Boonta Vista - EPISODE 395: Salusa Secundus For Learning To Punt Good

Episode Date: May 11, 2025

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Hiding secret messages in your marriage vows, taking your big leg all the way to Canada, and one neat trick for permanent free parking in the inner city. *** Outro: Bambi - Suuns *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Music Welcome to Buntavista episode 395. And congratulations, you have been selected to be executed by firing squad. For the crime of listening to an Australian podcast contrary to the federal epic Windsor Act of 2025, Section 420, Unaliving by Firing Squad, you are about to be summarily executed outside of a Dave and Busters. Aiming a blunder bus at your head is political prisoner Theo, forced to execute his own fans for the rest of his sad little life. But you know what they say, when you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. Yeah.

How do you find such a passion for this? There's no jobs anymore either. So it's another reason I won't. You are getting paid. It's kind of like a prison situation. It's kind of like a prison situation. Your kids will get this money. Eventually you kind of just like, you know, you, you must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Right. And at some point I am just closing my eyes, pop, next one, pop, next one, pop. You get used to it. You kind of got to just disconnect yourself from the situation. You've got to find a rhythm too. Otherwise, if you spend all day picking the skull shards out of your sneakers, you'll never get anything done. And you got headphones in there.

Is there like a... I got headphones in there. We've got like a walk soundtrack going on. Well, I do have some auditory stimulus. Yeah. It's like, you know... Killing playlist. Yeah. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d kind of helps me. Are you doing the Halo music?

Pop, pop, pop. No, it's the, uh, it's the grudge by tool. Okay. Also with you, also with us is a traitorous dog. He turned against us and our fans immediately on being offered the new model, self sucking Tesla. It's Andrew. Hey Andrew, how many miles you got on that thing?

Uh, I don't know. I've driven, the corner of the block to here and it says on the dash that I have driven 250,000 miles. And so this car, it doesn't actually work if it's not sucking. Like that's kind of where it derives its energy from. So it's kind of a pain sometimes it's a bit much I find sometimes like when it starts you're like oh I could get used to this and after like hour two or three you're like I'm too used to this you know that face you make when you're not and your Tesla keeps sucking yeah yeah I could not wait to betray you guys to be to be completely honest. Oh yeah, we know. As soon as they offered it up.

And all I gotta do is supervise Theo while he does his killing for the rest of his life. Yeah, could be worse. It's alright, I've got my music in. I get this Tesla, I get premium access to X. I get a GROK supplied girlfriend. You do get a GROK girlfriend. I say, GROK, behave kawaii for me. And she does.

I bet she does. That's right. My GROK's a she. Yeah. And she works at EB Games. Talks to me through the Tesla dash while I'm getting sucked. Yeah. And she works at EB Games. Talks to me through the Tesla dash while I'm being sucked. Hello epic husband.

Oh Jesus. Sadly turning two blunderbusses onto himself because he can't bear the thought of harming a podcast listener. Ben, Ben any regrets in life or things you would have done differently? I wouldn't have podcasted if I knew it would have led to this. I thought we were putting something beautiful into the world, but if I knew that we were starting a sort of a domino chain of events that would lead to Theo ruthlessly executing people. It's hard to know when you start something, isn't it?

Yes, you never know what the flow on you start something, isn't it? Yes. You never know what the fly effect. Yes. Yes. You see that? They're all just like, they're awesome. So try not to plan too far ahead. Can I ask you something, Lucy, just because I know this is your area of expertise.

You have a degree in this and I don't really have the capacity to read about it. Why must one imagine Sisyphus happy? Cause it sounds like it would suck. I imagine him having a horrible time. Yeah. Yeah. Like it sounds bad. I'm not really sure.

Cause it sounds, his fate sounds bad to me. It's one of those things where people say it in memes as those, like, ironically combining low culture with high culture things. Yeah. Because that's, that's like a fun- To kind of show that they know something about the world. But without the pretentiousness because they're being like goofy or stupid. Oh, it's sort of what this whole podcast is kind of.

Oh, are you saying that this podcast combines low brow and high brow humor to kind of find, find a laugh in just about anything? No. No? No, I don't think so. to kind of find a laugh in just about anything. Yeah. No. No, I don't think so. No. But I just, I don't know. I've never read the context. Is it a thing from... It is a Camu quote. I think it's a Camu.

Who but his cloak is you guys? He's liberated by the same crow every day. Is that someone else? He's Prometheus. That's why that's Prometheus. Was it an eagle? I think it was an eagle. I mean, that probably sounds worse. Because he liked fire so much. No, because he liked the mortals so much

that he wanted to give them a beautiful gift. Yep, and then the other gods were like, hey, it's our stuff. Yeah. Don't give it to them, those guys suck. That's just for us. What are they going to do with it? Yep.

And did they make anything good with it? Not really. We've combined like classical mythology with sort of our low brow sense of humor. So like these guys are pretty smart, but they're not afraid to dick around. Exactly. Yes. According to Google's AI overview, which is the only way that I get information for anything now, says that it's a quote from Camus emphasizing that even in the face of a

seemingly meaningless, repetitive task, finding joy in the act of striving itself can lead to a kind of happiness. It's just like life, right? Yes. Wow. In some ways, often I find that a smaller thing can represent a larger thing. Sometimes you guys ever notice that? You mean like, um, you mean like how a Matbods car can represent

like a full-size car? I'm kind of stuck on the smaller details myself. Yeah. Not sure about this big picture situation. I think this was brought to my attention by, sorry, this is just on the Google AI overview, which I fucking hate. And I know reading any AI content out on a podcast just fucking sucks. I think it was, is it Flashman? Longtime listener, Flashman. Yeah. Who pointed out that if you just like Google, uh,

Puntavista episode titles, the AI overview always assumes that it's, uh, like an old saying or an adage. So like he had posted that he'd Googled thick with weasels because that is the episode that has Theo's infamous train intro. And it said the phrase thick with weasels is an idiom that means full of hidden danger or deceit, which is really good. And yesterday I was trying to find out the name of an episode and I just Googled what I thought the name was, which, uh, bearing all kinds of secrets in the Iowa cornfields.

Uh, cause it is easier than looking it up in our notes and the AI overview was like the phrase bearing all kinds of secrets in the Iowa cornfields is often used to evoke a sense of hidden darkness and crime in the state. Romance is so fucking stupid. It's so stupid. The fact that this just never works and is always wrong. And like the biggest company in the world is like, we should make this the first thing you see. The first thing you see.

It's always there. Man, get fucked with this shit. Get that SEO shit back. Jesus. How does it not matter that something just literally does not work? Like this company used to pride itself on just like they would only hire like the wackiest, most genius software genius they could find, like the most eccentric, reclusive genii. Well, they ran out of growth and then they went insane. They're like, well, this is about as much ads as we can sell to everybody in the entire

world. So like, you can't just go like, well, that's enough for me, right? That's enough. It's like fucking Duolingo where they're making everything AI now and they're firing all their editors and blah, blah, blah. And it's like Duolingo is already an enormously profitable company. Yeah. It already has a, uh, has like a net profit of like, you know, 800

million or something a year. And you go, well, you know, We need more. What about the shareholders? What about them? More. Who's thinking about the shareholders? Do you have you even thought about the shareholders? Theo?

