Boonta Vista - EPISODE 365: Terrorised By The Stinky Doctor Terrifier

Episode Date: September 29, 2024

Lucy, Theo, and Ben bring you: An Iowan cryptid from the turn of the century, opportunities for sneezophiles, a bull exodus mostly addressed, a village defiled by correspondence, and the Clipping Report. *** Hot pies: https://x.com/thomas_violence/status/1295222966406406144 *** *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Music Hahaha! That's really funny, Finn. Oh my god. That's too rude. That's f***ing ridiculous. Oh, we can't spell that in. We'll have to fade over it. Yeah. Hello and welcome to Boonta Vista, episode

365. I'm Theo. It's another quiet night here in Club Boonta as I stand leaning on the rowling of my mezzanine perch surveying the lost souls who ebb and gather at the gambling tables below like detritus from some endless,

uncaring ocean. At its peak, the club would see hundreds of these wastrels pass through every night, every breed and rank of humanity, from the police commissioner to the guy who artificially inseminates designer dogs, but never her. She left this place two years ago that September, in that aching first flowering of spring, after we made love for the last time on my mattress on the floor beneath my tool poster. She told me, I need to do 9-11 and I don't know if I'm coming back. Oh, doll face, where did you go? Adding to the eerie silence only deepened by occasional echoing footsteps on the terraced floor is the complete lack of piano music tonight. My pianist, a hulking seven foot tall beast with a simple mind,

but a heart of gold has not shown up for his shift. It's Andrew. Do you reckon he's, he's not dead? No, I hope not. But like super awkward. We have to record another different podcast. like, he's not dead. No. I hope not. But like- It's super awkward. We'd have to record another different podcast. Yeah, kind of big, like-

And say that he's dead. Yeah. Hey, um, I realised we made some jokes last week about, uh, the possibility that Andrew was dead. It's actually very serious. And unfortunately- Yep. Yeah.

He was hit by- Sometimes life imitates art. Oh wait, is that him? Idiot. Darn. Andrew has just hit the chat. life imitates art. Oh wait, is that him? Idiot. Has just hit the chat. Too late, bitch. Too late, bitch.

Enjoy your morning. Fool. There we go. Coward. Yeah. We're roasting you on the podcast right now. Yeah, but he's not gonna hear now. He's not gonna hear this. He's never gonna listen to this. Also with me, as he is every night in this damned casino, like a house that haunts itself,

is a shrunken creature of slight and malice, always either brewing his next scheme or licking his wounds from the collapse of the last. Perverted beyond belief, he would sell his own grandmother for a finger of whiskey. It's Ben. Ben- Hey. I'm kind of, I'm trouble, I guess. Will- Yeah, you are trouble. Ben- I'm a nasty guy.

Will- Yeah, but we keep letting you in here because you don't actually do anything that's like technically against the rules. Ben- Yeah. Will- Yeah. Ben- Can I ask what your sort of your reference material is for this? Like what you're sort of spinning together into this kind of pastiche. It feels like it has elements almost of 30s, 40s noir. I'm feeling Rorschach, Watchmen Rorschach, you know?

Interesting. No, it's funny you get that from me, Lucy. No, definitely by way, it's all filtered through my only real interaction with that genre, which is Grim Fandango. Yeah. I was going to say that that was sort of what my question was leading to is that I don't think you've like ever watched any of those. I watched Casablanca with you. Perfect movie.

Yeah. Which I'm on my quest to make everyone in my life watch Casablanca with you. Perfect movie. Yeah. It's on my quest to make everyone in my life watch Casablanca. Yeah. It's just that, you know, over years it's been improved upon. The formula has sort of been taken and reworked and sometimes it's like in an interactive medium with like polygonal graphics and stuff. A better form of storytelling because it's immersive. It's immersive and it's interactive.

Yeah, absolutely. And then slipping through the front door with the confidence of a barracuda among clownfish, it's the rarest thing of all these days. A new face. She slinks from table to table, eyeing her prey with an expression that gives absolutely nothing away before striking. At the craps table, she rolls triple nines, causing my card man to moan in agony. Blackjack, her unsettling aura, causes the dealer to deal himself an MLB card of Blake Snell, and she scoops up the wings while the dealer runs to the bathroom, suffering from some abstract

confabulation. Once her winning spree has run long enough, she retires at the bar where I, my, so scratch that bit out actually, because he's not here, at the scheming gargoyle now find ourselves. You see, she's a local inventor who came up with a substance or machine or whatever to infuse her genes to elevate her to endless intelligence, confidence and strength. But it comes at a yucky cost with bits and pieces falling off of her bubbling and peeling away. She orders a Forex Shandy and immediately has to fish her ear out of the glass.

It's Lucy. Oops. It happens. It happens. I lost a few fingernails, but I'm so good at gambling. You're so good at gambling now and it's costing me my house, which is also this casino where I live. That's kind of not really my problem.

Yeah, because you're sort of like on, you've ascended from humanity, but also at the cost of your humanity. And I'm paying the price for my crimes. Fingernails. Yeah. And you will pay the price for yours. Yucky. Was this part of the movie Lucy, with that her body started falling apart? Or was this an element that you've added in?

I haven't seen. Is that what happens to Lucy? Is that the ending of Lucy? Is that like her name is a formula? Oh Lucy? No. I don't know. Does she? No.

My, my, I mean, the references here would be like the substance or the fly. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What a, what a rich tapestry of filmic influences. You're kind of like the Quentin Tarantino. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love you. We're kind of like a film podcast. Yeah. That's true. We should- Not Lucy's feet though. They are super nasty. What about Toby's just film?

Yucky. No good. We could do an all movie episode to spite Andrew. Yeah. We can just talk about the cool movies we like. Yeah. And we might even like get through like more than half a dozen of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Imagine, hey, a Buntavista episode without an Andrew on it. That's very rare. It's basically a cryptid. We talk about cryptids on Cryptid Watch. Residents there say they've heard unusual animal sounds at night, and several ATV riders say they've seen unusual looking creatures in the distance. The next guest might have taken one of the best ever pictures of the Loch Ness Monster.

