Boonta Vista - EPISODE 371: Professor Fantabulosum's Marvelous Inventatorium

Episode Date: November 10, 2024

Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Choosing the right tiger to bring to your college football game, and a dive into the extremely cool world of the OneWheel electric skateboard.

Music What's up with this guy? What's up with this guy? Somebody should do something. Someone should do something. Hello and welcome to Winter Vista. Episode 371. I am Ben, and I've got a table for five booked for six sharp at Fandango. I've got a table for ten booked for six thirty at Caprese. I've got a solo booking in the corner booth at Garazzo's for six forty five.

But I'll have to make it snappy to get to Arc Bistro for $7. And then the hat trick, a $7.20 at Soleil, a $7.30 at Iteri d'Orgostino, and a $7.40 at Bar Mizarab. I know none of you are going to believe it, but yes, I got the $8 at Aquatique. I'll post photos of the bill around $8.09 because I've got to get to Linguini Rosso for $8.15 and out again to get to Peristalsia for 8.25 for dessert. Full write-up and photos will be posted to the trip reports thread later on this evening, but don't worry, I'll cross post a bite-sized digest,

if you'll pardon the pun, to the main thread so you don't miss it. Also with me is Andrew, who's trying out a new method where he books pairs of restaurants next door to each other, five minutes apart, and he keeps moving between the two pretending that he's going to the bathroom each time. Hi, Andrew. Hey, what's up? I've also started incorporating a thing where I wear a wig when I'm at the second place, just in case, you know, if they're close enough to each other in this line of sight between them. Yeah. I don't want my beautiful waiter from my table to look through the window and

see me over in the other place. Instead, I'd like him to look over there and think, what a beautiful swarthy woman I see over there. There's a striking resemblance to, could it be? No, surely not. It can't be. Hands different. And he looks back, there I am.

Hands dripping wet from the bathroom. I have not dried them at all. I Wipe them down the front of his apron What would you do if you're a waiter and you saw someone like simple dining at two restaurants at once? Yeah, I start shrieking to I just start this is it right? You are dishonoring the code. There are rules in this life. I think it would depend on, mainly on how long it was all taking. If they were like, if I said, are you ready to order?

And they said, give me a few minutes to think about it. And also I might pop to the bathroom, comma, again. And then I look over next door and I see them like just sitting down to like, you know, a full main course. And I go, Oh boy, Oh boy. There's no way he's going to be out of here by eight to get to his 815 at Digestino. You know, we've occasionally had people doing a sort of a very primitive, simple dining

experience at the bar where they've gone to the Chinese restaurant next door thinking they can take their beers over with them, but because of our liquor license, they can't. But they can bring the food over to the bar. So we'll just be like, oh, hey, no, it's fine. Just grab your food and grab a table at the bar. You'll be sweet. But then sometimes-

Very gracious of you. Very gracious of you. People will just go, no, I don't want to do that. So they will put their beer on a table at the bar and then Have their dinner over at the Chinese restaurant and then wander back over to the bar to drink some of their beer put it Back down and they go back to the food, which I think we can all agree is so much worse. That's insane It's a completely insane thing to do someone has already solved this problem for you You have been completely accommodated and he said to yourself

Kind of like where I sit so I'm gonna stand up every 10 seconds to To sip from my beer over another establishment and these are these folks Hmm leaving their beer uncovered I mean, I don't think we have like a big out Out in the open. Like drink spiking problem at the scratch bar, Milton. Okay, well I mean, I just haven't checked for myself. I'm always keeping an eye on your drink, always. Yeah.

Oh, it's been two hours. It's been two hours. Two hours to check. That's right. Every now and then, Ben dips his finger into your beer when you're not there, tastes it and says, no drugs yet. Yep, still clean-ish yet. Yep. Still clean. Still clean.

I'll continue to check in and he will. The remarkable thing about Ben and the abilities that he has developed as a bartender over many years is that he can keep track of, he can be monitoring up to 10 different people's drinks from the Chinese restaurant and he knows which finger to keep using for your beer. It's just respectful. You don't want to double up on the fingers. He's not washing the hands in between each taste because what do you think he's made of time? Do you think he's got nothing else to do at the bar? But it's just the one finger, you know?

That's right. I'm not the bloody the time golem from the end of Iron am I and Kingdom. Am I right Theo the time golem? Kingdom wait, what's the the? China medieval the second novel in the bass like trilogy. No the third one. Well, I haven't read I'm on the first one now Ten percent in hey, um, and then I put it down much. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, uh And then I put it down. Yeah. Yeah, hey. Starting us in universe res much? Yeah.

He's like your Ian M. Banks' and your bloody, I was going to say like your China Beavils. He is. He is China Beavils. He's much like China Beavils. Yeah. He loves to leave you guessing for like the first half of the book. Hey, what's this meant to be? Oh, he'll describe it later.

Maybe. Or he won't. Or he just simply never will. Beautiful writer though. Handsome man. Love to have that muscular communist on the show sometime. Also with me, embroiled in a flame war because he claimed to have visited 13 restaurants last night, but accidentally included a reference to having tapas at Che Hispania, which they haven't been doing this week because the head chef is away in Barbados. It's Theo. Hi Theo. Hey

Hey, thanks for thanks for even Let me hear to kind of clear my name. Yes. So you said you had the tapas the Che Hispania But as we all know, Lucio is away in Barbados, so they're not doing it. So I just, did you get confused with the tapas somewhere else? Did you think we weren't going to find out? First of all, first of all- You don't have to brag. You don't have to make shit up to be in this community, okay? As if it could be confused for tapas from someone else in the first place.

Second of all, we all know that Fabio has been seconding for... For Luchio? For Luchio. Yes. Um, just because the restaurant is closed does not mean that my private table is closed. Oh. That is still my private table. I didn't know you were doing a replacement chef's table.

Well, you wouldn't, would you? Because you are not on the list of people that know that. It's a list of one person. That's gotta hurt. That's gotta hurt. You're barely gonna have time to process that before you have to get off to your next booking. And also, if I didn't get tapas, then what's this diarrhea from?

Good point. So in this sort of universe I've crafted, it's a community of people that like having restaurant bookings. I also imagine this to be on the Something Awful forums. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's one of the spin-off threads. Oh, I was picturing, yeah, I was picturing like American Psycho, where it's about the exclusivity of the booking, but also the more bookings you can have in an evening, you know. And also...

That's exactly where I started. I started at American Psycho. Imagine if American Psycho was made today. First of all, you couldn't make it today. Yes. Couldn't make it. Women would get too upset. Chris Berman's too old. Yes. Couldn't make it. Christian Bateman is too old. Yeah. Second of all, he'd be on his damn Instagram the whole time. Oh, you would. Posting. Get ready with me peeling

off his mask. He'd be doing his morning routine posts, plus he'd also be doing like, he'd be using the language of social justice to destroy his enemies. Goddamn. He'd be like, Hey, this is abuse, but he'd be talking about like a, a restaurant that made him wait. Yeah, that would fuck it. That sucks so bad. Don't, don't will that into being. They're doing a remake right now.

