Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: The Cousin Trap

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

It's Christmas time! Almost! We're taking a little two week break so in lieu of freshly recorded episodes, you're instead getting two of our favourite bonus episodes from the year. This one is from back in May and has some extremely crucial Theo Lore. There'll still be bonus episodes coming out over this time so consider maybe subscribing to the Patreon if you want? No pressure. *** Theo, Andrew, and Ben do a deep dive on some great ways to connect with your cousin over social media. Plus: An update on the mysterious turkey sub graffiti artist. *** Outro: Good Friday - Why? *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: shop.boontavista.com/ Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Hello, it's me, Ben, from the internet podcast, Buntavista. It is the 22nd of December, which means it's very almost Christmas, which in turn means that we are taking a tiny little Christmas break for the holidays, as we tend to do around this time of year. In lieu of getting a freshly recorded free episode, you will instead be getting a bonus episode from the archive of bonus episodes that we particularly liked from this year. The Fricks who, no I can't say that, that's mean, are the lovely people who pay for the

Patreon. They're going to be getting some fresh content over the holiday break. They're going to be getting a special Lucy and Jesse episode. They're also going to be getting another Theophiles. And if you're jealous, you too can become a Patreon freak. Something to consider. Hope you have a lovely, safe and happy end of year, whatever type of end of year you like to do. Yeah, see next year. Hello. What a cool boy. What a cool boy. Hello, welcome to Buntavista. A bonus episode. I'm Theo, and I'm no longer normal. The procedure was a complete success. I try not to talk to my colleagues unless under duress and I avoid all optional networking

events. When my very normal colleague asks me, playing to get up to much this weekend, I respond too quickly, yeah you too, before power walking to the bathroom to breathe heavily on the toilet for about the amount of time it might take a regular person to shit lest I raise any suspicions. I drive a hundred and a hundred and a tune toen zone tine tine tine tine tine tine tine tine tine tine tine tine toy one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one of a tom tom-a for a tom-a. the the the to to to the to the to the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tom. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. I toy. Ia toynenenene toye. toy toy tea tea tea tea tea tea tea thau thau. thaea. I thae. I thae. I drive 110 and 110 zone. I drive the posted speed limit through road works and I trust the traffic engineers to perform the analysis have a better concept of risk as it applies to vehicles than I do. I have never been less normal. I've forgotten all of my friends' birthdays, middle names and jobs to make space for minutia regarding the basement execution of the Romanov family. I'm watching TV and I've been struck with the Phantom Terrorist status 16

six seconds into a KFC ad. When asked about my musical tastes which are terrible and not even that obscure I hesitate to reply, oh a bunch of stuff you probably haven't heard of knowing what an asshole I am. When you say try me and I tell you you reply oh I actually haven't heard of that and I reply yeah the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te' te' te' te' te' te' te' te' te' te' te' te' is. te' is. the the the the the the the try me and I tell you, you reply, oh, I actually haven't heard of that, and I reply, yeah. I wonder what the normal level of eye contact is and whether it's changed recently, given how badly this conversation is going. No, man, I really haven't kept up with the footy this season, I say, leaving open the possibility that I have previously kept up. The operation has no side effects. I'm watching young Sheldon and

I'm frowning. My interests are... I only own one PlayStation controller and it's never been an issue. Flight hostess has just announced somebody's birthday over the loudspeaker. It's getting the whole plane to sing Happy Birthday while I turn my mind inwards and spin a large caliber revolver on my finger idly until I can safely return to consciousness. Here with me as well, having received the procedure and immediately changing into a shirt that says maybe cops should not be able to kill people Carter Blanche and I also enjoy living in a society. It's Ben. How are you Ben. Now you're not normal. No, I'm not normal. No, I'm not normal. Nearly every day I will see someone out and about and I will spend the time that they're approaching coming towards me trying to figure out whether the normal

thing is to stop and chat to them or if it's rude to just go, hey, and then keep walking. Yeah. And I'll be paralyzed by that, thrown, thr. And their. And their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's thoom. thin, it's, it's thee, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's th th thee, it's, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi. thi. thi, it's, it's, it's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thee. thee. thee. thee. thee. thin, it's thee. thin, it's thee, it's thee. thee. thee. th thee. thee. thee. thee. thee, it's thee, it's so that my body, torn in two directions, will make me crab walk past them slower than I should, but clearly with no side of stopping. Yeah. Uh-huh, you're like drawing it out. And there's also a, there's a, um, a point where the rotation between the two of you, like, towards each other kind of signifies a stop, but you keep walking. Yeah, like, like, like, like, like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, like, hey, like, like, like, like, like, like, and I I I I the the the the the the the the the the th. And I th and I thi. And I'm thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the. the. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. thr. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. Like, hey! I'm simulating the Doppler effect with my voice to make them think that I'm going past them faster that I am so that they won't try and stop. Also here is a man who used to be normal.

Andrew used to complain to 14-year-old retail workers about the lack of stock of shirts saying sexy bitch, asking, if they're all sold out why don't just order more I need this shirt for my daughter's birthday of the child worker but since the procedure you go to the zoo and you act completely respectfully towards the animals how are you buddy I'm pretty good the other people the zoo do not like it when I smack the bits of popcorn out of their hens they to have to to to to the the to the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the people the zoo do not like it when I smack the bits of popcorn out of their hand before they can toss them into the resources monkeys. You know have some have some fucking what are you a rude person? Yeah what's

your fucking deal? Well I paid I paid 30 bucks to be here I deserve to throw food to the animals. I should be able to poison it to peer if I have to drive 45 minutes to the zoo. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.... Yeah...................................................................................................................... the.. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.. the. the.... mean technically I own like I own like one foot of that tapeer like financially speak. And then get this everyone has the nerve to look at me like I'm weird. Yeah. I got half of mine to go back home and continue compiling a big list of movies that are incredibly unsettling and upsetting to watch that I've already seen once or more so that I can then go through that list and watch them three or four more times each. Yes. Yeah. Because the important thing is while being unsettling and upsetting to watch, they are unsettling

and upsetting in a way that is really pleasing to me. Yeah, absolutely. Like, it's really, and I think I need to kind of stress again that I don't think that I'm good or smart for not being normal, and in fact, that everything would flow much better and, you know, I'd probably have normal sex, etc. You know, if I had thoughts that went normal. But also, a lot of stuff that people like is actually really bad. Have you guys noticed this? Have you guys heard of reality television? Yeah, yeah, no, not good. Andrew, I believe you watch Married at First Side.

Maffs. Maths. My wife watches Married at First Side and she works really hard to try and just loop me into it and she says hard to try and just loop me into it and she says to me, you like bad stuff. Yeah, you love this. All the people are horrible. And I say this is a different kind of bad. What? The thing is that it is bad.

