Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: Meerkat-Man War

Episode Date: February 27, 2022

It's the end of Freemium Freebruary! This bonus episode is on the house but the rest are going back to the warm confines of our Patreon. Sign up if you want more! Don't if you don't! Live! Laugh! Love! *** Andrew, Theo, and Ben finally get a first-person account from one of the countless Americans that have climbed into a zoo enclosure. Plus: hurling meerkats at God, To Hunt Man, a slow meteor burns ominously across the sky, and the joy of throwing shit into rivers. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello! Welcome to Ruponopantavista. I'm Andrew and I'm here at the 2022 monster's penis convention. The crowd is assembled, the venue is packed as the fans assemble to see all the biggest and best the industry has to offer, including Dracula's penis, Nosteradu's penis, Wolfman's penis, king Kong's penis, the mummy's penis, Frankenstein's monsters penis, the creature from the Black Lagoon's slippery penis, the the the creature from the black lagoon's slippery penis, the leatherface penis, Chuckie's penis, Mr. Hyde's penis, Pennywise the penis, Michael Myers penis, Shrek's penis, pumpkinhead's penis, rawheads rex penis, Gizmo's penis, Mike Sully Sullivan's penis, and of course, the thing from the thing's thing.

With me in his custom-made Yetty-dong trucker cap and waving a little flag that says, Cock! It's my friend Ben. Ben. Ben, was it a lot of work putting this convention together this year? Um, well, I think, you know, do the thing that you love, and you'll never work a day in your life. So true. You know, for some people, organizing a convention of this, this magnitude would seem like a laborious task, but for me, it was just a dream. Every single dick that I see when I'm here, you know, is just, it's so gratifying.

And I'm seeing thousands of dicks. They're all beautiful, aren't they, in their own way? They are. Do you like my shirt? I got this custom printed, my I know shit about dick. Shit. Really the perfect day to wear it, I think. Well, I mean, I do wear it every other day here as well.

It's not always a perfect day to wear it. No. That's weddings, funerals. Nobody appreciates that. You know. Also here with us, drooling and slubbering uncontrollably and saying things like, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, and Daddy Liki. And, no, it's Theo. Hey Theo, what are you excited to see here today? I think mostly the monster dicks. Oh. Now I have seen quite a lot of these monster Dix before, but that's online. That's

on the internet. And you're not always getting the cannon cock either. Is it cut? Is it uncut? You don't know the directors... You're getting someone's head cannon of the cock. That's right. Not the truth of the thing. Yes, that's right. It's true, it's like I can write my own fan fiction at home of what I'm doing with the predator's cock when he captures me. Yeah. And he threatens to pull my spine out. And then I'm like, how about you pull something else out? Yeah. But being here and seeing the cock of Raffians from Shinla's List up close and per-

Can I, sorry, and I hate to derail. That character certainly was a monster also. You want to take a run at that actor's name? Raffians, yeah. What would you say? Give, Raffines. Grafe? I'd say what I would say it's. Give, give, give, raf- raffins. Raffians.

You were zero for two there. I thought it was gone pretty good. But good on you as well for checking out by going with the actor's name because you couldn't remember the character's name, but they're not getting the actor's name correct. What was the characters there? I have never seen Schindler's list. Okay. Sounds a bit depressing to me. Yeah.

It's crazy to think about- It's not really light fair. Anyway, when I saw that Nazi's dick, my eyes got a bulge out of my head or went boy-oy-oy-oy-oh- hum-a-hummona-homna noises, sort of animalistically, like a ape. So it's good to be here, I guess. Just pounding at the door,

trying to get at that, Rayf finds penis. Yeah, the real monster is, Man. Capitalism. Yeah, but its dick is not that interesting to look at. It's a more figurative. You can't really, you have like a wax version of it in a glass, glass cube. It's crazy.

It's crazy to me to think about how much work, like Stan Winston and Tom Savini put into, rendering all of these big, hideousous penises and then for the senses to just cut them out of the movies the way that they did. Unforgivable, you know? It's like I want to see, like in the original version of American Weirwolf in London, you got to see during that transformation scene, the dick get all big and hairy and like a foot long. Yeah. I mean you look at the thing, you know, Rob Button spent, he was sleeping in his effects

studio, you know, he's only like 25 I think at the time. Might have even been younger, he knows all these sleepless nights, he's putting in all these hours creating this horrible crustacean-like penis and then they cut it out, the cowed the cowards at cowards cowards cowards cowards cowards cowed cowed cowed cowed cowed cowed cowed cowed cowed the cowed the cowed the cowed the cowed the cudded the cudded the cudded the cudded the cudded. Cowl. theired theired theired. theird. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th.... crusts. crusts. crusts. crusts. th. th. th. th. th. Hea-a-auled. Heauled th. Heauled th. Hea. th. I the. the. the. theat thea. theat theat the. the. theat the. I their the. He's the. He, the cowards at Warner Brothers, time to get fucked. It was curled up on the couch in the studio all night holding that 12-headed penis. You know? I mean, that's why Pity Anderson gets Final Cup privilege on all of his movies so that we can see the penis of the greatest monster of all, Mark Wahlberg. That's right. That's right. Oh boy. And that is a monster dong in that movie.

That's... It is. Yeah. And it's real. It's real. And I want to make something really clear about the 2022 monster movie, monster's penis convention, which is that we do not differentiate between a monster-dong and the tongue of the monster.

All are welcome here. You know? Yep. Yeah. Whether you're feeling a thimball or crashing through the window of a skyscraper. Yep. All dicks are beautiful. Yeah, it's true. And some monsters they do have much smaller ones than you would expect. Some monsters do have them. Part of the reason that Frankenstein's monster was so upset they graf the guy's little acorn dick onto him. Yeah, that was rude. Oh, he said, looking down. The first two things that he did, one, given the gift of life, opens his eyes for the first time, two, looked out and goes, ah, immediately pulls up the waistband.

He doesn't even get off the like operating table in the doctor's lab. He just immediately reaches down, pulls the elastic waistband of his pants out. Oh! Very upset. Part of me it was what it be like, oh, I don't think they had elastic back then, but also I don't think they were really bringing um, sort of patchwork, corpse people to life either. So it's one of the many science fiction elements that made Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, possibly the first science fiction novel. Yeah, you do have to suspend disbelief when you go in. Oh, his pants just snapped back.

