Boonta Vista - The Boney Island Whitefish in: The Boney Island Mindfish

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

The Boney Island Boys are back! Andrew and Trashfuture's Riley have returned for season 2 of The Boney Island Whitefish, the only podcast to specialise in watching season 5 of America's most unhinged crime procedurals! Get ready for the return of Breakfast Update, Wild Speculation and more! We're very pleased to be back with season 5 of a whole new show, and we hope you enjoy it too! This first episode will be on our public feed, and if you enjoy it, subsequent episodes will be available on the Boonta Vista subscriber feed: https://www.patreon.com/BoontaVista LIVE AUSTRALIAN SHOWS COMING UP! - Trashfuture in Canberra with guest Andrew Law on November 15th, tickets available here: https://www.thestreet.org.au/shows/trashfuture-live-canberra - Trashfuture in Sydney with guest Tom Walker on November 10th, tickets available here: https://musicboozeco.oztix.com.au/outlet/event/3213de46-cef7-49c4-abcb-c9bdf4bcb61f

Folks, greetings and welcome, all welcome to them. Dry bones, Ezeekal connect to them. Dry bones, Ezekel connected to them. Trey bones, now here. Folks, greetings and welcome, all welcome back to a second season, the Boney Island Whitefish. I am Andrew, and I'm here with my wonderful friend Riley. Hello, it is I. I'm back to getting up early so I can talk about some of the coolest stuff to ever be on television.

That's the curse of the time difference because I am not willing to record a podcast at like 3 a.m. you know? Yeah that's just my selfish way. And you know what? If you were willing to record a podcast at 3 a.m. we could have watched a good show. We could have had the Boney Island good episode of the Simpsons fish, for example, as just one thing that we could have done. But nope, you want to stay up late. Nope, no, don't want to stay up late. So I have to get up early and then inflict some of the best stuff ever to be on the mid-2000s of police procedurals. Yeah. Look, I put it to you that if we were watching a good show, that this show just wouldn't be the same. I think, you know, we would just say, we watched a show and get this, it made sense.

It made sense. Everything made sense. It was fine. Nothing was particularly arch. At no point did I pause the show that It was fine. Nothing was particularly arch. At no point did I pause the show that I was watching and say, what? No, it was pure, well-structured, A, B, C, all the stories tied together nicely in a neat little package. And you know what, it left us asking a few questions and perhaps wanting more. That's the kind of things we would be saying if we were watching different shows from the ones we are watching. But anybody who did listen to the first season

of the Boney Island Whitefish would remember that we watched a season 5 of police procedural bones. And crucially no more than season 5. Nothing before than before that the thaten of police procedural bones. And I guess it's... No more than season five. Nothing before than after. As far as we're concerned, it's the only season of the show that they made. They introduced characters to us from out of nowhere, seemingly expecting us to know about their personalities and relationships to each other. Strange writing, we said to each other.

I would have probably started somewhere else maybe with some more normal cases that they could have realized, hang on a sec, we've run out of normal ways for someone to get murdered. And we did it by them halfway through season, what would have in theory been season one. So you'd imagine things get a little odd or a little bit forced and a little bit later than that. Now any rocket scientists or brain surgeons listening to the show might be aware that we cannot watch season five of the television show bones twice. I mean we could but to be honest, I'm not doing it. I'm not going to do it. Yeah, and also it would be a little bit of a sort of long like a slow motion Siger Ross version of the worst idea. I I I I I I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. thi the the the the the the thir thir the the. the. the. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. to to the to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the thea thea. the the thea. And also, it would be a little bit of a sort of long,

like a slow motion, Seeger Ross version of the worst idea of all time, which, well, a great show is not the show we're doing. No, no, maybe a commentary track for our own episodes of us watching Bones. So instead, you know, we've Town? I remember Spooky Town. We could talk about that for a little while. So instead, you know, we've had to come up with something else. But first things first.

People coming back to the show, you know what you're in for, you expect the greatest hits. And for that reason, we must immediately and urgently launch into breakfast update. Thank you Andrew. Now, I, look, people, ever since I tested, texted, ever since I texted all of my friends from Twitter, ever since I tweeted, that this is coming back, people have been suggesting various breakfast updates for me to have. They've been asking which mug I'm going to have my coffee out of. They've even been suggesting that some of the mugs are broken.

For example, the orange one, the great one. I can assure you, none of the mugs are broken. They are in great shape. And, however, because this necessitates an early rise for me., the the the the the th. They are as they're in great shape and However because this necessitates an early rise for me I actually have had a more unusual breakfast for myself Then then I have been recently I've been really sort of leaning into Having okay, so this is this there's a little bit of. For a while, I was having a lot of salmon and cream cheese on sourdough toast for breakfast. But because I'm, because my main fear is being hungry,

I tend to have too much cream cheese on my, on my, quite a large piece of sourdough toast. It is to the point where a single pack of Philadelphia cream cheese would last me precisely two days. And then a sort of a pack of smoked salmon would also last me two days. This is an expensive and also very calorie-dense breakfast habit. So I switched over to having avocado on the same sourdough toast but then getting kind of you know wild with what goes on like a lot of chili flakes sesame seeds a little olive oil salt and a lot of pepper delicious. However,

Lemon juice every day you know I do a little squeeze of lime actually for a little bit of that guacamole feel but it's still a different thing. However I am sad to report that at very nice fruit and vegetable shop in my street, there were no good avocados yesterday. And so- I thought you could have to say they're closed, Jesus Christ. Oh no, no, no, no. That was a real mail-byter for a second. Hey, maybe they should get the team from whatever police procedural. We're probably going to say it in the description, but I'd like to pretend we haven't said what police procedural we're watching.

And so it was, it wasn't shut up, but there were no good avocados. So I had to sort of think quickly. And my girlfriend often likes to purchase bananas and peanut butter to have with her overnight oats. So I made myself some peanut butter and banana on toast, which while we were having a little ketchup before the show, Andrew had to hear me sucking down in the most unpleasant way possible. And I, so early, I plum forgot that the orange mug was so good. So I'm having the yellow mug.

It's the yellow mug. Put that in your spreadsheet, folks. You know what, it's now an auspicious mug because, you know, it coincides with the Boney Island Whitefish sailing again. Well, I feel bad that I was having trouble finding the details of the wonderful listener who, I think possibly, towards the end or at the end of the first season of the Boney Island Whitefish, I was contacted by a listener who said, I very much enjoyed the show. I very much enjoyed the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th. It thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi thi thoes thin, it with with th. It thi the thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan thoan tho tho tho tho tho think possibly towards the end or at the end of the first season the pony on Whitefish, I was contacted by a listener who said, I very much enjoyed the show and Really dug it and everything and I would like to send you the gift of an orange lacruse at mug And they and they had one shipped to me. I said I'm gonna take your word for, that you are not obtaining my address to come to my house and slit my throat. And they were good to their word. But because it was like a Twitter DM from, I assume, nine years ago, I was having some trouble locating it, but you know who you are, wonderful person who sent me a mug

so that Riley and I, across the oceans, you know, different time zones, we can be clinking our identical mugs and drinking out of them. However, I fucked up and also didn't drink out of my good lucrucrucate mug this morning. Look, that's why these seasons have like 23 episodes in them. It's week and cool. We'll figure it out. We've got time to get it together. I did make myself make myself make myself make myself make myself make myself make myself m make myself m make myself m make m make m make m make m make their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. their. I. I. their. I. I. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. their. I. I. their. their. their. I. their. I. their. their. their. I. their. their. te. te. t. t. t. te. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. ti. ti figure it out. We've got time to get it together. I did make myself a breakfast this morning. I've been routinely forgetting to eat breakfast lately, which is, I don't know.

That's why you need this show. Yeah, exactly. It's gonna get me back in the habit. So this morning, I had a fried egg because I had just fried an egg for one of my children. The other one had peanut butter and honey on toast and I would recommend a little drizzle of honey and bananas on toast. Great combo. Peanut butter, honey and banana sandwich, wonderful.

