Boonta Vista - EPISODE 67: Cyber Nigel

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

Andrew, Lucy and Ben are catching up about the Big Drama at the ABC, the art of the Tactical Work Jerk and the latest whereabouts of dear Friend of the Show Nelly Yoa. Support the show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Merchandise now available: boontavista.com/merchandise *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista iTunes: tinyurl.com/y8d5aenm Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/s?fid=144888&refid=stpr Pocket Casts: pca.st/SPZB RSS: tinyurl.com/kq84ddb

Welcome to Bontevista and welcome to episode 67 All Good Podcasts Go to Heaven. Oh boy, are we dead? Uh, sure. I'm Andrew. I'm here with my dear sweet friends, Lucy. Hi. Hello, Lucy. And of course course Benjamin. Hey, I'm real glad you went for the plural there. Friends. I was like, oh my friend Lucy and also Ben is here. My dear sweet friend Lucy and this fuck with this real piece of shit over here. This walking tud over here. Oh, how are we folks? Good. Good. Yeah. This, this real piece of shit. here. This walking tuad over here. How are we folks? Good.

Excellent. Sure. Good, great. Like that high energy, Lucy. It's good stuff. Pumps as hell. You sound like a woman in love. You sound like you're positively glowing.

Oh, thank you so much. Excellent stuff. Now we just did, I would say, half of, an off-mic can check. So I was thinking this week, maybe let's go in a different direction. Let's do a new segment called, What are you wearing? Oh boy. Oh, God. Oh, have you got the theme song cute up? I don't. Don't have a song? Don't have anything. I'll go first. I'm wearing my traditional podcasting tracksuit pants. Ah, do you really have podcasting tracksuit pants? Oh, they're not specific. I believe that he has tracksuit pants. I do. Put him on when I get home. I like to be comfy. Spend all day in a god-dam office.

My button-up shirt tucked in like a fucking point Dexter. Oh, I'm so sorry, man, that that's your life. I mean, you look good in it. Like a lot of people look like fucking dwebs, but you dress yourself in a manner that is both professional and also very stylish, and I respect that. Well, thank you're you you you you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu th thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu-a thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up thu-up tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck thu thu thu tuck thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tuck tucke tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked tucked. But I think I've learned my lesson over the years. You've got to fake it till you make it. You've got to dress like a big boy. They'll give you the big boy bucks. But then I come home and I put on my sloppy shit. Mmm. And I have a bunch of beers.

Then I get on the horn with you guys. Ben. What are th th th th th th ththis might be relatively telling of where I'm at in my life right now. Are we going to start from the top of the bottom and work our way up or down? We're going to start from the bottom because I think that's... No, neither of these really speak well of me to be honest. I'm going to call it now, bare feet. Barefeet. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Of course. Queensland, it's a game motherfucker.

The moment I, I was wearing closed shoes today because I went for a walk this morning before I went to the bar to start doing the work. I really say that like it's unusual. It is unusual. Most days I will be wearing a good, reliable pair of blundstones, as I am what to do. No longer wearing them, completely barefoot. I'm wearing one of three identical pairs of shorts I have that I got on sale at JJs that are a sort of very nondescript, sort of tan, khaki color with a slight cuff at the bottom. It's a good kind of short.

Yeah, there's a lot of mobility there, but they also, they're not too short. This is a business pant. No, it's a not beach pant. That's maybe more to the point. And I'm wearing formal beach pants. On the top, I'm wearing the last clean shirt I had that wasn't black. Because I don't like wearing, I'm not, I have a lot of black shirts from the brief time that I was in a band.

And during that time I only wore black jeans and black t-shirts because that's what people in bands do. And now I don't really ever wear black. I don't, I just don't enjoy it. I like feeling summary in my colors. Oh, you've got too much of a lust for life. I do have a lot of lust for life. The last shirt that I left is one of my friends old band from before they changed the name of their band and then I bought the new shirt after they changed the

name and then they stopped the band. So I now have two defunct shirts from the same band. And it's a very shitty, very old shirt and I didn't realize that I was going to be having lunch with George's parents today. And I kind I th th th, but I haven't done the washing for a while, so here we are. Hmm. Well, there we go. It's a good, good synopsis of what you are wearing. Lucy, might I ask you, what are you wearing? I'm embarrassed. This is when I wear my shitty clothes. Yeah, it's shitty clothes time of the night. We're wearing some jeans that have got, you know, where jeans start to get holes the holes the holes the holes Oh no. You know on the sides like to the point where I wouldn't wear them out of the house

like borderline I might wear them across the road to the shop but not anywhere else. I busted through a a pair of my old faves really love for me is quite rare. And you think everything's going fine in your world and then you feel like a bit of a draft? A Gooch draft. Yeah, you feel that little goo-I don't think I have a gooch but whatever that area is called. Get a little good gouge draft. Yeah, it's a lot smaller isn't it? Oh, I hate this. In the words of Kevin Smith. I the the th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't. I don't. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I think. think. think. think. think. think. think. think. the. think. the. the. the. th. th. th. I hate this. In the words of Kevin Smith, it's the taint area. The breath, well because I, the brunt, yeah, sure. Sure. All right, okay. So just jeans, huh? It's a little draughty down there and I'm a fucking Seahawks hoodie that is far too big

for me. It's a picture-ask in here, yes. When did you get into the Seahawks? Several years ago, I'm into the football, Ben. I had no idea. That's an incredible. Yes. It's the one sport I enjoy. It's probably the worst one. Oh I found my Grunkowski jersey jersey. I the jersey. I the jersey. I the jersey. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. thatk, I th. thatty thathea. th. th th th th thoom. thathea. that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th thi. th thi. thi. thi. the. the toed. toeea. toea. toea. toean toean toean toean toean thean thean the day when I was unpacking the last couple of boxes from when we moved,

which my brother-in-law bought me. Which, uh, which yeah, I, he bought me solely because the Packers are my team from playing them in Madden to make my brother-in-law mad. Cool. He is, he is, uh, did I say Packers?law mad. Cool. He is a, oh did I say Packers? I meant Patriots. He is a, he is a, you know Packers dude. Man, Patriots like the shit team that everyone fucking hates. Everybody hates them.

Yeah, really hates them. Yeah, they, fuck them. They're like the storm. Fuck that's all I have to say. I feel like, oh I'm sorry, I don't know why, I'm checking with you guys whether they take it or not. If only Theo was here... Do people hate the storm? Is that... Well, I mean, they're a very well-funded team, well not well-funded, they all have the same amount of money.

