Boonta Vista - EPISODE 442: Pumping The Croaker

Episode Date: April 26, 2026

Lucy, Andrew, and Ben bring you: The distance between the European sex proficiency and the European sex experience, a pilot ahead of his time, a handful of quick thinking teens, and a joint drainage exercise. *** Outro: Slow Jam - Tirzah *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Sweet articles. Hey, welcome to Bonta Vista episode 442. This intro is just a personal grievance because we're all very tired and no one's got an intro. And here you are at Brisbane's beautiful Fortitude Valley music hall on Anzac Day. You're here to see Midwest emo band called Hot Mulligan. You want to hear a guy from Michigan screaming. you're here to hear your favorite song Monica Lewinskibbity. You're very excited.

You're three rows from the back. And unfortunately, your view is really blocked by a furry couple that are wearing the full heads right in the pit. Right, pit. Just furry heads. Normal outfits. Just want to say like... Oh, just the heads.

Just the heads. Just the heads. Just the heads. Front row. Kind of more frustrating in some ways, isn't it? And I don't want to be too mean. here because of our fan base. Because of our fan base.

I'm aware. I'm aware of it. Furry stuff's fine. The idea of wearing a furry head in the pit at a show is absolutely fucking insane. Can I just actually bring up something you said earlier? Did you say you were three spots from the back earlier? From the front. I'm tired.

I thought I'm tired. Sorry, I thought I had caught you out in a lie. 12 drinks. No, do you know. Just a mistake. Just a mistake. I'm not sitting on furries. Do you really need to wear the head in the pit?

It makes them happy. And if it makes them happy, then it can't be that bad. Wrong. I have heard this. Wrong. Wrong. It's odd. I actually didn't think security would let you do that.

I didn't think so, but maybe in the valley. Like a licensed venue in the valley. They wouldn't want you to have something that's full face covering. Well, and also, from a safety perspective, something that seems like it is designed by intention to give you heat stroke at the venue. Absolutely. I was stressed out about their heat situation, but also bothered because this guy was tall and also wearing the big old fox head. Yeah, that's huge.

That's definitely going to block your view of whatever shitty band you were seeing. This is the thing. It's not a furry thing. If you were wearing a really big steampunk top hat. Yep. Okay. That would be equally disruptive. Equally disruptive.

It's only so mad you can get about somebody just being tall. That's just nature. Well, Andrew, that's... So you're in a situation similar to mine. You're a taller fellow with a wife of normal height. Yep. Whatever normal is. I don't know what normal is, but she's not a gigantor.

You do not have a giant wife. Yes. What's the strategy for your... Where is the polite spot for you to stand at a music concert to which you both attending? Because being a taller fellow etiquette would dictate, you sort of go to the back because you're going to block people's view. But your wife might want to go to the front. Yeah, I thought you'd say that.

I actually knew you would say, fuck a short person behind me. I need to stand directly behind my wife at all times at the show, mainly for frotage reasons. Jesus. Christ. Does that count as frotage? Yeah. All right, Ben. Does a similar thing happen to you?

Yeah. as a reasonably tall man, a relatively tall man. Not as tall as you. I don't know. I think we're the same height. Let's try it kissing. I feel like you're the same height.

Let's just press our pelvices together and see where they make contact. See how our eyes line up. See which dick stacks on top of the other. Put them straight out. Let's do some experiments here. Let's see if our lips touch and our dicks touch each other directly. Or if there's. some height differentiation anyway.

Can't think of a better way to determine someone's height. That's the area is no more efficient way. Ben, stand with your back flat up against this wall. Now I'm going to kiss you. But my question is, do you get the thing sometimes where you're at a gig and you are taller than the average height of people in there? And you're like, hey, no problem.

and then the one person in the venue who is taller than you somehow manages to be standing between you and the stage. He stands mocks me. He fights me. He fights me. I think it might be the one guy. We have the same taste of music. We have the same budget, the same taste of music, and the same nights free.

We go to the same shows and every time he's like, there he is. There he is. I'm going to fucking get this guy. Oh, excuse me, bud. The height stuff it shows is just kind of. I don't know, like, I think it's incidental. It's fine. There's reasonable things. There's reasonable things that you can do sometimes to ameliorate the impact that you're just completely natural size is having on a stranger. Sometimes there is a situation where it's polite to go, oh, let me just scoge to the side, let you through here.

Or if there's sometimes like in a show, a bit of a void opens up in front of you in the crowd. And if there's like shorter people than me there, I would rather they get in there than like immediately. immediately rush in to fill that void. Hey, voidless much? Get in here. Short stuff. Squeeze on in. But you do see people complaining about like,

I'm very short and everybody should like get out of my way and let me write down to the front of the thing or people complaining that like there's a tall person in the front like three rows of a show. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. We can't. What are you going to do?

Sometimes I'll let a little short person in front of me. We need to start doing shows by having the entire. crowd line up outside, we will rank you by size. In order of height. I think the first five meters from the stage back should be ordered by height. And everything after that is free for all. Because no one cares after that point. Like, if you're really desperate to get down the front, you still want to see,

I think we've got to put our short kings, queens and non-binary monarchs right on the barrier. Unless my back is sore that day and I'd like to lead on the barrier because it's easier than standing for three hours. Yes. But I wouldn't be in the wings. I wouldn't be in the wings. I wouldn't be in the side. No matter where I am.

But putting a prosthesis, putting a height prosthesis on yourself, whatever it may be and whether or not you use it when you're having sex, that's none of my business. My concern is that this is the same as if you went in there on stilts, you know? You're crazy right now. What are you doing to everyone? Have you ever seen that? It was like an art installation from the 70s or something. probably have all of this wrong, but aren't experience where, like,

people rocked up to the gallery space or whatever, had their height measured, and then everyone was given a size of platform shoe that would make them all of exactly equal height. So, like, if you're really tall, you've got a very, you got, like, no platform if you're very small, huge platform.

So everyone at the party got to experience being exactly the same height. That'd be pretty trippy, dude. That'd be wild. I want to try that. This is just like the movie Clifford, starring Martin Short as a 10-year-old boy. Yeah, what a picture. Oh, fantastic movie, and my favorite bit of trivia is that there's a scene where he throws a house party in his uncle Charles Groton's house, and they achieved the visual effect of Tiny Martin Short on the Dance Florida party by only getting extras who are over 6-2.