I think that could really take a kind of backup breakfast and give it the zing that it needs in order to propel me through the day because I'll tell you it's a little it was a little bit heavy it didn't have enough top notes. Well um so I I had myself a single fried egg because I wasn't super hungry but what I have taken to doing lately is um people who know me know that I enjoy to cook and a little little while ago we had a bunch of people out for dinner and I made tacos al-Pastore from a recipe for a chef that I really like on YouTube, chef Tom Jackson from All Things Barbecue, and following his recipe and he's always using these cattleman's grill seasonings and I was like you know what I'm making this thing again I'm gonna order that shit and I'm gonna use it. So I did order it and it arrived and I used it

in the dinner the dinner was a great success we're all very happy about it. But what I've taken to doing is using this cattleman's grill eight second ride Kane Asada seasoning and when I fry an egg I shake a bunch of this over the egg and into the pan and then like and then I like fry my egg over easy you know and I got to tell you when those spices hit the hit the pan and the bit of oil that's in there wakes up up all the spices, you know, you get a wonderful aroma happening. And then you just sort of flip the egg over, give the spices on top a little bit of a seal, and then off onto a piece of buttered toast.

Very generic white supermarket square toast, because that was what was in the house. Really need to do some grocery shopping. And... and then, you you you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you the, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get the the the the, you get, you get the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the the, you the, you the, you the the the the the, you the, you get the, you get the the the the the the the the th th th thi, you get thi, you get thrie thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi the thi, was in the house, really need to do some grocery shopping. And then a drizzle of Sri Racha Mayo over the top, a little squiggly line of Sri Racha Mayo. Okay, very, I mean pretty epic, right? You know, that's the new epic point half, yeah. Straight into your guts. And a large coffee, a large coffee in my, like heavy ceramic, you know the like North American diner style mug? Yeah, ones that could be a murder weapon in a police procedural.

Yeah, yeah, like the heavy. When we lived in Melbourne, there was a cafe down the street from us called True North, and they did a kind of pseudo-American diner type deal. And so they would have like a pie of the day, you know, and like filter coffee and a big pot. But they would also do lots of sort of text mex kind of things like Haveos for breakfast and that kind of thing. And in the interest of supporting a local business, I bought one of their branded big heavy mugs. And that was what I drank my coffee from this morning. I have just one clarifying question and then a comment.

Clarifying question is, what are the things that I like about the UK, one of the reasons I moved here in a very, sort of, I would say something that has now cost me a great deal of my own wellness insanity, having drawn me into this vortex, is the fact that the eggs here are very good. They'll tend to be quite, sort of deep yellow to almost orange in color.

Frequently many of them are orange in color, and they're very, very creamy. Like, I cannot emphasize to you enough how good of an egg it is here. Do we have, is it a pale yellow with a fluffy result in, in Australia, or are we talking an orange and creamy? Well, I have delicious orange eggs because I go out to my yard and I fetch them from my chickens. Yes, of course. So you actually do have the good eggs.

We may, I'm not sure if we've had one or more chicken casualties since the last time we were doing breakfast updates, but now we're down to two chickens, pickle and penguin. Who we got from somebody who, they're like rescue chickens basically, like X layer chickens. And yeah, those two, those two make a real business out of it. You know, they're real steady with it. Recently I went to have dinner with some friends. So we've just bought a new like, sort of mobile chicken coop for like a chicken tractor kind of thing. I don't know if you've seen these before. Where, so it's like a big, a big sort of insulated plastic thing that they can climb up into.

And then a cage that sort of comes off this thing and there's wheels underneath it. And you can push these levers down, which then push the wheels down and lock in so that lifts the back end of the cage off the ground and then you can tip the whole thing back, so the front end of the cage is off the ground and just. and just. and just. and just, and just, and just, and just, th. th. th. So, th. So, th, the, the, th, th, th. So, the, the, th. So, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th...... th. th. th.. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thin, their, the, the. te. toge, the, their, the. their, their, their, their, their, their, their and then you can tip the whole thing back so the front end of the cage is off the ground and just wheel it to a different spot. So we have the chooks up in our sort of big veggie patch and we just kind of wheeled them around from section the section and they eat all of the weeds and poop on the dirt all that kind of thing. So when we bought this new coop they, they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the new, this new coop, they also give you in the packaging like a whole bunch of, um, of egg cartons, like four egg cartons, with a label on the top of the brand

of the, of the coop. And it says, uh, these eggs laid by and a little blank spot for you to fill in the names of your chickens. It's like one of those, uh,things where you can, you know, have your kids fill in the story and then it's a story about your kids. Yep. We've got some of them, yeah. But with your chickens, so they can feel like they're a part of the family. Yeah, so I went to see some friends recently and we had quite a surplus of eggs. So I took them around eight eggs in those things. And when we got there, when we got there my friend Clem said,

oh awesome I was just about to give you back the one that you gave us last time and request some more eggs. And then throughout the week we were getting photos from our friends going, I just can't believe how beautiful and yellow these eggs are, like photos of them frying them in their pans for breakfast and all that kind of thing. So it was very, very wholesome sharing feeling to be able to do that. But to answer your broader question, I think that a lot of like good more expensive free range eggs will generally be larger and more yellow. We don't buy battery eggs, you know, we don't buy cage eggs. Yeah, same, same, which I think is a reasonable thing to do.

But even then, yeah, I think there's still a difference between the free range eggs and our eggs. I mean, nothing beats an egg where you can look out the window and say, thank you, pickle and penguin for this delicious, for this delicious ovum, which I'm about to consume with eight-second ride spice mix. That's right. You gotta feed him the spice mix. So that's what you gotta do, because then the eggs will come out. I don't know if you know this, but you can feed chickens.

Like the color of the yolk will depend on the color of their feed. So if you like pulp up red peppers, then you can give your chickens a red yolk egg. Well, I remember seeing this years ago on an episode of Chef's Table on Netflix. This is also where I learned. Although the other thing I learned recently when talking to my six-year-old is that honey is yellow because the pollen that bees get from plants is yellow. And, uh, and that like, uh, that she was talking yellow. And that like, she was talking about this thing

where they had like refined the blue, the like dyed blue sugar that they used to make the candy coating of blue eminems. And they'd given that to bees, and they make blue honey as a result. Interesting, I mean, however, the way that she was telling the story made me say, you are wrong.

You're, shut up, shut up, that car. Because she was like, she was like, did you know that blue honey, like bees get blue honey from blue M&Ms. I was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? You sound like a child. And so after a bit of research. It was from the thi. you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you are thi, you are th th th th th you are you are you are the fuck are you talking about? You sound insane right now. You sound like a child. And so after a bit of research, it was from like a, you know, a sort of science, facts, YouTube thing that she had been watching. It'd be very funny if she, like, you know those like, targeted ads that are just like,

what a day can keep anxiety away. And it's like a woman holding a gummy bear or whatever. It's like the, almost like dataist sort of AI generated targeted ads that you get. I would, I feel like almost, that sounds like something you could get from there. Like, you won't believe this blue honey. One mother had a heart attack when she found out. Yeah, I can't help the feeling though that if you do generate the honey by giving bees like refined dyed blue sugar that was intended for use in M&M's, that it's not

going to magically acquire like any fantastic health benefits that wouldn't have come from, say, plant-based honey. Or that wouldn't have come from M&M's. Exactly. Why bother, you know, why bother diluting it? When you can go straight to the source. Also, hey, check this out. You might be wondering, what's the personality type of the blue M&M? INTJ? Or? Well, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that, that, the. the. th. that, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that, the personality type of the blue Eminem?

INTJ or? Well, it's, I looked on Eminem's dot fandom, because you know, the green Eminem is sexy and the brown Eminem is sort of also sexy. Then there's the yellow and the red Eminem who are sort of a loyal and hearty-sexy. They're pretty sexy with it. Blue was one of the six main characters from the Eminems. This is from Eminems. Fandem. Dot com. His date was back to 1995 when blue was elected new Eminem's color. Quotes, quote number one, get back in the bag.

Quote number two. Yeah, man. Quote number three. Who man. Quote number three. Who could forget? What's up? Quote number four. Ah yeah. Look, honestly, I've never identified with a corporate mascot more. I'm saying all these things all the time.