Except when they broke the salary cap by paying people with yachts. Oh, cool. high-profile players and they, I don't know, they've sort of considered one of the like prestige teams and everyone hates them for that reason. Well I think I think my brother-in-law bought me a Robert Grunkowski jersey. Because you're a bloody grock? Love the Gronk. You gotta love the Gronk, come on. Don't know if that's true. And maybe because I, I bought him a signed Clay Matthews jersey once. I don't know who that is. If you've never seen a picture of Clay Matthews, feel free to look it up. He just looks like an absolute Viking.

Absolute Viking of a man, Clay Matthews. So he was very pleased to get a jersey that Clay Matthews had laid his gigantic, ham-sized hands on inside. So, here we are folks, all dressed like shit, apparently. And here for your listening pleasure, but it's fine. I'd just like to make the distinction that you said that we all look like shit and I'm the only one that's wearing the clothes that I wore when I was outside the house. Well, you. Well, you did specify that you kind of wished you didn't. Ah, a little bit.

I mean, they're fine. They're so used to me just looking like a fucking piece of shit idiot. Like, imagine that you'd, every time you see the person that your daughter's dating, they have like a worse mullet than they did before. And they're clearly taking worse tha worseselves. Yet strangely, you just become more beautiful every day. I hope that's true, thank you. I think so. It's that lust for life. It shines through. It shines through.

So what's going on in the news, folks? Bit of drama at the old ABC? Oh, there is a bit of drama there, isn't there? Yeah, it's non-stop. It's bloody non-stop. I mean, it's relatively stopped. I feel like it was just one thing that happened. It's, it's, it's, like, two things.

Well, I feel like, third thing? We walk people through what the things? Two are, yeah. Okay, so the first thing is the managing director of the ABC, Michelle Guthrie. Oh boy, I don't know about that. So I'm saying it. So I'm saying it. So I'm saying it. So I'm saying it. that's not correct. Guthrie. Come on. We'll know what's going on. I mean, I feel the the the the th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. the the th. th. the th. the th. th. the the th. th. th. thi. the the the the first thi. thi. the first the the the the the first the first the the first the first the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the. the. the. the. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. things. the. the. the. the. th was do the one you thought was true in a silly voice waving to gauge our reaction and that that was an elaborate subterfuge to find out what the correct one was. Very clever. I don't put some music on and go, hmm, time to enjoy the tunes of Woody Guthrie. I don't know who that is. Who's Woody Guthrie? Who's favorite Swedish board came up. Time to put on some wordy Guthrie and play some scooter guris. Yeah. Anyway, so she was a managing director and got sacked halfway through her five-year term,

which is quite unusual, to the point that people reported about it by putting the big word breaking in front of it. Breaking. Michelle Guthrie. Fired. So... by putting the big word breaking in front of it. Breaking! Michelle Guthrie, fired. So, like, it's a bit of a funny one because like, online boomers were already very weird about her because she had formerly helmed a news call publication. So people were like, oh, Rupert Murdoch Stoge planted into the ABC to carry out

fucking Rupert's agenda. She seemed very surprised by being fired. And they did basically the same thing that they did about rolling, like rolling, the liberal party did about rolling Malcolm Turnbull, which to say, hey let's let's get rid of this guy because he sucks and then when people said so what happened they went hey he did a great job and we all love him which is really kind of an unsatisfactory explanation when it comes to firing the heads of large institutions. So that was a little bit weird it kind of got to the heads of large institutions. So that was a little bit weird. It kind of got to the point where Michelle Guthrie was saying she was

talking about like defamation actions and stuff wasn't she? Yeah, she said she was considering her legal options, hmm, but did not specify what she meant by that. Yeah. So then it came out that chairman of the board of the ABC Australian Broadcast and Corporation. David Mill... We're not talking about carrot top folks. No, talking about classic prop comic carrot top. Freakishly muscled. Classic surgery out of the mad, carrot top. Freakishly muscled. Placish surgery addled a madman, carrot top. I don't want to shame anyone for the decisions that they've made with their body,

but the decisions he's made with his body are wrong. Hmm. But also... Conclusive. No, I have no follow-up to that. But Justin Milne, this is who we're talking about. He is a... Justin Milne, thank you. He is chairman of the board, not in the sense that he inherited the company of a billionaire and is really into surfing. He is the chairman of the board of the ABC. I've just googled carrot top. Are you unfamiliar with the work of carrot top? I very unfamiliar with the work. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I the. I th. I th. I the. I the. I have the. I have th. I have tho tho tho. I have thi. I have tho. I have tho. I have thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. I have the. the. the. the. the. the. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean will say that. How steroidal does he look? It's incredible. It's a true before and after kind of vibe isn't it? So if you are not familiar with the

work of Carotop he is a prominent, or was a prominent prop comic he would come out on a stage with a suitcase and pull out object after object and then make a bad joke about it. He had some really good bits like pulling out a very large telephone. And you'd have to hold the earpiece up to his ear but then move his head down to the mouthpiece because it was too big. Oh my God. That's delightful. Well, we my God, that's delightful.

Well, we have found his target audience. You don't find as many people who are just like as really shitty as say a Gallagher, you know. But there he is. Yeah, he's maybe even more reviled than Dane Cook, but viewed as more good-natured. Yeah, that's fair enough. I think. More benign than Dane Cook but viewed as more good-natured. I think. More benign than Dane Cook. Yeah, he's a larger tumor, but it is a benign tumor. So we've established that the chairman of the ABC is not

the Roidal prop comic carrot top. Should we dedicate five to ten more minutes to this? Probably not. Probably not. So Justin Milne, a bunch of stuff came out about Justin Milne, including, so for any international listeners, the ABC is not your ABC. Don't get it twisted.

It's not the same thing. It is a publicly funded broadcaster, which is supposed to be theously independent of the government of the day. Kind of similar to public servants in the sense that you are supposed to serve the government of the day but without any kind of political inclination. So they're meant to have complete kind of editorial independence, would you say? Yeah, I mean that's the whole point of them is that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we that we th th th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the is the is the is theus. thiously thi. theously theously is theously is theously is theously is theously is theously is theously is theously is thiously is thiously is thiously is thiously is thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeoo. theeooi. theoi. theoi. theooi. theooeo. theo. the. the. to have complete kind of editorial independence, would you say? Yeah, I mean, that's the whole point of them is that we have, the reason you have a public broadcaster is so that they're not beholden in any fashion to commercial interests and theoretically, although this is obviously the harder one to maintain to government influence

and it's genuinely good. Like, we, having that you have them be able to dedicate to dedicate to be to be to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to dedicate to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to be a to to be a to to to be a to to be a to to to to to to to to government influence. And it's genuinely good. Like we, having that you have them be able to dedicate time to stories that necessarily won't be high revenue in the sense that they're clickable or whatever, but a genuine, you know, whether they're either human interest or actual cutting journalism or whatever. It's fantastic. And it's definitely something that should be protected at all costs but apparently they're not

doing a great job of it. Well and one of the biggest examples of that is like coverage of rural areas. Yes oh so I mean that this is I don't know how true this is of America but definitely in Australia as newsrooms have shrunk for all of our major mass tests to the today. I mean that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that their their their they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to toda. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. their their don't know how true this is of America, but definitely in Australia, as newsrooms have shrunk for all of our major mastheads, which is two, well, not mastheads, but media companies, right? We basically just have Fairfax and News Corp, and then a few independent ones. Newsrooms have shrunk dramatically over the last 10 years. And the first things to go are regional bureaus.

