Boonta Vista - LIVE EPISODE: Beverly Schoolbillies

Episode Date: January 30, 2022

Recorded live on the internet, it's the show we were going to do in person but couldn't because of the Big C. In this episode: A Nebraskan Great American Hall of Name, the introduction of Regional Bullshit, the crime of Child Purchase, a mystery beast, and a badass mini Theo Philes. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

It kind of be perfect. Po-body's nerfict. Po-body's nerfict. Disagree. Who is nerfic? I don't even think Jesus was perfect, personally. We're good. Now we're good.

Yeah. Okay. And a three. A two. Mighty Ducks. Hello and welcome, Wundervista, this is a live episode. I am Ben and I am here in a Hieronymus Bosch painting. With me the... Well, fuck, Goddard.

I couldn't even get through the first sentence. This is a live episode. I am Ben and I am here in a Hieronymous Bosch painting. With me the... Fuck, Goddard! Couldn't even get through the first sentence. With me as a small nude man who is shoving a fish up his ass. It's Theo. Hi, Theo. How you going. Yeah, good. Can I let you in it on a little secret? And I'd love to continue this intro like we can sort of take up a character in it and then talk it through, sort of acted out.

But first I want to pull back the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain the curtain I want to pull back the curtain a little if I can. Is that earlier today I said I was going to write an intro for this and then I forgot to. And so just then when I went to take a piss, I wrote it in my notes app on the phone, but I didn't, I was trying to make a decision whether I would take the time to look up whether the name of the painting I was thinking of, is the garden of earthly delights or not? Yeah, I mean there's a strong chance that it is. I think that it is, but I didn't double check that. He only did one painting, right? Sorry, I haven't introduced you yet. I didn't, I didn't thin. I think you just did one.

I think the try and thi. And one of them has me shoving some sort of carp, headfirst, into my asshole. You're a... Yeah. Well, you wouldn't want to go tale first. Interesting choice. Yeah. Also, you may think that's strange, but it also needs to be interpreted through the lens of historical metaphor.

Yeah. And what was that a metaphor for? Cathicurch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

The sin of envy, etc. Envious of the man next door with a carp up his ass. He got it in tail first. You can figure out how to do that. God damn. He's born with a better hole. He's born with a better hole. That's all I just have to tell myself, better hole, some men's holes are better than others.

Yeah, built different. But some assholes get better fish. That's so true. Teach a man's asshole to fish. So on so forth. Yeah? Also with me is a small nude man who's playing a trumpet. And also the trumpet is up his ass. It's Lucy. Hi Lucy. Could they're not, interesting that there are no women in this picture.

It's a very old picture. Yeah, does this pass the Bacchedell test? There were less women in the past as well. They didn't quite know how to draw them like, you know, like they draw medieval cats, sort of like, like, They're like giant tail. If you're drawing like a whole lot of nude people and you've not been allowed to see a nude woman for your entire life, you'd stick to what you know. You kind of got to take some liberties.

Yeah. You can just look in the mirror. So that's what my penis would look like if just behind it a fish was being inserted into my ass. So sorry, what was I inserting into my asshole? Sorry, well no, it's already in there. You're playing a trumpet and the trumpet is inside, it's in your, it's in your, um, it's in your bar hole. Yeah. Oh, you wouldn't want to remove it because that would ruin the trumpet.

She blowing into the trumpet or like with- Like, whirt. It seems self-explanatory that you... Just enjoy the mystery. You're fighting into the trumpet to play the trumpet. Yeah, okay. I don't want to, you know, I'm gonna peel back the curtain one more time. Um, sorry, my apartment is on the bottom floor of my apartment block. It's also on the front of the apartment block. their apartments. And several people have moved in over the last weekend, two people, right as I was saying, butt-holes, trumpets, etc. were very clearly someone's parents, we're just walking past and do like a, here as a gift basket, congratulations on moving in. I also left the window open because it's quite hot in here.

You're right above the butthole then. Is that? I don't have to find out at some stage. I don't have to have to have to have to have to have their a their their their their their their their their that. I have that. I have their that. I've that. I've that. I'm to have to have to have to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. thrue. the. thea. thea. thea. tea. tea. tea.a.a. tea.a.a. tea.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. I guess. You live near a podcaster? That's the first thing that they find out because I'm always here. Also with me... Moving a little podcast in ghetto. It's the worst. Also with me is a small nude man who's playing a fish like a trumpet and the fish is up his ass. It's Andrew. Hi, thrown. Hey, it's easy. in the right direction with the scales, real easy to get it going in, but if you're

trying to pull it back out, saves time if you intend on eating the fish afterwards. Pre-scale. I would scale the fish, yeah, scale the fish. Oh, you're saying scale the fish before I put it up my ass, right? No, no, I'm saying it will scale itself when you take it out once you're done playing it like a trumpet. Yeah. Yeah. I mean mine will come out just skeleton like a cat has eaten it. Yeah. There's probably a joke to be made there about scales you know like you're playing a trumpet and there's a fish there. And if you at home feel like assembling that joke yourself. If you've got it in your head. Don't write into us. that that that that could you you you you you you you you you that could you that could you that could you that that the the joke that the joke the joke that the joke the joke the joke the joke the joke that the joke the joke that that that joke that that joke that that that that that that that that that that joke the joke the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to. to. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. th.'t drop it in the chat. Don't write into us about that. But sometimes it is appropriate to write into us. Like if you had a question for our resident relationships, Doctor, Dr. Lucy.

Oh, that was good. Yes, you find that you are having a little relationship trouble. Just to pick up your telephone and dial it on the double. You call one eight hundred three one seven five one five. Now your page in dotting two. Beautiful. Yep, every single goddamn time. So this is of course the segment but sorry I'm explaining this just in case this is the first time you've ever listened to the podcast watching a live episode of it on Twitch on a Saturday night.

Which would be a psycho thing to do. Yeah that'd be insane. This is where we take other people's relationship questions that they have not asked us and then we put them to Lucy who is an expert on all things love sex and dating. This is so true of me. This is a post from the subreddit Child Free which is of course where people talk about how they hate kids and that's very cool. You mean crotch spawn. They do love saying that don't they? The title of this post is Kids at Asda riding bikes up and down Esculator. Is that a British thing, Asda? It's yeah it's a supermarket in the UK, Asda I believe. The post reads as far as it's a short one so yeah here he the title need I say more. They're treating the treating us. They're the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the they're the the the th. the th. th. thating their thating their their their their their their their th. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. Kids th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It th. It th. It th. It their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thate. the. the. a short one. So, yeah, here we go.

The title, need I say more? They're treating Esculator near Maynard like a bloody playground. I saw a man with a walkie-talkie clocking them. His face was the resigned look of someone thinking, why me? He knows he's going to get abuse no matter what he says to them. Why does some kids have no respect? Lucy? Why do some kids have to... That's how you raise them, Ben. You know, it's about parenting. Yeah. Yeah. I actually... Discipline and Respect. I think all kids are bad because I'm one of the child-free people. I'm sick of your crotch sple and breeders. Yeah, that is so true. There's a couple of breeders right here in the room with this, you know? Sorry. Yeah, I couldn't help myself. Yeah, I'm sure

you couldn't even. Are your kids riding the escalator at Asda? No, God, I wish that's why I had a kid. I was never cool enough to ride the escalator. to ride escal escal escal escal escal escal escal escal- I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. enough to ride the Escalator at Asda. I don't know why that was the thing that sent me over the live of this, but the fact that he spelled it as Esculator twice, it's just a really nice touch. I was reading a lot of child-free posts today and... Yeah, how do you feel? You're paying for that on your own time because I'm paid by the podcast and I have no delineation between work and life. Sure. There's like a thing in there where I get ideologically where they come from, obviously, is they feel marginalized because they think society has an expectation that you need to have children. And they think that's unfair and they think there's a lot of social pressure and they don't

like that. So they've banded together so they can commiserate. But also they do stuff like this where they go to the shops and they're like, oh I saw a kid doing an annoying thing. I'm just getting so mad about it. Yeah, I asked the security guard to shoot him with his gun. Yeah. He looked at me in a way that said I agree with them with this gun. Yeah, you're definitely not reading too much into what the security guard's facial expression meant. Yeah. There is a lot of reading too much into things in that subreddit. There is a great deal of like- Well, what else are they going to do at their time? I mean no children.

I've watched every streaming show that's been released in the last 10 years. Nothing else to think about I guess except for what my auntie you said to me on Facebook the other day, you know? Yeah. That does sound like that having a pretty good time though. Kids? Kids? Kids? Kids up and down an escalator. Yeah. That sounds really fun. Yeah, no, it sounds badass. Yeah. I mean those kids are like almost certainly happier than these people are. Yeah, 100% living a more fulfilled life. Very upset. Someone needs to ASBO those kids at AASDA. They absolutely need to ASDA those ASDA children.

Yeah, Asbo at AASDA. Uh, they, that is, as there is a, is that a British supermarket? What is AASDA? Yes. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't because I've I now read thousands of articles from the British news tabloids yeah I've started to get very you know you got your Tesco's you got your pound land pound world this is so sorry that's just called Iceland I'm I think now that I've said that out loud that sounds insane can't do that but I'm pretty sure it's true Yes Iceland it's a UK supermarket that began business

in 1970. You can't just... It's no Poundland. I would love to go to Poundland. Give me the chance. Honey, can you take me to Poundland? She's like, me to Pound Town. I don't think I can go all the way to Pound land. Yeah. That's a commitment I'm not really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I that that that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that that that that the to. If you take to Pound Town, I don't think I can go all the way to Pound Land. Yeah, that's a commitment I'm not really quite willing to make yet. Pound Land is a series of pound towns, sorry, Pound land is a series of pound towns, right? Oh, I'm sorry, Iceland is a British supermarket chain that has an emphasis on the sale of frozen foods. Oh, I get I get the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is a th is a tho tho tho thoom tho- thousand tho- tho- tho- tho- that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi thi thi thi thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand tho' tho' tho' tho' tho-s tho-s's just weird. It's all coming together for me. Gonna be a grocer called Greenland, huh? I'm going to Croatia. Does anyone need anything? From Kazakhstan. Every supermarket just named after, in fairness,

every, every Asian grocery store I just call Asian grocery store. I do not, I do not, I'd just say grocery store. That's me though. Yeah? I don't see rice. I don't see rice. Yeah? I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm th. I th. I th th. I th th th th. I th th th th. I th. I'm thi the g groa. the gro the the grooooo the the grooooo the the grooa. their grooo thrower throa. I th. I do not... I just say grocery store. That's me though. Yeah? I don't see race. Yeah. I am. How do you know where to get your delicious frozen hotpot treats? Yeah I went I went out your way the other day to go to Australia's largest Asian supermarket. It just opened near you. See it doesn't have a name it's just called Australia's last Asian for where is it? No it's called fresco which is a. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I their. I their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. It's just called Australia's live station for the Super Bowl. Where is it? No, it's called Fresco, which is a chain of Asian grocers in Australia. Fresco is an absolutely baffling name.

Yeah, terrible name. It's confusing. You'd think that would be an Italian grocer. Yeah. It sells paintings. It's in Runcorn. No, Callum Vale, sorry, Callum Vale. Just a little further. Well, yeah, but I think of you because I have to take the clump road exit and instead of going left you go straight through under the underpass and then you follow that into Sony Bank,

obviously. You could go left and sort of stop, stop via my place, pick up a little bit of wood supply. I mean, I was, I definitely, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, th, th a little bit of wood supply. I mean I was, I definitely, should I just detail the entire way to get to your house? No, no, that's fine. Or do you want to sort of, because you want to take that club? General area there, yeah. And then you can follow that for a fair while. Yeah, and then you've got the, there's that big intersection, there's a weird, the weird, the weird, the weird, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the past the house that's on the latest album cover for...

