Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: Hypercolor Fat Dick On Your Mug

Episode Date: February 4, 2026

It's Freemium Freebruary! Enjoy this bonus episode on the house. *** Lucy, Theo, Andrew, and Ben bring you: Lessons from a near-death experience, the paperclip swapper's bullshit, refusing to deal with the poop in front of you, and a brand new tradition that's almost identical to several existing traditions. *** Outro: Asylum (Permanent Underclass) - Dälek *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Website: boontavista.com Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

He fights with a shield. The defensive tool, because Dizzy said that Goufi couldn't have a sword. Guiffy's not an aggressor. Ghrie's not an aggressor. He has to fight with a shield. Hey, welcome to Blinta Vista. It's a bonus episode. And congratulations.

You are ascending. That's right. You no longer have to exist in this corporal form. You'll be joining us in a secondary and much higher state of being, known as Lucerian. Once you become a Lucerian being, you will gain access to our. beautiful Lucerian commune in a hollowed-out A380, somewhere in the middle of New Mexico, and you'll receive your welcome pack containing a PlayStation 2, a copy of Tony Hawk's Underground 2, a CD copy of Fallout Boys from Under the Cork Tree, and an all-access pass to every

a date or a member show from now until the end of time. All you have to do to join our beautiful Lucerian compound, where you'll contribute, of course, by tilling the fields, harvesting the grain, buying the clothes from Hot Topic, dusting the back of my PlayStation, keeping the temperina at a perfect serving temperature roughly between 16 to 18 degrees. All you have to do is to abandon all other false gods and of course your family because they're non-believers

and honestly I think they've been kind of holding you back. Also, you'll pay the annual fee, which is income-based because we're a socialist, but it does start at $2,000 a quarter. It's important to note the number one rule of the Lucerian compound is that you may not speak to me or address me at, any time. If you look me in the eye, your tickets to the warp tool will be revoked, and a loved one of your choice, killed. With you is my Master of Whisperers, Andrew.

And I'm hearing from Andrew that a lot of you didn't come to last night's screening of Jack Ashtoo, which was actually mandatory. Andrew, what do you think we should do with these betrayers? I don't know, Master, but a lot of them don't understand that Bamargera is really a wounded little boy underneath his personality. You're so right. About Bamarajaro. Also, my liege, I have heard that even though

when they made Jackass Forever, Bamar Jaro said that he would rather cut his dick off than star in another jackass movie, I am hearing reports that he will be in the just freshly announced jackass movie. Maybe he cut his dick, no, he didn't cut his dick off. Does that mean it did cut his dick off or he didn't cut his dick off? I think maybe he just remembered that they would pay him and he changed his mind.

Yeah, that guy loves money. That guy loves money. Also, with me is our pharmacist and chef, Ben, because we, of course, love to keep our flock healthy. Hey, Ben, how's the soup coming along tonight? I can see that that's, like, really big pot of soup. Looks like you've got some really interesting ingredients, maybe some herbs I've never seen with love like X's on the bottle. It looks like there's enough for everyone. Yeah, I think it's going to get everyone nice and full and just real sleepy.

You know, nothing better than getting to the end of the day and just feeling like, wow, if I don't lie down soon, my body will lie down of its own accord. And I've made sure that's how everyone's going to feel after the soup. Cold night. Have you noticed that's the 457th day straight of soup that he's made for us? He's always saying it's soup season. It is soup season. I could have a soup at any time. I love a soup.

I think was Bam in THPS 1 or 2? I'm not sure. I know he's in THPS 1 or 2. Maybe. Perhaps as an unlockable extra. Yeah, like Spider-Man. You know, you unlock Spider-Man, THPS 1. I feel like if they put Johnny Knoxville into the game,

they'd have to like put all the sliders to zero. So he just fell off as soon as you started trying to skate. He's not very good at skating, right? No, I think he seems to be quite confident. General. Yeah. I think his skill sets sort of like getting huge balls. Sexual energy. I bet he fucks like crazy. I bet he does. Hey, that's so good. The voice of our lone century of the Lucerian compound. He may look small, but he does hold a powerful sonic weapon capable of emitting an incapacitating blast of Weezer's much-hated 2010 album Hurley.

Hey, Theo. Hey, Theo, you look tired. Why don't you clock off early? Get yourself a bowl of soup. Big ball of soup sounds pretty good. Do I have to listen to Hurley? Oh, you don't know. No, that's the weapon. You don't hear it. You've got your anti-Hurley headphones on that go with your sonic weapon.

With a big picture of Hurley from Lost. Is he playing the inverse of the wave on his headphones so that he directly cancels out the thing coming out of the weapon? Absolutely. Yes, he has a Hurley canceling headphones on. We made the technology. Anti-Hurley. And if these are going while the records are not actually on,

it just makes me more powerful. Wouldn't that just make you hear Hurley? Yeah. If you were playing it while it wasn't plagued. I don't mind because I'm just happy to hear it. I think the Hurley cancelling headphones are just noise cancelling headphones that are also playing Weez's self-titled album. Yes.

You'll still be listening to Weiser. Maybe Pinkerton. Depends what you like. Yeah, a huge improvement, I'd say. Hey, I really hate to do this because it does kind of mess with the flow of the entire podcast, but it is directly related to this and kind of, yeah, I only made five seconds into the intro before this story came up. So quick stuff we should chat about. And you'd like me to play the theme this time. I think we all want you to play the theme.

Whatever makes you feel good. It's time for stuff we should chat about. Come some stuff we should chat about. Stuff we should chat about. So, you know, we've discussed right up front. As a higher stuff to chat about. I think I've talked about this previously on the podcast, but not really shared the whole story. but not really shared the whole story.

Probably about 10 years ago, one day I was unable to urinate. And I went through a whole process. I remember. Just being like bladderful, nothing's coming out. It's just like blocked whatever. And you had to fly me up there to suck it all out. They catheterized me. There was a tube intermediary.

