Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 125 - Robert Kelly Returns

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Robert Kelly is back as a lean, mean fighting machine. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's time for breaking bread with Papa. Don't you know? It's how we go. It's time for breaking bread with. with Papa. Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey, everybody.

Welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. How are you doing? How's your life? What are you up to? Are you feeling like you should be getting fatter now that you don't have to put on your bathing suit? Are you feeling like you should just be enjoying yourself for once? Or do you feel like you got to dial it in because the holidays are coming? well you're going to enjoy this conversation today we have the great robert kelly great comedian

a dear friend of mine uh from new york we came up at the same time in new york he's so damn funny but today is pretty unique because he has a a uh a very interesting very cool very inspiring diet, lifestyle, story to tell. When I met him, he was a young buck, and he was this thin, good-looking guy who all the girls were going crazy for. And, you know, we've known each other for 20 years. And he's been up and down with his weight, and he got really kind of maxed out on his weight.

And I saw him when I was doing my live, come to Papa a couple weeks ago in New York, and he dropped a whole bunch of weight, and you could tell he was starting to dial it in. And I don't want to give away too much of the conversation. Just know that it's inspiring, and he is a delight, and you're going to absolutely love it and him. He was on the podcast during the pandemic, I believe, in the early days. But this is. This is a really good one. And check out his podcast. He's, I think he runs a whole podcast network, actually.

He's a very prolific guy. Hold on. Let me, let me give you a proper plug here, Robert Kelly. Robert Kelly podcast. I know, I shouldn't be looking this up while I'm talking to you, but you know, this is the way it goes sometimes. Robert Kelly podcast. Dooboo-do-do-do.

Robert Kelly's, you know what, dude? Podcast. You know what, dude? It's a great podcast. And you'll see if you're watching this on YouTube, or if you're watching it wherever, his lighting is impeccable. He's got probably the best lighting in podcasting.

Very inspiring. Hey, I have a bunch of shows coming up. I am coming to Texas. I've got San Antonio and I've got Houston. And then the following weekend, I'm coming to Dallas. I'm also coming to Albany at the Egg. Always wanted to play that spot. Then I'm going to, in the same weekend in November, going to the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. Also another show. that I haven't spoken about, which is I'm going to Revolution Hall in Portland. That's a great place. I think it's my turn. I think I've been there before. I hate this earpiece. It keeps falling out. So I'm going up to Portland, one of the good places on the planet.

And I'll be playing Revolution Hall. So a bunch of dates, go to Tompapa.com, look up all of that good stuff. And we'll keep it coming. Thank you also for listening to this podcast. It is a joy to do and it keeps spreading and I appreciate it. And I thank you all for being a part of it. That I don't feel like I say that enough. If I could deliver bread to your house, I would.

Does that count? I just did literally today, it will have aired already. Maybe I'll put it up on social media. I literally just came from Access Hollywood with the great Mario Lopez, where they wanted to feature our podcast and our bread baking. So it was actually very cool. I have to say, they did one of the best jobs of highlighting this whole bread crazy experience. We did a whole thing, and he's such a great host.

He really is. I said to him, I know this is corny, but I know you must hear this all the time, but as a traveling comedian, you're the first face I see every time I check into a hotel. He's doing the movie thing on the cables. And you could tell he had a little bit of a look in his eye, like, yeah, I hear that all the time. But I truly look forward to it.

You're alone out on the road and then you come in and there he is again. All right. Talking about movies. Everything's going to be okay. So a big thank you to access, But it was really great and they really were shining a light on this podcast and I was able to get a bread over to Mario that I had baked in the morning. And that guy's probably not eating a ton of bread. Let's be honest. The guy's dialed in in shape. He's one of those guys like you hug him and give him a little pat and he's sharp. He's like solid.

but he also proclaimed with pure honesty that he loves bread. So, yeah, so we'll add them to the community. Why not, right? You guys like them? Well, let's put them in. These headphones are going to be thrown in the garbage. I keep, they keep flying out on the sides, and I start looking like the flying none for anyone who's 100 years old and knows what

that means. Maybe I just go down. Maybe that's the thing. Well, yeah, that's not so bad. Do you listen? Do you watch this on YouTube? I feel like nobody does. I feel like we are purely an audio podcast. It depends. Once in a while, we'll have a spike over there on the YouTube's. And our trustee, I guess I would call him a associate producer, Joey, is always posting stuff up on there. But I wonder how many people are actually watching. And if that's the case, why do I care about my earphones that are falling out? just get to it all right i'm taking my own advice robert kelly you're going to love this conversation he is a special special person super funny he plugs his special uh i'm not it's going to be on i believe on louis uh channel you'll be able to get that um he's super funny he's one of the

best comedians but this today was i'm just we we were not planning this we were not planning this intimate conversation about diet and his journey, but it just kind of happened that way, that we just, the timing was perfect. And it just emerges naturally, and enough of me, why don't you just listen to it and enjoy? The great Robert Kelly.

I got a, I got a, Dawn with, Don went to the grocery store. There's a bunch of kids in my backyard on a trampoline. Oh, no. Max is drinking crystal light. out of a wine glass with his friend. So I don't know what stage of parenting. This is, I don't know what's happening.

This is a brand new stage of parenting that I don't, I'm just letting it. I'm just letting it go. I'm working. I had my podcast. I had a meeting, a Zoom meeting, a podcast now this. And Dawn's just at the grocery. She just left. I don't know what's happening.

So I'm just letting you know. How old is he now? Nine. Nine. Yeah. I feel like I'm measuring the phase where it's like you have to have a god. It's like, all right, man, I can't control if you die. It's not up to the universe.

It's up, you know what I mean? Like, just let it go. Like God will. I understand at the end of the gods will not mind be done. That makes me now. I know. I remember Manny for our listeners, man he was the uh the creator and the the king of the comedy seller um manny dorman just a

greatest guy one of the greatest one of the greatest of the greats and he it's funny to think now he was talking about noam who runs the comedy seller but he back in the day was talking about when he was raising his son betty's like and i realize you know should i be out late you know doing stuff and i'm I'm running this crazy club. And, you know, I'm, I'm not sure, like, you know, what woman I'm going to be with or what this is going to happen. And then I realize, whatever my fate is, it's his fate. So whatever happens, it's just going to happen. I can't really worry about it.