That's a really good one. pictures of the Loch Ness monster. That's a really good one. So, so jarring to hear Australian voices in culture. Yeah. Don't care for it. You're listening to like something with like a, uh, you know, you know, like in the nineties, early thousands. And, um, you know, we got really big into, into sampling, right. And like uncle and DJ shadow and that sort of stuff.

And they, and they mix in like all, all of these like samples from news or from like TV thing and then hearing just an Australian voice in that it's fucked up. It's really jarring. It's like, I don't sound like that to I, is that me? Is that me? Do I really share 99% of my DNA with Koshi? Is that me? Is that me? Do I really share 99% of my DNA with Koshi? Is that true? This, it's something, it happened to me yesterday.

I was listening to something that had a bunch of like samples and shit in it. And then there was one with an Australian accent towards the end. I can't remember the fucking life for me what it was. Really? It might've been Vinam Sabathy maybe, um, on the album in search of M theory, potentially. But yeah, very strange. She's just like, oh, no, that shouldn't be in there. No.

Also, no one not from Australia should ever hear Koshy's voice. There's just no fucking reason. Yeah. They know about Koshy and the hot pie. Oh no, that's not Koshy, is it? It's um, what's his name? That was Carl. That was Carl Stefano.

Well, they know about Carl Stefanovic and the hot pie. They know about the hot pie in America. Like the time he ate the really spicy pie? Yeah. On, as a challenge on the show? People showed me that when I lived in the US. They know about that. I don't know about the hot pie.

He ate a really hot pie. Okay. I went through a little phase a couple of years ago, uh, of when I was taking footage from morning TV shows and then sort of chopping and screwing it. Um, I did a little version of the hot pie incident. Yeah. Mostly the cash cow. I'll, I'll link to the hot pie one in the, um, the show notes and I'll send it to you. Theo.

Oh, thank you. Uh, this is from WHO in Iowa. The who? That's always funny. Legend of strange creature draws crowd to Van Metre Visitor Festival. Okay. To what? To Van Metre.

Visitor Festival. Van Metre Visitor Festival. That's right. The Van Meta Visitor Festival explores the legend of a mysterious week of terror, a monster inflicted on Van Meta in 1903. Ah, it's a place. Yes, Van Meta is a place. It's America, so they probably pronounce it weird. Van-Mater.

Van-Mater. Coming out to Van-Mater. In 1903, the citizens of Van Maider faced five nights of terror. You said a week before, you've now shortened it to five days. Just a work week of terror? A working week of terror, yeah. Five business days of terror. When a strange bat-like beast began wreaking havoc upon the town, David Weatherly, an author,

researcher, and world explorer. We don't have those anymore. I don't think that's a thing. We kind of had them. I think, yeah, once you kind of- I think we've done it. The last tile of fog of war kind of lifts. The grey has lifted off the map completely.

You're not getting in your hot air balloon and being like, I'm going to Patagonia. I'll be back in five years. Bring back creatures untold. That is a lizard. We already have those. David spent years researching the event and wrote a book about the legend. According to the legend, it began after a man reported seeing a strange light on top of a tall building.

The strange light then flew from one building to another. The man dismissed it as a trick of the eyes. However, the next day a witness reported encountering a strange creature. Quote, it's a giant bat-like creature with a protrusion on top of its head that's sort of a blunt horn, says Weatherly. The horn shines light out and this weird creature was impervious to bullets. You tried to shoot it? Oh yeah, kill it!

Just rolling that one in there. This is a strange creature the likes of which has never been seen before on this earth. I'd better shoot it. Get out your tummy guns, boys. Boys, light them up! The creature disturbed the people for a week before it was suspected that it lived in the town mine. However, when they confronted the mine, they found two creatures.

The story begins to fizzle out after the townspeople closed off the mine, trapping them inside. Oh, okay. These... Dunn and dusted. Perocule, even curious people. Yeah. Well don't have to think about that. We put a big rock in front of the mine. And that is that. When's this? 1903. 1903. Yeah. So I know when you got that Lucy, they wouldn't have had tommy guns. Yeah. Yes yeah sorry I fucked up on that Lucy. They wouldn't have had Tommy guns. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Sorry. I fucked up on that one. Yeah. What were they shooting at the wind chest? A musket?

What have you got? Somewhere between the musket and the Tommy gun. Whatever firearms you had there. Something in between. I think they had a lever action rifle of some kind. Yes. I quote, the legend just kind of goes, just kind of went away until modern times. It was dug back up again and it's now becoming a huge festival

called the Van Meter Festival, says Weatherly. Probably not like that huge. Yeah. Yeah, probably not. Also, you've got to give this creature a name. Yeah, that name fucking sucks. Van Meter Festival sucks. Yeah. I like the visitor has like a really cool sort of... Yeah. Oh yeah. Van Meter Visitor. Van Meter Vis. Van meter visitor festival. Yeah. I would like to be kind of described as the visitor in a book. Do you remember when the visitor passed through? We don't talk about the visitor.

Yeah. Wasn't there a TV show, The Visitor? Is there not a Sahara film called The Visitor? I think there might be. It should be. I think it's a pretty good one. Yeah. Buddy, it's a horror movie to millennials because the worst thing they can imagine is being visited.

Yes. Yeah. I hate random drop-ins. You guys read Perdido street station? I think I lent it to you. No, you lent me embassy town. Oh, you're right. Maybe.

But yes, fantastic. I'm just getting the feel of, you know, the, the kind of gargoyle guys that are, no, no, no. Um, these are more like, um, they're the ones that are like smarter than dogs, but not as smart as people. Oh, so they can talk. Yeah. It's a women and they just go around like shitting and masturbating the whole time because

it's like, that's what something between a dog and a person would do. It's so good. He has a wonderful imagination. I was thinking about the guest, by the way. You could see where I got confused. Oh, now there's a wonderful... Now there's a movie. ...Milm?

