Boonta Vista - EPISODE 383: Stanking Ass Or Otherwise (with Joe Kassabian)

Episode Date: February 15, 2025

Joe Kassabian from Lions Led By Donkeys joins us to discuss: A political career ruined by happy hardcore, brotherly lawyerly horseplay gone awry, fake Dutch cops, real Dutch heists, and Headline News. *** Find Lions Led By Donkeys here: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/lions-led-by-donkeys-podcast/id1393845532 *** Get stickers here: https://boontavista.myshopify.com/ *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, welcome to Pointe Vista episode 383, the podcast where we cover strange news stories in our variety of wacky segments like Dutch Watch, The Shipping Report and Big Egg. Now here's where we would usually have a really inaccessible and really off-putting scenario, but we do have a special guest today. Joe's here and I don't want to alienate any potential new listeners. I did write down a few ideas in my notes app today at like 4 AM. I couldn't get back to sleep. So, uh, we'll run through the ones that we could have had, but

we're not going to have these ones. Uh, so on a normal episode, we might have something like, uh, what if Dan Brown's book was called the DaVinci Chode? Positive response. Okay. I might keep that one for later. I'll save that one. Hang on.

Hang on. No. All right. I'm hitting that thing with a rope. A self-flagellating chode. I like it. Tiny rope. It's a very wide rope though.

Pansexual polyam roommate Genghis Khan. Don't know where that one was going. Chinese New Jersey. Yes. Yes. Measuring the response here. And I wrote Kingdom Hearts 9-11, but then I thought we might have already done that. The hardest part is getting the gummy ship to hit both towers simultaneously. Game canon, there's only one ship. There is only one ship. You got to ping pong back and forth between the two towers.

Don't worry about it. Anyway, we're not doing one of those scenarios today. So I just wanted to make everyone's day easier. I put together a little script for us that might sound like what a natural sort of conversation between some friends and some podcast hosts might sound like. So Andrew and Theo, if you want to just, you can go ahead and open that script there. Yep. We'll run through it.

So I'm going to take some notes from this because I might be able to apply it in other areas of my life. Yeah, you can save this for later. We'll run through it. So I'm going to take some notes from this because I might be able to apply it in other areas of my life. Yeah. Yeah. You can save this for later. So I'll start. Hello. Welcome to Buntavista podcast, where we look at strange and silly news stories

with me as always is my good friend and co-host Theo. Hey Theo, what's new in your world? Hello. Hello Lucy. It's great to be here as always on Buntavista. We have some amazing stories for our listeners today. Sorry, I just unwrapped them by Amazon. It's GT Tooth Moose Plus, it's for recalcifying my teeth.

Oh, cause you don't have any fluoride. Cause I don't have any fluoride. It's got fluoride in it. Okay, you gotta get your fluoride from home. Thanks, that's actually a really natural sort of addition to the conversation that's really helpful. Try and stay's actually a really natural sort of addition to the conversation. That's really helpful. Try and stay on the script. All right.

Sorry. I'll try and, uh, how are you? Oh, sorry. That's not in the script. Great stories for our listeners. Oh, we sure do Theo. Before we dive into the podcast, uh, what have you been up to lately? Lucy, I have been well, I have been taking care of myself, going to the gym, watching

the new season of Severance and participating in the Try Not To Come challenge. I'm on antidepressants, sorry. Wow, that's so interesting. I would love to hear more. How has the Try Not To Come challenge been going for you? It goes on like this. It cum challenge been going for you? It goes on like this. It's not been going well, Lucy. I have been straight up jorking it silly style.

I've just been going ham on this hog. Not even the stem, stern judgment of the almighty God could keep me away from my peevus, I'm gooning and also edging right now. I've been going silly mode on that thing. Is it very natural? It's just as I imagined it. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Theo, I wish you all the best.

Also with me as always is my good friend and co-host Andrew. Hey Andrew, how's it going? Hi Lucy. It's great to be here. I've been spending my time with my wonderful family, watching the latest A24 releases at the cinema because you know I like movies, and straight up jolting at Silly Style.

I've been going hog wild to the Cartoon Simpsons stuff where Marge has huge titties. You would not believe the kind of shit I've been on. Overwatch characters, Hentai, Lois Griffin, Peter Griffin, Peter Griffin, Chris Griffin, even Brian the dog. I just can't stop honking on my shit. Oh Jesus. Okay, amazing. Thank you, Andrew. I hope you're happy with yourself so far, Lucy.

I feel like a puppet. Oh, that's really rough. I'm so sorry. I didn't know we could do this. I didn't know we could puppeteer the other hosts. We can't do it again. We can't do it again. It's been done now. Also with me is our special guest, author and host of the Military History Podcast, Lions Led by Donkeys, Joe Kasabian.

Joe, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you. I wasn't aware that there was a challenge I needed to be involved in. I would have become more prepared. You don't have to be, but if you've been involved in the challenge, that would be a natural flow on. I don't have a script for you. I feel like one of the parts of being an adult is no matter what you do You're always a part of the try not to come challenge. Just every aspect of life. Yeah, what's with what's with like?

the low level horniness throughout existing I'm at the grocery store. I'm checking out the melons try not to come Yeah, you know try not to come Jimmy like the low level of horniness that you'd live with or do you mean? Like I'm this is like a modern problem For horny horny this hadn't been invented yet. Well, I've only been living in the modern world, but I'm talking about like the like cosmic background horniness like

You know great beyond Yeah, I don't know. I don't know where it comes from. Trying to slide up in the voice titties? I don't know where it comes from. I think what Theo's describing is a kind of horniness that he feels that is what I imagine people are talking about when they say they're affected by like 5G. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You have to go to one of the dark zones to get away from the cosmic horniness. It's just kind of there in the background all the time, just this low hum, you know, yeah, you should be able to switch it off, but you can't now There's that area and like West Virginia that has no radio signals zero horniness there. Oh There's some like weird NASA telescope there nobody's fucking Nobody man, I Tell you what if me and Theo weren't joking on our people's silly style, they'd put that shit in the news. There's other things in the news, specifically in tabloids. We check that shit out in Tabloid Phenomenon.