American Psycho, but woke. Of the movie. Yeah. I think it's called American. Yeah. America, I think it's called American what what? America huh? Yeah, that's something that we look at in America watch America they got nothing happening over there. Or do they? Oh, no.

This comes to us from- I've checked it. I've checked it. Oh. This comes to us from the Louisiana Illuminator. Live Tiger from Florida to attend LSU Alabama game. Can I just pause to say I love the illuminator as a name for a newspaper Shining a light on yeah, that's about an old-school shit like being called the Sentinel. Yes

They've got some great fucking newspaper names over there some of the best in the world the Guardian dope. Yeah That's like that movie the Guardian. Yeah Dope. Yeah. That's like that movie, The Guardian. Yeah. I guess the Herald is cool when you think about it. Yeah, I'm picturing a guy with a trumpet. I'm picturing the Silver Surfer from Marvel Comics. Oh, he's the coolest Herald there is. Yep. Zipping around.

A live tiger will attend the LSU Alabama football game Saturday in Baton Rouge, but it won't be its resident mascot, Mike the 7th. Mike the 7th. Now, am I gonna get some unfortunate news about what happened to Mike's one through six? I don't think they're currently with us, but I'm not entirely sure. Oh, they gotta be dead as hell.

How long does a tiger live for? Probably like 30, 40 years. Oh, in America? Can't be more than two or three years. Well, different question. How long does a tiger live on an American college campus? Yeah. How many years has that tiger been drinking? Yeah, that's right. Chokes on a wad of panties and dyes. Yeah. It's uh, the kids are going down there and doing gravity bongs with it. Tiger has been beer ponged to death. WBRZ TV reports a Bengal tiger named Omar Bradley is being sent to Baton Rouge for Saturday's contest in Tiger Stadium, according to its owner's office in Florida. Tiger is one and a half years old and is owned by Mitchell Kalmanson, who in online news reports has identified as the report as the operator of an insurance company that specialises in

exotic animals. You ever kind of hear the like comparisons to Rome before the collapse and you go, well, that's just, that's just silly. Yeah. Those are just silly things you're trying to draw. go, well, that's just, that's just silly. Yeah. Those are just silly things you're trying to draw. Anyway, I'm not. Yeah. Really.

Why? Like I just don't, um, I've never heard of an insurance company that specialises in exotic animals. I also don't understand why an insurance company would have exotic animals. Um, well, the easy answer to this is because you can't just own exotic animals here for no reason, which is why this has no context to you. Yeah, like here it would be fucking crazy for someone to own a tiger would be like the most nuts thing in the fucking world. Yes.

People would be like, what's wrong with your dog? Your dog is too big. Your dog looks crazy. Also you shouldn't have him and the police are here. The police are here right now. So this is the one thing police come out for in Australia. We had a single report of a tiger and all of the police in Queensland have momentarily everyone.

Yeah. So Andrew, you've posted the sort of chronology of mics. So we got 20 years for the first one, two years for the second one. Oh, that's not good to think about. No good, yeah. 18 years for the third one, 14 years for the fourth one, 27, nope 17.

Man, I'm bad at maths. It's like Rocky for Tigers isn't it? You're doing so good buddy. Thank you. 11 years for the sixth one and so far we're on seven years for Mike the seventh. How come they are all like start to finish timelines? 1936 to 1956, 1956 to 1958. Do you get crowned Mike?

Are they crowning a Mike? They acquire a tiger and then they rename him they Mike it Mike doesn't become the mic You might say put the tiger marked. Yes So the the very first Mike the tiger was born on October 10th 1935 that's how long they've been doing Mike the Tigers for October 10th 1935 that's how long they've been doing Mike the Tigers for. Yeah that's also the time that that Mike the Tiger should have been alive that is a 1935 is the is the time period at which you have someone should be calling Mike owning a tiger putting it in a funny little cage on wheels at the circus. Uh, yeah. Uh, he's sort of like pouring at the bars and go, maybe like he's on the start of like one of the moving pictures.

Yep. Almost like a shitty competitor that MGM. They're like, we need a big cat. We've just got one with Mike movies. So if he was born in 1935, this means this isn't a timeline of when they lived. This is a timeline of when they were the Mike. Yeah, when they were the active service. Yes.

So the first Mike was purchased from the Little Rock zoo with money raised by collecting 25 cents from each LSU student for a total of $750. They took a quarter from every student? Oh, that's tiger money. Tiger tax. Originally named Sheik, the new mascot was renamed in honor of Mike Chambers, LSU's athletic trainer at the time, who was the person most responsible for bringing him to the school. Okay. It was later discovered that quote, she may have been fond of his original name because even years later, handlers

could get him to raw just by calling chic. Uh, the original Mike lived 20 years before dying of kidney disease in 1956. All those beers. He has been displayed in LSU's natural sciences museum in Baton Rouge. Oh, I bet he doesn't look good. I bet that's some dog shit taxidermy. Yeah. Putting that one on that Twitter account. This is looking like one of the sharks at the Vic Hislop Shark Museum.

It's just no good. Now, they do say on the official website, MikeTheTiger.com. Good. Good URL. This is on the Mike 7 page. Mike 7 was born September 13th 2016. I don't like the phrasing of this he was introduced to the LSU community on August 21st 2017 making it sound like he's been you know released into captivity somewhere as opposed to like put on campus.

Like wheeled out in a cage. So Mike Seven was originally a rescue tiger called Harvey. And they said, you're Mike now. Yeah. You're Mike now. You're assuming the mantle. They say, hey, Harvey, he whips his head around and they slap it across the face. You're not Harvey anymore.

You know who Mike the Tiger is making me think of now? The old timey comic book superhero, The Phantom. Where The Phantom just has a son and trains his son. And then when he dies, The Phantom just, his son becomes The Phantom. And then everybody's just like, oh, The Phantom's just been kicking around the whole time. The Phantom's a model.

There's always been a Mike. There's always been a Mike. And's always been a Mike, you know? And sometimes he looks really old and sickly, like he's had 10,000 beers. And other times he looks really like he's got a spring in his step. So Mike7, who has both Siberian and Bengal characteristics, was donated to LSU from a sanctuary in Okeechobee, Florida. Why did you have him? Mike's four, five and seven, sorry, Mike's four, five and six were also

donated to LSU from rescue facilities. LSU has not purchased a tiger since Mike three in 1958 and does not support the for-profit breeding of tigers. Yeah, probably good. How come a zoo sold them on in the first place, like in the 30s? Like shouldn't zoos, shouldn't be like a shop. What was the depression? That yeah, there was, we got this depression on. They probably thought they needed something to go in the soup. Also, I don't think that the rescue places should be given their tigers away.

Probably not to colleges, yeah. Because you know those boys at Kappa Delta, you know what they're gonna do. They're gonna slip him some pills. Put some... Giving him a whole bunch of Viagra, you know? Toilet paper on him. See you again. It's wild out there.