Van Soho. Everything is A-OK. Yeah. Yeah. You go past the apartment block with the podcaster in the basement talking about butt holes? No, if you've seen that, you are well and truly lost. If you can see the podcaster who's talking about buttholes, the bitch fell off. This is of course some very Brisbane specific chat. Got a little 4X there do you? Maybe I do maybe I bought a fucking 30 of them, 30 pack from the it's fine it's a it's very drinkable beer. Okay so for a little cube of 4x did you? Got myself a cube a cube a cube a cube? A cube. Yeah I can fit

I can fit 16 of them in the little top drawer in my fridge. Yeah, I'm still not entirely comfortable with the top drawer in your fridge. I appreciate what its purpose is and how it deploys beers to you, but it makes me kind of uncomfortable. What do you mean top drawer? So I've got like a, so above the top shelf there's a drawer at the top and you can put beer in there and then there's a drawer in the middle of it so when it's all closed up you just pull the drawer out and it deploys two beers. It's like a machine gun belt feed sort of for beer for beers. That sounds pretty good. Are you asking if it's a good can I get an aftermarket beer for my fridge?, sounds great. I don't like that it's moving them around and I also don't like that it's telling me which beer to have next. Oh, you can set that up. You could have a little lucky dip in there. Oh, I want to. Sounds like a real trade. I don't know about that. Ben, you sound very picky for the man who was just explaining to us that he is currently drinking a can of beer with the beer. Oh.. Oh.. Oh. Oh. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the beer. the the the the th th th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the beer. Oh the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to us that he is currently drinking a can of beer with no identification on it whatsoever.

Yeah. Show us the people the beer. Yes I am. Gee, what if you didn't know exactly which beer you were getting next out of your fridge? Yeah, that's right. Also I'm sure your 440 mil cans wouldn't go in that drawer anyway. I know I think they might actually. It goes back a little bit. I have one beer in my fridge. Yeah. And that is 4X. Anyway Ben, it sounded like you're on your way to say.

I'm so sorry. I was lighting up a beautiful segue there. You men. Hey, you remember five minutes ago when we were talking about Brisbane stuff. Yeah, that sure is some regional bullshit. It's time for everyone's favorite segment Regional bullshit Okay, I had a little bit of trouble editing this one down here we go You have to bear with it.

Jesus fucking Christ Well, I've heard that you guys have a special kind of food. A chop suey burger. Or maybe a disgusting kind of stew. And that makes you special. The tourist they just won't believe their eyes. Yes, you are special. No one's ever seen a pineapple that size. Regional bullshit.

Regional bullshit. Every little town has got their own bullshit. Regional bullshit, every little town has just got to have it. Well, I ain't heard this is where somebody famous died. Well, I ain't heard. This is where somebody famous died. I read a sign that said that you guys you once saw Princess die. And that makes you special.

They say, Yahoo! Serious came and stood right here. It was so special when Rhonda Birchmore bought a round of beer. Oh yeah, regional bullshit Every little town has got their own bullshit Regional bullshit, every little town has just got to have it. And we have a blue ribbon award winning pie. A big dog on the tucker box no lie. Ned Kelly hit out here, what a guy. This is a regional bullshit. Every time that theme comes up. And my understanding is, and this is just my recollection, I could be wrong, I asked you yesterday,

if it's just my recollection, I could be wrong, I asked you yesterday, if it would be possible to get a theme for that segment. Yeah. That was less that segment. Yeah. That was less than 24 hours ago. So when you're with your wife, you're like, not now, babe. Not now, babe, I'm writing a song. She said to me today, because I always make her listen to them first. Oh, cool. She always gets to the debut. And she said to me today, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, to, th. tho, to, th. th. to, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, to-s, thus, thus, thus, thus, thusthe debut and she said to me today,

maybe you should just write a real song. And I was like, shut the fuck up! I was like about what? What am I going to write a song about a song about a wife? You could write a song called Very Nice Wife. You could. You could. About someone's wife's the show. I heard about a wife. The show.

This is, of course, the segment where we talk about odd regional curiosities. It's not necessarily food specific, but I realized that the brief I gave you was very vague. But we are going to use it to talk about food this week, which we have done before about American regional foods, because America, for whatever reason, seems to sustain regional cuisine much better than Australia does. And I thought, we've spoken before about Cincinnati chili. I think we've spoken about Cincinnati chili, somewhere between five and 20 times.

And every time I forget that we've spoken about it, and then someone's like, you've definitely talked about that on the podcast before. Please duck, duck, go images. Cincinnati, Chile, if you've never done that before. And then look up the ingredients of the chili as well. What kicked this off of me was seeing this week on Twitter, which I think a bunch of people might have seen, Altoona style pizza. It's from Altoona. Altoona, Pennsylvania. It's like Altoona, but with another O.

That's exactly like Daytona. Yes, but there's a D at the start, the Y is at L, and there's an extra O in there. It's seamless. Those are the primary differences. Let me read the description of Altoona style pizza. If you could withhold from Googling it until I finish describing it, please. Altoona style pizza is a distinct type of pizza created in the city of Altoona, Pennsylvania by the Altoona Hotel. The definitive characteristics of Alto

pizza are a Sicilian style pizza dough, tomato sauce, sliced green bell peppers, salami, topped with American cheese and pizzas cut into squares instead of wedges. Altuna style pizza originated the Altuna Hotel which was noted as serving a quote unique pizza in 1996 by the Pittsburgh Post Gazette following the destruction of the hotel in 2013 by fire other local restaurants began serving Altuna style pizza. Now, hold on. Yes, Okay. Okay. Yes Andrew. Now besides the image of the the tuna tuna the tuna the the the the the the the the the the the the tuna the tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna tuna style pizza. Now, hold on. Yes. Okay. Yes, Andrew. Now besides the image of this pizza and having to look at it and comprehend it, I've just now realized I did put that image in the chat so I couldn't really hide it from you. I already saw it. I didn't want to

mention it, but I saw it. Thank you. So apart from having to see it and and take that in in my eyes, my next problem with it is, it really looks like something that maybe someone started making like in the 40s, you know, when most of the people in the town didn't know what Italy was and instead they're like first written up in 1996. Yes, that is right. That is 26 years ago by my maths. That's... It sounds great. Sure.

Now... Beep, beep, beep. So this is a... It's kind of an audio medium. We have no way of sharing images in this. You might have noted that I'm not going to do it. How about that? Yeah, that would be taking the piss of the whole thing. You might have noticed in the description that I said that it was

topped with American cheese very large. So the cheese is going on top. You're not doing your your tomato paste and then your cheese and then your ingredients. And that is a slice of A American cheese. It is a full square of American cheese laid flat over all of the ingredients thus obscuring them from sight. You can tell that there is a, as an American would call, a green bell pepper there or a green capscule perhaps. It's cut into like rings. Yes, and then covered with the cheese.

Can I say something controversial? I wish that you would. I wish you wouldn't. I only t you would. I wish you wouldn't. I'm ambivalent on the matter. I only tell lots. You guys are all three of you doing the here no evil, see no evil thing of the money. I prefer saying I I like the mouth feel of saying peppers over capsicum. I don't I agree. I'm done with saying capsicum. I agree I'm done with saying ashamed of your come. You know like how you know people there was there was that. There was there was that was that that was that was that that was that was that that that was that was that that that that that was that that that that that that was that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I was a their they. I was a they. I was they. I was they. I was the they. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was like. I agree. I'm done with Sankapsicum that much. Who taught you to be ashamed of your cum?

You know, like how, you know, people, there was that backlash against the backlash, the word moist, where they were like. Unlearned it. Who taught you to be ashamed of your vagina? I'm asking you. I think my parents. I think my parents. There are a lot of... Thank you, Finn. Meetic timing. Wow! Ah! But also, just for the viewers and listeners at home, if you are not American,

it is really that like craft single style, craft single style plastic cheese, you know the kind where once it's been sort of melted in the oven or under the grill or whatever if you were to immediately take a bite of it, it will fuse itself onto the roof of your mouth. Like you were wearing a polyester nightgown and were in a house fire. Oh my god. Yeah, it's really it's really stuck to the ingredients too, sort of like conforming to their too, sort of like conforming to their shape like a too small condom pulled over this entire pizza.

Oh yeah, that's so relatable. Yeah, that's a problem I'm here constantly, my life. What's all these tiny condoms? I think, sorry Theo, just to make sure that you're absolutely, I mean it's obviously not a problem for you, that you're a father. The condom should conform to the shape of your penis. Regardless, you should have any excess of a... I like a condom with a little breathing room.

A relaxed fit? Yeah, yeah. Otherwise my dick's gonna get all clammy and nobody likes that. Letting the dick breathe. So important. Can I introduce another food item to you? Please. Would that be all right? Now when I say to you, and now hopefully you've not read the notes in advance because I would hate for that? I did but then I forgot what they were. Okay, interesting. If I said the words city chicken to you, the thick, to you, the the the the to the the the the the th?? the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi the the thi thi, thi, thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, and nobody the thi, and thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi ti ti tip tip tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, thi thi thi thi thi thi would hate for that. I don't, but then I forgot what they were. Okay, interesting. If I said the words, city chicken to you, what do you think?

Think of that episode of South Park. It's very racist. I haven't seen it. Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing. Lucy. the same thing. I'm thinking chicken in high heels. Maybe like a nice coat. She's kind of nice with it a bit. Obviously, that's just the existence of country chicken.

Country chicken has the straw hat, he's got a big piece of wheat out of his beak. But sometimes they get like a little too good for their hometown they go to become a lawyer and a sort of a big town. The chicken lawyer from Futurama. I say, I say, too too too too too too too too too thah thah thah thah thah, thah, tha, thu- thu-a, thu-a, I say, thu-a, thu-a, thu-a, thu-a, tho, tho, tho, thu. She's tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi. Okay, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Okay, tha. Okay big town, a sort of thing. The chicken lawyer from Futurama? I say, I say, I see, etc. Okay, sorry, let me, my bad, let me ask that question to you again.

I say the word city chicken. What sort of foods do you think of? Chicken, I think, mostly. Uh, maybe like a piece of chicken with like grated rubber from a tire over the the the the the the the the tip?. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. to to to to to to too. tooom. tooom. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. I too. I too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. tode. today. today. today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today today, today, rubber from a tire over the top of it. Yeah. City chicken, huh? Some gravel in it? Okay, I'm just going to read this out to you. I'm thinking chicken burger. Okay, so let's just say. Because if you're a fast-moving businessman and you've got no time for, you know,

etc. Yeah, chicken sandwich. Okay, the key thing is here that you are, you're thinking of ways of preparing chicken, and that's fantastic. City chicken is an American entree, and that's an American way of saying, main meal. FAAQC-FUk! Cubs of meat, which have been placed on a wooden skewer, approximately four to five inches long, then fried and or baked. Depending on the recipe, they may be breaded. Despite the name of the dish, City Chicken almost never contains chicken.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Come on. What is it? What is it? Well, let me continue. Please.

The first references to City Chicken appeared in newspapers and cookbooks just prior to and during the Depression era in a few cities such as Pittsburgh. City Chicken typically has cooks using meat scraps to fashion a makeshift drumstick from them. Sometimes cooks would grind the meat and use a drumstick shaped mold to form the ground meat around a skewer. So it is rat. It is quite possibly rat. It's off cuts from everything. Okay.

