Breaking Bread with Tom Papa - Episode 130 - Anthony Jeselnik

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

The secret fuel to Anthony Jeselnik's great jokes just might be his mother's tacos.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey, don't you know? Hey, it's also a show. Hey! Hey, everybody, welcome to another edition of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. I am Tom Papa. Thank you for joining us today. We have a special episode today. We've got Anthony Jezzelnick on the program. Very exciting. I love Anthony. He's super funny. I've known him for a long time. But do I really know him? Do I really know who? Who the man is behind the jokes. Not really, actually.

It's really kind of interesting. He's hilarious. I know some of his life, but not a whole ton. So, yeah, we're going to have him come at the table and give him some bread, which I did not bake. And have a great time. Today's show is brought to you by tompapa.com. Whoa, what a lucky sponsor. We have a whole bunch of shows.

of the 2023 shows are going on sale now. They just went on sale actually Friday. We're going to Pittsburgh. I mean, we're going to New York at Town Hall. We're going to Chicago. We're going to Denver. We're going to Atlanta. We have a whole bunch of shows. They're all up on sale right now. Great for the holidays. Why don't we turn it into holiday promotions? That's what we should do. So yeah, a lot of shows all coming up. And I can't tell you when my special is airing on Netflix, but it will be before that. It will be before the end of the year.

You know, around that time. I'm not allowed to say, but it's coming up soon. And then we'll be back on tour with all new stuff and forging into the future. It's going to be great. So go to Tompapa.com. Look up all of those dates and we'll keep you posted. All right. We've got a good, healthy dose of Anthony Jeslnick.

So let's dive right in. Where was your dead? Where were you going to church when you were a little? In Pittsburgh. In Pittsburgh. Did you like growing up in Pittsburgh? I didn't know any better. Yeah.

Like I'm like, I have Pittsburgh pride, but when I go home, I'm like, oh, I don't belong here. Like, and they don't believe I'm from Pittsburgh. When I do shows, like, it's not like it's just crazy sellout. Like, I come on stage, I'm like, upper St. Clair class in 97, and they're like, what? I thought you were from L.A. I just don't seem like a lot.

Oh, they don't even realize it. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Dennis Miller, the same way, right? He was Pittsburgh. Yeah. Does not seem like Pittsburgh. No.

You got to be like Billy Gardell. Yes. Billy, Billy definitely feels like Pittsburgh. Yeah. Can I tell you a quick Billy Gardell story? Please. I love Billy. and this is, I don't know, this is probably 20 years ago, 15 years ago.

I've told this on here before, but just to tell you, I was on a flight and I was in first class. This was pretty early, so someone's paying for it. And I'm in first class and we're just waiting. They're not shutting the door yet. It's like early in the morning. I'm like, we've got to go. I think I'm getting a little impatient. And all of a sudden, here he comes.

And one last guy comes on the, plane it's billy gardell and he's just carry i feel in my head he's just carrying his clothes in a in a bundle he's not even not even in a bag and he's just like hey i was like oh hey you know he just recognized him we didn't know each other that well he was like like red face sweaty just like at his at the end he was just like hey how's it going and uh he just goes back like way to the ass end of of coach and i'm like man what's going to happen to that guy literally within two weeks. It was announced he was on the Mike and Molly show.

Yeah. And I told him this story. And he was like, I clearly remember it. I was a week away from moving back to Pittsburgh and working in radio or just, I had to give up. It was just, I was at the end. Yeah. I heard that.

I heard that he was like right about to quit. Yeah. And they just called him and were like, here's your role. Amazing. Yeah. Just amazing. good guy. I'd never met him.

You would like him. Yeah. Yeah. Never heard a bad word about him. Yeah. He makes, he sets up giant train villages. I mean, anyone who hearts Abashola is a friend of mine. It's really true.

Yeah. He sets up train villages in his, in his house, and got to a point where it got so big he had to do it outside of his house. So it shows he's a nice guy, but also a little bit of a psychopath. But a little bit autistic. Yeah, that's an artistic thing to do. Right, exactly. Do you have any hobbies? Reading, if that's a hobby.

Yeah, what are you reading now? Right now, I'm reading a book. It's called Small Game. It just came out. I like, I like reading books like the day they come out. I'm always reading the New York Times to see, here's what's up,

here's what's coming up in the month of November. Right. And I pre-order things and they just show up on my Kindle. But this is called Small Game. It's about, it's a first novel. I forget the author, but it's about a reality show,

like a survivor-type show where shit just goes wrong. Like, basically the contestants get abandoned on this in the wilderness. I'm like halfway through and things have just started to go wrong. Yeah, that's good. I'm excited, yeah. You like reading on the Kindle?

I do. I do. It depends on the book, you know? Yeah. I do like to sit there with the book. But if I'm just like on the road a lot flying through things, I feel like I can really kind of clock in and clock out with the Kindle. You know how the Kindle doesn't do pages?

It does. It will if you like do the setting, but it's like percentage. Yeah. Or time left. So I always get thrown of where I am when I kind of like that about the Kind of. you're not always looking at how far do I have to go or how far have I gone. And I was reading this book that I heard from this, she's not a physicist, a guest on Lex Friedman's podcast. And it was all about consciousness.

And I got it on Kindle. And I was going through, I'm like really starting to get into it. And it ended. It was like 120 pages. I was like, wait a minute. I thought it was a whole book. It makes me feel dumb because I'll get the book. and I go to like the about the book and it says like time to read three hours, 20 minutes.

And then you go to the first page and says learning reading speed. And I flip a page and it goes eight hours left in the book. And I'm like, what? Am I, am I a dumb person? Are people reading much faster than I am? I thought I was good. I was good. And this is why I'm going back to the Kindle because my vision's not that great.

So I have to find, like if I have a book, I've got to find like the right spot with the light and the thing. and it stops me from reading a lot. And I'm like, I guess got to go Kendall. Oh, I've made the font big. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need glasses? I do.

I don't, I have, I'm what, near-sighted where far away gets a little blurry. Uh-huh. Like, I was fine. I was 20-20 until I got to college and the board got blurry. Uh-huh. And I got this, like, thin prescription I wear when I'm driving at night, basically. Right. And it's been the same ever since.

What about reading? Reading? I'm cool. You are. But it's just, it's easier. Right. I have a bigger font. Like, I can just, I can just, I move the,

The page is quicker. Do you remember me without glasses? Have I seen you without glasses? Yeah. But I don't think of you as a glasses guy. When I see you wearing them, I'm like, okay, yeah, that's Tom. Right. You know, I saw a clip of you the other day on social media where you had the sideburns.

Right. I miss sideburns, Tom. What's it? What's that? I miss sideburns, Tom. You know what? I've heard that recently. It was a good look.

Do you think I bring him back? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Go sideburns? Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Why? You're a handsome man. Why? It just looked cool. It looked different. It looked

distinguished. It was a good, it was a good look. They're easy to grow in. Yeah. It's so funny. We have these, the reason I asked about the glasses, it's like, these moves that you make on your own head or person are so big. Like, I never wore glasses my whole life. And then I have the scar on this eye. And as I got older, it started to become a problem. And now I need glasses. I can't put contacts on. it. So for me, like, this glasses version is like, oh, I'm totally different from the guy I was. Oh, I feel like a different person. I'll wear them on stage sometimes. If I'm not, if I'm just like feeling kind of run down. I'll wear the glasses and it's like, as if it's a mask,

as if I'm like completely different person. But I feel, I feel like I'm like, I'm, uh, Clark Kent, you know? Yeah. So why do you wear them? I wear them just when I drive at night. No, I'm even on stage when you are going Clark Kent. Oh, it's like if I'm just, I'm like, I don't feel like doing the show. I'm not in the mood. I'm like, but I'm driving around. I have the, they're only on my head from driving there. I'm just like, I'm going to wear me. So if you see me wearing glasses, I'm not into it. It's good. I really admired your patience over the last two years. And I really admire it just purely because you're just going at your own pace and doing your own thing when in a time when it seems like everybody is racing and on the same schedule

doing the exact same thing. Like, I really have a problem with people. I can't hear one more time. I'm working on my hour. I'm working on my hour. I'm working on my hour. I'm working on my hour. It's like, how about we're just working on getting better or just creating a set?