This comes to us from Wales Online. And Ben's written in the notes here, good luck with the place names, you're on your own. Thanks Ben, he's always with us even when he's doing whatever he does. What's he up to? What is he up to? He's so important that he does what's he up to what is so important that he couldn't be here he actually said but I forgot oh me too I guess dinner with his with his wife or something yeah intensive Welsh language course Welsh reform counselor under fire for posting music video about quote stanking ass bitches What's the crime

Now I'm guessing they've got stars It's a star star and then B star star star star es But I've done a lot of crosswords in my day. I can figure that shit out. Put it together right there in my head. A reform counselor has distanced himself from songs with lewd lyrics despite being credited online as one of the composers. Counselor David Thomas was not involved in creating songs such as Pussy Stomp, but did

post them online according to the political party. So he just posted them. What's reform? Is this some terrible political party? Oh yeah, it's Nigel Farage's party. Yeah, is it the same? Farage's like far right party, yeah. Okay.

So a reform party member wrote a song called Pussy Stomp. Well he didn't write Pussy Stomp. Hold on, we don't know what it's about. That's true. I'm open to hearing your theories. Whatever it is, it might be bad. I can't think of any combination of those two words which is like, oh, it's not so bad. So we do get some details here.

Mr. Thomas, the party's Torfain council group leader, who recently switched from independent to reform, has performed happy hardcore rave music under the stage name DJ Dowsda. Oh, I bet this sucks shit. God, nobody wants their MP to also be... Nobody wants a DJ, but nobody wants an MP DJ. Nobody wants their MP to also be, nobody wants a DJ, but nobody wants an MP DJ. Not, yeah. MP DJ, no thank you. An anonymous source contacted Wales online

to complain about the lyrics of songs posted by DJ Dowsda's YouTube channel, including references to quote, stanking ass bitches that need to wash up, end quote. And a song called Spack Attack. Oh. Okay, that is a bit of slang that's escaping me at the moment.

Spack? Well, I reckon I can guess. We can, yeah. The word spack can be a derogatory term for a person with cerebral palsy. This is a thing that people said in Australia back in the day. Yeah, very high school. My high school slur.

Yeah, in my day, this would have been an abbreviation for spastic as a slur. Ah, okay. It's sort of like rolling out the R word. Got you. Wow. I did not expect this to be an educational corner for me today. Yeah, you're welcome Yeah, I got pussy stomp and I got a new slur. Thanks Thank you. You can hope for on this show

I'm gonna I'm gonna struggle a little with some of these names if you are Welsh don't get mad Reform denies the former labor counselor. Also, so he went labor to independent to reform. OK. Reform denies. That is pretty common for my additional standing these days. That's the true horseshoe. That's the racist arc right there. I got in trouble for saying a word once.

Reform denies the former Labour councillor who represents Lantemum Ward in Quambrun. That's C-W-M-B-R-A-N. What are you guys doing over there? I know, like, glass houses and all that because I live in the Netherlands, but come on. Throw me a couple of vows, you know? Yeah, just like a guide. They have denied he created the songs. A spokesman for the party told Wales Online that Mr. Thomas was a quote

DJ back in the day, end quote. And got to know an artist called Sam Thomsit, also known as Vagabond. On YouTube and Spotify, both Mr. Thomas and Mr. Thompson are credited as composers and producers of the music. According to reform, this is a mistake which is being rectified, and Mr. Thomas' only connection to the music is that he posted it online to help his friend

because his channel had, quote, better reach because he was a bigger name. It makes sense, 100%. Sure. Yeah, why not? I mean, in the Welsh DJ world, who are we to judge? It's all adding up so far. I think we can all agree.

Mr. Thomas is pictured in the YouTube artwork for the song, Spack Attack. OK. All right. OK. OK. Now, it's starting to sound like maybe you were involved with the song.

Yeah. He's gonna self promote why wouldn't he? You know, gonna spread that reach of this horrible fucking song. He was credited on Spotify as the co-performer of the song, Cock and Balls, which includes lyrics such as, quote, do you like how you say a bitch with balls?

Or do you like a bitch with how you say a cock and balls? Now this is music. Just balls? Just balls? Just balls? Where do the balls hang in this situation? Above or below the pussy? Man, I like my bitch with just balls.

Just balls, yeah. Is that an option? Is that an option you can have? Or below the pussy Is that an option is that is that an option you can have I suppose so maybe I mean this guy Maybe it is only in Wales This is some Welsh culture that we just don't understand here only Welsh kids would understand you know yeah only Welsh kids would understand the only balls Got ahead of with the sack attack Song spanning more than a decade appear on the music streaming platform under the banner of Douser and vagabond which attract 842 monthly listeners

But reform says mr.. Thomas has not financially benefited from the music. Thank God. Of course he has it. He has 800 monthly listeners. That's a really bleak amount of listeners. I think anything under 2,000 is a rough look. I mean, not that I'm defending the honor of DJ Dowsder here, but on Spotify you have to have millions of fucking downloads to make any money whatsoever, right? Oh yeah. Very much. The source who made the complaint said they were quote stunned to hear sick misogynistic lyrics such as quote, stanking ass bitches that need to wash

up, don't get mad when I don't want to fuck you need soap and water I gotta see this man what's his name sorry he's an MP in the reform party which means he could only look like a human thumb yeah I have no doubt that cop head oh he's bald and white it's exactly what I was picking you. Fucking nailed it. I didn't even have to look anything up. Oh, you gotta look up this guy. He looks fucked up. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yep. Okay.

Yeah. Don't like that. Yeah, I don't think he's getting any bitches, stanking ass or otherwise, personally. Yeah, I get some bitches, but the only ones I can get are fucking stank. They're st bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch.

I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch.