I think they would have stayed at the position where they were pulled down to. Come on now. If he had to pull him out like that back in those days, he would have pulled, he would have split the seam, he would have popped a button off, and then his pants, he would have taken you out of the movie if the whole time he's shuffling around with both of his arms straight out, his pants were around his ankles. Yeah. I think that's got to take a little bit of the frightening edge off. If Frankenstein's following you and his pants are around his ankles, you would have

to think I have the speed advantage. Just in the 1977 film, Close Encounters the third kind out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. th. the speed advantage. Just in the 1977 film, Close Encounters of the Third Kind by director Stephen Spilberg, in one of the opening scenes of the movie where the kid is taken by the aliens, it starts by all of the toys in his room going haywire because the presence of aliens. One of the toys that he has is a sort of mechanical Frankenstein where his pants fall down, which I think is depicting the exact thing that you're describing. That's right, and you know Spillberg's dedicated to that kind of realism. Yep, so if you need to help visualizing the thing that's just been described, watch the 1977 movie close encounters the third kind. And if you say to yourself, yeah if you say to yourself I can't see Frankenstein's penis in the f. That's th. That's th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thin, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a thin' is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th. So, is, is, is, is, is th. So, is, is, is th. Is, is, is, is, is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, is a thr-s, is a the the the throwne. the the throwne. the the the throwne, the thr-s, throwne. throwne, is a throwne, is a throwne, is th yourself, yeah, if you say to yourself, I can't see Frankenstein's penis in the frame, that's also a very realistic depiction. Tiny penis.

Because you would not be able to see it. No, microscoping. I was your inches away from it. Yeah, no, you would have to be in the room. You know, you need like a 4K restoration to even catch the seven pixelspixel penis made famous by anime of the show Bonaman, Inc. in his video game. Share with you dad simulator 2015. Do you still share with your dad? Yep, available on steam. That's right, probably on sale.

If not, it's 99 US cents. You know, much like the beasts of cinema with their tiny penises. There are in fact some fearsome animals out in nature's kingdom. Much like the beasts of cinema with their tiny penises. There are in fact some fearsome animals out in nature's kingdom that also have tiny little penises, like the silverback gorilla for instance. That's right. Really? Yeah, we've got one up on them there. Very big scary monsters, but my deck's bigger. Yeah. The silverback gorilla could throw a Mazda 3 at me, but I've got a bigger dick.

I don't know why. It's a real-waste king. It's always a master, isn't it? Getting a mazda money at it. What kind of a, what kind of car you putting your gorilla in? It's got to be a Mazda. Yep. If you're transporting a gorilla being thrown at you by a gorilla, it's Mazda 3. Scary animals with tiny penises, there's all kinds of surprises for us out there in nature.

And this week, we're delving back in to the place. I belong. Will to listen. Nature corner. Rubber crab. Snipped my dick. This story comes to us from the Associated Press. Uh, Worcester? Wooster?

I don't know. I'm going to say it Wooster. I'm almost certain that that is how you pronounce this in the American context. I don't know. Isn't Worcester in New York that's pronounced that way as well or am I just confusing it maybe? Ah but it is Worcester, yes, that's correct. Yeah, I'm going to say Wooster. You know what's the same for saying Wooster? A Wooster man was arrested Monday for trying to enter a tiger enclosure after breaking into Boston's Franklin Park Zoo.

My man, do not do that. Stop trying to get in there. It's simply none of your business what's happening in there, you know? I was at the zoo pretty recently and there were... You, mother-fucker, are you doing this on purpose? What? How many of your anecdotes start with I was at the zoo recently? How often do you go into the fucking zoo? We've got we got like a yearly membership you gotta go and get your money's worth

This mother fucker is always at the god damn zoo. Yep and there were there were two lions and they were completely asleep and one was on its back with all its legs up to be. the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to start to start to start th to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th th th th th th tho. tho. I tho. I tho tho their their their their their their their their their the the the thoooooes thooooooes thooes thoes tho tho there were two lions and they were completely asleep and one was on its back with all its legs up in the air. Are the tattlui sleeps? What was the dick like on that thing? I couldn't see it. Might have been a girl. Who knows?

But either way, I thought it was very funny. And when my kids were like, the tigers aren't doing anything. I was like, how about I toss you in there and you go wake it up? That's funny. No, as though I was going to do it. So your children are smarter than the average American. Yeah I guess so. They were just like, I'm probably not meant to be in the lion enclosure. Yeah, but I mean, kids don't know shit.

That's a sense, I the the know shit. Yeah, that's true It's called disruption. No sense of adventure. I'm gonna disrupt the tiger enclosure So this guy said, this one Elon Musk could do? Fuck if only. The Massachusetts State's police said that when questioned the man only said he was very interested in tigers. Well, it's the best way to find out. Yeah, you know about you guys, but like you ever have to do to do the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt the the to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to disrupt. I to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to disrupt to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti, the the the the the the t in tigers. Well, it's the best way to find out, you know? I don't know about you guys, but like you ever have to do training material for work or anything like that, and they say, oh, yeah. And they're like, read this thing. And for me, I could read a bunch of training material, but I just, I don't really, I learn by doing, you know, I learn by doing, I learn by getting my hands on it, you know, by really feeling it out. And I think I could sit down, I could blow the dust off my encyclopedia Britannica and

read about the Humble Tiger or climb in there and, you know, get my hands dirty. Get some lived experience. Yes. Yes. Matthew Abahem 24 allegedly climbed over a gate into the zoo at around 9 a.m. getting started early, scaled several fences, and ignored warding signs, but was unable to gain access to the tiger enclosure, investigator said. So close. Oh, tigers, just out of reach, you know? Hmm.

Tigers, tigers everywhere, but... Not a tiger to grab. Yeah. What are you going to do once you're in there, you know? I think that's what the thing is. You're going in to find out. Yeah. What happens when you get into the tiger?

Yeah. Yeah. You'd know, you'd know once you're in there. That knows what to do with the target that's directly in front of you would take over. When I was on my recent bi-weekly visit to the zoo, um, we were at the... This morning, when I was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, when was at the zoo, when was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, when I was at the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, th was at th was at thatheatheatheatheat, when I was at the zoo, when the zoo, when the zoo, when the zoo, when the zoo, when the zoo, when the zoo, the zoo at the zoo at the zoo, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the zoo, the the the the th was at that, when was at that, when was at that, when was at that, when was at that, when was at that, when was at that, when was at the zoo, when was at the zoo, when was at the zoo, the zoo. They offered to start paying me but I wouldn't have it. We were at the the Meerkat enclosure which is like a belly button height on me. Yeah. You know? So you can just sort of step over. It's real kind of ice rink. So the real barrier is the social contract, not the wall. You're

acknowledging what the symbolism of the wall is and abiding by it. Most of human society at this point is built up to the barrier between yourself and stepping into the mere cat enclosure and just really like tossing those fuckers out of there. Just like... Oh man. Just hammer throwers out of there. Just like... Oh man. Just hammer throwing one into the next week. Let's see if I can get this cut the fucking hungry Jack's car park. Trying to really, try to really toss a Tom Brady spiral mere cat.

