Boonta Vista - EPISODE 466: What’s Updigg With Your Wife’s Nipples

Episode Date: October 10, 2026

Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Three award-winning innovations in the functional egg beverage space, a burgeoning new genre in the romance world, and a notable leg incident from history. *** Outro: Midnight Roller- THUNDER SPEAKS *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

while and nothing bad happen so it kind of worse. You can still get a free hug. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not really. Not really. You know what? Can I get a bit of, can I get a bit of seriousness here?

I have something serious to say that's all. Yeah, okay. Hello, welcome to Buenta Vista. This is episode 466. And if you're hearing this message, my husband, Mr. Hanky-panky, is dead. You may know me from my films. name is Mrs. Hanky-Panky. Today we mourn the very sudden unexpected loss of Mr. Hanky-Panky.

A man many of you had the pleasure of meeting just this week. Tragically in the early hours of this morning, while peacefully asleep in our marital bed, after many hours of erotic lovemaking, Mr. Hanky Panky's dick exploded and also his balls exploded. Mr. Hanky Panky was a man who always lived his life to the fullest. A veteran of the war on terror who received a purple heart. heart for a dick injury sustained during Operation Desert Storm, Mr. Hanky Panky meant many different things to many different people, a decorated soldier, a naughty sexual being with a beautiful body, a pervert, a forklift operator, but most importantly, to me, the love of my life.

You may have known my husband as a man who was often dropping his pen, but to us, he was also a devoted husband and a loving father to our three rancid sons, Brick, Gibronathan, Cody. He leaves behind a grieving widow and fatherless rudderless sons who I will no doubt soon grow to despise and resent as I grieve the loss if they're very open and very erotic father. In lieu of flowers, my family requests that you respect our privacy during this difficult time and refrain from speculating about the circumstances surrounding his death, which as I already mentioned, were that his dick exploded and also that his balls exploded. Now, my husband left some messages behind, just as he realized his dick was exploding. And I just wanted to pass them on.

Firstly, he mentioned recently having met two men whose company he immediately felt at ease in and who may have helped him when he dropped his pen, despite them probably having to leave to do a podcast. Andrew, I hear that you had to leave really quickly to record a podcast when my husband dropped his pen, and you did offer to jack him off. I just want to know, did Mr. Hanky get to, Mr. Hanky Thank you get to come one last time. I didn't kill him. I didn't kill Mr. Hanky-Panky. I want to be really clear right now.

I have an alibi. I was recording a podcast. The stuff I was wiping off my hands when I started recording the podcast on video. I had just been butchering some meat. It wasn't an exploded penis and an exploded balls. Did he come? Did he come? Just I mean.

Just I need to know. I need to know. He, the last thing he said to me. was, oh, this is the nicest orgasm I've ever heard. It sounds like him. Followed by a kind of muffled. That was a fault. That's really put me at peace, actually.

Thank you so much. And Theo, I hear that you declined my husband's invitation to share a glass of vermuth. Now he's dead. You also threatened to assault him and kill him. And look, I'm just a grieving widow. and I'm just trying to come to terms with the last few days that my husband spent on this earth. Sure, yeah. Can you just be honest with me?

And you can say anything you like. Yes. Did you like Mr. Hanky-Panky? It really fucking pisses me off when people keep dropping things. I don't know what it is. And I realize that this is sort of a me problem. But I remember when Mr. Hanky-Panky said, Oh, I dropped my pen.

And just becoming blind with. He's in the room with us. It's like being in the room with him. It's like being in bed with it. Just be fucking, just get serious about holding onto your pen, dude. I don't, look, I know to him this is all a game. I don't really like games, okay? Was, a game.

Was all the game. Yeah. It's okay. I feel like he's still being with us. Dick exploded. Also his balls exploded. Yeah. I just think, get serious.

Get a hold on, dry off your hands if you have to. Don't fucking piss me off with this, all right? All right. Okay. Fuck Mr. Hanky-panky. That's perfect. You didn't really answer the question. I'm glad your husband's dead. I'm just a grieving widow.

Well, as I said, I'm a grieving widow. Maybe it will help you, like, knowing that actually a husband kind of sucked, and he was really annoying. I don't think that's true. It pissed me off. I don't think that's true. I'm not sure that's true. I don't know if that's true.

Couldn't be me. Do my grieving eyes deceive me? Can it be true? Mr. Hanky-Panky? Is that really you over there? I'm a ghost. I'm a ghost of Mr. Hanky-Panky. Oh my God, he's here.

It's so good to be here one last time for a final message. I tried because the cum went in instead of out and it went in too hard. And in that moment it exploded, I felt perfect. Bye. Oh, fuck, he dropped his pen in the grave. He dropped his pen. He's dropped his pen. And I actually just think he'll never die.

I think Mr. Hanky-Panky will be back. Like, reincarnated, maybe? I think the idea of Mr. Hanky-Panky could never... Ideas are bulletproof. The thing is that people can die, ideas cannot die. I'd like to put some bullets in it. You can't kill the movement. You can't kill the idea.

And you can kill Mr. Hanky-Panky, but you can't kill the memory of it. Mr. Hanky-Panky will come to replace him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You either die of your dick exploding and your balls exploding or you live long enough to become Mr. Hanky-Panky. Yes. Yes. And then to have it all happen again in the cyclical nature of life. And if you're not subscribed to the bonus episodes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is from the bonus episode. You're missing out. You are missing out on some crucial. Some are saying probably one of the best intros that we've ever had on this character building. You only know Mr. Hankey pankey now that he's dead and now that I'm a grieving widow. Wow. You're so behind the curve. You're so behind the curve.

And I got to live everyone's dream of hearing the podcast, listening to the podcast, because I've been away in the United States, and then doing kind of doing my own kind of riff on it, you know? You know when I told you guys that someone stopped me on the street to tell me that they loved to Mr. Hanky Pans. I was only lightly embellishing the story.

It's someone I know, and it was in front of the scratch bar Milton, But I was on my way out. Soren, our friend Sauran, was on his way in. And he stopped me and he said, I love Mr. Hanky-Panky, by the way. So that sounds a lot more like a very ordinary interaction between you and someone you already know at a place that you go every day of your life. It still stopped on the street. That was instead of, that was in lieu of hello.

I love Mr. Hanky-Panky. I think he could tell that I needed some support in the aftermath. of Mr. Hanky-Panky. I still was feeling more. And I liked Mr. Hankey-Panky. I just wouldn't say that. I like to. I love him.

Why did you marry him if you didn't like him? Yeah. Yeah. I really appreciate it. I think Mr. Hanky-Panky's going to come back. I think actually Mr. Hanky-Banky is going to be playing a pretty big part in the podcast. Pretty big from now on. Let's just say that this is going to be a five-person podcast from now on.

Don't you agree, Mr. Hanky-panky? Yes. Yes. Seameless, right? It couldn't even... Seameless. It's like he's right here in the room. Yeah, like really incredible stuff.