This guy might as well be me, you know? Absolutely. Now, I have a feeling like some of the quotes on the Blue Eminem's fandom page might not have been said by the Blue M&M such as I be Crippin. be crippled. Now, with whistle blue eminem is necessarily a crip. Is there a little, is there a little citations needed, a link above it or? Answer, I don't want to alarm you. There is no citation at all. However, people have posted the pictures of the blue Eminem, including a picture of the blue Eminem as Eminem that they got a tattoo of, a knockoff enamel pin of the blue

Eminem playing saxophone for an appreciative green Eminem. And let's see. Also other quotes from the Blue M&M. I'm done being and Eminem's Spokes Candy. I've got a new gig now. And it's a, oh, it was voiced by Seth McFarland. And it played the saxophone. I've learned so much about culture today. Also, hey, speaking of the blue, the comment that I had was very briefly, it would be very funny to go to a very authentic American diner, but everyone's got an Australian accent,

that to me would be very amusing. As though, you know, like a deleted scene from the Road Warrior, you know, or it's supposed to, it's ambiguous as to where it is. Yes, no way to know for sure. So one thing I want to do, right, as well, is I want to be fair to our program because we've been 20 minutes of 20, almost 22 minutes of catching up, of talking about what we had for breakfast, of, thinking about chickens, and catching up with the, our favorite promotional spokes candy, the blue mn........ th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, no the thi, thi, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It, no, no, no, it it, it, it, it, it, it, it, no. It, the the, the the th. It, th. It, th. No. No. It, th. No. No, th. No, th. No, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. No. No. No. No. No, thi. I, thi. I' thi. to, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, no, the thi. up with our favorite promotional spokes candy, the Blue Eminem.

So I don't think we should set the timer. We should reset the timer now. Oh, okay, that's fair. That's fair. I'm doing it. How about now? Okay, good. So what people might be wondering, because let's actually not say it in the description,

what show are we talking about? We, I've been instructed by you that we will be watching season five of the psychological, crime, procedural thriller television show, Criminal Minds. That's right. It is the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, okay. Now, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the show is. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, theriller television show criminal minds That's right. It is the show that launched the thousand ships It is criminal minds. We may not be changing the name but consider us now the bony island mind fish as we swim the waters of the human psyche and learn a little bit more about the science of saying,

hmm, this guy is threatening to kill a doctor. Well, he must have been one of your patients. And the people he's trying to kill, well, the ethnicity must somehow be related, and then just sort of going from there. It's very funny. I have to say, I, so, you know, for listeners of the previous season of the show,

something that would delight me to no end was any of the moments where they sort of have to move the plot along in terms of like, you know, solving the crime that the whole show is about. And it basically led to one of the characters, such as bones, launching into, well, we affectionately termed, wild speculation, where she would just sort of go, oh, but, a bone, and then, you'd, and then, and then, to be to, and to, like, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to, and to like, and to, and to like, and to, and to, and to like, and to, and, like, like, and, like, like, like, like, like, like, and, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to, like, like, like, like, like, where she would just sort of go, oh but a bone and then maybe something bounced off here and you know all stuff where you would be thinking to yourself and and you're gonna take this to court? You're gonna put this in front of like a jury, you know, and I'm delighted to say that it looks like there will be no shortage of exactly the same kind of extremely loosey-goosey crime solving on this program.

Very much a jazz sort of approach to crime solving. I loved the synopsis of this on Google if you Google criminal lines season 5 In the right sidebar there is the little synopsis an elite group of profilers analyze the nation's most dangerous criminal minds to anticipate their next moves before they strike again just out there trying to try to do some pre-cog shit. You know? Pre-cog stuff but again sort of from from the point of loose word association. Yes, yes exactly. Oh, it's the evidence they don't have, you know? Absolutely. So, so, like this episode really kind of kicks off with a bang,

especially considering it's the, as far as I know, the very first episode of the show. Yeah. To me, it is and always will be the first episode of the show. So we are starting off with season 5 episode one, nameless, comma, faceless. And very helpfully to me, we have started off with a sequence that says previously on criminal minds. I mean, you know, previously in the writer's imaginations on criminal minds before they started working on the show for the first time ever.

The coma one of the characters is in, you know. Yeah. I mean, I find that we, um, this is a funny, a funny episode to start with, for not just our series, but for the series itself, because it's sort of half one, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, a, um, a, um, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a the, a the, a the, a the, a the, a the, a the, a, the, a, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a the, a, a, a, a the, a the, a the, a, a the, a the, a the, a the, a the, a the, a, a the, a the, a the, a the, the, the, the, the, the, thea, theaugh, the, the, the, thea, thea, thea, thea, the, the, their, the, but for the series itself because it's sort of half one show half one the main plot which I think we can sort of spoil right now I would say kind of just wraps itself up and it wraps itself up kind of two-thirds of the way into the show and then yeah yeah because of this odd and the show. And then, because it was odd. And then a kind of series or season level overarching peril of a kind of a criminal called the Boston Reaper. And I would say a great deal of the humor for this episode for me comes from getting to know

John Foyette the Boston Reaper, the man who, the scourge of cop town, you know, the guy who's, the least racist killer in Boston. John Foyette, and his like... The guy who's the least racist killer in Boston John Foyette and his like Okay, you know how in one of the reasons that like a movie like Silence of the Lambs or Red Drugs or really any of the Anthony Hopkins Hannibal movies any of that series Yeah, I mean is Anthony Hopkins in Red Dragon? I don't think he was. I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's him all the way. No, it's it's him who's not in, it's Brian Cox in Manhunter. Man Hunter. Yeah, yeah, there we go. So one of the things that makes. And then it's some kid in the universally panned prequel Hannibal,

Hannibal, which friend of the show Brandy Jensen just remarked the other day, the funniest origin story that they should have given, that they could have given to Hannibal is that Nazis eat his little sister in front of him, turning him into a cannibal. Well yeah, because you can't have an effective character who's also evil. You know, he has to have been made that way. It would help if somebody, if somebody explained a way the mystery for me. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th is, th is, th is th is th is th is thi, is thi, is the, is the, is the, is the, is thi, is that, is thi, is thi, is thi, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their is their is their, is their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they is is is their, is the, is the, is the, is the, is thi is thi is thi is thi, is thi, thi, thi, their, thean, thean, thean, their, thean, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the a character is kind of, you know, mysterious, it would help if somebody explained the way the mystery for me. That really, that really helps. If they ever do make a season before season five, I'd love it if we could maybe have the

Boston Reaper, you know, maybe his, as a young child, he went to Serbia for a, like a sithing competition. Because I don't know if you know this. A sythings. A syi thi thing, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a thing, a thing, a thing, a thing, a thing, a thing, a thing, a thing, went to Serbia for a, like a sithing competition. Because I don't know if you know this, a sithing is a very popular sport in Serbia, like sithing long grass. I did not know that. Yeah, they do it competitively and they race and stuff. That's one of those activities where when you see people doing it well it's just it's it's crazy have you ever seen or I don't know if they if they have this in other countries I assume that they do like tree chopping races I feel like that would be

something in Canada but I haven't seen it to be yeah you would think that like both Canada and parts of America would have particularly like lumberjacky kind of kind of histories about the town. But they have a thing that they do at like country fairs and stuff in Australia. And it's and it's a competitive thing where they get guys to all stand on top of a section of like a tree trunk. So a quite large and thick of like a tree trunk, so a quite large and thick section of a tree trunk, and they just have a regular old, you know, two-handed woodax, and they say, go and start a timer and these dudes just start

blasting away, and the object of course is to cleave all the way through this sort of you know one to two foot thick tree trunk that's that's also underneath like your feet you know they're swinging at full belt towards their own feet. It seems so dangerous it seems like just a recipe for getting your dick and balls axed off. But the technique is flawless, you know. It's guys bringing these axes down in these incredibly accurate arcs. And when you watch them, they're sort of constantly chopping back and forth in like a V shape, you know? So they come in from one side first, and then they come around the other side and chop in and down to where they just chopped. So it's just this constant process of like big American

dinosaur coffee mug sized chunks of wood flying out of this thing as they go. You know it's very it's very remarkable to see and the speed with which some of these dudes do it mind-blower. The official Boney Island White Fish thi that out. So, oh I was going to say it's right, the imagining that the Boston Reaper went to a Serbian grass-sything competition with his family and his children got, his brothers and sisters got reaped in front of him, and then he was like, ooh, now I shall reap. The world is so unfair. That's my motivation, he said out loud. I will not rest until I, I, too.