Now, we all have to deal with his son who can't even hold eye contact with you in a conversation. Literally gets bored of you in the first. first five seconds of talking. I gotta go. And he just walks away. It's really true. It's like if you don't, if you don't want to, but that was similar to Mani, right? Like if you, if you're not going to talk politics and something that that's on their mind, they're not really interested. Remember what Mani used to give us newspapers from Israel hoping that we would get brush up on, on the topic so he could talk about it the next night. I remember after September 11th,

he went and just hired a bunch of a bunch of Muslim comedians that like working at the club before, but then they stopped working the club. But then he brought them back because he wanted to debate them at the table. Right. I mean, one of the comedians,

this is the week after September 11th, one of his jokes, he had a fake bomb under his chest, under his shirt and pull it up. And it's like, I remember when he, He was good. Hood, you got to give him credit. He was like, y'all go on.

It was like, Will, it was like Wiley Coyote dynamite sticks strapped across his torso. A week after September 11th. These were like they're beating up Indian guys in Brooklyn for a turban. They didn't even know a turban wasn't Muslim. And we all walked down and says like, we got to see this. We got to. And they kill. It would kill.

It killed. Yeah. Everybody laughed at it. it, but yeah, he would, I mean, he would get into arguments. Yeah. I tell you one time I actually, I never talked, of course, because I'm not, you know, I'm not, I'm not in the problem. Up on the politics.

I'm not. Thank you. Yeah, that's a very beautiful way of saying, dumber than the rest of the people at the table. You have class, Papa. That's why I like you. You got class. I know how to say things.

So I remember he was talking about. something. And I said, well, that's Israel bombed, um, uh, I believe it was, uh, Lebanon. No, it was, it was, Iraq. Uh, it bombed their nuclear, uh, they had a facility. They bombed it. Right. And the whole story about it. They came in and the, they knew that at certain times, the shift was often the, the, the radar. And they came in and did it at this one time. And they came in and they bombed it and they went out and he was like that's not true. Like in front of everything, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know.

That's not true. And I was like, I believe that's true. I mean, I never talk about it. And I told him all this stuff. And then I was absolutely right. He went home and goes, he called me up. He goes, I just want to let you know. I apologize.

You are right. Oh, nice. And I go, what about saying at the table tomorrow? He goes, that will never happen. But I will do it right now. on the phone to your face. But in front of everybody else, you're going to have to eat shit. He got so mad at me.

I remember when I was hosting at New Year's for the first. And he called me up at four o'clock on New Year's Day. All right. I'm down. How'd you get my address? Right. Yeah. He's down.

Come down. We've got to go to do rehearsal. I'm like, for what? I'm not rehearsing my comedy. He goes, no, no, you got to do the show to you're hosting. You got to do it right. You have to sing old anxiety or whatever. I was like, okay, because, you know, I'm still new.

Yeah. I put the car with him and there's a Lexus and we're driving down and we get there. And he puts me on stage and he hands me the music. He goes, nobody knows the words of this song. Everybody just mumbles it. They get to a certain point. They mumble. They don't know the words.

We're going to sing it right. We're going to do it the right way. So he goes, all right, let's go. And he plays the music. He goes, the thing comes down. He has all choreograph. The curtain comes down. And it says, you know, three, two, one.

All right. Now start. And I'm reading, I'm like, And all the quaint. He goes, no, sing it. And I'm like, nobody sings it. We hum it. And he's like, you're going to sing it.

We're going to change it. Everybody's going to. So I go, let all the quaint. He goes, what is? No, an E. You have to do it to E. Oh, no. I'm like, oh, no, E.

I'm like, all these. What? He gets on the piano. E.E. He starts banging the keys. E. And I'm like, I don't sing. I do comedy.

He's like E. I'm like, let all these. He just, he ran upstairs. He's like, oh, you couldn't carry a tune of it at a handle.

And he just ran, ran, right there, run upstairs. And he left. It's so funny because this is literally at the comedy cellar where there's 150 seats. The stage is as big as a matchbox.

There's like, this is in Carnegie Hall. Sing. That's horrible. I was so scared that I got the piece of paper and I'm like let all then he just you see him in the door he just he's just he just walked away oh he was the greatest he was so great and he would drink he would drink scotch and debate all night long he'd be drinking his scotch and he would be debating everybody and funnier than all the comics was the craziest part he was just so quick I mean this was

you know, Gerardo and DePaolo and Colin and I mean, it was just Norton. It was, he was so much funnier, but he would be so into debating and so into drinking. And then he'd offer you a ride home. Yeah.

We'd all sit in his car and he would be going 10 miles an hour drunk up 6th Avenue. It was getting a ride home from Manny is when I knew I made it. Right. When I knew I'm, I'm doing it. I mean, I'm in with the cool kids. Yeah, I remember he was like, you know, you'd say to me,

you want to ride home kid? Because I was up on the west side. And I was like, yeah, we got in the car and it was like, I don't know, it was great. I remember I was talking about, I was thinking I'm asking Dawn to marry me.

And I was like, yeah, I'm thinking about getting married and, you know, and I thought he was like, don't do that. What? He's like, don't get married. Why would you get married? You live in life.

You live in you're in New York. You're working clubs. You're doing comedy. You're having, what are you going to ruin it with a marriage? Don't get. I was like, this is not the advice I thought you were going to give me.

That's so funny because Esty, who books the whole comedy seller. Queen. The queen of the comedy seller. She said the same thing to Cynthia. When I was asked Cynthia to marry me. She was absolutely right. That was because he,

that wasn't like don't get married ever. Don't marry you. She was absolutely right. She was 100% right. Why are you going to do that? Why would you marry him? Why are you getting married? Don't do that.