Small towns lose them, entire cities that aren't Sydney or Melbourne will lose them, and then they have to rely on secondhand reporting, which is, you know, most digital newsrooms do that now. They're basically all the equivalent of BuzzFeed in that they just aggregate news from other sources. But the ABC has no profit-based motive towards doing that. Which is fantastic. Which is amazing. And I feel like you can really notice the difference in the way that like, you know, Libertarian

Think Tank, the IPA, or like members of the right-wing government talk about it. They always talk about it as like state-run media and, you know, like, they always talk about it in that sense as opposed to what it actually is, which is publicly funded, you know, objective broadcasting. And that's borne out in any of the polling where you see that like by huge leaps and bounds every single time the ABC is the most trusted media outlet in the entire country. But yeah, if you talk to anybody who is like a libertarian or right-wing or anything, they make out like it's a North Korean news agency kind of thing.

And which is, you know, funny because at the moment they have a relatively antagonistic relationship with the government because if you report the news and the news is that the government, because if you report the news, and the news is that the government is doing a series of shit things, that is what the relationship is going to be like. Well I mean it's also that this government, you know, has also been extremely vocal about wanting to defund the ABC, wanting to sell the ABC off, like a whole lot of culture war noise about all that sort of shit. It's kind of tough because they won't straight up say it.

You know, they will... They like to dance around it. They love to dance around it. So, you know, I don't know if you can say it's the IPA's position, but a lot of people that came out of the IPA are all saying that we should get rid of it and I mean obviously a lot of people in government. Oh, they put out a thing like in the last 24 hours about all of this stuff saying this is why the government needs to rethink state-funded media. So coming back to Justin Milne. Now a lot of people, again, the boomomer conspiracy theorists were like, ah, Michelle

Guthrie because she had formerly worked for News Corp is a plant and all that kind of thing. Justin Milne, it turns out, is close friends with former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. Wasn't he the CEO of Turnbull's Internet Venture Oz Mail at some point? No conflict of interest there, great stuff. So yeah, it came to light that Justin Mill was constantly pushing for editorial decisions that would not upset Malcolm Turnbull that would not make the government angry. He pushed very hard for Triple J, the youth music radio. The youth music radio, um, that the, um, the, um, the, uh, the, uh, the, the, the, th-you-uh, th, th-you, th-you, th-you-you-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y, thi, thi, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, thi, great, th-up, great, th-in, it th, it thi-in, great, great, great, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, it th, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, th-y, th-y, th-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi-y, thi-a, thin, thi-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. th-a. pushed very hard for Triple J, the youth music radio station,

to not change the date of the hottest 100 countdown from Australia Day. Michelle Guthrie defended that decision and said, well, they're independent, they can do what they want. He also tried to force an apology from tonightly after a skit in which the the, um, their youth, the, um, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, um, the, um, um, the, um, the, um, the, um, the, um, um, the, um, the, um, the, um, the, um, the, um, the, the, the, the, said well they're independent and they can do what they want. He also tried to force an apology from Tonightly after a skit in which they called I don't know some Lib Dem a cunt or something like that. And again Michelle Guthrie defended them and said well they have a complaints process let that run its course. So you know even though there are there is a lot of stuff coming out saying that apparently

the essence of the problem that staff generally had with Michelle Gruthy was that she sort of just didn't really get the culture and didn't cultivate great relationships with people in the government. It turns out much more that Chairman of the Board, Justin Milne, not Carrot Top, was frequently attempting to directly intervene in the editorial process to push lines that were more favorable to the government of the day, which is just about as fucking wrong as you can get it.

And the best thing is, that he did it via email. Perfect. Because what you want is a paper trail at all times. Nice. It must be a paper trail. This came to a head. Two days after Guthrie was fired. An email was linked to Fairfax that was just Justin Milne telling Guthrie they had to get rid of Chief Economics Correspond to the ABC, Emma Alburichi, because the government hates

her, they need to protect the ABC, not Emma, and it's not guaranteed that the coalition is going to get out at the next election. Who knows who could this could have possibly been leaked to? I can't think of a single aggrieved party who had been massively hurt by Justin Milne's actions two days before the leak who had been sent that email directly. Who knows? Yeah I couldn't even a hazard a guess. Whomstamongus has been sent to an email an incriminating email.. the email. the email. the email. the email. the email. the email. the email. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Who, th, th. Who, th, th, th, thee, thee, thi. Who, thee, thi. Who, thi. Who thi. Who thi. Who th. Who email directly. Who knows? Who? I couldn't even a hazard guess. Whomstermongus has been sent an incriminating email by Justin Milne. Yeah, so that was funny.

So that's thing one and two. Thing one, thing two. I believe. Hey, there it is. Now, thing number three that's just on the horizon is the fact that this entire process of sacking Michelle Guthrie for no reason other than people in the government hate her, seems to have gone via the board. The chairman of the board, put it to the board.

He had, like a bunch of the board, put it to the board. He had a bunch of these emails went by them. And so the question that people are now asking is, were the board not privy to all of this stuff? In which case, they have been party to the same, you know, attempting to cout out to the government. Well, I, from what I saw from the Fairfax report, that, that, that, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, thamamamamam, thamam, tham-that's email, tham-a, tham-a, tham-f-a, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, the the the that, the their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, was their their their their, was their, attempting to coutout out to the government. Well, I, from what I saw from the Fairfax report, that specific email about firing Emma Albuhrichy because of the, I don't know if it's worth going to that, but she did a number of articles that were very critical of the government's company tax cuts, right?

And the government basically forced her, Mitch Fiefield and Malcolm Turnbull basically forced them to take them down. But anyway, so that, the email about Emma Alburichy was sent to Michelle Guthrie but shared with the entire board. From that's what- Which means that essentially they are all party to it. Yeah. So now there's a whole bunch of talk of, Which means that essentially they are all party to it. So now there's a whole bunch of talk of sounds like the whole board has to go. I've seen people like digging up the profiles of all the people who are on the ABC board and they're all like X members of different things that are like related to the government and lots of shit so.