I have, I've thought about them. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. About the shares they're holding? Uh. Hey, it sounds like we're having some emotional difficulties. When we have emotional difficulties, there's someone that we turn to. It's our wise friend, Dr. Lucy.

It's time for Paging Dr. Lucy. It's time for Paging Dr Lucy. Sorry, just from what Ben was saying, you guys ever feel sick in like a way that would maybe if you admitted it to your friends or family might like cause like a distance to grow between you and them? Like diarrhea? No. Like, are you saying you've Like diarrhea? No. Like are you saying you've got diarrhea? No. Do you ever? Okay, so like there's probably two reasons maybe for an underlying cause why I, that the world itself might give you just like a really sickening malaise that you can feel a bit of your stomach. You don't know anything

to do about this. Two things that I see. One is, uh, your personality. Sure. And I'm saying the royal you, but also your personality. It's got some problems. The tendency to sort of really take things on board and feel, have big feelings about stuff and sort of think of the consequences of things and think of what it means. Sure. Yes. Um, that would mean that when you see something in the world, you don't just sort of go, ah, that sucks and dismiss it. You sort of what it means. Sure, yes. That would mean that when you see something in the world, you don't just sort of go, ah, that sucks and dismiss it, you sort of linger on it. The other thing is that you spend a lot of time

on the internet, so you know about more of the bad stuff than probably a lot of your friends do. Yeah. Like you're more sort of aware of what the stuff that's going on. What benefit is there in knowing about the stuff? Because you only feel bad about it afterwards, right? When you read it, you go like, oh, that stuff's not good.

I just like cause for action. I invented a phrase that you can use in this situation. Uh, ignorance of the stuff. Yes. Sure. Yes. Feels good. That sounds good.

Ignorance is nice. You're talking about like spiritual sickness. Spiritual good. That sounds good. Ignorance is nice. Ignorance feels good. You're talking about like spiritual sickness. Spiritual sickness, yeah. Like a Kierkegaard style sickness, not diarrhea. Like Ben was describing it as like a feeling in the pitiest stomach and I think if you interior that a little further, it could be diarrhea. Oh, sorry, spiritual diarrhea, I guess is what I'm saying.

It's a metaphorical... A feeling in your soul's stomach. Yeah, imagine my brain, but with like- As Kierkegaard explained. Yeah. My brain, but with like two hairy legs coming out of it and it's standing in a poison swab. Yeah.

And it's like, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. It's got a sore tummy, it's got a sore tummy. Imagine if your soul had three seconds to get to the toilet before something bad happened. That is really how I feel at the moment. Like I'm always taking poison damage, like for the past six or seven years. Yeah. At a minimum.

Oh, frenzy. Do you guys want to know some actual good news for once? Sure, yeah. Yeah. You know how I was talking- Did something happen? No, not that kind of good news. Um...

Although I did just see... Sorry, this is not that something. I feel like I just saw a post pop up in the Discord about, uh, India and Pakistan formally going to war. And if this is the way that I found out while I'm mid... Uh, podcasting, that's probably not true. I'll maybe edit this out. Who knows? Unless it's true. And then this could be your finding out.

Do you want it to be true? No. We can all support it if you want it to be true. No, I don't want it to be true. You'll find it. Jesus Christ. I want to go back to beautiful Ladakh, which is right near the border.

And I would like it to stay war zone free. Oh, and they've got the border. And I would like it to stay war zone free. Oh, and they've got some border troubles over there? What's the tensest nuclear flash point in the world, Theo? The thing that I heard that's good news is, you know how we were talking about microplastics, how we know about all the microplastics, but we don't know what to do about them. There was some, I read a study that got published. I didn't read the study.

That'd be fucking insane. I read the press release about a study, uh, this week where they use extract from okra and another different slimy vegetable. Oh, they found a use for okra. I like okra. I think okra is nice. The disgusting slimy bastard. You hate okra.

Shut up about how much you hate okra. You're coming across really racist right now. The disgusting slimy bastard. You hate okra. Shut up about how much you hate okra. You're coming across really racist right now. Fuck off! You can grill it on the barbecue, put a little olive oil or salt in the car. Where are you getting okra? I've never seen any okra. Well I go to the good fruit and veg shop. Oh I see.

If I see any okra I'm ducking. I saw some okra at my local market recently. You've got something going there. What about chocos? You could boil down some chocos. Chocos fucking suck. Get the fuck out of here chocos. You are flavorless and you are spiky. Got them under my mind because I was talking to a friend of the show Judd about chocos. Using to make apple pie. Yeah, Mac is apple pie. Yeah, choco. Maybe you know them as chayote No, I don't. Yeah, maybe they suck us. They're no good. At least what we do with them over here is no good

What does that fucking say? Oh, yeah So they they managed to make an extract out of the group of okra and a different slimy vegetable that I can't remember to extract microplastics from water I like to suck them out. Yeah. Yeah. It does something like slime or something. They slime the water and the microplastics come out and then they don't go

into your nutsack and your brain. When you clean up broken glass with a piece of bread, you ever do that? Yeah. What a great technique. I guess that's probably how they thought of it. I think. Yeah. What happens when I eat the bread though?

Life hack. How does it, how does it stop the think. What happens when I eat the bread though? Life hack. How does it stop the glass from hurting me when I eat the bread? That's true. They haven't really... They haven't really figured that step out. They haven't got that part sorted. I'm throwing out bread?

Is that what you're telling me? Oh, I'm throwing out bread on the reg in Brisbane. In Brisbane, you gotta be. If you get through a whole loaf before the mold hits, you're eating too much bread brother. It's so wet up here and the bread, you gotta like, you gotta think of your GI. It's a balance between GI and mold in Brisbane. They gotta come up with the Brisbane half loaf.

Yeah. Well, I go to like Brisbane family members houses and I open the fridge. I'm like, what the hell is your bread doing in there? But then, you know. It's the only place safe from the mold Yeah, it's where the mold can't get you get inside the fridge kids. This is from our slash hot wife advice Dangling subtext at public events Dangling subtext at public events dangling subtext to public events. Okay Subtext to public events. Zangling subtext to public events.

Okay. Does anyone make vague allusions or double entendres about the lifestyle to others who aren't in it? Oh, everybody knows. Everybody knows. Everyone knows. Everyone knows you're not being subtle. No one hasn't noticed.

Be a shame if someone fucked my wife tonight. I sure hope my wife doesn't get fucked. That's big enough for three people, three adult human beings. If you've got an allergy, we'll kick the cat off. I've been a third to a couple for about a year and a half. We play about once a month or used to before I moved That's quite sad They recently got married and I attended their wedding their chosen Bible verse for the ceremony

Quote and though one can overpower him who is alone two can resist him a cord of three strands is not quickly broken Goddamnit him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. God damn it. At your wedding? At the wedding. Don't use that Bible. Don't. The servant's reading that out. Okay, that's upsetting, but rewinding like another half sentence, just the concept of having your third at the wedding is-

Is this like your bull? It takes all strokes. Sometimes it takes two strokes at once, but I, at the wedding, having a third there, I don't know. Yeah. Just like being in the, in the congregation. Does he get the second dance? Surely. This isn't a bull situation by the way as well.