Movie film. The guy that stars in the guest... Milm's in your area. ...Dan, whatever his name is, he was filming something in Brisbane and he ended up going into Netherworld a bunch. Oh my God. And he bought a shitload of merch. And then when he went back to the UK or wherever the hell he's from, he was like, hey, can

I buy a bunch more merch and got them to ship some stuff over from the guy fucking loves Netherworld. Really? Dan Stevens, big Netherworld fan. Yeah, Dan Stevens. Yeah, bit of a hottie too. Bit of a hottie too, damn. He was in that Downton Abbey, wasn't he?

Or one of those- He was, allegedly. ... horny shows. He is British. Yeah. It's kind of like national service. You got to do it. Wesley says, friends of his began exploring the case years ago and found that the people

of Van Metre had forgotten the event. Because they just chucked the things in a hole and said, let's never talk about this again. Yeah, don't worry about it. It's embarrassing. It's unbecoming. They found newspaper articles and ancestor reports and eventually wrote a book about it.

Now people are curious about the legend and wonder if the creatures are still around. Oh no. Oh no, you're fucked up. Well. Don't get curious about the legend. I think get a little curious about the legend. All right. That's how you end up pushing the rock aside.

Yep. To the old mine shaft that was forgotten by time. And then you turn around to your friends and then whoosh, whoosh. Two things fly past you. Yeah. Uh, Weatherly and his friends wrote a second book about what the beast may be doing now. Yeah, probably shitting and masturbating.

I think it's probably dead, like trapped in a mine. Well, it's impervious to bullets, maybe it's impervious to like hunger. Yeah. And boredom. What do you, how do you write an entire second book just speculating on what a creature that's trapped in a mine is up to? Just imagine it, I guess. We have no new information but

Could it be? That he has built an entire apartment complex inside the mind is they've dug out one of those Taliban like internal Evil genius faces eternal evil genius bases. This is remember that remember that. Remember the evil genius Taliban bases. I think they, that was a bit of a misstep by the American propaganda machine because it made them look unbelievably cool.

Yeah. Like a GI Joe action playset. You're like, this is where we're purifying our uranium. This is where we trade our ninjas. This is where we have all of our cool video games. Yeah. This is the hall full of traps and devices. Yeah.

It's made a bunch of kids be like, man, I could, I could join the Taliban. I've got some newspaper clippings here for you from, from when the incident happened. Uh, only partial ones because I, I dunno if you guys have ever thought you've found something that it takes you to newspaper.com and they really want your fucking money at newspaper.com. You're not getting my money. You didn't go down to the, to the basement of the library? Have you ever gone through microfiche before? Yes.

Oh, Lucy, that rules. I never have. I will. I will. I will. I will. I will. I will. I will. You didn't go down to the basement of the library? Have you ever gone through microfiche before? Yes. Oh, Lucy, that rules. I never have. I've always wanted to. It's like, it's kind of fun. You feel like you're doing like ancient artifact research.

Yeah. Yeah. What were you microfishing for? I was helping a friend who's an economics professor do some like, I was just doing research assistant stuff, finding all these old, old data, basically the economics data. So not super fun. Okay. Lucy remains a complete mystery.

Yeah. My friend who's an economics professor, by the way. My friend who's an economics professor at Oxford, by the way. I don't know anything about your life and I don't plan on finding out. By the way, I don't know anything about your life and I don't plan on finding out The headline here is a winged monster creature emitting a dazzling light terrifies Hawkeyes What a hawkeyes, it's like a hawkeye like I don't know. Like a Buckeye? Like a Buckeye. The Hawkeye State. The Hawkeye State?

They're all really sarcastic, but they save people's lives. The town of Van Metre, containing 1000 persons, is terribly wrought up by what is described as a horrible monster. All people talk funny. I'm all rored up. All thousand persons. Every man, woman and child of the town is in a state of terror. Fully half of them failed to close their eyes in slumber except in broad daylight. Wow.

Really? I don't know about this journalism, if I'm being honest. Imagine you're from Van Meta and you read that. You're like, what? No. What? They said in the paper that I'm like a little bitch? I'm not fully in a state of terror.

I'm a bit scared. They think I'm impervious to bullets, but like, kind of okay. The monster put in its appearance Monday night. UG Griffith, an implement dealer. You'll need any implements. Drove into town at what I am and saw what seemed to be an electric searchlight on Mar and Griggs store. Uh, while he gazed, it sailed across to another building and then disappeared.

His story was not believed next day, but the following night, Dr. AC Olcott, who sleeps in his office on the principal street. Trouble at home? Don't put it in the paper that I sleep in my office. He was awakened by a bright light shining in his face. He grabbed a shotgun, ran outside the building where he saw a monster, seemingly half human and half beast with great bat-like wings. Okay.

A dazzling light that fairly blinded him came from a blunt horn-like protuberance in the middle of the animal's forehead and it gave off a stupefying odour that almost overcame him. Yeah, a worm. Yeah, it was a stinky monster. The doctor discharged his weapon and fled into his office, barring doors and windows and remained there in abject terror until morning. So good. What a wonderful little slice of life for these **** fuckers.

I think we got in trouble for using that word once. Oh, is it? Can we not say that? Because it comes through the ****, I think. Oh, really? Yeah. You could just beep that one out then. Yeah.

It's funnier that way. Yeah, that way people will try to figure out what the **** we were talking about. Which sleigh, you said. Yeah. Oh, this is try and figure out what the fuck we were talking about. Which sleigh you said. Yeah. Oh, this is going to sound much worse. Um, another headline for you here. Van Meter hot under the collar. Ooh.

Town has been maligned by ghost stories. Citizens of the place feel indignant over the matter as it gives the place an unenviable reputation. I wouldn't want to go there. Yeah. Stay away from go there. Yeah. Stay away from Van Meter. Yeah. No one's like, Hey, I envy Van Meter.

