Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Ep 241 - Paul Reiser

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

Paul Reiser talks to Tom about his career highs and lows, family, working with your kids, and the time Johnny Carson didn't invite him to sit on the couch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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the right support and a few breakthroughs, it becomes something more. Make RBC Training Ground your breakthrough moment. Start your journey to Team Canada today at rBC trainingground.ca. Hey, everybody, welcome to the big show. Very exciting episode today. We've got the great Paul Reiser coming on the program. This is a big one. You know, it's always nice when you have people that made a whole life out of comedy.

I mean, from diner to Matt About You, great stand-up career, and now Stranger Things, and the new special, after 32 years, he comes out with another stand-up special called Life, Death, and Rice Pudding. You got to like when a title makes you laugh. Great conversation. He's really fantastic. I think you're really going to like it. Go to Tompapa.com. We just put up the Grateful Bread Tour. We are going everywhere. We've got shows at the Beaux. Beacon Theater, the Chicago Theater. We're going to Atlantic City, Colorado, California, San Francisco, which I know is in California. Stop judging me. But tons of shows for 2025. Very excited. They just went on sale. So go to Tompapa.com for all of that good stuff. Also, of course, home free. Thank you for watching the Big Netflix special. It's been,

I have to say, one of my best received specials. And the support It's been amazing, and I guess watch it again is what I'm trying to say. Just keep watching it over and over. This is a really fun conversation. I feel really good about the bread. This was tricky because I want to make sure that the bread is good and looks good and tastes good because Paul is friends with Jerry Seinfeld. Seinfeld always busts me on this bread.

When I get the bread, how come, you know, We interviewed Jerry in New York, so he didn't get the bread. And you can tell with it, he's got his little Jerry kind of like, is it really that good? So this was a lot of pressure. I needed Paul's bread to come out really well in case it comes up in conversation with Seinfeld. And I think I did it. So even if the conversation wasn't that great,

I'd feel good about it because we've got great bread. But the bonus for all of us involved, you too, dearly. listener is the conversation's pretty great. We cover a lot of ground, all funny, and, oh, and wait to you see our taste test today. I didn't even know they made these. You'll see in a little bit. And now, enjoy my conversation with Paul Reiser. It's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey! Don't you know? Hey, it's how we go. Hey, it's time for breaking bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show.

A toast. Congratulations on your first special in 32 years. 32 years. There's nothing in here. I'm just toasting. You've always been a good actor. I didn't want to be rude and not toast. It's not a socially acceptable thing to toast with water.

Or no, to not match somebody's toast. Here's the thing with water. Some people say it's bad luck to toast water if other people have alcohol and you raise a glass. you're not drinking. I was with somebody who discreetly did this. They covered it and then... Tilt it? No, covered it and then toast it.

That keeps the bad mojo out? Really? Yeah. Enjoy your mojo. I didn't toast with it, though. You said you had a Miles Davis story? I have nothing but Miles Davis stories. Really?

I don't know what you had played. Welcome to the Miles Davis hour. No, do you remember, it might be before your time, the MGM Grand Airlines? MGM? No. There was a, I guess, early 80s to maybe early 90s. There was, MGM had an airline.

And it was like really boutiquey. It was like, the seats were different, and it only had like 30 seats and like lounges. And it was like really, and it was not much more expensive than a regular first class. Anyway, so I flew it a few times when I was being flown somewhere. And there was always somebody cool on the flight. I remember Betty Davis, I saw it. And one time I get Miles Davis. Only people, Sammy Davis, Tommy Davis.

Now, wait a minute. How did I get on there? So the only thing I know about Miles Davis, other than a brilliant musician, is like, maybe don't bother him. That seems clear. And as we're getting off, and I'm going, Jesus, Miles Davis, you're just one of those people

you don't think you're going to see in real life. He's getting off the plane, and he's getting his thing. We landed. And this woman very familiar. your family to me, New Yorkie woman. She says, I've got to say something to you. I'm going, no, no, no, don't say something. Don't, don't talk to Miles Davis with that attitude. And she goes, you know, my nephew, he's a musician himself. I go, no, you're talking to Maris Davis. And then she goes, and I just have to, he thinks you're the greatest. And Miles Davis

goes, well, tell him he's right. There you go. I was saying, you can, you can tell it. shut up. Would it go just to Vegas or was it? No, I don't even know if it did go to Vegas. It was L.A. New York, L.A. New York and you'd always see and I remember one time, whatever was early 90s, I think, or maybe even earlier.

They had like a couple of compartments, like a train compartment with two benches and curtains. Wow. And Betty Davis was flying L.A. to New York and then on to Paris where she died. So that was her last flight. And I was sitting in a regular seat, the kind of seat, behind her thing with the glass, and she smoked.

And all I see is like in a cartoon, it's just smoke and velvet curtains. I'm going, this doesn't look healthy to me. Yeah. But in other way is like going out in style, smoking all the way to Paris. Thank you for closing the velvet curtain. Yeah, right. I'm out of here. Yeah, yeah.

It's so crazy. It was a very cool airline. It was a very cool airline. It's so crazy that they would consider like smoking and non-smoking sections on a plane. And I love that they still have it. This is a no smoking plane. They're all. They're all no smoking planes.

Do you get nervous when you get on a plane? an ashtray in the armrest? Like, who's manufacturing those and why? Just stop. Put your money elsewhere. So leading up to your special, which is called Life, death, and rice pudding. Life, death, and rice pudding, because as you know, Tom,

those are the three milestones in anybody's life. I like how you talk about how, sorry to interrupt, but I love how you talk about that the, you're not going to talk about anything important, you know nothing, you're not going to give anything to something, but yet life and death are in your...

Are in your title. Yeah. Well, there's a little mislead. But, you know, it's funny. I started just as sort of almost for my own protection as a disclaimer. Sometimes I would feel silly. You know, on a stage. Like, the world has fallen apart.

There's so many things. And I'm sitting talking about the silliest shit in the world. Yeah. You know, nothing. And so I would, and I felt, let me at least acknowledge that I know there's a world outside of this. So it's just really, just for myself, I would start, like, I have nothing important tonight, nothing political and social. And people would start clapping and go, oh, that's really appreciated.

Yeah. Can we not talk about anything important, please, for an hour and a half? Yeah, it's why they're there. That's why they're there. And I said, they felt, well, look at me. I'm doing a public service. Yeah. I'm helping the people.

Well, yeah, but it really did make me feel better about what we do. Because, yes, we're silly gestures. Yeah. But your people need that. Yeah. I was in Indiana. right after the election. And, you know, my audience is a lot of-

just now. And, you know, I'm sure everyone, in that audience, you'll have, people have voted on both sides. And I don't really talk about it, but I did say something like, I think we've earned it, we're allowed to turn off the news

for the rest of the year, and the place exploded. Like, they were just so grateful, so happy that we can get out of that scrum for a minute. You know, I didn't follow the election. Who was? I really should pay attention. We should fact check that.

We should really fact check it. We'll insert it. But it's over? I was waiting for them to get all the kinks out of the system. Yeah. Yeah. It is weird in American elections over in one night. That rarely happens.

You know, I was in Ireland a couple weeks ago promoting this movie of mine, and they were following the election as closely or more than we are here, our election. And then I was getting all these condolences. Hollins calls that food. So sorry for your loss. Yeah. I know. Yeah. It's going to be interesting times.

Look at us talking about the heavy shit that we're not talking about. Yeah, we don't do that. No, we don't. Here's a fun fact. Please. I'm an avid bread baker, and I break... Is that true? I bake this for you this morning. I think you might be pulling my leg. I think it's still warm. You actually bake bread? I bake this. Yes, I bake bread. Wow, you're my hero. And here's a cool thing. I learned how to bake. sourdough bread from writing on Red Oaks.