They just wanted us all to be free and they knew the troubles that would come. If you were married, then you'd have a child. Oh, my God. I don't even know whether they, 15 kids just disappeared. I feel like something's coming. Like a van just pulled up and took them all the way. I don't know what happened. They're in the house.

They're in the house mixing cocktails. Why is he home? What are you talking about? The Jewish holiday. Oh, I thought that was yesterday. Yesterday and today. Oh, two days off. Two days off, yeah.

Wow. You really benefit from the Jewish people. God bless them. Yeah, God bless them. My kids go to us in Episcopal school. So they, but it's, you know, most of the kids are Jewish. It's just like Christian and name and tax break only. And so, yeah, so they get one day.

why isn't there no Jewish school? Why is it? Catholics have it. Christians, Episcopals, always have schools. But the Jews, you know, I guess school is just college. Oh, man. So how you been, man? It's been, I really miss you. I haven't, we've been kind of running.

And I haven't, I just saw you for like a split second when I was doing the show last week. And you look like you're dropping weight intentionally. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's not, I'm not, I'm not dying. Are you sick? Are you asking me if I have AIDS, cancer? So, Bobby, how's, you've been sleeping with any strangers lately? No, I'm, I'm doing good, Tom.

Things are good. I got six months, but I lost a lot of weight so I can, I can walk with my family. We haven't a good, we don't enjoy the last six months. No. So, yeah. What happened? You kind of did it secretly. All of a sudden, you showed up and it was like, oh, how much did you drop?

I mean, no, I don't know if it's secretly because you haven't been around. It's like, I've been away. Yeah, but I face time. I was away. I was away. I went up to the tiny house for the summer. Did you go away or did you go to a fat camp? Dude, I can't afford a fat camp.

I can, I have a nine-year-old. I can't leave Dawn. I, you know, I can't leave them. Right. No, that's the thing. I can't, I can't go. Like Colin, I remember it went to a fat camp. He did?

Yeah. Oh, shit. Maybe I should have said. Wait a minute. When? Years ago. Not for a lot. I think Artie Lang did, you know, there is that thing, but it costs a lot of money.

Yeah. And I have a nine-year-old. I can't go, where are you going, dad? Why are you leaving me? I'm going to a fat camp. I mean, I'm a little devastating for life. I remember. It would be so funny if he could get to see.

pictures of you canoeing and archery and roasting marshmallows while he's at home. Fat people would have to rowboat. We really get canoe. Right. Yeah. And they probably wouldn't give you marshmallows either. No marshmallows. I don't know what fat camp would be,

but I know that I'd be hiding stuff under my pillow like that fat kid in monster ball. No, I am, I am eating right. I am What happened? Did you talk to say you need to lose weight? I was I was I was I was on the way out dude You were?

Yeah I mean not immediately But you know I was playing that Russian roulette Uh huh You know where my feet You know pre diabetic heart rate Liver Uh huh It was like being an alcoholic

I mean you don't know that food does the same thing to your body that alcohol does. I had a fatty liver, same as the alcohol. I was just too big. I remember you were big, you know, you were big for a bit.

And I kept asking, is everything like you, you get checkups to you. And for a while, you were getting physicals and everything was cool. I got physicals every year, but the thing with food addiction, with being a fatty,

unlike everything else, you know, one of the things that people say to me now is like, dude, you look great. We were really worried about you. Well, thanks for helping.

Thanks for telling me you worried about me. Thanks for talking behind my back while I was at the table next to you. You know what I mean? If I was a heroin addict, they would do an intervention at a holiday express. Right. People would intervene and try to help me. But when you're fat,

they just be like, no, he's going to die. Oh, not good. Not good. Have you seen? He's getting too big.

He's getting too big. But I would ask from time to time how your doctor, like how your physical condition was. Like I wanted the doctor's review. And for a while, it was, it sounded like the numbers were okay. Well, you don't know. My numbers were okay. I would always get a check up every year. But it's, you know, you, that those are deceiving, you know, because only I knew what was going on inside of me.

Only I knew that my feet tingled when I went to bed. I couldn't wear socks to sleep. Only I knew when I went on the plane, you know, I had to, you know, pretty much put a tourniquet on my stomach to do the seatbelt because I refused to ask for the extension. Only I knew that I couldn't, my knee was giving out and my, my own was raging. Only I knew that I, you know, I had acid reflux. Only I knew I would throw up in my mouth at night because I ate too much. Right, right. These are the things that, you know, you don't really tell people and, you know, you don't want to tell people and you, you know, you know,

You know, when you're fat, like fat people, we can, we can even get into clothes that we're not supposed to get into. And they stretch out to fit to where you feel comfortable in those jeans or that shirt. Like I have these shirts, the 2X. I went from large to an X to a 2X. But then the 2X, I would lift my hands up. My stomach would come out. So I got a 2XT.

So it would be long and tall. So it would fit me. So my stomach. So you adapt. It's really weird how. People with food addictions adapt and are able to fly, travel, live life, do all the things everybody else is doing. And then one day they grabbed their chest.

Yeah. It's like, well, we knew that was coming. And it's like, well, okay, I'm not, this is all happening. I know it's going to happen. And I got to do something about it. Good for you. I love, you know, it's like I'm looking at my kid. I'm like, I can't be, you know.

And then plus all my fat barometers are dead. You know what I mean? What do you mean? Oh, you mean the other people? When you're fat, you always look, well, as long as I'm not as fat as Ralphie Mae. Right. Long as I'm not as fat as John Panette.

I'm not the, I became the fattest guy in comedy. Right. I was. Yeah. And, you know. You got a lot of really funny jokes about it. If we could just circle back for a second because I think one of the most disturbing things that you mentioned was wearing socks to bed.

Why would you wear socks to bed? well in case somebody breaks in and then you get up and slip I get up and slide I slide right up to that motherfucker not in this house bitch and then I slide away I could never wear socks

to bed my feet would be yelling at me the whole time get him off get him off I wear socks my feet first of all my wife likes the house at four below zero okay so I wear a hat to bed I wear hoodies to bed Do you really?