I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch.

I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. years ago, so maybe he did look quite so much like a melted candle or someone who got too close to the elephant's foot. But like, fuck me.

He looks like if the mountain from Game of Thrones did server admin. The source called for Mr. Thomas to resign, adding, Can you ask the leaders of Reform if this is the right person they should have leading their only group in Wales? He even spoke on stage at their conference a while back in Wales at the Celtic Manor. I've read that there is a local election coming up in Porfain and he's campaigning. This is still the same source complaining. Are the candidate and local party members happy being led by someone who is linked to things like quote fuck her right in the pussy and asking women to get their titties out and shake them around? Yeah the average reform voter wants their MPs to want to churn

migrants into a like a marinara sauce but yeah absolutely not seeing anything about bitches and titties that is beyond the pale yeah that's right we're fine with the n-word but how dare he tell me that I need to wash myself mr. Thomas's Facebook page shows he was scheduled to perform a DJ set as recently as November 9th at the White Hut in Cwmbrum. Oh, so this is like pretty recently.

Oh, he's out there DJing. His Wikipedia page lists him as the founder and owner of the Candy Crush music record label, which reportedly signed artists including Vagabond. You can't be calling your record label that legally. Not a chance. No, it's fine. Can't be calling it Angry Birds Music. Yeah, I mean, nobody sued me over my music label, Final Fantasy Records.

It's still fine. A reform spokesman said, he doesn't own that anymore. Sorted. Okay. So, within a few months, he was simultaneously hitting DJ sets and on the campaign trail for the most racist party in the UK. Yeah. Yeah, sounds like a great year for him.

It's cumbron, by the way. I didn't want to say it, but it is. So yeah. CWM. I will continue trying not to cum then. Yeah. Thanks. Try not to cumbron challenge. Easy enough. Oh boy if I was running for office and doing songs about stanking ass bitches that need to wash their pussies They put that shit in the news and in the news they often have headlines It's time for headline news Now Joe, I don't know if you're familiar with this segment. This is the one where you get to hear the headline of the story and nothing else.

And if you look up the story out of curiosity, you have violated the spirit of the segment and our trust. Understood. The first cab off the rank here. You'll soon be able to have coffee and pizza in an old church in the center of a busy roundabout. Finally. I always wanted to have a really intricate and stupid way to die in a traffic accident. I don't want to have coffee and pizza together.

That's a terrible combination. Unless it's like you have a pizza dinner, maybe they're doing it real Italian style and you have a little espresso at the end of the meal. But they need to be more specific about that and I cannot access any more details about this story. I would like to think that this is the same pizza and really bad coffee that you'd get at the average American gas station, petrol station. You go in and it's like the coffee is burnt and disgusting

and has been there for an indeterminable amount of time. And the pizza is in one of those roller type heating configurations, all of it's going to give you diarrhea. I think that's beautiful though. We don't have that we don't have gas station pizza Don't have to filter coffee. Is that something you should have? I was just thinking the other day I was uh trying to figure out when the last time was that I was in a a gas station and saw like hot dogs on rollers and I was saddened to think about how many years it's been. Yeah, bring them back. Bring them back.

I feel like the normal customer base of people who order them have died because of the roller hot dogs. So it's one feeding into the other. I don't know. I think they're going to outlive us all because you eat those, you get all those strong bacteria, harden up your internal system, you know? That's the ideal form of a hot dog, I think, is the gas station hot dog with the wet burn. I've never had one. I've never had one that comes from a roller.

All our stuff, I don't know, we lost the, it's like a lost art. We've forgotten the technology in Australia because it's all just flat. There's no, there's no rollers. We don don't we don't care to tumble them place Was a service station that had gorilla dogs inside So it was like a little sign on the outside gorilla dogs bring back I don't want the hot dog at the bar that costs $15 that's a gorilla dogs But that was Hair brand of like the- Does it have some hair on top?

Well like, in the same way that in like 7-Eleven petrol stations here, you'll have like the Slurpee machine, you know, and that's- although does 7-Eleven own Slurpee, the brand? I feel like it's a trademark at this point. Probably. Yeah, but they also seem to be like an outlet for Krispy Kreme now. They have like a Krispy Kreme fridge in the 7-Elevens. Yeah, I don't know if that's an Australian thing. It's just a Krispy Kreme shop now.

I don't know. We don't have 7-Elevens here. I suspect so because they just don't have a Krispy Kreme store anymore, right? Are you saying there's an actual Krispy Kreme store near you, Lucy? No, there's one at the airport still, right? Yeah, I mean where things used to go to malls to die now they go to airports before they die Yeah stages of franchise death have changed Yeah, we we cannot support the Krispy Kreme franchise in Australia outside of

Being in a being in, buying your petrol and going I guess so It isn't good, I don't want anyone to write in and get mad about this, it shit sucks I guess I could have four donuts for $18, yeah Yeah, I guess Problem solved, don't even exist here Now you're getting real pastries over there No? Kind of Yeah. Now you're getting real pastries over there. Ah.

No? Kinda. The worst of both worlds. Yeah, I mean, like the donut that I get from my local bakery is certainly better than Krispy Kreme because getting punched in the face by just a random person is better than eating a Krispy Kreme donut. I'm a sick hog who loves a Krispy Kreme donut.

Really? The original glazed, I'll sit down and eat a bunch of them. We do have Dunkin' Donuts here, which are also not good. They're not good either. A lot of people from Boston are getting very mad at me. Let's keep Dunkin' Donuts in the Netherlands? Yes, there's one in the middle of the Hague city center where I live. And it is a pile of shit.

It's not good. Bring back the hot dogs on rollers. I think that's something we can all agree on. And it is a pile of shit Bring back the hot dogs on rollers. I think that's something we can agree on. Yeah. Yep. I Got to drive across town to Ikea if I want to get a cheap hot dog You know or Costco the Costco in the Ikea and next door to each other very convenient for me when I'm going across town to Do all my hot dog shopping needs? Hot dog shopping you get two at once Going back and forth between the two stores. You do the local hot dog.

