Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: One Ben Minimum (Feat. Ben Russell)

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

This episode was too fun to keep paywalled! Remember you can sign up for the Patreon for an extra episode every single week here: http://patreon.com/boontavista --------------------- We lost Ben this week when we took him to the supermarket, so we got another Ben! Comedian Ben Russell from Hug The Sun and Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun joins us to discuss a catfishing Tasmanian MP, the world's most hungry and disgusting Frenchman, the funny kind of body in a barrel, a Paging Dr. Lucy about the dangers of Funko Pops and of course, the kinds of dogs our listeners imagine. You can watch Ben's new series Hug The Sun on Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2gaKXSgCAw&ab_channel=GrouseHouse Check him out on Twitch here: https://www.twitch.tv/bonmember

Welcome to another Buntavista bonus episode. It's late in the evening. You've had a few glasses of pino-noir and you're here swiping away on Tinder. You're looking for a little romance, little intimacy, and you've set your parameters to white men between the ages of 25 and 40. That's what we call the podcaster zone. You pause for a second because you've spotted a very masculine looking man. He's a bearded guy who looks like he probably smokes his own meats, enjoys a nice local

Cambera beer, perhaps he even has some woodworking knowledge. Andrew, are you up? I am up. My wife's asleep though, so I am ready to chat. You know? Great. It's good to know. We do some imprompt you sexing with strange women on the internet.

That is what I love to hear on this app. But you do want to keep your options open, so you keep on swiping. You stumble across the image of a shirtless guy. He's taking a selfie in the gym mirror just in front of the squat rack. It's very unclear why he's posted this as his main picture because his profile is just a list of blood-borne enemies he claims to have defeated. Theo what that mouth do? All right so there's video evidence of me actually defeating them so let's get that out there straightaway. Second of all, I think I have to be very clear on my profile, that guy in those ads that say, try not to come, that's me and I take that very seriously, okay?

So... Oh boy, finally you come across what you've been looking for. This guy might be the one. He's tall, he's wearing shorts, he's got that Queensland look about him. It's Ben McLeigh from your favorite Buntavista podcast, and it's a match. You think to yourself, God, could I truly be so lucky? Has the deity Eros truly blessed me with the perfect Bigfoot spoting partner? Or am I being catfished by an imposter claiming to be such a beloved and famous podcast celebrity? Ben, is that really you?

Yes, it is. Oh, oh. Sound just like him. That's the sound of Queensland. Yeah. I'm from Queensland. Bloody hell. And you guys should have seen where the water level was at. You guys should have seen where it was at. Is that up there? See that building? That's where it was. A little plock up there. That's it. You are being catfish.

And we have comedian Ben Russell on here with us, because we've got to have a Ben. So welcome to the show, other Ben. It. here with us because we've got to have a Ben so welcome to the show other Ben. It is a pleasure and an honor to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Well thank you for coming. Ben has taken himself on holiday. It didn't ask anybody's permission. Very rude. Didn't put in any of the forms. That's disgusting. Hasn't put an entry in a shared leave calendar that all professional podcasts have. Yes.

So he did however make the effort to make sure there was a Ben on deck at all times. We have a one Ben minimum on the podcast. That's right. So it was very kind of him. So basically, Ben is going to join us and sit in and just be the Ben on the show for the week. Yeah, it's great. I was so excited like so many people out there when Ben slid into my DMs. And it was just such a wonderful time.

A common experience for most Australians. Yeah, I mean, at some point, you know, I just knew that I'd finally become an adult man, a member of the club that is the human race. That's what's up. Yeah. That's what's up. So, Ben, are you married? Are you with child or anything?

I'm neither married nor with child, however, I am engaged to be wed. Oh, that's very exciting. That's a fun time. Thank you. Thank you. So, I guess if you are, if you're engaged, I'm going to assume that this has happened some time within the last, say, 12 to 24 months unless you have one of those like upsettingly long engagements going on? Oh no, she doesn't even know that we're engaged. We've never been engaged.

But... But... It was springing on her on the day. Yeah, that's right. No, I've been married. I'm not married, engaged? For a little over a year now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, to, th, th, to, to, to, to, to over a year now. Yeah, actually, I think almost two years. Okay, so does that mean that you have had experience with dating apps before this point? It, oh, because I lived in Chicago for, before I was here, and I was with my partner, I was in Chicago, and the only dating app that I had used is OKCupid. Was that like an app or a website?

That was a website. That was a website. Yeah, everyone used it in the US where I was, so I just got on it. And then, um, Tinder came into the picture, but I pretty much met my partner in that sort of window and okay Cupid never worked so I hated it. Some dates that I was just like no this is awful and so yeah I just I was lucky enough that it kind of just as Tinder was rearing its horny little bright pink head. Filthy filthy app. rearing its horny little, bright pink head.

Filthy, filthy app. Pilthy little head. I, uh, I got away, which was nice. Because I can't imagine what it's like out there. Yeah, because this is, this is kind of a recurring subject on the show is that, uh, me and Theo both, uh, both married and both sort of met our, uh, wives like before, this was, our wives like before this was... I'm so grateful I don't think my little heart could take it.

We just burst from anxiety. I was on OKCupid back in the day and this weird thing, coincidence I think where I would message someone being like, hey, what's going on? Do you like, uh, the prog rock band band Ocean Size and they just delete their account and I could only assume that like it's just a weird like timing thing that would happen every time? It's probably not you never worked for me. No, that's right.

That's purely a coincidence. All right, so in that case, Lucy, it falls to you to explain to me. Yeah, resident pervert. What am I I I I I that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the? I the the? I th. I th. I the? I the? I the. I the. I assume the. I assume you are th. the is the the the the is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat the.ooooo. It's thto explain to me. Damn it. Damn it. What am I explaining? I assume that you are the person with the closest things and knowledge of what Bumble is. Oh, I've never used it because that's one of the newer ones. As far as I understand it, Bumble is like women have to message you first. That's a difference.

Okay. I thought it was like a vaguely like job related like vaguely professional sort of for summary I don't know why I had this impression I thought it was kind of like like LinkedIn. LinkedIn. LinkedIn I think that's just LinkedIn. Yeah, God knows people do be using. Your goal is to fuck on LinkedIn. Yeah people do be trying to get late on LinkedIn. Yeah, there's a lot of horny realtors out there. Yeah, I've seen I've seen porn.. I've their their th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I thly. I thly. I thly. I thly. I thly. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've the the the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. the. the. the. the. I get late on LinkedIn. I mean there's a lot of horny realtors out there. Yeah, I've seen I've seen porn. Because somebody has had an unfortunate situation on the app, bumble recently. And what you've just told me actually makes this story more confounding than it already was.

So, um, you want to explain this guy to us, Lucy. Do I want to explain Adam Brooks MP? So I don't know who this guy is. He's a former MP? He's a former MP? He's a former MP because he already had to quit due to a bunch of like scandals around, I don't know, dodgy real estate stuff or something like that. Something like th. So. So. So, um. So, um. So, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, so, um, so, so, so, so, so, so, um, so, so, um, so, so, um, so, um, um, um, um, um, so, th, th, so, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. thi. th. th. th. to, to, to, thi. to, to, thi. to, thi, thi, 't know, dodgy real estate stuff or something like that. Mmm, some guy already.

But this- My senses are saying that he's a liberal candidate. Yes, very intuitive. So this headline from the ABC is just a fantastic second woman accuses Tasmanian liberal candidate Adam Brooks of pretending to be Terry on a dating app. So a second woman has accused Tasmanian liberal Adam Brooks of pretending he was an engineer named Terry during a month's long relationship. The woman... It's strange. It's not really a sexy career. Like if you're going to catfish, you're going to be like, I'm a pilot or I'm a firefighter, you know?