You know what I mean? And it's just because everybody's saying it. We're all doing that essentially. But, you know what I mean? It's like, why do we all have to be in the same schedule and the same routine? I felt that way for a while. You know, it always seemed like I had to do the special. Like, I think my first album I could just do whenever I wanted.

And the first special was like, you got a TV show, you got this deal, you need to do one before this date. Right. So I had to kind of hurry. And then I lost the TV show. I was like, well, I had stories that I'm like, if I say last year this happened, great. If I say two years ago this happened, it seems a little forced. Right. All right, now I have a time thing for this. And ever since, I've just said, you know what, when it's done, it's done.

Yeah. I'm going to enjoy being on the road, be present. And with this new hour I'm working on, I feel, I can really just take as long as I want. The impetus to do another special is not there. Right, right, which is great and which is the way that it kind of should be. It's like this should be your life. You should enjoy your life. Why am I cranking this stuff out?

Because as soon as you're done, you don't feel the sense of relief. It's like, now you've got to do the new one and you've got to start from scratch. Right, exactly. So enjoy the act. Enjoy it while you have it. Yeah. I get to tell these jokes to people. Yeah.

I don't want to rush through that. Yeah, for a while. It really is this kind of, I mean, there is a nice thing to like moving forward and having something force you could afford. but I just don't like the lemming kind of part of it that everybody's just moving in the same doing the same thing and it was so nice to hear you be like no I'm just I'm just going to do this

I'm not even going on the road right now I'm just going to stay here and this is at the store or we can go to Largo and I'm just going to work on this for a bit and then when I'm ready I'll start going to the clubs and that's just the way it's going to go and it's like ah yeah it's great I'm just like enjoying my life Like, I'm on the road right now because this month or last month, I've been doing stand-up for 20 years. Nice.

And so my agent was like, do some clubs. Just like, do, you know, seven weeks and just enjoy yourself. And I thought I've got maybe half an hour. Yeah. And I get into the club and I've got 45 easy. Like, it's just, when you're on the road, things just, it expands. It feels good to be on the road. Yeah.

But I'm glad I'm just doing because I want to and not because I have to. Right. That I like that. How was Salt Lake City? I was in Salt Lake City for a corporate. Did I send you the picture? I don't think I sent it to you. No.

I took a picture of. the club on my way out. Because you were coming in. I was leaving like on a Wednesday. Yeah. And I saw you were coming in. How was the weekend? It was fun.

The shows were great. I always judged the weekend by how the shows were. It doesn't matter what else I'd do. But the food in Salt Lake City is not great. And like the first day I got up and had breakfast. I mean like the nicest hotel I could find in Salt Lake City, get the room service and got so sick. No.

Breakfast that I was just like I was struggling the rest of the weekend. What? I just couldn't eat much. And when I was just, like trying to eat just to kind of get on stage. You wouldn't have known watching the show, but I was just like, get me out of here. Oh my God.

Get me some real food. That is the worst. Yeah, that's kind of the problem with, when I was there, I stayed at a, it was a brand new hotel. It's like the Grand High at something. And high rise, it was open six days. Really? I'd never been in a hotel so brand new.

Yeah. Like, I didn't have to lie to myself that this was my pillow. Yeah. and that there wasn't a businessman with it between his legs the night before I got there. It must have been nice that you could be like, I'm the first person to masturbate in this elevator. Right, exactly. On this TV, on this coffee table, it really was a dream. No one's jerked off in this gym before.

This is great. No, but hotels are, they're all kind of, they haven't come back yet. You know what I mean? Like, they're open and, but it's not, uh, it's not back. No, I haven't been to like a, I haven't stayed at like a Ritz or four seasons yet. Yeah. Even the nicer ones that I, I've stayed in before, I'm like, this is, this is bad. Do you like old, old luxury like the four seasons or do you like newer?

I'm starting to feel like I always love the four seasons like in Boston and places like that. And now I'm starting to think maybe, why is luxury have to be old and stodgy? Yeah. You know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean. Like those, the signature hotels, I think are great. Yeah. I don't like when they're too fancy where it's like, you can.

got to like download the app and like everything's through the app like don't give me that. I like the four seasons and Ritz because you know exactly what you're getting. And it's going to be excellent. But yeah, it is stodgy and old. Yeah. Have you ever been like a bad Ritz? Like the Ritz I think in Philadelphia is like, it's like a hundred bucks a night. And you're like, oh.

Yeah. They just don't. They don't do the laundry. Palm Springs had one like that. Yeah. It's fun. I was like, oh, I'm bringing my family of the Ritz. I was like, they're going to love me.

And I was like, where are we? Yeah. It's a bad one. What's wrong with this place? How's your dog? He's great. Do you love him? Love the dog.

There's some difficulties that I can solve with money. Like I can't board him. I can't put him in a kennel when I go on the road. So I'm about to hire an assistant. That's like very expensive. But you can run errands from me during the week, but I really need you to be able to watch the dog. Right.

When I leave town. That's what I should do. Joey, you there? Joey? Yeah, see, my assistant left already. I'll like Jessel like Jesse Lick take it from me. Damn it.

Do you like olive bread or regular bread? You know, I love regular bread, but if it's between regular and olive, I'm going to olive. All right. Then that's what I'm going to give you. I got two. One is a country loaf and one is olive.

I've been on the road, so I didn't get to bake for you, which was a big regret. But these guys at Lodge Bread are amazing. Lunch bread? Lodge. Lodge, okay. Yeah.

You haven't had it. it? No. It's going to be, you know, you know, Aaron. I gave him, I gave him one of these breads and he ate it before he got in his car, a gigantic loaf, just with his face. Yeah, I've given Aaron like birthday cards he's eaten before he's gotten his car. Like, I wouldn't be too, I wouldn't be patting yourself in the back too much over that. Yeah, exactly. Do you, do you feel like the dog is going, has filling a part of you that might be nagging to go start a family at this point? I mean, I've never really had that draw to start a family. Like I got to the furthest I got was like it wouldn't be like a catastrophe. You know, like once you have a little

money, you're like a little more set up in your life. Like if this happened, I could deal with it. Yeah. There's no, you know, need or like want. I don't feel like I'm lacking. If I can make it the rest of my life without having kids, I'd be very happy. Right. But the dog is great. The dog mostly gets me up in the morning. Let's me, like, do things. It kind of marks the day.

Yeah. And it really helped me during the pandemic. Like, I needed something. Yeah. I was, I was having a rough time. Was it, what was the hardest part? Just, I mean, I was, I was going so much. Like, everyone had to stop everything.

Yeah. But I was, like, about the, I was, like, a week away from filming the second season in my TV show. You know, I've been going to the gym every day. Right. I was doing all this stuff. And all the sudden it was all gone. Right.

That it was, like, time didn't mean anything. It was like, why not drink. Like I couldn't think of a reason not to drink. And once I got the dog, it was like, okay. Right. The puppy hungover is no fun. Yeah. Everyone was drinking so much during that.

