Boonta Vista - EPISODE 382: A Seafood Sensation Upper Decker

Episode Date: February 9, 2025

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Another look at humanity as a whole through the lens of the sandwich, mysterious seeds arriving in our Texas towns, and experiencing ambulance euphoria. *** Outro: Evil Eye - Fu Manchu *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Music I feel like the moment the recording guy comes up, he gets his day in here. We're just having a conversation. It's just a chat. We're just having a conversation. We're all best friends. That's right. All best friends living in this world, a world just like our own, except sometimes I do segways and also horses are carnivorous and when they eat things, they lay them in little eggs like Yoshi. I'm Theo. And I'm a no nonsense kind of trucker astronaut thing on the Nostromo.

Uh, we're here on a mysterious planet having stopped due to a distress signal. We're popping down planet side to see what's up. We've come across some very strange looking eggs. My vote is to torture them all, hop back on the Nostromo and get out of here. Not our business. I'm here with the ship scientist, Ben. Ben, do these, what do these eggs look like to you? To me they look perfectly normal. Not perfectly normal? Oval shaped, they've got like a really weird sort of kind of a cross across the top sort of that suggests that they might maybe not crack open but unfurl but I think that's kind of fine.

Yeah. As long as we don't disturb them though oh yeah like we just we'll just carry them like really gently like probably be okay that's like what safety protocol number one well cuz we're gonna put them all on the ship right because we're gonna I'm gonna have to check with Lucy our Android what's the protocol blast them blast them yeah Blast them? I'm for blasting them! I have no empathy because, you know, I'm a droid, right? I'm an android. Yeah, now that we got rid of empathy, it kind of, kind of fucks things up.

So yeah, blast them. Yeah, what's your rads ask? Oh, the highest you've ever seen. Good with knives though. And finally, ready to leap out of an unfurling egg and glomp our faces, it's Andrew! Hey Andrew! Hey, like the commonly accepted nomenclature, I just heard you talking before, space trucker. Space trucker, yes. Space trucker is pretty commonly accepted.

Seems like you should know that if it's your job. You know, hey could you open your mouth? You guys just open your mouth for a second? Where are you going to put something in there? Well, here's an idea. Close your eyes first. Then open your mouth. And we'll find out together what's going to happen.

You're so long, Andrew. Longer than I expected. Yeah, I'm still coming out of the egg. Just so much. Like a clown car. Like a Waluigi face grabber. Just unfurling out of this. Theo, can I ask a sort of behind the scenes type question? To sort of meet the actor inside the actor's studio kind of...

Are you James Lipton in this scenario? I'm James Lipton. You're James Lipton. How much did you have written down for this scenario? I'm James Lipton. You're James Lipton. Okay, that's right. How much did you have written down for this one? Nothing. Yeah. It felt a bit off the cuff there. Yeah, because sometimes you kind of you have two styles. Yeah. One of them you can generally tell what's coming because you start with um Yeah, sort of like a big kind of a tell away. Yeah. Ben can tell what's coming When I say um, but also when we see one of those horse eggs on furl like in real life, we can tell what's coming, a carnivorous horse ready to eat us and lay us into an egg.

And we go over the latest people who were eaten by horses and laid into eggs in HorseEgg. big and small at the same time. Joni Ive, the guy that did the iPhone. Yep. Yeah. He got eaten, turned into an egg. Is it Joni? Yeah. By a horse. The guy that did the iPhone. Yep. Yeah, he got eaten and turned into an egg. I don't know. What? Is it Joni? Yeah.

By a horse. What do we know about Joni Ives? He designed the iPhone. Nothing. Nothing. All right. That's news to me, first of all. Yeah, he got eaten by a horse and turned into an egg.

I'm just seeing for the first time that his full name is Sir Jonathan Paul Ive, which makes me think that maybe it's a stupidly spelled Johnny? Yeah. Kind of like a stylistic touch. Like all the touches that he left on our life and the designs that he made before he was eaten by a carnivorous horse. I'm gonna need some kind of elaboration here. I feel like I'm having a stroke.

Can I open the curtain really quick? Yeah. We were still in the world of the intro where horses are carnivorous and they're in... Just for a little while longer. When they eat people, they come out as an egg. But we're also, we're in sort of an alien style space setting. Not anymore.

So we've retained the part from- Well see, we would still have a normal intro if it was the, if this was the world where horses are carnivorous and they kind of lay people into little legs like Yoshi. We would still have a regular intro. Okay, so we're in, the alien part was in a third level. We started at our level before we podcasted.

It's called Universe A, the one that we know and love. You've transported us into Universe B, horses are carnivorous, everything they eat turns into, that comes out in an egg. And then- Only if it gets fertilized. But while we were there-

Well, who's fertilizing Yoshi though? Was this before he made the iPhone? If I get my chance. No, after, now, 2025. After, oh, so we're not preventing anything with plenty of resources. No, it's just a tragedy. Just to be clear, I think Yoshi gets fertilized

by the thing that he's eaten, because often when he pops out an egg, the egg has been directly influenced by the thing he's eaten. Oh shit. Is it? Is it? Or is that Kirby? No, no.

So in the, in, was Super Mario World 2 Yoshi's Island. Yes. I'm familiar. He eats somebody. If he spits them out, the thing he spits out is influenced by what he's eating. And if he turns them into an egg, the egg's color is influenced. Is Yoshi a man? I don't know if Yoshi's a man.

I thought Yoshi's a boy lizard, but he might be. Yoshi's a they-them, I'm pretty sure. I think Yoshi's non-binary. I think Yoshi might be gender fluid, actually. Yeah, kind of explains the skippiness. I mean, there's egg. Yeah. Now, according to Wikipedia, Yoshi has been well-received.