It depends what kind of engineer, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I became an engineer so I could stop having sex. But Lucy, you went to pilot very quickly then for your catfishing. For my sexy career. Could be an aircraft maintenance engineer. It could be an air traffic controller. What about an aircraft engineer? Ooh. Maybe he is.

That's pretty sexy. That is very sexy. So the woman who lives in Melbourne but has asked not to be identified. I wouldn't want to be identified either. Met Mr. Brooks on dating at Bumble in December 2019. They spoke mostly via messages and phone calls because of coronavirus restrictions. She believed he lived in Brisbane

looking after his sick father, but grew up and studied at a university in Melbourne. Nice detail. I'm very charitable. Yeah, looking after my uncle, who's a model, by the way. We can't meet, I've got to go and pick up my dad's diarrhea medicine. I'm so sorry. In reality, the Northwest businessman is a former Tasmanian mining minister,

who told the parliament in his inaugural speech he did not go to university. Weird thing to lie about, but I guess go all the way. He described himself on Bumble as someone who was fit, adventurous and loved to travel. So does everyone. I'm really uncomfortable online. Haven't been on a date and have been shocked by even some of the things sent to me, he said in one message to the woman seen by the ABC. Seriously, there are some weirdos out there. That's great red herring. I like that. Throw off the trail.

So the thing that I find immediately amazing is he hasn't even changed his surname. He said that his name is Terry Brooks. Well, there's going to be a lot of Brooks out there. I guess so. It's like, can't be my real name. I'll go with Terry. Really sexy name. Sorry to any Terry's out there. The woman said there were times before they met in person

that she was worried he was, including when his location on Bumble did not match where he said he was. But he told her his daughter's friend sometimes used his account? Hmm. Uh, okay. Very weird detail. Sometimes I'm a 14 year old girl as well. I hope that clears everything up. I think we've all got a little 14 year old girl in us, you know. That's right.

Wait, that came out wrong. We all, uh... And we got you. No. We all, we all, uh, let our teenage daughter use our dating app account. Yeah, that's even more normal. You don't want it to be weird so instead give your dating app account. Daughter's friend. I'm sorry, so I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's even more normal. You don't want it to be weird so instead give your dating app profile to somebody else's teenage daughter. Who also lives in Tasmania? Let them go nuts, you know? Yeah, on my Terry dating profile. Yeah, I don't live in Tasmania. I just, I courier my phone down to her and she just has some fun on Bumble. Yeah, she shoots that thing right back to me.

Yeah, supernal stuff. Nice, it's like a sleepless in Seattle type thing. You know, I think that's what, that's what he's going for with that. I watch that movie again recently and they just don't meet for that whole movie, do they? No. Like, Meg Ryan just listens to the radio and goes, I'm in love with this guy now. Yeah. That's what people do when they listen to our podcast, I assume, right? Yeah, probably. They're all listening to Lucy going, I could fix her.

That's right. Oh, well, they also had a video call which helped ease her fears, obviously, because he looks the same. He used his real pictures. Good for him, I suppose. I'm not going to bloody shame, but I don't, I don't, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel, I thi, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, probably, I thi, probably, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that, I that, I that, I that, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I feel, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi, thi, thi, I feel like real pictures. Um, good for him, I suppose. I'm not going to bloody shame, but I don't feel like, I feel like if you're going to catfish, I would not use my pictures as Adam Brooks, MP, just personally. If you're at home, feel free to have a little Google. But, but the, the first lady, she was also in the media saying, hey this guy. And there were pictures pictures to the pictures the pictures the pictures thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thia thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that. I'm not, th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm, I th. I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm not, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel also in the media saying, hey this guy, and there were pictures of them together.

Yeah, well I think this gets to that. And they had like her face, her face blurred out. So he was, he was getting dates out of it. He was getting dates out of it, and good for him. So they met in person in December last year. People said, the to get some identification to see who he is, and he showed me a Queensland driver's license, the woman said. It was a temporary one, so it didn't have a photograph. Hmm. Then he showed me a business card. You can't just get those printed any time that you like. You can't just fake a business card, right? Yeah, no. The woman said parts of his story to her credit. She's really, she's gone into this. The woman said parts of his story did not add up, so she

checked a register of structural engineers. Is that a thing? A register of structural engineers? It could not find a Terry Richard Brooks. I would not have thought to... Oh, maybe I would. Like if my friend was like... I don't even know an university engineer registry. Registry. Me either. It's Maybe I would. Like if my friend was like... I didn't even know he was an engineer. Registry. Me either. It's weird.

She eventually searched online. When you move into a neighborhood, you have to go around to all the other houses. I'm an engineer. Just so you know, I'm an engineer. I'm on a list. You can't live near a bridge. Ah, this guy's so stupid. She eventually searched online for his daughter's names. Obviously he used the real ones and found a 2014 article celebrating his re-election to Tasmania's parliament.

So we can't believe his story, his's a beautifully constructed story just fell over. When he used his own real name and also his daughter's real name and she also had his real last name. Hmm. Good stuff. If you're catfishing, why not just not have kids? Why not make up a whole new sexy story? It's just a weird behavior. It's just weird behavior.

It's disturbing that an ex-minister from mining would be this bad at planning. That's true. He should lose his job for many reasons. Yes. Has he? He should? Well, hold on. We'll get to that. One second. Uh, the photograph of a driver's license, Mr. Brooks sent to his Sydney girlfriend to prove his identity is subject to an investigation from Victoria's Transport Department.

Pretty sure it's illegal to do that. Yeah, so the follow-up to this is that because there's the election, there was the election there, the Tasmanian Premier Peter Gututwin has stood by the former mining minister a day before the election. He said it could have been a case of someone using Brooks's photos on a dating site because he is a quote good looking guy. This is the funniest bit. Ben, can you just look for a photo of Adam Brooks MP? Because if you look for Adam Brooks without the MP you get a whole different guy. A more interesting guy. Adam Brooks MP, listen, first impression, not a good guy. Yeah. He's not a good-looking guy though? I think he could be if, like, he had a makeover. Okay. It's a good makeover, you know, like, that. the, like, that. the that. that, like, that. the th. th. the th. the th. the th. th. the the the the th. the the the the the the the thi the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho, th, th, thi the the thi thi th, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the, thi. thi, thi. thi, thi. the, thi. the, though? I think he could be if like he had a makeover. Okay.

It's good makeover, you know, like actually looked after himself, did a little bit of exercise, got a better haircut, got a suit that fit. Had the queer eye experience, okay? Yeah, got some lips. Got the, uh, got the John Wu face swapping surgery. Yeah, he needs a pair of lips badly. Uh, yeah, not, not the, not the best looking guy in the world. Not someone you would use their photos to catfish. No. So the idea of somebody else taking his photos, making profiles and conducting multiple relationships is quite funny to me. Yeah, the confidence is wild.

I'm jealous. Yeah, I would love to believe in myself that much. I'm jealous. I gotta spread all this around. Maybe he just wanted to be humble. Maybe he just wanted a woman to love him for the man that he is and not for the glamour of being a Tasmanian MP. Wow, that's true.

I'm just confused as to what the end game is for that sort of thing, you know, like. I don't know. For a lot of catfishing people is to get money out of it, but it wasn't money, you know, it was just... Just love. Just love, but at some point she's going to realize that you're not an engineer and you're a member of Parliament for Tasmania looking after mining in their state. I just don't... I... they don't tell you anywhere whether or not he is still married, considering that he has daughters. I'm clear on that one. I'm assuming not, otherwise that would be more scandalous, right?