I think a lot of people that heard Mr. Hanky Panky wanted to throw something at me. Like maybe a big egg. We talk about eggs in Big Egg. What's big and small at the same time? Big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg, big egg. Big egg, big, egg, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Oh, big. Yeah.

I want a big egg for breakfast eating something the size of my head. Hop out of bed, toast up a whole loaf of bread. Won't eat for a week because I'm gonna stay fed. Big egg this morning, frying it up while I'm yawning. Realization is dawning. Egg is too big. Don't own a pot, it will fit. Egg white all over my shit.

Crack in a pan that blots out the whole sun. Cook up an omelet that must weigh a ton. Flip it and serve it and eat, I deserve it. Big egg means my day is big. Sorry, Lucy, is there anything you wanted to say about having been in the US or anything? You had some sandwiches. You fucking saw like the statue of liberty. Lucy went ate a bunch of gross shit and didn't do any tourism and just went to dive bars.

I think that's what are you doing on holiday? Yeah. Is that not a holiday? Is that not a holiday? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not.

Don't know. All right, you know what? We're not doing the wrap up anymore. This is from Prep Foods magazine. Egg accelerator lab winners showcase eggs in functional beverages. Eggs and functional beverages. In a functional beverage. It's a functional beverage like a prebiotic soda kind of situation.

Electrolide drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, L-theonine. B. Altiracy. Yeah. fuck is Tyrosine? I don't know.

Just a... One of the judges. One of them. America's next top model? Yeah, that's all. That's really good stuff. That's hot stuff. The American Eggboard honored the top three finals.

Hey, I could have not done the bridging work for you. I could have left that as one of the judges on and then nothing. You know, I don't even bother to scramble anymore. It was kind of like... If the knowledge isn't within reach... He's mad that people like to tire myself. I've got to tire myself thrashing around. Yeah, Ben, that was kind of like somebody coming out to their friend

who's like staggering towards the finish line of a marathon and shoving them really hard in the back over the line. Bam, you're done. Now let's move on. Hurry up, hurry up. Stepping over them back into the crowd. The American Eggboard... American Eggboard?

The American Eggboard honored the top three finalists at our 25 to 2026 Accelerator Lab Product Development Competition at IFT 1st in July. What the fuck do you mean? Not everything has to be technology. Not everything has to be a fucking...

Oh, Scott doesn't like that analogy now. We did hackathon on an egg. Shut up! Shut up! They did hackathon on an egg. They did hackathon on an egg. This is a guy who said that he was busy last week, no, the week before,

because you were doing a hackathon by the way. Who me? Yeah. I mean, it wasn't fucked up. Who else would he be talking to? Did I? What's a hackathon? Christ.

The American Eggboard received submissions from students across the country showcasing their knowledge, expertise and ideas in creating products that highlight the versatility and functionality of eggs in beverage formulations. Don't say beverage formulation. That's all like them all out in a line. Different flavors.

Different flavors of egg, like a little egg taster. Like a beer taster? Like a beer? A flight of eggs. Like a flight of eggs. A flight of eggs. A flight of eggs. It's kind of like a pre-flight.

Oh. Because of what birds are. Yeah. Yes. I want what we've all been starving for. I want someone to invent a delicious, cold, carbonated egg drop beverage. Don't put egg in my drink. We might be.

I want wisps of cooked but now cold egg floating around. my drink and then when I twist the top off and the bubbles start and they lift all the little slivers of egg up to my eagerer waiting mouth. Also it's grape flavour. Just fucking like protein denaturing as it floats there in your disgusting beverage. Sorry, I'm just saying here you can carbonate eggnog.

It's good to know. Can and will. How is it good to know? It's a good knowledge for the sake of knowledge to know more about this life before you leave it. You know what? I spoke too soon. I understood, I now, you know,

forgot that knowledge is its own goal. It's its own knowledge. Quibono? Me. Quibono. Andrew. Andrew Bono. Me Bono.

You Bono? The following three teams were recognised at the show. in first place with their product O-V-V-V-V-E This is spelled O-V-I-V-E. O-V-V-V-V-E. That's a good thing. O-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-E.

O-V-V-V-V-V-E. O-V-V-V-V-E. O-V-V-V-V-E. Yeah, I've been over-vived. Back to life. O-V-V-V-V-V-V-E. Medic. O-V-V-V-V-V-V-V-E.

This is from Texas A-N-M-M. University. That's the team that made of V. V. It's a clean label, egg-based functional beverage delivering a rich, creamy, dairy free experience powered by the natural functionality of eggs. I love the natural function of eggs.

When did we start talking like this? Why can't anyone talk normal? It makes sense to me. It's a Viva Bay. And it's OVoid and it's harnessing the natural power of eggs. It's a VIVA. It's a Viva Bay. It's a Viva Bay. It's

I can't believe someone's talking like this in Prepared Foods magazine. Maybe it's natural. Maybe it's a vivivet. Maybe it's a vivay. Maybe it's a vivay. Is this a protein beverage? It's going to be a protein beverage, right? Oh, it's got egg in it.

Of course it's got protein. Eggs got protein. Eggs got protein. It's got basically everything you need. It's packed with protein and crafted without guns or artificial stabilizes. It combines fruity flavors with convenient nutrition for today's health. conscious consumer. It's fruity egg drink. Don't make it fruity.

I don't think I want, I don't want fruity egg drink. I don't think you from me. Don't go rich and creamy and then into fruity. Don't go fruiting my egg. It sounds like you're making a dairy free. Sounds like you're making a dairy free nog. Not the melody. I think that was pretty fucking close.

You know what? Go back to you. What a fuck out of here? Host. Hostile. I look at fruit in your egg. Beautiful, Ben. Thank you.

Thanks for picking that up where I left as well, despite some negativity. Some negativity. In second place, we have yoked AM. Yoked A.M. Yoked with a L. That's from Cornell University. It's a ready to drink adaptogenic egg protein beverage

designed to jump start the day with holistic nutrition and sustained energy. No. Each serving provides 20 grams of protein per serving and combines Lyons Main, L-theonine and caffeine to support cognitive function, focus and overall wellness. What does it taste like? Don't forget your egg and mushroom drink.

Yeah, egg mushroom, caffeinated egg mushroom L-theonine beverage. It can't taste nice, can it? They can't be done. There's no way. So these products, they haven't brought these products to market, right? These are just submitted to the competition. I mean, they're from university. Yeah, this is like the concept car of egg drinks, right?

Like, they're kind of going. They're swinging wild and they're seeing if anyone goes for it. Yeah, it's sort of like high fashion, like top level high-hand fashion. The stuff you see on the runway is an exaggerate. Exaggerated. Yeah, exaggerated. Exaggerated. Exaggerated.

Exaggerated. Adaptogenic egg beverage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically. It's like that, basically. They're playing off that old sentiment. Don't talk to me until I've had my ready to drink adaptogenic egg protein beverage.