Bet he has. Yeah. Great. Oh, OK. Maybe, maybe Yoshi says Yoshi's referred to as male, but appears to be asexual. That's what Quora says. Thanks Quora. And they'd know that the experts are on Quora. Hang on, but asexual means that he doesn't have sex. The Quora person might mean agender maybe. Because there is birdo.

And birdo's trains, right? What about horse birdo? of sex. The core person might mean agender maybe. Because there is Birdo. And Birdo's trains, right? What about horse Birdo? Is there a horse Birdo in our university thing? Okay, well that's what I'm still trying to get back to that part. So the fictional scenario was a fictional scenario within the realm of the larger fictional scenario. So we are us who do the podcast with that one change. So you're doing a fictionalized

segment where you're going through the list of people that this week have been eaten by a carnivorous horse and then ejected as an egg and then you want us to respond to it. Oh, there's no story. There's no story. No, this is part of the bit. You list them and then we say what we think about the guy who designed the iPhone and how he got to... Well, you don't have to. It's just a tragedy. Is it a tragedy? I don't know anything about that guy. How long is the list? How long is the response to you?

He designed the iMac. He designed the iMac with the translucent colour case as well. With the translucent colour case. He's a beautiful and he's like, beaten by a horse and laid as an egg. Is he alive in the egg? Yeah, what's the purpose of the egg? What does the egg do? I don't know. Does the egg birth something else? No, a horse man?

Me. From the intro. In Yoshi's Island, Super Mario World 2. Yep He just throws the egg and it smashes which kind of says that it's unfertilized. Yeah. Yeah, so I'd say they're unfertilized They do follow behind the horses. Yes, she's got an IUD In Yoshi's Island, you can you can eat something poop out an egg throw the egg catch the egg on your own tongue Poop it back out again. That's fucking disgusting eggs straight into egg. That's how you get fucking E coli Some sort of infection incoming that's horrible see it gets us talking

See, it gets us talking, doesn't it? Hey, eating that egg is one way to get E. coli. There's one other big way to get E. coli, and that's dining at Subway. It's time for Subway. Oh, it's chilly out there. Hey. Sorry, I know you're closing soon, but can I get a... A footlong? No! Meatball? No! Toasted? No!

Sandwich? No! Salad? No! Dressing? No! Cookie? No! Subway? Fuck you! Wow! Thank you, Vito. He gave that to us within like 12 hours of the second time we did the Subway segment.

We're back on Subway. We just have a month of something. It's Subway month. I would like to, okay, I know that I do this and that I get on a kick from something that's bringing me joy and we do it a bunch at a very short time and then never do it again. But I took a week off from Subway because I was trying to show some fucking restraint. And now we're back, baby. Restraints.

Big way. The Bunte Viste Promise. That's right. We will try and do things a tasteful amount. Now, this is, of course, Subway where we look at reviews from Subway's around the world. So previously, we only did America, but Maddie, who was, while I was looking at these this

morning, was also scrolling through subway reviews on her phone, found one from Australia that I included. So this is a global phenomenon now. Here we go. One employee always informs you on how much sodium is on my sandwich or says, quote, or you're the guy who likes all the salt. So flattering. Thanks for that.

Last time she had the urge to educate me on what brine is and how pickles are made. What the fuck? How much salt you got to be getting that there's a person there? How much salt? Are you there being like more? More salt. No, more than that. I don't think you can work at like McDonald's and say,

back for more McDonald's. Like when someone comes in. I think that'd be a really funny thing to do, actually. You see someone twice in a week. You're like, oh boy. Mr. Big Mac's here. He's back, everyone. You know, they sell other kinds of food, right?

Just really rude stuff. Another one here. This is the first subway in many years that I've run across that absolutely refused to make a sandwich the way I asked. I requested a cold cut double meat sandwich and requested that she split the meat up on each side of the sandwich while it was open. She looked at me and said, we don't do it that way. We put the veggies on one side, meat on the other. I reminded her this was my sandwich and she repeated it again. So I walked out. She had to discard a half-made sandwich because of her attitude. Sorry.

You wanted meat on both sides of the bread. Yeah. So like, cause I was picturing- Like meat salad, meat salad. Well meat- Come on man. Meat, salad, meat. You're asking her to make sandwiches and smush them together.

Well, it's sort of a sandwich on the inside because the other ingredients are sandwiched by the meat for some reason. Right? That's an insane thing to request. Make your own sandwich. That's so crazy. Make your own sandwich. That wouldn't change the eating experience at all.

Yeah. It's the same. I'm particular about sandwiches and constructing my own elaborate sandwiches at home. And I think that this is bullshit. Why would you split up the ingredients to not be in the same? I'm so glad you guys have reached an impasse with this as well. And for some reason it is reminding me of a very specific incident in, uh, in

my marriage when, uh, when we were, uh when we were hopping in bed. You know, maybe we were going to have a smooch or something. Jesus Christ! We don't have to get grossed. We're not getting crass. And Caitlin, for whatever reason, laid out on top of the sheet but under the blanket and I had no idea and I hopped under the sheets being like, all right, let's, you know, and, uh, and then I like tried to like, you know, like find her with my hand.

But you couldn't. But I couldn't. Because there was a barrier. And I got, I like initially like, ah, you know, very, very funny. All right. She wouldn't got it. Get out. And I refused to get on top of the sheet and under the blanket.

I got so, so mad. That's, I think you were right to be mad about that. That's insane behavior. The space between the sheet and the blanket. That's a, that's the DMZ. That's the, like, just get out of there. Like why? Yeah, very good, very good, very good.

But just get out of there. We're all having a laugh, but get the fuck out of there. Get out of there. Either on the blanket or underneath the sheet. That's so strange. I mean, I guess if you needed specifically the level of insulation provided by the blanket, you can rationalise it all you like, but it feels wrong, doesn't it? It's fucking sick behaviour.