There was a tube intermediary. Yeah. And then afterwards they had to put me. me under to do a cytoscope, right? Which is where they... To hammer the railroad spike in there. Yeah, absolutely. They put a camera up there.

And so you have to go under general for that, which is pretty scary. And I think something I've never told anybody is because there's a lot of like, I mean, people made fun of Colton Burpo, et cetera. There's a lot of, a lot of baggage around, around this sort of thing. You're about to tell us that you had a vision of the afterlife? This is a bonus episode and I feel okay sharing this here. It's freemian. Don't say, very. Okay.

Oh, oh shit, it's free me in February. Can we start again? I died on that operating table for five minutes and I remember ascending. Did they tell you this or you just remember this? I remember this. I have a visioner of. of this and I was ascending and like as I was gone up, you know, top-down view and I could see them kind of like feeding the cable into my, into my dick, like, you know, like rigors kind of feeding the drill bit down the shaft hole.

I'm thinking of a plumber putting an order into a block drain. Absolutely. And I ascended to heaven and I met God and she's white. And I don't know how to feel about that. Is this, is, is, is, is, is a lot of questions for me? Are you saying a joke or is this, is this real? Is God real? I did, do you celebrate that, I was kind of hoping she'd be black?

Yeah, I met God and they were black. Ah. But, what about, well, let's compromise. I met God and they were what? Yeah. We'll find we'll meet somewhere in the middle. Yeah, like it's, you know, obviously great. Great that God's not binary.

We're sliding the scale until people are cheering instead of booing. I met God. They were white and doing a black cent. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, actually, I was going to do a stuff we should chat about as well. So we may as well bump that up the list of priorities we got here. I should do chat to chat.

Yeah, we'll chat to see. Back to back chat. Do you guys remember the guy from the early 2000s who traded a paperclip a lot of times? Then he got a house. Yes. Stephen Bradbro. Oh, yeah, yeah. Stephen Bradbury.

Sorry, we were also remembering a guy from the early two days. Was this story real? Oh, my God, it was real. It was definitely real. Yeah, he got a house. He got a house. So what's stopping you? What was he trading?

He started with one red paperclip and then threw a series of trades. He was just slugging up. It was just like a... Until eventually he got up to a house. Kind of like a viral video or something. It was definitely, it was from a time where like, you know how if you're like the first person to do something on a platform, people kind of give you like, people go crazy for it?

Like if you were the first person to be like, I'm on, you could go, you used to be able to go viral on eBay for being like haunted piece of bread. Or a toast that looks like Jesus. Yeah. And then someone would pay like, there'd be a bidding war because it was viral and it'd be like, you'd get 500 grand for it or whatever. This guy was like a viral celebrity thing. I'm like YouTube.

No, I couldn't have been YouTube. It was just a story that went out. Facebook, maybe. But anyway. So he managed to do some trades and eventually he got a house out of it. How many trades do you reckon from one red ordinary paper clip to a full. home. How many trades do you reckon he made? Oh, how many do I think it took him to make?

Because I was going to say if it was me doing it, it'd be like 65,000 because I don't like being pushy about that kind of stuff. I'm not haggling on Facebook marketplace or anything. If you have to up the value, the intrinsic, if we can say that an object has some intrinsic monetary value, which obviously it doesn't, it's imposed by humanity, whatever. But like you always have to

get up, you have to increase the value, which means you have to shortchange every person that you have the trade with. Are you asking how many we think we personally would or how many we think this guy did? Do you have an answer? Is this a guessing game? It's a guessing game. Can I ask one other question, one of the parameter before we make our guesses, which is, can you tell us the time span between the first and last trades, as in did it take him like eight

months? Did it take him seven years? I feel like that's relevant. It took him nearly exactly one year. I'm going to say it's less than you think, and I'm going to say 73. Mm-hmm. Okay. Who's winning?

Is it closest without going over? Price is right rules. That's correct. Yeah. Okay. I'm going, I've got a couple of very specific numbers in my head because I... You're always seeing numbers in every way. Yeah, sort of like they're spinning.

62, 5, 112, 117. 117. So I can't read any of them. 17. Okay. Okay. I agree that I think it's going to be less than expected. I'm going to say like 35.

Well, you'll be glad to know that none of you are correct because you all went over. It was 14 trades. Oh, he's so close. Luce is my obvious winner. here, come on. No, I said, no, I said the highest one. Sorry, Price is right. Theo said the lowest one.

I think it was 17. No, that was, that was Theo. That was me. Yeah. Wow. I remember that. We still know. Voices are very easy to get mixed up.

Roll the tape back. You two both have a similar sort of kind of robotic cadence. I don't know what that's about. Kind of like a flat affect. Can I list the, this is probably a really tired thing to do for a podcast episode of 2026, but I want it because I think this is, because I think this is, is complete bullshit. And I had known about this. I saw him on

like a current affair or some shit I think when I was like 15. It's a big media thing. And I had assumed that he was just doing tons of little tiny incremental trades. But this like goes off the fucking rails like halfway through I reckon. Okay. So first

trade, he traded the paper clip for a fish shaped pen. Pretty good trade. Yeah. I mean, great for him. He gets like a novelty pen and someone's like, wow, a paper clip. Yeah. I didn't I just kind of staples. Or 100 of those.

It's someone who's finished writing their manifesto, but now they've just got a bunch of loose papers. Oh, that's perfect, actually. Imagine finding out that the Unabomber wrote it with a fish-shaped pen. Okay. The next one was he traded the pen for a hand-sculpted doorknob, which, again, that just seems like a too big of a value jump

for me personally. But maybe a pen, other. than like you you got to be shown like obviously there are very expensive pens there are fancy fountain pens and everything there's a funny pen but but but yeah like if we're if we're talking like what price can you put on laughter if we're talking a ball point five dollars month month punta vista freemian free i want i want i want uh i want the astronaut pen i want the pen in the bikini and when you turn the pen upside down her bikini disappears.

