighte. I'm thoo'-nighte. I to-n't to-I. I to-I-I-n man was arrested in Gainesville, Florida, after allegedly hot-wiring an excavator

and driving it through a Walmart, a Starbucks, and a storage facility. That's fucking boss. That's so fucking cool. Yeah, that's so fucking cool. Yeah, unfortunately so many crimes are so fucking cool. Bamba, babao, ba-it. It's a shame, it's a shame. It's cool. It's cool what you did. It's just fucking cool. What you did was cool.

You own the excavator. Yeah, you'd be like, well this is an inconvenience, but fuck that was a clutch move from this guy. Everybody at the Walmart and the Starbucks gets the day off work. Yeah. And none of the stuff in the storage facility was yours. Yeah. Like, the perfect crime. And motiveless.

Victimless. Completely free for motive. Victimless and motiveless is so good. The perfect crime. Well, no motive, no victim. So, yeah, I guess we just, I think you're a cop. I think we just shake your head and give you a gun. What if we read further into it, though, and it turned out that like he'd lost his key

to the storage facility and they were trying to charge him like an extra $45 to get a new key for his thing and then he like went by Starbucks and he realized how expensive they were the now of days. They gotta work 30 minutes to buy this, you know? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. the the their. their. th. th. th. th. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah.... Yeah.................. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the gotta work, they gotta work 30 minutes to buy this, you know? Yes, yes. Fuck Starbucks. The barista looked at me funny, but then you look at like the Gainesville map and the Starbucks and the storage facility are like 20 kilometers away from each other. All right, now that I'm done here, it's off to Walmart. It's back over to the other side of town.

You really personal grievances. I lost the receipt because there was a strong wind and I was trying to carry too many things. You saw me buy it. He has to, he has to fill up the tank on the way back over to the Walmart. A 45 year old man in Galloway, New Jersey has been charged with criminal mischief after allegedly using a drone to drop green dye into pools at homes and motels over a period of several months. Why are all these people doing the best crimes? Have you been like hoarding crimes? That's so victimless. That's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. A fun. A fun. A fun. A fun. A fun. A fun. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. A. A. A. A. A th. A th. A ti. A ti. A try. A try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. t people doing the best crimes? Have you been like hoarding crimes? That's so victimless.

It's just so good fun. I found most of these in the space of like half an hour today. There's like, I don't know. That's so cool. America is just full of characters. Everyone's having like a falling down situation where like everything's so shit over there that they're just snapping in the weirdest ways possible like fuck it pools green

walking through the neighborhood being like hey how's your pool is your pool good hey what's your pool like like can a little status check on your pool Michael oh it's green? That's crazy! Buzz, buzz, buzz, motherfucker. Michael Douglas is going into the whammy burger and the manager is also currently having a falling down day

about the 20 years who's spent working at the whammy burger? Every single person is like trying to take it out of a bystander, but there's no bystanders left. They are all the perpetrator. Welcome to perpetrator nation. All purps. My only bit of feedback for this guy, it's not even criticism. My only bit of feedback is mix up the colors. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe, I mean, it may just be as simple as he got a bunch of green food dye, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, thi, thate, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. to, to, thea, to, to, thea. to, thean, thean, thean, the the the thean, tha. tha, tha, yeah, maybe, I mean, it may just be as simple as he got a bunch of green food dye for free somehow, fill up a truck. Absolutely, I'm just saying over time, it would be very funny to do a bunch of different colors. It would also be funny to drop one color of dye into somebody's pool and change the color and then like a week later drop a second color in and change it to a third color. Yeah, right. That's that. That's, that. That's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the the. the the thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. the. the. th color and then like a week later drop a second color in and change it to a third color. You're right. That's right. That's comedy. Yeah. As far as I understand it specifically that is comedy. Now that's funny. I get now hey that's funny. Yeah you come out and you see your pool a week later and you go, oh he's doing a callback. That's a good bit. That's a good bit.