Yeah. And I'd gone from just not drinking for five months, hadn't had to drop. Right. And then like the day in my show, they were like, everyone would go home. I stopped in a restaurant and just had martinis. Right. It was like, okay, this is the beginning of something. Right.

And then I just needed, I needed real life again. Yeah. I did it pretty quickly. Like my losing it to like getting it back was about three weeks, but those three weeks were, I was like this close. to the intervention, you know, the Zoom intervention. Oh, really? Yeah, I found out later.

Afterwards, they were like, oh, yeah, we were worried. Oh, really? Oh, interesting. What were you drinking? Vodka. Yeah. Vodka was my thing. I would, like, go to the Walgreens with the mask and get the bottle.

Like, buying a bottle of booze when you're wearing the mask is extra sad. And then I would go home and I started tweeting. Uh-huh. And I was just like, I'm talking about the Pittsburgh Penguins. Uh-huh. And if someone would be like, like, fuck you. And I'm joking around, but it doesn't read that way. Uh-huh.

And people are like, you need. to delete all these and get it together. The weird part about when you drink a lot of vodka is when you're drinking normally, you, a big, you know, leader thing of vodka that sits in your house for quite some time. And then when you go on a tear, all of a sudden, there's like a couple of those in the recycling bin, and you're like, all right. Yeah. This is a different level right now.

Yeah. And I'm just like vodka rocks, so it becomes water. Vodka rocks? Yeah. I like a, I do the martini. And I think the ritual of the martini actually slows you down a hair. Mm-hmm. I've never made my own martini.

I've always been like, I'm going to let the professionals handle this. I'll just put it over ice. I make a really good martini. Really? Yeah. Over years of practice. You're making, I haven't had a drink in six months. You haven't?

No. No. I went home for, over Easter. And I didn't think I had a problem. Like, I got it under control and I had things to do. but I went home for Easter and usually my whole family we would just sit around and drink

and we weren't like getting wasted but we were just to be drinking and watching TV and this time it was only me people were either pregnant or like taking a break and I'm just like I'm okay and at the end of the night

I'm talking to my mom and I'm slurred and I'm like oh this is this feels weird yeah not like when all your friends are drinking it's fine but I was like I don't like being the only one not yeah

and when I got home I came I flew back then like a couple days later and got sick it was like a little flu or something it wasn't COVID. And I was like, this is a good, this is like a sign. Yeah. It felt good to stop. It wasn't like I was doing because I had to. It was like I wanted to. And six months later, like I do a lot of the non-alcoholic beers. I'm at the restaurant. Like, what are your, what are your non-alcoholic cocktails? And it's, it's been helpful. What do you drink at the comedy store? Because I was,

is that non-alcoholic? Yeah, they have a non-alcoholic IPA. Yeah. They don't get it if I have anything. Oh, that's interesting. Because I've been driving around thinking that you drink before your sets. I used to. I used to have like a beer or two. And I realized I was the only one doing that. Right. Everyone, all the other comics were like,

not drinking at all. It is funny, isn't it? That it stands out. Mm-hmm. Like in 20 years ago, that would not have been the case. No.

But yeah, people just don't get hammered to go do their sets. But they don't even drink. It's like, you're not going to get hammered, why have the one? Right.

It's like, you don't really need it. I don't, people are like, oh, do you feel weird not drinking? I'm like, no,

because no one I know really drinks anymore. Yeah. That it's, it's pretty easy. I got to go work with Rickles at Just for Laughs Festival. And I got to go backstage and talk with him and stuff. And he loves martinis.

And he would have everything. He had the shaker. He had the vermouth, the olives, the ice, the vodka. And he had no patience to make the martini or have anyone make it. So he would just throw all of it into the glass. So in the glass there would just be ice cubes and olives and vodka. And maybe a splash of remove. And that's how he did it.

That's his backstage ritual after the show. So I call it the Rickles. Like whenever I don't feel like making it. Just toss it all together? Have a Rickles. Someone, I had heard, like when I first kind of went in the road, someone who told me that Rickles would have one double vodka rocks. He said Sinatra taught it to him.

Before every show, double vodka rocks, it's just enough to get you a little buzz. You're not slurring, you're good. I was like, that's what I'm going to do. And I would have the one, and then I've got time. Yeah. So I'd have another one. Of course.

And then I'd bring one. on stage. And I was like, this is not working for me. That is this little rickles trick. Yeah. Whenever I think of him, I think of the double vodka rocks. Yeah. It's a slippery slope. It's like the thing when, uh, like the idea of smoking like one cigarette, like, that seems great. It seems like relaxing and cool and all of it. But that's not how cigarettes are made. No. And there are people who would have like one a week or like, oh, if I'm, have a drink,

I'll have one. Yeah. I would love to be like that. Because I really love this, the ritual just sitting outside. Yeah. Staring into space. face. Yeah. Think of a joke. You could just stare off and it was okay. It was meditative. Yeah.

But I'm a pack a day if I have one. Yeah. And I can't. You did? Were you up to that? 10 years. I would like, I went from like zero to like pack a day. Wow.

In college I'd be on and off pack a day. Coming out to L.A. a little bit. Uh-huh. And then just no one smokes anymore. If you see someone with a cigarette now, it's weird. It is weird. I know. But when you're on the road and you go to some cities, it's kind of shocking how many people do smoke.

You'll see them outside. Like, it's like that's a that's a thing oh clubs where they still do it it's I don't know how comics back in the day used to deal with a weekend yeah where because I'm like I think St. Louis used to be St. Louis Funnybone used to be like there was one non-smoking show and all the others were smoking and it was all I'm doing is trying not to do this all I want to do is this and you can't they would eat you alive I remember were you at the cellar when they were still smoking I was I used to emce at the cellar when they were smoking and

And, you know, the cellar, it's this big. And this was the smoking section. And then that was the non-smoking section. It's like we're in a tube. It's all a smoking section. They used to do it on airplanes. Are you kidding? I know.

Like, could you imagine? And I used to come home. And that's when you would host from 9 o'clock till 2. The whole, you just did the whole night. It was one long show. And I would just come back just reeking and just peel the cold. clothes off. And you weren't smoking yourself? No. If you smoke, it's okay. But if you don't smoke, I can't imagine how people would do it.

I do like smelling it. I was at LAX just yesterday. And I came out and some guy was smoking and it kind of blew right in my face. He was like, I'm sorry. I kind of like it. A little bit like that outside. Yeah. But someone's smoking next to you. Yeah. You were like, you're walking down the street and somebody's just trailing it behind them. Just a lit cigarette and not puffing it. That drives me crazy. Your folks are still around? Mm-hmm. Were you happy as a kid?

Was it a fun childhood? I didn't like being a child. I wanted to be an adult, so I was kind of like, let's get this moving. I didn't appreciate that time. I didn't like being told what to do. I didn't want for anything. I was the oldest of five kids, so we were like a busy household. What'd your dad do?

Attorney? Attorney? Yeah. Successful? Yeah? Yeah. And your mom? Raised you?

Housewife? Yeah. She had five kids. Five kids in seven years. She was busy. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

And you were the oldest. It's good being the oldest. I would have liked to have been a little bit younger. I kind of broke the family in. Right. Everyone else had it much easier than me. And I was, I didn't feel like I was as bad as the other ones,

but I got punished a lot. And grounding was a thing. I never got a hit. Right. It was like, you're grounded. And I'd be grounded for months. I just kept doing stuff. And it just sucked.