You're confusing this with a cuckball dynamic. Well, cause it's a hot wife advice. You're just sharing. Oh. Because you think the sharing is hot, but it's not the sharing in a, like, you need to feel degraded. It's not a bull, I see. It's just sharing the wife. You're just getting off on like watching it happen, but not watching it happen and feeling powerless.

That's different. Yeah. And not for it's because it's sexy, not because it's degrading. Yes. Which is still sexy, but that's a different kind of sexy. This is just because it's hot, not because it's hot and you're not allowed to be involved Okay, and he's calling you a little bitch Yeah, hey, get me a beer from the fridge while I fuck your wife, that sort of stuff. This is hey

I'm gonna get a beer. Do you want one too? It's the difference. Go on two and then we can both fuck your wife. Yeah. Hey bud Let's have a beer and fuck your wife. You know what? Ask your wife if she wants a beer. Yeah. Well, three of you can have a beer. Ladies can drink it too. Yeah, that's true.

There's no rules here. How about three beers and then we all have sex with your wife, including your wife. Including your wife. That's right. Be inclusive, guys. This was the first foray into the lifestyle for all three of us,

so there's been a bit of a learning curve. I know they told a handful of people before we agreed to tell no one. Should have done that earlier. Yeah. You got your agreements all mixed up, man. We will tell absolutely no one asterisk. Except those we have already told. Yeah. You guys haven't told anybody, have you?

I kind of hate the idea of this person just being like in the mix with the rest of the congregation. This is like a no country for old man lucky coin situation because you know you don't know that they walk among you. There's a day walker in the congregation right now. That's just a regular member of the congregation. I think it's more like a more like a John Wick kind of situation. You don't know which members of the public are secretly fucking someone else's wife. Homeless people. Yeah. You say hotel concierges, taxi drivers. Yeah. You're saying the Swinger lifestyle. And then there's a horny wife situation and they're putting their fingers up to their air pieces. Just like watching your wife go by. Everybody's phone goes off in unison. Oh

One point to fuck his wife This is the end of John Wick 2 maybe where to like demonstrate the power of the high table They get everyone in this like big public area in New York Just like stops and stares at them because it turns out they were all they were all Who doesn't work in the? New York just like stops and stares at them because it turns out they were all. They were all. Who doesn't work in the crime? Is everyone in New York part of the thing? Does anyone not work in the thing? At one point, what point does your criminal underground become just the criminal overground?

The criminal overground. Yeah. It's just the whole city, but they're all still trying to pretend to be secretive. Yeah. Imagine being, imagine being the one guy in New York that's not part of like the Assassin's Guild. Why are you guys always giving each other coins all the time, like doubloons? What's the coin deal? No one ever pays for any of my shit with a coin.

Yeah! I gotta work for money. I work at the desk at the Avis rental and nobody has ever paid me with a gold coin. But no matter where I go, guys come in and they order ramen and then they furtively pay for it with a gold coin. But also they might buy like a bulletproof vest and they pay for that with a gold coin. They don't seem like they're worth the same amount of money. They're always trying to see like how many bags full of guns go in the back of the Camry.

It's a big it's a it's a big boot promise You can't divide the gold coins up into smaller denominations, you know I'll pay for my ramen with that but I need to come back and get like another 45 bowls of ramen to have made it We're still working off that credit. I'm on the credit situation here It's so awesome to be like at the the airport counter where there's just 10 different car rental places in a row and you're at the Avis counter and it's only just like schlubs visiting New York from the Midwest and everyone else is just like super sexy people in suits sliding tumbloons across at the budget.

Yeah, checking their katanas into their pockets. We do not accept American Express diners card or gold doubloons. Or big gold coins. I don't know how to put that in the system. It doesn't even fit into any of the trays in my cash tray. Yeah. You tell me the guy that works for Sixt is part of the criminal underground and I'm not? Sixt? Just sitting there bored every day. There's, there's big lines of like, uh, of interesting looking characters, all dressed in black and all the other counters. No one at your counter.

Absolutely. Every day. Yeah. Is there a pun in Sixth? The name of the rental car company? Yeah, what does that mean? Am I missing something? Sixth.

Sixth. I don't know. I think we're all just dying. Like sext? I don't know. Yeah, that's sext. Not sure about that. With a Kiwi accent?

It was founded in 1951. Probably not a sext joke. I noticed it like two years ago. 1951 of the 21st century, maybe? The majority of the company is owned by the sext family. By the... Your name is sext? Sext?

Your name is sext? Sixt? Your name is Sixt? Lucky number Sixt? A few people in the company, Alexander Sixt and Constantine Sixt, co-CEOs. Oh no. Brothers? Brothers? Alexander and Constantine, those guys are taking gold coins for their cars. Russian brother carsars?

Yes. Yes. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss In 1912, Martin Sixt founded the company with a fleet of three cars, creating the first car rental company in Bavaria. Oh, come on. During the First World War, the fleet was confiscated and used by the German Army. After the war, business resumed, but the fleet was once again seized by the German Army at the outbreak of World War II. Whoa, I don't know if Sixt had such a storied history. It's a Nazi car rental company? German Army stole my outbreak of World War II. Whoa, Ad96 had such a storied history. It's a Nazi car rental company. German Army stole my car fleet twice. Twice.

Well, at least that will never happen again. When the war concluded, the company rebounded, establishing a taxi fleet for members of the US Army stationed in Germany. Oh, they'll flip-flop. They'll give their cars to anyone, they don't care. Well, it sounds like the cars kind of got taken. I know that they told a handful of people some of these people were at the wedding.

It felt kind of weird and somewhat amusing. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. It's funny that my grandmother doesn't know I'm talking about fucking my friends. Yeah, they're like, you just see like three rows up, someone whispers to his wife and then like she just like goes to look around, he's like, no, no, no, don't look, don't look. But he's back there. Yeah, he fucked, he fucked her.

I actually think he's thinking about it too much. I don't think they're talking about you at their wedding, actually. What do you think, who's the, what's the third strand in the court of three strands? I would be. I would be talking about it. If I knew, if I knew that he was continuing to fuck his wife and now they're up there getting married and I'm at the wedding, I would be talking about it. I am, maybe I'm just a gossipy bitch. Maybe I'm just-

What I don't want to happen is that my, my grandmother is there on, on like my side. And then just across the other side of the aisle is a, is a friend of, of like the, the bride or whatever. And, and as the bridal party is coming up, I can just hear them quietly saying to their date, fuck him, fuck him, fuck her, fuck her, fuck him. Oh no. Fuck him.

You know what would be so horrible is if you sit in there and then that first happens and you're doing a little look around because you like that. Everyone else is nodding. And there's like 50 other people being like, that was about me. That was about me. That's me. I'm the third. We're all the third?