And people talk about it like they consciously they do know that it's bad and they do. But then they start believing they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're believing. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously, they're consciously, they're consciously, they they they they they're consciously. they they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. they're they're. they're. they're. they're consciously. they're. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're consciously. they're. they're. they're. they do know that it's bad and they do, but then they start believing that it's real, where they're like, oh, I can't believe Jeremy did that. He's such a prick. And you're like, you know, they sort of edited it to make these storylines. Like it's not representative of sotally. And then you get people to their people who write articles about how then they get paid hundreds of dollars to write that article and then people share it and be like that is true about Jeremy and his behavior. I've always thought that about him. Fuck Jeremy. It is a strange little cycle though because like you said people go I know it's not real.

You know it's not real. I know it's not real. I'm not an idiot. And then you watch it. And then you watch it and people go, oh, Jeremy, you prick. You prick, you absolute prick. I can't believe you did that and you're like, but we're just, we just chatted about it, but it's not real. And they're like, I know it's not real, you know. Yeah, I think just once. There is a, it's supposed to be bad thing. But where, where I have an issue with that is that I get some sort of perverse

pleasure out of watching bad things that someone at some point hoped would be good. You like failure. You like the stink of failure. No, I like unintended consequences. I like people getting together with some friends and just having a red hot go and maybe it didn't come out exactly how they wanted, you know, but they all, but they all got to together with some friends and just having a red-hot go and maybe it didn't come out exactly how they wanted, you know, but they all got together and made a piece of art and I think that's great. What I'm not as hot on is starting from the premise that the end product is going to be

very bad for everyone. It's going to be very bad for everybody and that's kind of it. But also you're supposed to accept that and say well that's why it's good. Yeah and it's also real and also Jeremy should no longer be on the Noosa council anymore when he's finished his run on the television show. That's true. Yeah. For me, what would make reality TV good and I have given some thought to this is that if you know how, you know how Big Brother has intruders, right? Whoa, yeah, whoa, it's Kelly Clarkson or whatever and she's come to intrude or like they drop in a guy whose name is like

Wilbo and he can't stop doing the shakker. Yeah, and he's sort of like the bad boy. Yeah, no, I'm thinking like oh, we have to announce there's some intruders and what happens is a bunch of historical reenactors, all dressed in very period accurate gear from the Spanish Civil War. Franco's fascist troops, kick the front door down. They're all armed with Kekano 1891 rifles, right? And what happens is they line every up in the wall, along the wall, and you think, geez, all right, this is going, this is really, this is really stirring stuff up. But it turns out all of the, all of the weaponry is completely real. And what, what occurs is actually, the th is, is, is, is, is, is, is th is th is th is thi, thi, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their thi, thi, their all thi, thi, thi, their all their all all thi, thi, their all all all their all thi, their all their all armed, their all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all armed, all all all all all all all all all all all, thi, thi, thi, this is going, this is really, this is really stirring stuff up. But it turns out all of the, all of the weaponry is completely real.

And what occurs is actually a massacre. And sort of, as the smoke clears, we understand that reality TV has changed forever. It will never be the same again. And maybe, just maybe, I'll start watching. Because at any time, you know, it's season 36 of Survivor, a bunch of guerrilla troops, real guerrillas, hired from the mountains of the nearby jungles, of wherever the fuck they're filming this, actually come down and hold the entire survivor team to ransom and a failed ransom at that. Yeah.

Sort of, it's not paid, we don't negotiate with the terrorists. There's a sort of a fun twist on I'm a celebrity, get me out of here where what they're trying to be gotten out of is a fusel out of cannon fire being launched by the Duke of Wellington, the Iron Duke himself, directly at the spot of jungle in which they're hiding. What about a new show called I'm a celebrity, stop this execution? Yeah. I'm a celebrity, this was not in my contract.

Yeah. I'm a celebrity and I'm being hacked to death by machetes. Yeah. And you know what this is just a bunch of guys on a podcast hating on stuff that we would like. Yeah and this is all the fiction as well I think it's pretty classic bits from us. While at the same time. I look I'm the Madison reality TV because occasionally I just I get I get pulled into one and then I'm like Oh no they trick you they get you you you're in there I turned my wife and I say I'm normal now. Yeah. Yeah, you say I know what fuck Jeremy. I think you make a you make a great point Theo which is that really the only model of television that

is profitable any longer, they should change that one and incur a lot of death in the process. Yes. In order to maybe satisfy one man. I think so. And only for a little while as well, because my taste will change the year after I think. You can't just go every time, you're just going to like, oh, fuck, I'm not going to get emotionally involved with these guys because they're all just going to be executed by a fascist cadre at the end of this.

Yeah. I probably would have liked some of this kind of reality TV show if I was watching it when I was younger when I used to like Deliberately make myself angry about things, you know, yeah Yeah, I'm not really into the hate watching thing. No, it's not fun. You can you can watch things that you enjoy instead now Yeah, that's an option that you have as an older wiser person. Yeah, my wife basically wants me to watch for long enough to just become furious about one or two of the people. It's like, yes, he's in now. Yeah.

He's seen Jeremy, he knows what's happening. You know? Unfortunately, that sort of media is not the only thing of the modern era that's shit. It's not just television, but also stuff that's written for the internet is also bad. It's time the the the th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's not just not just that's not just not just not just that's not just thi. thi. that's not just that's not just that's not just that's not just that's not just that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that stuff that's written for the internet is also bad. It's time for digital media watch. Now, it's different to the media watch that is about digital media, right? That's right. Yes. Yes, for copyright, etc. purposes. Yeah. This is, this doesn't in any way shape or form constitute news by any stretch of the imagination. I was just introduced to a format of horrible

grist for the content mill that I was completely unfamiliar with but a friend of the show my friend and boss Beck sent me an article the other day just a screenshot of a headline from the media publication Elite Daily, 45 cute and clever Easter captions that will make your peep's hoppy. And I'm going to read this article to you in full. Hold on what country is this fun? This is from, I believe Elite Daily is an American publication. So, I think we need to just make sure that we all understand the context around peeps then, right?

So peep's a little, little marshmallow candies that look like chickens that they have. Oh, what the fuck? What are you fucking talking about? Peeps? Just Google peeps. I'm never say that phrase to me. Google peeps. Google peeps. Oh they got peeps flavored Pepsi. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, okay. Well now um some of this article now makes more sense to be. What the fuck is a peeps? Okay, so official peeps, peeps branded flavored marshmallow candy. What, Andrew, this is going to sound borderline insulting, but I think this might be the single most valuable insight you have ever brought into an episode of this podcast. Thank you so much. Uh, but, but yeah, I mean, I was mad about it because it's thi. I, the the the the th. I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, the th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, I th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. th. th. th podcast. Thank you so much. Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, I was mad about it because we're immediately mixing little chicken and Easter Bunny metaphors. Maybe your peep's hoppy. Well then you're going to love the 45 cute and clever Easter captions. But first, okay, before I do that. We need some context. Let me, yeah, let me lead the three, read three paragraph preamble to you. Fuck. With Easter Sunday coming up, you, your family, and your crew are probably getting ready for all of the springtime festivities. Maybe you're taking your nieces and nephews on an Easter egg hunt, that, a special Easter edition of your Sunday brunch, or you'll be enjoying limited edition Easter-themed

chocolate at home. Regardless of what your plans are, you'll need some cute and clever Easter captions to accompany your posts for the Graham. Easter is always a special holiday for the people who celebrate, filled with sundresses, newly bloomed flowers, and all the springtime hashtag vibes to make you excited that the winter season is officially and finally over. It's a day of chocolate, gifts from the Easter Bunny, and of course, so much hoppiness to be spread around. You are 43 years old. Incidentally, just as a sidebar, it's a day of chocolate and gifts from the Easter Bunny.