They've got that beast that walks like a man, but also dangles that enticing light from its horn, which protrudes forth. I don't want to go to Van Meter. It's being terrorized by the stinky doctor terrifier. fan meter it's being terrorized by the stinky doctor terrifier. Hey, I bet when they were shooting at that beast, there was probably a few misfires, they probably accidentally clipped each other because man is the real monster. We explore that sort of phenomenon in the clipping report.

An 18-year-old in York County, Pennsylvania, accidentally shot someone in the chest while showing them a quote, antique Harrington and Richardson Arms Company revolver style handgun. Wow. That sounds like a cool gun. I'd really want to see that. Yeah, I'd want it to be shown to me. Yeah. Hey, can I have a cool gun. I'd really want to say that. Yeah. I'd want it to be shown to me. Yeah.

Hey, can I have a look at that gun? Pop! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah after a woman's firearm discharged inside her purse while she was shopping at Costco in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Uh oh. She was shot in the hand, another shopper suffered an injured ankle and quote, another uninvolved individual fainted during the chaos and sustained a minor injury. Pathetic baby brain. Don't put that in the news about me. Don't put it in the news that I fainted out of abject terror. I was scared.

Okay. Because a gun went off. Everyone else is like, yep, America. Now is my time. I'm ready. Everyone else was pulling out their gun and this one person went, oh, oh, oh. A football game at Wisconsin Lutheran High School in Milwaukee was canceled after a security guard accidentally shot himself in the leg, causing the players and spectators to flee.

Fair enough. Yeah. Again, that makes a lot of sense. What are you doing, pal? Just don't touch the gun. Just leave it. Leave it alone. Just leave it alone.

It's fun to fidget with, but just try to leave it alone. Bring a fidget toy. Play one of the rip-offs of Angry Birds on your phone or something. They just put Bellatra on the phone. Play Bellatra on your phone. Uh, do that instead of shooting yourself in the leg. A Los Angeles police department officer was removing ammunition from a seized shotgun when he experienced a quote, non-tactical unintentional discharge. Yeah. Yeah. Gun went off. Gun went off. Yeah. Why? So this

non-tactical. A tactical unintentional discharge. Yeah. Quite interesting. Like if, if there's a, if there's a robber and he's like, drop your weapons right now. He gets, he gets to drop on you. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, okay. And you throw the shotgun on the ground. Yeah. Pow. Pow. Gets him in the leg. Yeah. Yeah. Tactical unintentional discharge. A school resource officer at Marble Falls High School in Texas. They sure do Texas was shot in the leg after his firearm discharged while he was sitting down. At high school, these guys at high school, it's a school resource officer.

That's where the kids are. They say the more that you handle your guns, the safer they are for you. Yeah. I've always been saying that. Yes. Okay. A uniformed secret service agent in Washington, DC shot himself while quote, handling his weapon on duty.

Sounds like, come. It sounds like he's masturbating. Sounds like he's masturbating. And finally, a detention officer for the Guilford County Sheriff's Office in North Carolina accidentally fired his gun while in the quote, men's bathroom outside the jail's transportation office. It happens often in the toilet, huh? It's a lot. I think we're the only podcast in the world that is keeping this close of an eye on toilet

gun mishaps by police officers. We're trending them. Yes. Here's a quote about the incident from WXII News. In the report's narrative, a sergeant said that after the misfire, the officer entered their office and said, hey, Sarge, I need to turn this expletive in before laying his equipment on the sergeant's desk. Good instinct, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. Smart. Can you just guess what the expletive is there? Is it just shit?

I need to turn this shit in. Yeah. I need to turn this fucker in. Could be Australian. I need to turn this cock sucker in. I need to turn this cock sucker in. I need to turn this cock sucker in. I think that might be it.

I think it's that one, yeah. Hey, that was probably an awkward conversation that guy had with his sergeant. We cover interpersonal issues like that in Paging Dr. Lucy. It's time for Paging Dr. Lucy. This is a follow up to something we spoke about in a previous episode. In fact in the previous episode, in the bonus episode, please step into my sneeze-atorium, which was an episode entirely about sneeze fetishists. We've actually received a ton of feedback about this episode.

A lot of people have just become hyper aware of their own sneezing now, I think people just being like, great, I did a bunch of sneezing today. That's all I could think about. But I think we've had a few people who they didn't say explicitly, but I could sort of read between the lines that maybe we sort of awoke something in them. They sort of learned something about themselves, which, you know, that's what we're here on this earth to do. And that's what we, this podcast is here to do as well. So that was nice.

So I thought maybe, um, we could do something here, which is that obviously it could be kind of lonely if you just discovered this about yourself. Uh, and you didn't really have anyone to explore it with. So I found some personals, um, on the subreddit for Sneeze Fetish that just, if any of these sort of appeal to you guys, you can go to that subreddit and connect with these people. Okay. Here we go.

I didn't know you did that. This is from a 29 year old man. It's been raining a lot recently and I've been sneezing my ass off. DM's open. Okay. This, I don't know if rain makes me sneeze. I think wind does. Like I get wind allergies. I don't know about rain. I guess rain can bring the pollen. I don't know.

Yeah. I'm allergic to that. And then it goes down to the ground? Not a scientist. Uh, bored male 23 with a long tickly nose today. Anyone want to get in on this fun? Like to come over and watch you sneeze? I think probably over webcam, but yeah, essentially the same in principle. Yeah. Yeah

Just so they're gonna Masturbate. Yeah, they're probably gonna like mutually masturbate over those Sneezer. Do you see the Thing with a RFK jr. And Olivia Nuzzie and they're doing facetimes and like unbelievably good Facetime sex yeah, what is it like do you reckon that story? I mean leathery Thanks to RFK is a leathery man 29 male different 29 year old male to the first one Currently having a bad allergy day lots of strong wet super hitchy sneezes and buildups. DMs are open.