Everyone here except your grandma is a the third? Yeah, because you're only going once a month. That leaves so much time for more thirds. Oh yeah. This is a congregation of thirds. They've got a roster of thirds. They've got 29 other thirds. 29 other thirds.

They're an army of thirds. They're on a... A little bit of life advice, folks. A round robin of thirds? Oh, the third battalion? I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes. I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes. I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes.

I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes. I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes. I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes. I don't think they were talking about thirds in Eccles battalion? I don't think they were talking about thirds in Ecclesiastes. I'm just putting that out there. Oh, you don't reckon that's the original intention of the verse? I'm not sure that that was the original intention. I mean, they were at the time. They were being funny about it, maybe. Biblical throuples? Well, I mean, it was like a multiple life situation at the time, biblically speaking.

So like... Sixthals? Seventhals? I was sponsored by Sixth. We're sponsored by Sixth. Uh, granted I never see anyone they told and I now live hours away. Anyone else have similar experiences? How did you all feel?

I have not felt this before, no. I've not had this experience. No, personally not really come up in my life. No. No, not at all. Look, I don't think there's any judgement here. It is funny, but I'm not judging it. I'd like, I don't know if you guys have ever... ...been around couples where like there are people that are seeing other people and they're in like poly people and you're at a dinner party or whatever.

Even the ones where they're not super public about it, there's a lot of really like obvious letting everyone know kind of stuff happening, which is obviously not bad. You don't have to keep it a secret. But in the people I know who are like trying to keep it like it's a racy thing we don't really talk about. After two glasses of wine, they're like all over each other just being like, oh, we're just friends like this. This is just kind of how our friendship is.

Oh yeah, they all want to let it out. Two glasses of wine, it's out. Yeah, because it's hot. You want to tell people, oh, we're all fucking. Isn't that cool that we're all fucking each other? Just say that. After the first glass of wine, did you guys know that we're all fucking? I suck him. He sucks me. I suck her. She sucks me.

You can say, yeah, that's cool. That sounds cool. That's awesome. A little bit too much work for me. You guys got spreadsheets. I know you have spreadsheets like underneath the fucking is a layer of spreadsheets. I don't think I would realize. I don't think I'd pick up on the cues. Oh, that's interesting. Why don't they tell me pick up on the cues. Oh, that's interesting. Why don't they tell me? The sort of social cues that would kind of lead me to this if they were like really open

and like, they're just kissing on the mouth and I'm going, oh, it's an Aubrey Wodonga thing. Oh, the Aubrey Wodonga kiss? Yeah. That's a classic Foster Tung Curry behaviour. They must do that down there. It's a cultural thing in hyphenated double towns in Australia. I know that when I was in like my early twenties and I was seeing multiple people, actually Theo, this is a good test to test.

Cause we were all hanging out at the time. Yeah. You ever noticed that maybe I might've been seeing multiple people from that friend group at the same time and everyone was all sleeping with each other? Did you pick up on any sort of signals at all? We were all, it felt cool as hell. You wanted people to know, especially when you're like, you know, 24, 25 or whatever and you're just like, oh my God, this is so exciting.

You're dropping little hints. I think it was when your friend answered the door topless. It was probably the day I worked. Figured it out. Started to get suspicious. Figured it out. That's an exciting time of my life. Our mutual friend, I just don't want to kind of put anyone in it. Yeah, that's good. Let's not date people. Great times. It's a younger man.

Different. Had more mental energy for people. Yeah. Smaller refractory period. Smaller social refractory period as well. I could bounce back in a day, an hour. I'm done hanging out with someone. Hell, I'll hang out with a second person. Let's do it.

Oh, that's insane what you're saying right now. I'm really into that now. Hey, for some people, seeing multiple partners is kind of like a sport. Let's talk about some sports in Sportswatch. I wonder if your kind of admittance to the error in your life where you were poly. I would call that an error. That was a great time, briefly. Very bad. Whether that penny dropped for anybody in the audience, like the 19 people that have emailed us about being mean to poly people, where it's like, yeah, this is just something that someone on the podcast has done.

Just like how we're all mentally ill as well. Yeah. Not saying people are mentally ill. A little bit. I got a dose in the last couple of years. Yeah, that's true. Becoming more like you guys. We're all getting closer to each other.

We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're all getting closer to each other. We're syncing up. Guys will all be autistic soon. We're all getting my depression, Lucy's autism, Theo's anxiety, Andrew's jawline. Fingers crossed.

This comes to us from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Ozzy Punter finding his footing with the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. Cool. Yep. Nothing immediately hilarious there. They love Ozzy punters. Yeah. Okay.

So there's a bit of a language confusion happening there. And Rough Riders. Yep. Yes. Yeah, yeah. What about that? Yes. You find that inherently comical?

Like DMX's rap group from the nineties. Hell yeah. Like what Will Smith is talking about in Wild Wild West. In the rap that plays immediately at the end of Wild Wild West. Joe Couch is a long way from home. Joe Couch. Bring him back. I want to sit on him.

Regular man, Joe Couch. The Aussie punter has taken the long way to Saskatchewan Rough Riders training camp. Quote, I tried Aussie rules football back home and it just didn't work out for me, Couch said after the Riders rookie training camp practice on Thursday in Saskatoon. Yeah, they want you to do more stuff than just kick the ball in that sport. Yeah, but in American football you can just kick it. You can just do like one thing. Isn't that awesome?

Let's see. And then what happens? They just like walk off. Yeah. You go back and sit down. Let's chill out. They need you to kick the ball and they go every, they go, Hey, everyone else. Stop. Stop time out.

Joe's going to come and kick the ball. Yeah. And then everybody sits down and waits and Joe comes out and kicks the ball. And they go, good job, go. Let's all give Joe a good clap. Do they not have like a thing like in baseball or even their pitches have got a bat at some point, you know, like everyone's kind of got to do everything? Like in cricket? Probably not. No. I don't think they make everyone be the quarterback.

More than I know cricket. I don't know. I was going to say, are you asking if they make the kicker go out and like be a linebacker every now and then? Just try and do it something else. You should demonstrate that you got some skills. I think one of the things, one of the saving graces of cricket is how funny it is that the bowlers that they forced to bat are very, very bad at batting. And they know that they're bad at it. I think it's kind of nice. It's kind of fun. They put them on the end.

It's so funny. It's like when you get a kid that's two years younger than the grade you're playing, but there's a hole on the team. And you're like, bring them in, bring them in. And then he cops a cricket ball to the head. I forgot about designated hitters actually. I guess you don't have to bat if you're a pitcher because they'll just pull in a guy who only hits so that you can only pitch.

Just in terms of doing one thing from a sport, I've been seeing these videos lately of what seems to be a new emerging spectator thing in, I am guessing, Australia and New Zealand mainly, which is where they get like big islander guys, big like rugby league players to try and like tackle each other, but they have it set up on like a strip of synthetic grass that is like six feet wide and two huge dudes run at each other on a straight line that's painted down the middle of the thing. One guy has the ball and the other guy tries to tackle him

and most of the videos I've seen, the guy who tries to do the tackling ends up unconscious on the ground. Oh. And then the audience all goes, yeah. They've got a combustion machine. Is this a new sport? It seems like we've invented a new thing that is as stupid as the, the

power slap thing where, where you just stand there and take unguarded strikes to the head. Well, this just sounds like, this just sounds like the, like the initial tackle in gridiron, right? Which is like infamous for giving people concussions. CTE. Yes, except what if. Because they're just running straight at each other.

