Boonta Vista - EPISODE 370: All Winds Lead To Poland

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Roughly 1000 American additions to the Polish environment, the people too horny to be in the workforce, and choosing the sex parties that suit your circadian rhythm. *** Outro: Weird Ideas At Work - Grand National

Music Oh, so loud. Yeah, let's just take it down. Take it easy. Let's do this Queensland style, baby. Hello and welcome to Buntavista, episode 370. I am Ben and I'm here at Gay Halloween. I haven't eaten since yesterday and I'm walking around with a 750ml bottle of RTD Limoncello Spritz, taking in all my friends and exes beautiful gay costumes. Here with me wearing a head to toe spandex cat suit with the arse and tits cut out, plus a little piece of cardboard that says red 11 23 PM. It's Theo.

Hi Theo. Hello. Hey, do you, do you know what you are? No. What you is? Oh, you're a sexy red receipt. Ah, Oh, because you know how scary if? No. What you is? Oh, you're a sexy red receipt. Ah! Ooh!

Because you know how scary if someone has them turned on? Oh, red. R-E-A-D. Would you say read receipts? No, I mean, I get it. I was thinking like red was some sort of shop that I'm not... It's kind of like a gay thing. It's kind of a queer thing.

Ain't nothing but a gay thing. Oh, left on red. Ain't nothing but a gay thing. It's kind of a queer thing. Ain't nothing but a gay thing. Ain't nothing but a gay thing. Yeah. Cause like, you know, if someone's got them turned on, which is yucky by the way, we hate that. Yeah. Then they can sort of, they have a new weapon in their arsenal, which is you send them a message where you're like, Hey, I'm so sorry if I said something rude to you this morning.

I was really out of sorts and I wasn't feeling great. And then the person leaves you on red. It's like a passive, but yet very active thing to do. Cause you're saying, yeah, I saw it. I'm not going to reply. Ooh, it's just setting boundaries. That sounds like a lot of hard work. Yeah. Bingo is exhausting.

I think they're making things hard for themselves over there. Over there. Wherever it is they are. Kings Cross, Boys Town, wherever they are. Several streets of the valley that I'm not quite sure of yet. Also with me, wearing a full face of snake makeup and a full body snake skin catsuit with the arse and dick cut out, it's Lucy. Hi Lucy.

Hi. Do you know who you are? I'm... This is a little tough. It's actually... Dick Snake from Euphoria. Oh, you're so close. America's Next Top Model. You're the...

Sorry, you're Cunty the Snake from the film within a film bit at the end of May, December. Oh, okay. Got it. I hate gay Halloween. Also with me, holding a MIDI keyboard, wearing nothing but a slutty little dress, a cowboy hat and a sheriff's badge. It's Andrew. Hi, Andrew. Howdy.

Yes. Do you know who you are? This one's easy to understand, right? I hope so. Go ahead. No, take a guess. I want to know who you think it is. Who do you think it is? He's a gay cowboy. No, take a guess. I want to know who you think it is.

He's a gay cowboy. Oh, yeah. Okay. I can see how you got there. Now it's actually Carly Raelyn Givens-Jepson. Fuck. Technically, he's not a sheriff, but I think he's a sheriff. Hold on.

Can you just say that slowly? So you can make sure. Yeah, Carly Raelyn Givens-Jepson. Okay. Yeah. Hold on, can you just say that slowly? Yeah, Carly Rae-Lynn Givens-Jepson. Okay. Yeah. That's the gay Halloween intro. Hey, you know where they probably don't do? No, maybe they, you know what? I take that back.

I don't know enough about the country to know, but they probably got gay people over there and they've definitely got Halloween, so they probably do gay Halloween. I wonder what gay Halloween is like in Poland. It's time to check in on Poland in a segment we call The Pole Report. foreign foreign foreign foreign Oh See, I was going to say Lughnaz X. Oh, sure. Yeah, that checks out. That makes sense.

Yeah. It doesn't matter how many times I listen to that. It's the last fake out ending that gets me. I'm like, well, this is surely it. This story was sent into us by one of our treasured Polish listeners whose name I want to say is pronounced Maciej, but I'm not 100% sure and I apologize for probably getting that wrong. And thank you for listening to the show despite how we have spoken about Poland and the Polish

historically over the course of- You've denigrated your people. Yeah. You probably got a harder time than even the Dutch, I think. No. The only person getting a worse rap on this podcast is the American, but kind of deserved. There's an article, this is from March of last year. This was, uh, published on the website notes from Poland, which is a sort of

English language, Polish news website, North American snapping turtle found in Polish village after living in the wild for years, leave and be. Yeah. He's Polish now he's naturalized. I think he's having more of like a like a John Rambo kind of situation He's come back War-torn yes country and he said you know what I Want to live alone and move out to the Polish woods want to be at peace

Maybe build myself a little cabin, but here they come Asking him to come back for one last mission. Yeah. Plus it took him 320 years to walk there. A snapping turtle, a species normally native to North America, and which can be dangerous to humans, were discovered in a drainage ditch in a Polish village near the capital Warsaw. I'm going to need a pause there. I'm dangerous to humans. Am I unaware of the snapping turtle?

The danger of the snapping turtle? Danger? These motherfuckers are- Is he just a little guy that snaps? It's not just a name. They're a medium sized guy and they do snap. Oh. They snap hard.

They'll take a finger off you. Oh. Yeah. Is it, was it like an old, an old jackass episode where they like get a snapping turtle on somebody's nipple, I wanna say. And they just clamp on. I want to say. And they just clamp on. They just clamp on. They got that little, they got the little, I feel

like they have the same kind of face, Ben, you will know as one of the like, one of the Kaiju's from the Godzilla series, you know, the turtle guy. This guy's not cute. He's a sort of gamma looking kind of creature. Yeah. And he's, he's got that little sharp. Oh, he's got a little sharp, like single tooth style thing. I don't want that clipped on to my titties. That's actually pretty scary.

Yeah, hey, stay away from my titties. Experts note that the animal shows signs of having lived in the wild in Poland for a long time, raising speculation that it may have been one of those brought to the country 25 years ago by a poll living in the United States who wanted to quote, enrich his homeland's wildlife. Yeah, like I get the impulse, but generally I feel like it's kind of frowned upon to say what if we spiced up our local ecosystems?

You can spice it up with something cuter, right? Like something nicer. Yeah. Or if you're going to go something dangerous, make it like more fucking exotic. Introduce tigers to Poland. Yeah. Flamingos, tigers, aye-ayes, gibbons. Let's keep it exotic.