Imagine that you wanted to create new life and you were a scientist by the name of Dr. Frankenstein. You wanted to create a meat chimera. So you bought a bunch of different chunks of things together and you put them into the shape of a person. But suppose that you were poor because it was the depression and you wanted a chicken drumstick, but all you had were pig snouts and cow butt holes. And a mold in the shape of a chicken drumstick. Country girls make do. City chickens make do.

I have a... I have a... I have a pie book. the Hoosier Mama book of pie that's like from a... You're saying Hoosier like someone from Indiana? Yes. So it's from a famous pie shop then. I've got a lot of good pie baking tips. But they also have a bunch of recipes for like depression era pies. And so they're all like, hey, if you don't have anything,

or like you have a single ingredient, you can turn it into things. There's like vinegar pie. There's a couple of other things. But I'm also just looking at a recipe now for a recipe from the Great Depression for water pie. Yeah. Oh, come on now. What in that? What in the main ingredient for the filling is water.

And so you take a pie crust, like you, um, you, whatever, what, but, uh, oh my god. I can't remember the term for baking a pie crust before you put the filling in it. You par break it. You don't par break it. That's right. You par, you, you, I also can't remember. Blind baking, you got it?

Blankie, woo! We've done it. Good night, everybody. Yeah, that's it. Figing it out. So basically you fill the empty pie crust with water and then you just like pour a mixture of flour and sugar and some pats of butter into it and cook it and it just solidifies into a fill. Hey can I just say that my depression era pies, every pie I ever had at a pie face?

I've had to the pie face? I've had so many pie face pies. I've been depressed for a large portion of my life. They never get any better either. No, I had a good- Not even the smiley faces on them can cheer me. Speaking of regional bullshit, I was at a bakery in a country town recently and I had a pie and it was good. I had like a like a steak and mushroom pie or whatever you know pastry was good the steak was actually steak like or beef or whatever you know I just had a bunch of experiences in a row where you go to a bakery in a small town that is purported to be the good bakery in

that town and they're like check out our ribbons that we have won at local fairs for our pies or whatever and you eat the pie and it's a piece of shit it might as well be a fucking 420 pie. It's always bullshit unless they're talking about Fernvale Bakery check out Fernvale Bakery in Fernvale Queensland. Okay. Over a hundred kinds of pie. I would have been doing that last weekend if not for the novel coronavirus. Hey, people keep calling it the novel coronavirus. They'll throw back. They'll call back to an episode that neither of you were on. I have another one here. Another callback? Yeah. This is the steamed cheeseburger. Now we're talking. A steamed cheeseburger

also referred to as a steamer or cheeseburg. Don't call it that. Don't call it a steamer. I don't like either of those. Cheeseburg sounds like a sort of cheesy fat burg to me. You want a steamer? Go ahead and go ahead and get a steamer. This is a hamburger that's topped with cheese that is cooked via steaming and and originally only served by a the to to to to to to to to the to the to to the the to the to the the the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the steamer the the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steam the steam the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the steamer.a the steamer the steamer.a the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer the steamer This is a hamburger that's topped with cheese that is cooked via steaming and originally only served by restaurants in Central Connecticut in the United States. Despite it now being available elsewhere, it is difficult to find outside this area. Didn't really catch on, huh? Are we steaming them with the bun or without the bun?

I think you steam the patty individually and then you assemble the burger as normal. Get it nice and wet. Yeah, well that's the, they argue that it makes for a juicier patty which none of the fat would render properly which yeah and plus that juice I think is just water. Yeah it's steam very wet. How many times do you reckon they posted steamed hams in the chat? Oh I mean when that episode aired the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.................................................................................................................................. the..... the... the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. right here. Oh, I mean when that episode aired and when that meme, you know, took off, was probably a peak time for the steamed cheeseburger people. It's probably, yeah, it's probably the most steamed cheeseburgers they've ever sold. I'm going to offer a divergent opinion here, I think the steamed cheeseburger would be good.

I agree. Do you want to fucking metal? Yes. There are many ways ways of cooking things and like think of all the the delicious, that's right Ben, many methods for cooking things. Think of all the... Anyone can cook? Who does laugh? Think of all the delicious things, delicious meats you've had out of a steamer basket at Yumcha, you know? That is true. That's true. On the other hand... It's very flavorsome, delicious, juicy steamed meats. Yeah, that's true. On the other hand, not all meats should be steamed.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, British childhood trauma, my grandparents used to boil sausages. So like a beef sausage that you would ordinarily have haunting. the the the the they. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, the, th. th. th. th. the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, that, the, the, that, th. It's, th, th. It's, th. It's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. It, th, th, th, th, th, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, the, the, theat, theat, theat, that, that, that, that, very, that, very, very, theat, thea. It's th's haunting. That's haunting. It haunts me every day. Just boiled like a hot dog. Yeah. I boiled some sausages recently, but I would say, I would more classify that as I poached the sausages. If you're talking about really good sausages, right?

And I am. The two ways you should be cooking them are either gently roasting them to a specific internal temperature. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the.. the the the. the. tom. tom. the tod. today. th. th. th. the. the. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thoing tho- just tho- just boiled just boiled just thi thi thi thi th just boiled just boiled just th. Just th. Just th. Just th. Just th. Just th. Just th. Just th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's the. It's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooooooooooooooa toa toa toa toa toa toooooooooooa to boiled to boiled to should be cooking them are either gently roasting them to a specific internal temperature or poaching them, right? Andrew, what the fuck are you talking about? That's truly. What are we talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are we talking about really good sausages? What the f-uh? They're just ground up rats and hog meat? What to? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? to? to? Like? to? to? to? to? Like? to? to? to? to? the the to? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their their? their? their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? th. th. th. to to to to toe? toe? toe? toes? toeateateateateateathea? toeathea? toeathea? toe? toing about really good sausages? What the fuck? These, they're just ground up rats and hog meat, whatever fell into the mincea one day, they pour about into some, I don't know. You're talking like a man who's never stuffed his own sausages. Of course I haven't. You're not set up to stuff sausages.

I don't have like a ring cut and walk and walk and walk and walk and th all right. Do who who which? I'm stuffing my sausage. I'm going to roast this later. I do have a meat grinder and a sausage stuffer which suggests that I would get killed by the witcher. They make them at the shop. Yeah but they're not good. They do. I mean I mean go to the right shop and if you go to the right shop and you. I do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the the the the the sausage. do do do do do do do do do do do the sausage. Do. Do. Do. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do the sausage. Do. Do the sausage. Do. Do. Do the sausage. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do their. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do you their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the witcher. They make them at the shop. Yeah, but they're not good. They do. You go to the barbeque. And if you go to the ride shop, you should treat their sausages with respect and either gently roast them in the oven or poach them.

Do their separate job. This is not a line of conversation. I am par-cooking my sausages by lightly half poaching them and then I'm doing them in a frying pan or on the barbecue to get a crust on the outside. I do that also if they spend too long in the bag when I'm defrosting them in the microwave. Again, you can just take the meat out the night before and just put it in the fridge. You don't have to defrust in the microwave. I've the the the th th th th th th th th th th th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm thus, I'm though, I'm thus, I'm not, though, I'm though, though, though, though, though, I'm though, I'm though, I'm though, I'm though, I can't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I. I. I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, the the the the th. th. that, that, that, that, that, thr. toge. togea. toge. toge. togu. togu. togu. togu. thruste. thruste. thruste. I'm not remember to. I've had a reminder in my Google calendar for like, for literally like a decade that says get meat out of the freezer and toothmose plus, which is me applying a dental moose to my teeth to recalcify them and I have not done either of those things for

approximately seven years. You know that's, what's got on the teeth are way bigger than people think they are. Way more teeth than you'd expect. Can I read the second half of this quote just from... No, first, first. I was at the zoo during the week and there was like a moose type... Why you always at the fucking zoo? Or is this you tell the story me? The the story from your same zoo visit? What was the last story? I don't know.

Is this where you saw the monkeys with the boners? No, that was pretty funny. That guy, this was a little dick on show. No, there was a moose type animal, you know, big antlers and stuff. Wasn't a moose though, didn't pay any attention to the sign. But it was definitely the same kind of size as the ones that you see in those videos where people just walk up to them in the wild and go, yeah, it's psycho. And then it just kind of obliterates somebody's kid when it gets startled,

and they all go, oh no! Who could have seen that coming with this animal that weighs as much as a Toyota Yaris? Yeah with this fucking Miyazaki-sized forest god animal that I've started slapping at the face for a Tick-Tock. Now I'm trying to imagine a dental moose. Terrifying. During the 2018 minor league baseball season, the Hartford Yard Goats played one home game as the Hartford steamed cheeseburgers. Special one-off uniforms resembling the food item were worn by the players and made to order steamed cheeseburgers from Ted's restaurant were available for fans to purchase. What a land. What culture. Quick round table. What are we picturing when they say uniforms

resembling the food item? I'm 100% envisioning the mascot from the Simpsons. It's just a cheeseburger. I... That's it. Yeah, okay. Except you throw a bucket of water over each of them before they come out. It's wet. Just a wet burger. Moist burger. Oh, this is fucking bullshit. Have you got a picture of it? It's just a yellow baseball jersey with steamed. The logo is actually kind of dope. The cheese burger has knuckles? No, it's got a bite out of it. And it's steamed. There's steam coming out of it because it's a steamed cheeseburger. The hat's kind of dope. Kind of nice with it. You can still buy them. They're in stock 3799 USD from the official Hartford Yard Goat's store. Expensive, but worth it. Yeah for that drizzy? Put that on my Amazon wish. What did you say? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th. th th th. th th th. tho thi. It's tho tho th th th th th th th th th th th th the th. It's th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's got thi. It's got thi. It's got thi. It's got thi. It's got thi. It's got thi. theeat. theat. theat. It's thi. It's got but worth it. Yeah, for that drizzy.

Put that on my Amazon wish. What did you say? Nothing. I got one more thing here. This is the Arizona Cheese Crisp. What cheese? The Arizona Cheese Crisp, simply Cheese Crisp in the region

is an open-faced flour tortilla covered in shredded cheese. It is placed on a metal pizza pan that has been brushed with butter or margarine and put under a broiler until it gets crisp. So if, let's say you're a hungry child and you've gone home from school, and you're like, what have we got? There's a packet of open wraps and the shredded cheese, I'm going to cover that rapid shredded cheese, and I'm going to melt the cheese and the cheese the cheese the cheese the cheese the cheese the cheese, the cheese, the cheese, the cheese, the cheese, the cheese, and the cheese, and the cheese, and the cheese, and the cheese wraps and there's some shredded cheese. I'm going to cover that rapid shredded cheese and then I'm going to eat it. That is an Arizona cheese crisp. This reminds me of like, when I used to be on the Something Awful forums and there was like a thread on there, it's like food hacks or whatever.

And like, oh, totally just get a get a piece of bread and get a cheese single and you mash that up in your fist real real tight so the bread and the cheese single are all mashed up and then put that on a plate in the microwave for a minute and it is delicious that's not it's not it's fucked up it's a stupid thing to do it's a ridiculous this is exactly the same this is just a standard poverty meal, you know. This is cheese on the tortiar. Good for, if you fucking run out of everything else you've arrived home 2 a.m. drunk. Yeah. Let's say you're stoned. That's a great little. And you forgot to make dinner. And you're like, fuck. I could eat. Yeah, that's perfect. What have I got? Yeah.