Is there a more tossable animal? Name one. I don't, I can't picture. Oh, they would fit in your hands so nice. You know, you know what that wall represents. That naval height wall says don't. Don't get in here. In fact, they're- We know you want to. There are regularly placed panels along the wall of like a plexiglass or whatever so you don't even have to get in you can see what they're doing you know if you're short perhaps maybe a child I'm not a child I could very easily step into the enclosure and I wouldn't even need to do that I could simply bend at the waist reach down and grab one yeah you know

they come right up there they're like, what's this guy's deal? Yeah. My deal is that I throw you, like Zeus throwing us onto poles? Yeah. They often, they often say, they come over and they look at you like, I wish this guy would grab me. You know, I'm fucking bored in here. I would love to get tossed, you know. Could you please yeat me into the heavens? I wish I could, but this wall, it symbolizes something. Do you think anyone could stop you before you grabbed two of them and ran over to the

tiger enclosure? And I just flung them in there? No, absolutely. I don't think anyone stopped me beforethem in there. I'm pretty big, I'm pretty big, I don't think anyone's stop at me before I get there. I mean like the guy who's in charge of picking up all the like chip packets on the ground who's probably the closest person to you is not going to be like, he's not going to fist fight you to stop you from throwing a mere cat. Yeah, and it's like, there's a certain level level the level the there's a level the the the that level that level that's a certain level that level that level that's a certain level that level that level that level that's a certain level that level that level that's a certain level that's a certain level that's a certain level that's a certain level that's a certain level that's a certain level that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to be to be to be to be to be that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a certain that's a certain that's a certain that's a certain that's a certain that's a certain certain certain certain that's a certain level that's a certain level that's a certain level that's a certain level that that's a certain level of like processing that has to go on as a world to be like, what is that man? What was that man doing with those weasels? Well, yeah, I think if you were the person whose job it is to pick up the chip packets at

the zoo and you see a man jump in and grab the two mere cats, you would be experiencing what E&M Banks describes in novel accession as an accession, which is something so far beyond your comprehension, you cannot feasibly deal with it. It's so far beyond the pale of what you know the universe to be, you wouldn't even know how to react. And it's so unfortunate the labor market being what it is at the moment that we've got the guy whose job it is to pick up the chip packets, regularly experiencing accession from the E&M Banks novel. The exception. But because of the economy.

Yeah. And they don't give them guns. Deregulization. They don't. They don't allow them to shoot on site the moment. The janitor or the mere cats? Because they should give the mere cats guns just to spice things up. 0% of the staff at the mere cats guns just to spice things up. Zero percent of the staff at the Cambrus Zoo are armed with handguns.

Yeah. None of the mere cats are armed with handguns. I don't know if mere cats have like the tool use skill, but when they develop it, then we'll know because they'll be far on those bad boys into the sky. The only thing that can stop a bad guy tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha the that at that in each their that in each their the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoomomome thoome thoes are the the their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toe toe toe toe toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe to'll be far on those bad boys into the sky. The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a mere cat in each hand is if the mere cat in each of his hands has a gun and is a good guy. You don't want to see a man dual wielding nine millimeters. I'm seeing double four nine millimeters. Hey, just doing a little confirmation here.

Worster. Worster. Worcester. Worcester. Wooster. So that's, that's actually, that's American seeming like they're pronouncing that. Well, that's the American pronunciation. He's the British pronunciation. Worcester. Oh, Worcester, are you dead?

Worster, you're not, Mr. What's what's the matter with you? Oh, come on now. I don't think you did the Italian one. Oh boy, look, I agree with you Ben, I think that, you know, that social contract. Because there are far less dramatic thing that social contract because they're a far less dramatic thing well maybe not less dramatic but like what the fuck is the story what are we yeah yeah all right so this is just a preamble which we've not

finished the preamble yet the real story is the second half here we'll keep going all right so zo New England I would have called it Zoo England, which operates the 72-acre Boston Zoo, said in a statement that the man was in an area behind the Tiger exhibit not meant for the public. He was in the Tiger Staging Zone. He's taken the Tiger's worksmen entrance. It's where the lions pace... The tiger dev environment.

Yeah. The lines pace around before they're going out. Oh, I'm so nervous. They're all tea posed. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I think we need the end of that sentence as well, because that is a lovely touch. He ran off. But it was quickly located by security officials. Oh, I gotta go! Oh no, I think we need the end of that sentence as well, because that is a lovely touch.

He ran off, but was quickly located by security officials. Quickly, I can still see you. You're right there, man. Ran to the other side of the tiger staging zone. He was arrested and charged with trespassing and disordering conduct. Now, because I'm a completionist and and we've had sort of a running theme with these stories, which are themselves in a running theme, which is where we Google

whether the zoo has a bar, oh yeah. As an explanation for why this might have happened, so I googled that. I do want to know that the other guy did this at 9 a.m. Yes. Boston, surely. That, it, it, it, it, it, it, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, it didn't. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th...................................................................................................................................m. Boston surely. That um it didn't give me anything satisfying about them having a particularly exciting bar but what it did give me was that there is a follow-up news story which I'm going to selectively read to you from this is from WCVB news in Boston. Quote there is a spectator man accused of trying to access Franklin Park Zoo's tiger exhibit

speaks out. Here we go. It's time to access Franklin Park Zoo's Tiger exhibit speaks out. Here we go. It's time to speak my truth. Well, because we've never had that person's side of the story before. We've read out a bunch of Americans trying to get into Zoo's stories and it's always very one-sided, it's always society judging them. It's always us judging them. Yeah, we're just reading out cop aganda at this point. Zoo official aganda.

Let's let him speak for himself. New Centre Fives Todd Kasekowich spoke with Matthew Abraham, a Worcester State University student majoring in biology after he was released from custody. Quote, I was there as a spectator of the zoo. I didn't mean to harm anybody. I wasn't looking to harm the tiger. I wasn't looking to harm myself, neither, Abraham said. My plan was just to go see, what is a tiger?

How would a tiger react to a human being? Abraham reiterated. What a beautiful man. This is really the insane clown posse. What magnet's out of their work? What is tigers? You know? Abraham reiterated that he had no intention of getting close to the tiger and was not trying to get inside its enclosure. I was about say 20 yards away and there was a fence between me and the tiger, he said. However... Uh, uh... Nice.

