Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: Take Me To Sizzler

Episode Date: February 12, 2022

It's Freemium Freebruary! We're giving you a taste of what it would be like to be a Patreon subscriber, for the low, low price of zero dollars. Enjoy this bonus episode on the house. Mwah mwah. *** Theo, Lucy, and Andrew bring you: Explicable human remains in a watercourse, a terrifying moose ordeal, and an update on the scourge of laser strikes. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Buente Vista. It's delicious. It's delicious. You simply can't like it. I can't write it. Okay. Welcome to Buente Vista. This is a bonus episode. My name is Andrew, and I am the host of a podcast called Buntavista. It's an irreverent look at the news, big and small. Ha ha ha. Mostly small.

As we look into events around the world, be it what the wacky people of the Netherlands are up to, which portal in the hollow earth Bigfoot is currently traveling through today, which kind of mysterious substances people are sticking their finger in on the street and then deciding whether or not they should taste it, and many other segments. You'll simply have to tune in to one of the hundreds of episodes we'll probably end up doing in order to find out. Introducing for the very first time my co-host. He's a wonderful man. He's very funny. He's never been nervous in his life. And his name's Theo. Hi, Theo.

Hey, buddy, how you doing? I'm great. I'm here hosting a podcast. Yeah, I'm so excited to see what news and current events we have to look at. But I hope we don't skimp on the lightest side of things. Hmm. Don't be too serious. Yeah. th. tha tha tha thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that that that thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. tho. thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. thea. thea. thea. to. thea. thea. thea. thi. thi. thi. thi. ththings. Don't want to be too serious. The news that makes you go, hmm.

Things that make you go, hmm. That could be a slogan for us. Oof. Bonta Vista, things that make you go. And of course that voice that you're hearing right now is none other than the very first female host of a podcast. It's crazy. We can do anything these days.. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things th. Things th. Things. Things. Things. Things th. Things th. Things th. Things things. Things things. Things things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. female host of a podcast. It's crazy. Hmm. We can do anything these days.

Breaking down barriers and breaking hearts. Oh, you flatter me. It's none other than our very own Lucy Valentine. Hi, Lucy. Hello, Andrew. How does it feel to be right here on what I am calling the cutting edge of media, the future of radio? It feels great. It's like a radio show, but it's not live. It's like a radio show, but you can pause it when you have to take a shit in case you feel uncomfortable doing that in front of the hosts.

Yeah, which I hope that you do. Now, Lucy, one of my many buzzing bees and what in front of the hosts. Yeah, which I hope that you do. One of my many buzzing bees and what stories they tell, tell me that, and I hope our listeners can believe this, your dad wrote a porno. Oh, ho! What? I try not to tell too many people about it, but it's a crazy thing to say. Now that would be wild thing to say. Now that would be wild.

That would be insane. That would be so crazy. Actually if I found out my dad wrote a porno I would fucking freak out. Because that would be so out of character for him. He's a really sex negative guy. I want to say that he's sex negative. No, no, I use sex negative. Reading your father's porno and going, yuck. I think it would just be the shock of finding out that it had happened.

I consider my father like thoroughly, publicly sex neutral. Yeah. You know. Just smooth granite from the belly button down to the mid-leg. Yeah, and that's probably because he believes a lesson that I never learned and never internalized and probably should have, which is that it's simply nobody else's business. Yeah. And this is the first episode of the podcast, but I assume Andrew will be learning a little thing or two about what goes on in your sex life. Yes, I will be describing the intercourse that I have with my wife.

Quite frequently and in some detail. A lot of detail. Too much detail. People will be writing in to ask me to stop. They will say things like, I muted the episode because I was so uncomfortable. And then as I was sitting in silence in my car, 30 minutes later I remembered that I had had something on the radio prior and then I'll turn the sound back on and I will be right there still with it, you know. I'll be describing sex like, um, you know, uh, you the the the the th the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll th. I'll thi thi that that that that that tho tho th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll thi thi thi th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll the. I'll the. I'll thee. I'll theeeeee. I'll theeeeeee. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. with it, you know? I'll be describing sex like, you know when they do those movies where they're like, oh this whole thing is one shot or this whole movie is happening in real time, you know, minute by minute so you're right there with the characters, that's how I'm

going to describe all of my sex to you the listener. I'm gonna pretend to be really sex negative all the tiiiiiiii to tip to to to to the the the the the the the the the tho the tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho. tho. I the the tho-s. I tho-s. I'm thi. I'm tho-s. I'm tho-s. I'm tho-s. I'm tho-s. I tho-s. I'm tho-s. I'm tho-s. I tho-s. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm theeeeeeeanananananananann' to to toeean. I'm thean. I'm thean to be really sex negative all the time whenever the topic of sex comes up to throw our listeners off the scent of me being in any way a frig. So I guess we're going to reestablish ourselves as a sex negative podcast. And when we do eventually introduce a fourth mic, he will be named Ben, and he'll be the horniest guy anyone's ever seen. Damn, that guy is horny. Crazy horny. Wild horny. A little uncomfortable around him.

Big boat up. So what's talking about it? 22 hours a day. Constant. You know? Kind of threatening the way he lords that thing over me. And you know, sometimes I get threatening vibes when I look at the news and I see frightening things coming on the horizon. Dark stormy clouds that could only

mean one thing. Omens and portents. You shall see hail fall from a clear sky and burn his fire upon the ground. You shall see darkness cover Egypt when the sun climbs high to noon. And you shall know that God is God. And bow down to his will. Just open a can, let it explode. Oh, pretty good stuff.

Nice. I choose to blame wife of the show, my wife, Eleanor, for buying, let me see what it's called here. What is it? It's a can of, moon dog, fizzar. Oh, it's right there in the name, isn't it? Alcoholic Seltzer. Peach ice tea, alcoholic bubbly water with bursts of peach and black tea. Now, I was going to ask why that beer came in a gay little can.

Well, there's your answer, right there. And you know, some of this might be saying, why was it so shaken up? Andrew was it because you went to get some stuff out of the fridge and you knocked one of the cans out onto the floor and then said, fuck, fucking, there's too much stuff from the fridge, and then just pick the can up and put it back in with all the other cans. Maybe inadvertently pulling it out for yourself later on? Who could know? Who could say?

One of the great mysteries of our age, I think. This comes to us from WBBH-BH news.B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Bush.Wii-Wi-Wi-Wi-Wi-Win. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. W. W. W. W. W. W. W.S.S.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.C.C.C.C. W.C.A. W.K.A.A.K.A.K.K.A.K.K.A.K.K.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.B.BH News. Anybody, anyone think of a fun acronym for what that might stand for? Big beautiful women. Women with big beautiful honkers? Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Everybody close to eyes. I think there's a market for that. Well, I have our Fantasia, so.