The gifts from the Easter Bunny are chocolate. You fuck. Yeah. I guess. Theo, just at a party. What do I do? Oh, I'm a writer. What do you write? Yeah. I thought, so I thought Elite Daily would be something that like, you know, Harvard alumni would receive I thought Elite Daily would be something that like, you know, Harvard alumni would receive in their pigeonhole and their job as managerial tax fraudist. Yeah. But it's not, this is how much of the description fits in the Google preview. Elite Daily is the ultimate digital destination for millennial women who are discovering the description fits in the Google preview. Elite Daily is the ultimate digital destination for millennial women who are discovering the world

and themselves in the process. So it really appears to like we've kind of, we've kind of arubarost ourselves culturally here, where there's been a huge amount of, like, put out like younger and fucking, what's the one about the millennial media superstars in New York? There's three of them. And through thick and thin, you know, they stay friends, even through the challenges of, you know, being a millennial woman.

You know what it's like being a millennial woman? No, not girls. Girls is for older people. I'm talking about the new generation. Younger is for old people too, isn't it? Yeah, but it's for, but it's for, it's not though, because it's for the media savvy, Gen X, but she's millennial, et cetera. And then the other one, they're all, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, girls, thi, thi, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, girls, their, girls, girls, their, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls And then these other, this other one, they're all Gen X, they're not millennials. Um, et cetera. And then a whole bunch of like media barons, there's three of them here, none of them are women by the way. Darren Arabov, Jonathan Francis and Gerard Adams.

They all, they all got together. These three guys, you know how it is when you get these three in a room. Just for a second I thought you said Jonathan Franson, but okay. And they're like, damn, like, these millennial girls are, they're not taking any prisoners. They're, they're girl bosses and they're winning. Yeah. And they're complete baddies. What if we wrote a whole bunch of like bullshit about them about captioning the Instagram post for Easter, etc. But here's the thing, they're not real, they're characters on TV. Yeah. Real people don't act like this. No. I hope. You should be able to sit down like our forebearers being, I guess, my dad and

mom, they're my forebearers. But they are the ones what bore you, I believe, yes. Like, they have a responsibility to sit, you know, me down and go, hey, you know, you've seen some pornos. I've seen your browser history, etc. Just know that that's not real life. But us with our children need to be able to sit down to sit sit sit sit sit to sit to sit their their their their to sit th. th. th. to sit th. th. th. to sit th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, th. to, the. the. the. the. to, thea. to, to, thea. to, thea. thoooooooooooooooo. the. the. the. Just know that that's not real life, but us with our children need to be able to sit down with, you know, Instagram stories and front of the kids and, hey, I know you saw a really sassy clapback caption here, but that's not real life. That's not what clapback is going to look like. That's not what clapping back is going to look like. It's so much more beautiful than like. It's so much more beautiful than that. It's so much more natural. A clapback is a very personal thing.

You can't just do the clapbacks that you've seen on the internet. That's exactly right. Yeah. Because they're just hyped up for an audience. And often if you do a clap back like that, you can very badly hurt your ped. I'm going to go to the third paragraph here. No matter what you're doing this Easter Sunday, make sure you and your crew take a ton of pictures to capture the sweetest moments during the holiday. Whether it's a smiley Easter selfie or a cute picture of you holding festive baskets

with your crew, some clever Easter captions for Instagram will make your picture stand out. This Easter will definitely be one for the books, and you're sure to have a great time filled with a ton of memories, all of which will need some cute Easter captions to accompany them. So what are you waiting for, plan those spring outfits, get egg-sided, and hop on over to that lovely brunch spread. I think I'm waiting for Finn to be a grown person and out of my house before I shoot myself in the brain. Well, at least we got a couple of years. Okay. Here we go.

There's quite a lot of these. So I'm going to speed around through these. Some of them have a little following text explaining them, so I'll read that part as well. That'll be helpful. The sun is shining. Come on get hoppy. A take on Harold Arlen and Ted Colors get happy? Yep. Yep. Some bunny loves you?

Yeah. Easter, the only time it's okay to put all of your eggs in one basket. I mean, I... I store all my eggs together, I'm just going to say it. I don't know, in several baskets. I don't really like chocolate. You're going to need to get some more baskets. I don't really like chocolate. You're going to need to get some more baskets. Start splitting up your eggs, come on.

I'm so excited, I just can't hide it. A take on the point of sisters, I'm so excited. Love the, love the explanations. That's what's really making it for me. This one is going to cause me physical pain to say out loud, so you are welcome. I said a hip hop, the hippie, the hippie to the hip hip hip hop. The Sugar Hill gang rapper's delight. Of course. Now if I see that on Instagram, I'm immediately swiping right. I'm like... What do you think you do on Instagram? I'm given my bumble hinge to them. Some bunny wants you to have the best Easter ever? This is for children? These are for children, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, the s' the s' the s' thu, thu, the s' thu, the s' thu, the s' thu, thu, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi, thi, to have the best Easter ever?

This is for children. These are for children. These are things that you write for children on a piece of paper. Think you're going to find more eggs than me? You crack me up. Hoppy Easter to you. No bunny can stop me from fighting all these eggs. I'm starting to sense a little pattern here, but okay.

Excuse me, but I think that Easter is one of the best holidays of the year. That's just... Yep. Did they get to say that just because there's a pun at the front? Yeah. I mean, really you could say, excuse me and then just follow that up with literally anything in the world. Yeah and it could be like tied to what the photo that you'll that you've posted as well. Yeah I don't think that matters to these people. Okay. Dying to know where all of the Easter eggs are hidden. Now thought they were referring to the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, the reason for the season.

It is the reason for the season. Dying and coming back three days later to know where all these eggs are. Perfect. Oh, I want to dance with somebody. A take on Whitney Houston's, I want to dance with somebody, brackets who loves me. song, and again, I kind of feel like, I kind of feel like, come on, get happy and I want to dance with somebody. They're not Easter songs.

They're not Easter songs. No. They're not what I would really consider to be like current references, you know. No, no, like I was expecting the first one to be sort of related to the somewhat more recent but still dated reference of Happy by Forel Williams. Yeah, the sound of the summer. Yeah. What is the sound of Easter?

Apart from reverent prayer. Like what's the classic Easter song? Yeah, what's the classic Easter song? Yeah, think of one now. Hit us with it. Good Friday by Y. Oh fuck that's so good. Yeah. That's a great fucking song. Have an excellent Easter, friends. Spending my favorite holiday with my favorite peeps. Thank you, Andrew for your previous expletor on peeps. Just looking on the sunny side of things.