You want to go hot dogging today? Go back and forth between the two stores with enough of a gap that hopefully it's not the same staff serving me each time as I get all my hot dogs in throughout the day. I think it's acceptable because when I was a teenager, I worked at a McDonald's when I was like 14 or 15 15 and there would be someone that Would come in get McDonald's breakfast and stay reading a newspaper For hours until we started serving lunch and also get his lunch. I feel like you could do that and Ikea was he old Yeah, I mean Tim to me then he was cuz I was like 14 or 15 anybody older than 25 was like grandfather to me

But but now you're like that was just a 36 year old dude. What was he doing? Yeah, like that was fucking me. Shit. Man. 96 year old with intriguing past, still downhill skis the steep slopes. So when did he move to Argentina?

Yeah. What's the intriguing past? Not allowed to know. Oh. Good asking. Ooh. It depends on where this article is taking place. If it's, let's say, Canada, Argentina, Uruguay?

Depends. You better not be searching for that story, Lucy. I'm suspicious. Intriguing. I'm not. I'm not. We're news gooning right now. The headlines on one screen. Oh, I want to look at it.

God, I have news just smeared all over my hands right now. We're looking at the same Google Doc, and I can see Lucy's cursor move up there. Swatter away from it. Backshots champion. Maybe he's that like really old Japanese male porn star that I saw on the news a few years ago. He was like 80 or something. He was like 80 and he was like the king of this fetish of getting railed by old men.

Okay. And just cut many, many videos. And why wouldn't you? Why not, I guess? It's all blurred out in Japan anyway. Yeah. No shame, yeah, just fucking the mosaic. It's all good.

I mean, your face isn't, but. Yeah. He was asked about that because he had grandchildren. You could be doing anything down there. Yeah. He was asked about that because he had grandchildren. He's like, I don't think the third did this kind of porn.

This porn isn't for weird people. Don't hate your own audience, man. This shit's just for the freaks strictly for the freaks happy No, he's he's he's taken up skiing. I mean his dick's got to be worn out by now and finally. What was that sound? not frost quakes Solved that in the title. What's a frost quake? You sounds like some form of sorcery Mmm. I'm not good. I'm just googling what a frost quake is. I think that's allowed Also known as a cryo size them or ice quake is a size we can get that occurs when water in the ground freezes and expands Expansion we don't have that around yes soil and rock which eventually cracks and releases a loud boom Yeah, we don't have that here. We don't have that here. We don't have that here. We don't have that here. We don't have that here.

Our water doesn't freeze. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like something that only impacts a very small number of Alaskans or something every year. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Surely just in Alaska.

Cryo-sisms are way better. And a continually reducing number as well. Yeah. Right. Somewhere where you have to say stuff like polar vortex, you know? Mm. Oh, shit. That is where I'm from We just have like hate for Texas. Yeah, yeah I feel like that's a more normal in Detroit as a

As a hate vortex, but also occasionally not so much anymore because you know we've melted the planet polar vortexes I Don't I don't want to live anywhere where what is that sound could be followed by ice quake. It feels like a place that human beings aren't supposed to settle. Probably. How do you feel about the Netherlands,

I guess fate to live underwater like Atlantis? We deserve it. Okay. I live in a place that is 100% reclaimed land as well, and if the sea retakes it, I'm fine with it. You ready to live under the sea? Do they just reclaim more land? What's going on there?

It's a huge amount of the country. What a second story. I hope I just don't limp away from this one, you know, really take me down. I wanna die and be with like Ariel the mermaid and shit. I don't really take me down. I want to die and be with like Ariel the mermaid and shit. I don't know. Yeah sometimes headlines are very mysterious but sometimes you find yourself in the headlines for a specific reason like accidentally shooting yourself or someone else and we look at those stories in the clipping

report. This comes to us from the American Bar Association Journal. Lawyer suspended for unintentionally shooting brother during, quote, horseplay, end quote, with gun. Classic story. Don't. Yup. Yup. Quit fucking around.

Imagine doing this. You were being silly, weren't you? You were being silly just then. Yeah. Coming into the room. Not even going to a court. Not even being charged with a crime, just being scolded. Walking into a room where you can smell the gun smoke, blood pissing out of one of your

adult sons. He's screaming. Mm, I told you to stop being silly. Walking into a room where you can smell the gun smoke, blood pissing out of one of your adult sons. He's screaming. I told you to stop being silly. Told you. I told you what had happened. I told you not to give the gun to that horse. This is what happens with horseplay though. That's what it's for. What do you think's going to happen?

I'm 80 horse way. Can we just be straight? Let's cut the shit. Cut the shit. Let's get serious. Horseplay ends in injury. This is what happens. Unless it's the other kind of horseplay. What's the other kind of horseplay?

Oh. Oh. No. I'm not into that. I mean, Mr. Hands died. Yeah, that's true, but it wasn't by a gun, was it? No. No, it was by a horse cock.

Yes, thank you. He's still going. It wasn't by a gun, was it? No. No, it was by a horse cock. Yes. Thank you. He's still drunk. Somebody was shot, but it wasn't with a gun. So did that guy actually die from the horse cock? Can we use the game? Oh yeah, he got perforated to death. Is that real?

That's real? What happened? Yeah, he died. He died. He got exploded by a horse. He was abandoned outside of a hospital by his friends that were there with him. And if you're under 30, you can Google that. Abandoned outside of a hospital by his friends that were there with him. Washington State. Under 30.

You can Google that. You can Google Mr. Ham. You can see the whole video. If you really want. Now let that be a lesson to all of our listeners. If you want to fuck a horse, you be the one fucking. You know, fuck a horse.