What if, how long are you waiting between clusters of sneezes? Because even on like a bad sneezy day for me, I'm sneezing like once an hour. Yeah. Maximum, right? So you're just on the webcam just like hanging out for that whole time. Otherwise it's coming soon. Parallel play. Maybe you've got the webcam on, but you're like, you're playing factorial or something like you're each doing something else. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe that's right. You can, and you can do that. Maybe you're just like, you know, doing some work or something. You pick up your, you pick up your steam deck and you switch it on you. And you sort of go like nine souls. Take it out of your hands right now. Put it, muscle memory is going to make you switch it on and then you're going to start playing it. Put it down.

It went on. No, you put it down on the table. Hands off. No, you can't. Hands off. It doesn't matter if it's, yeah, just place it right down there. Anyone from Down Under? I, 38M Australia, would love to chat with any female from here or anywhere else for that matter.

I love wet girly sneezes and go weak in my knees for a clear spray. Just to be clear, this is not me. It's not. That is not me. I didn't post this. That post posted this. 38 year old man from Australia, Theo. No.

Do you love wet girly sneezes and go weak in your knees for a clear spray? You know, no one's ever asked me before. Thank you, Ben. When you put it that way. No, I don't. What the fuck does a clear spray mean? Oh, that's when you get it. I think that's a nice clean sneeze, right?

Just a, just a three pointer kind of, nothing but net sneeze. Don't leave it off the backboard. Yeah. 30, um, F4M, a woman looking for a man, I guess. A woman looking for a man. Yep. Shy cutie with sneeze fetish, please make me cum. Hashtag online.

You know what? With sneezes? She might be a shy cutie, but she's not worried about being assertive about what she wants. Yes. That's so powerful. That's important. Confident where it matters, you know?

Yeah. Oh, I'm a little bit shy. I do want to get off on watching you sneeze though. Yeah. Please. The hashtag online, the end is sending me and I don't know why, because that's not in a format that Reddit uses for anything. They don't use hashtags.

No. And also from the context, you can glean that as well. It's going to be online because you're all online. You're all chronically on the internet. That's where she's posting it. You know what? I think there's sort of like a large majority of sort of silent, normal, sneeze fetishists who are like just doing this stuff in real life without like

the weird internet community stuff. I think you don't hear from them. Like just organically meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you think there's this like selection bias going on here? Yes. Yeah, I do.

Yeah. Sometimes that happens with specific online communities. I got a post here that just says, looking for my sneeze queen. Sneeze queen? Yeah, sneeze queen. It's kind of like a size queen, but for sneezes. But for sneezes, okay. Sneezes, yeah. Doesn't mind if your dick's small though. Yeah.

That's one of the most beautiful things about the sneeze fetish community is they really don't care how big your pecker is. It's all about the sneezes. Someone has replied here and saying, girl, you got hay fever slash allergies with like 10, I have a cold emojis. And then like that. Is the sneeze queen the sneeze or the she loves sneezes? I think the sneeze queen is the Sneezer or the she loves Sneezers? I think the Sneeze Queen is the Sneezer for these people.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, so one of us replied that they were looking for their Sneeze King and I hope that these two... I hope they find each other. ...find each other. This person has replied to the person asking if they got hay fever or allergies saying, yes, really bad. Yay!

That's hot. That's hot to me. That's fucking hot. Uh, one more here. Male, 18 years old. DM to see me sneeze like crazy and masturbate. Like you're masturbating and sneezing. Yeah.

You just sort of like crazily pounding that penis. They're going, a choo. I would feel that the two would be. It'd be distracting. Lucy, don't give it away for free. Monetise this. 40 minute Lucy sneeze audio, 200 bucks. She gets 80% we get the rest.

Sneeze pimps. Just for getting it out there, you know. I don't like this immediately. Yeah. And we're definitely joking, unless. Unless. Unless. 200 bucks.

How big's your wallet? How big's your need for Sneeze? Your Sneeze needs. Everybody's got a price. We do not have so many listeners that we are inaccessible to you for money. That's right. We are contactable and like cash. I want to play God of War Ragnarok.

I want a PlayStation VR. Yeah. Like 120 bucks on marketplace. Not that bad. 120 bucks? Well, yeah, but mostly it's people selling it without the power adapter or without the... Oh shit. I'm on the PS4 PSVR.

I'm not like you guys in the PS Oh shit. I'm on the PS4, PSVR. I'm not like you guys in the PS5 world. Oh man, what an older generation. You got a medic? Oh, that's right. Cause you keep uploading what I would consider to be humiliating videos of Pat playing VR cricket. Yeah.

He bought it from me. It was my birthday present one year, but it's, he just plays his virtual cricket. That's so good. That is, that is boyfriend's dream. A hood to put you in the universe where you could play your cricket shots. Just batting. Like you can only bat. So he looks like he's having a fucking blast.

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. You would just walk, walk into a. Yeah, I guess so. Too much movement. Yeah. Oh, can they, can you do like keeping?

No. That'd rock until you're a million dollar baby yourself. Yeah. Shag. Smacking your face and smacking yourself with a head with your fucking motion controllers. Uh, look, we're making a lot of fun of these sneeze fetishists, but hey, being sexually attracted to weird stuff, that's perfectly natural. We explore the natural world in Nature Corner.

It's time for Nature Corner. Take me home to the place I belong. Bull to his sir, nature corner. Rubber crab, snipped my dick. This comes to us from WCVB in Boston. Seven bulls that escaped rodeo at North Attleboro Mall safely corralled. One still missing. There is so much America that you can put in one sentence. Yeah.

Yeah. Why? Why have you got a mall rodeo for? Rodeo at North Attleboro Mall. Yeah. Why have you got a mall rodeo for? Rodeo North Adelbarra Mall. Yeah. What is the physical setup at your mall? Is this like an outdoor mall?

