Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 1 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 12, 2020

Tom is joined by comedian Tom Segura, host of Your Mom's house podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, it's our dog. Hey, it's time for Breaking Bread with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. This is very exciting. This is the first episode of Breaking Bread,

where we invite all of our good friends and family and new friends to come sit down with us at the table and enjoy all the good things in life. Hope you're doing well out there. Hope everything's going okay. Hope you're home safe, enjoying your lives. We're hoping to spread a little bit of that joy your way. This is very exciting because this is the first episode of Breaking Bread. And my guest today is the very talented Tom Segura.

Tom is an amazing comedian with multiple specials on Netflix. Amazing podcasts. Your mom's house. A couple other cool ones. ones, and he's just a really genuine guy. I really love him. We've been friends for a long time. He has a very interesting background filled with food. This guy loves food. So please, now, welcome. The very talented, my friend, and soon to be yours, Tom Segura. So welcome, Tom. Thanks for being on the show. This is very exciting. I'm excited to be here. I mean, I

like I need another invite where I get to like, you know, hold you, eat bread, drink wine. You know what I mean? Like, I know, I know. I was thinking about that. I was like, I want the full pop of treatment, man. I know. Well, I have a loaf of bread that is literally just came out of the oven like 30 minutes ago. And it's here.

But fear not because during this time, I'm making deliveries. You are? So I, yes. So I will be bringing you this bread that I have right here. Really? Yes. 100%. I would really like that.

Thank you. And I will, I'll throw it to you. Whatever you're comfortable with with the social distancing. I could either... I'm over it. I could wear a mask and just hug you. I could throw it over. I could just drive by like a newspaper and toss it onto the lawn.

Listen. Whatever you're comfortable with. I am over it. I will rip your shirt. shirt off if you come up to my house. I don't give a shit. I know. I feel like that's, I feel like that's where we're all out. Fuck it. We're all at this point. Give me. Give me the virus. Watch me beat it. Watch me. Watch. I know. I know. I wish I had had it. Man, I really wish I had it. I wish so much that I wish they were, I wish that my doctor's giving me a call right now.

I'll look, just so you know, we ran some blood work. You've definitely had it. I'm like, great, great, great. I'm going to go licks and door knobs. I got to go. Yeah. Well, I am excited that you're here, and this is, the cool thing about this, as you know from your podcast is when you have your friends on, you get to ask them things that you didn't really know, because when you're hanging out, you don't really get to ask these kind of questions.

That's true. You were, you came from Ohio, right? I mean, I was born there. I lived there for the first nine years of my life. Okay. So then we moved around. I lived in the Midwest, you know, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, and then we went down to Florida. Yeah. Why did you move so much? It was my dad, you know, he was working with the same company, but he was getting promotions within, you know, a huge corporation, and they would move them to different cities. Right.

So, yeah, it became like the norm for me. Like, I just was used to going to a new school every few years. Right, right. I moved one. when I was in third grade and I'm still getting over it. You know, I found the early moves were nothing to me. The hardest move was the last one because that was during freshman year in high school. That one was tough. Wow, freshman year. Yeah, that's rough. Freshman year and I had just felt like, you know, like every time you move,

you realize it takes you like two years to feel like, okay, I'm established now with this crew. It's like when you're new at a club or something, You know, you need a few times before you're like, all right, like, I feel like a regular now. And so that last one, and then I think also when you're in like eighth grade, ninth grade, the social aspect to it is everything. So you're finally like I have my crew. I know where I fit in. I know who my friends are. And you're starting to figure out your identity as like a young person.

And then we move that time. I feel like that one. I feel like I got over it last week. It really fucked me up. Oh, man. would they just come with was it because it happened so often would they just say was it not so much of a big sit down would they just kind of like tell you oh yeah and by the way we're we're heading out again yeah it's funny you mentioned they know I really can't even recall

what the um what it looked like when they said we're moving yeah I don't even remember it yeah really interesting I don't remember it they probably they probably they probably they tried to make the Florida thing really appealing, which is easy to do to a kid, you know, because like, if you live anywhere else and they go, we're moving to Florida, you just think of like beaches or like Disney, you know, and you're like, oh, cool. Right. Yeah, cool.

I'll be in Disney with no friends. Yeah, I'll be alone with Mickey Mouse. Great. So what's your, what's your ethnic background? What are you? Where did your parents come from? So my, my mother's Peruvian, 100% Peruvian. And then my father is.

you know, a white guy, American white guy, with a mixed ancestry of Spanish, French, and some Irish blood. Ah, okay. So how did they meet? My dad's best friend married my mom's sister. Your dad's best friend married your mom's sister. Right. So my dad met my mom.

because his best friend had married this, this, you know, Spick woman from Peru. That must have been a little bit of a wake-up call for him. What are the Peruvian people like? I don't really know the Peruvian people. Well, you know, it's like a lot of South America where it's like there's a huge indigenous population and then there's a minority of basically white Latin people. and you know they're very i mean all my memories there are wonderful like really kind people

um great food great culture everyone you know latins are more affectionate um very open with emotions very expressive that's one thing that was always like the balance in our house is my mother is very expressive and demands that you are as well um and then my dad is like you're Yep, nope, that's good. You know, they're like kind of limited. So, yeah. One of their things, like, in, I think it's a common with a lot of Latin people, but like, if, if you eat food with us and you, like, if you go, if my mom goes, how is it?