Hey, freaking animal house! Oh, there he is! Probably not gonna play the stinger, but pretty cool. I don't know that I vibe with this explanation here. By providing a home for a tiger that needs one, LSU hopes to raise awareness about the problem of irresponsible breeding and the plight of tigers kept illegally and or inappropriately in captivity in the US. Come on!

I agree, you are raising awareness about tigers being kept inappropriately in the US. I'm sick to death of the frivolous ownership of exotic animals. We have one tiger on campus. As an example. We only bought this to show you why you shouldn't buy these. Man, this fucking country. Yeah. They think it's got some problems.

Yeah. And I think we're focusing on the big ones. The most, the vital ones. Yeah. You know, when people say, oh, this issue is systemic and we've got to get to the roots of what's really causing societal problems? This one. This is one of them.

Right down at the bottom of the pile. You know, the foundations. It's tigers all the way down. State Senator Bill Wheat is a Republican for the district of Punchatoola, I guess. Confirmed Thursday morning to the Illuminator that Governor Geoff Landry will get his wish of having a live Tiger mascot attend an LSU football game. Wheat was among the politician veterinarians Landry recruited for the governor's unofficial committee to discuss this issue with the university, though he was not personally involved with

securing Omar Bradley. That's one sort of hyphenated construct, politician veterinarians. Like- Is that a common archetype? Scientist priests, politician veterinarians. Yes. This sort of hybridized role with all of the skills, all of a politician, plus all the wisdom of a veterinarian.

the skills of a politician, plus all the wisdom of a veterinarian. Also, the governor demanded a tiger at their football game. Amazing. Tiger. He's wearing a sash. He's hammering his fist on his mahogany desk. God damn it. I wanted a tiger there. And he better be alive.

Quote, it's not Mike. Wheat said in an interview, referencing LSU's live tiger mascot that lives in an enclosure across from the LSU football stadium. I know that was a concern. Don't worry everyone, the tiger we're bringing to the football game isn't the one you like. It's a different one. But it is a tiger. It is still a tiger.

At your football game. Reviving the tradition of bringing LSU's live mascot inside Tiger Stadium has been a pet project of Landry and Surgeon General Ralph Abraham, who's also a veterinarian. The fuck is going on? They got all these dual class politicians down there. They have led ongoing negotiations with LSU's veterinary school for several weeks, according to a state lawmaker involved in the talks. When LSU pushed back on the quest out of humane

concerns for the tiger, Abraham floated the idea of finding a second tiger. What if, hear me out. What if we spread the concerns across two tigers? Oh, you're worried about what if it was a different tiger? Yeah. Would your feelings change then? Oh, yeah What if you like didn't know the Tigers name would that make it easier? What if the tiger you didn't have a pre-existing relationship? Yeah, is the conflict of interest is that the concern? Landry spokeswoman Kate Kelly and LSU spokesman Todd Woodward and Zach LaBay did not respond to multiple requests for questions asking where the tiger is coming from, who will be responsible for its care,

and whether it will be permanently kept at LSU. And one of the dorms. Yeah. Party house. Oh man, LSU has drawn a hard line against involving Mike the seventh into Tiger Stadium. In September, LSU veterinary school spokeswoman Ginger Guttner said the institution quote is not in discussions to bring Mike to any games this season. Something's happened to Mike. I, yeah. Isn't it weird that whenever like they show you footage of Mike, it's in like a really dark room and they're like,

He's sleeping. Yeah. Look, look, there he is behind the curtain. Oh, oh, he's gone again. Oh, you were looking away. While you were vaping, you missed him. Oh, he's actually, he's down at the LSU Natural Science Museum. You can go see him anytime you like. Anytime, yeah.

He's right there, looking bright-eyed, cautious and aware. Oh, he's alive just press the button to hear him roar. Mike the seventh and eight-year-old Bengal Siberian tiger yeah he gets his borscht at the snow. Has become LSU's official mascot in 2017. Has never attended a football game But you shouldn't have to say that. What's going on? About a tiger. Is the concern that he's not like a real fan? He's a rookie fake fan. This guy doesn't even know how the plays work Previous mics have been placed in a trailer and taken to the sidelines of Tiger Stadium. And some have even traveled to away games.

Oh my god. I was reading a different article about this and I said that they used to like in the olden days when they bring mics to a game, they'd park the trailer like in front of the dressing room of the opposing team. Awesome. This is also the era when I can picture them having a tiger at the games in a cage is also the era when you would have expected a traveling big top circus to come through your town. And also at the games, they have a big brass band going down and down and down

and down and down and down and down. Tiger getting visibly lost. Tiger. Yeah. This should happen in like leatherheads times. Yes. Yes, never watch that movie. But whenever that was set, that's about Started watching a little while ago when I was like, maybe I was sick and just on the couch and was like time to watch some bullshit You know, I put it I was like Well, that's ten minutes of that movie It's Clooney directed right? Yeah, and I think he was riding on a high from Oh Brother. And he was like, you know what? You know who can make a Coen Brothers movie? Me, George Clooney. Me.

I feel like- Gentile, the whole thing. He's been in like three movies that are meant to give the air of maybe being like Coen Brothers adjacent, I feel. Leatherheads, The Men Who Stare at and, oh wait, is he in Men Who Stare at Goats? Yes. Is he? Anyway. And what was that other one about the guys that were the art historians sent to World War II or whatever? That one? Was he in that one? John Goodman was. There's a bunch of Coen regulars in there and you'd look at it and you'd be like, this is a Coen

Brothers movie. The Somethings that one. John Goodman was. There's a bunch of Colin regulars in there and you'd look at it, you'd be like, this is a Colin Brothers movie. The Somethings that one's called. I think it was The Somethings. Yeah. And if you know what that is, just write into us and I'll put it in in post. Guttner said- The Monuments Men. Monument Men. Yes. Correct. Was he in that? Yes. Well, I just Googled Clooney art historians.

Look at that cast. What do you got? George Clooney, Matt Damon, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, Jean de Jardin, Bob Balaban. Come on now. Stacked cast. Guttner said Mike the Sixth had adverse reactions to visual and auditory stimuli Festivities and resisted to getting into a trailer cage to attend the game He can't go to another game until he's had his that Rad's artists. That's right He could only go to the games during quiet hour. They blow the lights. They turn the beeps off That's weird that they won't that he will no longer cooperate when you want him to get into the cage that enrages him. The cage where they just bluh. And I love the wording of that.

Adverse reactions to visual and auditory stimuli. You mean, do you mean being a tiger who gets taken to a college football game? Is that what you're referring to? Maybe like a tiger just somewhat is like naturally not predisposed to hearing like 30,000 people go wrong dad. Yeah, we are very different from the from the step Yes here. We are often talking on this show about like you know the exotic animal ownership in the States and like your Your fun little roadside zoos, you know, all these places that are really just inappropriate places to keep a wild animal. And I think these guys are really

setting the bar high for the most inappropriate place to put a tiger. Yeah, this is just... But don't worry, they've got a backup tiger. This is an accident focusing on Pat. What if it was a cooler tiger? What if it was a tiger that you just didn't give a shit about? Would you be okay with Pat? What if we deafened the tiger? Yeah, and fed it some hot dogs. What if we put a VR helmet on the tiger where he's in the step? So his body is in the swamp, but his mind is in the step.

