Boonta Vista - EPISODE 379: The 4th Royal Piss Receivers (with Tom O'Mahony)

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

Tom from Beneath the Skin and Lions Led by Donkeys join us to talk about: Where to draw the line with your falconer's misbehaviour, doing your due diligence before parachuting, and a bold new look for the World Egg Organization. *** Lions Led by Donkeys: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/lions-led-by-donkeys-podcast/id1393845532 Beneath the Skin: https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/beneath-the-skin/id1637122752 Glue Factory: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/glue-factory-podcast/id1724242668 *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Music I feel like it's got more of a similar more important edge to it. Hello, welcome to Glinda Vista. This episode 379. Here you are at Gay Gallipoli. Date is April 25th, 1915. Surrounded by about 16,000 of your closest mates and comrades, we're about to spend the day at the beach! Looking over at a very tall man, one of your fellow members of the First Brigade, a brother that you'd be willing to lay down your life for, you think to yourself, gee, Ben is really eating with that slouch hat. And with that little cinched-in waist belt on that green coat, he is looking snatched and like a skinny legend.

Ben, before you sashay away, would you say it's more important to serve your country or serve cunt? Fuck me. Now for the record, Lucy, you're a queer woman, you're bisexual. You can't be mad at us. So I can say these things. Yes, unless you're a veteran and then you can still be mad at us. But you're probably not a World War I veteran. Probably not.

I don't know. I feel like we have a sort of appeal that transcends age barriers. There's no one, no one would be alive still would they? Cause they'd be like 115 years old. Yeah, they'd be like 116 years old. Yeah. It's probably not that I guess. They were at Gay Gallipoli.

Yes. Um, Gay Gallipoli. I don't know enough World War... Thank you. I don't have enough World War I history to get a pun in on any of this, but if we circle back in like a minute after I've read some Wikipedia articles, I might have something there. Read the Wiki, go through the belligerents and whatever, and you know, come back to me.

How about the Brats of Tobruk? Am I right? Thanks. Is that World War I? Were the rats of Tobruk? Am I right? Thanks. Is that World War I with the Rats of Tobruk? I'm going to Wikipedia article. Also with us at the aforementioned gay Gallipoli is a filthy Frenchman. This twink over here has been chain smoking those long feminine cigarettes. We have no idea where he got them, but he will not let you have one, even if you ask him very nicely. He won't pick up a gun, has refused to wear the uniform, and has been spending the entire campaign on Turkish grinder.

Hey, French Andrew. Do you think you could maybe give us like a bit of help over here, slaying some belligerents? No. All right. Great. Well then, also with us, we have a great guest. Uh, no. All right. Great. Well then, also with us is an ally and a different kind of belligerent, a drunken Irishman confused

about our battalion's orders and asking when he can start shooting at the British. Joining us, co-host of Beneath the Skin and Lions Led by Donkeys podcast, Tom. Hey Tom! Hello! Thanks for joining us at Gay Gallipoli. Yeah, we're, instead of the belligerence, you know, flying colors above the, um, all the battlefield, everyone is just assigned various assorted versions of the Hanky Code. Pfffff!

That's how you gauge the rules of engagement. I mean, Hanky code is just rules of engagement really, but in the globe. Oh my God. It's the fourth Royal piss receivers. I mean, Gallipoli really was a no loads refuse party. So. Oh man. That way. Yeah. Can I two points? I want to make here rats of Tob Tobruk, World War II and also Turkish grinder is like an exotic coffee making method. I recently spent 130 bucks on a Turkish grinder, but it's made a massive difference to the taste of my coffee.

Uh huh. It's when you, when you think they're handing you the coffee and then they take it back and then they hand it to you again and take it back. Hey the gay Gallipoli intro, that's the sort of thing that makes you go, what the? And we look at other what the stories in a segment we call what the? Right now though, it's what the. Oh, didn't know we had that. What the? Oh, didn't know we had that.

Yeah. I, I feel like maybe Rove McManus is, is one of the, one of the most kind of impenetrable Australian cultural things. And I'm sure Tom is not aware of what Rove McManus is. Ever heard of a small gentleman called Rove McManus? A little fellow named Rove. My exposure to Australian culture is my brother-in-law is from Tasmania. One of my friends is a doctor from the Gold Coast and just all of the inscrutable Australians that live in Clapham in London.

Right. And none of them have told you about Rove McManus. They've never mentioned Rove McManus. Yes, the most Australian sounding name. So he's a guy that was on TV for ages. He had like a prime time talk show slash variety show kind of thing. Big celebrities on there sometimes. Yeah. It was, it was kind of like somebody had set up an imitation of like late night with David Lenerman but without the jokes. Yeah, it was like if someone that you knew that was like kind of funny, like from your office where he's like funny-ish.

Yeah, yeah. And then he's also like the most famous guy on TV. Yeah, he's as big as it gets. So he's kind of just droll and not necessarily funny. His big bit was asking celebrities, who would you turn gay for? And then our prime minister said, my wife. Turned gay for my wife. I don't know if it was the prime minister at the time.

Might have been in his election campaign. Just a little boyish guy. Just a great boyish guy. Just a great little snippet of Australian culture. And he had a segment where he'd say, what the? And then it was like on the late night shows where they'd put up a card with something on it,

and Jay Leno would go, have you seen this? Have you heard about this? And he'd have a thing that was kind of weird, and he'd make a joke about it. And it was that. Except the thing that he held up, because I'd make a joke about it. Okay. And it was that. Except that was the thing that he held up because I was watching a bunch of clips today for no reason.

It was like the size of like a regular, like a four by six photo print that you would get from like when you went to get your photos developed. Like it's tiny. So he's just a guy at a desk holding up a really small photo of like an odd misspelling on a Chinese restaurant menu. Like really low stakes goofs and gaffs sent in by just rando viewers of the show. When I was like 14, a restaurant that I worked at featured in a What The segment because they had put up signs in the windows that said, please refrain from licking the windows. Because it's like a suggestion that the food inside was oh so delicious.