I really hated it. What would you get busted for? At what age? All ages. Yeah. It was like stupid things. Like, you know, in high school, it was like,

I got caught drinking with my friends or chewing tobacco was a big thing with like my friends. So I would get busted with that and be grounded. But that was, it was usually like little misbehaviors. They didn't see like a big deal. My parents just really didn't want me to be like a scummy kid. Right. From my parents, like, chewing tobacco was like the worst thing. Yeah.

And I look back and I'm like, yeah, of course. It is so funny as when you think of like as a kid, like it's important to you to have the tobacco. So you had to go get it. You had to find a way to get it. You had to hide it. You're hiding it someplace in your room. Like, it's a whole project for you in the tobacco. You have, like, these little secret lives.

And now that I have teenagers, it's like, I have no idea what's going on. No, I couldn't imagine if you could just get everything on the internet. Oh, my God, yeah. I had to know, like, who was working at the mini mart. You know, like, I had to know who was going to sell to me. Like, when they had those calendars, they brought those calendars, like, if you were born on this day, like, before 19, whatever, now it's 2000. and you cannot buy alcohol, tobacco products. Right.

And they came up with that after I turned 18, and I was like, oh, thank God I beat this. You know, they've gotten so good at this. Yeah. I can't imagine what kids get into now. Yeah. It's like euphoria now. I assume euphoria is everywhere.

I do too. My daughter said to me, don't watch it. I was like, why am I going to be worried about you? And she's like, yeah, don't. It's not for you. Don't watch it. And I watched some of it.

I was like, she's right. I mean, when I was in high school, like the drug, like a drugie. kids smoked weed right the occasional weed and I was like all the druggies yeah and I never even like couldn't imagine cocaine or anything no and it seemed like as soon as I graduated it was like people started doing the harder stuff yeah that I'm I'm glad I wasn't around for that but my god had a she said they ruined up my lunch today because they came in and gave a talk about fentanyl and she's like it's everywhere they're just putting it in pills they're putting it in coke

They're like, it's not in weed yet, but they are finding it in weed pens. Really? Because of liquid. Yeah. I don't understand it. Is it just to kill people? Or is it to double the product? But also, like, you can double the product with baby powder.

Yeah. You don't get to return your drugs if it's cut with something. Why are you cutting it with the thing that kills people? Yeah. Luckily for me, I don't do any drugs. And I've done all the drugs. I don't do anything that makes me grind my teeth. So anything that fentanyl would be in, I would never touch.

Yeah. Do you smoke weed anymore? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Not as much, but I... Yeah. I really missed it. I missed the whole liberation of it being legal. I just aged out. By the time it was legal, I had gone through it. I think it made it worse. Yeah. I liked it when you had to get the medical card. Uh-huh. Not when it was like 60 bucks toward the end, but when it was like 250 bucks. Right. Like Doug Benson did a documentary about it. And I went to the doctor. he went to in the documentary being like I don't want to get fooled or anything I want to go to this guy

yeah and I had 250 a year but you could go in the lines weren't long and they would reach into this giant jar and put with chopsticks and pull out the weed measure it it was fresh now it's all been sitting in a warehouse for a year right everything's packaged and it's like and it's cheaper but it's not it doesn't feel as good to me right it feels fun yeah do you do you have fun on it or do you like do you can you write on it? Or is it just like, has it changed? I can write on it, but it's not, the writing's not as good. Yeah. It doesn't help that if I just need to like get the wheels turning, maybe I'll do it. I used to, when I started out, I would do it a lot. It was the only thing that'd make me sit on the couch for an hour and write. Right. Right. But now as I get older, it affects me

differently. It's almost like a nightcap. It's the end of the night. Let me take a little hit. I'll be online or watching TV. Yeah. But most of my friends don't really smoke anymore. So it's, then that like, let's get high and go see a movie is kind of over with. Yeah. that I just kind of do it at the end of the night by myself. The bummer is you don't like as many movies. When I think back of like the stuff I used to be really into and stuff, it's like, oh, you were high. Yeah.

Like, and then you watch this stuff now and you're like, I watch that House of Dragons. And I'm like, I'd have to be high to suspend this belief that that guy is really an important king or wizard. Every episode, I was just like, all right, I guess maybe next week I'll watch it again. At the end of the season, I couldn't believe how little it happened. Yeah. But I don't watch TV much anymore. Me neither.

To have a new show, I was like, okay. Yeah. I'll take an HBO, you know, drama. Yeah, White Lotus. I will. I know one of the editors on the show that I would like, okay, I want to support you. He won the Emmy for last season. So I'm like, I will watch it.

I have not seen this first episode yet. Yeah, it's good. But it's going to be hard to watch because it seems to be all about how awful men are and just cheating on their women. I'm used to it. Yeah, it's tough to watch. Like, the next morning, my wife was like,

so he just got a prostitute after he told his wife he loved him? I'm like, why are you asking me? Why am I? I'm not going to, I'm not watching this show. Unbelievable. I can't believe he would.

What is wrong with men? They're just awful. were you funny when you're as the oldest or were you super con i mean you're you have oldest child confidence sure i could see you when you're saying like when you were young like wanting to just move this along and right yeah i was the same i was the oldest and you do just you have more confidence because you're just you're not watching anybody the back of anybody's head you're just going um were you funny when you were a little i tried to be funny you know i think i was like maybe just that trying too hard, a little manic, you know, really trying to make everyone laugh with, like, things I had seen on TV.

Yeah. And I would think I was more annoying than anything else. And not until later on in high school. I think, like, I aged up a little bit that I actually become funny. And then in college, I kind of made it my thing. Like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be the funny guy. But it wasn't until college where that kind of clicked in. Yeah, I think I just, instead of watching the same things everyone else was watching.

You know, everybody watched Saturday Night Live. Everyone watched The Simpsons. Right. I started watching, like, Mr. Show. Uh-huh. You know, the Ben Still. show, things that were kind of under the radar. It made you feel smart for watching them.

Yeah. And got into it. And then I was really the funny guy in college. Oh, yeah. But then friends of mine from college will say, your humor changed after college. I was like, what do you mean? They're like, well, in college, you were just mean. Like, it was funny, but it was also mean.

And now you can be funny. And I'm still mean sometimes, but I think I've just learned how to not burn every bridge when I'm making a joke. Uh-huh. Yeah, well, you have that great ability. of being able to say something really harsh. But, and it's weird because it doesn't come, you're outwardly, it's like I would think you would catch more shit for it in a way.

You know what I mean? Like, you're not, like, you see people who have like this, they're like really working the likeability charm, like trying to be a nice guy while saying shitty stuff. And you're just completely yourself, like, you're not trying to. sell charm on the outside of a bad of a touchy joke yeah you know what i mean does that make sense oh absolutely yeah yeah and uh so you would think it but but i think it but i think it's i guess it just still comes through because you don't as a viewer you don't hold you responsible for their you're you you make people feel like they're in on it in on the joke i think economy of words goes a long

way with that like it's the rants to get people into trouble you know one line that's like almost thought out. It's like, okay, like, we get your point. But when you're ranting, that's when it becomes like, oh my God, this guy's, this guy's nuts. Yeah, that's really true. Yeah, it gets messier. It's like a bunch of slush. Yeah. So did you hear a lot from the Kanye thing from the, from the interview? Not really. Not really. I mean, some friends, you know, it was, it was funny because I was like, the people you could share it with was like a very small crew. Right. You know, I texted like four people like, look at this. This is funny. Yeah. He came to see me. But I didn't get There was maybe like one article about it from like crack.com.