Then Robin Williams comes up and tries to buy it from you. Perfect. I would like it if he themed his colors the same way that like, they changed the lights on the story bridge here to fit like different weeks, you know, or raise awareness for different things. If he was like, St. Pattie's Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat Pat th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and that, and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. guy was like a St. Patty's Day type of tanders usually yeah but then when you said across several months like were they the months leading up to St. Patrick's Day. Well he started in June and he's kind of kept going up until now allegedly just in case anyone's listening to this any lawyers

a little viral marketing for his new pool dying business. Yeah. There was a note in the story I read about this that said that the dyes using is the same one they use for assisting in the rescue of people lost at sea. I think they use it to track like where currants are going. Oh yeah. That's odd. Looks like we've got semen on our hands. Mmm. I also think a criminal mischief specifically is the crime, that's the Willie Wonka crime to be charged with. You're not going to believe how I found some of these

articles. I had a fucking stroke of genius on the way to work this morning where I was like, I could just search for the words criminal mischief. Now you know how the sausage is made. I hope it still tastes good. I would like to reveal my sausage as well. The other day, I, and I cannot find this video again because I think it's been taken down. But I was telling Tom about it and I was so fucking upset that I couldn't find it.. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and I, and I, and I the the the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi, I could thi, I could thi, I could just thi thi, I could just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just thi thi thi thi thi thi, I could just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. I could th. I could th. I could th. I could th. I'm th. I'm tip. I'm tip. I'm tip. I'm tiped. I'm tiped. I'm tiped. I'm tiped. I'm ti. I can't ti. I can't ti. I can't ti. I can't today ti. I can't today today ti. I can't taken down but I was telling Tom about it and I was so fucking upset that I couldn't find it because I went on to Pornhub and I typed in I'm confused and there was a video of a guy railing a milf and then a neighbor walks in and clearly genuinely didn't know there was a porno shoot happening and was like, oh, what's going on?

What do you call this then? I haven't been able to find it. Why have I pictured this man as Dave Hughes? I've been a beautiful porn audience, thank you so much. Beautiful audience. Oh man, I read a, they did a profile of him on like news.com. to come to you or whatever this week. I think just promoting like some shows he's got coming up.

Yeah. But for whatever reason, they took unbelievably Artie haunting photos of him. Like the lighting is like striking and he also looks like, he's a craggy-faced man now. He's pretty. It's beautiful. It captures. It's like like like like like like like like like like like like like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. to news. to news. to news. to news. It. It's news. It. It. It. It. It. It. News. News. It. News. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's news. It's news. It's like. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's news. It's like. It striking and he also looks like, he's a craggy-faced man now. It's beautiful, it captures the light in like these really nice photos. It's, it was really striking so that got me to click on the article and then I read it. And also one of the things they said to there was that he feels like he never says no to anything anyone asks him but I'm just like, fuck, we need to do him on the show.

What if we're just like, hey? I spent like two years trying to get him to admit that he was my dad on Twitter. And eventually he like half caved and said, I didn't raise you to be like this. There we go. So many, so many months and months of me trying to get him to admit it, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to so many, so many months and months of me trying to get him to admit it. Did anybody see the other day there was the the article that came out about Jimmy Fallon on the Tonight Show. Can I? Oh, I'm really sorry. Really quickly.

We're going to, hey Lucy. If there's ever, ever, ever, ever been anybody that I going to hey Lucy if there's ever ever ever ever been anybody that I want to hit with a lead pipe Jimmy Fallon so if I could hit him so hard that he fell in half yeah that's what I do I feel good we stupid fucking face he has a really stupid face I want to hit him and I won't and it's not a threat I want to hit him so stupid face. I want to hit him and I won't and it's not a threat. I want to hit him so fucking hard. And I want him to fall in half headwise. Like sideways, yeah. Head, headula. Head way. He hit him right on the top, have him fall completely in half and then have him do his stupid little fucking giggle where he's like, ha ha ha, yeah, I'm on my show. Ha ha ha, ha,