Why do you buy those? I'm desperate to get some of those. They're going to still exist, right? Yeah. They're out there. Oh, the technology must be crazy now. Oh, these do it's probably lost to talk. It's probably got guys with they dicks out these days, what with the way things are.

Yeah. Gay hockey show and everything. I feel like the nudie upside down pen got overtaken by that coding. Internet pornography. No, it's screen as much. larger, I can see the lady. So well. No, when it comes to housewares

specifically, it got overtaken by that coating that they put on mugs that kind of disappeared or changed when you put the hot water in it. And then you're going to have someone with their fat dick out on your mug. Hypercolour fat dick on your mug? Stel and Scarsgaard dick out mug.

I see you that, Andrew, and I'm going to raise you the apron with the lewd picture as if it's you like big set of apps. I don't think there was a big technological development in the... I'm just going off size.

Naked lady girl fancy writing journaling office pen floating floater tip and strip Kawaii ballpoint nude pens for adult women men nice gift and in brackets white 1599 from Amazon On July 25th

2005 he traded that doorknob for a Coleman camp stove with fuel. Fuck off. Fuck you. Yeah. This is bullshit. This is astroturf. I guess it's just shit someone else doesn't want. This is fine.

You might have a second stove, but you might be down a hand sculpted doorknob. If it's a nice sculpted doorknob, which would only make the previous trade worse, it does make this one better. I wonder what the possibility is that this dude was scouring. like, you know, classifieds, potentially Craig's list back then, you know. And maybe he was finding listings for shit that people just wanted to give away and turning up and saying, hey, take this. I think, I got this beautiful antique daughter. From memory, the people that were trading with him were aware of the context.

That's going to come up real, real fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but Ben's kind of, I think, contention is that. all of these trades should be zero sum. And listen to yourself, Ben. He would still be trading in some sort of purgatory. Everyone would have stopped watching. Yeah, just paper clips swapping.

Well, no, but people's needs and their surpluses might be different, which could change the... Just the kind of the thief of joy. I just, I think that if you are trading, if you're trading, if you're trading your beloved fish-shaped pair, that you wrote your whole manifesto with for a paperclip, you're effectively getting nothing back. Yeah, but what if you haven't written a manifesto yet?

The pen is worthless to you. I haven't got time for manifesto. I don't have all those memories with the pen. I want to fold the outline of a swan out of a small piece of bendable metal. You're holding up two hook hands and you're going, what use would I have for a fish pen? You see why I'm giving this away? If I get a paper clip, I can stick a little note to one or one.

What use is a fish pen if you cannot write? I have a fish pen and I cannot write. No such thing as a fish pen. Yes. Oh, my God. We go crazy. Keep going. That episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy, this nuclear hole goes,

time enough for now. Everybody's gone. Time enough for now. Yeah. Yeah. The only thing of it's left is this fish. But I have no hands. Trying to pick it up and it's falling through his hooks.

Finally, time to write my book, my manifesto. You know what fucking sucks? If they made time enough for now, it'd be about how he's addicted to TV. Sorry, if they made time enough for now, now. Yes. If now they made time enough for now. And he'd be catching up on his Netflix series.

Yeah, he'd be like, I don't want to work. I just want to watch Netflix. finally i've got enough now that everyone's dead i've got enough time to get through all of the instagram reels and i know that no one's making any new ones he shrugs off the everybody's dead element pretty quickly quick they're short episodes i'm sorry but i've actually i've actually got it so now that everyone's gone and he has his incredible uh aOC gamer laptop it's time to watch his favorite streams AOC?

AOC? AEOC? No, I'm probably thinking of Republic of Gamers, right? No idea. I think they got AdExters. So, get you. Anyway, there's no streamers because everyone's dead. You see?

Yes. I guess I do. Finally, I can watch Tom Walker all day. No! He traded that camp stove for a Honda generator. Bad trade. Bad trade. Bad trade.

Now this next one. This is where... It starts going off the road here, I reckon. It's going to go crazy, right? So he traded that generator to trade... Sorry, he travelled to Mass Beth Queens, traded the generator for a, quote, instant party, an empty keg,

an IOU for filling the keg with a beer of the bearer's choice and a neon Budweiser sign. Cool. so you know someone had like cotton on to like this the moment is viral so I've got some crazy shit for you and we'll make some content out but whatever he traded the instant party

to a Quebec comedian and radio personality named Michael Barrett for a ski-doo snowmobile this is just getting stupid this is ridiculous this is just clearly they're just clearly in it for the media right yeah now everyone's well now my sorry Michelle Barrett

is now a household name. Michelle Barrett? Michelle Barrett. Michelle Barrett? Was it in Michelle Barrett? Oh, the Michelle Barrett TVD. So good. Oh, Monsieur Barrett?

He traded the snowmobile for a two-person trip to Yark, British Columbia. Okay. Which he then traded one of the spots for a box truck. It's fucking ridiculous. What? So two strangers are going on the... this trip together after this.

Well, no, him and one other, and a stranger. But he's a celebrity, yeah. Plus he gets kind of gets to split a box truck out of that. Well, he gets the whole box truck. Yeah. But then he trades the box truck for a recording contract with Metalworks in Mississauga, Ontario. Mississauga? I don't know.

I've never had to say that out loud. He cares. He trades the recording contract to Jody Nant for a year's rent in Phoenix. Arizona. He trades the year's rent in Phoenix for one afternoon with Alice Cooper. He trades the afternoon. I feel like the rent's worth more. I feel like the rents worth more.

He's rent one afternoon with Alice Cooper. Well, how about this next one? He trades the afternoon with Alice Cooper for a kiss motorized snow globe. What? We're back to the paper clip now. How big are we? How big are we talking? It better be the dawn off territory.