The little show you did. I forgot about that you were writing. I wrote on Red Oaks. I was on Red Oaks and I were on Fuckle. I didn't learn a thing. I got no skill. Well, you showed up like, you know, the fancy actor. You come in, where are my lines, and you're out the door.

How early were you doing? I was there grinding it out. Like a baker? In the writer's room. What are we going to get Riser to do this week? And Tom, more sourdough. Is that what it was? And my friend Max, who was a writer on it, Max Werner, he had just learned sourdough

and the weird thing about having a sourdough starter and all the science fiction stuff about it. Yeah, isn't there something that it started in Egypt and there's one seed that's still alive or something like that? Pretty much. Yeah, I got it. You got it. That's another moment I really love in your special when you go. There's so much I don't know. There's so much I know.

It's so great to see someone a grown-up who's been around for a while, just admitting, there's so much I don't. Oh, yeah, and they keep making up new stuff. I go, hang on, let me process already what's out there. So I came home and told my family about this tale about the sourdough starter, and you have to keep it alive by feeding it flour. And my daughter, off of that story, she was like 13, got a sourdose starter started with flour and water for me. And I've been on this crazy bread journey ever since to this moment where I'm giving you bread.

You know what? It's breaking bread with Tom, but I didn't know that. that bread was actually in it. I would have to listen to the show. It's the most exciting part of the show. So now let me ask you, as a baker of bread, are you eating just an awful lot of carbs? Are you just dining the bread?

I eat, the good thing about sourdough bread is that it's only flour water, salt and yeast. There's no added sugars. And because it's such an active fermentation, it breaks down its own sugars. So if you are going to eat bread, this is the bread to eat if you don't want to be fatso. What if I do?

I do want to be a fat sir. Well, what would you recommend? I would put a lot of butter on it. A lot of butter, dip it in chocolate. Have fun. Well, all right. But if I wanted to be a fat, I mean, I was writing with a buddy of mine.

We had some, I don't know, some network problem. It was just like, it was just this frustration. And I said, it's one of the greatest answers. I said, how do I get out of show business? And he said, just keep doing what you're doing. And I said, there you go. You're on your way out. How quick off of starting stand-up did you...

Diner was your first, right? First job. So that was, was that like simultaneously? In my mind, it seems like you... It was pretty close. Did an open mic and got Diner? Yeah, that's a... Did they not give you a movie?

Monday night. Whoever there's a two in the morning, you get a film. Yeah, that's what it seemed like. You know, I mean, I started in earnest, 78, I guess, 78, maybe. and then so I was doing it like three years but my real full commitment, 79, so it was like two years really

but it had nothing to do with like wow he's such a good stand-up let's promote him to film I told the story often but I literally wandered into a casting office with my buddy who was dropping off a picture and I was just waiting so it was a total freak accident

but the ironic thing was like 15 minutes of my 20 minute act was on diners and I went Well, this is convenient. I didn't use anything, but like, that's crazy that I'm in a movie that's actually called diner. Because I lived around the corner from the Green Kitchen. Do you remember the Green Kitchen? It was a diner on first and 77th in New York.

And we just ended up eating there every night. And so I had 20 minutes on the five Greek brothers and, like, you know, it was terrible stuff. I said, you know, I can't remember. If I can, I'm not going to do it. But, yeah, so it was fast. And I hadn't gotten enough successful mileage. Like I had never been asked to be on The Tonight Show, but suddenly because of Dinah, when I came out in 82,

they go, oh, here's a young guy, he's a comedian, but he's got a movie, so that let me, you know, make it onto the Tonight Show. So definitely fed that. But I didn't have that success that you always hear about. You do a Tonight Show, the next day you have a career. No. Did you go to the couch?

No, I didn't go to the couch. No, wasn't invited. He gave me that, he gave me one of those. Johnny gave me to E. Okay or that or something. Because that was the... Yes, if you made a... For our younger listeners who were listening, if you didn't get...

If you did your set and then, was Johnny going to ask you to come over or not? Yes, if you were so... Because all you're told you're going to do is tell your little jokes, and go back. Right. But if you did great, come on over to the couch.

So that was like a, yes, an A-plus. So I didn't get that. Well, it was enough of a currency to have done it. Yeah. That my parents go, all right, he's got something. Johnny, that was literally my father's line. Dad, you see the show?

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but did you when did you you did i did leno no leno because you're so young yeah because i'm a baby yeah So I did Leno. Letterman was my first one. That was like, but Letterman was kind of the Carson. Like that was like, it was hard to get there. The cooler version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, man, that's so fast. So that's in New York that that happened?

Yeah. When you walked into the cast. And they were doing that thing where, I guess they still do it, where casting directors for film and TV would go to the comedy clubs to see new fresh faces. So the comic strip, which is my home court. had put up, you know, for the cast and director, put up five or six comics to look at for this role that was very amorphic.

It was going to be the sixth guy of a five-man movie. Okay. So, but I wasn't even put up for that for some reason. And my buddy, Michael Kane, who's, you know, six foot, different Michael King, not Michael Kane, the 94-year-old British actor. But he was like a six-foot Irish Catholic, you know, former seminary students, like, it's different.

Different way to go. but he was put up and then they said he went in to drop off a picture and we were going to go hang out and whatever and I said I'll go with him I was just waiting outside and they went come on in oh man did your friend hate you no well it was funny I didn't I didn't actually go in that day when I went in they said they said you have a picture and I tried my hardest to bow out I said I'm not I'm just waiting for my buddy do you have a picture at home I have a thousand but yes no but come back tomorrow and bring a picture of him. And we joked on the way out. Wouldn't that be crazy if I ended up getting this? Amazing. No, he was very happy for me. Now, had you had any thought, were you studying?

I mean, you were so natural and good right off the bat. Did you? Thank you. I had been, the funny thing is I had been in a class, or I was at the time, in a class, and I was learning and all the stuff you learn. And I'm like, you know, what's your, what's your objective? What are you doing? Where are you in the scene? And I had all these tools. And there was. And there. audition. There was no audition. It was just sitting like this, talking to Barry Levinson, who it was his first movie directing. And I couldn't wait to show off all the things I learned. He goes, no, none of that. We're just going to talk. Really? I said, well, I'm just going to sound like a guy who's having coffee. He goes, that's what I'm looking for. I'm going, that's good fortune.

So you want a guy to just sit and pretend he's having coffee. I do that anyway. Have you been to the green kitchen? Yeah. It literally was that. That's amazing. And he was able to capture that because it's not easy. You know, if you try to get people to act naturally. But what he did in that movie was he shot all those guys diner scenes at the very, very end of the film schedule. So we were friendly and cranky and loose with each other, which we wouldn't have been five weeks earlier. God, and that was his first. Yeah, he knew what he was doing. Jeez, he really did. Such a beautiful film. It's so great. And it holds up. It really does. So did that, so did, it didn't turn. Like, where's your standing?

end up in that, like you go to the comic strip and you think, this is going to be my journey, and then all of a sudden... Yeah, but, you know, nothing was ever drastic, you know. It's been so slow and incremental and accidental. Yeah. And accidental, that's my next special. No, you know, because, as I said, there are people who you go on Carson and then you hear, then they have a big...

Or you have a film and you're the star. Well, I wasn't the star. And it wasn't a big mega hit. It was like a cool underground sort of, oh, you got to go see this movie. Right, right. But it was enough for people to go, well, who's this new guy that we've never heard of? Yeah. That's not on the poster.