And you're like, good. She goes, you don't like it. Like, that's what she would say if you said it was good because good is like a polite way of being like, it's okay. And if you go, no, I really do like it. She goes, well, then say it. you express yourself. Like, it's very.

She wants you to be like, oh my God, this is amazing. Oh, I cannot tell you. And then she goes, that's good. I like this. I like how you express yourself. So she wants you to be effusive, you know, otherwise. Yeah. Yeah.

That's amazing. Was she a good cook? She used to cook quite a bit. I mean, now there's like this kind of running joke in the household of, you know, about how it's just, she must have forgotten. She doesn't really do it anymore, but then, you know, with her and her,

she's 75, you know, she'll be like, I cooked for 40 years, for children, for your father. I'm done cooking. So she doesn't really do that much anymore. But then every once in a while, you know, if I ask her for something, I'm visiting, she'll make some crazy, awesome dish. But, yeah, I mean, I enjoyed her cooking, huh?

What would she, what would she make when you were a kid? There was, you know, there's like kind of the regular rotation of things, but I mean, I love, like, there's a few really good Peruvian dishes. Lomo Saltao is one where it's like beef strips. It's a very popular dish. There's beef, rice, really authentic ways. Choklo, which is a corn with like the huge kernels. Corn comes from Peru and potatoes. Some people don't know that. Oh, really? Really? Yeah, this type of corn comes from there and the potato is from Peru. It actually, you know, spread from there when the savage Spaniards came and raped and pillaged by people. But... And made a deal with the Irish.

That's right. And then gave them some potatoes. And, you know, the rest is history. But, yeah, I mean, there was, like, the beef stew stuff. Ahida gaina, another, like, a chicken dish from Peru. but I feel like we had like, you know, a rotation of like beef dishes. There was all the Italian stuff was pretty basic for our house. Like there was always a rotation of like a spaghetti and meatballs or a lasagna, but never like, you know, when you go to certain households and they like really do hardcore Italian dishes.

We just had that kind of stuff. But then back then my mother was also, my mother loves sweets. she's one of these people she weighs 105 pounds and you're like all you eat is sugar how is this possible like all you eat she eats panetone

which is like Italian sweet bread and she just like she would make merengas like people usually know that's like that a pastry a puffed pastry that has like that I don't even know how to describe it like it breaks open

and it's like softly that's a meringue it's like all light and airy yes very airy she'd make mereng turrones de de deña peppa which is like

a dough that's rolled into these long like tube like dough and then it has this cream

like this dark basting over it I'm doing a horrible dog describing but all these like sweets I mean she just loves sweets and she would

bake those when I was a kid quite a bit she would make her own marmalade you know like jam oh yeah yeah holy shit

I'd always been like kind of indifferent towards jelly and jams. Like I didn't, I wasn't opposed to it. I wasn't a fan. And then one day she's making, I smelled it. I'm like, what is this? I smell it. And she's making strawberry marmalade and with just like, I don't know, like just bags of sugar into this thing. Yeah. And you know, you take a bite and I was like, oh my God. And then she was like, you put this on some toast with my cheese and this is a great breakfast. And that's how she would, like, start her day with, like, 800 grams of sugar. Oh, it's amazing.

Yeah. And she's a healthy, it's ridiculous. Like, she's no business having her health, but she does. And when you would travel, when you would travel to Peru, was that common with other people there? Is that just the way the Peruvians eat? Are they sweet? It's a really interesting way they eat, you know? Also, by the way, Cevici, a lot of people.

don't know because everybody does a savibeche is a peruvian dish and then all the spin-offs that you've seen are all a take on what they do so that's another that was something that had a lot as a kid was savić it but um it's so funny when you describe when you when you when you take credit for the peruvian stuff it's exactly what my whole family does with italian stuff oh yeah everyone's like yeah yeah yeah yeah they make bread but we did it first of course it's such a pride you know There's such a pride. I think there's also like, you know, if you're Italian, it's like almost like people know to like Italian things, you know? Like it's not like this.

Yeah. But like with Peru, there is such this complex. So if you're like, you got to make a point to tell people some of the things we've done, you know, because. Right. Like everyone's going to be like, yeah, we know the Incas. What else? Like anything else? So they're really like driving at home that this is ours.

But yes. Every culture, the same way. Um, yeah. What was I say? Oh, yeah. The food there. Food is, it's really, I just always loved, like, for me, as an American, like, everything for me is all about breakfast.

You know, I'm a big breakfast guy. I love breakfast food. And American breakfast foods. And, you know, a big breakfast for me is just a dream. I love it. I love having it all. The, I'll eat eggs 15 different ways. I love the best.

Breakfast meets. I love it. I love the sweets. The whole thing is like just... Yeah. The best. Down there, breakfast is almost non-existent.

I mean, you go down to... First of all, everybody has fucking servants. It's just like the norm in Latin America. They just all have these people like serving you and you're like, this is the best, dude. Why can't we have this? Like regardless of how wealthy you are? Oh, yeah. No, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like somebody who's a secretary at an office goes home and has somebody cleaning for them, you know? Right. There's just such, I mean, it's because there's obviously a huge gap in like income and, you know, there's a whole host of reasons why that's the reality in a lot of parts of the world. But one of the things, when you wake up for breakfast, you go downstairs, what we would have mostly down there would be there'd be slices of bread, slices of meat and cheese. a common thing would be like grab a piece of bread, a turkey slice, and a slice of cheese. And like, that's it. That's like, you know, that's breakfast. You're right. What? But then I'm like, this is, I mean, is this the appetizer? Like, oh, that's it. That's breakfast. I just picture you so sad, just sitting there just sitting there. I'm going, what about pancakes? Yeah, it's just so

sad. My waffles. I want some more sugar? Nothing. But then lunch. But then lunch. Like a lot of parts of the world is a showstopper down there. Lunch is where it's at. So even if you're like at school, at work, you could go home and there would be like four and five course lunches where... Wow. You know, it's a production. Like you sit at a table. I mean, a lot of times I sat at a table that was, you know, decked out.