I think it was in the parking lot of the mall, but like if you're American and you're hearing this you don't understand why we're perturbed. It's not like we don't have rodeos. I've been to a bunch of rodeos. Yeah we've got rodeos. We've got heaps of them. We got a proud Beautiful horse culture in Australia. Yes. We have a lot of that sort of stuff in common with America We just you probably wouldn't go to the mall and see a rodeo

Yeah, you probably see a JB hi-fi. Yeah, almost certainly see a JB hi-fi. You might see a vacuum cleaner That's like levitating a bowling ball on it. Yes. That's like the wildest thing you're gonna see in the mall. Yeah, you go, holy shit. Yeah. Look at that. Is that just a Godfrey's thing? Is that theirs? I think it's just a Godfrey's thing.

But they, I mean, look, once you work- Ain't nothing but a Godfrey's thing. Yeah. Once you've got that flex, I mean- Yeah, they really nailed that one. Yeah. I'm not cleaning up a lot of bowling balls though. Yeah, I'm not often suctioning a bowling ball.

Got a huge problem. Yeah. Although I could, fellas. bowling balls though. I'm not, yeah, I'm not often suctioning a bowling ball. Although I could, fellas. The power of my suck is so strong. The North Attleboro Fire Department says seven of the eight balls that were on the loose after escaping from a rodeo being held at the parking lot of the Emerald Square Mall have been safely corralled. Looking at that another way.

Yes. There is still a bull out there. You can say that the situation is 87.5% safe. Wonderful. Did you just do that in your head? Yeah, I'm very worried that it's wrong. Sounds right to me. At approximately 12.30 PM, firefighters working on,

working a detail at a rodeo at the Emerald Square Mall witnessed eight bulls escape from their pen. They witnessed it. Yeah, they saw it. Well, there they go. The escape. The firefighters working a detail sounds funny. I think of like police working a detail.

Like what's their detail? Is it just a way to see if there's a fire? In case there's a fire? I mean, in case something did happen. Yeah, and you were fucking useless. You didn't do shit. Defund firefighters. This is like the story we did about the dog and the pig, the best friends that

went into the mall, not into the mall, into the dollar general. The one that I visited on my holiday, uh, where the first part of the story was the firefighter saying they saw them like an hour earlier. Just didn't do anything. It's not really my jurisdiction. Like I understand that- I've heard fighters in America, like, just witnessed the police in America working and going like, oh shit, we're working too hard. Yeah, maybe.

Yeah. Authorities say the eight bulls managed to escape their pens, run through the parking lot and jump over a fence surrounding the event's perimeter. The bulls then fled south from the parking lot towards the woods behind BJ's restaurant and brew house. God. What a country. What a place.

What a place. The shit that happens in the woods behind BJ's. I've got to tell you, the clue's in the name. They knew where they were going. That's right. B-line straight to BJ's. That is the suck off hot spot of North Adelbarra. A video recorded by a witness showed the bulls charging through a fence and running through

a portion of the mall parking lot. Authorities say one bull was caught shortly after escaping. This is sort of the stupid one of the group. Yeah. Idiot. Loser. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to run this way. Watch this, he's the group. Yeah. Idiot. Loser. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to run this way.

Watch this, he's going to get caught. At approximately 4.30 PM, six bulls were found stuck behind a fence at a home on Prescott Street in Attleboro. Quote, as soon as I stepped out, when I looked over there, I was like, those aren't horses. Those are literally bulls. Yeah. And, oh my God, what a great bit of colour to add to that story. Oh my God. And? Those aren't horses, they're literally bulls.

Beautiful. I also enjoy the thought that they've just like, their pathfinding has run out at this point. They've hit a fence and they're like, well, this is the limits of my experience. I suppose I shall stay here until circumstances change. One fence capable, two fences within my ken. A third fence, no boy know how. This is in the Lord's hands now. That quote was from Chris Moody, who had seven of the bulls run into his yard.

Seven. That's a lucky day for you. Yeah, that's lucky. That's a good eye, man. Quote, I got all my dogs from outside, brought them inside real quick. Good thinking. I would have done that as well. Uh, ranch hands carried out metal fences to corral the bulls.

They worked with police and volunteers to corral the seven bulls in the backyard into a transport vehicle. Uh, quote, first responders are continuing their search for the remaining bull. Post social media said. Well, it sounds like the ranch hands were first responders. Yes. Yes. The first one is sort of like first notices. Yes. Yes. We've got to get them on one of those stupid flags.

First notices. Yeah. Ranch hands, what about? Kind of the second responders. Ranch hand valor. Yeah. Yes. These guys are out here saving lives.

That used to be a concern in like the 1800s or whatever, right? In every callback McCarthy book. Yeah. The rodeo, a one day event at the mall, it's currently under investigation, authorities said. Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd look into that one. Uh, the New England rodeo based in Norton said the bulls were not associated with its organization. What do you mean? They got some outside bulls in? Yeah. We don't know those bulls.

Those bulls are not, never were members of our organization. Yeah. Oh, you've got non-union Bulls? So what's really kind of getting me about this is, I said it at the top of the story, but this is from a Boston news station. Yeah. It's hard not to read this and just sort of mentally transplant it to like Texas or something. No, no.

You got... It's in Boston. You should be having a rodeo in Boston. That doesn't feel right. No. Absolutely. Near that big bell? What if they run into it?

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Authorities have urged community members to exercise extreme caution and avoid approaching the remaining bull that remains on the run. Quote, there is no immediate threat to the community, the North Attleboro Fire Department wrote. Why do you urge people to exercise extreme caution? But then you said there's nothing to worry about. I like the positive thinking.

It's like, think about all the bulls we did, Corral. Yes. Seven out of eight. Seven. Seven out of eight. That's pretty good. That's basically a of eight. Seven. Seven and eight. That's pretty, pretty good. That's basically a rounding error. Over 50% for sure.

Yeah. Uh, statistically significant, I think. That's still a high distinction. That's seven eighths of bulls. Yeah. Yes. That's close enough. Close enough is sometimes good enough.

Yeah. And now the town's probably going to get one of those like celebrity on the loose bulls. Yes. That we've spoken about so much. I bet right now in the North Attleboro neighborhood Facebook group, everyone's coming up with like funny names for the bull. Yeah.