And I'm still thinking about Good Friday by white. Like, I mean, they already have the perfect Easter caption for a picture, which is, you know, blowing kisses to disinterested bitches. Yeah. Just put that on your thing. And then you... Log off. Yep. Forever.

Can anybody... Sorry. Fuck that one up. Can any bunny find me somebody to love this Easter? Another very timely 30 to 40 year old song. Yeah. And that. What a bad hair day. Hair. H-H-A-R-R-E, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-offoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoffoff off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off off-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o'-o'-o'-o'-o'-offioffioffioffioffioffiaaaaaaaa. I, th. Oh. song. Yeah. What a bad hair day. Hair H-A-R-E obviously.

Although it could be Hare, like the Hare-Krishnas, perhaps. It's probably that. It's probably because, I mean, anybody's going to know. What's with those guys? Hey, what's up with the Hare-Krishness? Thank you for your cheap vegan food. I appreciate thap, I thap, I thua, I thuu. Now, I thu. Now, I thu. Now, I thu. thu. thu. thu. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha, tha. tha. the. the. thea. tha. thea. thea. that's that's thea. that's thea. topical because boy there used to be a lot more references to Harry Krishna and popular media. It used to be like... Up the film airplane, yeah.

Check it out. A lot of scenes of people just kind of being bothered by them in an airport or perhaps the train station. That's the primary thing that they do, is the, as per my understanding of like American films from the 80s, etc. is they bug you at an airport. And you also, uh, at the Charles O'Hara airport. Yeah, you also get a, a great bonus in the very first top-down Grand Theft Auto game. If you kill like 9 or 10 murder of all the lot of them, yeah. Because they're annoying.

Garanga bonus. Yeah. And that's satire. Yeah. And I've actually, in a completely unprecedented move, I've decided I'm not going to read out all 45 of these because this is only the start of what I wanted to talk about here and I've become demoralized. So I'm going to just read out the ones that I bouldered. Why did the Easter egg hide? He was a little chicken.

Now that's not what you want. Yeah, I gave you an Easter egg and there was a small chicken in there sort of a nightmare scenario. Yeah, yeah, that's quite bad. The best day to wear a floral dress with your peeps is Easter. That's more just kind of advice. Also like Easter is several days. Yeah. I like my eggs like I like my days. Sunny side up. And so again, these are sort of chocolate eggs they're not chicken eggs yeah this very you just take it the egg thing one step too far away from the already very pun generous yeah

Easter season and when you think about it that there's no chickens involved in all these are rabbit eggs yes yes yeah these eggs are from a rabbit because of our Lord Jesus Christ that's right that's right that's right. the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're basically. And they're basically. And they're basically. And they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're so so I they're so I they're so I they're so I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they're they they they're they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're are rabbit eggs. Yes, yeah, these eggs are from a rabbit because of our Lord Jesus Christ, that's right. That's right. We're basically at every point here we are getting further away from the core concept, which I think we can all agree was already like pretty thin. Yeah, well, now, I've got more of these that I would like to read to you, but I'm going to do this just the headlines of some of these. Now, these are all from the one author.

I'm not going to name them because I assume, you know, they've just got a shitty media job. Yeah, they've been paid $6 to write this article. Yeah, right? They've just got to churn out some. person individually, it is that ad companies have ruined the internet, and this is what it looks like. Here we go. 35 cute spring captions for couples when your love is in full bloom. Great, let's say. Sincere expression of your love for a person is Googling captions for Instagram posts. Plus spring.

36 captions for desert picks that will have you longing for adventure. You know there's very specific. Frightly specific. 35 New Year's Day captions for when the best is yet to come. You know those New Year's Day captions you gotta do. The New Year, New Year, New Me. Yeah. Yeah. 130 New Year's Eve, hashtags for your sparkly snaps and sips. 43 witty captions for naughty or nice Christmas gifts because tis the season. So depressing, dude. This is aggregating the aggregators. This is Aggregating the aggregators There's a

New barrel a completely new barrel at the bottom of the old one and we're looking into it and you're paying to listen to someone Scrape the bottom of it. Don't say that don't say that don't say that Shh No, we're good. I think we're fine. This is a service to society. I'd like the people writing these articles or parasites. It's just, it's a very, it's a very interesting thing because like I, I honestly, if you sort of showed me this stuff without those three paragraphs of context, um, I would find it hard to tell whether what you were showing me was intended for your average social media user to attach to their posts, which already conjures the image of like a

type of person who is really prioritizing social media posting in their life, making sure that they're covering all of the holidays, bank holidays, public holidays and everything, really making sure that they've got a post ready to go so people know what their family's doing and that they look good and that they're normal. But, but this person also cannot come up with a caption once a year that relates to Easter and they need help to picture the basicest bitch that exists This is that person now the other kind of person that this could be for is somebody whose job it is To just slam captions on to pictures or articles or whatever. Yeah, little guide. And like that's that's also? That's also? That's also? that's also? that's, that's also? that's? the that's, the the that's the the that's that's the the that's the that's the that's the the the the the the that's the the the that's the the the the that's the the that's to to to to to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the, the, the the the the thea, the the the thea, the thea, the thia, thia, thi, the the thea, the that's to just slam captions onto pictures or articles or whatever. And like that's also... Stack Overflow for influences.

Yeah. They also deserve to be able to copy and paste half of their job from one screen to another. Yeah, and then just right in commenting their caption with a link to the post that they got it from. Don't know how this works but check here. 35 Instagram captions for pigs with mum that show how much you love her. I love to go to an aggregator and get a caption to tell me that I that I tell, to help me tell the other people that I like my to tho, to, to tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the tho, tho, the the tho, the the, their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, to to to to to to to tho, to to tho, tho, their their tho, their their their tho, their tho, their a caption to tell me that I tell to help me tell other people that I like my mother. It's the most insincere form of expressing affection I can possibly imagine. My mom's not on the internet by design so yeah I don't think she's really going

to times. By your design? Just by the design. My mother has been prevented from access. It's that I I I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tel tel tell me. That's tell me. tell me tell me tell me. tell me tell me tell. That tell. That tell. tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell tell tell tell tell tell tell tell. That. That. That. That. That. That. tell. tell. to help. to help. the the the the the the the the the the to help. tell me. tell me. tell me. tell me. mea. mea. mea. mea. mea. tell me. mea. tell me. mother has been prevented from access. It's working out well for all of us. By the divine design, God's plan. She doesn't want to be on there. 35 captions for attending a wedding and celebrating the happy couple.

Again, so insincere. No, there's like maybe there's maybe there's I don't know a couple of people that you could think about and get some ideas. You know? Yeah. 25 captions for swing picks when you're documenting your ups and downs on the gram. So what's when you're on the swing? Yeah you know when you get on the gram and you post a picture of yourself. Sort of tired but smiling, and look I've been swinging all weekend. Yep.

I'm exhausted. Keep me off that swing. Coming down from a big weekend of swinging. Hey, you know the only thing better than swinging forwards on a swing swinging backwards. 29 Instagctions in this economy. We could do this professionally. 29 instant captions to post on your birthday when you're 29 and feeling fired.

