Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED BONUS EPISODE: The Killing Loon

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

We're unlocking our bonus episodes for the indefinite time period in which people are self-quarantining, because when all you have is a podcast, everything looks like a problem you solve with podcast episodes. Enjoy! *** Lucy, Andrew, and Ben look at the awful board game that solved gender inequality, the MP who is painfully addicted to gigabytes, and the Anton Chigurh of the bird world. *** Support our show and get exclusive bonus episodes by subscribing on Patreon: www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *** Email the show at [e-mail]! Call in and leave us a question or a message on 1800-317-515 to be answered on the show! *** Twitter: twitter.com/boontavista Website: boontavista.com Merchandise: boontavista.com/merchandise Twitch: twitch.tv/boontavista

Welcome to Budavista, episode 150. My name is Andrew, and I'm here in Columbia in a big cocaine factory. I don't think that's correct. Huh? I don't think it's episode 150. Oh no. What episode do you think it is? I think it's a bonus episode.

Oh, he's got me. He's fucking got me. The cocaine's got to Andrew already. He loves it. I have cocaine madness. He's got cocaine rain. Oh, I don't know what day of the week it is. I don't know what episode I'm on. My mask has been off for a little too long. Got the cocaine madness. Standing just over here in an apron and nothing else. His mullet up in a hand out. There's Ben. You know they think that they'll be able to stop me from

smuggling cocaine out because I'm not wearing any clothes, but there are a lot of places on my body. I've managed to hide it in there and no one sees it. So many. So many places. A little bit in the armpits. A little bit in the knee pits. A little bit in my toes. How are you posed here? You're just like slightly bent over just like little touched in. Just pretend that I'm doing their squat out of the building as I leave every day Really made a name for myself as an exercise guy Are you guys don't do mega squats? Oh man God a try Crab walks hell yeah

It's like a cross fit thing Can I can barely lift my arms even at gun point. Oh Actually the crab pose is kind of perfect because if you're tucing your arms into your sides and then tuck in your elbows it as well, making crab hands. You're giving yourself your knees, the join between the top of your legs and your pelvis. Oh, true. Yeah, sort of elbow bit. There's a lot. I'm taking out a lot a lot, crabbing it, straight crabbing right out of the bedroom.

Taking that through the airport, just like, I've got to get my glutes working. You don't understand. I'm living the crab lifestyle every day to keep this body like this? I'm grabbing, bro. Look at this body. Do you think I get going to stop crabbing for a second because of you and let this perfect body deteriorate? Not a chance.

You are mistaken, sir. Now let me crab onto this plane. Let me crab on out of here. And of course, standing by the door with a submachine gun is the person he shouldn't have been saying this to it's Lucy. That's right I love holding guns I'm very I'm a violent lady very pro-gun I will shoot you right in your little kneecap exposing all the cocaine it's just a shower of cocaine. Oh dear.

And that's no good. Hey, one of our biggest customers just left. Look, I don't, I have no interest in any form of defamation proceedings. So I will just say that, um, someone just came through here, they stood around. She was breathing a lot when she was in here, breathing a lot. I didn't see her in just anything, but there is a certain electrifying ambience in the air. She left here and then I think she immediately went and did an interview. Hmm. Let's see what, uh, let's see what she had to say when she went and did this interview.

I am of course talking about employment minister Michaelia Cash. Let's see here, she's uh, talking to SBS news. Hold on a second. Bad call from the government is you go have a curry for the... Hey! I'm gonna tell the Prime Minister that one. A curry for the country. I love Indian food. It it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm ta. I'm ta. I'm ta. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma. I'ma.a.a. I'ma.a. I'ma. ta.a. I'ma. ta for the country. Hey, I'm going to tell the prime minister that one. A curry for the country. I love it. I love Indian food. It's my favorite food.

I promise you I will do that. It's. I love Indian food. I love Indian food. I have it in the pool. F-Y-U-O-E-D. F-U-E-D. Fured. Fue, like, what I think Australian accent sound to other people? Like, I get why it's really repellent? Oh, that's embarrassing. You don't get the visual of the corded tendons straining around every part of her neck

as she forces that laughter out of her skeletal frame. Truly unsettling stuff. Can you maybe play it one more time? Because that'll breeze by... It's like five seconds and she says 20 words. Let's go it again. Okay, let's have a go, um, there of course, saying that somebody suggested the idea of having a curry for the country. So, of course, you know, going, going to a local takeaway. Get in a curry. Get some take away, the curry. Get some takay, get a cur, get a cur, get a cur, get a cur, get a cur, get a cur, get a cur, get a cur, get a cu, get a cu, get a cu, the cu, the cu, th, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. They, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, that, that, that, tha, tha. tha. thoooooooooooooooooooo, they. They're tha, the it prompted this response which I think is the same response we all have.

The bad call from the government is you go and have a curry for the car. Hey I'm gonna tell the prime minister that one a curry for the country I love Indian food. It's my favorite food I promise you I will do that. I love food. I love food. I remember my first trip to the cocaine factory. So, okay, the concept here, obviously, you go, spoil on business, you get a curry or whatever, but the joke in the name, it's not really a joke is that there's uh, alliteration. The words sound kind of similar, the curry for the country. And that has made her experience a sort of almost violent joy and hearing that

phrase. That doesn't seem right. What else is going on there? She's absolutely delighted with the concept of having some Indian... What else could be going on there? What possible thing could be happening? Oh my god, now the way that she says Indian Fierd... Food? Food? It really makes me think of perhaps like a fjord with having you know Indian fjord she's talking about a river a river in India yeah as as spelled perhaps by the Dutch the dreaded Dutch the dreaded Dutch They're out of again folks. They're out of again folks.

The dreaded horny strupe waffle eating Dutch. I, I, I, you know, I, I, you know, that's a, I, you know, that's a, I, and I, and I, and I, and I, that....... That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that The dreaded, horny, strup waffle eating Dutch. And that was a really smooth segue, and I love it. I don't want to backtrack at all, and I don't want to kill the flow. But you're going to. I have two questions for you. What do you believe a fjord is? Oh boy. I believe it to be a body of water of some kind. Okay, and what language do you reckon the word fjord comes from? Well look, somewhere

that's in the vicinity of the Dutch. Because they're all the same to you. All the Scandinavians are. The Dutch from Dutchland. How am I going to tell them apart? The sweater wearing type or the sweater wearing type? I mean, come on! Get them.

The huge variance in skin tone, what's it going to be? What you mean that there are a lot of white blue-eyed blood hair people and then also some in blackface and that's the Dutch? Oh look, let, hold on, hold on, I just want to take a quick survey here. Who from the three people talking to each other right now has had a conversation with a Dutch person who has defended the practice of the black Peter. I mean I've not asked a Dutch person about never really came up. No that's gonna be one of the first things you ask. Maybe I've never met a Dutch person. I feel like maybe I would ask them in this scenario but I assume you have. Oh I have and I'm like hey hey what's the deal with Blackface? You mean Schwarz Pete?