Oh, oh. You can't, you can picture it or you can't? Which one is that? Oh no. You can't conjure up to big heaving naturals in the mind. I can kind of do the wire frame, but I can't texture it. No depth. No depth. Because when you're talking about big natties,

It's what you're after really. Yeah. From women with Big Beautiful Honka's News Florida, Cape Corral kayaker finds message in a bottle with man's ashes on the water. So what was the message? I am dead. I am in the bottle. I am in the bottle. I really like... If you're reading this, I am ashes. If you're reading this, the flesh fell off. I do like how this first sentence is written. It lets you know that this is a fun story. It does.

What's fun already? A Cape Coral man on a Sunday kayaking trip with friends picked up something unexpected during his trip and earn. I mean, they've, you know, it's got a little exclamation mark. You know we're about to have fun. This isn't a somber story. They got jaunty punctuation and everything for this. I don't let you use the exclamation mark for the AP. That's one of thue thue thue thue thue th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, that, tho, tho, thi, thi, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, theean, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So, theee. So, th you use the exclamation mark when you work for the AP. That's one of the downsides.

No, that's true. I think if you went from like working at the AP or New York Times or something, and then let's say a story went wrong or you had the like a million little pieces thing where it turned out you'd just been hanging out in your apartment and making up all the stories. And then you got busted down to like zoo magazine or FHM or nuts. It would have to be really freeing to be able to use as many exclamation marks as you wanted all through the whole article. To me, that's not a step down, but I appreciate the culture. Yeah, it's a really letting the caged bird free, you know. Soaring on the mighty wings of saying, nox! Exclamation, exclamation. The man found the bottle containing ashes

along with a note in four mile cove in Cape Coral, now he's hoping to find the man's family. Probably to say, hey, this is gross. Yeah. Why did you throw this in... Why did you do that? That's kind of funny. That's a little bit funny. Why'd you throw this into anal cove, you know?

Quote, it was just kind of intertwined with the mangroves, kind of looked like junk, said Jeff Zimmerman, who found a discarded bottle while kayaking. Initially he thought it was trash and grabbed it and attempted to help clean up. Now that's good behavior. That's good behavior. I like that. I like that. Self-reported though. You never know.

Oh, I'm always picking up rubbish in the bin. I picked it up because I was I was I was I was Ithe bin. Yeah, not because I wanted to eat some ashes. Said Jeff like a little brown nose. But on Sunday, the bottle he found hung up in the mangroves with a happy birthday balloon. This just gets sillier and sillier. I'm choosing to link the two of things. It was much more than trash. It was someone's remains. Immediately we realize that this is someone's internment vessel, he said.

No one says that. Is it an urn or just a bottle? So like someone just dumped an urn in the ocean? The happy birthday balloon kind of makes me think of like those, um, you know those roadside memorials? Hmm. Yeah. What do you guys think about those? Like you can't tell someone that they're grieving wrong, but if you were to say it in the privacy of a podcast? You would say that they're grieving wrong, but if you would have said in the privacy of a podcast. You would say that they're grieving wrong. Keeping in mind that this is Freemian Freiburary.

He's putting it all out there publicly. I don't know, man, I come from Maciah, that's like a bread and butter up there? It's like, um, like a can or something.'s almost spiritual there. I don't like it. Plus a lot of people die in road. That's something. Yeah, I bet. Because recently I was traveling down like a main road near our place and then there had been like a roadside memorial thing there

occasionally by this tree and then one day it had been replaced with a really big one that was like seven years since you have been gone and it kept going you know like the riding on the guy's big hand in the Simpsons. And of course you're driving at 80 kilometers an hour. You cannot get through the whole message in time. It's just a very, it's a very strange thing to me, but I guess that's a, I guess that's a very like white westerner thing of being like, oh how strange to grieve publicly. But when I think of that sort of thing, I'm thinking of like people at funerals who are like shrieking and wailing and like, you know, throwing themselves across the casket and stuff,

which is like a very different way of expressing your grief to us here. The roadside memorial thing is like, oh, like, my grieving can happen while I'm not there. It's sort of getting like a time share on there. Take this grieving offline. Just like the location where someone died to is just a, I don't know, it's pulling away some of the magic of grieving for me. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. It's the association with like it was right here.

Yeah. Whereas like, you know, the classic graveside grieving is like I'm here with you, grieving the loss of you. Whereas like the whole sort of going out and sticking something to the tree that someone crashed into when they I reckon we should do more of it. I reckon if you die in like a forklift accident in a warehouse I should have to put a like a little grave stain down there and in the forklift and now there's a go down once he put some stuff on the forklift yeah yeah and now there's a little obstacle and the guys just have to keep driving it around the the the the the the their their their their their their their th. their their their their the guys just have to keep driving it around Out of respect though

Everybody's got to where black hive is For the rest of the month, you know Yeah, I don't know what are we doing again? Uh, oh yeah, that's right. It's like a funny in a swamp if someone like found my own in a swamp and brought it back, I mean, if it wasn't dead, I'd be so pissed off. You'd do a little light haunting? Absolutely, I mean, first of all, I was enjoying being in the swamp. If I didn't want to be in the swamp, I wouldn't be in the swamp. That's exactly right. I can't wait to do some haunting. Let the dead rest. Do you think, um, what kind of haunting, what kind of haunting vibe do you think you're going to be on, Lucy?

Just like a, just a trickster haunting vibe, you know, like a, just what, vibes? What? What? Like just doing knocking stuff over and like shaking the curtains around Yeah, just stuff like that for fun That just just slowly eroding away someone's sense of safety in reality The TV's like flickering off and yeah just so often you're in the background in the curtain sort of thing. Yeah, but I'm doing silly stuff like I'm doing a little jazzy dance or something. You know? You know? They'll be like oh this the chandeliers flickering and shaking around, but you're one floor above there like doing the Charleston really hard? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I'd love to be haunted by Johnny Knoxville. That'd be great. He's just like swinging a sledgehammer around and a, A, A, takes a big, big wind-up, smashes his self and there's little ghostly nuts. Oh man I was reading about the about the failed stunt where he broke his penis the other day. Yeah, it was like trying to try to back flip a motorcycle. Yeah, yeah, and it just like landed directly on his dick. Which is not what you want I think. No one wants to. No one wants to be stuck training. They're like you're gonna want to land on the dick. Yeah. Take all the weight or right on your dick. It's the safest way to land to land bro. I watched the first episode or two of a show that I hadn't heard of called Ghosts.

That's a BBC show about a young couple who like inherits a big manner around the English countryside, which is inhabited by a whole series of ghosts, but all of the ghosts are like from different time periods, but still stuck in the house So it's this fiction No. Yes, it is a comedy TV show. Oh boy. I was thinking this the other day. Why are ghosts always like Victorian-era orphans? Why isn't a ghost like a guy from 2009?

