Boonta Vista - EPISODE 443: A Flat Board With A Hole In The Middle

Episode Date: May 3, 2026

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: A joke 30 years stale, the crucial work of raising awareness, sacrificial opossums, six feet of hair, an act of tow truck heroism, and Headline News. *** Outro: Orange Peel - Kikagaku Moyo *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Skywalk a ranch? That I would? That's awesome. George Lucas, be like, Ah. Hello and welcome to Budapista. This is episode 443.

I am Ben, and I'm sick. I'm very, very sick. So I had a day in bed yesterday. So I watched all three of the Lord of the Rings extended movies, extended editions back to me. Everyone was talking about it. I heard it was the talk of the bar. Yeah.

I got a text message for my wife being like What version are you watching? Lord of the Rings much? I think I'm sick so I think I'm watching the extended editions. You know like when you watch them as a kid They're such a like a magical sort of like unified entire experience that you don't really

interrogate them as like works of art Like you don't look for the things that could be better Things that could have changed. You don't look at it as a set of artistic decisions. You look at it as like just an entire work that sort of sprung out, you know, like fully formed. Yeah, you're not ranking them. You're not sort of going, oh, they shouldn't have left this one on a cliffhanger. No, you're, you're, right?

It's true. You can't really have, like, coherent thoughts when your mouth is on the floor. Legless has just done a sick kickflip off of an oliphant. Yeah, or a sick kickflip down a set of stairs in a castle. Yeah. Yeah, and Gimley's like, like, and then, like, you know, everyone loves. When Gimley goes, that just happened. He's always saying.

I guess we're doing this now. Also, there's nothing to interrogate on the Fellowship of the Ring because it's a perfect film. That's flawless, absolutely flawless. Yeah. Well, yesterday, Maddie was like, which one's your favorite? And I was like, I don't really like, it's just, it's three movies that you watch back to back. It's not really like one movie. It's kind of one movie.

But I think fellowship definitely is maybe the best of the three. Which is weird because in like the contemporaneous critical assessment, it was the other way around. It was like slowly building until return of the king. Interesting. But I think maybe this is like how people think monopoly is a boring game and it goes for hours and hours because they always include. They add the rule to do free parking where free parking puts money in the jail.

And that extends the game. They also don't play this. the rule. There's a crucial rule that no one ever plays with in Monopoly, which is that if you land on a piece of property that's not been bought and you don't buy it, it's auctioned off. It's auctioned off, yeah. It's auctioned off, which speeds up the acquisition of properties dramatically. Those are two things that like make the game, yeah, like four times as fast. Similarly, I feel like they added more stuff to the second and then the third movie than they did to the first one in the extended editions. Yeah. Yeah. And the first one's probably closer to the

I think also extended dishes are stupid. Sorry, Ben. And when Arrogon keeps the helmet. Yeah. Well, first, actually, before I get into that, Lucy, can I maybe, I want to try and get you? Because I know you're a big Lord of the Rings head. You're also a big trivia buff. So I have a couple of Lord of the Rings based questions for you here.

Yeah. You can't say it, but it's under there. Can you tell me how many farts are depicted in the Law of the Rings movies in the theatrical editions across all three in total number of farts in the movie. Are these like unintentional ones that have just noted? Like the microphones picks them up. John Reese Davies having a little toot? It would be John Reeves.

Thanks, the hell of the accident. Farts really hard. Yeah. It took it out of post. And it's real. It's real. And afterwards they had to stop and see if it was okay. Say, hey, is your whole okay?

I'm going to say one. There are none in the theatrical editions of the Lord of the Rings. I'm going out there. How many are in the extended editions of Lord of the Rings? Is there one in the extended edition? Oh, I reckon it's going to be more than one. Or more than one. I think they're going to have opened the floodgates for Peter Jackson.

No, it's going to be Gimley. You're not one of them. And correct. Yes, there is one from Mary or Pippin. Can't remember which one. There is one from Gimley. He added in two farts. It's added in too fast.

This is important. Between Lucy and I, we get a point. That is correct. Now, my next one here, you guys might not know this, but as a bit of a cinephile, I know that The Lord of Rings was filmed in Auteiro, New Zealand. Really big cast. Just across the pond? Just across the ditch.

They brought in the New Zealand army to play soldiers and stuff, thousands of actors in this movie. A beautiful country of Ateiro in New Zealand. Can any of you name a named character played by an actor of Mowdy descent? Christ. There's a couple. A couple of named characters. I'm just thinking of all the characters from the Phantom Menace now.

Well, yeah, I was kind of thinking that as well. I was like, Star Wars and the Matrix, like the new trilogy, the prequel trilogy and the Matrix trilogy, we're all coming out at the same time as Lord of the Rings. both filmed some relatively substantial parts in Australia bigger Maori actor representation than the Lord of the Rings. Yeah, yeah. Hugh Jackson's not in Lord of the Rings, is he? Hugh Jackson.

Hugh Jackson. Hugh Jackson is Hugh Jackson in the Lord of the Rings. That's nepotism for you. Anyone? Anyone got any? Is it one of the hobbits? No. Okay, here are some... possible correct answers you could have had

and see if you can see like a pattern in this it's all gonna be orcs are they orcs? Is it the Is it the Urukai? They're not well yes but not all of them all right you've got of course got goth-g the uh-orke

orc captain from the third one goth-mogged and Ork Max goth-mogged and so on so forth correct you have Lertz the captain of the Urukai so the guy who gets the white handprint he's one of the like 10,000 guys that get the white handprint.

The guy who gets the first one. Yes, that's him. Yeah, and everyone's like, dude, that looks dope. Can I do that? Oh, shit. See the white handprint going on. Before everyone, jacks his stees. Just because you're sick.

Don't take it out of me. I'm so sorry. I'm so tired. And of course. And Ben was up all night sick drinking dumb bitch juice. That is not what happened. There's not what happened. He was drinking dumb bitch juice.

We all know it. I finished watching Return to the King at like 1.30 this morning. Oh, you really? They're so long, dude. Yeah. Why did you do that instead of resting? Sleeping. Couldn't fucking sleep.