I thought that was a little pause for the story, but okay. Ah no, it was a pause because I knew there was a burp coming. However, Abraham said that he was trying to get close to the tiger when he answered a follow-up question from Kazekwitch regarding the eye of the tiger. They say it's something called the eye of the tiger. They say the eye of the tiger is the most dangerous thing you'll ever see in your whole life ever had said. Oh they do say that. They do say that. Quote, you talked about this eye of the tiger thing. Was your intention to get close enough so that you could look directly into the tiger's eye?" Kuzekowich asked.

Quote, yes. They say that the soul is visible through the eye, Abraham answered. Oh my God. It's a very special man. Abraham said that he thought the zoo was open at the time, although he admitted he did not pay admission. He said he thought he did not have to pay to to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theii. thei. thei. thei. thei. the the the the the the the t, although he admitted he did not pay admission. He said he thought he did not have to pay to enter the zoo because it's winter. Yeah, they got all the animals put away. Quote, the gates were open. I walked in the gates and then they closed the gate on me, he said. I didn't realize I was trespassing, I was just going to view the exhibit. State police said Abraham's arraignment in a their their their their their the exhibit. State police said Abraham's arraignment in Dorchester District Court will likely happen Tuesday. This is so beautiful. This man was like, I need to be eye to eye with

a tiger and find out whether it kills me. Pronto. It's 9 a.m. I respect this man now. I don't think I've respected any of the other people that have walked into zoo enclosures. No, it's all being sort of very boarish up until this point. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. to theateateateateateateateateateate. today. today. today. today. the. the. the. zoo enclosures. No, it's all being sort of very boarish up until this point. I think this man, Matthew Abraham, 24, biology student, was trying to see whether he was worthy of entering Valhalla with his forefathers. I think it was simply on a quest for knowledge. And that's so beautiful. I mean, he was on a twoold quest for knowledge. He was on a quest for knowledge about what is a tiger, but he was also on a quest for knowledge about himself, which is the thing on this earth that we're put here to do. So that's quite beautiful, I think. And he also broke to his zoo and then later said, oh, I thought it was free because it's cold. I thought it was free because it's winter that's a professional move. Lovely. Well you heard here first of folks you can you can get in there if you

think it's cold? Go on. No. No. This isn't a Bunderberg Zoo, the free zoo at the middle of Bunderberg where you can just walk into the zoo and it's free. We went to Bunderberg Zoo. Oh did you really? In December? Like last December. Did you see some emus?

We did see some emus? We did see some emues? Did you see some kangaroos? Well, we saw some kangaroos? some lizards? And a qual. No. Yeah, they've got qualls there. Well, that's quite good. It's coming on leaps and bounds.

Yeah, it's quite small. Yes, it's very small. There's actually a reason that it's free. Yeah, it's very small. Yeah, it's very, very tiny. It's also completely unattended. So if you wanted to hop the feds into the emu or kangaroo enclosure which I believe is actually the same enclosure oh yeah at least from last time I went there. There's also several geese in there with them. Bring an adjustable saddle is what Ben saying so that...

Whichever one you manage to grab a hold of it will work on them. So this next story is also from the world of nature. It is of course about the clash between nature and man. That's true. And you know sometimes you're trying to go out there and hunt something dangerous and it turns out the most dangerous game of all is Tetris. That's right. This is a story from Wales online. Now this is this story is very British I just want to warn everyone in advance. Yeah if you can't deal with that shit just skip for it by 20 to 30 minutes. Content warning the British.

Warning British, yeah. Skip forward by 20 to 30 minutes. Content warning, the British. The hunt riders who chase down humans, not foxes, with bloodhounds that quote, lick their victims to death. This already sounds really orny. No, I'm listening. It's an interesting one. Yeah. If just like, if I wanted to be like, you know, like a little animal, just sort of like

swall it all up. And I was so helpless. I was so helpless. I'm sort of like, you know, if you got within like 15 feet of me, I'd probably like to the back and expose my red little belly. Yeah. I'd probably like kick my little legs around. Yeah. You could do anything to me. Oh don't step on me. Don't lick me to death.

Majority public opinion turned against fox hunting long before it was made illegal. The Hunting Act of 2004 made it against the law for foxes to be hunted with dogs. But surprisingly, many former fox hunters have been glad to give up the sport for a friendlier alternative, hunting the clean boot instead. Okay. On a clean boot hunt, riders with a pack of bloodhounds chase a human to a pre-determined route in a way that is legal and cruelty-free. As long as the human is a willing volunteer, of course. As long as the human is sufficiently horny.

The goal of the hunt is to track and locate the runner who is rewarded with a feast of loving bloodhound licks if caught. If the slobber of a happy bloodhound is something that sounds appealing to you, you'll be pleased to know that the three counties bloodhounds, a clean boot hunt hasten... Sorry, Jesus. A clean boot hunt based in South Wales, are currently looking for new runners to join them for their hunts. The three counties' bloodhounds were set up in Wales in 2013 by founders Byron, thin, and Kate Pickard.

Huntmaster Byron said, quote, 20 years ago before the act, most of what we caught fox wires had already been injured or had gangrene setting in. So I used, so I used to use that for justification for what we were doing. Things changed with time and we felt that clean boot hunting with bloodhounds was the way forward for us. We felt that we needed a fresh approach if we wanted to keep the tradition alive without it causing any issues. The hunting act forbids the hunting of a wild mammal, so we figured that hunting a human being and having them get licked to death provides great sport and fun. This rules, I'm completely on board with this.

I mean it's better than the alternative. It's better than the alternative. Certainly. Yeah. And also, you know, I'm already making plans. First step, get completely nude. Throw them off the track with every piece of clothing that I have. But you've thrown tantalizing over your shoulder, like a 1950s like go-go dancer. Yeah. Second step, double back on my tracks. Yes. Run straight towards the animals.