Like when you were having guests over for dinner, that was a regular thing. for lunch. So fully decorated table and like and really a heavy, heavy lunch. That's like the big, big meal. And it's supposed like, you know, I kind of like the logic of it. They're like, well, you know, it's like middle of the day. And then I never thought of it before because I was so used to like, modest lunches are kind of the norm. I would say in the States. And then, you know, dinner is the showstopper. but down there they would be like yeah but dinner's before bed why would you want a huge dinner and then you go like I don't know because we're fat like because we don't think of things yeah I never stop to think of your logical point

but yeah so yeah dinner would be like a much more reasonable meal you know like something smaller like almost compared to like yeah what we think of lunch here, like just, hey, you know, small piece of, of whatever, chicken and then a little salad, and they're like, that's dinner. But lunches would be elaborate, man. I mean, elaborate, you know, just. So that means someone in the house was working on that all morning. Absolutely. Yeah, it was like you would have your breakfast and, you know, leave for the day at, let's say, 8.30 in the morning or something. And from that moment until, you know, one, somebody was doing a lot of work in the kitchen, yeah, for like four hours.

And that would be like those, those beef dishes and things you were talking about. Oh, yeah, like beef dishes, rice, fish, you know, and they might bring you like this, a soup with, you know, vegetables and meat or something for like a first dish, and then rice, chicken, shrimp and some seafood thing and that would come after that. And then there would be like a dessert and it would be multiple dishes. And you were like, holy shit. And they're like, yeah, a lot of people take a nap right now. You're like, yeah, I can see why.

This is a nap and eat in food. Right, exactly. I know, because you think about the way we do it and you have like a little salad or something small for lunch and still at 2 o'clock, you're doing everything you can to stay on your feet. Everything, yes. And like you can feel it like it's. you know, heavy eyes and, yeah, I mean, when I did a, I did a semester abroad in Spain, and I lived like with an old lady, and she would, she would command me to nap after lunch. She was like, go to the room and take a nap. And I'm like, oh, I have work to do. She was like,

after your nap, you can do the work. So she's like, made a thing. I'm like, okay. Yeah. It's great. Man, so then where did your mom's little pastry mornings come from? That was just her sweet tooth, and she just decided this is how I'm going to live. I think that came from missing where she came from. So, you know, she came over to the States. When she married my dad, she spoke like 10 words of English, and she was already 32 or something, 33 maybe. Right. So she really was used to growing up in a whole different culture and world and having that food,

readily available. And I think that sweet tooth that she was always trying to satiate with things here, you know, ultimately you love what you grew up with, you know, like so... Right. I think no matter what she tried here,

I mean, she loved desserts and pastries, but she was missing what she was used to, you know, the food she grew up with. So, yeah, she would have, you know, like a lot of people, these cookbooks with handwritten notes, like, that was like from her mother, and her mother's mother, and it was all her little secret recipes on how to make these things.

And then my mother would always do that thing of apologize for how bad her version is. And you could never compliment her that what she did was good, you know? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. When I think of my mother, that's what I think of, of being like, this was delicious. She's like, no, I'm no good at it, but, you know, if my sister was here, her version is good. and you're like, mom, this is great. It's not, it's not great.

Oh, that's so sad. Yeah. But it was good. It was good. And it was like, it's just her, you know, you just know certain people's psychological makeup. And she's very, you know, has that South American Catholic guilt and anxiety and everything that she wants, you know, whatever she likes, she doesn't deserve and whatever she makes. and whatever she makes, it isn't good.

Yeah, you're like, this is a really healthy way to look at things. Yeah. When you met her sisters or your grandmother, if you were lucky enough to see them, was their stuff really good? Was it better? Was she right? I mean, yeah, but, you know,

what she made was pretty good, too. Now, she had a couple, you know, she had some great dishes. I'd say that the one sister, was just more into cooking too, you know, like would really, she was good, but she was also like doing it every day. So, you know, naturally had great dishes. Right. She was that one making the lunch all morning. Yeah, yeah. She was really, really, you know, devout cook in the house. And I never really had my grandmother's cooking, you know, I met her and I spent time with her, but I was too young and then, I never had her cooking.

Oh, no? No. Did you grow up, like, knowing your grandparents well? Yeah, I did. I had all three grandparents that were alive. My one grandfather, I never got a chance to meet. But my two grandmothers were always cooking up a storm, especially the one grandmother on my father's side.

She was the one who I have all of those classic memories of Sundays and an Italian family kind of get together with all the cousins and stuff. And she just, from this tiny little kitchen, you know, I mean, small, like apartment-sized setup, you know, like a small stove and a small oven. And she would crank out these just classic endless meals. I don't even know how she did. Like, it doesn't even make sense. Like when I think about my kitchen now and like what I can crank out of it, she was doing so much more with so much less, but she was just so good at it. So it's just like any Italian food is just, it's all set against comparing what she was doing. Isn't it funny too when you learn about, like, because Italian cuisine is so well known.

