Boonta Vista - EPISODE 315: Slugged At The Reborn Baby Bowser

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

Lucy, Andrew and Theo welcome you aboard the scurvy-ridden HMS Erebus for a wedding celebration, a list of dead people, the issues facing the aspiring parents of England, and the noisiest chupacabra in town

Welcome to Buente Vista episode 315 and here you are on the HMS Aeribus. Originally a Heckler class bomb vessel constructed by the Royal Navy and Pembroke Dock Yacht in Wales 1826 now refit it as an exploration vessel. 105 feet in length with a beam of 29 feet, she's powered by both sail and a 30 nominal horsepower steam engine, which is outfitted from the London and Greenwich Railway steam locomotives. The year is 1840. Under the command of our Captain James Clark Ross, we've just departed from Van Demonsland, now known as Tasmania, for Antarctica, and company with the HMS Terror. I don't know about you guys, but I am jazed up to start conducting studies in magnetism,

return home with oceanographic data, collections of botanical and ornithological specimens. He's heading down into the ship's kitchen. You're going to find an absolutely disgusting man. He's caked in sweat, smell you cannot imagine, and a demeanor that is just as unpleasant. It's the ship's cook. It's Andrew. Now, Andrew has promised the crew a meal of a 12-hour smoked brisket, homemade pickles, fresh sourdough. And Andrew, I can see here that we are having the lead poisoning canned beef stew again. I like, personally, I'm a fan.

Yeah, I think you're really enhancing it. Yeah, and my plan is to trick to to to trick to trick to trick to to trick trick to trick to trick to the trick the to trick the the the trick trick to the the the the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew the crew. the crew doing with it. You know, I think you're really enhancing it. Yeah, and my plan is to trick the crew into thinking that it's some delicious smoked beef by ashing my cigarettes into all the cans that I've over the course of the next hour or two. Perfect. Yep. When I did promise sourdough I simply meant I would be putting some curdled butter onto the remaining bread that we have.

That's nice. Technically not a lie. Fermintation's good for the gut. You know, they don't know that. We don't know that yet in 1840. We're going to learn that out. We're going to learn the hard way. We'll head on down to the ship's sick bay. to th. to to toe toe toe toe toe th. toe, sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick to th. toe, th. toe, th. th. th. thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom. thoom. thoom, the the tho, tho, the tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoom.oomeateateateateate.oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. Wee. Oh, tho. Oh, the. We're going to load. We're all on the hard way. We'll head on down to the ship's sick bay. Meet our surgeon, who is also a botanist and treats almost every ailment with a herbal

tincture or a heavy dose of morphine. It's Theo. Now Theo, I see you've had a little little something for yourself before this amputation that you're doing. It's to settle the nerves. It's actually a pharmacological-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-fi-a-fi-nue-nue-fi-nue-nue-a-nue-a-nuuuui-a-a-a-o-a-o-a-o-o-ni-n't-n't, th-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-n. I's-n. I's tho-s. I's tho-s. I's tho-s, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I-n. I-n. I-n. I-n. I-n. I-n't-n't-n't-n't-n't-n't-n't-nit-nit-nit-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s. tod-s. tod-s-s. tsoa-s. tod-s. toda-s. today-s. tho-s. tho-s-s-a- nerves. It's actually a pharmacological principle. It's very well known. Oh, it's very well known. It's in the books. Yeah, it's in the books. It says right here, a little for me, a little for you. A little for me. A little for me. A little for me. You don't want your surgeon being anxious. My hands are shaky. Um, it seems to be more shaky the more of the canned beef I eat. And occasionally I just forget that entire limbs exist.

Try a little more than a more than a good. I think the only thing if I could improve this journey, we're way down here in Antarctica. Not a lot of ice. Our boat's sort of like sailing through the water just like normally. It gets me boring. There's not much to do. What if, hear me out, we found a place where there was lots of ice and we couldn't sail normally because of all the ice and maybe we're just sort of like surrounded by ice. And maybe there's some sort of like, yeah, maybe some ice animals will come and attack people and I'll have lots of interesting work to do. I'd like that. Because yeah, you'd have

interesting work so, you know, it's food for the mind. Really? For the mind. I'm sick of all these plants that we're finding in Antarctica. I need some new stimulus. What's your favorite part about being on the ship? Mine's the Lashings. Yeah. They shouldn't have called the other one the Terror. They should have given it a nice name, I think. Yeah. Terror is a little scary.

So's the HMS Stephen Universe. The HMS nice time. Yeah, I'll take it on board. HMS clear passage. HMS straight to the Northwest Passage. Love finding the Northwest Passage. Our captain, just between you, me, and the lobotomy patient here, kind of a dunce. You think so? I've got to have a huge moron. You know, you can't have a huge moron. You know, you can't really say that out here. Which one's the screars?

Well, if you'd like to see another lashing, Lucy, just let him go. Let him go. Let him talk. Unfortunately, Ben's not here. I had a bit about him being lashed for his second, So yeah, that was gonna be a real cork. Him being his pants pulled down. He's bare butt backing balls. Do you reckon they're getting the balls involved? What they're out? Lash their ass.

How do you think they're like taping him away? That seems quite cruel. No, but I don't, like, I guess the balls are like just there, right? So yeah, and I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I th think, I th th think, I think, I think, I th, I th, I th, I th, I think, I thin, I So yeah, and I think I think maybe if you had the presence of mind you could start off your lashing session by saying I'm gonna keep my legs together, gonna keep my legs pinned together so that the butto the buttockes are a protective wall against. You got it, you're gonna tuck up front right. But I think like once you're maybe one to two lashes in, you're probably going to be busy thinking about, yeah, how much the lashing hurts over trying to do any specific.

Yeah. Which is ironic because then your balls get involved. Yep. And things get get worse for you from there. Yeah. Hey, Theo's got to deal with it. Hey, don't lash my balls. Yeah. Ball drama, not a lot of fun. You know how we're wedded to the sea. Sometimes people get wedded to people. I know, novel, but true. And we've got a little letter here. It comes to us from Sean. It says, hey guys, that's us. My best friend Scott and I, and then in parentheses, Canadians.