What if, think about this, what if that was the whole game? Yeah. And it was just two guys, and they just ran towards, and also no pads. Just the good part? Yeah, no pads, no helmets, and then what they do is they get you to run towards

like a gigantic Fijian guy while he trucks towards you as fast as he can and then he like just leads with his elbow directly into your downturned head. What about that for a little bit? This sounds really hard to ensure. Who is okaying this? I don't know where it's happening, you know? Is this just, is it like a warehouse rave kind of thing? It's not just your like for you page, Andrew.

Yeah. It's given you Oceania sumo. This is the AI trap that Andrew has sprung. No, like Lucy's, Lucy knows what my problem is, which is that I see something that, I see something that fascinates me in a grotesque kind of way. And I go, what? And I watch it like two or three more times and immediately the algorithm goes, got it, you like this. Oh, you like this.

You love this. And then I see another one and I go, that can't be. And I watch it again. And that's why I ended up with so many of those videos from like British wedding makeup accounts. Because every time I see one I have to stop and just go, wow. They're mesmerizing though. Wow. You can't be looking like that.

You can't be getting painted that way. We should all do British makeup for the live show. That's a really good idea. Quote, I had a father that played for a long time and I tried to chase that. When I got to a point where I was like, you know what? I'm going to try something different. So he, he flunked out at AFL, couldn't make it work. And he went to like-

He had an AFL father, which like basically puts you on an AFL team if you want to, but he was not good enough for that. So he's gone to Canadian American football. Canadian American football. Canadian American football. This doesn't seem to have like the same level of prestige to be. I bet they got some great players. I bet they got some great teams.

Yeah, it's hardly the NFL. Playing gridiron in Canada. Couch had friends who had come over to the US, so he sent film to some colleges and end up playing three years at Washita Baptist University in Arcadelfia, Arkansas. Arcadelfia? Arkansas has got its own Philadelphia? Yeah, Arcadelfia, baby. It's always sunny in Arcadelfia. Couch said that when he came up to Regina last May, he was surprised at how warm it was.

Quote, then you figure out a couple of months later, it's a little bit chilly, he said. Yeah. Fascinating sportsman interview. We're sending our best. At different points in the year, you might find the temperature changes somewhat. Yeah, I felt like summer was like pretty warm. And then winter came around. You might find the temperature changes somewhat. Summer was like pretty warm. Um, and then winter came around. It was actually like a bit chilly.

It was actually like a bit cold. Couch said he's been working on his consistency in his quest to be the team's punter. Quote, I probably had the best teacher in Adam Corsack last year. Couch said of the fellow Aussie punter who retired this year after playing the past two seasons with the writers. Quote, he's the smartest punter I've ever come across. Learning from him, was it just catch and kick? He taught me about the sport and the craft of punting.

Come on, man. You're still kind of kicking it though, right? Sorry if you're a punter listening. Maybe you're a punter. You could be a punter. You you're a punter listening. Maybe you're a punter. You could be a punter. You could be a punter. It just doesn't look that hard. It doesn't look that hard.

That's all. You didn't like, you're not reading like textbooks about the craft of punting. You know? Riders head coach, Corey Mace said, couch has a huge leg. He'd want to. Okay. One leg's bigger? Is the kicking leg caked up? Corey Mace said couch has a huge leg. Is the kicking leg like caked up?

He's like the guy from that one M. Night Shyamalan movie that no one watched. Lady in the water. He's the lady? That's the one guy there. The character who's only trading half his body. So one side of his body is super muscular and the other half isn't. There's a guy doing that right now, like a YouTuber. On the internet, like a YouTuber. Or a Tik Toker or something.

It's like his traps. He's got like one big trap. Well, he's meant to be, he's using it to demonstrate something. Something, yeah. He's not making a very important point. Yeah. Man. It's just not, it can't be worth it.

I don't care how much money you're getting for your video content empire, but you still have to like go out to dinner and go to the shops and stuff. You can't be doing that. There's just something wrong with me. I'd say to people. I have one side muscle disease. Hey, how do I get out of your house if I can only turn right? It's wild to me that like the, the like upshot of global sports is that you have to be a

mutant to play at the very top levels. Yes. Right? Like this is what you have to do to your body. Like you have to make yourself a space Marine, but like one half of your body. Yeah. Yeah. Is there like 19 organs in there? You have to be physically and mentally a mutant as well to make it a top level

sport, because you can't have the regular pleasure seeking brain. Yeah. It's like, I think the fact that Tom Brady is like that and also is like at the top of the game. He's a mutant. They are not unrelated things. He's kind of a mental mutant though, not physical. Specifically about how he kisses his dad on the lips and his son kisses him on the lips? I was just sort of like his whole.

Kissing his son in the mouth. Yeah. And look, that's, you know, you know, but he's a freak and, uh, and also extremely successful at the sport. We've got to sort of take care of our bodies for, for our job. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

My body is my instrument. I've been practicing sitting down also. Yeah. Drilling, drilling sit downs. We do our vocal warmups before we start, which is 25 seconds of small talk with each other. How's your day going? Oh, bad.

Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Boca Vista. Yeah. To make sure I brought kind of like a twisted view of the world and the news this week, I spent all morning going psycho. Yes.

And then we started recording. Yeah. Yeah. And that's like, that's made you feel good. Yeah. I don't, if I don't get a coffee in the next 15 minutes, uh, I am going to be very problematic.

You got a fucking, you've got an espresso machine in your house. Why did the fuck you have to go to the cafe? But now I've, now I've set up the rhythm in my life that I walk to the coffee store that is around the corner from me, uh, around like nine 30. And if that changes, uh, was down or something, a bit of a meltdown because yeah,

it's bad when plans change, isn't it? It's bad when plans change. You don't get the outcome you expected. You know that there's like a cause and effect of walk to cafe means get coffee, but you walked there and you couldn't get coffee. And I didn't get what I was expecting to get. And you can't be mad at them because the F-POS is down. So what do you do?

Yeah. I kind of just have to reflect it inwards. Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh! I am sorry, I got really distracted by trying to prove that I wasn't insane. If you want to look it up, dear listener, this sport is called Run It, one word, R-U-N-I-T. Like you said, Ben, who's underwriting this? It sounds like the shit I would do in year 8. That me and my weird friends would do in year 8. We'd have one lunch where we would do that all lunch and then a teacher would find out and be like, okay.

That is banned now. We're not doing that anymore. You can't do that. Yeah. Run It challenges two competitors to quote, run it straight at each other along a 20 meter track Which is only four meters wide with $20,000 on the line worth it Two competitors will start at either end of the track with one carrying the ball towards the other who then attempts to stop the opponent

By tackling them the organization says that run it is quote the world's fiercest collision sport What are the other ones? Are there that many that involve you blasting into each other? Roller derby. I think America is getting, America is getting Carmageddon next year. So, Oh, we're getting Death Race 2025? Getting Death Race 2025.