Buddy, we were in the tiny house this year and we have heat in it. This heat, AC, everything in this thing. We have the, she'd have like the, you know, the mountain air just shooting through the windows. I would have a hoodie and a hat on in the middle of the night because she likes to get a, I'm like, you heat my. I just, I just went into debt to put this sucker to get a toilet and water and everything on this thing. And now I'm sitting like I'm camping. I should have just put a tent on the fucking land. And call it a day.

I love the tiny house. I love that you're the biggest guy in comedy and living in a tiny house. Maybe that was the thing that really got you. Maybe you were like, I want to fit in this house. And does this come out, by the way? Tuesday. Next Tuesday.

Yeah. Okay. No, the tiny house, for me, it was, you know, it was something that in the pandemic, we lost, you know, I lost a lot of stuff. I was really in a dire straits, you know, I mean, look, money wise. It was the first year of my, my comedy career where my agent called me up a month before and said, buddy, you booked for the year. So anything else that comes in is gravy, but you're done.

I don't need to book you anymore. Wow. I didn't have to worry about, I knew where I was going. I was going to the clubs I liked, doing shows that I wanted. We had creeps with kids tour. That was, you know, we had, I think, a bunch of dates and we're getting more dates. And we were going to go to the West. All this, it was the first time where it was like, I'm here, I'm there.

Yeah. Teeters. I'm doing only clubs I like. I'm doing rock and roll venues. It's all mix of stuff that I love. I'm making money. And we were great. And then in one night, he's like, they're all gone.

And I was like, what? He goes, all the shows are gone. We had to cancel everything. God. And, yeah, wild. Crazy. Crazy. That was insane.

We were so impenetrable, like comedians, even if the economy tanked, you would still have had those dates. I had no idea I was unessential. Right. Exactly. I was very essential. So essential. I became very essential.

So you started thinking tiny house in case I have to escape? Well, that was a factor. But after the thing that I said, you know, I had to go, I had to get my life together. Yeah. I was living on this. As long as this is okay, I'm okay. Right.

Then when that was taken away, I realized I wasn't okay. I was just, I was gripping the wheel, doing my thing. So I had to go get my life together, like mentally, spiritually. I went and I just focused on what's important and being grateful. and trying to get my, you know, where I could wake up and the thing, I was okay with everything. You know what I mean? Yeah. Uh-huh. I had all that.

Like, I got to be there. I got to have what he has and she's got. And all, you know. Yeah. It's a nonstop. It's a non-stop thing. You know, I noticed, I noticed that when, when it went down, when the pandemic shut everything down, there were a lot of comics who just, I think everybody, and to some degree, actually,

just had relief that the game, we got off the track for a minute because you're constantly having to analyze yourself and where you're at and where you're going. And it's a non-stop thing. It's almost like, it's almost like the way that people worry about a company, the way that like the CEO worries about Starbucks,

we worry about that. Starbucks is us. Yeah. So when it went down, there was like that thing of like, oh, I don't have to see people, selling out arenas for a second. Oh, I don't have to see someone getting a TV show for a second. It was there was like this mental like, okay, we can, we're allowed to catch our breath here for

for a beat. Yeah. And you're allowed to be with your family for a minute. You're allowed to actually get to know your kid and your wife and enjoy a Friday and Saturday night. Yeah. I mean, it was weird that first Friday and Saturday night for that couple months where it's like, I'm home on a Saturday. I know. I remember during Halloween being like, oh, I'm homeless whole month, the whole season. We're doing Halloween fun things. Yeah.

Every night. It was weird for me because I have rich friends. Right. Hey, man. I want to say, I was like, how are you? I'm like, it's bad. I'm scared financially. And he's like, yeah, we're all in the same boat.

I'm like, you have a boat? Yeah. I have a three bedroom ranch. I don't have a basement. So it's like some people like, hey, man, I get a break, but I also have money to last for 10 years. Right. Other people like me, I was like, I had to find other ways to make money. But I also had to get my stuff together.

So I started going really taking care of myself, meditating, you know, went back to, you know, I'm sober. I went really back into meetings. And then all of a sudden I'm sitting there going, why am I waiting? Because I always say, I'm going to wait. When I get this, I'll buy this. Right. When I get to this point of success. And the one thing this thing made me realize is I'm successful right now.

That's right. What are you talking? You're there. You're a working comedian. Yeah, you did it. The bills. You work at the greatest club in the world. You're friends with the funniest people in the world.

And I'm like, I'm not waiting. We always wanted to buy land in the Hampshire. because we've always been a guest. We've always went up there and stayed with people, you know. Right. And I said, don't let's just, let's just do it. Let's go by land. Let's do it now when we shouldn't do it.

Right. That's great. Let's do it when we shouldn't do it. And we went, we, we, we, we, I called this. I went on Instagram, tiny homes of Maine. We drove eight hours up and went to their house and they took us in for the day. And we went riding on their property, which is an old Christmas tree farm. And they were the nicest family in the world. Oh, my God.

It's a dinner. And then we wound up buying the tiny homes and that they were staying in on their land. In Maine? In Maine. We were like, we literally made the deal on the way home. I called them up and we made a deal and they accepted it. And we got it. And then we had to go, we didn't have land yet.

We went, we went and bought land after that. Oh, this was just the house. We went down in the Hampshire from their house to New Hampshire on the street that we wanted to be on. And there was a lot. And then we bought the lot. Like, you know, a little time after that. Wow. Good for you.

And then it took a long time to put the house, get the land, more money, blah, blah, blah. It was worth it. Yeah. You know, I have debt. I'm paying all this stuff. But we're coming out of this pandemic now. And this summer, we spent the whole summer in New Hampshire, in the tiny house on this two and a half acres of land.

and it was the best summer we've ever had. Max was in camp, but in the woods, he was hiking, kayaking, canoeing. He did a sleepover on an island. He's doing all this.

You know, we're shooting pellet guns and we're going into the woods. We camped out on the land in a tent. He's doing all this shit that I wish I did as a kid. Yeah. He's doing it. And, I mean,

look, I see, if you get a tiny house, I just, the only thing I say, you have to love your family. You can't like your wife and love your kid or like your kid, love your wife. You have to love being together.