I was having a conversation with my children yesterday. We were talking about social media and when they may or may not eventually end up having access to it. And because they listen to us too much they're like probably never you know and I was saying I think you've kind of missed the window of social media being like having any value to be on anyway like Facebook is just like a big slop pipe now, you know. And I was kind of, so I found myself explaining to them that in my youth we had a TV show called Australia's Funniest Home Videos Show, modeled off of America's Funniest Home Videos Show, in which people would send in tapes of, you know, when they had their home video machines

and it was novel and you could record stuff and then you might happen to catch something like someone getting hit in the nuts by a football or even better, an elderly family member falling down and hurting themselves quite badly. But the point was that like you happen to record be recording when something unusual or funny happened You sent it in the winner got some nominal prize and I was like so now all of social media is just that Except everybody's setting up the videos. Yeah, fail compilations and acting Play them in the bar on the TV. It's not it's not even fame fail compilations now It's just two people like pretending to have

an argument or something funny happening. Or alternatively it's just someone experiencing a very severe mental health crisis and just like on the public transport and someone's recording it. Oh man. Have you guys seen, um, the, there's these two people I really want to kill. Uh, number one. Oh, we're breaking it that list. want to kill. Uh, number one. Oh, we're breaking it that list. I didn't know it was this episode. I could pull it up on my phone. Come prepare.

Two, uh, I believe they're English and it's like a guy in his fifties. And I think the other person is usually holding the phone, filming it, but they act out, uh, fictional scenarios presented as if they're real, where one person is being really obnoxious and the other person is filming it as if it's happening to them. And they've gone viral a shitload of times. One of them was like, the old guy knocks on someone's door and he's like, hey, you changed your wifi password, but I was using your wifi.

And then they have a, like a Karen style argument. Oh yeah, there's loads of this. It's everywhere on TikTok. Wait, like something that used to be like a big, uh, Marine Todd style text post is now like these fucking weird 50 or 60 year old people that are just harvesting video views by pretending to be Karens at each other. And it is, they've got to feel fucking stupid while they're doing it. Yeah, but check the comments and then you feel like the smartest person on earth.

Wow, this is so rude. I have been witnessing a full circle back to like Australia's Funniest Home Video cultural shift here, where because I like to like inflict psychic damage on myself by watching a video on like Twitter and then letting it autoplay more videos to me or I'm the one guy who's watching Instagram reels, you know? Oh God. And what I've started to see pop up in both of these things is like a video of just your normal, you know, five year old, 10 year old meme shit of like a cat licking an ice cream and getting a brain freeze or whatever the fuck. But like there's a laugh

track over it. They've put laugh tracks over like old meme footage of like someone going and laughing at the thing. So you know to laugh at the thing because it's funny and it's really done a number on me seeing this come up and just in the same way that like all these different disruptive tech companies eventually have to circle back around to Netflix just going, oh, what if you didn't pay for it and it was just fucking crammed full of ads? Turns out that works.

Everything bends back towards the network television model. The model that was the only model that has ever been shown to make money. And that's kind of happening with videos for dipshits online. It's just circling all the way back around to if we have somebody honking with happiness, you'll know that you're supposed to be laughing now. Wait a second. I should be honking. I am honking. Me or the video?

Does Pavlovians honk? Oh man. This is from the Associated Press with a headline that Lucy has picked from a different article because she liked it better. And you know what, Lucy? You were right to do so. So this is a headline from Bangkok News. Lazio far, oh fucking hell.

Lazio fire far right falconer after online penis posting. That's nice. I like the alliteration in there. That rolls, you know. I've been informed it's Lazio. Oh, I thought that was with two Z's is when you go with it. But I'm really hooked immediately. Like I want to know what type of penis posting he was doing.

Lazio fire far right falconer after online penis posting. I like that. Like does he hook? Does he, has he put like a little swastika on the bell end of his cock? Like... Well, I think the right wing stuff's unrelated. The original headline that I had for this did not mention the Far Right stuff at all, so it felt like an absolute fucking T-Bone when you got to the end of the article. And you will still be T-Boned by this. Lazio has fired the man who handled the Italian soccer club's Eagle mascot after he posted

photos and videos online of his own prosthetic penis. Okay. Yeah. Falconer Juan Bernabe shared the images on his private social media accounts after undergoing surgery for a penile implant, which he said was for non-medical reasons. Like pointing it out. Yes. I want to stress.

I just wanted this. That's like a gift to us, the podcasters. Because if he didn't say it was for non-medical reasons, we might have been sort of making fun of someone for something that was in a way maybe gender affirming for them or something. But instead he's like, oh, no, no, no. I'd love to stress that this was elective penis surgery. Yeah. Instead of getting, you know, the silicone beads put underneath the foreskin, you're just getting a silicone swastika.

That's right. Banging it straight in there. Like it, it's a real like subtle way to like get around like Z-Cyle laws. It's just, you're getting arrested for flashing, but it's somehow far right flashing. Well, they were going to censor it anyway. you're getting arrested for flashing, but it's somehow far right flashing. Well, they were going to censor it anyway. Bonabe also gave an interview to controversial Italian radio show La Zanzara on Monday and elaborated on his reasons for undergoing the procedure. Because his dick was too small.

Yeah, because he had a little dick and he didn't like it. He didn't like his own penis. What's wrong with us as a society that we teach men to hate their own penises? Mm. Mm-hmm. Isn't that awful? We need penis bonus positivity, you know? Yes. Hey, your little dick can still do stuff. I'm talking to you, the Lister. It's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean. Unless it's like really small.