So when I went to L.A. for the first time and I was sleeping on Larry Miller's couch, which, by the way, I don't recommend. I've learned my lesson. And so I had a little bit of a calling card, so I'd meet a casting director. And then I did a pilot or two. but I never ever, and I still kind of really don't ever consider myself an actor first, because, you know, so I never felt like I was an out-of-work actor. Like, I'm just going to do stand-up, and I'm going to go to Cleveland and then Columbus

and then Miami and Seattle. And like, oh, wait a minute. I got a little pilot for a week. Okay, we're done? Now I go back to stand-up. Right. So it's been, that was always my mindset. And then, you know, I was never one of these guys that said, oh, I'm going to get discovered on stand-up,

and then I'll never have to do it against. Like, no, I just love stand-up. up like you, you know? Right. And then ironically, or as it turns out, when mad about you took off in 92, I got so really consumed with that. That was really 24-7, 12 months a year in my head. Yeah. So I just kind of didn't get out there. I didn't decide to not do stand-up, but I just kind of got busy. And when it's over, I just thought, I'm, I'm tired. I'm going to stay home. We had a new baby. So before I knew it, it was 20 years that I hadn't been on stage. Whoa. So part of why I wanted to do this special.

was like, oh, people who only know stranger things, or Beverly Hills Cop go, oh, that guy can do stand-up. Right. Or he can't. Yeah. No, and that's not an easy. I mean, that is really not an easy thing to come. To get an act, really solid act together after that time is.

What's the longest you'd ever taken off? It was during COVID, during the COVID thing. And it was probably, and it wasn't even that long. I started sneaking out like in June. With a mask? Doing a show. I was like, just went to the places that didn't care. And prior to that.

Were you out every week? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't be on the road every week, but every week I was doing a set somewhere. It was, it was weird. For the longest time, I said, oh, I'm going to get out there. And then I said, well, it's been 10, whatever, 15, I don't want to, I'm not going to dig up my act from 92.

So I just wrote a couple of bits. And, you know, I'd unannounced, I'd drop out of the club or I'd say, you know, tell the club I'm coming, but the audience didn't know. And so at this point, I've been on TV, so there's a very nice, oh, this guy, which lasts eight seconds. And then they look at you, and what is it you wanted to tell us? And I go, that's the part I don't have yet. But it's good to see me in it. And it wasn't so much material.

That's hard. Yeah. But it was also just, it was two things. It was the mechanics, getting the brain to fire as they do when you're on. And when you're in it, you can switch gears and you can add. That part of my brain had atrophied. Wow. Wow, I can't.

I'm mushy. Yeah. And then there's also, for me, it was sort of remembering a sort of a sense of authority. Just having to like, oh, I'm okay. I do know how to do this. It took a year until the muscles weren't cramping. But I didn't feel entitled to be on stage. There was like a year plus before I felt like, all right, I could sell, let's do a show and sell a ticket.

Right, right. It's interesting. It took a while. I mean, I cringe if I looked at those tapes. The early spots. Yeah, after having not done it for 20 years, like, wow, I could tell I was just

not sure of myself. But I remember Richard at the Comedy Magic Club saying how dedicated you were, like when you were coming in like you were really, it was like, because there's no way around it. There's no, there's like, you can't just write it and memorize and go by, like you literally have. But that's one of the things I love.

most about getting back, as challenging as it was. Yeah. It was, it still felt good. You know, I was in my 60s, but it felt like when I went up on audition night at 19, it's like, oh, I got a new bit I want to try. It was exciting. Yeah. And I also realized it's the only thing that you can't accelerate.

You can't, you can't, there's no app, you can't turbocharge it, you can't send it out, have it come back better. It's like, you've got to do this every night. Yeah. gotta get up there. And then, you know, I remember talking to Jerry a while ago, and this is, you know, maybe a few years ago. And he said, he'd been doing a bit for like four years.

He goes, I just found the line I was looking for. I went, that's how freaking hard this is. He's like, oh, you can be doing it. Like, now, I get it. Yeah. And then the minute you get that, another bit falls apart. And he goes, well, wait, can we stay together? Everybody, come on.

Were you funny as a kid? Like, did you have the comedy instinct? I think I was funny And I remember in like elementary school I loved any opportunity to perform Which is like you know we had to write a composition And anybody want to read theirs And I would

And I realized there was already then As a 10 year old I would put in little inside jokes That only one buddy would get And now I realize that's why you never made it big Because you're playing to the band You're trying to get the whole class Yeah.

But yeah, but there was the performing thing. And then when I was in high school, so at like 14, you know, I was really into it. And, you know, as we all were, you know, memorizing George Carlin albums and Robert Klein, Mel Brooks. I remember finding somebody, my older sister's boyfriend, I was 15, and he said, you must know Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner a 2,000-year-old man record. I went, no. He goes, well, let me open your eyes. And he gave me the original record.

Oh, man. Like, okay, there's a whole other world. And you grew up in the city? In New York, yeah. And so by then I was really, not thought I was funnier, but I was really, I was drawn to. And I still didn't know that you could do it. It's like, I didn't look at George Colin.

I go, I'm going to be George Colin. But you just kept going. And as it turns out, so then I remember, I'm 17, 18 and now the clubs had just started to rise to the consciousness so and we knew comedians who were coming out of those clubs oh freddie prins and he became huge and david brenner and and jimmy walker gave caplins like so and i saw there was a uh a system in place right if you go to these clubs there's only two or three of them and then however you get in and you have to audition and it'll be terrible and painful.

But if you put in your time, then something will happen. Okay, that's all I needed. Because without that, I would never have had the moxie to go, I know you have a restaurant. Can I stand up and tell jokes? No, I needed there to be a system in place where people come and expect amateur. How did you learn? Did you have friends that were interested at the same time?

Or did you just start poking around? Yeah, I was, you know my friend Billy Grunfest? Do you know, Billy? Yeah. Yeah. So my buddy, we went to high school together. And like in day one of freshman year, we just kind of found, you know Mel Brooks Records? I know. So we became fast pals.

And then there was this little program that this high school initiated right before spring break. They called it mini classes where kids could volunteer and you could teach or just, you know, talk about, you know, hobbies. So somebody did a ham radio club or a theater or whatever, and we did a comedy class. And so we would kind of curate it. And like one year we would like, and very heat did most of that work. We would bring in our records and they would say, well, there's monologists and there's political and there's satire. So we started taking it seriously. Yeah.

And by definition. And I remember actually wanting, trying to get guest speakers. And I remember calling, I'm 15, calling the improv in New York. And I don't know, maybe I was hoping to get Robert Klein. Is he in? Would he come speak at my silly client? And he's not here. I said, who's this?

David Brenner, I went, okay, that'll work. But we didn't, we didn't get it. Actually, one year we got a buddy of mine somehow knew Norman Steinberg, who was a dentist, but he was writing what became Blazing Saddles. He was writing with Mel Brooks. So he came and he gave a speech. So I was kind of, you know, an amateur student of it, and I just loved it. Yeah. I remember when I started.

working at the comic strip on the Upper East Side, Lucian was the guy. He was the manager and the authority who let you pass and not get on. Yeah, there's a lot of great successful comedians who were told by Lucian, you'll never make. Yes. But he always kept the sheet. The sign-up sheet. The sign-up sheet. Yes.

When you and Carol. Carol Leifer and Rich Hall and I all passed the audition on the same night and we were passed we were invited into the club by the MC who was Jerry Seinfeld so because at that point

emceeing was actually a bit of top job yeah it's like who's the top guy and he gets to pick within a short amount of time the MC became the guy like you stay and lock up

you know it's not a glamorous job but Jerry was a year or so ahead of us right and he was you know He was already annoyingly good. Yeah. That's really clean and good and tight. Yeah. But I mean, when he, I remember distinctly him showing us that sheet.

And like this night, all these people were here. Tell those the days, like July something 17. Yeah. And when you talk about like knowing the path and like being shown like there is a way to kind of make this happen as a young comic seeing your names on there was like, oh, okay, I'm going to stay here. I'm going to. I'll stick around here. Jersey. Oh, okay.

Yeah, about a half hour outside the city. And did you would drive in? I would drive in. I'd get my friends. Where in Jersey? Park Ridge, Cliff Lake. Okay. Like around Paramus area, like northern.