They're like, hey, hey, hey, it's not racist. And you go, isn't it though? And they're very, they're a little too keen to tell you that like, no, no, no, the Black Peters, they're not slaves. They're just loyal black servants who work for Santa free of charge. It's like the black people on the property and go on to the wind. Slavery has been abolished but they're just there because they really like it. Just kind of hanging out, you know?

Anyway, a bunch of pricks. They have been up to it again, hornifying their country, but governmentally. It's being sanctioned, folks. This is from the Guardian here. Single men and women in the Netherlands are being advised to organize... Hmm, go on. I've been saying this out loud to myself for several days.

Single men and women in the Netherlands are being advised to organize a sex buddy. What does that mean? Yeah, thus is mine a sex booty. Mine sex booty. Um, thus is I know sex, are we also doing German? Well, both of you are doing German. I don't know any European language but German. It's just, that's all, that's all, that's all, it, it, it, it, it, the, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the, the the, the the, the, the the the the the the the the the, the the the the the, the the the the the that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's the.a, the. Single men, that'sest, I know sex, but are we all just doing German? Are you, well both of you doing German, don't say all, I don't know any European language but German, it's just, that's all we've got. Well, hold on Lucy, we have both been besmirched just now by a man who's speaking very

much with the tone like he's barely, he's been, he's just loves Afrikaans. Put a couple of A's in there. Put seven A's in there, go on. Well, that's all I was going to do is pepper it with a mess of vowels. It's very simple to speak Dutch. You just go, that is me and the sex booty. And then that's, that's flawless Dutch. Now, I really, I have to say enough how much I enjoy this word. I have to spell to spell it to spell it to spell it, so you know what's up. Oh, yeah, this might not. Might not translate. You're not

going to like it until you hear it Beauty. Sex Beauty. Can I interest you in a sex beauty? Oh, it's so good. The Guardian is helpfully translated this for us actually. So single men and women in the Netherlands being advised to organize a sex booty, and then in parentheses, sex buddy. You know that when they were typing that, they were having the time of their life. Oh.

Sex buddy. All goodness, after criticism of rules dictating that home visitors maintain a 1.5 meter distance from their hosts during the coronavirus lockdown. Because how can you fuck with 1.5 meters between you? Is this some demolition man type shit? Maybe if you got a giant hoggahahahahahahahahahahah. tha. tha. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-a. th. th. th. th. th. tho-a. tho-a-a-a-s. tho-s. tho''-s. tho'-s. tho'-s. tho-s. thenenen-s'-seeaseaseaseasease-s. tho-s. tho-s. tho-s. tho-s. tho-s. tho demolition man type shit? Well, maybe if you got a giant hog, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you still be touching though. I was already thinking about this.

I have a 1.5 meter long penis. Why were you both thinking this? I was already thinking about a 1.5 meter long penis. I've been thinking about it a lot actually. I think that the logistics and the physiological issues issues thia is is is is is is thia thia thia thiiogogogogogogogogogogogogogist. I thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm tho. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm. I'm a th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was. I was. I th. I th. I th. I was. I th. I was. I th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a to. I'm a to. I'm a to. I was. I was. I was. I was th. I was th. I was. I the physiological issues render a 1.5 meter long penis, frankly, unworkable. And that's before you get to the fact that even if you stretch that thing out there, the penis itself is part of you and it is within 1.5. It's all ridiculous. You've got to have phone sex. You've got to have cyber sex these days.

No one's being stuck cyber. Just text, thank you. I feel like text sex is the modern day cyber, right? Do you still do that? That's cybering, right? Yeah. People, do people just like face time, but with the genitals? Yes. They should call it genital time.

Yes. Hey, would you like to genital time with me later? We can introduce them to each other? We can introduce them to each other. I'll just start the call and then I'll just drop the phone down there. No, of course I do. But you don't need a sex booty. Because, as it says here, in a typically open-minded intervention from the nation of perverts, official guidance from the Dutch National Institute for Public

Perverts says, it suggests that those without a permanent sexual partner come to mutually satisfactory agreements with like-minded pervites. On the advice of scientists, special... special... special... Special perfect scientists. The Netherlands has been on what the government describes as an intelligent lockdown, since the 23rd of March, allowing up to three visitors into homes on the strict condition that they keep their distance. But they now concede that it, quote, makes sense that as a single person you also want to have physical contact.

It's true. While warning that the risks of such intimacy should be managed. Discuss how to best do this together, they suggest, for example, meet with the same person to have physical or sexual contact, for example, a codal booty or six booty, provided you are free of illness. Wow. Keep going. There's more of this court, buddy. Make good arrangements with this person about how many other people you both see. The more people you see the greater chance of spreading the coronavirus.

I love how this got closer to the Swedish chef the long the way. Yeah. Disgusting. Disgusting. Promoting monogamy. Oh. Oh. Don't we just hate it? Ethical monogamy. Oh, don't we just hate it? Ethical monogamy. Well, wait. There's no such thing. We're a poly podcast. Well, actually, they say they have advice for those in a relationship with someone infected by coronavirus or in quarantine with suspected symptoms of the disease. I am just going full Swedish chef now. Don't have sex with your partner. someone infected by coronavirus or in quarantine with suspected symptoms of the disease.

I am just going full Swedish chef now. Don't have sex with your partner. They've been isolated because of coronavirus infection. Sex with yourself or others at a distance is possible. Think of telling erotic stories, masturbating together. Telling erotic stories. Erotic stories. Hey, are you busy right now? Telling my partner erotic stories.

I should be working on this little erotic story for you that it's about, if this was on medium it would say it's about a seven to nine minute read. I sat down in my typewriter and I just created for you the most amazing erotic story. It was a dark night. Just calling up your partner feel like weird fanfic. This is a sort of Draco loves Harry type deal, so strap in God apparently in the UK The government said at the start of the lockdown the couples who don't live together either can't meet each other at all

Or they should very quickly move in together and both of those seem like a recipe for destroying that relationship I'm kind of imagine being in a new relationship at that time like not like brand new But like maybe three or four months in having to decide what to do them. Do we move in immediately? Do we live in? A couple of friends of mine. Or is it nothing but dick time and erotic stories? They should have been doing erotic stories. Some friends of mine definitely did the like, no shit, we're gonna have to do one or the other, moved in together and so far it seems it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, maybe thi, maybe thi, maybe thi, maybe thi, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe thi, maybe thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, maybe, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, thi, maybe thi, thi, maybe thi, maybe thi, maybe thi, maybe maybe thi, maybe, thi, thi, maybe, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiii, thii. thiii, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, th shit, we're gonna have to do one or the other, whoa! Moved in together and so far it seems like it's working out alright for them. Well, what's the alternative? Erotic stories.

Erotic stories. Erotic stoories. Mouster booting. Mooster booting. That word in Dutchthe touch has like 28 vows. Mous-de-bootting. Oomster doom. I have been charged with public moorst abutin.