Yeah. The difference between you in year eight and these guys though, Lucy, is that one of the participants here is South Sydney Rabbit Oh's great George Burgess, who it says, Oh no, the guy you ran into is 195 centimeters tall and weighs around 136 kilos. Oh, it's a big unit. That's a big boy. He's a big unit. 195 centimeters tall and weighs around 136 kilos. Oh, it's a big unit. That's a big boy. Oh, he's a big unit. Don't be a guy.

You don't want to be running into each other like that, fellas. He's a big fella, isn't he? G'day, big fella. So look that up if you want to try and figure out what's happening out there. I think it's beautiful how much everyone loves a big unit. We do. Yeah, you see a big fella in the wild?

Yeah. Bloody hell, he's a bit of a unit. He's big. Oh, you're a big boy, aren't you, mate? Where do you reckon he gets his clothes from? Australians love a big unit. I bet you like a couple of beers, don't you, big fella? I bet you've got a healthy appetite.

Oh, you're big. Have you seen the cricket commentary from Ravi Shastri where they just zero in on this Indian guy eating an ice cream in the crowd? If you search at home, he's a big unit on YouTube. It's rough. They just focus on this guy and he's like, he's a big unit. Love picking a guy out of the crowd to hang shit on for a little bit. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah. Classic stuff. We should do more of it. What if they had a sports event, like an alternate stream? You know how sometimes like on ESPN or whatever, you'll be able to pick different camera angles, different audio streams and stuff? What if there was one where...

It's the big unit cam. Big unit cam. Yeah, like that's all they did for the whole broadcast was people watch the audience and talk about what they think that person is like. I'm sick of the kiss cam. Fuck the kiss cam off. Bring her to the kiss cam. Yeah. I don't really care about this. Put on the wide FOV lens.

Oh, because the units are big. Oh, it'd be so good at getting people to do that like lazy afternoon cricket commentating style as well where there's no sense of urgency. Where they're just like, oh yes, yes he is. Yes, he's a very, very big unit. I think back in 74 we had a similarly sized unit there. Do you agree? Do you remember that big unit?

Just no, no hurry. Yeah. Just enjoying the atmosphere of the big lads. And he's having a couple of beers. One beer in each hand. How's it, It seems like he might be the night's watchman. Is he going to alternate his sips there?

No? No, he's down one in one go. And he's going for the next one. Marvellous. He seems to have taken the hot dog out of the bun and he is dunking it in his beer. Interesting approach. Yes, here at the MCG, wonderful ground, wonderful day. Lots of big lads out there.

Quote, he has just a boomer of a leg. And I know the thing he wanted to work on the most this off season was just his placement, they said. I think he should work on his kicking. Is the purpose of this story just that this guy's a kicker and that's stupid? Is this leading anyone? No, it's beautiful. It's beautiful that a man...

Oh, you mean the purpose of me including it? Yes. Is it just that his job is stupid? I can't articulate why I'm tickled sometimes. A man with a whole life, a whole history attached to one enormous fucking leg. Just a cannon of a leg. It's very funny for an Australian man to have flunked out of AFL to go and just kick in Canada. Yeah. I'm sure he's a lovely, beautiful young man in the prime of his life and he's living his dream.

They always play for like one season in the NFL as well. Yeah. They've got like the worst Wikipedia page. One season Saskatchewan Rough Riders. No yards gained. No points scored. Kout said having to kick in the windy conditions of the prairies is challenging. Quote, the wind is blowing one way and then it's going, no, sorry.

I'm going to give him Australian voice. I'll do an Australian accent for this man. The wind is blowing one way and then it's going the opposite direction on the other side of the field. He said, that's tough because the wind would move the ball around. So it would change where you're trying to kick it to. I had, it's gone the other way on the opposite end. You got an easterly turned around at your end and then you got a westerly at the other end.

So that is confusing. Playing in Saskatchewan is going to make you a better punter because your technique just has to be so spot on. It's Saskatchewan. Is this like a... It's Saskatchewan. Yeah. I think he's had this conversation with his wife.

Nah, nah, I gotta go to Saskatchewan. If you want to be a punter, you have to go to Saskatchewan. It's like, it's kind of like the Salusa Secundus for learning to punt good. I'm kind of like the Australian sourdough car. Oh, you know what makes this more embarrassing, Ben? Is that Joe Couch is the son of a Brown Lone medalist. Oh, that's probably people know who he is then maybe who pay attention to AFL. Oh, Couch Jr.? You probably know him.

A lot of you probably went to high school with him. Paul Couch, which sounds like a more real name. Yeah. Because it's not Joe, Joe, Joe football. Joe couch is a fake boyfriend. Paul couch. Real. 10 years ago to be Paul couch guy.

But imagine your dad is like, he's, he's so good at footy that they gave him the footy award. Meanwhile, you're so shit at footy. He's been recruited by the Saskatchewan rough riders. He's an international sports star. Dad, it's big. It's a big move, dad. Dad, it's Saskatchewan. You don't have to follow in your father's footsteps either.

And you probably can't anymore because one of your feet is much bigger and it doesn't fit in the footsteps. Yeah, you don't have to be like your dad and play football. You can go to another country and play a different kind of football. Yeah. I know you love football, dad, but all I've ever wanted to do was kick. Didn't like the rest of it. Not enough kicking in AFL for me.

Yeah, love to kick, hate to me. Yeah. Love to kick. Hate to run. Yeah. Catching. Hate to run. None of our business. Bored to kick.

Forced to run. Fellow rookie kicker, Ben Hadley, who hails from the, now this could be Maritimes or because it's Canada, it could be Maritimes. Don't know. Uh, agreed. The wind is something you have to contend with. Oh, and Kinga patted this article out. Oh man.

Yeah. Wind. Look, if, if a guy tells you that wind is something you have to contend with in the punting game, you don't trust him and put it in the newspaper, go out there and you got to go out there. Experience it for yourself. Ask one more football player. There's three factors to the kick.

There's your foot, there's the wind, and then there's the ground, I guess. Those are the three things that will influence what happens with the kick. The goals are a constant. They are to specification. They're not shifting them. They're never moving the goalposts. Quote, I thought I was coming from the windiest part of the country, but I guess it's pretty windy out here too said Hadley. Fucking fascinating.

Thanks, man. I think it's about time we ripped into Canadians. You guys are fucking boring. You're as boring as us, but without even the excitement of maybe getting glassed somewhere. Yeah. When was your last race riot? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Guys have got guns, but you never do any mass shootings. What's going on? Uh, Hadley played five seasons with U-sports St. Francis Xavier's X-Men. Pardon? St. Francis Xavier X-Men. I guess that's the name of U-sports...

The team. St. Francis Xavier X-Men. X-Men. St. Francis Xavier X-Men, yeah. Yeah, because of the comic. Yeah, I guess that's cool. Okay. Quote, it's definitely a different environment out here, Hadley said of his first pro experience.