And plus in those five fashion shows, sometimes they don't even bother to like, it's like all see-throughs. You can't be doing this sort of middle-aged man horniness where you're like excited to incidentally see a nipple in a, in a context of fashion. Yeah, we can't be doing that. You can't be doing that.

You can see nipples like all the time. It's fine, dude. It's so fine. Where? They're on Reddit. They got that on Reddit now. They got that on Reddit now. Oh, my God. Have you ever seen Arles? I'm still on Digg.

I'm still on Digg. So I don't know what they got going on over there on Reddit. Dig still going? People still digging? Up digging, down digging. Yeah. Oh, I dug those nipples. They're digging it.

Hey, I'm digging it. Here, have an up dig in. Beautiful nipples. I'm updicking your wife's nipples. Not much what's uptig with your wife's nipples. Third place we have Eggie Drop from Ohio State University. Okay, now Eggie Drop I get behind. Yeah, Andrew, I think you might have actually dreamed Eggie Drop into life.

Yes. Our dreams become the lance of tomorrow. I'd pick up an eggy drop at the... convenience store. They've done the they've done the thing that the the baroccas, the barocca things

you know, where like you can pay an exorbitant amount of money to get a drink that has just water and then you twist the lid and it drops a thing into it for you. I think it would be better. I think it's dead. Instead they should just sell you a regular water.

Hey, if you own like a service station or whatever, Pro tip for you. Just mark up the cost of a regular bottle of water and just sticky tape one barocca to the outside. There. And if you're either like... Like the five kilo tub of barocca powder. You can just put it in a little Ziploc baggie's tap it to your water bottles.

Yeah. So when someone comes up to the counter, you say... Chill water bottles. And you just pop a little scoop in for them. I'm just going to tape it to my water bottle. My water bottle? My water bottle. My water bottle.

And the money that you make from that, that's all. Dairy-free egg-based cream. That's all egg. That's all egg. Water bottle, tape an egg on the top, make the water bottle big enough, drop the egg in. Yep, that's egg-based protein in the bank. Workplace hack as your office drink. Tape an egg to your water bottle.

Egg hacks. The egg-y drop is a ready-to-mix bottled functional protein beverage featuring a twist and push infusion cap that releases whole egg protein into a pre-flavored liquid base. Fucking hell, man. Who wants to buy a drink where when you go to open it, it comes into the drink for you. I'm just going to overposit it to your drink. Oh, it's going to open up.

I think important several years old branding tie in here is they could have made this like the saltburned bathwater drink. So it's just clear. It's just clear. And then you twist the top and it drops egg protein in. And it looks like cummy Jacob El Lorty bathwater. and you can you can Slurp it all out of there at home

You know You can pour it out on the floor And just get down And mash your face Like you're trying to get to the egg And the ramen I mean the eggs The eggs are usually

Pretty easy to fire it in the ramen I don't know I can find easily You can find the egg It's my special skill They put the ramen down in front of me I go egg Spotted the egg

Eggs there Eggs there tapping the waitress on the arm before she walks away did you notice how fast I spotted the egg I bet most customers bring me another one I'll find the egg Only 3% of customers can find the egg If you can find the egg

Your IQ is 145 Dare you try my lord With the next bowl Try to hide the egg from me And we'll see how long it takes Too easy Egg find a general It's designed to be shaken and enjoyed at room temperature or chilled.

It offers flexibility and convenience for other go consumers. Room temperature. Root temp. It's got to be chilled. Like that's a chilled beverage. You got to chill that. You wouldn't drink a room temperature Picarry sweat. Hey, can you pass me my room temperature busted ropes drink, please?

Drinking some of that in a meeting and it's just kind of going down your chitling. Oh, gracious. It's not calm. It's just busted rope drink. Rubbing it into my chest and being like, it's just for the protein. What are you saying about the merger? We're looking good or... 20 grams of protein sticks.

Getting into the car, it's like early summer. It's been sitting on the passenger seat for a bit. That's probably fine. You're really thirsty. You don't really hung over. You don't want to put it in hot water. Don't use hot water. order first who really don't.

Something happens to the proteins. Renatures them. Hey, some re-natureing my proteins. We appreciate your support in making the competition successful. You're welcome. And rewarding for students. Very welcome. In addition to recognizing the achievements of these students,

the American Eggboard announced the 2026 to 27 competition theme, convenience without compromise. I'm so fucking sick of compromising. for convenience. You guys pissed off about compromising. You got to give something up. You've got to kind of like there can't be, there's a balance, right?

If you push it too far in the direction of convenience. I want it fast, good and cheap. I want all three. Fun little thing about me, I can't stand to compromise for any reason about anything ever. Yes. You shouldn't have to.

You deserve that. You deserve that. You deserve that. Yes, we have to. that. Yes. Yes. Anytime I am asked to compromise, I get right up in the other person's face and I go,

do you want me to live my best life? Yeah. And that's just called respecting yourself. Do you hate that? That's just called respect. That's just called boundaries, babe. So don't worry about it. Do you want me to die?

This competition encourages students to develop egg-based innovations that make eating easier through quick prep, portability or snackable formats while maintaining taste and nutrition. We already have the boiled egg. Right? We got the boiled egg. Egg innovation is covered. Like egg is so many forms of egg have been covered.

I don't think we need new egg forms. New egg, yeah. That's where I'm going to go for my... It's going to go shopping for a graphics card. Although at these prices, probably not. Just have a dozen eggs. Yeah. I think we have all been acknowledging for many years

that eggs are an incredible self-contained miracle. Nothing of protein. Like Lucy's saying, you can be emulsifying stuff with them. You can be putting them in your pasta and people will be like, wow, what a creamy sauce. There must be a lot of dairy in here and go, no, you fucking idiot. I get right up in their face. I get right up in their face. You think I put dairy in this?

Fuck, don't you want me to live my best life? Do you hate me? Do you want me to die? What? They say, and I go, that's right. It's just an egg, you fucking moron. I die right now. It's a fucking egg, you idiot.

Oh, you thought this was dairy? You thought this was dairy? It's a fucking egg, bitch. Fuck 4th of July. What's up now when it's a fucking egg? Hey, there's all kinds of stuff you could do with eggs and you might read about it in books. We talk about books in Bookwatch.

You all heard about these books? This is a press release from author Lucas Malone. After struggling to find a natural. shelf for Hard Count, Book 1 of the Piper Ashton saga within contemporary male-male romance, author Lucas Malone returned to the gloriously excessive adult fiction he loved growing up and gave his own lane a name. What the fuck did you just say? Name your own lane, I don't know.