That's awesome. So he just looks like a 10-year-old boy in comparison. and everyone is there? You know what? These days, they do that with fucking computers. These days, they plug that into the chat GPT. The AI factory. They can make Baby Yoda one foot tall or six foot tall.

It doesn't matter to them, and that's what's sick. It doesn't take any discipline to achieve it. Well, isn't, is Baby Yoda a puppet often or something? Sometimes. And they try to, like, really desperately try to force the magic back into Star Wars, but they can't because they never had it in the first place after maybe. I think the baby Yoda is a puppet sometimes, and 100% of the rest of the show takes place in that,

in that, like, LED projection cylinder that they film everything in there. Yeah, what do they call that thing? It's a big old green screen. It's called something fucking stupid, like the monument or the expanse or... Yeah. What the fuck is this? It's, like, instead of using blue screen, it's basically, like, rear projection, like they used to do when they would have a really shitty background

projected behind people. but it's on like these like ultra high-deaf screens that wrap around the whole set or whatever. So instead of blue-screening it in, they can see the background that's around them as it's happening. And it like alters the lighting in the space as well. Everything's dog shit. Everything's computers. I mean a bad mood this morning. Everything's grinding my gears, you know?

Actually, by we're, um, while we're listing off petty grievances, one that's just really been eaten away at me, I think for probably like 15 years. Oh, go on. Go on. Okay. You know how when you take your car to get serviced, Andrew specifically, yeah. And they service your car. I know how my wife books the car in for a service, yes.

When you pick up your car, you're like, wow, great, it's my car and it's been serviced. What's this? Oh, they put a sticker on the back window advertising their own business. That has never happened to me, and I would throw a fucking fit if it did. I'm already mad enough that I have. purchased a car from a car dealer and that the, um, they put the plastic frame on the license plate for the dealership that it came from. Lennox Motors or whatever the fuck, you know?

Yeah. That's fucked up. That's fucked up. You can't be doing that. I'm not your fucking billboard. Maybe this is just your guy, Ben. Yeah. Is this happening everywhere?

I mean, it happens with other mechanics as well. But I definitely, because I have one sticker that I have purposely put on the back of my car. And I've chosen to be tasteful. I'm not covering it in stickers. I'm not, you know, trying to express my political beliefs. I have a sick-looking warrior woman sticker drawn by our friend Phoebe Paradise that I put on there. Tasteful. Perfect.

Very taste. One sticker. I get my car service. It's your choice. It's my choice to decorate my forester in this manner. Oh, Christ. No. No.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Ah. Ah! And then now, I've got a sticker from beep on the back of my car. It's probably real hard to get off. too. Yeah.

Probably have to get a paint scraper, some rubbing alcohol. You should go put a sticker on his car. Go put a Bunta Vista sticker on his car. From Beep's car? Where he parks it on beep. It melts it? Are you fucking kidding me? That'd be real funny.

Bodily, Jason. Autonomy? The volume. It's called the volume. The volume. That was a good expanse, I think, was in that sort of, yeah. The volume. The volume.

Yeah. It's like a great big, huge, fucking projected LED thing. And then they're like, wow, these giant screens behind us are also doing the lighting. So we don't got to think about the lighting neither. Well, fuckers. You see a kind of similar thing when, you know, when people are like getting the tiles on the roof of their house repainted. And I feel like quite often you will see a sign in someone's front yard advertising that their house roof was done by some business. But I am sure there has to be some arrangement at play where they've said,

hey, we'll knock 5% off the price of this overall thing if you leave this sign in your yard for two months afterwards or whatever. Is the dealership offering you 5% off there to give perpetual advertising to them? They're not. They've always got their bloody hands in your pockets. That's so cheeky. That's what you know about car ownership. Oh, car service. That'll be $5,000.

Yeah, that's right. They'll reach so far into your pockets. They're grazing your balls. It'd be one thing, Ben, if they, like, hung an air conditioner on the rearview mirror that had their logo on it, you know? Yeah. It'd be like, oh, you're pretending to do something for me. Yeah. And it happens to be advertising your business.

It happens to advertise your business. Yeah. Okay, I get that. You put a spoiler on my car. Why can a sticker on my fucking car? Don't do it. Are you out of your mind? Hey, don't adhere something to my car.

Yeah. Don't graze my balls. I'm going to grazing my balls and tell me it's raining. Don't piss on my balls. Don't piss on my balls and tell me it's grazing. Mechanics are always pissing on your balls. Yeah, got to go pick my car. I'm getting ready to get my balls pissed on.

God damn. Hey, put your raincoat on. I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's going well. Got to put a condom over my balls so they stay dry with the mechanic pisses on them. I've got to invent a poncho for your dick I bet most people hate it when they put the shitty little sticker on the back of your car

after getting your car serviced but we could only find out scientifically by conducting a poll we're talking about polls in the poll report what a song such a nice little break sometimes when we're recording collect your thoughts

little time to sip my coffee collect my thoughts think about some bits you want to do in the latter half of the episode start laughing Balls really dry. Thinking about a guy that likes having sex, but he doesn't like to get his dick wet. Getting out one of those toilet seat liners and just poking your dick through it. That's really funny.

Like, we're both tested and like I'm on the pill. Oh, yeah, I've got a vasectomy. I just really don't like to, I just don't like it to get wet. I want to get it wet. It's like when you're being rained on. Taking a roll of cling wrap and just wrapping it all the way around. waste a couple of times. Oh, this? Funny you asked.

I didn't think you notice. It's clear. ClickRamp is clear. Most people don't notice. Most people don't say anything. That's really funny that you said something. So this poll is a little old. This is from 12 years ago. But I still think it might help us kind of, well, that's like five years ago, so pretty recent.

I think because of how things are going in the US, which has primarily been our biggest, like, source of news, you know, for the last couple of years or whatever. We're going to start running out of news there. Not that stuff will stop happening. It's just the infrastructure to get news to the outside world will disappear as the country

sort of crumbles and it will get less funny as the empire sort of crumbles. Less and less funny. Yeah. So we kind of got to look more to Europe. And like we know a little bit about Europe. I'm sure you guys have probably traveled to Europe. I've never been there and I'm not interested. It seems very silly over there.