That isn't restful. Couldn't sleep. We got to get you a CPAP. It's not that. It's, I'm sick. Yeah, from the dumb bitch juice you were drinking last night.

So you guys might notice that all three of those guys are wearing either a full cowl that obscures their face or in full facial prosthesis. Yes. There is one guy who's not named. but his role is, like he's singled out in the credits. He's not an extra, and he kind of has speaking roles. You know, when the Mugh-Michil arrive at the battle outside Ministerath after they think they've won, the big elephants, they're rocking up, and they keep zooming in on one guy who's clearly like the leader,

who's on the back and he's making all sorts of dope, awesome faces. Like the Dolf Warrior of Lord of the Rings. Yeah, that guy who's also, he also played, I think, Gothmong and the Witch King. He's like, there's two of them. There's two, two Maori actors in total and like you...

There's two. Oh, Peter Jackson. Where are you going to find them in? This is going to sound so stupid. I know this is like, cancel us for being too woke if you must. It is kind of jarring to look at a movie with a cast that big and be like,

all white. All white, yeah. All white except some of the orcs. In middle earth. In middle earth? Everybody's white. And then you're like, well, you know, you've got some kind of of Mediterranean looking guys that are like the Easterlings or whatever that you see briefly

or a Harrogling falls off the thing or whatever. But I don't know. It's kind of, it's odd. It's a little odd. Like, it's a fantasy universe. They don't all have to be. Yeah. It's a white fantasy universe.

Yeah. It's Peter Jackson's Fantasy universe. That's what I'm hearing. All right. Sorry, I have to get to my intro now. So I do have like a couple of bits of feedback about the Lord of the Rings movies that I thought. Yeah. I don't want to swamp you guys with these,

so I've chosen one per movie pretty timely too, I think. Yeah, those movies are like 25 years old now. That doesn't, that isn't true? That can't be true. That's false. Pretty fucking insane. Yeah.

I was thinking fellowship of the ring, just for sort of like pacing reasons and to sort of help integrate it into the two towers, it would be really good if they introduced gambling earlier. Like, you doesn't necessarily have to interact with... I mean, I've been saying this for years. Yeah, right?

Like, wouldn't it just... Earlier gambling. He doesn't have to come to Rivendale. They don't have to meet him earlier. It's the earlier gambling thesis. Right? But like if we just sort of see bits of gambling's life, sort of intercut throughout the other action,

when we meet gambling. And then some of the classic gambling stuff that he's always doing. Right. We could build a bit more depth there. You know, all these gambling stuff. And then when you see him, you're like, wow. Whoa, that's gambling. Aragon just met gambling.

Post credits. Post credits gambling. How about that? Oh. Maybe like the final shot of Fellowship instead of like the boats Going up the river or whatever We just cut to gambling and he's like having like his dinner

Westfold Gambling the old I was thinking Okay so for maybe the two towers If we sort of follow on from that thesis A bit more gambling Like I was just thinking that like There's a fair bit of gambling in the movie

But we don't really get the feel Of gambling You want gambling stretched out. I think we want to stretch out gambling. Gambling stretched out. Post credits gambling. No gamin's refused, I think. Yeah, yeah.

And the return of the king, I was kind of thinking that maybe like, you don't see gambling die, but his corpse is visible when Theoden dies. But they don't say gambling's dead. No one's like, no. What happened to gambling? So I think we could say that he was just unconscious and that he survives. And then after, so you've got... Until you rest next and then he kind of goes back into his usual walk cycle.

Well, I was thinking like, you know how at the end you've kind of got, oh, it fades to black when they're on the side of the mountain. Oh my God, it's coming back in. The Eagles have saved them. That's great. They wake up there in Rivendell. Everyone reunites. They have the...

Do you think that's the end? No. It's the ceremony at Ministera. and you're like, great, the movie is done. No, not yet. We're at the Grey Havens now. Well, the Green Dragon and then the Grey Havens. The movie's over.

Wrong. Sam has gone back to Hobarton to see his children and Rosie. You think the movie's over. Wrong. We explore the next 50 years of gambling's life. Somehow gambling returns. Somehow gambling is survived. And then we just sort of see what's going on to gambling's life.

You know, the throne of Gondor is restful. stored, there's a new era of prosperity and peace marking the beginning of the fourth age. But what role does gambling play in this? Why'd you make those Hobbit movies? What a fucking waste of time? What happened to the gambling trilogy? The gambling trilogy.

Everyone wants to know. More about gambling cut. Oh, you gotta see the gambling cut. If you're listening to this and you didn't read or watch or enjoy the Lord of the Rings, I'm truly sorry. We talk about apologies. In Apology Quarter. All right, let me

set the scene. The year is 1996. It's February 22nd. I'm five years old. It's pre-9-11. It's a whole different world. Yeah.

On that night... That's a lot of... Yeah. On that night, an episode of Seinfeld is released. It is titled The Doll. It is season seven. episode 17. It's got like four different plots in it as they often do.

And one of them is that Elaine is trying to replace a sign poster of the three tenors. And the main thrust of the joke of her storyline is that everyone knows the names of Placito Domingo and Pavarotti. And no one knows the names of the other guy. Jose Carreras. No one knows Jose Carreras's names. Yep. So you stole this from time down. In episode 441, the sexophonist, I think I spent about five minutes doing a, isn't it a crazy, no one knows the name of the third three-tenor? And that joke is now 30 years old, over 30 years old. Did you deliberately steal this or were you, it?

I've never seen an episode. You've never seen it. I've never seen it. I saw it for the first time like a couple of nights ago. And I went, oh, that's just like the screen. Like, oh, I wrote that. Yeah, that was mine actually. Yeah.

Larry David, give me 100 of your millions. I said this to Maddie. I was like, that's crazy. We just, I did basically exactly this on podcast. She's like, yeah, no, it's very clearly a joke from Seinfeld. I didn't catch it. Yeah. I haven't watched much Seinfeld.