Back to the hunting lodge. Step three, I take the steak that I've smuggled inside my ass, out of my ass, rub it all over my body. Step four, pretty hungry. Phawkehaw. Poyt. Quote. Others have gone down the drag a route where they drag a synthetic scent for

the hound to follow, and others have gone down the trail hunting route. We prefer to choose a human because it's open to scrutiny. It's very transparent and we are constantly monitored by official saboteurs. Okay. Official? Yeah, I don't really know what that entails. I'm not sure that those two words go together. Official saboteur. They've got their own traditions over there. Three counties writer Abby Taylor said, quote, a few years ago we went up to Herifid

for an annual meet and the South Hereford hunt were in quite a bit of bother at the time because they'd been doing some stuff stuff that was that When we said we were going up there, there was an uproar, there was a lot of anti-hunt activists there. To prove that what we were doing wasn't causing any harm, we invited one of the biggest hunt saboteurs to run for us that day, which went really well. Sorry, what, hang on. Yes. Sorry. Uh-huh. Can we just, can we pull that little thread of logic? To prove that by hunting, I assume that they mean they're hunting foxes or weasels or whatever,

initially. And then they got one of the saboteurs and they're like, what if we hunted you instead and licked you, instead of, you know, biting all of your organs with massive, nashing tee tee tee tee tee tee tie tie tie th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, can, can, can, can, can, can, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can can't, can can can't, can can can't, can can't, can't, can't, can that, can th th. th th. th th th th th th th th th th th the, can sovatoes and they're like, what if we hunted you instead and licked you instead of, you know, biting all of your organs with massive gnashing teeth and kind of killing you, like dragging your body like through the wilderness and stuff. We'll just sort of like chase you for a bit. And then you suffer no ill effects and they're saying, Don't get me, that that really, that proves. I think you'll find they've made a point here, etc. So I think what they've done is that they have contacted someone from perhaps the

Hunt Saboteurs Association, which is one of the organizations which deliberately sabotages Fox Hunting. Oh, from the Saboteurs Guild. Yes, that's right. Which I believe you can join if you go into a specific bar in the town of Balmora in Vardenfell. Little joke for the Marrowind heads out there. They've contacted someone from the HSA and they've said, look, I know that you think that we're up here hunting foxes, and I get that you're trying to stop us by doing the things that you guys would normally do, which is like playing recordings of animal cries and stuff or throwing

off scents, and I want you to feel completely at ease, so what if our dogs chased you? And then that person has said, well I would love for that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th for th thuuuuuu tho th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu. thu. tho-u, tho-u, tho the, the, the, the, the, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu. thu, thu, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. I thu. thi is thin, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, that person has said, well, I would love that to happen, which is quite strange. The article continues here. Sadly, not everyone has been wholly welcoming of the clean boot hunt. Abby said, quote, as soon as people see riders out with hounds, they instantly presume that we're fox hunting, which just isn't the case. Clean boot hunters wear burgundy rather than scarlet. Oh you fucking idiots. You fucking dumb asses. You saw my riding jacket while I was in foxhunting gear with my bloodhounds, but I'm wearing burgundy, not scarlet, you dumb fuck. I'm looking at Burgundy now, that's red.

Also, a bloodhound is very different to a foxhound, which is a big giveaway on a clean boot hunt. And like, look, I know that it might be confusing because you see the flash of something going past and you think, oh, it's a foxes. But like foxes, how big would you say a foxes, Theo? I mean, it's about the size of like a MIDI PC tower perfect whereas the thing that you saw go past on our clean boot hunt was about the size of a human wearing like wearing a headband with ears on it completely naked painted orange red fox heldheld butt plug shoved straight up the ass. Yeah. And like that's far too big to be a fox.

Yeah, so most foxes generally that they're somewhere in the vicinity of about a foot tall, they don't generally have names, they've got a sort of a pelt of some kind whereas that the prey're chasing, it's 5'11 has medium to light body hair and his name is Chris. Yeah, has a soul as well. He has a soul. He'll be allowed into the Kingdom of Heaven if he's accepted God as his savior. Yeah, and if he dies on the hunt today. Yes, which more than likely he will. But that's his business, you know. Quote, I've spent hours conversing with people on social media when looking for runners.

There are some people who won't support anything that derives from fox hunting at all, and I accept you can't win everyone around. Several years back, an unofficial hunt saboteur's car hit Byrod's beloved horse. Uh... Saboteur's car hit Byron's beloved horse. I feel like that's worse than hunting a pretend fox, right? I am... The deadliest game. I think, obviously, you know, horse is beautiful.

The deadliest game of all, a Mazda 6. You wouldn't want a Mazda 3 if you're hitting a horse. I am just so fucked up here by the concept of official and unofficial saboteurs. Absolutely absurd. What a country. Quote, that's why I say there really has to be transparency around what we're doing here. There has to be dialogue on both sides. We aren't secretive about anything and I respect everybody's opinion. We welcome open honesty. What fuck you talking about, brother?

Surely someone telling you that they're hunting a man is a sign that something bad is about to happen. And those things we consider to be omens and portents. This is omen. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. And you shall know that God is God. Bow down to his will. This is a story from our dear friends at press agency, UPI. Meteor spotted in Colorado Sky was unusually slow.

That's a plane. Are we talking like intellectual? I don't know if we say that one anymore. Astronomers set a fireball that streaked across the Colorado sky had an unusually long path and was moving surprisingly slow for a meteor. John Keller, director of the Fisk Planetarium, said the fireball that sparked dozens of reports to the American Meteor Society on Friday night was a bolide, a particularly large meteorite. Chris Peterson, an astronomer with the cloud bait observatory, said his instruments tracked

the meteor's path from Steamboat to the New Mexico border. He told CBS Denver that it's quote unusual for a meteor's quote path to be that long. Peterson said the meteor might have bounced off the atmosphere and hit it back into space or it may have burned up completely he said the meteor was estimated to be traveling at about 60,000 miles per hour, which he said is unusually slow for a fireball. Yeah, hardly moving at all. Peterson said he does not believe it likely that any fragments of the meteor made contact with the Earth. So my opinion here is that this is either an omen from Aries the God of War or it's a UFO from areas that got of war? It might well be.

It can't be a good sign. I just, comments are like... One of those mere cats that Zeus tossed. Andrew finally hopped the fence. I just don't think that's a good sign. I feel like, yeah, meteors and comets and such are powerful moments. You know, we've recorded all those because they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th. th. th. th. You know, we've, throughout human history, we've recorded all of those because they mean something. I feel like we just sort of skip past this. Not a lot of people talking about

it. And we're talking about it. Nobody talking about this. They're supposed to be like, they're supposed to be like a rock and they come in, and they hit the atmosphere and th. and the atmosphere and they're the atmosphere and they're they're the atmosphere and the atmosphere and they're the atmosphere and they're the atmosphere and they're the atmosphere and the atmosphere and they're the atmosphere and they're they're th. And they're th. they're th. they're they're they're they're that, thathea the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to skip to skip to skip to skip to skip to skip to skip to skip th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. they're they're just thea. to they're to to to to they're theat thea. they slam into the ground and that's it. They're not supposed to let you dilly-dally up there. No, I don't like that it was dilly-dally. I don't know. They're fighting around up there. Yeah. Are you a rock or you're a fire? Make up your mind. Where's the opposite of the fire? You could ask them to see why they're they're not fire, you say. Yeah. And it's certainly not where they are, I guess. Yeah. Being a...

Yeah, because it's going to the atmosphere is probably, it's a fireball, yeah. I guess if you ask them where is the fire, they would say, yes. Yeah. Yeah, I am a meteor. So that's bad news. What do you reckon it portends? Rain of blood? You think that it might portend another portent?

