Boonta Vista - UNLOCKED: The Theo Philes XIII - The Wet Mecha Of Your Body / A Japanese Or Peruvian Antichrist

Episode Date: October 1, 2023

Unlocked for your pleasure! It's a Theo Philes from back in July about extraordinary accounts of the paranormal from an esteemed chemist and a 14th century atlas documenting the real and incredible wonders of the globe. *** Get more episodes like this from our Patreon at patreon.com/BoontaVista

Hello, it's me, Ben from the podcast, Buntavista. We all had a bunch of stuff on this week, so instead of getting a new episode, you are getting an unlocked bonus episode from the archives. This is a Theo-files that Theo and I recorded back in July, that I think is very nice, and I think you might enjoy, maybe. If you like this sort of stuff and you want to get the Theophiles closer to when they're released, consider subscribing to the podcast and patron. But also, you will probably get it eventually. So if you don't want to, you don't have to.

I hope you have a lovely day or night. Yep. Stay safe out there. Come one, come all, and gather round, we'll tell our tales to thee of saints and hores and demon cause of sights for all to see. Come ye all around the fire and listen all the while to tales of holes and mystery. We call the Theophiles.

We call the Theophiles. I say you don't want to do an intro? Oh, fucking hell, Jesus. I've had such a long day. Should we just start again? Yeah, let's just start again. All right. You've got an intro, so you should start talking.

Okay. Christ. Hello. Hello, and welcome to Buntavista. It's a Theofioles episode, which exists outside of our normal timeline that we decided and we think it's about 12-ish. Yeah. I'm Theo. That's Ben and this is our social media pregnancy announcement post. It's very exciting. You know we've been together a very long time a lot of people have been asking you know where's the baby

where's the baby? Well if you look? Well, if you look to your right, and you're left, when you see it on the screen, would be flipped around. It's right there in Ben's belly. And with me today, of course, is Ben. Mm-hmm. I've got a bun in the oven. We're very excited. You're very excited. You're excited. Oh boy. I'm going to the pit-a-p little feet? You hear? No. Not yet. Nope, it's suspended and amniotic fluid. Yeah, sort of the wet, split-splap of, yeah. Unborn baby limbs moving around. Yeah. That's very exciting. Sorry, I suppose we should probably should talk about the shirts that we're wearing as well. Almost forgot the custom shirts we had made. Hang on, what's mine say? It says? I'm, I'm, I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the the, I'm the, sort the, it's, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort, sort. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sort, sort, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the custom shirts we had made. Hang on, what was mine say? It says, I'm the stud who got my wife pregnant by, let's see, with my hot semen.

Yeah. And you've got a shirt on that says, says, I was bred like a prized cow. Yeah. My husband creampied me and the stuff that didn't drip onto the floor eventually became a baby. Yeah, and this is sort of like the more, it's a kind of a more highbrow episode that we would do. We talk about curios from the world of science and history. A lot of it's not funny. It's interesting. Yeah, it's, th. Yeah. Yeah, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, my th, my thi, my th, my thi, thum, thum, thi, my thi, thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi, my thi. My th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. My th, my th, my th th, my th th th th th th th th th th thi. My thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi do. We talk about curios from the world of science and history. A lot of it's not funny. It's interesting. Yeah. See, I was going to wear my other shirt that

I have that's an arrow and it's pointing to you and it says, I'm with stupid. And by the way, I'm also kind of his cum dumpster and I kept the cum and I'm using that come to make a baby. Yeah. Yeah. We've got too many shirts made. Couldn't decide. Yeah, it's tough. I think people are very weird about this stuff. I don't know if you've noticed. Have you seen this?

Have you heard about this? Yeah. Where it be like the baby is wearing a little ones that says, I'm a little one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that cum that came out of dad's penis. Yeah, I was some jizz and an egg once. Yeah, isn't that weird? At one point you were two different things. Yeah. Isn't that strange? Theo, have you ever had a dream and then had the events of that dream subsequently come to pass in waking life? No.

Well, that's quite interesting because thalium is a chemical element with a symbol TI, the atomic number 81. It's a soft, highly electrically conducting metal with a low melting point of around 344 degrees Celsius. I think they make transmission lines out of thalium. When all you've got is transmission lines, everything looks like a, the thalium used to make transmission lines. So true. As they say, Thalium is used for infrared optics, it's used in the construction of photo resistors and it's previously been used in nuclear cardiography and as a rat poison.

Although... Oh now it's coming back to me, thalium? No, I'm thinking, keep going. Nuclear stuff. They would discontinued because they found better ways of doing nuclear cardiography and also because the better ways of exterminating rats as well. It was discovered independently by two scientists. Claude August LeMay and Sir William Crooks. Both of them successfully isolated the element by 1862, but Crooks was the first to publish about it. So suck it, Claude August. Yeah. It was named Thalium from the Greek Thalos,

meaning a green chute or twig. Now they called it that due to Thalium's bright green spectral emission lines. Yeah, so they were doing that thing where you burn it or whatever and then you look at the colors that come out. Holy fuck. Chemistry, rocks, don't you want to become a scientist instead of a tradie? Yeah, yeah. Check out the University of Southern Queensland. This is from his account of discovering an anomalous substance while attempting to extract

to lullurium from a seleniferous deposit, which we've all done. He recounted this in the June 1861 edition of the London, Edinburgh, and Dublin Philosophical Magazine and Journal of Science. He wrote thusly, in the purest state that I have as yet succeeded in obtaining this substance, it communicates as definite a reaction to the pure estate that I have as yet succeeded in obtaining this substance, it communicates as definite a reaction to the flame as soda. Like the fake country off the side of England for Thomas the Tank Engine? Soda? Yeah.

Is that what that's called? Oh you're saying S-O-D-A? Yeah, I think like baking soda or... Ah, okay. I was thinking S-O-D-O-O-R, the fake country that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th-tom-tom-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-a-s-s'-s'-a-tha-a-a-tha-O-D-A? Yeah, I think like baking soda or... Ah, okay. I was thinking S-O-D-O-R, the fake country that Thomas the Tank Engine exists in. Which I believe is actually from someone frantically shouting, Sold the Door. You remember that TV show that everyone was talking about for a while there. You guys remember Game of Thrones? What ever happened to that? I think there were some books as well. The Game of Thrones series. That's right. The smallest trace introduced into the burner of the spectrum apparatus giving rise to a brilliant green line, a perfectly sharp and well defined upon a black background at almost rivaling the sodium line in brilliancy. I was going to say. One of the brilliant lines, as we all know.

And this, of course, the man was an incredible scientist, an incredible chemist. This wouldn't be the only time his research was published. I also have some text to quote you here from an article he had published in the quarterly Journal of Science in January of 1874. The phenomena I am prepared to attest to are so extraordinary and so directly opposed the most firmly rooted articles of scientific belief amongst others the ubiquity and invariable action of the force of gravitation, that even now on recalling the details of what I witnessed, there is an antagonism in my mind between reason, which pronounces it to be scientifically impossible, and the consciousness

that my senses, both of touch and sight, and these corroborated as they were, by the senses of all who were present, are not lying witnesses when they testify against my preconceptions. He's torn, he's seen something. Yeah, he's saying, hey, I know I'm going to dump some shit on you soon. Yeah, fucking gird you shit, because he's about to be rocked. But the supposition that there is a sort of mania or delusion which suddenly attacks a whole room, full of persons who are quite sane elsewhere and that they all concur to the minutest particulars in the details of the occurrences of which they sympodes of themselves to be witnesses seems to my mind more incredible than even the facts they attest.