Probably don't. No catching. I don't think we're endorsing any horse fucking given or receiving. I'm saying if like if at gunpoint you have to fuck a horse, turn it around on him and say, technically I'm fucking the horse. Stop asking me this Andrew. I really hate to be kidnapped at a held at gunpoint. You will fuck this horse. You'll fuck this horse right now I keep showing every scenario again. I keep showing everybody my own hand-drawn version of the trolley problem

The horse is traveling along rails Could fuck your ass or five other asses a lawyer in Boca Raton, Florida has been suspended for 10 days. So short. That's it? He shot a guy? Not that long! It is Florida. A lawyer in Florida has been suspended for 10 days after he unintentionally shot his

brother in the biceps during, quote, horseplay. His brother can't even flex anymore? He misunderstood the concept of the gun show. Yeah. Dude was flexing on him. He was put around through his bicep. How do you do that? I mean, I'm American.

I understand that people manage to find interesting ways to shoot themselves and their friends and their partners all the time. I'm trying to figure out a way where someone gets shot in the arm that doesn't start with a guy taking out a gun and pointing it directly at his own brother. Well, they're doing horseplay.

Just middle-aged playing. Right, right. It's really sad. They're fucking around. Now he's only got one ticket to the gun show. Yeah, and it's suspended for slightly over a week from being a lawyer. Well maybe it's maybe it's like business days. It could be business days. He's out for two weeks.

That probably makes more sense. Yeah yeah. You're you're suspended by the bar for work days only. You could still do it like be a Ronan lawyer on the weekends. Florida lawyer Albert V. Medina's suspension is effective February the 10th, who's currently suspended according to Florida Bar News, the Palm Beach Post and the Legal Profession Blog. Are you Googling this guy? Yeah, I want to see what he looks like. Does he also look like a thumb with a goatee?

Florida lawyer. Imagine you hire a lawyer in Florida and like, oh, I want to look into this guy's back. Or like, oh, it says here you were suspended for 10 days for shooting your brother. Oh yeah, but I wasn't charged, you know? If that's him, I like his face. He looks like Kevin James a little bit. He's got a vibe going on. He's got those little sleazy eyes. He's untrustworthy for sure. He does look like he should be on a 90s sitcom.

Yeah. This is my lawyer dog. I'm going to jail. Energy. Medina's conditional guilty plea for consent judgment in the ethics case filed with the Florida Supreme Court in December had details on the allegations. Like this is an ethics case, not a shooting someone with a gun case. Yeah. Well, what's the crime? I feel like that it could be two things. Accidentally shooting someone with a gun is in fact a crime, while also unethical for

your lawyer to do. Unethical for your lawyer to do And brother to shoot you. Yeah Maybe things are different in Florida I don't know that the community does something to people's brains down there in October 2022 Medina retrieved a gun from another room while engaged in quote horse play and quote with his brother the document said. So they're they have the zoomies they're horsing around and he's like just you wait. He stomps off to his bedroom. Medina pulled the trigger thinking that the gun was unloaded.

Yeah. Reasonable. Plastic mistake. Definitely. Yeah you know just some gun zoomies. Medina's brother was shot in his biceps Medina and his brother said the injury was unintentional So we got a guys we got two brothers fighting one runs out of the room to grab a gun and shoots the other one of

The arm yeah, I feel like this is a brother base cover-up. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Yeah I think it was a little bit. I just doesn't want his brother to go to jail get disbarred This is a brother-based cover-up. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I think it was deliberate. Classic brother ship. He just doesn't want his brother to go to jail or get disbarred most of the time. Yeah, I had an older brother. We would absolutely cook up something this stupid

if one of us accidentally shot the other one. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like if I were to retrieve a gun from another room, I'd maybe just quickly glance at like the safety and maybe if it had like a clip in it. Just before I jokingly pointed it at someone in my family and started clicking on the traps. No, no, no, you can't check the clip. You have to check if there's one in the chamber.

This is how it happens. No, he only needed one. You only needed one. Yeah, I only need one. An arrest report obtained by Bokeh News Now said Medina had called police, quote, frantically requesting an ambulance and repeatedly saying he didn't know there was a bullet in the gun. Mom, mom, we've we messed up. Mom, we messed up. See, this is what you do. You do what I did when I was because I was the younger brother is the second you get him back

Like I hit my brother in the head with a baseball bat once not realizing how hard that would be And that you know it fucked him up pretty good, and then I just immediately started crying and holding my own eye Mom didn't know how it all started got perfect good instinct Yeah, so it's a little brother instinct to immediately start crying. Medina's brother provided a sworn statement to police saying that Medina got the gun as a joke, pointed it and pulled the trigger. The brother said Medina had pointed an unloaded gun at him 10 times in the past. Okay.

Oh, he does this all the time. It's kind of funny. It's kind of our thing, the brothers. Yeah. He said it was a joke, it's old reliable, he keeps going back to it. It's pretty funny, it's a pretty funny gag. Yeah, I'll stop doing it when you stop laughing. Madina told police that he and his brother, quote, mess around and quote all the time

with the gun and pointed at each other as a joke. Hmm. So what's the joke? Such oath behavior. It really is. Surely this is like, are there not any things that they have in the States that make the police say, okay, no more gun for you. You've had your gun abilities revoked.

Not really, you could be a felon depending on the state, but that's about it. In Florida, the gun has more rights than people do. Yeah. And plus, I think- As the constitution demands. Well, that's right, because if the government could go and say, well, you know, I think... Well, that's right. Because if the government could go and say, well, you know, we made these rules and now you can't have a gun anymore, it kind of

circumvents the Second Amendment, right? The thing that's there for people to do something, just in case the government kind of goes wacky and like starts like just fucking... In case the government sounds really bad and takes your rights away, then you could do something. Then you could do something. If government just stopped working for the people, right? Yeah, like if there was a historical document written during a revolution to overthrow a tyrannical dictatorship that stole people's rights, you know? So someone's there and then... You would use those guns to do something.