I think that would calm him. So. Mike the Sixth's final appearance in Tiger Stadium was for the LSU-McNeese game in 2015, which was cancelled because of Lightning. I'm sure Mike the Sixth loved that. Loved that, yeah. And Mike the Sixth did not attend any games in 2014. So it's been a while, but they've got, I'm going to say a Republican governor, Republican mayor, who are all demanding a live tiger at a college football game. Hold on.

Get one of those zap sticks, poke that tiger into the gauge. Now, Ben, can we take a moment? Can we take a moment to read a statement from Louisiana State Senator Dr. Bill Wheat. Yes we can. This is a statement that is pinned to Senator Bill Wheat's Facebook page right right up the top. Statement on Tiger at LSU games. Approximately two and a half months ago I was asked to attend a meeting about bringing LSU's live mascot Mike the Tiger back on the field for game day. For many reasons, I felt strongly this was not a good idea and expressed my opinion at

the time. The meeting concluded with the agreement that Mike the Tiger would not be utilized for this purpose. This was the last and only meeting I attended on this matter. I was never consulted with or involved in any subsequent decisions concerning the use of another tiger for such purposes. Unfortunately, it has been inaccurately reported that I have been advocating in favor of this action. I have repeatedly and continue to refer all reporters to the Governor's administration for questions concerning this issue. Since graduating from LSU Veterinary Medicine School, I have been a veteran for over 40 years and have

passionately advocated on behalf of animals and their well-being. I am proud of my history and contributions to protecting the quality of their lives." He's saying very clearly, this is a bad idea. Stop doing it. Stop doing it. And he has a lot of comments there from constituents saying, for example, thanks for clarifying, parading wild animals around in cages is no longer acceptable under any circumstance. And we can probably all get behind that, you know? Yeah, probably. Yeah, better late than never.

Bill Wheat, you are an ally, except you are a Republican state senator, so you have probably voted for some just terrible heinous stuff just on this one thing in Florida Louisiana Louisiana So probably worse probably worse. Hey, I bet if you are a bunch of different kinds of people right now in Louisiana with a Republican Government you probably want to get away from there. The best way to get away from something is on a conveyance.

It's time for Conveyance Watch. I love being conveyed. These are some Reddit posts from the subreddit r slash one wheel. Now this is correct me if I'm wrong. This is the skateboard with the one big wheel in the middle. Correct. Now the one wheel specifically. These look dope. I'd love to get one of these. Anyway, this is the...

I'd love to get one of these. Anyway, what's the tone we're going for here boys? So there are... Jetsons arse flying around. There are two types of these things. The one wheel here is the ones where there's like a one central wheel and you sort of stand on it skateboard style. Not the ones where your feet go to either side of the wheel.

Oh, okay. I'm thinking of that one. Yeah. Oh, I see why you guys went behind this. Cause I was thinking of the cool one with the, that you kind of like stand on either side of the big wheel. No, that's the uncool one. I think, I think the one where you're standing with your feet shoulder width apart

and there is a wheel in between your feet and you lean forward and back like a like a segue you know that's the uncool one to me and then there's another one that you stand on uh like like side on like a skateboard and it's got a big wheel in the middle going let's go skateboard direction let's get our terminology down here. So the one I'm talking about, your feet are orthogonal to the big wheel. They do not go in parallel with the wheel. Yes. So the one wheel, I'm Googling a picture of the one wheel and that's, that's what I personally believe to be the cooler of the two, although that doesn't mean

I think either of them are cool to be on. So just, and we're absolutely all on the same page. We're talking about the ones where your feet do not point in the direction of travel. Like a skateboard. Okay. Perfect. Yes, skateboard style. Oppa skateboard style.

Correct. The description of the one wheel subreddit is the self-balancing electric skateboard, the revolutionary electric board sport that allows you to carve the planet Earth in ways never thought possible. Don't do that. Leave planet Earth alone. She's been through enough. Yes.

First post here. Opinion from friends and family about OneWheels? Really want to be kicking off the chat with this. You guys also get laughed at? You guys get disowned. Anyone been disowned for their OneWheel? I'm curious if this is a cultural thing. I'm from Germany. Oh, sorry.

I'm curious if this is a cultural thing or I'm from Germany. Oh, sorry. I'm curious if this is a cultural thing or more universal. But do you face a lot of scared people considering your hobby? I don't even know one person who is not saying, yeah, would never step on that death trap. No need for broken bones. They say it's cool. They may try it out while I hold their hand, but not one of them ever said, wow, I would love to ride one too. Only one person was not scared but then laughed at the price. I guess that it's not for everyone but I'm a bit shocked that the amount of people who wouldn't even touch a one wheel with a stick is so high. Just frustrating because I would love to have at least one friend to ride with.

Oh Klaus. Not one of my friends has said, ja, das ist super. Do you want to go one wheel together? Eine. One wheel mit mir. You and me together, we could have two wheel. Would you like to go spy wheeling? It's got to be a bummer to like find a hobby and get into it and love it and just realize that nobody in your life respects it. Right? Yeah. And you can't even fucking find someone outside of that to be in on the hobby with other than your Reddit forum.

You know? Do you guys also get honked and yelled at for no reason? No, one reason. Yeah, let's at for no reason? Only one reason? Yeah, let's not say no reason. Let's jump into conclusions there. It happens to me like once a week. I usually go on the bike lane next to the road. Also sometimes people are mean to me when I pass them.

They act like if they were me thinking that I'm so cool that I got one of these. Is this guy describing people doing it? So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. An actor? So he's passing people in the bike lane and more than one person has yelled at him in a way that is like, oh I'm so cool on my stupid fucking skateboard. Look at me, I'm on an electric skateboard, ooh.

Oh, you know every one of these motherfuckers wearing like a full-face motocross helmet, too They all do and for very good reason. I didn't really Sorry, just to be clear. I'm I am NOT denigrating anybody who chooses to wear a very Thorough head covering helmets. I'll do it a fast active while they're traversing Yeah, they're ponytails going in the helmet or kind of hanging out the back? They stick out the bottom, I think. I think it doesn't, it kind of compromises the integrity of the helmet if you use one

of those, like, you know how you can get the hole cutting saws for your drill? If you do one straight through the back for your ponytail, I think it does weaken the integrity of the helmet. One of the big things about this that the media isn't talking about is that they fuck you up so bad every third post in r slash one wheel is someone being like, well, it happened. Yeah. Because if you go-

I've shattered my entire forearm. Well, think about it. Like, you don't have to think about it for very long, right? How fast do they go, Ben? Have you investigated this? I think somewhere around 20 to 25 kilometers an hour. But they're probably modding them to go faster. Great idea.