Is it rare? Honestly, I probably prefer it to the afternoon with Alice Cooper. I'd love to. Oh, he's such an interesting guy, but he'd have much to talk about. Is he? He's a Republican. He's Christian. I know that much.

So what does it? A motorized snow globe. Motorized snow globe. Are we talking to a snow globe the size of like a tank with tracks? What's... No, I'm seeing it. It looks like shit. It's literally just kind of like.

a glittery snow globe. That's dog shit. That's a dog shit. But luckily. He must have known that he must have known there was something to it though. Well, it was clearly demand for it because he traded that snow globe to Corbynison, who is an American actor and film director, uh, for a role in Corbyn Benson's film Donna on demand, which Corbynson wrote, directed and starred in.

Direct to DVD, black comedy doesn't look any good. I think the year worth of rent in Phoenix is still... I would have taken that. Beautiful Phoenix, Arizona? Yeah. Unfortunately, he didn't use this starring role in the film Donner on Demand because he traded it to someone else for a two-story farmhouse in Kipling, Saskatchewan. So he's already gone to a house?

You got to the house already. We're already at the fucking house. What are at the house? I found the blog post where he's done the snow globe. just some amazing comments. This is possibly the dumbest decision I have ever seen anyone make ever. Easy to say that from the outside looking in.

Except for the people on Jerry Springer. They make stupid decisions all the time. You've got to do that with the snow globe. All these comments are so earnest. It's like from a different time. Like people were really following this guy's journey. And they're like, ah, you traded for the snow globe? I've never been so disappointed.

I'm not numb to the zeitgeist yet Yeah Imagine when you would like Get behind someone Somebody like I'm walking across America To raise awareness of something Now everyone be like Shut up

I don't give a shit Of people walking across America To raise awareness for something Too many people doing that shit now They're like just waving at each other With their gaunt Skeletal bodies We're all JD

We're all black people What are you raising awareness for I can't care about all of them And I never cared about any of them. Hey, I bet those guys that walk across America for multiple sclerosis probably smell pretty bad. We talk about some things that smell pretty bad in smells that make you go, hmm. The truth is, it's so fucking sad.

The truth is, it sticks like sex in here. This comes to us from K-CRA in California. a crap. Family shocked by Amazon delivery tote containing human feces. Don't like a little bonus? Don't like something next to in there? A little freebie. Family at Elk Grove was shocked to find an Amazon delivery tote under their car

containing human fecal matter, which took the company days to remove from their neighborhood. Wait. What do you mean a tote? They deliver. They don't pick it up. It's like the shoulder bag, I think like postal workers or whatever have. Why is this Amazon?

Sorry, I'm very into Amazon, but why is this Amazon's problem to get rid of? Because an Amazon driver took a shit in that bag. Yeah. Oh, it was his shit bag because he didn't get to have any breaks from work. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's what any... You know how there was like a brief period where everyone was like,

why are we finding bottles full of human urine all over New York City? Yeah. Well, because there's a permanent underclass of like delivery workers and gig work. Toilet breaks, yeah. Gig workers who literally won't be able to like break even if they actually find a bathroom to piss in. So they just, they've got to put it in plastic water bowls and they don't want to leave that in the car. So they just throw it out. Well, that's great.

Send one to come pick up this tote bag full of shit. Yes. Use the master's tools against him. Get a drone. Get a drone to pick it up. Physician, heal me. Mindy, who asked to keep her identity hidden for fear of retaliation, discover the package on Jan 5th when she left work and noticed something under her car.

Quote, it was disgusting, Mindy said, recalling the discovery. Casting my mind back to what I found that bag full of human shit, I really feel that it was quite gross. Kind of yucky. Guy who's been looking for his bag of human shit everywhere reading this. Oh, fuck. Getting home being like, I really feel like I forgot something. You don't just feel like you forgot something.

Did I? She mentioned that her daughter almost opened it, saying, quote, to find out what it was like if she grabbed it, that would have been horrible. Kids, okay, I've got to tell you something about kids kind of day-to-day. Their relationship with poop. Yeah, poop. That's right. They're getting it on themselves.

Yeah. They're in and around pop. I don't care about it. I don't care about it the way we do. They're just going to put their finger, like, right in their crack and pull some out. Like two hours later, that's going to happen. It's kind of like out disgust with human feces is just cultural. Learn.

It's not innate. It's not innate. I think it might be innate. Practicing radical acceptance. Yeah. Oh, it's pop. Okay. Okay.

Is this supposed to shock me? Just imagine that. The pup is on a leaf and it's floating downstream. And you just watch it float by you neutrally. Yeah. You just accept the poop for what it is. I think the problem is in that situation. What do you mean?

The thought is supposed to eventually leave, whereas I think if the bag of shit doesn't get dealt with. It's still there. Yeah. She's kind of there. Kind of like go through your mindfulness exercise and open your eyes. Oh, damn it. That's what the smell was while I was being mindful.

I smell, I smell poop. I hear birds. I'm grounding myself. What are the things I can sense right now? I can feel the couch I'm on. I can smell the poop that was under my car. It's starting to think somebody pooped in this bag. Mindy described the contents of the package.

Quote, As poo? I grabbed it and saw what was inside. She said, Pup. Human Pup. and a shirt that they use to wipe it with. Oh, no.

Well, you're not going to not wipe. I guess you're not going to not wipe. You're not going to not wipe. You're not going to not wipe. I guess we know what happens when you're nosy now, Mindy. Yes. When you're poking your nose into other people's poop bags. If there's a tote bag that smells like poop in my yard, I'm not going to open it up and have a look.

I'm probably going to assume the content. Oh, so you're not an empiricist. You're going to swim that around. and fling that like two, three houses over. Not my problem. It's perfect for hurling. It's perfect for hurling. It's perfect for hurling.