You could do something with them. Yeah, you shoot your brother. You shoot your shitty lawyer brother. Medina did not realize the gun was loaded and applied a belt as a tourniquet to his brother's arm after the shooting. Medina's brother later changed his mind and said he did want a prosecution then changed his mind again and said he did not. Psych. Yeah his brother has a second bullet yeah hey remember the first bullet go for that other bicep motherfucker say you want a prosecution and your brother

starts waving the gun around again I get you restraining order right here bro the brother signed an affidavit confirming that the incident was unintentional. Gunn pointed at him the whole time he's signing it. Sign the paper step bro. No way bro, get out of my room. Bang. The criminal case was resolved in December 2023 with Medina's plea and adjudication of guilt to the misdemeanor offense of culpable negligence causing injury to another.

There we go, that's the other criminal child. All right, fair enough. Medina has been a member of the bar since 2014 and has no prior discipline. No trigger discipline either, you know? Yeah. Yeah, terrible. No brother discipline. Get him.

Following the accidental shooting, Medina underwent outpatient trauma therapy. What, from shooting his brother? Wait, the guy who shot his brother with their outpatient therapy? Is that not the other guy? No, I don't think so. Florida lawyer. Are they talking about two Medinas? No, I think whenever they're referring to Medina, they're talking about the guy who shot his brother and the rest of the time they refer to his brother. Yeah, that's probably true. Medina has been a member of the bar since 2014 and has no prior discipline, and I just said that. Florida lawyer David Bill Rothman

represented Medina in the ethics case. He did not immediately reply to an ABA journal email seeking comment. Quit fucking around. Imagine how bad of a lawyer he has to be to have threatened his brother playfully, quote unquote, with a gun almost a dozen times. You know if you hire that guy, he's got to be like some public defender type person who, you know, Saul Goodman but without any of the talent or ability to launder your money. I can't find this guy online.

Can't find his lawyer's website. He's a ghost. Like he's suspended right now, obviously. You should be able to find him in the Florida bar. I don't know what kind of law lawyer's website. He's suspended right now, obviously. You should be able to find him in the Florida bar. I don't know what kind of law he's practicing. It's gotta be personal injury or divorce. That's my bet.

Oh, never mind. I found his Instagram. I found his Instagram. He was previously at least a real estate agent. So that checks out. He's got a real estate agent. So that checks out. He's a real estate agent. He's got a lot of gym videos.

He's got a lot of gym videos. So I think he probably was jealous of his brother's biceps. He was getting flexed on. I think he was getting flexed on and he wasn't happy about it. Only getting flexed on 50% as he used to now. Yeah, uh-huh. Just that one bicep has got a speed hole in it.

Ha ha ha. There are all kinds of wild and crazy folks in Florida. Another wild and crazy place that we like to talk to every now and then is the Netherlands. It's time for Dutch Watch. Hey everybody, I'm from Holland. Isn't that beautiful? Here we go, it's gonna be local news to you Joe.

Outstanding. From the NL Times, five arrested in Eindhoven for impersonating police officers. I'll do that. That's a bit of fun, actually. Yeah, no, actually, what's the cron? That should even be illegal here, honestly. Is that illegal?

We have so many different kinds of cops. You should be able to impersonate one for funsies. What kind of cops you got over there? We have like, it's hard to explain. I guess one is kind of Like a hall monitor they find you for like throwing your garbage away correctly everybody hates them including other cops And then you have the actual police who everybody hates because they're cops Yeah, it's there's a lot and you should be able to pick one and get to impersonate them for at least one day a year.

Yeah, I think it'd be fun. It's not like they do anything anyway. Who's to say that people who's impersonating them for like, I don't know, 50 euro, isn't gonna do the job better than they do? They're hassling you over your soft plastics. Honestly, I think that's what cops should be doing. I'd respect them more if that's what they were doing. If they were yelling at someone for incorrectly sorting their recycling, I'd be like, fuck yeah, I love cops. I'm into cops now.

The trash police are unarmed, the regular police are armed. So at least you can't get shot over that sort of trash. Nah, I can swap them around. Like, I'm the trash cops. Yeah, I'm the trash cops. For sure. That's how I restructure society. But give them a cartoonish weapon. Like they only can carry like a belt fed machine gun that they got from the military. Gun with a boxing glove that comes out. Police in Eindhoven have arrested five people in connection with a scheme involving individuals impersonating law enforcement officers. The

suspects used a technique known as Babble truck to deceive victims and steal valuable items. Do you know what that translates to? Yes. I have no idea. It feels like talking shit. Talking shit. Now, I looked this up.

And so Babylon is to chatter, to chit chat, and talk casually. Of course it is. It makes sense. Sure. OK. And normal language. Truk, uh, T-R-U-C, uh, is a noun meaning trick. So you're pulling a classic talking trick.

Yeah. The babble truck. Outstanding. Thank you Dutch language. So beautiful. Love, love, lovely, lovely, beautiful language. Best in the world. Two women, aged 21 and from Tielburg, were arrested on Wednesday evening after attempting to scam an elderly couple in Eindhoven.

The women convinced the victims that there were fake police officers operating in the area and claimed they were the real police. Oh, that's so good. Of course this targets old people too. That's a great bit. They offered to take the couple's valuables into safe custody. Wallet inspector. What are you talking about, eh?

Hey, let me hold that for you. Wallet inspector handed over. What if I just kept that warm for you? But, be on the lookout for the fake wallet inspector. Yeah. They won't look like a teenager like I do. I will keep your wallet safe. I've had approximately one run in with the actual police since I've lived here. It wasn't really a run in. They just showed up to my apartment because someone above me had called them. And the cop that answered the

door was, swear to God, looked like a teenager, had a broccoli haircut, and the worst fucking Instagram influencer tattoos you've ever seen. So if one of those people showed up to me and was like, yeah, I'm with the police. I'm like, you fucking might be. You can't respect a cop that looks like that yeah you can't respect a cop that you can literally push into a locker exactly that yeah bro no cap I need to see your fucking visa bitch like ah shit sorry if I'm distracted for a bit I'm just ordering my bolognese. Don't! What time?