Oh, that's interesting. But it was funny to see like the social media guys like, oh my God, let's take this clip and put it out there and do this. My manager was like absolutely not. Like he's toxic. We don't want to be like associating with him. I announced tour dates today. And like what do you think about like putting a quote from the Kanye thing and then like buy

yay? And then we're like, no, we don't want to celebrate this. It's like an interesting novelty. Yeah. But it's that's it. I mean, it was, yeah, that interview was great. Lex did a great job, and I just like him as a podcaster. I never knew about him until this interview.

And I was like, I was like, really good. You would really like it because it's a lot of scientists and philosophers and just really intelligent people. You don't understand half of what they're talking about. Like, they're just so in the weeds in science. But it's, you do retain enough to enjoy it. And you just respect the hell out of these brains and like what they're, what they're talking. Those are his best ones, I think.

But he did a really good job with Ye, Ye, Kanye. He did really good job. Did you listen to the whole thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, I was impressed with how he was, you know, honoring him in a way. Like, we're going to, we're two human beings.

And I, I know something's going on with this very, creative person, but also I'm not going to let you slide on what you're saying about Jews. Yeah, he didn't take a moral high ground. It was more like, hey, like, I'm a big fan of yours. Like, you shouldn't say that. Yeah. Don't say the Jews. Name the guy who fucked you over. Don't say, the Jews fucked me over. Yeah. Which you shouldn't have to explain to people, but no. He's just going to, but as your friend, it was just so funny to watch. Like, it was in the very beginning when he complimented that he, he had just saw you and you made him. realize he's not funny.

A humbled Kanye. That's pretty great. Yeah, I'm trying to talk about it on stage a little bit, and people are kind of like, either they don't believe me. No one's like mad, but the people either like don't believe me or don't see what the point is. They want me to make fun of him, and I'm not going to, I truly feel like he's mentally ill. If you say you're going to go DeathCon 3 on the Jews, like on a hot mic backstage, like that's, okay.

If you say it like directly, it's like, what's the matter with you? You know what's going to happen if you do this. that's mental illness to me. Yeah, I mean, that in the White Lives Matter shirts and, like, he's just, he's, it seems intentional. It's, like, there's, there's a lot going on there for sure. Mm-hmm. Were you aware that he was at your show?

No, not until, the club didn't tell me. What club? It was Oxnard Levity Livelyne. Oh, yeah. And I found out, like, he came a late show Friday. I found out after the final show Saturday night, I'm driving back. And the opener text me, like, the sound guy just happened to say, oh, yeah, Kanye was here Friday night.

What? Why didn't you tell me? Yeah. I think they were just busy and not thinking because I'm like off my own green room. I'm not really hang out with people. But I'm like, you would think I would want to. Maybe not before the show. I'm glad you don't tell me before.

Yeah. I don't want to know what famous person's out there. No. But after the show, immediately. Yeah. Immediately. A hundred percent. Yeah.

Interestingly, you didn't come back. I didn't seem that crazy because the club's small. You know, I don't know what we would have said to each other. I would have sat and listened to anything he had to say. Oh, 100%. Read mind comp to me. Like, whatever you need to do, I'm going to enjoy. I'm going to enjoy this, like, this moment for what it is.

But yeah, I mean, that's the real puzzle. It's, he's. Do you have famous people your friends with that you don't hang out with? Like, I like those people. The ones that don't make a thing of it. You're not an accessory. It's not like, we're both famous. Let's hang out.

We like each other's work. It's just like, hey, you're cool. Let's come to a show. Oh, I'm already gone. I'm in the car. Right. Like, I love that. Yeah.

No, that is good. No, I usually hunt them down to make them hang out with me. Yeah. I'm like, what are we doing now? I'm always like, quit while I'm ahead. Right. Let's get out of here. Yeah.

But that is, I mean, God, what an interesting, he's really mind bending. It's surreal to have one of like the biggest artists in the world, like even just say your name at all. Like he'd Instagram about me like a month ago. And I was like, oh, that's so cool. Like, this is awesome. And then this one, it was like, what do you do when, like, the biggest star in the world, is having this insane meltdown. Yeah.

These anti-Semitic things that you're un-forgivable or inexcusable. Yeah. Maybe he could do something to make people forgive him for that. But then he's also saying your name. It's surreal. It is totally surreal. I couldn't believe it. I was just like, what?

I couldn't believe how well he pronounced Jesselnik. Yeah. He pronounced it better than I do. He said it like perfectly that I was like, oh, wow, this is nuts. Yeah. And he respected the hell out of your set. And there's like, that's the puzzle with him. Like, he's my daughter's favorite artist.

Really? Yeah, she's 17. And, you know, because I played them all. She says it's because I played it her whole childhood. And it's just like, you know, caught. And she's been hanging in there and going through the revival stuff, like all the religious stuff, the Sunday stuff. And she keeps hanging in there, you know. And now it's like, it's so disheartening because he's such a force.

And to see it devolving. into this is upsetting. It's sad. Yeah. It's sad. It really is. I didn't realize how big he was with the fashion stuff. I had no idea.

No. That it was like a major force. Yeah. It wasn't just like, you know, Michael Jordan playing baseball. He kind of took it over and was like one of the people. But I would think if you're a billionaire, the temptation to get rid of all of it must be immense. Yeah. Yeah. Why?

Just because you have something like you've had, you have, if you have a billion dollars, you have everything. Yeah. And it is still, it's kind of still on paper. You know, it's these little things you're doing that it's like, what if I just lost it all? Yeah. What if I just said everything I could do to get rid of this? Did you watch Succession? Yeah.

Like when he goes to see, when the Culkin kid goes to see like the Swedish guy. Right. I forget his name now. But he's like, I have everything. My new thing is like trying to lose it all as fast as I can. Right. get rid of everything. Yeah.

And I could see that once you get to the top. You're like, what's a billion dollars when you have a billion dollars? Yeah. Do you ever, when I was driving here, there was a, you know, here in L.A., you always see these giant Winnebagoes where people live in them and they, they just park randomly and they're always kind of on the move and they're like beaten down and stuff. I saw one that was all doors. It was like all old doors.

And he built, it's like the size of a Winnebago and had a piano, like an old piano stuff. on the back and all these weird doors and it's just parked and some dudes living in this fun house. Is it possible that you would ever end up in a Winnebago at this point? Or do you think you, is it, I mean, something dramatic would have to happen. Or are we in the clear of living the Winnebago life? I mean, you're one medical emergency away from Winnebago life in this country at all times. I've been lucky enough to be healthy, but you don't, I'm not worried about getting canceled losing it all. I'm worried about just like living somewhere that I don't really like. I'm kind of just stuck here. Like I'll never have to like really work again. Will my quality of life be?

Right. You know, will I be able to fly first class the rest of my life? Right. You know, will I just become like a shut-in somewhere? Right. Both are fine. Yeah. But I feel like you never, my manager, I've talked about this, where you never have enough money. I used to think like, what would be the amount I could be, I could have that I would just be like, I'm out. Like, I'm just done. I'll do what I want. Yeah. And I don't think you ever get to that point. There's this great New Yorker cartoon of a businessman sitting on a park bench and this tie kind of loosened. He's just thinking and there's a homeless guy on the ground laying next to him, you know, just his stuff.

And the thought bubble is shared by both of them. And it said, I really need more money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I had everything until I like was looking to buy property. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah.

You would think that having this certain amount of money would be like, oh, amazing. You look at the houses you can get and you're like, oh, I need so much more. And then I didn't even, property taxes never occurred to me. Yeah. I'm like, oh, even when you get, when you buy it, you have to keep it. Yeah. Like, it's, and you have to furnish it. It's a scam.