It seems more like a stubborn unwillingness to admit that she got into the wrong part of the bed. Oh, she fucked up. She missed the pocket. But if I take a step back, there's a stubborn unwillingness to us all in this situation. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Maybe she was kind of asking us to reconsider our own assumptions and our own stuff.

Maybe she was doing performance art. Yeah. It's more like she wanted you to do the wrong thing rather than admit that you were right. Oh, something transgressive. Yeah. Maybe this was like rules play that she was doing. Maybe by you doing it, then you both become wrong and then nobody's wrong instead of her getting in

to the correct part of the bed and you being right and her being wrong. We would have changed my perception. Yeah, but instead. Not just that, but maybe my whole day, maybe a whole week, but no, I got up and walked away. Yeah, you had a raid man style tantrum. I would have gotten in.

You can't do that. Under the sheets. You can't do that. I would have gotten in above the sheet because I wanted to have sex, personally. Well, that's the difference between a general and a... Some of us, some of us are ready to stand up for what's right, no matter what the cost is.

Ready to stand up for what we just found out we strongly believe in. Yeah, like, I did not know this was such a problem for me until this very moment. That's true though. Sometimes you don't find out that something bothers you until the very instant it's happening, you know? I've never even considered that happening. Like that's not really...

Not really something I've thought about. Theo, would you say you have issues with change or changes of plans? What? That there's a sort of a strict set of rules you believe that life is governed by? Sort of like a strict set of rules and that you can become distressed when those rules are deviated from? Yeah, or there are no consequences for rule violations? I've had this happen the other way around, which is that in the past often my wife will

go to bed before me because I'm a bit of a night owl. She is not. And depending on how much later I come to bed than her, sometimes she'll be in bed with the bedside lamp on. But if it's late enough, very reasonably, she'll have turned off all the lights in the room. And I've gone in in the dark and got into bed, missed the top sheet. And I've wound up in the Caitlin zone.

Oh, and then at some point during the night, you can't, you know, you kind of reach over to your, to your partner, give them a little cuddle. Then I'm like, Oh no, it's sheet. And then your hands moving around. You're like, why, why can't I, why can't I get in there? Where am I? It's infuriating. and then I have you never know the pain until you experience I read the Phantom Zone now you know I did you know what I did as soon as I sleepily worked out what was happening just got up got back in under

the sheets he did like start screaming or punching the walls so like no I didn't act like I was in the right place yeah Yeah, you're going from the wrong place You're going from the wrong place to the right place though. This is this is related to the guys subways Yeah, she doesn't want to make it the wrong way. She she's putting her foot down and going, you know what no fucking sense It doesn't it it doesn't make sense. You're having the same argument for me to do this, but actually be quicker than the argument for me to do this, but... Do you think maybe he's trying to trick his mouth into believing that the whole, that all of the fillings are meat? That it's sort of cloaked in meat? Oh, like a meat egg!

He's meat cloaking. Does he say in there anywhere, Ben, whether or not he was subsequently seeking vegetables on the sandwich? He... well, it's implied. Just that the, that she says it's meat on one side, veggies on the other sort of suggests that. Well, cause she hasn't got down to the vegetables yet. When you choose your meats and your cheeses first and then they slide it down the counter and they say.

You think he's not getting salads? What salads? You think it might be bread, meat, cheese, meat, bread? You can't expect her to slide it up and down that thing. That's crazy. Maybe what he was going for. Maybe what he was going for. Maybe what he was going for. Unless you guys really have chemistry.

Maybe he was going for double meat and he wanted cheese and he wanted cheese on both sets of meat and then wanted it grilled to melt both sets of cheeses. I would still call that outrageous and an abuse of the subway artist. But that is kind of a good idea because then you're getting twice as much browning of the cheese. Yeah, although I still think that if you just put, you know, if you just double stack two bits of cheese and grill it, they'd both melt. I truly believe we're examining the human condition through the lens of subway reviews. That's right. Podcast.

What we do is important. Yeah what I tell myself every time we podcast. It's equally as important as those podcasts that make you learn something. Stop expecting the perfect sandwich at Subway. It's absolutely insane. Stop expecting a good sandwich at Subway. You're setting yourself up for hurt. It's nothing but fine. Other places sell sandwiches. Maybe if more places sold like a sub, you know, or a hoagie a hero Perhaps I wish they did America's really Jimmy John's firehouse subs

The list goes on Australia does a lot of the you, trying to do American style barbecue. We've been doing that for ages. But I feel like I've seen more places popping up that are trying to do like the deli sandwich. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I'm all about this. I'm into that. I'm into that. Please give me an Italian beef. Give me wet beef. Give me wet beef. Australia needs to get on board with wet beef. Hey, can you soak that for me? That beef's too dry. Yeah. You can't? Hmm. Wet it up. I turned around and walked out. Wet that thing. We're too scared of a wet sandwich. Australian, the Australian mind would just collapse under the idea of a dipped sandwich. Yeah oh man you give me a French dip. Fuck yeah dog.

Give me a French dip. Ooh. Fuck yeah, dog. There is an employee named Mary, M-E-R-R-Y, like the hobbit. Like the hobbit? She is very rude and her voice is loud. I told her to just relax. There are customers. She said, shut up or go outside.

Yeah. That's not very Mary at all. Her name is ironic. They should call her angry. Yeah. Yeah, get her ass. Yeah. Yeah. Get her ass. I informed the manager and she was a good person.

The manager, his name is Adam, he's also rude. So I don't... Alright, quick turnaround on that. Little reality change. Is good quality change rude? Happening halfway through the sentence. I told him what I did and he was rude. I told him you can see the cameras, but he doesn't care.