I'm looking at his Wikipedia entry. It says, Adam Brooks, Minister for Racing, Minister for Mining, Minister for Building Construction in office until June 2016, proceeded by, born April, born April 1975, spouses, multiple. Multiple. Is that what it says on Wikipedia? It says spouse and then S in parentheses, spouse or spouses, then the entry says multiple. So it's like when you're looking up the band members for polyphonic spree or something and they have to split it off to its own page Just like oh, that's you don't want to get into that right here. Is he a Mormon? Is he polygammon's in there? Yeah Yeah, to my knowledge. I don't know if there's many Mormons in there. Yeah, I'd hope not. Let's change that. Let's change that. the mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo mo more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tho. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thooo. their. their. their. some Mormons in there. Get some Mormons in there. Who could say? Well, from a story about an MP who looks like he has not gone hungry in a while, to a story about a Frenchman who's apparently very hungry.

I don't know what this is. Hungry Frenchman. Hungry. Thank you so much for that beautiful segue, Andrew. This was something that I was kicking around for the Theophiles, which is Ben, that's a spin-off podcast that you and I do every so often, you know the one. Oh yeah, that's one. Where we talk through stuff.

Have you guys ever heard of a little old Frenchman by the name of Tarare? No. No. Is that his family name? I forgot. That's his whole name, mononym. Oh, exactly.

Which is great because we're going to have a good time. This one goes out to the guy on Twitter who got really mad at Andrew making fun of the Swedish language. This is a Swedish guy and he's like, oh, why don't you read out an entire Wikipedia article verbatim then. And hey, buddy, I will. But before we do, um... Don't tell this guy about the Muppets, he'll hate it. Tate speech!

Before we get started though, I feel like we need to start our French engines, our Frengens. Andrew with the Hon-Horns and so on, Andrew, can you start us off? Oh, oh-ho! Beautiful. Ah, lovely. Ben, have you got a, have you got a French character that you've been kicking around in your head for a while? This is a character to you?

You disgust me, huh? It is disgusting. You sit there on your house with your sliding door and your plants in the corner. You are nothing, your life is meaningless. Beautiful, and that is disgusting to me, yes. Lucy, do you have a French? No, I've got nothing. I can't do accents either.

All right, so I'll try and blast through this because usually we go way over time anyway. So I'm sure you've got a, I've got nothing. I. I. I to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to, I, I've to, I, I to, I to, I to, I to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to, I'm to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the.oooooooo.a, their their, their, their, their, either. All right, so I'll try and blast through this because usually we go way over time anyway, so. I'm sure you've got to, well, I mean, you don't have children or anything, so I've got a child to avoid right now. Let's kick this out. So Terari was born in France around 1772 in Leon. His date of today to tara the tara was was was was was was was toa was toa was toa. tooen. tooen. tooen. tooen. tooe. tooe. tooe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooen. tooen. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. the. the. thean. to thean. to to toe. toe know whether Tarari was his real name or a nickname. As a child, he had a huge appetite and by his teens could eat a quarter of a bullock, waiting almost as much as Terari himself in a single day.

By this time his parents could not provide for him and had forced him to leave home. Don't blame them. Get the fuck out of house and home, literally. Do not have enough caviar. So he then toured the country with the roaming band of thieves and prostitutes, begging and stealing for food before gaining employment as a warm-up act to a traveling charlatan. Second to a charlatan. I miss the days of traveling charlatans.

God, we should bring this back. I mean, I assume they're all all all all all all all all all all all all they they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all tha all tha th about the charlatan stuff. You got to you got to blow town. It's a lonely life the life of a charlatan. So he would draw a crowd by eating corks, stones and live animals and by swallowing an entire basket full of apples one after another. He would eat ravenously and was particularly fond of snake meat. That's such a... Put those eyebrows down, Ben, because we got a long way to go. Particularly fond of snake meat is such an...

It's always sunny in Philadelphia, kind of. What Charlie would be eating in the attic, you know. Has anyone had snake meat? I haven't. You could have. You could have. And you wouldn't. You would. I would. I'd be in on it. I don't you reckon I could have eaten, I reckon I could have eaten snake meat at any point in my life. You know. I think snake would just be like fish personally. You reckon. I've had gator. Yeah, crocodile. I could have eaten snake meat. I. Crock. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have have have have. I have have have have. I have have have have. I have have have. I have have. I have have have. I have have have have ha. I have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have. I have have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have. I have ha. I have ha. I have th. I have the snake. I have ha. I have ha. I have ha. I have ha. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have think snake would just be like fish, personally. You reckon? I've had gator. Yeah, crocodile just tastes like that. Apparently, a big fish fillet. It smells a little, like, smells a little like fish, sort of has a texture of beef but tastes like chicken.

That sounds right. It's the perfect all-rounder. No one who loves it so much. So then in 1788, he moved to Paris, gay Paris, to work as a street performer. So he was successful at this, but on the one occasion the act went wrong, he suffered severe intestinal obstruction.

So they took him to the hospital where he was treated with powerful laxatives, made full recovery and then offered to demonstrate his act by eating his surgeon's watch and chain. The surgeon, unpressed by the offer, warned him if he did so, he would cut terraari open to recover the item. So imagine you just bought like a, the 70-78 version of a Rolex or something and this moth fuck, hey, you want me to eat that thatthat for you real quick? He was constantly, you are looking at your watch, you're going to eat that? You're going to eat that? You're going to eat that. All right, so despite all this, he was slim of average height at 17. He weighed only about 45 kilos.

Probably got a great metabolism. It's described as having unusually soft, fair hair and an abnormally wide mouth, roughly four inches between his jaws when his mouth was fully extended, with heavily stained teeth on which the lips were almost invisible. So just huge roasts on Terari here. When he'd not eaten, his skin would hang so loosely that he could wrap the folds of skin from his abdomen around his waist. When full, his abdomen would distend like a huge balloon. The skin of his cheeks was wrinkled, hung loosely and when stretched out, he could hold 12 eggs or apples in his mouth. What?

Well, hey, eggs and apples are not the same side. Little crab apples, I assume. Yeah. Are you just describing Adam Brooks MP? They're not maybe in little crab apples. Little crab apples maybe, yeah. Yeah. You're just describing Adam Brooks MP? And I will go on. His body was hot to the touch and he sweated heavily. He constantly had a foul body odor.

He was described as stinking to such a degree that he could not be endured within the distance of 20 paces. The smell would get noticeably worse. Oh, Pete eaten. His eyes and cheeks would become paces. The smell would get noticeably worse. His eyes and cheeks would become bloodshot and a visible vapor would rise from his body. I think I met this guy at an open mic. I assume like, I assumed that we're talking about somebody whose entire practice is just like eating such disgusting quantities of food that he're talking about somebody whose entire practice is just like eating such disgusting quantities of food that he's getting all distended.

His body then works over time to immediately shit it all out. We don't know. We don't know. But they do say... Well, because if you were thin and not... 100%? Not heavy, but you also had all this stretched abdomen and everything. Look just assume diarier is involved from start to finish.

I always do. This podcast is no different. How long do you think it takes the average person to realize, you know that eating competitions like the Coney Island, Nathan's Hot Dog kind of thing? If you sort of see kind of thing. If you sort of see some of those, you go, oh, that's crazy. But if you start getting into like watching the documentaries and stuff and all the people are like, oh no, I'm not eating this food,

I put it inside of me, and then I go back to the hotel, and I puk out my 60 hot dogs, or whatever. Then like it's never making it thr a th a tha tha tha their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, like, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like never making it through them. They just need to stand up and leave the venue and that's basically it. Yeah I guess so. I never thought about it like that. But is there you go. It was today. It was today that you realized. You're really ruining competitive eating for me. Well it's you know. My one true passion. All true passion all right so after eating he would belch noisily his jaws would make swallowing motion he had chronic diarrhea there it is which was said to be quote fettered beyond all conception

put that on my tombstone that's is thereombstone. That's... Is there any... like, do you have a Wikipedia page, Ben? Right on me? No, I don't think I do. You're on IMDB though. Oh, thank you. There you go. Does it say anything about...