I become like this Serbian sithing man. And I shall sithe the residence of, and he rolls the dice. Boston. So we are basically... I hate Mark Wahlberg! He rolls, he rolls the big dice with one of the world's countries on each face. Yeah, and then a number of one to six with the one to six city. And he rolled America and he rolled the one! The first city of America, Boston!

So, so basically we are informed that the Reaper, a pre-existing serial killer played by the wonderful C. Thomas Howell, who is a favorite actor of mine from like a lot of 80s stuff. He was in Red Dawn, the ultimate Cold War movie. He was in, he was of course in the Blackface classic, Soul Man. Oh great. Are you not familiar with this movie? I'm not familiar with, I look, like my, so you may remember from the last time we did it. My pop culture knowledge is incredibly deep and specific. Yes.

It does not include Soul Man. Well, yeah, Soul Man is a movie about a, uh, about a, like high school goof-off who fails to make it into any of the prestigious universities that he wanted to get into. And of course, affirmative action is out here, giving places to black students. And so he says, I've got an idea. And he blacks up for the whole movie, hanging out with Ray Dawn Chong or whoever it is. Very, wild stuff. Wild stuff. But yeah, he's also in the outsiders, the Francis Ford Coppola movies,

in The Hitcher, which is a really great, really great 80s horror movie, where he's just a guy who picks up Hitchhiker Rudgahauer, who turns out to be as psycho as the Reaper. So, um, so the Reaper has escaped from federal custody it seems by by biting a hole in himself and drinking enough of his own blood to make himself vomit blood and then get himself you know transferred to a hospital and so on and so forth. Again you got to imagine

the writer's room being like, all right, how's the craziest man in the world? Can you escape? Can you escape from federal custody? How's he going to do it, you know? He's very much like the joker, this guy. So he's going to be out there as a lingering threat for one of our lead profilers who is of course Greg from Darma and Greg.

Yeah, look, he's, he's, he's, he's no longer with Darma. He's decided her, I assume that he was the straight laced one and she was the free spirit. He's decided she was too much. He's, he was driven much. He was driven mad. He was driven mad, in fact, by her free-spiritedness and has now become an obsessive about the human mind and what could lead someone to be so annoying when he was just trying to do his paperwork. And now he's become an FBI profiler and changed his name to Aaron Hatchner

so that Darma won't find him. And that's the other lingering threat throughout the series, is that Darma might find him, and then, I don't know, like stand on a table or do something else wacky. He's just burst into tears. Darba, you're so crazy. Can't take it anymore. Why you, the only thing I fear more than being than a reaping from the Boston Reaper is Darma deciding to celebrate April Fool's Day on

the first of everybody. So in this episode as you alluded to we have two plots happening right we have the we have the plots happening, right? We have the... Like any good episode of TV, one after the other? Yes. Well, they start off one plot, and then it goes for about 60 seconds. And then we have the entirety of the other plot, occasionally punctuated by characters turning to each other and saying, where's Hodge? Where is it anyway?

I haven't seen Hodge. I assume he'll turn up. Anyway, I thought you were Hodge. I have this copy of the movie Hitch on Blu-ray. There's so many, so many good lines of dialogue in this, like somebody saying, Hey, have you heard from Hodge? And the other character says, I called him, but his phone rang out.

I assume it's set to vibrate. Just really, really just sort of draining the line there of, no, he's probably, we think he's fine he probably just can't hear his phone so um so basically the the I guess the a plot for this would you call it the a plot I mean that I'd call it plot one because it is quite sequential it's not so much a and B because B kind of usually implies a thing that's just sort of happening around the A plot, you know, whereas in this case I think we have plot one of two and plot two of two.

They both just happen. Yeah. Seemingly independent of each other. And there's no C plot. So what's going on in this first plot with, um, how does this this th this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th plot?? this the plot. this this the plot. th plot. th plot. th plot. th plot. th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, th plot, thi plot, thi plot, thi plot, thi plot, thi plot, thi plot, thi. thi. th plot, thi. th plot, th plot, th plot. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the plot, the, the, thi. Pl plot. So what's going on in this first plot with How does this this doctor there is an ER surgeon who comes to be involved in some serial killings? What's going on here? I mean, you know, he's like like I feel like all of I'm pretty sure that when we talked about bones There was another there was an episode where it was like, oh, oh, it was like, ooh, oh, there was like, oh, there. there, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, there, there, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, there, there, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, oh, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like all of, I'm pretty sure that when we talked about bones, there was another, there was an episode where it was like, ooh, someone's trying to get back at a doctor for not saving them.

I see, I seem to remember that. And that in term is what we wind up with here. We have somebody who is attempting to kill this doctor or someone near to him in order to get back at him. But unfortunately that's also a complete assumption that we've made. But we will be sticking with it. Don't worry. Be sticking with it pretty much the whole way through. There's only so many hours in a day, only so many theories of Profiler can come up with, you know? Look, come on. what do we, what do we have like more than 10, 15 minutes? No, no, no, no, no. Look, this is the criminal minds writers room and it reflects the behavior of the behavioral analysis unit,

the wild assumptions division that we will be, look, if there's a guy targeting a surge look if he was targeting someone for a bad haircut he'd target a barber he's targeting a surgeon must be about the surgery because everyone just wakes up they have breakfast update they go to work they go to work their to work and then they sit in their house until they go to work the next day. Yes, everybody simply arrives home, lies down, ready for the next breakfast update. No one for example has like, I don't know, a gambling problem or whatever, unless they're a gambler, a problem gambler, right? And that's what they do after breakfast update is they wake up, they go to their mob run casino, borrow money, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose a their, and lose, and lose, and that's what they do after breakfast update is they wake up, they go to their mob-run casino,

borrow money, lose it all day, and then go back and just sit down in the house, stare at the wall. Like punching the clock on the way out, you know? Ah, another day of being Davy Scatino from the Sopranos. Well, I'm off to go get murdered eventually. Yeah, like, so what's what's going on here? They're finding the dead bodies of Latino men and messages to the doctor? Mm-hmm. That was happening? Yeah, so there's messages, and the messages are also very clear. They are saying, um, until you allow your son to be murdered by me, I will continue to murder, I will continue to murder a Latino man a day, basically. Yes, so... And then signs are L.C. Yes, the trauma surgeon by the na the name of Dr. Barton,

this is from a plot synopsis on IMDB, written by Huggo. Shout out to Huggo. Is Huggo Australian they sound Australian. I don't know. Maybe it's someone called Hugo, doesn't know how it spells their name. Yeah, it's bad. A trauma surgeon by the name Dr. Barton received a note from someone signing at L.C. stating that his 15-year-old son Jeffrey will be killed.

If Elsie is not allowed to carry out his mission, he will instead kill one other person every day until the son Jeffrey is dead. So let me kill your son or I will kill one person a day. And he's killed a couple of people at this point in the course of leaving the notes. Come on, let me kill your son. Come on. Come on. You can always make another one. Stop being so stupid. Let me kill your son. He's so selfish. Why do you hate me I wish I was never born Let me kill your son

Come on let me kill you son Uh so the the crew Just leaps into action here, right? They're like, oh, we got these notes. They're about this doctor. We got to get to him stat and they rush over to his house and they go, oh, we got these notes. They're about this doctor. We got to get to him. Stap. And they rush over to his house.

And they go, hey, you know anyone called Elsie? Is there any reason that you don't want your son to be killed? Is there any reason you're being so difficult about this, sir? It would really save the BAU a lot of time if he could just kill your son because then he would stop killing these Latino men. Sir, we're not here to take sides, we're here to resolve the issue, okay? Look, all we need, we're mostly here to minimize the amount of murders and due to budget cuts, we've now decided an acceptable number of murders to close a case. That's right.