Yep. Wow. Which in turn might lead to another three or four of them, you know. All adds up to seven. And then the really, then like the Antichrist stuff happens. Yeah, that'll really be it, hey. I'm thinking Sam Boys are gonna bring back

those flavor packets. Yeah, the barbecue chips packs. What, do you, hold on, did they give you like supplemental flavors? Yeah, you can put more in there if you're brave enough. If you feel in sauce. If you dare. If you're a Sam man, not a Sam boy. Yeah. Did you put the extra flavor in the field? Oh, you know I did. You know it's a great, like a top quality chip that I think is off disrespected?

What? Go on that. the atomic tomato flavor of the sandboy chip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I thia. I thia. I thia. I thia. thia, I thia, I thia, I thia, I thia, I thi, I thi, th. thom, th. thomatoe, th. th. th. that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. th we don't get, um, tomato is sort of like, um, it's certainly fallen, fallen from grace. It's early mid-90s highs. Yeah. Crashing through the atmosphere, down to earth. Can you even buy them anymore? Yeah, they're still available. There are also a few, um, prestige chip brands. You sort of red rock deliys that I believe do a fancy tomato one.

But I don't think that they are covering any ground that is not covered by the atomic tomato flavor of Samboy chip, which you can purchase from your local retailer to eat in your Mazda 3 or Mazda 6. Look I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but if I'm going to be, I figure I might might might might might might might might might might might might might might might as well I might might as well I might as well I might as well I might as well I might as well I might as well I might as the the to to to the to to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to be a to to the to be, to be, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. to, I. to, I. to, I. to, I. to, I. to, I. to, I. to, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a the to, I'm a the to, the the the the the the the the to, to, th. to, to, to, to, t. tso. tha. to, tha. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the want to be the bearer of bad news, but if I'm going to be, I figure I might as well do it during the omens and portents segment. And I have to bring the tidings that once again, we have been bested by the advanced technologies of Asia. Uh, specifically, of the Asiatic's pipedis at the post. Specifically, the subgenre of Korea. I had a bag

of chips the other day. I had a turtle chips. Now I got these from Woolworths so they might be quite accessible to you. They have there is like some Korean writing product of Korea. They are Orion brand Turtle Chips. These ones were sweet corn flavor. Ooh, I've had some good sweet Corn chips. Well, they have implemented some frankly staggering new chip technology. The reason they're called Turtle Chips is because they are in the shape of like a Turtle Shell and there are four layers of chip together.

Oh my. Extra crunchy. God, the Koreans really have it all worked out visibly food. Absolutely. They sorted that out. Both, both careers have really got that one down Pat. That's incredible. Most chips are one layer. A single layer. You tell me they have a four layer chip? Well sometimes the chip will try to repress them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them the the the the their their they they they they they they they they make they make they they they make they they they they they they they make their they're make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they they they they they they they they they they they they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they're make they're make they're make they're they're they they they'll they'll their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're their? You tell me they have a four layer chip. Well, sometimes a chip will try to repress you by saying, oh, we've thickened or thinned our single layer. You know?

They'll say, oh, oh, we've got some thin chips, which, number one, fuck off. And then the people in Korea, they're looking at that claim and they're saying... They're saying pathetic, pathetic. At you. Oh my god, well, they do also make the turtle chips in some type of, they make them in like a five spice flavor. Um, and I'm just seeing here, this is very dangerous. This is dangerous technology.

This is frankly, this is brings me chip. I don't know. I think it's fine. I think it's a thing. I think it's okay. All right, so what other flavors have we got going here? This is from the thrillist.com.org. Published last year.

They have choco-churro turtle chips. You can also get them in shrimp flavor, sweet cinnamon, and there is some kind of like very spicy one with lots of flames on the bag. That's like a bad Will Farrell improv as a character saying sweet cinnamon to indicate that they're astonished. It's one of the 500 takes that he would do in an Adam McKay movie. But I tell you what if you're pretty stoned and you're watching those compilations of the outtakes you're gonna have a good time. Well I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. the. th. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. the. the. the. the. the the. the the. you're going to have a good time. Well I'm telling you, as the official snack correspondent of the show, that if you are very stoned and you would like to eat a chip, pick yourself up some turtle chips. I will. I've put a picture into them and you can feel the chip the chip the chip the the chip chip chip the the the that that that that that the that that the chip that that that that that that that that the chip that that that that that that the chip that that that that that that that that that that that the chip technology the chip technology that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their that their their their their their their their their their their their the chip the chip the chip the chip the chip the chip the chip the chip technology technology technology.. We're the chip technology the chip technology the chip technology the chip technology the chip technology that we're that we're that we're that that that that we're talking about here. Those look crispy. It is, like you bite into them and you can feel

you moving your way through the layers, you know. It's really incredible stuff. And the sweet corn, ah, delicious. Me and my beautiful wife, absolutely destroyed an entire bag of them, almost instantaneously. Great stuff. Big thumbs up. Endorsement. Turtle chips, if you're listening to this, the good people at Orion, Snack Food Company. We will do a Turtle

Chip sponsorship. We have never accepted money or even gifts before, well, no, not the podcast. Yeah, the podcast hasn't accepted money or gifts from any other organization or enterprise of any kind for sponsored content, because we don't believe in that sort of thing. But, Turtle Chips, if you're listening, and you send us some fucking chips, I'll fucking say whatever you want. Yeah, we'll eat them on Mike. I will get crunchy. I will get crunchy. I will get crunchy on this bitch on this bitch. We'll all tu. to get th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thru, thru, thrush. thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. thi, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thru. thru. thru. thro, thro. thro. throan, throan, throan, throan, throan, throan. throan, throan. thro. the have to turn down the gain on our mics because the crunch will be so loud. Because they're so crunchy. Please send us chips, turtle chips. That's how serious we are. I don't like to fuck with that game. Orion Foods? Help us out. That's right. Well, look. It would simply be, it would simply be a crime if I were not to get a bag of total chips sometime soon. In the meantime, we better delve into this week's edition of Crime Watch.

Yes. Please put down your weapon. You're a direct fly. Pull aboard! You have 5 seconds to 1.1369. You now have five seconds to fly. Help me! Help me! HEN!