Just not interested. Europe. No, thanks. you go doing, calm down. Just like, turn it down a couple of duchess. If it becomes more sensible, I'll certainly consider it. I thought it might be a good idea to sort of get like a broader scope of how some of like the big players in Europe compare to each other.

So I've got some data here from the 2013 UGov European Sex Survey. Okay. And I've got two questions and then a metric that I've invented, perhaps discovered myself that I think is worth talking about. So the first question is on a scale of one to five, where one is not all good and five is excellent, generally, how would you rate your own sexual abilities? Interesting.

Okay, so I'm going to do this in descending order, starting from the best, the people who think they are shit hot at fucking. Do you guys want to... Do you want to guess? Netherlands. Interesting. Andrew? I'm trying to think about who's really popping off at the Olympic Village.

Well, I know who's the Germans. I know who's fucking the most at the Olympic Village, but I don't know if they're fucking the best. You know? Hey, quality over quantity. You know? That's right. One good sex a year. One perfect sex a year.

If you insist on fucking me. That's Lucy's method. That's right. Why am I fucking catching a straits today? Fair enough, but yeah, come on. Spain, I'm going to go to space. Yeah, well see, that's what I would have thought as well. Oh, yeah.

But interesting. You guys are actually close, but number one rating themselves on average 3.9 out of 5. The Swiss. Okay. Really? They're fastidious. They're perfectionists, I guess.

Efficiency of motion. Yeah, the same craft that they put into. watches and ice cream. They put into... Is there a Swiss ice cream brand or have I made that up? Where's Huggendos? Are they Swiss?

Huggendos. Huggandas? Huggandas? The idea of rating yourself sexually is interesting. Hagenas is an American ice cream brand. Oh, well then. Founded in the Bronx. What are we doing here?

What the fuck are we doing here? Hagendass from the Bronx. Hagendusts? unbelievable Why wouldn't you rate yourself a five? If you're not rating yourself a five, aren't you doing something about it? I mean, I think people... In a wonderful piece of synchronicity,

Ruben and Rose Matas, who founded Hagenas, Polish. Okay, interesting. Poles, but coming back around. Forget everything you thought you knew about Hagenas. And Polish people. There's something like, I mean, rating your own sexual performance is kind of insane. Like, there's really, that's not. There's a lot of variables.

A lot of variables. And a lot of subjectivity and a lot that you wouldn't know about how the other person is experiencing. But wouldn't you think you're the best because you're doing it the way that you like it, right? Yeah. But, I mean, unless you have theory of mind and you know that there is also like another person involved that probably... That doesn't sound real to me. I think other people have subjective experience. Yeah, I've got the theory of I've got to get mine.

You say, Ben, you've left out what the question is here, just in the notes. Yes. As in, well, you've got the question on scale of one to five. How would you rate each and five? Left out the phrase, yeah. But you've left out the phrase. And I'm just very curious on how that question was phrased. And of course, if you're having this filled in by people from all these different countries,

then you've got translations to worry about and all that sort of thing. But like, I'm curious about it because we, yeah, I just, I think are people being asked to rate how good they think their own sexual performance is? That's exactly what they're being asked. The question is, how would you rate your own sexual performance? Nobody's getting any factor in there of like, do you think your countrymen are good at fucking? Yes. Just yourself. This is individual.

Yeah. Right. So this is equivalent to the self-report, your penis. measurements. Yeah. Kind of vibe. So we've got Switzerland to 3.9. In second place, Tide, we have Austria in the Netherlands at 3.85.

Mm-hmm. Checks out. Austria is for lovers. I've heard that. Great call. Always hearing this. Everyone needs to take an Austrian lover. Oh, to be fucked in Vienna?

You must take a Viennese lover. Tied in third place at 3.77. We have Italy and Spain. Again. So, good shout out. On Spain, yep. Check out, if you are a woman and you choose to walk around in Italy or Spain, they will tell you by all accounts. They will tell you that they are good at sex and they would like to have it with you.

They sure will. Next, we have tied for fourth, Belgium and Germany at 3.7. See, I wouldn't have picked Germany putting themselves that high. I really would not have either. But again, a methodical, rigorous people. I would have thought that they would just rate themselves like a solid. Olive 3, you know? Yeah.

Efficient. I am perfectly average at sex. Sexual performance has been described as adequate. We have in fifth France at 3.63. Really? Now, this one kind of checks out to me because I believe that the French being such a romantic people aspire to be better. They have an ideal in their mind of a better.

LaVelle. Okay, it checks out. Just behind France, we have Sweden at 3.61. Okay. Yeah. Finland at 3.57, Norway at 3.56. So some pretty tight grouping on the Scandies, Denmark 3.45. And then at the very, very bottom, the United Kingdom at 3.31.

Yeah. I mean. Yeah, that's 100%. Yeah, yeah, that checks out. Like, they're probably correct in rating them. that would make sense. Everyone else is being a little humble. They're the people of the UK are like,

no, no, I'm rubbish. If anything. I'm one of the top 20 doggers in my county. A few interesting bits from that data set. The UK had the most people that rated themselves a 1 at 7%. That is insane. Like, do something about it. You can just be rating yourself a 1.

Yeah. Subscribe to OMG yes or whatever. Are these gender? Broadening or whatever. Are these gender neutral? Are these just men? No, this is across the board. This is everywhere.

Okay. I'd like to see the gender divide on that one. Yeah. God, that would be miserable. I think if I'm doing a survey and the first question makes me rank myself as low as the scale goes for how good I am at sex, I think I'm stopping there. Yeah. I think there's not any more that I want to know about myself. I would be like, hey, you know what?

I have to stop doing this because I'm going to go enroll at Fuck Academy. I've seen some videos about it online. The UK also had the highest percentage of people that reported that they would prefer not to say at 17%. So I think we could also count those 17% as ones. As ones. Why else would you dramatically lower? You wouldn't prefer not to say five. That's insane.

Yeah. There's like one guy that was like, oh, no, I wouldn't. say and you know he's a five. Oh, he's a five. You think there's a bunch of James bonds who are just keeping it classy. Yes, a hundred percent. A couple of Jeebies. Just a couple of Jeebles.