And meanwhile, you're stomping on half of his still beating. Yeah, I'm stopping on half of his cock because I think that it looks stupid and not even small, it looks left. His dick looks left-ish. It looks like it goes way, way to the left and it's curly. And he has to take to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thueueue, thi the thue, I thue, I the the the thoomch, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. I, thi. I, thi. I, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's thi. thi. thi. thi. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomfffe. He to the left and it's curly and he has to take medicine for it and I'm stepping on it to make it flat because he had as a medicine needing dick and he's dead. Hard right angle. Exactly! Yeah! I hate him so much. Oh my hair got to glock.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Fuck you. Piece of shit. So there was a little a little expose from the writers on the Fallen show who were like oh he's also the the the the the the the he. He's the he. He's the the the the the the the the the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. It's also th. It's th. It's to to to th. It's to to to to make. I'm to make. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to make. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I to make. I to make. I to make. I to make. I to make. I to make. I to to to make. I. I. I to to to to th. I th. I's. I's. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. It's t te. It's like. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. th. I's th. I's to. So there was a little a little expose from the writers on the Fallon show who were like, oh he's also a fucking unbearable mothfucker. Of course he is. Yeah yeah he's just he's fucking terrible to everybody and and for some reason somebody asked Dave Hughes about that like a day or two later. Oh and so I just saw this quote of like Dave Hughes say oh maybe it was maybe they were talking about it on a fucking radio show that he was one of his morning radio thing you know. Husey Who else? Husey Kipsy? Lusie Becke and the word. Like that's yeah. Husey pussy in the cunt. Yeah I think that's the radio show. I assume that's why he would be th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were the the thu. the thu. the to-a. tog. I tog. toge. toge. the. the. the. the. they were they were they were they were they were the cunt, yeah, I think that's the radio show. I assume that's why he would have been talking about it, but he was like, oh yeah, you know,

like I've yelled at people on my shows and people think I can be a bit of a diva. Like sometimes you're backstage and stuff's going on and you just got to scream at people for them to do the thing. And I was like, you're screaming, you're screaming, you're screaming, you're screaming, you're screaming, you're screaming, you're screaming, you're screaming, like, like, you're screaming, like, like, like, like, like, you're screaming thi thi thi thi thi to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream at screaming to scream at screaming to scream at screaming to scream at s scream at s scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at to scream at s scream at s scream at s scream at s scream at s scream at s scream at screaming at screaming to scream at screaming to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream to scream the masked singer, bro? Yeah. Shrieking at people backstage on the masked singer? Surely he's not, he's like a passenger on the mask singer. I don't think he wields power on the mask singer. You're getting involved in the production of the masked singer?

He's surely not like, that camera needs to be tired of. He's not doing that. No, he doesn't- He's just sitting, he's just sitting, he's just sitting, he's just being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being, being, being like, being like, being like, being like, being like, being like, being's just sitting there being like, oh bloody hell, it's... Trying to think of a one celebrity. Anyone, any celebrity. Just one. Chip? No, not chip.

The first person I could think of was a former Australian Formula One driver. And I've, Andrew Weber. Oh, Jesus. Oh, the name Andrew Weber! Oh, Jesus! Why do I know the name Andrew Weber so well? I don't know about a car. Are you think of Andrew Lloyd Weber? I think it's definitely, I think I'm from this game wrong. Weber. Weber, Formula One, Mark Weber. I think of Mark Weber. A classic Queensland jaw on that man. Oh, isn't he from Andrew? Andrew? Oh. Isn't he? the Weber. W Weber. W Weber. W Weber. W Weber. W. W. W. W. the Weber? the W. the W. the W. the W. the W. the W. th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th- th- th- W. the? thewabwebber? th- W. th- W. th- W. th- Wobo? Oh, th- Wobo? Oh, th- W. th- W. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th th th th th th th th th th? Oh, the? the-I the-I the-I the-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-We''er, thean an thrue-I thrue-I thrue-I thr Mark Weber. A classic Queensland jaw on that man. Oh, isn't he from what he- Isn't he from Queen Bion?

