Boonta Vista - EPISODE 458: Woohoo! Cum

Episode Date: August 15, 2026

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: The masturbators shooting past retirement, listener proximity to a vulture problem, and a thoroughly identified liquid shooting out of a truck in a Denny's carpark. *** Outro: sposed2feel - lojii

Saying something about him speak on that a bit more, please. Our society. Yeah. Hello, welcome to Bonta Vista. Episode 458. I'm Ben, and I'm in the comments of a Twitter fishing account posting AI-generated big-titty lady pics to scam horny computer illiterate people.

Lucy, what did you mean when you replied, quote, big-bobed women entering rooms nipples first, and then two... Now, I don't really know how to describe this emoji. Uh-huh. No, I can describe it, I don't know what it's for. it's a sort of a smiley face

the eyes are closed in joy sort of shaped like chevrons or hats and then there are just two open hands directly in front of the I'm coming while I'm touching the titties I think maybe yeah but what is that? Closed comma? What's that emoji normally used for?

Is there something wrong with that? There's something wrong with that? Sorry, is this one emoji? The hands are not separate It's two of these. No, the hands are in the emoji. Have you seen this before? It's just a smiling face in two hands, open hands. Oh, I think I'm the one that you're talking about.

And I think it's for this. It's like, I'm happy because those two titties are large and in my heads. And I'm touching them and I'm coming. Yeah. I thought you were actually going to read the things that we said in the chat. Because you posted the picture of the big titty ladies. And so I'm glad that this is a fake scenario. Okay.

Well, no, I'm not going to post you. So this is, I did get these from the comments of an actual fishing account from a verified account, which of course now means nothing, called Sophie Holman, which is just H-O-L-E, M-A-N, beautiful. I'm the whole man. Australia's Sophie. That's right. It's like the biggest, fakesest AI-generator breasts you've ever seen in a way that it just wouldn't be physically possible. And a lot of men in their replies would love to get to know. personally

Sophie too big well I don't want to I wouldn't say anything like that about a Baldwin's body at all is there a

Mr. Holman would you like that to be is there a is there a whole woman Andrew what did you mean when you replied

want to hanging on your boobs oh just like it might have been a mistranslation I did I mean hanging on but also like

kind of holding up I want to support women I want to lift them and their gigantic breasts up. Yeah, literally supporting women. Women hold up half the sky. I hold up 100% of their breasts. You know?

Okay. That's good stuff. This was definitely an episode of the podcast. Put-to-vist. Thank you so much. Theo, what did you mean when you replied, Good morning. I'm Nick from Greece.

You are beautiful woman. Perfect woman. You have beautiful big boobs. Which part would you like explained? Let's break it up into chunks. I think that was actually pretty pretty. I think Nick's like the rare thing in a man a clear communicator and Greek. And he's definitely Greek.

Not that rare to be Greek, like I guess. Not that rare to be Greek, but you're right. Like it's beautiful to just communicate clearly. I think that that's quite nice and I think we should value that. Here I am. Here I am. I'm Nick from Greece. You might not like it we're hearing.

Yeah. I'm Nick from Greece and I'm just Nick from Greece. Yeah. I hope you like me. To the tune of Jenny from the block. And I note, Ben, that you didn't read the one that you posted in the chat from Christopher Palmer, which says, Love to Suck Big Melons with Juice all over the place. Can I take one issue with your reading, actually?

I think you should, much like when you're doing Shakespeare, you have to respect the punctuation that's in there. Okay. Love to suck. Big melons with juice all over the place. And again, I just reiterate, where is the juice? coming from. Where's the juice coming from? The melons, I think. A lot of places the juice could be coming from. Is the juice milk?

Is the juice milk? For me? The juice is the milk. From a different location. I'm just, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. It might be from coming. He might be coming.

We don't know. God be willing to walk away in 30 seconds if you see the juice coming around the corner. That's right. Correct. Love to suck. Hey, I bet a bunch of the guys are right. these comments are masturbating. And we'll hear some more stuff from guys

that are masturbating. I like to call Paging Dr. Lucy. If you find that you are having a little relationship trouble, just to pick up your telephone and dial it on the double. You call 1-800-317-515. Now you're pageing Dr.C. I thought we were doing a clean one.

Yeah, Ben did say before it He's doing a clean Clean up Yeah, there was the titties and the masturbating And the juice all over the place I didn't bring up the juice You brought up the juice Yeah, that's true

Actually, at least you brought up the juice Yeah, I did bring up the juice Yeah, at least the segment's gonna be clean This comes from R slash masturbators The post is titled Older Masturbators Okay 46, did they have those?

46 Well, you're about to find out 46 dad here And I masturbate now more than ever wake up hard even after coming the night before, still shoot big loads. There's got to be other older moms and dads still raging horny as we age. 46 is not that old. I'm about to turn 44.

Older masturbator valour. Like you're a medium age masturbator. Yeah. I was talking about. Someone in the comments trades of this was like, yep, 35 and still masturbating like crazy. What? It's like, what do you mean, dude? That's actually the normal average age for someone to be.

your sexual prime maybe. I think maybe they kind of realize that it's sort of like, they've gotten to the point where it's like, well, actually it's a big waste of time and I could be like, you know, carving miniature pieces of furniture. I could be playing Hades too.

Yeah. Yeah. I could be writing letters to them with my ideas about Hades 3. Yes. I could be reading Camus. I have some replies here from a sort of a wider range of ages. First one here. 60 and still masturbating at least twice a day.

I'm doing it now. Oh, yeah, brother. You're doing it while you're posting? Hell yeah, I guess. What brings one to R slash masturbators, do you think? I have a suspicion. What are my hobbies? What are I like?