It's a bit of a drive. It's a bit, yeah, a little guy, about a half hour in my Ford escort. I used to drive in for at that point. I grew up in New York, but when I was like 17, my parents, we moved to Jersey. So in Fort Lee, right by the bridge. Oh, okay. So, so I was a shorter drive. than you, but it was still something.

And you knew you weren't going to get, in the beginning, you're not going to get on in the prime 9 o'clock, 10 o'clock. Yeah. So, you know, wait, and sometimes I come home from work, and then I was working on my dad's office, come home and, you know, take a nap, and then at 11 o'clock, call the clubs, is there a crowd there?

Should I come in? And I met my, Lucian, God bless him, when I said, it was like 1230. I said, is it worth coming in? It was like a 20-minute drive. Is it worth coming in? Is there a crowd? and he said with no sense of irony,

well, there's one guy, but he's a laffer. I'm in the car. Hold him, hold him. I got five minutes of very weak material to tell him. I will have Fort Lee. When I was coming from Paramus, I was living in an apartment in Paramus, and I had to come up Route 4 to the bridge

to go into the comic strip, and I got my first audition spot, and I'm driving in after work, and I was in traffic, like that bridge traffic, And the cars, like everyone's merging, like that two inch by inch by inch. And this truck just wouldn't let up on me. And we ended up, like, stuck together. And they pulled our cars off the side.

The cops came from the Port Authority, pulled our cars off the side. And my registration had lapsed, so they rested me. And I'm sitting, I'm handcuffed, importally, to the bench. And I'm like, I have an audition. I have to go. You have to go. Well, in that case. And I literally had a briefcase.

I had like this little leather briefcase. of work and I'm like I'm telling you there's jokes in there and I'm like trying to convince them that I have this audition they're like why did you tell us some of your jokes oh yeah I'm like fine I'll try and reschedule but I missed the I missed it because I got arrested in Fort Lee how did that end how did you get out what my girlfriends my girlfriends my girlfriend was working in a law firm and her boss was the judge of one of the judges of Fort Lee Jesus. So they got me out.

They sprung me. But you can get arrested. Handcuffed to the bench. Oh, my God. Because of my registration. They just wanted to mess with me, I guess. I guess they probably didn't like that I had such a fancy car at a young age. Yeah, that's annoying.

The Ford Escort. I think it was turbo. But yeah, it was, uh... Wow. Yeah. My very first audition, I didn't have the honor of like, what come? This is your audition slot.

Just wait online. And you get the, in the, summer, I was 18, and you'd wait online at like two in the afternoon. Yeah. They'd give out the numbers at six. So you're standing there on a curb, you know. I lined up with other idiots, most of whom were annoying. And I'd go, wow, these are nutty people.

Yeah. Then you get a number to come back and maybe you'll get on 1130. Yeah. So there's your day. And I have a cassette somewhere in my basement of that tape, you know, five minutes. Yeah. And my tape recorder was on a table next to just to, just to, under the speaker, but there were some customers.

And in the middle of my five minute of brilliance, I hear one guy go, well, I'll say this, the kids got balls. I said, well, that's, that's a quality. That's a good review. It is so funny when you talk about those days, like, standing in line and all, like, it's, it seems impossible. It is impossible. But you loved it so much.

You were just so excited to be on your way. But you must have had, you must have. must have had like people, you know, young people, kids or parents of kids, my kid wants to be a comedian, what would you tell them? And the only thing is like, somebody told me this about another career choice. And they said, if you can do anything else, do that. Yeah. And that is a great filter for anything because if the kid goes, okay, then you weren't going to make it. Yeah. And if you say, I don't care what you say, no, I can't do anything else. And this is what I want to do. Yeah. You're still not necessarily going to make it, but that's, you have to get past that. You

have to commit yourself to doing it. You have to be just delusional and committed and passionate that you're just not going to. And have no skill anywhere else. Yeah, right, exactly. And be a total failure at the rest of life. Jerry always tells this great story when he was having a lunch with Michael Richards on the street in New York. And somebody came up to them and the guy says to Michael Richards, they, it's so nice to meet you guys. And they said, hello. And the guy said, What do you do? And the guy says, well, you know, I've been thinking about maybe getting into acting. And Michael goes, you'll never make it.

What do you mean? Think about maybe get into it. No. Yeah, because it's so guaranteed of success. Yeah. Like, you don't, you can't have any flicker of maybe. Yeah. And you have to want it.

I remember, you know, I was a music major in school. And not by, and it wasn't a plan. But I always played piano. And it was kind of an easy way to get. get through four years. I think I can do this. And, I mean, he took other courses. But anyway, I remember like, well, okay, what would a career be?

I wasn't good enough to be a performer. And I remember there were guys who were making a fortune writing jingles, commercial, Barry Manilow and all these. And I remember I knew somebody who knew somebody who worked at an ad agency, and they put me in touch with the guy who's head of the music. And I said, Dad, I'm thinking, maybe, you know, I'd like to do that. And he was the guy who said, you know, if there's anything else you can do, do that. I went, okay.

It sounds hard. Yeah, that's not for me. Yeah, I'm out. But, you know, the other sort of pivotal moment, I remember early on, you know, on a tough night, on a Tuesday night at 11 or whatever, it's a comic strip, if you have a great night, you leave going, I can't wait to do that again.

Yeah. Right? And I remember on a bad night, my thought was, oh, I can't wait to get this out of my system. I got to come back tomorrow and do better. So I thought, well, if all good or bad, all roads lead to, I got to come back tomorrow. that told me, I think you liked this.

Yeah, that's great. How great were the mad about you, bad about you years? Was it like, it was such a huge hit. It was so, there was such a rhythm, a comedic rhythm to that show. It must have been fun to just. It was great, yeah, it was great fun. You know, you're always chasing your tail, you know, going, okay, this script works. What about next week?

You know, it's Friday. We're meeting on Monday for the table read. It's not, you know, so you're always worried about next week's show. And it's, and you're editing last week's show. So it's always you're kind of into your eyeballs, but you get used to that. But the actual work, you know, when it, when, you know, was great fun.

I mean, we had great writers and getting to play with, you know, Helen Hunt, you know, when, and certain scripts, like when I would read the script or write a script and it was like eight pages of just dialogue, dialogue, dialogue, I go, this is going to be fun. Yeah. This is going to be, there's no, and I always knew that when the execs read the script, you're not going to get,

but it doesn't look like a joke. But that's going to be a big laugh because she's going to look at me funny or I'm going to pause. So the stuff, whatever was in the air between us was very tight and strong. And I do miss that. That's why we did the little reunion five years ago. We did 12 episodes. Because I kept inviting us. You know, you guys should do a little reunion.

We ended it well. Why mess with it? But they kept talking to us. So we met and we said, well, we'll be fun. We know that. Right, exactly. It's just to play tennis, the two of us together. Yeah.

And then we thought, but why? Why? You know, and then we thought, wait a second. The little baby we had at the end of our show is now 20. She's leaving the nest. That's now we're alone again. That's what the original pilot was. Right.

Everybody's walking out. It's just us. Two idiots and four walls. That's a show. And but the extra fun part was like, okay, it's 20 years later. We're tired. We're older. We're walking slower.

We don't hear as well. That cute baby turned out to be a handful. Yeah. You know, so I remember we had, you know, we got the rhythm when we're doing the show of like, okay, if you're in the kitchen and the doorbell rings, you need six lines to get to the door. So you keep moving up the queue. Well, now 20 years later, I need 14 lines. It's a longer, slower walk. It's going to take me a while.

It just seems like, especially when it becomes a hit and you, you know, you know, you know, know you're not like fighting for your life to stay on the air, that then the freedom to be able to work with each other and just have fun, it seems like another level of fun. For sure. And in the beginning, you do have that. I had forgotten. Thank you for reminding me of that nightmare.