Oh my God, they got a up-close magician. Yeah, he's describing seeing someone make a coin vanish for the first time. Are we all mad? Or is this young gentleman trafficking with the devil for real? How about our intellectual resources abandoned us? The article from which I'm quoting is titled, Notes of an Inquiry into the phenomena called Spiritual during the years 1870 to 1873. Yes. I really like that the phenomena called spiritual, it's reminiscent to me of how chiropractic sounds like an adjective but they use it as a noun.

Yeah. Spiritual I think of as being an adjective, the spiritual experience. Here is more from that article. The subject is far more difficult and extensive than it appears. Four years ago I intended only to devote a leisure month or two to ascertain whether certain marvelous occurrences I have heard about but stared the test of close scrutiny. Have rocks, why can't we have leisure months anymore? What a lifestyle! You're like, well I have a couple of leisure months at my disposal this year, so I might be taking a leisure month in late spring. I shall inquire into spiritual for a month or so and to see what comes out of it.

Having, however, soon arrived at the same conclusions as I may say, every impartial inquirer that there was, quote, something in it, I could not, as a student of nature's laws, refuse to follow the inquiry wheresoever the facts might lead. Now you might note that the title of that article was nocivon in to the phenomena called spiritual during the years, 1870 to 1873. So he's leisure month or so, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th,'s Leisure Month or so turned the two. He got a few in. He had a leisure three years going on there and good on it because he used that time to develop something of a classification system for paranormal phenomena. Oh yeah.

I'm not going to read all of them too because some of them quite tedious but I am going to read a select few. So this is from a class 5 event, which is the rising of tables and chairs off the ground without contact with any person. Oh yeah. Which is a classic, I think, of the like 1800s spiritual medium ship. Ah, chair! I don't think anyone could, no one could argue against that classification either. Of it being class 5? Yeah. I don't know if this is necessarily a power ranking, although they do seem to get better over time, so maybe it is. Quote, a remark

is generally made when occurrences of this kind are mentioned. Why is it only tables and chairs which do these things? That is a good point. He's having a little fun with it as well. He knows how ridiculous this is. But there is a little, like so many things, there's something to it. There's a kernel here. Yeah, there's a little proof within the pudding. Yeah. Why is this property peculiar to furniture? the th this in a different way, this is definitely a stand-up routine. Yeah. You guys ever notice that it's only tables and chairs that get levitated during Victorian seances? What is the deal with that? I might reply that I only observe and record facts, and do not profess to enter into the why and wherefore. Stop asking.

But indeed it will be obvious that if a heavy inanimate body in an ordinary dining room has to arrive off the floor, it cannot very well be anything else but a table or a chair. Yeah, no, he's got you there, doesn't they? Well, I mean, there's going to be what about like a side table? I guess it's a table. Pantry? Well, I guess the presumption is that it's always going to happen in a house, right? Like, you very infrequently see scenes of like someone in a forest. That is true. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr- thr- like, thr-like, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thr-a. Like, thr-a. Like, thr-a. thro. thro. th. thro. thr-a. thro. thr-a. thr-a. th the like toads start rising up. That is true.

You rarely see a levitating toad. And then they throw them at you. Well, except for in that one Star Wars movie, what was up with that little guy? It's my belief that Yoda is a little frog creature of some guy. He's a little reptilian fella. What does he look like that? Only five hands high. That this propensity is not specially attached to furniture, I have abundant evidence. Yeah, yeah. But like other experimental demonstrators, the intelligence or power, whatever it may be, which produces these phenomena can only work with the materials which are available.

Yeah. Yeah. In a dining room, you only have tables and chairs. intelligence or power, whatever it may be, which produces these phenomena can only work with the materials which are available. In a dining room, you only have tables and chairs. So that's what they're going to levitate. Maybe if you put some barbells in there, they'd start lifting those. Well again, like, yeah, okay, so there's always, their house, so's always going to have tables and chairs, but why is it always in a house? Yeah, maybe, how about do this at the library? Do this... What a sex shop? Do this at a Victorian-era sex shop? On five separate occasions, a heavy dining table rose between a few inches and one-half feet off the floor, under special circumstances which rendered trickery impossible. Yeah. Cool, they're in the magneto prison.. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm, I I I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm, how, how, how thi, how about, how about th. th. th. th. th. th. How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, how about thi. thi. the. thi. theat theat the. the. the. the. the. How about the. How about do th. trickery impossible. Yeah. Cool, they're in the Magneto prison. I'm thinking, I'm thinking trickery.

Oh, come on. No. There was a chance for trickery. Oh, then. Well, we'll see. On another occasion, a heavy table rose from the fore in full light while I was holding the medium's hands and feet. Which, you gotta kind of picture the post. What do you reckon? Medium is holding their own feet and then he in turn is holding the medium's hands. So that he's sort of got them all clamped down. It's so funny. Like, this completely serious man, otherwise, getting just like, fucking danger-fielded. He goes mad.

And he passed a hula hoop the whole way around his body. On another occasion, the table rose from the floor, not only when no person was touching it, but under conditions which I had prearranged so as to assure unquestionable proof of the proof of the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thu, thu, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, got the, getting, getting, the, the, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, getting, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their their thean, to their to thean, thean, thean, thean, threateate, the, the, the, the, the table rose from the floor, not only when no person was touching it, but under conditions which I had prearranged so as to assure unquestionable proof of the fact. Again, no description. So I assume he's in the Magneto prison. Clear walls, nothing in there but a plastic table and chairs. And yet it rises. And then when we come to class six, the levitation of human beings. Oh shit. Yeah, the real deal, the big leads. This has

occurred in my presence on four occasions in darkness. Great start. I was in a pitch black room but some crazy shit happened I believe. And I said, hey, can I turn the light on so I can see that? They said no. Oh, we're out of lamp oil. I'm so sorry. The test conditions under which they took place were quite satisfactory, so far as the judgment was concerned. But ocular demonstration of such effect is so necessary to disturb our preformed opinions as to the naturally possible and impossible that I will hear only mention cases in which the deductions of reason were confirmed by my sense of sight.

Yeah, so he's saying... You've got to see it to believe it. Yeah. I have definitely witnessed it at times when I haven't seen it, but I'm only going to tell you about the times where I've witnessed it by seeing it. I have felt some tables rising like you would not believe. Yeah, didn't see it though. Yeah, I just, you know when it happens, you just know. This guy's a science man, through and throat. That's right. He discovered thalium, Thorium, one of them. The most striking case of levitation which I have witnessed have been with Mr. Home, and we'll get into Mr. Home later.

On three separate occasions I have seen him raised completely from the floor of the room. Once sitting in an easy chair, once kneeling on his chair and once standing up. On each occasion I had full opportunity of watching the occurrence as it was taking place. It just seems like a minimum for a scientific test. Why are you like, I'd all say there were other opportunities where I wasn't watching, but he swear to God it happened. Yeah. You don't need to include those.

Hey, were you levitating behind me just that? Oh yeah, I was. Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. to. to. th. th. tho. tho. th. tho. th. th. th. th., it was a good one too. Three feet. There are at least a hundred recorded instances of Mr Holmes rising from the ground in the presence of as many separate persons. A hundred levitations, a hundred people. That's a price. So, 10,000 witnesses or 100 witnesses? What are we going here? Yeah, 10,000, definitely. There were a hundred different people for each of those hundred. Yeah, the whole township of Serena saw it happen. Check out, Serena. Have you ever thought, is there anything 35 kilometers south of the Mackay? You betcha. Well, in a sense, there's a town there, but in a sense, there's nothing really there. I have heard from the lips of the three witnesses to the most striking occurrence of this kind.