I'll never come back here. Oh, I want to, I need to look at footage of myself telling you to fuck off. Another one here. Slow. Soda fountain out of my first two selections. Giving two stars, not one because the pregnant chick working had a hicky on her deck, which was kind of cool. Hell yeah.

That rocks. That's life. Fuck yeah. I like these guys. Like it was kind of cool. That rocks. That's life. Fuck yeah. I like these guys like it's kind of cool. Yeah, that's, that's a little bit dope. Like she's still kind of nasty with it. Yeah.

Awesome. She's still beautiful. Yeah. That pregnant? She's still a sexual lady. Still sexual. Trying to get those overlapping pregnancies. at those overlapping pregnancies. Hey, if you can't manage that, you're not trying hard enough.

Weird old lady working at that subway, making up rules out of thin air. I can't put tomato and lettuce on the same sandwich, sorry. Can't do it. Oh, we don't do that here. Sorry, sir. No non-Italian meats on an Italian herb and cheese bread. I simply won't do it. No, we don't do that here. Sorry, sir. No non-Italian meats on an Italian herb and cheese bread. I simply won't do it. In the same way that we've talked about,

like the Homestead assisted living and how if you get old enough, you should be able to go on the zip line and do heroin. Yes. I think they should be administering it for you there at the homestead. I think if you're going to be very old and also be made to work at a subway,

you should get to make up the rules. Yes. Yeah, just have fun with it. Oh, can I have cucumber? Nah. Nah. Nah, you can't. Oh, what month were you born in?

Oh no, sorry. Can't give you cucumber if you're born in August. Libra? Libra, absolutely not. Man quote, helping us was complaining the entire time, giving me his opinion on my sandwich saying it was gross. Yes. Good.

Bring back shame. Steering you towards a better sandwich. Getting that? Oh, bitch. That's nasty. Yucky. That's a nasty sandwich. I mean, if you want, it's going to be super nasty though.

This one is in all caps. Public safety hazard. Do not eat here. Even if you're starving management and employees will get you sick and piss you off for the love of God, save yourself. I hate to be sick and pissed off. A lovely Scanyon to it. Doesn't it?

It does. Not only do I have diarrhea, but also I'm really upset because some made me angry. Now the one here,. Another one here. Don't eat here. They sell old hard bread. And when you ask them to remake it, they get disrespectful and yell at you and tell you to eat elsewhere if you don't like hard bread. That's how we do it at this subway.

That's how we do it. Don't come here if you don't like hard bread. Dry aged Italian herbs and cheese. This one is a little, I don't know. I swear they only hire autistics to work in the mornings. They literally cannot figure out how to turn on the toaster. I don't think that's an autism thing. I think you might be confused.

Maybe if they want to ask backwards. I think they hire a-lystics to work in the morning if they can. I think so. I think Subway's a great autistic job because there's just so many rules. Rules. That's rules. Everything's done the same way. Rules and consequences.

Four slices of cucumber. A sequence. It's always the same. Eight olives. It's always a sequence. We start down this end of the counter. You point to the bread you want. I say, no.

We don't have that one, even though you can see like the signature Parmesan and herbs on top of the Italian herb one. You can see it. I'm going to say that's not it. I'd go to the autistic subway sensory subway lights down, maybe. Maybe for just a new change they could do. They could make the sandwiches good. Yeah.

Get them. We're going to open autistic subway. We went to the drive-through. We're told to look over the menu and they would be right with us. We waited 10 minutes, decided to go in. In the time we waited, they closed. You got drive-thru Subway? Have a look at the menu. Have a think about it.

Oh man, America is full of drive-thru Subways. Lousy with drive-thru Subways. Yeah, usually there's trains down there. You don't have time to walk in and point to the things you want. Yeah. Why is everyone so busy these days? Yeah. Everyone's always in a fucking rush. Going to the drive through at Subway saying,

I don't know what you have and asking them to tell me the content of eat. Yeah, that's absolutely insane. What are the breads? You need to look at the menu at Subway? What are the cheeses? Okay, what are the, yeah, you can't be doing that. And then they get to the end of listing out all the sources

and you go, forgotten all the meats now. Yeah, and also they don't have any of it sold out all of it And we're closed and we're closed. The door is closed They left me at the drive-thru menu for nearly 20 minutes without any line They created a sandwich where the veggies were outside of the bread. Yes, rude at the window choose another subway. I Love the phrasing of created a sandwich like they invented it. Yes. Yeah.

Something like- Lettuce bun sandwich middle. Like a guy did it on purpose. The guy working that day was like, I think I'm onto something. Yeah. It's like a secret menu if you ask- It might be like our creation.

In a specific way. It's called an upper decker. All the veggies on top. He's doing the close encounters. This is important. This means something. Well, he spreads vegetables out on the grease paper. The two people working there were moving very, very slowly and wouldn't look at you or even smile.

They were very rude. The one kid acted like he was mad for some reason. He was throwing things around as he made people sandwiches. Cause he's working at Subway. He works at Subway. Yeah. He wants to be playing Fortnite. Yes.

Bad customer service. I asked for a turkey breast foot long and only wanted one layer of ham. And the worker called me weird for only wanting one layer. What'd they do to like, what the heck? Never again. Yeah, I am picking up on a pattern here. I love Subway employees in the reviews. That's fucking weird. Your sandwich is gross. Yeah. Which one's more likely? I think I already have the answer to this, but which one's more

likely? You work at Subway and this is the first guy to come in and order like a custom configuration that is genuinely staggering to you or Every customer who comes in and orders a variance from what's up on the menu behind you earns a oh I've never seen anyone do that before Oh, oh, I've never seen anyone do that before. Yeah. I would love to work at Subway. Love to work at Subway and call everybody's sandwich wrong. Yeah.