What are I like doing? Yeah. Maybe you're 60. You're jacking off for the second time of the day. You're thinking he's off, I wonder if there's any new techniques out there. Any new wrist stuff I don't know about. Still the one, I think.

The twisty one. Maybe one finally got the twisty one to work. Nope, it's still bad. Nope, twisty one's still no good. It's like fusion. Like I'm glad that people are out there giving it a go. Right? Putting the work in.

That's right. Nuclear fusion. It's funny that you say that, Lucy. I was having a conversation with someone the other day. I'd like to keep them anonymous just to protect their privacy. But I was a little surprised. This is someone that I know quite well, spend quite a lot of time with.

see her, them, kind of most days of the week, actually. They were saying to me that they actually think that their hand job, twisty technique is fine and that it's appropriate sometimes. How did this conversation come up? That's a very odd conversation to be having with a friend. Some people like the twisty one. That's what she was saying, actually. It's weird.

She actually said it in exactly those words. Same voice? Kind of same voice kind of looked and sounded like you. What was the affect like? Was she cool? Like was she flat affect? Cool. Cool bit flat affect.

Kind of like What if a internet cutaway? What if a chick was a guy? Yeah, the twisty one's not real. That's fake. Magazines lied to you. Dolly doctor lied to you. The twisty one not a thing.

I think just don't twist it dry. Don't twist it dry, certainly. Don't twist it dry. Got to be careful dry. Got way more of these. 52, at least once a day and doing it now. why are they doing it now these are people that are like doing

like a long long joe sesh and scrolling redet yeah yeah i guess it's gooning but like they're not looking at like the hydra from that movie with all the computer swordfish they're with porno videos on it they're scrolling

r slash masturbators and talking to the other masturbators Like, I think you should know what you like, and I think you should perhaps, like, indulge, like, a whole video, like a VHS. I don't know. I don't think you should be on Reddit. Maybe they're kind of just getting to the point where, like, it doesn't,

they, like, nothing's, they've got to find deeper pleasures, right? They've got to, they've got to unravel this thread a little further and see where it goes, right? Until they awaken the bow-rog of masturbating. Yeah. What would that mean? I don't know. Dick Foss off.

You shall not come. Now that's good. Is that something? Yeah. Yeah. I'm assuming this is someone who was masturbating and just scrolling the front page of Reddit. And they saw a post from R slash masturbators and they went, oh, that's me. They pressed the little thumbs up on the, is this relevant to your interests?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to see more of this in the future. I'm really often jacking off while I'm on here. another one here 65 male here and just about to start ready to clock in like first time or just like starting you never start it's never too late okay and honestly I think you'll get the hang of it pretty quickly 65 and ready to see what all the fuss is about yeah decided to give it a crack just keep going and you stop when the stuff comes out yeah you don't have to stop when the stuff comes out if you don't want to.

You will want to stop. You will want to. You can't stop before. Another one here. I'm 50F by I masturbate more than ever. I'm writing a big dildo about to come as I type. My third session so far on a lazy Sunday. Ah, fuck.

So close to coming. Jesus Christ. You can't write out your sex noises typing them. That's not how it works. I know he didn't make that. sounds. What did you do it after? You were typing it while you were coming.

I can't. I would, I don't know if you're staying in the like, the plateau zone while you're typing a message out. I don't know if that's like. There's really people out there sexting, right? Yes. There's really people out there in the world.

Still just sexting. I'm just picturing writing someone, what are you doing? And they reply, I'm no apostrophe. I'm writing a big dildo about to come as I type. Like, wow, what are the chances?

That's crazy. Me too. Oh, Oh. Oh. Sympatica. That's so good. It's my first time.

My therapist and this is the first episode you've decided to check out. Yep. It's not all like this. Some of it's like this. Kind of a lot like this. At least this episode's paywall. No. Uh-oh.

No, this is the main. Oh, this is a... Oh, I didn't... Okay. Can we start again? Nope. Can we start again? Dump it.

At what age do you think you become an older masturbator? I'm going to say it's 60 plus. Yep. Agreed. If you're 59 and you're masturbating, you just have to, like, get it out of the way,

wank like the rest of us. After that, you're an enthusiast. You should have to be in the... I think you should have to be in, like, the living in aged care kind of age. Be an older masturbator? Yeah, yeah, because, like, if...

If somebody said to you, that dude over there across the room, like you're at a house party, you're catching up with the host in the kitchen, and he points out across the open plan room, and he points to someone right over by the stereo, and he says, you'll never believe this. That dude's 50, and he beat off today. Still wanking.

And you go, okay? Yeah, great. Awesome. Cool. 50-year-old guy jacking off? Fine. Nothing surprising about that at all. Nothing weird about it.

We also know that everybody in nursing homes are all fucking They're all fucking Those that fuck often wank Yes, sometimes It can be seen as a precursor To the fuck It seems counterintuitive

Yeah, yeah You'd think it's like eating a big dinner Before you go out to a restaurant or something But it's only made you hungrier It hasn't said it's like eating dinner at McDonald's It actually just makes you hungry. It makes you hungry, yeah. Yeah.

Well, masturbating is truly the Chinese meal of sex acts. Yeah, there it is. And if you're younger than us, because everyone was racist against the Chinese, we made people believe that eating Chinese food actually made you hungry than not having eaten at all. If it didn't give you a headache because of the MSG. Well, it's the MSG that was meant to be doing that, right? It was meant to be tricking your taste buds into believing that you had eaten a meal.

as you sat there and ate a whole meal. The food's still in you, right? We were really stupid back then. It's food, yeah. And that's what sex is. It tricks you into thinking you don't need to masturbate. No, I thought that's what jacking off was. On, massabating.

Jacking off is the empty calories of sex. Keep holding the flame. I think sex is the empty calories of masturbating. I think I'd really depend on what your current life is like. So real jack is better. I guess it depends on how much sex you're having in your lives. Having intercourse and saying, how they get tricked into this instead of...