Oh, I don't know, I thought he was a Queen's handsome. He's handsome. He's handsome, he's handsome guy. That man is from Queen Bien just over the border from Canada. That's like a handsome mann. That's like a handsome manned. That's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's that's, isn, isn, isn, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the look like that. He also was like he had a really nice attitude and was like very mild-mannered, whereas Sebastian Vedil, who was the other driver on the team, was a really nasty little prick. So it was a nice sort of foil. Hey Ben, he looks like he could play James Bond, just like the other James Bond, George Lazenby, who came from the same town, Queen Bien. I don't want to hear any more th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th to to th th th to th th th th th th th th th th th th the, like the, like very very the the the man tham, like very very tham, like very tham, like very tham, like very tham, like very tham, like very very very very tham, like very very tham, like very very very the, the, the, the, thu thu the, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than thanan thanan than thanan than than than than thby who came from the same town, Queen Bien. I don't want to hear any more about Queen Ben. I don't know.

We've got 14 minutes left. We're going to look up every single notable person. No, I want to go forever. How about this? How about this? Ben counts down to when he can stop doing the show. No, we have to have friendship for a long for a long for a long That's true. Okay, this morning on two-day FM's Husey Ed and Erin.

Breakfast Show. Do you want to know what I did before we logged in to to talk? I was doing YouTube karaoke. To what song? What is that? Like by yourself? I was just playing like YouTube. Just play in karaoke. Yeah, just by myself. Oh, okay. Just to practice. Oh, that's kind of fun. Yeah. What was the song? Do you want to know?

Fuck yes. What's it? What's it? What's it? What's in the tab there? What's in your browser? Yes. It was, um, would you like to? It was the what the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's? Why, what's? Why, what's? Why, what's? Why, what's? Why, what's? Why, what's? Why, the. Why, the. Why, the. Why, the. Why, the. Why, th. Why, th. Why, th. Why, th. th. Why, th. Why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. in that tab there? What's in your black-eyed peas? It was it was the it was what's up by fawn on blondes. Okay great great that great karaoke song. Is it? It was fawn it was what's up by fawn on blonde and um and I'm on my own. I'm in a room on my own singing this. And that's just sort of what you do to fill in the time. I like to sing but Tom doesn't really like singing. So I don't really sing too much around Tom.

Wait for him to be out of the house. Tom and I have the exact same feelings about karaoke and when I heard him describe them on an episode of Big Soft Titty. PNG I thought, oh boy, yeah. Yeah. Just the pain and of the pain of trying to pretend that you're a fun person while you've never been more self-conscious in your life. Yeah, karaoke is fucked and it's hell. But I do for some reason like, I think, I guess it's just because I like attention, but also I really like seeing people do karaoke because it sucks really bad. I think that's part of it. I can't be around it.

I can't even, the effort it takes me to watch a friend do it while trying to look normal while watching them is so much that I can't be there. I need the the their. I. I to to to be to be to be to be their. I to be to be to be to be to be their to be to be to be their to be to be their to be their to be to be their to be their to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their their their their the. I the. I the. I the. I the. the. theateateateat. I theateateck. I th. theat. I th. I theateateateat. I th. I the me to watch a friend do it while trying to look normal while watching them is so much that I can't be there. I need to leave the room. Yes. You got to laugh, you got to think it's so funny the whole time. Oh, you did the little things there. You're actually not fucking dog shit. That's crazy, Yeah, you're going to be like, you were good, you were so good. You were really good.

What a crazy, quirky choice to choose late 90s, pop, radio-friendly hip-hop songs that we all remember. That is, that's epic imagines if they played that at the club. The word that you chose to replace the end word was really clever. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah. Yep. Of course, Linda Perry, the singer of fauln on blunds. Olympic songwriter. She wrote, Pink's Get This Party Started. Yes. She wrote, Christina Aguilera's Beautiful. She wrote, Gwen Stefani's What You Waiting for. Churning them out.