Unless it's really small. Unless it's really small. I don't think it can do anything. I think it's useless. Or alternatively like your girth master and it's just like, okay, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,

really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,

really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, by a random sort of like street influencer for something completely unrelated. It was like asking about like what his income was or whatever. And he's like, Oh, by the way, I'm the girth master. And every, every woman watching this interview is doing the, doing the Leo pointing at the TV. He was, uh, it was in queen street mall. I'm pretty sure, which is like, well, I think I saw that. Yeah. It was so weird to be like, holy fuck, they got the girth master and he's here in my city? Oh, because it was one of those street interviews where they're like, what do you do for a job

and how much money do you make? And he was like, I do OnlyFans and I make $1 billion from everybody who wants to look at my Coke can. Yeah, what's up, love? I'm the girth master. He does have the extra large monster energy. I mean, incredible. Just like branding for yourself. It's like, Oh yeah. I just like do only fans. I have a massive cock just like straight out the gate. And like, there you

go. Yeah. Well, it's kind of nice because you don't want to, you don't want to be sleazy about it. You don't want to be like, Oh, well actually I'm an adult entertainment star and I have a huge penis. You want to be sleazy about it. You don't want to be like, oh, well, actually I'm an adult entertainment star and I have a huge penis. You want to be casual. I'm the girth master. Going to parties and looking like you're going to explode until somebody says, so what do you do?

I'm the fence model, I got a giant cock. It's so fucking big. I'm the girth master. Now I can relax and just like have a beer. And now I can just be normal. I can just hang out because I told everyone that I'm the girth master. The t-shirt. Ask me about my exceptional cock.

Yeah. Oh, everybody here? You all know? Everybody knows that I'm the girth master. Gather around. I've got an announcement to make. Oh yes. I am wearing my custom made formal shorts

to accommodate my massive member. Just like a little third leg in the middle of the shorts just so he doesn't get any chafing from the seam. Custom custom tearaways where there's also a tearaway crotch. We should get the girth master on. I bet he's a great podcast guest. 100% like I from finding out that this actually works. Girth master, please come on Boonta Vista. Maybe he's maybe he's listening. Girthmaster, if you're listening, come on over.

It will be very funny to find out that like Girthmaster is just a massive Boonta Vista fan. That'd be really funny. God, he just looks like such a normal. I've seen that guy at the pub like a hundred times, hey. Just like average Australian man. I've seen that guy a few other times as well. Yeah, I've seen him a hundred times too. Oh man. But now they added that he felt very proud and more masculine being part of Lazio.

Can I raise a... Is Lazio a particularly masculine club? Is that related to the... Oh, Lazio is kind of a fascist club. I thought this was running on from his reasons for undergoing the procedure that he felt very proud and more masculine, but no, that's about the football club. But no, is he saying he needed to feel more masculine to be part of Lazio?

Didn't feel masculine enough. The atmosphere at the club, so masculine that I was like, I gotta put some work in. I gotta spend some money on this thing. I gotta get that girth master surgery. Can you give me the girth master? Just girth master me. Girth master me. My seven inches aren't cutting it.

I gotta bump this thing up. It's like, I just gotta look like a forearm. Yeah. It's like, I want to have like a fleshy scepter. I've also sent you the, uh, the wonderful Wikipedia page for SS Lazio supporters. Oh, seems so good. Okay. So it is, so it's a, so it's known as like a very sort of right wing club.

Is that the deal? I know nothing about like the like the various tiers and stratas of European football clubs. Yeah. Like I'm not a huge like football fan, but being like a massive like politics nerd is like Italian football just has a massive fascism problem. Oh, oh my God. They also hate the Irish too. So that's good news. Yeah. The Italians are our natural enemy.

Like that's why, you know, we all had to be sent to Australia. Like we got sent a hundred years beforehand. Then all the Italians rode in and it's just like the natural battleground for Australia between the Italians and Irish, because we have so much land in Europe separating us. Googling Italian versus Irish and seeing what comes up. I feel like my new bit is going to be checking out Google's AI overview. Irish and Italians have had a complex relationship marked by both conflict and cooperation. Italian immigrants in the 1880s were willing to work

for longer hours for less money than the Irish, which led to street brawls. You should just keep a running scoreboard of like, in how many countries Irish versus Italians are considered white, and then like, whoever's the most white wins. Quote, shocked to see the photographic images and video of Mr. Juan Bernabe and to read the statements that accompanied them. Lazio announces that it has stopped with immediate effect all relationship with this person given the seriousness of this behavior, the capital club said in a statement. Yeah, the statement that accompanied the photo was, hey, check this out.

Quote, the club realizes and shares the pain that the fans will feel at the loss of the eagle in the next home games, but believe that it is not possible to be associated with a person who by his own initiative has made the continuation of the relationship unacceptable. Right. So the Eagles got to go with him. Are they bonded? You know? I was going to ask why they have a Falconer, but there you go.

Yeah. That's the real lead that I feel like is buried in this story. It's like, why does this football club not only have a real eagle mascot, but a guy whose full-time job is to be a falconer? Do you think he makes full-time money off that? That's a lucrative career. Well, we were just talking the other week about an American college team with a... With the big, big old bull. Yeah, they got that steer. with the big, big old bull. Yeah, they got that steer. What are we talking about?

Was it a steer? I thought we were talking about a... What about a tiger? Yeah, they had a live tiger in a cage and then they were like, we think the tiger's starting to get upset by being wheeled out in front of tens of thousands of screaming people.

The tiger just has performance anxiety, that's all. Yeah. Try a guy in a suit. Just put a guy in a suit. They've been doing it for years. We need to get the tiger CBT so it can like really figure out its own emotions and performance on anxiety before being wheeled out before thousands of drunken goons. Not cock a ball torture.