Oh, God. More empty calories. I'm still hungry. Can't wait to get home and jack off. Male, 63, masturbate daily three to eight hours. Love, porn and gooning, have had a few by-male buds share it. Life supports it all.

Three to eight hours a day. You better be fucking retired, brother. You retire, yeah. When people are retired, they say that they do struggle to fill the date. fill the day. Yeah, not this guy. I don't think 60-year-old guy should be gooning.

I think that's fucked up. Yeah. Can I say something? Oh, Christ. Is Goonin real? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Holy shit.

Like this kind of thing where it's like you're just like slowly jacking off or looking at porn for like five hours. Is that real? Oh, holy kens. Yeah. People are wasting away from gooning. Okay. Yeah.

Get Overwatch. It's far less satisfying. I think that I agree that someone in their 60s shouldn't be gooning. I think the criteria is if you have grandkids, it should be illegal to goon. I think if you don't have grandkids. Okay. So if you're single, you can goon. Goon on, brother.

Goon on, brother. I like that this is a great situation. This guy's in where his wife is like, yeah, yeah, he's got like, bye mates that he just jacks off with. Yeah. Yeah, where it's like, you know, you jack off pals. You guys... Oh, they're doing jack-and-like parallel play? Yeah, you put some porn on the big screen, some porn on the other big screen,

some porn on the other big screens, some porn on the iPad, get a few magazines out, crack open some beers. Eat your mama, Tomian. Yes. Hey, whatever stops him from bothering me while I jack off with the girls. I've got to watch that one, you know? We're having a living room. We're having a girls night.

We're having a girl's night, yeah. Yeah. We're having some chardonnays, face-mas, chardonnays. Jack and off. We had sex lemons. Three to eight hours of gooning with the girls. Sex rose, sex lemon,

sex lemon, sex orange, sex tangerine. Why are they the shapes of fruits or flowers? Why is, I mean, I get the flower one because it's like a, it's like a flower. It's like your beautiful flower.

Why is it a lemon? What's the lemon for? What's the lemon for? Well, how come it's the lemon for? How come it's lemon? I've been getting some, it's just because they're organic.

Just because they're things that are organic. organic shapes and then it's like nodders and then it's not like oh i got the one that's shaped like the dick off the dragon from how to train your dragon you know great how come it's lemons how come it's lemons i've actually i've been getting these like instagram ads for a sexual toy where it's like it looks so good you don't even have to hide it or put it away it's like literally just a dilda they're always like what do you mean you wouldn't have to put that away exactly it's shaped like a penis If I see a silicon rose at someone's house, I'm like...

You left your... Okay. Nice rose, babe. The falling water of Dildos? I think, Ben, that it's great that we are imbuing other objects with the characteristic of a rubber penis you've left out. Yeah, that is true. Nothing's safe anymore. Soon we're going to start just seeing, like, you walk into someone's house, they've got a bowl of lemons in the kitchen.

Oh, oh, wait. Oh, you sick little freak Oh, you need eight of those Yeah, I thought you had a fucking I thought you had a pile of jack off toys You had eight quits When it's girls nine Swapping them out with the batteries

Your hot swapping your lemons Eight lemons on a big charging pad Oh Got another one here TBIH because I don't have a woman to share it with I just wish it would go away so I could focus on real shit instead of sex. Yeah.

Just jerking off like, oh. Oh, I've got other stuff to do. Real raw shit. I need to read Camus. Yeah, like, what do you reckon he means? What's the real stuff of life if it's not going? And have you not had enough time to do it yet? Although it doesn't say age.

Doesn't give us an age. Yeah, that's disappointing. I think maybe like commerce or something. Yeah, probably. It's really funny. Just waking up with a boner and like, oh. God.

This is chicken. Come on. Every fucking day with this. Every day. You don't, like, it's not, it's not unusual to wake up with a boner. You don't have, you're not, like, compelled to, like, engage with it sexually. This guy seems to think it's an obligation. You could just ignore it.

Okay, I got an idea. Until it goes away. Billion dollar movie idea. It's a rom-com set in a dystopian future, and it's called every morning mandatory. And if you wake up with a boda, you have to fuck. You got to do it. Yeah. What if it was the one day a year that it was legal for single people to masturbate?

How about that? That's a good idea. That's the one. It's the one you don't wake up with a bono. Oh, no. Yeah. They're just like insane. 364 days of the week.

Ah! Please! Please! Sounds like this guy would have a very different attitude if he had a girlfriend, though. Oh, yeah. Because then he'd find the spice of life. Yeah. Fucking nutting.

Coming. Nobbing off. This person does seem to really think that masturbating is the empty calories. Because they're like, if I can't do it with someone, what the fuck is the point? Why am I wasting my time with this? Yeah. Get on chat roulette. Yes, that's how I feel about ice cream.

Yeah, get on chat roulette. What? Yeah. Pay a sex worker. 52 and hornier than ever. I spent at least three to four hours a day edging and I come one to three times every day. 52 and you've got four hours a day. for this?

That's too much edging. I'm sorry, I don't get it. Like, aren't you bored of edging after like 20 minutes? Is all of the edging active edging? Or is it like kind of get your motor going and then let it idle for a little? So if you're talking about like stop and go, but in the stop you're like doing your taxes or whatever. Yeah, doing the laundry. It's got to be right on that edge for four hours, right?

I don't know. Someone's going to ride in and be like, unless you automate it. That's so stupid. Right. Yeah. I'm producing leaders of pre-cum. First time caller, by the way. If this guy's still working...

If this guy's still working, he could be breaking it up across like bathroom breaks at the office. Pomodoro method. Yeah. It could be Pomodoro edging. 50 minutes for them, 10 minutes for me. Like the tomato sauce. What are you?