They've got like a ghost that's a caveman, they've got like some Victorian ghosts, they've got a ghost who's like an 80s business guy Who's just walking around in a suit and Like socks and socks suspenders and no pants so I assume at some point that they got a reveal that he died like fucking or jacking off. Yeah, no, I think I'm with Lucy though. I reckon we need someone that died in 2009. It's like take me to Sizzler. I'm sorry dude. It's not it's not around it's a guy. I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's just just thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th It's like, take me to Sizzler! I'm sorry dude, it's not, it's not around. Just a guy in a neon slogan shirt with like those glasses that you can't see out of. Oh like the, the, the stunners. Yeah. Imagine you're moving through your, through your house late at night and walk through the whole way and everything's dark and just...

You hear the sweet sound of LMFAO. Yeah, I was going to say, you hear the haunting sound of a child singing a fallout boy song. Oh man. We got to get out of here! Playing music from the old times. Oh, so this guy realized that he had picked up someone's internment vessel. I don't think anyone has ever said those two words together before. Maybe someone who organizes like funeral conventions. That's the only person who's ever saying.

Yeah, like on the session time or whatever. It's a... Oh, the latest in internment vessel technology, you know? Yeah. A jar. Inside the poorly sealed plastic bottle, again, that doesn't really say internment vessel to me. That says like two-liter coke bottle. Yeah, yeah, that's... At least sail out for like a the te-sette like like, it it it it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the that says like two liter coke bottle? Yeah, yeah, that's at least shell out for like a PlayStation 4 or something. Yeah, a hollowed out PlayStation 4. Chuck your ashes in there. Up in the ocean. I wonder what kind of funnel they use to get them into the bottle, you know? When I'm putting stuff back into a bottle, I need that funnel. You just gotta pour it from the correct, the correct height.

You think you're freestyle pouring ashes into a two liter co-potter? For sure, if you're good at pouring. Yeah, I think they know what they're doing. I reckon they've done this before. Some like tick-tock hacks where you put the two bits of tape over the big bucket that you're going for, it kind of makes a little funnel. Once you're done, you just whip them off. Along with the ashes was a note. Quote, it was a note from someone's family member. He really loved the water. His birthday was recently. Please return him to the water. I said. I don't like, I th, I th, I th, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, th th thi thi, like, like, like, like, th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm theeat theat toge. I'm toge. I'm toge. I'm the. I'm theat, thi. I'm the. I'm to the water, as someone said.

I don't know why this is a story. I'd like, why are you trying to find the family? Put it back in the fucking water. Yeah. He made his request. I'm glad his little birthday balloon. That's cute. The note should have said, mind your own business.

Yeah. I love the ocean. When I die, please turn me into litter. I like... Please let me kill a fish with my death. Put one of those cane rings around me. Yeah, I really like that they haven't just scattered his ashes into the ocean, which is the normal, normal thing to do with someone who loves the ocean, you know? Instead, it's like, what if we put you in some plastic and chucked you in there to bob around?

Yeah, my son really loved electronics, so we've thrown him in the water with a big old car battery. God damn. It said the man's birthday was on February the 5th and that he had died of lung cancer, but instead of putting the bottle back where it would become waterlogged, he kept it. Come on, man. My friends and I put this bottle in our kayaks. He continued on our journey with us throughout the day, Zimumman said. Now Zimumman is hoping the fans family reaches out in the hopes of helping give the the man a more permanent vessel.

Just fucking do it yourself. You don't yourself. Just yourself how hard is it to just go and get a better bottle, get a nice airtight bottle, seal up the fucking, like get a bit of sealant or glue or whatever, seal up the neck of the thing, toss him back out there, going your way. I feel like he wants to make this about him. Yeah. He is. Your brother went on a kayaking trip with us.. He th. He th. He went with th. He th. He went with a th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He went with a th. He went with a th. He went with a th. He went with a th. th. thoom to to tho. to to to get thoom to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho tho tho the the thoooooooooooooo the. to to to to to to to to to the the the thoo the wants to make this about him. Yeah. He is. Your brother went on a kayaking trip with us. He went with a couple of guys from Cape Coral, and we'd like to preserve this and let other

people adventure with him. You're gonna pass him around? Can you just pass this guy around? Put him back on the balloon, brood. I would hate that. I would hate that. I would hate that. I. I. I. I. I. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate that. I hate hearing hate hearing hate hearing hate hearing hate hearing hate hearing hate hearing hate hearing that. I hate hearing hearing hearing hearing hearing hearing that. I would hate hearing that. I would hate hearing hearing hearing hearing hearing that. I'd that. I'd that. I, I, I, I, I, I'd that. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,rip with some a couple of guys from Cape Coral. I would have hated that. Two guys named Chad and Vincent. You know, and you've got to cruise around with them.

They spend the whole time talking about how sad it is that Tom Brady retired, you know? Yep. You've got to just listen to it the whole time. You're going to crack open a couple of bruskies. Oh, hand me another Miller Light, they would say. They would. Look, the man wanted to be in nature, you know? They're really all.

Go back to Mother Nature. Go back to Mother Nature. Be back inside the earth. I personally would like to be turned into ashes and then just kind of chucked wherever. It doesn't really matter? I wouldn't really care. Like the wind's gonna blow no matter where you're being thrown, right? I gotta say it would be so funny if someone... You know what? Based off this thought, I'm, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wind, the wind, the wind, the wind, the wind's the the wind's the wind's the wind's the wind's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, uh, uh, uh, to be to be th. thi, thi, thi.eean, thean, thean, theanneauiui.eann.eannea. I would would bea, thean, thi. I thi. I thi. I to be thrown. Right. I got to say it would be so funny if someone, you know what, based off this thought, I'm revising my claims. I'm going to put it in my will that I would like to be, uh, I would like my ashes to be scattered from like a high cliff top. Because I think it would be very

funny for someone from your family to tip the ashes out and for the wind to immediately kick it right back into the face. Oh that happens. That's what happens when we scattered my granddad's ashes off of Clearford the Beach. Not to me personally. It happened to my mom. I thought that was just a thing that happened in like fucking Oh it absolutely does. Imagine getting a little taste of it. No. Oh boy. I mean part of that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It No. Oh boy. Part of that's his prostate. That's true. On a statistical level. Some of those ashes belong to his balls. Yeah, on a microscopic level, the tiniest bit of that was forskin. Yeah, a small amount is desiccated granddad come and you never know whose Granddad's come is out there because

someone could have just scattered ashes at any time, any place, any beach I've got like three or four atoms in me that is Julius Caesar's come for example. You might. Yeah. Just walk in, if you're ever walking around like near a cliff at the beach and you think oh my hay fever was really acting up. You probably know what's happened to you. You've inhaled a little bit of dead man's come. That's what happened. We should have more fun with this to be perfectly honest. We should die and then just like I don't know strap like get a whole bunch of the recently departed and strap them on the sides and front and back of like demolition derby cars. Yeah.