Oh, the sex and police. The sex and police. The Roger dim Sex or Police have got me. I have been apprehended by the spiritual victims unit. Oh boy. We love the Dutch, we love them. I'm sorry God the Netherlands is not a real country or, you know, it's not real. It's not real. God forbid the rest of the world acknowledge not a real country or you know, it's gonna be very upsetting

God forbid the rest of the world acknowledge sex as a human right It's a basic, basic, it's not. Because it's not put it away. Put it away. State mandated the gotgoth girl GF for everyone. Masturbation is a human right. Sex is not. Grow what the rest was do. Do what the rest of us do. Do what the rest of us do and write your erotic short stories in private and publish them anonymously. Exactly. You can

read Literotica.com when you're 15 years old. It's all out there. You can read any fanfick that you want. Tumblr is free. You know, you don't have to say who wrote the story about Optimus Prime losing his virginity. Anyone can do it. th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the the th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the th. Do the the the the the their th. Do their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do their. Do their. Do their. Do their. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the. Do the the the the. Do the the the the the the. have to say who wrote the story about Optimus Prime losing his virginity. Anyone can do it. It could have been anyone. Now Ben, when I say to you, the Dutch, they discussed me. Yes. Is there any other country that's even coming close on your patented Ben's pervert meter. Kind of like, you know, you know, you know, you know the meter that like the ghost busters wave around? If you would have pointed at the Dutch, it'd be right up there. Both of the little prongs on the side would come right out.

The lights would be flashing at top speed. Any other countries you can think of that might set off that alarm? So this works the same as the guy on the Sunshine Coast with the laser COVID detector, where if you just pointed at a picture of the country or a sort of representation of the country to work as well. So if I'm taking my... You can point it at the flag? That'll certainly do it. If I'm out the front of one of those fancy hotels that has a lot of the flags of the world out the front and I point it at whatever the Falk the Netherlands flag looks like goes crazy. Some stripes. Probably. A tulip.

Giant weed leaf. A tulip. A giant weed leaf. Big weed leaf and a tulip. If I move it a little further on, a little blip on the Italian flag, a little bit of pervert energy there. Nothing on the sexually replaced English flag. Nothing there. Sorry the British flag I should say. And then, bam, we're going to do that famous red, white, and blue flag, or maybe blue, white and red flag we know in love. It's the French flag and it's going fucking crazy. BAMP, BAM. Ha ha, ha, ha.

New lights that you didn't even know were built into the pervert meter have started to flash. It's making sounds way louder than you would think would be possible for a small handheld device. It's got the big red light now that it has when they turn off the grid in Ghostbusters. The only type of alarms that we can compare these two. Yep, that's our only touch point for an alarm. It's the French. There are horrible people. They live a ridiculous, completely put upon life.

Their whole language is nonsense, which is probably perfectly encapsulated in this story. This is from CNN, which I believe stands for the Comedy News Network. Mm-hmm. Interesting. Thank you. I believe stands for the comedy news network. Hmm. Hmm. Interesting. Thank you. Armit is of the French language say, COVID is feminine.

Did you get me to read this one out because I have to say a bunch of French words now that I think about it? Well, it's someone else's turn. That's all I'll say. Okay. All right. For months, the people of France have faced an... Enigma! Enigma!

Enigma! An eunigmur! Was COVID-19-19-wereing across the globe masculine or feminine? Grammatically speaking, that is... Thank you for that clarification, CNN. In practical terms, should the French use a le or a la before the disease's name. Now the group charged with preserving the French language has spoken. COVID-19, the Academy Fronsei decided, is assuredly feminine, despite its increasingly

common usage with the masculine article. The group is a French institution upholding the French language by protecting it against things like anglicisms or other perceived threats. In this case their work relies in part on sorting out nouns by gender a grammatical construction common in many romance languages. Romance languages. You're fucking fancy we're you're from Europe when you go fuck yourself. Oh tables of men, congratulations. An example of the group's work, though many French people commonly use the phrase the weekend to refer to the weekend.

The Academy encourages the public to use La Fin de Sement, literally meaning the end of the week. In an effort to keep English out of the language, it's an act of preservation. No, you can't just call it the weekend, you have to call it something longer and more tortured to not give the Americans any satisfaction. I love her that like, no, no, la the weekend. And these like teens are like, non, the weekend. Fuck you, papa, it is the weekend. No, thick. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the weekend. No, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the weekend. We. We. We t. Wea. We have t. Wea. We t. t. te. te. te. te. te. the weekend. the weekend. the weekend. the weekend. the the the the it is the weekend. No, no. On TikTok, just like, Le Weekend. We must preserve our culture by calling it

the conclusion of the period of time known as the week. The little death of the roughly a quarter month. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'll look at a little weekend little weekend they also I can't even there was no I was gonna make that work a joke about the rapper of the same day that's it you assemble I was going there glad you went there we don't have to cover it they call him la fin disem so I've I've removed the vowels at the end there. I um, I wouldn't call him a rapper.

Hip-Hippop performer. Aptiste. Pop artist. What would you call him? Probably give him R&B, I guess. On Presence,ence do clown. Oh, we miss you, Theo. Great stuff for a weekend. His early EP's definitely had a rap pen to them. I don't know, listen to House of Balloons, bro.

No, I'm done listening to that guy. Fair enough. I get it. You don't get the weekend? No, it's not for me. Has a belong. I'm tired of doing coke with these models. Having too much sex and it makes me sad. Yeah, it's real fucking bummer, dude. He's a conglom.

I'm going to go and clean out the dishwasher. Shut up. Fucking prick. Anyway. Uh, made up of 40 select members. That's enough about Le Wecombe. Yeah, that is our famous Le Wequant bit. I wonder what rant is in French. Rant. Le Ront.

Made up of 40 select members, the Academy of France doesn't exactly dictate the way the general public talks. But this month, they've put their foot down. It's not the COVID-19 they say. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the their their their their their their their their, the, the, the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's. their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's, it's, it's. It's. It's. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the their their their their thetalks, but this month they've put their foot down. It's not le COVID-19, they say, it's L'Covid 19 using feminine article. When it comes to acronyms... Because it's a real bitch. Wow, it's probably, it's pretty problematic. Oh, I didn't, it's the French who did it. I mean, you're not quoting one of the people of the Academy of France saying, because it's a real bitch. Oh, sell me down the river, why don't you? Who side are you on? Mine or the French? Andrew, you are cancelled.

I am the weakest link. Remember... Nope. When it comes to acronyms or abbreviations, the gender of the word is determined by whatever word constitutes the core of the abbreviation. Example they use as the CIA, which takes the feminine article, La CIA. The reason, in French, CIA stands for... More, women, prison guards.

Uh, agent central, nope. Because, oh for fuck's sake, because agency has a feminine gender, the acronym of CIA is also feminine, hence the CIA. Keeping with this theme of governmental agencies, another example is the FBI. In French, it's Bureau Federal... I can't even, what a ridiculous language. I'm skipping that word. And Bureau is masculine.