What have I got? Got some tortias? I got some cheese? It does, in the image that we've got here, which is the photo that is in the Wikipedia article, they do appear to have used to thee. So, yeah. They've elevated it somewhat of it, I guess. Formaggio. Mmm. Yeah. That sounds like that.

Probably not I used to make. Just going into a place saying, can I get an Arizona cheese crisp and they go, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm seeing double. What did you say to us? Quattro for baggio. You get two of them and stick them together, I reckon. Yeah.

Then it's just an ingredientlesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslesslessless. and stick them together, I reckon. Yeah. That sounds terrible. Ridiculous. It's just an ingredientless casadio, yeah. Yeah. Plain cheese casadia, just the way I like it. No seasoning, no nothing. Yeah. Now I'm looking at that photo got in there and that is a pizza pan full of yellow.

Yes. Yeah. A lot of shades of yellow, but all yellow. It's more browning there, so better than the steamed cheeseburger in that regard. It's like the JPEG is having trouble like rendering all the shades of yellow, like a 90s video game. It's on one of those laminate bench tops as well. Yeah, straight on a bench top that is quite sort of brown and orange and yellow flicked. Isn't it great that we've got a video component to this? I'm still just describing pictures.

Yeah, we could just put that up on screen and we don't have total. Jamie, can you put that on audio later? If we're gonna use the audio later, we can't just be given out the photos of free. Yeah. We should be like your Kickstarter sucks and get a guy. You know the guy that they've got. Are they got a guy? What's the guy's name? Dan? Yeah. I think we've got a guy and his name's Ben? I've got other shit to do, Brian. I'm busy. Let's get another guy but like as an internship. Yeah. Unpaid. Do you want to learn how to podcast? This is the only way. Now we've spent a lot of time just then discussing, you know, the intricacies, the ins and outs of America. Let's do it again, but in a different segment. This is, Andrew, I'm speaking slowly so that you've got time. My finger's already over the button.

That's fine. Yeah, it is, pal. The Great American. Hall of name. I fucking hate that. It's the great American, all of them. Now, I learned something new this week. Whoa! First time for everything, I'm right, guys.

It just seems unnecessarily disrespectful. Ben seems quiet. Thanks, I know you've always got my back. And that Louis's ambivalent. I'm sorry that I laughed. That was really disrespectful of me. Thank you. I was trying to fit in. So this is of course the segment where we, I try and find large lists of American names

that are mostly white people. Yeah, never racist. So that we can't be canceled. And then I find the funny ones that I read them to you and I've been doing this by going through oftentimes college sports teams, American college sports teams. Now what I didn't realize until this week is that the the colleges will have one sports team name that is the same name for all of the different sports. Oh that's weird. So I might have, inadvirtedly, uh! the the the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, uh, the, uh, uh, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, thi, often, uh, thi, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the college, the college, the college, the college, the college, the college, college, college, college, college, college, college, college, college, college, college college, college, college college college college college college college college college college college college college college's college's college's college college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's college's the college's, the sports team name that is the same name for all of the different sports. Oh, that's weird.

So I might have, inadvertently, over the last two years, said that I was saying the name from a college football team and it might have been a basketball team or similar. I was in a room with friends of the show, my friend Beck, who laughed at me and called me a fucking idiot when I said I was surprised by that. If you've had a similar reaction hearing me say that, please don't. I've already had an ordeal about it. Anyway, this comes from the Roster of Nebraska-Corn Huskers, which is the, and this is specifically their college football team.

This is from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. I believe, I didn't write this down, but I think it's from the year 1950 through to 1978, I think, and with no further ado, I'm going to start my list off, of course, with Jerry List. Who else could you even start with? It's a name on everyone's lips. It's founder of BuzzFeed, right? That's right, yes. The inventor of the Listicle. Great joke. Are you pleased that came out?

Yeah. There's a period there when everyone had Listermania. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, force of habit. Tony whiny. Tony Weine. Was that another Tony? Was they both Tony? No, that was Jerry listed Tony Winey.

Jerry and Tony, okay. Tony Winnie. Bill Wingender. Yeah. Yeah. George Mink. Hmm. Okay. Frank Nappy. Come on.

George Harshman. Oh, I hate that guy. Jim Little. Hmm. James Huge. That's a very nice pairing then. Guy Sap. Ed Love. That's a very nice pairing there. Guy Sap.

Ed love. Pardon? Sorry, can I just revisit Guy Sap? I feel like you put the emphasis on sap rather than... But it should be Guy Sap? Are you intimating that that's maybe a euphemism, Lucy? It might be. For what?

I couldn't tell you. Hey, ladies come too. Wow. You got me there. Kerry Winemaster. It's me. That's what I call myself. Lucy Valentine, aka Carrie Wine Master. Ron Grease. Yes, you can't pin Ron Grease down. Gary Too Good.

Tom Rude. What are adjectives for like what kind of person they might be? Steve Runty. Terry Luck. Like this guy. It's a good name. Rich Sanger. Yeah. That's so many dudes from the American named Terry. Yeah, a lot of those. American guys would be named Terry. That's true. Randy Borg. Hmm. Bloody six of nine over here, all right? Nice, I was going to see if anyone want to make a little Star Trek joke.

It's just for you and me, Lucie, a little treat. Dave Shamblin. Sure hope he is. It's not going to get him anywhere. He's going to have to be fast as that. Laven Torksen. Yep. It's a good solid American name. Roland McDowell.

Friend of Grimmets. He's trying to avoid legal complications. Mick Tinglehoff. Oh. I like to think that's a mononym. I like to think that that's a mononym. Yeah, he's first time his, Steve, Steve McTinglehoff. Ronald Pogamyer. Lyle Sittler.

Lyle Sittler, Langston Coleman, Kenny Brunk, Buster Yannan, Buster Yannin. Buster's a nice name. Is it short for something? Or is it a throwne? Is it short for something? Or like is it a... Or like, is it a... That's like something that Joe Biden would call you. Hey, Buster. Yeah, step it off with your rude questions or whatever. Chief. Bob Lingenfelter. I hardly know her. Klee to Pilin. Kleeet Pillon. Kleet Pillin. And of course going out with a speed round here.

Here we go. Woody Cox. Mm-hmm. Ray Butts. Rod Horn. Dick McCashland. Dick Prussia. Sorry, Dick Prussia. That's right. Dick Croshaw.

Dick Cozier. Dick Cozier. And last but not least. Dick Zzier. And last but not least Dick Zapp. Wow that is spelled so this might be Dick chap it's spelled CZAP hmm. Oh okay I like dick chap. Dick chap. Chapped my dick and that concludes the Great American Hall of Name. Beautiful stuff. That's nice thanks. Thanks Ben. Thank you. thick chap. Hmm. Hmm. Chapped my dick. Oh, that's a thick. thick. Thank you. I thank. I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. that. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Z. C. C. C. C. Z. C. C. C. C. Z. that. D. D American Hall of Name. The beautiful stuff. That was nice. Thanks Ben. Thank you. I try my best. Each and every day. Theo also tries his best, which is why we like to have little, little segments for showcasing all of his little thoughts and his little projects. And my favorite one is of course the Theo files, because that's

the one that I do with you, but we're doing one with everyone, a little miniature one. Oh, I didn't consent to this. We're finally invited for once, Lucy. Yeah, wow. You're allowed to observe, you're not allowed to talk during this. This is of course the Theophiles we call the theophiles. Thank you so much this story isn't really funny I just saw it and thought that is super badass and so I thought I'd share it with you guys so this is mostly from AZ Central dot com but I just thought that the badass. And so I thought I'd share it with you guys. So this is mostly from AZCcentral.com, but the primary sources are miners magazine, which I believe is actually literally a prospecting magazine.

Oh, good. Minors with the E. Yeah, sorry, sorry. I get my subscriptions mixed up there. And so this story starts in the spring of 1883 and the men were off with their flocks. I don't really know, I think that means they're fucking your mistresses. Some sheep people. They had left two women with the children at a cabin near Eagle Creek in the hill country

of eastern Arizona. One of the women stepped out to fetch water from a spring. Arizona was a different place then. Geronimo and his warriors had left the reservation, grizzlies and wolves roamed the hills. Cattle rustlers rode the range. The woman was not long gone before the screaming and howling began. The woman inside the cabin raced to the window, looked outside, covered her eyes and began to pray.

Then she barricaded the cabin door and waited until the men returned that night. She told them what little she saw, a flash of red, hooves and old bones. The men grabbed their guns, went to the spring and found the other woman's dead body trampled and crushed, as though a troop of cavalry had run over her. A newspaper reported later, there were large hoof prints on the ground. When questioned by the coroner, the woman from inside the cabin spoke of a beast, red, very tall and ridden by a devil. I think I saw that on a porn hub. A couple of weeks earlier, some miners had their tent nearly destroyed by a similar creature,

but they, too, only caught a quick glimpse as it vanished in the moonlight. After that, there were more sightings. Slowly, the beast took form, though its rider remained a mystery. When a man named Cy Hamlin, some versions of the story referred to him as Cyrus Hamlin, saw the creature, he said it was a camel. He was well respected around the community and people may have believed him if he stopped there, but he didn't. He said it looked like a camel, but it had a man strapped to its back. In one story, the beast appears and then vanishes into thin air. Another claimed the beast had killed and eaten a grizzly bear.

One yarn spinner said he pursued the beast to the edge of Black River in eastern Arizona where it jumped across the canyon from one cliff to another in a single leap. The newspaper pointed out the same man had once seen a flying bear and a mountain of goat. So fuck you. Mountain of gold. What did you say? Ah, never mind. That's not right.

The mountain goat. Fantasia Colorado, the Mexicans called it. And the translated name hung to it. The Mojave County Minor reported in 1893. It was its splendid name to scare tender foots with. And then there was the hamlin sale of the man strapped to camel. name to scare tender foots with. And then there was the Hamlin's sale of the man strapped to a camel. Most people dismissed it in spite of Hamlin's reputation as a man of truth.

Hamlin had merely seen the camel's hump, they said. Complete bullshit. Hamlin innocent. Then a few weeks later and 60 miles away, five prospectors saw the same thing. It was in the Verde Valley and they crept closer to the beast, squeezed off a few shots and missed. The beast fled. As it did, something fell away and tumbled to the ground. The miners ran to the object and found a man's head dried and with flesh and hair still on it. The beast getting to a little clearing and patting its pockets.

Ah! Ah! A freighter, bedding down for the night along the Verde River, reported being awakened by a screaming beast some 30 feet tall. The creature knocked over wagons and teamsters and mules fled into the night. Few believed this story because the freighter was hauling a load of whiskey. A cowboy working for the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their tha tha tha thea thea the theering toeating theating toe toe toe toe toe toe toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. th into the night. Few believed this story because the freighter was hauling a load of whiskey. A cowboy working for the anchor J outfit east of Phoenix came across the beast near an abandoned corral. Through force of habit he tried to lasso the beast. It charged him. I just can't help lassoe any beast. I don't even know I'm doing it until I'm slinging

that rope. It charged memory just tags over. But it charged him and knocked horse and rider to the ground. Back at camp, the cowboy said he'd gotten a look of the load on its back, which was nearly gone, but there was no doubt that it had once been a man. Over time the beast mellowed, the body fell away in bits and pieces. Now the last man to see the beast was rancher Mizu Hastings, who used a window sill to steady his rifle and quote blazed away, the miner reported. He just started blasting. When he walked over to the dead camel, there was no skeleton on its back, but there were marks from leather straps. About a decade had passed since the animal had first been sighted.