And just go wild. Blastom out like that colorful smoke that they have at the bloody summer gnats or whatever. Yeah. I get like a funny card and do a big burnout on my head. I don't give a shit, I'm dead. What about getting a really big fireworks display done? And you know how like, you know how a coordinated fireworks display will like build to a crescendo with like that, they save the big one for the end?

Take out a little bit of that gun powder, pop me in there. Welcome to Buonta Vista'sista's premium free brewery. All month long we're giving you the disgusting public access to our premium patron-only episodes. That's right, not one, but two episodes a week. And if you get hooked on your bi-weekly dose of a filthy drug called podcast, you can become a patron with access to our full catalog of over 300 episodes at Patreon.com slash Buntavista. You can quit anytime you want. Podcasts sound addictive and we can't be held

responsible. Everyone's a winner during freemian freebrewery. Phaeperized over the crowd, you know? Yeah. Now that's beautiful. That would be a true return to nature. Yeah. You spread around everywhere. And so perhaps we should check in on a little segment we like to call Nature Corner. To the place I belong, Ultanism, Nature Corner, rubber crab, sniffed my dick. Just to be clear, we like to call the segment Nature Corner because that is the name of the segment.

This week on Nature Corner, a large bull, sorry, this is from the Associated Press. A large bull moose spent more than an hour stomping on the sled dog team of a rookie itterod musher in the wild of Alaska last week and the attack didn't end even after Bridget Watkins emptied her gun into the animal. That's a sentence. Wow. I can't imagine anything being buried after this lead. I think they're pretty much covered. She said onthe... I think we're done. Sled dogs.

She said on Facebook Friday that the moose, after seriously injuring four of her dogs, wouldn't leave and that the ordeal stopped only after she called friends for help and one showed up with a larger caliber gun and killed the moose. Oh my god. Moose are horrifying. Yeah. This guy was serious. Quote, this has been the most horrific past 24 hours of my life, she posted, after the Thursday moose attack on the Seltra River trail system near Fairbanks.

Watkins wrote that the attack first reported by the Fairbanks Daily News Minor happened while she was on a 52-mile training run for the nearly 1,000-mile I titterrod trail sled dog race. It starts March 5th in Anchorage. What's up with the human spirit anyway? You know? What's up with that? I don't like it. You don't, you don't need to, like nobody needs to ride a sled a thousand miles through the snow, get pulled by dogs?......... their their their their their their their their their their th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. It, th. It, the. It, the. It, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's, thea, thea. It's thea. It's togea. It's toge. It's toge. It's toge. It's the. It's thea. sled a thousand miles through the snow get pulled by dogs yeah I see people like transcending their body you know having the human spirit just like becoming one of the great one of the champions and I just think fuck looks like a lot of work I'm tired just thinking about it couldn't be me couldn't be me couldn't be me. That's what I'm saying.

My back hurts too much to do any of that, but... Looking at people, you know, pushing themselves further than they ever have before, uh, exceeding their own wildest expectations of themselves and what the human being is possible of thinking. No, thanks. No, done with that. Wackens wrote to the attack. I've done that bit. Done that paragraph.

Ben? Got that bad boy out. Go fuck yourself. Quote, as he charged me, I emptied my gun into him, and he never stopped, she wrote on Facebook. I ran for my life and prayed I was fast enough to not be killed in that moment.. trampled the team and then turned for us. Oh my goodness. Wacons, who didn't immediately respond to messages Tuesday to the Associated Press, said she and a friend who was traveling on a snowmobile took refuge next to the vehicle. The Moose stopped its charge to ward them about two feet from the snowm. the the the the dogs that were tied to the machine. But the moose went back to her sled and began stomping the dogs that were still tethered to it. Oh my god! That's

horrible. Standing over the dogs and trampling them repeatedly for over an hour. He hated these dogs. Like, he hated these dogs. Like that's a vendetta. Like what is the issue that you had with these dogs sir? I want to be trampoured for like two seconds, three seconds max. An hour is far too long. An hour. Yeah, unless you're a Carolyn Polar check. Carolyn Polarcheck. Stomping on me for anywhere up to an hour. Long legs raining down upon me. She's got a few new singles out. What do we say five four?

So legs are five, three? I don't believe that. I do not believe the Caroline Polarcheck. Yeah, I think someone's got it out for her. It's fake news. They're trying to bring her down. Just because she's Polish. Quote, I've never felt so helpless in my life, Wokens wrote. He would not leave us alone and he even stood over top of the team, refusing to retreat. She called friends and the moose was shot and killed after one arrived with the rifle. Alaska State troopers have been preparing a helicopter to respond, but stop doing so after they were told the moose was dead. Thanks, guys.

Thanks. What were they doing with the helicopter? Just like leaning out with a fucking M60? They were um, they were still back at the office doing paper scissors rock over who was going to go and fill the Jerry can with fuel for the helicopter. And then they got the call and then they all kind of had that physical energy of when like you go to dinner with your parents and you act like you're going to pay and you kind of, you sort of reach it, you reach your head towards. Yeah, like you're going to get your wallet. But yeah, yeah, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, th, and the that, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, and the their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, the, the, the, the, thea, thea, tole tole, the, theole, thoooooooole, the, tho, the, theards... Or reach into the helicopter keys or a little bigger. Yeah, like you're going to get your wallet.

But yet somehow, even though it's so close, your hand just never gets there. You just can't get to it. What I want to know is, how small was her gun and how big was the gun that eventually demolished the beast? What's the gap between the caliphs? What I want want th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho, like tho, like tho, like tho, like tho, like, like, like, like tho, like tho, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, tho, tho, th th th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like th th th th tho, like tho, like tho, like tho, like the the tho, like, the the that, that, the tho, thoooo, the thoooooooooooooooooooooome, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, likeish the beast. What's the gap between the callers? Yeah. What I want to know is why are you making dogs pull you on a sled? That's a ridiculous activity that I didn't think was real. Dogs should like... Dog should sleep in a bed with me. Yeah. They should get little kisses on the forehead. They shouldn't be pulling a sled. Dogs are for kissing your aunt on the mouth, not for, you know, being our slaves.