Toucans. Yes. Oh my God. Let's keep it exotic, toucans. Yes, oh my God, Polish toucans? Polish toucan, Polish gibbons? Now there's a country I want to visit. Hearing howler monkeys in the streets of Warsaw. So just talking to someone the other day about like, you know, I was talking to these friends who had just come back from Malaysia.

They'd taken their kids to Malaysia for a couple of weeks. And they were like, oh, we went to like an orangutan rehabilitation place and you see all this exotic wildlife and everything. And we both sort of immediately said, of course, we live somewhere with beautiful nature and animals and biodiversity everywhere. But then you go and you see someone else's stuff that's just kicking around. Now that's living. Imagine you're like a guy in the 1800s

and you've landed your boat on an island to terrorize the people that live there and then you turn a corner and there's a fucking orangutan. And like you don't know enough about them to not dismiss that it's just a weird looking guy. That's the strangest man I've ever seen in my entire life. Imagine being the first guy to see an orangutan just standing there.

Just going like, who did you mess with to cop that curse, buddy? Yeah, or trying to explain them to the people back home and everyone's like, that's a man. No, no, no. He looked like us, but he was ginger. Just trying to speak to him. Just trying to speak to him because you don't know he's a monkey. Like, hello. Hello sir. What happened?

What happened, sir? What happened to your face? Are you okay? You seem very relaxed despite your situation. No, I was thinking like those, the videos that you see that'll just be from like an Indian town and like a tiger has just cruised in. Yeah.

And everyone's going, Oh, and like hopping over fences or like trying to whack it with a stick to get it out of there. Yeah. I don't think you should do that. We went to, um, we, we did a, um, had a holiday in Thailand many, many years ago. And they like take you to the villages that have monkeys, probably tourists, I assume, because they come in and feed everything.

And there was one old lady whose job it was to sit on like one of those ice cream, like milk crates with a stick that's like four meters long. And that's the wack and stick. Yeah. Just if any monkey comes, I've going to whack you with that stick. She's the monkey serve. I'm also sorry, I kind of tuned out for a little while there. Old Town Road is built on a sample from ghosts.

Yes. Isn't that cool? From Nine Inch Nails ghosts? I learned this like a week ago. What? Yeah. Yeah, very strange. I had no idea. Sorry, I got distracted because for the second time in as many episodes, Andrew is posting

photos of turtles having sex in our group chat. We're two for two, baby. You just got him saved. You got him saved on your computer. Look at that middle picture because there's snapping turtles in there mating and he's snapping the back of her neck. Don't do that, bro. Maybe she likes that. Maybe she does like it. Maybe she likes that. You know?

That's true. That's true that maybe she likes that. Volunteers from the, I want to say the Epikrates Foundation, who rescue, care for, and promote the welfare of exotic animals in Poland, were called in by a concerned member of the public who spotted the turtle in the ditch. The creature was then identified as a large common snapping turtle, an invasive species. Boring.

The size of the turtle indicates that it is about 20 to 30 years old. Bartlemy Gaskowski, president of the foundation, told the Polish press agency PAP. You got PAP'd? The creature weighs around 10 kilograms. That's kind of a little guy. That's half a box of bananas. The condition of the turtle indicates it has been living wild for years and is not a recently

abandoned pet, Kowalski added, speaking to broadcaster TVN24. He suggests that the animal could be one of those illegally smuggled into Poland from the US in the late nineties and early two thousands. Can I offer an alternative theory? Yes. The turtle was alive for and witnessed 9-11. Yeah. Yeah.

Heart broken. Yes. Faith in humanity shattered. This is the last I can bear. I cannot take any more of this. Snap, snap, snap. The turtle owned chocolate starfish and the hot dog flavored water. Yes, yes. And then in response to his grief from 9-11, was like, I gotta get the fuck out of America and came over to Poland.

Yeah, I'm moving to Poland. He's like, it's just one of those days. Yeah. And I'm moving to Poland. Not that album, but yeah. I'm not saying that he set out with the intention of going to Poland. I'm saying he might've had like a Kung Fu or the Incredible Hulk style. Wandering from town to town.

He hops on a ferry here and there, maybe rides the rails, you know? And he goes where the wind takes him and the wind took him to a drainage ditch in Poland. Yeah, all winds lead to Poland. That's why it smells like that there. According to the Polish government's program for dealing with invasive turtle species in Poland published in 2016, an unnamed poll living in the US conducted a campaign to quote, enrich the country's wildlife. Now I tried to look into this and I think it was mostly hinted by the fact that I don't

speak or read Polish. But when they say an unnamed poll, there is like no information on this man at all except for the thing that I'm about to describe. Are you talking about the mystery pole? The mystery pole. Oh, he's recorded for his deeds and not his name? Yes. And for this he will live in a...

Unmarked tomb. Mr. Deeds? He gave turtle eggs to passengers traveling from the US to Poland and instructed them to bury the eggs in specific locations to ensure they would hatch. This guy's gorilla turtle gardening. That guy's just like gives you an egg. He gave you an egg on the plane. Polish man at the airport gave me egg.

Now, not only is that fucking insane, right? As a, as a way to try to achieve a goal yeah but the fact that like over a thousand people were just like okay yeah this sounds important thank you for the egg sir when I'm traveling internationally I got enough of a headache looking after my own stuff, my kids, you know, you got to make sure you didn't leave anything in the carry on. Also secure this egg, sir. Secure this egg and take it to a specific location.

There it is. Well, you know what's interesting about this as well is, so this says that the guy did it in the late nineties and early two thousands, which to me means this extended beyond the fateful events of September 11th. Beyond, like this past, like post 9-11 security. Right? How are you fucking smuggling turtle eggs? Yeah, did he have to redouble his egg efforts? Like, was he-

Maybe early 2000s means up to 9-11. And then bam, hard stop. That's probably why it stopped, right? Like if you're not taking a nail file Through security you're not taking a turtle egg through. Well, maybe his faith and humanity got shattered right then he was like I thought I was gonna be Cloud seeding Poland with fun turtles forever But now I just don't know anymore

This guy's, guy's probably still alive. Like, it's not that long ago. It's been 20 years. Like, this guy got to see his dream. Why are we protecting this guy's identity? Oh, you reckon it's maybe for legal reasons they're not naming him? Not that no one knows? Like, how do we know that he did this, but we don't know who he is?

Did people report the guy that gave them eggs but refused to give any more details? Yeah, that's just like American cops listing every Polish name they know. Stanislaw. Was his name Stanislaw? No. Fuck. Every person gives a slightly different account of his description. He's like Bruce Willis in The Jackal.

And every time he interacts with someone, he's got a different stick on mustache, a fun little wig, some glasses. Could you help me with my egg, sir? Man, imagine some guy at the airport sits next to you. You like roll your eyes and fold your newspaper up dramatically. You go, yep, what's up, buddy? What is it? And he's like, okay, here is a hand-drawn map of the countryside of Poland and one egg.