Except for like the exact Subway that you would get. Yeah. That's what I would do. Fuck, that's disgusting, Doug. And I'd know I work at Subway. Absolutely unacceptable behavior from who I can only assume was the manager or owner. I was the second person in line. I'd been waiting 10 minutes.

In that time, a line had formed out the door. One kid was working and doing his best, but was a bit slow. A second person walked in, I'm assuming a manager, saying, quote, this really isn't the place for all of you to just gather and hang out. But they went to the back and hollered that if anyone had five or more sandwiches, they couldn't help them. What? What?

Did I give anyone ordered five or more sandwiches? Yeah. I've seen a couple of reviews of different subways where they're like, if you want to get five or more sandwiches in one go, you need to give them 24 hours notice. Well, look, at a certain point- Fair enough. You are engaging the catering services. That's catering service, yeah. That's a very funny bit to be.

That's a bunch of people lining up. You guys can't just be hanging out in here this subway. What are you guys fucking doing? Some of you are gonna need to leave. Are you loitering? A lady working there saw me driving up nearly 20 minutes before they closed. Saw her run up to the door and lock it, then run back and hid, staring at us through a slit into the back room. To pick up what we called. Yeah, no, I've definitely been there before. Yeah, that's a pro move.

Yep. That is suspect thing. Horrible service and food. The two employees, a man and a woman, were extremely aggressive towards my dad and sister. When my older sister asked for more vegetables on her sandwich, the man deliberately made it sloppy. When she requested a new sandwich because the one he made was a mess, both the man and the woman rudely told her to just eat it with a fork. I hate not taking any shit at Subway. Yeah, why would you?

Maybe they've got like the strongest union in the country or something. Yeah, maybe. Like, fuck you, get a fork. They have nothing left to lose. That's probably that. Zach was quite rude when I asked him to heat the wrap. He responded curtly and it seemed intentional

when he gave me a noticeably smaller portion of the fillings compared to other orders which were generously served. That's the pro Subway move, the revenge underfill. Yeah. Three olives. They did it deliberately. The bitchy microaggression.

That's right. Just like one less of every single topping, so it's not enough that you could really kick up a stink, but you know that they did it on purpose. I could tell this is a seven olive sandwich. Yeah. Open your bathrooms for paying customers. This is United States of America.

If you cannot provide all services, then go to another country where mistreating humans is acceptable. Okay, this is the United States of America. This is the United States of America. United States of America. You just said that. Yeah. Another country where mistreating humans is acceptable. Very funny.

Like a different one. A different different one where cruelty is fine. Yeah. I mean, look, if they were talking about France, they'd have a point. Their bathroom situation is no bueno. It's because of all that cheese they eat. Worst subway ever. I've seen that phrase more times than you could possibly imagine over the last couple of weeks. That's a really big call. I've been to some shit subways.

I'm kind of hoping to find the worst subway ever now, just because I'm looking at so many of them. And this is for you, the listener, if you come across in the wild, a subway that has more than 300 reviews, but a star rating under 2.5, send that shit to me. Send it to the mailbag, mailbag, mailbag at buddha vista.com. Well also, if it is a local one, go in and see what happens.

Go in and see if like the famous rude person is rude to you. We need some subway field reporting happening out there folks. But don't give them money. How can we do this in a way to where we're not helping them? We're not funding the subway corporation. Well maybe, helping them. We're not funding the subway corporation.

Well, maybe, maybe ideally- We're not filling Jared's pockets. Maybe ideally, and they used to be really big pockets. They're so big. They used to be huge pockets. You beat me to it. You've seen him hold those bad boys up. Yeah, you shake it around.

Ideally, Ben, what will happen is you'll go in and you'll have the classic subway experience in which someone either tells you they're not gonna serve you because they're closing, in fact, they're actually closed. Or tells you that you can't have your sandwich like that. Or gets to the end of the process and says you can't have the sandwich.

Or tells you to go somewhere else. All of these would be great for us. Oh, this sandwich, this one's have the sandwich. Yeah. Or tells you to go somewhere else. All of these would be great for us. Oh, this sandwich? This one's actually for me. Yeah. I wanted to eat a sandwich that you would like. That was the specific experience I wanted. Oh, you want olives?

No, no, I don't want olives. I don't want olives on my sandwich, so you can't have that. Yeah. Like a, like, like a sandwich. I eat it up. Like Ben Affleck. I work at Subway on a sort of one for them, one for me basis. Where's subway ever. They were out of olives, mayo and pepper jack cheese. There was only one person working and the guy did everything slow and didn't know how to make the quote classic subs from off the menu. He was also rude.

I didn't know how. The classic subs from the board. The menu. You'd have to turn around and look up there. I've got a crick in my neck. Who are you? What are you talking about? He was also rude when my girlfriend accidentally called the spinach leaves basil.

Your girlfriend's a fucking idiot. Your girlfriend's stupid. That's why. Oh, your girlfriend wants a heaping helping of basil on her sandwich? Is a pile of basil? Stupid. Why are you with her? Dumb her.

I hate the vibe in here. The big guy who makes the sandwiches always have an attitude and give evil glares at the customers. Stop coming back then. You get the evil eye from the big guy at the subway? Big guy at the subway with the evil eye? If I get the evil eye 50 or 60 more times. I'm going to make my own sandwich.

Instead of finding another subway. You punch my evil eye loyalty card. I've been really enjoying how much I come across subways that have one main character that like it's always described in the same terms like there's a couple coming up that are like four reviews all referencing the same one person. Yes, his is named Sauron. Like there are just there are very very evil people out there in the world and a lot of them work at Subway and we back

them. We support them a hundred percent. Good. We need, we need somewhere for evil people to work too. Yes. The sandwich artist shook a fist full of green peppers at me. I asked for more suggesting that he need not be shy with them since I love green peppers. He aggressively informed me that he was not being shy with them since I love green peppers. He aggressively informed me that he was not being shy with them. He was following the quote formula. There are rules here. There are rules both in life and at this subway.