Yeah, we're not doing cock a ball torture to the tiger. Yeah cock a ball torture on animals seems illegal, but cognitiveal therapy might be beneficial. Very good for them, yes. That's what the Cree and Roy's whole thing was. Hey, all these people are screaming because they're happy, you know? Just think about that. Don't think about how scared you are. I think if we can get Flavour Flav into a Duke's mayonnaise costume, we can get a guy into a tiger costume, you know? And also we can get a guy into an eagle costume, you know? And also we can get a guy into an eagle costume. Or a tiger into a guy costume.

Yes. Let him loose in the stands to see how long it takes him to figure it out. Guy's going ape shit! It's just like a super realistic, like fake kind of latex skin costume. It's like there's a naked man running around on all fours biting people in the stands. I was like putting the mask on the tiger. It's just like this people being massacred in the stands by this long latex man. Oh, the log man has made its way into the crowd. Release the log man. Half time games.

The eagle, a bird that symbolizes ancient Rome, traditionally flies over Stadio Olympico before home games. Yeah. What else does an eagle symbolize? What else do you associate the eagle with? Ancient Rome. Probably just normal stuff. Ancient Rome.

Yeah, you know, like that Roman salute that they've got. But now they said he had no regrets about sharing the images and you know what else he has now of now egrets. Cause he's no longer handling birds at their games. What's sorry. Say it again. E-egret like a, like a female eagle. He had no regrets. So he's not no regrets. I don't think he had an

E-Gret in the first place. I don't know if it was a male eagle. I didn't say. I don't think a guy like this is gonna have a female eagle. Come on. Hey, I cannot work with the female eagle. She wants me to work with the female eagle. She will not listen to me. She will not do her job. She is very emotional. My God, get me a male eagle, please. Look, OK, I confused egrets, the heron like bird, with egress. The joke from a Teterra Pratchett joke about the word for exit like egress sounding like an egress like a female version of an eagle. So that was just not even really a pun. There was absolutely nothing there and it was on shaky ground in the first place. I know this,

all right? But that Italian accent was so good, I had to leave this part in. If you've already written in about this, calm the fuck down, all right? Take it easy. I'm baring my soul to you right now, leaving in such a foolish mistake. Because I wanted you to hear that beautiful Italian accent from a wonderful guest. I hope you accept this in the spirit with which it was given. Hopefully I don't have to do another one of these for the rest of the episode. Stay safe out there.

Bye. Lanzio suspended Bonave in 2021 when he was filmed performing a fascist salute at the end of a match and chanting, Duce, Duce, which was the name used to praise former fascist Italian leader Benito Mussolini. Quote, I admire him so much, Benavé added in Monday's radio interview. I can deal with fascist salutes, but I draw the line of dick pics. Yeah.

So they suspended him and I was like, you're okay. We're coming back now. I can accept the fascism, but I draw the line getting your hog out. Holy fuck. I tried to find his like dick post, but I couldn't. He apparently posted this on Instagram, like a picture of his penis. He's living out loud. It says prosthetic, but is it prosthetic? I don't know what they mean by that.

What is the surgery he's had. I wonder if, if prosthetic dick stuff is like breast implants where like, Can you just put in a little padding? Well, cause I, I kind of assume that there is all sorts of like good cosmetic surgery happening out there, right? Like people are getting expensive, like high quality cosmetic surgery done where it's sort of happening and then you go, oh, that person looks good, but you don't sort of like market or whatever. Whereas there's also, like deliberately and otherwise cosmetic surgery that people get done where you go, wow, you look crazy now, you know? And I realized that for some people, they want to

look extremely worked on, they want to look artificial and everything. So you think he's like the cat lady, but with his tick. And I realized that for some people they want to look extremely worked on. They want to look artificial. I see. You think he's like the cat lady, but with his tick. Well, some people, some people like that lady last week, there are fake bait. There are fake boobs that look insane. Uh, and I covered with like, uh, various sort of directional scars, depending on what sort of surgery you got or that kind of thing, I'm wondering, is there like a high quality dick implant where you can't tell or do they all look like the Frankenstein

style ones that I have seen in my perusals? Like I've Googled penile implant and it says it's a thing that helps you get erections. Yeah. And there's ones that they like put pumps in them and stuff. Yeah. You got a BBL for your cock They legit give you a little thing that you hook up and you and you inflate it with like a little hand like Austin Powis style. Yes, or what if it was like I mean, that's a Swedish penis pub Really? What if it's really off the wall and it's like getting a hair transplant surgery But like moving all your pubes onto the shaft of your coxswain brush when you get heard it's probably that plane full of Turkish dick implant guys

coming back from Istanbul all coming back no more hair on their heads I wonder what they were I'm just getting the cosmetic surgery done to just swap the skin from the shaft and the balls. That's all I would like. I would like the shaft to be covered in ball skin and vice versa. Something unique. I want it to be memorable, you know? Yeah. I want my dick to look like my fingers after a long bath. Extra grip. And the balls perfectly smooth. Taut. Taut.

Aerodynamic. Fucking hell. Some of this stuff feels distinctly European. There's another European country that we regularly look at, and that is of course the Netherlands. It's time for Netherlands Quarter. Hey everybody, I'm from Holland. Isn't that beautiful? This comes to us from the NL Times. Parachutist lands in bonobo enclosure at Uehens Zoo.

What's up guys? Surprise! Imagine if that was on purpose. Getting in there, while I'm here, BOO! You know? Ha! I like, one thing I am kind of obsessed with is like, animals' perceptions of us. Like, what does a crow think of a person? But imagine

you're just like a bonobo, you're chillin, like, fuckin jerkin off in front of people looking at you, mouth to gape. And it's just like, a guy in like, whatever material is used like, parachute, silk suit, just like, falls your enclosure. Like what does the bonobo feel? Yeah, like is it so far outside of their understanding that it doesn't even strike them as weird? They're just like, oh it's a man, or do they have enough comprehension to be like, something about this isn't right. Something about the fact that this guy just sort of slowly descended from the sky. He fell out of the sky, and he's not wearing the zookeeper uniform.