Fucking around the world. Austria had the highest proportion of people who rated themselves of five with 25 percent of Austrians. Wow, what's going on in Austria? Anyone ever slept with an Austrian? Not me. Mailbag. at Buntavista.com, have you had a sexual experience with an Austrian?

Write it. Write it. Send us your anonymized Austrian fuck experience. One to five. Letters to Penthouse. Letters to Buntavista. Look, I'd read them. Oh, I'd definitely read them. Also, 15% of Austrian said that they would prefer not to say. And I think those ones, it's the opposite. Nearly all of them were fives that were being Austrianly humble. Being coy, being humble about it. I prefer not to say. But it's, I'm pretty good. Norway had the highest proportion of people who said they didn't know at 12%.

Which is awesome. I got no fucking idea about... I think I don't know is a valid answer. That's a great answer, right? No idea. Rating yourself is, yeah, interesting. Yeah. The second highest proportion of people who didn't know was the UK at 9%.

So I think that's another 9% of ones for the UK. So I think probably they're probably closer to a two now that we've done all this number correct. Yeah, we're down to a two at this point for sure, probably sub two. Now the next question in this was to do the same, ranking from

one to five, the quality of your sex life. So once again in number one we have Switzerland 3.55. So they're feeling pretty good about it.

in second place, the Netherlands, at 3.54, just behind. Spain, 3.5, Belgium, 3.49, France, 3.46. Austria, 3.4. So interestingly, you know, we're seeing something kind of happened here where Austria was doing so well before, but they're kind of going down the list a little bit. Well, that's somebody saying, me personally, I am a spectacular lover, but I simply cannot find a partner who was up to the task. Now that's a good thought, Andrew. Hold on to that. Next we have another tight grouping from

you've got Norway 3.09, Germany 3.02. Sweden, 2.98. Denmark and Finland, 2.94. So Scandies once again together down the bottom. And again, at the bottom, 2.84 for the United Kingdom. But they love dogging. They're all weird perverts,

but they think they're bad at sex. Like you're badly having sex with someone's wife in the car park? I'm bad at sex and I don't have it much, but I am having it in a Tesco car park. You can't take that away from me. Maybe it's just like the mental thrill of the sex is great even if the sex is bad. Like you're getting off on the fact that dogging is happening even if the dogging is subpar. Maybe they have to resort to dogging because their sex lives are apparently so bad, right? That might be it, yeah.

That's why the dogging is happening. I don't know. Like if this sex were happening at home in my bed, I would think it was awful. But it's happening at a roadside toilet in Shropshire. And that makes it exciting. Now, Andrew, as you alluded to, the real nugget of data, I think here, is the difference between how they rated their own performance and how they rated the quality of their sex lives. the first thing we get from this data point which i'm calling the differential of blame

is like how much they're externalizing the quality of their sex life onto the other party instead of reflecting on themselves so most interesting part about this is that every single one of these numbers is positive in that their sexual performance is higher than the quality of their self-rated sex life so everyone thinks they find better than the sex they're having. That would make sense. I get it. I would have assumed that people come into a sexual trist with humility

and believe that it's that the sex elevates the sex life better than you could do on your own. Right? Interesting. Sounds like something a three would say. Well, they are selling more and more extravagant gear every year, are they? Soon. There won't even be a need for a partner. you can lie in your VR headset, back in your vibrating lazy boy, you know, robot pumping away at your dick.

One of those Chinese ones. You don't want it to freak out on you. See those ones that flip out and kind of fall over and explode. Now imagine it's got a vice grip on your penis when it does that. Everything's computers now. My Timo Jackoff machine is doing the happiness in slavery music video to me. And if you're under 30, go. fuck yourself. That's right. Do you guys,

did you ever have like a cousin or an older friend tell you that that video was real? That a guy really got his dick ripped off by a machine. What is the dick ripping off video? From happiness and slavery by nine inch nails. Music video for happiness and slavery by nine inch nails. I don't think I've seen it. Yeah, guy gets his dick ripped off.

And that really happened? And he loves it. Trent Leyen is so fucking twisted, dude. Oh, he's so fucking twisted. He's crazy. It's kind of like the joker of music. I can't believe he's 60. That's me and I like Trit Resno.

I love Trayn Reston. Like the difference between his demeanor and like what the lyrics about versus like how upbeat and dancing most of the music is. It's very, very funny. Yeah, that's pretty good. So this is the differential of blame listed from lowest to highest. So where the gap between how much they rate their sexual performance and how much their sex life is lagging behind that will get bigger. as we go on. So France has the closest.

0.17. So mostly, for the most part, they are having the quality of sex life they believe themselves to be providing. And worthy of. Which I think is probably the healthy, like beautiful attitude to have in the circumstance, I think.

They are followed closely by Belgium, 0.21. So something about that sort of Frankish kind of area. Spain, 0.27. so a little jump up there. Netherlands, 0.31, Switzerland, 0.35. Austria and Italy, 0.45. We then jump up to Norway and the UK at 0.47.

So somehow, despite the fact that their sex lives are miserable, the miserable people of the UK still believe they're having, like, worse sex than they're capable of having, even though they know they're bad at sex. God, that's miserable. Isn't that fucking depressing? That's horrible. Denmark, in third place, 0.0.

5-1, tied for second. Finland and Sweden, 0.63. And then at the tippy, tippy top, Germany, 0.68. They believe themselves to be fuckmasters, but they're disappointed by the sex that they're having. Something kind of... I think Australia would be like this. I think Australian men in particular are going to be way overrating themselves. I think most, yeah, the average on men in Australia, they'd be like 4.7.

4.8. 5. I'm a 5 across the board, but my sex life is a 2. Because of my terrible personality. That's right. Hey, if we wanted to experience the sex cultures of any of these beautiful countries, we'd have to fly over there on a plane. We talk about planes in plainly speaking. This is your captain speaking.

Please return your seat to their upright positions as we are coming in hot on another edition of plainly speaking. This comes to us from KSB. in California. Salinas eight-year-old logs flyd hours while chasing his dream of becoming a pilot. Okay. Eight. Eight years old. Ever spoken to a eight-year-old before?