Nobody could say how a man may have wound up strapped to the back the back the back the back the back the back to the back to the back the back the back the back the back the back the back the animal had first been sighted. Nobody could say how a man may have wound up strapped to the back of a camel. Was it that weary pilgrim? A lost miner too weak to ride? Was the man already dead when he was strapped to the camel's back? Was it a joke some bored soldiers played on a young recruit only to have the beast get away? I like this option. The frontier was full of unlucky soldiers and prospectors.

Perhaps the miner wrote, it was, quote, an ugly piece of humor of somebody who had a camel and a corpse for which he had no use. That poor camel. So apparently the, there was such a thing as the camel core, which was sort of set up in the decades preceding this where they imported a bunch of camels into this area and started trying to use them like horse brigades or horse dragoons. That always works out well, doesn't it? Oh, fuck it. Whatever, and they just let them go. But I just enjoyed the concept of this camel just running all about with a fucking dead guy on its back. Just in a close. So badass. I want a fucking tattoo of that. That rules. Also, how tall do you

reckon camel is just not 30 feet? 30 or 30 feet? 30 or 30 feet is a large camel. That's how tall a moose is. To my understanding, like the part word it says few believe this story because the Fred was holding a load of whiskey. By that th. Do th. Do the the th. Do the the the th. Do the th. Do the big the big the big the big the big the big the big the big the big th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. th. th. I th. I th. I'm th. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I tool. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I tol. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. tole. tole. tole. tole. tol. tol. tol. tool. tool. t freighter was holding a load of whiskey. By that do they mean that like when somebody says, oh, a big beast came and knocked over all the crates of whiskey and they got smashed and they're gone now. Yeah, and it was sad to be tall and I had a man skeleton strapped to the back. Man, it would have been so easy to start an urban legend back then. It's been so good. You could just fucking say anything. You could talk so much shit and someone would write it. Just cruise around tel stories. And that's how the Bible was written, am I right, fella?

Oh my gosh. No way. You can't say, Ben, bleep that out, Ben, bleep that out-second delay so you can get rid of unorthodox comments. We didn't we didn't invest in the Ricky Jovea's protocol. Lucy what point did you switch to wine? I had one mercury hard cider and then I had a glass of wine lined up. So I didn't have to go to the kitchen to get it. You're fucking smart. Wicked smart.

Now, seeing a skeleton strapped to an ornering camel, that certainly doesn't bode well. It's not a great sign. You might even call that an omen or perhaps a portent. tour. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. And you shall know that God is God and bow down to his will.

This is of course the segment where we discuss news stories. Oh no, I've put this in the wrong order, or did I? Where we discuss news stories where it seems like they might be a sign of bad things to come or that something ill is afoot. You ever see about movie the seventh sign? Gone with Jurgen Proch now in it? Where he is Jesus? I believe he's Jesus? Is he?

No, he's a guy who was... I don't know. Some friends with Jesus. Anyway, it's got some pretty cool omens in it, you know? Yep. This is a story from the newspaper, the messenger, which serves Houston County and Anderson County in Texas in the United States of America, attempted child

purchase thwarted in Crockett. Okay. Yeah. Hey? Pardon? And like I should say straight off the bat, right? When you say that, what I'm picturing is like... Kid with a credit card. No, I'm picturing, I'm picturing guy, guy on his computer trying to like, you know, buy a slave or a child or something, you know, or a child slave. Well then you're slightly more on the mark than I was when I saw this headline because I was under the impression that this was a story about a child attempting to purchase something expensive and then someone stopped it from happening. Oh! No drone for you little Billy. Yeah you can't buy a 2017 Kia Serrento, you are 18 months old. Whereas I thought immediately that it's like getting down to the park and you

see a really cool kid. He's sort of buying him. Yeah, well like, I mean just test the waters. Okay, how much would you take for it? Theo, I... Hold that... Everything's got a price. Hold that thought in your mind. What's it going to take to get you into my Kia Sorrento? God, damn. A strange scenario played out at the Walmart in Crocket last week as a 49 year old woman attempted to purchase another woman's child while waiting in line. Act of the deal.

So literally it was just like, hey, you selling that baby? Like, how much would you take? It's a buyer's market. This lady needs a phone to look at so she's got something to do in line. Other than purchase people's children. Always be doing deals. You've got the deal children to sell children. Police records indicate Rebecca Lynette Taylor from Crockett was taken into custody on January

18th in charge with the offense of the sale or purchase of a child, a third degree felony. An affidavit of probable cause filed by Lieutenant Alia Price with the Crockee Police Department indicated that she was on patrol on January 13th when she received a phone call from mother of the child, quote, advising a white woman with blonde hair approached her in the Crockett Walmart wanting to purchase her son. The mom explained... What's the crime? Sorry, it is the sale or purchase of a child of third degree felony.

On paper. She didn't purchase it. I guess it was the attempted purchase for a child. Hey, like- You don't get charged for attempted murder. Yeah, that's right. So first degree is worse, right? On the charges?

First degree murder. Lucy you're our resident lawyer. First degree is worse than third degree? I think so. First is worse? That's what they put in the law books? First degree burns, worse than third degree burns. I don't know if that's right. First degree black belt better at karate than a third degree black belt. No, I don't think that's right. They're worse at karate. More points better at golf. The mom explained to Lieutenant Price, she was waiting to scan her items in a self-checkout with her baby in a car seat and her one-year-old sitting in the cart.

She indicated a woman, later identified as Rebecca Taylor, approached her and, quote, began commenting on her son's blonde hair and blue eyes. She asked how much she could purchase him for. The mom tried to laugh this comment off off off off off off off off told her that she had $250,000 in the car and she would pay that much for him. The mom told her no amount of money would do. She's driving a hard bargain. Imagine a lot of days were like kids really pissing you off. Yeah. You're like 250 grand. I'll say if if she's saying, hey, no amount of money, if she gets an offer of 250 grand,

she says no amount of money. Everyone's got a price. the deal. No, she's pushing it up. She knows what she goes. That's true. But it's interesting that you say that. When Taylor continued to press the matter, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, too, too, the, too, too, they... too, too, too, to, to, to, to, too, too, the, the, if. the, if. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If..................................................................................................................... t..... to, to, t.... It's, t.. It's, the the, the mom told her to back away from her son. Taylor, however, did not and said she had been wanting to purchase a baby for a long time. I've been in the market.

I've been in the market for... I've had the... I've had the baby red book for a while. I've been checking out. Blue-eyed blonde hair child child of this age, 180,000. Yeah, the 2016 model, yeah. The 202-21 model that you got there in that baby suits? How many miles on that kid?

The mum went on to inform Lieutenant Price that Taylor was with another woman whom she believed to be of Hispanic origin. Dun, da, da, da, da. In yet another odd twist, the second woman asked the mom what her son's name was but she refused to provide her with a child's name. However Taylor and the other woman began to call the child by his name with what the mum believed to be no prior knowledge of it. I mean they don't like that. Okay so there's a few rules about child buying.

Uh-huh. Don't buy when it's night time. Yep. Don't buy it when you're hungry. You've got to do your research. Find out the child's name. Find out what they like. If they're not into the back well next thing you know you know what they say like a baby loses like a third of its value as soon as you take it out of a walking lot yeah true I've used them pick up artist stuff you know like repeating the name like hello David would you like to be purchased by

me David use other pickup artist tactics like wearing a large furry hat like a generic I would wear you look kind of shitty, David. Oh, you went with those shoes, did you, David? The little Ben Tent shoes. Wow, I would never be brave enough to wear a shirt that says I know how to surf what I don't. This, um, them seemingly knowing the name already makes me think that this might be, uh, either the omen situation or a rosemary's baby situation.

Arguably very similar situations. They know about this baby. It's very creepy. After waiting on the two women to leave the store, the mom left with her children began walking towards the car. Once in the parking lot, the police report went on to state, Taylor began screaming at the mom saying if she wouldn't take $250,000 for him, then she would give her $500,000 dollars because she wanted him and she was going to take him. Out of the deal. Oh, okay, I see where she's gone wrong here. Double it. Yeah. Yeah. I think she's she's accidentally gone too hard on it, you know. She should have been like 260, 270, and seen if she got any reaction?

Yeah. Like, you've said that you've got $250,000 in the car, insane claim to make. Are you going to be like, I will give you the briefcase that I have in the car that's full of cash and then I will later on bring you another briefcase full of cash that I prepared earlier. I have to go to the bank. 250K now, 250K in a week's time once they confirm the child is, you know. Cool. Yeah. 250K later, when they get a bachelor's degree. I want to know that this kid's not a dud. Can I have to pay that this kid's not a dud. Can I have to pay that baby? Four installments of $250,000? The mom locked both of her children in the car while Taylor stood behind a black SUV parked

next to the mom's vehicle. Taylor continued to repeat that she wanted the child and would pay $500,000 for him. Eventually she entered the black SUV and left the scene. Police reviewed the surveillance video from Walmart and reported in the affidavit that the video appeared to confirm what the mom had told her. She then went to Taylor's residence to ask her about the incident. Quote, she told me that she doesn't like thieves. Then she stated I could speak with her attorney and to get off her, quote, precipi she slammed the tapapapapapape. the door dooravit. After speaking with Houston County District

Attorney Donna Casper, Price secured a warrant for Taylor's arrest she was taken into custody on January 18th in charge with a sale or purchase of a child, third degree felony. According to section 12.34 of the Texas Penal Code, an individual a judged guilty of a felony of the third degree shall be punished by imprisonment in the Inst division for any term of not more than 10 years or less than two years. In addition to the imprisonment, an individual will judge guilty of a felony of the third degree may be punished by a fine not to exceed $10,000. Taylor remains that the Houston County Jailin is being held on a $50,000 bond, so she's got at least $200,000 left.

So I obviously that's scary. I don't want to make light of that if you were a mom and you go to the shop and then two women started chasing after you and that's fucking terrifying. Clearly this person is probably very unwell. I understand in my heart I intuitively get that it is wrong to purchase to purchase to purchase to purchase to purchase to purchase to to to to to the the to the the to the the the the child. the child. the child. the the child. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. their th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. tho. tho. tho. th. tho. thous thous thous thous thous thous thous th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the. the the the the. the the. the. the. the. the. the te. the $. the $ $1.00. the $1. the $1.00. the $ $1.00.00. th it is wrong to purchase a child. Oh, Mr. Child Free, all of a sudden he cares. Didn't know that it was... I don't think you could afford Finn. I just didn't know it was like... No, I obviously can't. Look at how I live. I didn't know this was a crime that was on the books. Buying a child. Child purchase. I've never heard someone, you know, oh he's a child purchaser. They get treated very badly in prison.

Yeah. I have to go door to door knocking like, sorry I have just moved in, I'm a child purchaser. I may put an offer in on your child. Yeah. I, yeah. $17 dollars for braiding No, okay. No harm, no foul. How much? How much? How much do you do? Turning up at your door with one empty sack and another sack full of money, you know?

Yeah, like we could just do it right here. You could cut out the middleman and just empty out the sack of money and then put a child in a one sack. You don't want to be giving your money to a child dealer. That's just adding extra overheads you don't thahahah pretty shady anyway you ever want to deal with the child dealer. We just do it right here. Go straight to the source. Right on your precipice. Who needs someone ticket clipping in the middle?