You know how they say that most sentences that are said have never been said before. I feel like most of the behavior we are seeing at a subway has never been seen before. No one has angrily shaken a fistful of green peppers at someone else before, but you're finding it here at subway. I think this is like a monkey typewriter situation just for human behavior. Like if you're having millions of interpersonal interactions every year, some crazy, weirdly specific shit is going to happen. I walked out muttering profanity under my breath or slightly above my breath as one

might do after having a fistful of green peppers shaken at oneself. Yay, you showed them. Motherfucker shaking green peppers, fistful of green peppers shaking at me, bitch boy. I'll kill you, bitch.gy and mama, bitch boy. Fish full of green peppers, fucking cunt. You dickhead fuck, I'll kill you bitch. I'll burn this place down. Green peppers, my ass. We were getting food and drinks when we asked for a broken cookie and Ben said there is none, but if we give him a five star review, we get a free cookie, so that's what we did. We gave him a five star review and got a cookie and he said that we could do it twice for the both of us, so we were doing that again and we wrote the review

and he said that he didn't want photos. So we got told to leave. Also, one of the meats were moldy, one-star experience. That's not what your review says. Well, it's a one-star review. So you've kind of, you've gone back on your deal with Ben. Man, Ben's on his grind. But also they asked if there were any broken cookies

so they could get a free one? A free cookie? There are so many- You think you can just have the cookie because it's broken? That's a confidence. Unspoken rules going on here. Well, you're just like, oh yeah, hey.

I'll just have some of the broken ones, please. Yeah, Chuck's one of those broken cookies for free. And I'll take one of the subs off the menu. Wink. Make me your favourite. What are you ordering? Human meat? The staff seemed annoyed from the start. Didn't greet me, skimped on the beef and looked unhappy when I asked to have my footlong cut in half and wrapped separately. To top it off, the cashiers shook their head at me as I paid, which felt really disrespectful. Not paying like that, are you? Fuck it now.

This one, I don't know the cadence of this. So this is just three sort of short sentences that the syllable count isn't there, but it just but it has the energy to me of a haiku. Here we go. I'm going to read this to you as a poem. Never been so sick in my life. My whole trip ruined. Food poisoning from a meatball sandwich. Very much spiritually a haiku, isn't it? It captures something about an experience. This next couple of runs, see if you can pick up a common thread here. Don't know why the owner doesn't take any action against that short guy. He is the worst, extremely rude and unprofessional.

I believe subway management should look into both that guy and the owner. That guy does not even have basic manners or etiquettes, does not even know how to behave in front of kids. If anyone wants to experience insult, rudeness, or wants to have the worst subway of their life, it's a must-go location. Why would I want that? I think it's nice they ended it with a positive spin. Why would I want to have the worst subway of my life? If you want to just have like a dog shit time, check this guy out. That's the way of my life. If you want to just have like a dog shit time, check this guy out.

The employee shouted and was rude to all the customers. One woman stood and cried because of his rudeness and screams. He put the sandwiches together very badly. The bread was burned to the toaster. I came home and I had to throw two sandwiches in the trash. It was terrible. I feel like you're exaggerating a little bit. No, I don't know. I feel like this the subway guy many days and I know that if that was my job at some point I would be yelling

at people. Yeah. And like throwing their sandwiches around like just having a nervous breakdown but I got to keep working. Yeah. I got to keep talking to people. You got to keep fucking doing this because I have rent and I have bills and I have credit card debt and nothing that I'm doing is working towards like building anything for myself. I feel like I'm fucking trapped in a cage, a financial cage, a miserable cage. And then some fucking guy says, no, no, no, no, no. I want bread, meat, fillings, meat, bread.

Why? Why? Why? Why do you want it? Why do you want the insane sandwich? Can't you just, can't you just have a normal sandwich? Can't someone just order a meatball sub from the menu? You know what I reckon it is? Is it a lot of these people are deeply unhappy.

And at least if someone just orders normal style, you can go into autopilot. Yes. You can daydream about a vacation in the Bahamas while you're just putting it together, just sort of robotically. And then some fucking Jemoke is like, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. I want an upper decker. I want the veggies on top of the bread.

I want a seafood sensation upper decker. I want to sleep between the top sheet and the quilt. Also, can I have the key to your toilet? I need to mess it up in there You know, you should as fucked. I'm gonna fuck you shitter up even more. Yeah. Oh It doesn't flush. That's not my problem. I'm gonna be here 20 minutes. I'm going into that toilet five times And now again this this third one, this is from the same subway again. Yesterday, July 2th. Strong start.

My husband and I were there and it was absolutely horrible experience because of awful, rude and disrespectful men who worked there. He spoke rudely, dismissively put food, didn't put what we asked or put really tiny pieces. Also, my husband doesn't speak English well and I usually help him with these orders at the cafe. The subway employee didn't let me help my husband, uh, but instead said, this isn't your sandwich, wait for your sandwich and don't interfere.

Yes. One thing at a time. One customer, one sandwich. One sandwich. Hold on. You don't need to order for him. He can speak for himself. I like the idea that this is like some sort of demilitarized zone where they get to like

at their own rules and you cannot assist someone else with their sandwich. There is no sandwich advocate in this court. There are rules at Subway. There are rules at Subway. Be prepared. If you break the rules the whole thing falls down. You order your own sandwich, judgment is rendered immediately. Yes. You pay and you get out. Or I throw your sandwich. Yeah, also we're already closed, so no sandwich. Goodbye. Disgusting insolence. We also saw a woman in our line crying because of such rudeness.