Yeah. I think, like, something that we've definitely covered on the show before is the impact that people's interactions have on primates, including like showing them phones and devices. And the zoo having to say, please stop showing your phones to the monkeys. Especially the teenage ones because they become sullen and withdrawn after they don't get enough screen time. Just the teenage monkeys just posting on 4chan

after seeing like four TikToks. Monkeys would love an iPad. They'd love it so much. 4chan after seeing like four TikToks. We somehow radicalized the apes. They'd love it so much. She would love an iPad and like, I've seen those videos of like, like chimps and stuff just leaning up against the glass while somebody serves them their phone and they just sit there like in a very kind of listless and halfhearted way, just telling them what they want them to do with the phone next, next, next.

Yeah, that one, that one. Next. We should show them People magazine. You know, we should show them Zoo magazine. Yes. I think they're ready. If I, if I was single, I would be down there letting the monkey do all the swiping for me on Tinder.

Show, show them monkey like Lana Del Rey, you know, just make them really sullen. Show them Tumblr. It's so hard to like start that conversation when you first match with someone because you've both done this dozens of times and just been like, hey, how are you? Kind of sucks. Imagine how good the icebreaker is. I did let a monkey choose you at the zoo. My friend actually swiped on your profile.

He's a bonobo. My friend is a bonobo and I... Holy fuck, your he's a bonobo. And he's a bonobo. And I'm, I'm doing some- Holy fuck your friends with bonobo? No, no, no, no. Not bonobo. Hey, bonobo.

Yeah, I'm doing some research into the mating instincts of bonobos, but I do mean his instinct for who I mate with. And he liked you. Is kind of what I'm trying to- Yes, he did. He really liked you. He got agitated. He started banging on the glass. I spray liked you. Yes he did. He really liked you. He got agitated. He started

banging on the glass. Spray him down. It was horrible. But it seemed like a good side. Just like the effect that like just massive knockers have on apes. It's just like, just fucking slamming on the glass. I didn't know this was possible! And it's just like, what sort of like... Like, the... And this is from the stupid fact that I had to read Jane Goodall's book Four Lines Led by Donkeys, and did an episode on the Tanganyika ape war. Like, apes... My job is ridiculous.

But the effect that human interaction has on ap apes, like they can't necessarily fully conceptualize like human things, but they can figure out the function of using them. So you could fully teach an ape how to use Tinder. Yeah. Yeah. Just so that you're getting them to say good and bad. You could show a lady ape girth master. Yeah.

Coco wants girth master. Oh, then she'd have to pretend to recognize him. Coco, girth master, more girth master. Then she'd have to pretend to recognize him. More girth master. Well, like from what we know, you could, you could show a lady ape a normal dick. Yeah. And they'd go, is this the girth master? Is this the girth master? Flashcards of cock showing it to an ape that you've taught sign language.

Coco wants girth master. More girth, more girth. Go for Coco, girth for Coco. A parachutist accidentally landed in the bonobo enclosure at Uehens Zoo in Hrenen on Saturday afternoon. No injuries were reported. The parachutist was supposed to land on the center circle of a nearby football field where a new artificial turf was being inaugurated.

Cutting the ribbon? Yeah, he's just coming down scissors first. However, due to unknown circumstances, the man veered off course and landed inside the Bonobo habitat. You've got to like, if you, if you realize as a parachutist that you are a, of course, and that B, it appears you are going to accidentally land in the zoo. Like this, there's probably not that much time to be scanning and trying to get a bead of which enclosure you want to land in desperately hoping you don't fall into like the lion or the

tiger one, you know, a bear, you don't want to be in there with a bear. Now you want to be able to dick dicks. That's probably a safe as bet is like train yourself to get really good at spotting dick dicks at a distance. It's like, shit, I'm making a beeline for the dick dick enclosure. Fall in there with some antelopes. I wouldn't mind falling into like, uh, if they got otters or anything like that, that'd be fine. You just got to look for the enclosure with the most anxious animal. Like, so they're

more afraid of you than like they're feeling existential. They don't like, don't know their place in the world. They're like unsure of their occupation as a zoo animal. I mean, just landing there and then they're just like looking at you. Ideally in this case, you know, ideally a primate, which may fate you're coming as that of a God. Or help you find a girlfriend. Yes. Oh, while I'm here, Just... This way for the Uggos.

Doing sign language for Uggos. And then there's just like families going to look at the apes and the apes pointing out like people in the craze like, Uggo, Uggo, Uggo. What's that sign he's doing? Swiping left. What's that sign he's doing? That bonobo just pointed at my wife with a gestured swiping left? Yeah.

Why is the bonobo gesturing at my crotch and saying, bonobo want girth? Zoo director Robin Delange said the parachutist was fortunate that the bonobos were indoors at the time of the incident. That fucking sucks. Let him out. If he made his way into the enclosure, I think let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Let him mingle with the bonobos. Quote, he's extremely lucky, 100 meters further, and he could have landed in the elephant or lion enclosure, the lang told. Noose. Nose.

I don't think the elephants are gonna be pretty chill, to be honest. I don't think the elephants are probably be pretty chill to be honest. Like I don't think the elephants are going to stampede you immediately. I think it depends if there was like maybe if you landed like right next to one of their babies they will truck you. They will smush your shit. Interesting. Which I would not like. The zoo plans to meet with the football club to prevent similar incidents in the future

once against the football club Common problem here. I Do you need a meeting could the email maybe be like maybe don't have parachutists Yes, I said, do you need a parachutist? Is that necessary? Could you not get like a guy's a to come around? Flavor flave. The long man. Is the issue like the foot, like I don't think we can say that the parachutist was like engaged by the football club so much as the football club maybe gave parachutists permission to

use their large patch of grass as their landing zone, right? No, I think this was entertainment. Yeah. He was like, he's landing in the field, right? Yeah. He's part of the inauguration. He's part of the, uh, yeah. They were like, Hey, is it a good idea for us to get a parachute? We're right next to the zoo. And they're like, well, yeah, absolutely.