But yes, you do have the specter up over. Yeah, like, oh, did they pick us up? Yeah. And we had the thing of, you know, they moved us around. And we were literally on six different nights in seven years. And some terrible, we were at one point on a Sunday night. Wow. It was like, it's just horrible.

And, you know, and I remember that the, the network wants to apologize. You know, we were trying to launch it, and we thought we could launch it with you, and we fucked you. Oh, really? Really? No, and not on purpose, but it didn't work out.

In my mind, it was just smooth sailing. See? Yeah. It was just a fun... But the bitterness in me is still there. It's always painful. What I was going to say is you start, at some point, you let that go,

and you say, I can't control that. You know, I mean, unless you have the cloud to do. But what we can do is we can write the show we want, and we can do it and we can cast it and we can make it what we want. You know, I used to liken it to, you know, a painter paints a painting, and somebody buys it and it puts it in their garage. Well, it's theirs now. You know, I can't follow where it goes, but I can only make it as good as we can make it.

Yeah. But it was great, and it certainly was a huge thing to go from being a comedian that's maybe you've seen in a couple of movies to, oh, we're in millions of homes every week. Like, whoa, that's different. That's got to, yeah, man, the impact of that has got to be pretty fun. I specialize in being in things that only last six episodes. Well, that's your thing. Because I want to keep my integrity as, you know.

Yes. Oh, I got a string of those. I got a string of those. But again, you can only do it and make what you, you know, make the best of your abilities. It's got to be a cool thing to know just on the acting side from a little baby face diner coming and not even having a headshot. And now, like, stranger things in playing in the film. What's your film? The problem with people?

Problem with people. Like, to be able to, be able to, like, it's a new, it's you, but it's like this other version of you in a way. Well, you get, well, yeah, you know, if you wait 40 years, things are different. Yeah, yeah. You still look amazing. Oh, I look, 22. And you're very vibrant.

But to be able to play, like, even in Red Oaks, like, you were playing this kind of a prick. Yeah, but it was funny. He was written. And I remember, in fact, I remember sort of passing on Red Oaks because I read the script. I said, ah, he's the country club asshole. And he's just, I've seen that. And they said, well, look at the second script.

I went, oh, okay. So now, and then I remember working with the creators, Greg and Joe. Greg, yeah, Greg Jacobs and Joe. Joe Gangamheim. And I said, well, what if we, and we sort of gave him other colors. It's like, oh, he really, his. marriage is really solid. He's a great husband. Oh, he's loves his daughter. Oh, he's nice. So, and he can be a prick.

Yeah. But let's, you know, let's get the full spectrum. So that was, and it's fun, you know, I remember when I was writing with a friend, we were writing something that I was going to play. And, you know, it was something for me to do on TV. And after a couple of weeks, she goes, you know what, everybody thinks you're such a nice guy. You're not such a nice guy at all. I went, I know, I know. But those are fun, That's cool, yeah. It's fun to play all of that. Yeah, because, I mean, you, yeah, he wasn't a complete asshole.

He was just successful, and he was kind of ballsy. Well, yeah. But you know, it's funny for years, people would say, hey, you know, aliens, it was such a clear, that's a bad guy. He was the, he was the weasel. He killed everybody. And I used to joke, I said, you call him a bad guy. I say he's misunderstood. So cut two, 35 years later, somebody comes to me with the idea of what do you think about,

doing a comic book doing a show where Burke lives. I said, that's really funny. And Adam Goldberg, who created the Goldbergs, very talented guy. He had this idea. And he came up with this story of like, oh, well, the reason that your character was trying to get the alien back to Earth was actually for a very noble reason. And you find out, oh, because his wife was in a coma with an illness

and there was something in the blood, and this was to save his wife, and thereby also save humanity. And I went, yes, that's what I was. thinking 35 years ago. All along. Finally someone saw it. Subtext. Subtext. We do a thing on this program called an uncomfortable moment. I've been having it since I got here. I'm ahead of you. And we do a little digging of things in the press and stuff. No, this is, I mean, I don't feel like this is that uncomfortable. Is it true? Is it true that, you know, you're very well known. This kind of makes sense because you're part of the Netflix family, Stranger Things, a huge, huge hit.

And it makes sense that Netflix would reach out to you for this. Is it true that in order to get Jake Paul ready for the fight against Tyson, that you were his sparring partner so he could get used to slower guys in the ring? That is true. I'm, I'm, I'm, look what you can do. I would totally buy that. By the way, keeps the glass of Photoshop. No, it's not. And by the way, a lot of guys would take off the glasses in the ring. I was so confident he couldn't get in. I want to see where I'm hitting. What's weird, too, is that I never, you don't seem like a guy that has that many tattoos.

I know, but I do. I do. And he's stunned. Look at him. Yeah, you definitely tagged him there. Any comments? Are you training now? You know what?

I did, I did see Mike Tyson in the airport. And I just gave him one, just to see what it would be like. A punch in his stomach. And I got a million seven for it. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. I don't need the big 20. You know what?

Kick him in the balls for a million three. One shot, goodbye. Yeah. I remember a brush with fame. Yeah. I was actually at the fight where he bit. Oh, the Holyfield bite? Yeah.

I'm not a particular boxing fan, but my friend got tickets. We went. And like, I think it was early, first round, second round. And we go, I think he bit his ear. Is that a thing? Can you bite together? And so you just go, okay. So Tyson was like, you know, persona non-grada.

Not long after that, I'm on a plane, D.C. back to L.A. He's a couple of rows in front of me. And I'm going to go, I'm not going to talk to him because that's what he needs. And he's a comedy boy to say hello to him. And so I go, what a terrible person. And I go, he went up to the use of the bathroom. I come back, and he looks up, he goes, hey, how you doing? And I went, oh, hey, champ, how are you?

I like, you broke me. You were just so nice. How are you doing? How you doing? Yeah, it's so cute. I remember, yeah. So that's how long I held out in my not talking to my day. I'll teach him.

You made a real stance all the way to the bathroom. Oh, I did. A moral stance all the way from the bathroom to Road 2. I held firm. Your special is really funny, just talking about. getting older and not being able to see all of the things that are kind of uh I'm just telling you what's happening yeah just exactly I can't make anything up folks right yeah isn't the great thing about you know when you hit a bit and you know some bits are just clever and funny and some people go yes

thank you like you they were like oh I'm so glad we're not the only one having that problem at home yeah you dusted that one off yeah I thought I was just thinking about that in my dark moments in the living room I love the bit about the three piles yes it's such a Because my kids have just left. Oh, really? And we're faced with this house filled with stuff. And I just want to get rid of all of it. None of it.

None of it. And my wife's like, we can't get rid of that Pogo stick. They might come back. By the way, ask them, do you want, no. Do you want us to keep this? No. They're like, they don't want anything. Yeah.

Yeah, I do the thing. I said, you know, kids are not nostalgic because they haven't been around long enough to nostalgia. They don't have that thing. Whereas we, you know, they're all about the future. We have very little future left. So. Can we clean out?

Yeah. Yeah, you just want to get rid of stuff. It's just sad. And I guess what would be a successful end of life if you're a foot from death and you go, the house is empty. Yeah. Ready.

I know. And then you start thinking, I don't want to leave this for the kids to deal with because they don't care. Yeah. Yeah. They certainly don't need their finger paintings from kindergarten.

Yeah. I think we can, you look at it, now throw it out. Yeah. How do you feel about it now at this? stage. Like, you kind of like, because it's kind of fresh in my mind because the kids are like literally for the first time are gone. I was, I think, are they all the same age? A 19 and 22. Oh, yeah. So, uh, it was tough. I was tougher than I thought, you know, about, I don't know,

I was four years ago and my, my younger son, I have two boys. Right. And he was heading east to go to college. And I was like, wow, this is terrible. Like, like, oh, and it's just very, the ground under you moves because it's all been about you know I remember like a couple of weeks before he left for school he was out late and my wife and I were like well you know you got a call if you're going to be late

and I said you know in two weeks we're not going to know what time he goes to bed we're going to have to learn to like let go and you never stop worrying but you can't control it but I and I had heard this phenomenon happens and it's been kind of true they move away

and then something new comes and grows in place. Like, he's moved across the country. He lives in Brooklyn now. But we've gotten closer. We're actually writing something together. Oh, wow. We're writing something, a father's son story together. Wow.