And you can't have sex upstairs in the sleeping lofts. You have to wait to the kids at camp and have sex downstairs on the couch. Sex is a little, you have to figure it out. It's a math problem. You know? Yeah, it's sexual jenga. Yeah, you have to like throw in the woods and we'll bring a towel. fuck on a stone or some type of

because how would you cook how would you cook we have a kitchen we have a full kitchen really you have a kitchen a regular size fridge we have a full shower bathroom we have running we have our own well we have our own septic tank I have a septic system for four bedrooms so if we ever want to take this off and make a house there someday we can do that too but um you know you find out that When you're in a tiny house, you don't need all the space.

All those books that you already read. Yeah. They're rid of them. Look, look, I'm smart. We get it. We get your red books. We're going to read them again. You're going back to bay.

I just want to read the chapter. Fuck off. It's, you know what I mean? I do know what you mean. All the bullshit that you have. Yeah. It's gone and you're just, you wake up in the morning.

You have your little breakfast. We have a little, we have a kitchen. cable and you know, we have a, we actually have a living room area with a couch that all three of us fit on and we have a 55 inch plasma. We don't have cable, but we have internet. So I watch like Netflix or whatever, Amazon. We very really, we really, we really, wouldn't really watch TV because we're out. We're doing stuff outside. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, we cook outside. We have the fire pit right on the woods and you're sitting there and you hear stuff in the woods. And it's something. You know, it's not nothing.

When we have a fire here in Westchester, it's a squirrel. I'd be a Jewish temple behind us. You know what I mean? A raccoon maybe is cruising through. When you're up there, dude, something's coming. 600 acres of forest behind my house. Whoa. God, that's so great.

So did that, so did that, when were you, when were you, where are you in your mental, in your mental journey? Where were you, were you, like, At what point did it kind of like click in like, oh, you got you like, was there a sense like I've done it, I've achieved it,

I'm mentally in a good space now. No, that's a daily reprieve. That's a daily thing. That's a nonstop project. That's a nonstop thing. I mean, I would wake up every morning and,

I would wake up every morning and walk. I would get the leash and the dog got so used to it. She'd be up too. So she'd tell me to get up. she gets up and sits by the door. And we would walk up these country hills. Nice. Every single morning, I did that.

I would walk and do at least 10, you know, 20,000 steps. Wow. Oh, look who's here. Hi, Dawn. It's Tom Papa. Hi, Tom Papa. Hi, Dawn. I'm doing well.

My protein shake. But, hi, how are you? So, but the one thing that I did that, I mean, this is coming out next Tuesday. So I didn't want to talk about it until I was on my podcast. And I didn't want to talk about it until now, too, because I didn't, you know, this last, this last three and a half months has been a year, two years in the planning because I knew that something had to be done.

I knew that I'm 50, you know, I'm in my 50. and I'm older now. And I, you know, the weight thing and all that stuff, I didn't have it. I didn't have the ability to, you know, when I was younger, I just, you know, okay, I gained 30 pounds. And I go to the gym and I'd knock it off in a month. I'd just kill it. Yeah. I was 350 pounds.

350? 350. I'm 5'8. And everybody carries weight differently. I carried mine in my stomach. And then what happens is it moves to your face and then it moves to your butt and then it gets to your legs. And fat takes over so slowly.

It's like a glacier. You don't know it's moving, but it's moving. And you adjust to it inch by inch, a little. Yeah, right. So you feel the same you felt the year before, the year before that. And people around you kind of don't see it either, except it's when somebody hasn't seen you in a year and they come back to what the fuck happened to you. Right. Same thing with weight loss.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So that's how, like, just sinister. there food is in in weight yeah i knew this something had to be done so i my cigar bar i'm a member of this cigar republic you know it's all alpha males you know plumbers and yeah turs and you know and there was i got became friends with this guy arpian and um we we we he he's a surgeon and he does a gastric sleeve and i talked to him about a few years you know a there a couple of years. And in the last year and a half, I finally was like, you know,

there's a lot that goes into it. You can't just get it. Yeah. You have to, you have to lose weight. You have to, you have to work out, seeing nutrition, just a dietitian, all this shit. Right. And I knew people that got it and just got it. Didn't do anything. Just got it. You know, Bing. Yeah. I was like, but for some reason, I was like, this, doing this work. I need to do this way. You know, and I, I, I told them I want to do it. So I had to go and lose a certain amount of weight and get down to, I got down to 235.

And why do you have to lose weight before it? Is it so you're mentally in a good, you're mentally clocked in or is it physical? It's two things. You have to start changing the way you are. Uh-huh. You have to start changing the way you eat. You have to start changing. You have to exercise.

exercise the fountain of youth yeah you know uh that has to be part of your life and you have to start doing that before they won't do he won't you know do it's good yeah and that's fucked me up a little bit that's why it took two years because i just couldn't i it's like you i had to hit a bottom before i was ready to accept right arrow's hat and was there was there a bottom was there an event yeah dude it was my knee was going and I couldn't I mean even like I would hear myself on podcasts. I couldn't you know I sleep apnea I was you know dying in my sleep and then it was my son and my wife I was like I'm I love that I built this life yeah fucking ashes of abuse right and here I am I my kid has a father that I always wanted and I'm

I'm going to take it away from him. I'm going to do to him what was done to me. Right. Yeah, you're doing everything right. You're doing everything dialed in thoughtfully, except for this one thing. Except for my mental, my mental health. Right. Right.

And the key was I took care of the mental health first. I was able to make that decision because it's not an easy decision for people to make. And nobody knows this, Tom. Only have five people know what I'm telling you right now. Oh, wow. I didn't tell anybody, you know, because I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to put this up like other. You know, we don't, it's not like we have millions of listeners, but no, I'm going to do it on my podcast tonight. No, I think.

Okay. I'll get to that why I'm doing, why I'm telling people, but I wasn't, a lot of people don't tell people. And I'm cool with that. I know a lot of people that you know that did it and you'll never know. Uh-huh. And that's fine too. Does it rhyme with Malin Quinn? No, Colin Quinn.