And it has to run. Like, you have to keep going. It is a scam. Big houses to me are ludicrous. Like, you really need, like, unless you need to take all that money and put it somewhere to, like, for tax purposes and all the rest of it. Like, how much house do you need? I don't even want, I don't want a ton of space. Yeah. I just, I'd like it, like, I like the high ceilings. I want something nice. But I want, I want, I want, uh, land. Right. I would like to let my dog run around in a yard.

Yeah. As opposed to what we've been doing. We're making it work. It's fine. Yeah. But be able to open up the back door and let the dog run out would be amazing. I know. That I, uh, I'm waiting. It'll be a couple years, I think, it'd be on the road for a while and then come back and, uh, where would you do it? I don't know. I used to think I had to be close to the clubs. I bought my, I bought my condo, like, in Hollywood, so I could just, 10 minutes from the store. Yeah. And then during the pandemic, I was like, I could live anywhere. Mm-hmm. I don't need to be. I would still drive. I would drive an hour to get to the club. Right. I would drive 10 minutes if I needed to do spots. But not like a remote place,

not like, uh, Stanhope it or. No. Yeah. And I've been to Stanhope's place. I enjoy it for a little while, but I think about, like, I used to read articles about people who left L.A. for Joshua tree during the pandemic to be like, let's get out of here. And they all regretted it because they're like, there's one place to get coffee. There's like two restaurants. Like I need to have. Yeah. I've lived in New York, L.A., New Orleans.

I need those. I need to have the restaurants. Yeah. I need variety. I need something to do. City. Be stuck in a house somewhere. Yeah.

No, I couldn't either. My sister's looking at this place in, uh, back east. And it has a lot of land. And it's pretty remote. So it's not like, you know, crazy money or anything. But just have like 40 acres. Just like, like you said, like her dog is going to just have the best life.

It's just going to be running. And I really, when I was there, I was like, I've been crazy. We're around, I'm New York and L.A. too. So it's like so many people all the time and people and all the stuff that comes with it, all that noise and all the way. And it's like, I just keep fantasizing of like a cabin like by myself. Yeah. Just someplace.

I don't even care where it is. It's something ultimately you'd have a little bit, a little of everything. You know, you got your winter house and your summer home. Yeah. That I think, like, owning a condo in Hollywood would be great. Then you'd have your house wherever the fuck. Yeah. You're an hour and a half outside town.

Who cares? Yeah, and just blow out. Yeah. But I feel like that's just a waste of money. I know. Get one place and commit to it. Yeah. You used to have two houses, right?

You had New York and L.A.? Yeah. Yeah. Do you still? No. No. No. When the kids really got to an age where they couldn't go back and forth because of school

and they wanted friends and stuff. We had to plant in one place. And, yeah, we ended up here. Do you think if you had, like, could you, let's say the money's not an object. You have a credit card that you never get to bill for. Yeah. Could you just live in hotels the rest of your life and be happy?

No. I do love it. Like when I go back to New York, I stay in the same hotel every time. Do you ever read that book? What is it? A man in Moscow, Musk? No.

It's about a guy who lives in a hotel. And it's great. And just that thing of like, I go to the lounge and I have my martini and I know all the people. And I do like that. That is a cool thing. But not long term. I used to, when I would work on the roasts when I would get ready for it, I had like two weeks. I would check into the Chelsea Hotel, which is no longer.

I think they're making that into condos or maybe they have already. Are they? But I love that. historic Chelsea Hotel. I'm going to live here. I'm going to be like, I'm going to live this life. And I loved it.

You did? I love that. And like my condo, I said like make it look like a really, really, really nice hotel room. Really? Like an unbelievable. Like I'm in a suite in a hotel.

And they were, my decorators were horrified. They were like, but it's your home. And I'm like, no, but I want it to be like a really nice hotel. And I'm like, I don't know if it's true,

but I remember hearing a long time ago that Billy Crystal because he was on the road a lot at the time, he had one of his bathrooms in his home. designed as a airplane bathroom. So, like, you would come in and you'd hear, like, the, and it had all, like, it was literally set up like you were on a, in a bathroom, on a plane. I would do that. I don't know how tall Billy Crystal is, but, like, I was on a plane with a friend of mine who's, like,

super, like, six, eight, huge dude. And we're in first class and we're drinking, we're drinking beers, just talking. Yeah. And we keep getting up to go to the bathroom. And he comes back, I'm like, how do you even use that bathroom? And he goes, when I pee, I have to back in and sit down in the toilet. And I laughed for 20 minutes that I couldn't imagine. That's crazy.

Yeah. I've never pooped on a plane. I've never sat on a toilet in an airport, in an airplane. You know, I don't remember doing it. I feel like I must have at some point. Yeah. But I don't think so. I think my body just shuts down when I'm on the road.

Oh, mine does. It's just like, I don't know if it's stress or what. It's stress. It's level of, like when you're visiting a friend. You know, you just don't, you don't think about pooping until you get back to your place. Right. I had,

fresh in New York College, I was on a bus from Jackson, Mississippi to New Orleans with insane diarrhea. And it was maybe the worst 12 hours of my life. Yeah.

It was so brutal. So brutal that I'd, I feel like I would remember if I'd ever had to poop on an airplane. Right. Yeah. No, you're just by the eye's like,

nope, we're not doing that here. Not an option. And then some old lady comes out after 20 minutes. You just ruin the whole flight. Yeah. You just ruined everything. Was your mom a good cook with five kids?

Great cook. Yeah? Great cook, yeah. What is Jeselnik? Is that Polish? Slovenian. Slovenian. Yeah.

I think it's like, it was Prussia. You know, people came, the guys who came over, came over so long ago, but it was, you know, a couple generations before me. I found out it was like three brothers. Someone who married into the Juselnick family got in touch with me when I was like, the Myspace days. They were like, oh, like, I like, I like, I like, like, I like, like, your comedy. I'm a jesselnick. And then the, um,

the, um, ancestry thing. Yeah. And, uh, and it was like three brothers came over from Slovenia. One was like in Pennsylvania. One was in Atlanta. One was in Florida. And now they're, those are the Jostelnicks. My family didn't really care. We thought we were German for a long, long time. Oh, really? Yeah. And then I was like, oh, we're actually Slovenian. They were like, whatever. We don't know, know what that is. Yeah. Was it, uh, what was her cooking like? What kind of food then? She, my mom was in a military family. So she kind of lived all over the world. And they didn't have any money. So they kind of, she knew how to do like Mexican food, not on the cheap, but like inexpensive, like a way to make it. Right. That was incredible. Like anyone who ever

tried it, like I had friends who would come over and have a taco. Right. And they'll be talking about those tacos until we graduated high school. Like when can I get some more? Really? She'll bring it to friends. A great baking. Wow. Amazing cookies. Still sends me a box of Christmas cookies every year. She does. Make a rose. Her Thanksgiving was incredible. Really? In a way that I took it for granted. I just assumed everyone's mom, it was a great cook. Right. But And you get older and you're like, oh, she was something special. Yeah. She was great.

That's amazing. What was your favorite cookie? There was, I don't even know what they were called. It was like the chocolate with the powdered sugar on top. Uh-huh. It was like, it was just so good. Yeah. Chocolate sugar is amazing, but gingerbread and the chocolate with the white powder on it.

Yeah, those are good. Those are amazing. Was she from a big family? Oh, yeah. She was. Huge family. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And is everybody Pittsburgh-ish? No, I mean, her family again, like she was born in Japan. Like, they lived everywhere. Right. And so they didn't really have like roots anywhere. Right. Retired eventually in Mississippi. But my dad's family was very, very much Pennsylvania.