These are his three witnesses, the Earl of Dunraven, Lord Lindsay, and Captain C. Wynne. Which actually reminds me of a diet that I've been recently. Absolutely, yeah. Can you tell us more about it? Nope. Their own most minute accounts of what took place. I don't really understand how that fit to the sentence, but to reject the recorded evidence on this subject is to reject all human testimony whatever. For no fact, in sacred or profane history is supported by a stronger array of proofs. Man. Yeah, until something was documented by a photograph, at which point it was insanely surpassed.

This is amazing. If you don't believe that these three guys saw a man levitate, that you can't believe... What do you believe? Anything. Yeah, we may as well, the whole human endeavor, throw it in the bin. Next I have class seven, which is movement of various small articles without contact with any person. How is that different from class five? Well, class five is large objects. Oh, no? Um, class 5 is large objects. Oh, no, sorry, class 5 is just tables and chairs.

Just tables and chairs. Near their own spot in the taxonomy. Yeah. Under this heading I propose to describe some special phenomena which I have witnessed. I can do a little more here that allude to some of the more striking facts, all of which, be it remembered, have occurred under circumstances that render trickery impossible. Again. Magneto present.

I checked. But it is idle to attribute these results to trickery, for I would again remind my readers that what I relate has not been accomplished at the house of a medium, but in my own house, where preparations have been quite impossible. A medium, walking into my dining room, cannot, while seated in one part of the room, with a number of persons keenly watching him by trickery make an accordion play in my own hand when I hold it keys downwards. They can't do that.

They can't do that. They can't do that. Or, it didn't happen. They also can't cause the same accordion to float about the room playing all the time. I love the concept. It's just a line of magicians going like, yeah, you've got to get this guy. You'll believe anything. Literally anything. Watch this. I'm doing my weird al-bit around the room and he's pretty sure that the accordion is levitating itself. Do I to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the th th the th the th. Do I th. Do I tho tho tho the tho the the the the the the the tho the same the same the same tho the same the same tho the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the the the the the the the the the the room the room the room the room the room the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You can th. You can tho tho tho tho tho tho. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Watch this, I'm doing my weird albit around the room but he's pretty sure that the accordion is levitating itself. Do I need to clean my room? No, no, no, you can go to his place.

He'll host. He cannot introduce machinery which will wave window curtains or pull up Venetian blinds eight feet off. Would tie a knot in a handkerchief and place it in a far corner of a room, or sound notes on a distant piano, or cause a card plate to float about the room, or raise a water bottle and tumbler from the table, or make a coral necklace rise on end, or cause a fan to move about and fan the company, or set in motion a pendulum which enclosed in a glass case firmly cemented to the wall. So this guy, okay. So, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, he he, he he, he's th. He's th. He's the th. thie, he's the the thie, the tie, to thie, to tie, or to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th. the th. the, or tie, or tie, or tie, or tie tie the tie the the tie the the tie the the the tie the the tie the the the the the the the wall. So this guy, okay. Yeah.

So, he's either being tricked by tricksters, or he's like the single greatest conduit for psychic energy that the world has ever seen. Yeah, I think that those are the two options at this stage. And maybe further information we learned might tip you one way or the other, but I'm looking on, he is the single, he is the the greatest, he is the greatest,, the greatest, the single, the single, the single, the single, the single, the single, the single, the single, the single, the single, is the single, is the single, is the single, is the single, is the single, is the single, is the single, is the single, is the thi is, is, is, is, is, is, is thi is, is thi is thi is thi is thi, he is thi, he is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi, is thi is thi is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is the the the the the the that those are the two options at this stage. And maybe further information we learn might tip you one way or the other, but I'm looking on here is the single greatest conduit for psychical energy that has ever existed on this earth. Next up we have class 9.

This is the appearance of hands, either self-luminous or visible by ordinary light. So glowing or non-glowing. Appearance of hands. The appearance of hands. Like... Not like a German guy. The appearance of hands? The appearance of hands?

It's somewhat handsome, in my opinion. Very different from the appearance of Mr. Hans. God rest his song. Yeah. Hans. God rest his song. Yeah. A beautifully formed small hand rose up from an opening in a dining table and gave me a flower. Mm-hmm. Jacked my dick off.

Could have... Could Triggery a cheat? My penis. What are you suggesting I had some sort of no touch? Could chickery achieve my penis? What are you suggesting I had some sort of no-touch orgasm? The mind beggars. It appeared and then disappeared three times at intervals, affording me ample opportunity of satisfying myself that it was real in appearance. Yeah. It's kind of got the real stranger.

Yeah. This occurred in the light in my own room whilst I was holding the medium's hands and feet. Again. Put the medium into crab post. You've already narrowed it down, bro, it's not the hands or feet. It's gotta be these. Let me touch them. I gotta hold them.

Six-hour session, by the way. On another occasion, a small arm, like a baby's, appeared playing about a lady who is sitting next to me, that then passed to me and patted my arm and pulled my coat several times. At another time a finger and thumb was seen to pick the petals from a flower in Mr. Holmes' buttonhole and lay them in front of several persons who are sitting near him. I'll have these. Now you can have it back. A hand has been repeatedly seen by myself and others playing the keys of an accordion. Both of the medium's hands being visible at the same time and sometimes being held by those near him.

Yeah, so it wasn't his arms and hands and as far as we know those are the same time and sometimes being held by those near him. Yeah, so it wasn't his arms and hands, and as far as we know, those are the only arms and hands apart from our own. Can you see any others? Gotta be the arms and hands of the angels themselves. So he concludes this article with several, well, eight, eight theories that could explain these things that he's witnessed. The first, he says, is that the phenomena are all the results of tricks, clever mechanical arrangements or ledger domain. Sure. Yeah, the mediums are impostors and the rest of the company fools.

Now he's saying this one in a sort of, it's obviously not this way. Yeah, just to get it out of the way. He also dismisses the next two that he's about to present. The persons at a seance are the victims of a sort of mania or delusion and imagine phenomena to occur which have no real objective existence. Yeah, sort of like the, um, well what is it? Well shit, I was going to say the, um, um, the, the, the, the, the, the, um, um, um, um, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, th, th, the, th. Yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th.. th. th. th. So, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, the thi. thi. It's, the thi, the thus, thus, the thus, thus, the the thus, thus, the I was going to say the, um, the, the fucking, wigy board, right? But that was, that was trickery, that was number one. That's actually, that, so that falls under, uh, well, depending on who's doing it, that either falls under one or the next theory, theory, theory, theory, which is the whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole whole, the whole, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, that was, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that was, that was, that was, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that was, th................ That was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the result of conscious or unconscious cerebral action. Yeah. Which I think is meant to be the thing with Weegee boards. Well, yeah, that's so now it is.

So yeah, that's right. You or someone else is moving. That's why everyone's got to have their hands on there. But originally, the girls that came up with it, it was just them. They were just the best kind of hoax. How is this thing moving? Oh, it's the people that are holding it. Yeah.