Well, this is fun. I didn't see this coming. Amazing. And, yeah. My daughter's in Brooklyn. Yeah? She's helping me direct my buddy in an off-Broadway thing.

Wow. And she's like there all the time. It's great. It's so great. What part of Brooklyn? Bushwick. There you go. He's in, like, near Prospect Park.

Yeah. Maybe they'll see each other. Yeah. Isn't our dad? annoying? Yes, mine too. We wrote this father's son thing, but how about? We ditch the father part. We ditch the father part and there's two idiots who are getting checks from their parents. But it is amazing and I'm sure you have these moments, especially if you're writing together, where you really value their creative input. For sure. Right? Like, what do you think?

Yes. And you've realized you've done your job, even though it wasn't necessarily intentional, you've raised culturally smart, funny people. And so, first of all, I got so much from my son. I mean, he literally told me about stranger things before I got the call. I was on the boys. I got an offer to be on the boys, and I never heard of it. And I asked him, I said, do you ever heard of the show of the boys? They didn't want me to be on it?

He said, oh, dad, it's great, comma, and you'll hate it. And I went, really? He goes, trust me, you're not going to, and I went, oh, wow, this is crazy. but so I definitely you know or sometimes he's really comedically savvy you know and he'll call me on something that it's like that that's like old guy

shit like that's like oh really yeah he'll call you out like you know like when he was in 10th grade you know and just all the cliches of like am I right and went oh so that's like you can't even say you're like I haven't noticed that

am I right and like oh they're just doing that ironically so you can't do it that that's not a good joke anyway or again it can be too but yeah we were writing you know we worked together on this aliens comic and uh we would submit and he wrote a couple of the scripts and i was just basically i was just basically writing contributing my dialogue my cartoon i'm not talking it's just a comic book yeah and so we would each submit our jokes to adam and his partner his writing partner Hans. And there'll be we're pitching on the same jokes.

And he would show him to me and I'll go, just send him in. Let's let him take whatever they want. And Adam would call me. He said, listen, you know, I love you and I respect you and we're writing this for you. It's about you. You created the role. Having said that, your son's jokes are funnier. I said, I know. And he said, I imagine you're proud. I said, couldn't be prouder. I said, totally. Let him, yeah.

His were funnier. But there's got to be a little part of you that's like, not next time. I'll get you. No, but if it raises your game. Yeah, no, that is great. It's so funny that it could be funny. You got to take notes from your daughter now. I really, I value it.

It's like, because there is that thing, there's, I think it's why comedy doesn't really last. It's like, you know, all our favorite comics, if you were to show like our kids, Robert Klein, they'd be like, yeah, I get it. I see what you're talking about, but it doesn't have that, there is a immediacy.

to stand up in the moment. So, like, to pay attention to young comics or our kids, it is good to hear, like. But do you watch a lot of comics? Well, maybe you do for this show. Well, I do, uh, I also have this Netflix radio show. Uh, Netflix is a joke. So we have a lot of comics come through there.

So you have to. Yeah. Which is good. I find I, I, I tend to not. Yeah. Because I think one of two things will happen. I go, oh, boy, I just wrote that bit. Okay, I have to throw mine out.

This guy already did that or she already did it. Yeah. Or sometimes you go, whoa, that person is so good. Yeah. I'm never going to. Yeah. That's just too good. That's impressive.

Yeah. There's also the old man part of it that once in a while is like, they're not even telling jokes. Where's the punch line? Come on. In my day, you'd have six punchlines with this point. Once in a while, I'll dig up something really old that I liked as a kid. Yeah.

Do you remember Charlie Callis? no he's a jersey Charlie Calais The football player, right? No, no, not Alex Carris. Alex Carrey, but Charlie Callis was a football was a comic and there was a period in the 70s

he was on all the, he was on Dean Martin Rost all the time and he was very funny-looking clown face and he was just the silliest stuff in the world was just, like, wow, making funny faces. And I remember I would watch that with my dad and he found it funny and I found it funny. So I dug up clips and I'm going, I don't remember it.

I do remember laughing at it. And I dug up these clips and I said, Leo, I said to my son, watch this one thing. And I'm crying laugh. I go, Dad, you're laughing at this? I go, it's really funny. It's not really funny. It's so stupid. But it's like early Jerry Lewis.

It's like it's not brilliant, but it's brilliant. Yeah. It's clown. And he is catch, I don't know what it is, but they are capturing something of the moment, of the cultural moment that is subtle that you will connect. to, but your kid won't. Yes. Like, I don't know. There's something in the air with comics.

I mean, beyond the material, the way they deliver it, the thing. Yes. Well, also, they're pulling from such a wider net of information and cultural references. You know, I remember by, in his early teens, my son had already clocked. He recognized classical pieces of music or movie references only from watching the Simpsons because the Simpsons that already put it in quotes so he knew the quote

he knew the music it's like well you never saw the show oh so you just and there's so much of that and you're scared you know you just you can just surf

and just get everything so they're way more savvy and they have so much more information and material at their fingertips than we did it's amazing how many people who aren't even in comics

or in show business but online will just pop up things off of some event that happens and they're just knock dead funny. They're just like everyday people are just pitching jokes every single day.

Right now something's going on and people are shooting stuff out on social media that is great stuff. Yeah. You're trying to depress me? What are you doing? No, I think it is a very cool thing. But the beauty of stand-up, of classic stand-up is

there's only one Paul Reiser standing up there and and it is different. Relating to his fans and taking you through this story and that's the beauty of it. And when you watch people who are good at it, you know, if they're really good, you know, most people would not even notice what's happening. They're just, oh, they're just taking us for a ride.

But, you know, we'll watch it with a critical eye and you go, oh, it's, you know, I remember, you know, I remember seeing Cosby, if I, if we can use the expression. Sure. And you just, you go, I remember, you know, going, I'm in my head taking notes, where's he going? And then seven minutes in, I'm going, I just, take me wherever you want me. Yeah. And you leave going, that's skillful.

That's just good. Yeah, what just happened? What just happened? How do I do that? Yeah. Why was I asleep for an hour? What just happened? I hear people laughing.

But yeah, there is a big difference between the funny guy in the office and somebody who can go up and really, you know, fill a theater and work for an hour and a half. Yeah, yeah. And so that's something that I'm proud of. I just did a show last week and having not done a show for three months. And I went, and I had this on the calendar. It was a show in Vegas and I was actually nervous. I went, you know, the nightmare where you go,

oh, I have a school report tomorrow and I haven't written it. It's like, it's that, but it's true. I don't remember my act. I've been doing other things. And I just kind of looked it over and I went, oh, yeah, I got it. And I went up and it was a great show. And I thought, okay, how does that happen? It's like, because it's in your bones.

It's in your DNA. How much did you tour up to the special? Well, this year less. I mean, last year, working up to the special, I was out like every weekend, every other weekend. Yeah, we were both in Florida. I was right before you around Fort Lauderdale or someplace. You know, that's one of the funny, also nice things.

People say, comedians, you know, competitive. I said, no, we're all, I mean, we may go, oh, I wish I thought of that. I wish, that's a great joke. Yeah. But we're not vying for the same seat. Right. You know, there's five actors going up for a role. One of you will get it, four of you will not.

But comedians is like, oh, Tom's there this week. I'll be there next week. Right, exactly. It's like, if you're good, you're going to work. Yeah. There's going to be a need for you. Oh, I loved it. I mean, from seeing you on that little sheet that Lucian Holt was showing me at the comic show,

to like, oh, I'm playing the same place that, all right. It's working. It's working out. It's working. Yeah, you stick with it, Tom. It seems to be working for you. We do another thing on this program. You know, we like the finer things.