All right. Primary defining attribute. Setting the, yeah, we know you're not in for normal stuff. Picture it. Picturing a Canadian. We've been big fans and subscribers for years now and we love the show. Scott is getting married this Saturday, which may well be this exact moment in time as we're recording. Yeah, we haven't worked out yet.

They could be listening to Buntavista at Scott's wedding. Yep. If you are a long-time listeners of the show, you will know that like organizing things across international time zones is our strong point. So, you know, we're all across this. But Scott is getting married this Saturday. I was wondering if you could maybe give him and his soon to be wife, Melissa, or possibly current wife, Melissa, or possibly current wife,

Melissa, a little shout out to make him smile. Yeah, thanks a lot. Shout out to Scott and Melissa. First of all, how dare you? How dare you assume? Who do you think we are? Though we would do a shout out or that we support marriage? Yeah. Yeah. Either of those two things. Look, we do.

We do support your marriage. Congrats on the sex. Yeah, congrats on being free of sin in your lives now. Oh, it's all behind you. Yeah. I love, when I'm having sex with my legal wife, missionary in the law and in the eyes of God. Yes, yes exactly and and we're we're missionarily doing it. I like to look back over my shoulder at the

ceiling give a little thumbs up to the good law it's sitting on high. Yep because I know he's looking down and going, you guys, you guys, you guys, to thi to thi th. th. th to th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi to to thi thi thi thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi to thi to thi thi to to to to thi to to to thi thi to thi thi thi thi thumbs up to the good lord sitting on high. Yep, because I know he's looking down and going, you guys, you got your license, you're good to go. Yeah. And that's how he's feeling about Scott and Melissa right now. Yeah, wish you were blasting your sperm into your wife instead of into your undercarriage. Geez. Geez, jeez. Belis. Melissa. Geez. Geez. Can't have more.

Melissa. Good on you. Scott, you're so lucky that a woman like Melissa took the time, frankly. I don't know Melissa. I don't know, Scott, but lucky to have him. Based off everything I know about hetero men and women, Scott, you're so lucky. Hang on, so he listens to the show, but she doesn't?

That's the gentle suggestion. You're so lucky, dude. Because you know he's a freak. Could you do a shout-out for us to freak out out about and also to not show Melissa we do not want her to know that we've been listening to a podcast for years now. So Scott, keep this to yourself. Yeah. We think your wife, keep it safe.

We think that your wife will look beautiful on the day or did look beautiful on the day, depending on exactly when in time it's happening. Yeah, I think your wife looked hot. We were up the back of the wedding fanning ourselves a little bit, you know? Ooh. Damn, lucky guy that's got. And things only got hotter from there. Mm-hmm. Can't wait things only got hotter from there Can't wait to get her back to the

It's going so long. The hotel room peel off the Canadian taxedo Never ask us for anything. We don't know how to be normal about it. Sorry. Just a little casual shout out for your friends for something that's. Casual shout out for your friends and about how attractive we all find his wife. Folks, that is breaking news to Canadians wed. Yeah. Well we've got some other news for you now in a segment called Headline News. Headline News, that is a segment where we simply deliver unto you a headline, we will not be giving you any additional context, uh, uh, the body of the story. You guys know that Canadian lesbian lumberjack.

We will not be giving you any additional context, uh, or the body of the story. You guys know that Canadian lesbian lumberjack? You've seen her before? Pardon? I might just scroll up. Katie Lang? That's the one Canadian lesbian I know about. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't want to assume about Katie Lang. Was she Canadian? Probably. Hang on. Katie Lang's a lesbian? If you Google Katie Lang, you do get Katie Lang stylized in the lower case all the way through. Underneath Canadian Singer Songwriter. Once again, primary attribute, Canadian. Is Canadian above lesbian? Yes. I suppose it is.

It's above singer-songwriter. It's above singer-songwriter. It's above she ever heard a song. Yeah. Before she ever knew what music was, she was Canadian. Sing a songwriter is what she is. Hmm. So what's going on with this lesbian lumberjack?

Oh, it's just hot. Yeah. It's just a hot lesbian lumberjack. You guys were talking about Canadians. Yeah, and Theo's brain is immediately like, now there is a Canadian lady that made me horny recently. Um, you guys heard about Brian Adams? So she's just yoked in chopping wood. That's ideal, huh?

Uh-huh. Look at it, she got a little hat on. Oh, you found her. Oh, you found out. Yeah, I'm looking right now. Did you just Google Canadian lesbian lumberjack? No, just lesbian lumberjack. Oh, didn't even need to identify the Canadianness.

Yeah, it turns out that wasn't necessarily her primary defining attribute. Very important though. Well, yeah, I put in lesbian lumberjack and then I got, meet the world famous lesbian lumberjack. Nicole Conan, Theo, does that sound right? I think so, yeah. You need to see Tick Toxock's lesbian Lumberjack says Go Magazine. Need.

And why Lumberjack Ladies with Swords are lesbian culture. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's one thing we can all appreciate, you know. Anyway, here's the first headline in the headline news segment. 11-year-old boy ready to show off calves at State Fair's Oklahoma Youth Expo. No, thank you. No, I don't think so. Whichever way. He's been working him out. A lot of squats. You don't have to phrase it them out. A lot of squats.

You don't have to phrase it that way. Why are they going to do little buff boys? Yeah, so little buff boys got this. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oklahoma Youth Expo. Very sinister stuff.

Oh, we've got to go and see what the latest youth markets like. We didn't check out the carbs at 11 year old boys lately. You've seen the calves on those boys? Walking out to the car. Disappointing carves this year. My cousin's job's youth's futures. It's a lot of trading in youth's futures. It's a lot of trading in youth's futures. Yep. Not a little lot of attraction on that one. Second headline here. Metal rods in her spine couldn't keep this woman out of the circus.