Like, just get a snowmobile and have some, like, let your dog sleep by the fire at home. Hmm. Take them in the snowmobile. They deserve to be in there. No, maybe they won't be getting trampled by a moose. Yep. You see a moose and you can just just just just just you you you you you you you you you you the the you you you the you you the their their th th their their th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to be to be thi thi their to to to to to thi thi their their their their their their their their to their their their their their their their their thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the toa the toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa there. And maybe they won't be getting trampled by a moose. Yep, you see a moose and you can just be like, oh, better skiddle. Yeah. Mere. I don't think what people feared moose enough. No. They should be as feared as the bear.

Somehow the episode, yeah. Somehow the episode, yeah. episode but I feel like we also covered just how much you should be terrified of moose. Yeah. Very scary. Her four injured dogs were taken to a veterinarian in the nearby community of North Pole. Huh? What? Who's their vet? Santa Claus? Santa Claus? Are you serious? Is that fat Santa Claus? Is that fat Santa Claus? I'm dropping my copy of the Associated Press printed edition.

Is that fat Santa Claus? Spitting out your coffee? What can the native of Arkansas who moved to Alaska when she was five is no stranger to mushing or its dangers? Her father and stepmother are well-known mushers, Alan Moore and Ali Zirkel? Oh, the... The... Alan Moore and Louise Zirkel? Well, let me tell you right now, not the Alan Moore. Okay. Imagine if it was, though. Imagine if he had a whole other life as a sled dog musher that he just didn't want to

share with anyone. That's what it's a musher. You're saying musher as though you've used this word before and it has meaning to you. Well you know how they stand on the back and they go, mush, mush. I guess that's what it comes from. Probably sounds better than like whipper. Probably. It's like how you say jockey instead of guy who beats the shit out of the horse.

In the 2016 ititerod, Zirkel, that's the mother and four-time winner Jeff King, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, the the the the the 2016 itinerod, Zirkel, that's the mother, and four-time winner Jeff King were attacked by a man on a snowmobile near the community of Mulatto. Oh my God. What? Yeah, we know all about the dangers of mushing. Okay, so, so bear with me through like these three sentences. First one we've already had it. Zircle and four-time winner Jeff King were attacked by a man on a snowmobile near the community of Nolado.

Second sentence, one dog on King's team was killed and two others were injured. Third sense, another famous tale of a musher's run in with an angry moose. Happened in 1985, I did a rod when the late Susan Butcher came across one while she was leading the race. How do we go from attacked by a moose to attacked by a man on the snow moose who killed one of your dogs? What does it seem related. Casually back to Moose. Another moose story. Is this relevant to the moose attacks? My goodness.

Like I said, just saying, it's a wild world out there for the mushes amongst us. You know? Susan Butcher used her axe and a parker to fight off the moose. Oh my god. But it killed two of her dogs and injured 13 others. How many dogs are you got? That's greedy. That's crazy. You got too many dogs but also. What does the ruse's problem? Yeah. They're just like coming in like a blood-borne boss. Yeah, just a killing machine for no reason. You're not gonna eat those dogs. You really need like 15 dogs or whatever I guess.

Yeah, that's the other fucked up thing is there's like 20 dogs pulling you. Just walk. Yep. Just walk, buddy. It's fine. Yeah, get him. Roast them. Yeah, take that. Take that. Maybe put one of those, put a little sleeveless jacket on the dog and help them stay warm. Yeah, maybe get him a little coat and you could carry him. Now we're talking. So I'm reading about the guy that attacked these... Hold on, hold on, Lucy. Imagine a crew of 20 humans pulling the cutest dog that you've ever seen.

Yeah. That would be so cute. And all the humans got their books out. Yeah, okay. All right. Now we're talking. So apparently this guy got, um, got blackout drunk, um, and just like kept making runs at them on his snowmobile.

So I think he like ran over one of the dogs and stuff on his... Man, mushing is... This is like... Wild West shit, like, you're out there, you're being attacked by bandits. There are like animals that we would classify as lesser demons in an earlier time. Just like stomping you with A.O.E. attacks. I gotta say snowmobiles, truly the jet ski of the snow, which in turn is the dirt dirt bike of the ocean.

Yes. Watkins posted, so she had to withdraw from the race after having multiple dogs run over by a psycho guy. Yeah, I think that for me would also do it for the race. Oh, sorry, no, I'm so sorry sorry we're actually back to the third moose attack. The second moose attack. I just really got thrown by the guy in the middle attacking people. What is Snow Jetsky? So she used her axe in a park to fight off the moose, killed two of her dogs injured 13 others. Another musher came along and killed the moose. How many moose casualties do we have from these races, you know?

She had to withdraw from the race, but later won four. I did a rod races, but you died in 2006 from leukemia at age 51. Watkins posted that she managed to start training with her dogs again on Monday and had advice after her moose encounter, quote, carry a bigger gun. Yeah. Oh, that will fix everything. I could actually came up with that independently but you know, I could figure as well. It's like remember, I don't know if it's still going to any degree, but do you remember in Australia? I feel like it was a handful of years ago now when all of like the shark panic was happening in the news? You know, like a handful of people got bitten by sharks while they were in the shark zone?

So you're thinking this is the moose panic? And they should get out of the moose enclosure. I guess, I guess I'm just saying that the reaction to that was like people people were fucking crazy they were like we want a shark cull we want helicopters flying over everywhere just plugging any sharks that they see and it's kind of like you're sort of in their zone yeah can we get a castle doctrine for sharks you know like you're out where they are the natural predator and you're splashing around looking like a seal and then you get a bite and you're like, how dare he? Yeah. You know?

You know? And that's kind of the vibes that this gives me of like, hey, what if I put together a team of 45 dogs? and I had them all drag my ass out into one of the most remote and desolate and environmentally hostile parts of the world and then when I bump into some of the animals where that's just where they live. Yeah and my dogs are just going nuts at this point fucking barking and snarling and all that shit. I mean I think they they bark like the whole time they're running as well but yeah like I had backfiring but make it animal cruelty making tons of aggressive noise with all

your dogs and then the moose goes hey get out of my territory and you're like I had better fucking airhole this guy yeah how dare he? Last time I tried to airhole one and it th didn't the th didn't th didn't th didn't th didn't th th didn't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th thin' the tho' the tho' their their their thu-I the' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. I's th. I's the. I's the. I's the. I'm just just just just just just just just just. I'll theateateat. I'll thooooooooooooooooooooo' their thehole one and didn't work so this time I've brought back a bigger gun That's the issue that my gun wasn't big enough. It's just the issue of caliber Just get out of there stay out of there, you know Meet now Meet from the Moose that attacked Watkins and her dogs was donated to charity. Excuse me So they like like donated to charity. Excuse me? So they...