I actually don't think Seinfeld's very good. We can move on from that, though. Seinfeld's amazing. You're probably more of a friend's guy. You probably think the jokes are friends of fucking hilarious. Unnecessarily mean, but okay. You know, when. Not a denial.

Not a denial. Interesting. Instead of doing that 3.10 as bit, I probably should have just dumped it. We talked about stuff we've mostly dumped. It dump it. When the story ain't funny enough. Dump it when there ain't enough funny stuff. Junk it.

If you want the show to be on and dumb all that stuff. I saw a story this week about, so he's 19. Buddhist monks, visit America and did a walk across America or some part of America over the course of 108 days. And it was to raise awareness for peace. Can I just say something? Yeah. Forgot about that.

Just a quick, quick something to chat about. I'd like to be aware of less stuff, actually. Yep. Yeah. Don't need you bringing any more awareness of anything to me. Why are we doing awareness? I think we're all aware of all of the stuff. Yeah, we just decided we don't care anymore.

Yeah. And we don't have any control. We don't have any control over this. Like, we all want peace. I agree with these guys that inner peace would probably lead to more peace. But, like, I'm not, I have literally no decision-making power. Yeah. In, like, around.

We're all kind of powerless and, like, tiny. We're kind of small, tiny. We can't really do. They're like helpless. I can't get onto the kitchen bench. Yeah. How'd you like those Instagram videos we were looking at in the group chat there, T-Bird? I saw the pictures of them.

I couldn't make them animate. I pressed on one and then it opened up into Instagram, which kicked in my ADHD filter on that. It's like, hey, are you supposed to be doing this? I'm like, doing what? And I closed it. What are you talking about? The one in the one I posted, the guy looks insanely like you. He does look very much like.

And these are AI videos of big women, by the way. Really? A little guy looking up at them. And I'm going to be honest, he looks stoked. It's not really what I'm into. So you couldn't watch the video until you didn't see the big fart that the lady did? I didn't like the big fart. No, I saw Andrews replied as I didn't like the farting.

Oh, I didn't watch that. I just get these videos. I get big cowboys. I get big cowboys. I didn't see the big cowboys. Yeah, I like the big cowboys. They stomp all over some guys. Definitely a fetish thing.

They pick them up to get something off the top shelf at the grocery store. Yeah. It's like coming across a fetish that you just had no idea about. Yeah. All those wet jeans videos I get. Wet jeans? Wet jeans? I don't know about the wet jeans.

I get a lot of these like AI generated. And I know the same thing is happening over and over, which is that a video comes up on Instagram that is AI generated. I am so perplexed by it that I sit and watch the entire thing. I might watch one or two more while I go, what am I looking at? And the algorithm says, gotcha. You gotcha. You have young men in wet denim fetish.

We've got it. And they're all generated videos of a group of young men saying things like, I hope my jeans don't get wet. But they do. They get so wet. Or they're all standing around in some kind of denim testing factory. And they say, it's time to get all our jeans wet, guys. We're living in a fucking Tim and Eric world.

This is not... Good? I want context back. I want solid foundations of reality, please. Remember those? Remember the foundations of reality? You could build a house on top of. It was just like, oh, man, the foundations were so strong.

Back in like the 90s and the thousands. You weren't kind of dealing with the, fuck. and the extra real stuff. Yeah, history was over. King Burns, rally stuff. Like, things were real. Remember in the real days? Ken Burns.

Guys, remember when history ended and we were done with history, and now they've started up history again. Were you trying to remember hyper-normalization? Yeah. Who's that? By Ken Burns Rally. It's not, no, it's a different guy.

What's his fucking name? Adam someone. Adam Burns. The audience is so angry, right? now. Oh, now I know what you're talking about. Thank you for it. And Ben,

Ben, one of the things that I love about our friendship is that somehow you know what I mean. You are the tom to my demi. That means so much to me. Thank you. Hey, it's me, Ben,

from the podcast, Bonta Vista. Just chime in to say that this is actually better than I thought it was. I didn't realize that not only had Theo mistaken Adam Curtis for Ken Burns. He had confused the documentarian Ken Burns with the name

of the video game series Richard Burns Rally. I love him so much. Thank you. Bye. Can I... This isn't related to anything, I guess. I just wanted to share

a little bit of personal news. Finally saw the Girtmaster's penis. Oh. What do you reckon? How was it? It's huge. Is it Girth? It's not as girth as you'd think

For a man that led with girth It's got a lot of length Interesting Got a lot of legs Oh you'd think he'd be Girtth forwards But Do you just Do you just have a look

The other day? Oh no I came across it accidentally At another context And I was like Oh shit That's the girl Because like what I'd been operating on

Is that we're just two Sort of like Hardworking Men in the Arts From Brisbane We both respect each other's craft I don't have to watch His pornography

He doesn't have to listen to this podcast. But he probably does. We just know that we're both each out there. We respect each other's game. But, you know, we don't fuck with that. It's sort of not in the same circles, you know. I think we are at the same echelon, you know,

and we will be thought of roughly the same, remembered the same. But against, you know, didn't plan to. And then there it was, oh, it's a nice looking, enormous penis. No, I want to have a look. No, I want to have a look. You keep talking. It's kind of quality. I keep thinking, man, we should.

try and get that guy of the show, but I feel like the odds of like having a male porn star on as a guest to me like that was really fun. That was great. And then like some point in the next 10 years, he is cancelled beyond belief. Yeah.

I don't want to risk it. He seems like a good boy, bought his mother a house with porno money. Seems like a nice guy. Seems like the least you could do. Really? How evil could someone from Brisbane be? to be curious about the girthmaster's penis it's only natural are we talking about natural things

in Nature Corner country roads take me home to the place I belong to this of nature corner while the crap sniffed my dick

you find that hog Lucy? I can't find it because I'm not going to make an account for a porn hub you know. God damn it.

It's sort of forward of the asshole. Oh, oh now I see. Being like a woman that can't find the penis

like a guy who can't find the clitoris. It's so good. Tug it on the balls like, is this it? Is this it? Am I honest?

Is this good? It's a male myth. Yeah. It's not actually that important, all right? It's just about the intimacy of experience.