HENT! HENT! HENT! HENT! HIT! H! H! Crime watch. I think we might need to make a version of this that includes the bit from the previous episode we did with David Lardner where she said, wait no it's not done,

made a version of this that includes the bit from the previous episode we did with David Lander where she said, wait, no it's not done, made machine gun noises and then yelled out, no my son. This is a story... Oh man. Just check out the movie Robocop, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, come on sort it out. Even I've seen it. On Theo's seen 15 movies. This is a story from the Associated Press,

Massachusetts Department of Transport, busy retrieving traffic cones tossed into river. Oh no! People keep tossing traffic... Got a lot on, huh? Both at the Associated Press and also in Massachusetts. People keep tossing traffic cones into the Charles River. The Massachusetts Department of Transportation keeps retrieving them. Surveillance video released... The cycle of life continues.

So beautiful. Surveillance video released Friday following a public records request by NBC Boston showed several people hoisting the orange cones and tosk them one by one off the Massachusetts Avenue Bridge. Earlier this month, workers spent hours retrieving more than 100 cones from the ice on the river. Quote, it is a little bit of a dicey operation whenever you have ice on a river. It can be dangerous. Mass Dot Highway Administrator Jonathan Gulliver told NBC Boston at the time.

The cones have been repeatedly removed from the bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge. They're part of a bicycle safety pilot program that launched in November. MassDot officials said it was unclear why people have tossed the cones off the bridge. Now, I'm going to tell you you you you you you th you th you th you th th the the the the the theed the cones off the bridge. Now I'm going to tell you that that last sentence there, the final sentence of the article, is exactly why I decided to include this story in the show. Because to me that question is a fucking no-brainer. Why have people tossed cones off the bridge? Because there were cones on a bridge. Why does the cage bird sing? Why does a

fish swim? Why does fucking... why does anyone do anything? There are cones there and you can pick up that cone, you just yeat it into the fucking river? Why does a man... Why does someone throw a meerkat? Why does someone throw a rideshare app e-scooter into the river? I was recently re-watching the first season of Toast of London. And I think it's like the first or second episode where he's dating a girl and they're like walking over a bridge and like mid-conversation. She just hoikes up a shopping trolley and tosses it into the canal. Yeah! Later on, later on they're like they're, talking, talking, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thing, thing thi, thoing thoing thating thi, thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thoing thing their, thing, their, their, their, their, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing thing thi, thi thi thi thi than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, thanan, thanan, thatean, thateaaughing, thating thate than, thaniks up a shopping trolley and tosses it into the canal. Yeah. Later on, later on they're like talking to each other on a date and he's like,

oh we found out all sorts of things about each other. I found out you're the kind of woman who throws shopping trollies into canals. Such a good show. Look I would, I don't know if I'd personally throw a shopping tho thothe Brisbane River, but I've seen a lot of shopping trollies in there and I get it. You know how much fucking fun it would be to pick one of those bad boys up and just throw it in? I feel like that's a a behind-the-scenes little documentary thing about Foley artists. So like the people who record sound effects for movies in post-production. And the scene was, I want to say, lethal weapon three, directed by Richard Donner,

RIP. And the scene is where like, um, Mel Gibson's character's character, the thripe, Richard Donner, RIP. And the scene is where Mel Gibson's character, Riggs, goes out of a window or off the roof of a hotel or something, and falls the entire height of the thing into a swimming pool. And the person was doing the sound effects for this, the breaking glass and everything. And when they got to the, uh, doing the, the, them landing in the pool and doing a splash, they had like a milk crate. Uh, you're classic milk crate, you know, full of holes, you turn it upside down and you sit on it. Nine, one later bottles of milk, their milk, sorry. I like to apologize to anyone that works in the perishable section

of a supermarket for getting that wrong. Turn it upside the up the up it the up it the up it the up it the up it the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thate. thia' th. th. th. th. They' th. They' th. They' th. They' th. They' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they's, they's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, th. They's, thi. thi. thi. thate. thate. thate. thate. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th works in the perishable section of a supermarket for getting that wrong. Turn it upside down and sit on it in an alley behind your work, you know? Yeah. But this person has taken this thing and is like crashing it down into like a big tub of water to get this great big splashing sound effect. And I would just say that a shopping trolley, very similar in terms of like all of the openings and holes all over it, but much bigger, lots of weight, that's going to make a great sound

as you toss it into the river. And there's only one way to find out. Who's going to stop you? Can I just, um, this is a little mini PSA segment, but if you have the sort of job where your, your smoker, the smoke, the smoke, the smoke, the smoker, their their thuker, thuker, thiker, thiker, thiker, thiker, thicker, thuker, thukekekekekeke, thike, thi thi, thi, thirty, thirty, thro, throomk, thirty, thoing, thoing, thoing, thoing, thoing, thoing, thoing, thoing, thoing, thi, thu, thu. And, thu. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and th, and th, and thi, and thi, and thi, thin, thr, throomomoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooing, and thoing, thoing, th, a little mini PSA segment, but if you have the sort of job where your smoker or your proper break or whatever, you're sitting on a milk crate, a lot of people don't know this, but if you want the maximum comfort you can get out of it, don't sit on the milk crate the way that you would intuitively sit on it by having the open face of it on the ground. You actually want it to be on one of the sides because then it has a little bit of flex in it, a little bit of give. It's way

easier on your ass. It's nice little life hack there. Just a little life hack. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. So I guess I like, like, we've been doing the show for a while now, right? Yeah, it's a couple years, yeah. Yeah, and I feel like we've, we've never really had to establish whether we are a pro-throwing shopping trolleys into canals and rivers and stuff like that position, but it sounds like we're pro. I'm... Pro throwing shopping trollies into man-made canals, not into natural river systems. Okay, so not like taking one to a beautiful river somewhere in tossing it in.

Yes, but let's say, you know, the giant open sewers, well the open, I don't even know what to call them. You know the things that you might have seen in say Terminator 2 or Greece in Los Angeles. I mean like, you know the open water drain pipe things whatever the fuck they are Throw a shopping troll into one of those by all means. Please Hurl that mother fucker right in there Someone drag racing they're gonna plow straight through that bad boy and it's gonna be cool as hell. That's right Go on give yourself a little treat also like maybe I don't throwing throwing throwing tho thoing thoing thooing thooooooooooooooooo th th th thoooo th thooo th tho-a tho-a tho-a tho-a the the the the the the the tho-a to the the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th tho-s tho-s tho-s to tha thau-s true true true true true true tru-s tru-s tru-s tru-s. tru-s tho-s tho-s on, give yourself a little treat. Also, like maybe, I don't think throwing, throwing scooters into any sort of body water I think is fine. If it's one of the app ones, just chuck them right in there. Yeah, that's a net positive. It's bad for the environment in one fashion, but if you take the sum of it. Yeah. And if you've got some batteries to dispose of, you just take them straight to the ocean.