Oh, okay. Every three months we put more metal rods in in the hopes of stopping her. She can't be stopped. She's going to be mostly metal by 2024. Little Tetsuo the Iron Man. What's going on? Quote, we literally get run over. Golden Gate Canyon State Park braces for another busy leaf peeping season. What?

What? Leafeaping season. All right, no, I've got to investigate that one further, I think. Leaf peeping is an informal term in the United States and Canada. Ooh. And a real Canada-rich episode. And I know someone else is leaf peeping. Oh.

Yeah. Canadian lumberjack. Yeah. And leaf peeping is just looking at nice foliage. Now, Afar.com has a contentious article here. For the love of trees, stop calling it leaf peeping. No, I agree. No, I only learned it today and I will never stop.

Do you like to linger among multi-colored maples? Do stands of flickering golden aspen raise your pulse? Yes, confess, are you a leaf peeper? Someone who engages in leaf peeping? It doesn't make me a leaf peeper. Enjoying a nice fall, fall, it doesn't make me a leaf peep peeper. Yeah, we don't really get full here in Australia either, which is sort of like, if you get a chance to peep some leaves, you can't pape some leaves. I'm peeping leaves. We peeping leaves. We peeping leaves. We the leaves. We the leaves. We the leaves. We the leaves. We the leaves. We the leaves. We th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th is th. th th th th. th th. th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the thea thea thea thea the the thea the thea thee thee thee thee thee peep peep peto peep some leaves, you can't pass it up. I'm peeping leaves. You're peeping those leaves.

Our house has like a... Our house has got a big Japanese maple out the front. Yeah. And leaves green. And then they turned... Bright red! Like a baboon's ayes. And then they all fall off and I'm like, Oh, I gotta pick up all these fucking leaves. Fuck bullshit.

Why do we even have these fucking trees? Here's a thing, you don't have to pick up those leaves. No one's forcing you. You don't know what's under the leaves. It's true. They live in there. It's nature. It's nature. on my yard. And the only reason you have to pick up those leaves is if you want to pick them up to use them somewhere else in your yard maybe as mulch.

What if they're all falling onto my driveway? It's different, right? You'd rather look at concrete? Yes. Okay. Well, pressure washer, I'm going to put that concrete up. I used to be looking... I got pressure cleaned the driveway once,

since purchasing my pressure cleaner. Hmm. Leaf peeping may stem from a Vermont term, leaf peaker from the early 1900s. Folks, we are officially putting Vermont on blast. Don't. Leaf peaker. It sounds like a spoonerism but it sounds wrong I don't

like it. Peake peek. Peak leafer. Leafer. Sounds like one of those like just British slang for Peterfile. Peaf leaker. That's a real leaf peaker. Peep. Peep. Peep. And finally, high school band director arrested after refusing to end performance. Police. Pee. P. the the. Pee. P. P. I. P. P. I. I. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. I. That. That. I. the. pe. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. I. I. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. pe. pe. pe. pe. pe. pe. pe. pe. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea. Pea band director arrested after refusing to end performance, police say. That can't just be a headline news. Come on now. What do you mean? Well, we don't know and we can't know. We never will. Yeah, we never... That's unknowable to us. We simply cannot. Do your own research, you know?

Do your own research. My goodness. It's really important for you to do your own research. Don't trust us. Never. We're just experts. Never trust us. No, I'm sorry. I do need to elaborate on this because the guy was shot with a police stun gun.

Not just arrested. I've already forgotten what the thing was. What was the performance that he refused to end? I don't know but they tased him. They tased him for this. Ben's gonna be so mad. You guys are with the spirit of headline news. Yeah, well if you cared so much, you shouldn't have abandoned us. Yeah, he has no power here. He's pretty. Lazy piece of shit, just putting on a film festival doesn't want to be here. Yeah.

See these priorities are. More, boarf, yeah. Yeah. See these priorities are more important. Booth, yeah. Woo-Woof. Woe-Woof. Can't believe anyone caring more about anything than our podcast. Ridiculous. And those are some headlines that we got from the news. There is another kind of news, a worse kind of news.

It's time for tabloid phenomenon This headed man destroys church. This comes to us from Wales online. We've got 13 fake babies. It's pre-shaired. to parentoday's their parothed. Is it? Because in parenthood you have real babies. Yeah, they do stuff, right? That's one of the most important things. That baby's real as hell. This is an object concrete. It's not an abstraction. He can, and he can make stuff, he can produce excretions, you know? Yeah. The fake babies might be doing fake turds, you know, like a little baby born. If a fake baby fake dies, then you just go to fake prison. Yeah, which is not real, so that's not really as bad. It's not really as bad as what happens if you're real baby dies. Grim, meet the couple who are, scare quote, mom and scare quote, dad to 13 fake babies.

Oh, sorry. Why didn't they choose a normal number as well if they're trying to like fucking... Just have two. Two fake babies. Two fake babies and then get a fake forsectomy. I know. I've got to run it back. I'm not doing the voice. So. Meet the couple who are mom and dad to 13 fake babies and change their nappies, take them out in a pram and say it's preparing them for parenthood. It's not. Jeff's preparing you for like that could be a loaf of bread, you know. It's actually it's hard. it's harder to keep a loaf of bread going than it is a fake baby.

This is what they do for like abstinence education in America, right? You gotta look after your fake baby for a week. A bag of flour, yeah. Jess, Ellis 27. You can 100% leave it at the park for like 10 minutes while you ever smoke. It's worse for the, it's worse for a a a a a to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep to keep to to keep to the the the the th th th th the thing about a bag of flower, you can 100% leave it at the park for like 10 minutes while you have a smoke. It's worse for the, it's worse for a bag of flower to get rained on or left in the bath than it is a fake baby. Yeah, you can leave your bag of flour in the bath, it's fine.