What's the... The Pomodora method, Lucy. The timer is like a tomato method. It's a little time to tomato time. It turned in as like 25 minutes. So then you got to... It's what we had It's what we had before

Everybody started getting diagnosed with ADHD Yeah That's where you said Hey, just try Just bring yourself to focus on work for 25 minutes straight And then you can have five minutes to look at your phone And then when the timer goes off Oh, I do that shit all the time

I'm like In one game of Overwatch If I do some work for 20 minutes Yes Yeah 49 here Hornier than my 20s Not shooting each day

but stroking definitely. Hey Paul, how's things? Stroking without shooting. Not shooting every day. Not shooting, stroking, definitely, brother.

Not shooting but stroking. You don't me. I may not be shooting every day. Seldom shooting, often stroking. Yes. Well, yeah,

I guess you... I mean, you don't want to be often shooting but seldom stroking. That'd be... That'd be a odd. You miss every shoot you don't.

stroke. Oh. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And would you enjoy the shoot as much if you didn't earn it by stroking? Yeah. Exactly.

And the mystery as well, like, you're going like, well, this is going to end up in shooting if it happened every time. Like, you're like, ah, boring. This again. Oh. I'm going to shoot soon. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's all a bit routine if it's just like two strokes in a shoot, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I wish this went nowhere occasionally. Sometimes it should just kind of peter off. Yeah, I'll just get bored and go to something. You realize you've been looking at like, you've been looking at a different post about like Magic the Gathering meta on Reddit for a while. You've got to get back to the masturbators subreddit. Oh, that's right.

I'm stroking. Oh, yeah, shoot. I'm definitely stroking. Don't off, I'll shoot that. Stroking. Pichens. to shoot. Me stroking

versus me shooting. There was something really specific about the language in this. I didn't get a lot of examples of it, but the amount of times people use shoot specifically is so weird. It's like a fucking Connor O'Malleyism.

Yeah. To be like, oh fuck, I'm shooting. I'm shooting my load. I think that's why how American guys call. I'm shooting my load. Oh, babe. I think I'm actually about to shoot babe. Babe, I just shoot it. In the little Dickie TV show, he says, I'm going to cream. That's horrible.

Don't say I'm got a cream. I'm going to cream. Male 79, I wank daily and come about three times a week. Seamen is rather watery, but the orgasms are intense. See, that guy has. That guy has no idea if a shoot is coming his way. Yeah. Like this is valid that is an older masturbator.

Yes. Describing your cum as watery is very upsetting. Very upsetting. I'm actually fine with sharing every other part of this with your fellow masturbators. Watery is the nastiest word. I'm picturing like... Watery is not nice. If you leave pasta water on the stove like overnight and the starches have started to cloud up,

yo, my man's shooting pasta water for real. Hey, save that for me. Put a splash that into the sauce, brother. It'll mulcify. It's going to make some catchy out of pee. How's the sauce stick to the pasta better. Yes. I don't want to do this anymore.

Well, I want here. Fuck yeah. 50 and I'm raging all the time. Days where I come five plus times and sometimes I just can't stop. Wife loves it. When she's not in the mood,

I'll just whip it out and shoot a load as she watches TV or something. Does she love that? You're watching modern family and you're like, whoff, time to come. Hey, babe, you want to help me shoot? No, I'll shoot myself. Not a problem.

It's not a problem if you don't want to help me. I'll shoot myself. Babe, babe, I'm shooting. That's great, sweetie. That's great. Take off your bra. Oh, did you shoot? Oh, that's great.

Put the toilet lid down once you're done. No, he's shooting in the room. Put another sticker on the sticker board. I think he's doing a side by side. She's watching. family is shooting. He's not leaving the room. No, it doesn't sound like it.

A good. Not a moot, Matt Mon family. 53 here. More experienced and excited over the years. Love to reminisce with guys and women my age about the magazines and tapes we found in boxes or in drawers. Hell yeah, brother. Maybe in the woods.

Only 90s kids remember. Yeah. Ever have another 12 year old be like, check this out. It's a stack of pornos in my dad's. Woman's like really. Leatherware drawer. Leathery. and like orange.

Very orange. So orange, like big fake tities. These orange Californian women, Malibu, things of that nature. Yeah. 47, male, I knotted my stomach every chance I get. Okay. Practice some discretion. Not a high, not a high kind of like velocity on that thing, I guess.

I feel like there's some, I mean, it's fine. Yeah. It's go. Oh, let's just move right past that. This guy's removing a lot of, like, a jack-off possibilities for himself. Can't do it in a plain bathroom. You know? How are you getting it on your own stomach then?

That would be bad as well, I think. Yeah. Don't do that. People are waiting. Socially embarrassing. I got a piss. Hey, I think that dude shoot it on his stomach. Yeah.

Did you shoot on your stomach in there? I've been, like, waiting to piss for a while. Sir. Sir, did you shoot? People commenting, it couldn't be as calm. It's so watery. Peel your shirt back real fast for me, please, sir. How did it get past the water in there?

Really watery. I feel like I heard someone there yell like, oh, I'm going to shoot. Oh, I'm going to shoot. Oh, I shot. It's on my tongue. I shot on my stomach. 30 minutes of this. Yeah, we're halfway through.

The list. 50 male still going strong and the desire to walk around nude is undeniable I don't think that's related yeah that's interesting orthogonal concern you've just brought that up

so orthogonal yeah that's an orthogonal that's really orthogonal and that's eight sides 54 anytime I can it feels so effing good to shoot a load

and it helps lower the risks of prostrate cancer yeah Right on, brother. You feel so effing good to shoot a load. Does it say F-N? Like E-E-D-W-F-I-N. E-D-E-W-F-I-N.