So you're supposed to say, L-FBI. Donquette. Don-Doh-Doh. Donkhate? The Bureau of Federal. Donkatee. He's supposed to say, lo FBI because low is masculine.

Here's where COVID-19 comes in. COVID stands for coronavirus disease. In French, according to the Academy, that translates into Malady provocape the coronavirus, which in English means the disease caused by the coronavirus. Hmm. Malady is a feminine word. Melody. So it uses the feminine article. Hence, La Malady.

Therefore it should be Locovid 19. I believe it's a feminine word because it sounds like the name Melody. It sounds like Malady. Malaidi. M-mahidi. M-Mah-Mah-Mah-lady. Having coronavirus is very M-M-Milady. Having coronavirus is very malady. Oh my god. Remember Malady stuff from the internet?

If I could defend every woman from coronavirus, I would. And you've got the swords to do so. If I could jump in front of every coronavirus bullet making its way towards a perfect morn or small enough I'm not sure if you're trying to slice through a virus Sluss through le COVID. It's sort of like a as it's a real bitch Edge of tomorrow situation where you try to kill the head coronavirus thing. I don't know what you call it, individual bit of a disease. I believe it's known as the central disease nugget.

Yeah, so you're trying to get that nugget, but every time you're getting coronavirus and dying. Never quite making it to that central nug. Hmm. Whether or not the French will actually give up lecovid for L'covide remains, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the thi, thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to that central nug. Whether or not the French will actually give up le-covid for la-covid remains to be seen. Either way, most people likely want to quickly bid adieu to the disease, no matter the article. Shut the fuck up, CNN. I would love to bid a cold, um, Moulin Rouge to that virus. CNN The Clown News Network. I complain about this every time, but it's the worst thing to complain about because I know

that like when these dumb jokes are put into articles, this is by far like the highlight of that person's day, right? They're doing an otherwise serious job where they're like, oh, I get to have a little bit of fun with it. I hate it. I don't want your little fucking jokes. I don't want your little terrible puns. Just give me the report, Brian. Well, wherever the name is of the person that wrote this, I didn't look at the buying line. It's probably Brian. Brian, have fun. Eight hours of fun, eight hours of writing for CNN, eight hours asleep, pal. That's right.

Fuck you, Brian. Yeah, Brian, you hypothetical CNN employee, eat shit. Do clown. Brian, unclown. Oh damn. Oh my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Uh, so what's the time for now, Ben? Well, I was kind of hoping you were going to do this because I don't have the button to start the theme song.

Oh, if it's that time, then maybe I will push the big button for the theme of... That's your corner. Country Rums. Take me home. To the place. Nature Corner. Oh, it's so beautiful. Every time. Give me that one more time, Lucy. It seemed like that bird lost its mojo the same time we have. It's been a while since I've heard a crow, so why don't you just give me a fucking break.

The only nature I have here is a gecko that lives in our household. Yeah, they're pretty nice though. In fact, I feel like, was it a gecko or a skink that started Nature Corner? It was the geckos that lived in my former apartment that started Nature Corner, which honestly, now probably my favorite part of the podcast, I think. There you go. Because those stories are the most fun to look for. Everything else is very depressing. Yeah.

And I have to read about other countries I don't like, like friends in the Netherlands. Yuck. So this comes from a good wholesome country, the United States of America. Lucy, you may have heard of it. I certainly have. This is from the contiguous United States. This is from the main department of inland fisheries and wildlife. This is not really a news website, more of a government department website where they put up nice little stories on their blog. But the headline of

this blog entry is Bald Eagle Shot shot through the heart, by a loon! What? Shot through the heart by... Loon's to blame. So it definitely like, it seems like they're try to evoke, shot through the heart, because it wasn't shot, as we'll find out. So they've twisted the phrasing to make it that, but they're not made the second half half of of of of of of of of of half half half half half half half half half half of of of of of of of of of the head the phrasing to make it that but they're not made the second half of the headline match up with that in any way. They do want you to think that a bald eagle has been shot with a gun but

not by a hunter by a loon. Loons too blame you give loons. Bad then. That wasn't bad. Check out weird Andrew over here. Only loon here is fucking Andrew, am I right? Got him. Sometimes being a wildlife biologist means dealing with dead things. We get calls about all sorts of dead critters people find in their yards, on the highway, or washed up on shore. Sometimes we'll collect... Lots, probably, I don't know. I'm not on trial here. They're trying to tell you an interesting story about a bird. Sometimes we will collect these specimens for further study, or to provide to a museum for preservation. For instance, as part of a common loon mortality study, every year I encourage people to let me know if they find a dead loon.

So, then we could have a necropsy? Necropsy? Necropsy? Necropsy? Necropsy? How is that different to an autopsy? Autopsy is just on people? Well they say necropsy brackets wildlife autopsy. Ah, well let me explain because I have looked up the word necropsy and the definition is another term for autopsy. Yeah, well, fair enough. It's a very unexciting explanation to that. We ask people to tell us so that we can have a necropsy done to determine the cause of death. This allows us to understand the challenges these birds are up against and how we can

potentially alleviate those challenges. Well that's quite sweet. I deal primarily with water birds. Loons, herons, black turns, marshbirds. So when I heard from John Coley, Loon biologist at the Loon Preservation Committee of New Hampshire, there was a bald eagle found dead near a dead loon check on Highway Lake in Bridgeton last summer. I was intrigued. The bald eagle was collected by a main game mordin Neil Weik's

and brought to Norway veterinary hospital for a radiograph to determine if it had been shot. No metal showed up on the image but during the external exam a punctual wound on the eagle's teau, this punctual wound could have been due to an adult loon's beak as a result of its attempt to protect its chick from the eagle. A loon's best weapon is its dagger-like billed to attack adversary loons by the their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, th, their, th, their, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is the, is the, is the, isean, toge, toge, toge, toge, te, te, te, te, te, te, the, ise, ise, is its dagger like bill, and will often attack adversary loons by coming up from beneath the water surface with its bill straight towards the other loons sternum or chest. Many adult loons have several healed over sternal punches from fights like these. That's fucking nuts. Just like American President Andrew Jackson.

Hmm. Huh? Huh? What was that? Uh, American President Andrew Jackson. Huh? Got him. What was that? American President Andrew Jackson. What happened to him? Well, I was just talking to someone the other night, and we were trying to think of how many American presidents had been shot.

Um, Ronald Reagan got shot. Well, Ronald Reagan got shot by, um, Kennedy. I think he got shot. He almost definitely got shot by Kennedy I think he got shot he almost definitely got shot there was the the horny freak definitely got shot for sure the horny freak that was trying to impress an underage Joddy Foster after seeing her in taxi driver there was JFK he got what I would describe as significantly shot. He, yeah, look, on a scale of zero to shot,

who, he's right. 100, pretty shot. Yeah. Um, but Andrew Jackson apparently was shot several times because he was a real prick and was constantly challenging people to duel by pistols. He was a real fucking piece of shit and I'm glad he's dead. Just a real asshole. Big, big dickhead and he'd be like, what did you say about my wife as he was walking

past someone and he'd be like pistols. But because their guns were just like a ball bearing loaded into a party popper. It meant that he had just little bits of shot rolled around his lungs. So he would have had some little holes that were all healed over, just like a loon that had been in loon battles. See now when you were making a presidential comparison there, I thought for a second you were talking about the time Jimmy Carter got attacked by a giant rabbit while he was swimming. No, I wasn't aware of that one.