Get such a good wind-up on that. David and Goliath. Send that shit to the stars. I think the problem with the whole Schrodinger's cat thing is it doesn't account for smell. Sure, I can't see the cat, but does the cat smell like a bag full of human shit and a T-shirt that was used to wipe it off?

You also collapsed the wave for. I think you also collapsed the waveform by smelling it. Yeah. After seeing a similar story in Lincoln, the movie, I believe, Spilbert. I don't remember that scene. Interesting choice, Mr. Spielberg. Mindy felt compelled to share her experience. Oh, did you feel compelled, did you?

I ran inside. The three-minute long scene of Daniel Day Lewis, never-breaking character. He shits into an Amazon bag. What a master though. Incredible. He wouldn't use factory made toilet paper either. Wiped with leaves.

Yes. While he was playing the role of he's the main guy in Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln. What's the main guy? What's the main guy in Lincoln? Yeah. Quote, I ran inside and washed my hands a lot

and started looking for phone numbers to call. She said. That night, I finally got a hold of somebody. She said they would send somebody out right away to get it. That was the fifth. On the sixth, it was still there all day. Now, I don't think it's nice to leave a tote bag full of human shit under someone's car. I think that's rude.

That is rude. I have had jobs that through freak circumstances have meant I have had to clean up human poop. Yeah. I've just had to be like, fuck. For one. That's what I call editing. I've just had to like put on gloves, get a fucking series of nested garbage bags and deal with the poop. I had to do it as a cinema I worked out.

I'm really struggling to see the issue. Yeah, we had someone, someone pooped in the foyer during our screening of human centipede two, which I believe was the only screening in Australia before the police came and took the copy. away from us. Probably making a comment on the film. Yeah, I wonder if they were, if they were pooping in, like, protest or if they were doing it to sort of say,

I really identify it with this movie. Solidarity. And it was solidarity-ish, probably about a seven. Okay. Yeah, point to where it comes out of the solidarity chart. I just feel like if there was a tote bag full of poop out the front of my house, I wouldn't be like, Amazon, can you come get the top?

specific solution to this. I think what I'm doing is I'm immediately putting it in a big black garbage bag and tying it up really tight and putting it in the bin. If it's bin night, I'm putting in someone else's bin. But I'm not I'm not just

I'm just going to leave it there and say when's someone going to intervene. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, do you guys, did you guys catch the news that the whole world is ruled by a global cabal of paedophiles? You guys up to date?

date on that? I think I missed that. Well, the good news is, like, if it ever came out, that everything was run by a global cabala pedophiles, well, then they will face justice and it will not get sorted out. Yeah. Funny thing about that. I think we're still working that out as to whether any kind of consequences should happen. No, one person has had consequences. The former Prince Andrew seems to be the only person where everyone's been like, whoa, you were in the Epstein emails. Yeah. You're out of there. And then it's like a hundred other people in the emails and everyone's like, blah.

The royals were really thought leaders there. I also, I think Jeffrey Epstein faced some consequences. Yes. As well. You know what's really funny is that, maybe not really funny. You know what's mildly interesting

is that all of the British news coverage of the former Prince Andrew, they're keeping him mononymous but without his title. So it's all of the, actually this is quite funny. All of the headlines about him are just Andrew. Just Andrew?

It doesn't say Prince Andrew. It doesn't say Andrew Montbatten Windsor. It just says Andrew. Andrew continues to be swept up in paedophilia. Because Andrew, Andrew moved out of the Royal Lodge today, or he was kicked out of the Royal Lodge. Wow. Titles stripped. It's good that there's probably no other pedophiles in the royal family or anything.

I think we're done. Why is it just... Clean pounce. He must feel like such a stupid asshole that everybody else is still like completely on the He's getting away with it. And he's just like, me? Oh, come on! I'm already not a prince anymore.

Let me stay at the Royal Lodge. You can't change the rules just because you don't like how I'm doing. Just because it's me being part of the global pedophile elite. We've got to laugh, guys. Otherwise you'd have to shoot someone. Mindy said a neighbor moved to the bag near the stop sign, prompting her to call Amazon again. So her neighbor's been like, why have you left a.

fucking bag of human poop out on the street in front of your house. I'm going to put this over here. And Mindy's been like, well, better get Amazon to come out on the double. Quote, I made another phone call, got somebody else. He said there'd been no notes made about it or anything, but that he would put them in. So good. First one's like, I'm putting that down here. Mindy?

Mindy, yes. I'm writing it down, Mindy. Bag of poop. So soon. Bag of poop. We've got our pup remover paratroopers coming in. and they should be zeroing on your location shortly. Now, we are, as you're familiar,

we're usually doing the delivery part, but we'll probably sort this out too. Just looking at the clock, 459, just be like, and that will be, and we'll have some way. Goodbye, bam, out of there. Gonna go over Schlitz.

Yep, cash it in. The bag was eventually removed on Jan 7th, but Mindy remains in disbelief. So the Pup is gone, but the disbelief remains. Gone but not forgotten. I would believe it, Mindy. I actually kind of, I'm surprised that they showed up to do that, to be honest. That's what's left to me in disbelief is that it only took two days to convince

multinational corporation Amazon to come and pick up the Pup bag. And that you cared more about it to make them come and pick it up rather than just putting it in the bin. Was it on the news some point in the interim? Like, did you get that on some sort of news that they saw and went, oh, we've got to sort out that situation because we don't really care about anything else. But from bad PR.

I think you just got to clean up the poop. I think in life sometimes. Sometimes you've got to clean up some pub. You just got to put some, like, it's gross, but like put on fucking. dishwashing gloves. Just don't breathe while you're doing it. From a meter back, you stop breathing.

Get close. You can't act like your number one concern is the poop being gone as soon as is humanly possible and also be like, but I'm not willing to engage with that anyway. I get that it's not your pup. I get you didn't poop the bag. We all know it's not your poop.