It's really funny to do that while telling people about how many times a day you jack off. It's awesome. I don't want to be vulgar. I don't want to be vulgar. I feel so effing good to shoot a load. Sometimes you just have to say something that everyone knows is true. I know I'm preaching to the choir. I don't want to teach anyone how to suck eggs.

but man. Can we just say something crazy? Can we just bathe in it for a second? Can I just say something? Oh, F. Oh, I'm going to F and shoot. It feels so F and good to shoot a load. Where's all the 60-year-old woman masturbates?

That's what I'm... Oh, they were a ton of them in there, and then the replies were terrible. Too horny? Whenever, like, a guy was doing it, everyone's like, hell yeah, brother, that rules. Keep on shooting. And then a lady does it, and they're all like, would love to join you.

to shoot next to you when you shoot. She's happy. Where's your house? Water. She's past a water. Pin on Google Maps. She's squirted out buckets of pasta water. Buckets of pasta water.

Bottle of chardonnay. Bottle a shardinet. Shooting out pasta water. Oh, Christ. I don't know if this one's good. No, I don't think so. I love being smooth and naked and jerk every day. Jerk on.

I'm being smooth and naked. Smooth and naked. Like hands. Totally unrelated to anything. Before we started recording, Ben, you kind of chuckled to yourself. And then you said, I think I've got some good stuff. You're going to like. Oh, that's coming later.

That's unrelated to this stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Okay. You know, you check it in. Yeah, it's a story about new developments in pizza sauce and I think you guys are going to go crazy for it. I'm also 46. I'm gay and showing no signs of being fascinated with mine and other guys' cocks.

No signs of... No sign. No sign of stopping? This is a typo, right? It's got to be a typo. It's so awesome, though, to be like, what if it was it? I'm not interested in any of this. Not interested.

Someone interested. 46 is a normal age, by the way. But saying showing no signs of being fascinated makes it sound like you were never fascinated with guys' cox, in which case, why you're not always... Why are you talking about being gay? Yeah. Don't tell us about being gay. Well, not if you're not fascinated by the humble penis.

Come on. 80 here. Wife lost interest years ago. Still enjoy masturbating, watching Reddit clips, chatting with others, camming, and also having some local friends that enjoy jerking and sucking together

at least once a week or so. Okay. That's nice. It's good to have a hobby. You want to give your mind active. Keep the dementia away. It sounds like a lot of social. Social connection.

Social connection. Chating online. strong predictor of the blood life span. Meeting up. And like to be in a relationship with your wife is just like, I'm not, I'm not down for this stuff anymore. My past water is spent. But if you want to have a couple of buds over and like,

just like straight guy suck each other off and jack off each other, shoot together on each other's stomachs or whatever. Mutual shoot with your buds. Like, I actually have something on on most Thursday nights anyway. I've got a little mute shoot. I've got my bridge club. What if I play bridge on Thursday? Yeah.

I know how you've got to get the starch out. We'd shoot. You'd shoot with the boys. Put the sharp down. Cover that shit and pass to water. And then Friday morning, we do our crosswords together. Friday morning crosswords, Thursday night, bridge, shooting with the boys.

And he wakes up in such good night on Friday morning. Yeah, he's getting those cryptic clues straight up. Brain active. Make sure you wipe it up last time. I know the dog ate some of it. Oh, don't. That's not good. That's where I draw the line.

Come on. Have some fucking decorum. Cold water. Cold water. Cold water first. Cold water first. Not hot water. You know that by now you're 80.

That's a punta is the rule. Yeah. Last one. 74. Male. You used to be able to, urologist put me on a medication that keeps me from ejaculating.

So now I just have powerful orgasms without the cum. Best part is a wife would nils. Never let me come in her mouth when performing blowjob. Now she can't keep my dick out of her mouth. That's beautiful. She can't keep your dick out of her mouth. This 74-year-old man's wife cannot keep his dick out of her mouth because... Because he's not shooting loads.

Because the urologist gave him a special pill that means he can't shoot. But he's coming? He's coming with no shooting. All come, no shooting. Just a little fart. This actually sounds like this urologist has made some dreams come true. Right? This woman's like there's nothing I love more than sucking you off

Other than the fear I have You are going to shoot. Sensory nightmare for me, the cum. Pill everyone can get like it's just it's all shoot no come like it's all all come no shoot All come no shoot. You just get the body high of the come With none of the clean up problems of the shoot The blanks pill doctor.

Yeah, that's yeah you're firing blacks. Like, completely blanks. But you're not firing. Like, you're not firing anything. You're shooting dust. No, you're not firing. More like a hamage. Like a turtle coming up to breathe.

Little flag. That's a choking hazard, though. Come. Oh. Anyway, so I thought it's just nice for us to do something wholesome for once and just be like, you know what? Older people, they are sexual. They're enjoying themselves. They're having a great time.

Well, I mean. And I respect that. If you can still be enjoying yourself sexually as you get older, God bless you from Bonte Vista. Yeah. Shoot on, brother. Shoot on, brother. Or sister.

Or just come, no shoot, depending on. Just come, no shoot. Yeah. Bang on. Oh boy. Hey, if you have some interesting stories about masturbating, you'd like to share with us. You report and you decide that's what we usually do. But sometimes we find out that something happened to you. Maybe you were posted up on the corner and you saw it with the guys. Whatever it is, just let us know.

You report and we decide. Oh, oh, oh. Mailbag at both of this and die. You report and we decide. So this is a follow up to a story that we spoke about in episode 450. A Dick Dix worth of raw chicken. This segment is for when we, you know, we've talked about something and people have some proximity to the story or they've had a similar experience or something, just a nice way to keep. Some connection.