Yeah. You can be on your phone. It's going to ruin the f, that's all I'm saying, it's not going to ruin the fake baby. Jess Ellis 27 started collecting reborn dolls, realistic dolls, modeled on infance, in May 2020 after feeling, quote, lonely during the pandemic and coming across them online. Look, this is immediately. I'm, look, I don't want to be, you know, but... You're being it. You guys seeing these reborn... Yeah, I've seen these rebondols. They're so fucked up.

It gives me like a visceral discomfort. This is like that guy that goes... Can we preface this? The artists that does the weird, like, uh, like, 3D models, like the paper mache shale models are like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, uh, like, 3D models, like the paper mache models, they're like extremely lifelike and fucked up, but they put them in a museum because they know they're fucked up. They put it in an art gallery, in an art gallery. Yeah. At the, art galleries are a kind of museum.

Hmm. debatable. I saw it at the Modern Art Museum. That's like... Museum of modern art? What? What's your nippick here? Museums where I go to keep old stuff that they kept. No, they got new shit in museums. Oh no, you can't. Sometimes the museums got the fucked museums. Oh no, you can't.

Sometimes a museum's got the fucked out body stuff. Full of oil, full of motor oil. Neat. It is neat, actually. Um, what's the, what's the artist's name though? It's not, uh, I can never fight. Ron Muewick? Ron Muick.

Has he got it? I'm half-court. I don't like art. Art's not really. It's very creepy. But that's a big baby that he made. That's such a big baby. You should have to have that one. Apologizing to these people?

No, well, I was just going to preface this by saying, I understand that there are some circumstances where it is where it is like you know therapeutically relevant you've got something to deal with yes to have a fake baby that they can hang on to that's what I think when I say someone with these Raybourne dolls I'm like oh you're going through it there's something yeah although yeah and then there are the people where it's like we bought a series of them and like I change their outfits every day their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're the the the the theeeeea theeeeeeeeeeat theeeeeeeat they're theeeat they're they're they're they're they're they're there are the people where it's like, we bought a series of them and like I change their outfits every day and I have Facebook pages for them and I, I speak as the doll.

It's better than the ones who are doing that, but with the baby Yoda. Yeah, the baby Yoda. Yeah, the baby. Maybe we don't baby. Gwgo. Why would you even want to give the birth the birth the birth to to the birth to to to the birth to to to to the birth to the birth to to to the birth to to to their to their their their their to their their their their their their their their outfits thiia?oea.oeaeaeaeaeaeaeaea.oeaea.oea.oea.oea.oea.oea.oe.oe.oe outfits outfits the outfits the outfits the.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oe.oea.oea.oea.oea their their their their their their thea thea.oooooea.oooea.a.a.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.aaaa.a.aa baby. Maybe no baby. Quogoo. Why would you even want to give birth to a grogoo? You know? It's fucked up, man.

Adopting one, sure. Again, if your grogoo dies, you're not going to jail. You're not going to prison. No, no. You can leave your grog the pool. Baby's okay. Yodas a Grogo. Bidley's now Cheg. Cheg has been acquired by the Grogo. She bought her first doll, Rebecca, a one-month-old baby girl for 250 pounds to keep her company. She bought a baby girl for 250 pounds to keep her company.

You can get a real baby for 250 bucks. And she became obsessed with growing her brood. This sounds like the 1979 David Cronenberg movie The Brude. Yeah, it's got one of the words. It's got the word, the word, well, but it's, but it's also about a lady who I haven't seen it. I haven't. I haven't. Grows some fake babies and is obsessed with making more. Okay. She just, she just like spontaneously spawns them out of trauma and then they run around the neighborhood and kill people. Oh, okay. It's good Lucy. Watch the brew. That sounds great actually. Sounds wonderful. Next came the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Sam, th. Sam, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho thoom. th. the th. the th. th. I th. I th. I thoes th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's tho. It's tho. It's thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. But tha. It's tha. Watch the brew. That sounds great, actually. Sounds wonderful. I can't watch the brew.

Next came Sam, a newborn for 560 pounds. In November 2020, followed by June, a one month old, Sam, a newborn, Brooklyn, an eight-month-old, Manuela, a newborn, Zane, a three-month-old, Lily, a newborn, Anilia three-month-old, Lily a newborn, Analise a newborn, Aria, a newborn, Cookie, who is premature, Charlie, a one-year-old, Pippa, also one, and June 4th. So you can buy them for months older, you can buy a premature baby, fake baby. Like, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna offer any criticisms of this lady's life choices and I will,

this is the very first criticism I will be offering, is like if you if you're buying fake babies to be representative of a like to prepare you for a family. It's also my nitpick. It's very unlikely. You can't possibly have that many newborns. Yeah, you're not gonna have a three month old or nine month old. You have eight newborns? Yep. Like it's very unlikely you're not. Stupid. Fuck it's stupid. Azzhole. It seems unlikely that you are going to have an octo-mom type situation when you do have a bibby. But it's not even an octo-mom situation because they're like three months apart.

Yeah. Oh but she's got like a series of, she's got like a series of one year olds. 560 pounds for one of these things. Fucked up. Yeah. Like a purebred dog. You get four of these, five of these, you could have bought yourself a 4K laser projector. Think of all the... You could get a Sony Bravia for like four of these, three of these children. Yeah, you could get yourself one of those ultra short throw projectors. That's what I was thinking, I was just talking to my brother-in-law about those ultra-shirts. They look good, but I don't know whether I should just buy an O-LED.

Anyway, we're also assuming that reborn dolls are fungible in this scenario as well. So just if you're going to send us nitpicks, we are making the assumption that they're fungible. Perhaps they got a good resale value. I don't think they're... Are your baby's baby's thage is thage- thage- thage- thage- thage- thia. think that... Ah, your baby's fungible. In total, Jess has spent 6,000 pounds buying her 13 strong collection, with her most expensive edition,

Kuki, a premature baby-sized girl, costing 1.7,000 pounds. Oh my God. Oh my God. Also, I've got to say I'm disappointed at how normal the names are that she gave to that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she that she gave that she gave that she gave that she th Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Also I've got to say I'm disappointed at how normal the names are that she gave to the babies, apart from cookie. I was really hoping for some... That's, um, 6,000 pounds sterling is 11,400 Australian dollars.