Oh, didn't consider that at all. So those first three of the theories that he doesn't believe, because obviously they're ridiculous. Yes, start with the most absurd ones. then build to the more realistic ones. Theory 4, it's the result of the spirit of the medium, perhaps in association with the spirits of some or all of the people present. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's splitting them up. He's got, he's getting into specifics as to whose spirit is actually moving the stuff. Yeah, that's right. So all of them from four to eight Paranormal, they're different kinds of paranormal explanation. Now I thought

Now this is just me. Look, I don't know that much about about this Spiritology stuff. Now I thought that spirits were the ghosts and the essence of those who had gone beyond because I can can't imagine that my spirit would do anything because it's busy right now. Yes, it's steering your body. Yeah, it is piloting the wet mecca of your body. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I'm also quite confused about that one. I don't know if he's, why would you spirit be acting at odds with you? Your mind? That he's like, that the medium is like, hey, come on guys, it's a big lift, use your

knees, etc. Yeah, that he's drawing their spirits out of them. Yeah, and then getting them to lift some tables and chairs. Is the spirit just sort of clinging to you like um Anadamus to... Oh, the simulated sex scene from PlayRunder 2049. Sorry, I thought you were talking about those dreams you've had where Adidamus is clinging to. Either is fine, actually. We love Anadamus, don't we?

Theory one. Anadamus is a hologram. Theory too. And the armist is a hologram. Theory 2. I quite like this next one. This is Theory 5, the actions of evil spirits or devils personifying who or what they please in order to undermine Christianity and ruin men's souls. They're lifting tables and chairs to send you to hell. Yeah. I'm like, holy fuck. I'm no longer believe in the light of heaven. Yeah, that's right. I have decided to

ditch my personal relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ because someone made an accordion play in the room that I was hid. So I'm tapping out. Yeah, I mean, that's why I stopped being religious too. There's no spirits involved. I just heard an accordion play. No loving God could invent this instrument. Theory 6. The actions of a separate order of beings, able to live, sorry, the actions of separate order of beings living on this earth, but invisible and immaterial to us. Yeah, oh, like a extra-dimensional sort of guy. Oh, a sort of Jacques-Valle apparition type thing. So he does go on to explain further here. So they're able, however,

to occasionally manifest their presence, known in almost all countries and ages as demons, fairies, cobalds, elves and ages as demons, gnomes, fairies, cobalds, elves, goblins, etc. Those are all. Okay, given I'm working by D&D rules here, yes. Those are all significantly different classes of beings. I'm going to say cobalts and goblins are pretty close. Pretty close, the cousins. Including thombs of that.blins are pretty close. Pretty close. The cousins.

They get together for some cousin shit. Somewhat insulting. Elves, ride out, fairies, yeah, I don't know. Cobolts. Having cobalds in the list is the funniest shit to me. It's so funny. It's sometimes forget that those sort of mutant. It might be somethese tiny little goblinoid dragon creatures and they might be playing the accordion. It could be a

creature whose evolutionary path spent too long in a pond. Yeah sort of like a small wet man that barks at you. I come from the god from the blood of dragons. That's silly creature. Theory 7, the actions of departed human beings. So this is just ghosts. He describes this one as the spiritual theory par excellence. So that's the one most people go to. It's ghost doing it. That's the champagne theory. That's just ghosts. You got to admit, you thought it was ghosts coming out of this.

It's like, oh, ghosts. Oh, you thought it was ghost? The basic bitch explanation? His eighth and final one, I don't really understand how this is different from the fourth theory, except that's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theory. theory. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theory. theory. theory. theory. theory. theory. theory. theory. theory. theory. the the the the the the the the the the theory.oan the theory.oan. theory. theory. the theory. the the theory. theory.e. the the theory.auoanananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananananory. theory., I don't really understand how this is different from the fourth theory except that it sounds cooler. This is the psychic force theory here described by the man who coined the term Mr. Sergeant Cox. Thank you, Mr. Sergeant Cox. Quote, the theory of psychic force is in itself merely the recognition of the now almost undisputed fact that under certain conditions as yet but imperfectly acetate, as yet but imperfectly acetate. the asotid.

Oh, as yet but imperfectly acetate. Yeah, yeah. And with limited but as yet undefined, distance for the bodies of certain persons having a special nerve organization, a force operates by which, without muscular contact or connection, action at a distance is caused, invisible motions and audible sounds produced in sold substances. He's talking about no touch orgasm. He's either talking about the force from Star Wars or no touch orgasms, but only if you've got a special nerve organization, not everyone has that. So he doesn't 80% of the way there. He doesn't pick a favorite of these theories, although he spends

far more time on the psychic force theory. He has like eight paragraphs about it in there. There are some other possible explanations that I'd like to maybe get into. So there's one thing about Sir William Crooks you should probably know is that he was basically blind. He was unbelievably short-sighted. So... So, he might have, this might have been a Mr. Magoo's situation, except if instead of like wandering onto a boat that then crossed the river and then stepping off the boat onto the other side without noticing that he's done it, a series of fraudulent mediums have tricked him by doing stuff and just telling him that it happened. Now you did put down a little bit of sizzle at the start of this but

that was not... I was just... I was just getting... there was just a troop, a troop of circus folk that were all lining up to take turns dunking on this guy. But no, yeah, he's just... Oh look at the table! I guess. I'm leaving, I'm thiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I'm thahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to to to thi. to thi. to to to to to to to too too too th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeee. the. toe. toe. toe. to. to. toe. toe. thi'm leaving it if you tell me. Yeah, but also, what I see is the only thing I believe. Oh, it's so funny as well, yeah. I have to get rid of all of the examples where I couldn't quite make it out, except that's none of them. Anstrobiologist Edward Clod described who was, so short-sided that despite his unquestioned honesty, he cannot be trusted in tel you what he's seen. With biographer William Hodson Brock,

noting that although he did wear corrective glasses, he didn't start doing so until 1890, which was, you know, like 20 years after these experiments. Yeah, at which point, all the magic in the world disappeared. Yeah, something changed. I guess it was the end of history. The second thing you need to know about him is that he was just an unbelievable rube. He was very easily tricked and duped. So these are some of the people that tricked him. So the study that we read all that stuff from, the 1970 to to 1973 is three years of leisure documenting fraudsters except

believing they're real. What a life! Yeah, you discover thaliam. Led like by your nose from thing to thing, being like, huh, this is a true scientific discovery by me. Yep. Dr. Magoo. They ain't got to remember this. Some guys on a podcast, in 150 years time, we'll be celebrating by discoveries. So they would have enjoyed podcast too, being an audio medium. That's true, he would have loved that. He would have been like, God, this is very clear. We can make out all of this.

The three people that he studied in that study were Kate Fox, Florence Cook and Daniel Dungless Home. Dungless with an end. David, which is the name? Daniel Dungless Home. So he was the Mr. Home that he was talking about in the levitation portion there. So I'll start with Kate, Kate Cox. Kate Cox was one of the Cox sisters.

Uh, they were two women who became famous as mediums because of mysterious knocking sounds that occurred around them, that they would get people to be like, oh my God, there's knocking happening. They were sort of like the start of the trend of this sort of thing. They were fraudsters. Like that's that's that's that's the very easily explained. What? So, after witnessing the knocking firsthand, Crooks decided they were absolutely positively the real deal. Because that's the sort of thing that he does.

And then later on in 1888 the sisters were were offered $1,500 by a reporter if they revealed their methods, at which point they put on a live show and in front of a live audience, they produced the mysterious rapping noises and then demonstrated to a doctor that they were doing it by cracking the joints in their toes. Hell yes. Yeah. Ooh! I do that every morning. Yeah, you could have, if you were in the 1800s, you could have cleaned up. By going from house to house.