Yeah. It's a conversation that we're having with you, limited mostly to specifically this style of conversation. This one comes to us from listener T. Hello, BV. After many years of listening, you've finally referenced a new story from my area. I saw the huge crowd of vultures after she restarted her feeding habits last floor. No, you didn't. That's fucking crazy.

That's, come on. That's, that's, no. Is this the closest we've had to one of our stories so far, seeing like the vultures from the vulture story? New vultures from the, I feel like it might be. I think ideally one day we're reading out a story about someone who was killed in a really comedic fashion and then we get a message from like their partner

who says that was them and they loved your show. Yeah, my husband was exploded in a porter potty, actually. Yeah, yeah. Love the show. That's the end goal, I'm saying. It was chilling the first time we saw them, slowly realizing as we walked past how many of the roofs, trees were full of dozens of black vultures.

It didn't help that it was Halloween season. My kids were around two years old, and they really enjoyed it. That's great, because it could have gone the other way. I think maybe potentially a two-year-old could maybe see a bunch of carrion birds staring at them and be scared. Something that isn't mentioned in the news story is that the neighbourhood is made up of fairly dense townhouses, so the yard space is very small and close to the neighbours. Each house has a fenced area the size of a parking spot or two.

Her stacks of meat couldn't have been more than a few metres from multiple neighbours' doors. Oh my God, I was picturing like a full-on, like a forest out the back. Like, yeah, like backing onto a park kind of thing. This is dense new development town. houses full of rotting chicken meat at vultures. I'm more picturing like a poltergeist, you know, when they're out there. I was picturing something similar to that, yeah. Yeah, okay.

As for the vultures themselves, the local population is thriving. Obviously, her feeds would be, could be contributing to that, but at least compared to many parts of the region, there is a lot of woodland and wildlife around. I'm no professional birder, but there are always vultures cruising around. Pretty low on my list of animals I'd put my effort towards saving. I'm a yapper and have probably written too much but hopefully one of you will enjoy reading this you've got to stop being so fucking apologetic in these emails

when you're sending a good note actually some people should be apologetic that's a great story they never know they never know who it is though it's a paradox too because the ones that shouldn't have to apologize we won't we will read out but the ones that should

apologize we won't so the apology goes nowhere we'll pair you up one good reply with one bad reply and the good reply I can write the apology and the bad reply I can use it. Yes. Yes. Take perfectly symbiotic relationship. An apology donor system.

Yin and yang. I will cut and paste the apology from the good email and apply to the bad email. Sending something into us first having to click up which of the following describes you best? Good person or bad person. I'm a big I'm a big annoying loser and I'm sorry.

Are you going to upset us? I'm also a non-professional birder and I'll say all the birds that seem really boring and normal to you are exotic to someone else, you know? That is so true. You go somewhere else and you're like, damn, this shit's crazy.

Yeah. You go to Central Park and you see squirrels and you're like, holy fucking shit, those are so cute. Everyone's like, that's just a squirrel. You see they're big rats and you go, oh, your rats are so much bigger than us. Your rats are beautiful. And they're like, yeah, the man's making me put my fucking garbage.

Oh, my garbage. Oh, my garbage. I can't believe they're calling that whole scheme containerization. That's a great word. That's beautiful. Have you ever thought of putting it in a container? Yeah. Do you guys see that story about someone like threw these like two antique rings into the garbage?

in New York by mistake. The garbage man found them. And then they found them, right? So the story is that the sanitation workers helped out. And then there's a little footnote at the bottom of the story. We're like, well, usually they'll give you access to the trash and provide you with equipment, but they won't help you. And I was like, wait, they have procedures in place that if you've lost something,

they'll give you like a hard hat and a high-vis vest. They'll empty out the appropriate truck in front of you. And they'll be like, yeah, fill your boots. Fill your boots. Fill your fucking boots. But we're not going to help you? Well, I guess they're too busy. But also, the fact that they take the time to be like, oh yeah, yeah, fuck, let's sort this out.

That's amazing. That's awesome. A lot of important stuff falls in the trash. That's just like, that's the sort of public service that should exist where it's not like, hey, forget about it. It's fucking gone, all right? It's like, oh, you probably really want to get that. Well, we'll do what we can.

What we have the time to do. You can look for it. You can put on the hat. Here's a shovel. best. And then we'll take a photo of you afterwards. So I went to the New York Department of Sanitation Depot number 542 and all I found was my lost car keys. All I got was this needle stick injury. Hey, I bet going through the garbage, you'd probably find a lot of strange liquids. We talk about those in Mystery Liquid.

Mystery Liquid. Can't tell what color it is with a slick oily sheen. What could it mean? Mystery liquid. I see some gulp that is forming a pool on the floor. Who is it for? I'm going to taste the mystery liquid. I'm going to taste the mystery liquid. This is from WYFF in South Carolina.

The whiff. Yiv. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Which way, Western man? Are you who turned the wheel and look to Yiff would, am I right? Jesus Christ. Cruise cleaning up after utility truck leaks.

No, sorry. It's a wrong tense. Cruise cleaning up after utility truck leaks hazardous material near upstate Denny's. Not my Denny's. Not the upstate. Not the upstate. Oh, it's just. one of the Denny's in Manhattan.

Wait, upstate? They've got an upstate in South Carolina. Upstate from what? What does what is up state mean? Like, what is up state mean? It's up. Is it north? Yeah.

Well, because upstate New York is just like everything in the sky. Except New York City. Except New York City, right? The bit that's like more rural than this. Like if you were talking about like Pennsylvania. That seems like downstate. That seems like downstate. Upstate South Carolina is the northwestern most region of the state.

I think you kind of. You can't just say upstate. I guess if you live in South Carolina, you probably would. But what about Australians that are reading this on their podcast? Won't they be confused? Yeah. Upstate, like, I've got to go to the tip. I've got to go all the way to the tip.