Who cares if I can't find it? Oh, I found it. Oh, that's too big. No, that's silly. That's silly, actually. It's a bit silly, sure. It's a bit silly. Oh, you've got a joke penis? Do you think he's in porno because he's got a huge dick or he's got a huge dick because

he's in porno? What game first? Definitely the first one. Definitely the first. Do you think your dick gets bigger when you do porn? I don't know how it works. Now that we've established you're a good enough actor, let's get you the surgery. I don't make assumptions about other people's work.

It's not my area of expertise. He goes to his first porno audition and they're like, oh, shit. You have a massive dick. And he's like, what? This old thing? Huh? This whole thing? I was just doing it for the love of the game.

He shows up to his audition and he starts undoing his pants and they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. First we got to see about the spark inside you. I need to see the light behind your eyes before I see that. that penis, sir. People want sincerity these days. They're searching sincerity in the search bar up the top there. It's the reality era. Yes.

When do we stop searching for sincerity? When do we stop searching for peace in the born-hub search bar? When did we start searching for hot lesbians, you know? Start-gooing girthmaster. Big girthmaster cock. Discussing it. Not the cock. How about a little sincerity?

A little sincerity. Sincere penis ejaculating nicely. Yeah. wife smiling this comes to us from News Nation GPS colored opossums help track Florida pythons

after being eaten They said GPS colored Yeah What is the color of GPS? What is the color of GPS? Colorless GPS ideas Sleep furiously Opossoms are known to be

one of snakes' favorite prey And now scientists in Florida Are using them to their advantage that's... What's in it for the opossums? I can't help but wonder. Scientists in the Everglades region have fitted the animal

along with raccoons with GPS collars to track Burmese pythons after they swallow the animal's hole. Oh. Quote, we need everything that we can find to remove as many pythons

as possible, scientist Michael Cove said. Do me a favor. If you've got to do this fucked up shit to the raccoons and the opossums, at least put a GoPro on them.

Yeah. At least let me see the GoPro for it. footage of being swallowed whole by a Burmese python. Put one of those 360-degree cameras on them so you can pan around, you know? Give me its final moments set to smack my bitcher. Burmese pythens were brought to Florida by the exotic pet trade starting in the 1970s. According to the Conservancy of Southwest Florida, Burmese pythons have established a permanent breeding population in the southern part of the state.

the reptiles presence has also reduced the population of raccoons by 99% Opossom by 98% and bobcats by 88%. No, it's evil, it's evil. But so that like a bunch of like Florida narco traffickers could have like Burmese python pets? Kind of wrapped around your big marble statues in there. Yeah, which is awesome. Antichamber of your house, yeah. Admittedly extremely cool.

And they don't stay on there very long. No. You're going to just flop off and then go out the front door that eat 40 opossums. That's fucked. Get your guy who puts the snakes back on the statues to get him again. Esteban, the python. Esamon. Esamara, I'm counting three pythons.

Should be five. He's out there eating 40 records. One dos. No, no, no. I don't know. I don't know. Quote, we're not putting these animals out there and in harm's way added Crocodile Lake National Wildlife Refuge Manager Jeremy Dixon. They're going to get eaten, guys.

Don't cry about it. I don't think this is like a fair hand washing. Yeah. Like if you have the chance to put the collar on them, you have the chance to give them a gun. Yeah. Raccoons, we know they've got little hands. Yes. Oh my God. Perfectly shaped.

Pistol grip. To hold onto a derringer. A little... Perfect opportunity to take one of those Boston Dynamics robot dogs. Put some raccoon fur on it. Hang on, if you're trying to find and capture the pythons, why not just make it a bomb collar? Why not? Why not just let loose a population of trash eating animals with bombs around their necks?

Florida scientists accidentally creating a whole new generation landmine type situation by just unleashing thousands of bomb mounted raccoons and opossums. A raccoon falls into your dumpster at night. Can't get out. There's like four hours of scurrying. We're a dull fart. Quote, Harm's Way is there.

We're just documenting what's happening. I mean, you're not helping them. you're not doing anything. Why aren't you helping them? Why aren't you helping them? A possum lies on its back in the hot sun. A Burmese-Pycin slowly approaches. But you're not helping it. The scientist said they hope to track nearly 40 opossums by the end of the summer. Nearly 40 is not a lot.

It's not going to be that many left at this point. It's Christ. Not if you put the bomb colours on them, no. No. Did you guys know that there are green anacondas in like the Everglades or whatever in Florida? Florida has a population of green anacondas. I wouldn't know what color in anacondra is supposed to be, honestly. Thank you.

It's really a corrupted zone there, isn't it? It's like... It's like the thing that is kind of based on that area, yeah. What? Area X. Oh, yeah, Area X. Yeah, I guess so. He was writing based on the time he spent in the Everglades.

Oh, shit. He should have called it like Area F, so it can make a spread around between it and Florida. Yeah. We should write to him. I bet he'd take criticism really well. I bet he'd love that. Isn't that not so like the largest, well, one of the largest species of snake in the world?

In Florida, just living in Florida. Isn't that fucking nuts? We're just feeding raccoons to it. Yeah, we fed them all of our raccoons. Tossing raccoons in there. Oh man. Hey, I bet with all the trash they eat, if you ate a raccoon,

the next day you'd be squirting out some kind of mystery liquid. We're talking about mystery liquids in mystery liquid. Mystery liquid. Mystery liquid. Can't tell what color it is with a slick oily sheen. What could it mean? Mystery liquid.

I see some gulp that is forming a pool on the floor. Who is it for? I'm going to taste the mystery liquid. I'm going to taste. the mystery liquid This comes to us from KTAB in Atmeline, Texas Six-foot hair clog Trigger's sewage release in Breckenridge

Do you guys ever have to clear out a shower drain before? I was clear a drain yesterday Because of all the cump Oh, the hair Right, right, sorry because you've got long hair Yes, it's the hair It's not that much cum in there The problem is the cum gets caught in the hair

Nightmare. It's gluing it all together. Yep. Putting hot water down there, it's going to happen. It's going to get worse. It's going to concentrate it. You don't want to put hot water on it. You don't want to put hot water on it.