I need you to bury this egg for me because I think Poland's not exciting enough. I'll give you 500 Zloty. You name your Zloty, I'll give it to you. I try not to develop like the preconceptions of Polish people, because I think they've gone through enough what with, uh, every being invited regularly for the last, I dunno, five centuries or so. Yeah, the Polish people have suffered. But a Polish man comes up to me in the American city airport, says, Mr. excuse me.

I have important eggs for you. I have a quest for you. Are you ready to receive this? I think I'm gonna start developing some biases. If a witch or NPC comes up to you with an egg you need to deliver. Like if someone gave you a package, right? If someone just gave you a package right if someone just gave you

You know a little box and it's like very tightly wrapped in plastic and then a lot of tape over the plastic and they say please My ill mother needs the important herbal medicines contained within she'll be at the airport You know when you'd hop off you just give it to my my ill mother You'd be like Fuck off She'll be at the airport, you know, when you hop off, you just give it to my ill mother. You'd be like, fuck off. You'd say, no, no, I'm not smuggling your weird shit for you. I don't know whether I would be more likely to do that than here's an egg. Is the egg has has he at least sort of gone,'s an egg inside this thing and I've packaged it very carefully so that it's just a box for you to take. Is he like maybe he's kind

of interviewing people at the airport establishing that they're Polish for a start. He sees him he sees him yanking hard on that door with a push sign on it. He goes, he says, you, you there, what part of Poland do you hail from? And they say, wherever. And he goes, actually, there's a swamp just on the edge of your village. Perhaps you could take this egg and drop it in there. Right, and then he's gonna pay you in gold. Because no one's traveling.

No one, and then you get your Zloty. You get your Zloty and renownedowned. You get Polish Renowned. Yep. So, when you complete. Oh, you level up your Polish reputation? Yeah, you level up your Polish reputation. Polish street cred goes up that level. Now, I'm just, this is me spippling.

You're like, XZP. I don't know. I can't really nail this down, but I am thinking sort of, weird Polish guy living in America who was sort of doing stuff, sort of weird creative projects around the early 2000s. It's Tommy Wiseau. I think it's Tommy Wiseau. Before he made the room, he was giving people... I believe I once read something saying he's from Poznan, Poland.

I think. Can you tell me to name a poll? I don't have much. He's the only poll that I have in my arsenal. I don't know for sure that he's Polish. Yeah, how about that? So 1955. So he would have been like, what, 35 to 45?

Jesus, how old is he now? He's 70. Wow. Tommy Wiseau's 69 years old. It's his birthday today. I don't think anyone's ever actually going to know Tommy Wiseau's specific age. It is November 3rd today, Theo. His birthday was a month ago. I think it was Tommy Wiseau. I think he was there at SFO handing out eggs and be like, you must bury these.

It could have been Pope John Paul II. Is he Polish? Allegedly. In fact, the internet says he might be the most famous Polish person in the world. Did you Google most famous famous Polish person? We've got John Paul, Murray Curie and Frederick Chopin and Lake Valesa. Yeah and the guy that wrote the Witcher novels.

Yes. Oh yeah. And the guys that made The Witcher also Polish right? Yes. Yeah top to bottom polls. It's polls all the way down. How many egg transporting missions, side missions are there in the Witcher series? I don't know. I was actually racking my brain to work out whether that ever features in the Witcher. This actually draws heavily from Polish folklore.

And recent Polish American history. The man, oh sorry, I already read that part, it is estimated that over 1000 of these eggs were brought to Poland. Holy fuck. Well it worked. Well, I mean we've seen one of them. Yeah, one of them. The turtles which hatched were able to survive in Poland as the Polish climate is quote

perfect for them, says the Epikrates Foundation. That's nice. However, the latest discovery is only the third snapping turtle that's ever been found in the wild in Poland. The first, discovered in Kodinia in 2006, was most likely an abandoned pet. Oh, so maybe not that successful. Yeah. The second, rescued by the Epikrates Foundation in the town of Kutno, came after quote, an urban legend of a strange creature living in the pond in the park, says Koskowski. In Poland? In Poland?

You sure? An odd Polish creature? Quote, the problem with these turtles is that they are very difficult to spot in the wild, says Kuzkowski. So they just look like rocks. Unlike other species of invasive turtles that come out of the water and bask, the common snapping turtle does so very rarely. In fact, it never comes out of the water unless it runs out of food or its hormones

kick in. Oh. Am I right, ladies? Comes out if it's horny. Yeah, or snappy hormones kick in. Oh. Am I right ladies? Comes out if it's horny. Yeah, or snappy, I guess. Yeah. I really need a block of chocolate right now.

The foundation must now figure out what to do with the latest discovery, which cannot be left in the wild as it is an invasive species that can be dangerous, not only to native fauna, but also to humans. Snapping turtles have been known to attack humans and have the potential to bite off a human finger. Howie.

I'm keeping my finger away from that thing's mouth. I don't know about you. Yeah. You got to do, um, feed it flat palm, like horse technique, or, you know, when you like cut vegetables chef style and you sort of keep your fingers tucked in so that they don't go towards the thingy, you got to do that when you're feeding a snapping turtle. Quote, now either we find a facility licensed to hold invasive alien

species, specifically snapping turtles. Or if not, we will apply to the regional directorate for environmental protection for permission to hold it as a preventative measure and create a sanctuary. We have a sanctuary, but not for this species, says Guszkowski. Not for yucky species. I think they should build it and then start trying harder to find the rest of them. Yeah. Make like a whole fucking zoo out of like these beautiful

Polish-American Tommy Wiseau snapping turtles. Like people would go to that. I would travel to Poland to see Tommy Wiseau's Polish-American snapping turtles. Totally. 100 transplant turtles? Hmm. The snapping turtle found in 2006 ended up at the Gdynia Aquarium, while the one in 2016 was subsequently taken to the zoological gardens in the city of Zamość. So they still just took them somewhere and chucked them in a pond.

city of Zamozhk. So they still just took them somewhere and chuck them in a pond. Yeah, it seems like maybe facilities do exist. Can you just like give it to that aquarium or to the zoological gardens in the city of Zamozhk? Yeah, I think they can handle a second one, right? Yeah, surely. Hey, if you got one snapping turtle, it's not actually that hard to have a second snapping turtle.