Yeah, that's real. Look that up. The Wikipedia page for it is Jimmy Carter Rabbit Incident. It's a great name for both a band and a Wikipedia article. The article continues here. Bald Eagles are protected by the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act. And typically, all dead eagles are sent directly to the National Eagle Repository in Colorado. I for one am just tantalized by the prospect of a National Eagle repository which may in fact be a large dumpstuffer

full of eagles. I'm picturing a sort of like Fort Knox situation. I just packed to the Guild of the Eagles. It made me think a lot of, you know, somewhere in South Dakota maybe, just pulling up to a service station that was just like, you can drop off your buckets of deer blood here. You're like, huh? Okay. I guess that's going all to the big deer blood bag. Sick. Classic America.

This strange country. We obtained special permissions from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service to send this individual to the National Wildlife Health Center in Madison, Wisconsin, for a thorough necropsy to determine if it could indeed have been killed by a loon. The reason this is so interesting to loon researchers is that such a case has not been documented before. We know conflicts between bald eagles and loons have soared in recent years as a result of the recovery of our eagle population.

We're seeing more and more eagle predation on loon chicks and even adult loons. Who would think a loon would think that? It's a very funny name for a bird. This whole thing sounds to me like a Monty Python sketch just from the repetition of the word lo loon for some reason. Loon chicks. Loon chicks. Tell me about it.

A bit of an oxymoron, am I right? Tell me more about my ex-wore. Wait, no, I went the opposite of an oxymoron. What's the one where one of the words is redundant? A tortology? Tortology. Tortology, that's the one. Right, is that what a... yeah, who cares. Sure enough, the pathologist to examine the eagle and loon chick in the lab called me shortly afterward to tell me it indeed looked as though the lune was the culprit in this eagle's death. The size of the puncture wound was similar to the size of a loon's bill, and it extended straight to the heart, which likely led to a quick, to to to to to to to the the to the the the the to the the the the to the the the to the the the the toe, the the the the the the the the the lune churnean quick death. Not only that, but the lunchick had puncture marks consistent with the spacing of eagle talents, there were no witnesses of what transpired.

Nat Woodruff found the dead eagle floating face down at 6 a.m. and appropriately left it there while they contacted the warden works first came upon the dead loon chick and then the dead loon check and then the eagle. The only other information we know is that a woman in a nearby cabin had heard a quote hullabaloo the previous night. Consistent with agitated loons. Sounds like bloody state of origin night in Queensland. Am I right? Well like a hullabaloon, you know?

Hmm. Huller balloon. Oh wait, maybe you'll like it this way. I did. That's true. That's better? You can use your imagination to formulate how this all played out on a highland lake that late July evening. Thank you, main department of inland fisheries and wildlife for permission to use my imagination. I, what I really appreciate about it is that the headline of this article says, a bald

eagle has been killed with a gun wielded by another bird. And then, and then, when you read the thing about two sentences in, they're like, hey, maybe that's what happened. Maybe the bird got killed by another bird. And then you get further down, and they're like, use your imagination to fill in the gaps about this thing that nobody saw. It's cool. It's kind of cool that like coming across this, because they initially thought it had been shot right that like they end up with the same thing that happens in no country for old men where like oh

he was shot but there's no exit wound and there's no bullet material inside the wound this eagle got Anton Schegerd by a loon. Must have been killed by a desert loon. He was next to his car. Oh so this is this is a story about you know stuff that happens out thi th th th th th th th th th this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that his car. So this is a story about, you know, stuff that happens outdoors by people that love the outdoors. How about we pivot to a story about a man who apparently really, really, really too much loves the indoors. Sounds good.

So this is a story from Friend of the show, Josh Taylor, writing at the Guardian. We covered this, I believe, when it initially happened, but we've got some further detail now. Stuart Robert had multiple notifications about excess internet data costs. He charged taxpayers. Stuart Robert, two first names, piece of shit. You could always tell they're going to be bad. Straight off.

Stuart Rubbitt received pages of bills noting excess data charges, adding up to hundreds of gigabytes a month and thousands of dollars, his mobile broadband bills reveal. In 2018, the MP, who was then the assistant treasurer and is now the government services minister, repaid almost 38,000 dollars he had charged taxpayers for internet access for his Gold Coast home in 2016. $38,000 of internet access. That's fucking crazy.

It was revealed the minister was charging up to $3,000 a month for his internet connection, about 20 times the average cost for internet for MPs. I would say, so I reckon a pretty normal cost for like a like an NBN connected broadband plan in Australia. I reckon like the plans probably go for like I'd say 60 to $90 a month on average. And that is for high-speed internet. Granted, it's not as high as the speed they get in other places in the world and it's more expensive than the average, but high-speed internet, unlimited data, there's no form of

capping, unlimited downloads, unlimited uploads. I think the average is probably somewhere around the $75 a month. I just signed up for an $80 one.00.00. It it it. It it. It it. It it. It, it. It, it. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's th. It's th. It's th, it's not th. It's not th i's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. It's not thi, it's not thi, it's not thi. I think the average is probably somewhere around the $75 a month. I just signed up for an $80 one that will start next week. I'm finally getting on the NBN baby. There you go. I won't have to tether my phone to record the podcast anymore. Life is looking good. Exciting.

So, you know, 75 bucks a month. I would say 100 max. A 100 max, right. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that's. that's. That's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I would say 100 a max. A hundred dollars a month. You're fucking, you're looking a dream. A hundred max, right? That's if you have been absolutely screwed on the plan you've signed up for. Yeah, you're with one of those like old sort of companies that are just still selling super overpriced broadband plans to like boomers that don't know the cheap ones exist. But um but for you know you know 75 bucks a month will cost you about $900 a year. So for $38,000 he could have 42 years of internet service. For $38,000 you could like pay someone full-time for a year to use the internet for you. Like you speak to them and tell them what you would like to Google and then they look it up and tell you about it. Yeah instead of Siri it's just the

person you have hired. It's Greg. Hey Greg. You're driving along with your wife and you're arguing about the name of the movie that Jessica Alba was in in the early 2000s and you say, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th, th th the th the the the the the the the the the the thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea thea the the the th of the movie that Jessica Alba was in in the early 2000s and you say hey Greg what was the name of the movie that Jessica Alba was in which played a dancer and he'll just pipe up from the back seat Jessica Alba starred in the movie Honey and then you just go quiet because your wife was right the whole time? But then he'll pop up and say furthermore Jessica Alba played a dancer in the film Sin City. Yeah, thanks Greg. Thanks Greg.