You ever had a conversation with a eight-year-old? Yeah, they shouldn't fly a plane, I don't think. They shouldn't. Fly an aeroplane. That's one of my beliefs. Maverick Feletta is already reaching... Oh, my Lord. Come on.

He's already reaching new heights at Salinas Airport where he's been taking flying lessons and building toward his dream of becoming a pilot. The Mission Park Elementary School student has logged more than 10 hours in the air so far a remarkable start for someone his age. Like remarkable in that I would remark upon that being a bad idea. Is this allowed?

Where is this? California, beautiful California. I don't think they should be doing that. I wouldn't give an eight-year-old an e-bike. No. Lord no have you do you guys have

I don't know if the is the e-bike paddock Australia wide or just Queensland the one that's happening right now what's going on so they're about to like

very heavily ban like limit e-bikes and ban the sales of some e-bikes and the use of e-bikes people under 18 I think maybe in Queensland because we've developed a sort of

I don't know if it's actually a problem or not I have seen this happen once or twice there are just lots of videos of roving gangs of like 13-year-olds on those e-bikes that are shaped like dirt bikes, like riding down the highway and stuff. Or swarming a golf course or whatever. Yeah. So because now they're super cheap and they're unbelievably, well, comparatively very powerful.

There are just like a bunch of kids that have them and they're riding on the road and doing crazy shit or whatever. Doing crazy bike gang stuff. Yeah. To solve it, they're just sort of banning e-bikes entirely, almost, or limiting them to like 10Ks an hour. I was just talking to our friend Milo Edwards currently in Australia on his tour by tickets at Milo Edwards.com.ukuk. Yeah, he's probably got back.

UK. Yeah. Sounds pretty good, right? And his lovely cameraman Benny when they were coming through town. And I was saying like there are these ones that are the shape of dirt bikes and seem to go the speed of like small dirt bikes, pee-wee, pee-wee bikes, whatever. and there's like kids across the street from my house like teenagers like young teenagers who all have these bikes and are zipping around in them and everything

and I am not bothered by this other than the feeling of boy I hope I don't back over one of these kids blasting past me on a completely silent motorbike at some point but um the the question I had for the other guys was I wonder how many parents who would give their kids one of these wouldn't give their kid a... Like a petrol dirt bike? Yeah, an equally powered and sized motorbike.

Yeah. And I'm guessing that there is a huge overlap in that Venn diagram of... Yeah. Yeah, people who wouldn't let their kids have a motorbike. They legally wouldn't have to... But like, they legally couldn't let their kid ride one of those dirt bikes like on the road.

They would also have to register the bike. They would have to have to have... a license and stuff. People do. People do. If you live in the suburbs and there's places to ride them, you will always see some like, you know, 12-year-olds or whatever, zipping around on a couple of dirt bikes on a bike path or through a bit of scrub or whatever. Which is the stuff childhood is made of. Yeah. But my point remains the same. If you had those two objects side by side and said to a parent, will you let them have this one that goes from ring me, mimimimimiming. It does seem kind of us. This is like the constant problem we have with every,

everything is that we have had these like few little nifty technological achievements like really good electric motors and good battery technology and stuff that we that just made people be like great i'll make something that's like quite cheap and pretty powerful and doesn't need to be road registered and i'll make it and no one really considers what the consequences are i'm like trying really hard not to have boomer brain about this because i am so sick of louis nearly getting run over by someone on one of those little fucking things. And I hate it. I hate a scooter so much.

I hate them. I hate them so much. They're probably a net good, maybe not environmentally because of the batteries, but then I don't fucking know. I genuinely don't know. I know that my gut reaction is to overreact to them because they have spooked me and the dog a bunch. They spook me.

They piss me off. Don't ding your little bell riding on the footpath. You go on the road. But don't go on the road. I'm a pedestrian. Don't go on the road. I don't want you on the road. I don't want you on the road.

I only want you on the bike path but then we actually need to build bike paths so I don't I don't know I don't fucking know whether they're good or they're bad and I don't care to find out fucking piss me off sorry if you're right at any scooters piss me off I mean I'm sure they make people's lives

way easier or whatever I just don't want someone to hit my dog is that so much to ask try a pleasant walk maybe it'll take 20 minutes longer listen to some music listen to some hot mulligan you know a podcast Listen to podcast maybe.

A week of Buda Vista. It's usually much better than this. Don't want to talk about. What are we fucking talk about? Maverick said his love of flying began about two years ago when his dad first introduced him to lessons. When he was six? When he was six?

When he was six years old? You put him on the controls? That's fucked up. Quote, it all started like two years ago with my dad. He gave me some lessons. I really enjoyed it, Maverick said. Recently, he gave me some more lessons, and I'm enjoying it right now. That is how an eight-year-old talks.

That is things an eight-year-old would say. I was flying in a plane, and my dad took me in the plane and showed me how to fly the plane, and I liked being in the plane because I like planes. Planes are fun, and I'm going to fly a plane. Yeah, you're an eight-year-old. I think he's really flying it. Your dad's got the controls, dang. Dad's got the yoke.

I'm so sick of this. You know what I don't like. Quick something to chat about. I can really see a world. in which say four years from now we're reading a story about how this kid died in like an attempted transatlantic crossing and a glider or some shit and in a tale as old as time the parents will say he died doing what he loved this thing that he would not be doing at all had you not like pretty clearly pushed them into doing this thing from a very young age you reckon this is like one of those like psycho parents that get kids to become professional athletes. He's named after the most famous pilot in cinematic history, Ben. Yeah.

Call your fucking kid Maverick. That's so awful. Like, like, I would be, I would be far more willing to be generous about the idea that this kid's just really into this shit and, and that they, but it's this, it is the same thing with, like, dirt bikes, like motorcross families and stuff like that, where you see, like, six, seven-year-olds riding motocross dirt bikes around. I think that's cool.

I think that's cool as hell. I told you guys about this when it happened, but my nephew, when he was like... I just got myself a dirt bike. My nephew, when he was like, I swear to God he was maybe three, got his first dirt bike,

because my sister and her husband live out the country and that's what you do. And they bought him a dirt bike as a reward for the first night that he slept alone in his bed. Wow. Which, you know, pretty crazy. That's a remarkable lesson to teach about independence.