What could go wrong? Yeah. This guy's a professional. He's not going to land in the fucking bonobo enclosure. Come on. But also as well, monkeys famous for being able to climb. Why is the monkey enclosure like open air? Surely there should be some form of net above us. Yeah, they're usually pretty open air. They often have like a moat You know, yeah Ages ago we talked about that arm that baboon and the baboons that were in the testing facility in Texas somewhere where they just learned that like

If you put barrels on top of each other, the barrels become taller and they just climbed the barrels and got out of there. I just put a roof on your baboon enclosure. You know what? Yeah, the baboons are experiencing like levels of intelligence as the same as me when I was nine playing Half-Life 2. Yes. You can get out of bounds of the area.

You can figure it out. What a game. They need to put that shit out on PS 5 so I can play it. Mm-hmm This must never happen again. They said we need to get a good parachutist. Yeah Fucking football for you. I think he knew where he was going Like I am the football team parachutist, but I really just want to meet some bonobos. I want to meet bonobo. I want to meet a bonobo.

Square pusher, bonobo. I want to meet a bonobo and I want to meet my soulmate. You know, I've tried everything else. I haven't tried letting a bonobo pick for me. Yes. You know, you don't know it's not going to work until you try it. The cause of the mishap is under investigation. Both the parachutist and the zoo staff confirmed that no animals or people were harmed during the landing. Okay. Yeah. Like, I mean, the cause is

kind of like, you missed like what, what's the lesson you hope to learn from this other than like just finding out that there's wiggle room in parachuting? Like what could you possibly find out? Oh my god, the wind exists. Fuck, we didn't factor in the wind when we thought about this. Don't skydive aiming for a place that is right next door to the zoo? That's all, it's kind of the main thing we can learn from this. How close is the football pitch to the zoo? Yes, it's kind of the main thing we can learn from this. How, how close is the football pitch to the zoo?

Yes. It's like right next door. You wonder if it was like five kilometers away. It's just this guy's like unbelievably incompetent. Maybe as soon as, as soon as he's out of the plane, he's like, fuck this. Yeah. It's the problem when you apply to like a hundred jobs on LinkedIn, you get interviews and you don't even know what you're interviewing for. You thought you were interviewing for Zookeeper. Suddenly you're like in the air jumping out of a plane and it's like, ehhhh, go to the zoo.

I think we're inaugurating the Bonobo enclosure or something, I don't know, here we go! A gig work parachutist. He's just like accepting the job on his phone. He's like, I'm in the plane now, okay, ehhhh, zoo. He's got four different apps open from the various companies. They're all pinging at the same time. Which one was I supposed to be doing? They seem to be very close to each other. Trouble brewing.

Looking on the map there right next to each other. There's, there's the Oerhans Dierenpark, which is Dutch for zoo, apparently. And right next to there, there's a lot of Sport Park Blaschaal. What could it mean? Sport Verening, Candia 66. Sport Complex, one word. Tennis Club, one word. What a beautiful language. And beautiful people. I hear they're tall.

Yes, I believe they are. Are they the tallest people on average in the world? Are they really? No, that cannot be true. I think the tallest country on average, I'm pretty sure. I went to the first music festival I've gone to in a very long time and I bought a raincoat before I went and ended up ordering one from a Dutch raincoat company, which had a one size fits all raincoat and it fit me just fine and I'm a big fella, you know? It just looked like you're in the Matrix, just like going down to the floor.

As of 2020, the Dutch were the tallest nation on Earth. The average Dutchman is 182.5cm tall, the average Dutch woman 168.7 centimeters. There's some big owls over there. Yeah, height masters, real height masters over there. Hey. And what about the girth? What's the girth like in the Netherlands? I don't think it's good, that's my suspicion.

Just like changing the parameters of what girth means to also mean length. Hey, if he'd landed in say, the penguin enclosure, he might have squashed some eggs. We talk about eggs in a segment we call Big Egg. What's big and small at the same time? Big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, Wow. Yeah. Extended edition? Was it always like that? No. Well, I mean, the vino bit is new. I think you should do a longer version.

It's going to be four, five minutes easy. You could be in the hilltop hall, then. Yeah, that's great. I mean, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to be able to do it. I'm going to the vino bit is new. You know, I think you should do a longer version This is from what poultry Watt IEC rebrands the World Egg Organization. Finally. Yes, about time. Get that branding on lock. The International Egg Commission, IEC,

has changed its name to the World Egg Organization, W-E-O. Funniest thing to become a conspiracy theorist about. Yeah, W-E-O, man. Egg mandates. The World Egg Organization. the world egg organization. International egg commission. Yeah. Commission to me makes it sound like they're setting up like a series of tournament rules for eggs. It kind of sounds like they said, uh, we initially started off trying to make our shit sound like the international Olympic committee. Uh, but those guys are too fucked and now we've got to change it to sound like the WHO.

Which everybody loves. That people also fucking hate. I mean there is already conspiracy theories about eggs in the US. People who, like the raw milk people are now starting to post about eggs in Europe because obviously they're not washed and stuff. Oh yeah, we're on that European unwashed egg shit as well and it's way better, America. Yep, it is. Yeah, your eggs are fucked up.

You gotta keep them in the fridge. They look funny. You guys are so weird. Yeah, you guys are weird. You guys are weird and you don't think you're weird. That's the craziest thing about it. They don't know that they're weird. It's crazy.