Just copy and paste this guy's on. That would be a good bit to copy and paste the entire Tarare Wikipedia entry. Find a replace your name with his and then into your I've got a Wikipedia account. I'll make that happen for you Ben. I love that actually. That'd be great. All right. You have my permission and my consent to use to Rare.

Beautiful. So but he never put on in any weight. They saw no signs of mental illness, no unusual behavior in him, apart from apparently an apathetic temperament and a complete lack of force and ideas. So, it fits him well on our podcast discord. No, no unusual behavior except for, you know all that stuff we just told you about. I think, I think they're basically saying this guy makes do with the fact that he eats like a quarter of a cow each day. Yeah look it's just on this grind. He seems

remarkably stable. Remarkably smell I'd love to hang out with him. Yeah well if you stay 11 paces away, you're all good. That's true. You sorted. So he joined the military because he thought, oh, they'll feed him, but they couldn't keep up. He would carry tasks out for other soldiers in return for a share of their rations and would scavenge on the dung heap for scraps, but still hungry. He went to the hospital from exhaustion,

was granted quadruple rations, still hungry, with scavenge for garbage and gutters and refuse containers, eat the scraps of foods left by other patients. And here's a, here's what that's, I think, get a stick with me for a while, creep into the apothearies room to eat the polstices. So they're the like, they're like chicken stuffing that they put into wounds in the old days to like suck out the bad humors. This guy's so hungry.

Yeah. He's a real hungry bitch. He's the hungry. Hungry much? You don't, you don't eat the polstassters unless you're pretty hungry. Unless you're pretty hungry. So they couldn't understand what's going on with him. So they ordered him to stay in there to take part in physiological experiments, which again, fair call. We've got to figure out what the fuck is going on with this.

All right, look, we all know it's vivisection for you, right? Like there's no, you've got your own thing going on, but you're kind of a freak, and we do have to take you apart piece by piece. So, they kept trying to feed him with these, they tested his capacity for food. He ate, two large meat pies, so this is one meal, two large meat piles, plates of grease and salt and four gallons of milk immediately fell asleep. They noted his belly became taught and inflated like a large balloon.

Immediately got the itis and passed out. Oh, I could not eat another quarter of a cow. That is just for the record that is 15 liters of milk. Four gallons. He's got some strong bones. And they're not all his either. So on another occasion he was presented with a live cat. Yeah, sorry about this.

He tore it open, drank its blood and proceeded to eat the entire cat aside from its bones before vomiting up its fur, its fur and skin. There's a lot going on with this guy, how? He sounds like a snake himself. Like, men will literally eat a life cat instead of going to therapy. This is the same guy they declared like very mentally stable, right? Very mentally stable. Extremely normal. And drank its blood? Yes, that's right. Very extremely normal. So he would eat.

The hospital would give him snakes, lizards, puppies. Good God. All of which were eaten. You're French motherfunkers. Give him another puppy, huh? The three French people listening to our podcast, I don't know, this is very normal for a Frenchman. He swallowed entire eel without chewing. So, so this, I'm gonna skip this. Dickley. Oh, hello.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'm gonna skip very quickly through, but they briefly made him a spy and they would get him to swallow messages and like go through enemy territory and then shit the message out at the other side. He was immediately captured and they're just like, well, we'll wait. And they did for like three days and he shattered out. And apparently it was just like a fake message to test the whole thing and they were so mad. She says don't trust Tarare. They were so mad. They like beat the shit out of him. They made him think that he was going to get hung and then they threw him back over into France. So, didn't do very good job. Imagine if it was just a note that said he's your problem now.

He's your problem. Yeah, enjoy. Who called him? What country? Germany? He was, he crossed Prussian lines under the cover of darkness, disguised a German peasant, but he couldn't speak German. And everyone's like, hey, who's this French motherfucker? Who's this new French motherfucker? Who's this German guy eating all my live chickens?

Then, so then he's like, no, that's, I'm done with this. This shit sucks. And he left, and then just went straight back to the hospital, saying that he would attempt any possible cure for his appetite. So this guy, this Dr. Percy, you treated him with laudanum without success, wine vinegar, tobacco pills. They fed him large quantities of soft boiled eggs, nothing suppressed his appetite. Efforts to keep in on any kind of controlled diet failed. He would sneak out of the hospital to scavenge for awful outside of butcher's shops and fight stray dogs for carry-on in gutters, alleys and rubbish heaps. This guy loves eating. Again, just extremely French. He was also...

Very mentally stable. He was caught several times within the hospital drinking from patients undergoing bloodletting and attempting to eat the bodies in the hospital mortuary. Oh my god. Bro, you can't, you can't go into the mortuary with everyone. That's not cool. If you get in there before there's a tag on it, it doesn't exist. Okay guys, who ain't my dead body? You have my name on it. Everyone's just immediately looking at Tarari's like what? This gurney just has a skeleton and a belt on it.

So other doctors believe that Terrari was mentally ill. And what? Honestly, honestly, if you get through this where they have become a fucking psychopath, more power to you. Well, like, not, let's say he was sane at the start. Yeah, exactly. Like surely going through the experiences of like fighting stray dogs for awful and eating dead bodies in the morgue is doing a, doing a little trauma. Yeah. I had a friend who did that and they would in the morgue is doing a... It turns you. Doing a little trauma. Yeah.

I had a friend who did that and they were never the same. They were quite right. Yeah. Dates, you're okay? Um, so, so other doctors thought he was mentally ill impressed for him to be transferred to a lunatic asylum, but Dr. Percy was keen to continue his experiments, I bet he was, and he remained in the military hospital. After some time, a 14-month-old infant disappeared from the hospital and Tarari was immediately suspected.

No, Terari. You didn't. The forbidden meat. Don't eat a baby. It's like once you've gotten through, eel, snake, all that. There's no there's no mystery left. This is that's to go all the way to the edge. That's like top 10 things you shouldn't eat right. I reckon it's pro no yeah I reckon it's at least a five even yeah I think so. I'm trying to think of other things that are pushing it out of the top three and I, and I. And I. And I. And I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm th. And I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Yeah, I think so. I'm trying to think of other things that are pushing it out of the top three and I'm not poison. Yeah, yeah. Although that only hurts you, you know, it's bad for you. Yeah, still, you know, unless it was someone else's poison. Like a bag of ants. Bag ants be pretty bad. Yeah. I assume they're alive. Yeah, they're alive.

What else? What else shouldn't eat? Like plutonium and stuff like that? Like radioactivity stuff? Yeah, but not exactly a faux par if you do. Unless they kind of needed that for like little boy or something. I think it's just I think it's it would be shameful. Very rude. Someone else's plutonium. I'm saving that. I'm just imagining Tarari and Dr. Percy having like a kind of minority labra-doodle that keeps eating stuff when I'm out of the room. Like you come back? Terare.

And he's looking up at him, the big, big sad eyes. To the Rari, no. You don't look like an odd couple thing going on, you know. One's a doctor, the other one eats babies. Don't need a baby thorough. Just different worlds. Turahry! Stokes for different folks. So basically, that was the end of it.

They told him to fuck off. Then a few years later, he dragged himself back, bedridden and weak. Terari told Percy that he'd swallowed a golden fork two years earlier. Not the golden fork. He told me. The tale as. He told me. The treasured golden fork. It's a tale as old as time. The man who swallowed the golden fork.

Yeah, you can, look, I know you've got no shelter for the night. You can sleep in our barn. You can even fuck my three daughters, but don't, whatever you do. Do not eat the golden fork. So he believed that this was lodged inside him and causing his current weakness. Imagine narrowing it down to that. Of all the things that you've eaten. Of all the things.