Like for like cancer patients? And then they just said... Do you like a skin graft? Like catching, catching jaws and then making fish tacos out of him on the boardwalk, you know? Imagine you like... That's good quality, you'd pay for that. That's killer moose meat. Sell some raffle the guy that wins the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the than, than, the the than, the the ta, uh, the ta, uh, the the ta, the ta, the the the ta, thanananananananananan, the than, that's good quality, you'd pay for that. That's killer moose meat. Sell some raffle tickets, you're the guy that wins the meat raffle, and it's just

four tons of moose meat. Do you reckon it's any good? Is it just like venison? Probably. How many trips I'm going to make? Well, that certainly does sound like one of the least efficient possible ways to travel. Moving very slowly across the ice, being hindered at every turn by a psychopath on a jet ski or a very large agitated moose that's killing some of your precious resources as you go.

One of the most efficient ways to travel, in terms of speed, not environmentally speaking, is fire a plane. Lucy, get ready. It's time for a little bit of plainly speaking. Ah, this is your captain speaking. Please return your seat to their upright positions as we are coming in hot on another edition of Plainly Speaking. Plainly speaking. This is the segment where we talk about. You'll never guess what? Plains. It's the first time we've done an episode of this podcast, so everyone's going to be very surprised.

Yeah. It's weird that a bonus episode would be the first episode, isn't it? Yeah. It's pretty weird, but we're doing things differently. We've got that much that much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much thrust thrust thrust trust much thrust trust thrustrustrust thrust thrust thrust thrust thrust thrust in thrust in thusususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususususus that much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much that much We've got that much trust in our product as well. Yeah. So this has been previously discussed in the bonus episode, I want to tell you to the fucking money.

We've got to stop laughing at our titles. We sound like fucking dickens. From General Aviation News news laser strike breaks dangerous record. Oh sorry laser strikes break dangerous record. It kind of makes it sound like it was one special laser strike when I say it incorrectly. Like the worst laser strike of all time. Like you're doing a trick shot laser shot. Take down 30 planes with one laser strike. That's the dream, isn't it? Yeah, that's right.

The guys from Dude Perfect doing a video where one of them like throws a laser behind their back and takes out of 747. I thought I was out of the business, but coming back for the biggest strike of all. Dangerous laser strikes topped all previous records in 2021 according to officials with the FAA. They report that the FAA received 9,723 reports from pilots last year, a 41% increase over 2020. That's a lot! Shining a laser in an aircraft is a serious safety threat, agency officials said, noting that many types of high-powered lasers can incapacitate pilots. Pilots have reported 244 injuries since the FAADIC and recording data on laser strikes in 2010.

Well, I think in the, in the episode, the previousthe previous episode Yoki Ero my fucking money I covered the time that I don't know whether he wanted to hit me in the eye or not but my dad got me in the eye with one of his. I remember because I laughed so hard when you described him shooting you in the eye with a laser accompanied by the sound effect. Wow wow. Wow! And it it sucks a big one. It's a big one. I th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I. I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I covered I I covered I I covered I covered I I I covered I I covered I. I covered I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I covered. I. I covered. I. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. covered. covered. t. covered. covered. covered. covered. covered. covered. covered. covered. covered. covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. I covered. laser accompanied by the sound effect. Meow. Wow. And it it fuck it sucks a big one I'm telling you getting hit in the eye with a laser. Got some itchy cornyas going on there? Oh you know it just it just like it just throbbed for like a week straight. And I'm assuming that that was like your standard I work in an office type of pen laser pointer, right? No, no, it was one of those laser squares for doing like tiling and stuff. Oh, yeah, okay.

But I don't think that they are particularly powerful. They're just like a normal ass red consumer laser. But not good, not enjoyable. That's what I'm hearing. No. They really mean it when they say, don't shine this in your eye. You're going to have to stress me on that. Hey, cut that out. You know?

Shining a laser in an aircraft is a serious safety threat, agency officials, noting that many types of high-powered lasers can impact the tase tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha serious safety threat, agency officials said, noting that many types of high-powered lasers can in-capacity pilots. I'm doing it again. Ben, cut that out. Go fuck yourself. I already read that twice. God damn it. People who shine lasers at aircraft face fines of up to $11,000 per violation and up to $30,800

for multiple laser incidents. But what you go to ask is, am I getting $11,000 worth of fun? You gotta, and look, I can't answer that question for you. You've just got to kind of look within yourself to understand that. That's like fair evading on the train. It's like how many times can you get away with it that'll make the fine worth it. Yeah, when they say, when you say, when th, w w w, when th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty make the fine worth it. Yeah, when they when they say, ah, you've been charged $11,000 and you go, oh, well, actually that's only like $200 a pilot. And they go, what? You say, well, that's what's legally known as satire. Just, you know, sitting on the bleachers in the prison yard, watching

the Aryan Brotherhood play basketball guy next to your turn that says, what are you in for? Multiple laser incidents. Wow. But you're also staring up at the plane going overhead and really just understanding as a metaphor for the freedom that you've lost. Like, I could be striking that plane with a laser right now. Every plane that goes by without me hitting it with the laser is another day of freedom I've been denied, you know?

Oh God, every pilot that listens to this show, I assume that's like three or four, statistically, it's just like, canceling it. This isn't funny. This isn't funny. A serious issue. The FAA reports that it has issued $120,000 in fines for laser strikes in 2021. Now, Lucy, you have been getting flying lessons, correct? I have. You are, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, th, th, th. Well, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than, thoooooooooooo. the. that, that, that, that, that, thooo. the. tho. th. correct? I have. You are, well, you

know, you have become... I'm the most pilot, professional pilot on this podcast. That's true. I was going to say, first ever female podcast host, well on your way to being the first ever female pilot. And for that, we applaud you. Thank you. We salute you. So you know you've you've been flying in small prop planes. So you are one of the people who is most at risk here because you I assume you're traveling at relatively low altitudes. That's right, that's riy. It's a serious business. Okay so luckily Ben has provided an article from Flying Magazine on what you should do if you encounter this type of nefarious behavior.

Oh yeah. It says, you're most likely to be affected by laser strikes at low altitudes in critical phases of flight and at night. No thanks. Even without visual incapacitation, it can be very distracting, stealing your attention when you need it the most. Yeah. Is that a laser doing the cat thing on the roof of the cockpit? The last thing you want to do is overreact.

One thing you can do to minimize the effect of a laser strike is to ensure that your aircraft is always trimmed for the particular phase of flight. How does one trim an aircraft Lucy? So the trim is where there's like a little wheel in the middle of the plane that kind of keeps it level. It keeps everything in the right spot so you can stay at that that right phase of your flight. I'm just sorry I've just searched for trim in the meantime. here it says trim that trim trim tri is tri is is tri is tri is tri is tri is the tri is the tri is the the tri. It says it says the trim. It is trim. It is trim. It is the trim. It is the trim. It is the effect. It is the th. the th. the effect. the the the the effect the the effect the effect the the effect the the effect the effect the the the effect the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the effect. the the the effect. the the the the effect. the the the th. It is th. It is th. It is th is th is th is th is th is trim. It is trim. It's trim. It's trim. trim. trim. trim. trim. trim. trim. trim. trim. trim is trim. trim. trim just searched for trim in the meantime. Here says, trim, pussy usually good. So, some diverging opinion.