Thanks Greg. Would you like another ice cream, Greg? We'll get you one will we stop next. He gives Greg treats just to keep him in these good graces, you know. A little treaty for Gregie for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg for Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg. Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A, th. A, th, th. A, th, th, th, th, th. Thanks, that. Thanks, that. Thanks, that. Thanks, that. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. Gre. th. Gre. th. th. Gre. th. Gre. th. th. th. Gre. th. th. th. Gre. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Grea. Thanks, th. Grea. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks, th. Thanks he was only able to access mobile broadband services that had limited monthly downloads available and he had switched to a 4G connection because, quote, my family home is located a significant distance from the telephone exchange resulting in poor connectivity. My internet, like many in semi-rural areas, was previously unreliable, which interfered my ability to perform my parliamentary and ministerial duties.

The bills obtained under freedom of information lords reveal the minister would have been alerted many times over the course of months about his excess data usage. The three documents reveal Robert received several pages of bills noting hundreds of data, with the largest in 2016. Robert was provided 80 gigabytes worth of data on his plan every month, but went over this limit often hundreds of times. What's each one gigabyte block charged at $10 each each $10 each each the the the the the the the the the the t each tice ti ti ti ti ti ti ti times times times times times times times times times times times times times ti ti the the the the the times times to to the the the m the m the m the m the m the m the mne. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m the m the m the m the m the m the m the m the m th.0000.00.00.00.00.00.00. tm. tm. tm. tea. tea. tea. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the t, but went over this limit often hundreds of times With each one gigabyte block charged at $10 each How can you go that much over your 80 gigabyte data? Come on, bro. Well, here's here. I've been trying to figure this out right because I Because I, let's imagine hypothetically that one were to illegally download many, many high definition movies, right? Mm-hmm.

Are you doing the fucking Aeroid legal disclaimer? Someone who isn't me, it may have done these things in the past. But like, now, apart from the fact that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thank, like, like, like, thank, like, like, like, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the the the the the the the toe, like, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to, to, to, to done these things in the past. But like, now apart from the fact that like, like I said, your average NBN plan involves like unlimited data, right? So like the normal sort of plan for anything involves unlimited data. But even then, even before that, when some hypothetical person had internet plans that were capped at like, you know, 60 or 70 gig a month or something like that. That hypothetical person, I have to keep remembering this, um, never, never like came close to capping out any of those things with all of the watching streaming stuff online and all that sort of stuff.

I just, I cannot even begin to comprehend what you must be doing to be maxing out, not only maxing out an 80 gig thing a month, but then going over over and over again. The only thing where like, you know, we've managed to at my place go over a whole bunch of times is where like me and my wife have had shared like shared like shared data on our mobile things and our internet went out for like most of the month went out for like several weeks and we just had to use our phones for everything we had to like tether the phones so the kids could watch stuff on TV or we had to like just fucking use it for everything and then you wind up sort of going over your cap

and it'll go up another gig that's another $10 but in this case it was the same company that have fucked up my home broadband and I was able to just say I won't be paying for that because oh that's good well yeah I was like no no it's you guys who haven't fixed my broken broadband th bro bro bro bro th and I th and I th and I th and I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that I th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that because... Oh, that's good. Well, yeah, I was like, no, no, it's you guys who haven't fixed my broken broadband that I pay for through you for weeks and weeks in a row, necessitating the use of my phone that is also with you. So I just won't be paying for that, and they went, sure. But like, what is happening in this scenario?

How is he... I was ready to sort of, you know, we all want to pile on top of this man. I'm looking at my own meted usage for this month. So this is from... this is a combination of upload and download. Starting from the 5th of May to today, we're recording on the 21st, so it's 3 weeks. I've used 243 gigs so far. Oh my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. I don't know how I've done that. I don't know how much I'm using. Netflix? Streaming? Oh, you love that Netflix. You're always watching your shows. I'm watching my programs. I mean

here's all right let's I go a little further here. It has understood that customers on plans such as Roberts were alerted by text and email when they reached 50% 75% and 100% of their monthly quota and each time an excess data charge was added which is hundreds of times. Hundreds of a look. It'll be multiple times a day, right? In one month Robert used 387 gigabit of data. I mean we can do that math right there so that's 300 gigabytes over and he's getting a notification for every single one of those times every single one of those gig. So he is getting 10 messages a

day telling him, hey, you've gone over your data limit, you've gone over your data limit again by another gigabyte. It's getting a lot of those. Well maybe I'm going to have to apologize to Stuart Robert as well. I'm just looking at my usage, my usage, my usage for... Are you seeing this? How are you finding this? I've logged into my ISPs thing. Oh, I see. And it says, oh, there's seven days left in this period, so one week left of this period, three weeks in,

and I have used 600 gigabytes. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What are you doing? Brok? Holy shit! I think that includes uploads too though. I think it does combine them but that still is like that isn't it. It's a lot. What is happening? Holy shit man. Well that includes what? That includes what could possibly justify this? Hey buddy who watches high-definition movies off my server in their house?

You mean you do? Who watches high definition movies off someone that isn't your server? Hey those are all movies that I purchased a Blu-ray video of and ripped and then put on a server and then I smashed the Blu-ray video with a hammer and threw in the bin. Thank you so much. Just get a streaming service. Crazy. Well I have those too, it's just there's other stuff I want. Good God, look at that.

So one, but on the 13th of April I downloaded 72 gigabytes. That's nuts. My biggest day on here I did 40 gig in one day and I'm pretty sure that's I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I got that's I got that's I got that's I got. I got th. Just. th. Just th. th. th. to to th. to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get just to get just to get just to get just to get just just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. I to get to get to get. I to get. I to get. I to get. I to get. I to get. I to get. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm to to th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to get to to get to get to get to to get to get to get to get to get th. Just. I nuts. My biggest day on here I think was I did 40 gig in one day and I'm pretty sure that's because I bought a PlayStation game on that day and so it... Oh okay this all of a sudden makes a lot more sense because... Yeah I just realized that every Call of Duty download is like 30 gigabytes. When I... That is... I wonder if that's when it was because like... Oh you think it might be a gamer? You think Stuart Robert is a gamer? Stupid Robert has been...

Get the latest AAA games! I wonder if the 14th of February was when I got the new Call of Duty game because I downloaded 97 gigabytes of data in that day. Well, that's it, probably. Like, you literally have to download and replace the whole fucking thick. th. th. th. th. th. It. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thi. It's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. St, th. St, th. S, th. S, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thi. Stuart, thin, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, thi. Stuart Robert, th day. That's it. Probably. Like you literally have to download and replace the whole fucking game. It's 120 gig worth of shit that you wind up downloading. That's nuts. That's too much. It is nuts. It is insane, yeah.