I think the moral of the man who ate the golden fork, that classic fable, is that if you eat a golden fork, it will absolutely tear all of your shit up inside. It will lodge inside you and you will die an extremely ironic death. But no, it was tuberculosis. Oh, okay. It wasn't the golden fork after. He did not learn his lesson whatsoever. He got away with it all. So a month later, well, I don't know, how do you feel about exuditive diarrhea as

far as vis-a-vis getting away with it all? Now that's diarrhea with pus in it. Oh, wow. I don't know about that one. Yeah, so he died just in time. He died slightly after that. Oh, okay, right. Well, he was probably happy to die then. Right when you want to die, plus six hours. Plus six hours. I'd freak out, I reckon, if that happened to me. Yeah, you'd be upset. You'd be fuming.

I'll be fuerious. This is ruined my day. All the Puss is supposed to stay inside me. The corpse rotted quickly. The surgeons of the hospital refused to dissect it. No one needs to see what's in there. It's not my problem. The fork gets buried with him. But a Dr. Tessia wanting to know how much Terari differed from the norm internally, let's open this old freak up and see what makes him tick. But it was also curious as to whether the gold fork was lodged inside him.

Ah, he was after that fork. After that fork, could go past it. So at the autopsy, his gullet was found to be abnormally wide, so what that mouth do. And when the jaws were opened, surgeons could see down a broad canal into the stomach. His body was found to be filled with pus, his liver and gall bladder were abnormally large, and his stomach was enormous, covered in ulcers and filling most of his abdominal cavity, the fork was never found. Imagine shitting out of fork and not noticing. You got so much else going on. The fork just go straight past you. Oh my god. Anyway, I thought

that's just a we're all doing a bit tough at the moment what with what with coronavirus I don't know if you guys have noticed. It's really an uplifting story. It's so hard. Very much. Yeah. What is going on with this guy? Uh those French bastards. Yeah, once again the explanation just too French. They do things differently. I tell you. You sure do. Hello. It's me. Ben, from this podcast. Miriam Webster defines a podcast as a program made available in digital format for automatic

download over the internet, and that simply could not be more true. If you like what we do and want more of this podcast made available to you in digital format for automatic download over the internet. Simply go to Patreon.com. S.Ponavista and hit the enormous red button that says subscribe. For five US dollars a month you get access to our weekly bonus episodes, our entire archive of bonus episodes, our exclusive discord server and an RSS feed of both bonus episodes and free episode that doesn't have these ads in them. That sweet subscriber cash allows me to to to to to the to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and, and, thiol-I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the the the the the the the the the the the thi.Au.Au.Au.Au.Au.A's, thoomomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thiiiiiiithis show full-time without having to get a real job and frankly that whips to me. The other guys also get some money or whatever but I don't really care. Anyway,

check that out if it sounds good to you. Love you. So from a man who would drink a disgusting barrel full of leper blood to another story about fun stuff in barrels. This is... I feel like you're scraping the bottom of one there, but... I know you're threatening to make us to the... You threaten make us do the segues. I constantly threaten to make you do the segues. But instead we're going to have an addition of the one thing we didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want th didn't want th didn't want th didn't want th didn't th didn't th didn't th didn't th didn't th didn't th didn't thin the thin thin thin the thin the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to didn't want to happen. This is the one thing we didn't want to happen. Dung, dung.

Uh, so Ben, there is a sketch of yours on YouTube entitled Big Ozzy Trash and Treasure. Wonderful watch. Yes. It's a very funny sketch, which informs me of the fact that you think the bodies in barrels very rife for comedy. Fair game. Okay.

Yep. Our Snowton neck metrics are going to be way down this way. Snowton is one of the best Australian comedies. And we agree on this show. So here's a story from the Associated Press. Fire rescuers and medical staff used a power saw and screwdrivers to extract a toddler from an antique wooden barrel in which he became wedged during a visit with his grandparents. What? Kelly Strubing and her husband took their two-year-old son, Dorian to the emergency room.

After he goes... Doryen, get out of their two-year-old son Dorian to the emergency room after he goes... Dorian, get out of the barrel. Dorian, I swear to God. Oh my God, Dorian. You know that that is my favorite antique barrel. Just go upstairs, play with the fucking painting that looks just like you but with the entire weight of sin. You've got a whole room of your own barrels up there to play with. Stay away from my precious antique one. Sumner County Emergency Medical Services and the Portland Fire Department worked with the hospital staff to free the boy. X-rays determined where his hips, knees and feet were. So all in the barrel. Yeah. Inside the barrel right? hips, knees and feet were. So... So...

That's really... Yeah. Inside the barrel, right? I... Definitely where I would think. That's one of the first places I would look. I don't understand. Before we had x-rays, we didn't know where our knees or feet were.

Well, if you can't see them, could be anywhere. You know? Why do they need to know? I would would have th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thou thou thou thou thou thou thou thou thou thou thou tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. thattod. I thattod. I thattod. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. I tho. I tho. I would have thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thoooooooooo. that. I tho. I you can't see them could be anywhere. You know? Why do they need to know? I would have thought it'd just be like top to bottom toddler areas. Yeah, like you just want him out of the barrel, right? You want him out of the barrel. Well the issue was, his arm, shoulders and head were sticking out of the top of the barrel. This kid's kid's got himself in a Winnie the poo situation. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th th to to to th th th th to th tooom th th th th thoom. to to to to to to to to to to to too to to to to to to to be too to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be told. told. told told told. told. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the too. the the toe. their todd. todd. todd. toddl. toddl. toddl. toddl. toddl. toddl. todd, another winning the poo accident. It's like someone wants to go down Niagara Falls. So, um, so his problem is that the bottom half of him is stuck in what I can only assume is a small barrel. Uh, if you're talking about a two-year-old, they're just not that big. Not that big. Must be pretty small. Yeah, you can fight a two-year-old, they're just not that big. I'm big the most of them. Must be pretty small. Yeah, you could fight a two-year-old very easily.

I think so. Very easily. Yeah. I mean, not me, but empirically. Yeah. I'd be the shit out of you. Theo, I truly believe that you could best your son in a fight. I know, he's pretty strong these days. Prove it. Super SmackDown! Theo versus his son!

But I just feel like I can bring tools to that fight. I've got- No, it's a fist fight. You can't bring any tools. What are the rules here? It's a fist fight. It's boy versus man. How do you feel about toddler-sized catapults? One person leaves.

Um, also the baby can't read the rules. That's very true. Or anything. You could trick baby for it easily. Very easy to mislead a baby. If you immediately hit the baby with a cricket bat. He, even if he recognized that you weren't playing fair, wouldn't be able to express it.

He can't say anything. What's going to do? Too late. You can't feel. We'll have to wait until they're much older and express it by, you know, joining an improv troop or something. All right, so after having determined where his hips, knees, and feet were, the workers used a power saw to cut some wood from the bottom of the barrel, and screwdrivers were

used to chip away at the top opening to make a hole big enough to fit his feet through. So now he's in a poor guy living in a barrel situation. He's lost his clothes. Don't worry, we fashioned some straps for the tie- That bad boy some... That's fine, off you go. Sorted. So yeah, once they could get his feet through,

then the first responders could pull the toddler through the top of the barrel once his legs were straightened. There he go. That's how he was stuck in there. So he'd done like... I'm dumb bitch. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out like how you can get yourself wedged that badly and not get out. Although that said, I definitely did shit like this as a child. I was one of those like get your head stuck between like railings on a bridge. Mm- one of those like get your head stuck between like railings on a bridge kind of kids. Yeah yeah yeah so it's been no. I wasn't so much into this stuck getting stuck. What about falling off things you have a fall off things? Yes but getting stuck not so much. Okay I'm pretty slippery.