I've baked you this bread, and I hope you enjoy it. I will look forward. We also like things. It's also a perfect rugby. Be nice to it. We also like things that we just find in gas stations in 7-Eleven. And this week we have... Pastry Bites.

Pop-Tart pastry bites. Your friend Jerry is a big fan of the Pop Tart. I understand. So this came to being, because they were cleaning out the machines where they make actual pastries. What do we do with this shit? It's already small. Put it in the bag. What do with the crumbs?

Yeah. Well, donut holes. Like, that's a genius move. So it's a pastry bite. It's a Pop-Tart bite. Oh, but it already is shaped. It's not actually crumbs. They're actually in the shape of many Pop-Tarts.

Okay, good for them. Read the nutritional value. Oh, yeah. Second ingredient. Crap. Whoa, the smell immediately, though. Really? Is Pop-Tart smell?

Here, you open it. Yeah. Right? That's not a smell found in nature. No. That's strawberry and diesel. Yeah, that is not. Oh, look at the shape.

And, you know, these are all hand-done. They have very artisans come in and they... Tom. Little children. Yes, thank you. Ready? Do we toast? Yes.

Cheers. To comedy. To comedy. Here we go. You ready? Mm-hmm. It's not going to be good. I think it's pretty good.

If you're on the road and you've got four more hours of driving, you stop to pee, that's all they had. It'll get you to Columbus. Yeah, it tastes like a big pop drop, but it's very small. Yeah. Okay, let's see what the nutritional value. No God. Ingredients. Flower water, salt, and yeast.

I got the wrong glass. Yeah, I said, oh, my God. It does contain, but it contains wheat and soy ingredients. I would hope to God. They're making, like, I would assume that. Well, good for you. That's quite a fine. You should be very proud of yourself.

I like how you, it's pretty good. What would you give it out of a 10? 10 being the tops 10 being like great food or a great pastry gas station well in the world of gas station things

yeah nice seven yeah I'd put it at seven yeah I've only had one and it's still on the roof of my mouth oh it'll be there quite some time I'll come back next week yeah

still working you when you started reading the ingredients you said you didn't have the right glasses you were a very funny bit about oh yeah like having seven different pairs of glasses. Yeah.

Because then the first time they have, you know, you have these graded ones. I go, I make me dizzy. So these are driving. I got another pair for reading, another pair for reading the computer because that's further than a book. And I think somebody's,

I said, wait a second, the computer's further, but I could move the computer. They go, yeah, but you're not going to. I go, that's so true. That is so true. My wife is going through a thing where she's been fighting it,

and I'm like, you need glasses. She can't read anything. For like three years. She's just bumbling around. I'm like, you need glasses. Wow. So she went to, get the checkup and all the thing,

and now she's doing things with contacts because she doesn't like having to find glasses. So they have a contact that goes in one eye that will help you with your reading, but you're still that. She's banging into walls. I can only go to my left. Yeah, right, exactly.

Wow. Now she's trying the other way. It's a disaster. I'm like, just get glasses. Yeah, and because I love glasses on a woman. Yeah. You know, my wife's complaining she had one. gray hair. I went, I don't know how you don't. I love gray hair on the way. I think it's

beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. She goes, I hate it. I go, there's one. Nobody's going to look that close. How close are you to, um, my wife? Giving in. Very close. How long have you been married? We've been married 36 years. Wow. Mazzel top. 32 of them beauties. Wow. That's a nice run. Yeah. No, we're still going. Yeah. I'm when I left the house. I don't know. She think you're funny? Yes. That's good. Yes. We always joke about, because people go, he must be funny all the time.

I'm like, hmm. But can you imagine being married to somebody who didn't appreciate your sense of humor? Oh, no. You couldn't. No, I know. She laughs harder at me than,

like she laughs at me in a way that annoys the children. Wow. After a good wife. Wow. Yeah. I remember, and yeah, she will laugh. And I remember, we'll still joke about, I think on our first date,

it was like, I remember telling her some really stupid joke and she laughed. I'm like, I can't believe I led with a joke. I was doing 15 minutes. How'd you meet? We met at a comedy club. She was a waitress, and I was headlining in Pittsburgh, where apparently Jay Leno falls down hills.

Oh, yeah, I just heard about this today. By the way. He's got an eye patch on. He went on stage, bruised. I mean, he was like, it was unbelievable. Yeah, that's what I was saying. God forbid he cancels the show. Yeah.

He never would cancel the show. Yeah, I'm sure it was great. He's from his own planet. He's a machine. God bless him. He is a machine. He showed me pictures. he was here on the podcast,

and he showed me pictures of the aftermath of that fire when his whole head caught on fire. He showed me pictures of him in getting his face, new face. It must be horrible. Horrible. And he's like, eh, not a big deal. You know, he just put a little stuff in there, a little funny. But he was the first guy, the comic that I knew.

We weren't peers because he was older and he was already, I was still in college and he was already on Carson. But he had a house. He was married and he had a house. and it was up in the hills here in Hollywood. And I remember I found a picture. Mark Schiff sent me a picture of it was Larry Miller and Schiff and I and Jerry in Lennos' pool.

And went, boy, we were we young. But we knew somebody that had a pool. If I had thought to tell him, Jay, as we get older, don't walk down a hill in a wintry city. Maybe don't do that. By the way, the guy has 1,400 cars. Pick one, drive to the fucking place. I know, and he won't get room service.

He won't get room service. He was going out to find food, and he stumbled down the hill. I'm like, just get some room service. I like going out. I like being with the people. He's a machine. I'm totally a room service. Oh, me too.

And they go, you know, we have some great restaurants in this casino. Yeah, no, just bring it up to my room. I don't want to see people until exactly 8 o'clock. Right, exactly. I'm the same way. And then I'll be happy to see him. Yeah, all at once. Yeah, I don't eat.

There's also something sad about eating in a restaurant by yourself. People pity you. Did you guys stop doing the cigar on New Year's Day? We did. You did? Well, it wasn't the cigar. We used to get together for New Year's. Yeah, that was.

You? Sheriff Larry and Jerry and Michael King. And then it started in 80. And then we did it really every year, New Year's Day, New Year's Day. And then it kind of died out of, I don't know, 10 years ago. Something married and kids and people said, yeah. It was a nice tradition to watch. It was a wonderful tradition.

You guys would get a cigar and take a walk. We would have a little. a fancy, well, when we were starting out, it was a very fancy thing, you know. And then it suddenly go, yeah, that's what things cost. But it was, yeah, we were, it was, we were celebrating, it was like a brotherhood of comedies, like, because we all had no, nothing to do. We're not going to New Year's Eve parties. Right. And it started because it's like, it's New Year's Day. What are you doing? Nothing. What are you doing? All right, let's go for lunch and pretend we have life. But, yeah, and it would sort of arc our careers and, and then it,

You know, it gets harder to, as you're married, they go, I'm going to be New Year's Eve flying to have lunch with four other idiots. It's a harder sell. You kept going, like, when, during Seinfeld and during Mad About You. Yeah, yeah. We stopped, oh, yeah, I would say probably maybe 10 years ago. But then you started when you were just young, not-grown comics. We started, it was 1980.

We were just puppies. Gee, that's great. Yeah, it went for about 35 years or something. Wow. Sounds like you should get some of the gang together. and do another one. Okay. And tell me about it.

I just like knowing it was going on. Don't invite me. Yeah, I could fill in. But it was, yeah, you know, but there is that, there is that brotherhood, there is that brotherhood, and sisterhood of starting with people. Yes. And, and, you know, in the clubs and somebody would come over,

you know, another comic would listen to you a bit and go, hey, I got a line, you know, and I'll pitch a line, try this, you know. Yeah. And it was always welcome. And you try it and it works great. Singers don't do that. You know, maybe bend the note this way.