Fucking hell. If you're 29, fucking. Do drugs. Yeah. Yeah. 25 Instagram captions for elevator selfies and totally feeling yourself. So I believe that's when you've taken a photo of yourself masturbating inside an elevator. Yep. Now unfortunately, this segment continues in that I have saved the best for last,

and we're going to be reading in its entirety an article that is titled The 35 cutest comments you could ever leave on your cousins Instagram on your on your cousins Instagram did you say that's right now let me read the three paragraph preamble again cousins are such a gift You get to celebrate holidays together they're at every family they're at every family reunion. They're at every fa-ca' their their their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their cc. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their cc. You their cc. You their cc. their cc. their cc. their cc. their cc. their c. their their their c. their their their their their their th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their their their their their their their their theee Again, cousins are such a gift. You get to celebrate holidays together, they're at every family reunion, and you can share all the juicy gossip with them that your own parents won't tell you.

If you happen to be best friends with your cousins, your bond with them is on another level. My God. Cousins, we keep all of each other's secret. The most interaction I've had with any of my cousins in the last couple of years is being unfriending one of my cousins who hadn't seen in years because he took a big old fascist tumble down fucker what's the, who's the horrible, uh, Fraser Anning? Oh, like reposts and stuff, you know, essentially blaming Muslims for being massacred in, in Auckland that, that dark day, etc. So, um, yeah, cousins, hey, cousins, hey? Yeah, I'd say, 90% of cousins are white supremacists, just on the house.

If you had have had like a clever caption ready to go, though. 90% of cousins are white supremacists just on their hands. If you had have had like a clever caption ready to go though. Well, not a caption this time, it's a reply that you can do to one of your cousins' Instagram posts. 14 words you can take into a snappy caption for your cousins. You're basically like siblings who support each other no matter what, which is why you need some of the best comments to leave on Instagram picks of your cousin.

They posed something fire on social media. No offense to any of my cousins. No offense to any of my cousins who may be listening to this. But that's not what our relationship is like. I mean, you know. No offense to any of our Mediterranean listeners, but you don't have to be friends with your cousins. It's not mandatory. No, they're like we live very far away from each other. We see each other on on rare occasions. You know, I don't, I feel like any of us really have a kind of like I would, I would

I would drop everything and run to the other end of from my cousins. Yeah, yeah. Well, that kind of family. Whether it's a cute selfie, an adorable pick of their latest brunch adventure, or even a throwback pick with you in it, your thumbs are poised and ready to type a comment you know they'll love. Instagram is an amazing way for the two of you to keep in tough to their to' th. Instagram th. Instagram th of you to keep in touch and feel like you're constantly in each other's lives, especially if you don't get to spend a lot of IRL time together.

Show your fave person you're still their biggest cheerleader despite the long distance with some cute cousins quotes. If your fave person is your cousin. If your fave person is someone other than your cousins, please stop reading this list immediately. Hanging out of the bar. Oh Ben, you don't like this list? It's not for you, sweetie. Hanging out of the bar and failing to notice the growing discomfort of my friendship group as I like talk for...

I'm entering like the second hour of talking about how much I love my cousin. That Kyle is just so dope. He started cutting his own hair. It looks awesome. It looks so good. He is so handsome. He's actually thinking about opening a motorbike business. He doesn't know specifically what the business will be, but it's mostly going

to be about motorbikes. I'll always treasure that memory we have, four-wheeling out west. Here's a picture of us naked in the bath together from last summer. Kyle's so funny, he always does stuff like this. Leaving some encouraging comments on Kyle's Instagram posts is always a good idea, and it feels even better coming from family. Instead of just a few fire emogies, post some of these heartfelt cousin quotes whenever you're scrolling through your feed and see a new post pop up.

Just immediately cracking open my folder of cousin quotes. Theo, I just, I don't want to pull back the curtain too much here, but I was just watching your arms move there to be like, God, I hope he's typing heartfelt cousin quotes into the chat. And you were. Here we go. Here are 35 cute comments you could leave on your cousin's Instagram. Sorry I'm late to hang out because I'm busy obsessing over this photo. Come on, man. I've been staring at this picture of you in a bikini for 45 minutes.

I'm so distracted by your unexpected cousin beauty. We've all got that one cousin, come on. B. I'm be going to frame this pick. B.B.B. going to frame this big. Fuck. I'm sorry, I have to leave. All of these would be so much better if it was a cousin that you saw like once every two years? Cousin you hadn't spoken to it 20 years.

You just dropped that out there. So I wanted to check, um, I've gone to Reddit.com, forward slash, R, forward slash, cousins. Unfortunately, R, slash, cousins is a private community. If you go to, if you go to, uh, R slash cousin, there is a single post at the top which just says go to R, go to R, slash cousins. What happens there? I'm gonna try and get it. Hang, hang. Can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, the, the, th. Can, the, th. th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. the, th. the, the, th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. the the the the the tho. th. the th which just says go to R slash cousins. What happens there? I'm gonna try, I gotta try, hang I, can I request, I've never used Reddit before. Can I sign up? Hacker man.

Can I get in the, I gotta find out what happens in this? To verify they have to, are they ask for a nude bathtub photo of you and a cousin? Yeah, prove, prove this man this man is this man is this man is this man is this man is this man is this man is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. th. thoom th. thoom is thoom is thoom, I thoomoomoomoom. thathea. thoomo, tho, th. th. th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I. I. I. I, I, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoo. tha. tha. t t t toge. toge. try. try. try. try. try. to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I go. tha. to, are they ask for a nude bathtub photo of you and a cousin? Yeah, prove, prove this man is your cousin. Yeah, they ask you for like, um, for like five, five love-filled Instagram captions. What would you post on a really cute picture of your cousin? If you say something normal, they will not let you in. Here we go, does it go, oh fuck, what topics am I into? None of them. Cousins. Relationships and... Great uncles. Family. Okay, family relationships. There we go. Continue. I've got to select more. Okay, fuck it. All right. You work on this. I'm gonna work through some of this list. All the good looks come from

our side of the family of. Sick of the other side of the family tree with her ugly house cousins. This one's quite, um, this is good. It's short, brevity being of course, whatever of wit. I adore you. Brevity being the cousin of wit, yeah. You slayed this pick, Kyle. Hang this in the Louvre. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because we went there, remember?

Yeah, together. On that cousin's trip. You and me on that little cussle trip to Paris. Yeah, you brought your cousin. He's notthat cousin's trip you and me on that little cuzzle trip to Paris Yeah you brought your cousin he's not my cousin though so that was a little A lot but I thought it was just gonna be a sort of a two cousins sort of adventure but I guess not please share your selfie taking tips with us because you are next level so many of these are just like hey cousin cousin, you're looking pretty fuckable right now. You look crazy.

You are crushing it. Also, when can I borrow this outfit? Kyle. Give me the clothes off your back, Kyle. Literally breaking the internet, love this pick so much. No. I just, dot, dot, dot, can't handle you. Come on, man. I'm intoxicated by you. Sweet cousin.