Hey, I got an idea, sir. Why don't you take out a sheet of paper and make a pros and cons list of letting this man, L.C. murder your son? What do you think? I'll set a timer for five minutes. You get down as many as you can't. Hey, you don't even look like you're trying to come up with any pros. Come on. Like, you gotta work with us or we're not gonna work with you, all right? I'm starting to feel like you're not taking this seriously. I feel this though, um, look, hey, here's some pros. Um, you don't seem to have a, a wife or a girlfriend, you could probably more easily go out in the town with no son being like, oh, I want dinner, I want to, you need to be here with me or you'll get arrested for neglect.

That kind of thing. No son, you could have a lot more, you could get a much better dating life. You could explore a new hobby. All that money you're paying towards your son, that, you know, money. you're paying to the pros pile up in the let let L.C. kill your son call him. So why don't we write those down and then, you know, maybe we can think of a couple of cons, if you can think of some, and you know, go from there. So where's that son of yours, huh?

Well, in a shocking twist, proving that he didn't really want to be alive anyway, the son has overheard this and snuck out of his bedroom window to go to school anyway. You know how 15 year olds want to go to school so badly they don't care if they're risking death to do it? Oh yeah I mean you know when you... I always heard about my grandfather going up to school in his father's pajamas and the driving snow sort of uphill both ways and I think that's persisted with what you might call the iPad the iPad the iPad the iPad the iPad the iPad the iPad. the iPad. the the the the th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. ways and I think that's persisted with what you might call the iPad generation. Absolutely. So the son the son has taken his ass to school. Oh so before we carry out I just want to say I could I took on down this quote where Dr. Barton says I can't think of anyone who'd want to to kill my son and Spencer who's played by model Matthew Gray Goubler, who's the nerd, but he's a little bit of the, what's his name, who's the guy who's an avatar,

Justin thingy, Justin, Justin Guy, you know the Justin. Like the tall skinny guy? Yeah, from bones. The one who's the Justin. Like the tall skinny guy? Yeah, from Bones. The one who's the nerd. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, him, that one, the one who was also an avatar who promoted the movie Avatar in the show Bones. Yeah. Well, he's also a bit like the male version of the sexy got-goal from a CSI. Yeah, so we have- I'm all gonna have a sexy one in the crew.

We have, yeah, so we have, but so the nerd character is played by a, a very beautiful man named Matthew Craig Hoopler, who I think is there to be like, like non-threateningly hot. Like, like how my mom had a crush on Ben Wischaw after she saw him in the, new as Q in the new James Bond movie, you know? Really? Yeah. Oh, I'd love to read a book with him. Sort of. Yeah, he's so non-threatening, but also very clearly beautiful. And so he says, whoever wrote that note to Barton, thinks this was personal, and they're putting you on notice and then the musical sting came right in on putting you on notice. Which is great, they're calling you in actually. So basically the team says, all right we're gonna we're

got a split up and solve this crime. First we will send like unsettlingly handsome actor down to the school. First we will send, like, unsettlingly handsome actor down to the school to watch you. Derek Morgan, played by Shemar Moore. And he's like, he's good looking in the way that, like, uh... You know when somebody's like, very, very conventionally attractive, but too conventionally attractive? Yeah, almost doesn't look real. Yeah, yeah, he looks like, it just looks like, you know, what a Calvin Klein model would

look like in like 1993. But also if you had face-tuned him a bunch, put some Tick-Tock filters on him, that kind of stuff. That's just what he looks like walking around, you know. He was also in the sequel to Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic the Hedgehog, too, as somebody's like unreasonably attractive fiance. That was their character. Well, you know, Shamar Moore has a side business, a clothing brand,

and the clothing brand is called Baby Girl, and it sells, it sells, like, it sells phone cases that have a topless shamar more on them. And then it sells then just like stuff for women from the early 2000s. If there are still, if there are like, you know, women who are culturally from the early 2000s, like, sort of loose tank tops that say silly and sexy on them, or like sweatpants with baby girl written on the ass. And it's very, there's also a lot of Shemar Moore theme stuff like a Shumar Moore calendar, Shemar Moore phone case and then, you know, like a yoga pants with baby girl written on the ass.

And that's Shumar Moore's business. And it's, it's, it's, uh, thank you for helping us keep the fight for the curate of MS alive, exclamation mark three times. Part of the proceeds from Baby Girl are donated's the site, the baby girl by SfM.com. It's so not clear. Baby girl by Sfm. dot com. That's so unclear what that is from the website. Who made this?

Chamar more. It says, it says, the, the, the, the, the, the, that's so the, that's so the that's, the, the, the, that's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that's, that's that's that's, the, the, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, baby, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the website. Who made this? Chamar Moore. It says, it says, the front image is like two women wearing baby girl nighties, a sort of brandishing velvet, like satin pillow, pillows at one another. They're just having to go. Uh, so he goes down to the school. Have I lost you? And, uh, finds this kid and he says, I'm a federal agent, someone's trying to kill you. Or, I and your dad maybe.

But, hey, relax. Relax, I've brought you the vibe of a phone case. If you get out of my sight, somebody might immediately kill you, but everything's fine. Okay? That's, that's pretty much what he's given him here, right? But just go to, go to class like everything's fine, okay? Just go to class like everything's fine. Don't worry, there's just gonna be, we're gonna, it's just gonna be spooky montages.

You're not gonna have to learn anything, they won't be on the test, you're fine. So that's basically 50% of the solving the case that we're going for here is stand around the halls of the school, kind of seeming like a bit of a weirdo, and just sort of wait to see if the the the the the the to see if the the the to see if the the the the to see if the the the the the to see if the the the the to to to to th.. to to to be. to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, thi.. thi. to be, to be, to be, thozy. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be............................. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to, to, to, to, to, and just sort of wait to see if the killer turns up. Yeah, it's a funny prilude to sort of the cops in schools thing that really sort of took off in the sort of mid-2000s and only accelerated from there, which is like, yep, cops in schools means a kind of

team of ethereally beautiful FBI professionals, all of whom are there to guard one specific kid from one specific spree killer. I know that this is, um, I know that this is of course a work of ridiculous fiction, and it is of course from, you know, the mid-2000s. But, uh, it is, uh, it is very, very sadly funny to think of the concept of, like, a team of law enforcement officers being deployed just to, like, protect one person, you know? And of course, the other, the other, uh, dark irony of this episode is that when this kid goes to school, you know, the thi-you know, the thi-kid thii thi-in, you thin, you thin, you thin, thin, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, you thk, you thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, the other dark irony of this episode is that when this kid goes to school, all the cops are like, that's the safest place he could be.

No one ever gets shot at a school. I mean, I suppose if this were to be more of a darkly cynical show, he might end up killed in an unrelated school shooting. But it does in fairness also seem to be an extremely fancy people's school because his dad's adds a famous ER surgeon, or at least a rich one. So at this point, it's like, hey, we've got to get it together and solve this crime. And what better way to do that than by saying to this doctor,

hey, can you get out absolutely all of your case files? And remember every person you've ever operated on the ER? And he says, not really. He's like, I operate on like you know a bunch of people every day and it's all happening really quickly and they're like yeah but just try and remember did any of them say they wanted to kill you? Or your son. Hey hey you know what? This is going to be pretty hard. That's another pro in the kill the sun column. This is going to be really hard and take like a few hours and I have to pee. Let me just ask you a question, sir. Is this how you saw yourself spending your day? Wouldn't you rather be doing anything else really? Could have got a game of tennis in, it's a beautiful day out there, you know?