Cold water. Rinsed. Don't make that mistake. If this is your first time. We might have just saved a life. We might have just saved a life of a young person. Yeah. Or an embarrassing incident of a brush.

Hey. What's that on the back your head? That hair, say goodbye to it. Yeah. I was trying to clear out some pipes yesterday because we had some slow drain and stuff going on. And, uh, yeah. And, and, uh, one of my kids was like.

We message each other about our shits. Yeah, I don't. I'm not, I'm not again. Well, you said you weren't doing it. So you were by. Don't fucking, you literally were like, I got my diarrhea out of the way earlier when they were talking about how they were having synchronized diarrhea.

Yeah. This is a direct quote from Lucy at 929 this morning. I'm not, no. We don't have to do this. 9.30 is diarrhea hour. That's because you said you were having diarrhea and it was 9.30. It sounded like it came from a place of acknowledgement. It just seems to happen often when it's like podcasting time that one of you is having diarrhea.

Yeah, it does see. I think 930 is actually my time. And that's my bad because I wanted to do early so that I can watch the hockey. And that's, I'm interfering with your diarrhea time and I'm sorry about that. It's going to happen regardless, honestly. I think it's more to do with me sitting up in bed and eating like half a pint of Ben and Jerry's at 1 a.m.

Yeah. I think that's got a lot to do with it. Yeah, that'll get you. It's just kind of nasty. Ben, why did you bring this up? Huh? A clogging of Reckard Ridge wastewater treatment plant led to a release of partially treated sewage

into Gonzales Creek, according to city officials, who say the incident was caused by an unusual buildup of debris in the system. City officials said that Between 100,000 and 150,000 gallons of partially treated wastewater floated to the creek after crews were able to clear a blockage in the sludge line. Honestly, I would prefer that it was 100% treated.

Yes, don't hit me with a partially when you're talking about 600,000 litres. Why did it have to take a different path if they unclogged the hair? Like, why didn't it go to the sewerage treatment plant? Or why didn't you put a bathtub underneath the pipe or something? Yes. Why didn't you just put like, you know those bunnings buckets that cost like three bucks? Yeah. Get a couple of those.

A couple of those. Easy. You do me a solid treat that waste water real quick. Public Works Director Taylor Hardy identified the cause as a large accumulation of material, including what he described as a six foot long mass of hair. Talk about freaking Chubarka. God. I got a Chubbaker in there.

Chubbaker pipes. Yeah. Chebacca situation. They got Chubaka pipes, they got to pig them out. I mean, that would be a pretty good thing for you, like, break room at the waste treatment plant. You get the six-foot mass of hair, you put the bandolier on it. Oh, that'd be pretty funny. Give it a bowcaster.

That's a good band. Oh, it's freaking Chubacca. Yeah. I'm an Emily Texas. I'm dying of dysentry. They never address the toilet situation on the Millennium Falcon at any point. No, that's true. They don't include it in the incredible cross sections either, to my recollection.

no toilet in incredible cross sections. He must be really unpleasant for him to wipe. Oh. I mean, dogs don't wipe. Dogs don't wipe. But dogs have their whole like, pariard of all. They're very, yeah, they're very hole forward. I mean, we've never seen Chewbacca's hole.

No. But he's got ass cheeks though, right? We don't know. We don't say the cheeks either. He's got no definition. You see him from the back and he's just like. Oh, well, so he might not. He might be just like a flat board with a hole in the middle.

He's pretty flat. could be a flat forward with a hole in the middle. Even then, still surrounded by hair. Otherwise, we'd be seeing the hole while he was walking around and doing stuff. Yeah, that's true. Like, you could see a dog hole. Like, when he'd bend over, there'd be like a little X there. Maybe the toilet situation in a...

Maybe the toilet situation in the Millennium Falcon is like, you know those self-cleaning public toilets where they kind of lock up and then they just hose the hole inside of the thing? Yeah. Maybe that, but he stays in there and every time he goes. I have a friend of mine. who showers every time he shits straight after. Wow.

Every single time. Without fail. I'm already getting nothing done. I couldn't be showering four times a day. You do shower 14 times a day? Look, I think that reflects a good level of respect for the society you're living, to be honest. Not a great use of water, but. No, well, I think he's, you know what?

I didn't ask the crucial clarifying question, which is, how many we talk in. But I'm assuming it's the normal amount that most people have. Yeah. Once a day. I say that out loud. Exactly one time a day. Seven days a week. Maybe one day off a week depending on how much red meat you've had.

Exactly once a day. Doesn't matter how much it is. Quote, there was a bunch of hair. Literally a bunch of hair. Six feet long that clogged up the sludge line, said Hardy. We believe you. I was already on board with the previous description. Hardie shared that crews spent several days working to resolve the issue

bringing in multiple contractors before ultimately deciding to discharge the system I see, okay, all right yeah, they tried everything yeah, and then they got to hit the flush valve and like, you know, yeah, we've got to break the glass. Just a sequence of different guys

coming in and looking in the pipe and going, oh, yeah, no thanks. Imagine if Neo when he gets flushed out of the pod when he first wakes up and he gets like a third, third of the way down and just gets stuck behind a big clog of hair

and he's there behind a fatberg and he dies in the tube it's just hair turns and come at Neo at Neo Morpheus

standing in the Matrix looking at his watch I swear we would have had him by now something's not right here one of the drones kind of 20 days later

it's just a skeleton in the tube Turning to the oracle who's going, Oh, fuck. He got stuck it. He's a tuba. He got stuck in the tube. Trinity.

We got like a wire coat hanger that we can sort of unroll, so it's just a hook on the end of a long. Is there another, is there someone else we can wake up in the same subsector? Hey, is there a second the one? Seconder. It doesn't have to be anyone. It doesn't have to be the one.