Yeah, upstate. Upstate? It would be really funny to be like Townsville in upstate Queensland. Yeah. That's awesome. Oh, I'm going upstate to Townsville. We're actually, we're getting a little cabin upstate this weekend. Yeah. Yeah, in Yipoon.

We have a little, like, a lodge that we use over the winter upstate in Yipu. Yeah, yeah, on the beach there. On the beach. On the harbour in Yipoon. On the harbor, yeah. Crews are continuing their work after a Denny's parking lot in Spartanburg County was covered in a strange liquid that poured out of a utility truck Wednesday afternoon. Cool.

So what's a utility truck in this context? It's a truck full of liquid in this case. Truck full of you. It's not a pickup. truck. No. It's like a... Oh, it's not?

This is a miniature, miniature-ish tanker truck. Yeah, so I would describe it. Okay. It's a little round fella. Yeah. Full of juice. That's right.

Kind of rotund. Remind you of anything? Rotund guy full of juice. Yes, please. Very watery though. It's very watery. So watery. The positive update from the evening is that the Denny's,

located on Reedville Road is fully reopened and no one was injured in the incident. That is a relief. That is a relief. That is a relief. I got to go to Denny's. I love Denny's. Can we have a quick, looks like menus back on the menu sidebar? Yes, we absolutely can. About Danys? Are you going to go through the Grand Slams?

We can't read the whole fucking Denny's menu. Not the whole menu. Not the whole menu. I'm just seeing something that I'm seeing for the first time, which is exciting, you know. They've got the Denny's news.

exclamation mark, barbecue cookout classic burger. That is a six ounce, 100% beef patty topped with white cheddar and American cheese, barbecue sauce, pickles and two onion rings on a golden birish bun. Now, if you will look at the photo I have shared in the chat, and you may be wondering, what the fuck kind of chips are these? It's going on. It says served with wavy cut fries. Holy shit.

New fry tech? New fries? Wavy cut? Oh, so there's a new development in the pizza world and everyone yells at me and all of a sudden a new development happens in the fry world and you're all coming in your pants.

Also, can I say something? No. Yes. I think that burger tops got me acting up. Oh, come on, man. Yeah, okay. Grow up. Folks, if this helps, it looks like

either a cleft butt or a pussy. That's really not. Which one were you thinking, Theo? Doesn't matter to him. Yeah. All the same. Any port in a storm, brother. Oh, my Lord.

The storm is parenthood, by the way. Just in case we're wondering what the storm is. Oh, the storm never ends. Witnesses say they struggled to make sense of what they were seeing. That's awesome. How do I fit this into my reality? A truck is leaking. Quote, I immediately was like, wait, pull over.

This is insane. We just saw some like material billowing out of the truck. Honestly, it just looked like poop from a butt. Yeah. And sorry, who said that? Oh, I'm so glad you asked Andrew. That was Anvil Murphy. And will likely forge implement.

Fake name. And he said this to be funny, right? Yeah, poop from a butt. My name is Anvil Murphy and it looks like poop from a butt. That's pretty good. That's pretty funny, actually. That's the bit from Starship Troopers. I don't think an anvil, I don't think anvil Murphy would be very, very practical.

One day it's got to come out of your walls, was you kid? The Murphy Anvil. The Murphy Anvil. Like a Murphy bit? Like a Murphy bag? There's not enough space in this apartment. I'm going to put the Antwerpillar. I'm going to put the Antwerp.

against the wall. Look, it doesn't look like much, but... We can pull it down when we need it. Tap on that wall over there. And they stand back. Bet you never seen one of these. I've been living here six years and that's the fourth cat I've lost to my Murphy Anvil.

A little safe spacer. Safe space. Safe space. That's like all the fucking zoomers these days. Safe spaces. Yes. Get them. This is this.

is our right wing pivot. Yeah, we're going hard into where the ad money is. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to start talking about trigger warnings and safe spaces now. Now, now's the time. People are still doing that. People are still, like, old people are still so, like, you see them in the comments being like, oh, it's these out of control safe spaces.

You're like, we moved on from that. Yeah. You know what it is. It's the California cheeseburger for our times. Yes. The scene drew confusion and amazement in Spartanburg County as the utility truck began spewing a mysterious yellow brownish chunky liquid. Getting like a wondrous feel from this. Yeah, spielbergy kind of sense of grandeur.

Amazing. What? If I saw like a yellow brownish liquid spewing from a truck, I would say, oh, yucky. That's poop. I see, that's poop. That looks like poop. Hey, bud, that's poop. It's shooting poop.

Looks like poop from my butt. That truck's shooting poop. It's shooting. Tyler, Tyler, bro. The truck is shooting poop. Oh, my God. It's going to shoot. Oh, it's shooting.

On God, bro. It's shooting poop. And then poop came out. It's just like 40 people with their phones out videoing out. Like, it's shooting. It's shooting. It's shooting poop. Tyler.

Tyler. Sending it to your 84-year-old granddad just comes up as a notification over the pornography. he's jacking off to. Not now. I'm shooting. Pop. Grand pop. His truck's shooting.

Pee paw. Typing with one hand. Pee paw. Peepaw's busy shooting. Not now. It's like too many spaces. Shooting is capitalized. Quote, just an absolute fountain.