No, he's never, Colin only gets chubby. He never gets 350. He's never, you know what I mean? He, believe he, he's a fat. He's a lot of weight. That is a lot of weight. I was watching the NFL draft and they announced the weight. Yeah.

Defensive line. Bigger than all of them. Wow. At 5.8. At least at the same size as it. Yeah. It's heavier than the heavyweight champion of the world. And in the UFC.

jeez louis i was heavy i was super heavy weight if i was the fight the ufc heavyweight i would be considered a super heavy weight wow it's heavier than brock lessen so what is the process going to do for you what is the what is the what i did was is when i when i did this i knew i was going away with louis a european tour and that's all walking like i walk 10 000 20 000 steps a day so I would wake up and just go by myself or with somebody else and walk. Right. And then I knew when I was coming back, I was going in for it, you know, because you could die. If you, if you're on the table, it's very dangerous.

It gets more dangerous, the fatty you are. Am I has to be at a certain spot for them to do this surgery. It's very hard for them to do if you're too big. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's why you have to lose the weight. So it's not as hard on you.

And I was still a little too heavy, be honest, my certain, Rpan Goyle was my friend is so amazing. It's all robotic. He's doing it across the room. And he, he did it. You know, they're in there like a construction team with these little things.

Right. He's putting stuff up. He's cutting stuff. And what the surgery is is they take your stomach and make it into a banana. Uh-huh. And in your stomach, there's ghrelin cells. Okay.

Grelin cells are the cells that tell you you're hungry. And the bigger your stomach. stomach is, the more grellin cells you have. So why fat people are hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry is because these cells could be attributing that. So when they take that, when they take that out, what else do they? They take the grilling cells out with it. Right. Yeah. Now that that could help you. You know what I mean? So now your stomach's smaller, but, you know, that doesn't mean anything because people make it big again. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah, they go through it.

well, it'll actually expand it. Your stomach will expand. Right, right. But, you know, if you come out of this and it was a hard one for me, man. I had a, my blood pressure spiked. I was my, I came out of surgery, dude. I thought I was dying. Whoa.

And I talked to my surgeon later. I actually talked to him yesterday about it. He was like, I just want to let you know, I seemed very cool at that point. But I was nervous. Really? Yeah. Because, dude, I woke up. These fingers were numb.

I couldn't feel them. My heart rates through the roof. Right. In the hospital, I'm throwing up. I'm like, this is it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It all passed and I got better.

A feeling came. Everything came back. Thank God. How quickly? A couple days. A couple days. But I was there. I was actually at the Joe List, Louis, premiere,

the 40s movie. two days after my surgery. Whoa. And I'm just sitting there like this. You know what I mean? Good movie. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, nice to see you.

I had to leave right after the movie. They had a big party. I didn't get to be at, but I went home. And I literally started walking that day. Two days after my surgery, the day of my surgery, I walked through the hospital. The next day, every day after that, I walk, I move. Right. Or, I mean, I could walk.

just down my driveway back up then down the street back oh then around halfway around the block then around the whole block wow and then we knew we were going to the tiny house for two months no nobody right get away from all these people yeah i couldn't live in the the fucking the accolades uh-huh couldn't live in the way you look great i could i don't want that right couldn't live in that because that that's the that hits my addictive brain that happy button uh-huh i had to get away and just be with people who I'm just dad. I'm just Bob. I'm just,

you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And I would work out, I'd walk every fucking day. And then I started lifting weights as soon as I could lift weights. But it makes it so I can only have a little bit. I can only eat a little bit of food.

Oh, really? Yeah. So it's, I looked at it this way. This was the deciding factor on it. I went to rehab 37 years ago for 14 months. How many,

how many years ago? 14 years. And I fucking, I went away for 14 months. And that's the only way I could have ever got sober is if I had everything. Yeah. Get away from that life. I can't do that now. I have a family.

I got a support. I can't just walk away from my family and get. So this was me. This is the way I couldn't go to fat camp. Right. I had to be present here. But this is the way that I put a governor on me. I'm in rehab.

Mm-hmm. I got, I get, I have to. every day work on this. Right. Rehab. Just like a drug addict will go to rehab.

Alcohol, go to rehab. I'm in rehab. This is allowing me that pause in life to reset everything and give me a little assistance. Right. While you're working, while you're doing stuff, but you know you're in the, you're in your retreat mindset. Right. Right.

So how much did you drop up? I've dropped. I was 335. I'm down to 265. Whoa. Yeah. So they don't remove fat. They just shrink this.

And so then all the weight loss is on you. All the weight loss is on me. So like what you have to do like so my arms, you know, like I didn't want my arms flabby. Uh-huh. You know? Extra skin. So you have to lift weights. Right.

Which I love. I love. I've been listening to weights since I was in juvie hall. Yeah. Yeah. I was in the rubber rooms in fucking six or seventh grade and we had to wait. We had a weight bench and snakes. We do like a math problem and then we just go lift for like a half hour.

And we play with a snake and then we do some English and we can fucking go play kickball. So the way I love it. I'm back in. I feel strong. Yeah. You know. And then the walking, you know, because when you lose weight, it's like hire a trainer. Go to this.

Do that. Walk. That's it. That's it. I know. It's it. I know. It's all you got to do is walk for a half hour and you have lose weight.

Yeah. It's such a game. It's such a, it's, I do, I'm guilty of it too where you're like, I've got to get some workout clothes. I've got to get to a gym. I've got to do this. It's like you haven't worked out in so long. Just lay on the floor where you are and start doing pushups and sit ups.

Just start that because you think in your mind like you're still like an athlete. You're still ready to go. But really, just. start doing pushups and sit-ups. And that's what defeats us. Yeah. We'll overweight is, you know, I got a, no, you don't. All you have to do is walk.

Yeah. Just walk around your block and then walk around it again. And keep pushing yourself to go a little further and then get five pound dumbbells. Well, I did resistant bands at the beginning. I just have a resistant band and I would curl it. I went on YouTube and I found, you know, 20 minute resistant band bicep workout. And it's just a couple, you know, just doing easy things. And I only did what I could do.