It could just be a dunce as long as he clears. out, players the one out of there. This is the eighth time we've had to unblock this pipe and we've become quite adept at it. If you saw like a bunch of like formative

movies when you were say somewhere between the ages of 12 and 18, this is the episode for you. Yeah. City officials say the discharge met permitted standards and that there was no visible environmental damage. However, Sally Satterwhite,

Satterwhite. Sadowwhite of Wav. A landowner along the creek Described conditions she observed as concerning Yeah Quote I don't want to say feminine hygiene stuff Yeah

You don't want to put the girlies on blast right now Who taught you to hit your own body Oh no you're right You shouldn't have been flushing that stuff Yeah don't flush that stuff That's why they always have all those signs that say Don't flush that stuff There's signs everywhere that say don't flash that stuff

Ladies Don't flush that stuff. Stop flushing. Wash the come off with cold water. Ladies don't flush that stuff. It's got a lot of, it's given some PSAs today. Nothing in there that isn't toilet paper.

Or poop. Or piss. Or come when you're sitting on the toilet. Spip. Yeah. Cofflet style. If the shit's pretty big, break it up into a few pieces with your hands

before you flush. You know? It's good for the pipes. Just crumblet like Casifresco. Oh, no. Yucky. Maddie's going to hate this episode. Oh, this one's nasty.

Why does she listen? I don't know. I think it's because she loves me? Oh. I guess my wife doesn't love me. Your wife doesn't love us, Andrew. Wow. Does your wife listen to all the episodes there?

No. It's not what she's into. I think Caitlin would just shake her head and say, that's not funny. Yeah. a lot of the stuff that's in there. Yeah. That's just nasty for no reason.

Crossing your arms going, yeah, that's the joke. No. I think my dad listens to this, though. Yeah, but your dad's kind of just like a cool guy. Yeah, he's a cool guy. He's awesome. He's awesome with, like, nasty stuff. Yeah, he's very influential on your sense of humor.

Yeah, absolutely. Funny guy. Quote, I don't want to say feminine hygiene stuff. Rubber gloves, yuck. Just things that come out of the sewer set. The sewer set that you're not used to seeing, said Sadow-W. White.

There's things that come out of the sewer set that you're not used to seeing, said Sadowwhite. Yeah. Sadowwhite added that she also warned people away from the water, including kayakers, she encountered near the creek. Quote, I yelled at him. I said, you need to go back. I said, there's sewer.

Raw sewer where you're at. Sadow White shared. It's nasty. There's raw sewer where you're at. I am entranced, though, by the revelation that if I were to see some of the things that are in the sewer, I would think they were yucky. Yeah

I've actually Turn my opinion around On raw and semi-treated sewerage now It's nasty You guys have a gross down there It's actually yucky Any of the mods for the Elder Scrolls game Where they add turds to the sewers

Because I don't know how Bethesda fucking forgot to do it But there's no Like floaters At all Underneath The Imperial City or whatever Yeah

It should break your stealth When you squish your boot on one City officials said crews have applied a cherry blossom deodorizer along the creek to help reduce odor but Sanoite said the treatment is only cosmetic. That's only going to like mask, that's going to like the nasty smell of like cherry blossom spray over a bunch of shit. I hate it when you add smells to other smells. It's so much worse. It's just a smell multiplier.

It's so good. And like fake smells, they get stuck in the like in the back of my brain kind of. kind of, I don't like it. Gives me a headache. The smell of like glade plus really nasty pizza turds. Yeah, it doesn't. I've reached a point in my life where I think the fake smell is more offensive to me than the absence of any kind of smell. And to your point, the take a teenage boy and spray him with like axe over the top of musty clothes.

It's not helping anything. No. Just to translate for Australian listeners, Axe is. links. Yep. Yeah. Is it because we've got links too? No, links is ours, axe is theirs. We're a multi-polar podcast.

We are multi-polar. But what about links-axfika? That's probably... Yeah, that's something. For men? Yeah, stupid, cut it. I'm keeping it in. Down here?

I'm God. I like the cherry blossom is such a... Cherry blossom, great choice. Beautiful, Sakura. Oh, beautiful Sakura. Oh, is that nice? Wouldn't you close your eyes? Do you smell Sakura?

This reminds me somehow of Kyoto. The time that I spent in Kyoto. Oh, in the spring? Kyoto in the spring? Oh, my God. Forget about it. Just advising kayakers just to close their eyes for that stretch. Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms.

Just say cherry blossoms to yourselves over and over. It'll be fine. Just close your eyes and think of Japan. That's right. It's really giving cute. Kyoto. Just giving Kyoto to you guys. I'm also, I'm very much picturing the scientists going down there and hanging the little tree-shaped air fresheners from the trees down by the riverbank, you know. I don't know how else

they're dispersing this cherry blossom sand. Just running around with like a spray, like a glade spray? Yeah. Don't worry. I emptied a whole can out. It'll be fine. Hardy added that additional screening systems are being installed to help prevent future blockages. They are continuing to monitor conditions in the creek and the surrounding area. Still stinky. Day 12. Still stinky. Day 25. Still stinky. Stinky. That's the sort of news that kind of doesn't really ever make big headlines. We talk about other headlines in headline news. Wounds. Thousands of students across Latvia take part in

Shadow Day. Okay. I'm listening. Yep. The shadow day. Today's the one day I'm allowed to notice my shadow. It sounds very onimous. Do you reckon that's maybe, I don't want to Google it because that's against the rules of headline news.

Is it maybe like the, no, it can't be the equinox or the solstice because this is a recent headline. But I was thinking like a day where his shadow was like right up and down at noon. I guess that'd be. Straight up and down. No shadow day. And I guess it would depend where in the world you were. I probably did. Okay.

Brumby did. Ormond girls facing criminal mischief charges after slime endeavour resulted in damaged store goods. Slime? Oh, slime endeavor? Theo, I think I remember you saying

that recently you were having some trouble with your slime endeavors. I believe I said the wanks are out of coming. You did say that. Yeah, was that before we started recording? Helicopter to spray thick brown liquid over central Pennsylvania communities. This is a threat?

Revenge! Fuck Pennsylvania. You're just getting what you deserve. Thick brown liquid. Man with 42 aliases and 26 dates of birth forced by judge to reveal true identity. He's got 46 aliases but only 26 dates of birth. He's double...