And like most of us grew up, I feel like most of us knew at least an Italian family. family that the food was like the centerpiece of that home. I remember multiple families like that. And then you you learn that like the Americans idea of what Italian cooking is versus like what you end up learning about Italian cooking. You know how it I mean there's like there's this like there's this restaurant in the South Bay where this guy. It's an Italian restaurant. And but he only does like one he does. He does. his, where he grew up, his region's cooking in northern Italy, and it's fucking amazing, amazing restaurant. Right. I got to look at it. I'll send you the information, but like, I feel like I took your dad there.

My dad's one of the only people that I can think of that when you think of traditional Italian food, he's like, yeah, I don't like it. I'm like, how do you not like Italian food? Like, you're the only human being I know. And he loves food, but he's like, I don't like. Yeah. pasta pizza sauce it

I'm like what the fuck man wow that's weird and because it wasn't like you know your quote noodles and marinera sauce he was like

now this food's not bad it's Italian it's Italian it's also Italian it's also Italian was it it wasn't that sauce the red sauce south kind of stuff

it was more of the it was the lighter northern stuff it was lighter northern stuff fish dish I mean incredible food And this guy was like, I cook these 15 dishes from my hometown, and that's it. That's when you know you're at least probably in a good spot when someone's like, I don't even fuck with anything else.

I just do what I do. Like, I wish more restaurants were like that, like not trying to do something they don't do. Do what you do really well. I know. There was a place that just did canoles. And that was it. It's like, that's all I'm going to do. And there was another one that just made Napoleons, just this other dessert.

And which always, like, the Italian desserts for me were always like a little kind of strange. It was always like, there was something fruity, something. And I was always trying to, like, find my way. And this guy was just like, no, this is just the only thing I make. I make Napoleons. And I, that's all my grandfather made. That's what I make. We make Napoleon's.

And it was just like one dish. They're just making this one dish. And you're like, you know what? That's kind of how life should be. You can't be that good at that many things, you know? I did. I mean, think about, you know, L.A., one thing we have so much of in L.A., we have a lot of burger places and taco places.

And some of them, like, really are like, yeah, yeah, we have three burgers. And, you know, you can get fries. And you're like, okay. They don't do anything else. But they make a killer burger. I know. Same with the taco places, man. Like, you know, you start trying to get fancy with some of them,

and they're like, yeah, we don't do that, man. We have tacos. Right, exactly. That's the way it should be, though. I love it. Dial in and get good at a certain number of things. Do you cook on your own? Do you and Christina cook?

I cook way less than I used to. I used to be a little more active in the kitchen, making things. I don't know why. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I kind of miss it a little bit. She's been coaching way more, especially in quarantine. She's been killing it, dude.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Really? Quarantine wife is a home run. Like, she even hit friends up and started being like, send me your favorite recipe. Like, send me a recipe that you love. Wow. She's been making other people's recipes.

Unbelievable, man. Yeah. That's amazing. That's amazing. I'm digging it. Does she skew? Does she skew? with Polish cooking?

Is she Polish? She's Hungarian and she makes Yeah, she makes some Hungarian She made one the other day that I've never had before that like you could taste You could feel your arteries

shutting down because it had like potatoes, sausage, eggs, cheese. I was like, what the fuck is this?

She was like, yeah. It's so heavy. It was delicious. It was delicious. But yeah, I was like, the Hungarian

diet is like hardcore. There's like, there is, it's like, you want meat with more meat? And it was great. And some cream. Yeah, it was,

yeah, and then they put sour cream on it. And they put sour cream on everything. So like, oh, my God. Huge heavy dish. And then she's like,

oh, hold on. And then a spoonful of sour cream on top of it. Cheese. Chicken paparikas is like their national dish. She makes a great one of those. Right.

Wow. Yeah, but she's been doing all. these other dishes that like people send a couple of Italian dishes. Amazing. Chicken stuff. Don't you feel like... The only thing that I do regularly at the house is grill. I grill. Okay. But I've stopped. Yeah. I used to make a few dishes and I really haven't in a long time. Well, it's kind of like one person seems to take over. That's kind of what's happened in my house where it's like I'm cooking all the time. And I just, uh, and she just kind of like, I can feel like around the end of the day, she kind of disappears.

Yeah. Because she knows that, like, if I just go away for a little bit, there's a good chance when I come back. There's going to be food here around 6.30. Dude, I'm your wife. That's exactly what I'm doing. I just see her now in the afternoon. I'm like, uh, what, so has, what are we doing for dinner? I ask like, like, hey, let's discuss it.

But what I'm really asking is, like, what are you making, you know? Right. It's so funny. When you were a kid, when you were, when you're, when you're. mom was obviously the cook. If you had like your birthday or if you weren't feeling well, was there something that your mother would make

that was Tommy's dish? Well, I remember when you said sick, we always did a chicken noodle soup for being sick, you know? Right, right. Even now, like if someone mentions it when I'm sick, I feel like I start to feel better. Just like, I do feel like the formula

to getting over something as chicken noodle soup. I don't know what it is. Like, it must be something psycho-a-law, because I feel like I'll start to taste that broth, and I'm like, yeah, I can feel the antibodies kicking in. I don't know how it happens. I think it's your, I think, I thought about this too, and I think it's just the love of who's ever making it for you

and giving it to, like, there's that feeling like, oh, somebody's taking care of me. Like you're feverish, you're lightheaded, you're feeling weird, but all of a sudden someone comes through the mist and it's always your mom. It's your mom, yeah. And it's like, I'm going to make you feel better. What type of sick guy are you?