And like it was on the top of the truck. It started coming out. It's like every like, five seconds. It's shooting on its own back. Like a mini-exposion would just come out

Murphy said. Shooting up its own back. Imagine getting a text that just says just an absolute fountain. And the truck's just like a rotund

kind of fella. I was actually sorry I had a screenshot of this ready to show you guys so you could see this sort of rotund. A rotund fella kind of like an absolute

fountain. Yeah. I think we should be picturing the truck as having the face and voice and personality of of Maida from cars Yeah Yeah

I was also the company logo That's on the truck is Patriot Which I feel like is a really good little If you like collecting Visual metaphors for America Now if I wrote this That's nice

I would be My editor would say It's two on the nose I might post that on the sky Like Columbia Something like more Fis in a barrel subtle than that

Yeah. Yeah. So the truck, truck is just a, yeah, regular kind of liquid truck that has, that has blasted a nasty poo load

all over its back. It looks like poop. It's kind of covered in poop. While what I assume is the driver does the fucking peanut walk? Yeah. He's Charlie Browning it. He's about to lie down on the floor like Michael Sarah.

Oh, geez. I will say, didn't touch the cab. Only shot backwards. Yeah. So, you know, small wins for this guy. Didn't shoot upwards. Stomach clean.

That's right. Didn't get any in his mouth. Yeah. Well, no, would that be so bad? Give it a try. I mean, it's the truck's own. It wouldn't be bad for the truck, yeah. It wouldn't be bad.

How could it hurt the truck? It came from the truck's body. Other people to, like, enjoy what's on the truck without having sampled it yourself. Now, imagine if you had a truck, right? And you could still drive it every day, but it never shot. You'd be in heaven. You'd be in heaven. Time to visit the truck urologist.

Or he did, but nothing came out. Also, it still felt the shot, but there was no shot. The truck can do what it likes, honestly, as long as it's not shooting all over its stomach in my back, you know? The Westview Fire Department said that the chemical was diphenyl methane, a chemical that is used as a type of spray foam. Okay. Why does it look so much like poop?

Why is it like poop? Why is it brown? Is it like movie poop? It looks like movie poop, maybe. Stunt poop for films for Hollywood. That's Hollywood Pup. We lost a good truck full of Hollywood Pup. Can't get real Pup.

Puck doesn't register as Pup on screen. You've got to use diphenal meth. It's not yellow enough. Apparently the physical properties of diaphenyl methane are that it is a white solid when it's near room temperature or a clear liquid just above its melting point which means that they browned this up. They added something to brown it. Yeah. You put the brown in there? They used a browning agent.

It's usually very watery. Oh, it's so gross. I think it's a fine. I don't know about this one. Yeah, well. The fire department says the truck was carrying 2300 pounds of the product. That's a lot of poop.

Liquid pounds though? Yeah, liquid pounds. Liquid pounds, yeah. A couple of liquid elmese. The product was found on parts of the Denny's building and the surrounding parking lot. So this is probably the least mysterious liquid that we've ever come.

It's one chemical and they named it immediately. They named it. Yeah. Okay, well, it'll be this. A denny's. It looks like poop, so how come it's not poop? I think it's poop. I think you can kind of see where it's sort of congealing

from the bottom of the cab there. Yeah, it looks chunky. It looks chunky. It's gone up liquid. And then it's set. It's like ice cream magic. Maybe it's for stuff I'm shooting ice cream magic.

I'm shooting ice cream magic. I'm shooting that straight ice cream magic. Want to see a magic trick. You come on the couch and say, If you leave that long enough, it'll be hard as a rock. No. It's come and it was like ice magic. It's kind of like ice magic.

It's a bit like ice magic. Yeah, if you use hot water. On a long time. And then you forget. And then you go out to brunch and then you look down just above your knee and you go, oh no. Oh no. It's like ice magic. It's like ice magic.

It's like ice magic. A movie. There's something about Mary. I think that this one. would still have been a beautiful mystery to the hooting yokels who stood in the Denny's car park and looked at it and said that it looked like poop from the butt. That should have been they had like hooting yokels confounded. Denny's barking lot hooting yokels confound to say this looks like poop from the butt.

Local hooting yokels confounded at upstate denies. Poop from a butt question mark. Local yokels confounded and then it still follows that rule where if you ask a question in the headline the answer is no because it wasn't poop from blood. Keteridge's whoever's, yeah.

It was actually diaphenyl methane. It wasn't poop from the butt. Melissa Etheridge's law. Yeah. The Westview Fire Department said more updates will be available sometime in the future. Okay.

What else is there? I don't need any more. I would go so far as to say, we might even have more information about this one situation than we needed. I think it was beautifully self-contained. There was a monster of the week's style story. It was all there. Oh, fuck. Hey, this was definitely an episode of the podcast, Bonta Vista.

Thank you so much for joining us. We do two of these episodes. every week, except for this week in which we've done for, which is maybe why this episode happened to be like this. You won't know that. You won't. Podcast magic. You might be able to tell. You might be able to tell. It'll be really hard in a little while.

If you want a second one of these, you'd get that at patreon.com slash bunter vista. If you saw the truck or something, if you are Anvil Murphy, right in. Did you get some of it on you? Yes. Were you in the splash zone? If you were close to any of the other stories,

which I guess would just... Let us know if you got splashed in Denny's. Sorry, splash in Denny's cup. Yeah, hopefully it was safe inside the Denny's. And if you are a masturbator over 80, if less than 80, not impressive. Not interesting. Yeah, actually, you know what? This is a genuine. If you're over 80, you can write into us about it. Tell us what your habits are.

What's your style? Not interesting. Don't feel like you have to prove it with a photo. I don't, you might feel very sex positive about yourself because you're in your early 20s and you're very like feeling yourself and your sexuality. I think that's awesome. Still weird for you to email a podcast about it. You can't be like, hey, I'm not an eight times a day and I'm 23. Great.

Yeah, congratulations. I'll give you my phone number, obviously. Don't write into a podcast about it where you live in. What's you doing? Do you need a bud? Oh, we'll talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.

to feel we turn in pift the smoke you say you want me in your throat this world get cold the seasons change it's time to switch

my coat I can't fuck with this weather guess it's time to switch the cold