Yeah, about 4 million Australian dollars. Trade them in and get a car. I... I am not a man for indulgences and I recently bought a steam deck which is like almost unspeakable because it costs like a little bit over a grand. And that to me is being a purchase that is like oh that's a lot of money on something stupid that I've bought. I'm really tossing up buying a model ship that is like, oh, that's a lot of money on something stupid that I've bought. I'm really tossing up buying a model ship that costs like 600 bucks. Really thinking it over every day because that's an insane purchase.

Does it come in a bottle? No, it's like a big one. We build a full model ship. Oh, you get to build it. You know, yeah. But that's an excessive price for a hobby and this lady's just, she's just pumping out cash for babies. Cash for babies. Yeah, skipping the whole preg for business step straight to the cash for babies. In total 6,000 pounds. Jess says her fiance, Avery Rasson 33, a pastry chef is quote, incredibly supportive of her passion and even helps to get the scare quotes babies

dressed and change their nappies. Once again, if you, like a... If you got a real baby and it shit's in the nappy and then you don't change it, that's a problem for the whole day. Yeah, you know, it gets worse. You got to be around the smell and everything. Don't treat the fake baby's nappy? No problem. Yeah, I find it crazy that you want to have the worst parts of having a baby. Yeah, all that shit that shit that to change it snappy. That's the shit part. Yeah. That shit sucks. So Short to medium-term listeners of the show would know that I was getting my balls whipped off on last last week and I was talking to my wife last night because we were both exhausted from having two bullshit children. Very young. Both exhausted from smashing your nuts in with a pair of hammers. Yeah. And we're like hey never again right

and she's like yeah never again never ever ever. Because having having young kids very nice having tiny kids, that shit sucks out loud. That sucks forever. It's so hard. I recorded an appearance on wonderful friend of the show, that's a wonderful friend of the show, Ruby Innes's podcast, Pocket Buds this week. And we were talking about she because when she asked me to come on the show she was like what games have you been playing and I was looking and thinking about it and all of them are like several years

old games that nobody's talking about you know I'm playing Prey 2017 yeah and if you just divorce your mind from needing to play a when they come out, then it's fine. It just doesn't matter. If you don't talk to anyone about games, you don't think about games. Then you can just play them in isolation. Perfect. And at some point she was like, oh yeah, casting our minds back to like 2021, and I was like, oh, yeah, that was, that was prime pandemic

time, had like a five-year-old just in the house all the time because they couldn't go to school. Or they'd go to school for like two days and then one of the kids would get COVID and they'd go, everyone's going back home again for a couple of weeks. And I guess like before that we'd had all the bushe-fichchchchchchchchchchchchchushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushushush bush the bush the bush the bush the bush the bush the bush the before that we'd had all the pandemic stuff and then before that we'd had all the bushfire smoke and everything and I was like hey when I cast my mind back here it really throws into sharp relief how much my brain has just said what if we just dry erase that whole chunk that whole some big parts of the part where you have like very

small children, you will end up blissfully forgetting many of these experiences theory will say, hey I don't need any of this, I'm jettisoning that for the fun stuff I'm doing now. You know the only time I've gotten to sit down and actually play a game, like in any regard to like progress in it and actually get some done was when I got gastro and had to go to the hospital and I had two days off work. I couldn't do anything or move, and I got to play Bloodborne for about a third. I think I've played about a third of Bloodborne. Good game. So yeah. If you are getting fake babies you should real throw your PlayStation in the game because you're not allowed to play games. If you want the real baby experience. No more, no more games for you.

Yeah. Quotes. Oh wait, it's not a quote. It's just the article. The pair would love a real child of their own one day, but for now the reborn dolls are preparing them for parenthood. Questionable. Jess, an HR business partner from Plastow, East London said...

So she's got money to spare. An HR business partner from Plastow, East London, said, She's got money to spare. I've always loved babies. It's something very calming about holding a baby. We have had a few babies in my family. I have a goddaughter, and that was always my favorite stage when someone had a baby. Being able to hold a reboard is really special. I love looking at them and yes, sometimes you can look very quickly and fool yourself in

thinking that they are real. I can picture this woman. She continues. It's very therapeutic holding them. If I've got stressed or anxious, it is very calming. In some ways, they help you prepare for being a parent. Wrong, wrong. Which ways?

If the baby makes you less stressed and less anxious, that's what you think it's like having a newborn child? I would potentially argue that this is actually like making you less prepared for a baby. Yeah, you have. You are training your brain to say that a baby is a, is, if not, well, if not compliant, at least immobile, you know. Theo, you got two boy babies. Are they like, were they like pissing at you when you were changing napies and stuff? Oh 100% there was the

time that Noah had to go to hospital because we weren't sure if he would ever be able to shit again because he went 16 days or something without shitting. Too many days. We spent several hours at the hospital with two children, which is a shit place to be. They put a, come in for it's glycerol or glycerine, little capsule in his asshole, and then when we went home, which was like 1 a.m. When we got home, then he decided, hey, it's time to do 60 days worth of shit.

Yes. And he was roping it out's time to do 60 days worth of shit. And he was roping it out there. He was just, fucking squirtin' chocolate. I had to, like, I literally had to do, like, sidestep dodge. He was on the cage. Do it a blood-borne roll out of the way. Absolutely. My 20 minutes with that game really prepared me for this.