Yeah. Economy of scale. Are you tired of paying nothing for the same old superior quality free episodes of the Bunta Vista podcast? Do you want less politics and more content about diarrhea or animals gone wild? Are you tired of skipping through those hours upon hours of paid product placement for Mark Wahlberg's film shooter? Well, boy, do I have the offer of a lifetime for you. Bergfilm shooter? Or boy do I have the offer of a lifetime for you. That's right, for just five US dollars a month you too can be a premium VIP member of the Bunta Vista Patreon. That's right, just five US dollars for all of our bonus episodes. That's over 300 hours

of content from the hosts you know and definitely tolerate. I'll even throw in access to our glamorous and exclusive Discord server, where bizarre arguments only happen once or twice a week at most. Head to patreon.com slash bunta vista. Sign up in the next five minutes and I won't know because that's not my job, but you'll be enjoying the sweet satisfaction of supporting us and we will love you romantically for it. That's my promise to you. Polish people, they're not the only kind of Poles that we look at on this podcast. Sometimes we look at the other kind in a segment that we call the Pole Report. The and the great Polish people. With our own will, we will unite the peoples. We will go through the city,

we will go through the town, we will be Polish. We will give our blood to the people, we will win the war. Our, our Polish people, with our own will, the This is a poll of 1000 office workers, which was commissioned by the sex toy review website and sexual wellness advocacy group Bedbible. Here are some key, why are you guys all making those noises? Just an interesting combination of... Yeah. It could be anything. If I were making

like a sex website, a dildo store, I don't know if I'd put Bible in the name unless it was like Christian sex toy. You open up the Bible. There's a cutout in there. Yeah. Bed, Bible and beyond, you know? Yeah. Yep. As a smaller side, so Bed, Bible started as a sex toy review website. And like genuinely seems like a good organization from what I can tell. Lots of just like literally hands-on sex toy testing where they have like a program where they're like, Hey, do you want to get paid to review sex toys or get free sex toys to test them or whatever? So people sign up. And if you look at the front page of their website, it's all sex toy reviews. But for some reason, and you know, these are people that are more

probably sexually liberated than I am more sort of comfortable with their sexuality, more open and honest about it. I think that's beautiful. Every single photo is like the person holding up the sex toy like in front of their face. So it's all face and then the sex toy. Are they doing the hand behind it like they're holding up makeup for a get ready with me? Yeah. It just seems like you don't need...

You could very easily anonymize your sex toy reviews, but I guess you don't have to. I guess you don't have to. You don't have to. There's no need for that. Maybe you want to put a face to it. Let's change the conversation. Yeah. Yes. Let's. You got to show the sex toy half in, half out, so you know, people know that you've

used it. Yes. You want to have it half in and holding up today's newspaper. I'd say, hello reddit. Here are some key findings from this poll they did. A thousand office workers. I couldn't find any more details about their methodology, but if they say they commissioned it, I'm assuming that means it's coming through as somewhat legit polling company. They didn't say whether this was Americans or international or whatever,

just that they were specifically office workers. Now the key, the first thing here we're going to discuss 34% of respondents have masturbated at work at the office. Four, sorry. 34, three,4. 34%. One third. Roughly one third. So this isn't people that work from home, like being like, I don't know, I could go

have a little cheeky, you know? This is people that are at the office and have masturbated at work. Do you guys ever see that, maybe it's a Reddit thing where they're like, um, closing up an office again, and we have a bunch of furniture. There's this guy's desk on the underside. It's just like, he's just been blasting. No, that's one of the worst things I've ever seen. I'd forgotten about it until right now. Thank you.

Now. It's like the, it's like the Dexter blood trail. Oh no. The rope starts here. That statistic seems quite low to me. Really? I would assume higher. Okay, I just, there are four of us on this podcast.

Like people are at work nine to five. It's a long time to be at the office, I guess. Now of those 34% who said they have masturbated at the office, let me give you a little breakdown of where people have masturbated in the office. Our 53% say in the toilets. Alright. I guess, checks out. Probably the most reasonable.

Yeah, I don't know. If you must. But, gross. Maybe I'm going to different work toilets that you can make. Yeah. We've talked about this before. The office worker toilet is not a pleasant or serene place. No, it's not a leave things in a better state than you found them in kind of place.

It's every day. Let's try and get the high score on how much we can ruin the cleaners night. Really society does break down inside of an office toilet. We should just like have to stop every time someone comes in and then you've got to like get back at the rhythm once they leave, you know, sitting there, half erect penis in your hand, listening to like get back at rhythm once they leave. You know? You're just like sitting there half erect penis in your hand listening to someone have the worst diarrhea of their life. Is it like an after hours sort of thing? Like you're there at six o'clock and you're like, I can't believe I've got to be here.

Maybe it depends. It must depend how busy your office is. Yeah. But this, I hate this so much. Why are we talking about this? 41% in the office itself while no one else was there. Okay. Weirdly, higher proportion of women to men on this one.

Well, it's probably an easier thing for women to do. Yeah, you don't need to worry about it. You don't got to make a big old mess. Yeah, well, not the way I do it. 38% in the locker room. Why got a locker room? we're gonna make a big old mess. Yeah, well, not the way I do it. 38% in the locker room. We got a locker room. They got a locker room. The locker room.

Yeah, that's weird. The lock. It's good when you got a change room at work, that's nice. Well, yeah, for those, what are they called? Isn't that just the toilet? I don't know. No, no, it's like when you're, it's like, plenty of office buildings will have like a shower

and a change room and lockers and stuff for people who like Ride in or go for runs at lunchtime or whatever The good thing is at least that is a bathroom style zone that isn't Mainly centered around people coming into the room taking a shit. Yeah, I guess so do they I'm just saying earlier. I guess by Ben's highfalutin criteria, it's a marginally more erotic zone than an uncut toilet. I agree with you 100%. I was just laughing at how much I enjoyed the phrase bathroom style zone. It's like those computer generated back rooms images that are just like water and tiles, but with no clear purpose. Sort of a bathroom style zone.

Yeah, you're in the bathroom adjacent area. Imagine if the work locker room was the same format as like the pool locker room. And you're walking in there and Gary's just like, I'm nude. There's one 55 year old man, leg up. One leg up struggling to get into his underpants. Why are they always?