Something doesn't add up here. Something doesn't add up. He comes up with the rest of the dates of birth And the judge is like Alright Alright I've heard this one before A terrifying moment

Man pulls 19 inch sword out In Brazil airport Then cries in agony I think it's regret Because he killed his master in a duel Yeah What have I done? Now I notice that they're telling us all about the length

Nothing about the girth That's true Not as girthies, you'd think. More long than it is girthy. You've had to be both. Conspicuous absence of girth-related information. I think that that sword is normal length. Interesting.

Sounds small to me, actually. When you look at it, yeah. We've talked about a bunch of nasty stuff in this episode, but sometimes we come with something that's just a bit nice. And we do that in the Bonta Vista Hero of the Week. Just comes to us from me I'll just send you an image Just for reference here

If we were doing this It disappears to put the sword Deeply in Wakasashi territory Shit, you're right, that is small Yeah So it's nowhere near long enough To be called Nucci Katana It's kind of a chode

When you think about it Chode sword Chode Wachashi Maybe that's why crying in agony Bha-oh It's not long enough No one's impressed by my sword Oh this thing?

It's only it all. Man shows pathetic little sword in public cries at reaction. I saw a post in one of my many cuck subreddits this week where someone was like, hey ladies, have you noticed that all the guys that are into small penis humiliation also claim in their dating app profiles? They have larger than average penises.

People are putting their penis size in their dating profiles? I think these are like... You're not putting yours in? The actual like fuck ones, not the going to holy moly ones. Although in a way. In a way, yeah. Yeah. The whole is like a pussy or an asshole.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What are we doing today? It's holy moly. It's Sunday. It's a day of the Lord. I'm feverish.

Just trying to have a placidia domingo. But I feel like that woman did touch on an important point that for a lot of the people that they want it both. They can't handle not having a large penis, but they're worried that they don't have one. They're always worried about it. So they're like, no, it's above average. It's above average and they're measuring it constantly and they're looking at the average. Tell me it's fine.

Tell me it's fine. It's fine. It's great. It's fine. It's actually good, right? You like it? Love at me, but I like it. It's good.

You'll like it. They're measuring from the bottom of the balls. Hold on. I'd taken something. I'd taken something different from this. If you put like a normal or above average size in your dating profile, and then somebody gets there and they go, that's not big at all.

That's small in fact. They're sitting a stage. This is my read. Wow. Oh no. It's so humiliating that you're pointing out how small my penis is, which wouldn't have happened if I may have told you up front. My penis is very small.

I think you guys just both passed the SPH test. You know that psychopath test that's the question about the funeral. Like how do you see that person again? And psychopaths always say you just kill someone else from the funeral. because that person will go to the next one. I've been trying to solve that puzzle for ages. Because of how not a psychopath you are? I'm just bad at logic puzzles.

Dumb psychopath? Like, I don't know, man. What do you want from me? I'll kill you. Call every number in the phone book? I don't know. This comes to us from the CBC. Saskatchewan tow truck driver rescues

moose trapped in ice. Okay. Not like it's like frozen in a big block? No, no, no, no. Not like he's been in there for hundreds of years. You've got to teach him about hamburgers and skateboarding. He wouldn't know otherwise.

These guys are called Alice Unchained. Alice in Chains. Fuck. I'm going to beep this. All of it. No. Whole episode. Quote, bring out some blanks.

I've got a moose. I'm always saying this. Godinger hadn't envisioned having to say those eight words to his wife after a long day's work last Saturday. Why would you? I never think you'll say to your wife. Bring out the blankets, baby. I got a moose.

I got a moose, if you know what I mean. But there he was, pulling up to their family home with a cold, tired moose on the deck of his tow truck. Godinger, who owns rebel towing, said he was on his way to do a couple of tow jobs around 5pm CST. His plans quickly changed. A moose is so big, by the way.

Like a moose is enormous. This one is little. This one is a very little, very adorable moose. It kind of tucked up my heartstrings a little bit because there's one photo of it where it's making the face Louis makes when he's like in the sun but he's sleepy. So he's basking but he closes his eyes. And he looks like he's just sort of taking

in all the warmth and I thought, hey, that moose is like my boy. We're all connected. Yeah. I think your boy is like the moose, probably. He has some attributes of the moose. Yeah. Like being the size of a house. Yeah.

It's a freaking big dog. Clifford over here. That's really good stuff. His plans quickly changed. He spotted a moose that had fallen through some ice not far from his home in Kelvinton, Saskatchewan, about 200 kilometres. as east of Saskatoon. Anything to get out of the toe jobs

he's meant to be doing right now. That's right. A lizard. There was a lizard that fell in. Wait, do they not have lizards in Canada? Oh, I don't know. Is that something? Did I make that up?

Is that something? If your whole job was giving toe jobs, would you have to sleep with toe spreaders? Maybe. Probably help. I just think you need to exercise, get the muscles, really. Yeah. Start with the finger.

It's stressful. Yeah. Canada has very few lizard species due to cold temperatures. they're roughly five to six. All right, that's not an interesting fact. Canada has some lizards. Lizards prefer warm temperatures. Oh, fuck, and how ridiculous, pathetic.

Quote, I can't leave him. Godinger remembered thinking. Everyone has to wait. This is a priority. That's beautiful. A stranded by the side of the road waiting for the tow truck. Yeah. As long as you're saving a moose, I don't fucking care.

Someone turns up, kills them. Toes turn of blue. He turned his truck around and backed up as close as he could to the beleaguered animal. His plan was to slide the deck of the tow truck down and use the soft sling to pull the moose out. The animal appeared leery but was also clearly exhausted. So I think this kind of undersells the skill and the finesse with which he has done this. I'm going to post a little photo in the group chat for you guys just to show you how close he's gotten the bed down to the moose. so you know how like on the modern

the modern tow truck that we all know and love they can slide the bed out out and down a fair distance like I had someone drop my car off right up the back of a French apartment building that they were at in like a car park that was like way up the back of a very narrow driveway that was like undercover

and he managed to slide it under it was fucking amazing these guys are geniuses I would never give her toe job like that Well, this is a man who's used to doing toe jobs. Yeah, practice. Yeah, he's had his outliers, 10,000 hours of tow jobs. A lot of people don't think this is real work, but... You reckon there are people out there that...