They're calling it, um, Bully McBullface. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And anyone else who comes up with a second better suggestion is getting blocked from the group. Shut the fuck up, Deborah. We're calling it Bully McBullface. That is a riot. Those sorts of disagreements that you hear in neighborhood Facebook groups sometimes make it into the British tabloids.

It's time for Tabloid Phenomenon. the British tabloids. It's time for tabloid phenomenon. This comes to us from the Daily Star. That's what I call the sun. Yeah. Yeah. Mysterious hate letters create village of poison, but no one knows who's behind them. What? You heard him. He's the plot to Bloodborne, I think. I saw a lot of headlines describing this as a poison pen scandal. Is that a term you guys were familiar with?

I know. Is that just me writing nasty stuff? I've heard those words. Yeah. I don't really know what it means. It's a movie. Poison Pen. 1939. Yeah, that is some Downton Abbey shit. Poison Pen Letter. Oh, it's a yucky letter. Yeah, in Australia we just call that a grubby letter. Yeah. Someone's been sending grubby letters. Oh, a grubby letter scandal? What did you say, Sy? Why didn just call that a grubby letter. Yeah. Someone's been sending grubby letters. Oh, a grubby letter scandal?

What did you say? Say, why didn't you say a grubby letter scandal? Ah, some anonymous jokers called me a cunt. A set of anonymous letters has sent a village into turmoil. Watch out, you'll have to read something. Why do you still live like this? You're a villager. That is your title.

You are a peasant or peon. If I clicked on you, you'd just be like, yes, work. Idiot. Tensions among residents in Shiptonthorpe, East Yorkshire, are skyrocketing as a result of vulgar letters creating a village of poison. I actually am bemoaning the death of the village in Australia, you know, as far as kind of like a common place. Or having a community.

Community and that sort of thing. But I don't think they have that either. They've just got the title now. It's just called a village. It's just called. As I have a bar I spend every day of my life at that all my friends are in. Oh, that kind of is your village. That's your third place. It takes a village to keep me alive.

Yeah. Glad we found one. People claim they've been terrorised through their letterboxes for the past two years. The nasty letters, which have been sent by a mysterious writer, called McAfee? No, not anymore. He's, he's, he passed away. It must be Thomas Pynchon. Oh, it has to be. Yeah.

Doesn't really give interviews. Last anonymous author. Oh, also I'm, I'm very much reminded of the title of the creator tweet about like how the fuck is cyber bullying real? Yeah. Just turn your computer off. Just don't open your mailbox. Just don't open your mailbox. Just turn off your mailbox.

There's nothing good in that. Close your mailbox. Just cover up the hole. You're not getting anything important by snail mail these days, right? No. Occasionally a bank card, maybe. Yes. Yeah.

Did you order a bank card? If not, don't open your mail. Yeah. That's simple. I think it's Dan Brown. Yeah. Just for the record. Yeah.

Is he reclusive? Why are the letters terribly written? The nasty letters, which had been said by a mysterious writer, Dan Brown, described as being personal, obscene and targeted. It's someone within the village, like it obviously is. Yeah. And that's why it's driving them insane. We've got to get this person on Twitter. It's someone within the village. Like it obviously is. Yeah. And that's why it's driving them insane. We're going to get this person on Twitter.

You can go wild on this stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You just like pick random people and just be like, you are stupid. And then you'll get to argue with them for like years. Like they'll never forget it. Did you guys remember, this is possibly the most out of pocket tweet of all time. There was this guy that was like, I dunno, he was saying something stupid, like, I dunno,

transphobic or, you know, I dunno what it was, but we're not standing with this guy, but he said something stupid and then someone replied being like, Oh, I just did a cum on your grandma. And it was like a picture of his grandmother's funeral notice. What the fuck? I saw the most brilliant minds of my generation. Languishing on Twitter. That is such a like highly calculated act of psychological warfare. That's fucking nuts. Man. Uh, one woman from Shipton Thorpe revealed that she had received her first

letter in December, 2022, when she was in the process of becoming a ward counselor. Uh, she revealed that she was completely astonished when she opened the letter and saw its contents. She said, quote, it was vile. I ripped it up. I couldn't believe where it had come from or why I'd received it. Okay. By the fact that she destroyed the letter, the woman explained that the

accusations made in it had stuck with her. That's kind of how memory works. Like just because you destroy the object. It still exists. You read it. Yeah. It still happened that you saw it. Uh, quote, sorry, Andrew's not here.

I'll try. It was accusing me of what you could call being a loose woman. He said the only way I would ever get anywhere within politics would be if I was to perform unspeakable things to men. You don't have to dance around it. Yeah. Suck jobs. Yeah, suck jobs.

It said, dear lady, you have been doing lots of suck jobs and that is why you might become ward counsellor. Vulgar. A little bit sexy though. The upset resident reported the letter to the local police and was given safety advice. Stop opening your mail. Stop opening your mail. Yeah.

We can't do anything. We're the police. Shortly after she received a letter, her partner also started getting letters that urged him quote, to be honest with himself and to stop his girlfriend from quote roaming. The letter was simply signed from a caring dear friend. All right. So this is just someone that has an issue with this woman, like this one specific woman. So far.

I think there's more. So far. I think there's more. So far. Yeah. He said that after receiving the letters, he became frightened for his partner's safety and explained, I was worried that anybody might approach her because I didn't know who else had knowledge of this letter. I don't know what that means. I don't really know what you mean by that.

People would have heard that she's promiscuous and they'd be like, Hey, would you like to have sex? Yeah. I hear you're a loose woman. I hear you are a big time slag. I'll give you a free tire change. Another villager received a letter from villager is just funny. It's really, but you're actually calling them villager. Like once he was done chopping wood.