Greasiest kid you ever saw. I'm one of the slipperest people you'll ever know. I just slide on around. Slide up, slide down. Just going through the kitchen like a penguin, you know? Uh, so Strubing told WKRN, it was certainly nerve-wracking, but now that he's safe we're all getting a good laugh from it. Hey, remember when you got stuck in that barrel, you're dumb fucking baby. You all me one antique barrel.

You're gonna be paying that off for the rest of your life. Uh, did he come out, uh, barrel aged? Oh, ha? Oh, oh, gosh. Regular Ben will be back in one week. That's okay for you to do puns, but when I do it I'm a monster. That's right. You have listened to the show. The workers who helped free Dorian signed the wooden barrel as a keepsake from his first trip to the emergency room.

Okay. Hey, going over to visit your 32-year-old friend. What's that signed broken barrel on the mantle there? What's that all about? Funny story. Funny story. The toddler who didn't sustain any injuries while trapped celebrated his rescue with a popsicle. That's what's up. Classic post-barrel food.

If you were just released from a barrel Ben what flavor of ice cream are you choosing? Ice cream or a popsicle? Oh well is a popsicle ice cream? Popsicleicle can be anything, I would say that a popsicle is not an ice cream. A popsicle is a... So you're thinking like the frozen juice slash? It's an icy pole. Yeah. But like a pudding pop can be a popsicle, right? What the fuck is a pudding?

What the food? Like a paddle pop, you know. Oh, well, is a paddle pop? Paddle pop is an ice cream though, because it contains cream. I guess so. Yeah, so. All right, pop-cicle. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to do this to you.

No, it's fine. We've got to get the barrel. This is my first time being Ben on this show and I just want to make sure that I come away as disliked as possible. Well Ben absolutely would stop the proceedings to clarify something that doesn't really help anything at all. So again, again fitting in like a glove. Okay so the question is an ice cream? No, a popsicle. A popsicle. Easy, I would just go a red. Red. Red. Red is always the best flavor. You don't even have to worry about it. You just say, I'll just have a red one and you're guaranteed for a good time. Same goes for snakes. Oh yeah, dewynd bears. Yep. Because depending on the brand, like a yellow could be, could be pineapple? Could be shit lemon. Yeah. like a yellow could be pineapple, it could be anything. That all you're here.

You never know, it could be shitty lemon. Yeah. I love it green, but only when they're apple. If it's a lime, then it needs to get out of my face. Yep. Yep. But the red is always there. It's always a good friend.

You always know that it's going to be red, it's going to taste red. Yep, I 100% endorse this position. I thoroughly agree with you here, and you can apply all the same logic to Skittles. Yeah. Well, from celebrating with a popsicle, for celebrating with a different kind of pop, and that'll, this will become obvious later on, don't worry. It's time for an addition of Paging Dr. Lucy. You call one eight hundred three one seven five one five now

the page and I don't see Right sting It's nice really good sting there's there's too many stings at this point No, they're okay you can never have too many stings exactly the right amount It's that's good because I will not stop making them. I refuse to stop making them. You're doing God's work and we need more people like you. So Paging Dr. Lucy is the segment where we look at fucked up relationships and potentially

offer any kind of assistance that we can to people who will absolutely not hear the advice. We will never listen to our podcast yeah. Right. So this is from the part of the incident where the people need the most help that is Reddit's relationships, subreddit. I, 25-year-old female, am frustrated with my boyfriend's 23-year-old male unwillingness to compromise when it comes to his hobby. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23 we th th th th th th th th then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. We the the the the the the tho tho tho tho th. We will th. We will th. We will th. We will th. We will th. We will th. We will th. We will th. We will tho tho the the the the thi. We will thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the theeean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean theeeeeeeeeeee unwillingness to compromise when it comes to his hobby. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23. We've been dating for two years, but we're friends long before that. We live with my parents at the moment,

as I've been completing cosmetology school the past year, my boyfriend is just getting started in his career. My dad recently got a new job out of state. My boyfriend and I have decided to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to move to. My boyfriend and I have decided to move along with my parents, as where they're moving has better career opportunities for both of us. Did you ask them why they were moving? Was it anything to do with the pair of adults living with them? Yeah, maybe. That's a lot.

We say adults, but as we were about to find out, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We've got were about to find out. Well, yes, yes, yes Now we got to move to Pennsylvania great We'll all move to Pennsylvania Fuck, man, I can't imagine how old are they sorry? So 21 and 23 now don't get me wrong. That's old to be living at home. I I? Well in Australia. it's obviously a much more common thing now to be like I need to save up a billion dollars for a house deposit so it's probably in America they probably have no money right? Yeah. Forgive that. And and I have definitely lived with my parents as an adult in the sense of like

abruptly having to move out of a place and just moving back in with them for a bit before moving to the next place that kind of thing you know yeah however when your adults with jobs and you live with your parents and they say we're moving to a different state I would be like time to get an apartment yeah maybe pretty weird pretty weird everything is great in our relationship for the most part. He's been my best friend for years and dating hasn't changed that. There's really only one major issue in our relationship. His collecting hobby. Long story short, my boyfriend and I are both pretty big nerds. We became friends initially over our love of comic books. Both of us collect these figures called Funko-Pops. Oh my God.

Okay. But my boyfriend takes it to the next level. As in, until a few days ago, his room was covered from floor to ceiling in these things. He easily has managed to amass around 500, maybe more, in the time he's lived with my family. Now I think they could move out. I'm not sympathetic. You need your own Funkopop room. We're moving because the house is turning into a Funkopop Yeah. Funkop Mousalien. So let's let's break that down for a second right so you

standard Funkopops from like EB or whatever seem to go for like 20 to 40 Australian dollars depending on the like whether it's a special edition or something seem to go for like 20 to 40 Australian dollars depending on the like whether it's a special edition or something like that. Yeah. However they can go for a lot more right so I'm just looking right now at a list of top ten most valuable Funkopop Star Wars figures on pop every time you say Funko Pop it makes my blood boil you boil. Balls just suck that a little bit further up into your body. I just, it has the same effect as like the word moisture panties does on a lot of people. I just, and I apologize if this offends, some people that like funko pops, but I think

they're fucked in the head. Yeah, nothis is definitely a we are an anti Funkop podcast. Funk and people that like Funko Pops should get the fuck out of here. I do think it's a very common experience though for an adult man to be given a Funkopopop as a gift. There's such an easy gift you can be like, my friend likes this show or my friend likes this movie. How have I never gotten one? You never got one? Wow.

Never, incredible. I have received, no, never incredible. I guess I just exude like anti-nerd energy or something. Yeah, that's it. That's right. to over the years and they're both different versions of Jason Voorhees like years apart but you still have them I do can we see them no they're not here not here I tell you what is on my desk though Lucy might have seen this before what so the school that our kids go to when it's like Mother's Day or Father's Day they have a little like a little stall that the kids can go to.

So they say can I have some money so I can go to the stall and buy you something for Father's Day and you give them your own money and they go and get this total dog shit. Ridiculous economy. You trade, what you do is you give money to someone and then they trade it for absolute terrible shit that you can't do anything with, but you also just kind of have to have around. So my daughter for last year of this comes home and gives me this on father's day. And it is a small teddy that says dad on dad on it right little little gray bear he's got a little little jumper on that says dad on it and if you squeeze this bear it says this

I love you so much dad it's the most fucking haunted why is it Australian? Whose child is that? I don't know. That is just a random child's voice. That is like, oh, that is proof of life take right there. I loathe this thing and every now and then she comes in and picks it up. She's like, hey dad, check this out. And I just, I shudder. And I go, go that's great sweetie but you'll never be able to get rid of it yeah you've got Stockholm syndrome with this bear this bear this

bear is got you hostage I guess at least it's like kind of fucked up compared to things that are just like a pen that says dad's pen on it you know yeah yeah that's fine I think you'll learn I think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the thi thi the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the th th the the the th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th the the the the to the to to the the to the theeeeeee theee theeeee the the the th's fine. I think he'll learn, I think he'll grow to love it. People don't need to know whose pen it is. That's all I'm saying. So top 10 most valuable Funko pop star wars figures here. We've got Hans Solo dressed as a storm trooper, that'll go for $970. the $9,90.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00. that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to took.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00.00. the the the the the the the the the toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to.00 for $990. A 501st clone trooper will run you $1,260. Yeah, fucked.