It's so late! It's so late! Oh, I know! I finished doing the lawn and then I took my beautiful wife to her dinner date with her sister and now I'm here podcasting. You can get Bolognese at this hour? Just set up Apple Pay on your computer, dude. You're there every week.

Simply date Bolognese. at this hour? Just set up Apple Pay on your computer dude. You're there every week keying in your card numbers like a fucking Luddite to order your Bolognese delivery. No I do that shit too. Because they don't have Google Pay or PayPal. Who doesn't? PayPal? I slide up into my time ball. The Italian restaurant that I'm ordering food for and I even like tried to call them to be like hey can I just put in an order over the phone? And they're like, you can't do that. You've got to do it via the site now. Do they know you?

Are you like the Bolognese guy? Look, there's a very, um, pick up the phone. Oh, is this the Bolognese guy? There's a very intimidating, lovely, but it, but tall, like chiseled, built like a rock Italian maitre d' and I am scared of him. So if he starts knowing my name and calling me brother, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Ciao, tail! Ciao, tail! Oh hi!

Hi! I'm here for my late night bulledays! One bullock me! It's not that late! Oh hi! Hi! I'm here for my late night Bolognese! One Bolognese! It's not that late! It's 8 o'clock! Yeah, to you. That's how the Italians eat it.

That's true. At 8 o'clock! That's the most normal Bolognese time for them. That's the most normal Bolognese time for them. Hmm. The elderly couple grew suspicious and contacted the police parentheses real who caught the women red-handed at the front door. They showed up that fast? That never happens here. Or anywhere. Maybe they got like they were

trying to I guess was it a, was it a double cross that the girls were trying to do? Because they were like, hey, there's fake police, but we're the real police. So they were kind of setting up the expectation of fake cops and that they were the real cops. And then the real cops turned up. Maybe the old people were like, you wait here, I'm going to go gather my diamonds and pearls and such. I'll bring them back for you, and they're just trying to work out which set of cops to give them to

That's the one crime that cop show up quickly to is someone faking that they're cops. That's right Yeah, exactly someone like talking shit about them like potato or I am the cop Or I am the policy Fucking picking up my broccoli hair getting into my Skoda And of course the old people went inside and dialed what wacky number for the police I'm gonna be honest with you. I have no idea. I don't call Police show up take your jewelry. I don't have any valuables for them to take There's nothing wrong with driving at my dog. I'm just gonna say perfectly normal car. You don't have to be a nerd to

Enjoy fuel efficiency. All right Get a Toyota like a normal person. I had a Toyota for any for any non-dutch listeners who are visiting the Netherlands or Non-dutch people who live in the Netherlands. The emergency number is 112. I'll make sure I don't use that to sub go the broccoli haircut. Does it kneecap me? That's right Come in there whip out his truncheon, straight to the knee. Earlier that evening, same evening, officers stopped a vehicle in Eindhoven where they found jewelry and coins. Nice. Oh, cool. Valuable coins? Just like euro coins. Did they find the cache of loose change? Yeah.

Four euro, that's 10,000 in street value. Just got them spread out on the table. They're going to send them a ticky for that money. An investigation revealed that these items were also obtained through a similar scam involving individuals posing as police officers. I love these scams that just boil down to somebody asking you to give them, like with no, with no like externalities, like no threat, no like violence backing up. Just be like knocking on someone's door being like, Hey, uh, it'd be super cool if you gave me your

stuff in like this. Do you have any jewels? Rubies perhaps? Like what costume are they wearing? I need to know. Is it like, were they wearing anything? Are they sexy cops? Is this officer a neater bribe or like how decked out are the cops over there?

Yeah, they, they knock on my door. I'm like, I'm doing so good in this try not to come challenge My TV I'm really trying to be the police champion of the try not to come Try not to come challenge I mean like the cops here pretty brightly dressed that everybody knows that they look like I imagine they have some kind of costume If they're ripping people off surely surely if they're ripping people off. Surely.

Surely. Three men aged 21, 21 and 23 from Amsterdam were arrested in connection with the incident. The arrests come on the heels of a report last month revealing a significant rise in scams involving the impersonation of police officers. There were 8,329 reported cases of such fraud in 2024 compared to 544 in 2023. This was all a shit. This exact fraud, this specific fraud, that's crazy. This would be national news for like months in Australia if this was happening.

Yeah, it'd be on the project. We hate battlers being ripped off by scammers. Yeah, old people getting scammed. We'd be on the project. We hate battlers being ripped off by scammers. Yeah, old people getting scammed. We'd be angry. That's like a thousand percent increase in a very specific kind of crime. Was it all just this group of teenage girls? Yeah, probably.

And like weirdly in Australia, like people would get scared about this, like not answer their door when like someone comes knocking and like, cause like, what's the fuck? Yeah, they're all over the news. Are you going to fuck up and accidentally just give them your shit because you forgot? What are you afraid of?

Well, that's the weird part to me. In the US also, people get terrified. But in the Netherlands, nobody's that friendly to begin with. They just randomly start talking to strangers copper otherwise How are you managing to be the the most friendly you've ever been in your whole life to give them your worldly possessions? Well, maybe they're thrown because these Young ladies are showing them friendliness Yeah, maybe what to do are they young ladies?

We might be broccoli man. They might be young young ladies. They might be broccoli men. They might be young. Some were young ladies, some were young men. They might be ripped young men. I feel like the young ladies are probably doing better with the old people. Because everybody is more... Everyone is more trustworthy of a young woman than a young man with a shitty haircut. Old ladies love a young man though.