I'm just trying to come in, do my job, have some fun and do whatever the team kind of needs me to do. Kick, kick. Kick, kick. It's just kicking. Mainly kick. Kick the ball. Charles Xavier's X-Men.

That's the thing. You can't try and make it cool. You can't make your Christian college sound cooler by calling them X-Men when it's... This is a different guy. This is a different guy. Yeah, and also X-Men when it's... This is a different guy. This is a different guy. And also X-Men is sort of about outsiders. Yes. You guys are kind of jocks.

You're insiders. Yeah. Insiders. Jocks going to a Christian college. He said one difference is he did a lot more kicking in practice at the university level. Quote, they're always telling me to stop kicking. Don't over-kick.

And that's been hard to get through at first. Cause all I want to do is just kick, kick, kick. He says, what? Don't over kick. Well, cause his leg will get tired. You don't want me to kick? Yeah. I'm the machine you made me. You made a kicking machine and now you want the machine to stop kicking.

You want him to stop kicking. You taught me to kick. Yeah. Well, maybe this leg doesn't have an off button. Yeah. This leg maybe this leg doesn't have an off button. Yeah. This leg don't stop kicking. Always be kicking.

ABCs. I have to realize that it's a long training camp and I got to be healthy at the end too. Rider place kicker and fellow blue-noser Brett Louther reached out to Hadley before camp. Huh? Fellow? Is this like a slur? He's a fellow blue-noser. Yeah.

That's what they call people from like the provinces that don't border the US. It's so cold up there. I think it's slang for somebody. Someone's slang for someone from Nova Scotia. Oh. Because their noses are, because it's cold there? Because it's cold? Oh, it's cold. I thought it was slang for somebody who would have to have Narcan administered to them at

some point. Jesus. What the fuck? Ah, fellow blue nose. He's a Nova Scotia kind of legend and to hear from him was pretty cool said Hadley who skipped hisley has shown he belongs in camp. Quote, he's been a good kicker throughout U sports and even in pre-practice, you see him one step in some 45 to 50 yard as Mason said. So he's got the leg talent to do it and he definitely deserves an opportunity.

I wish my life was this simple. I wish this is all I knew how to talk about. Yeah. Imagine you just had one good part of your body instead of like 900 bad parts of your body. Imagine focusing all of your Chi into one leg. I'm spreading my Chi out so fucking thinly. What if I hyper focus?

You should hyper focus on one body part. This guy's been, yeah, min maxing right leg. Thinly? What if I hyper-focus? You should hyper-focus on one body part. This guy's been, yeah, min maxing right leg. Intelligence, two. Charisma, three. Leg, nine. Uh, rookie camp wraps up Friday morning at Griffith Stadium. Then main camp begins on Sunday.

Pretty, pretty exciting stuff. Good stuff there. Look, I reckon we can maybe squeeze in one more story just for a little icing on the cake. Like a good one? Shut the fuck up. Whoa. Ben, I loved these stories so far. Thank you so much, Theo. Hey, being a bunch of effete, indoors podcasters ripping into sports people for being

dumb. That should be kind of a social crime. It's time for Crime Watch. 113, section 9. You now have five seconds to try. Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! This also comes to us from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Corner Brook removes parking meters following spike in downtown vandalism. The system works. Cool. All right. Sorry, is Corner Brook a man? I think it's a town. One huge man going to each parking meter. But the buddy cop duo Joe Couch and Corner Brook.

The mayor of Corner Brook says a sharp increase in the vandalism and theft of the city's parking meters has prompted officials to remove them altogether. Oh, yes. Oh, you just have to do that? That's it? You just gotta do that. Yeah. Okay.

One weird trick for free parking in your town. This is just the same thing as like when they talk about like uh you know if there isn't if there isn't like a bin in a in a bathroom uh you can just drop your paper towel on the floor and if enough people just keep doing that over and over again eventually they'll say you know what yeah gotta put a bin there you're not allowed back to my house by the way keeps dropping their trash your binless home have you got a bin free home? There's not one in the toilet You might have to walk. I think the toilets are kind of been there's a lady that lives in your house Fucking put her foot down Every time she puts a bit in there you take it out

It makes me think of Theo you remember Ricks that's still there how to live every time she puts a bit in there, you take it out. I'm not living in that kind of house. It makes me think of Theo. You remember Rick's that's still there. Yeah. I do. I remember I continue to remember the bar Rick's. Yeah. So they added a second urinal to the tiny little fucking bathroom out the back area because what people would do is because the urinal could fit one and a half people in

that venue can fit like 500 people in it. Like so many, yeah. Everyone would just piss in the garbage bin. Oh boy. Yeah. Rix is really a place where society is barely keeping it together. Yeah, the rules are not like, people have realised that rules are fake. They should study Rix to see what's happening in the next five years.

I wonder what it's like now. I haven't been in there for a long time. Can't be good. It was fucking nasty. Very nasty. Just imagine one of those like the, not a wheelie bin, but like the plastic garbage bins you see everywhere else where it's like just a round sort of cylindrical plastic extruded thing. One of those just full of piss. Yeah. Full.

Not nice. Think it was one guy's piss or? No, it was everyone. I saw so many people pissing there. I never pissed in there. Pissed into mix. Oh, you just saw it happening. I just saw it happening.

You didn't participate. Well, no, because they were doing praxis. By pissing in there, they forced their hand to add another urinal, which clearly everybody needed. If anything, the bin full of piss was kind of a path of desire, a desire path. Yes. Speaking with CBC News on Wednesday, Jim Parsons said 91 of the city's 166 parking meters, or about 50% of all meters, have been vandalized since January 25th. Oh, Jim Parsons, who plays Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory? Yeah, Jim Parsons who plays Sheldon in the big bang theory.

Yeah, Jim Parsons. Are we all picturing Sheldon now? Yeah. Yeah. Picturing regular age Sheldon. Why did they ask Jim Parsons about this? He, this is his like subject matter that he is an expert in. Right.

He's a parking meter guy. Because of his. Condition. Thing that he has. Quote, we've had issues in the past where you'd have a few meters vandalized or stolen, cut off or stolen. But yes, this has been remarkable, Parsons said. Certainly it's very frustrating for the businesses and for the city itself.

For now, the city has decided to cease parking enforcement, meaning drivers won't get ticketed. Okay. That's, I feel like you're offering kind of like a perverse incentive. Yeah, like a very obvious incentive. Like don't get me wrong. I hate paying for parking. I hate getting a parking fine. It all sucks. But like paid parking also helps regulate like traffic in cities. It adds an incentive for people to use public transport and all that sort of stuff kind of does like have a purpose to have everyone just like take the parking meters because there's money inside them or deface them because they hate them and they'd be like, ah, you know what, just do whatever you

fucking want. Do you think they're trying to use reverse psychology? We're sick of trying. You guys, you guys work out parking. Yeah. Okay. You figure it out. Yeah.

You try and find a park now that it's free. Good luck out there Yeah, or you can leave your car there for as long as you want. Okay, let's see what fucking happens See how many abandoned cars there are that's your problem now I'm gonna go play my game boy in the mayor's office What if it turned out that everybody was just like being nice about it, you know Not staying too long in the parking and the system just worked really nicely. Oh, it perfectly self-regulates? Yeah.