Because I've come off some bikes and stuff like that and had some pretty decent injuries. And I think often, if you either hit something or come off or whatever, you're kind of at least attached to the bike for a bit. I don't know if that's like slowing down your momentum, it's giving you a bit of structure or something. Well, there's some bike frame kind of taken,

taken the hit. I've run into a car on a motorbike twice. That was a bad time. Um, but you're also, yeah, you're sort of something else is absorbing at least some of the shock, I guess. Whereas if you're on one of these and you either get hit by a car or say, like you, you hit something in the road. You are just immediately 100% detached from your

vehicle. You're just unmoored. The thing with them is that like, if you lean forward accidentally, you suddenly take off. And if you lean backwards accidentally, you suddenly slow down or stop. So if anything throws off your balance at all, like going over a bump, it is so easy to just fuck yourself up. Like these are, yeah, they're stupid. And you go over like a little bump while you're leaning forward to be to be accelerating. You're leaning forward to be accelerating, you hit a bump, which causes you to start like tipping over so you go

Oh, I better correct my balance and then you slam on the brakes. Is that what's happening here? Got a reply here Happens all the time someone pulled over last week to tell me and my buddy that we looked like fucking our words before speeding away People get a range your body that we looked like fucking R-words before speeding away. You and your buddy. Well, at least this guy found one friend to commiserate with over it. Yeah. People get irrationally angry at things they don't understand. It's a sign that times are changing and it disrupts their worldview. They can only cope by lashing out. I'm not sure that's what it is.

For example, we've all had a lot of time to grapple with, to process and accept the concept of a recumbent bicycle. Yes, I'm not yelling abuse at people on recumbent bicycles. No, but you think- Some of them are our fans. You are thinking, every time you see one, you go, ha, that looks of them. You are thinking every time you see one you go That looks fucking silly. Yeah, you know and like by it by all accounts. It is a

It's much lighter for you. It's so much better for your body for your back All that sort of stuff as a way to ride a bike. We actually evolved to ride on recumbent bicycles Yeah. Are we burying the price here? I want to know, I want to know. I was going to save it to the very end. Oh, okay. I mean, I think it's not really a big surprise that they're expensive in Australia. Save it for the end.

Okay. However, for every negative reaction I've received on my one wheel, there are three positive ones that follow. I get that, I get it. I don't believe you. It's not happening. I don't believe you. I don't think that's true. I love your sunny disposition and your positive mindset, but no, that's. I doubt that. I doubt it. It's not happening. I don't believe you.

I love your sunny disposition and your positive mindset, but no, that's not happening at all. You are getting like one person going, um, nice skateboard? Yeah. Idiot. And then three people say, nice skateboard. These are like the posts I would make on the r slash San Remo jellyfish forum. Like, lots of, so many people tell me how cool my phone is, but then, uh, like every, um, cashier is like, Oh, it's so small.

Oh, is that even a phone? How do you read stuff on that thing? Yeah. What is that? You don't have the San Remo jellyfish anymore, do you? You still in the San Remo jellyfish? All right, look. Damn it.

Okay, so there's a problem. All right, so I had to buy a new phone because I damaged the San Remo jellyfish. Dropped it that fell down the sink, went into the plug hole. That's not true. That's not how it got damaged. It got damaged in a very reasonable way. And then the phone that I bought to replace it. So Australia has just gone through a 3G shutdown for emergency services, Triple O. And now

if you want to call Triple O, you've got to be on the 4G voiceover LTE network. That's how they get you. And the way that this works is not that they check whether or not that this is supported on your phone. There's just a big list of phones that the government made that does not include all of the phones. So the new phone that I have purchased is not on that list, but San Remo Jellyfish is on the list.

And my wife laughed at me because my stupid internet phone that I purchased does not work as a phone now. And I have to go back to the tidy phone, which doesn't, the ringer is broken because it got dropped. And so I've got the other phone here, which is on like wifi and stuff. And I want, if I want to use my normal size phone which is like a San Remo Jelly Max I have to like tether it to my other one. Now you might think that this would be reason to make fun of me.

Yes. Yep. Yeah. But instead everybody says they think it's actually cool that I have this arrangement. Yeah that's a shame that you can't use the CDMA network or whatever anymore on your little junk phone. I can't believe they did that to you. It can.

It supports something. It's a 5G phone. It's very funny to deliberately buy stuff that's like right up against the hard edge of obsolescence. I mean, I'm still- It's not obsolescent. It's the world's smallest 5G phone. How are we phasing out 3G already? The times are changing. I saw an ad for that the other day and they were going through like,

it was like a public service announcement thing from the government. And it was going through all the devices that will potentially be disabled by going offline. And obviously for a lot of people, this is going to be aimed at older people. Yeah. Um, and it's, it could be anybody. It could be a tech enthusiast. Could be someone who really knows what they're doing. A bit of a tech whiz, a gear hedge.

But there's, but there's all these, all these things. It's like, I used to work at a, at a power company years ago. And one of the things that they always have to account for was when there are power outages and stuff, people who have like either emergency service type things or like medical devices that they are using to keep them alive. And so there will be a whole bunch of like ancient, unwell people out there who have like a button that they're supposed to press in case of a medical emergency. And that's going to be some little device with a fucking 3G SIM card in it that dials out. And if you're not watching wherever the fuck the government

is playing these ads, you're not going to know about that until you are dying on your bathroom floor. I think a lot of old people are going to die as a result of this. Yeah, it's going to happen anyway. Check your grandma because she is no longer on the network. So I guess you're going to have to go visit her probably. Yeah, go for a drive. Write her a fucking letter.

You know how happy she would be if she saw your handwriting on the front of an envelope when she went out to get the mail. She'd say, oh my stars. Oh my heavens. It couldn't be. Hey, is this, is this little, little Theodore? Hey, I saw a public service announcement about devices and I thought I better check in on Viv. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Definitely check it on Viv. Uh, I have another reply in this thread. Uh, I got told I looked quote like a fucking loser.

And I said, yeah, I know the helmet and pads kind of do make a person look like a fucking loser. So what's your excuse? Good Lord. That pretty much shuts them up. That didn't happen. Yeah. It like, for one, it didn't happen. And if it did happen, it's shut up. That didn't happen. Yeah. It like for one, it didn't happen. And if it did happen,

it's shut up. It's not that cool, man. I agree. I look like a fucking loser. And so do you. Yes. Hey, we're all losers here, pal. God damn. That was a one off event. Most people think it's pretty cool. The rest, I couldn't care less lol. You're in the why do people hate me thread pal. Another reply here. When I used to commute to work, I got angry honks once or twice a week. I usually just smile and give them thumbs up. It makes them more angry when they think you misunderstand their anger for a compliment. I'm a troll to assholes. I don't know if they're angry. I think they think you

look stupid. They are laughing and they're having the time of their life. Yeah. They are laughing at you but then they would also like to use the loudest device within their reach to let you know that they are laughing at you. Yeah and they're not just laughing at you, they're laughing with each other. Yeah. There's five people in that car on their way to the big game. And they are- Quick survey of five. Five out of five people look like you think you look stupid. Another one here.