You know? Yeah. But yeah, I guess like, I am. I'll even pay for the sack. I'll even pay for the sack. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try.a.a.a.a.a.a. the the too.a. too. too. too. to. to. to. to to. I'll just take a loose child home. My understanding is that pretty much any situation in which you are buying another human is frowned upon. Definitely frowned. Yeah, sure. All right. I just thought that would have been a catch-all sort of under like human trafficking or slavery or, you know, something along those lines. Child purchase is just, that phrase is new to me.

I guess as well like, well it is the Texas penal code as well so I guess they can have a lot of very you know state specific laws over there. Yeah, it's like seven states in America where child purchase is fully legal now and they're actually making a ton of money on the taxes on it's actually been really good. Yeah. It is legal to trade an exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic exotic to the to the the to the the to the to the the the to the to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. th. th. Well. Well. Well. Well, th. Well, th. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the taxes on it's actually been really good. Yeah. It is legal to trade an exotic animal for a child in the state of Arizona. Yeah, both Carolinas, it's fine. In Cambry can grow your own child, but you're not allowed to use UV lights. Not allowed to sell your child to someone else. Can't even give your child as a gift. Oh boy.

Bad vibes Ben. Yes. I hope no one tries to put, hey, anyone who's listening, I hope no one tries to purchase my child for a lot of money. It'd have to be way more than $250,000. Oh, dear, it is like, I, I, I gather Ben that, to you, the most fucked up part of that story was when they started referring to the child by his name. 100% yes. So this might have gone under any of the other segments really, it's mainly the fact that they already like so

that there's it's a real we want your child for a sacrifice kind of vibe and we want your child specifically the the blue eyes and blonde hair that's kind of weird that's an odd slightly Nazi vibe yeah this this feels like some like Nazi regime occult stuff you know soe th style, Thule of Colt Society, you know, I don't know what they're doing over there, but I feel like it's the sort of thing that Hellboy would break up. Hellboy, if you're listening, you are needed. Sort this out.

I'm very sorry for losing my composure just now, but I've read the headline from the next thing that we are introducing as part of the omens and pornance segment. This comes to us from UPI News. Mystery animal that might be a dog escapes from Pennsylvania rescue. That's right. We don't want to narrow that down any. Might be. Could it. I don't know to narrow that down any. Might be. Could, dude.

A mystery animal that experts said could be either a dog or a coyote escape from a wildlife group's facility about a week after being rescued from the cold. You know what? Those experts could be better. Yep. Yeah. How much time you think they put into try to figure that out? Hey man, is this a dog or a coyote? Yeah, dude. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. That's a great question. Yeah, fuck yeah, anyway, have a good one. So how many legs did it have? For?

Yeah, sounds like a dog or a coyote. Yeah, that's a classic dog or coyote situation. Anyway, good luck, brother. Have hair on it. Yes, it could definitely could be a coyote or a dog. See ya. Wildlife Works Mount Pleasant, which took the animal in after it was found cold and shivering, outside Christina 8th's Fairfield Township home, said personnel arrived Thursday morning to find the unidentified canine had destroyed its cage, trash the hospital area and chewed through a window seal to escape.. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoed thoed thoody thoody thoody thoody the coyoteaute toyote toyote toy toy the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyote the coyoody the coyoody the coyoody the coyoody the cooed........... their their their their their their their their thoed thoed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. teoody teoody teoody teoody teoo te, trash the hospital area, and chewed through a window seal to escape. I like this guy. It's got moxy. Yeah, can't hold him down. It's like one of those dogs you'd experience in a Resident Evil game. We've just sort of like wandered into the village and smacking up against the bars of the cage. But then as soon as you take your eyes off it, it's just like busts through. I really enjoy the concept of a dog that you experience.

Would you like to experience my dog or coyote? Does that mean getting bitten by a coyote? It might mean getting bitten by a dog or coyote. Quote, we had him for about a week during which time he ate nutritious food and received treatment for his mange and secondary infections. We can only guess that he was starting to feel somewhat better and decided it was time to go, the Facebook post said. That's dope. You can kind of intimate that fromto go, the Facebook post said. That's dope. You can kind of intimate that from the fact that he had enough strength to burst out

of his cage and destroy your facilities. I love that he was just like convalescing for a bit that he's like, oh no, here we go. Brah. And I'm out. Boose. The group said personnel had not experienced any aggressive behavior or previous escape attempts from the animal, whatever type of animal that may be. I love that nobody there can say.

I just feel like you could make a ruling. You could have a guess, like you could decide. You could definitely make a ruling. Experts were unable to determine whether the animal was a dog or a coyote. So a sample was sent for DNA testing. The results have not yet returned, the group said. But hey, as soon as they know, we'll know. Yeah. Just... We'll remember to check two months later. That would be like... That would be the 50th to know. Yeah. Just... We'll remember to check two months later. That would be like...

the 50th to know. That would be the best kind of fucking dog to have other than specifically Louis. Yeah, he's a bit to everything. Literally we have no idea. Yeah, dog, jackal. I have some liger in him maybe. It's obvious. He does shit on his own legs to cool them down. Oh, this is, sorry, it's a horrible tangent, but I took Louis to the dog park this morning and he was chasing this dog and it was like, you know, great, it was in the morning, there weren't a lot of people down there because the weather was a bit iffy. And I see this like young couple about my age walking walking up with a dog that is basically exactly Louis's size and proportions and has like a similar sort of nature.

So they immediately start playing together. We're doing that thing where we're not making conversation, but we're like smiling at each other. Like, ah, eh, this is nice. They're like running circles full speed after this dog that is also going full speed. And this dog who is clearly enjoying itself, exhibiting playful behavior, you know, its ears are up, tails wagon, just diarias itself while it's running. Oh no.

And then I, the two people, like deploying an oil slick in a Nogade racing game. He's playing Interstate 88 and he's try to throw the the dog the dog the dog the dog the dog the dog the dog the dog the dog the dog th, the two people, deploying an oil slick in a Nardo's racing game. He's playing Interstate 88 and he's trying to throw the dog off the trail. And the couple has sort of seen it and I've looked at them and they've not acknowledged it. And then Louis has just stopped chasing the other dog. I just been like, well, yeah, we better keep moving. Just leaving them with their shitty dog. Oh. It looks like your dog's got a lot of diarrhea there.

So, shit, huh? Your dog? It's on him? Wow, they grow up so fast. Gross. We, um, we don't have a dog, but we got kids. And uh... Great segue. And one of them, so wife of the show my wife elder was taking the kids to go and do something. Like go to the library and go to the, go to the empennata place.

And so she had like, got them both. The two activities. Biblioteca and Bacotta Place. Yep. Got them both ready and everything, driven however far away to the place where all the stuff was happening. And like, as they get there, one of the kids is like, I need to burp and goes to push a burp out and they just vomits down the front of her so. But like, like she wasn't wasn't th a th wasn't wasn't thua th, like, like, she wasn't th, she wasn't th, vomits down the front of us.

But like, she wasn't sick or anything. She was horrified, absolutely horrified, and very distressed. But like, I think it was just, we've all, look, we've all had that scenario where we've been like, I've got a little bit here, I'm gonna push, and then you do a little bit of that. There's a bit of vomit in the mouth scenario, you know? But clearly, this child had never encountered that before.

I did not know what to do, and it resulted in a mouthful of vomit going down the front of her. And Elders just like, well, I'm going to go back home. That day is sort of done at that point. There was like, there was like three days there where Finn was discovering his gag reflex. And so, and he'd like put his fingers down the back of his throat and go, oh, we go, no, Finn, don't do that. And because because we'd acknowledged it and started interacting with it. It's like, interesting. He thought it was very funny and this became a game where he would just be like, Oh, like try to make himself puke while try to get to him and like pull his hand up his mouth.

It was great fun. I play that game with my cat. Yeah, yeah, she like, she walks out into the middle of a carpeted area and starts going, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Yeah, she does do that though. Yeah, and I got to sprint over to her and like carry her to, to like a tiled area. Yeah, carry her like a big round bomb with a fuse going down. Yeah, why don't catch shit in their litter? They just puke wherever. No shame. You you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thu, th, th, thir litter, but they just, they just puke anywhere. It's puke wherever. No shame. You're right though Theo, when you do, you always got to carry them like total arms length,

you know. Away from me. Oh boy, that's something I'd love to watch on TV? Oh, he's good. You like that Thomas Anderson movie, The Master. Oh, so of course it must be time for that shopworn segment that we're all so familiar with, TV Watch. That's right. Now usually in the story selection process for this podcast, Buntavista, I try to use news that is less than a week old,

I'll sometimes go a fortnight, or if we're doing theo files, anywhere between now and 3 million years ago. This is not breaking news in any way. This, much like the two to four episodes that we did about Efteling, have been brought to me by a conversation with friend of the show, my friend, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, theus, theus, theus, theus, theus, thean, theus, theus, theus, theus, theus, theus, the, the episodes that we did about Efteling have been brought to me by a conversation with friend of the show, my friend Zoe, who has mentioned something to me that is bat shit insane as if it was perfectly normal and that I've gone. There's no way that's true. Efteling, it turned out, is real.

And so is this reality show that maybe you guys have watched, I don't know what you're viewing habits like, but I never heard of it. Have you apologized to your friend since then? No I will never apologize. It sounds like she's just been having a conversation with her friend and saying honest things and you have been gaslighting her by saying those things aren't true or real. And then you're going in using them on your podcast. Yeah, financial, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you monet monet monet monet monet monet monet, you monet, you're monet, you're monet, you're monet, you're money, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, have thu, have thu, have thu, have thu, have thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, th. Yes, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thooooooooooooo-a, that, tho-a, tho-a, thatue or real. And then you're going in using them on your podcast. Yeah, you're monetizing her knowledge and then not apologizing to her? That's so true. I hate to keep it. I love to keep a girl boss down. Girl bosses stay losing. That's my motto.

Wow. Why are you doing this? I'm just trying to do an intro into the thing that I was going to talk about, I'm not a bad guy, I'm a nice guy. I'm just trying to defend Zari, that's all. You don't even, okay. This is from the website, the rap, and the heading on the article is, Netflix's Too Hot to Handle, prudeus explain why that blowjob cost $6,000. Yes. Lucy's ready. Have have have whatever this is, Lucie? Oh, great. You can provide some insights into this.

Uh, Netflix is too hot to handle as a premise almost too absurd to believe. Ten, quote, Hotties, sent to a resort for a month with nothing to do except each other. Mm-hmm. Only they're... Sorry I had to birth them. Only they're not allowed to have sex. Every time they have sex, they lose a bit more of the $100,000 pot. So they are allowed to have sex. They are. And they do.

But at what cost? I could definitely have... 20,000 dollars. I could definitely have a hundred thousand dollars worth of sex. Oh, hell yeah, their their their their yeah, their yeah, their yeah, their yeah, their their their their they they they they they they they they. Oh hell yeah dog I love sex as well. I couldn't you think you can and you know you kind of fill up. You finish having sex and your wife says that was $2.35 worth of sex. I would not get my money's worth out of a hundred thousand dollars worth of sex. Are the others that might be fine with I'd say I'd happily take two th worth of sex, $98,000 worth of model railroad paraphernalia.

Exactly how much they lose is a mystery to both the cast and the audience until someone does the deed and the show's version of a housemother, a supposedly artificially intelligent robot, named Lana, who looks like a cross between an Alexa and an air freshener, no pipe for Lana. I'm sorry? You would an air freshener. No pipe for Lana. I'm sorry? You would like to their pipe. No pipe for Lana. Yeah, well, if she wants it, she has cost $20,000.