Like as in X members of right wing think tanks and shit like that. Oh, there was, fuck, I wish I could think of this specific example of this, but I didn't do any prior research. But specifically, one of the articles was about, one of M. Al-Abreaches' articles was about the fact that Quantis hadn't paid any company tax, and I think someone on the board was a high-ranking Qantas executive of some kind. Probably a board member because you can be a highly paid board member of like 40 fucking companies and go to one or two meetings a year. I mean I might have the specific company wrong, but there was definitely a relation along those lines that was just some sort of conflict of interest.

Hmm. Now, you know, a lot of people who are critical of the ABC. They're really concerned about what the taxpayer money is getting spent on. They're really concerned about what these public servants are doing. That's drugs, that's weed, it's marijuana. ABC's full of lefties. Full of filthy lefties. Now like, you know, some people are concerned about what kind of news their money's

getting spent on. What I'm concerned about is productivity. I care about what public sermons are doing with their time. And that brings us to another story. A story which we are very pleased to bring you. Hey, it's from a little site called ABC News. One who paid for that, your tax dollars. You know what, before all of this happened. So we did an article for Pedestrian that was basically just, you really have to f-and the tax, to to to to to to to to to to to to the th.... to to the to their their to their th. A th. A to th. A, th. A, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their their, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And did an article for pedestrian that was basically just, you really have to fucking read this article for the ABC, where I started with like a paragraph long spiel about how important it is having non-commercial driven journalism

so that we could have stories about this. Just exactly this. Please allow us to bring you this story from the ABC. It is not what taxpayers expect government workers to do in their offers. The one Canber Public Servant was fired last year. Yes, I can just remember what this is. For looking up hundreds of pornographic images over several months, often for hours on end. That's what I'm talking about. That's why tho to work. There are so many individual sentences in this story that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that aretalking about. It's how to work. There are so many individual sentences in this story that are far better than anyone could

do on purpose for comedy. I mean, obviously the person writing it is very coy about what they were writing. But I mean, just the circumstances. Every line is so good. Folks, get ready. Get ready to hear what people are doing on your dime. The case was one of several computer misuse investigations revealed in documents obtained under freedom of information laws. While employed in the Community Services Directorate, the man viewed more than 200 pornographic images

and accessed four adult websites in 2016 and 2017 before losing his job. The document showed. Most photos were of naked or nearly naked women which the man later admitted to looking at, quote, mainly for sexual purposes. But added, quote, probably one-tenth of it was for his hobby as a self-taught pencil sketcher. Now, that's maybe... Why would you not flip that ratio? It's, so that's a thing, right?

If you were getting interviewed? It's so pure and honest because he is not offering it up as an excuse. No one offers up, 10% of it was for this other benign thing to absolve themselves of the other 90% right? This is a man who genuinely was for my penis and 10% was for my art hobby. He was a man who just genuinely wanted to offer up. Oh also maybe about a 10th for this is because I do pencil sketches. He wasn't being like oh you know it wasn't that bad because of this. He just just wanted to share that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their that that that their that that that that that th. that that th. th. th. the to be the th. th. th. the th. the the the their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to to te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. it wasn't that bad because of this. He just wanted to share that and I think that's beautiful. That is beautiful.

It's honest. It's very honest. I'll say from my own perspective, any time that I'm in any kind of situation where it is abundantly clear to me that I have been caught red-handed in the behavior that I'm being asked about, this is the conversation I have. I say, let me break it down for you. Let's go through it. Any time that I've ever, this is why I've never copped like a speeding fine, you know, any time that I've ever like been pulled over for speeding and the cop has said, hey,

do you know why I pulled you over?then I say, why were you speeding? And I say, I do not have a good reason for speeding. I understand that I'm not supposed to be doing it. Then they go, oh, well, thanks of being honest. Get out of here. Get out of you, Scamp. 90% was for sexual reasons. Yeah,% I am actually convinced that like any cop who pulls people over for speeding or like works on a speed trap or whatever must just have 98% of the people that they interact with every time just go

oh well it's not my fault because I was late for work or I had to get to this thing or whatever and like it must just be so refreshing to have someone go ah if you see it was my fault because I put my foot down until I was going faster than the speed limit which I recognize and understand. If you do a crime and the police arrest you can just be like you you know what, I fucked up, I did a murder, you know, who amongst us? You know, I fucked up. And then they go, well, at least you're being honest. Exactly. So it continues. Probably one-tenth of it for my hobby. Like, there's no reason to throw that in, other them to let them know you'd like to sketch. You like to do sketching to do sketching, to do to do sketching, as a to do to do to do the to do the the the the the the the the their, as a their, as a their, as a their, as a their, their, to to to to to to to sketch. You'd like to do sketching. As a self-taught pencil sketcher, when the man's bosses suspected the misconduct,

they hired investigators, who looked up the computer's internet history and even physically photographed him through his office window from outside the building. The first attempt failed due to closed blinds. Oh, it's so so good. That's some extremely burn after reading shit, isn't it? Oh, which is, there's another snippet later in the article that kind of backs up that image. It's just, at one point, investigators try to obtain a forensic copy of the hard drivers,

but if the computer was offline or asleep. The man's level and position were redacted in the documents but it appears he had his own office which means you're talking like at least an EL2 right. I'm gonna say for any international listeners or people who are not in the public service. People who live outside of the public service. You can be in a public service not in Camber. So you have your APS ranks, APS 1 to 6 of various bands. Above the APS 6 you have your EL1 and 2, so APS, Australian Public Serbian Public Serbian, an EL1 or an EL2 is executive level 1, executive level 2. Then you have your SES ranks above that which is Something executive something

Point being ELs have they make some money they make some decent money Well, it's once it's it's once you're at the The the EL level the executive level that you are managing people, but I think mostly like eel one people any like a lot of EL2 people don't even have offices. I'm going to assume this person was like up at the upper management level. If they had their own fucking office. Oh sure. This guy has staff. Mm-hmm. It's good to know.

It appears he had his own office. He said in an investigation interview that no one could see what he was viewing. Well, it's fine then. It's fine. It's pretty much. You know. When shown the images in the interview,

the man said he could not recall if they were the exact photos he accessed, but conceded they were, absolutely the type I was looking for. You're so honest I love it. Absolutely love it. He says, I would have purposely searched for female anatomy, nude models or something like that, he said. It's the most fucking basic. Oh, that's weird. It's the most basic boomer typing sex into Google Yeah sex lady sex picture if you're not even looking for like specific models or you can watch videos of photography why you're looking at images

go look to the filter well because he's trying to get around the filter yes right so you can look up female anatomy on the filter I see he continues it's just like watching it's the the the they. It's just like watching it's the the the the sex. Yeah, yeah, the the the the the the the the the the the the sex. the the sex. Yeah, the the the sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex, the the the the the the the the sex sex sex, the sex, the sex, the sex, the sex sex sex sex sex, the the the the sex, the sex, the the the sex sex sex sex sex, the the the the sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex, the the the the the the the sex sex sex sex sex sex sex, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's thi's thi's thi's sex lady th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's sex lady's sex lady's thi's thi's the the the the the the get around the filter. Yes. Right, so you can look up female anatomy on the filter I see. He continues, it's just like watching reading a Playboy or Zoo magazine. I'm mainly looking for stuff you'd see in Penthouse, you know, he said. Now... Similarly something I wouldn't do in the office. We are, we are wheeling back around to a former episode of the podcast in which we explained that Penhouse is the one where they show they they they they they they they they show they they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show they show the the they show the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. te. try. try try tttry. ttry. tttry. ttry. try. ttry. the. the. the. theing back around to a former episode of the podcast in which we explained that Penhouse is the one where they show you the pussyhole. Oh, I really wish you wouldn't. Okay. Would you prefer the gash? No, I wouldn't prefer, I'd prefer we had no podcast.