Why, you got to slay me like this? Oh, come on. You are making me aroused. I would be embarrassed to send half of this stuff to my wife. You should be like, that was a bit forward, Theo. That was a bit that shit. Someone call a doctor, because this pick just made my heart skip a beat. So cute, quality throwback Thursday. I'm imagining doing this at my age while married on one of my married female cousins pictures.

I am freaking out. There just aren't enough, insert any emoji you want emogies to express how I feel about this photo. Snake emoes for Kyle. Yeah, I'm going to want that emoji to be supplied, lest I completely ruin the vibe on my cousin post. There aren't enough funicular emoes to express how I feel about this photo of you, Kyle. There aren't enough pregnant man with mustache emoges. I had enough pinch reacts.

You're just too cool for me. Okay, doing a bit of a bit of self-negging or something. Yeah. This one is very intense. This is, uh, uh, uh. Do you seeming outcooled. This one is very intense. This is all caps with a full stop between every word. I just miss you. You just want to be with your cousin. You just want to be with your cousin. I am so excited about the fact that I'm related to you. I love that we share, Dean, that is an insane thing to say to any person on earth.

I love that we share, Dean. I love that part of you is inside of me. Cooler than a couple of popsicles. Can I... Can I... Can I see what's going on with my cat at the moment? Yeah, now you've got a fourth member of the podcast. Cuscus. Hey, Cuscus.

Spending a portion of this sitting on the on the table in front of me staring directly into my face. That's so nice. It's a little unsettling at times. No, that's beautiful. Like right now, look at this. That was very intense. Honestly. I have to do a lot of unbroken eye contact with it. Oh, okay. Please go on. Don't know what I do without you and your outfit of the out out out out out out out out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, staring, staring, staring, staring, staring, the, the, staring the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the of tipe of today, today, today, today, too, too, too, too, to Donut know what I do without you and your outfit of the outfit of the day Inspo. What's that? Yeah. Yeah. I don't. Cousins love donuts. I know Kyle does. The cousin crew is coming in hot with this one. Fuck. The cousin crew is coming in hot with this one. Cousin lovers signing on.

Like this comment. If you are a cousin or you know someone who is. Ready to blow up this pick with comments about how awesome you look. You can just go. You don't need to give them any warning, I think. You can just do it. You can just go for it. You're my favorite cousin, just so you know, don't tell the others. That's between you and me, Kyle. Or this classic comment for a cousin, you're you are my favorite content creator. Hmm. Yeah, yeah, it's a real fellow earthling kind of way to refer to someone else I think. What's cooking, good looking?

Cousins by blood, friends by chance. What's cooking, good looking is what you say to your wife when you come into the kitchen. Yeah. You know, that's maybe, maybe like, maybe to a close friend who is manning the barbecue, you know? Yeah. When you post it on your cousin's Instagram caption, like on your cousin the Instagram replies, it does sound a bit like you want to fuck your cousin. Yeah, it kind of sounds like you want to whip their apron off and fuck your cousin over the stove. Also, do we think that this article was produced on spec or do you think that the author

pitched it? Oh, they pitched it? I think this is a pitch. What surprised me? Finally getting some traction on their cousin content. None of this is sponsored content which I found very surprising. Yeah usually you look at these articles and it's it's all funded by big cousin. Yeah cousins of America. Go cousin it's your birthday. Not really but you're seriously killing it. Fuck me. Yeah, it would have worked better if it was the cousin's birthday. Yeah, save that one for the birthday.

You got a, you got it like while you're, I mean I'm assuming that if you've been going through lists of, you know, captions for Easter, captions for your cousin, all that kind of thing. I assume that you're forward-thinking enough to be setting reminders, you know, on your phone and all that sort of stuff. Remember, post-horny reply to Jeremy. Clearly been slaying it since day one. Yes, I've known you since then. I love you every day. Yeah.

Serving up Luke's sort of looks but spelled that way people do when they're doing a sort of digital, with a W. Yep. Yeah. Uh, this one. This one, that's my cousin everyone. That's pointing and hooting. That's a comment in the, that's in the comment section of a porn hub video. Hey, that's my cousin. Hey, that's my cousin.

You do a great, and then, well then well yeah like it would be somebody in in in like comments on a porn hub thing and they would say hey that's my cousin she's been killing it from day one. Yeah. Okay need a family reunion ASAP. So the we do fuck. Yeah. All I can take away from that. Now try not to let the first half of this spoil your expectations for the second half. It's a good thing you're my cousin and not my sibling because I would be stealing your clothes all the time. Okay, yeah, kind of had me, had me in the first half. Yeah, because it sounded

a lot like they were going to say, it's a good thing your cousin and not my sibling. Yeah, if you were my brother, I'd be having sex with you. Yeah, all the time. Yeah, because otherwise, like, maybe it was the other way around. If you were my brother. Cousins is a gray area in a lot of cultures. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because, because, because, th. Yeah, if it it th. Yeah, if it th. Yeah, if it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was the the the the the the the other the other the other the other the other the the the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was. It was it was it was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was was the other way around. It's kind of fine if we were my brother. Cousins is a gray area in a lot of cultures. Yeah, I mean, if it was the other way around, I would have to interpret it as like, it's a good thing you're my sibling and not my cousin, because if you were my cousin, we'd probably be kissing and fucking. And the whole family, it would be an issue for the family. If we got married we'd probably have to move. Camping or something and you know. We'd have to do that test. They do the thing where your family would make a big deal about

nodding there you guys share a tent at the family camping thing. You'd be like, no it's fine, we're just cousins. Like, oh, you better not be smooching in there. You guys are always saying you've been killing it from day one to each other. Yeah. You're so cute. You're so cute. And we're like, we cannot put them in the same tent. Yeah, also you both know way too much about like the legality surrounding cousin relationships. And that sort of made us a bit suspicious. Did you know that in the territory of Guam cousin marriage is actually encouraged? Maybe we should cross the border into Idaho this camping trip.

I'll just throw it out there, if you are married to your cousin, listener with the show, yeah, write in and let us know how that went for you. No, no shade. I'm sure I've said this on the podcast before, but when I was like 18 or thereabouts. So I was in year 12 and was dating a girl who was like a very, a very high achiever, real, real overachiever. She was like a competitive cyclist and very academically accomplished. And I was, I was a real, real, real, real, overachiever. She was like a competitive cyclist and very academically accomplished and I was like, because that was my vibe. And like her family was from Tasmania and they had moved to Camber at some point. And, and I made the standard Tasmanian joke about like

cousins. Yeah. And she was like, my parents are cousins. Yes. And I went, and I went, ha ha ha. And she didn't laugh. Yeah. Yes.