A flocked tubacke will go for $1,520. What is a flocked? What's a flocked? I'm cash on this. Like flocked is having that kind of fuzzy coding on something. OK. Like flocked is um is having that kind of fuzzy coating on something. Okay. You know.

A Sith Storm Trooper goes for $1,700. A gold Luke Skywalker goes for $3,440. So these are Ushies for adults is what I'm hearing? Yes, yes. Kind of. Yeah. The most expensive Star Wars one. This is not the most expensive funco pop. This is just in the Kind of. Yeah. The most expensive Star Wars one, this is not the most expensive Funkopop, this is just in the category of Star Wars.

It's a holographic, Holographic Darth Mall that goes for $5,620. Whoa. We were doing so well. Now I'm going to go to bed mad. So let's be generous and say that this guy is only buying the $20 Funko Pops, right? And she's saying more than $500, but if it's just $500,000, then he spent at least $10,000 on Funko Pops figures. They could have got their own apartment.

And that's only in the two years that they've lived with her parents. That's brutal. And these are little dolls. These are little bobblehead things. $5,000 a year, if he is buying absolute baseline Funko Pops, which I think if you're a psycho collector, you are not. I think if you're a psycho collector, you're not like you, surely you go into the store and you get all of their regular ones and then you start scouring fucking eBay or whatever. Whatever is the premier funko pop trading platform.

So she continues, I've always thought he was a bit excessive about it, but when it comes to these figures my boyfriend has blinders on. When I've I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiol-I thiol-I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I thiol-I thu. I thiol-I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thuu. I'm thoer thu. I'm thoer. I'm thozyn' tho' thooooooooooooooooo'eoooooo'eooo-coeeeeeeooooooooooo'ers on. When I've tried to talk to him about curbing his collecting, he gets extremely defensive and completely shuts me down. Very good. Sounds healthy. His usual go-to defense is that it's no different from me buying makeup. You know like women do? I think it's... I think it's... Come out tonight, bring your two best Funko Pups. You gotta impress everyone there.

Give him the razzle-dazzle. Give them the razzle-dazzle, bring out the Star Wars funko Pups. Handcuffed, handcuffed to his wrist, in a briefcase. You ask me and then I'll open it and show you. I can say this because I'm cuffed to his wrist in a briefcase. You ask me and then I'll open it and show you. I can say this because I'm moderately mentally ill. This should be in the DSM. We should treat this in the same way that we treat people that have like stacks of rotting newspapers from 1943 throughout their house. It's not, we shouldn't let this go on. This is not good for us. It's not okay. It's not okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay. It's okay okay okay. It's okay okay okay okay okay. I. It's okay okay okay. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to th. I to to th. I to to th. I th. I th. I can't th. I th. I th, I this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I this. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. I'll tho shouldn't let this go on. This is not, it's not good for us.

It's not okay. And the parents are enabling it by not, not, like going, fuck you. Yeah, yeah, you're 17, close the door when you masturbate. This is like the story we read on the show once about a guy who was like suing his parents, like a 40 year old guy who lived with his parents and was suing them for throwing out his extensive pornography collection. Yeah, it's just, this is more perverted I feel. Yeah, I can get behind that guy a little bit more. Yeah, he's likable in his dirtbaginess. There's an outcome there. Yeah, you can jack off to it. It's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that's that's that's that's th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. Yeah, th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. There's an outcome there. Yeah, you can jack off to it. It's it's doing something for you, you know. That is funny though. I respect it, you know? I think it's different from makeup in like at least several distinct manners. Oh yeah. I think

most women are spending $5,000 a year on makeup. I'm sure some of them are but most probably not also you can do something with makeup Yeah, yeah, I've got a purpose you can't do anything with these. It's also a consumable So there's a reason to buy more. Yeah, whereas like I kind of feel like if you have seen one funco pop you have Literally seen every Funkopop that they could ever be I don't get it. I don't get it. So check this out. I'm gonna th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th thi. th. th. th, th th th th th th th th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. thi. you you thi. you thee. you you thi. you you you you the. you you the the. you the thi the th don't get it. I don't get it. So check this out, like I'm going to assume that maybe you haven't seen this Funko Pop before guys, but I want you to picture Funkop Freddy Kruger. Look, you've seen that Funko Pop. Yeah, that's fine. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't need to see it let alone, to hold it. to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the an the an thean. thean thean. thean. thean. theuuuuu-n' thu-n' thu-I to to to thu. to now that we're moving I feel like it's time for him to put a hold on collecting these figures yet I just don't see him taking the hint and stopping any time soon especially when new ones are coming out all

the time. To add to my frustration my parents are signing paperwork to put the house up for sale this weekend and I've asked him to put most of his figures away so the real estate agent can show the room. So we've spent the last two nights packing them up and still haven't finished. They're fucking, they're cubes. They're so easy to pack. Hmm. Yeah, throw them in the bin. I'm just sitting there with 500 cubes and a series of like folded up packing boxes and going, oh it's just no good way to put

these in here. How good must the dick be? Yeah, he's got something going on for him. She's not good enough. No dick is worth this. She has never dated anybody else, I assume. While we were working last night, I suggested maybe we throw out the boxes for the figures that aren't real ones. Oh honey. Just so we have th th th we have we have we have we have we have we have we have they have we have we have we have they have they have they have they were they were they were th th th th th th th th thin thin th th tho tho tho tho tho thin thi their tho tho tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. You thi thi thi. You are thi. You're thi. You're thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tho tho tho th. throw out the boxes for the figures that aren't real ones. Oh honey. Just so we have less boxes to pack and store and he got defensive yet again.

You're playing a dangerous game. The fucking boxers, Stephanie? It's half of the value. These Funkopops are in mint condition. Oh, imagine, I don't know, like, you'd... I would... I can't. He'd have to be like, this is an investment. You know, like... I don't know whether there's that much faculty going into it, to be perfectly honest. I... I think it's purely a see a thing and buy a thing thing and they just stuck at that point,

right? Well, I think the fact... He's terrari but with funco pops. Yeah. I think the fact that she says a bunch of times throughout the extended version of this, like anytime I talk to him, she. Yeah, he says something extremely weird about women. Talk to him about the funcos and he's like, fuck you. Don't ever talk about my funcos like that. Then there's a cue drop that he's got to attend to. Yeah.

I've got to bake this cue drops. I have to wait in a line overnight for them to put out the new Funkopops. That's probably happening. It's probably happening. Oh yeah, absolutely. I am genuinely not bothered by my boyfriend's hobby. You should be. You get in the, try it. Give it a go, see how it sits with you. Yeah. Give it a spin. You might like it. It might fit like a great pair of pants. You're like, oh, oh. It could be perfect for you. Yeah. This feels right. This is this fucking Malibu Stacy for adult idiots. I'm... I'm... I genuinely am not bothered. Just fed up with his inability to meet me halfway about it. He's not meeting you anywhere. He is not coming to the location. He's not returning your messages. Not in the same ballpark. But like I said, every time I try to bring it up, he gets defensive.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I could maybe approach the subject in a different way or the way that'll be less defensive or whatever, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. Lucy? Um, Um, you could just tell him to, uh, to, um, to fuck off forever. That's really good advice. Yeah.