How about fuck off? You know? Yeah, leave me allowed. But comedians like, yeah, we'll listen. We're helping. Yeah. And where are you now? The special's out.

The specials out. So no, let me ask you, because you've done, what, six specials? Mm-hmm. What, do you burn that material? Yeah. That's what was part of keeping me from doing it. It's like, I don't want to throw all this nice material. Until corporate dates.

Yes. then it all comes out. But they will have seen corporate date. Oh, because you don't have to feel they haven't paid for it. And well, I feel like at a corporate date, there's probably 10% of the people are comedy fans. And the rest are there because their boss said you had to be there. Yes. So it's kind of new to them.

But I was, yeah. But it's amazing when you do those and you break out like the oldest of the oldest bits. Yes. And they kill. Yes. And you go, oh. Why did I throw this stuff away? This is so much fun.

I was, I was aware of that. And I thought, well, and that was sort of what was delaying me from doing a special. I thought, no, you got to put your big boy pants on and do a special. Yeah. And, you know, and then there's a whole bunch of stuff I didn't have in the special that's, you know, up and working. But I go, just you'll give yourself that task, write the next hour. Yeah. And you break it down, it sounds doable.

Like, one hour, that's five minutes a month. That's a minute a week. You can write a minute in a week. It's like, not really. Yeah. I mean, you write six minutes and then it boils down to it's really just 40 seconds. Yeah. I take off the fat.

There's very little there. But that's the fun of it. You know, when I start seeing, I was talking before about, you know, your brain is not wired. If you take a long time off, you lose that mojo. Yeah.

And that's when it's cooking. That's what's so exciting to me. It's like, that bit actually connects with that bit. Oh, I thought those were separate. No, they're both about, they're both about embarrassment. They're both about whatever the theme is. And like, oh, and then when you click that on stage, you go, that was fun.

That was a good night. Yeah. And it's usually not what the audience, you know, and so I go, I was fine. I go, it wasn't fine. I didn't like that show. And then there could be a show where they think it's terrible. I was great.

Yeah, because I had one line. I had one line. Oh, I mean, we, you know, we see each other down at the Hamosa Beach Comedy and Magic Club. And, you know, for me, that's a 45 minute. Or now it's like an hour. And I'll drive an hour and I'll do 10 minutes, 15 minutes. And then I'll drive back an hour. So, and my kids go, you're going to drive?

But two? Are you going to get paid? No. Why are you going? I said, because this is how you do it. Yeah, it's the best. And if you write a line at 4 o'clock and it gets a laugh at 8.30, you go, that's a good day.

Yeah. That's a really good day. Did you, because you have your hand in so many things and you act and now you're writing this stuff with your son and do films and stand up, do you always, was there ever a plan? Or you just kind of like, as the opportunities come up, this is going to get the attention now.

I don't think, you know, I don't know if any of us had a plan. Maybe Leno, like he's. said this is what I'm doing and I'm not doing anything else. But no, I mean, my goal was like, I want to get on the Tonight Show, like the guys that I admire and I want to be that guy. And I guess I knew that, oh, sometimes they get TV shows or movies, whatever, but it wasn't a plan. And I, you know, I think now, you asked me before, was I taking an acting

class? So I must have, in my mind, like, you want to be ready for that opportunity? Yeah, yeah. But I can look back and think of every opportunity, everything that happened was not really planned. You know, even, even, you know, I got an audition for aliens. Like, I have no business being in a movie like that. Like, but Jim Cameron said, yeah, all right, I guess I'm in this movie. Yeah, yeah. You know, and even mad about you only came up because I was approached.

And they said, you know, they'd see my stand or whatever. And they, you know, we'd like you to come up with an idea for a show for you. I'd like, well, I wouldn't have thought of doing that. That takes a lot of balls. but I remember the time it was whatever was 1990, 1990. I was just newly married and my act was suddenly I felt like, okay, I think I got my footing now.

This is what I do better than other stuff. The marriage stuff is deeper, funny, or richer, more true. Yeah. And so I said, you know, if I was going to do a show, it would be something really small. I don't know if you want. It was really just like the little things between a married couple and they went,

go write that. And so, okay, here it is. And then, again, circumstance, Jerry's show was just taking off. It hadn't become the juggernaut that it was. And they was thinking it was going to be something. They said, we need a companion piece. So they were, our initial season, we were paired with his show.

And so, and if weren't for that little accident of programming, they might not have said, let's try another comedian from New York. Yeah. God. That's such a cool. But I didn't plan it, you know. And are you that way creatively now? Yeah.

I don't come up with a lot of ideas. And that's why I also I love about stand-up. It's like, I don't need a big idea. I need one bit for tonight to make today worthwhile. But, you know, I have this thing that I'm going to write. And again, I was approached and I said, yeah, I think I could come up with an idea for a show. Rarely do I push something uphill.

This movie, the problem with people, which I had an idea for a movie years ago, only because I wanted to go to Ireland. And I said, I really want to, I've been in there and I loved it. And I said, okay, what's a movie where I would go to Ireland and pretty scenery? And I came up with this idea, okay, they're distant cousins on both sides of the ocean and there's a conflict in the family. Okay, that's going to be funny. And that took so much pushing uphill.

It's like, well, writing it. And I found a buddy who I wrote it with and now it came together. And then you have to sell it. You have to get somebody to finance it. And then wait for the actors. and only after those kind of really struggles and challenges that I start to view stand-up differently and go, you know what else I love about stand-up?

It's uncomplicated. I think of it at four and I tell it at 8.30. I don't have to run past anybody. I don't have to raise money. I don't have to wait eight months to see if it worked. It's like, oh, when you start, you don't even know that that's a good thing. No, I know.

But you compare it to really trying to do something big, you go, stand-up is just so gratifying. And you actually feel it. You actually feel the, you know, film, it's like, people like it, yeah, we like that. And it can go wrong on a number of places. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, it didn't edit well or whatever.

Yeah. And stand-up, and again, well, it didn't work yet today, but maybe it'll work tomorrow. Yeah. Or I'll change this and hopefully make it work better. So, that's why I always go, people say, well, you know, why do you go back? I went, that's all I wanted to do in the first place.

Yeah. So it's very, it's where people go, but you didn't do a special for 30 years. I go, I know. I was busy. I like to space them out. Every 32 years, like clockwork. Yeah. But I mean, to your point,

being able to tour with it while you are doing other things, like you kind of don't want to burn that act. You know, you want to be able to tour and you know you're not going to have the capacity to get a whole other hour because you get stuff going on. Yeah, but, you know, again, you do it slowly.

Like, I, you know, coming up in the new year, I have a couple of theater dates, but a couple of club days. I go, yeah, let me do four shows on a weekend. And like, then I'll leave with maybe five. of new minutes that work. Yeah, five. And it's always fun.

Yeah. It's always fun. Well, this was amazing. This was really great to spend some time with you. It's lovely to sit with you, Phila. I'm glad we got this together, and I'm so glad that sign-up sheet was so pivotal. Yeah. It was.

I mean, that is the very cool thing about this comedy journey. And it still had our parents' phone number, our home phone number. Oh, really? Yeah. Spring 7, two-set, whatever it was. Amazing. Yeah, we didn't have our own phones. Yeah.

That's so cool. Well, it all worked out, and I'm glad they didn't arrest you longer than one night. I'm glad you got out. I didn't have to stay in Fort Lee forever. Yep. And looking forward to the next special. Come back and promote the next special. Done.

Nice to see you. And you can take the bread and pop tar bites. Do we cut it here or bring it home? No, you're going to take it home. We have a bag for you and everything. We're a classy operation. If I find out this is a fake prop. I'm going to come right back.

I'll be so pissed. Thank you, Tom. All right. We got it, kids.