And Dick just like. Every fucking time you walk into like a swimming pool changing rooms, there is a guy in his fifties with one leg up on the thing. Literally we went to the pool last weekend and like, and Finn had to go to the toilet. Like, okay, let's go to the toilet, buddy. Let's go see someone's dick, son. There's a 50 year old guy with one leg up trying to get it into his underpants. Often doing a move that I can only describe as flossing the gap

between his balls and his thighs. I um I I can't decide whether I think it's a generational gap thing or if it's more like... well because I remember like when our kids were at the age where they were going to like swimming lessons every week you know and so there was a point I guess where my kids were young enough like you know toddler kind of age and you're taking them to swimming lessons and for me if I'm if I'm taking them to get changed and stuff, I would take them into the men's locker room in a cubicle or whatever and do that come out. Because I'm not taking them into the other one. That'd be crazy. So we were going a lot more often

then. And like you're saying, you come in and there'd be some white haired gentleman with his white chest hair and his white pubes. And I remember going into, um, into a, uh, a pool change room and there's a, an old guy and he's shaving in the mirror at the sink. He's got shaving cream and a razor. He's got a towel over his shoulder, but he is otherwise 100% nude. Yeah. So he could be using that towel. The towel could be wrapped around your dick and ass zone, you know, but, but

he's just like, Hey, I'm in the freedom zone. Yeah. I feel like men become especially comfortable with their bodies at a certain age. Which, yeah. This is what I'm saying. I don't know if it's a generational thing where it used to be like Oh the locker room is where it's naked and at some point that kind of changed or You hit an age and you go who gives a fuck anymore no one now living will ever be that no

We're gonna be demure in there. I Think it is an age thing. I think you hit 50 years like, you know what? Yeah, this is the sack. I was born with You don't want to see it don't come into the locker room cuz I'm gonna be in there These nuts stay out of the kitchen 33% Did their filthy deeds in a covered slash utility room? That's nasty, That's so horrible. Be like, oh, I have to go get the staplers.

You're whacking off in there with all the by-rows, whiteboard pens. I'll be back in 20 minutes. 3% prefer not to say. You already admitted to masturbating far into this. You were like, oh yeah, I'd jack off at work for sure. I shall not be saying where I did this. That's a bit personal.

Well, you know, like, so it's not in the office itself. It's not in a cupboard. It's not in the toilets. Are you in the kitchenette? Or are you in the office while someone else is there? That's what I'm reading. Oh my god, yes, you. Yes. You're right. Hmm.

You're in one of those little- You're just under your desk. Those little quiet pods? Yeah. You're in one of those like nap pods that they have at those startups. Yeah. I'm going, I'm napping. Napping really hard.

Uh, 1% say other. The roof. Okay. Maybe. Maybe. Offices can have different rooms. Yeah. Yeah. 1% say other. The roof. Okay. Maybe. Maybe. Offices can have different rooms.

Yeah. Amazon, you probably got your masturbation pod so you don't have to leave the office. Yeah. I noticed your serotonin levels are a little bit down. You want to hop into the pod for a little bit? Yeah. I've heard that they have to masturbate into plastic bottles. Jesus. They don't get breaks. I've heard that they have to masturbate into plastic bottles.

They don't get breaks. Didn't we do an episode like years ago about a startup that was, that had jack-off pods? Oh, I think so. Yeah. Is that what it was? If you want to... We'd cover that bait. Yeah.

If you're one of the Wiki people that looks into this stuff, um, let us know what episode that was and I'll put it in in bait. Yeah. If you're one of the wiki people that looks into this stuff, let us know what episode that was and I'll put it in in post. Yeah. I note that we don't have that set up for our work. Yeah. The jack-off pod? You're in your own home. Your own home is a jack-off pod.

One big jack-off pod, yeah. And part of your garden that's hidden from the sight lines of your neighbors. You got a shed out there, you know? That's true. Yeah, that's true. Now of those 34 respondents of people who masturbated in the office, 6% said that they did it less than annually. So maybe once every two or three years, they're jacking off.

Okay. That is so few. Maybe just once, maybe a one off. That is just doing it once off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that leaves Maybe a one off. They're just doing it once off. Yeah. Yeah. And that leaves quite a lot of percent, doesn't it? That leaves like a lot of percent.

Three percent do it annually. Probably company Christmas party, I assume. They'd like so desperate not to cheat on their wife that they're just going into the stationary cabinet and being just depleting everything in the tanks. You're so strong. You're so strong. You're so strong. You don't have to. I love my wife.

I love my wife. 12% are doing it every six months. They're still so many. Still heaps of sets to go. Biannual. You're getting a biannual one in there. Yeah, which is of course. Which is, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. 18% are doing it every two to three months. Don't like where this is going. Still quite often. Yeah. 27% are doing it monthly. Okay.

24% weekly. Wow. Stop. Don't. Do not. Let's just wind those numbers back up. 24% weekly? Wow! Stop! Don't! Do not! Let's just wind those numbers back a little bit, at least.

Wean you off this. You're gooning at that point. You're gooning. Jack off at home! Have a little long shower in the morning. That's hours away! That's hours away! Christ!

Make love to your beautiful wife. Yeah. Wake up a little bit earlier than normal. Little kiss on the neck. Yeah. Maybe go to work late. Yeah. Do you really need to be at work if you're jacking off in the bathroom?

You have an office job. No one's going to be like, you're here at 9.07? Yeah. No one gives a shit. You can just slowly start showing up later and they're not going to fire you. No. And leave you go earlier. Pour yourself a bath. Put your eggs on boil.

Set an egg timer. Hop in that bath. One leg up. Talking about Tega eggs, you're boiling them to sterilize them from the last time you used them. Uh, now the remaining 12%, uh, claim they do it daily. Gotta keep the pipes clean. No, they're self-cleaning pipes.

They kind of take care of themselves. It's actually a miracle. I wasn't judging until now. Now I'm throwing the line. Pipes could be too clean. That's actually damaging the pipes. Sure. You have one moment of like excess horniness during the week that makes you lose all judgment

and then you have to... Maybe you're sexting, maybe you're sending horny sexts, you know? Like it happens. Maybe for the first month of your relationship, but then after that, grow up. Knock that shit off. Don't fucking jack off in the workplace. Look, there's also, I'm just going to say that the number of people were talking about the percentages that we're getting going here. I don't think

anything like a majority of these people could be having some sort of Relationship with a partner who's like I don't care if you're in the middle of a meeting Get in there and take a picture of your tit. Yeah picture your tit right now I was he wanted don't put both of them in the frame Get in there and take a picture of your tit. Yeah, picture your tit right now. I want to see one tit. Don't put both of them in the frame. I've got to see that tit. I'm already in the bathroom. My boss has started making comments on it.

Come on. I'm burning time here. I don't think all those people are going to be in that kind of relationship. I think I think we're talking gooners, right? They've got to be gooners. They've got to be these sick, sick people, sex addicts. Boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I'm goonin' on company time. That's kind of fun to think about. And staying late too.

Cause I am not done. I also haven't got any of my work done. So like, I'm sure I've told this story before, but like where I used to work, there was a guy, I didn't work in this office. It was like another part of the company, but like there was this guy that would do night shift and he'd like print stuff out and leave it on the printer. Like he wouldn't remember to pick it all up. And so the people come in in the morning shift being like, Oh, Tony worked overnight again and he's left his pornos on the printer.