Some car batteries. Yeah. Depending on the size of the battery, you can get a really good sort of softball underarm pitch wind up with your arm before you just fucking hurl that fucker right, you know, directly into whatever body of water you're looking at, whether it be a lake or a dam, or a canal or a river or an estuary or a creek. It's so fucked up what we did to the Brisbane River. It's not nice, but it's not as fucked up as what they did to the Chicago River.

They do something similar because, okay, so the Brisbane River is famously brown. It's the brown snake of Brisbane. And apparently it used to be just blue. With the sand bottom and then they took that sand. They made it into money or something. So I need that. I need that. It needs some sand. Um, the Chicago River, they reversed the flow of it. Oh. In the early 1900s, they completely reversed the flow of the Chicago river In the early 1900s they completely reversed the flow of

the Chicago River to try and stop slaughterhouse runoff from running through the city of Chicago. Couldn't they just move the slaughterhouses? No, they reversed the flow of the river. Yeah. Yeah. In 1999, reversing the Chicago river was named the Civil Engineering Monument of the Millennium by the American Society of Civil Engineers. I thought they would have done like the, nominated the Twin Towers or something. They also die the River Green for St. Patrick's Day. And don't do that. Is that real? Please feel free to everybody, including Ben. to the the Menn. to the M green for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. And don't do that.

Is that real? Please feel free to everybody, including Ben, to Google Chicago St. Patrick's Day River. And just feast your eyes on some of those pictures that turn out. Oh, come on now. Yeah, America doesn't deserve the land that it's sitting on the top of. No. What if every year they were like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, they thi, they thi, thi, thi deserve the land that it's sitting on the top of. No. What if every year they were like, hey, what if we turned our river into Mountain Dew? That's so fucked up.

It's pretty fucked up, isn't it? I thought it was, um... Wait, oh, hang on. Did they do this? Just last year, just because of COVID? I've been doing this for ages. They do it every year. Oh right, I'm sure.

Yeah. And also they do it in Boston as well, I think. No, don't, no, it's... Is it... Happy St. Patrick's Day? Oh, no, okay. No, maybe I'm wrong. I think it's...

Oh, thank goodness. I've got a list here. Cities that die their rivers green for St. Patrick's Day. Fuck off. More than one. So Chicago seems to be the leading. The Chicago River is perhaps the most well-known river died on St. Patrick's Day. And for good reason, considering over 400, thousand onlookers emergees emerges here to witness the river's emerald green makeover. This fun tradition has a unique origin story, completely unrelated to St. Patrick's Day. The year was 1961 and the Chicago River was polluted with sewage.

Chicago's mayor, Richard J. Daley, wanted to find the culprit who was ruining the waters. Therefore, he authorized special green dye to be poured into a portion of the river to see where the waters. Therefore, he authorized special green dye to be poured into a portion of the river to see where the dumping originated. This project gave Stephen Bailey a friend of Dailies and the city's St. Patrick's Day Parade Chairman the bright idea of turning the entire river green using orange powder. A secret formula. Thus, the St. Patty's tradition began and continues to this day. I believe this tradition is actually where the Green River killer k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k k. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. the thi. thi. their thiiiiii. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theeil. theileileileile. the. theile. theile. theile. teile. teile. theile. theileile. the. theile. the. their the. th St. Paddy's tradition began and continues to this day. I believe this tradition is actually where the Green River killer got his name from. The next city to follow suit was San Antonio, Texas in 1968.

While Chicago had a pollution problem, San Antonio's Riverwalk had a financial problem regarding tourists. They had none. A group of Riverwalk business owners wanted to attract more tourists. They had none. A group of River Walk business owners wanted to attract more tourists that they obtained military-style die marker packs originally used by parachutists to make the San Antonio River fluorescent green for St. Patrick's Day. Jesus Christ, this Patrick continues, this practice continues today, although they now use an eco-friendly die in place of the die-marketaracts, which refused to dissolve.

That's so fucked up. Savannah Georgia was the first city to die their river green. So why did Chicago get all the fame? It's because Savannah failed miserably. When they tried to die their river green in 1961, it all filtered away due to the fast-moving tide. The anti-climactic result led to Savannah to die just nine fountains throughout the city. The most famous fountain died green is the Forsyth fountain.

Indianapolis, Indiana, Charlotte, North Carolina, Tampa, Florida, Washington, D.C., all of these fucking cities die their rivers green. Just don't do that. Imagine you got a button and apologies to any American listeners we have, but when you hit that button, every American's brain just turns off permanently and they just go, pff, to the ground like a car, just crash, etc. Eventually, like nature reclaims the continent, It heals it. So how quick are you hitting that button?

The Americans turn off button. How fast you're passing that bad boy? There's probably like between, a couple of dozen Americans I'd like to keep alive. Every member of the, every member of deaf tones. Kind of want to keep those guys going. Uh... Paul Thomas Anderson's probably got a few more movies in him. Adam Sandler?

Ah, I'm sorry, man-made on touch-e'am. Yeah. They shouldn't be doing that with the rivers, etc. They shouldn't be doing that with the rivers. You shouldn't be reversing the flow of the Chicago- the river river river river the rivers, etc. They shouldn't be doing that with the rivers. You shouldn't be reversing the flow of the Chicago River. You shouldn't be dying in your rivers green. It's decided which way it's going. Yeah. Nature sort of figured that one out based on topography and other things of that, you know,

physics, just generally. Nature didn't need a lot of help with it either. No. Hey, should we flow th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th we flow towards the sea? Yes. Oh let me just step in for a second. Hey here's a thought. Let's flip it and reverse it. Hmm. What if you guys, what if you guys subverted the idea of a river? Oh I like that. That's playful. Unexpected. Yeah, you've taken the trope of rivers. And you're subverting it, you're lampshading it. What if a river went backwards?? thwi? Oh? Oh? thwi thwiped? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh, th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeate toa toe toe toe toa toe toe toe toe toe to the the trope of rivers and you're subverting it, you're lampshading it. What if a river went backwards? Please stop, seriously. I'm not joking anymore.

America. Toss a shopping trolley into a man-made river, but do not. Don't die green. You're reaching for the military-grade die pack. I'm slapping the back of your hand. Cut it out. You're on notice. You are on notice. That's so true, Theo. Thank you. That's it for a podcast. Is this the last freemium free brewery episode of freebrewary? That's right. This is the last free bonus episode you'll get as part of freemium free brewery. So if you've enjoyed these, consider instead of not giving us money, giving us money. And if you've not

enjoyed these, keep on trucking. Honestly? I could understand one episode a week being enough. That would make sense to me. Yep. If you're like one a week, almost too much. Yeah, if you could trim these down a little and we can't. Well, see you trim these down a little, and we can't. Well, see you next week, everybody. Bye. Bye. you to be