It's so odd. According to the group, the new identity allows it to modernize the organization's image, strengthen its global presence, and better align with its mission to support and promote the egg industry around the world. It's all any of us really want. All of those things for eggs? Why do eggs need a lobby or organizing body? They're eggs. Particularly internationally. Eggs kind of speak for themselves. Is there an international egg standard? I feel like we should start off by, by promoting the chicken lobby. Sure. No, no, no, no,

don't, don't, we don't want to mess with the chicken lobby. The egg lobby fine enough end product. There's kind of a limited thing. The chickens, a lot more regulation. What more going on there? I do, I like, I don't want to, you know, buy into their branding or whatever. I do kind of like the sound of world over international because international to me sounds like it's a sort of an agreement between a lot of disparate bodies, like sovereign bodies. Whereas world is like unifying we're all citizens of the world you know we are yeah no borders eggs are for everyone eggs without borders yeah yeah yeah international kind of makes it

sound like we've made NATO for eggs yeah instead like people who are really angry at me on Twitter saying like why why don't you support Nate Egg? When the spacecraft land and the grays come out and they want to talk to someone about eggs, we're sending them straight to the World Egg Organization, you know? The vaguest flashbacks to us having almost exactly this riff about another egg related thing of eggs being universal from another press release from a different egg body. The universal egg standard.

I think eggs are for everyone. We got some really funny tiny eggs from our chickens the other week. Oh yeah? Yeah. Kind of happens when they get like discombobulated and they do, they do like eggs with no yolk in them. And so they come out and they're like, with no yolk in them. And so they come out and they're like. Oh, that's fucked up.

Whites only? I'll send you a picture. You got whites only chickens? We got a couple of them. Andrew, I don't think you should do that. Yeah, I've been talking to them. Don't worry, I've been re-educating my chickens. But most importantly, if you're making eggs for the Grays, what are you making?

What egg based dish? Because you're not making like something that's overly complicated, like requires eggs as an ingredient. You want the eggs to come to the fore. You're not making a French omelet because you don't want the Grays to be aware of France. So it's like, I think you're doing a single fried egg. I think it's the beautiful simplicity of a fried egg with a little sprinkle of salt so they can see the constituent parts of the egg, understand what it is, appreciate its

beautiful flavors. And then you're like, there's warring factions within the world egg organization about like, is it going to be made over easy or not? No one's saying, let's give the grays a hard-boiled egg. Yeah. You know that's insane. That's insane. A slightly jammy yolk for sure. You want it? Well maybe the thing to do is to serve them perhaps you know like a little a little range of eggs you could serve them like a soft-boiled egg, a hard-boiled egg, a fried egg. Like a tasting menu.

Like a scrambled. Like those small eggs that you made. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're sort of, they're on the third one and they're turning to each other and going, is it fucking all eggs? All they're eating down here?

What the fuck? Yeah. I'm just going to defer to the egg heads on this one. Fuck. Quote, this represents more than a name change. It is a renewed vision of our role as the united voice for the global egg industry, driven by a clear mission to nourish the world through collaboration and inspiration. I thought you'd be trying to nourish the world with eggs.

Eggs. Start with eggs. Yeah, start with eggs. High protein. You're nourishing, yeah. Then go to inspiration, I guess. Yeah, I'll get the inspiration after that. Give me the eggs and then I'll get inspired to do some different shit with them. You know, I'll be cracking them in a cracking them into smoothies.

Um, drinking them raw like Rocky. Yep. Rocky style. Additionally, the rebrand gives the organization a platform to better support its members and their businesses as they address challenges and opportunities in industry. That's interesting because we didn't know the story just before about someone else who wanted to better support their member. Hey-o!

Oh! Ben, you are. No, no one is. The comedian of the week! Play it. Fucking play it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I have such a doubt. I have such a doubt. You can always tell the ones that Theo's made. Yeah, something like that. A little sense of existential terror starts creeping in. It's funny how people get mad at us when we don't play the comedian of the week theme, but they also get upset when we do.

I don't know if they do. They get upset with us about crime watch. Yeah. Someone just told us the other day that they had been holding off on signing up for the Patreon because the crime watch theme was too long and they were waiting until we shortened it. That's insane. It's always the same length.

It's always been the same length. Would you, that sounds a lot like that person is challenging me to make it longer. Yeah, well we're just going to fucking make it longer now, aren't we? I'm honestly worried about your mental health. It's always the same way. Every week, all the drops get half a second longer. Yeah. Until sooner or later, it's all drops. Yeah. All drop episode. It's just like listening to like a plunder phonics album from the 90s.

Got Michael Jackson in there. We got farting. Oh no, I got the Benny Hill music. So like a sample of Bob Catter. I don't know. And if this is your first episode, by the way, we probably won't play the community of the week singer for weeks. Cause you like Tom. Yeah. Nobody's here just because they like me. We're not doing that all the time. We don't do it most weeks. It's out of the ordinary, but every now and then we have to force Ben to do it.

Yes, apparently. He's got to take his medicine. The WEO emphasized that from the member perspective, so from that waist high, the organization will deliver the same support and benefits, continue to deliver its existing services and provide access to its conferences and events. In 2022, the WEO introduced a global initiative titled, quote, Vision 365, to grow eggs reputation on an international scale. Now, okay, like, like quick question, who is unaware of eggs? Well, to grow their reputation. Are they agnostic? Fuck it.

You are! Like this, but this is incredible to me because one, have any of you ever been to like one of those like big industry conferences for like something that's so just unnoticeable to the wider public? No, but I dream of it. I would love that. One day I would love to. Yeah.