Are you good when you're sick, or are you like a baby? No, I'm good. I'm not a baby. I get quiet. I have this overwhelming feeling that I can control. it with my mind.

Whoa, you're Christina. And I feel like if I just don't cop to it and just grind it out, I'll get through this. You guys are that same. I've got to tell you something in, I've been with Christina for 15 years, and I've seen her sick three times. I get sick five times a year. Oh, man. And I'm always like, I'm like, change my diaper.

I'm sick. I'm such a baby. And I'm like, who's taking care of me in this house? Like, I'm terrible. It's probably, because your mom probably took care of you. Yes. She took care of me. Christina, it's unbelievable.

She'll be like, I'm starting to not feel well. And then the next morning, she'll look better. I'm like, what happens? She's like, well, I use my mind and I fought it in my sleep. And now I'm better. I'm like, what? Yeah. Yeah.

That's how I am. I always feel like my, but the greatest pride I have in that technique is being at dinner like the next day and being like, yeah, I was really sick the last two days. And everyone looks at you like, what?

How could you have been? Yeah. You're right. I fought it. Yeah. No, I knocked it out. I'm all right. I don't,

I wish I had that. I'm, I just, I don't know, I come down hard, I feel like, too. I don't,

you know, I get sinus infections and, cold. I don't know. I thought about when this thing popped up and I was like, I remember how sick I got like a month ago. No, it's like two months ago. And I was like, oh, that's what that was. I must have had COVID. Yeah. And then you got tested out that I feel like it's not. I know. Did you get tested for it? I got, I had an antibody test. I didn't get. Yeah, me too. And the antibody test is negative.

And then, like a week. or two after I got my test. They're like, oh, there's a bunch of false negatives. I'm like, oh, great. So they're like, don't trust your test. I'm like, really reassuring guys. Thank you. I know. I know. But that was my thing, too. It was like, I didn't have it, didn't have the antibody. And I got in the car like, that test was wrong. I totally had it. It's like, what part of science? Like, it's never enough. Like, it always comes down to whatever folklore you have in your head. Exactly. Exactly. So when you think of, when you think of yourself, do you think, I had no idea, by the way, that you were so fluent in Spanish.

And when you started, you did your special in Spanish. And I was just like, oh, this is a goof. This is funny. This is a funny Instagram angle that Tom has. And then it was like, no, this is legit. Like he, I don't know why. I just never, I didn't, I guess because I was naive of the Peruvian culture. Yeah, and also, like, I mean, part of it is like the aesthetic of it, let's face it, like, I'm a white guy with blue eyes and like nobody assumes that I have any, you know, other blood in my body.

My Spanish, by the way, my Spanish, deteriorated a bunch. Like, that's what doing the podcast again taught me. Like, so I started, I did a show because I have some friends who were doing shows in Spanish here in town. And I was like, you know, I always wanted to see if I could. do a set. So I did the set and I had a good time and I was like, okay, I can do this. You know, I want to do it more. I need to practice Spanish though because I didn't realize in my mind, I was like, you know, my Spanish is still pretty damn good, even though I haven't used it that much. But what I learned was that by actually speaking more, it became evident to me how much it had deteriorated. Like I wasn't aware of it. So then I started doing it. in the podcast, and you could, if you actually watch episode one of the podcast, even for like 30 seconds, and then you watch episode eight or nine, you'll be like, oh my God, this is a

huge leap in like fluency because it basically, I wasn't using it enough, you know? So that's what I try to do now is I do the podcast to try to talk to somebody for an hour. And then, you know, I hired a tutor just to like jump on Skype with me and talk for an hour. And then, you know, I hired a tutor just to like jump on Skype with me and talk for an hour. Like, I realized that back when it was really high level, it was because I was speaking it all the time, you know? Right. There's really no way to mimic that unless you move somewhere, you know?

Right, right. What a cool thing. No, I'm excited. Yeah, it's exciting. I mean, do you feel like, I mean, you obviously have pride, like we were talking about earlier, like when you're making sure that I know that potatoes and corn come from Peru. Correct. You have a, would you say you have a Peruvian pride that you, is that part of what's

fueling your rediscovering of the language? And is it something you want to pass on to your children and let them know where they came from? I mean, the pride part is definitely part of it. I mean, it's a big part of my childhood. I mean, obviously, you know, my mother, but I spent a lot of time there when I was a kid growing up. I would spend entire summers there. I would go to school. I'm very close with some family down there and I've always wanted to do something in Spanish so when we pitch them we pitched Netflix the idea of doing a special in Spanish

they it's the only thing I've ever pitched them where they were like, yep, right away. Everything else, I'm like, do you guys like me? But yeah, I'm super stoked we were supposed to shoot it in the early fall and obviously now that's going to be delayed quite a bit. Right.

But I still think it'll come together. But yeah, it is like a pride excitement thing. Have you ever, did you grow up speaking Italian? No. My parents' generation, they were the ones that were told drop the language and act and become American. And, you know, it was all about assimilating. So they lost it.