So we have to also keep in mind that this is us looking at our stats in 2020. This is from 2015. Hmm. He's got multiple call of duty games. He's got like, oh my boy. He's got a real, he's got everything going on there. So Josh has provided some statistics here for a little bit of help. So for comparison in late 2015, NBN reported the average user on its fixed broadband service was downloading about 112 gigabytes a month. That figure is now 258 gigabytes a month. That's the average on broadband. That's wild. Robert would have received hundreds of notifications that he was going over his allocated data if he had them turned on. The bills were

approved by the Department of Finance noting it was correctly rendered and within entitlement but Robert ultimately agreed to pay back the money. What do you reckon? 4K porn? but Robert ultimately agreed to pay back the money. What do you reckon, 4K porn? What is in 4K porn? I mean. Just more pixels. I feel like I don't want more pixels. I definitely don't want like razor bumps.

I don't want an HD rendering of pornography. You're like, if we're gonna get... You're setting it at 540, like you can override the auto, you're like, no, no, no, no. Let's keep a real basic. Let's take this down a notch. That's like some real, like, I think, you know, people watch porn, it's normal, whatever, uh, it's good for them I never get down to something I would see on a Nokia Engage I just like who is because like if you've got a regular fucking laptop right 4k porn's gonna do nothing for you so this is

for the weird ass fucking perverts that are watching like porn on their TV yeah which is a weird thing to do. It's, I mean, obviously one of the ultimate luxuries, but also, it's disgusting hedonism. Yeah. Oh, how good your life that you have a room that you can whack it in? Fantastic. Very happy for you. You're whacking it room.

What a giant, fucking 60-inch TV in there, looking at all that razorbird and saying, I earned this. Look, I'll say this. I'll say this. I... Oh, Andrews here was an ad-it-a-take-off. Okay, all right. Here we go. Here we go.

I will say that as a big time permit, who is like, hey, porno, if you're like, hey, porno, you can look at it on your phone. You can look it on your computer. These things are fine. Check out porno if you've had that. Check out pornography. Not sure if you've heard of it. But it's all free. Nobody gets paid for it. And that's great. But yeah, so like a lot of TVs now have a Chromecast thing in the moment. You can have your cormcast. And one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's, I I I th. It's, I th. It's, I th. It's, I th. th. th. It's, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's, th. It's th. It's th. It's that. that. th. the. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. a moment or whatever. You can have your Chromecast? And one day I was like, you know what?

It's bloody, let's have a treat. Let's put that on the old television. And after about three seconds, I was like, no. No. It's too big. Everything on the screen is bigger than it would be in real life, which is already a problem. Which is probably great for some people. Yeah, sickos. God damn sickos. You want to crawl up inside a butt, but not me. Not me, I just want to watch some regular old footage.

I'll take a VHS over that, you know? VHS on a nice little 24-inch, 4-3 screen. Yeah, it leaves an element of history. I- It's some of three screen. Yeah, it leaves something, leaves an element of history. I uh... It's sort of to the imagination. One time I was like, we're in the markets or something and George ran into some friends of hers where like she knows the woman from the relationship quite well and the guy like a little bit or whatever. And like that weird like thing that will happen with quite straight couples where they will sort of like split the conversation off into halves. I'm like left there standing with a dude where I'm like, oh please I wish I was still in the conversation with George why have this happened?

And the guy like decided that like the first thing you would ever say to me on having first met me for the first time literally like he said hello and then he's gone into I just bought a new very big HD TV. And the first thing I did was watch port on it. That's like, wow, that's pretty, that's dope dude. Fair happily. Why? And you're like, who are you?

I don't know who you are. And I don't need to know that like six hours ago you were janking your horrible dick to fucking today. Just tell me, yeah, bro. I watched Fast and Furious 7 on it It was amazing and I'd be like really great detailed porn. You don't want HD for porn No, he could have said I watched a movie the sound was great. The sound was great. the sound was great. And you would have been like cool. He could have been talking about jacking off and you would have been like. Sounds great. I love movies. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I was. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I was. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th sounds great. I love movies dude, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, inception. Christopher Nolan, fuck yeah.

Oh yeah, bro. Oh, does the top ever fall down? I don't know. That guy's a genius. That guy's a genius. Find equals blown. Remember when everyone was all on the, Christopher Nolan's a genius tip and now everyone's like, actually? Maybe not. Christopher, no man. Wow.

Oh. Oh. That's why people are coming back to this podcast for those gags. Oh. I think we've got time for one more thing here. Yeah. Uh, Andrew, you in a position where you could perhaps play an audio clip that I will not, I'm not going to say what it is. All right, if you want me to play the clip of that porn you were watching and jacking off

to and loving, then, okay, here we go. All right, so... So, oh, you're playing it. It's happening. Just ask me to play it. Okay. Ben. I think if you look, Oh, I was going to say, did you forget that there is a bunch of dialogue on the screen?

I might of, yeah. Okay, so I'm going to start it again. I'm going to read the screen during this is... I might of, yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna start it again, I'm just, I'm gonna read the captions out for you and imagine that I am some type of adman. Okay. Start it again. Women hold just 10% of all patented inventions. Wow. Fortunately, most young girls are unaware of that fact. I think if you look around at so many of the technologies that are available today. to today, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and the th, and the, and the the, and the the, and the, and the of, and the of, and the of, and I'm the of the of thi, and I'm their the of their their their thi, and I'm that, and I that, and I that I that I that I that I that I that, and I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I thi, and I, and I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I their the the the the the the the the the the today, I'm today, I'm their their today, I'm the their their their today, I'm their their the of the of the of the of the of are unaware of that fact. I think if you look around at so many of the technologies that are available today, there are so many brilliant female minds that are behind it. A lot of times when people think about our worlds, you think that all the knowledge has already been acquired, or how can you further it?

But that's when inventors come into play. They constantly push the boundaries of what we think is possible. It's important to imagine things that don't exist yet, because you see the possibility for things to happen. You kind of let your brain be free. Who knows, maybe you can actually make it something real. Back in the old days, women were in the kitchen. be free. Who knows, maybe you can actually make it something real. Back in the old days, women were in the kitchen, women looked pretty on the stage, but now, women and girls are building things. So I thought, why not I be the change that I want to see in the world?

My name's Ava, I'm 16 16 and I'm from Ireland. I'm working on an invention that detects the amount of harmful dyes in soft drinks and sweets. My name is Gatangeli, I'm 13 years old, and my invention helps detect lead and drinking water. My name is Sophia. I'm 16 years old and I'm working on an invention to detect sinkholes before they collapse. What's this? That's why we created. That's why we created.

Now, it's Miss Monopoly. She's unwrapping a game called Ms Miss Monopoly. This that goes for another minute, so. She's unwrapping a game called Miss Monopoly. Uh, so you're talking about Monopoly for chicks? Uh, it's Monopoly for Broads, yeah. Oh, oh. So, this- Is it some kind of special board where you're big swinging cans or getting the way? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, oh my gosh. You've absolutely destroyed yourself with your own joke and I hope you feel good. My goodness. Oh, joke for idiots. No, it's so much, it's somehow worse than that. Just to be clear, this is the version of the ad that circulated on Twitter, right? This is the one that people saw because Twitter has like a pretty hard time limit on how long the videos can be.