What are you confused about? Any follow-up questions I can specifically address for you? After struggling to find a natural shelf for hard count, book one of the Piper Ashton saga within contemporary male male romance. What does find a natural shelf mean? Because it's a very, we've talked about this before, but the romance stuff, but sub, like subgenre, because there's like people want very, they want to know exactly what they're going to get before they get it if they're going to read one of these sort of romance and sexual

type books. I think like subgenre, that's like 50 shades of freaking grey, isn't it? Yeah, that's a subjover. Oh, like sub. You're doing a play on sub there. I was going to do that. I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did it.

Didn't really hit. Yeah, no, I think it was good. I think it was a good thing to do. So glad we've got a deep bench on this show. Yeah. Right? If one person's not going to take it, another one will. Someone with slightly lower standards.

We'll have a crack at it. Yeah. Lucas Malone has a proposition for readers who miss novels that have big, sexy, dangerous, melodramatic, and completely uninterested in behaving themselves. That's you, Lucy, I believe. Yeah, that's me. I would say, calm down.

He calls it the sex opera. Okay. The sex opera. I love that. I love, like, I guess like space opera, but for sex. Like 2000s. Because usually. Yeah. 2001 is sex opera.

Someone puts their obelisk up their asshole. Yeah, that's right. This first scene is just. just putting the obloos, they're asshole. Someone's very slowly sliding a couple inches down from the top. That's it. That's it. Cut it.

Cut it. 2001, a sex opera. Much shorter than the original. All the other chimps going absolutely crazy about it. Woo! We're starting with something smaller. The term first appeared almost casually in Malone's debut novel, Hard Count, book one of the

Piper Ashton saga with the phrase quote, let the gay football sex opera begin. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. That's awesome.

You should write like, I'm so sick of all these, like the sagas. Like every amateur author's got to write like their six part. Whatever, you know? I think saga is a very self-aggrandizing term to you. as well. Yeah, start with the hobbit. Start with something smaller, like the hobbit.

Start something small. Start with your hobbit first. Work a way up. To the obelisk. Yeah. You've got to start with something smaller like the Hobbit and then get bigger and bigger. Like, you know, book one, by the time you know, book two is the, is a bit bigger again, book three, and then you put it all together. You just got a lot of honey.com.com.com. You put in training set. Maybe you don't really like the biggest book. Maybe you prefer like the smaller book and that's also fine. You don't have to use the big. The smallest books are like maybe some of the funniest books, I think. Like someone has to love the smaller books. Otherwise, the smaller books would just kill themselves.

Exactly. They're not just there for... Maybe you just like a comic. Is anyone else out there loving smaller books or is it just me? What if I only have a pamphlet, you know? What if it all got flattened out in the mail? The description of this been on good reads. More like bad rates, depending on which book.

It is looking at. Come on. 3.75 stars out of five. Okay. All right. Football consumed. Piper and Ashton. Every snap, every route,

every victory was a masterclass in control. Until. Every route? Rout. You want to wrap? Oh, okay. I'm not watching American football, Lucy. Sorry that you're just different

to all the other girls and also all the boys. Yeah. You're kind of different to every. one. Piper's rival quarterback who smiled like seen through like a freight train. Okay, so it's, what's the

heated rivals? It's heated rivalries. I don't think every gay book is heated rivalry, right? Except I think that fucking sports ones now are basically all just heated rivalry. They're two dudes from opposing teams, but also they're sucking and

fucking. But the truth is, Piper's life was never really hits to begin with. His life belongs to a powerful billionaire who has spent years pulling every street. No, come on. They got Christian Gray in there. There's 50 shades of heated rivalries.

That's what it all is. You guys are going to get in so much trouble for shitting on things that women like. Let me get gay football sex opera begin. Well, lucky, none of them subscribe to this show. Women? But there's a warning. There's a warning at the bottom band. Hard count is an unapologetically dark male-male romance.

It contains explicit sexual sexual. content, psychological abuse, coercive control, homophobia, eating disorders, trauma, gun violence, course language and other disturbing themes. Sorry, that sounds nasty. Yeah. I want to say I'm pro getting your rocks off to sexual or erotic materials. But you do have to kind of acknowledge. Some of the best materials to get your rocks off to.

Pornow, be it book, be it video, be it audio series you've been listening to is kind like it's stupid. When you've got the horny state brain, sure, you can be like, this is getting my rocks off. You have to be able to, whatever the thing it is that gets your rocks off, you have to be able to take a step back and be like, this is quite dumb. If I showed this to someone else, they laugh at me.

That's what's missing with this like erotic novel stuff is like the post-nut clarity thing. You know, there's meant to be like an overwhelming sense of shame where you close your phone really quickly. Yes, there is meant to be, isn't there? Yeah, there needs to be that moment of like, oh, that's, okay, that's, that's, okay, I was looking at that. Let's just, we'll just move on from that. But this is like, I'm going to go and log that on Goodreads. On Good Reads, yeah.

Busted my nasty little nut to this for stars. Speaking of our reviews on Goodreads, Joshua, two stars, August 27, 2026. Sadly, I didn't get anything new from this book. As a fan of heated rivalry, I'm sad to say this book feels almost beat for beat without the interesting characters to go with it. Yeah, what kind of beats we're talking? Beating off, coming, coming and beating off, beating someone else. A lot of the pornography that I've watched has been very derivative of other pornography.

And very infrequently, do you see in the comment someone being like, oh, I saw another video of two guys fucking and this reminds me of that. I don't see that very often. Very derivative of this other video of two guys fucking. I think the books are held to a higher standard. The Avengers Triple X parody. Like, I think it's all right

to make fun of this stuff because it is silly but it's silly. It's awesome if it makes you come. Hey, if you're coming... But you should acknowledge that it's silly. People are not into this stuff? Is that what's happening?

I think sometimes they're just reading it to get titillated, but if it gets hot enough, sometimes they're coming. It kind of like, it might be an on-ramped, nutting. It's not like every way you have to be masturbating. No.

From sunup to sundown down. That would be too much. I'd never, yeah, it'd take me, a year to get through the book. It's just getting you a little bit excited. I think. And then you tell your husband about it or whatever. And then you kind of, you kind of like push your, you're like horrible husband that you hate. Like he's like, he's on his side reading about, you know, trains in World War II. And you're like, honey. Hey, honey. It's been a little while. What if you and another hot guy jacked each other off? Yeah. What if we talked about that?

What if just for tonight You called me Dale And pretended that I was a We're rivaled quarterbacks And then he farts and falls asleep in front of you You pretend I'm Dale Earnhardt Yeah

Just about we're about to come You're saying So left NASCAR rivalry Just a quick heads up though I won't be able to get into it Unless you are Starting on an NFL or an HL team

So you probably want to get on that now. You probably want to start working towards that now. Yeah. You are in bad shape. Just as a goal, like honestly, if I'm being, you know, if I'm being honest as to what would, you know, spice things, make things a little more interesting for me is if you were in like some sort of a league,

kind of like a, you know, best of the best professional athlete sort of situation. If you were in one of those teams, that would be super hot for me. But you were tormented for some reason. That would help too. And I'd probably bring my friend along. Yeah. Let's talk about what we're both into.