Yeah. That's enough to buy like a tenement. Yeah, probably. You could be a slum lord. Yeah, reading the article about a new person who owns 20 tenements. Say the line the line the line say the line say the line say the line say say say say say say say say say the line. the the the to say. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoom. thoom. Yeah. thi. thi. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. too. t. t. too. t. too. th. th. I th. I. You're reading the article about a new person who owns 20 tenements. Say the line, I was able to crack my toe joints and make it sound as of a mysterious wrapping. Um, Florence Cook, the second person that was involved in his experience. She was also a documented fraud.

Her trick was she would summon a spirit named Katie King into the room. Now, this thric is is is is is th is th is th is th is th is the th is the th is the th is the the the is the the the is the the the the. I is the the the the the the the. I is their their the, I was the. I was the the. I was the the the the the, I was the the the the. I I I the. I I I I I was the the the the. I I I I I I I I I I. I I I I. I I. I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I'm theaneaneaneaneaneaneaneaneaneaneaneananeaneaneananeaneaneaneaneaneananeane. I was. I was spirit named Katie King into the room. Now, this trick's actually quite elaborate. The way she pulled this off is that she would sit down in a dark room at a table with a bunch of people as a saunce and then she would very quietly get up and pretend to be Katie King. Just walk around to be like do a different voice. Whose hands and feet do you reckon he was holding? Possibly his own. There was one famous incident where, uh, at one of thesethese seances, a witness named George Sitwell

stood up, grabbed the spirit, Katie King, by the arms, and then just pointed to the empty chair where Florence Cook was meant to be sitting. Everyone's like, wait, oh, that's just you! These people are so dumb. Man, it, it rules like, just on a fundamental level how much stupid of people used to be. I mean we're pretty stupid now, but... Yeah. You just turn the lights off while they didn't go on, snuff all the candles. Yeah, you just do everything by like one candle and everyone's like... I'm still in the seat. Don't look over to your right!

Daniel Dungless's home had a similar trick to Florence Cook in that all of his levitations were conducted in a dark room because that makes them more powerful. Yeah, that makes the ghosts come out. Yeah. So in the when Crooks was talking about him, he described the quote, most striking occurrence of this kind, which was the one that was witnessed by our friends the Earl of Dunraven, Lord Lindsay and Captain C. Wynne. Their accounts are all completely different,

like someone went back and had a look, and none of them described the same thing happening. And the supposedly incredible levitation that he pulled off in that instance, which was levitating clean out the window of one room and then back in through the window of another room. Which must have been a sight to see. Yeah, except they couldn't see it. Someone went and sort of looked at the place where this happened and it easily could have

been achieved by stepping across a four-foot gap between balconies. And the person who investigated also noted there was like a 19-inch ledge outside the window that he probably could have just like stood on the ledge later. And then, yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. That's probably the first and only thing I would check. If someone went out a window and then came in back another window. Yeah. I'd be checking. Is there a four-inch ledge there? Yeah. Could he have just stepped across? Oh yeah. He was also duped by the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there. Yeah, could he have just stepped across? Oh yeah, yeah. He was also duped by the fraudulent medium Anna Ava Faye. I'm just going to read you a couple paragraphs from Wikipedia here. In a series of experiments in London at the house of William Crooks in February 1875, Fay managed to fool Crooks into

believing she had genuine psychic powers. Crooks had Fay hold two electrodes in an electrical circuit connected with a galvanometer? Yeah, that's a voltometer. Yeah, in an adjoining room. A movement of objects occurred in the room and a music instrument was played. Crooks was convinced that the electrical control had not been broken. So instead of like watching her, he has made her part of a circuit, so there's no way she could have not been part of the circuit. Yep. To use her hands, right? So odd way

to conduct the experiment. I guess... The only electrically conductive thing on the human body. As I suppose I understand. That's right, yeah. The way this is described really makes it sound like he's like, and now I will leave the room and go into the other room. Good luck in there. The psychical researchers pointed out that Fay could have used other parts of her body or a resistance coil to maintain the electric current intact, whilst her hands could be free to produce the phenomena during the experiment. She confessed in 1913 to Eric Dingwall that she had dused crooks and other scientists.

She was investigated by the magician Harry Houdini, to whom after her retirement in 1924 she confessed fraud and revealed the tricks that she had used. Fade told Houdini she had used on the crook's calvonometer test. She had gripped one handle of the battery beneath her knee joint, keeping the circuit unbroken, leaving one hand free. Yeah, so the incredible trick she did was using a hand to play the musical instrument and move some objects around while holding holding an electrode in a knee joint. Incredible. This man is dumb as fuck. But he is one of the two dads of Thalium.

Thank you. Yeah, I can't take that away from him. Yeah. Yeah. Thalium. Yeah. So it was both. He was both incredibly blind and there was just a lineup of, like tricksters to take advantage on.

Yeah, that's right. He could barely see and he was incredibly credulous and he was known for being such. Yeah and people would just be like, fuck it, I'll have a go. Yeah, this guy's dumb as hell, I don't believe anything. Yeah, he'll put you in a book, he'll publish you in a scientific journal and say that you're real. I got onto this story because I was reading, I might do this at a later date, so I don't want to spoil it too much now. I was, yeah, that's right, started with thalium and got here. I was reading a paper published in a like US Army magazine in the 70s about Soviet psychic research and there was a bit in there where they're like, well we've actually done our own quite serious look into it, such as the famous scientist, Sir William Crooks. Like, wow, that that that that that that that that that th, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, that that that that th, wow, wow, wow, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I was, th. I was, th. I was, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I I I I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, I th, th, I th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thea. thea. thea. thea. thei. the. the. I was, Sir William Crooks. Like, oh, wow, that must be pretty cool. Let's see what he has to say.

Yeah, not much. Not much useful. Well, thank you so much, Ben. Oh, you're welcome. And thank you. That was wonderful. Now I've got something here from listener Amara who got in toucest with a few things, which is very much appreciated that they didn't just chuck it in the show chat and then everyone could see it. And I'm also very sleepy, so I don't really have a lot of time to go reading articles. So it was very, very nice to see this turn up in my inbox. Thank you, Amara. And one of the things they sent they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they sent they sent they sent very nice to see this turn up in my inbox. Thank you Amara And one of the things they sent me is a There's a website called the Kraskae project

CRES Q-U-E-S which is a project in which an aerospace engineer by the name of Juan S, has been collecting and translating antique maps from the mapmakers of Mayorka. But he, to my understanding, there is a, there is a map called the Catalan Atlas from 1375, and it's a very important medieval map. And it was translated but into, I guess, Mayoka, that would be Spanish. Or Catalan, there's probably some slight difference in there. And he worked with translators to then translate that into English,

which is what I present to you today. So a fun fact about this map is its first map to present a compass rose. So you know the north-south-east west, the little spikes. The fun little in-between ones as well. Yeah. It's got one. As far as we know, it's the first one to got one. That's wild. Yeah. Now, it's presented on like six panels, I think, but the first few are just them talking about the map. So then it's panel three, four, five, and six.