And I went, ha ha? And it turned out that her folks were just cousins. Straight up cousins. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure I've so many Instagram comments exchanged before that marriage. Oh, man. Well, if they, I don't know, maybe if they had had had Instagram back then like some other family members could have seen the exchanges and stepped in. Maybe they could have worked off some of that steam and realized

it's a bad idea. Oh so why did you move? Um, I already love you forever, but this pick makes me love you more, Kyle. Don't, come on. I think about you so much. I think about you all the time. This one, all of these have this vibe. Kyle, it's crazy how much you walk by my thoughts. Every minute of every day. I'm sorry, but it's unfair that you're such a cool cousin.

Who are you apologizing to and why? Making all the rest of us bad cousins look like fucking assholes. This one is a quote, Family is not an important thing. It's everything. Michael J. Fox. Again, like, we are only talking about people and songs that were relevant like 25 to 40 years ago. Yeah. This whole thing. I have one cute and perfect cousin comment left for you.

Oh, it's over so soon. Yeah. This whole thing. I have one, one cute and perfect cousin comment left for you. Oh, it's over so soon? Shut the fuck up. The segment has been running for 54 minutes. I'm spoiled because I get to call you my cousin and my best friend.

God, why, why is being cousins the bonus in this scenario? Not only are you my best friend, but I also get the added benefits of cousinhood. Do you have any idea how fucking jealous people get when I tell them you're my cousin? Oh, Kyle's your best friend? Hold onto your fucking hat because I'm about to say some shit that's going to rock your world. You're going to need to sit down for this next part. That, uh, the man that I'm the pillion passenger on his motorbike, when we're both shirtless, that's my cousin.

Now Ben, I think you began this particular article with apologies to those listeners from the Mediterranean. I did, that's right. Yeah, yesterday I was at my in-laws house and there came a knock at the door. All right, Edgar Allan Poe. Hold on a second. Uh-huh. That's for atmosphere. And there was an Italian man at the door. Oh no! That's a crazy story. Well, the man of the house was out at the time.

Um... What it happened was, he was doing some landscaping or trying to do some landscaping for the neighbor, and he'd driven his truck in. And this, the neighborhood where, um, like the suburb where my in-laws are, where my in-lors are, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th's a crazy, the the th-uh, the, th-uh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thrying to do some landscaping for the neighbor and he driven his truck in. And this the neighborhood where like the suburb where my in-laws are is just inundated with water at the moment. He driven his truck in and become immediately bogged. Straight away, I'm in my element, right? Myself and and my brother-in-law go out there and try and help him with his enormous bogged truck. Are we talking like one of those sort of medium-sized Azuzu cab over engine type deals? Bigger than that. We're talking, yeah. So it had like double tires at the back, etc.

Okay. You know, we don't need to go into the type of truck that that is, you know, you and I know. We've seen some trucks. Anyway, he was telling me they came to Australia after fleeing civil war in like the late 80s. I don't know what civil war that is and I haven't looked it up yet. So that's some fun for me tonight. And he was saying, well, because my brother-in-law is from Melbourne, he was saying that he's only been to Melbourne three times since he came to, came to Brisbane, one of which was for his cousin's birthday party, he wasn't going to go, but his cousin had already

sent him and his wife plane tickets, and had paid for the accommodation for him and his wife to come down, and participate in this celebration of cousinhood. Just cousin things. Just cousin things. If one of my cousins sent me a plane ticket, I assume I was being set up for some sort of very low-grade identity fraud when they kill me and take over my life This is like if you were a raccoon and someone had set up a box Being propped up by a forked branch opening the mail just yelling to be suspicious of your cousins.

What are they up to? What are they up to over there? No idea. I couldn't name, I'm going to say 30% of my cousins. I couldn't tell you what their business is, but I don't need to know. No, they are so alien to me that they may as well be fungi. Yeah. Or I may as well be fungi. Yeah. Or I may as will be.

Yeah. Don't know them. Don't want to know. Just on the topic of Italians. Fucking. Oh. So I, I took my kids to the store the other day. We were getting, um, we had to pick up a few more groceries,

but the kids really wanted to do a bike ride, so I hooked up all my saddlebags and everything. We rode down there. And we went through the confectionery aisle. And there's a section that's got like, you know, a bunch of small stuff like individual chupper chups and little boxes, skittles and stuff like that. I was like, hey, why don't you both pick yourself something from down there? Because I'm a fun dat. You know, yes.

And so they both chose a trolley brand, double XL, gummy pizza. You know how trolley make like the little, they got a little burger bu bu bu bu bu bu. And thau. And thau. And thau. And I. And th. And th. And th. And th. And I th. And I th. And I th. th. th. th. th. their th. And I their their th. And I's, their, their, thi their th. And I's, th. And I's, th. And I's, their, their, th. And I's, th. And I's, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, their, th. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, th. And trolley make like the little they got a little burger, they got little gummy and I love that they're separate pieces. Yeah, that's what makes it for me. They've got the the gummy hamburger, the gummy hot dog, the gummy pizza and there's a big version of the pizza right, comes in a little pizza box and everything. I've just put a picture of this in the chat and I think th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus tho that that that that tho tho tho-and I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho and I tho and I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. And I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've that that that that that that that the and I've thee an the an theeea thean thean thouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. I've thea and I the an the an that this in the chat for you and I think that you should maybe make it the episode art so people can see what we're talking about. It said, yeah. And and my six-year-old looks at the box and points at the illustration of a little Italian chef and goes, uh, Luigi looks like he's having a good time. And I got to stress. And you know that you have not specifically.

You've not said that phrase. You've not said that phrase. But you also know that in your heart of hearts. You created that vibe. The fertile earth from which that in your heart of hearts. You created that vibe. The fertile earth from which that sentence and sentiment grew? Yes and and I really got a stress that it does not name the little Italian chef on the pizza box anywhere. She looked at him and and it was clear as day to her that that's Luigi.

That's Luigi. Just like the fact, he doesn't have a moustache. It's made clear that he's Italian in that the lower portion of his chef's hat is an Italian flag. Uh, that's, I mean, that's a bit too racist. Yeah. Hey, Giuseppe over there looks like he's having a fucking ball. I know, I was just like, oh, how'd you know his name is Luigi?

How do you know his name was Luigi? Well, look at the guy. I mean, in her defense, he is making the okay symbol. So he is a wife's a supremacist. He's doing that's a spicy meatball hand. And he looks fucking stoked about the pizza he's holding. He's blushing. He's got a little post-orgasum flush to him.

Yeah, rush of blood to the face that he's so, so pleased with the pizza that he's got. The cold play album. And they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they, and they they, and they, and they they they really, and they really, and they really, and they really, and they really, and they really, and they really, and th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, he's th thi, he's thi, he's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi theeat thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the face that he's so so pleased with the pizza that he's got. The Coldplay album. You know? And they really enjoyed the gummy pizza. So you know, everyone was happy except for the old Italian guy standing next to us and the stop. Who coincidentally was named Luigi. Yeah. Oh, sorry, I thought you talked to me. Look, I think we have to do one more segment before we go just to make sure that this episode isn't just cousin memes, cousin comments. And listicles.