You French made outfit. Cool, I can do that. I'll order one on Love Honey right now. Me. We're not paid by Love Honey. You could use any of these websites. Millionaire. A sports person.

Billionaire. You being in a UAFA championship winning team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The obvious stuff. It's all the all obvious stuff. We can establish that through talk though. Like through the, we can just sort of role play it. But I will need you to.

all of the things I just said and provide more details. Yes. Why are you tormented? What haunts you? And would you like me to jack you off? I'll do you do the script, but it cannot be clear that you are reading from a script. Oh my God. It's so important.

If I see you look down with the paper. Drying up. Yeah. Going somewhere else. That thing's slapping shut. I'm about to come. Please tell me what haunts you. Yeah.

What's the, What's the darkness in you? Wasn't haunting enough, didn't come. Then other people started using it. That's the phrase sex opera. Book Life by publishers weekly opened its review of hard count with a phrase and later described Malone's maximalism as one of the novels defining forces. Kirkus Reviews awarded the book a get-it verdict,

and the novel was named a 2026 NYC Big Book Award Distinguished Favorite in LGBT Fiction. Big Book Award. Here comes a special book. It does feel a little. It's a little patronizing. Big book coming through. What began as a slightly ridiculous way of describing one book, started looking to Malone like something else.

A genre. Or at least the beginning of one. Quote, What's the genre again? Sex opera. Sex opera. Sex opera. Sex opera.

It was like five minutes ago that you said that. Yeah. It's just completely gone, replaced by. Got a head problem. I spent months trying to explain where Hard Count belonged, Malone said. It has two men falling in love at the center, so male-male romance was the obvious place to start. But the more I tried to describe the actual book, the Stranger the Fit became. Hard Count contains rival professional quarterbacks, billionaires, dynastic families, villains, trauma, murder, dark comedy, luxury, explicit sex, music, and characters making catastrophically bad decisions across hundreds of pages.

I think maybe he's a little hung up on trying to find a very, like, it's not all about labels, you know. Yeah. It is for this. I think the only way to sell books in the romance genre is you have to have like 30 labels on there so that some people can create a hard style. Yeah. Yeah. They've got to be like enemies to lovers, werewolf, forced companionship. No dragons.

reluctant fuckfest reluctant fuck fest billionaire etc which is not rival quarterbacks you're like I guess we can have a fuck fest it's not reluctant like no I don't want to it's just like I don't know if I like fuck fest but then it turns out you love

fuck festes especially werewolf fuck festes and the you I'm using is specifically the listener you love you're wolf fuckface you don't but you love wherewolf fuckfest You love Weirwark Fest. You love We'll fuckfess.

You do. Admit it. You love Weirwool Fog Fuss. That's you. You see that, Tad and you say no, no, no. And like the reason that you're so against it is because you love Weirwool Fuff Fest. Because you know you're going to love it.

You're a little shamed. You don't want to tell your partner, fuck, I've been reading a lot of wherewell fuck stuff lately and it's really making me cream hard style. You don't have to do anything about this, by the way. Like, I mean, I'm just sharing this with you, you know. Yeah. And you don't have to be worried either, right? Like, it's not a reply.

placement for you. You don't have to meet me at my level of We're Wolf Fuckfest enthusiasm. I'm just telling you because I want to have, I want to be open about what we're both into. But if you do love the beginning of that journey, which you do. And that's why every time you see it, you go,

oh, we're bull fuck fest, yuck. I'm clicking away from, you still reading those silly little books. Yeah. Are you still? The thing is, I've heard you say to friends. I've heard you say to friends. Me?

No, I don't really go for Weirwolf fuck fest. you know and like it it hurts me it hurts my heart to see you lie to your friends that's not good yeah I like yourself like yourself about how you feel about where we'll fuck fest you know denying yourself the pleasures of the where we'll fuck fest which you love by the way go to a growing up it's part of growing up to admit I love where we'll fuck fans you can't love it enemies to lovers billionaire quarterback where we'll fuck fest that's fine just keep your tags on Reluctant Weirwolf fuckfest. Reluctive.

Just adding more tags. Enemy to werewolf. Weirwolf to lover. Weirwolf to lover. A lot of werewolves in the fuckfest. And it's all right if you like this stuff. It's fine. It's fine.

You don't want to even know what Lucy's into. Unknowable. Unable. It's mainly Frankenstein fuckfest. Very stupid. Frankenstein fuckfest. Yeah. I just go around assuming that everybody

everybody is reading about fuck fest involving one or more of the classic universal monsters. 100%. Yeah. The creature for the Black Lagoon, the invisible man, the Wolfman, Frankenstein, Dracula, and the mummy.

Putting the Abbott and Costello tag on my sex opera. Is that all of them? Is that the six universal monsters like the originals? Creature from the Black Lagoon Are there especially original monsters? Is this?

Oh, the OGs? This is a thing. Like the mother sources of monsters? Yeah. Lon Cheney being the werewolf, right? Mm-hmm. Of course. We got a, who was Dracula back then?

Uh, was that Bella Lagosy? Was it pre-Bela-Legosy? Might have been pre-Bel. You can get pregnant from pre-Bela. I don't know. Yeah. Invisible man. That just makes sense.

That's a fuckable guy. Dr. Juggles. Dr. Jeggles slash Mr. Huggles. Dr Juggles. Yeah. So Dr. Jekyll was to hire. Oh, Dockey Jegels. The Phantom of the Opera,

Count Dracula, Frankstine, Monster, the Mummy, Invisible Man, Wolfman, Christian from the Bar Cagoon. Okay, so we got eight. So you, the listener, we're not saying you love fuckfest for all those guys.

Universal Monsters Fuckfest. All of them. Universal Monsters. All eight. Yeah, we know about that. Oh, the Dark Universe. Isn't that what the reboot of it was going to be called? Tom Cruise thing was going to be.

Tom Cruise, copy about him, and the rest. Let's look at the dark. Was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in that one? Whatever you're doing right now?

If you're driving a car, I need you to pull over to the side of the road. I need you to pull out your phone. Don't you need it. Go dark universe cast photo. You've seen it before.

I just want you to look at it again. Five people that aren't in the same room at all. No one knows why. why Russell Crow is doing that pose or it looks like he's leading on an invisible crane. What a fucking stunning image. Oh, strange. Wow.

That's beautiful. Russell Crow, Javier Bardem, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and of course, the lady. Lady. Lady. The woman in the photo. Pretty good stuff. There's new movies in that coming out soon, I think. Where are we?

Malone eventually stopped trying to squeeze. all of it into a smaller definition. Quote, I kept joking that I was the witch in the forest outside the romance genre village, he said. Then I realized maybe I need to stop knocking on the village door. The forest was more interesting anyways. Why do you spend some time in your books better? This is stupid.