Penhouse is the one where they give you a dead-on view of the mutt. Oh my fucking God. It's not really dead-on. It's not like, it's not like right in there. But like it's absolutely, like the lady spreads it open and all that kind of shit. What the hell is wrong with you? I'm just saying that's the distinction between Playboy and Penhouse. Thanks to everyone that's listened to the podcast, like, like, like, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the podcast, the the the the the the the tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, theea, thea, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii's they's thi, thi, thi, thi, thto everyone that's listened to the podcast up until now we had a really good run and it was a great ride. I enjoyed you guys being here and I'm sorry about the contact of the other hosts. Sorry about the

pussyhole. We've been over it before. Playboy is mostly tastefully airbrushed. They never give you a look right in there. Penthouse though. He was looking at the pussyhole then. I'm saying, well if he's saying, look, I'm giving you a direct quote from the man himself. I'm mainly looking for stuff. The big fellow himself. Man upstairs. I'm mainly looking for stuff you'd see in penthouse. And we've established it's canon on this show. Penhouse gives you this show. Penhouse gives you the holes.

I would argue that he doesn't have a completely comprehensive familiarity with Penthouse. Just based on what he said in this article, I don't think he was looking for, you know. Just say it. Well, hold on, he clarifies here, because certainly not, you know, hardcore porn. I don't particularly like hardcore porn. That's how I explained it to my wife. That's how he explained getting fucking fired from his job for spending thousands of hours googling naked lady. It's just so much, it's so long to be looking at that, like why? All right so here's his method ready. We're gonna break

that. This is the best. The documents show the employee explained how he repeatedly and easily avoided website filters. Oh yeah, did we mention that? The documents we're talking about is that it was a freedom of information request that got these documents. Beautiful. He said he would type terms and subjects into search engines to which he would sometimes receive a prohibited message but would quote just do another search. So good. That'll do it. When the images appeared, he would simply view the list of images rather than clicking into them. So basically he's just doing a Google images search for like a lady with titties and then

just scrolling through and he's not actually going to the sites. Other times he would be granted access to the photos because they were on sporting websites. He said he often looked up, quote, sexy incidents at the Olympics. Sorry, what? Pardon? That's my favorite part of the Olympics, guys. All the sexy incidents. That is by far my favorite combination of four, five words that I have ever seen in my life

sexy incidents at the Olympics. Perfect. I'm Googling the top result is what actually happens at the Olympic Village mostly sex. Yeah they fuck like crazy. Right so that's what it is. I was like what kind of sex... Oh okay if you look at images it's like gymnasts bent over in in sort of sexy positions. Oh yeah. That's a sexy incident. Oh boy, this is incredible. So the man said he would often spend, so again we've got brutal honesty from this dude. The man said he would often spend quote a couple of hours end quote scrolling through photos and the occasional movie when he was bored after finishing his work or when the work was quote not particularly interesting. I respect that. Oh my god. He said he was

quote only half aware of a of ACT government computer use policies. I feel like that one's self-evident. Maybe this is the best quote actually. When asked whether any of the prohibited messages deterred his behavior, he said, quote, no, it didn't. I have to be honest there. So good. Get this guy on the podcast. Yeah, if you are the guy who got fired for looking at too many tiddy pictures, please get the touch. Quote, maybe a couple of times I'd think, I'm sick of this, I'll move on to something else, or listen to a bit of music or something.

But more often than not, it didn't stop me. Just fucking ours. I can, look, I feel it. I feel this dude's methodical approach to pornography because I'm a freak too. So I get it. I get it. Sure. Sure. You've never been shy about bringing that up on the podcast. Nope. Why would it start now? It's just so long is my issue. That's so often to be looking at porn. What's he gonna do the work he's getting paid a hundred grand a year for? Okay, you're right. You knock? You fucking knock. I am all for not doing the work that you pay to do while you're on company time.

I am 100% supportive of that in nearly every circumstance. Uh, but, like, just don't be a fucking weirdo. Like, that's my- He was in an office of the closed door. It's fucking weird. His blinds were shut. You know what? Just don't.

No porn at work. Just fucking wait until you're in your own goddamn home. But don't you have a phone? Like use your smartphone. That's got porn on there. No, don't do it at all! No, what do you do it? Maybe he had bad reception in his building. This is fucked. No, that doesn't matter if he's got a phone or not. I don't care if you've like pulled out a magazine that you brought from home. So okay, here's a question. It was in Canberra, maybe it was one of those like brutalist concrete bunkers and he was

getting like one bar, one bar of like 2G. Was he jerking it? I'm assuming not. It doesn't sound like it. What the what you're doing? That's what I mean, Why is it so long? What are you, like, what are you getting out of this? Maybe he's mentally edging. Is he just like going home just a horniest fucking man alive?

Maybe, maybe it's keeping their marriage alive, you know? Just this pent up horniness. Okay, now, this next part, keep this in mind. Okay. Investigators hit roadblocks while trying to determine how much adult content was actually viewed as the log-only detected attempted access. Some sides used encrypted searches. At one point investigators tried to obtain a forensic copy of the hard drive but the computer was quite offline or asleep. Those challenges concerned the director of UNSW Canberra Cyber Nigel. He previously worked in Cybersecurity for the AFP.

Is this name Cyber Nigel? Cyber Nigel. Is this name Cyber Nigel? Is that really what I just heard? No, he's the director of Camber Cyber Nigel Fair. All right. So now we get in all this shit about them talking about their dog shit security systems. So I wanted to segue into the revelation that at one point in the far distant past, this was my job. I was... Jerking it at work. No, I jerk off at all my workplaces.

Oh, God, damn. Goodness! Hey, calm down. Um, no, I, for a period, when I've, when I started work in Canberra, I worked at a public service department as like a web designer, web, miscellaneous web shit person. Sure.