And that's how it started with me. And so, you know, now, you know, I mean, we were up country. And, you know, Dawn was like, we had a kayak and you got to put it up on the, and we have a shed up there. And it's got to go up on top. And I just grabbed it. Walk, Hill, put it on the thing. And Don's like, did you do that by yourself?

I'm like, I'm not that person anymore, Dawn. Nice. I can do shit, which socks because she had me on the roof yesterday, cutting trees down. On that lattice, skinny boy, get the fuck up there. But yesterday, me and Max, we run, right? I always run with Max, like, down the street when we go down the street. Yeah. Back to the house.

And he's always beat me legitimately. I can't, you know? Yeah. You can't do it, you know? And yesterday, I go, let's go. we ran and I smoked them. Nice. And my body,

I could feel my body. Yeah. Moving again the way it used to move. What's amazing, what's amazing about this story, too, is how quickly, it's like your body wants to be that.

Your body wants to be itself again. Like you would think this is a year's long project and when you think like this is going to be, you're talking about months. You're talking about a few short months. Yeah. It's, it's,

It's, but it's, it does go away. Like this will, you know, that will stop at some point. So the changing your life patterns, like I change, I don't eat sugar anymore. I don't have these things. Yeah. I have, I don't eat like crazy carbs. I have carbs, but I don't, you know, in my meals, I don't put them on a big plate. I don't eat out of the container.

Right. I put a bowl and I'll put some chicken and vegetables and a potato in the bowl. Right. And I eat that. and then I wait and I'm done. Yeah. I can eat whatever I want, dude. Yeah.

I can have what at this point. I hit the point like at the beginning it's liquid and then certain things. But now I just met with my nutritionist. I can eat whatever I want. But you don't, I don't want to have. I want to eat healthy. Once you cleanse yourself of sugar. Once you get rid of sugar.

Yeah. Great podcast, Vinnie Torto Ritch, the Angry trainer, the angerous trainer, no sugar, no grains. This guy, you know, he's always in my head about no, the grains and the sugar. What's his name again? Vinny Tortorich. Vinny Tort Rich. Yeah, he's a great. He's just a fucking great. He has a documentaries on YouTube. Look him up. The great document, sugar. It's all about, it's all about corn syrup, corn starch, all the poison they put in our food. Amazing. Oh, sorry. Ooh, that was magical. And, you know, he's in my mind all the time, you know, with this stuff.

So, you know, Fortune, Fortune was just filming something in Toronto. And she lost weight just being in Toronto. She was there for like four months. And she lost a bunch of weight. And she said she wasn't even trying. And she really thinks it's just because they don't allow the poison in the food that we, allow 100%. I was in Europe a month before my surgery with Louis. I ate I ate the best carbonara, the best Kasia Pepe. We're in Rome. You don't think I mean, you don't think I'm

eating Kasia Pepe in Rome. Are you out of your mind? You don't think I'm going to the restaurant that Liz and Matele Lane told me to go to you're out of mind. We ate, uh, I had chicken skin with cream and caviar on it. I ate like, I mean, I ate the best food. It was so beautiful too. It was so perfect because I ate the best food I've ever eaten in my life. I went on like a food tour. Yeah. I lost weight. I granted,

I was walking every day, but I still came back on the weight I was supposed to come back on. Isn't it amazing? It is true. It's, but that's great now is like, Don would say to me now, she's like,

what do you want for dinner? I'm like, I don't care. Right. Yeah. Because I'm getting, I'm getting a piece of salmon and I'm going to get a little vegetable or something.

And I'll probably make it a little salad or something. And I'm out. Yeah. Like I would wake up, what's for breakfast? What we do for lunch? What's for dinner? Even though I'm myself, you wake up early just to get that shitty breakfast.

I got to get it free. I got to stuff in my face. I go back to my room at like three omelets, five sausage patties. You know, and then what are you, let's go for lunch somewhere and find the best ramen place in Cleveland. Right. You know,

and then after food, Let's go. Where are we going after the show? I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I don't have sex with girls. I'm going to get food somewhere. I'm finding a 24-hour Korean barbecue in the disease somewhere.

The worst. I don't do that anymore. Like it's not, it doesn't. It's a whole day of mistakes. A whole day of mistakes, but it's also, it's like now I don't have to.

It's such a freeing thing not to have to worry about food. I know. It really becomes this thing where it, not every meal has to be an event, a celebration, a thing. Such a fun American thing. I know. I have that joke in my act.

It's like if you're a heroin addict, it's so easy. Right. Because everybody will help you. If you're a food addicts, they don't celebrate holidays with heroin. Right. Here's a cake for you. So what's that going to do to your act? What are you,

where are you at? Because you're transforming right now. You're in the middle of change. Well, before this, luckily, you know, I have a special coming out on Louis. Louis directed my special. And he produced it. And, you know, I toured with him.

He was like, you know, you don't have a special. I'm like, no, nobody would give me a special. Nobody wants to give me one. I'm just in that thing, whatever it is, you know. Uh-huh. And he was like, I'm doing it. So I was like, you're the fucking man. So we put this whole special together.

And it was, but he was like, I told him, I go, before this, I was doing, a kind of one man show is like funny Colin Quinn type of thing about food addiction and I was working on that but then the pandemic hit blah blah blah that fell apart and I told him he goes I don't want to do that I don't want to do a theme I want to do you have an hour of just killer and I was like I do I have because I was supposed to do a special five years ago yeah and I got it so he goes do that just kill I want just killer jokes you know and we put like like the I want you to do a killer a club set. Nice.

I want a club set. Hammer. Special. Yeah. What we do. And it was, I was basing it off of the, the Elvis's 68 comeback special.

Visually. That's what I wanted. Yeah. It's like, you know, we got this creative, coastal creatives in St. Pete.

Because he's like, where do you want to do it? I go, I want to do it in Tampa. Because Florida saved my life during the pandemic because, you know, thank God they don't care about COVID. because they were,

I would go down there. I get to make money. Yeah. My number one best friend, Mike Calta, you know, he would pump the shows up and he, I mean, he really saved my life.