Same shop, different woman crying. These subways are crazy. I went in at night to get a rap and that employee there was so rude to me. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. If that guy is a manager, he needs to be fired. Beware. Don't go here. He won't make your food the way you want and we'll kick you out.

He's so mean. I give this place a low rating. I'm filing a complaint against that guy. If he's the manager, I want him gone. Evils Subway. There's so many evils at Subway. Yeah. Also, if he's the manager, who's him gone. Evil Subway. There's so many evils at Subway. Also, if he's the manager, who's going to get rid of him? Yeah.

He's not going to fire himself. He's Mr. Manager. He's Mr. Manager. The staff member threw the sandwiches on the floor because I asked for Mayo to be on the bread instead of the meat. Okay. Well, that's... Okay.

Look. There are rules. All right. It's a way for the, they do things in a specific way. We've all been there. Imagine being in such a bad mood and just throwing someone's sandwich on the floor. Fuck that's good. You know what?

Fuck it. Fuck it. I don't understand why you don't order something from Amazon and ask for the goods to be outside the box when it's delivered. You can't customize the way, like you can't ask for your pizza toppings to be underneath the pizza when it goes in the oven. Stop making weird orders. Yeah, leave them alone.

Just order something from the menu. Don't you feel ashamed? And also I don't know order something from the menu. Also, I don't know what's on the menu. Well, yeah, don't, but don't you feel sub semblance of shame? No, I don't think so. This is where people, so this, this is, you know, the people there aren't at the top rung of society.

The people ordering from there aren't at the top rung of society, but they're one level up and they're exercising the power they otherwise don't have. Yeah, over a subway employee. Every subway employee is just at the end of their rope. That's the only person they can abuse, so they do something absolutely crazy when they order just to fuck with them. And then the subway person takes the power back by not doing it. Because they're just one step away from cracking. Yeah, because you the one person does.

You ask one request and they're ready to fucking throw the sandwich at the wall. Like a service person in America must be completely obsequious, right? Like just, just like absolutely just groveling to the customer, right? Unless they withhold their tip or whatever. But I assume that Subway, you don't get tips. Oh, they've got a tip option on the machine. Yeah. They're like weird unwritten rules of, I don't know.

I'm sure Americans will debate about this, but I feel like the thing is if they make it for you, there's an expectation that you still tip. But not if it's just something that's- Like you're tipping at McDonald's? I think you don't tip at Subway. Didn't we hear that someone like cancelled the order on the F, on the, what do they call it? Fpos in America? Point of sale.

The banking machine. Because like someone put in a tip and they're like, oh no, we don't get that. Cancel on a regular, right? Oh yeah, someone did say that in the- no, we don't get that. Cancel on a regular. Yeah, someone did say that in the- I don't think you can tip at McDonald's. Right. So they're not like, they're not, they don't have to cop your bullshit. Your mayo on the bread bullshit.

Yeah. Upper decker ass. One more here. Refused to make one sub first and then the second sub. When I asked him about it, he said, you're stupid, man. Yes. You suck, dude. You suck so fucking bad.

Your sandwich sounds gross. Get out of here. Your sandwich is giving me depression. Go to fucking firehouse subs. Get out of here. Get out of my sight. Fucking Firehouse subs, get out of here, get out of my sight. Hey, sometimes when you go to Subway, you don't get the thing that you asked for. And what sources are on there might be a mystery liquid to you. It's time for Mystery Liquid. Mystery Liquid, can't tell what color it is with a slick oily sheen.

What could it mean mystery liquid I see some good that is forming a pool on the floor who is it for I'm gonna taste the mystery liquid I'm gonna taste the mystery liquid. This comes to us from News Nation. Mystery seed packages returned to Texas. Huh. Do you guys remember this?

I do. From ages ago. You want to grow these Chinese seeds for me real quick? I can't say Chinese like that. They weren't Chinese. Can I not say Chinese? Chinese seeds for me real quick. I can't say Chinese like that. They were Chinese. But don't say like, can I not say Chinese? Chinese seeds. They're just Chinese seeds.

Okay. They're just Chinese seeds. A 2020 era scheme appears to be making its way back to the US. Some Texas residents are receiving packages containing mysterious seeds through the mail that they never ordered. The unsolicited packages are usually from China and although they weren't harmful the last time, the Lone Star State isn't taking any chances. The State's Department of Agriculture is warning residents not to open the mystery

packages and to report the items immediately. What do you think's in there? Like what's the worst possible like thing that could happen? They're not going to grow an asbestos tree. They're going to grow Trifids or something? Someone's just sending you free seeds. Maybe it's just so you get addicted to them. It's like, here's your free seeds.

You're going to like what you grow. You're going to want to order more. You want more of them. And then you're getting these seeds from China, you know? And then that's how they win? That's how they win. That's how they get in here. They're going to put Chinese trees everywhere. That's how they win. That's how they get in here. They're going to put Chinese trees everywhere.

That's how they get you. Looking around our beautiful Lone Star State, see all these Chinese trees. Little Beijing. Chinese Elms everywhere. First it's the trees, then the whole culture changes. Yeah. I just genuinely don't understand. Like I don't...

Could they have pathogens or something in them? Could it be a bio weapon? Yeah, surely they would have tested them, right? Yeah. Are they just free seeds? I think they're just free seeds. Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller, who issued this warning, told News Nation his department, quote, picked up and and quote, destroyed about a thousand of the mysterious packages in 2020. We're tempted to grow any of them? Just put some in like a little greenhouse.

Maybe there'll be Agapanthus. Or something else. Chinese Agapanthus. Chinese Agapanthus. Miller said this time the packages also contained a quote, unidentified liquid. Sorry Lucy, you just got... They probably got all kinds of stuff over there. Chinese gum trees, Chinese roses.