She's keeping people chased. Uh, Lana gathers the cast to inform them how much their housemates infraction would cost them. Q the infighting. Across the eight episode first season we learned that a simple kiss but they're never simple are they? Cost the group $3,000. Intercourse cost $20,000. A sneaky but not sneaky enough oral sex session later in the season costs a meagre 6,000 dollars. So I can get two kisses or a blowjob. Yeah. Yeah. Well it's a sapio sexual, you know. I mean obviously I'm taking the two kisses.

I'm just saying two different hotties. Just doing a match. What? Yeah. Two hoddies or one blowjob, you know. So I'm so I'm besieged for after the show is finished. Two in the mouth or one in the bush? Am I right? Are you? Like that proverb about, um, it's a saying, it's popular. Haven't, haven't heard of it. The rap called up executive producers, Vicki Kohler and John O'Riich to get to the bottom of how those price tags are decided. Is it an Australian show? No. No, it's very British. Oh, okay. It's American and British.

I was just trying to figure out where Jono was coming from. Oh yeah, it's not that sort of that sort of Johno. Quote, there were these sort of long discussions to work out what was the right amount to be a penalty when they got it. But people could still work with that Richard said. It wasn't like there was a bar tab. the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be to be a to be a to be a to be a to be to be to be to be. to be. to to to be. to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a toe. toe. tode. toda. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. th. the. the. thr. thr. thr. thr. the. bar tab up on the wall saying, this is what X costs, this is what Y costs. We wanted to make it acceptable to break the rules so that we could have a show, but we also didn't want it to be too much about the money. We felt that $20,000 for sex was big enough, but it was those middle ground things.

We eventually settled on $6,000, as well, Kola said. Hmm. What about like a little bit of nipple play? You know, what about the in-between things? How much would you pay for nipple play? Like if you had a hundred thousand dollars come to you and you really needed to get some nipple play out of your system? What's an amount you're willing to lose? Well, if you're not kissing, no kissing, nothing else, just straight to the n n n n n n n n n n n n n n n just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, the to the to to the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the to to throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, the, just straight to the nipple play. You know? You could do that cheaply. And look, women love that. Women do love it. Women love it when a man just comes up and stands in front of them and he acts like he is

trying to tune a radio from the 50s. Yeah. So true. And also says, sorry, I simply can't afford to go any further. It's a session of nipple play. I do not have that kind of money. May I engage you with some nipple play? No? Oh, okay. At one point about halfway through the series, the show introduces the concept of smart watches. What's next? Smart fridges? I'm sorry. That reward couples for forming, quote, genuine connections with a momentary

respite from chastity. Right, so if you have a connection, if you're having a real conversation and you're connecting, then the watch lights up green and that says that you can engage in intimate behavior. You can have a little, you can have a little smooch, maybe. Lights up green and it stops like measuring steps. What are you doing here? Just as a freebie, if you're in sort of maybe like a post-hardcore band or something similar, you could take a momentary respite from chastity as an album name. That's for free. Yeah. That's nice. And also stop sending sexes to teams. Ruining all the bands that I I I I I I I their tha their th. their th. their th. th. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to th. I to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. It th. It th. It th. It thi. It thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's ti. It's ti. I ti. I te. I te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. t stop sending sexes to teams. Ruining all the bands that I listen to.

If you can. Momentary respite from chastity. That sounds like a marriage. That's not momentary. No. No. Okay. So, sorry.

I don't actually, no, that's not true. Some of us have had a momentary marriage. Who? Oh, roaster. Wow. That's divorced much? Two years actually. If, um, so you've said that with the cadence of like one of those my wife jokes. Yeah, as in like, because you have sex really sometimes. Really sometimes. Sex is a sometimes food.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Quote, we had the idea that the watches would exist from the beginning, but we actually were going to be a bit meaner, Kola said. Eventually we decided that they should be rewarded and the watches would serve as a nice counterbalance to losing the money. So it was kind of a carrot and a stick. toeeea tha. tool. tool. tool. thiii. tool. thi. tool. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that th. th. th. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. the. too. too. too. too. too. too. t money. So it was kind of a carrot and a stick scenario. Every tool that we used was based on this particular group of people. So after a month without doing the deed, semi-frequent slip-ups notwithstanding, did anybody

actually grow from the process? Did the cast learn how to look past their sexual impulses and form deeper relationships? No. No, I'm saying, I'm saying no. Well, the article says it was hard to say. I'm saying no. I'm saying no. Some of them are still together on Instagram and I follow them. So, you know.

You are. They're occasionally whack. viewer, at least some part of Too Hot to Handle, will make them think a little bit harder about the ways they connect with other people. Yeah. It's not a show about zapping people with financial penalties for sucking each other off. That's only because they couldn't get the, uh, they couldn't get like the electric dog collars past legal, you know? Yeah, people at heart conditions would be way better. Just let up zap people when they toucest the nipples. So hang on. Can we address the elephant room? Are you allowed to jack it? No, you're not. That was addressed in one of the episodes. How are they policing? A guy jerked off and in the shower and they lost money. How'd they find out? It was because there's cameras everywhere.

Line is always watching. I think it was in the shower. Yeah, he got in trouble for jacking off. Do they all sleep in the same bedroom? Or they got individual bedrooms? They do, they sleep in the same big bedroom type scenario. So like, you'd have to be like, really quiet. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't a shower. Maybe it was like, they tell if you just got like your knees? I'm just saying if you had your knees up like this. You're just lying like and you're not

like, just for arguments sake you got your knees up like this. You can't prove that I was jacking up. And your sheet sort of going to go and you're not even making contact with with the bottom of the sheet completely silent. I think maybe maybe your tent scenario is kind to the the the the their their their their their their to their their their to their their to to their to their their to to their to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get you. to get to get to get to get to get to get. to get. to get. to to you're to you're. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. their. Just. I's just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I's just. I's just. I's just. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm just saying I do very well on this show as somebody who does not assume that they're going to have sex any particular month. So you reckon you would just go in, you would do your time covertly jacking it using your pavilion technique. Quietly, very quietly, silently even. Theo calls it the big top. Maybe it's funny. I'm getting some big top.

Ah, come on now. Quote, that's what I want people to talk about, she said. Of course, there's the twists and the characters and Lana. But I think that actually it's the workshops and the idea that slowing down might be the way forward, which is different in the world they're living in right now. We live in a society. It doesn't make as much noise either. It can kind of... Yeah, but it takes longer.

It is odd to be the producer of a TV show where a bunch of people are doing like forced celibacy to desperately win a prize pool. They'd be like, yeah, no one ever thinks about how we live in a society these days. What happened to connection? What happened to romance? So true. What happened to nipple play? What happened to nipple play? What happened to nipple play?

No kissing. Yes. What have happened to niple play on the fifth date? Don't t the mouth. I think we've got time for just one more story here. For our beloved beautiful. Let's not close it out with the nipple. Yeah, well you don't want to be kissing a dry mouth Andrew. Make sure that mouth's a little bit moist by the time you can just like this at all. One more story. This is, I didn't really prepare a seway for this. I just started talking. But hopefully. But hopefully. I. I the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to the to the to to the to the to the the the to the to the the the to the th. I to to th. I to to th. I their the to th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. te. toda. I te. tell. toda. tell. to. I te. to. to. I today. I th segue for this, I just started talking, but hopefully Andrews click off the button, it's tabeloid phenomenon.

This is the segment where we look at the crazy, wacky stories church. This is the segment where we look at the crazy, wacky stories coming out of the UK tabloids and they are goofy as all hell. This is from Wales online, not a website for creatures of the order cetacea, which is not a tax on. Yeah, it's not a taxon. Wow. Despite what you might think a foolish person would believe that. You might think that's so stupid right now. It's only an informal ordering of the suborder. Cetacea. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Team called IKEA changed name after bullies put

own names together. Now this headline is... Oh I get what they're getting. They're try to make a joke. And they have done it shitly. I don't understand. Can you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the thi. thi. thi. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's only thi. It's only thi. It's only the. the. to to to to to to. to to. to. the. the. the. the. the. tho. the getting for. They try to make a joke and they have done it shitly. I don't understand. Can you explain it to me? Have you encountered the furniture company, IKEA? You have to assemble the furniture yourself. You got to put it together. Yeah. And so what they're saying is that a teen here changed her name because the name was Ikea and she was bullied but they've saying is that a teen here changed her name because the name was Ikeer and she was bullied, but they've done the headline by saying that the bullies put their own names together for that child, which is a play on how you have to assemble ikeer furniture yourself. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, all right. A team called the team called ikeer has revealed how she changed her name after school billies... After school billies. The Beverly School... This MF said schoolbillies.

Don't roast me in the chat please. I'm highly strong. We're not talking about act of the deal anymore. We've moved on. I wasn't going to say anything about act of the deal. I was going to let that slide. You brought that up an hour after the fact. After school bullies dubbed her Flat Pack in cruel jokes about the Swedish furniture store. Look, honestly, honestly. That rules is a worst.

It's kind of funny. If that is the worst thing, if that's the worst thing you've ever been called. I have a distinct memory of a kid in primary school calling me like as an insult it was meant to be mean, calling me LA Law, like the TV show with Carlson. That's a sick nickname. Yeah, it's it's like, okay. All right. Yeah, I just, you know, know, that's the most, that's the worst slur you can get for a white guy in the late 80s, you know, whose last name is law. And it's all we could manage. And if you're a, if you're a white girl called IKEA and they call you a flat pack. All right.

There was a guy in our, our grade whose name was Brendan R. Like his last name was starts with R. Are you keeping his identity secret? Yeah, I'm keeping his identity secret because because at some point someone called him Braggs which stood for Brendan R in his gay shoes and that became his name for literally all of high school. It might still be the name that people refer to him. It was in art class. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Can you describe the shoe? Yeah, I think that would just your standard issue, bad school shoes. I'm certainly not one to be drawing rocks. It wasn't, it wasn't like the John Hendren scar shoe or anything like that. No, I wish I remembered the shoe. All I remember is the name. Jasmine Dagliss 19. Mm-hmm. Fuckeen. If anyone's interested, I checked and it is a white girl. Yes.

Oh, we're fine. Investigator, teen nickname. Also, I don't think I've ever heard the name Dagless in real life, only ever as the character, show within a show character Rick Daugliss from Darkplace. Jasmine Dagliss 19 was named Ikeer at birth after him. Named Ikear at birth having the same cadence is like a sign female at birth is quite interesting. Oh, I'm Nyab.

They took your birth after her mum's or a TV advert for the company while pregnant. Oh. Oh, no, it's one of them. Yeah. It's a fucking acclaim, name your baby after Mortal Kombat thing. It's just like, not even that she's like a fan. It was Churok. A claim ran a competition where you could win an amount of money if you named your child Churok. That's great. Number one, that's fucking cool. This is my four year old. Churok. Just put it on the birth certificate. Don't make them go by, money making,

doing deals. Always be closing. Always be closing. Only $10,000 that is not enough to name your child. Or maybe it is. Maybe it is. I don't know your circumstances. I'd way rather be named Turok than Ikea. I mean, but okay, so it's not like she... I'm a dinosaur, Homer. She saw a TV advert for it while she was pregnant and then was like, oh, that's a nice name. Do you think that's the first time she had ever heard of IKEA?

Yes. That's... Maybe back then. Oh, back in those days. popular IKEA was. A 19-year-old is born after 2000. Just for some context there. I don't like that. Don't know about that. Like it sounds like you're wrong. I don't want to correct you. I think a 19-year-old was born in 1990 as I understand. Yeah. But Jasmine, who has only visited IKEA once, has to put up with years of a, has to put up with years of a decade of teasing.