And then what he did. If you can independently sleep alone for a single night, you can also independently travel on a motorized vehicle. Yeah, and he did. And then he immediately, on his first time getting on it, crashed into a water tower and broke his arm. Oh, my goodness. So.

There's a lesson for you. Yeah, something to think about. Quote. So again, I cannot help it feel like with a lot of these things that it's like a six-year-old is not actually able to get himself a dirt bike. You know, these are all things that cost money and time and effort and all that sort of stuff. And yeah, there are just these activities that kids are doing where they could not only be very hurt but killed. And it's also really clear that there's like literally no way this. could be happening with either the full-on participation and consent of the parents or the active

pressing. Yeah. You know? Because there's no way him and like two mates did the little rascals trench coat beard thing. To get into a plane. Yeah. It makes me think of, you ever seen the videos from that guy that he goes skydiving with his golden retriever?

Yes. Have you seen that? I don't think you should do. I don't think your dog can consent to that. Like, it looks like the dog is chill about it now, but all I can think about is the training you had to go through to get the dog okay with it. Like the first jump out of the plane must have been fucking terrifying for their four dog.

And like, I think it would be awesome if I could magically transport Lou to a situation where he got to see the earth from above and he got to fly. Magical. I would, like, you know that training your dog to skydive is not for your dog's benefit. but it's just for you. It's for you to post cool videos online. And the videos, awesome. Obviously, they're fucking awesome.

The dog's just hanging out, watching like the world underneath it. Incredible. But did the dog want that? Yeah. Would the dog choose to be thrown out of a plane? Probably not. Probably not.

Your dog just kind of has to do what you're doing a lot of the time, you know? And like the most I'll do that I know is for my own gratification that Louis probably wouldn't choose to do is sometimes at Christmas I'll put a little Santa hat on him. Am I a monster for doing that? Sometimes I feel bad putting a little outfit on a dog,

but it looks really cool. But it looks really adorable. And they get more hats because of it, so who can say if it's bad. Also, a dog kind of has the ability to get a hat off himself if he feels really strongly about it. Yeah. Not so much getting down from a plane. How bad are you going to feel if your dog gets annihilated skydiving?

You'd kill yourself. A rough landing? Yeah, oh, absolutely. First thing, you're doing it on the spot. Oh, no hesitation. You're not doing your parachute either. You're like, well, I'm a real fucking piece of shit. Yeah, time to die.

This is what I'm saying about the letting your teenage child do solo flights and shit. Oh, my God. If that kid dies, you spend the rest of your life going like, what was I thinking? Oh, yeah, you're screwed. You're never recovering. Why did I let my 13-year-old try and fly from Boston, to London. That was stupid of me.

Fuck Maverick, because that should be me. That should be you. Flight lessons are very expensive and Mavericks out here fucking getting them for free. How many lessons did you manage to do before you ran out of the money to do flight lessons? I think four or five. That's still so awesome, dude. But they are outrageously expensive. So it's just not happening, you know.

Well, we're about to run out of Jetfield anyway. Yeah, that's true. Kind of a moot point. Maverick's instructor, Enoch Weikers, said the young student has impressed him with how quickly he learns in the cockpit. Quote, Maverick has been an awesome student, Vikas said. I think kids really tend to learn really quickly because they don't have any preconceived notions of how to do things. He's very humble. Or which way up is or down is.

He's very humble and a very quick learner. Yeah, he's humble. He's eight. He's eight. And he's flying a plane. He's a child. He better fucking be humble because he doesn't know anything. anything about anything.

Not that long ago in his life, he was shitting into his pants. Yeah, and he might still be now. There should be more distance between shitting your pants and flying a plane. A hundred percent. Which somehow you didn't let it stop you. Ah, rules for me, but not for thee. I see. Everyone's mean to me today.

No, no, no, no. Flying requires focus. And Maverick said there is a lot to keep track of while in the air from instruments inside the plane to watching carefully outside. Okay. Yeah. That's true. It's generally the combination.

The eight-year-old brain is primed to do that sort of multitasking. That is so true. There are things inside and outside of the plane. This guy can barely eat his lunch and watch poor patrol, let alone look at the instruments and see what's happening outside the plane. Benny wants to be on his damn iPad. Also, he's going to be sitting on stacks of phone books. Oh my God.

They had to go out of their way to find phone books. When you're a woman of my size, you've got to put a few cushions down. Wow. That's crazy. So he's looking ridiculous in there, is what I'm saying. You've got books tied to his shoes as well so he can reach the pedals. Quote, there are so many things, Maverick said. You have all your instruments.

Oh, I already said that. Maverick's dad, Mike, has spent plenty of time flying with his son and helping him develop strong habits in the cockpit. For Mike sharing the experience with Maverick has been especially meaningful. Quote, I've been flying a long time. I got my license a long time ago, then took a break, then started flying again, Mike said. It's always been my dream to fly with Maverick, and that was a dream come true. Joe, yes, just to be clear, this has been your dream the whole time. So I was just laughing at the idea of, I agree it wouldn't be as meaningful flying around

with someone else's son. What if I fly with you, boy? Coming back down, it was fine. It was okay. Wasn't that invested in it. I've got to be honest, I didn't dream about flying with your son 10 years ago. Wyker says most students are ready to solo

after about 60 hours of flight time, with 40 hours considered the minimum. Maverick's instructor believes the young aviator is progressing quickly and could be ready sooner than many expect. Quote, Why? What for? Yeah, to one end. Like, legally he probably couldn't be, right?

Like, there's no fucking way he could. There's nothing in the rulebook that says a 10-year-old can't fly a commercial liner. Quote, if Maverick could, he'd probably be ready to solo pretty soon. Maybe in the next couple of flight lessons, Wyca has said. As for what inspires him most, Maverick has a clear answer. Quote, it's because I want to be like Top Gun Maverick, he said. Okay, yeah. fucking dog.

If you think the character is called Top Gun Maverick, you're not allowed to fly a plane. I'm called Maverick like Top Gun Maverick. I'm Top Gun Maverick from the movie Top Gun. Captain Top Gun Maverick of the United States Air Force. That's fucking awesome, dude. I hope he hates Top Gun. I hope he rebels as he gets older. He fucking hated the sequel.