I had a bunch of kids yell, gay at me once. Yeah. I just laughed and gave them a thumbs up. Lol. You can't be doing that with kids. Don't try to interact with them in any way because whatever you do is wrong and they will destroy you for it. If a teen calls you gay, you keep fucking walking. Eyes down, pal. Yep. They are building the image of you thumbs upping them on a stupid one wheel board in

Minecraft. It's enormous. It was featured story on tech dirt or something. You remember that gay guy that we saw? Makes the Taj Mahal look like a double wide trailer. Yeah. Another one here. I get honks once in a while. Sometimes I think they're trying to startle me off my balance. Just to see what happens, you know?

Another one. I had the craziest thing happen to me just yesterday, actually. I was riding down a multi-use path on my way to ride with a buddy. A lady probably in her 60s was riding her bike in the opposite direction. Plenty of room for both of us. For some crazy reason, just as we were about to cross each other, she swerves into my side of the path. The only thing I could do was brake as hard as I possibly could and run off onto the grass. Luckily. All the while she yells at me, you are illegal.

Honestly, my brain just could not compute what just happened. So I yelled back, fuck you. Yeah. And I'll leave it a goodie. What kind of path is this? Multi-use path. I believe he's but a goodie. Perfect return. What kind of path is this? Multi-use path. I believe he's describing a bike path. I don't think they don't like calling them bike paths.

Yes. Because it's contentious whether or not they should be on it. That must have struck a nerve at the lady. She decides to double back and throw her Starbucks drink at me from behind. Owned. Sorry about yelling fuck you at that lady. She decides to double back and throw her Starbucks drink at me from behind owned Sorry about yelling fuck you at that lady. You must have struck a nerve somehow Luckily for her she missed or this would have gotten pretty ugly

Luckily for you. What are you gonna do you to beat up a 60 year old lady? Is that what you're implying? She doesn't like your one wheel? I just went on with my day. Some people are just crazy. I don't know. Yeah. Didn't strike a chord with me. Ah, slash one wheel.

People who think you're gay. Thank you for reading my post. I didn't care enough to come on here, write about it. I haven't been thinking about it for days. That's for sure. I didn't wake up. I didn't wake up at 3am the night that it happened thinking that's what I should have said. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. That ain't right. I got to write it down on Reddit though. Just got another post here. When in doubt, finger guns. Hmm. One day this past summer, I was invited out to brunch with some friends. We were meeting in a spot near my place, so I thought, why not ride my one wheel, of course?

I have a pretty good record of not nose diving, losing control, etc. So no problems. Right. I come around the corner and I'm now right in front of the restaurant. My friends are sitting outside. The outside seating is packed full. People everywhere. Pretty women filling one of the tables.

I had maybe more speed than I realized and slammed back on my board to slow down. To this day, I'm still not exactly sure what happened. All I know is after breaking harshly, my board shut off. And as a result, I went flying forward. How? I don't know, but I slid across the road, laid there for a second, embarrassed, of course, felt all the eyes staring at me. Then I rolled over and gave my friends, I conveniently landed across from finger guns.

Yeah. Pew. Saved it. They laughed. I laughed. And despite the pain, we had a nice brunch. Imagine you're this guy's friend. So I have, I wonder if he's going to ride the stupid fucking wheel.

Yeah. Unicycle skateboard. Just like, Oh, here he comes. Every text about the lunch you like, and it's walking distance from you. Walking distance, one foot in front of the other. Little, the old perambulation, huh? It's so close, you probably don't even need to. Yeah, probably just gotta walk.

You wouldn't need a conveyance other than your own two legs. Also, I don't know if they have one-wheel parking at the brunch spot or not. Yeah, it's pretty tight here. Better play it safe, you know? They get mad when you... I don't think there's room fuel. it's like, um, I've, I've seen them turn away mothers with prams. Yes. You know, there's not really enough room.

They get, they get as many tables as they can. It's a popular spot. A lot of people, they kind of don't want to clutter up the walkways with anything. Tables full of pretty ladies. Yeah. Tables full of pretty ladies. Yeah.

Uh, I guess the point is learn to laugh at yourself and your accidents on the board It'll make writing the more enjoyable float on y'all I've won it would be more enjoyable to not fucking crash and slide along the road Well, then you wouldn't be floating would you they call it floating Gone for a float, floating to work. And they say float on to each other. Like that song. Float on like that song. Like that song.

They're all putting into the Bluetooth headphones before they get on making it so they can't hear the jibes of passerbys and immediately just click and play on that modest mouse track from the 2000s. I crashed my one wheel in front of a restaurant the other day. I ate shit. Sometimes life is not okay. Does the board have Bluetooth? Is this a Bluetooth speaker?

Uh, there is. I don't think it has a speaker, but it is Bluetooth because a lot of people talk about holding the phone with the app open while they're on it. So it like shows the speed and shit. A lot of broken phones. Holding it. Yeah. With the arms that you need to balance with. What could go wrong?

Yeah. Got another post here. This may sound asinine, but have you guys encountered any stores that will allow you to ride your one wheel inside? Huh? Excuse me? The fucking board! Fuck off, man. Get off it!

Get off the board! I know it's probably just as ridiculous as expecting to be able to ride a skateboard or a moped inside of a store. Yeah, no, I think it's more ridiculous because you're on the nerd board. You look stupid. That's probably the big problem. Can I come in because you're on the nerd board. You look stupid. That's probably the big problem. Can I come in the China shop on my nerd board? Uh, I have a dilemma.

I want to ride my one wheel everywhere to the grocery store, to the mall, et cetera, et cetera, but I'm definitely not going to leave it outside parked anywhere and have... Uh, what? Oh, uh, I'm not going to leave it outside parked anywhere. I have tiny arms and carrying this 25 pound thing around is kind of insane. Yeah. That's like 12 kilos. Imagine what would happen to it if you left it locked up.

If you left it locked up, you're coming back to find it treated like, what was the American, was it Philadelphia where they had the robot cop roaming around? Yeah. Yeah, they're doing that to it. Yeah. Yeah. They're doing that to it. Yeah. Cause like, does it have a somewhere that you can like put a proper chain through? Is it like an M lock, like a laptop? I, I don't know. I think they do have like fixture points on there.

Yeah. But your arms are too weedy to carry the... Yeah. ...tidy border around. That's kind of the perfect Onewheel post. Can I disregard society's rules because of my physical weakness? Yeah. And my nerd. Got another post here.

Onewheel hand gesture? Yeah. Hi, Onewheelers. Do we have a hand gesture or a greeting similar to surf culture using sharkers? Where such a vibe, I'd love to know if there's such a thing. Thanks. I think finger guns are fine. Yeah. I think finger guns completely.

They convey everything. Convey everything. Yeah. It's all there. Got another post here. I just got pulled over by the police. So I've been riding both my pint and my GT. So those are two models of the one wheel.

One is like the base model and one is like the better model. And we'll, we'll sum the costs later. Yes, we will. Uh, I've been riding both my pint and my GT in a small town here in Western Washington for over a year and a half. I have almost 5,000 safe miles written on these roads, mostly with the GT. To be fair, if you... I've ridden 5,000 safe miles.