Hmm. Why do I specify how many times she's been to Ikeen? Well, just to, you know, contextualize it, before legally changed it. She just went once and it was a nightmare, you know? It can be very stressful there if you've gone busy time. They technically own her. Jasmine said, quote, I used to get called Flatpack quite a lot at primary school. The bullying really shocked me because young children don't know about IKEA.

Yes they do. They've seen 500 days of summer. For the record of the... They get an ice cream at the end. They're fucking remembering going to IKEA. Get your dollar hot dog. If you're not getting that dollar hot dog on your way out, you're a damn full. My kids love IKEA. Free child care. You're saving money by being there. You're making money.

My kids love IKEA. How long you can actually put your child in there. See if it can kind of like, maxima. Yeah, put a mustache on your child, whatever. They're back for. Now there are two their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho. I tho. I tho. I'll their their tho. I'll tololololol. I tol. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll tol. I'll tole. I'll tole. I'm. I'm. tole. tole. tole. tole. tole. tole. tole. tole. tole. tole. for... Well, now there are two IKEAs in Brisbane. You could alternate between the Logan one and the forest, Forest Lake. Yeah, where did it all the first... Take an extremely long lunch break. Yeah, I mean, it's an hour and a bit drive between the two, but you know, whatever you're going to do. The first British Ikea was opened in Warrington Sheshire in October 1987. Yeah, it's been around for a little while by then. Kids have fucking heard of IKEA. 13 years ago.

Yeah. Quote, I legally changed my name when I was in secondary school. It's only legally that I get called Jasmine, my family still call me IKEA, Kia is nice. Sounds like it's not a real problem. Just stick with Kia. Jasmine, an NHS admin assistant, thank you for your service, said her mum agreed to the name change

despite the family enjoying perks from Ikea after her birth. Huh? She said, quote, when I was younger, my mom got a letter from Ikea that basically said we could get furniture and toys free of charge. Keep the fucking name. Yeah, keep it. You get some furniture that will fall apart in six months. I got a few toys. It's not that bad.

That's not that bad. What Ikea furniture do you have that's fallen apart in six months? They have two stuff that costs under $100, which is dog shit, and then everything else costs $5,000 and is fine. That's a misrepresentation. I think IKEA is fine. Yeah, I got a little chair. You're going to spill one drink on that chair and it's going to explode so hard it will blow the fucking roof off your house.

We've got so many Chalax bookshells. I like brands now. You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're you. You're th. You know, you know, you know, you're th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've got th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I go. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I've th. I've got th. I'm th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've got. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'veelves. I like brands now. You know when it's like curbside collection and there are like 1,000 lacked coffee tables out on the curbside and then it rains one time and then all of them just fears of exploded chipboard and MDF? Awful. It's dog shit. It's a sturdy table. Go to your local tip shop. Spend the same amount of money thape thoer thoes thoes tip shop, spend the same amount of money, get an older piece of furniture

that's made out of actual goddamn wood and wasn't shipped over here from fucking Sweden. You dogs! Go to the nice end of town and start, start testing front doors. I tell you, you fight a parked car, you bring a coat hang with you, you use it to Jimmy the little thing for opening the bonnet of the car, you take the car battery out, you sell the car batteries on a Facebook marketplace. And then you buy whatever furniture you want for, you know, your freedoms or your domains. Or just chuck the battery on there looking to trade for, you know, bookshelf. I have seven used car batteries that I would like at L-shaped sofa.

Keep buying the wrong size car battery. If you can't get anything for the car batteries, remember you can't get rid of them by throwing them into the ocean. Directly into the sea, that's right. It's very true. Aim of the turtle. Ikear is an acronym. It stands for... No. It Elmtarid Agunard.

That's fucking amazing, dog. What does that mean? Well, IK is the initials of the furniture company's founder, Inva Comrade, the EA represents his childhood. Elmterid is the name of the farm on which he grew up, and Aguinald is the name of his village. They made that up. They made it up. Yeah, that's a back renown.

Made it up in punts. It's like a golf, it means nothing. They paid $250,000 to get a child's name on the records. Yeah. I would keep my name as Ikear and get free furniture for sure. Free hot dogs. They're a th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, made that, made that, made that, dogs, free um, they got dime bars in there? That shit rocks. I fucking love dime bars. You can prepare those meatballs at home. You don't even have to go there. You can have the delicious taste of Swedish horse at the comfort of your own living room. Yeah, it probably doesn't cost like one dollar though. So I got some, I got some sachets of their gravy.

It's a good gravy. Oh! Delicious. Delicious. Jasmine is now using the middle name, chosen by her dad, while keeping IKEA as her middle name. It's confusing. Just get rid of it if you don't fucking like it. Jasmine, Ikea. Yeah.

She stayed loyal to the store by furnishing her flat with a branded six-draw commode. Does commode mean not what I thought of? Am I stupid? This might be one of the few things where we've selected the American English version of that word while the Brits are saying something else there I think. You got six holes to shit in on that bad boy. I got one them six drawer commodes. Oh boy oh the other the other five are full do not open them Just sloshing around use the top right Fill it up by a new one. There are only 20 bucks 17 if you've got the IKEA family discount card

She's also considering by a built-in wardrobe from the store. That's a big fucking purchase. It's a big purchase. Yeah They install that shit. Where are you staying? You have your own house? You're 19. Fuck off Jasmine. Jasmine. Can I can't, th. Can, th. Can, th. Can I, th. Can I, th. Can I just just just just just just just just just just just. Can I, can I just. Can I just. Can I just. Can I just just. Can I just just just. Can I just just just. Can I just just. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thus. thus. thus. thus. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I th. S. S. S. I. Yeah. I've got to install that chip. Where are you staying? You have your own house? You're 19. Fuck off. Jasmine, can I just say it fucking rocks that somebody wrote this in like a newspaper about a lady considering buying something from IKEA? Yeah. Like, how many times have you been to IKEA?

What do you own? Would you like to own something else from there? Oh you've been once and you own one thing but you're thinking about buying another one thing? Better put all that in the article. I have a little twist at the end of this story that's going to make the fact that this was written even more interesting for you. Jasmine from Norwich said she is went to IKEA when I was one or two, but as an adult I've never been. I really want to go. Her name was changed when she was 12 in 2014. Fuck! This is eight years ago. Whales online. What the fuck you're talking about? What the fails online? They just, they met a girl whose name used to be Ikea. And they're like this will be great for the, what was this in? What was this in? The whales online.

The whales online. This will be great for my job, but the whales on line. Yeah, they'll send it out in little beeps and bloops. Because whales. Do little sonar? Yeah, I think so. I think so. I'm going to say they probably saw this on the instant grammar or on a Tick-Tock

because that's where most of their stories come from these days because of how society is. Because of the media. Yeah. That is so true. All those Tick-y-Toggies. And that's a podcast. That's a fucking episode of way better than this. This is what you've got instead of coming to Brisbane and seeing a bunch of people that you

knew from the internet and probably would have had a great time hanging out with. Like sweaterly stammering. Yeah. Had some awkward interactions with the other three because I would have just stayed behind the bar point drinks so I didn't have to talk to anyone because that's easier. They would have to talk to you more though. I've been like, I gotta go polish that glass. Hey bro. Are you Ben?

Me? You know, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I don't work here. I'm not on the podcast. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm like, I'm like, I'm th.. I've th.. th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've tho. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I listening to the podcast and we went to the Milton markets and a guy was like hey bro are you Ben I'm here too as well. Yeah well I cut a very distinctive figure you do shout out to a friend of the show Chris who spotted me down at Domino's and said hi you physically in a domino store that's perverted yeah it was cheaper if you pick it up it is so close I was

not when you get the deals I did well I did well I look look the the th th th th th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm the th I'm th I'm th I'm to I'm to I'm to I I'm to I I I I'm to I I'm to I I I I'm to I'm to I I I'm th I I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the the the to the the the the the the the the to to to perverted. Yeah. It was cheaper if you pick it up. It is so close. I wasn't drunk. Not when you get the deals. I did. Well I look, number one. You get better deals if you do pick up because it saves them money. I'm true. And delivering deals. Okay. What are you, what is going on? Why are you so hard on your grind set at the moment? You've been talking about deals. Out of the deal. Act of the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the the the the the th. th. the deal. the deal. th. the the the th. the the the deal. the the the the the the the the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. the deal. th. the. the. tode. toda. toda. toda. toda. today. today. today. the. the. the the. the the the. th deal, that's right. Look, I have the Domino's Offers app on my phone. I get the- That's not where you want to go to Frugal Feeds. You want to go to Oz coupon. Oh my god, is this gonna be the shit where it's like-

Is this gonna be the kind of stuff where it's like, instead of ordering a Hawaiian, get a ham and cheese and add the as an extra and it'll be three dollars cheaper. Is it going to be that kind of thing? If you ring them up and tell them you're deathly allergic to several ingredients, they'll do the modifications for free. It's true. But anyway I was picking up a whole bunch of like plain cheese pizzas for small children who were at our place. Right. And Chris was there and he and he spotted me mask on and everything. And he said, hey I'm a friend of the show and I went, huh? Wow. Gotta love an interaction, you know? Hey Chris, thanks.

Thanks, Chris. Appreciate that. Well, now you have to do that part where we wrap up the episode. Thanks whoever has been watching the stream. That's right. All 200 and something of you. I have been, uh, uh, asked. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, to, th, th, to, th, th, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to. That's right. All 200 and something of you. I have been asked, tasked even by a friend of the show George, George of the show George, to canvas if anyone would maybe like a nature corner tea towel using George's nature corner design. I can say I'd like that. I would like that. If you would like that, please write into Mailbag at Pointifista.com with the words, T-towel for George, from George. Yep. Yep. And what's so much thoubst think? Yeah, that'd be great. We'll sort something out. Thank you so much for listening. We will do the live show in person

because there probably won't be another outbreak of a new variant after this one. So we're probably sorted after. We're done with variants. We probably just lock it straight in now. Yeah, we may as well just book it in for two months time. We should get some more non-refundable flights. Yeah and we should do a multi-city tour. Oh yeah Brisbane, Hobart, Melbourne, to quit our jobs, Adelaide, Cans, Bunderberg, Gimpy, Bly Blay Blah, Darwin, Rock Hampton and that will probably have us covered. That'll have a cover. Yeah. Auckland. Wellington. Hold up.

Hmm. Hold up. Well, that's it, everybody. We love it. Also, I'm going to, if you want to stick around on the stream, maybe go eat some dinner, have a little sit down. I'm going to be playing some records. I have managed to get some DJ decks into my living room.

Oh, you're actually doing that. Yeah, yeah, I managed to get them up there. It was quite a struggle. Thanks, Maddie. We're gonna be playing records for a couple hours and hanging out. I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna get in. I'm gonna get in the croes and hang out. Yeah, fucking. So I'm gonna take the chat. I'm gonna have another wine. I'm gonna get in the chat. Yeah, fuck you. So I'm gonna take a little 20 minute break because I didn't finish doing all the things I need to do to get set up, but then I'll kick that off. And that'll be that'd be fun. Thank you for not being angry at us for canceling the live show. We appreciate it. Kiss kiss. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye gently to the outro. Yeah. It's going to... And we are out. We are out. Good job everybody. Hey, we did it. Good stuff. We did it. We did it. I went to all the... The cast is still recording. Just to take point.

Yeah, oh, that's a good point. Can they hear us in there? No. I don't want to settle those suns. Felty little worms.