And he, and this was like something that happened multiple times. He was printing out still images for sexual gratification. Yes. I think I might've done that one. I think you've described it top to bottom. I, I had a period, um, in the early 2000s when I was working at this job where I was in one role and I was like migrating to another role but for like a month in between they had me doing the job where you like monitor everybody else's internet use and flag them. So stuff would get flagged. That guy exists by the way. Office workers.

That guy exists. Stuff gets flagged in the logs and then I'd have to look at it and go, yeah he was trying to look at nudie stuff again. And like I said, I was only doing it for a month, but the thing that I remember is that they were like, I was like, yeah this person has looked at, you know, like they've googled at large breasted ladies. I really like Boomer trying to find a nude online kind of searching. It's very funny how other people try. Yeah, you're doing it all wrong. Very normal. Yeah. Yeah, coming down to the desk and going, look, we need to have a conversation. I'm here to help you develop your search techniques, direct you to some appropriate resources. You've got to aim higher.

But the thing that I remember from it was being flagging somebody for that and putting that in my little report and having someone go, this guy again. They'd been spoken to about it multiple times. They'd been like, you have to stop looking for nudie pictures on your work computer in the office and they're like, oh, for sure, for sure. Sorry about that. For sure. Big breasted Brazilian woman tanned tan lines. Time to go back to the old me.

It back nose to the grindstone. I would never do it in the first place. But if I was ever confronted about it, I would like jump off the roof of the building. Like I couldn't face anyone after that. Man. I have a friend who had a horrifying situation occur the other day.

He has been engaged in a long running job that he has just been totally checked out of for a very long time and I think they've kind of been doing this dance where he's like please fire me and they're like we'd love to fire you you know and and so it's and it's been dragging on and on and on and at some point they said to him you can't work from home anymore you have to be in the office five days a week but no one else goes into the office so he just sits in there and stares out the window. We're just trying to get him to quit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So they don't have to like pay out redundancy or whatever? Yeah. And then, so he would, he was also in this role where he was like, this requires about two hours of me updating a spreadsheet a week. And beyond that, there isn't actually much for me to do. So he would just sit there at his desk, listen to podcasts,

and he said every now and then he would just say, fuck it, and get up and walk out. And go for a walk around the CBD for an hour or two or whatever and come back. And so he says to me a couple of weeks ago, he's like, I'm not having a good week. I just got called into a room and they put a stack of printouts on the desk

in front of me. You would, this is the point Ben, where you're like trying to get the window open. Yeah, I'm like trying to do the thing where I break my own neck so I can't be interrogated. They are, you know, padding your pockets for your cyanide capsule, you know, and they put a stack of printouts on the desk and they say, these are the logs from the security desk downstairs where you swipe in and out of the building. And there are 30 unaccounted hours from the last month of you just walking out of the office in the middle of the day for two to three hours

without explanation and coming back. Are you not supposed to do that? What's the problem? What's the crime? I swear I hate working in offices. It's like, oh, there's no work for you to do. You just have to sit there. And if you don't sit there, you're in trouble. Are you, does he work like, well, obviously he doesn't work

in the building from severance cause he's allowed to come and go. But, uh, pretty close. He, he did, he has quit the job finally. He's emancipated himself from his self-imposed curse, you know, and he's moving on and he feels very good about it. But yeah, he was just stuck in this zone of like, I sort of don't have to do anything. It pays my rent, but it's also making me too depressed to do anything about the situation.

I think he knew that he was engaged in this long running campaign of self-sabotage where it's like, at some point they're going to give me the bombs rush out of here You know that said There's a difference between kind of subconsciously Self-sabotaging and then sitting down in the room and someone putting the papers in front of you Yeah, and saying are you ready to get? Told off big time as an yeah, they didn't need to flex like that. No, no.

Yeah, cause like telling someone off kind of doesn't exist either, like as an adult, that's like a, no one can tell you off without your permission situation. Yeah. Where if they're not firing you in that meeting, you can just be like, okay. Yeah, cool. What now? What are you doing? Am I fired?

Oh, I'm not. Okay. Have a great day. Go back to my desk. Oh now? What are you doing? Am I fired? Oh, I'm not. Okay. Have a great day. Go back to my desk. Oh, my legs are starving. Have fun feeding all of that paper into the shredder. Seems like you made a lot of work for yourself. I'll keep that on file.

You'll need that later. In his case, they said, you have, this is on Monday, you have until Thursday to respond to what is now an official allegation of misconduct. Misconduct. And then on Thursday, a senior manager will deliver a verdict on what the punishment will be for this thing. To respond. Hey, you have it until Thursday. You've got until Thursday to do something. Do something. Yeah. Your card will only got until Thursday to do something. Yeah. Do something.

Yeah. Your card will only work until Thursday. So your punishment will be not working here anymore. Well, it might've been getting fired. It might've been, um, it might've been being demoted into a lesser role. Uh, it might have been getting fined and then recuperating the fine by garnishing his wages until the fine was paid for. They can't fine you at work.

They can in the public service. I thought it was really hard to fire people in the public service. Well, clearly. It sure is. That's why it took them so long to do this. And I said to him, he was feeling bummed out about it He was like, oh, oh man, they're gonna fire me. I'm gonna be fucked and I said You do have an option available to you, which is you go in on Monday and you quit

Yeah, because number one I can tell you They fucking hate you do like they Everyone's talking about how much they hate you. I love you. You're my dear friend. But all my experience in corporate and public service environments is if there's one thing no one wants to do, it's to be made responsible for telling off another adult. It's fucking sucks so bad to tell someone this thing's not good enough. You got to get your shit together. You got to stop coming in the office late, whatever the fuck it is. And making somebody engage in like one of these really drawn out HR processes

where they have to like agonizingly assemble all the evidence to fire you because if they fire you without all of that then they're open to like wrongful dismissal stuff and they don't want that so they gotta go through this process that can literally take like you know a year and a half, two years to get through and everyone fucking hates it and And I was like, they'll be so relieved if you quit that they'll just be like, thank God that's over with. And you can walk out of the door and go on with the rest of your life saying, oh, that job, I quit that job.

And it'll be true. It'll be true. You can start a podcast. Yeah, start a fucking podcast, dude. You sound really funny. You actually know someone on the inside of the industry. 15% of office workers reported having caught a coworker masturbating. Oopsies.

Are you guys narking? Are you guys telling the boss? I'm doing restorative justice. I'm not going to fucking HR. You're making them watch you jerk off? That's right. How do you like it? Now you jack off. This is how it made me feel.