And so due to some kind of staffing issue, they were like going to recruit me for a permanent role at a higher rank, but that role wasn't being created for several months or whatever. So they're like planted me in this role of internet monitor for several months in between. Now while this is some incredibly Cohen Brothers shit, my job used to be sitting in one of these fucking brutalist concrete bunker buildings in the ACT, monitoring the internet use of other people in a government department. Wow.

Seated next to my colleague, a large man who was a narcoleptic. Wow. Hey, speaking of narcolectics, you were a fucking narc. What a fucking knock. You were a fucking knark. Okay, so he was the best part about it, right? So, so what this entailed, it sounds like these people have a very similar system was the best part about it, right? So what this entailed, what this entailed, it sounds like these people have a very similar system to the one that this department had like fucking 12 years ago or whatever, a very long time ago,

which was basically that it had a filter set up to say, here's all the prohibited things that you cannot access or search for. If you try to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to them, them, them, them, them, it, it, it, they.. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, them.... them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. them. the the the the the the the the the the the the the. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the the the the the their, here's all the prohibited things that you cannot access or search for. If you try to go to them, it will throw up a thing saying, this is prohibited, right? But the complication, and this is clearly what happened with this guy that they're talking about, is if you hit one of those things that says you can't look at this thing, you technically haven't accessed the material. So it logs the attempt, but you never actually got to it. So you can't say to the person, you looked at a nudy picture at work. If the only thing that you have actually registered is a couple of attempts to get...

Yeah, you never actually got to it. Now I should say it's incredibly funny to me that like my job for a while was to basically just look through and catalog all of the pictures of dudes suck in each other's dicks that like one guy just kept looking at and this was like the third or fourth time that he'd been spoken to about look at it dudes suck at each other's tiks at work. This is the least ally thing I've ever heard in my entire life. What? Oh knocking on somebody the dick sucking. Yeah look that's that's fine. Anyone that was looking up Hedro board at work I would immediately knock on but if I saw it was a homosexual comrade, ugh.

You'd be like, let that shit slide. Yeah. Well, here's the problem, right? So number one, that was the only person who actually came up as looking at porno in the time that I was doing the role, right? And it was very clearly communicated to me. Yes, this guy will not stop doing this no matter how many times times times times times times th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi I I thi thi thi I I thi thi th I th I that I that I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I would I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Ithat I was doing the role, right? And it was very clearly communicated to me, yes, this guy will not stop doing this no matter how many times we ask.

Hey man, come on. I respect that. But being the NAC at the time, back in fucking 2009 or 10 or something like that, meant that because I was the person who generated the reports of how long like staff were spending looking at non-work related things, I could also do things like add filters to remove my own ID from the thing because... So you would knock on others but get yourself off the hook? Absolutely.

I'm fucking believable. Because I would inevitably be in the list of people who had spent 30 hours that week looking at non-work-related things on the internet. So I could just filter it out and then do my report. This piece of shit. You, motherfucker shit. You mother-fucker. You absolute bastard. I smell bacon Andrew. Yeah. All while working next to my narcoleptic colleague who would fall asleep mid-sentence which was a fun thing to hang out with. Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's always interesting. Which I guess I feel like narcolepsy is kind of one of, it's in

the sort of turrets range of things where it's more something that people, like it absolutely exists, but generally people's experience of it is like a, more of a stereotype driven thing from media, you know? But yeah, let me just say, very cool. Very cool to get out and chat with a guy who would literally be halfway through a sentence and then stop talking and you'd turn over and look him and just be like head lulled back snoring. Wow. What a fun, what a fun illness. That is fun. Or whatever it is. Disorder? I don't know. Is disorder an unworked term? No, I think things can be disordered. Okay.

So, um, so yeah, I only did that job for a little while, but, uh, but you know, it's funny, funny, funny weird thing to have done, and it's good to know that apparently there are plenty of public service departments and councils in Canberra that have not upgraded these systems in any way for at least a decade. Yeah. So, just so you know folks, you can look for the porno and if you get some kind of block screen, you technically didn't look at it, you're fine, you're fine. Exactly. Respect to that guy though.

This guy has to do it for fucking- Don't fucking at porn at work, you fucking creeps. Who's the cop now? There's really just no need for it. Like just- Don't fucking look at porn before you leave for work. And then do it when you get home. Just have nine fucking hours where you're not jerking your hog to BBW ASMR fucking slap porn.

Very specific. Very specific. Here's my rebuttal to that, Ben. No, no, I refuse to have nine porno free hours in my life. You know when I have nine porno free hours when I'm asleep. Good grief. Right. I know for a fact that you do not sleep for nine hours. Simply untrue. No, that's true. That's true. That's thi. th, very. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. to to to to thi. thi. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. to to th. to to to to to to to to to the to to the the the. the. to the. to the. the. thi th a fact that you do not sleep for night hours. Simply untrue.

No, that's true. That's true. You sleep for like seven hours. Six. Man, imagining seven hours of unbroken sleep. Oh my God. Yeah, I realized I said the recommended time for a human being adult to sleep instead of a small number, because I have so much spare time and I sleep a lot. Prick.

Motherfucker. Hey folks, uh, friend of the show, Nelly Yoa. Oh, goodness. Hey, um, I wonder, I wonder, I'm just kind of really quickly while we're talking. You guys do a bit of banter to cover up the facts I'm goog'm googling a thing. You can't just spontaneously do banter. I mean we could talk about what a freak Andrew is. Yeah. Hello. He's one of the... you can't... You can't jerk it at work. I'm really stuck on this point. It's weird. He was defending it. He was really defending it., I'll defend it. You're the weird guy fucking doing heavy breathing in one of the cubicles.

I, I, look, un-fucking believable. Number one, let me just say. It's so uncool to fucking joke off with someone in a cubicle next to you. What the fuck? I've absolutely had that happen. It happens. It happens. It happens. It happens. Oh, yeah, oh, it. Oh, it. Oh, it. Oh, it. Oh, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the the the the the thi. the the the the someone in a cubicle next to you. What the fuck? I've absolutely had that happen. It happens. Oh yeah, when you're like, when you're just there and like you can hear the unmistakable sounds of somebody jack and red dick in the next cubicle, right? They make noises? Your breathing gets weird. There's the breathing and there's also the rhythmic jacking of the dick sound, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, it, that, it happens, it happens, it happens, it happens, it happens, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's the breathing and there's also the rhythmic jacking of the dick sound, right?

Did I just do that in public? Well, absolutely fucking do it. Not a hundred percent public, but people do it. People do it. Oh my goodness. People do it, but they'll do it while you are literally in the fucking cubicle next to them. And I start doing shit like just going, ahem, like stomping my fucking foot just to make really sure they know I'm there. And there's like no break in the action.