Sorry, sorry son, I decided to just go for a walk without meaning to go anywhere and try to practice some mindfulness by the lake before trying out a new bakery. Little bit of meantime, you know know. So so what I what I I really had his son's funeral to be like and I just decided I was going to enjoy the city like I've lived here for so long and I've never gone to the museum. So um this got into what I think is my favorite aspect of the show for the first episode, right? And for me it bodes very well the idea that they're going to continue doing what they then did at this point, which is that they said, hey, it's time to do some profiling. It's time to look at some pieces of writing and just make broad proclamations

about the kind of person who would write that. For example, I am going to kill your son. Okay, well that's a guy. Yep, yep. So they start off by saying they're doing their profiling and they say, well let's look at the letters to begin with because then we'll get some ideas about what sort of person it is. And they say they say they say they say they say they say they say say, they say, the the the they say, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, about the, tho, about tho, about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about the kind about the kind about the kind about the kind the kind the kind the kind, about the kind, about the kind, about the kind, about the kind, the kind, the kind, the kind, their, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, their, the kind thea, thea, thea, thea' thoooooooooooooo' the, about the, about let's look at the letters to begin with because then we'll get some ideas about what sort of person it is. And they say, yeah, I'm going to kill your son. And they go, see, he's a man because women use adjectives and descriptions. And he hasn't used any of that. Oh, definitely a woman. I'm going to free up a lot of your time and probably a lot of your bank account by relieving

you of that annoying son. Well they also said it had to be a man because he is very direct in what he's saying. And I guess that's fair. A woman would write to ask permission to kill your son. to, hey, I don't want to bother anybody. Don't want to put anyone out. Do you think, would you be open to the possibility of letting me kill your son with a life?

You know, just get back to me whenever it's convenient for you. No rush. I'm sorry to take the time out of your day. No worries if not, but can I kill your son? And of course, they say, and this person's like, you know, they've put a lot of time into this and effort and everything, blah, blah, blah. So that means that the killer is either very independently wealthy or unemployed which to me one of the two kinds of people but also the things where I was like is that narrowing it down a lot and also

how the fuck do you get that from any you you know, this, I was, I was standing up and pacing around the room at this point because this is, this is absolute catnip to me. People reading a letter and saying, ah, this man was beaten as a child, you know? Wonderful stuff. Yeah. I was saying to my wife, as we were watching this, I was like, I love this shit so much because it's like so, so much more tenuous and vague than like physical evidence. And most physical evidence is bullshit. Like, you know, how many, how many of the forensic sciences just get debunked

20 years after they were introduced, you know? How many, how many times have, have the criminal justice communities of the world said, uh, it turns out, um, matching hairs, that wasn't really a thing. Sorry. Oops. That's on us. That's on us. Hey, we're going 't really a thing. Sorry. Oops, that's on us. That's on us. Hey, we're going to go with fingernails next. We're pretty confident about fingernails. Pobody's nerve-efficient, you know?

Or in this case, we're pretty confident about, sort of making some assumptions. So what we, right, so we get that they're analyzing the note, and then they're looking at the cases, which is montages of Barton doing the classic move where he comes out of the hospital doors and takes off his hat to say, oopsie, sorry, couldn't save your son, daughter, niece, father, et cetera, from their car crash, slip and fall, knife attack or a meteor impact.

No, I couldn't, shouldn't save them. They're now dead. My hats are off to you. What are you going to do with all your new spare time? The, uh, you could get in a game of tennis. I, I really liked as they sat down, right. So, handsome Matthew, Matthew Greg Gubler and the surgeon and one of the other criminally minded investigators have sat down. Paget Brewster. Paget Brewster? Paget Brewster who actually was on the excellent show Huff, also starred the late Anton Yelchen in the Sun role. RIP and of course so they sit down to go through these big stacks of

files and everything right and they're like sir please we just we need you to sit down and go through this stuff with us. We're gonna find this guy. Okay We're going to find this guy, sir. And he's like, hey, hey, this is ridiculous and he's talking to him and stuff and they're like, sir, sir, please, we need you to sit down and look through these things with us. We're going to find this guy. this guy. thrown. to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thrown. thrown. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr-s. thr-s. thoe. thr. this guy. thr-s. thoe. thoe. thoe. thoe. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. this guy. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the end of the school day. There's no way we're going to get through hundreds of cases in time. And Padgett Brewster stands up and says, He's right, we'll never get it done. But you were just telling him that you were going to get it done. Well, no, he's a huge, we'll never get this done in time was the the wonderful use of time that she adds here where she's like

We're never going to get this done in time with the two of us I'm off to look for Hodge for some unspecified amount of time and in fact she never returns. No, but then of course using a little bit. Sorry go ahead. Stranning her with just the the handsome nerd now at this point he's trying to get him narrowed down by saying all you know so so he's leaving dead the dead bodies of

latino men as a surrogate for you so we need to find cases where you operated on a latino man also i think the idea is they sort of come to the conclusion again by just sort of looking at the letter to the thr-uh th th th. th th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to the to the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the the the the to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe the the the the the the the the th need to find cases where you operated on a Latino man. So I think the idea is, they sort of come to the conclusion, again, by just sort of looking at the letter and kind of thinking about the broad strokes of the case. Getting the vibes. What's happening is you clearly made a choice that led to someone else's son dying, and so they're trying to kill all the sons that you did choose to save. Spoiler alert, this is exactly a perfect description of what is happening. Yes, and that was what I was really enjoying here was that they go from, definitely a man, definitely rich or unemployed, definitely someone who is mad at you but but also mad that you saved a Latino man's son instead of his.

And now he's playing God with you to force you into a choice just like the choice that you made to not save his son. And they pretty much just kind of spitballed out on the fly and then they're like, cool, that's it, that'll do. You know? That's pretty, I mean, look, what are the chances that they'll be able to do that? I don't know, let's say random number 23 times though. So at this point, folks, we've got to call in the experts. We've got to call in Kirsten Vangsness as Penelope Garcia, Offer's Clown. She is, of course, the required quirky character.

Yeah, who also is hacking as well. You know, who's doing hacking. You know what? It's easier. It's going to be a lot easier just to, just don't even bother giving us the files. Penelope will hack them. Now they're getting her to ring around hospitals because they're worried about Hodge. They think something might have happened to Hodge. And they do literally show a montage for some span of time of her saying, uh-huh, an FBI agent named Hodge. Anybody come in like that? Okay, thank you. Hi. I'm

calling about an FBI agent named Hodge. No? So, you know, they get her to do about 10 or 15 takes of that just so that we can really establish she's ringing around the hospitals, you know. At this point they have reached the stage in the episode where much like the writer's room of bones, they've looked around, they've noticed that the sun is starting to go down. They've said fuck, fuck, fuck, we got to wrap this up. So we're back to a surgeon who's sitting there with Matthew Gray Gubler who says, all right let's just solve this crime real quick. Look, we just we decided not to solve it for a while, but now that not solving it hasn't worked,

we're going to try solving it. Because you seem so intent on not being open to the sun-killing idea. Because you are being so unreasonable and so selfish, fine, I'll solve the case. So, um, so they'd already kind of, you know, narrowed it down to times that he had operated on a Latino man. Sorry, the, this is, this is great because this is as they're doing this, right, as they're narrowing it down, they're thinking about the wording of the vote. And Spencer, Matthew Gray Goubler says, the immortal line, quote, a lot of times an unsub that is unidentified subject will unconsciously mirror the wording of situations.

And I said, I'm always doing that. I'm always mirroring the wording of situations, but very rarely am I doing it consciously. How does one mirror the wording of a situation? Well, very carefully, I don't know. So yeah basically at this point he says wait a minute what if you think about times that you operated on a Latino guy but the Latino guy didn't die because that was what they'd kind of been looking for up to this point. And the doctor then says,

wait a minute, now I remember, and suddenly... He suddenly has perfect recollection of the person, the person who he operated on and who he saved, I believe, he saves this man. And... It's that there were six that he operated on and who he saved, I believe, he saves this man. There were six that he operated on and then there had to be like another kid who died like roughly at the same time. Well yes, so there's been a car accident I believe was the issue. It's been a car accident. He has operated and saved some of these people. He's talking to a family and saying, hey, good stuff. And as he turns around to go back into the operating theater, a voice from off-screen says, what about my son? Another guy doesn't want a son to die?

Oh. Selfish. Yeah, everyone's always crazy about their sons. No one's hoping to the idea of just letting them be killed. Again, one of my favorite lines here, again, a very believable exchange with a guy, because he's basically like, look, he came in, he was DOA, we couldn't save him. He's technically alive, but he's fully brain dead. And the guy's like, but you didn't even try to save him. And he's like, look, he was basically dead when we arrived. Come on, stop being so annoying about it. And then the guy, the guy who's angry, says, do you have children?

And then the surgeon says, yes, a son? Yes, a son. Yes, I have a son. Yes, I have a son, he's the light of my life, I would never let somebody kill him. I'd be so mad if he got killed. Oh, hey, one second. And there it is. That is of course. That's a fair chime, you know.