That is incredible. Linda Perry. So anyway, fucking Husey's on 2 Day FM's breakfast show. He says, quote, quote, quote, Sorry for the interruption that I may, I'm just interrupting you to it so I can say I'm sorry I interrupted you before I've ruined every fucking episode of this podcast ever been. Hey, hey, hey, we've all ruined episodes of this podcast. Most weeks. Tom's not here.

No one's going to get crank at you for interrupting the first sentence of the podcast. I did it today. His pain makes it funnier. It's really good. If he wasn't so funny when he's upset I wouldn't do it. Oh he's like a it's like a cartoon of a kettle when it's just about to boil. Yeah he's like a fucking blow-up clown I get to punch in the face and it just keeps coming back. And that clown that you're punching loves you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm here to defend Jimmy Fallen. I've never met Jimmy Falin th. I that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the they they the the the the the the the the the thoooooooooooooooooooooo. I that's that's that to defend Jimmy Fallon, Hugh said on air.

I've never met Jimmy Fallon. I've never been invited on his show. I may never be invited on his show. Absolutely. That's shit is long sale. Yeah, maybe. Dave. Unless you want to come on this podcast and then we think you're very successful and very funny. But, he said, but I do I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I th. I th. I to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have some to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have that. I th. I that. I th. I thi. I thi. I the. the. the. the. the. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to the. I to the you want to come on this podcast and then we think you're very successful and very funny.

But, he said, but, I do have some experience. I hosted, Husey, we have a problem, which was on channel 10 for five seasons. There's a lot of pressure when your name is on the show and it's easy for you to snap. Summer, winter, Spring, autumn, and a fifth one. There were moments on my show that I wasn't happy with things that were going on behind the scenes, and I could be seen as being a diva. If you're the boss of the show every now and then,

you lose the plot. He said, voluntarily likening himself to a man who's just in trash. Yeah, sounds like you were probably a fucking psycho. Like for sure, he would be. Yeah, it sounds like you were fucking mental for a bit. Yeah. You don't get a show of the level of quality of Husey we have a problem without fucking screaming at some people. It doesn't have them by itself. It's like some Gordon Ramsey stuff. You know scream at people sometimes to be Husey we have a problem. Husey is like the bear. Yes. I've been watching a lot of. I haven't seen it either. I just don't know that. What's the first season?

What's the first season? People I know that work, that don't work in hospitality, they love watching their hospitality friends if they watch the bear. Ah, makes sense. So the bear is about some kind of big-hatted chef that can't afford a ratatooy and gets a bear instead. Yes, no rats. Correct. I understand. And they're in Chicago. Those are the two details I know. Big hat, bear instead of rat, rat.

The rat's under the rat, yeah. Chicago. They're getting no Michelin stars because it's a ratless restaurant. Isn't Michelin a fucking wheel? Why is a fucking wheel tel me how good my fucking food is? That's my question. The honest answer is they wanted people to drive around more so they made a giant directory of restaurants for people to drive to and then that's how they started.

That's why it's Fubendom. The big lumpy guy. What's his name? Bibendom? Sorry, can you say his name one more time again? Babbendom? Like Beckham. Yeah, Bambendom like Bencom. Bebendom like Bencom. I love him. Commonly referred to an English as the Michelin Man. Yeah. Yeah. Why? Why did we not want to say his name? Is it because if we say it three times it'll be Beetlejuse? Or what? Or is it is it? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Why is it? B, it? B. It is it? B. It's it? B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Bendum? Bendum? Bendum? Bendum? Bendum? Bendem? B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Yeah? B. Yeah? B. Yeah? B. Yeah? B. Yeah? B. Yeah. Yeah? B. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a better name. Why did we not want to say his name? Is it because if we say it three times it'll be Beetlejuice? Or is it just because...