What the fuck? Wild shit. Let me just say. Man a wild. Met a crazy. If I were to hypothetically masturbate in the workplace, I'm at least going to have the fucking respect to wait to wait to wait to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their the fucking the fucking the fucking the fucking their the fucking their their my their my their my their my their my their my their my their my their my their my their my their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their masturbate in the workplace, I'm at least gonna have the fucking respect to wait until no one's in the room to do it, Jesus Christ. No one believed that that was a hypothetical.

Not a single person. Nobody. Yeah, but I said hypothetical. Did you notice the part where I said hypothetical? We heard it. Mm-hmm. Anyway, folks. Frett of We heard it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anyway folks, Fred of the show Nelly Yoa. If you would like to know about our relationship with one Nelly Yoa, we recommend that you are... It's long and it's complicated. I recommend that you roll it back to

episode 29, Apex Gang Hunter Valleyivision featuring Matt V. Brady. And also, episode 45, Dark Latham, also featuring Matt V. Brady. I'm just getting text messages for my wife who was in another room. Is she yelling at you for jacking off in the work bathrooms? I've just got a message that has an inverted compass, hypothetically jacking it in the workplace, hey? And then another message which has a single word yelled in all capitals, hypothetically. She knows what's up. She got you. Didn't you guys see that report that basically recommended the people Jack Hoff at work to relieve stress?

What the fuck? What the fuck? I did not! You just made it up just pulled that out your ass. You've got to keep the pipes clean, baby. I'll link it up in the episode description. Anyway, you can go back and check out those two websites. Yeah. That's right. You heard me? Fucking hell. All right, I'm sorry, go on.

Just fucking get it over with. Proceed. So, Friend of the show, Nelly Yoa, he does follow the podcast on Twitter. He replies to us when we talk about him. Big fan. follow the podcast on Twitter. He replies to us when we talk about him. Because he's a big freak for attention. It's a great big freak for attention. I'm actually just checking now to see if I got an email, an angry email, yeah. Because he's done it in the past.

Uh, fucking George has logged me out of all of my work, Gmail accounts. No, I'm not checking, but he hadn't done one as of yesterday. And I wrote the article on Tuesday, I believe. But yeah, so maybe he's come down in his old age. Mark Sargent, psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University, said that a masturbation break would be very effective at work and a great way to relieve tension and stress. This was echoed by psychologist and life coach Dr. Cliff Arnold Arnold. He suggested that a masturbation policy might result in more focus, less aggression and higher productivity.

Enough, no, no, stop. That's enough, enough now. Enough enough now. That is horrible. If you're fucking, try to work, you're a massive sex prevert and you need to fucking stop. Well, I've never denied either of those things. Mastipation policy.

Hey, hey, what are you doing?. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, th. I, th. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. I, th. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. th. th. That. th. That. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. Good grief. Hey, what are you doing? Oh, it looks like you're feeling out your fucking time shades, but it looks like you've ever jerked off you today. Off you go. That's right. Go fucker rub one out, Glenda. Oh, no. Got an article here from Glamour UK, why women are masturbating at work?

Because they're fucking sex creeps. I cannot stress this enough. From January 2017, M.E.L. magazine, I'm living proof that women masturbate at work too. I'm so upset. She's living proof that women are sex creeps. to know that women are sex creeps, come on. Just be a sex creep on your own time. You can be a sex creep anywhere but work. Do literally anything you want at work. Steal from the till, steal supplies. Fucking, don't do anything if you want. Just don't fucking jerk it at work. No work, jerk.

Fucking spend all day watching YouTube videos. Anything else. Here's the, uh, here's the lead from that story. Midday Jilling off is a great way to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the the the the the the tiefi. ti. ti. ti. ti. tiol. tixte. tixte. tixte. ti. ti. ti. tip. the the the the the the the lead from that story. Midday Jilling off is a great way to give the finger to the man. Yuck. In light of the news that something like 40% of people are beating off on the clock. Oh. What the fuck? Yeah. There you go folks. If you're listening to this right now, and you're like, oh Ben's going a bit hard on this. It like bends on to me.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to to to to to to to to to to to give. I to give. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to give. Y, to to to to to to to give. Y, to to to give. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. Y, I. I. I to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th. Y, I thi. Y, I thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to listening to this right now and you're like, oh, Ben's going a bit hard on this.

Like, bends on to me. I mean, I do the occasional joke off at work. It's fine. It's absolutely normal. It's a normal healthy expression. As long as nobody else knows about it, I'm not interfering with anyone else. That's a nice self-contained, pleasant experience. I'm expressing their their their their their their their thiiiiiiii, their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoom-s, thi, thi, thi, tho-s, tho-s, tho-s, tho-s, tho, ben, ben, ben, ben, ben, ben, ben, ben, ben, off, you are a massive creep and you need to stop immediately. Don't fucking sexually toucest any part of your fucking body while you're in your work

premises. Don't fucking do it in your car, in the work car park, none of that. Oh, you're gonna act like you've never jacked off in a car now. What the fuck? The car might be fine as long as you just out of the office. What is wrong with you people? Oh my God, the car is worse. The car has transparent windows.

Yeah, but if it's nighttime, if it's night time. Oh, you're at night? What is it? Jerking in your own home. Are we gonna act like we've never?. thied, thied, thived, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. thi, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, that, that, that, that, that, that. What, thooooooooooooooooooooo? What, thooo to act like we've never jerked off on a boat before? I mean, that's different. I've lived on a boat. Completely do. I didn't have any choice.

Lawless, law of the seas, you know? International waters. International waters. International waters. Now, I want to turn this around on you for a second Ben and to say, don't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm to tho, I'm, I'm, I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, thin, tho, tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. to to thooooo. thoo. thoo. tho., Mr. Hye and mighty over here, telling everybody where they can and can't jerk off, he also doesn't have to spend fucking nine hours in an office. Unable to lay hands on himself. For like five years. Five years, you fucking rookie.

I feel like nine hours is not that long to wait, you know. If you can't wait until you get home, you have a disorder for which the only cure is electroshock therapy. Oh, come on. I'm going to fucking wire a car battery to your temples until you stop joking off at work. It'll probably make me jerk off more, Ben. Yeah, if anything, 12 volts is probably not enough. Oh, goodness. Friend of the show, Nellie Yoa. He's been caught joking at work. He appeared, I find it hard to believe he's got a job. Oh, he's a brand ambassador for American Express.

It sure is. So, yeah, go back and listen to those other episodes if you would like to catch up on what the deal is with Nellie Yoa strange serial liar and attention seeker. The friend of the show Rudy Edsel posted a photo of Nellieowa on the red carpet at the Brownlow Medals which is the Australian Football League's Night of Nights its awards ceremony it's where all the wags League's Night of Nights. It's awards ceremony. It's where all the wags come out and flash a bit of leg and they're fancy dresses.