Alright. What if there was one time where the system perfectly self-regulated? You'd hate it if it just proved a bunch of like, anarchists completely correct. Yeah, guys walking down the street whistling with like a big angle grinder over their shoulders saying, you're welcome. Imagining a world without parking meters. Oh, that's quite nice actually. I'm just imagining that Canada only just got Pokemon Blue. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a new Game Boy color. It's one of the clear kind of ones as well.

Yeah. Ooh. I like Blastoise. Yeah, I like Blastoise too. Other parking options are also being explored, Parsons said, like digital options used in other municipalities. Quote, the mechanical meters that we've been using over the last number of years, they're getting old and in fact, it's hard to find parts for them. This has really hastened the need to do a new system.

Parsons said each meter costs thousands to replace. The city makes about $40,000 a year in parking revenue, he said, but enforcement costs exceed that. So that's so stupid. That's so stupid. You got to have like a different fucking thing then. It sounds like you don't need the parking enforcement. Like, if you, what are you enforcing?

Every city is like a little guy. It's just a tiny little guy. And there's a big lady called the automobile and he's going like, don't step on me. Big automobile. I'll do whatever you want. Can't you just, there's gotta be a better way than having paid parking that costs you more than it gives you. Can't you just have like time limited spots and pay one person to be like, whoop.

Yeah. Yeah. And if you just have time limited and then pay that one guy. The spot flips your car. Instead of having like coin operated parking meter machines, like from the fucking 1950s, who's got coins on them? I got a better idea, Ben. What if, if you're spending more on enforcing than you're getting from the parking, it sounds like it would actually be a more productive thing to install machines

where you pull up and you say, okay, I'm starting my parking now. And if you leave the parking before your time is up, it dispenses money to you. Yes. It says, Hey, you left in time. You did the right thing. Here's a little $5 note. Go get yourself a coffee, you know? Yeah.

Thanks for being a good season. You weren't even getting enough money to cover all the enforcement anyway. And you were spending that money on something you obviously weren't getting any, any value out of. We could be circulating that back into the economy. We could be giving people positive reinforcement for doing the right thing instead of like shaking the stick at them. I'll tell you what, you park and then when you are parked, you put your Game Boy in a little box there. And then if you leave before your allotment is up, you get your Game Boy back.

It's a perfect system. Is this like when you go to see, when you go to see Dave Chappelle live and he makes you put your Game Boy in a box before you watch the show? And if you don't leave in time, your Game Boy goes to the mayor. Yes. And he's going to love it. He gets your Game Boy. Because you've got an advance.

And there's, there's nothing to stop him from saving a new game over your save as well. No, no. He's allowed to do that by law. It's only got one save on it. Yes, it's only got one save in the old ones, absolutely. Yeah, so if you don't want that to happen, come back to your parking spot in time. I guess is what I'm saying. Or don't, because the mayor really wants to play Leaf Green. It's really fucking excited.

Woohoo, my Jarrah is hard leveled up. Hey, this was definitely an episode of the podcast. Buntavista. Thank you so much for joining us as we learn more about the world around us as we cast a sort of a skew glance at other countries and say, what, what, what, what, what, what are these guys like? Stupid. Yeah. Sound funny. Talk slow. at other countries and say, what are these guys like? Canada? Stupid?

Yeah. Idiots? Sound funny? Talk slow? They don't have a point of difference. Australia's got a little bit of pizzazz to it. Of the Commonwealth countries where you're just like, boring, South Africa has the racism. Australia has the sunburn, the skin cancer and the racism.

What does Canada got? You just kind of like Americans, but you sometimes use the correct spelling of words. I think that's unfair. I think Canada's beautiful. They got ice hockey, Tim Hortons. I think they're beautiful as well. That's it. That's what I've got, ice hockey and Tim Hortons.

They've got some really nice mountains. That's cool for them, but like we've got natural beauty. Brian Adams. Yeah. Some of America's best actors are Canadian. Yes. Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. The Shrek guy. Thanks Canada.

We really appreciate it. The voice of Shrek is Canadian, you know? Yeah, true. They've given us so much. Maybe we just don't understand them enough. Maybe they're actually really interesting once you get to know them. I doubt it though. Thanks for listening. We've got a live show coming up. It is on May 31st at Polonia. That is the Brisbane Polish club. It is in Milton. It is going to be crazy. Oh, it's going to get crazy. Um, it's going to get crazy. Yeah. It's going to get pretty nuts in there.

It's going to get nuts. Yeah. We're going to get to the last third of the show and everyone's going to be so drunk, even with microphones, we're going to have to yell to be audible. A lot of us are nervous drinkers. So, yeah, you're not going to want to miss that because we have to like, some more nervous than others. When the stingers are playing on the recording, we just sort of all go like

slack-jawed and dead-eyed and just sort of turn off, turn off for like 30 seconds. We go somewhere else. Make sure we don't look at each other. We just kind of give ourselves a little bit of breathing space. When you're on stage, you're being watched for that entire 30 seconds. And sometimes like a minute and a half, depending on what the thing is that I'm playing or who made it. Yeah.

So you got to understand that like you can hide your mouth by drinking a beer. And that's half your face taken care of. It gives you something to do with your hands. Gives something to do with your hands. That's so important. And if you're really enjoying the beer, you can close your eyes while you're sipping it down. And then you sort of taking care of the whole apparatus.

And then you end up being like, oh no, oh, I've had a couple of beers. Is this funny? I don't know. And then that's when the beauty happens. That's when the silliness starts. And you're not gonna wanna miss that. You do not wanna miss that.

You got a little bit of time left to buy tickets, but please buy them sooner or later for logistical reasons. Sorry. Sooner rather than later. Not an option. Whenever. Yeah. Keep the sales open after the show, just in case you want to buy one. Like I got to know how many more extra chairs we need to get. Yes, that's true. We need chair numbers. We gotta go back to Bob's hire. Say, Bob! Bob...Bobby! We're back! Bob! Big! Bobby H. I assume your last name is hire. Thank you so much for your help last time. I need you again.

We're gonna walk in and say, Well, well, well, Bobby H. I bet you didn't expect to see me here again. And he'll say, Who are you? Bobby H. you big cuck sucker as I live and breathe. You still alive? And he'll say, how many chairs do you want?

We'll say, we don't know. We don't know yet. We just wanted to check in and say, what's up brother? How you been? You still in the chair business? I've been thinking about you this whole time. What's Bob up to? How's Bob?

Just checking that you still got chairs. He's like pressing the button under the counter. Checking that you're still a chair-related business. The chair hire panic button. Oft used. The chair hire panic button with just the label maker printout that says, neurodivergent podcaster. Has not correctly ascertained the nature of this relationship. BuddhaVista.com slash live for those. Can't wait to see there. Until then please stay safe.

Keep your head on a swivel. And if you're sick of paying for parking fines, just get rid of the meters and they won't give up. Yep. They get bored. They get bored easily. Bye! Goodbye. Goodbye to you. I learned to spell your name in the stars A and D and C and D Used to getting dragged along