Right. Okay. Is she still cooking? Oh, yeah. Yeah? And still baking. Mm-hmm. Do you go home a lot?

I don't get home a lot. Maybe once or twice a year. And that was pre-pandemic. I've been home once since then. Right. But I have a sister and she's, Chicago who has kids now. So we kind of meet in the middle. I saw them a few weeks ago. I went to go see Notre Dame game with my dad. My mom made the tacos. Like I need those tacos. That's like,

it's like, what do you want when you come home? Like just the tacos. That's it. Really? Could you replicate them? Could you do it? I've tried. I don't get the shells right. The secrets in the shells. She makes her own shells? No, she just gets the corn tortillas and she fries them in the oil. Uh-huh. It's like, if you do it too long, they're greasy. It's like tipping out. But the way she does it, you know, you barely, you barely notice it, and they're delicious. Wow. That's amazing. Can you cook anything? No. I kind of got into crockpotting during the pandemic, but it wasn't even healthy.

Like, it wasn't that good. Yeah. But luckily, you know, I'm seeing someone now who's an amazing cook. Oh, really? And healthy. Like, healthy, just great stuff. Oh, that's good. I'm taking care of.

Oh, that's good. So then what's your end of the bargain? She's a great cook. What do you have to do? If she doesn't feel like cooking, I, I did the DoorDash. I'm like, well, I'll take you wherever you want. And I used to eat out a lot.

Like, I would always do doing stuff. I'd get to Trader Joe's and get the package things to eat if I was feeling frugal. But you get sick of takeout after a while. You really do. But I'm thrilled with whatever she makes. She can make whatever she wants and I'm happy with it. And if she doesn't feel like cooking, I'm right there. It's something weird happen where I think we're all looking at postmates at the same time.

Like, I can't anymore. Right? It's like, I just, I think I've been through all of it. Yeah. It's just I don't want a container anymore. I got lucky with postmates, unlucky, I guess, where I tried to order booze. I think this may have been pre-pendemic or like just during the pandemic.

And I ordered booze from like a place, like, you know, a mile away. Yeah. Really late at night. And I accidentally hit pickup. Uh-huh. And they're like, it's ready. And I'm like, oh, no, wait, cancel, get delivery.

And they're like, no, we already made it for you. I'm like, you didn't make it. You like put it in a box. It's right there. And it was a lot of money. I got this really nice bottle of tequila. Right. And just I ordered the delivery.

And then I had. my business manager stopped payment on that one thing and they just said until you pay this you can't use postmates and so i just been like it's the it's the principal i'm just not going to pay 200 bucks or whatever it was yeah for that that i haven't used postmates since so i'm really stuck with i'm sure one night i'll be in i'll be somewhere on the road yeah and need someone to get me a pizza at two in the morning and i'll i'll pay that 200 bucks but it's limited what i can't get that's good though that's the only way it would break i didn't realize that you could postmates on the road until my daughter came on the road with me and just like you can order and they'll just leave it at your door at the hotel yeah

i was like i don't even have to go to the lobby why would you go to the lobby do you take your daughter on the road with you uh very rarely yeah we had we had to like make a stop in chicago before we went to what she was doing in new jersey so she came with me and um it was great it was really cool but it's also it's also you have to worry about somebody else Yeah You know what I mean

And I'm always thinking I don't think about Like oh I'm in Chicago And let me go experience Chicago I'm like I'm gonna show at 7 And at 930 And that's what I'm thinking about All day long

I'll go to the gym I'll eat But I'm like I'm thinking about that show That I can't I feel bad for whoever's with me It's like I'm not really I'm not a good host Yeah

I'm not showing you around I'm just thinking about that show Yeah And also the flying Like They're not used to Like you just it's so second nature to you.

And then all of a sudden you've got like, you know, this is how you do it. This is just like it's like you're carrying a body. Oh, I've been traveling with Liz on this tour. And I'm like, I'm TSA Pre. I've got the clear. Yeah. And so I'm like, I'm going through. She's like, oh, you're not going to come with me?

I'm like, no. I'll see you in half an hour on the other side of this. Like, I can't sit in that line again. There's no way. There's no way. My wife hyphenates her name. And because that hyphenate, it's just, it's hell. like it's so random sometimes they'll just screen it and so she ends up not getting TSA pre a lot

and the same thing you're not going to come no no there's no way yeah I'm not taking my shoes off for you there's no way I can't do it I worked for 20 years to get out of that hell yeah I might be flipping airlines see I always just take what everyone gets me there in like the most convenient way like I use Delta more than others yeah and I don't really have a good time on American but if American gets me there on a direct flight. Yeah. I'm taking it. Yeah.

I was that way for a long time. And then I went hard on American and got great status and all those stuff that comes from it. But they've abandoned me three times within like the last six months. Really? Just like, you know, when you get up at 5.30 in the morning to go and they're just like, it canceled. But good news, we booked you at 8 o'clock tonight. It's like, it's not going to work. And it just happened to me again.

And I'm running through the airport back to Delta. And Delta saving me. I'm like, maybe I'm Delta now. Yeah, I'm a Delta boy. You are. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I have this allegiance to companies, even though it's like an abusive relationship.

They don't know that I'm so loyal. Well, I never use the points. I never use them. I just save them up and I'm like, one day I will. Occasionally I'll be like, I'm taking a vacation. Right. I'm using them to get the flight. Yeah.

I don't want to worry about getting an upgrade. I want to know I'm upgraded when I get there. Right. And it's way more expensive, but it's worth to me. Yeah. they threw me back in coach and I hadn't been there in so long. And because it was just, I had to scramble. I had to get to Virginia Beach by 8 o'clock at night.

And they just threw me in the back. And I was just like, oh my, like, it literally is physically more taxing. Yeah. Your whole body is collapsing it on itself. You can't get up to pee. It's just, you can't work. You can't even open up your laptop and write. No.

You can't do anything. Yeah. It's not a snobby. Oh, I've got to. be in the front of the plane. It's like, no, I can't get anything done or be fresh for my show if I'm wedged between these people. People have asked me that like, what is first class like? I'm like, it's the same. You have a bigger seat and the flight attendant's nice to you. Right. You know, it really is. And with the way people are getting crazier on flights since the

pandemic, I'm so glad to be in this little like pocket. And I know I'm the first one to be hanged when the revolution comes, but I'll take it. They're like, oh, the back of the plane, you'll survive the plane crash. Like, I'd rather die. Let me die in the front. I'm cool with that. I am too. How are your jokes?

How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. With the material I have, I'm like, I love this. I love my opening joke, the one that Kanye was obsessed with. Yeah. Do I know it, by the way? You've seen it. Yeah, I've been opening with it for a long, long time.

And I'm glad that my fans haven't, like, people are like, what's the joke? And I'm so glad no one has told them. Like, come see me. Come see me live, do it. I hope that it's still relevant by the time I eventually tape it. Yeah. But I love it. I just need more.

And I'm just having fun on the road doing what I'm doing. It's a little looser. You know, I'm like telling a couple stories from my career. Oh, and people are into it. They like the show, but it hasn't made me want to write new jokes.

So hopefully in a couple weeks when I have a month off, I'll sit and really write. Because I really like just having jokes. Yeah. I'll talk about your life. I don't want to. And I don't enjoy doing it. Yeah.

It's very interesting. Like when I was even heading over here today and I was like, I didn't know about. your mom and dad. And I knew Pittsburgh, but I didn't know really much about you. Like, you know, we've known each other a long time. I know certain stuff, but it's very much like

the Carlin thing. It's like, you knew him, you knew the essence of him, you loved him, but you didn't really know what was going on in the life part of it. Because he was very private and doesn't enjoy writing about that stuff. I don't even feel particularly private. I just, with my art, I just don't, I don't find it interesting.