That's true. They love it. Pinch their little cheeks. Both sets. That's true. They love it pinch their little cheeks Uh-huh. Yeah, so it's a go on and nothing else This is again from the NL Times thieves tunnel through wall to rob Eindhoven jewelry store I know if it is having a fucking week. Yeah, they shouldn't have hosted that international burglar conference Did the fake cop show up to the burglary? You need to let us hold on to those jewels just thousands of fake Dutch police all show up to the jewel heist Burglars spent hours drilling through two thick concrete walls to break into

Pinenberg Jeweliers on to M Street, making off with an estimated several hundred thousand euros in valuables. What's that in street value? That's so many. That's like billions. This happens so often. It's probably a billion dollars. I have to say these kind of weird high stakes jewel heists happen in the Netherlands and Belgium way more than they probably do anywhere else in the world.

I have no idea why. Really? Yes. There was one famously at the airport. Nobody was ever caught for that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean the cops kind of suck.

They never catch anybody for shit. There's a high amount of jewels between Belgium and the Netherlands for like diamond trading and stuff But that that number of jewel heists is concerningly high not nearly as high as Apparently fake cops, but very high wish move to the Netherlands and do some jewel heists Yeah They probably catch you'd be like now cut that out Stop it. Hey, don't give you six months in prison

What you do is you be the fake cops that show up to crack down on the jewel heist That's right, and then you can take all the jewels. I need to take the jewels from your heist Yeah, and I also need your wallet The robbery which reportedly occurred overnight from Friday to Saturday, lasted only seconds once the thieves gained entry, according to store owner Just Vanderheiden. Just Vanderheiden. You see it in movies and think, this doesn't happen in real life, but it does, Vanderheiden said.

It feels like you should know if that does or doesn't happen. Yeah, that's your job. Especially if it happens frequently. My lived experience tells me, you know, it happens more than you would think to me personally and specifically. It only lasts at a few seconds if you forget about the hours that they were drilling at the wall. Yeah. The burglars gained access from an adjacent building under renovation.

Yeah, this is some proper heist stuff. God, yes. This is great. Doing Ocean's Eleven stuff. Using heavy-duty tools. Oh no, the building next to the studio is under renovation. They broke through two insulated load-bearing concrete walls, each estimated to be 80 to 90 centimeters thick. That's quite a bit of drilling you gotta do.

Yeah. That's a horny article. You're just you're saying a lot of phrases. Look I wasn't gonna say anything. There's nothing horny about making a slow methodical penetration of something that's very load-bearing. But then once you gain entry, it lasts only for a few seconds. It's over before you know it. This is sounding accusatory now? Van der Heiden believes the suspects may have worked for hours. Quote, we've had construction noise from that site for months, including on Friday.

We had no visibility of their activities because the entrance is around the corner, he said. A demolition hammer was found among the rubble, which the site's contractor said did not belong there. Despite the elaborate entry, the thieves had only seconds to act once inside. Quote, our security is top notch. The second they set foot on the floor, the fog generators activated, Xander Hyde said.

Fucking nightclub going on. You hear what the fucking razzle dazzle? The fog is coming. The strobes came in. Is it the fog that makes them kill themselves? No, I think it might be the fog that makes you jack off. Oh no, it makes you jack off.

Oh no! It's the jack-off fog! I gotta start deploying that. The fog starts. Jimmy two hands, he's started. Get out of there! Everybody's jacking each other off. That's how the cops find them, but the cops that show up are the fake cops. The fog starts up, the happy hardcore starts blasting. The thick mist obscured their vision, limiting the damage to just four display cases. The smug generator actually worked? Apparently. I thought just relying on them like not knowing where the shit is? I guess. Man. Was it just relying on them not knowing where the shit is? I guess.

Man. Did a disco ball come down and the shining lights freaked them out too? The whole old deal lasted maybe 10-15 seconds, he said. We have many small items with high value, but they couldn't take everything. The stolen items were from the store's inventory, not from customers. Police are investigating, and forensic teams spent Saturday examining the crime scene. Once their work was complete, Van der Heiden and his team immediately began repairing the breach. if I remember correctly. Maybe they shouldn't open later today. Too many people are wearing walls.

Everybody want to come down to the condemned jewelry store? A new section of wall was already being built by Saturday afternoon. We're also taking extra security measures on the inside, Van der Heiden added. Authorities have not yet identified any suspects and no arrests have been made. Hmm. Wow.

I'm doubting their dedication to security if their whole system was defeated by the fact that the construction site was around the corner. Yeah, like if they say- And they heard it for months? Like their security is top notch, it sounds like they need another notch. Yeah. They need to introduce a new notch at the top. A new notch that's above Fog Machine. That allows them to like see around the corner. The club Fog Machine.

Our security system starts with Fog Machine, goes up to flashing lights, and then we deploy the Welsh MP DJ. Imagine. That was what we like to call an episode of the podcast, Bundo Vista. Speaking of podcasts, Joe, where can people listen to you? Yeah, I'm the host of the Lions Head by Donkeys podcast. You could listen to us anywhere where you cast your pod.

Lucy was on recently and we talked about a story where a whole bunch of people got shipwrecked and had to fist fight sea lions to the death. It's very funny. It's much smarter than our podcast. If you like our podcast, you'll like that. Hold up, smarter than this? Yeah, like a little bit just a little bit

We don't have a fog machine in our in our defense. So that's true or try not to get you Yeah, how many try not to come challenges have you guys done, huh? We're podcast hosts Running a cumless podcast. Beautiful. Oh, we have merch. Merch store. I'll put the, Ben will put the link in the thing probably.

Yeah, Ben. We have stickers for sale that are taking up a lot of my time right now because everyone bought so many of them. That's all we have. Just stickers. We'll have more merch eventually, but there'll be a link in the description. People will be buying them. That's all we have. Just stickers. We'll have more more eventually, but there'll be a link in the description. People will be buying them. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Jo.

Thank you to you, the listener, for listening. And also, it continues to be freemium free-bwary. It is. You're going to keep getting the bonus episodes for free all month long. The whole sensual February. Must be nice. Must be nice for some. Yeah, nice for some. Nice for some.

Yep. Yep. So just think about that, you know. Anyway, thank you. Thanks everybody. We'll see you next time. Bye!