He's managed to get the ramp like right to the fucking moose in the frozen lake. That's amazing. This guy is incredible. This is the sort of heroism. The size of his heart is only matched by the... deftness of his skill. He sounds hot.

He's a toe job. We've got a picture of him? Oh, probably. Let's find out. Clint Godinger. There's probably tons of people with that name. It appears to be quite a few people with that name. North Americans be called Clint Godinger. Godinger took his sling and threw it around the moose's neck area.

Quote, I started wenching and towing. He was kind of helping a bit, he said. Everybody fucking down. The moose's bottom half was the first to pop out of the ice. The moose's bottom half was the first to bump out of the ice. How'd you get his bottom out? How'd you get his bottom half out first when his top is on top? His top's on top.

The moose was in breach position? Did you have a breech moose? Moose is in breach. Gotta get it out of there. I bet it felt so good getting that moose out, though. Oh, man. Oh, to save an animal. to save a wild beast.

Oh, beautiful. The look of respect in its eyes like pulling a thorn out of a lion's paw. Yeah. And he just daps you up and walks away. Look at you once and then disappears into the forest. But in that look, a universe of respect. Yeah.

Quote, we got the sling around his butt and popped him right out and then onto the deck, he said. He said the moose was out by around 5.30 p.m. Half hour, high stakes, frozen moose. rescue toe jump. We're out half an hour max. This guy's a fucking pro.

Godinger then took it home so it could rest and warm up. He phoned his wife on the way. Once I pulled up there this moose sitting on the deck she came running out with blankets he said. To swaddle a moose? Are you fucking kidding me?

To swaddle a moose. Dream. Calm true to swaddle a breech moose. How big of these blankets? It's a small moose. It is a baby moose. It's a little guy. It's a baby moose, right?

He looks so friendly. Also, so presumably he stayed on the bed of the truck the whole time. He started to sliding around all over the place. Did he like strap him down? You got to have strapped him down, right? You got to strap down your moose. Got to just set the moose down on the pile of blankets, wrapping one of them over it before leaving it to recover.

He said he would come check on the moose periodically. The moose would even let him give some ear and cheek scratches. Oh. Oh, precious. Like, you're almost certainly probably not supposed to do that to like habituate them to human contacts, but your reward for saving that moose's life is you get to like fucking hang out with the moose, right?

Yeah. In 10 years from now, because he's so used to human contact, he's going to like stomp a boy's knee back to front. It's all going to be fucking hanging out there. He doesn't know how big he is. He doesn't know how big he thinks he's one of us. Look, he's trying to sit at the table. He's trying to stop back.

Equip him as a steed in the afterlife. Oh, yeah, he's a mount. He's a mouth. He's a mouth. He's waiting for you at the gates of Valhalla. Oh, shit. And he can talk now. Hey, hop on.

Remember that time you swaddled me? Yeah. Yeah, you get all your mounts at the gates of Valhalla. Every animal that you've saved is there as a potential... Ride me, Clint. Ride me, Clint. Ride me hard and fast. I can talk now.

Heaven's D.L.C. You guys remember horse? I was up in the DLC for a moment. I was up with that. Quote, I thought, well, I'll see if I can walk up and scratch his cheek again, but he kind of grunted and put his leg up. Like he was saying, no, thank you. Yeah.

Like a gentle refusal. That's enough. I'm not in the mood. I'm touched out. Which is fine to express. That's a really healthy, normal thing to be like. That's very healthy and normal. I've actually had my feel of being touched currently.

Yeah, you offered after care. He doesn't cut it. I'd be fine with watching you guys touch, if that's right. He said the moose stuck around his house all of Sunday, lingering just across the road. It finally left Monday morning. Like, you get up in the middle of the night, you look out the windows. Shine your torch over there, just two eyes are glow in the dark.

I think it's because you've driven the moose. a bunch of kilometers away from where it lives and now it's standing around going, I don't know what my house is. What am I supposed to do? Can you tell me which direction east is and what the cardinal directions are and how they relate to my life?

I'm looking for forest. I was just kind of assuming you guys would come back out and give me a lived home at some point. But I guess that's not happening. We don't have a word for it in our language, but could you drop me back off to place where the big forest with several different kinds of tree

and some interesting rocks is next to the lake that's cold is? It's kind of where I spend all my time. It's got my hang. That's my area. Me and my bros. I mean, my bros.

The old stumping grounds. It's kind of like right next to the forest that has the owls, but not that many owls and the owls are only there sometimes. You know. You see, moose don't name things and their culture

they describe it. Because they don't have enough places they would need you understand you get it hey this was definitely an episode of the podcast bontevista thank you so so much for joining us if you want another one of these every week we do another one every week patreon.com slash bunavista it's like

crazy coincidence yeah if that's exactly the amount you'll want that's exactly the amount we make and we've done some crazy bonus episodes lately they have been off the fucking chain you wouldn't believe what it's like in there You'd be listening on. Not like this nice and normal episode.

This is a filthy episode. I'm glad I didn't do the stuff we should chat about about the blankets I get ads for on Instagram that are for like fucking on. You seen those? Oh, the ones that are like the water comes off of them. Yeah. But it's not meant to be water. Is it meant to be piss? I think it's not meant to be nice.

I think it's, I mean, it is partly piss. Like it's technically piss. Yeah. It is coming from the same place. What are you doing? Okay. But cum wouldn't respond to the same, even if it was a hydrophobic material. Oh, I don't think it's for cum.

I think it's for other stuff. Yeah, but I think you could wipe it off then, right? With a towel that you segregate from the rest of them. I think we've probably done enough calm and kids and shit stuff today. Probably enough, yeah. We will talk to you maybe on the bonus episode if we're lucky, and we will definitely talk to you on the free episode. Stay safe out there.

Bye. Bye. Bye.