Yeah. Okay, so try to keep in some good pussy while flying the plane. So that stability will mean that even if you're distracted for a brief moment, the airplane should maintain its altitude. And that's good, yeah. Unless you're flying a 737 Supermax. Yeah. Preemptively, you want to ensure that you have a clean aircraft windscreen before departure,

because an imperfect or unclean wind screen can cause the laser light to spread out, creating a glare that can temporarily obscure all vision inside the cockpit. So really it's your fault if you get lazed. You know, you should have cleaned your windscreen better. You should have had it trimmed. Going all, um, going old Jordan Peterson on people who've been shot down by lasers. Yep. If you seek to criticize the laser shiners, you should clean up your own cockpit first. If you are about to land, be prepared as practically as possible to execute a go-around to give your vision time to reaclimate to the environment.

You might need to avert your eyes to the instrument panel and use the gauges or glass to assist you in positioning the aircraft in the proper altitude for the grow-around. It does say proper attitude. I'm sorry. Attitude means different altitude. Unbelievable that you would make this mistake. Yeah, they look kind of similar words, they're the same. They sure do. They should really get different words. contact the FAA, say how silly it is. Yeah, can you make these two words less of a similar shape, please?

Put an X into one of them. Make sure your planes are the right, zattitude. Once you're out of the affected environment, you may experience the visual effects of flash blindness, after image or glare. According to Dr. Nakagawa, Ben, cut that out! Go fuck yourself. According to Dr. Nakagawa at the Civil Aerospace Medical Institute, apologies from the show, it's a good doctor. Quote, the severity of these visual effects can vary greatly among pilots. Factors such as age and existing eye condition can prolong the recovery time for normal vision after a laser event. Some pilots can even experience a temporary total loss of vision. No thank you. Lucie do you wear your glasses

when you're flying. I do not wear my glasses when I'm flying. Because I don't have, I don't have near or far side in this. I've just got the, I've got the useless glasses that just my eyes get tired when I'm gaming yeah it's my kind of glasses although although yeah I've I don't know if I need to go get a new prescription or whatever but boy have I been finding in the evenings if I'm like looking at the TV and I don't have my glasses on yeah my eyes go fucking forget this feel like I'm doing looking at the TV and I don't have my glasses on. Yeah, I've been really strained in. Fucking forget this. I feel like I'm doing like my mom's face when she looks at a telephone.

You're like, really pull it back, the eyes go like really squinty. Elna got an updated prescription for her glasses and she was like, wow, it's like everything's in HD. Although before she got glasses several years ago, at some point, you know what like you find out something about say a woman that you've been married to for a long time that you didn't know and you go, huh? And this one for me was when she was like, oh I can't read the stuff up on the menu at McDonald's behind the person of the counter. And I was like, you need glasses? I was like, what?

That is like six feet away from you. That, and it's big. Like, that's, and you're just walking around like this, huh? Driving the car and stuff. I wasn't that bad, but I mean, I was much the same. I couldn't read the, like, you know, you look down an aisle and they've got the tags down the aisle

and they tell you what the, you know, various sort of things do. I read like the first one, and then from there it's just like, like, like, assumed I was kind of operating at the edge of human ability. Ah, right. And just go, well, no one could possibly read those words down there until I, until I was pissed drunk one day and I decided to wear a mate's glasses. And like, oh, oh. Oh. Yeah, that's how I figured out that I needed to's glasses. I'm like, oh. Oh.

Yeah. That's how I figured out that I needed to wear glasses was by being drunk and putting on my friend's glasses. I mean like, oh no. Okay. You heard it here first folks, the best and cheapest way to get your eyes tested. Get very drunk. Yeah. Start popping them on. See what feels good. You know. Have a little glasses party.

The important thing for you to do at this moment of being shot in the eyes with a big laser is to intentionally maintain a scan of the environment using your peripheral vision and break the sky up into segments to help with focus. Oh, that's very handy information. If you can get a safe cruising out so you to see to see to see to see to to to to to the to their their thiiiiii to thi their to to to their to get their to get their their to get to get to get to get to get to get their glasses their glasses their glasses to get their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their glasses their g. their g. their g. their g. their g. their g. their g. their g. their g. their their glasses their glasses their their their their their their eyes. tie. tie. tie. tipe. tipe. tipeasease. Ia. teaseasease. Ia. teoes. teoes. teoes. teoasks. their their their their t's very handy information. If you can get a safe cruising out so you'd maintain little flight that will hopefully give your eyes time to recover and with the help of ATC you can be re-sequenced for landing. What uh, I was I mean air traffic control. I got it. I'm basically a pilot. Yeah. What else can you do? Here's the FAA's official suggestions. Anticipate.

When operating in a known or suspected laser environment. The non-fly... Is it not known laser places? Like if you'd learn to fly in a certain school, you'd just told that it's like, it's a laser place. That's very funny. The only known or suspected laser environment I'm aware of, like, the local laser ta tax. venues venues venues venues venues............. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to. to, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to, the the the the the to. to. the to. to. the to. That's very funny. That's the only known or suspected laser environment I'm aware of are like the local laser tag venues and that's basically it. Uh, the non-flying pilot should be prepared to take control of the aircraft.

Aviate. Hmm. A. A. B. Broad, given the context. Check aircraft configuration and if available, consider engaging the autopilot to maintain the established flypath. Is that available to you? Or is it not available to me? Absolutely not. Oh, they didn't put autopilot into a Cessnist in Skywalk?

Yep. Navigate. Use the fuselage of the aircraft to block the laser beam by climbing or turning away. I like that one. Shrew evasive maneuvers. Yeah, doing an evasive maneuver. You will never get me with that laser. Communicate. Inform air traffic control that there is a laser bastard on the loose. That's right. Include location, direction of the beam, your present location, altitude, etc.

What you're going to want to do is hit the button on the radio and go, Oh, fuck, my eyes! Once on the ground, request and complete a laser beam exposure questionnaire. Jesus Christ. Provided by air traffic control. I'm just going to say right now, if you fly a plane, I think you should request and complete one of those every time you fly, even if it's just to say,

no laser this time. No laser beams today. Uh, lasers, zero. Illuminates. Turn up the cockpit lights to minimize any further illumination effects. Delegate. I really hope that this is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thing th th thing thing thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiol- thiol- thi, thi, thiol- to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooe tooe the true the true true the the true the the true the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to any further illumination effects. Delegate! I really hope that this is turning into like an acrostic word or something, you know, but instead it's... A-n-d-a-d-a-d-i. They're just fun words.