Oh, that's great. Let's do it there. We have this space. It's just close. It's just empty space. And you can, they'll let you make it whatever you want.

So we kind of replicated this, the 68 special, but we wanted to make it like a kill box, like just a square stage, off the ground, crowd right up on me. Every camera there's, crowd and just kill for an hour.

We did it. We fucking did it. So it's coming out on the eighth of my birthday, October 8th on his website. I'm very happy about it. Oh, that's great. But I have this other show that I stopped doing. Uh-huh. I have all this footage of me at the cellar and things just big.

So when you're special, I'm big. Right. Of course. I'm 350 or 35, yeah, 45, 45 in that special. So we have this footage of me doing this. So I'm going back to that special. That's why it's important for me to let people know that I did get the surgery because if I'm going to do a show on food addiction and talk about that on stage,

or am I going to either you're going to lie about it forever. Yeah. And I have to talk about this. No, there's no shame in that at all. I think that's great. I think that's, I think it's inspiring. I mean, I think that. I think you were going to touch a lot of people with with this story.

Well, you know, I made, it was the last week I was at a show. And after the show, this couple came up. You know, my fans, you know, they're big guys, big people. Like, you know, and came up to me and the girl, this girl was like, you look so good. Because last time I was there was fat. It was huge. She's like, I'm so proud of you. That's awesome.

She's like, I just got the gastric sleeve. And I go, I go, it was the hardest decision you ever made. wasn't it? She's like it was the hardest thing I ever made. I really, you know, and I was like, I know, and I just grabbed her and hugged her. Wow. Like, I didn't tell her that I got it too. Yeah. You weren't there yet. I left and I was like, I can't not do this because there's so many people like me, there's everybody out there. Dude, everyone struggles. That it's like if they could know that all you have to do is walk. All you have to do is not eat sugar. All you have to do is not eat shitty grain food.

Yeah. And the surgery is available that can give you an assist. You have to do the work, but it will give you an assist and pause your life for a second. Yeah. To help you out a little bit. I was like, I got to let people know. Oh, yeah. 100%.

100%. This is so great. This is so great. And that it's so funny, isn't it? Once you make these choices and you can like positive things really start to happen. Yeah. The tiny house, the special. Yeah.

Your health. Like this is, these are major, major shifts. Yeah. And to come from the darkness of the pandemic of like, holy shit, I've got to do some. That little thing of I've got to do something. And now you're in the process of having done it. I mean, of course, it's going to be a lifelong thing. we all journey's not over.

But holy shit. Look at those three giant pillars that have come out of this. It's huge. And like I have a joke in my act, you know, because my biggest fear with my kid is, was rides, you know.

Right. It's not a ride. And I remember, you know, oh, it's so embarrassing, you know, we were going on this roller coaster and the bar didn't clamp down.

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. It was a, you know, and Dawn had to go on, like the last time we went somewhere, she had to go on the rides with them. Uh-huh. Taking photos. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah.

And I can't wait. I can't wait. Yeah. You know, next summer, we're going to amusement park, baby. So great. We're going to go back to the ones that. We're going to go to Hershey Park. We're going to Tampa, the Bush Garden.

I'm going back. And I'm getting on the. that fucking roller cox. I can't wear the... That's a big thing. I actually, I did a, when I was in, like, high school, we went to Bush Gardens

and I was too scared to go on the Lochness monster. I was too scared to go on it. And my father and my daughter and my sister went on it and I turned back on the line and I ended up on a train with my mom. Oh my God. I literally,

when I was in college, the same thing. I was like, I have to go back. I have to go back. You have to go back. It's so funny. I have to get back on that roller coaster. Because I remember the guy put the bar down and it went click. And I was like, okay, I'm good.

He goes, we need three clicks, sir. Oh. Right, dude, I got to click. He goes, look over at your son. I looked over at Max. It was two feet from the bar. Oh. So if he, if he, if he, if he, Max is going to be street pizza on a Buick in the parking lot.

if he pushed the button. You know? You go to amusement parks now. It's so sad. They have a fat person test chair in front of most roller coasters. They do. It's so embarrassing. I was going to make a joke about that.

It's the height thing. They do. Hershey Park. There's a, you see it, it's just a chair. It's a replica of the roller coaster you're getting on the chair. Fat people are supposed to get into it. And the lines right there. It's not in like,

it should be like a dressing room. Yeah. It should be private. It should be private. Fat people walking up like, like looking around like the wife going, just go. Well, you go first. No, all you go. All right. I'll go. And it's just the guy getting on and clearly. And then I'm just getting off quickly. Fuck this. And then walk. Go and get a truro. Or something. Or make a fat. And stop feeding us all the shit food of these fucking parts. Yeah, leave us alone. Oh, my God.

This is so great. Bobby, can you promise me that we will do this again and have a check-in of sorts? Let's do it six months. Six months? Six months. We'll have a check-in. Hopefully, I'll have a video of me on a roller coaster. Yeah.

Oh, that would be so great. Yeah. Really. Oh, thank you so much for sharing this, too. I had, I was, you know, because I just ran into you. and was like, hey, you lost weight, that's good. And, you know, that's not why I asked you to do this. It was just to catch up and see you because I love you.

But holy cow, it's a huge thing. And, uh, yeah, I think it's important that I, I, I do it. I think that I, I'm honest with it. And I mean, it's my business. It's fine if you don't because people don't. But like I said, I think that I can maybe help a couple people, you know, know that if I can fucking do it. Yeah.

You can do it. Now watch me grab my chest as a widow maker going on right now. Right. I know. Stay alive at least until Tuesday when this comes out. You're the best, Bobby. All right. I'll talk to you later, Papa. All right. I'll talk to you later, Papa. All right, kids, there you have it. Robert Kelly. Go look up his special. Go look everything up that he's ever done.

You know what, dude, his podcast, make sure you give it a listen, give it a thumbs up. Spread the bread, love over to there. Go to Tompapa.com. Look up all of my dates. You guys are the best. We'll see you. soon.