You could just be like, uh, I don't love you. You're a horrible person, you have no redeeming features, and I would like to have sex with another man. I don't have to like push off like 17 Miles Morales Funko pops from the bed every time that we go to have it. Well then they fall on the floor and he immediately pulls out. Don't bend the corner! I mean that's a one hell of a red flag. That flag could be any bigger. Yeah. I would rather a partner had a gambling addiction. Yeah, because at least there's a chance they're going to come ahead, right? It's just not as embarrassing. Yeah, it's not as embarrassing. If your, if your, like, husband could not stop buying Funko Pops and he spent like all

your fucking money on Funkopops, right? But then you managed to get him off it and he was like, uh, I'm going down to the track again to bet on the dogs, you'd be like, fine, hard. Thank God. Thank God. Do what you like, sweetheart. I love you. Doing something normal for once. Thank goodness. Oh my goodness. I think that she should keep going with the packing everything up and putting it in a moving van and being like,

I'll meet you in Pennsylvania. Take extra special care of this one. Yeah, and then at the other end, at the other end the parents change the locks yeah and she also just moves somewhere else in the country. Yeah that's the best way to do it. Clean break. Yep. So you do it you got to move on? Yeah. Well that is almost all we have time for. But first we've quickly just got to provide an update on a story where we ask people to send some stuff in to the mail bag or the Boltervista hotline You can send us an email

Mail bag at Boltervista dot com, maybe DM us on Twitter. You could even message Facebook. We don't really check the Facebook, yeah. Eight hundred, three, one seven, five, that's the Facebook yeah The word musical genius gets tussed around a lot the time The word musical genius gets tussed around a lot They are steadily getting longer. Yeah, get them longer. Make them whole songs, you know? Less work, yeah.

Less work, yeah. It's good. You're onto a goalmine. Theo, I know that you are a fan of Howell Daughty, aka Lydia Burrell. Oh yes, yeah, love his stuff, love his work for your kick-socks, etc. A lot of themes and that sort of thing. He has a new podcast that he's been doing for a little bit called Fast Track with Howell Daug, where he gets a guest on and they write a song together in 30 minutes. Ooh. And then he turns it into a whole thing and plays the song at the end of the episode.

It's very fun. Check out Fast Track with Howl Doherty. However, I will. Well, not just you. Anybody else can also figure it out. So last week we had a story about an unidentified dog accidentally driving an unidentified car. Unfortunately, the news report about the dog driving the car was unable to tell us the breed of the dog.

And just to recap, we used to be a political podcast. But we found something more important to talk about. Absolutely. So the news report could not identify the breed of dog, nor the model of car. And so we did ask people to ride in and tell us what combination of things you pictured. Ben, when I say a dog rolling down the street in a car in the driver's seat with nobody else in the car, and what kind of dog do you picture and what kind of car are they in? I picture a golden

retriever in a Plymouth. Oh okay and Lucy you weren't there for that story either. I was there for that story. You were there? I was there? Damn. I don't think I answered this question though and I definitely picture a golden retriever and I couldn't name a single car model so I will say it's a red one. What if it was a dog piloting a plane? All right it's still a golden retriever but he has a little pilots head on. Yeah. th one I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I was I was I was I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was th. I was th. I was was th. I was I was th. I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was a th. I was I was I was I was I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a th. I was a dog piloting a plane? All right, it's still a gold and a tray river, but he has a little pilot's hat on. Yeah. I don't know, maybe like a 747, you know. Okay.

Your captain's a good boy. Uh, so here briefly, some of the answers that were sent into us from listeners. We had a Tibetan mastiff in a Subaru Baja. Oh, it's good. An Irish wolfhound in a Fiat- thiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaia-in. thia-in. thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, thi-in, th-in, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-in, thi-in. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. I-in. I-in. I-in. th-in. thi-a. I-a. thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-nipa-a-a-hi-in. I thi- listeners. We had a Tibetan Mastiff in a Subaru Baja. Oh, it's good. An Irish wolfhound in a Fiat 500. How's he getting in there? Hmm. An Aerdale Terrier in an Alpha Romeo. That's a good combo. A Bozoi and a Bentley. Yeah, I see it. A literation. A schnauzer in a trabi. What is a trabi? Is that the old like Soviet cars? Is that right? Yes. Is that a put it in H car? It very much looks like a put it into H?

Doverman in an Mx 5. Very similar to what I was picturing which was a miniature Pomeranian in one of those like bright pink Barbie convertibles. Okay. A Samoyard driving a Nissan Cube. Okay. This is practical. A Great Dane in a smart car. Yes, I like it. He would have the tall guy from the Simpsons.

Energy. Is there something humorous about my own? A golden retriever in an ex-police Ford Crown Victoria. Okay. Again we have a golden retriever with sunglasses on in a Kia Serrento. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Living your best life. Again we have a golden retriever in a burgundy RAV 4. Oh mom's coming to pick up the kids. So I mean at this point we got a sample of like five golden retrievers. Yeah. A popular dog. That's the default dog. Yeah well it's when I think of driving a car I think you know they're probably the best, going to be the best to it. They're probably they've got a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great the their their their their their their their their their their their their g. A great g. A great g. A good. A good a great g. A good a great a great a great. A good. A good. A good. A good. A good. A good. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. they're probably the best, going to be the best at it. They've got a great disposition. They're not going to get rattled easily. You want a smart dog, confident dog.

I've got a sausage dog and I do not want her behind the wheel. No. Oh, absolutely not. She'd be enough. Trying to see over the dash. I want her her to her to her to her to her to her to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the the to the the to the the to to to the to the to to to to to to to to to to to be the the the thoom. thoom. thoomomom. thoomom. I thoom. I'm. I'm, their. I'm, their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooeaaa. T. T. T. T. I'm. That's. I'm. I'm. That dash. I want her to know what that's like. Maybe in the future you could just hold her up. Oh I've already done that yes be sure. And rounding it out we have a chocolate Labrador in a mid-90s Toyota Camry. A dashin's driving the Oscar Maya weenomobile. Oh, I have a Matrosidol situation going on there.

Ah ha ha! Which came first! And finally, a poodle driving a Renault Cleo with a beret and scarf. Classic. All right. We've come full circle to doing our French voice. A hon, hon, hon, indeed. What a great, what great suggestions. Yeah. Everyone nailed it I think.

I saw it in my mind's eye. It's wonderful to see inside the minds of our wonderful, very attractive listeners. Well, that's it for us. Ben, where can people find more of you? Where, I'm so glad you asked. Oh. I just, I had a web series just released today, as a matter of fact. It's on Grouse, YouTube called Grouse House, which is run, a new channel run by the Auntie Donner Boys and their production company.

Very nice. And it's called Hug the Sun. And it's about a Perth-based children's variety show with heavy religious undertones. And the religious undertones are that of a fictional sun-worshipping cult. It's a nice bit of a mid-summer for 90s kids. Yeah. But like triggering that specific bit of early 90s nostalgia that is extremely specific I think to people our age. Exactly. Yeah it's based off a real Catholic show that was in Perth. But that's where you kind of got the idea. And it's a, yeah, it's real fun. Excellent. So please check that out. Or Twitch at Bonn Member. And I's a, yeah, it's real fun. Excellent. Well, please check that out.

Or Twitch at Bonn Member. And I've got, I'm a sting lover as well. I've got lots of stings on there as well. So that's why I appreciate your stings. If there's one thing the audience of this show loves, it's some stings. And I'm sure they'll they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will they will get sure they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will they will will they will they will they will they will they will they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will get they will, that's it for us. Thank you so much for joining us, Ben. Thank you for having me.

It was really fun. Thank you, guys. It makes me think maybe we should just get a new Ben. New Ben every week, why not? New Ben every week, we're done a dozen us, Ben. Well, thanks everybody, and we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.