I bet you hate this, don't you? Oh, it's okay of us. I don't, this wouldn't happen though, right? People aren't actually catching their coworkers masturbating, right? It sounds like it's happening. Can't say I've ever, ever caught a coworker masturbating. Like 15%. And, okay, one more statistic for you.

Fucking riddle me this. 28 percent of respondents reported having been caught masturbating at the office. Oh, my God. I'd quit. I'd walk out the door and never come back to that office. Yeah. And I have, like, like a good hard think about myself. Like the disparity between the numbers here, 15% saying they've caught someone, 28% saying they've been caught. Does that mean that they've been caught on average twice?

I think I don't know how to do. Well, no, I think the difference is that. So this is 15%. Wait, no, hang on. 28% reported having been caught masturbating in the office and 34% of people said that they do masturbate at the office. So the overwhelming majority of the masturbators have been caught? Or is that 28% of the masturbators?

Of the ones that have, maybe. That would make more sense. That makes, yeah. I hope it's that one. You know what I reckon would be, would be like the worst feeling in the world is getting caught jacking off at work on Friday afternoon, and then you have to go home and just stand in your house for 48 hours, just panicking. Thinking about going back to work on Monday someone's

going to talk to me about this someone's someone's gonna have to say hey have you got a minute for a quick chat we have a little chat oh no I missed a career change now yeah I'm a podcast joining the merchant Marine now. I don't know. It turns out my, my, uh, I always wanted to be, be in the French Legionnaires. And I get to change my name when I sign up, right? That's part of it still. It doesn't matter how old I get or how long I've been working for. Um, and, and I'm sure that some of our listeners will be able to identify with this, but no matter how long I've been working in an office or anything, and this happened to me on Friday this week, I got

a message from like a senior manager saying, hey, let me know when you've got a minute for a chat. And immediately I had like instant fight or flight diarrhea. I was like, oh, I'm getting fired. I'm getting fired. I'm getting fired. I'm getting fired. What did I do? What did they catch me doing? You know, even though the answer is fucking nothing, I've just been going to my job,

you know, but I, I will remain convinced that something fucking terrible is about to happen until I have the conversation and it's just about, it's just about work. Did I masturbate at work? Have I been masturbating at work? Did you see me masturbating at work? Did I like absentmindedly jack off? My muscle memory? You're in the post-not clarity point of view

and like you look up and you see the little flashing red light. Huh. Who was the- I always had those. Who was the writer from like Washington Post or the New York Times or whatever who, um, who jacked off on the tube. The guy who was to Jeffrey to Ben, Jeffrey to Ben. Thank you. Where, uh, where they, they were just having like a conference

call and then they were like, okay, everybody let's break for five or 10 minutes. And everyone's like, okay. And he goes, okay. And then just like stands up and starts checking off in front of his still on camera with a bunch of people still on the call. Like this is a dude who has just been. That light is red by the way. That's like, they make it so you can see it. Yeah.

He, he has just, he's just been sitting there for the last, like 45 minutes of that conference call going, man, I'm excited to jack off. Yeah. Can't wait to squeeze my noodle. The soonest possibility, you know, so keen that he just, he's just gone. Someone said break. I'm out. My dick is out of my pants. Let's go. Yeah. Did I do that at work this week? Is that why he wants to talk to me? It's called good time management. Is he still working? Did I jack off during stand up this week?

Like he's still getting gigs. Like he's still doing stuff and he jacked off at work on camera. Well all he had to do was like go on some talking head panels like in the States where people were like, oh, remember how you got in trouble for jacking off. And he was like, my bad. He just had to eat a bit of extremely embarrassing shit on national TV. And that was his penance apparently. I'd probably just kill myself personally, but

I would arrange a situation where I got like so badly injured that people would have to feel sorry for me. Yeah. Yeah. Where they're like, oh shit, he's paraplegic now because he got a hip heart. He's got Lou Gehrig's disease. Fuck, he gave himself Lou Gehrig's disease. I would, I'd go out and like maybe, maybe Ram Raider store and do some sort of like unhinged rampage and then you

come back in the office and you go, man, I had a complete like manic episode. I'm actually a BPD girly. I'm a BPD girly. Oh, I, yeah, I had the, you guys probably saw it on the news, you know, when I was getting tased and everything. Pretty bad time. What? I did something else? Yeah, you guys probably saw it on the news, you know, when I was getting tased and everything. Pretty bad time. What?

I did something else? I guess I blanked out about 11am Friday morning before, I guess it would have been before our 11.30 meeting. So I just don't even know what happened for the rest of that day. Did anything happen that day? And everyone who's seen the news is like, no, you're fine. I've got anxiety. Did I say anything weird the other day?

Was I a bit much? Oh, hey, with everything else that's going on, I can't, I'm just, I'm glad I've got my work family, my work. It's just this, it's my rock. It's my stability. The only thing keeping me going. If I didn't have this, I might come into the office and do something. Yes.

I mean, the poo jogger still hasn't reentered public life. How come Jeffrey Tubman's out there? Justice for Andrew, what's his name? The poo jogger. Do you think the poo jogger is like still jogging, but just very begrudgingly? He's not taking any shits. He's just like, this is fucking shit.

He probably still likes jogging, right? Yeah, he probably still has like the world's worst IBS. I think he probably still likes jogging, but? Yeah, he probably still has like the world's worst IBS. I think he probably still likes jogging, but it's not the same anymore. You know? Yes, yeah. He lost its shine after he got caught on one of those. You can still go to the movies whenever you want,

but you're not allowed to buy popcorn, you know? Yes. Oh, not quite. They've got your face printed out behind the popcorn camera. Do not give this man anything shaped like a popcorn bucket. I bet Jeffrey Toobin has probably dealt with some very fraught interpersonal stuff after he jacked it on a work conference call and then everyone knew about it because he worked in the media.

We deal with fraught interpersonal situations in paging Dr. C. This comes to us from r slash swingers. Hi, LS. Big fan. Long time listener, first time caller. I have a conundrum. LS. Lifestyle. The lifestyle. The lifestyle. The lifestyle. I have been fantasizing about swinging for a year or two now. My wife and I have a very strong relationship and fantastic sex life. We've talked about it a little and she thinks it's hot too, like using it as dirty talk

really works for her, kind of hot. We've been to public kink events and enjoyed it. I'd like to take the next step and go to a play party. The environment is what is sexy to me and Turr. The sounds of others moaning in the dark, the lust in the air, the flirting, the support. I wouldn't expect any contact or mind if we didn't get attention. In fact, I'm sure we'd want to play separately to start. So here is the problem. Every sex club in my area has events in the dead of night, a time when my wife is not horny at all. Emphasis there. Finally, representation in media.