And this is sort of, to your story, Ben, the things that people would be told and then believe and then write down in a historical record of fact is very fun to me. So and did I mention sorry this is by, sorry it's called the Cresca's project because this map was attributed to Crescae Abraham in 1375. And I'm gonna say that word Crescus different each time. Yeah, that's fun. So the map goes from east to west,

from west to east rather, so starting all the way over on the western side of Africa and the UK and that sort of thing. And that proceeds East to the Indies in UK and that sort of thing, and that proceeds east to the Indies and China and that sort of stuff. You'll notice a slide in specificity as we move eastward as well. But let's start close to home, panel 3.1. In Hibernia, Ireland. There are many wonderful islands whose existence can be credible. Among them, there is a small one where men can never die, because when they're about

to die of old age, they are transported outside the island. Ooh, the island where men never die. Some coughs, get in the fucking boat. Technically you can't die here. There are no snakes, frogs, nor poisonous spiders because the soil repels them, given that this is where liqueury island, or clear island now I guess, is located. Furthermore, there are trees that attract birds like ripe figs. There is another island where women never give birth because when they are about to give birth they are taking outside the island as it is customary.

What are you talking about? Should I go, it's not the island for it. No. But you can give birth on the island where people don't die and you can die on the island where people don't give birth. That's right. Yeah. But this is a no birth island. Probably shouldn't have even come here if you're pregnant. Oh, I saw you holding your tummy there. Is that a... How are you? How are you? How are you?

Okay. Panel 3.4. The fortunate islands, Canary Islands, are found in the Great Sea towards the left and near the end of Oxidant, but out at sea. Uh, left. Okay. All right. Isador says in his 15 book that these islands are called fortunate because they are replete with all sorts of goods cereals, fruits, herbs and trees. Pagans believe this is the paradise due to the mild sun and plentifulness of the land.

Isidore also says that the trees reach 140 foot of height and they are full of fruit and birds. Here there is honey and milk in particular in the island of Capraria, thus named to to to the to the to the to the the to the to the the the to the the the the the to the the the the the the there is honey and milk, in particular in the island of Capraria, thus named due to the multitude of goats. There's also the island of Canaria, thus named due to the multitude of Ben. Now you're giving me the Stephen Fry on QI asking Alan Davies a question look so that he can say the obvious answer then you can go, oh bother, oh Alan you're a cut. It's not canaries I guess. No it's dogs. So canary islands is named thusly for dogs because there's lots of dogs, big and strong.

Yeah. Plius, Master of Mapia Mundi says that among the fortunate islands there is one with all the goods of the world, because fruits grow at the top of the mountains without planting or seeding. Trees are never left bare of leaves or without their aromatic fruits. They eat all these things during part of the year for which they reap the grass the other part. This is why the pagans from the Indies believe that their souls go to these islands when they die where they live in eternity off the scent of those fruits. They believe it to be their paradise.

But the truth is, that is a fable. Yeah, well, we would not dealing inbelieve as we'll work out. He's not trafficking in the Fantastic, certainly. No. No. Off to Africa where things get dicey. All this mountain range is called Karina by the Saracens. Saracens, I found out as an old, like in the medieval sense is a word for Muslims.

They called Muslim Sarasans. Oh, I guess I'd never really questioned. I thought they were a distinct ethnic group. Yeah, so it took on ethnic meaning a little bit later, but you know, during the medieval, you know, especially 13, 14, 100s, I think, you know, there was a big Islamic move through Africa, right? So a lot of Africa and then eventually Spain and stuff became Islamic. And so they were the Saracens, not a non-ethnic group. Oh, it's quite interesting. To say anything about Mamluks?

No. Okay. So it's called Serena by the Saracens and Clarice Mountains by the Christians. Let it be known that in these mountains exist many good cities and castles that battle each other. I just enjoy that vision of just the like castles just hurling rocks at each other. Yeah, battle castles. too or something. Yeah. Uh, panel 3.9. The merchants that entered the land of the Negroes of Ghana, you could just say of Ghana passed through this place.

Um, panel 3.10. And this is somewhere central Africa, somewhere around Chad. This black lord is called Mussey Melly. You could just say, Lord. It's just so- Do you think it's the novelty of it that's... Absolutely. Yeah. And it's the sovereign of the land of the Negroes of Ghana. You can just say Ghana. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, let's leave Africa for a while. It's probably smart. Move on to our panel four, which covers central Europe, the Middle East, Northeastern Africa. The Baltic Sea is called the Sea of La Mancha, the Sea of Gautilandia and the Sea of Susia. Let it be known that this sea is frozen during six months of the year, that is to say,

from mid-October until mid-March, and it is so hard that one can cross on top of it with an oxcart. So if you go go go go go go go go go go the the the the the th you you you go go go go go go go th, th, th, to go to go to go to go on, to to to to to th, to to th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too, too, too, tooom. tooom. tooom. tooom. That, tooom. tooom. tooom. to, too, too, too, too, too, too, to, to, to, to, too, too, to, to, too. And, too. And then, th. And then, tho, tho, tho, thoom. thoome. thoomorrow, toomorrow, toomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, too it with an ox cart. So if you go on ox cart to take over, those are the months that you need to go. Panel 4.6. This lake is, we think it's probably Lake Ilman, which is sort of, I think, Poland-ish. I'm gonna get that wrong, so don't take me for that. It's called this. and Sturgeon's another strange fish grow on it.

Sturgeon are very strange fish. Yeah, got all those eggs in them. And they're fucking huge. No one ever says, oh by the way, Sturgeon are the kind of size where if you saw one you would lose your mind like catholian horror size. Mm- size. I haven't actually seen one in real life. I'll have to check that out. Yeah, I don't think we've got them over here. We're a sturgeonless country. Hmm, the sweet valuable eggs. Give me those. So panel, panel five then describes the area around Persian Gulf and the Caspian Sea. And I think this is where things start to take to take to take to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the to the the to the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoes. I'd thoes. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd their their their their their. I'd their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Sea. And I think this is where things start to take a bit of

a dive from fact-based. Panel 5.3 is somewhere around Afghanistan. Let it be known that those that wish to cross the desert stop and rest during a week in a city called Lop. Stop and rest during a week in a city called Lop. Stop and rest during a week in a city named Lop. Here, expeditions in their animals relax slash enjoy themselves. After that, they procure what is needed for the next seven months of the journey, because in the desert one travels an entire day and night before reaching potable water. However, every day and a half, they can find plenty of it, enough for 50 or 100 people, or even more. And if it happens that a rider, tied by the journey, falls asleep or for any other reason he separates from his

companions, he will often hear the voices of the devils, similar to the voices of his companions, often calling him by his own name. That might be, if you're lost, there might be actually your companions, maybe. That's companions, I think. In this way, the devils take him through the desert to and fro such that the traveler cannot find his companions. A thousand stories are known about this desert.

Panel 5.6, which is somewhere in Iran, this city is named the Great Nenevi and it was destroyed because of its sins. It's a shame. Yeah. So I put it on the map. Yeah, I wouldn't plan any journeys there. Yeah. 5.8, which is around the coast of Iran and the Gulf of Oman, as far as I could tell. This city is named Hormies and is the beginning of the Indies. Let it be known that to this city ships arrive that have eight and ten masts with reed sails. That's crazy. That's so many masts. You don't have to say let it be it their it be it be it their it be it their it be it tham it be it thoen it thoen it thoam it thoom it thoom it thoom it thoom it thoom it thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoomoombs. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. thoes. tho. tho. thoo. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thoo. tho. tho. That's.. That's so many masks. Yeah. You don't have to say let it be known at the start of

things that you tell you people. Oh he lets it be known. They'll know it of their own volition. I think this was the 1370s version of saying buckle the fuck up because they're strap in chuckle dicks it's time for a thread. It's time for ships with eight and ten masks. I mean that is, that's an awful lot of masts. Yeah. Uh, panel 5 to 11. Arabia, Ceber, which is Saudi Arabia. The province that had Queen Ceber, now it belongs to the Arab Saracens. And in it, they're very good aromas, as well as Mere and Frankersence.