So he was there and everybody was like, why is he here? Who invited this guy? Yeah. Nelly himself stole Rudy's photo, reposting it on Twitter saying still pinching myself I got invited and Angus Brayshaw didn't whoever that is I'm gonna see it's like a journalist or something no he's someone a player for Melbourne F.C

apologies to the rest of the media pack I wasn't in the mood to answer further questions because again this is a photo of him like the mood to answer further questions. Did he break him? Because again, this is a photo of him like talking to one journal, empty red carpet. He's talking to one journalist across the barrier while another journalist stands at looking at his phone. Sorry to the pack. This was followed up by a story in the Herald Sun saying that the AFL suffered an embarrassing security breach at last night's brand low

medals after serial fame seeker Nella Yoa snuck in to the prestigious event. That's incredible. Yoa a self-proclaimed quote ex-footballer and quote brand ambassador with some scare quotes that are doing a lot of heavy lifting there has gained publicity after making claims about his soccer ability and his involvement in community work dressed in a tuxedo and walked the red carpet stopping to chat to reporters who recognized him. He entered the crown palladium and shot video of the event which he has since posted on social media.

It's understood he told an attendant who was checking off invitees that he was a guest of Majak Door who is an AFL player I believe. And he snuck off before he could be verified. Door was not invited to the event and once event organizers realized they went in search of Yowa. It's understood that he hid in a toilet before he was found by security. It's believed he has now been banned from the Crown Casino. That's incredible I respect that. God damn. It's a good hustle. Very good. And of course this the sentence at the end here is pretty much the epitome of Nelly Yoa's deal. Yoa told the Herald's son that he had been

invited to the event and had an email detailing as such. Yowa has refused to supply the Herald's son with the email. Love it. Love it. He's amazing. Great stuff. And that's the hour, folks. That's the hour of learning about what we're wearing, where we're jacking off. You know? Not at work, personally. Yeah, right. I can wait till I get home like a normal person, but that's just me. Good on you. Ben works at home so you can just sneak off for a quick one. That's fine for him. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm a professional. I'm a th, I, I, I, I, the hour, th, th, th, th, th, the hour, th, th, th, the hour, th, th, th, the hour, that's the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, that's that's that's the hour, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, the hour, that's your that's that's just me. Good on you. Ben works at home so you can just sneak off for a quick one that's fine for him. Yeah. But I'm a professional I don't. Never jack off, huh? Just edging at work all day.

You people are disgusting, filth wizards. That's right folks. If you would like more of this filthy show put on my disgusting animals, you can head on over to Patreon.com slash Buntavista. Sign up for five bucks a month and get yourself an extra episode every week. And hey, if you want to sign up just to support the show, keep it ad free because ad reads are fucking bogus. We should put ads in here and people have to pay to get rid of the ads. That's genius. I'd really rather not.

I'd really rather. I think I would rather do that. I like that. I was listening to a sports podcast. Which has moved from like networks recently. And it's like fucking four hours long. But it's moved from the thing that it used to be hosted onto something new and all of a sudden they're doing ad reads like every 20 minutes or whatever.

The fucking sucks so bad. Stamps.com. Hey, are you sick of going to the post office? Ooh. Hey, do you want a mattress that comes in a fucking box? Terrible stuff, folks. You know what else comes in a box? People that jerk off in cubicles at work!

Nice. Nice. So, yeah, if you would like to support the show, not have to listen any of that kind of bullshit, feel free to head on over to Patreon.com. Slash Buntavista. We're getting incredibly close to those Wailuji tattoos. That's true. Once we hit the $3,000 a month mark, the cast members are going to use that money to get a photo of notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious notorious. Nitooeo. Nito. Nito. Nino. Nino. Nino. Nino. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. So, the. So, to to to to to to to to to to that money to get a photo of notorious Nintendo Pervert

Wailuigi. And you may choose the style of Wailuigi. For Lucy, yes, Lucy has said that she's, she's going to, she's going to, she's going to, she's going to let listeners. Really? We'll have a vote. I want one of the options to be Wailuigi in an Austin Powers suit. I agree. Yeah, like a velvet with like ruffles. Yeah, yeah with the ruffles. Yeah, there's going to be a speech bubble where it says, do I make you wah? Yes. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Oh boy. So you know if you want to contribute to that, if you want to contribute to that, get on over there.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the the r. Yeah, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the r r r r r r r r r r r r r r ruff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah, the the the the. Yeah. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, the the the to that, if you want to contribute to that, get

on over there. We also have merchandise available at Bundavista.com.s slash merchandise if that's the kind of thing of Foyt to Boat. Also feel free to get on over to the iTunes store. Give us a five-star rating and tell us exactly how horny the show made you. On a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being pretty horny, 10 being really horny. 10 being jacking off at work. 10 is jacking off at work. Zero is thinking about jacking off at work. Tell us where you, tell us where you get on this way.

Single thing you guys have said to not have led me to believe that you're both sex criminals. I don't jack off at work. I do jack off at work. You were surprisingly sympathetic to some of the points being made. I said the cars except for the car's the car is more fucked to my mind. Yep. And folks of course if you do jack off at work please drop the show a line. No! I'lly at Buonta Vista.com just let us know just thia. the the the the the thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to jack. thi. th. th. to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. I th. S. th. thi. S. S. th. thi. S. S. th. S. S. th. th. S. S. I th. S. I th. a line. No! It's Illy at Buntavista.com. Just let us know. Just reach out and let us know Jack on for work. I want to read out your name on the show if you don't want. And if you do want us to, you're a real fucking sex pervert. Yeah, well, that's true. If you demand that I read out your name and tell everybody that you're jack while you've got like whipping yourself with a belt. That's it. I demand that you tell me how dirty I am for doing it.

Tell me I'm a creep. That's you, you're fucking weirdo. That's right. Yeah, please subscribe to the Patreon. Ili at Buntavista.com right in with your filthy fantasies. No! And that's... Simply no. No, sorry, okay, please, Ily at Buntavista.com, I-L-L-Y, to tell me just solely if you do or do not jack off at work. If you have sex fantasies, please write to Ben at Buntavista. That will go to Ben's personal email. Thank you for not picking me.

Please make sure to do so. So until next week or if you sign up for the old Patreon midweek when you get a whole bonus episode. We will see you on one of those two days or different days. Oh my fucking God. And then listen to it later. Thanks for listening, this is the end of the podcast. Bye. It's the end of the podcast forever.. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. Thank. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the tho. tho. tho. th fucking God. The podcast and then listen to it later. Thanks for listening. This is the end of the podcast. Bye. It's the end of the podcast forever. Thank you, Ben.

Thank you, Liz. Shau. Aloha. Bye, fucking. Creak's. Creeze. Come on. Oh, goodness.

Go keep the pipes clean. You don't gotta keep the pipes clean. That is... Ugh.