This guy's making me really mad. I don't want to paint this guy as, I'm not here to heap shit on this guy. I think writing books about gay dude sports guy fuckfester awesome. I think that's cool. I think it is this is a very funny press release to write for yourself. To be like I invented a genre. I invented the sex opera. I invented the sex opera.

She did it. Jure invented the sex opera. That's what I did. And what about you? What do you do? Enough about me. I just invented the sex opera. I make a silly little podcast. Yeah, I'm a little podcast. I'm a little podcast guy. I think, yeah. We definitely popularized it.

We popularised. I think Lars von Trier invented the sex opera. Or like he already made a sex opera. Oh, true. In two parts. In two parts. I don't think you invented the sex opera. I didn't know there was singing in that.

It was just like nasty porno. Yeah, I think it's mostly nasty porno. I think it's mostly nasty porno. Nasty porno by Lars von Trier. So Malone went backward to move forward. He returned to the sprawling adult popular fiction he grew up loving. the worlds of Jacqueline Susan, Jackie Collins and Jilly Cooper. You notice something about those names?

Yeah. Jack and Jill? Jack? Jack. Jack. Jacking off. Jilling off. Jilling off. They're all wank names.

I was noticing all of the JCs because I assume that Christ is working through these women. Yes. Yes. I mean as he is working through all. Yes. Specifically. Yes. Christian podcast, just so you know.

Especially the mummies. Yes. He mixed that lineage with... Remember when they buried the mummy in a tomb for a couple of days and then he came back? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, a couple days. And such.

Several days. He mixed that lineage with screen influences including Yellowstone, Giant, Valley of the Dolls, basic instincts, show girls, eyes wide shut, any given Sunday, gone with the wind and suspiria. The result became the sex opera. Your influences are not cohesive. That's not very cohesive, bro. You can't combine gone with the wind and suspicria

and say you invented the sex opera. Yellowstone? Yellowstone. Gone with the wind and suspiria? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? any given Sunday, sure. Sure.

All right. Whatever. It's the spirit of erotic? I don't know. I haven't seen it. It's a very erotic. Yeah. Which one we're doing?

The old one, the new one. Dario Agenta is that the one? Agento? Yeah, that was correct. Yeah, you got it. Holy fuck. And then there's the next one with the music by your mate, your best friend.

Tom York? Yeah, yeah, that guy. Yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, I don't really like his music. I'm really following him for his political taste. He's a political taste. Oh, he makes music? Yeah.

Tom York's in a bed? I just love his statements. I just love his Instagram statements. Just imagining a teen girl having Tom York's photo up on her wall. She's like lying on her bed, staring up at him. kicking her feet. Yeah. He's looking back.

Wow. It's like. his eye follows you around the room. Yeah. Malone defines the sex opera as maximalistic erotic fiction built around elaborate sexual set pieces,

heightened melodrama, danger, glamour, obsession, music and emotional consequence. That's this podcast. This is this podcast, but it's too much. How about a little more minimal? I just don't think... I don't think...

Very Montevinter-esque. I don't think... I don't think as an author that you get to say, here's all the stuff I like, here are all of my influences, therefore anything I create is a new genre. Yeah. I don't think that's how it works. I think what this guy is actually doing is just listing his influences. And that's kind of it. He's listing his guys.

Everything in there, yeah, into a big old diarrhea gumbo. Yeah, sort of a cosmic diarrhea gumbo. It kind of moves to the rhythm of jizz. Yeah, there it is. Sex is not an interruption to the plot. It is one of the instruments carrying it. Thank you. Okay.

Yes. Yes. Tell the zoomers that. Tell the fucking zoomers that, buddy. Hey, zoomers. Did you know sex is actually pretty cool? Yeah. Did you know that?

It's actually kind of awesome. Sex is kind of rules. Yeah. Actually, the sex in my sex book is relevant to the rest of the sex book. I hope to have it someday. It would love to try it, but it looks awesome. It looks great. Like to watch other people doing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lot of stress. For you, yeah, I imagine it. Yeah, I imagine, yeah. As I imagine, most things for you are a lot of stress. Yeah. As I have imagined. I spent a lot of time imagining Theo having sex, that's true.

Okay. Let's just say that it starts with K. Caitlin carrying you over the threshold to your bedroom. And me saying, sorry. Quote, the stories I loved growing up were huge, Malone said. Everybody wanted something. Everybody was sleeping with somebody they shouldn't. There was money, sex, betrayal, danger and spectacle.

I ate up every word. What Malone rarely saw was that same scale of adult, popular storytelling built unapologetically around gay male characters. Yeah. That's awesome. I don't want to shit on that. That's why I'm pro this. Yeah, all right.

Quote, I didn't want to reduce the scale of the story just to fit to a shelf, he said. I wanted the mansion, the private jet, the football stadium, the villain, the murder, the love story, the sex scene, and the nervous breakdown. Why choose? Malone is careful about claiming ownership of anything beyond the name. Quote, I did not invent sex, melodrama, or the bonkbuster, he said. This was my first time hearing this term. I don't know about you guys. You familiar with the bonkbuster?

No, I'm not... Are you familiar with the bonkbuster? I didn't know about the bonkbuster, no. It's that war movie from the 50s. The bonkers. I had to learn out I'd skip a milf across the surface of the lake. Quote, that would be one hell of a press release. I just realized all these things I love belong together

and I finally had a name for the thing I wanted to read and I hoped others would as well. Hard count, book one of the Piper Ashton saga, follows rival professional quarterbacks Piper Ashton and Noah Reyes as manufactured sports rival returns into a secret relationship inside a world shaped by celebrity,

wealth, power and coercion. It is the first installment of the planned Piper Ashton saga. Book two, the tight end, is scheduled for March 26, 2027. That's awesome, but there's no way you're breaking fresh ground on tight end for football porn.

No way. I've definitely seen that before. I've definitely seen that before. Like, that would have been, there would have been, like, a VHS tape of gay porn from, like, the late 70s called, like, tight ends. Tight ends. And it's just guys. Oh, yeah. You're not claiming tight ends.

Really hairy guys in football gear going crazy on each other. Nice. Yeah. He does not want it to become another rigid publishing category with required tropes, spoilers, heat ratings, or entry requirements. I thought you're supposed to be rigid. That's very funny. Yeah. Also, if your whole thing is, like, I'm.

mad that there wasn't something to describe this hyper-specific combination of stuff that I'm laying out in this interview and now that I've got it anything can go in there, whatever. I think that's great. I think he's railing against the same thing that I was complaining about this sort of really rigid

categorisation that he's like all that matters is that it's bombastic. There's murder, football stadiums, billionaires, coercion. See, I feel like he's saying that he's just putting everything in there. He's putting a hundred different tags in there and calling it a sex opera. I think it's the sex opera is just a lot going on. The sex opera is the vibe of the thing.

The spirit of it makes it the sex opera, I think. I think he has successfully convinced someone to interview him to market his book. I think that's the main thing that has happened here. Yeah, I'll go one further. He did publish it himself. He's interviewed himself. There is no interviewer in this at all. It's his own press release.