Firing me, firing it at me. I'm like sidestepping baby shit, which only smells worse every day that it, every additional day it spends inside a baby's asshole. And at this point that was 16. So really, you were kind of, yeah really you were kind of yeah you were kind of getting like a paleontological like getting a getting a deep dig into as you were getting further and further into your son's core getting worse absolutely yeah there was strata down there. I've a hundred percent you know this was like like an ice core of his last 16 days

So I mean unless you get a man from the city to come and fill your baby with diarrhea Like human diarrhea every day It's a niche job. I'll come around and surreys. Pack that baby. It's one of our worst concepts yet, thea. I will make your baby reborn more lifelike than you could possibly imagine. Yeah. I will come around daily. Oh.

I'm gonna swab your baby newborns with conjunctivitis so you all get pink eye. Yeah, you're getting every illness that you've never had before. Yeah. You know what the fuck rosyola is because I do now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Old-timey diseases, you're getting the mumps. Now when you say to yourself I'm not sure that these people are really,

are really understanding the situation here. I think maybe they are. My fiance had never changed a diaper or held a baby until I introduced him to Reborns. And so I made him change one of them, which definitely increased his confidence for changing and holding a real baby. I also recognize that these are not real babies, and I often leave them in places you definitely should not leave a real baby, like a table or sofa. Straight to jail.

Putting it on the kitchen bench. I leave my baby on the kitchen bench a lot. It's not. I'm going to go anywhere. Maybe it's not training you for having a real baby if you're like, I'm just going to put this on the heater. And duck out for a cigarette with a baby on the heater. The fucking thing about changing a baby's nappy as well is that some babies, they don't want to have their nappy change so they're like fucking flipping about. They don't want to put their clothes on. They don't want to help you get into the little onesy, you know? Yeah. Some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some. And they. And they. So they're. So, they're. So, they're, they're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I', the, the, I', the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, theto put their clothes on. They don't want to help you get into the little onesy, you know? Yeah, and they're putting Dookie everywhere at this point.

I've only done it a few times, but they fucking hate it. And it smells worse than anything I could ever imagine in my life. Yeah. It turns out the human body has been evolving for years, possibly decades at this point, to be the the the the the the the a their the a the a theck they theck they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to be to be to be they're they're to be to be to be to be to be to be this point to be repulsed by the smell of human shit. Yeah. Because we're supposed to be away from it. Yeah, your body says, don't toucest that. Then you've got to touch it every day. That's duke.

That's bad for you. Yeah, don't touch the duke. That's why I'm making it smell so bad. Avery. Why does cookie look a little bit melted? Fuck. Left her on the heater again, I'm sorry. She's leaving nine babies in your Tesla. During the pandemic, Jess was anxious to leave the house in case she contracted COVID and taking her dolls for a walk around the local park helped

her get outside. Jess said, I do take them out into Pram just for walks around the local park. During the pandemic, I became very, very anxious about leaving the house and so my fiancé actually bought the Pram for me to encourage me to go outside. It worked really well and after a few months I was able to go outside on my own without the pram as well. How many you're taking? Are you just taking a couple? You're just packing them in the pram? Just a pile. Pile them up. I guess you can just pile them up because they're not real babies. Like little logs. Like little stack your babies, yeah. I still take them out occasionally, because it's just fun to push a pream round.

Jess says the pair would quote, Love a baby in the future! End quote. But both recognize it is a huge responsibility and one they are not ready for just yet. Well, we can't afford it with all the money we're spending on rebounds. Yeah. Yeah. She said quote in a way they are a placebo to help with baby fever. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Okay I don't know what that is. Baby fever? Is it being clucky? Yeah, I think so. You've got baby fever, Theo.

You can't wait to have more babies. Yeah, no, that's, I've caught baby, baby fever. I caught enough baby fevers. Theo has just had a baby fever removal procedure. Hmm. You can no longer contract baby fever. I do change him quite a lot. I find it a bonding experience which sounds strange to say.

Yep. It does, it does sound strange to say. My favorite doll at the moment is called Aria. She's me newest. When I was scrolling through Facebook and saw her artist put the picture up, I thought she was a real baby. You thought someone was selling a real baby on Facebook. Can they do that? Can they do that? And she's a H-H-R? What's her title again?

HR? A-H-R? It's a fake job. Just hoping that one of the baby reborn artists was going to fuck up and accidentally list their real baby at some point. You can be a HR business partner and simultaneously be the person that thinks that they were selling a real baby on Facebook. You mind doesn't have to work that good. I often keep her in her car seat because that is where I think she looks the most realistic.

I look at her and I think she is real. This is another reason I keep her in her car seat because it looks like I've just bought her home from the hospital. She is gorgeous. Jess said she has received mixed responses from her family and friends with some people not understanding what she loves about the dolls. She said, My mom, Nikki, 60, was very supportive.

She has been lovely and even took us to a doll show. She is really interested in the art side and how they are made. My dad, Andrew, thinks it is very bizarre and will tell me that, but he is also proud of me for doing something I enjoy and not being a shame to talk about it. Oh man. Yeah, uh. See I'm mentally unwell too, right? But I don't talk to the paper about it. I just talk to tens of thousands of strangers. That's the thing, like you haven't got the self-awareness to be like, oh this makes me look fucking crazy. Yeah it's a... well Jess does go into here her interactions with people on the street about the dolls. I've had it several times where I've taken him out for a walk and people have mistaken them for real babies. My reaction depends on whether I am in a hurry or not.

If I am rushing and they compliment how cute they are, I will say, thank you. But if I have more time, I will explain how they are dolls and people are usually really interested. Oh my god, imagine going to compliment someone's baby and then you look at it and it's not real. They go, actually that's a doll and you go, uh-huh? And they say, let me explain my passions to you, tell you about my dolls and you go, uh-huh. No, thank you. No, thank you. thi to look at my phone, taken, to to to to to to th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, the, the, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tha theea tha tha tha' tha tha tha tha tha, tha, tha, tha' That's really interesting, I say. Good for you. Starting to look at my phone, taking just gentle steps backwards.