So it's cut off before the end of the ad. But the way that this was like, people said, pause it at a certain point, and then see if you, which is the most patronizing and a horrible condescending thing in the world. Oh, but it's not because it's monopoly where women, women players make, women players make more money than male players. But that box also had $20,000 in it? The back half of the ad was that those three girls got a Miss Monopoly set with $20,000 in cash.

Oh, I see. So they got a grant or something. Yes. Yes. Does every Miss Monopoly? No, not at all. So three women, three very talented young women, you know, they get $20,000 from Hasbro, that's they can work on their inventions more. That's fucking fantastic. What everybody else is left with is just a garbage, shittier version of an already very shitty game. Can I read this description? Because it... I would love that so much. I'm very happy reading it. Female players get nineteen hundred dollars at the start of the game and male players get $1,500.

Oh, feminism is... I love it. Yeah. Slay, Queen, when passing go. Female players get $240 while passing go, while male players only get the standard $200 as in the normal game. In addition, the game differs from regular monopoly in that properties are replaced by properties are replaced by Spankees by Spankeye's tp cookies, including Wi-Fi, to which

Hedy Lamar and Radia Perlman contributed, modern shape-weigh, and chocolate chip cookies. chip cookies invented by Ruth Graves Wakefield. Thank you Ruth Graves Wakefield. Yeah, that one's that really rules. You got Wi-Fi and chocolate chip cookies. I you for the sky's the limit. Tokeens have been replaced with new ones. A notebook and a pen, a jet, a glass, a watch, a barbell, and Miss Monopoly's white hat. Chance and cute. Can I just note? I think that tokens have been replaced with new ones

is possibly saying more than they intended. It's true. Yes. Tokens have been replaced with new tokens. Chance in community chess cards also provide different payouts for men and women. Sometimes the payout is higher for women and sometimes for men. Jail and luxury taxes are maintained from their regular game. The castral state still exists. So at least we got that. God. God. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, tote. It's tote. It's tote. It's tote. It's tote. It's tote. It's tote. It's tote. from their regular game. The castral state still exists, so at least we got that.

So this is the first, the first time in the board game's long history when they've introduced a new character since Mr. Monopoly and that's obviously the titular Ms. Monopoly. No, Ms. She's also very titular. Hey. Oh. Oh. So Miss Monopoly is an advocate whose mission is to invest in female entrepreneurs. So that's, that's cool.

Instead of being a landlord, she gives cash to apps. Like, what if it's an app but for designing headstones for your dog? It's just an heiress. An heiress, that's what we need. More women, prison guards. Oh yeah, it really is more prison, women guards, the game. Are we meant to believe that she's independently wealthy or that she has sort of, you know, to part of the Monopoly dynasty, she already started off on a, you know, on fourth.

I believe she's, she's Mr. Monopoly's niece or something? I think she's the, I think she's the Anna Nicole Smith to the elderly Mr. Monopoly. Oh, I guess. She's self-made. She might have invented Spanks. It's kind of closer to a Paris Hilton situation because she does come from a hotel empire. From the Monopoly boards, you know, hotels and Paris Hilton is... I like this great quote here from Hasbro's press release. Miss Monopoly is also the first ever game where women make more than men. A fun spin in the game that creates a world where women have an advantage often enjoyed by men. However, if men play their cards right, they can make more money too.

What does that mean? I don't know. This is another fun fact about this. So what of the female... Hold on what do you mean by fun? Not like crazy fun. It's more sad. One of the women not mentioned by the game as one of the inventors and entrepreneurs and what have you is a woman,

called Lizzie McGee, who is a woman that actually created the game that Monopoly straight-up ripped off. As many of you will probably already know because it's a fun fact to rub in people's faces. Monopoly was designed as a game that sucks. It's like the whole point of the original game which Lizzie McGee created, the Landlords game was that it was meant to quickly demonstrate how everything in life benefits people that already have money and how landlords are so strongly advantaged over tenants that they will quickly take over. The game is meant to suck and for some reason they just like stole it, packaged it up and then keep sort of pretending that it's a fun game to play with your friends somehow.

Pretty cool. We weirdly suck so much. It bites. The one aspect that they kept is the, it makes everybody hate each other. Makes everybody hate each other and it goes for too long. You know what, um, we have like kids monopoly. We have like my first monopoly game, you know, um, and it's better than the adult one because like it has just a couple of basic rule tweaks right number one if

you land on a property that is not owned by someone you are obliged to buy it so you have to buy it that's in regular monopoly as well well that's not how people play it but but certainly in the rulebook. And if as soon as you run, as soon as one person runs out of money, the whole game is over. So, like if you land on a property and you're meant to buy it, but you don't have enough money left to buy it, you are bankrupt now and the whole game is over. And you just count however much money people have left and whoever has the most wins and whoever has the second most comes second and so on. And it makes the games just kind of stop pretty soon.

That's pretty good. Because you wouldn't want like one child to be like, hey, you don't get to play anymore because you have no money while the rest is still going. Yeah and also like kids of that kind of age of around the kind of five, six sort of age, after like five or ten minutes of doing thing like that they're like, I don't care anymore. I don't care. I don't want to keep doing this indefinitely. So it just makes it kind of stop after a bit. And I'm like they should be the rules for adult games too. It just stops at some point. It'd be great. Well folks that's it for us and you can just imagine a world in which men get less money and you get more. Bam that's equality.

Everything's solved that is fucking equality. More women's CEOs. Yes, bitch! Beautiful. What if we bought women's inventions instead of property? Just, I just don't feel like it's saying what they wanted to say. It certainly is not. My goodness. But, congrats to those girls who got 20 large,

that's it. Yeah, I'm happy for them. Good con. Good con they've done. Good scam. Yeah, good on you. Getting into the sciences so you could grift 20K from Hasbro. Spend it all on weed, drop out of school. That's right. Thank you for listening. This is of course another one of our bonus episodes on the free feed, but also if you subscribe to the show you will get even more episodes of the Bones podcast, the bony whitefish, that I'm doing with Riley. We're recapping a TV show from 2009. It doesn't make any sense.

It's completely ridiculous, but it's also fun. That sounds like shit. It's so good. It's the dumbest thing. We've ever done. So it's enjoyable. They refer to things like the GFC as the economic mess. Oh boy. It's the dumbest thing we've ever done. So it's enjoyable. They refer to things like the GFC as the economic mess. Oh boy. It's just great stuff. The big old economic hotpot we're in right now. That big old mess that that Obama guy did, you know? Wonderful stuff, but you can hear that on the bonus feeds, the Patreon Vista and Trash Future. So if you subscribe to one or both of those, it's not illegal to subscribe to both. You'll be able to hear that shirt too. That's it for us folks. Thank you and from us let us say,

a goodby, goodby, goodby is six birdie.