Yes. Yes. Well, like you said, it's been deployed fairly. That is the sound to indicate that we have spent longer talking about the episode of a stupid TV show than the episode actually went for itself, which in this case was 43 minutes. So, so this guy says, why you know save my son? Now, in fairness to the serial killer, I'm gonna say, I don't think-

Someone clip Andrew saying that, please. In fairness to the serial killer, while obviously this man was very upset, I don't feel that the ER surgeon really put much effort into saying to him. For example, I think a thing he could have said would have been, there is no operation I can perform that will restore your son's brain function. I feel like that would have been a pretty useful thing to say at this juncture in the conversation.

Instead he just keeps saying to the guy, look, you don't get it. You're no surgeon. He doesn't actually sort of say, I haven't attempted to, like he does sort of go, oh, I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. But he doesn't really put a lot of effort into it, and then he literally turns his back on the man. The man who has just learned that his son has suffered brain death. And he's like, hey, what are you going to do? I have a recommendation, which is that we start doing like and one surgical videos, right? Where he tells him that his son suffered brain death, and then sort of, you, you know, just like does some like streetball antics, you know,

holding his head and sort of deeking around him really clowning on the guy at that very moment. Ideally. Yeah. So there is a basketball, but put a basketball hoop in the bad news room so the surgeon can do like a 360 backwards dunk. Like, your son is dead. Fush. hoop in the bad newsroom so the surgeon can do like a 360 backwards dunk. Your son is dead. Fush. Um, so... Although the son's not dead, he's just brain dead, we find and was just taken off life support a couple days ago.

Yes, yes, uh, but it was very funny to me that this surgeon, he just had to be asked the right series of questions, you know, like they just had to narrow the stats down enough for him to suddenly have perfect recall of the incredibly distraught man who had personally blamed him for not saving his son instead of saving a Latino guy. And then he's like, oh yep there it is, there it is I got it, it's this guy. And then he says all right I got to get down to the school and save my son. We're meant to be doing a normal day's routine and I normally pick my son up from school so I'm gonna go down there. And he walks out of the room, and Matthew Gray Gouble says, unless he was trying to trick you into thinking he was going to kill your son,

but really he's going to kill you. So, but, why? Why? Why? Why? Why don't just kill him? Well, I think we're stumbling onto something interesting here, which is, I am maybe proposing that the characters of this show, unbeknownst to them, they think they're solving crimes, but they're actually having a lathe of destiny type experience, where they imagine what a criminal might do and will it into existence. Because in this case, they had already gone far enough down that path to obtain the correct information and solve the case. But then he has another thought. He has another thought just before that, which is like, oh, but what if he was trying to trick you and he was going to kill you instead? And then instantly, what should happen? But the doctor opens his front door, the doctor opens, thor, thor, thor, and thor, and thor, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, thor, and thor, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. Because, thi. Because, thi. Because, thi. Because, thi. Because, thi. Because, thi, thi he was trying to trick you and he was going to kill you instead? And then instantly, what should happen?

But the doctor opens his front door and there he is, the man. As you had said at the top of the show, Riley, this plot has very happily resolved itself by simply having the killer come over and stand on the front lawn. We're saying, I am the killer. Prepare to be killed. Causing, of course, Matthew Gray Gouble to run out and do a, do a, you know, in the line of fire, throw himself in front of the bullet kind of scenario in order to save the doctor, he gets shot in the leg.

Now, are you on the IMDB page as well? Yes. I also, I also am aware of the piece of trivia which you are about to lay on me, which relates to Matthew Gray Gouble's leg, does it not? Yeah, he was busted his knee while partying with the 500 days of summer co-stars. Which I mean what kind number one who's busting their knee partying after what I assume to be a Michael Sarah film but necessitating that Dr. Reed get shot in the leg in the season opener so he can be in a wheelchair

for the rest of the film note how he just happens to be sitting throughout. Reed gets shot in the leg in the season opener so he can be in a wheelchair for the rest of the film. Note how he just happens to be sitting throughout. Yes, yes, he also spends the rest of the episode sitting on a couch in front of a pile of paperwork so he doesn't have to walk around and this then in turn starts a short-term arc across the season in which he walks around with crutches as his leg gradually gets better. Everybody's talking about my crutches. Very amusing. Also at the same time, right, well they still believe that the guy's doing what he said

they was going to do and all of the behavioral evidence pointed to before it was a different thing. I just noted that the DC SWAT vanans, because this is another show set in DC, DC, very dangerous for spree killings. They have a very nice Sarah font. It's a really lovely font on the DC sot vans. They don't do it like that anymore, do they? No, no, you know what? Whole justice system's gone down the tubes. It's all Helvetica now.

It's all a big, big impact black block letter letter, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, black, the, theirckletter, theirckletter, theirckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckleckle their, to sp the tubes. It's all Helvetica now. It's all big impact black block letter FBI's, you know? It's all just letters made out of Punisher skulls now. Yeah. So, um... So, um... Actually, sorry, I do want to bring us back slightly to a moment just before this, right? Uh, when the, the distraught doctor is asking the profilers, he says, you guys deal up with a lot of these cases, right?

And they say, yeah, sure, sure, we did with a lot of these cases. And he says, how do they end as though he is talking about episodes of the TV show, and not, you know, real-life things that are happening to the people here. And they, nobody looks like they want to say, sun death, 95% of the time. Look, you know, this is a real sun death heavy industry. Yeah, so, yeah, go along heavy industry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, go along to get along, please.

So instead, they give him the much sunnier news that it usually ends, or I should say that they sidestep what he's really asking, which is, what happens to the sun in all of these cases? And they give him their attempt at good news, which is that the suspect usually dies of suicide by cop. It's not like that is also what happens here, you know? Well, again, is it possible that they are simply willing the resolutions of the case into existence?

So they say, oh, suicide by cop is usually how it happens. So, killer is very, very helpfully just found his way over to the house. He's taken a shot at the doctor. We've taken a medically necessary bullets of the leg for Matthew Gray Gubler, who then says, get behind me, get behind me, and he picks up his gun, which he had dropped, and points it at the guy and says, hey, put your gun down, and the killer continues to have his gun raised and walk towards a federal agent

that he has just shot, and the federal agent says, no, for real, you better put that gun down, honestly. Honestly. May it some point shoot you. We have a thing in my house when me and my wife are watching movies, which is I like to point my finger in the style of a gun at my TV screen and start yelling, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, at the point that the police would have actually started shooting the person. Yeah, like, the moment he walks on to the property. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of points of movies.

There's a whole lot of like, you know, people doing these big tense negotiations with someone who's already brandished and fired a gun, that kind of thing. And in reality, it's like this dude takes one step out of the bank and is just instantly air-hold. Which is absolutely what would have happened to this guy. I think if you successfully shoot a federal agent in the leg, he is going to shoot you as many times as he humanly can in the next short bit of time. Instead he says, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi... thi, thi, th.. thi, thi. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thri, thri, thri. And, thri. And, toeei. And, thi. And, thii. And, thiii. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th shoot you as many times as he humanly can in the next short bit of time. Instead he says, hey, hey, come on now, behave. Behave. If you're a good boy, we'll bring his son out for you.

And the guy puts his gun down, like as in by his side, and then he's like, oh, I kind of want to do suicide by cop and starts lifting it up. I'm gonna, please, no, come on, this is, we'll give you a son, just put it down. So he raises his gun, Matthew Gray-Gubler shoots him in the tummy, causing a killer to drop his gun. And so the doctor gets up and does what emergency doctors do and immediately sets about trying to help him out. And when he gets over there he kind of tosses the killer's gun to the side because Matthew Gray Gubler says in what was my favorite piece of dialogue from the entire movie he's

holding onto his leg and waving his arm to indicate like you know kick his gun and he says kick his gun away make he says, kick his gun away. Make sure his gun's not near him. Which for me, it was just beautiful. Beautiful bit of writing. Make sure his guns not near him. Hey, just double check where the gun is. If it's near him, you know, do something about it.