So, check out that place. It smells good. Gold, silver and precious stones are plentiful. And there, you can find a bird named Phoenix. Oh, sweet. Yeah. That's cool. Uh, panel 5.12.

In the Indian Ocean, where there are fishermen and very rich islands. The fishermen that descend into the sea say their incantations before diving into the sea, and in this way, they dispel the fish. In the event that they do not say them, the fish devour them. And this has been demonstrated. I hope it's in a Tampa-proof environment designed by Sir William Crooks. Yeah. This was demonstrated. And so panel six is the last, thiiiiicoks, that this was demonstrated. And so panel six is the last panel, and it's just sort of like, it's just a bit of everything from Turkey to China,

even though it's sort of drawn out there. And I'm trying to make, initially I was trying to make associations geographically, and then I realized it was impossible because he was talking about things that were like half the world away from each other. Panel 6.3. These men are chosen to pick diamonds. However, because they cannot climb the mountains where these are found, they cleverly tossed pieces of meat where the precious stones lay. The stones adhere to the meat of meat where the precious stones lay. The stones adhere to the meat and detach from the rocks. What? Wait, you're confused now, but this will this will clear it up.

Later the stones fall from the meat hoisted by the birds. Thus told it Alexander. Yeah, thus toled it Alexander. Yeah, thanks. Alex. All right. Step one. Throw the meat at the the the the the the the the rocks. the the the the rocks. the the the the rocks. th. the th. the the the the rocks. the the the rocks. the rocks. the the the the rocks. the rocks. the the the rocks. the rocks. the rocks. the rocks. toa. the toaxxxatheaxatheaxxatheaxxxatheaxxatheaxxxxxathea. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. toa. the the the toa. meaxaxaxaaaaaaaaxaaaaaaaaaaaxaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. toa. toa. toa. toa. told it Alexander. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks Alex. All right. Step one. Throw the meat at the diamond. At the diamonds. Yeah. The diamond and the meat form a sort of molecular bond. And they stick together. Yeah. And then birds go. Ooh. Meat. They use the incredible power of bird strength to rip the diamonds from the rocks. Because. the rocks. the. the diamonds. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. meat, they use the incredible power of bird strength to rip the diamonds from the rocks because they've grabbed the meat. And then the molecular bond between the meat and the diamonds is severed. And then the diamonds drop down and you get the diamonds. As far as I can tell. Well no, there's two more steps to this. One, it must be witnessed or told to Alexander the Great. Right.

On his great journey and conquering spree, etc. And then Alexander has to kind of come back and tell it, and it must reach the ears of Sir Crescus Barabas. Yeah, on what point do I let it be known? Now? Yeah, great, I know that now. That's tremendous. And you kind of hear it and you go, yeah, that's reasonable. I'm gonna put that on my map.

Yeah, that sounds about it. On my great medieval map. Damn, I should put this into the historical record. Yeah. Panel 6.4. The Caspian Mountains, where Alexander saw trees so tall that their canopies toucest the clouds. This is where he almost died had it not been for Satan, who took him out of there using his arts.

And with his stratagem, he locked here the Tartarians God and Magog. And for them, he ordered made two metal images above described. I don't really know what the images are over there. He locked here many diverse races who don't hesitate to eat all kinds of raw meat. And from this group, will come the Antichrist, and their end will be caused by the fire that will fall from the sky and will confound them. Right, so the Antichrist is from a culture that either has sashimi or Savichae. So we're perhaps looking at a Japanese or Peruvian Antichrist?

Potentially. Do we know anything about the dietary habits of the medieval Balkans? I'm thinking maybe a Serbian Antichrist. Oh man, who do you reckon invented steak tartar? Oh, the Tartarians? Yeah, the Tartarians? I guess that makes sense. Yeah. Tartarianian Antichrist. Shit, okay. Yeah. Gog? Gog and Magog. Gog. Yeah. Well, good that he locked them away, I guess, because otherwise. So he was rescued by Satan. He was rescued by Satan. Yeah. Yeah. Good guy. Satan's like dolphins, I think. Yeah, using his arts. the arts. Yeah, using his arts, which are piling a hot air balloon or whatever it is to say

Santa. But then once rescued by the devil, he's imprisoning the Antichrist who is too quick to eat raw meat. Yes. Well from a culture that is too quick to eat raw meat. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Alex. Panel 6.6. And I've just got here, Northern Turkey? Let it be known that the men and women of this region, once dead, are taken to be cremated, accompanied with instruments and revelry, although the relatives of the deceased cry. And it happens sometimes, now and then, that the wives of the deceased throw themselves into the fire. However, the husbands never throw themselves with the wife. Yeah, that's wife business, am I right, fellas? Yeah, go on honey, I'll be right there with you.

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going in then. What do you guys do it later? You want to sit her out of fire? Do whatever it is that we do? I recently lost my wife. I'm about to shortly have recently lost my wife. Panel 6.9, possibly Turkey. Here are born men so small that they reach no more than five palmos, approximately three feet in height. Although they are small and not apt at all to do heavy labors, they are skillful in weaving and to tend cattle. Let it be known that when these men turn 12 they already procreate. Who's fucking them?

Are they just, hang on, are they little guys getting fucked by women who love short kings? Yeah, but at the ages of 12 I guess. What was that unit of measurement that you said they were? Palmos. So I have something here on that. Palm OS was a mobile operating system initially developed by Parmig for PDAs in 1996. Five PDAs high. But keep in mind, 12 was like 40 to them. That was 78. Yeah. And it says here, they live until they are 40 years old, which is approximately 900.

Yeah. It's hard to tell whether they, whether he thinks that that is a long time or a short time. Because like the weird thing about... They're miraculous longevity, they're making it past 30. If you take the mean, like, life length of people in medieval times or even like going into ancient times, right? It's low, but that's because of infant mortality. Yeah, that's that thing where people always bust out the statistic that like the average lifespan of an Egyptian was 25. And you're like, well, no one ever lived to 30. It's like, no, a ton of people lived into their 60s.

Yeah. But not a lot of people were living through childhood. That's right. I mean, you could, and quite frequently, you know, people just died of old age, right? People just died of old age at that point still, right? Like a lot of the Greek masters were really old when they died, like 70s sort of thing. Yeah, the Vikings had to come up with a way of killing their old people because they had an old people problem. Yeah, it turns out big hammer will do it. If the cliff won't, the hammer will. Big hammer, yeah. They had contingencies and...

That's right. I would be a emergency hammer. That is why the hammer. I have prepared the perfect thing. Uh, they live an ordinary life without prosperity. It was my favorite sentence in the entire thing. An ordinary life without prosperity. No, no, no, coming up. Oh.

They defend themselves from herons, which they eat should they catch them. Ah! Oh my God. Mid conversation. You hear the tellt Ah! Oh my God, mid-conversation, you hear the telltale whistling noise of a heron making swift passage through the air, you turn around. Jesus Christ. Catch it with your bare hands.