This shit sucks. Why are all these guys so fucking off? Maybe he's only... The sequel's called Top Gun Maverick, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe he's only seen Top Gun, colon, Maverick. Maybe.

That would make sense. Colin Maverick. Wouldn't want him to see the other one with all the gay stuff, you know. Oh, hey, who knows? Maybe we're being unfair to this kid. He might be a prodigy. We talk about prodigies in Bus Prodigy Watch. This is a follow-up to the...

the emergent bus prodigy phenomena that we've been covering in the previous three episodes, a bridal whiff on the day, the sucks oftenest and cuntruck and hatchetless. This is from the Associated Press. Mississippi middle school students stopped bus from crashing after driver blacks out. Cool. Great. Quick thinking middle school students in Mississippi kept their school bus from crashing after their driver passed out while on a four-lane highway.

The bus had just left Hancock Middle School and Hancock School. County on Wednesday with about 40 children on board when Leah Taylor, 46, had an asthma attack. She reached for her medication but blacked out before she could get it. In a matter of seconds, the students sprang into action. Sixth grader Jackson Kaznave 12, who was sitting directly behind the driver, noticed the bus beginning to swerve. Kuznave jumped up to steer and told others to call for help. Quote, I didn't have time to process my emotions, Kastnave said. I just wanted to make sure that nobody got hurt.

Fuck yeah, dude. Oh yeah. That's awesome. Wow. Another sixth grader, 12-year-old Darius Clark, hit the brakes and together the two managed to maneuver the bus onto a median and put it in park.

What an adventure. What a bond these kids is going to have after this for life. Quick question. How much more do we like these kids because they have relatively normal names? And they're doing something cool, not just flying their dad's plane. Their parents didn't name them specifically

so that they might become. What's Sandra Bullock's character's name? in speed. Name you a kid's speed. Yeah, this is speed. Because they're going to go fast? No, they're going to drive a bus. I'm going to say it's Annie.

Yeah, that sounds right. Do we ever find out her last name in that movie? I don't know. She is the bus driver, right? She's the bus driver. She's the bus driver after the bus driver is struck by a bullet, I believe. Yeah, I can't remember much about speed. I think the bus can't go too fast.

That's the thing about it. Can't go over a certain speed. Speed. I think that's what it's about. Oh, Keanu Reeves' character gets a last name. Dennis Hopper's character gets a last name. Sandra Bullock's character. No last name. I'm sick of this. I'm so sick of how we treat women in movies. She's a person. She deserves a history.

That's a yarn de bont joint. Oh, Yarn de Bont. Clark's 13-year-old sister Kaylee ran from the back of the bus to the front and called 911. She said later that she could hardly hear the emergency operator because so many students were screaming. Quote, I was scared, but also I had to help, said Kaylee Clark, an eighth grader. Fellow eighth grader student, Destiny Cornelius, 15, also ran up to help and noticed that Taylor was holding a nebulizer.

Cornelius administered the medicine while McKenzie Finch, a 13-year-old sixth grader, held Taylor's head. There's so much going on. These kids are amazing. These kids are crazy. Like, one on the steering wheel, one on the brakes, one on the nebulizer, one of the Not on like 9-1-1, one on holding the person so that they can get the nebulizer going. These kids mobilized.

These kids have all played medic class in Call of Duty. This is fucking dope. Also, we're getting some like great, great names here. Like Kaylee, spelled K-A-Y-L-E-I-G-H, McKenzie. Like these are, you know. It's classic kid names. Like mummy blugger kind of kid names. But look at them.

The name hasn't changed them. They're these beautiful, Kids that are willing to spring into action and help. Maybe we were too hard on that lady with the whiteboard. Finch also picked up Taylor's phone, which was ringing and told the district's transportation team what had happened. Quote, I'm grateful for. Get the president. Stack.

I mean, this is just great situational awareness all around. Like they've all very quickly assigned themselves tasks and they've gone about doing them to the best of their ability. They're all over it. Incredible. Like, I just feel like if this had happened when I was a kid, all of us would have, like, called the bus driver gay for passing out while driving the bus. And then we all would all died. Gone off a ravine.

And then gone directly to hell for calling a dying bus driver gay. Which we deserved, in fairness. That's right. That's true. We used to be calling things gay a lot. We used to be calling things gay. And now it's back, which is unfortunate. That is a damn shame.

The students were honored at a pep rally Friday and will be treated to a lunch field trip next week at a restaurant of their choosing. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Chucky cheese, baby. The lunch is pretty good. The pep rally thing is like a very American response

to like a life, genuine life saving moment by these kids. Like the worst, most annoying American thing there is, the pep rally. I don't know. Like maybe, look, for the football team, for the homecoming or whatever, you know, who gives a fuck? Yeah. For some hero kids being literally hailed as heroes by their community,

that's good. You're pro pep rally in this. Well, I think it's a noble use of the pep rally tradition. Yes. I don't think the pep rallies themselves are inherently a positive thing. I'm just saying in this particular case, actually, that's who we should be rallying for. Okay, you know what I'm thinking, though,

ultimately how they should be honored. Picture this. All of the kids are standing in the gymnasium or whatever, the school kids, the other school kids. And then they're sort of standing either side of sort of like an aisle that goes up to a raised platform. And sort of like a local authority figure is standing there. Bam, we cut two.

The kids have just got into the doorway. They pause. They look awesome. One of the one is wearing like a kind of yellow leather jacket. The other is wearing like a better version of the clothes they were wearing earlier in the movie. One of them was wearing a drive jacket. After the pause, they walk forwards.

All of the assembled kids change from facing the aisle to facing the stage. They get up the top. The authority figure puts a metal over their neck. And then they look back and Chewbacca makes a noise of appreciation. Art2D2 beeps and then the authority figure laughs at whatever it was, R2D2 said. We don't know. We don't get subtitles for that. We've got no idea.

And then bam, credits. Wait, no, they turn to face the assembled kids, and then bam, credits. I think that's what we're going to do. I think that's what we're going to do. We've got to do the end of a new hope to these kids. What if they do a release of Star Wars with subtitles for R2, all slurs? Turns out he was doing hard, car slurs that whole time. I was just thinking the other day how, like, dope the ending to a new story.

you hope is. Like, you just know that, like, I'm sure it's an homage to some bullshit from, you know,

Captain Spacebucks or whatever. What's the thing that he was heavily ripping off? Buck Rogers. Or whatever. But it's also like he got to the movie, which already has a very clear, definitive,

triumphant ending. And guys, we need another way to indicate that the good guys won. And it's by all of the other good guys giving them a medal for winning. Except for Chubakha. Except for Tchabaka.