Maybe in French it sounds really sensible. Oh, but Bendem? Uh-huh. Oh, you're talking about... Oh, it doesn't translate. I is a most sexual creature that we have. Each one of the ring segments on his body. It represents a way that he likes to fuck. I hate his ring segments. That sucks. He's also exactly like the worms in June where if you comprise a part, a little part, a gap between

the ring sections he tries to turn that one away from where if you comprise a part a gap between the ring sections he tries to turn that one away from where dirt can get into it so that's how you can ride perbentum the great June sea if you have to. I'd ride babendum. I'd ride babendum come on. Oh I'd ride him in the fuck. That guy is reabed for your pleasure. It really is. Lucy, you are the, I'm not playing it twice in one night. No, no, no.

What is that? What is that? It's the Buntavista comedian of the week, Stinger, which I hate to say it. They'd think Demi would really enjoy. Yeah, I'll just give you what, do you need filler, have you got it? They think Demi would really enjoy. Yeah. Let's borrow the pay one. Just this once. I'll just give you what, do you need filler or have you got it? No, no, he's got. Lucy, you are the Bundyvista comedian of the week. It's so fucking long dude

It's still down this day. It's so fucking long, dude. It's still going. I have such a town. I swear it was longer that time. Every I only have the one file. That's all I got. Every time. No it's the crime watch themes that I make intermittently shorter and longer. No you don't. Just to round out where we were at, Mark Weber from Queen Bean, Queen Queen Bian,

any fucking people say it. Husey thinks that he's at a similar level of celebrity influence to justify He understands what it's like to host the Tonight Show. Yeah, to say it's fine to abuse power. Yeah. I'd like to cut Jimmy Fallon's skin into a very thin strand and then knit it into a blanket. Oh, like spiralize him? Yeah, and I'd like to, I'd like to weave him into something that potentially I could wear or that I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thoes thoes thoes thoes tho thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to their is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to their to to to to thus is to to to thususus. the is the is the is theuuoooooooooooooooooes. theuuooooooooooooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. toe. toe. You'd like to spiralize Jimmy Fallon? Yeah, and I'd like to I'd like to weave him into something that potentially I could wear or that I could bury. You're getting a group of people to do that game where you say, take a minty wrapper and see if you can tear it into like the longest continuous piece possible.

Yes, but it's Jimmy Fallen Skin. These days kids would rather play on an app than try and make a minty wrapper as long as possible. Yep. And that's really fucked up. How about you get off your bloody iPhone and into a packet of Owens minties. Hmm. The type of lolly that feels great to eat 10 minties in a row. Oh my god. It's not good for the human mouth, surely not. I have one more. We can get Tom to do that.

We can get Tom to do fucking anything. Bag of minties on a show. Tom Walker eat 20,000 minties challenge. You know what sucks? Is Tom smart enough to like get people to pay money or like bully him into doing stuff? And I'll like just like eat a onion so I think people will like me if I do that. And nobody's taking anything. Yeah you're gonna get paid up front. Yeah. You need to see the money before I eat this onion but sometimes onions are good you know pretty much all the time onions are good.

Onion is the goaded veggie. Hmm. Yeah all right Ben bring it home. Onion is the goaded veggie. Yeah, all right Ben, bring it home. Onion is the goaded veggie for real. Yeah. I have one more entry here for you. Onions are go that when Mirapua is the vibe, right? Jesus Christ. All right guys, let's go, let's do a little whip around. What do you prefer? Sifrito or Miropua? Let's all say it at the same time. Actually, I like the Holy Trinity from Cajun cooking. Someone in Houston changed an electronic construction sign to read,

Due to Weather, go fuck yourself. Oh, that's so fucking cool. There's no getting arrested for that one. And they don't know how they they got into it because the box with the controls that it was still locked. And like so the due to weather was on one screen and then it flashes to go fuck yourself and then it flashes back. That's so good. I hope one of the workers did it. Yeah yeah. 100 percent. I wouldn't know how the th they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th to th to to to to to to to to to to th. I th tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho tho tho they they they they don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to thooooooo thooo tho tho tho the th of the workers did it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 100%.