She wants an 11am sex party? Yeah. Like, can you bring some freshly squeezed juice? We have sex in the morning sometimes and before dates after 10 p.m It's lights out on the body on the brain on the libido. She works hard and she sleeps hard and so do I We're past the fantasizing stage. If I want to press this further, I have to propose something. And sex around strangers is, I'm pretty sure, an intriguing idea to her. But sex instead of sleeping?

Total non-starter. I think you might need to be a little bit more flexible if you want to go to the sex party. If you want to go to like a crazy, like sexy sex party, you have to step a little late. Like change your routine. Just once, just once in a while. Loosen up a little. More blue light after 9pm. Like just look at your screen until midnight to train yourself.

More blue lights. Just stare at your screen and you're going to feel like really alert. Yeah. Have a couple of night coffees. You can have coffee in the evening. You're a grown up. You make your own decisions. Yes.

So in order to present a plan, I need to find some daytime or early evening events. I don't know if those exist, but I imagine they do. My problem is that I don't know how to get on LS sites and try to find those without looking like total creep. Also, I don't know if there are daytime events for casuals, like a private party at a house, you're definitely looking for a soft swap or contact.

What do I do? Is it hopeless? Should I get on some apps and just kind of look like I've been doing here? I know if I bring it up as is, she'll feel like she's disappointing me, or worse, agree and not like it. Any advice you have is welcome. I appreciate this community so much. It's been very helpful to me for processing my feelings, uh, and for getting a picture of what the LS is really like.

Thank you. It's really funny to imagine this woman like doing the sex party and then being like, it was fine. I was just tired. I was just really sleepy and it made me kind of sleepy. This is amazing. Like this is beautiful. This person has written this in a very articulate and thoughtful way.

That's quite thoughtful. He wants to meet his wife's needs. She's sleepy. I'm a sleepy person. I get it. I'm such a sleepy person. I understand a hundred percent, but I just don't think that like the magic of the sex party resonates as strongly or burns as brightly in the full, cold light of day.

Yeah. But like that harsh sun, not as flattering as like a couple of those like sunset lamps that you get off Instagram, you know? I was gonna say, it depends how they're lighting the orgy. You know, like, what if you get to an orgy and everybody's there and ready to rock, but they've only got like down lights on.

Oh, what if the big lights on? Someone put the big light on, yuck. I'm out. If you've only got LED down lights on no what if the big lights are someone put the big light on? I'm out. I'm out if you've only got LED down light to the orgy. I am out Oh my god, it's like four of those long fluorescent bulbs I cannot fucking miss. You've got cool white bulbs at the sex party There's actually a green tint to the light in here. It's making me feel vaguely nauseous. I feel like I'm in primer You can't be like having an 11.30 a.m. fuck party. No. You just, you cannot be doing it.

Maybe nine. Maybe we can start at eight or nine. I'm still pro this. I'm still pro this. Daytime sex party. I think society needs to change, needs to improve. What are you going to be doing? Brunch? Fake meal. So you're saying instead of brunch, you should be going to swingers parties. 1130am. Yes I've got an alternative suggestion for him which is that if he really wants this to happen right, he needs to go to the orgy and he needs to find the effervescence, the life spirit inside himself to carry that orgy through the night into the morning until his wife

is awake and ready to join in. Yeah. It's on him to bring the orgy into the morning hours. If the orgy won't come to the wife, wait, no. Bring the wife to the orgy into the morning hours. If the orgy won't come to the wife. Wait, no. Bring the wife to the orgy, you know. Make sure there are blackout curtains. Take all the clocks down.

What if he goes there and he finds the sleepiest people and go, oh, don't you wish there was another way? This is pretty good, but I can think of a way we could, oh, excuse me, I'm just so sleepy. I think we could improve this a little bit. You look tired too. Would you prefer if this was in the daytime?

Cause like, I don't, I would. Hey, all the sleepy heads put your hands up. Any sleepy heads in the club? Who wants to come fuck my wife just after breakfast tomorrow? We take a light. She's not horny at all right now. Who wants to come fuck my wife just after breakfast tomorrow? We take a light. A light breakfast. We are not full after breakfast. Two pieces of fruit and a cup of coffee and a little bit of yogurt.

We are ready to go by 6.30. We've already been up for an hour and a half. I've done some pilates. I'm so limber. I'm ready to fuck anyone. I hope this guy finds what he's looking for. I genuinely do. It seems like a nice guy, but I just, I don't think. Maybe people are doing like poolside daytime beach pass.

Yeah. Like maybe go to like a resort. Like a sexy resort. What if they're going to like one of those, they're hiring one of those houses that have like the big open plan kind of glass windows out onto a valley like Hollywood Hills style house. Right? You could Swimpley it. You could Swimpley it. You get a Swimpley as sex part.

High up in the Hollywood Hills, just Swimpley yourself a place. Swimpley it. Yeah. Just Swimpley it. Thanks to today's sponsor, Swimpley. Yeah. Swimpley. Hey, this has definitely been an episode of the podcast.

Buntavista, thank you so much for joining us. If you like this, you can get an extra hour of it every week for simply the price of a schooner of beer a month. A little bit less actually, the way beer prices are. If you don't want more of it, great. Keep on trucking, brother. That's cool. It hurts a little, but it's fine. I get it.

You're busy there on the podcast. You're probably listening to like, you know, those trash future guys have got like 20 podcasts each. So you've got to get through those. Maybe if you cut down on one of those, you'd have like room for a black one of our bonus episodes. Like keep the cool ones. Just kind of cut some of the fringe ones down and then sort of, no, we, we wouldn't

take money out of the trash future mouth unless you want it to. Uh, we will see you either on that bonus episode or on a free episode until then stay safe out there and keep tending to your wife's needs, anticipate them. Don't make her fucking tell you everything. Communication is good. Sometimes just like think about it. Anticipate your partner's needs. Don't make her fucking tell you everything Communication is good. Sometimes just like think about it Anticipate your partner's needs a little bit of fucking thought and stop jacking off at work. Yeah, we'll get a time orgy

Yeah, 34% of you will be caught Go to an orgy at lunch and then come back. Yeah Orgy solving both the problems. Yeah, say boss. I'm taking a long lunch. Go run some errands Yeah, I'm gonna come back sweaty. Hey everyone. I'm just talking out for hot yoga wink Hot yoga with four couples where all of them are called Linda and Dave Alright, see you later. Bye! With ideas at work, trying to appear You don't even go there You don't even go there We're going to be using a single-use tool to cut the wood. We're going to use a

single-use tool to cut the wood. We're going to use a single-use tool to cut the wood. We're going to use a single-use tool to cut the wood. you