Chibaka. Where's Chewbacca's medal? He wears clothes. He's wearing a bandolier. He has a satchel. He's basically a man. He's a grown man. He has a wife and kids.

He does. Put some pants on him for God's sake. Tie some ribbons in his hair. Show some respect to the princess. Yes. Oh, boy. Cool Star Wars references. Yeah, this is really good stuff.

And probably like the most. Whifton joked about a parodyed pop culture franchise and the history of pop culture means that every single joke we've just said about Star Wars has been covered somewhere else. Everywhere constantly. But hey, there is something that we cover that not really anyone else is covering.

And that's the shipping report. I'm itching for another edition of the shipping report. Long time no C. And that's spelled... It's spelled the right way for the joke to work. That's nice. That's pretty good. Now, this is not the usual format of the shipping report.

This is just one story about a ship. And it is not really that funny. There's just one thing in here that it tickled me very deeply. From WIVB in Buffalo, fuel removed from USS Croker and USS the Sullivan's in preservation effort. Pretty exciting stuff. USS the Sullivans. That is the name of one boat. USS the Sullivan's.

Is that a TV show? It is a series of brothers that served on a ship and were killed in a torpedo attack in World War II. Oh, like in a saving private Ryan kind of situation. Yeah, Honda, Honda, Honda, Honda, this is the Sullivans. Now I say these one ship, there has been several the Sullivans but there's only one the Sullivan's at a time.

I hope that clears everything up. 125,000 gallons combined of diesel fuel and oily water have been removed. from the USS Croker. You got to drink that? USS the Sullivan's, about 100,000 gallons are removed there, but work is still on the horizon

to preserve these historic vessels. They're draining the croaker. They're draining the croaker. They're draining the croaker. Quote, we're very excited today, said Brian Llewellyn, president and CEO, Buffalo and Erie County Naval and Military Park.

This first phase of operations through the Unified Naval Command has allowed us to move faster, better, and with greater efficiency than could ever have been achieved. Wow. Oh, yeah. They got a lot of pumps, I guess. You were, like, startled by how many pumps they had.

Pumping it crazy style. Yeah, pumping it's so hard that I thought you would actually already be done pumping. How are you able to keep up pumping like this for so long? It's keeping on going. Are you thinking about baseball or something? Still more in there. The removal of fuel for the vessels involved the naval and military park, state DEC, U.S. Coast Guard, and the city of Buffalo.

This is a real joint pumping, sort of group pumping situation. It's a pumping situation, yeah. When it comes to pumping, the more than merry, you know. I've always said that. It came after the DEC said last month that the croaker was intermittently leaking oil from a pinhole in one of its fuel tanks and that the Sullivan's was taking on water. Naval and Military Park resident, sorry, president. He probably doesn't live there, presumably.

sleeps at his office. He's got a little cot there. At CEO, Brian Llewellyn previously said there was a modest amount of oil in the water and they already had absorbent materials around. The DEC said through more than a month of work, there continues to be no impact on wildlife. Llewellyn is now looking at the next phase of the project, which will eventually mean dry docking the USS Crocker and the USS the Sallivans for long-term repairs. You don't want to be dry docking.

They're pumping the croaker and the Salivans. Pumping the croaker and then they're dry. I think that counts as funny enough to put on this podcast. Hey, this was definitely an episode of the podcast, Punta Vista. Thank you so much for joining us. Now that it is the 26th of April, I think it's time to point out that this entire month has been Play Pryl. Ah, that is the promotional now.

What have you done? What have you been doing all Play Pryl? If you need to be reminded to do Play Pryl, you're not actually coming into this relationship as a team player. You don't actually care. I shouldn't have to tell you that it's Playwright. You should see that it needs to be done and just do it instead of having to be told it to do like a fucking child.

What are going to make you a list? I'm going to make you a list of what to do for a play pool. Let's make a chore wheel for our house. We're a married couple. That's insane. You're an adult. That's crazy. Tell my friends about Bouta Vista.

Take some responsibility. You should definitely be telling friends. co-workers, family, entomies, franemies, strangers, people standing next to you

in line at the bar. Most importantly, your boss. Yes. I think a really good way to do it is to start the conversation that the presumption

is there that listening to Bonte Vista is really commonplace. Yes. So you're standing next to someone at the bar, they're waiting for a cocktail to be made,

you're waiting to be served. You know, hey man, how's your knock on? Yeah, good, good. blah blah blah. Did you catch the latest Bonta Vista? Yeah, you'd just say, I already know.

Say it like that. Like everyone's listening to it. Say I loved this bit in the latest Buntu Vista. Very strong implication that the person has listened to it. Yeah, and you should be. It's like someone says, oh, you see the game last night. They don't tell you what the NFL is or who played last night. You're meant to know.

You contextually, you should know. Do that with Bonte Vista. Oh man, do you listen to episode 442? We want to get to a place. I should know what they're talking about. Fuck. Yeah, we want to get to a place culturally where we're making people feel

that same sense of inadequacy as they do when they are asked if they saw the game but they didn't see the game. Yeah. Oh yeah, dude, it was hectic. You can tell. He didn't watch the game. You can tell you.

It actually wasn't hectic. That was the least hectic game I've ever seen. You just lied about having caught the game. We wanted people from the pub to be going outside just to sit in their car for an hour and listen to Bontevista so they can come back in and continue the conversation. Dude, 442 was hectic.

Yeah. Yeah. Name four hosts. Name all the hosts. Name 25 segments right now. Thank you so much for joining us. If you do want a second one of these, Patreon.com slash Buna Vista,

you get a second one every week. And the back catalog is immense and over 70% good. Over. At least. It'll be anywhere as high as 85. We don't know. we would all rate

the back catalog as a solid three to five but it depends what time period you ask us about because that those numbers could go way high and perhaps even lower we'll talk to you next week bye

I'm hey