They're in Animal Crossing. Yeah. It's got that upgrade that makes them walk 25% faster. You get it from the town centre. Kill these guys in one hit. He wanted to say more, but was killed by a wild boar. You need two villagers to take out the boars first age. Another villager received a letter from the poison pen writer that said,

I hope cancer finds you. All right. It's someone you know. Yeah. It's a Scorpio. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Who do you know those birthdays in October or November?

Yeah. Who do you know? And look, just November? Yeah. Who do you know? And look, just spit-balling here, woman or gay man? 100%. It's very unlikely to be a heterosexual male. It's just a feeling. You reckon? It could be bisexual for sure.

I just don't think a straight man is being like, you're a nasty little slut and everybody knows it. Yeah. I'm getting, I'm getting bitchy woman energy from this. Yeah. Like rival. Or me and gay. it. Yeah. I'm getting, I'm getting bitchy woman energy from this. Yeah. Like rival. Or main gay. Rival lady.

Yeah. Jason, who lives in the village, but hasn't received any letters. You can't be. Explain that. Okay. Yeah, well. That's interesting. How does he talk?

Just like, is he well dressed? You got to pretend like you got letters. Be like, oh yeah. I just said that I was like, it's too handsome. Yeah. I was just like too handsome. I was just really full of myself because of how good looking I am. Yeah.

All the stuff I owned is super nice and very flashy and I need to stop showing off my cool car. Yeah. Jason hadn't received any letters. It explained that it felt like a cloud of vitriol had fallen over the village and claimed that people had moved away as a result of the letters. No, they haven't. Stop reading the letters.

Just you moved house instead of just not opening your mail. Someone's like rude to you. And that was enough to be like, you know what, unpacking, moving costs so much money. And it sucks. It costs so much money. It's like the worst thing you can do. He said, quote, it is a wonderful village with wonderful people, but someone had brought poison to this village.

I mean, you got to know who it is. There's like a thousand people there. You got to know who it is, like just think about it. You know everyone in your town almost certainly, right? Like a thousand people, we know that down to the people who know who you are, who are like adults. There's not going to be that many people. Who have some kind of issue with you or just seem like a mean gay.

Also, I think from what I've seen, these have a kind of, um, an identifiable grammatical style, like they're lacking sort of punctuation in a way that I think if you could see writing samples from everyone, you could kind of be like, well, this person doesn't really have a good grasp of grammar. So I'm thinking it might be. Yeah, start taking writing samples from the whole town. Yeah. Well, they are, they're typed up, unfortunately.

So that part's, but I think you could still, if you're just like on the community Facebook group, you could probably like get it from their posts maybe. And they're definitely in the community Facebook group for sure. Shipton Thorpe has a population of around 500 people, Ben. Oh my God, that's so few people. There's probably what, like 30 possible people. Yeah, there's no way you can't figure out who this is. You just wait and then if the letters stop while like someone's on holiday, you'd be

like, Doug, everyone fucking knows it's you, Doug, you catty little bitch. You're such a bitch. You are such a bitch, but you're very handsome. Sorry, I had to turn my camera off. I overheated my computer by zooming in and out on Grimsby Island in Google Maps. Awesome. I hope you found out something interesting. Humperside police has reportedly carried out inquiries into some of the incidents, including looking at CCTV footage, but are yet to find out who is behind the cruel letters. Ah, it was the mailman.

Yeah, that's prime suspect number one. I'd start with the mailman. He's delivering all these letters. So it's printed on a piece of paper, Times New Roman, relatively large font, so I'd probably look for someone with bad eyesight, I'm thinking. And an older Microsoft computer. Yeah. Cause it's not in Calibri.

They got to be using pre 2003 Office. We should be cops. We're so smart. Uh, you are an ugly old fat cow who nobody likes. Most find you revolting. Everyone agrees you should rot in hell. You use up oxygen better used by decent people. Kids are frightened when they see you. I hope cancer finds you revolting. Everyone agrees you should rot in hell. You use up oxygen better used by decent people. Kids are frightened when they see you.

I hope cancer finds you very soon. He sent that to 30 different people in the village. Yeah, I don't think it's targeted. This sounds like a child wrote it. Like, yeah, bored teen. You're an ugly old fat cow who nobody likes. Most find you revolting is kind of nice. Most find you revolting.

Yeah, not all. Most. Yeah. Like shreds are frightened when they see you. It does seem childish, doesn't it? It's quite childish. It's not very sophisticated. 17 year old mean gay.

Yes. Who feels isolated in the village and is kind of lashing out. In the shibdened up village, lashing out at everyone. Cause maybe you are kind of an old bitch, you know? Yeah. Yes. Maybe feels isolated in the village and is kind of lashing out. In the shippendorp village, lashing out at everyone. Cause maybe you are kind of an old bitch, you know? Yeah. Yes. Maybe you're conservative. Maybe you've got terrible views.

Yeah. Maybe these are all the people that have their horrible, intolerant views of this beautiful young queer person who's being stifled in this awful fucking community. And hate creates hate, you know? Yes. This is what happens. Maybe if you guys have been more accepting of this beautiful young non-binary person, they wouldn't be sending out arguably quite accurate letters to everyone.

Think about that. How accurate are the letters, you know? Yes. Yeah. Queebo? Nope. The other one. Well, this has definitely been an episode of the podcast. Queebo? Nope. The other one.

Well, this is definitely an episode of the podcast. Buntavista, thank you so much for joining us. Definitely strong recommend that if you are on the verge of subscribing and you want more of this podcast, that last bonus episode, we had a, we had a lot of fun. It is very long. Uh, but it was a blast. Bonus episode before that also a good one. If you sign up, you can have all the old bonus episodes.

They're all yours. 350 of them and like 150 good ones. You'd never run out of content. You'll never have to watch a film, watch a TV show. You'll never have to be alone with your thoughts in a car ever. You will never have to like think about whether you're happy with your situation because four Australians will be saying the dumbest shit you've ever heard in your life right in your ear.

Content. That's content, baby. Yeah. We'll see you next week. Stay safe and be well. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. you