And so they didn't, so then I didn't get to do it. And then, of course, when our generation came along, it was like, no, this is the time when, you know, there's pride in that and we should all be, and that I don't speak Italian is such a, um, a bothersome thing in my head all the time. Yeah. I really would love to be able to speak it. It's such a beautiful language. And I'll tell you, you could like, you know, you could do the same place that I, I get, speak with somebody to try to keep what I have up and improve and going. But you can do the same thing with Italian with one of their people where they, you know, they give you some basic stuff. But the thing about a language is you realize

the way to get good at it, the way to become proficient at it is just speak it. And if you're just on a Skype, you know, a Zoom call, whatever with someone looking at them and you're trying to speak Italian, you'll get better at it. You'll be able to speak some Italian. Yeah. Yeah. really it seems so daunting it seems like I'm coming from nothing I'm coming from chow and chicken parmesan yeah you know what I mean I think you would really be surprised with yourself at what you're able to do with yeah yeah with just trying it's like it the thing is like everybody when they are trying to speak a language you go like oh but then I'll fuck that up and you're like yeah

and then the native speaker will be right here's how to say it and then you'll start, then you'll realize that like that one interaction, you learned how to say the thing correctly. And now it's in your head. Right. So now the next time you greet them, you know, you're bonjourno, and you'll do your thing. And then you're like, oh, now I know how to greet them. Like it's just, it becomes automated. And those little pieces put it together. I was thinking about the other day when I was reading something and I came across a French word. And it's so funny that even when I, you read it. it in my head, not even saying it out loud, I get embarrassed that I can't pronounce it. Hilarious. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like you just walk reading English, English, English, English, towards France. And then you keep going. And it's like, oh, it just, I don't know what it is. It makes you feel so stupid. I've gone back and forth with trying to go like, all right, I'm going to try to do another language just for like my own enjoyment, you know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And I've always done a little bit of French, and I started doing this French course online and enjoying it. And then I'm like, you know, but like Italian is much easier for a Spanish speaker, much easier. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Pronunciations, the way the sentences are structured. I'm like, man. Right.

And then I go, like, I love the disdain that the French have for people. And for me, it's kind of hard, you know, to be. choose. Like, it fits my attitude. It fits my personality. They don't like me. I don't like me. Like, I should go there.

I did a, I did this cooking thing with a chef. I think she was Brazilian. And she was showing me how to make this dish. It was pretty much like a traditional, but elaborate rice and beans kind of dish. Yeah. And it was so funny to me how she, you know, I cook all the time, but it's mostly Italian and Italian American. And just her little things of just add cumin to this and put these and add this spice and add that thing. And I was totally entering her culture with her.

Like it literally was opening up something that to me is always so foreign and I only get in a restaurant or, if I'm traveling or that kind of a thing. And it was like, oh my God, like this smell doesn't happen in my kitchen. Right. You know what? Does that make sense? Yeah. Like all of a sudden, like when you talk about the Hungarian thing, it's like all of a sudden,

the ghost from her life kind of like enter your kitchen. You're right. And it really is the thing that can pull you closer to somebody you don't know. and like in a world and a culture you have basically no exposure to if somebody you know if you walk into a house like I guess it could be Hungarian it could be Pakistani Turkish Italian whatever and they start throwing things in a pot you know and all of a sudden you smell something what is this and then you know you can feel like you're a part of that family just by their the smells and the food you know yeah 100% 100, and it always has somebody at the helm.

Like there's always, like that dynamic of the family. Like, there's that thing of, like, you start to understand what the relationship is with all of these people just from who's in control of that moment in the kitchen. Exactly. It's usually big mama, but yeah, there's usually somebody there that runs. I mean, it's big Papa in your house, but, you know, big mama in a lot of houses. Yeah. Yeah. Right, exactly.

I know. Man, I got to come to your house. Dude, you should come over. We should, when, listen, I'm gonna, I want her to put it on for you, like the big time, hungo stuff. We'll have a paramedic way nearby.

You're right. Does she do any of the Peruvian stuff? Or is that not really, because you're not cooking? No, she doesn't do the Peruvian stuff. Is that not in the house? No. Yeah. I got to get her on that.

But she's been doing, she's really been, I'm telling you, quarantine wife has really been hitting home runs, man. I saw a thing in your podcast, how she was talking about how she's manipulating you through the, during this quarantine. Yeah. She's like, have you picked it up that I'm manipulating you with food and sex? And I'm like, I mean, I haven't really thought of it as manipulation.

You know, I thought it was just a spouse showering their spouse with love. And she's like, oh, no, no, no. This is to get you to do things that you don't even realize. I'm like, I guess you're playing chess up here, but I was just kind of going through the motion. How are you feeling about not being on stage? Like, is it having a slow burn effect on your personality? Yep. Yeah, me too.

I thought I was fine. And then it was pointed out to me that I'm much more aggressive and I have a shorter fuse. Things are bothering me. And yeah, I think it's actually, it's funny, like, I, I don't know how many people can relate to this, but as a, as a comic, I kind of, you know, I just, I always accept things like the reality of situations, you know? So I just go like, well, this is what it is. And so. Yeah. I was going through it like that. Like, well, I mean, clubs are closed and you can't do stand-up, so you can't do stand-up. And I was like, I'm fine with that.