Up. Oh, I got a notification. Got a goat. Oh, my nanny cam has detected one of my baby reborns at home. It's not moving, but I've got to go and check in on it. Jess has turned her passion into a part-time moneymaker and started creating and selling Reborn dolls online to quote, give back to the Reborn community. Nothing says giving back to a community like selling things to them. That's right.

Yeah, how do you make these things? Just paint him like a warhammer figure? Yeah, I think I think that... I'm really picturing a very badly made one. That's what this is. Just getting a bare baby and painting it? This is my Nergal reborn baby. I wouldn't go too near her. It's my chaos baby. Uh-huh. Oh, oh boy.

Yes, this is my beautiful six-month-old Inquisitor baby. Oh, boy. Yes, this is my beautiful six-month-old Inquisitor baby. Oh, Jess said it roughly takes around three weeks on and off to create a doll and has owned 2,000 pounds since she started four months ago. Took me about six minutes to make a real baby, so it jokes on you. What happens when you do have real babies and you're like, oh like my fake baby's better? Yeah, what if you like the fake baby more?

Why can't you be cooperative, like your sister cookie? Yeah. Oh no, that's going to cause some problems. If you want to call these real dolls as well, that's not what they are. No, that's not what they are. That's another kind of very realistic doll that is filling an emotional void in someone's life. There's a void being filled with. Oh boy.

Well, these dolls, as we know, were simply never alive in the first place. Some people, however, start off as alive and wind up being not alive later on. It's time to look into some of those people on the ripping report. I'm itching for another edition of the Ripping Report. Is really what the vibes are going to be like this episode, eh? That's right. Oh, and a happy Canadian marriage to Scott Morrison. Oh, and a happy Canadian marriage to Scott Melissa.

This week's Rooping Report. First up, we have, a 56-year-old railroad worker in Walbridge, Ohio, was, quote, killed instantly, end quote, when he was struck by a remote-controlled train. That's the dream, isn't it? When you say remote-controlled, it makes it sound like an RC car. You know? You made it sound silly, but it's probably just a real train. Yeah, I hope I never get killed by something that is making a noise like, Z-ZZZZ as it comes towards me?

Yeah, just puts a hole clean through your head. Yeah, that'd be a bummer. It'd be a bummer. A 61-year-old man died in Crystal Springs, Mississippi, while pressure-washing his neighbor's bount... A 61-year-old man died in Crystal Springs, Mississippi, while pressure washing his neighbor's roof after he lost balance and fell, causing him to become impaled on a quote, steak-like piece of yard art.

No, no, not on the yard art. That's abusing it with new meaning. Hmm, it's going to frankly ruin the art for me. And they've made a deodent. I paid, I paid $400 for that and now honestly, it is no longer sparking joy. I've converted the yard stake to a yard deodent. That's fucked up. It's fucked up. And we also have a miracle survival.

So it's not all sad stuff, Theo. Not all bad news. Yeah. A 67-year-old retired builder in Wales survived after accidentally partially disemboweling himself by falling onto a nine-inch sawblade while cutting up pallets. But... He managed to drive himself 10 minutes to a hospital in a manual car while holding

his bowels, his words, in with a tea shirt. Oh my God. That's when you call the ambulance. That's probably. I like that they've specified that it's a manual car just so you know how hard it was for it. Oh and he's driving stick as well by the way. That's pretty sick. Good for you man. That's a that person is one of those like those like those to live those old school like builder farmer kind of types where they like they'll like hack off a limb and we're like all right well I'm just gonna finish milking the cows first before. Yeah. Going in it's like this guy never wears gloves or protective equipment he doesn't need it.

Fell on a fell on a yard saw on what on a no I reckon I? No, I reckon he was cutting up pallets with like a circular saw. Yeah. Okay. You need one of the ones where as soon as you pull it back. Yeah. Well, the one I have has like a self-retracting like cover on the blade. Yeah. So as as you push it along, it pushes the cover back. But as soon as you pull it away from there goes, like a the the the the the the the th th th the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the like cover on the blade. Yeah. So as as you push it along, it pushes the cover back, but as soon as you pull it away from there goes whoop and it covers itself back up again. Yeah. Yeah. Clever. You need one of those. Yeah. I mean, wow. Just holding it all in there, huh? I never want to be holding the inside of my body on the outside. Lucy- Yeah, I'm perfectly happy being embelled. Yeah, I like being embelled, personally.

Lucy, have you seen the movie Renfield? No, I haven't. Is it good? I don't think so? I don't think so? I don't think it's for me. I don't know who the fuck it is for. It's, uh, but it's got Nicholas Cage playing Dracula and just kind of having fun. He's having some fun though.

And so, you know, that's worth the price of admission, which was nothing. Is it related to being embelled? Well, yeah, there's some, there's some disemboweling in the movie. There's a lot of like extremely hyperviolent stuff, but there's also like, like, romcom kind of stuff and there's also like a police procedural kind of vibe and it's all super, super colorful, saturated turned up kind of thing. I was like, every, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's like, there's like, there's like, there's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, there's like, like, there's like, there's like, there's like, there's like, there's like, there, saturated, turned up kind of thing. I was like, every three minutes I was like, what is the tone of this movie? What are we doing? What are we doing here?

Anyway, check out the movie Renfield. Well, check out Mandy instead. If you want to watch something good. No, it's true. Sometimes there's a bad omen in your life. Like, when, like, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, every, every, every, every thi, every thi, every thi, every thi, every thi, every thi, every thi, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, every, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.'s probably better. Yeah, if you want to watch something good. No, that's true. Sometimes there's a bad omen in your life, like when you fall onto a nine-inch sawblade and partially disembowel yourself and have to hold your guts in with a t-shirt and drive yourself to the hospital. It's a bad sign. It's a bad sign.

It's a old wives tale, it's actually perfectly fine to get disaboubbed by a table saw. Oh, these things come in threes. And sometimes there are other omens that you hear about specifically on this segment, omens and portents. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. And you shall know that God is God. And bow down to his will.