All the unsafe parts, they only add up to like 30 meters of what crashing. Like what's... How are you measuring the unsafe miles? I think he's saying he hasn't caused an enormous accident. Or been an enormous accident. Sort of a solo one. The roads we're talking about have a maximum 25mph throughout the entire town. I use very clear hand signals which are thoroughly overkill due to my military background.

So because of his time in the service, can't say which one. He uses hand signals a little too much. Uh, they are actually a combination of cyclist signals and helicopter landing signals, so I'm very visible. Why would you be using helicopter landing signals on your bicycle? Yeah. It was in the military. Okay.

But you kind of have to use like hand signals that like other people will understand you like, you can't just be doing signals for helicopter pilots. Yeah. Touchdown in 30? What the fuck are you talking about? So this cop comes up behind me and whelps the siren and lights me up for doing a left-hand turn on my street where my house is. I've made this and other left-hand turns hundreds of times all over this town safely.

He gets out of his vehicle and says that because I am a skateboard, I have to stay on the side of the road and use only crosswalks when I need to make a left. He said I was obstructing traffic and that he was quote on his way to a call. And I was blocking him. He also said that he's been wanting to pull me over for a long time. Dope. Holster unsnapped during this whole conversation. He said he wasn't going to write me a ticket, but next time he saw me writing like that,

he would have me arrested for obstruction of traffic. I've always had great dealings with law enforcement in this town and I've waved and had no problem in the last year and a half. Hell, they even wave back. I have my riding habits down to a science and safety is paramount. The crosswalks in this town are extremely hazardous, as even pedestrians oftentimes can almost get hit.

He claims that the only other vehicles that are allowed to make left-hand turns like a car are bicycles. What I am writing is a lot more efficient in making a left-hand turn in traffic than a bicycle. I'm still floored by this interaction and I don't quite know what to think of it. I know what to think of it. I know what to think of it. Let's, what do we know? He's in the Pacific Northwest, military background, just trying to get somewhere and he's being hassled by a cop.

It's the start of Rambo. Imagine watching Rebel Ridge, but he's riding his one wheel at the start when he gets knocked off by the cop. God damn. And then he's on the one wheel trying to catch up to his brother on the police bus. Just nose diving constantly. The cops are like, we didn't even knock him off. We just, we were nowhere near him. We were behind him and we honked and he got alarmed and he just fell off. You unleashed one of the most dangerous

non-lethal combat experts in America because he ate shit because he was startled. He's just like constantly covered in band-aids. Another post here. My strangest encounter. I met up with a one-wheel buddy for a ride last night at 8.30, so it was dark but not super late. We were riding around the city, about a 70,000 person population, and stopped to take a foot break.

I don't know if that means you're resting your feet or if you're just, yeah, walking, if that's what they call it in the... Yeah. Yeah. While I was showing him the new VESC horn feature, some dude just stopped near us and started staring. He didn't respond to us asking how he was doing or if he was okay. He just stood there silently staring. I had taken a quick assessment of the situation and he didn't have anything in his hands. This guy did an ocular, ocular pathway algorithm.

They're all Mac from always. 100%. My Olight seeker was sticking out of my pocket, which I pulled out just in case. I think that's a torch. I guess I figured if he- In case I had to light him up. Yeah. I guess I figured if he did anything, I could blind him with it or strike if necessary

What is what is VSC? Have you checked this guy guys post history for anything in everyday carry? Oh fuck I should have After what felt like forever I slowly pushed my board away and hopped on my bunny picked his up and walked down a sidewalk A bit as we rode away. I kept an eye on and he didn't budge. Dude must have been on some crazy stuff. Yeah. I got a reply here from someone saying, I carry a cordless nine millimeter hole punch and I keep it charged up. So he's talking about a gun. He's talking about having a nine millimeter pistol on him while he's on his one wheel. He's doing a concealed carry of his firearm on his one wheel. You know, okay. His thing. Yeah. I'm a dork.

No. But I'm going to try and practice dork minimization. Right. Like I don't need this in my life. I, I mean, I did get a tiny phone, but... That can go in your pocket when no one can see it. That can go in your pocket. And it's only the cashier's like when I pull it out and this beautiful lady goes like,

oh, what is that? I don't know if that works here. But this is just like going out of your way. You and your buddies, like, riding around on your goofball in a rural town and then going like, got laughed at? Yeah. Question mark. I was just showing my friend my fucking VSEC horn. Like- What do you expect? What do you think is gonna happen? What do you expect?

I feel like these guys think that they're doing cyberpunk, but unfortunately you are doing the cyberpunk equivalent of sitting down in front of the mirror each day, putting on your grease paint, putting on your big red nose, putting on your clown wig, and then riding your unicycle around town. You are doing steampunk.

You have upgraded your unicycle technology. You need to put a little chimney on your one board. You got to glue some cogs to that thing because you're riding around on Professor Fantabulosum's marvelous Inventatorium. You need to put a brim on your full face helmet, I think would kind of help. A nice feather glued onto the side. Yeah, this is some shit Grimes would own. Yes, 100%.

She's one wheeling from one side of the mansion to the other. Someone replied to the nine millimeter hole punch guy saying, one time I told the sub about carrying while riding and they had a meltdown. You don't have a fucking gun on your falling off machine. Yeah. Idiot. Got another post here.

One wheel access on military bases? Hello. I am active duty and currently have been told that I am not allowed to ride anywhere on base that isn't considered residential. When looking over the guidance that my base has used for their policy, it seems outdated and has room for interpretation. Has anyone faced a similar situation or have any guidance stating the one wheel is allowed at other military installations?

I know it's a long shot considering it is the military, but I miss using this as my daily commuter." Yeah. You'd probably take it up with your gunnery sergeant or whatever. You'd take it up with your CO. Yeah. Hey, Sarge, I want to ride my one wheel. Float on, brother. You're getting whipped with ropes. You're getting hardly Ermy telling you to eat his dick. He's tryingmi telling you to eat his dick. He fucking, he's trying to kill himself like the guy from the first section.

Full jacket, but he can't keep the gun in his mouth. Cause I am in a world. Put the gun in your mouth, leaning your head back to shoot yourself, but immediately slamming on the brakes. I am in a world Leaning your head back to shoot yourself, but immediately slam You know you're hearing the most homophobic shit you've ever heard in your life from a drill sergeant about your one wheel He's calling it the f-word board Yeah, plus jumps back in now.. Yeah, so it's mandatory. Yeah. Comedy's legal.

They're hooking you up to car batteries, son. Yeah. I got a reply here. We weren't allowed to smoke weed in the military 30 years ago, but we did it anyway. Send it, dude. Yeah. Not the same. Not just like smoking that like, Gulf War one weed while you're all like contemplating

suicide every day. Probably not the same as riding your one wheel from like one side of the base to the other. Man. Another post here. Today I fucked up by letting my elderly coworker try my one wheel. Oh no. Oh no. No. Oh no. Oh no.

Oh no. No. Oh no. I mentioned to my coworker, 62M, that I was gonna ride my one wheel around the trail by our office during lunch. He asked to come look at it and see me ride it. And I said, sure.