I'm just accepting reality. But then I started to realize that I started to treat the podcast, especially your mom's house, which is kind of its own world and has all these, you know, there's like a million inside jokes and bits. And I started to look at it not even consciously. like subconsciously I looked at it as a performance. So I would go into the podcast and like when I do like two bears with Bert or I do Christina's show or I just sit there and I talk. I have a conversation like this. But on your mom's house, I feel like I can like kind of turn up my almost like my stage persona,

you know, a little more. Yeah. And I realized I was fully gearing up for those shows like. like a performance. And I was, I was trying to find some, some, like, payoff to that because I, I think it's because I miss performing that much, you know? Like, it wasn't doing, you weren't doing that before all of this? I mean, I think a little more, a little bit, but I feel like now, uh, I, a part of me really misses performing. And so I look forward to that podcast, like a chance to do a show.

Yeah. Right. And like now that like the bits, I'm like, all right, let's like, I really try to flush out the bit and figure it out because it's like the only chance to do one. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, I'd never thought of it. It wasn't calculated, you know? It just kind of happened.

Yeah. No, right. Exactly. That's how I feel about the change in me with not performing right now. it's not a conscious thing at all. You just all of a sudden poke your head up six weeks later and you're like, I'm slightly different. Yeah.

I'm a little, I'm a little different now than when I first started, like open mics and started all that and got like a year and a half in. And that's not even performing that much. You know, in the early days, you're just, you know, you get a spot now and again. And then I had to stop. I had to stop and take care of some family stuff for a while, and I didn't perform pretty much for a year. And I remember laying on my sister's bed and saying,

am I even funny anymore? I was literally asking you're like, am I the same person right now? And that feeling has kind of come back to me a little bit during this period. It's like you slowly, subconsciously are just slightly different. It's almost like you're turning Canadian. That's a good way of putting it. I mean, it...

You look the same. You look the same, but you're not one of us and go back to your country. But I definitely feel like... Part of it was a lack of awareness. Like you said, I wasn't conscious of it. And then another part of it was, I don't think I was being honest about it. Like, you know, whenever somebody would ask me, I'm like, yeah, it's fine, I'm fine. And I wasn't fine.

I'm not fine with it. Right. I do miss it. It's very much a part of my identity. You know what it reminds me of, dude, when I think of it actually is that when I went to college, I went to a small school and I did not play football in college. And that was the first time in 10 years that I didn't play football. And I realized when I was a freshman, I was like, oh, like so much of my identity has been playing

this sport and now it's it's not it's not it's not who I yeah and like yeah you know this period feels like that where it's like you know I so identify as a comic and as a stand-in and then it kind of feels like yeah we're like on this hiatus that's weird but like how long will it go and then yeah the more time that goes yeah it's like well then who who you know what's my identity who am I yeah right when you were when you were when you were in school school, because I went through a very similar thing. I played since kindergarten until 12th grade and went to school and was no longer an athlete. Who did you become when, who did you become freshman year? Yeah, I mean, I became the kid that overdosed and I, yeah, I leaned into, you know,

comedy, like being a funny guy, not like class clown, but like I would always, you know, try to do, I was trying to like produce funny videos and you know. Yeah. Just be that guy. But I think there was a period where I was trying to figure it out too. Like what is this identity? Yeah. You know,

I smoked a lot of weed and listened to the Grateful Dead. There was a lot of weed for me too, man. Yeah. And you know, that's, it's interesting because now, like, whenever I, whenever I, whenever, like, you're traveling on the road, you go to a small, or whatever, and you're like, could I live here? Could I, could I, like, live in this little tiny town? Uh-huh.

You know, especially when you're really busy and you're like, man, maybe it would be smart just to unplug and just go live a simple life. And I'm like, yeah, I think I probably could. But then my second thought is always, I'd be so high. Oh. Something would have to occupy my brain. I have that too. And I also have the delusion that I enjoy.

a slow-paced life. And the truth is I know that I need to be near a big city to feel and like comfortable. And I'll be like, oh, I love your small mountain town. And the truth is, I love it for like a fucking weekend. I mean, then I really need to be near a city. Took me a while. Is that weird?

Yeah, I wonder if because you moved around so much, it was like that, unsettled kind of thing. It's like the city kind of provides something different almost every day. Yeah. And that's the thing, you know, the funny thing, too, is about the city thing for me. I don't need to do anything the city offers, but I need to know it's there. Yeah. Right, exactly. I'm not going to, I'm not going to the beach. I'm not going to Disney Hall. I go to New York a few times a year. Every time I go, you know, I'm like, I love it. People are, what'd you do? I'm like, I went to the lobby of my hotel, and then I went back up to my room.

I don't know. I didn't do anything. But I just like being in the city. Yeah. When you're in a city like that, when you go to New York, what is the, and you're like, oh, man, I'm in, this is a world-class city. This is everybody, Peruvian, Hungarian, American, Italian, everyone, who's ever, the top of every one of those cultures is here and ready to feed my

fat face. Is there one that you pull the trigger on more than another? You know, I'll always do, I kind of go through the same routine every time I'm in New York, which is, you know, I try to stay in a cool hotel because I love, you know, as travelers like we are, like New York's one of the places where you can actually, for years, just try different hotels and you still have, like a fraction of them. So I'll try to stay somewhere cool. Usually the good hotels will have a good,

at least, you know, dining option there. Yeah. Then I'll also do, it's like one of the few places where when I go, I'll try to find some awesome restaurant that, you know, like a Michelin Star place that is an experience. Because I feel like New York also offers that where you go, right, I want to experience something I've never experienced before. So I'll try to look up whatever. And then, yeah, and then like, you know, give a shout to a friend and try to go to some awesome restaurant.