From KPNX in Arizona, the Cophenix. Oh, it is, isn't it? I was the Penix. When something goes bump in the night, a loud sound the house started shaking and the roof is damaged with no explanation in a North Phoenix home. Did a big troll trip over your house. Spooky shake.

A Phoenix couple is searching for answers after their roof was mysteriously damaged. The couple told 12 news the damage came after what felt like an earthquake. Quote, I felt like the house was going to fall down, Lisa Sikorsky said. Might have been a possum up there. Just a big old possum, I reckon. They can sound loud when they're up there. Sokorsky said she was working in her home office around 3 p.m. on Friday when she heard a noise she'd never heard before. Quote, you just hear the boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, but continuous.

Oh shit, are the Vanga Boys' Cumber? Oh, like the Vanga Boys song. I feel like saying boom, uh, eight times in a row helps to suggest continuous. Yeah, I think I got it. You nailed it. Good communication. Yeah, they're getting the mark. The mysterious noise lasted about 15 seconds. She said she didn't think much more of it until a neighbor sent her a photo of her roof. Quote, It looks like there's almost an impact zone and the tiles spread out around it.

You can see the wood planks underneath our roof, actually. I mean it hit hard enough to move heavy tiles, but not to break through the wood. So that's a good thing? Sikorsky said. Okay. Her neighbor's doorbell camera shows there's nothing wrong with the roof around 2 p.m. A separate video from about two hours later shows it's significantly damaged. Because everyone's got a fucking doorbell camera. Yeah I I do not want like the status of my house to be recorded by now. Someone's ring camera. Well, the neighbor said that the motion sensor camera was not triggered to record in between. So no troll.

Wasn't a troll's dick bounce off the roof. Well, it might have been something with some type of in between. Oh, so no troll. Wasn't a troll's dick bouncing off the roof. Well, it might have been something with some type of invisibility spell. Invisibility, yeah. Invisibility, spell. Sorry, you are right, yeah. It makes sense when you think about it. It's the spirit. Yeah. I told you guys about the day, we're just like sitting at home and the house starts fucking shaking and then like there's all these big weird noises and a crane truck had driven down our road.

Oh yeah. The rain still extended? It's just like yanking all of the cables off the front of every house. Oh my God. Just like doing, doin. Maybe the driver was one of the, one of the people I routinely see driving their car around with like full over-ear headphones on. I do that sometimes.

Don't do that, bro. Don't do that! I'm like, how the fuck are you hearing anything that might be happening outside of your guard? Just when I'm overstimulated. Just when I'm going small bean mode. Sikorsky is left wondering. What happened? What happened?

Quite to me, it felt like something that came from the sky. Sikorsky said, that's true. Your roof is up. The roof's up. It didn't come from the ground, that is for sure. If it impacted your roof really hard, but from the ground, there would probably also be a hole in your floor and your ceiling. The Federal Aviation Administration told 12 news that they did not receive any reports

of falling objects in that area on Friday. Sokorsky said she didn't find anything strange near her home. Quite. There's no evidence. The only thing is possible if there was something that it... What the fuck? The only thing is possibly if there was something that it... What the fuck? The only thing is possibly if there was something that it could still be on the roof somewhere.

Get out there and check it out then. Yeah, pop up there. Get a ladder, you know? Yeah, actually, but also be careful that you don't fucking fall off and... Yeah, move any yards to pileto pile yourself yeah turned into a deodend if you've got any a large pointy yard art out there just go ahead yeah probably put that away first put that away first put that away

hidden ground if you are if you've got the choice of what you're going to land on pool first pill's probably the first first preference yeah yeah soft garden bed. Soft garden bed land gracefully in a bush. Jumping castle? Yeah. If you get a chance to do this during a kid's birthday party. That can get worse though. What if you fall onto the trampoline then bang onto the yard art? Bounce onto the yard? Probably just move anything that and bang onto the yard. Bounce onto the yard.

Probably just move anything that's impalable. Yeah. Or able to impale you. We used to jump off, there's my boomer, boomification for the week. We used to jump off my like, off the roof of my shed onto the trampoline onto the trampoline off the roof. Yep. Yep.

Still alive. Mostly. Mostly. Barely breaking any of their bones. It's pathetic. That's right. Yeah. She said she's thankful.

The mysterious event didn't cause any worse harm to her home or her neighbors. Quote, the fact that nobody else felt that vibration and sound is what freaked me out the most because I literally thought the whole neighborhood was feeling it because it was so strong, Sikorsky said. Sikorsky said she's hoping to have some answers about what happened once a roofing repair company can come out and look at the damage on Tuesday. Oh yeah, that was a Chupacabra. They're not visible in the sunlight. They don't want to tell you.

You're not going to get any answers because I don't want to tell you what they would they help you with this, you know? Hmm. It's not their job to determine what kind of... What they can tell you is that Jupiter is in retrograde, you know? There's your answer. Mystery solved. That is so true. That is literally so true. That's true and it's valid.

And everybody that we've spoken about on's true and it's valid. It's valid. And everybody that we've spoken about on this episode today is valid. Yeah, that's my opinion. Stop having ring cameras. Stop having. Yeah, except for that. Yeah, you don't need to know. Oh, I'm so nervous about the thing that's out the front. If you can't see it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th th th th th th th th th th th, it, it, it, it's th, it's th that, it's that, i, is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, i, i. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi.'s right. Out of sight, out of mind. The porcelain man cannot hurt

you if you don't see him. We strongly recommend mining your own business when the porcelain man is out and about. Folks, that's about it for us this week. We would like to thank you for listening and we would specifically like to bless your marriage. Everyone's not just Scott and Melissa's. Not just Canadian marriages, you know? We'd like to bless all marriages. There's other cards. We're gonna premonoctus or?

I don't think that's a right that podcast is going to invoke. I am petitioning the church to bring it back, but you wouldn't anyway? No, not in your current state. No, certainly not. Folks, thank you so much. We love you. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. you to be the tree the

to the