Like they did. Yeah, 100%. I wouldn't know how to use one of those. Or one of their kids, like found their key. I made. Which would be really fucking cool. Like I wish one of my parents had a cool job that I could go in like the only jobs that my parents ever had when I was a kid was prison

guard so the most I could ever do is like change a murderer to be a different murderer or whatever yeah and I didn't move around in their cells move him around you know he like get out of it talked to von Einem and be like you true bloke swap him to be a mugger and have people be like what the fuck fuck I swear what I left last night that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they would would would would they they they. took they they. they. they. they. they. the their they. their have people be like, What the fuck? I swear what I left last night, there was a murderer in there, now it's a mugger. Now it's a mugger, what the fuck? What the fuck?

I think I might have been pranked by the best. Uh, that's so fucking cool to do that. Yeah, it's such a perfect crime. Also, if you ever see one of those signs out and about, sometimes they'll have physical padlocks on them, but if they don't, and it's like a pass code or whatever, look at the model number that's written on the side of that thing and just Google default keycode, whatever, and that information is freely available and

people are often too lazy. Also, if you're ever on anyone's Wi-Fi anywhere, 192.168.1. That'll probably get into the router. Admin, admin. Yeah, get in there. Fuck around. Please fuck around. Hack up your neighbor's Wi-Fi. Yeah, hack it. Hack the Wi-Fi. Yeah, add an extra Wi-Fi network to your neighbor's Wi-Fi that they don't know about because you've named it just like yours and then throttle their Wi-Fi but don't throttle your so you get all their downloads.

Yeah. Do anything you want. some stuff. I want to start a rumor. I once started a rumor that one of my friends had an extra raw teeth like a shark and then the rumor came back to me and I was like that's perfect. Someone was like, hey someone was like, hey did you know Ange like just has an extra row of teeth but she's self-conscious about it so don't look in her mouth. Those dad. That's the best kind of kid lie is when you're like oh but they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're the best. It the best. It's the best. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. thi. thi's thi's to to to to the to to to the to the the the the the thi the thi the thi. thi. thi. thi. That's the best kind of kid lie is when you're like, oh but they'll get really mad if you ask or you can't ask it because of this, whatever. It's perfect, bulletproof. Yeah. Hey Ben, that was a, it was a very fatality-free edition of Crime Watch. Because as we know, according to the rules of the show, you can have deaths in the Shipping Report. Yes. But you can have deaths and will have deaths in th this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thus th thi thi thi's thi's thiol thiol thiolome thus thus thus thus thus thus th is th is th is th is this is this is this is this is this is th is th is th is th is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th those thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thate thus thi thi. But you can have deaths, you can and will have deaths in the ripping report. Ben, the riffing report. Ben, the riffing report.

Ben, the riffing report. Yeah, usually I wouldn't end the episode with a t, um, let's close it out. Yeah, usually I wouldn't end the episode of the tragic death, because I think that leaves a bad taste in people's mouths, but here we go. There's only one entry on this list. I couldn't find more tragic deaths. I found some that were tragic but not like crazy. There's a lady who had a block of granite fall on top of her while she was driving next to a truck. Oh my.

Happens to the best of us. It's not every day that a giant slab of granite falls on you from the truck. Yeah. But that's not what the way. No, but let's get to the funny death. car and then landing on a windscreen and then killing someone instantly deaths as well. That's not very funny, Ben. No, but let's get to the funny death. An 84-year-old woman in the Indian state of Chattisgar died while asleep in her bed after

being trampled by a herd of around 42 elephants. I feel like they may be reaching a little to say died in her sleep. Nope, they, she was asleep in a bed. She probably woke up. I feel like she was asleep when the thing that was going to kill her started. I'm just reporting what actual journalist reported. She was asleep in a bed. They report, we decide and then also report, and then our listeners also decide.