Yeah. And then it's, it is also the kind of city where most places, you try to get a recommendation from hotel or somebody. And they just, I don't know why some people, they just, they don't know how to recommend a restaurant in so many cities. But in New York, I'll take recommendations and they'll be out of control. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. It's almost like it's such a wild open place. Like if you need a guide and people are so past,

people who live there or know, they're just a lot more dialed in. And you kind of need that guide to get through that giant jungle. You do. You need the, I've discovered, I had a routine that I figured out for when you travel to like smaller places and you go like, hey, I'm trying to go to a great restaurant afterwards. They'd be like, what, what kind of restaurant

you're like well like what's awesome in this town and they're like I like this one place and then you go and it'll just be bar food you're like what the fuck is this they're like this is where I go and then I discovered what you have to ask people is hey where do rich people go

and then they're like what and you're like you know like rich people like where would you go on an anniversary or something and then they in the small town they'll recommend like the best restaurant in town. You're like, oh, okay. So this is the code I should speak in when I'm in your town. I should just be like, where did you take your kid for graduation? Where did you celebrate?

The anniversary. Yeah, where did you go for your anniversary, birthday, Christmas? Yeah, you say the, or like, you say the rich people, and they'll go, it's real expensive. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's the name of that place? That's where I want to go when I'm here. One time I was on a motorcycle trip with my wife and we were in Wisconsin somewhere. Yeah, we were on a bike. We went cross-country. Who are you? It was, I have many identities.

And then it was early morning. We're at a gas station and we're filling up to start the day. And my wife asked them, where's a good place for breakfast around here? And he said, breakfast. And he calls over to his friend. He goes, hey, Carl, is the bowling alley open yet? Oh, my God. The only place to get food was the bowling alley.

That's not a good breakfast, I promise. We just, no, we just left town. Jesus. That is the other side of it, isn't it, when you're traveling around? Oh, yeah. It's like when you can't, when you're, when you're, when you, when you, when you, when you, want to eat and you can't find it, and you've obviously, you know good food, you've grew up on good food, you eat good food. And when you go through a whole day where it's been nothing but misses,

oh, talk about your personality changing. It really does, man. It really does. I mean, that's the thing is like, when you have a bad meal, the only, the only thing on my mind is like, I've got to really got to fix this, really got to get the next, the next one better be good because this is a, yeah, this is a real, disappointment to the day. Like, everything can be going well, but with that bad meal, you're like, you know, today kind of sucks, actually, because I had a real letdown of a meal. Yeah. Oh, my God.

How do you handle? This is a good question that I really want to know because I wrestle with this every time I'm out, and we will be out again, so I need to know. Eating after the shows. Eating after. We're done. It's late. And you just have that trigger after growing up with food and being rewarded with food.

And like, you know, you don't really go partying that much anymore. No. It's like, do you eat a meal after the show or do you try and, again, like, as the Peruvian people were saying to you, why would you eat so close to bedtime? Tom, who the fuck are you talking to right now? Listen. after the show is like I have pillaged a village I go so deep and so hard

I mean it was like especially like the last tour I did last year was all like pretty big venues and it would be when I would arrive to the venue I would be like okay yeah the sound and the lights work great let's talk about dinner now And so

some of these people they're like, do you want the meal like right before your show and you're like, oh, so you're new to this? You've never been around us before? No.

So sometimes they would do on a two show night, you know, you have to kind of weigh that thing of like, do I eat something in between to kind of hold me over? The best, of course,

are the cities where you would go to, like when you're in cities like New York, Toronto, you can have a late night, a two show night. and you're out at midnight, and you're still like, oh, yeah, we found like six restaurants that are still serving. Yes. And those would be the best nights of the tour where you go and you have a sit-down meal at a restaurant at 1230 in the morning.

I mean, it's just... Exactly. Oh, yeah, and I would do appetizers, steaks. And I would make people order multiple dishes and desserts. And that, to me, is like a perfect night. A show that you have a great time. you get to, you know, kind of... To me, that was like the fun of the tour

is like raising a glass of wine. Yeah. After a show, eating a meal, and you're like, can you believe our life? We get to do stand-up in front of all these people, and now we're having, you know, fucking a steak at midnight. It's just... I know. Oh, there's nothing sweeter in the world.

It's the best, man. It is really fantastic. Yeah. Well, you're the best. And I have a bread for you. I'm going to try to do it. Drive it to your house. I like to say I appreciate your book.

I'm reading Tom's new book, The Problem with the International Jew. You make a lot of good points I didn't really think about until, you know, you point out a lot of new things. But how did you read through the lines? Wait, did I get the title wrong? I just want to make sure that they know. What is it? Oh, you're doing great. Sorry, I read it completely wrong.

I read it completely. Another reason to stay alive, but everyone interprets, that's the good thing about books. People interpret them their own ways. It is, no. I congratulations on it, and I'm very happy for you. Awesome. Thanks, man. I really appreciate you doing this.

This is the first, look, Breaking Bread is the new direction I'm taking this whole podcast thing, because it is what I love the most. Absolutely. And as soon as we have an opportunity, I'll have you. have you come in and we'll actually sit with each other and stuff our big heads. I can't wait, and I'm excited for this Bradman, for real. All right, I'm on my way. All right, buddy.

Thanks, Tommy. Thank you. I'll talk to you soon. Okay. All right, bye.