Oh, you can do this. that. We could put press releases into whatever I get press releases from if we want to do that. We should just send out a press release. We've invented the vampire but it's just him.

Oh no, we haven't. No, I've invented the cum podcast either. But hey, what happened to a good old-fashioned reluctant werewolf fuck fest? You know,

I'm just, why can't we just keep things simple? Twelve, were straightforward, 12 werewolves that are like, reluctant. I don't know how much I love fuckfest.

Reluctant. 45 minutes later. Wait, are they reluctant? Everyone is reluctant. The whole... Oh, they're reluctant? I think everyone in the fuckfest is reluctant. You're picturing everyone at the fuckfest is reluctant.

All of the werewolves are like, don't know if I could go for a fuck fest. I do have to get up very early tomorrow. And it is the full moon tonight. So I'm not going to be sleeping for a while. That's the problem. Sometimes you're so excited to be involved in a reluctant fuckfest that you become eager.

And then you look around, everybody's eagerly involved, we're no longer having a reluctant fuck fest. You can never step in the same reluctant fuck fest once. Oh, this is great. Oh, sorry, everyone. Fuck, I'm too into it. It's like the, it's like the,

it's like the no names kind of stuff, you know? Except don't act like you're enjoying it. I think half you've got to take turns. Alternate of your dozen werewolves in the reluctant werewolf fuck fest. Half have to be like, I don't know about this. Oh, I don't think this is for me. While the other half can fully be like,

fuck, fuck, I love this reluctant werewolf fuck fest. But if a seventh. Pounding werewolf hole. Yeah. Yeah. And having my were wolf hole pounded. And having my werewolf hole. Is everyone a werewolf?

Am I? Are you werewolves? Are you wearing? No, I think in my fantasy, I'm normal. The others are werewolves. But then at the end of the book, I get the werewolves a bite. And I become a werewolf.

I was going to practice a safe. The last shot of you is like you going off into the woods at night time. One look back at the camera and then you're gone. I show her there's no fuckfest tonight. Safe, reluctant werewolf fuckfest. Yeah. By not doing it. Well, wait, you can only do the werewolf fuckfest during the full moon.

moon, right? Yeah. I guess, well, otherwise they're not going to be Woolworth. Easy to schedule.

It won't be Woolworths at the time. I mean, they would still be a werewolf fuck first if you weren't actively in wolf form. You are all still weird.

I guess, yeah, because you're still aware of. I mean, I don't think it's hard, obviously. I think it's like the full moon isn't out.

You're just like, that's so fucking dismissive. That's just such a simplistic view of the werewolf lifestyle. I think that's, Yeah, you're like a level two tech support guy.

You think for like one, for like a 30th? Isn't that the whole point? No, you're always a werewolf. Just sometimes in the form of a wolf. That is just who you are. You are a were a wolf. You're always a wolf. In the brotherhood of the wolf.

Yeah, but people don't say, people don't see a werewolf transforming. And they go, look out, that werewolf is revealing. his werewolf status to us. They say he's transforming into a werewolf. I don't think they do. I think they say that's a werewolf because that is what he is. He's got a werewolf this whole time.

And if you fuck him on the other days of the month you still fucked a werewolf. So I guess you could typically have the I guess. Hell yeah. Seems like cheating to me. That's not as exciting. That's not as exciting. I was not as exciting. I was going to say.

We've gone through. We can't be talk about knots again on this podcast. We've already given them enough. And you should be finished masturbating now. Don't tell them when to finish. Don't tell them when to finish. You're not allowed to finish until the outro music starts playing. Okay, don't rush me.

The whole point is there's no club, there's no gatekeepers, Malone said, if someone writes a filthy, emotional, completely excessive monster of a novel and thinks, Jesus Christ, I wrote a sex opera, welcome to the forest, the color. is waiting for you. What is the, I don't understand the witch and the coven in the forest. That's his earlier, he's a witch out in the woods away from the village. He's a witch out of the woods. He's a little freaky.

He's a little freaky. He's running a sex opera. But he's inviting you into the coven because he's got open-minded sexual operatist. Opera. Operatist. Operator. He's a sexual operator. He's a sexual operator.

He's a sexual operator. Tier one sexual operator. Yeah. Hey, this book came out in the past. We talk about stuff that happened in the past. I mean, like, always. We're always talking about stuff that happened in the past. We talk about stuff that happened further in the past

in great bontevistas of history. This is sent into us by listener Thomas. Thank you, Thomas. This is from WIS in South Carolina. This was published in October of 2007. So that was before we start the podcast, which is why we missed it. Just in case you were.

Sorry, North Carolina man fights to keep human leg found in smoker. Okay. Okay. A custody battle has erupted over a North Carolina man's amputated leg. Shannon Quiznant? Oh no, hang on. I guess, well, this is what we're finding out.

I guess. It's someone's leg. Yeah, possession is 9 tenths of the law, I would note, as well. So he's already like, yeah. He's 90% of the way there. Yeah. Shannon Wiznant found the leg in a barbecue smoker he bought at an auction. He's turned that smoker into a tourist attraction and he's trying to get the leg back. The battle is over just who owns that leg and what will happen to it, whether it will be kept for posterity or used to make money.

Surely in a just and real society, someone shows up with a big plastic bag and says, no. and then takes the leg out of the smoker, puts it in that bag, and then drives off. You say that now. Takes the train off. You say that, but come back to me when it's your leg. The smoker is in a storage shed in Maiden, North Carolina, where Wisdent now charges $3 a peak for adults and $1 for kids. A peak. That's actually a bargain.

If some guy told me he had a leg in a smoker, I'm paying $5 at least. Come to my storage locker and then give me $3 and I'll show you a severed leg. Opening that smoker has opened a can of worms about the severed human leg found inside. You know there's a can of worms in there? Quote, it's mine. I want it back. I have a receipt, Wisnett says. Yes. John Wood, who lost his leg in a plane crash, plans to get it back so he can eventually be buried with it. Yeah.

He plans to get it back. Give it back to him. it's his leg where did it go where was it in the meantime well yeah is the contention that the leg was accidentally in like he's

he has at some point made some form of Faustian bargain that he did not realize would result in like his leg like losing ownership of his leg yeah you get a new trade grill for an unspecified price yes the price is your leg

yeah and the other guys like I've got the receipt. So, you know. Wisnett says that's led to negotiations for the leg. Quote, we can do sort of like a split custody of it, he said. That's awesome. You might be evil, dude. You might be a...

You can have your leg on the weekends. A crazy evil person. He admits the leg made him sick when he touched it, and he still gets sick when he thinks about it. But now he hopes it can make him money. That's so good. That's awesome. That makes me sick to charge $3.

This is fucking disgusting. Three bucks? Is three bucks reasonable? One bucks for kids, obviously. I'm not crazy. Did the legs get smoked? No. By what conveyance is the leg in the smoker?