They send your nana, I'm sorry, but like it's a little bit funny. It's really... Apparently like, I can't remember if this is for just for Chattisca, but I think around like 300 people a year die from elephant attacks. What the farsis? Yeah. Get out! Yes. It's like a lot, right? You are accidentally, you are accidentally living in an elephant's town. Yeah, you need to be somewhere else, brother. You're having little mouse in the big city syndrome.

You actually are. And if you were a mouse, it'd be better you probably wouldn't get squinched by the elephant, because it's so scared. But... You're a guy guy get the fuck out of the elephants community at the very least get your normal sized car and drive it around Stuart Little Style yeah get out of it. Although do you think it would be fair if you were gonna say you were driving a car Stuart little style do you think you would more need to get like a golf cart and mod it so it looked like a little MG or whatever? I do not fucking think that first of all, whoever designed that RC car, they didn't design it to be driven by a fucking

mouse. Why the fuck would the pedals work on that? The, the steering wheel would not be connected to anything at all. And also, Stuart Little, even as a mouse, why is he fucking driving? How does he know? His big brother is like six. Why is he driving? Oh, oh, I didn't think of that at all. The fuck. Stuart Little, on blast.

Garfield. Jim Fallen and Stuart Little, on blast, on blast. Garfield, telling it like Jim's Fallon, Stuart Little. Fucking all on notice. Katie Perry? Yep. I'm pussy. It's taking them all down. Just for reference, there are 30 million people in Chattiscar.

OK. And 230 people die a year from, from elephant attacks. It's not sound like that many when you say how many people are. When you put it that way, that seems to be a big problem. There's like what, 26 million people in Australia and like zero people die. That's rude. I thought it was huge. However, don't have that many elephants in the streets, you know? Someone in Austria died this week from a rhino attack. Ooh. It serves the line. Mesty.

It's pretty crazy. Yeah. I really feel like dying in a rhino attack. Totally different lives as to whether or not you get the horn, right? If you just got stepped on, I'm not that interested. Yeah. If you got the horn, that's huge. Yeah. It depends where it goes as well.

I suppose in the face or in the gut, like that's good. You want it in the gut. You want it right through you. Yeah, you want to be. Like you want to come out the other side of it. 100, 100. 100. The rhinoes the throwns. You don't get any of that when you just... You don't get any of that when you just get stepped on by something.

That's a bit more. Yeah. Stuff comes out like your fucking face and it's like, it's mirrored and it's annoying. You're kind of annoying if you do that. Oh, splat. Just low-key kind of irritating, you give me the the ick. It's giving me to watching my man get stomped by a rhino. It's kind of giving me an egg. That um, that surely has to have been an episode of the podcast put to this, uh, yeah, I

reckon. I reckon we've checked every single box. I just want to apologize to my mom. If you did listen this one all the way through, um, I'm sorry this one was particularly rude. What, that happens? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi' thi' thi' thi' thi, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, th. That's, th. That's, thi. That's, thi. That's, thi. I thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's, thi. thi. thi. I'm, thi. thi. I'm, thi. I'm, thi. I'm. I'm, um, thi. I'm sorry this one was particularly rude. What? Was it? Oh no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. The other two were showing off. They were being filth pigs. Oh.

They were trying to keep up with you. Who's trying to, yeah, not normally like this. Who said, and break. And scene. We're no longer grotty little boys. We're podcasting. Oh, okay. And so I cry sometimes when I'm laying in bed just you get it around what's in my night. I am feeling a little peculiar. I'm actually going to do it if you don't. It's actually literally so good. I mean that it's actually amazing.

Like, I meanness, brave and beautiful. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, and then now I think I'm probably just going to fade up. Yeah, in the podcast. Yeah, probably. So I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep up and I can't real it it it it it it it it it it.. I get really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really. I the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. I really. It's literally. I really. It's literally. I really. It's literally. I really. I really. I th. It's literally. I th. It's I th. It's I th. And so I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take it deep up and I get real high and I scream for the time of my love's what's going on! And I say, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said, hey, what's going on?

I said, hey, what's going on? And I said, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said, hey, what's going on?