You found the one guy in America who was like, pretty cool. The one in jail. And then wasn't the tone when he said it. You found my dad. Love your dad. This is the kind of shit you'd be into. After watching me stand on it, roll around a bit, listening to me explain how it works, he said,

I'm tempted to try it. I said, you can if you want, just stand up slowly and put your hands on my shoulders. Just sign this waiver. He proceeds to stand on it, barely put his hand on one of my shoulders and immediately loses balance, takes a foot off and boom, board goes flying. He hits the ground with a leg twisted under him. I took him to urgent care where we find out if he fractured, we find out he fractured two bones in his ankle and may require surgery. Though he's an adult and capable of making his own decisions, I feel absolutely awful.

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty direct line between your actions and this outcome to me. Yeah. Hey, want to come and stand on my unsafe piece of shit for a bit? Yeah. Don't worry. It's fine as long as you are holding me the whole time. Yeah.

There needs to be a little, um, a thread on here about like, Hey, what are your public indemnity rates for your one wheel company are you going through? Cause you are getting sued by this guy. At least with a unicycle, people don't, people know not to hop on it. Cause it looks French. So really, yeah, they look horrible and they're hard to use and people know that. Whereas this looks horrible but looks easy to use. This would be like if somebody...

But it's actually really dangerous. Yeah, if somebody asked you if you wanted to get on one of those unicycles that's like double tall, you know, they have to like, they've got to go... The guy at Circular Key who's been there for 40 years, juggling, flaming, whatever's on his giant super unicycle. But imagine he's got a Glock. Yeah, imagine he's strapped. He's doing helicopter landing hand signals.

Like this makes me think of however many years ago it was when the hoverboards were the popular thing before they started firsting into the flames and they run houses and all that stuff. Yeah. But similar to our yearly roundup of Dutch fireworks accidents, there were like, you could basically do yearly roundups of people's tweets about getting a hoverboard and their 60 year old dad trying it and how they were currently in the waiting room at the emergency room at the hospital for their dad's busted wrist and destroyed ankles.

Shouldn't be on there. No one will ever be trying my one wheel again. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully they'll include you. You found the one guy. Well, yeah, and he is very injured. Now these next two posts, these are the reasons I was looking at this at all,

just because I had a bit of a burning question in my heart that I need an answer. Luckily, people in the community are asking this as well. What do you do with your hands? I mean, that's a fair question. It seems like a pretty quick, because you're standing there, right? Yeah. Mainly the Macarena. And it feels like the kind of people that would be standing on a one board might be

the same kinds of people having trouble knowing what to do with their hands. Yeah. See, like I- Which would be, that's fine. Sometimes in social situations, I struggle with that one a little bit. And I'm not like on a machine where if you try and put your arms out to balance yourself, you look like a idiot. If you put them in your pockets, you look like an idiot.

If you cross your arms, you look like an idiot. If you're on your phone, you look insane. You know what I'm doing the whole time? You know that sketch and I think you should leave where they're working in the office and they take a break and the guy jumps up and starts desk surfing. I'm doing that. I bet people are doing that. 100% of the time. Man, no good. I know one of the advantages of the one wheel over bikes slash scooters slash e-skates is you have your hands free, but what are you guys doing with your hands while you ride? Are they just awkwardly at your sides? Are you checking the app?

Free to do what? Yeah, why is that an advantage? Why do you need them to be free? To what end? Yeah. Because you can't, you shouldn't be on your phone. I've usually been riding with a drink or flashlight in my hand. I found a tennis ball on a ride a while back and would bounce it ahead of me and catch

it, which was surprisingly fun. We've thrown the football back and forth on group rides and throwing popcorn and other snacks in the air and the person behind you catches it in their mouth. Any other ideas? Number one, bullshit. Yeah. You're not doing that because you're riding alone at night so no one sees you. I got another person asking the same thing. What do you peeps do with your arms while you're riding? I just cross mine and put them in my hoodie pocket. Yeah, that probably looks dope. Yeah. Uh, I got a couple of replies here.

Some helpful answers. Why do they have to be awkwardly by my sides? They're just normally by my sides, like any other moment of my life. I mean, that is where they're attached after all. Yeah. They're awkwardly by your side. It's so awkward. Cause they're on a one board. It's unbelievably awkward. You can't even imagine how awkward it yourself. It's so awkward. Consider on a one board. It's unbelievably awkward.

You can't even imagine how awkward it looks. Got another one here. I typically eat and drink. You got your 64 ounce soda. You got a burger. My meniscus. Like everything that has been described to us throughout all of these posts is like people

trying to find ways to make this more complex. Trying to find ways to make it more likely that you are gonna crash. Oh, I need to have my phone out and be looking at my phone. I'm trying to eat and drink. I'm doing hand signals. I'm fucking throwing a football with my friends. I'm riding with a, like,

I'm bouncing a tennis ball. Why? Don't need to. And I guess the answer to all of these things is I'm desperately attempting to alleviate some of the discomfort I feel about being looked at while I'm doing this thing. Yeah. Got to keep myself occupied. Another answer here, obviously hold a brewski in the left hand or a joint in the right or vice versa. I'm shooting you with a gun, bang. The cop seeing that guy go past and being like, finally. Bang.

And last post here. This is just the title of the post because the text, well, there was no text. There was just the title of the post because the text, well, there was no text. There was just an image of the aftermath. Today I learned it's very important to turn off your one wheel and transporting it. The tire spun full speed for a minute and burned a hole in my Tesla frunk. Perfect typo there. I love it. That's not a typo. That's what they call it.

It's the front trunk. Oh, fuck. It's the frunk. Yeah. Bang, bang. He put his one wheel in his frunk. It starts going crazy. He's got a hole in his frunk now.

Someone pierced my frunk. Very embarrassing. I've got a perforated frunk. Anyway, these things cost somewhere between $2,800 and $5,800 in Australia. You're looking up to six grand for the premium model. Okay. So like a proper electric bike costs about three grand to start off with. Yeah.

And that's a bike that you can kind of use. You can also, you can save a lot of money by getting a kind of bicycle that's powered by your feet as well Yeah, if you sort of Worried about that you can just sort of Pedal you don't even have like feel bad while you ride a bike It's a couple hundred bucks and you just kind of got something you just sort of ride it If you ride a bicycle motorists will only scream at you about regular stuff Yeah, they'll try and kill you and you don't even look like a dork you actually look kind of cool Yeah, you just look normal, but they will they really kind of swing a pipe at your skull. They want you dead. Yeah

Hey, this was definitely an episode of the podcast point of this. I thank you so much for joining us if you liked this You get another hour of it and about 370 hours of backlog of bonus episodes that you've not heard. And I think probably about 70% of them are good. I would say 60, 65. No, that's a ratio. That's a lot of hours. Yeah. We will see you next week. Stay safe out there. If you're on a fucking one of these guys, you just kind of need to resign yourself to the awkwardness of life

and the awkwardness of being on the ball and just float on. Who gives a shit what these fucking clowns think? Focus on not nose diving. Float on, brother. Float on. Chive on. Float on brother. Float on. Chive on. Float on and chive on and keep on floating and chiving on. See you next week. Thanks for watching!