Quote, that tells me this was probably a test run, he said. They're testing our security, our biosecurity, and they're seeing if they can get by. And they certainly have. All right. Great. Let's see what happens next. Yep. Something big coming soon.

Oh no, they're going to destroy America. Um, yeah, I think probably you're going to get destroyed one way or the other. Hey, may as well make it Chinese. If the American empire is going to crumble, it may as well be Chinese while it crumbles. That's right. Stunt in Chinese America. Uh-oh, America's Chinese now. Well, let them handle it.

They think they can do any better? The United Chinese States of Chinese America going to Chinese, Texas. Chinese, Oregon. Chinese, Alaska. Chinese, Hawaii. What would that sound like? Getting a tour of the Chinese White House. What would that sound like? What would that sound like? Getting a tour of the Chinese White House.

This is the Chinese Oval Office. No, I didn't expect it to be Chinese. It's actually a recreation of the Chinese Oval Office because you can't go in the real one but that is Chinese Ben Franklin's writing desk. Oh no, it's time for the Chinese American national anthem. Miller advised people that if they receive one of the packages, they should not open the seeds. Quote, contact us immediately.

He said, I'll get an officer over there. We'll get an inspector over there and we'll pick it up. We will trace and we will identify the package. It kind of sounds like you want my Chinese baby. Taking your TikTok. They're taking this free seeds. Yes. Pre-Chinese American government.

What's my Chinese plants? What it's like under China. Man's not allowed to have his own free Chinese plants in the mail. They take it off. Yeah. What are we some sort of China? some sort of Chinese American flag flying or what this isn't the Chinese and take them. Except the snake's a dragon. Pretty good.

I think we muddled our way through that one. Yeah, I think we got some. I think, like all joking aside, I reckon you can exercise a little bit of caution here and just sort of broadcast the seeds, but in your neighbor's yard. So that way you still get to see them come to fruition, but if there's some sort of dastardly Chinese pot. So venomous plants are going to get your neighbors, not you. As soon as they pop up, if they look sus, you just call the police straight away.

I think my neighbors are growing Chinese seeds. My neighbors are growing the tree that makes you Chinese. Hey, America doesn't need to be Chinese to be crazy. It helps though. But it doesn't hurt? It's already pretty crazy. We explore some specific kinds of American craziness in GTA World. This is from WLNS in Michigan. Ambulance stolen from UM Health Sparrow.

UM Health Sparrow. Ambulance stolen from UM Health Sparrow. I think it's maybe University of Michigan Health and Sparrow is maybe a place? Sparrow, Michigan. Sure. Well, no, it's in Lansing. Oh, okay. Maybe sparrow is in Lansing. UM Health Sparrow, who the fuck knows?

It sounds like one of the spaceships from Halo. Yeah. An ambulance was briefly stolen from UM Health Sparrow in Lansing earlier today. Uh, Lansing police officer Anthony Vandervoort said that police responded to the hospital approximately 1 45 PM. The suspect. A wild time for an ambulance to be stolen. Crazy time.

Yeah. Uh, the suspect, an unidentified woman was caught after traveling a short distance and was taken into custody. Police are still investigating to determine the suspect's motive. Fun. Fun? Yeah. Fun. Fun? Yeah. Having some joy in my life.

Also, that's how you get the ambulance mission. You get health as well. You get a little health boost when you get into it. You get a little health boost. Fucking, why are we overthinking this? You get to put the siren on? You can drive as fast as you want? Yeah.

People think you're a hero? You get injured? You go in the back, get healed up. Yep. They got the thing from Elysium back there. That's right, get in the pod! Six News will update when more information is made available. I don't think there's going to be any more.

Joy is a motive. Yes. Having fun is a motive. Stealing an ambulance as an act of resistance. Yes. Yes. Yes. Because of how joyful it is. If you saw someone stealing an ambulance, no, you didn't.

No, you didn't. Yes, that's right. She voted Kamala Harris. This is all she has left. When I've been in the back of an ambulance, they wouldn't let me choose whether to put the lights on. So I thought I would try being in the front of an ambulance. Yes. They said my dilemma wasn't important enough. whether to put the lights on. So I thought I would try being in the front of an ambulance.

They said my dilemma wasn't important enough. They said they were happy to be stuck in traffic. Weird and disrespectful. Do not go to this hospital. Hey, I think that was definitely an episode of the podcast. Bunte Viste. Thank you so much for joining us. It is still freemium free debris. So you're going to be seeing two episodes a week in your feed. You might like having

two episodes a week. If you do, who, boy, you can have that like all the time. All you have to do is subscribe to our Patreon and you get four extra episodes a month. That's quality podcast value and it could be yours. You don't have to listen to them if it's too much. You can just give us money. Cause like you like us or cause it would make us happy. It would support us making the show that brings you so much joy in these troubling pre-Chinese American times.

The Chinese American dragon is rising. They won't be able to take this away from you in Chinese America. Yes. We're Australian, you know. Yes, we'll be safe for now. Our whole episode next time is just 60 minutes of naming things that are Australian, but putting the word Chinese at the start. Chinese chemist warehouse.

It will crush in the room. I'll tell you that much. Maybe, maybe not sound so good played back. No, it's not funny because it's Chinese. It's funny because it's American and Chinese. Yeah. It's called synthesis. Yeah.

Uh, thank you so much for listening. Uh, we will see you on the next free episode, which is a bonus episode because of Freemium Free Brewery. Stay safe out there. We'll talk to you soon. Bye! I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man Six hours before With an evil grin Better brace yourself Straight away or when Call powerslide

Separate them all Never touch and break on a broken bone. Even right and set this plan, erasing all. Even right and set this plan, erasing all.