I find like you get people like revealing something is almost in comedy as seen as like it's just as good as having a great joke and I'm like no no the joke's important yeah but being like oh he's so open with his life like that doesn't seem like what I want to be as an artist right I don't mind when people do it but yeah just for me it just feels odd yeah I had one story I was trying to tell and I just remember the first time I told it people were like that's amazing and the second time I was like I'm gonna kill myself I tell this one more time like I don't know why because it was so boring it was boring it was boring to me.

Yeah. It's I don't want to tell the same story over there. But a joke, I'm like here, like I'm going through the curve. Like I just see jokes differently. Right. And I really enjoy that pause, the timing of it all. Yeah. A story.

Yeah. Get me out of here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my stuff is about my life, but it's all jokes. Mm-hmm. It's like the, it's kind of like a combo of that. Yeah.

Like I can't just go up and just kind of hang out. That part. It's interesting because you see some people, have some success with that. And it's like, how long is that going to be fun to watch? Yeah, I feel bad for them. I'm like, I feel bad that you have to go and do this in order to get what you're fixed on stage.

Right. When I watch someone like you, I'm like, okay, like, you are enjoying it. You're, you're a master of the form. You're like in control and you're taking the audience through this thing that's great. And you're not hiding anything. Right. But you're just, you value the art of it. The craft of it.

Yeah. It really is so, I had this thing the other night in Virginia. I literally had this. just this, telling this joke and I was like, what is it though? Like, what's the funny? Like, what is the analogy of this,

of what's happening? I don't want to give it away, but, uh, and I'm like, and I just had it like on the way in. And I kind of like stopped and just spit it out. Like,

you know, when you're like, it's so, you haven't done it. And it's just like, it kind of, it's not coming out nearly as polished as it will be at one point, but just I got all the words out in it or.

And it really popped. And I was like, I just started laughing to myself. You know what I mean? I was like, it worked. It's like a little magic trick that you played on yourself. Do you feel like you're only as good as the last joke you came up with,

like the last great one? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. For sure. And I'm always remarked how, how long I'll hang on to that joke as like, oh, I've got new stuff. And you're like, I've been telling that joke for three months.

Yeah. It's not really, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, getting ready for this, like, 20th anniversary tour, whatever you want to call it. I, like, listen to all the old, because I don't want to listen to any of my old shit. Yeah, yeah. If I listen to the old albums, like the old specials, I had four hours to listen to it. I was like, there's some great things in here, and there's some garbage.

Yeah. You know, you can only have so many great jokes in an hour. Yeah. You've got to have someone that are just like, okay. Yeah. That I was like, okay, I really love some of this. Yeah. But it made me feel good about where I am now.

I mean me enjoying more. Just listen to the old stuff. Like, some jokes I haven't told in, you know, 10 years. Yeah. I'm bringing back. Oh, yeah? It's really fun. Oh, that's cool.

That's an advantage, too, working that way. It's not like I'm talking about my girlfriend when you're now married. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's the joke. It's the thing. It's a song. Yeah.

It's a poem. And I always tried to make them evergreen. I was like, I want this to work in a hundred years. Yeah. Yeah. And that's tougher than you would think with like, you know, the phone jokes and all the things. Yeah. I know.

But there's something that I'm like, okay, this will. last, this could last forever. Yeah. If I needed it too. That's a cool thing. You have any desire to go back to television or throw your hat in the ring for that kind of stuff? I would love to.

I just, like, anything I would want to do if I went and pitched it, the executive would go, that's a podcast. My show that got canceled for the pandemic was basically just like a podcast that we filmed. Yeah. And it made the show better because you could do it as a podcast now, but the tension wouldn't be there. Right.

We're just two friends sitting here talking. Yeah. We're being filmed, but you don't feel that because it's a podcast. Yeah. If you were in a television, studio right now, there would be more attention there. And I kind of use that. But I think it's, I don't see it as a bad thing.

I just think that you can do whatever you want in podcast form. These are our TV shows. All things comedies are network. YouTube is the network. Right. But I definitely have conversations about it. I would love to. Like I enjoyed television. There's a, there's a,

there's a, uh, a drug element to it. It's, it is more exciting. There's that thing of you're making TV. Yeah, there's more people involved. Yeah. It seems more real. and I'm sure podcasting will become more and more real to me. But I always like, like, I don't want to play in someone's sandbox. I want to play on the beach.

Right. And the television felt like the beach. Everything feels so niche. And it's not less enjoyable, but I'm also, like, I'm a 43, I'll be 44 next month, your old white guy. If I never work in television again, it won't surprise me, you know, that I'm, and I'm fine with that too. Right.

Yeah. Well, I don't think, I think it just really comes down to whether or not you want to do it, really. I think it's, if you have a great idea, you're going to do it. Yeah. You know, I think, I think the, the landscape is like, you know, it's also segmented now. It's like, so you're that guy. That's all right. There's a lot of, there's a lot of you that want to see you. You know what I mean? And they don't. It's just you're filling that thing. But it is, it, you start to sense, like, there's a, because you can do all this other stuff and your podcast is hilarious. And it's like, you don't need it. Like, there

was a desperation when you were starting out like got to get on TV because it's the only place people are going to know me there's not it's not the case anymore you know I always think like I love stand-up so much that I want to be so good at this that like by not being an actor yeah it gives me more time to focus on this like this is my one thing so it's got to be great yeah but then I wonder as I get older I'm like if I had something else to do of like I have friends too like I've got I had to cancel these like six weeks of tour dates to film a movie yeah have break must be nice yeah it must be nice to two different things yeah like having my podcast and the road the same time.

Yeah. The more you can diversify, it just seems healthier mentally. Yeah, I think that's what the pandemic did. It made you, for myself, it made me realize, oh, I can be away from this and still be good. Like, yeah. There was that urgency, like, I've got to hang on to this thing or it's going to all, no, it's not really the case. Yeah, it was the first break I'd taken since I started.

Yeah. Taking a year off. I didn't do Zoom shows. I didn't do outdoor shows. Yeah. I was vaccinated. Like, I did nothing. Right.

And it felt great. Yeah. It was definitely healthy. when your mom sends you cookies for the holiday, will you save one for me? No. Fuck you. If you can get it from my dog, you can have it. All right.

You said you want olive? Yeah. All right. I'm going to give you olive. I'll take the other one. I'm not going to give it to Aaron. He just abused it. Thanks for doing this.

Thanks for having me. Yeah. And just keep going. I just really like watching. it's like I said, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's refreshing. Thank you. It's, uh, it's, it's, it's refreshing. You too, man. Keep on trucking. Keep on trucking. We should get t-shirts. We got it, Aaron. There it is kids, Anthony Jezzelnick. Like I said, do you really know the man behind the jokes? Uh, yeah, a little bit more. We know a little bit more, but really, he's just damn funny.

Uh, thank you, Anthony for being here. Thank you for Lodge Bread for, uh, saving me and filling in the baking. shortfall. I've only been home five months in the whole month of October, five days in the whole month of October. So my baking is off. And I tried to rush one in between gigs just for my family. And I came back and I was like, no one really ate it. And I cut it open and I saw why. You can't rush, you can't rush the process. Had big porous holes in it. It just didn't work out. So a couple more weeks. I'm going to the Count Basie Theater and the egg in Albany and Portland. And when that's done, we're getting close to Thanksgiving and then I'll bake my ass off. So until then, Lodge Bread, thank you for filling in the gaps. All right, that's it. We'll see you next time.