No one's been blaming you. Although it would be kind of funny if it was. And then you called, what if it was, and then you called Amazon. And we start wasting Amazon's time by saying, you've got to come and collect this bag of poop outside. Oh my God, the bag shit has traveled to Australia. Ordering 100 Amazon toats from Amazon, filling them with poop, calling Amazon every day from a different address.

Quote, what are these drivers doing? Do they not have the time to go to the bathroom in the proper place? She asked. I know that. We've not been paying attention. Come on, Mindy. Make some inferences now, Mindy. Just think, Mindy.

You've got a little more evidence. I want you, before you speak to the news, take the thought one step further down the road, and be like, wait a second, what would make someone shit in public while they're working? Is it because they thought it was a hilarious joke to poop in front of my house? Or is they just really need to poop?

Because they didn't have time. And I think the thing that is, to me anyway, the real sealer of the deal here is the shirt. That's, that is, that is, that has been used by someone engaged in an act that has been deeply shameful. This is an act of desperation. This is not a crime of desperation. Yeah. That's not a, like, this is not a habitual shitter. An habitual shitter would have had the toilet paper with them.

It's no Australian poo jogger. It's not Andrew Wessell. whatever he's name is. What are Andrew's in here? I'm pretty sure the poo jogger was an Andrew. What a fucking iconic photo. What a photo. Andrew Douglas Macintosh.

Folks, Americans, if you didn't catch it on that photo. Oh, it's beautiful. If you didn't catch it the first time, please just Google Poo Jogger and you'll see a photo of an adult Australian man. Looks like maybe he's like an orthopedic surgeon. Yeah. Out there running every day and he is bent over with his running shorts around his knees. Clearly, mid defecation and...

Doing his spite-based shit. Spite-based daily shits. And yet he has realized a photo is being taken and he's turned and he has this incredibly serene look on his face. If my memory serves me correctly, because I'm not looking at it right now. It is serene. Absolutely. And he's caught there, I believe, is the... shadow of the camera flash on the wall that is behind him.

And he looks all the world like a dog caught in headlights. But yet there is still something about humanity that is said within the photo. He's fully nude. He's something so human about him. His facial expression is completely without guile. He's not putting on a face. He's so calm. He's so calm.

He's real. He's nude in that moment. It's just real humanity. And there's also directly underneath where his asshole is, this big wet plop of poop on the ground from his runner's diarrhea that he's experienced. Oh, yeah. I've seen this in a while.

I'm going to have another look. I'm looking at it right now. He's holding toilet paper. So he knows about the pup. He's bought some toilet paper. It is some very wet diarrhea. And I'm concerned that, look, I'll say this. I'm glad his new balances are black.

Yes. Yeah. Wouldn't want to have some brand new, shiny white Nike airs. His shirt is white, but he hasn't hoiked up. Wisely wearing black shorts, you know? He's been here before. It's just like serene acceptance,

where it's like he's saying, well, you got me, but what does this say about you? He's letting himself be fully seen, but he's turning a twisting, fun house mirror on the viewer and says, well, if this is me being truly myself, what are you going to do with this? What does it say about you, how you react to me in this moment? Have you ever felt this truly yourself? Are you mad at me because there's something in me that you can't

perform, that you can't access within yourself? Oh, look, my personal Jack Ruby, take the shot. Take the shot. You got me. You got me. You got me. How does it feel? Yep. You may be standing on the other side of that glass, but we're all in the same zoo, you know? Yes.

Yes. The human zoo and some of us are nasty. Some of us are nasty, okay? High flying business executive. The Brisbane Poojonger. He was located regionally to Brisbane. We talk about regional things in regional. Bullship.

Regional bullshit. Every little town has got their own bullshit. Regional bullshit. Every little town has just got to have it. Oh my God, green slopes. That's so close to me. I thought he was a new farm. I didn't realize he was in green slopes.

No, I didn't know it was green slopes. Interesting. Oh, this is an unrelated poo jogger from 20. with this headline Pooh Jogger fertilizes a garden in one of Melbourne's most upmarket suburbs in disgraceful footage and there was a public

toilet just 50 meters away. Sometimes 50 meters is too far. Too far. Sometimes 50 meters is the other end of the earth. This comes to us from W-Y-O-U in Pennsylvania. You.

This is coming from you. This is from you, dude. Thanks. Jessop Giuseppe makes winter season prediction. Giuseppe? Jessi Giuseppe. Jessi Giuseppe. Catch your Giuseppe.

Pennsylvania is home to the most famous rodent forecaster in Punksitorni, but now a local town is adding its own twist to the tradition. Okay. You can just be doing your own thing. It's fine. A top hat, a tiny animal, and a lot of community pride. It helps launch something brand new Sunday morning. morning. An early spring is the official call from Jessup Giuseppe, a grape-loving ferret,

stepping into the role of weather prognosticator. What's up, you grape-loving ferret? When they say stepping into the role, to me that suggests a certain level of awareness of the responsibility he's taking on. I'll be a part of this world. Yeah. It is time for me to offer something back for all those grapes I've had and enjoyed over the years. What if my presence is the grape to other people?

They're getting. Can I be your grape? Snowflakes floated over a crowd of nearly 100 people gathered around a small wooden gazebo in station park. That's a small. This is depressing. You don't have to say the size of the gazebo? That's unnecessary.

Men in bow ties, white shirts and dark suits who call themselves the, quote, In a Circle, read from Scrolls, and spoke a special language known as ferret ease. They're really cribbon from the original here. Come on. You've got to have your own fucking thing. Make your own thing. Make something different.

Don't do the ferrette ease. Don't do the top hats. Don't do the fucking scrolls. That shit is chopped. And I'm getting really mixed messages from saying like they're putting a twist on a tradition but also they're doing something brand new. But also it's the groundhog shit with ferret swapsing.