You make a little song out of them, you know? Anticipate, aviate. Navigate. There's too many steps. You could, a rap song out of this, I think. You could, and somebody should. If another crew member has avoided exposure, consider handing over control to them. Attenuates!

Shield your eyes when possible, hand, clipboard, visor, etc. No, sceit. Just fly with your hand over your eyes at all times. No, see I think you need to hear this next part Lucy. Do not look directly at the laser beam. Wow. And avoid drawing other crew members attention to the beam. Hey, you guys do that laser? You're saying this?

Some crazy down there. Doing the, uh, doing the Trump staring into the eclipse face. Yeah. Everybody's, don't look at the laser! God, every time I see a bit of video of him, I'm like, all the white nationalism was really bad, but some of the words were funny. Yeah, some of the, some of the behavior. Yeah, I do, I do, I do, yeah, like, on some level I do miss having just the world the the the the the the the the the the the the words were funny. Some of the behavior. Yeah, I do, I do, yeah. Like, on some level I do miss having just the world's biggest dalt as also the world's most powerful man.

I think... Alas. Not just being a big dalt, but I think the other thing that probably made Trump stand out in such a memorable way was that he was just such a catty bitch. Like that man could not stop himself from saying something really bitchy about anyone on the face of the earth, you know, the Pope. Like, you do that shit about anybody.

It made him a real wild card, you know. Do not exacerbate. You're stretching. Yeah. You're really pushing it. Can you work in the song? Anticipate. Aviate. Navigate and communicate. Bluminate. Delegate. Attenuate. Do not exacerbate. You're sitting there being laser beamed in the eyes in the plane and you're like, all right, gotta remember my laser steps.

Where are we going? Start trying to think of like the eight verse song. And then you finally get to like do not exacerbate and you're like, oh, I wasn't supposed to rub my eyes. I think what they mean is like when somebody shines a laser at you, it's like, don't escalate the situation. You know, you should stay... Don't shine another laser in your other way. Do not exacerbate. Avoid rubbing of eyes and possibly inducing further injury. Will that injure my eyes if I've been injured with a laser beam?

And then you start rubbing them? I don't know. Evaluate if any visual symptoms persist after landing, get an examination by an eye doctor. Best kind of doctor, I think. Unless you can find a laser doctor. Yeah. I hope this information has been extremely useful to you, the listener. Yeah, we're sort of an informative podcast.

I've come up with a word for that actually, where we like to give people a good time, we like to entertain them, but also, like you said, we're informative. I call it, informatainment. That's good, that's really catchy. And we're giving this away for free in Freemian Friberary. Also another thing that just rolls off the tongue. This is the kind of information you could be getting a week in, week out. Hey Lucy, when you started doing your pilot stuff,

did you request to fly that fucked up plane that kills a bunch of doctors? What? The beach craft? It's got a, instead of a vertical tail, it's got a split tail on it. It goes like this. Okay. And it like developed a reputation for killing a bunch of doctors because doctors get in the seed of it and they go like, I know what I'm doing.

I'm really smart. That sounds great. Yeah. And then they die in a in a feary mass and like... Oh my god I just I just put Beachcraft into Google and then I started to type Dr. D-D-O. And it says Doctor Killer. Yeah if you just Google the Doctor Killer. Fork-tailed Doctor Killer. Yeah. It rules, and also, like, there's no reason for the towel to be like that. They make two versions of it. Uh, one just has a slightly higher probability of killing you. What the fuck?

Why is it? It's got a V-shaped tail. Yeah. Oh, damn. It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-. th-t. the. th-. th-. th-. tho. tho. tho. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. tha. tha. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. tha. tha. tha. th that they were just trying out for several decades. The Beachcraft Bonanza. Yeah. All righty. That's a wild thing to call it.

The V Craft gained a reputation as the fork-tailed doctor killer due to crashes by overconfident wealthy amateur pilots, fatal accidents and in-flight breakups. That's like the fuselage cracking in power off, right? God damn. That's... It's still being produced. It's been a continuous production longer than any other aircraft in history. So I guess people decided the doctor killing's kind of worth it. They don't, they don't make it with the don't, they don't make it with the, they don't make it with the V tail anymore. Apart from it being not like that grade of a design in the first place.

Pilot error was cited in 73% of V-tail crashes and 83% of conventional tail crashes with aircraft-related causes accounting for 15% and 11% of crashes respect. So it was actually more deaths or more deaths by pilot era in the conventional tale. Well, yeah, because the other one would just kill you for no reason. Yeah, I guess so. Wow. My goodness. I like this one. Unusually high incidents of gear up landings. Because the switch was in a weird spot. Oh boy. That's um, yeah, apparently, apparently it was the VTEL structure.

In the late 1980s, repeated VTEL structural failures, prompted the United States Department of Transportation and the F 1980s, repeated V-Tale structural failures prompted the United States Department of Transportation and the FAA to conduct extensive wind tunnel and flight tests, which proved that the V-Tale did not meet type certification standards under certain conditions. And that's so funny because they were making it for like 40 years, and clearly at some point they had to go, huh, turns out these are V-Tale planes we make, kill a lot of people, but we like making them. You know it's a snappy name, the beachcraft banana, it makes you want to buy it.

Yeah. Oh no, most V-tailed failures involved flight under visual flight rules into instrument meteorological conditions, flight into thunderstorms, or airframe icing. They seem like very basic errors that you probably shouldn't do in a small plane. Despite these issues, many Bananza 35 owners insist that the aircraft is reasonably safe. Just why we canthat the aircraft is reasonably safe. Just why would you play with an aircraft? Well, it's not like you get a like product failure and you hop online and you leave a one-star review, because at some point the plane broke up along with your body, like 14,000 feet above the earth.

Oh, Buddy Holly died in a beachcraft, Bonanza. It was that plane. They killed? They killed Buddy Holly died in a beachcraft bonanza. It was that plane. That was a beachcraft, but they killed Buddy Holly. Oh man. Oh, I got killed like Bunchley. Oh, man. Well, folks, if you're going to get your flying lessons, maybe don't do it in a beachcraft manza. That is just some of the very valuable. Folks, if you're going to get your flying lessons, maybe don't do it in a Beechcraft Demanzo.

That is just some of the very valuable... Just five bucks a month, you can get these chips. Inform attainment that you have received in this free bonus episode, during freemium, free brewery. Thanks very much for joining us, and I guess we'll see you next time. Bye bye. Bye. you to be