Get the rotisserie ready. And, oh, man, I wish people could see it, but this is accompanied by little nude men with clubs fighting birds. It is so good. Here ends the land of the Lord of Cafe. Panel 6.13, Island of the Naked People, where men and women wear a leaf in front and one behind. Oh! Not quite quite naked but close. Yeah. I sort of garden of Eden sort of stuff. I don't think you need the behind leaf. I know that times have changed. Yeah, what have we got to pick something up? What if I need to do like a really aggressive squat and then lean forward from the squat? That's, that is way more nude, Ben, I'm going to, I have to, I have to, I don't think the

ask for protest. I reckon the one in behind is doing, is, but it's doing more for less of the time. Because I reckon if you bend over and people can see like your whole butt hole and pernium and not business, that's way more nude than them seeing your dinghers. I think instead of punitive preventative measures like the butthole leaf, you can instead just actively take steps to not reveal your butt hole. If you absolutely have to bend over to pick something up, turn around so that your butt hole is not facing the village. What if you can't? What if... You're in the middle of a circle? What if something's at the back of the storage room? And my little tush is kind of just poking out of the storage room. Yeah, can you reach right back into the back of the granary? Because that's where the good grade is.

Oh, fuck, I wish I have one back concept that, so people used to go around like not wearing gloves on construction sites and work sites and that sort of thing, right? And you know, they'd go and do something dangerous without gloves and they'd hurt themselves really bad and then people go, you know, wear the gloves, where the gloves, blah, blah, and what they found was that by forcing people to clip the gloves to their belt, then when a dangerous situation arises, they're more likely to go, oh, you know, I'll just put my gloves on if they've always got them and that's the rule. So the rule should be, I mean you don't the rule should the rule should always th. You th. You don't always th. You don't always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always to always to always to always to always to always to always to to always. You don't to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the the the the the throoooo. to wear your back leaf, but have it on your person just in case you need to bend over.

Yeah, where would you keep it? Just keep it stuck to your front leaf. On the front leaf. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, double front leaf. It's sort of like those clip on sunglasses, but you're just clipping on a little extra leaf just in case. Transition leaves.

Oh, I'm bending over. Don't worry, I've got the transition leaf. You won't see a thing. Panel 6.19. These people are savages. They live on raw fish. They drink seawater and go around naked. This one seems wildly judgmental compared to all of the others. Now, they're right off, not interested, they drink seawater, they're just naked and puking

all the fucking time. This is yucked town. Do not visit. Penal 6.20. In the Sea of the Indies, possibly China Sea, there are... And who owns that? Let's get into it, particularly the southern portion. There are 7,548 islands whose wonders of gold, silver, and precious stones we cannot discuss here. Let it not be known. Let it not be known. That'd be unseemly.

You know when you see a specific number, you're like, well that's just made up. That can't be. It's incredibly fanciful. You've just gone blah blah blah on the keyboard. Um, panel 6.21. The island of Trapparna. This island is called Magno Cowley by the Tartars, Tartars.

Tartars. And it is the last island of the Orient. Oh! Passed here no more. Don't even bother. You say that, you wait 30 years, they're going to make three more. The island is inhabited by people that are very different from the rest. There are burly men in some mountains of this island, 12 cubit in height, like giants. That's like four meters, five meters high.

Oh, that's, yeah, I mean, that's big, it's not like, could be bigger. I'm sad to say, they are black and dim-witted. They eat white men and foreigners should they be apprehended. Huh. Huh. Yeah. For the longest time I thought that said and they should be apprehended, like someone should do something. Hey, it's a fair time we took care of this. Yeah. Who are foreigners in this situation? The huge dark giants? Foreigners to the burly men or people that aren't white but are also foreign to the person doing the map?

I think the former. Oh no, no. It has to be the latter because they say they eat white men and foreigners. They're not picky. So white people and Peruvians. They don't even see race before they eat them. In this island there are two summers and three winters and trees and herbs flower twice a year.

What are you talking about? That's the thing? That's the thing that you find unbelievable? Well, I mean, it's just those are silly numbers. Like obviously the idea of the like the four seasons that we use are based on you know specifically experienced European seasons or whatever don't accurately describe you know you talk about in the tropics you can have you know all these very distinct sort of sub-seasons two winters? Two summers and three winters?

Well, it's just nonsense. You're being ridiculous. Speaking of three Ben, I'm going to need you to demonstrate in this next one that you can count to three. Is that okay? Okay, I would love to. Yeah. Okay. Panel 6.22. Sea of the islands of the Indies where one finds spices. Many ships from many nations cross this sea. Here, one finds three kinds of fish named sirens. One is half fish, half woman, the other is half woman, half bird. End of list? End of list. End of list. Incredible. I love that it's not half woman half fish and the other one's not half fish, half woman,

it's half woman, half bird. Yeah, what half? What are we looking at here? A pair of lovely, lovely legs, lovely ladies legs with the torso of a seagull and the arms of a seago, the torso of a seagull and the arms of a seagull, wings I guess. It's not particularly like beguiling. No. Ah!

Oh God, I gotta fuck so bad. Yeah. Or the other, the alternative. Dearest sailor, come see my one hall. It's multi-purpose. And finally, panel 6.23, this city is deserted due to snakes. City closed due to snakes. Due to unfortunate snake-stances, we've had to close the city for the foreseeable future.

Ha-a-hauice is an unbelievably powerfully loaded three-one phrase. Yeah, it says a lot with a little, doesn't it? Yeah, it says a lot with a little, doesn't it? Ah, fuck. Ah, fuck. It's been like I can't wait to see my cousin. It's been so long. He lives in this wonderful city. Didn't even tell him how's coming.

It's going to be a surprise. Yeah. The floor seems to be, all right, turn around, let's get out of here. Hey, thanks. He walked past the signs at the start of the city. Can't read him. Don't know what that says. Yep. Some sort of weird writing.

Oh well. Some sort of odd pictogram. It depicts the letter S with a stroke through it and then a circle around that diagonal stroke. S looks angry. Yeah. Strange. Very strange. Anyway, so I mean, if you are going to the Orient, or anywhere in between,

now you know how to sail with pleasure. That's right, and if you're going through the Oxidate, you'll eventually come around to the Orient, so this information still applies. Oh, fuck, I missed one in Africa that was just basically, uh, ivory is plentiful here due to the many elephants. Yeah. Probably skip that one. That'll stay true forever.

Yeah. That's upsetting. Well, thank you very much. I feel like I know much more theophiles. I feel like to their theo-files. to their much more theo-andr. And say, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th-and, th-and, th-and, th-and, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th-a, th, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th-a, th-a, th-a, tho. tho. tho-a. tho-a. tho-a. thoo-a. the the the the the the the the the the. Check it out. If you like this and you want more Theophiles, write to your local Andrew and say, hey, more Theophiles. Yeah, don't do that.

Take the night off. That'll make him feel bad. Yeah, what was he doing? What was he busy with? In some sort of dinner or something? He's probably smoking that he didn't give you any. Yeah, you know what? I was, when we were leaving his house, on the last day, I was like, this mothfu fuck has definitely given me weed on account he grows his own weed because it's legal in camera and he always talks about how good his weed is. He's always posting photos

in the group chat of the tricombs or whatever on his weed. They be like hey do you mind if I take some of your weed with me when I leave because that would be rude I'll just wait for him to offer loading stuff in the car. Yeah I don't know it seemed like a faux par. Andrew is like a famously forgetful guy he is an extremely absent minded man. I didn't want to be an imposition heading the cloudsthe clouds. And then now what, three weeks after I left, he's like, oh shit, I was meant to offer you guys weed. Thanks, man. I would love that. Would love that a lot.

Yeah. Oh well, what can you do? Thanks for joining us. We'll be back with a free episode in like thrown. If you can't hold out that long, don't know what to do for you. Yeah, we can't help you. You're fucked basically. Stay safe out there. Fun. you