And racism. It's time to read some mail we got sent. Which means it's time for the mail bag. Hell yeah. mail back at Bultavista dot com maybe DM us on Twitter you could even message Facebook we don't really check the Facebook yeah 8003175 that's the Bultivista hotline 813175 that's the Boulter Vista hotline 180315 that's the Boulter Vista hotline Now this is an update on a story we've discussed two times before.

The first time was in the live episode to serve egg. And then we followed up on it in episode 240 top ten places that would kill the Pope if he received a high caliber bullet wound there. This was about some graffiti that would kill the Pope if he received a high-caliber bullet wound there. This was about some graffiti that appeared on a subway, subway sandwich shop in Oakland, California that just said, fuck yo turkey sub, but it was about the ongoing war between that graffiti artist and the subway owner in that he would paint over it, the guy would spray it, so on so forth. And then we received a frightening number of people riding into us with a photo of that graffiti being like, hey, I just walked past this. Which is what? They didn't know we had so many

listeners in Oakland, California, but here is another update from listener Mourine who says, Dear Buntavista. I thought you would appreciate an update on the Oakland subway graffiti saga. I go by there all the time and notice something new yesterday. Hopefully this means peace between our local vegan graffiti artists and low-cost sandwich perveyors. And they've formed a sort of left angle bracket and a three forming a heart. All the best, Maureen.

The picture attached is of a sort of anthropomorphic footlong subway sandwich with a smiley face and arms and legs. And it says, love your turkey sub. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. I mean... I mean, is that a pro-vegan sandwich or an anti-vegan sandwich message? Well I think it's still, well I mean it's not pro-vegan sandwich obviously because the turkey

sub has turkey on it. But also, even if this is a conciliatory gesture, it's still spray-painted on the side of the subway. So the graffiti is there again. So it's a more positive message, I think we can all agree, but it's still the same grievance that the subway had. Although it's quite a good rendering. It's a cute little cartoon footlong sandwich. Look, it's a very nice sandwich. I would feel bad about eating it. Yeah. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it's it's it's it's it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's toy. It's toy. It's toy. It's tu. It's tu. tu. true. today. today. the. thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's quite a good rendering. It's a cute little cartoon footlong sandwich. Look, it's a very nice sandwich. I would feel bad about eating it. Yeah, I would not eat that sandwich.

So maybe that's it's start of a, siop to make the sandwiches look as friendly as possible to stop you from eating them. Because they may or may not have turkey in them. Yes, or whatever the meat is. Whatever's in the turkey sub. We don't know. But yeah, I thought that was just nice. Nice to know this saga is still going. Lovely to have listeners being our ears and eyes on the streets doing the journalism that we won't.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast, Bunto Vista. We are produced by, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's in that's in that's in that's in that's in that's is in that's is in that's is in that's is in that's is in that's is in that's is in, that's is in, that's is in, that's is in, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that the the that the the thean thean thean that's that's thean that's in thean that's in that's in that's in thi thi thi that we won't. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast, Buntovista. We are produced by, well that'd be funny if we had credits at the end of the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Intro by Ben. Uh, outro by Ben. Yeah. Produced by Ben. Notes by Ben. Hmm. Emails read by Andrew and Ben. Yep, that's only great. I get an alert by my phone. Yeah, Andrew and Ben. Emails read by Andrew and Ben. Yep, that's only clear. I get an alert on my phone. Andrew and Ben. Star consultant.

No, I don't read the names. Patreon comments, sometimes read by Theo. Yep. Who I think might actually pay for the Patreon. I do. That's very weird. So he can respond as him. That's so fucked up man. You could just, we could give you the login for the patron and you could just sign off

your messages with a little Theo. I don't want that. Okay, that's odd. Uh, be safe out there. Look after yourselves. Any words of wisdom, Andrew? Uh, look, you can promise thousands of people that not to get COVID. You can promise thousands of people that you won't get COVID, you know?

But some things are just out of your control. And if you do get COVID, everyone should be nice to you. That's true. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Try and avoid getting COVID if you can, but also you're probably going to get it. You know? Yeah.

Not us, we're built different. I'm built different, yeah. So you're sort of a... I'm never getting COVID. Horrible little like immoral goblin. I'm fully expecting that I have COVID right now from being in Sydney. I think the air down there is a poisonous fume, laden with SARS-COV too. You went on a plane too, right?

Yes. Yeah, that's not much. Definitely got it. Theo, are you like wearing a mask when you go and do stuff still? Yeah, absolutely. Because I'm not going to catch the novel coronavirus. Because to me, I think the novelty is worn off. I think I'm having a slide issue where I have I have acquired the novel coronavirus and not died and something in my brain is

telling my body, well that's it. Yeah that's it. You're immune forever. And once again I will relate the cautionary tale of Jimmy V.B. who got what I referred to as V.B.s. by catching the novel coronavirus twice in five weeks. Now that's built different. Yeah, he truly is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bud.

When they made him, they broke the mold. So this mold's all tucked up. Wonderful man. We've got to stop making them like this. He can hear this. Wonderful man. We've got to stop making him like this. He can hear this. Wonderful. See you next time, everybody.

Bye. If you grew up with white boys who only look at black and Puerto Rican porno, because they want something that their dad don't got, then you know where you're at. Mortering your earholes shut in a rush with wet coke in a Starbucks bathroom with the door closed on booze. I'm left in residue and confused, like the first time you used soft water. Down on my luck caught unaware, like Houdini when the last fist dropped. Sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am. If I'm sinking and laughing it's something sunken and I am. If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am.

A sucking dip for drink tickets at the free bar at my cousins by Mitzvah, cutting the punchline and it ain't no joke. Devoid of all hope, circus mirrors and pot smoke, picking fights on Dyke Night Beach, Shirley's and loaks and snatching purses and s'natching purses and their tea'-shaeckin' Bidges playing lead lay in a bad way on Broadway Send a sexy SMS to my ex as new man Because I can on the road trying to break an old band Eating pussy for new fangs I am what the hell using pure Rale to my hands bleeding swell miss email at a motel six I'm unwell If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am if I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am if I'm sinkinging and laughing at something sunken and I am. If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am.

If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am. Feels exciting, touching her handwriting, getting hony by reading it and repeating core of me intently staring at the picture of your feet on the sticker. At the Arkham exhibit, I wonder who's sicker. Jerking off in an art museum John to my dickers. The kind of shit I won't admit to my head shrinker. Not even in a whisper to my own little sister. I just act like a dick and talk shit when I'm worth it. Art Six, I say the Friday before Easter.

It's not good I cried to myself in the pisser. And with you in the front row with the silver dream show. When you act like you didn't notice. My fear of the day that showed his pizza when I was six was overwhelming and not dissimilar to this. Sinking and laughing at something sunken I am. If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am. If I'm sinking and laughing at something sunken and I am. If I'm sinking in laughing at something sunken at night now. A Jacob hands-on-tour, I wake up hung over on a hardwood floor

From a dream of doubt how you dress, hangs off for your little breasts. I'd rather be dead than call this song how I lost your respect, but God bless or get neglected. I breathed, I'll see you when the sun sets east, don't forget me. I'm going to be able to