It's the groundhog stuff. They did a pallet swap. to Punksetoni film. Did you think we wouldn't notice that the only thing you change was that it's a ferret? I noticed that it was a ferret. April Petrusky of Hanover Township

said, quote, they kept it true to form. I've been to Bunkettoni. It was a lot like it. Very great. Yeah. It's the same, April. It's the same as it. Tifling thing to take issue with,

but it's just a very interesting figure of speech to me to say, Very great. I don't think I've ever heard someone put those two together before. That's new for me. Pucks Tony Phil cover band. There's almost 100 people. The town's second biggest gazebo.

Organizers say the goal was simple. Create joy, create energy and create a new tradition. Okay. I don't argue with that. I can't be great. It's not sounding like a lot of energy to me. And if it's the same tradition, but in a different spot for different people, is it a new tradition? Can you step in the same river twice?

Yeah. Yep. Often I have to get the ball out of Kedron Brook for Louis because he loses it in the... You guys say there's a shark in Kedred Brook? Yep. We've got a bull shark in Kedred Brook. Yeah, and you posted in the chat being like, look at these fucking idiot think there's a shark in Kedron Brook. They really believe there's a shark in that.

Now who's jotted. Next day there was a picture of a shark. picture of a shark and Kendra Brooke, that's fucking crazy dog. Ben put in a group chat and he said, I know none of you believed it, but check it out. I know you were all haters, and I was a true believer the whole time about the Kendra Brook Shark. You weren't all Shark Day Ones like me.

Organizers, nope, quote, this is a symbol of light. It's a symbol of positive energy, Matt Kattanzaro, president of Jessup Giuseppe's inner circle said. It's a symbol of peace, community joy. And if I can be a part of that in any way, I feel like I left a good mark on this earth. Okay. I don't.

How do we tear this down? I mean, that's a really nice impulse. Yeah. Totally. And I bet it was fun for the kids. 100%. Can't fault that. Wouldn't change anything about you, Matt Kattan Zarro.

I feel like if you really, you really want to leave a good mark on this earth, it's probably not pretending that you can speak the same language as a ferret. Maybe it'd be like, there's an old lady near you whose balcony her porch is crumbling. You don't know her, but you could go over and say, hey, I'm kind of good with tools.

I can fix your balcony or something. I do some work off the books. She doesn't have any kids or anything, but she's got like a lot of money. So maybe like you and her create like a real. They all move. She doesn't speak to him. So you and her create like a really good bond.

And then when she does, maybe you get a little bit of cash. That's not the point of it. That's not the point of it. You didn't do it because it might have a little bit of cash. Maybe it might have. happened. Sort of what goes around comes around, you know? Oh my God, you had a safe full of gold, bullion? And it's yours because of the calmic cycles?

Just because I helped her out? Because I cleared her gutters. Kids watched closely as both green and purple grapes were placed on a wide barrel. Giuseppe's choice of green grapes meant warmer days could come sooner. Probably. Well, there's something in it for Giuseppe. I like that. Well, yeah, that's true.

At least he's getting like, you know, grapes. He gets a trip outside and a couple of grapes. Oh, a trip outside, a couple of grapes, forget about it. You're in ferret heaven. Rowan pregenza of Jessup said, Oh, I thought it was awesome. I was waiting probably just as much as my little sister was. I was excited getting back to being like a kid.

The first time you hear about Groundhog Day. Yeah, it's like that, but they got a ferret. Okay. Yeah, Jessup Giuseppe. The idea came together fast, spreading through social media and word of mouth. Scott Hall, another member of Jessup Giuseppe's inner circle, said, quote, they got a couple of guys. They thought about it, the two of them, and they pulled it off for a couple of weeks.

They managed to put together this Ocean's 11 type logistical masterpiece in less than two weeks. Well, you've got to get a gazebo. You've got to get a wine barrel. You've got to get some grapes. You've got to get some top hats. You've got to get some scrolls. You've got to get a Giuseppe. You need the guy that came up with the number.

RV language to invent ferretese. Yeah. And most importantly, at the centre of it all, you need a ferret who's willing to step into that role. Yes. To become the ferret weatherman. What if you, what do you think ferretes sounds like? Do you think it sounds just like a lot like Jamaican patois?

Yeah. Just happens to. Like one, Giuseppe. It's all just jar jar, Jha Bing's voice. I'm speaking fairities actually. Yeah. I feel strangely about them. describing a ferret as having an inner circle.

Well, ferrets can't have an inner circle, you think? Yeah. It's just surprising. I guess you have changed in your life, Lucy, for you to have a ferret. How much would have had to change? I wanted a ferrette so bad. They'd have to become legal in Queensland to have as a pet. Do we have ferrets in Australia?

We don't have them in Queensland. Are they outlawed in Queensland? Illegal in Queensland. I'm pretty sure. Can't have ferrets. Can't have rats. Weasels can't have rabbits. Can't have rabbits.

I think you can have guinea pigs, but I don't think you can have hamsters? You can have, you can definitely have guinea pigs. Guinea pigs are so stupid. Oh, you can have guinea pigs. They don't do anything. They don't do anything. They just sit there and they squeal. There's no light of a soul in those little eyes.

I tried to explain this to my ex's son when he really wanted a guinea pig. I was like, dude, they just don't do anything. They just sit in there and suffer. We had guinea pigs and then, uh, I think flies came and laid eggs under their skin and then they exploded. Oh, come on, man. It's the circle of life. That's not the circle of life.

I don't think, is it? Is that Sam Sampson? I mean, I learned some things. Up to 150,000 ferrets are kept his pets in Australia. However, ferrets are prohibited as pets. That's so many. In Queensland and the Northern Territory.