If he asks for the gun, don't give it to him. No matter how badly he seems to want it. So basically, this case just perfectly resolves itself. Basically, all they had to do was imagine some stuff that then instantly came true. I'm going to be keeping a keen eye on this theory as it goes on. About whether or not it's the act of profiling that actually conjures the resolution of the case, you know? So while all this has been happening, Padget Brewster was like, I'm just kind of cruise

around town, see if I see Hodge in any record stores or bagel joints, you know? Yeah, yeah. She goes around to his house, rings his phone, can hear it ringing inside, finally notices that the door is off the latch, takes herself in to find that there is a gunshot in a wall. She scans the room like she's, like's Denzel Washington and the equalizer. She goes whoosh, whoosh as she looks at different things around the room. She sees his keys are still there. His briefcase has just been thrown on the couch as though he'd only just come home. There's a big bullet hole sitting on the ground. Phone, right there, bullet hole in the wall.

Very large digital bloodstain on the cover. Hatch is a very tidy man. He wouldn't leave a bullet hole in the wall. He'd pick up his blood if he dropped it. So this is the point at which I think the looking around at the hospitals kind of pays off. They say, hey, someone did turn in a John Doe, except they said, oh, here's his FBI credentials. And they gave the credentials of devastatingly handsome Shumar Moore instead. They said, that's strange. So they go over and check it out. Lo and behold,

there is Hodge. TV's Greg. He has been stabbed nine times without hitting any arteries. Is that the deal? Well, okay. That and because the Reaper later reveals, do you know how many times you have to stab yourself in order to learn how to stab someone safely? A lot. Like, I feel like you don't... This is, to me, this is like analogous to, um, say, trainee tattoo artists, like tattooing, a piece of pig versus just doing stick and pokes on her own legs, you know?

So I gather that he's a stick and poke guy. He doesn't have the time to go out and get himself fake skin or whatever. He's just, he's doing it with what God gave him his own two legs, right there. And goofs on IMDB, when Agent Hatchner remembers being repeatedly stabbed, by the reaper, the movement of the fake blade is clearly visible to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the the slow the slow the slow the, the, the, thii.e, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, hea, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, th the, safely stabbed by the Reaper, the movement of the fake blade is clearly visible due to the slow motion shot of the killer. Yes. Love it. So, uh, so really the remainder of this episode is spent setting up what I assume will be a season-long conflict with the Reaper.

We are... Although, actually, there's a little stinger at the end as well, isn't that? So, you know, he says, like, you know, when he's come to in the hospital bed, he says, what did the reaper take? He always takes something from the crime scene. This man, he's profiling from his hospital bed, you know. He's takes something from the crime scene this man profiling from his hospital bed you know and ever off and Padgett Brewster says he took one page from your planner under the address book section it was the bees yeah again I always check you know if especially if I'm very worried I always I thumbed through the address book and make sure all the pages are intact.

Because also, no one has ever removed a page from their own address book. Yes, there's like, again, I don't know how you looked at an address book with a page missing and instantly came to the conclusion that the Reaper took it. And he says, ah, what did he leave? He always leave something. Again, like what did the writers of the Reaper character just like go into a convenience store so you take a penny, leave a penny tray and be like, that's it? That's his trademark is he's extra crazy. And also takes and leave something? Well, yeah, it's not very reepy to leave something, I think. That's more of a distributor.

Yeah, yeah. Now, I guess the sort of the very... All right, our serial killer is the retailer. He takes something, then he leaves it at someone else's house at a profit. He does offer refunds. So I think the kind of really thin at a profit. He does offer refunds. So I think the kind of really thin logic of the show here, right, is that when asked if he, what he took, they were able to think of something where you could plausibly say,

I noticed that this thing was absent. Because when you go to somebody, if you go to your friend's house and they ask you to look around they go, what's missing? You would probably quite reasonably say, I don't fucking know, I don't live here and this isn't my stuff. However, she was able to say, oh I flipped through every page of every book in your apartment, including your planner. Notice that this page was missing, probably the reaper. However, when they say, did he leave something, it's even harder to go into someone else's house and say, here's something that wasn't here before.

You know? Of course. So, seeing as they can't satisfactorily write an answer to that question into the show, she says, I don't know, and he says, give me my clothes. And they pull out his absolutely sopping in blood clothing from the bag. And he pulls out his wallet and the Reaper has put in a photo of his ex-wife and son, played by Andy from Dawson's Creek. Dawson, I like that, so they go to sit and protect like the wife and son, who are like fine, and the son is, when he gives God to like get picked up from a friend's house or whatever, where no peril has been visited, to him, he thin hi him. And he pulls, and he pulls, and, and th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th in, and he pulls out, and he pulls out, and he pulls out, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's, and he's th. And, and he's the th. And, and he's, and he's th. And, and he's the the the the son is when he gives God to like get picked up from a friend's house or whatever where no peril has been visited visiting upon him is like mommy

they let me turn on the siren it's like how do you just like blow through a bunch of red lights because like a kid turned on the siren it's very funny mommy they let me fire the guns I was I was allowed to kill a son. Mommy, they let me fire the guns. I was allowed to kill a son. So basically, you know, Hodges left, thoroughly stabbed in his hospital bed, telling his ex-wife that, you know, her and the son are going to have to go away and go in hiding. And he's very sorry about that, but he's going to stay here and he's 1,000 percent

gonna nab the reaper. And you know that's true because she says, can you catch this man? And he says, I will catch this man. I will catch this man. I will catch this man. I will catch this man. Yes. Don't worry. I, Greg, shall catch this man. Even at risk of running into Dharma. That's how much I care.

Although there was a tantalizing suggestion at the end of the episode and I felt that this is a nice little cliffhanging suggestion maybe I think it was one of the other profilers says this but maybe when he did this to you you know explained his motivations and stabbed you to make you like him maybe he was trying to give you something more and make you a better profiler. The suggestion that perhaps he's going to acquire some serial killer super empathy. And he's gonna turn into some sort of master profiler now.

Yeah, yeah, it's basically, on learning on the job, you know, getting a, it's getting a mentorship from a tough but fair master of the serial killing craft. One of the craziest to ever do it. Some types of experience you just can't teach, you know? So, uh, that was episode one of Season five of the television show, Criminal Minds. I personally am just, I'm tantalized to see future instances of profiling taking place. And I'm also very much intending to keep pressing this theory that they are in fact, uh, they are in fact, in fact, that, in fact, that, in fact, make, that, that, that, th-in, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, very much intending to keep pressing this theory that they are in fact making the things happen. Because the things that are happening are so like unlikely and statistically

anomalous based on the thin stuff that they know about both the killer and the person that they're trying to kill, what other explanation could they be? You know, they either have absolutely amazing luck or they are causing the events to happen. And I think we're going to find out, you know? Yeah. Well, that's wonderful stuff. Shall we conclude the first episode of this season two, the Boney Island Whitefish, colon, the Boney Island Mindfish, to, should we bring it to a close? Although I'd like to bring it to a close with a plug. Oh.

For people on the T.F.P.P. P.P.P.P. to the Buntavista Patreon, TF is coming to Australia. We are going to be doing shows, shows in cities such as Melbourne and Brisbane, which if you live in, tough luck, you can't go, the tickets are, sold out. However, if you live in Melbourne and want to see Britonology, Nate and Milo will be doing an episode of Britonology. And if you want to see us in Canberra with the Boney Island Whitefish's own Andrew Law, that is also going to be happening. You can do that.

And I think we still have some tickets in Sydney. So do check that out if you can. Wonderful. Honestly, folks, we did everything that we could to keep that out if you can wonderful honestly folks we did everything that we could to keep them out just couldn't get there yeah that's right well you know it's uh... your you didn't have a stable enough government no well we voted these bloody lefties in

you know yeah and they're letting they're letting in all the British podcasters including the ones who are also Canadian. All of our finest British Canadian podcasters. That's right. Excellent. Well, that's all very exciting. We will throw a link to the Camber Show and the ones on the left yeah throw some links of those into the

show notes so check that out and we are excited to see you next time for criminal mind season five episode two yes very exciting episode two episode two haunted who who's just a time for Halloween! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Of course this was faded. It's going to work well. Okay. All right. Talk to you soon, everyone. Bye-bye.