Yeah. What profited unto the smoker? How did it get there? I am confused. Is the smoker function? Are we smoking the leg? Are we smoking the leg? I don't think the leg is being...

It's just being stored. It's just being stored. the smoker, okay. I'd probably have a bit more sympathy for this dude if he had invested in a leg, as we've all thought about doing. Yes. And then he...

It'll pay itself off within like two weeks. And then maybe he invests in like, you know, a custom-made glass or possibly Pyrex cabinet that he fills with formaldehyde and has the whole severed leg in there. And then it's like, a Ripley's believe it or not, come in and can you believe

this leg used to be on a guy? If you see him, tell him you don't know where I am. If you do see a one-legged guy who says this is his leg, say you don't know where the leg is. That's part of coming in. Quote, my phone hasn't stopped ringing for five minutes, he said.

Wisnett says about nine people have already paid to see the smoker. He made 27 bucks for the leg. He made 27, well, I mean, maximum. Max, some of them might have been killed. Kids, yeah. He hopes to reach a deal with Wood later this week. If not, he plans

to invoke finders keepers for Wood's leg and says if Wood cared, he wouldn't have left it there. That's actually, that's changed my view, actually. That's valid. That's actually really valid. Oh, now that I found out there's find a keeper's rules. Yeah. Well, I mean, don't leave in the smoker.

Is that a law? Is that part of the American legal system? But also don't know if it's smoker. He actually leaving your leg in a smoker off. And left a leg in there. That's what happened? I forgot about it. And then he's like, my leg was in there. It's like, some of us have ADHD, all right?

Sometimes you're going to leave your severed limb. in the smoker that you just sold. Hey, did I leave a leg in there? Has you seen my, um, just a leg in my leg? I swear my, I swear I had my leg in my hand just a moment ago. Anyone seen, it's like it's just disappeared. Quote, if one person stands in my way,

there are going to be some lawsuits flying around, he said. Wisnant has a bum left leg. It's the same side as the one found in the smoker. Quote, we just sort of look at it like it was heaven sent. And when we came across it, we sort of got an extra left leg. leg, you know. It's not heaven's a guy. How many legs do you have? It doesn't

help your bum leg to have an extra lover leg of the smoker. But heaven sent him all at once as a tiny baby. What a lovely sentiment. It's a bum leg, but now I've got $27.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's extra in the sense of it's just not useful for you to have. It's superfluous. Heaven sent you a superfluous left leg. Unless you have some crazy plans for doing a swap with a certain, with a Dr. Frankenstein type situation. With a Frankenstein type situation. Put that leg on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your bum leg in the smoker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like while he's going to put the leg back on you and you're just kind of, you know, you're all numb from the from the aesthetic and everything. And he's like, what's that noise? Oh, no. Here comes my

Frankenstein's monster and he's got a huge dick. Next thing you know, you're a locked and fuckfest with Frankenstein's monster. At last check, the leg was being kept at a local funeral home. Yeah. Well, that seems like a more reasonable place for it to be. No, I don't agree because he's not dead yet. Yeah. Yeah.

You just throw a leg in the bin. Do we have to keep a decompose leg? You don't have to keep a leg. You don't have to keep a leg. You wouldn't keep a leg, would you? I do think there's only so long the leg can be off you before the leg is definitely

dead. Yeah. Oh, you've got to popping it back on every so often to reduce it up. They must have done something to it. Embalmed it, pickled it? Yeah. Something? I think they're amputed it. Dry grind and smoked, I think.

Oh, they pickled it? It's leg jerky. It's a leg jerky of a Man. That's an interesting dilemma though. So you cut your leg off, as we've all thought about doing. Cut your leg off and the leg is there. The leg starts to decompose, right? We can all agree that the leg is dead, but the leg isn't part of a dead body because you're still hopping around. You think it's just meat because there's no soul in it? Oh, back to the Pangelli with meat hypothesis?

Yeah, well, the body kind of pinched off the. soul so none of it got in the leg as opposed to if you die to like a hammer in the head right your whole body's getting the soul through it it's all dead body yeah yeah yeah yeah unless like unless you're down you know 15% soul when you lose the leg yeah yes oh because what if it's distributed through your body yeah and it doesn't reconfigure it doesn't it doesn't like back into the key core areas when a bit is cut off. It stays in the bit that's cut off.

Your dick falls off. You've lost something. So you're essentially saying that amputees are less of a person. I'm saying they could be in the eyes of God. It's just redistribution. Yeah, the thing is still extradition. It's still there. Like, it's just some of it's over there.

Okay. And then I guess it goes back into the earth. Yeah. It goes back in the earth. Goes into a one. I mean, yeah. I mean, we all do, right? And if I put the leg in a smoker and then I eat the leg,

I get 10 to 15% more soul? Yes. Yeah, but it won't stay with you. No. Oh, when I take a shit. When you poop. Yeah, you can't take it with you when you pop. You can't take it with you.

When you poop. Can't take it with you. That's what they always say. You can't take it with you when you poop. I think this was definitely an episode of the podcast, Bonta Vista. Oh, whatever. Thank you so, so much. for joining us.

Lucy, thank you for coming back. We worried you weren't going to. I thought you were going to get a taste. You're married to Philadelphia. Lucy just got back. Due to our four-way drift compatibility, the jet lag is really hitting all four of us.

That's, yeah, apparently. Hitting me. Sympathetic jet lag. Sympathetic jet lag. We've synced up. We've synced up. Yay.

We've sipped up. Yeah. We're so in sync. If you want more of these episodes, you can get those for about $6 or $7 a month-ish at patreon.com slash Buenovista. There are so many of them. You really want to go back and meet Mr. Hanky-Panky. You need to meet Mr. Hanky-Panky. You're doing yourself a disservice if you don't meet the deceased.

He's no danger to you. Yeah, he can't. Mr. Hacke-Panky can't hurt you anymore. He's harmless. Because he died. But when you meet him, your life will never be the same. If you meet Mr. Hanky-Panky on the road, Yeah, kill him.

He's very annoying. And you will meet Mr. Hanky-Panky after death. Sitting on a bench waiting for the bus. There's a man sitting next to me. And he says, Oh, I dropped my pen. I dropped my pan. The seven people you meet in heaven are all Mr. Hanky-Panky, by the way.

You think you're done with Mr. Hanky-Panky, you walk into the next room. Oh, fuck. God, get fucked. You think you've done with Mr. Hanky-Panky, but you never do. done with Mr Hanky-Panky. Yeah, until after the seventh one. And he's never done with you. He's never done with you, yeah.

Yeah. Reluctant fuckfest with Mr. Hanky-Panky. Not reluctant. Enthusiasmatic fuck-fast with Mr. Hanky. Yeah. We will definitely talk to you at least within a week, hopefully, sooner than that. Stay safe. Please.

Please. Please.