Yeah. I've been to conferences for things that are around like, you know, like user experience and accessibility and stuff for like government services and apps and that kind of thing. And that's something where you can kind of tell yourself where we're like improving things for people on some level, you know, it would be very cool to go to one that is like, we are massively changing. We are fucking destroying people's idea of what they thought they knew about eggs. Yeah. You know, everything you know about eggs, forget it. You're going to relearn it. Well, like I, a couple of years ago, I did a thesis on independent craft beer brand formation

and I got invited to the European Brewers Conference to give a talk. I was just like, so unqualified to be there. It was like, I got invited to talk on a panel with the head of marketing for Astrea Dam about sustainability, I'm just like, fair enough, I got a free trip to Madrid. But also, twinned with that, my experience of probably how the egg lobby works, is like, I used to make podcasts for like, a massive consulting firm. So like I understand how like bored and just like shitting out copy that all these people are. I was like, all right, well, I'm done making missiles to shoot a Palestinian children. So now I'm going to like work for the egg

lobby. Like, I don't know. It's the same thing. Eggs are inspiring. How can I make this 800 words long? Chat GPT. Yep. That is the answer. Now, do you, any of you want to have a crack at guessing what more specifically vision 365 might mean in relation to eggs? How they're going to grow eggs reputation on an international scale. Eating eggs 365 days a year. Correct. Yes.

But in a more specific way, the new edition of is a decade long plan expiring in 2032. Why does it have to expire? That is intended to increase global average egg consumption to 365 eggs per person each year. I don't think we need to eat that many.

I guess that's two eggs every two days. Yeah. Yes, they may not average. They're definitely not saying everyone, one egg per person per day. You're really eating one egg at a time, right? Yeah. You're not egg maxing. You're not egging.

Yes. You could be having eggs at every meal and egg maxing. There's definitely people out there that are like doing a 1950 style sit down, cook breakfast like every morning before they go to their job where they're reading the newspaper, eating two eggs and a bit of toast. That's two eggs. Yeah. And that's, they're, you know, they're already doing enough for two people

just by doing that. The cavemen, the paleo guys are eating some eggs though. They're eating like 20 eggs. They're fucking liver king. He's having like a hundred eggs a week. Made a whole bunch of deviled eggs for our new year's eve party. Oh that, see? Deviled eggs alone. There you go. What I mean like, to be fair, before I got very depressed towards the end of last year

and was going to the gym very regularly, I was a hundred percent eating 365 eggs a year. It was like, I would make like your eggs, George, five eggs, scrambled eggs, like on a Tuesday and then do the same like later in the week and then make like a Spanish omelet or whatever. Like I was eating easily, maybe like 15, 20 eggs a week. Okay. I think the W E O feels the exact opposite about eggs, George, that he should be counted. They want the outline counted because he needs that quotas. We need to get the average up. Under the plan, the group tells the industry story and highlight eggs using scientific facts that prove them to be an essential health food.

We all know this. It's so defensive. I don't think that's under question. That's so fucking weird. We all know about eggs. Everybody knows about eggs. You know, they're high protein vegetarians. They're usually happy to eat them if the chickens are in a high welfare environment.

You know, what do you want from me? Eggs speak for themselves. World Egg Organization. Yeah, I know about eggs. Yeah. You think you're breaking through to people about eggs? I mean this- Underneath the World Egg Organization is just like, when you get to the final level of control

and just Humpty Dumpty is underneath the building. This is probably like a massive win for the WEO is getting like 20 minutes on a podcast. It's working. Oh, I could really fucking go some eggs. Sign up for their press release. The fraction of the monthly Patreon income that this episode will generate is probably equivalent to the amount of funding that the World Egg Organization has. So you're already winning.

Ben, can you do us all a favor and put World Egg Organization into the description of the show because that is going to turn up in somebody's Google alert. Yeah, someone's got an alert for sure. And they're going to have to sign up. And that has to listen to the entire episode. Yes. No, this is the main. This is the main.

Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. God. Sorry, I got confused by Wednesday-itis. Hey, this was definitely an episode of the podcast. Bunt of Vista, thank you to the listeners so much for joining us on... It was just such a journey. You know, we went to places that I never even really thought about before, except earlier

when I was putting the notes together. Yeah, I've never told anyone some of this stuff. A Dutch zoo. Somebody's eggs. Yep. We're breaking new ground. Tom, thank you so much for joining us. Where can people find you? You can find me online at got it at Guineas. That's G U Y N E Y S. Find me

on Twitter. Blue sky now on red note as well. Thank you. Xi Jinping. You can hear me on beneath skin, which is a tattoo history podcast about the history of everything told through tattooing. Obviously I am a big fan of what I have coined at the Australian sleeve, which is just getting tattoos on your legs and nowhere else on your body because in shorts a lot of the year and lines up by donkeys, a military history show where everything goes wrong. And I'm also the producer of glue factory, a podcast about literally nothing but riffs. So if you want to enjoy a company podcast that requires like a master's level degree of like knowledge of about Kurgans, but also pop culture, Russian literature. At times they speak completely in French. Check it out.

Of course, featuring some of our longtime friends from Trashfuture. So if you like those guys, get over there. And we know you do because that's basically the only thing people talk about in the podcast section of our Discord. If you liked this episode, you can get more Buntavista by signing up for the Patreon. If you didn't fucking keep it to yourself. All right. There's plenty of fucking other podcasts out there. You can be listening to anything. You don't have to bring us down to lift yourself up. Okay. Fuck man. It's free. Oh, if everyone in your life is rude to you,

maybe you should take a look in the mirror. Yeah, every podcast sounds bad. Maybe you're the one who's not interesting, you know? There's infinitely more comedy podcasts hosted by four to five Maladroid Australians that you can listen to as well. Yeah, take your sensitive ass back to Hamish and Andy. Yeah, I bet you'll be fucking chuckling along to that, won't you, you stupid dick? And again, if you did enjoy it, patreon.com slash boarddiverseter. We will see you maybe on the bonus episode, and otherwise we will see you next week. Bye! Thanks for watching!