That's way more than I expected. There are ferrets everywhere out there, dude. Yeah, for those with eyes to see. I saw a guy with a ferret once when I was like 10 in far north Queensland. This is not a good anecdote. That's the end of it.

But I'll never forget that day. It's the talk of Cooktown. Organizers hope this becomes a yearly event, keeping the outfits, the ceremony, and the community spirit alive. I hope it takes off. I just want you to know that everybody else thinks it's Bush League compared to

punk's tawny Phil, even the other shitty knockoffs that you've got because there's like 20 of them. There'd be shitty knockoffs everywhere. You've got to start somewhere. You know? You start somewhere. Then upgrade it.

Trade it. Trade it for a better animal. Trade it for a mighty buffalo. Also, on the record, I am becoming the oldest man in the world. Oh, this one's on the record? On the record. Start recording, Ben. This one's on the record.

I am becoming the world's oldest man, and I genuinely fucking love anything that is someone just having a crack at doing something community-minded. Oh, yeah. I love it. I love it. Anything where you're just like, hey, everyone, come out and say hi. That's it.

Yeah, that's good. You know? God bless them, because someone's going to do it. But, you know, I'm glad people are doing it. I'm saying for the chance to catch a look at the ferret. What I'm saying, though, Lucy, is wouldn't it be great if five years from now they had their yearly like ferret festival?

Oh, ferrette. There's a live blues band playing this A bunch of food trucks. There's ferrette-themed foods being sold at the food trucks. Ferrette's cooked ferret at the ferret food trucks. Ferrette-o-povra. Of course you can get a big fresh bowl of grapes, you know. They got pipe racers.

They got other stuff that ferrets can do. They got them solving little Rubik's cubes. They let you run around in the big wheel. There's a human-sized big wheel that you can run around. the end. God, the shirts, God, I bet the shirts

are fucking great. And there's a light hooked up to the human-sized wheel and you've got to try and make it glow as brightly as it can.

Yes. Yeah. How many candle power did you get? 16,000? Not a lot of candles. I would be, I would be very happy

to buy a show that said, I got my grapes eaten at the Han of a ferret festival. Oh. The ferret picked my grapes.

they have a parent festival. I would buy that shirt. Oh, I mean, I hope this takes off. I'm a big fan of that shit. We went to a, we went to Goat Fest when we were in Tasmania recently. What's that about? Goats.

It's just outside, 20 minute drive outside a beautiful Launceston Tasmania. And it was like, I don't know, maybe 40 stalls. Ten of them were selling like AI generated key chains wall signs, shirts and hats about goats,

which now is just so deeply in every level of society, it's fucking awesome. Then 20 of the stalls maybe just had goats on display, which was awesome. There were pygmy goats, there were dwarf goats, there were miniature goats. And they're all different. Yeah, apparently.

I think there's different classification of goat smallness. Got anything bigger? And they had regular size goats as well. Okay. Extra large goats. No, I think they maxed out at normal. unfortunately. Oh, I would have loved to see.

That would have been a great. You know, that's a difference? You know those ones that stand like on those really sheer mountain faces? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's going to name for them. Yeah. Kind of based on where they live, maybe.

It just seems to rude at this point. And then there was some food vendors. But it was really small. We got there like right at opening and we just like paid our gold coin donation. Went in. Took us five minutes. Oh, they're on John Wick. Maddie got a snow cone, bought a hat, we left.

But as we were leaving, there was like a 100 metre long line of people waiting to get in. Like there were so many fucking people waiting to get through the gold coin donation bit for something that is not, there's not a lot to do there. And people had fucking traveled. Well, I saw it on Facebook and I was going to send it to you. And I was like, they're not going to go to God fast. That looks kind of cool. Oh, he's going to go.

But you went. You went. No, a baddie at Manky Sally's told us to go to goat fest. That's really funny. Yeah, a shaved head baddy said go to goat fest. You've got to go to goat fest. Hey, whoa. A shaved head baddie at Manky Sally's tells me to do something.

I think we go to goat fest. This is a sliding doors by. Does this a shamed head baddy and decided to send you on a simp's journey? No, I think she says that Denver is a simp. A simp's journey at goat fest. I'm really distracted by the fact I'm really distracted by the fact that I just put a photo of a mountain goat in our group chat for reference

It's a strong guy. It's also kind of in exactly the same pose as the poochuga including serenely turning its head to look into the camera same side and everything. Perfect acceptance. Beautiful symmetry. As the Navi would say, I see you.

I see you. means more than just I literally see you. That is very much what the Poo-Jogger is saying in that photo. I see you taking a picture of me. Navi Poo-Jrugga. Hey, this was definitely an episode of the podcast, Bonta Vista. Thank you so much for joining us. If you don't understand how you got behind the paywall,

what? A bonus episode? Huh? Don't worry. It's okay for you to be back here. We're not mad. You don't have to leave. Come sit down here, yeah, between the four of us. You're very welcome. Pop you're in the middle.

Honestly, we'd love to see you back here more often, you know. And we loved having you here. Don't you feel closer to us? So what's it going to take to put you into a premium Patreon fee? What do you say we signed this bad boy? Let me take you over to our financing guy. Jeanette over there is going to handle this one for you. Isn't she a looker?

We don't speak to you for the rest of the nine. We will be doing this for all of February. So you'll get four free bonus episodes, just a little taste. First taste is free and the second place. And the third taste is also free. And then if you're in the mood, you can have a fourth free taste. Have you ever ruined something that you really like the taste off for yourself? We just sit here and listen to the whole pack of podcasts.

Yeah, you can sign up if you want or whatever. Thank you so much for listening. We will talk to you on the free episode as well. Stay safe out there. You specifically. Oh, you always got to say the singular you. No one's sitting here with a group of people listening. That would be weird.

That would be really. Really fucking weird. Bye. Bye-bye. mind miss the other dip in terms need a way persistent right your tongue load your thoughts

close the best